Interlude
By Rona Go
Copyright 2011 Rona Go
Smashwords Edition
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After the beautiful music which seemed to fill the entire neighborhood faded away into the silence of the night brought about by the band of five hired especially by Jerome on such an event, he finally appeared from the shadows and raised a bouquet of flowers, a dozen of white and yellow roses, sprinkled with little budding baby's breath.
Ella, from the second landing of her apartment, stood looking fondly at him, knowing too well what would come next after such an interlude—the much anticipated proposal of the man who couldn't have done any better on such an occasion.
Jerome knelt in front of her, the way perhaps a knight would have to receive an honor in the presence of a lady soon to be his bride. After all, she wanted a fairytale which pictured a princess and her knight in shining armor. And for the 20th century setting, it was the closest thing which can resemble a tale of once upon a time, in a faraway kingdom, there was prince and a princess…and they lived happily ever after. He thrust out a small velvety box of which she knew too well could only hold the bond which can make her belong to him.
"Say you'd marry me, Ella!" Jerome finally asked her. Not that he wouldn’t have reached that point after five long years in a relationship together. It was bound to happen. Everybody expected it.
Everything was very predictable…
"And?" Euchelle asked. She was perched like a queen amidst a pile of pillows in Ella's room the next day, listening to every detail the way a best friend was expected to.
Ella looked at the velvety box and reached for it. Never had she seen such a beautiful ring. It must have cost Jerome a fortune to have bought it. Yet, Jerome had worked so hard for it. He probably had saved three months of his salary after his big promotion for her to have it. She got the ring and slipped it on her finger. It fitted so well as if she were the princess who should have worn it. It looked so good on her hand, she was sure it was really meant for her. 
"Yet, I was never really into jewelry, right?" she thought out loud for her best friend to hear.
"What did you say?' Euchelle prodded. "How did you say yes?"
"I didn't! I said no!" Ella said, lost in her thoughts. The night before was like a nightmare to her. She could still see the band stopping in mid-music. Tension filled the air. She almost expected to see lightning flashing and hear thunder clapping above her head as if the gods were also there to share their protest.
Her parents who had gone out to participate in the festivities were also shocked at her revelation. Worst of all was Jerome who received the bombshell.
Nobody wanted to look at him straight n the eye. Yet he left the small box on the ground, whispering softly, "Just think about it and call me!" 
That made the whole situation worse than it already was. She would have wanted him to confront her with anger and they could have finished the whole thing off. But she should have known Jerome better to treat what happened with understanding and kindness. It would have been unlike him if he walked off cursing her to death or threatening her with an evil spell. It was just unbecoming of him if he had shown just a bit of animosity towards her.
"What?" Euchelle cried out for the whole world to hear, indifferent to what anybody would say. "What came into you, Ella? What's wrong?"
"I don't know!" she said, staring into her friend's eyes not really seeing anything there. Of course, it was the truth—she really didn't know. "I just don't think I want to marry him. I don't think I even want to see him again!"
"Has Jerome done anything which you are not telling me about?" Euchelle asked.
"No!" Ella said. "You know Jerome. He has always been too nice. He has always been almost perfect."
"So, what's wrong?"
"It's me!" Ella said. "Something's wrong with me! And for now, let's just leave it at that!"
That night, just like the other nights, Ella went out scouting for bars where she could be alone and safe. Yes, safe… safe from the prying eyes of the world. She just wanted to go on a drinking spree and create her own world, intoxicating herself in a temporary oblivion.
Ella found herself in a 24-hour Orbit Bar & Café. Just like the other nights, she could have ended up making a fool out of herself looking like a loser would. Somehow, that particular night, she felt like one. Being alone in such a cozy place brought her into an introspective mood. But unlike the other nights, there was only a cup of coffee to keep her company.
Jerome didn't know this side of her. Neither did her family and friends. Only Frederick knew. And she preferred it that way.
Frederick…the famous Rick Knight! 
She met him a year ago at a bar where he worked as a disc jockey. Spinning songs on decks was just one of his stints. He also managed a band where he played as a drummer. He was three years younger than she was. He was one of those typical guys who never entered college but who could boast of knowing how to play the games of the real world where the crippling inequalities of life can shatter even those who are learned.
But from where Ella came, he was a nobody but a bum. Of course, he was not the type of a man one can bring home to be proud of and be someone's husband. Neither was he the type who would bring a woman to the altar to marry. She and Frederick had always known this. Whatever it was, a thin line would always separate them in different corners of the world. There was always the unspoken agreement that nobody was compromised to cross the borderline for the sake of the other. There was always the unwritten law to enjoy whatever they both had, if they did have something going on for both of them— while it lasted. For no matter how it was predicted to end, it was good.
It was like a small masquerade when they first met. She noticed him behind the DJ's booth with his wavy hair towering over a deck of compact discs. From where she was sitting, she had an uninterrupted look at the nineteen-year-old boy who had smooth skin, deep-set eyes and pale thin lips. She had used the name of Euchelle when they were introduced pretending to be a university student. At four feet eleven inches, she could very well pass up as a high school student. 
"I know you!" she lied. "I often see you in school with a friend of mine. He's also a DJ. His name's Erwin."
Of course, Erwin was another famous disc jocky who runs his own station. To be associated with him was enough to put one in the same caliber as he was. Rick knew that and he didn't want to blow it off if in case that was the opportunity he was waiting for to be as big as DJ Erwin. "Yeah, I know him! But I don't think we've met!" Rick said. 
"We actually met at a party Erwin threw at his unit. I don't think you can remember! You were pretty—uhmm—wasted then," Ella said remembering one of Euchelle's party stories. There could have been an Erwin and a guy who was pretty drunk who got introduced to Euchelle but she didn't care. She was enjoying the masquerade and she wanted to pull it off a little longer. Anyway, she didn't have to see him or go to that bar again. 
"Yeah, maybe!" Rick said. "By the way, I'm Frederick! Rick!"
"I know, we've been introduced, right?" Ella said. "I'm Euchelle!"
It should have ended there. But it didn't. Night after night, Ella came. Not just for Rick and his music. But she also came for the drinks she had never had in her entire life. There were more stories told. And slowly, names of drinks were added to her list, moonlight surprise, weng-weng, flaming Ferrari and more—concoctions that made her bolder and more real. The list went longer as the lies were bared to truth. Little by little, she was no longer Euchelle, the debutant who was barely out of college, but she was Ella, the career woman.
By then, she was climbing up the ladder as a neophyte marketing assistant for an advertising agency. She had recently finished college when the job was offered to her. One big promotional campaign for an upcoming fashion line would have put her to a higher position with numerous benefits of personal and financial growth.
She enjoyed the double life she was leading. During the day, she was immersed in the world of people who compete with each other to the top. She knew she was one of the best there was in her level. She had to win all the time. For then again, it wasn't just a job. It was a place in the advertising world which she had to fight for. 
At night, she was a practicing Epicurean who enjoyed the pleasures of what life can offer. She needed not be anybody for there were no rules. As long as one was happy, then the party continued. She had Jerome when she was the perfect little naïve woman by his side. She had Rick by her side when she was the alcoholic wench.
Who would have known that she would end up having a problem with alcohol? She was raised properly or so it seemed, finished school from primary to tertiary level in conservative and prestigious institutions. She belonged to a decent family who lived in a peaceful suburban community who knew everyone well. She had a boyfriend for five long years who also had the same upbringing. She was very much protected from a miserable world which could have introduced the lesser evils that she could have opted for. All throughout her life, she was exposed to what was good, beautiful and what was not necessarily true. There never were people like Rick before. Nor were there joints like the ones where Rick worked.
But she discovered these people and places. And she realized she belonged there too. In fact, it was a world where she can be who she was. Where she can express her dark side and still be accepted for it. She thought that nobody in her world would have appreciated her if she was a good-for-nothing bum. Rick did. He understood her and the rebellion that perhaps she was having against the world for he, too, had his own uprising.
"I wanted so much to prove to my father that I can be somebody!" Rick told Ella during one of their drinking sprees. He was not much in divulging about himself. When he did reveal himself, Ella could only get a glimpse of the beautiful person that he really was. "He never trusted me to go to university. He claimed that I am not one those persons cut out for school! He prepared this small grocery for me to run someday. But I've got bigger dreams than that! I want more. I can be more than that! The stuff I do would just be my stepping stone. Time will come when I'd be known for the music I make."
Compared to Jerome who was nine years older than Ella was, Rick's dreams would have sounded quixotic. Yet, not even once did Ella doubt that Rick would have what he wanted. Rick was a visionary. He might be young and too idealistic but he knew where he was going.
Ella thought she knew better, yet she didn't. It wasn't long before she quit her job. She had the perfect excuse for it—she deserved it! For almost fifteen years inside the academe, she completed what she had to finish in due time without bailing out or failing. She deserved a break! She felt she had the right to do whatever she wanted without anybody asking her for any explanations why she had done it. After all, she did what they wanted without hearing anything from her. That included her decision to quit her job.
She made other decisions without offering any reasons or excuses for them. Mostly, there were decisions which were slowly screwing her life up. It was such a wonder how one minute detail in a fleeting moment of one's life can change almost everything. How it seemed in a snap of a finger, the unpredictability of life can vanquish the carefully planned destination one was to take. Alas, life was not a destination after all but a journey.
One major decision Ella had occurred when she spent the night with Rick at his house. As usual, she had a few bottles of beer in dip charge with vodka.
It was one of Rick's few moments when he showed his vulnerability. They were just sitting comfortably in a couch when he blurted out, "I can remember before, I used to stay away from home for how many days looking for gigs for our band. Aside from my mom, I don't think anybody would even notice I was gone."
"Where do you usually stay?" Ella asked slowly tracing Rick's features with her finger. There were times when it made her sad to look at the lines on his boyish face covering an overload of pain. Yet, at other times, it ushered happiness on her part to look into his eyes with the dreams that he can look forward to.
"I stay with friends. But oftentimes, I just stay at the bar when they closed. I would usually pile up tables to have a makeshift bed," Rick had told her.
"I wouldn't have allowed you to do that if you were mine!" she said before she could stop herself. "I would have pulled you to bed and tuck you to sleep like a baby!"
Rick had looked at her awkwardly. It was obvious how such a tender moment could really affect him that much. It was something he couldn't handle. Yet, he managed to whisper, "You would? Why?"
"I want you to be safe!" she said softly. She felt protective towards him. It hurt her to think she cannot really be there for him all the time. She cleared her throat and added, "I care about you!"
Rick took her hand in his. He looked into her eyes and kissed her softly on the lips. It must had been the alcohol or the atmosphere or the fiery passion they both shared which carried them away to momentary paroxysm where they both fell to the floor a tangle of trembling limbs.
Ella didn't care that such action could even result to her conception. To think there were times when she could have been careless with Jerome and shared such an intimacy with him. Yet, they always held back and stayed careful and awaiting for the right time to raise their family.
"I don't want to ruin our future, Jerome!" she remembered telling him during one of those moments with him. "I can always pull you to bed with me any time, forget about things. Yet together with that, I can also trap you in a responsibility which neither both of us are yet prepared to take."
"Of course, there are ways. We need to be responsible." Jerome had assured her then. "There will always be a room for having children in the future for us. For you, I will wait." And for five long years, Jerome had been very responsible and understanding with her.
But the sacrament of discretion was shattered for one night when Ella gave herself to Rick the way she had never given herself to any man. Yet, surprisingly, there was no regret on her part. There was only fear for what lies beyond.
The affair went on for a couple of months until she found out she was carrying Rick's baby. And there were other facts to be considered, too.  She was jobless. She had a problem with alcohol. There was an upcoming proposal from Jerome who until that moment didn't know about her other world and escapades. And Rick…he was just another young soul who got entangled with her complicated life.
Where does everything fit in? She asked herself looking at the half-filled cup of coffee. She got up and dialed Jerome's number.
"It looks good on my hand!" she said when Jerome finally arrived at Orbit. "It fits so well!"
Jerome looked around him alienated by the atmosphere of the bar. He was often invited to go to these places but he had always refused.  "I see you're wearing the ring.  Does this mean—" he began to say.
She cut him off in mid-sentence, "I've been thinking a lot lately! And I guess there are so many things you don't know about me. I don't know where to start. I have changed a lot."
"This is a 24-hour joint, isn't it? I have all the time to listen!" Jerome insisted. And thus, she told him everything. It was harder than she thought it would be. But how harder can it get to hide from the truth when all she wanted was to be free?  
"Why?" was all Jerome could say.
"Because I was so tired of being somebody for somebody else! I just wanted to prove that I, too, can screw things up! That I'm also human who can make mistakes and it's alright!" Ella said, allowing her tears which she held back for so long to flow freely. "Sometimes, it is easier when you're not the best, then when you lose, it's okay!"
"But it's not okay and you know it!" Jerome said.
"Yeah, messing things up is not easy when you lose so much!" Ella said. "I lost almost everything!"
 "Almost! What is left is more important. It is how you know what's really yours to keep," Jerome said. "You didn't lose me. You need me more this time!"
Ella looked at him and said, "Of all people, why did I have to hurt you? You don't deserve me." She took off the ring on her finger and stared at it one last time. "Just like a drunk, I will go home even if two steps backwards would carry me farther from where I was standing. I will stand up and climb again, even if I will do most of the stumbling down. It will be difficult but together with having the right to make mistakes is to be responsible for them."
"I want to be there for you," Jerome said. 
"And you will be!" Ella said, slipping the ring into his palm and closing it softly. "As a friend!"
Ella blurted out the next night when she met Rick at the bar. "I am pregnant! I think you should know! This is your baby!"
Rick fidgeted in his seat averting her gaze. "I know this would happen! I'll take full responsibility. But you know my situation right now. It may be a little difficult for both of us!"
Ella smiled. Deep in her heart, she would always care about Rick.  She reached out and lightly touched the tips of his fingers. "I don't want you to burden yourself with this. Go find yourself first and make a mark! Enjoy your youth and grow up! I won't hold it against you! I will have this baby by myself.  And this child will know you are the father."
"Don't you want us to become a family?"  Rick asked this time meeting her eyes.  "Don't you want me to be there for both of you?"
"Maybe someday!" Ella said. "We are both broken by this time. Let's heal ourselves first and be complete. For then, it will only be the time we can fully share ourselves to others. And love others, too—completely."
Indeed, it was what she didn't learn—to love herself the way she was.  With the new life she was carrying inside her, everything fitted so well. A genuine friendship was formed. The meaning of responsibility was inculcated. Healing was in process. And love…true love will soon grow. What an interlude, the real thing…life— was yet to follow.     


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