Fur and Feathers Krista Joy Copyright 2012 by Krista Joy Published by Lost Feather Press – Smashwords Edition Alyce lay awake. Her hearing became extra sensitive and a spider, who thought she was creeping unnoticed above the door in the blackness, sounded like a woman in stilettos. She had blown the candle out in the hope of her own light being extinguished for a few hours, but insomnia was setting in strong and hard. She could smell it in the air, feel the sweat bead on her forehead and naked arms, and the tingle in her dry throat. The threat of tears that might come out of frustration was beckoning, when the thoughts refused to switch off and lie dormant. Secretly she hoped the cat would come crying to be let in, as she did sometimes, usually when Alyce was sound asleep, awash with colourful dreams. But not tonight. Where Alyce lay awake the cat was getting a sound sleep, perhaps in a shrub somewhere in the back garden below. Sometimes she would come scratching at the window of the dormer bungalow, startling Alyce into a temporary state of childish fear, but then, after being let in, would curl up on the scratched-to-pieces rag rug in front of the ornamental fire place and doze off once again, purring so softly it almost formed a lullaby. Alyce would have killed for that lullaby. For any lullaby, so long as it was anything other than the maddening silence of a sleepless night where the rest of the world might as well have been stone. She envied everything in the room that was lifeless. Just a few hours, she pleaded, just a few hours of release. Tears were welling in her eyes, but she knew it would be a few moments until the reason for this became clear. She may be revisiting a memory from the day just passed, or something much older. It may be some dark premonition of the day to come, a day that seemed so far away it made her feel nauseous. Alyce hoped that this sickness might make her faint, but momentary peace would be too much to ask for. For too many months this torment had been returning to Alyce. She had moved to the town of Bluebank with her parents, taken a new job, left everything behind including her studies in art and psychology, and fallen into a deep misery. Doctors said she was not depressed, but Alyce thought if this madness she felt was not depression, what the hell could it be? Refusing to make friends, she claimed to refuse to lower herself to the level of her workmates. They still giggled if her name was called out over the speaker system. She had given up demanding to be called Alyce, for sooner or later it always got shortened to Ali. She had thought, being almost twenty, it should be fair for her to choose what casual acquaintances called her, and she preferred Alyce, but everyone else thought that was a silly idea. Ali suited her so much better. It was so much more casual, and made her surname all the more hilarious. Alyce Katz dreaded the day when her colleagues found out about her ownership of a cat. It had been the family pet, so was aptly named ‘Katz’, but she had apparently sensed Alyce’s loneliness and misery in this new neighbourhood, and formed a new friendship with the only daughter. Around the house, they were inseparable. Alyce still resented her mother for insisting the animal slept outside, despite the fact that it was surprisingly well behaved. She scratched only the scratching post, and the rag rug, and had no time for silly things like dragging half eaten woodland animals into the kitchen every morning. Katz was a no nonsense cat. She loved to be cuddled and she loved to be of comfort, and she loved to sit in Alyce’s lap and stare deeply into her eyes. When they did this, it seemed there was some common ground therein. Flame haired Alyce Katz and Katz the no nonsense tabby had something special that is rarely seen between human and beast. Neither understood it, but both were thankful. Alyce wished for Katz all the more. She lay on her back and stared up out of the skylight. Constellations stared back at her, and she wished she were naïve enough to make a wish upon them. No, she would not do that. For when something didn’t go her way the next day, she would be too tempted to blame the stars. If they were where fate was written, wishing on them would make no difference anyway; her path was decided. Perhaps, her mother stated - usually buttering sandwiches or filing something into the computer - all this low down brooding is just the cloud, and soon there will be a silver lining. Alyce saw no silver lining. All she saw was black. Black feathers, a black face, and sharp black eyes that pierced her thoughts like a dagger and made her cry out. She realised she was being watched by an enormous black jackdaw, staring down at her from the edge of the sky light. Alyce silenced herself as she realised that double-glazing separated them, and prayed nobody would come running to her aid. She waited silently in the night, and heard no footsteps. The jackdaw croaked slightly, and tipped his head to one side with a questioning look. Alyce imagined him saying ‘what are you screaming at? You’re no prize either, kitten’ and smiled slightly, very briefly. The bird gave Alyce one more intense stare, almost as deep as one she might share with Katz, then dipped his body, snapped out his clear shimmering wings and set off into the night. Alyce watched as stars momentarily disappeared behind his body. Against his coal-black form, the night didn’t seem so black. It seemed an almost comforting shade of blue. Alyce sat up and pulled her headphones out of the bedside draw. Plugging them into the sound system with one hand whilst scanning her CD collection with another. Images of a magnificent black bird were being scrawled onto a sketchbook before the first verse of ‘Paint it Black’ had even begun. Alyce threw out sheet after sheet of paper as the song played over and over again, as she attempted to capture the memory of a shadowy bird over a suddenly bright blue sky. * * * Alyce was awake. The sky really was blue outside, a bright, summery blue, and the sun shone intensely through the beautiful decay of the autumn day outside. Alyce sat up. She had finally fallen asleep on the floor, and the headphones were still around her neck, but had been pulled out of the system, and the system switched off. She didn’t remember doing that. As a matter of fact she didn’t remember doing anything aside from painting sheet upon sheet of paper black, and humming the melody as she did so. She then noticed the dark patch on the floor, and felt momentarily embarrassed as she thought she had had an accident. But it was too dark for that. She then noticed the empty ink bottle lying on its side, and the dark stain across her own midriff, where she must have been lying. Alyce decided she would get another rug to cover the black patch before her mother killed her; black ink on cream carpet didn’t exactly scream prim and proper daughter. Naked, she shivered slightly and pulled a long t-shirt out of a draw to put on and cover her new home-made tattoo. Hopefully it would come off in the shower. Alyce stood up, realising she had filled an entire sketchbooks’ worth of paper in drawings. Now fully awake, she saw they were more scrawls than drawings. She had made pictures of jackdaws, and dark skies, and sometimes the two mixed together. Remembering her dark visitor, she dashed to the bed and jumped up to open the skylight. A rush of cold October air flooded in and took her breath away so much she choked the first time she attempted to call out for Katz. While carrying out this daily routine, she noticed that her visitor had left her a gift. A long black feather had been discarded on the roof tiles underneath the window. Alyce grabbed it just as a gust of wind attempted to take it away from her, and a voice, possibly her conscience, told her even something as carefree and weak as a gust of wind can take something precious away; don’t give it the chance. Alyce shrugged at this early morning prophecy, and continued to call for Katz. The warm relief of the shower brought the day ahead into clearer perspective, but failed to remove the offending black blotch from across Alyce’s stomach. To counter this she wore a long brown jumper over an extremely short mini skirt and fishnets. Any other girl might have looked a tramp, but Alyce, having an unusual gift for always being well groomed, looked clean and tidy no matter what she wore. Her clean red hair hung well down her back and today, as it was a special occasion - she considered it so having made a new friend on the roof a night before - she twisted the black feather into it, fixed with a Victorian style clip, so it lay flat against her hair above her left ear. That was the best ear, she mused. Alyce skipped breakfast. Shortly after she’d woken up Alyce remembered that Monday was her day off. She skipped breakfast and went for a walk. Feeling seemingly brighter and almost ready to face the world outside. Even in her abnormally grumpy state she could not deny it was a beautiful day. Her parents were already out of the house and off at work. She wouldn’t have to bother pretending she was ‘okay’ to go out. It seemed odd to her that they considered her well enough to work, yet she was too ‘sick’ to go out by herself for walks. Katz, having also spent the morning grooming herself, waited patiently for Alyce at the front door. She very often went out when Alyce did, and sometimes even joined her for journeys into town. Alyce was lucky enough to have her own car, complete with a worn and very much loved cat basket on the back seat especially for Katz. Rearranging her feather she held the car door open for Katz, who obediently climbed onto the back seat, washed her face briefly, then lay down and waited for the journey to begin. Very little conversation went on between the two. This is to say that Alyce rarely spoke to Katz out loud. There would be little hellos and goodbyes; little meows here and there, but rarely full-blown conversation from Alyce to Katz, who probably would have responded if she could. The communication they shared was made mostly with the eyes and small gestures. Alyce only had this gift with Katz, though. She had never understood another cat like she did her own, just like Katz had never understood another human like she did Alyce. Alyce had never really considered it possible to be soul mates with a cat, as she had always held the belief that you can have more than one soul mate in a lifetime, or for that matter at any given time,. Where someone can be your soul mate when you are fifteen, five years down the line you could be like chalk and cheese. Katz was definitely a lifelong companion. Sometimes Alyce believed that Katz would outlive her and hopefully find somebody else to stare into and understand. This seemed to be what held both of them together. Alyce had never looked into anyone person like she had looked into Katz. Nobody had ever looked into her in the same way. Nobody ever came close enough before she scratched and chased them away. “I think we’ll go to the park,” Alyce said aloud. Her voice was soft and soothing. Words rolled off her tongue in an almost hypnotic way when she spoke to Katz. She rarely spoke to anyone else unless it was absolutely necessary. At work words and a smile were obligatory so she obeyed begrudgingly, but saved her best words and especially her best thoughts just for Katz. Katz hardly flinched as the engine roared. Alyce pulled smoothly off the drive, sweeping leaves off the windscreen with the wipers. They squeaked with dryness, but she decided she could live with a few leaves. A few straggling schoolchildren walked past Alyce’s car as she sat at the traffic lights. The clock had just ticked over nine’ o’clock. She glanced out of the window as a plump boy with pink cheeks and a ripped backpack made a rude gesture with his finger at her. Alyce, reflecting on Katz’s no nonsense approach to life, did the same back to the boy. It wasn’t the finger that made him run on, but the cold expression on her face. Alyce had no idea what the park she was going to was called. She had been in the town of Bluebank just under nine months, and knew her way around enough to get to work and go shopping, if it was really necessary. She knew little of street names or pubs, or the teen hangouts she made a point of distancing herself from. At just past nine on a Monday morning very few people circled in this nameless park. All the dog walkers got up much earlier, but Alyce was quick enough to sweep Katz, who would be walking confidently at her heals, up into her arms if some disgusting mutt were to appear. Alyce, in a short moment of unfamiliar bliss, wished she had brought her camera along. It was an unusually warm and certainly golden morning. Leaves rained down in droves, all shades of crimson and ochre. With her brown jumper and ginger hair, Alyce could have disappeared in an instant had she wanted to. Perhaps it was the knowledge of this camouflage that made her feel a little safer. On the grey of the streets she was visible and above all, vulnerable. Music was drifting in the air. It was scratchy but still melodious in some bizarre way. Katz was not fazed by the open spaces of the park. She had been coming on long walks like this with Alyce for a good six months now, and was apparently the more confident. She strutted along ahead of her human companion, her tail in the air. Alyce stopped and listened more closely as the tune changed and became more familiar. She had decided that whoever was creating this sound was playing a harmonica. I see a red door and I want it painted black ran though Alyce’s head and made her blood run cold. For a split second the images she had created so passionately last night, as she freed herself from insomnia and almost felt happy in the embrace temporary madness, flashed back into her mind and painted all her thoughts black. The world was turning black before her eyes. Katz was getting further away, her tabby markings fading into night. Alyce looked at her hands and found that they too were painted black. Panicked and terrified, Alyce began to run. Scrambling onto a bench, she pulled her knees into her chest, very much aware that any passers by would get an eyeful of her knickers, but still pressing her knees into her eye sockets until it hurt. The music stopped, and Alyce heard a sound that slowed her heart beat to little more than a whisper. She felt the warmth of Katz on the cold bench beside her, and heard the purring lullaby. She pulled her head out of her knees and momentarily saw stars. The black returned for a few seconds, she feared it would stay this time, but then it slipped away, and the blinding golden light flamed in. Alyce remembered where she was. Remembered the beauty of the day and the crunch of dry foliage beneath her feet. She remembered the black, and how she feared the night. She put her arms around Katz, who slinked into her lap. Looking up Alyce noticed that she was not alone. Through her temporary madness, she had come across the mysterious harmonica player, who was now sitting on another bench, just across the path from her. Alyce clutched Katz all the tighter as he stood up and approached her. “’You okay?” he asked politely, but his voice was so raspy she hardly understood it. He cleared his throat and repeated himself. Alyce nodded quickly and squeezed Katz “It’s not that bad, is it? I mean…I can stop if it’s bothering you” Alyce shook her head, but said nothing. “I’ll go and sit back over there, shall I?” Alyce nodded, and the harmonica player edged away. He noticed as he sat back down, that she was still sitting with her knees drawn up, aside from the red of her underwear, she completely blended into the autumnal bushes behind her. Alyce peered at the harmonica player from over her knees. He wore a black leather coat and dark jeans. His hair, which was near enough to black, stuck out all over his head, and was messy in a neat sort of way. His black shoes sparkled and reflected the sunlight. Alyce watched him play, her green eyes burning like a forest on fire. It occurred to her that he might take her seriously if she didn’t tell him her name. People always took her seriously before they heard the name ‘Katz’ coupled with the name ‘Alyce’. After that she was a paranoid walking joke. The musician had noticed her watching him, her deep staring eyes penetrating through his concentration. He took the harmonica away from his mouth and enquired, “Are you a ‘Stones fan?” Alyce couldn’t hear him properly. She cupped one of her hands behind her ear. “Are you a Rolling Stones fan?” he called louder. She heard him this time and nodded. “’You know ‘Paint it Black’ then?” he added. Alyce nodded, and held up her hands, having realised seeing them black hadn’t been a hallucination. Where she had failed to remove the inky patch from her midriff, she had also neglected to remove marks from the palms of her hands. They had faded to dark blue, but the effect was still the same. “Is that your cat?” the harmonica player called Alyce nodded, but still refused to speak “Does he have a name?” Alyce muttered something, but he didn’t hear so cupped his hand to his ear in much the same way she just had. “She has a name,” Alyce repeated, trying not to sound irritable “Oh?” “It’s…it’s Katz,” Alyce managed “Cat?” “No, Katz. K-A-T-Z,” “Oh, like the sir name. I get it” Alyce said nothing after that. She held onto Katz for dear life and tried not to get too absorbed in the harmonica player, who continued to sit opposite her and play. She couldn’t ask him to move on after all, as he was there first. In all honesty it didn’t bother her too much. She enjoyed his music. The fact that he could pull such fantastic tunes out of an instrument that could be dropped into the pocket and carried away was intriguing. He stopped playing and said, “I’ve got a pet too,” Alyce said nothing. “I’m not really a cat person. They sort of scare me” Alyce couldn’t understand this. It was clear this person was almost desperate to get another half a dozen words out of her, and he had somehow detected one of her buttons. “What’s to be scared of,” she whispered. “Cats are harmless,” “Teeth, claws, those eyes that glow in the dark.” Alyce didn’t reply. “I’m kidding,” “Oh.” “Really, I’m kidding. Cats are fine.” There followed an awkward silence for which Alyce was thankful. It had become apparent that her new conversational companion was just as nervous as she was, but preferred to talk nonsense to cover it up, rather than stay silent and unseen and hope for the best. The musician hadn’t begun to play again. Instead he hunched himself up rather awkwardly, much like Alyce did most of the time. His wiry shoulders came up high as if his face might disappear inside the collar of his coat. Oddly enough, Alyce didn’t want him to disappear. “So…are you a dog person?” He didn’t reply. The coat was covering his ears. “Hello?” she tried again. “What?” “Are you a dog person, if you don’t like cats?” “Oh, God no.” “What is it, then? Hamsters?” “Birds,” “What?” “I love birds” “Oh. That’s nice.” It occurred to the musician that he was shouting over to the red-headed cat lover. It was certainly the most long distance conversation he’d ever had without using a phone. As if she sensed this, Alyce said, “Would you like sit over here? It’s warm in the sun,” “I prefer sitting in the shadows.” He replied darkly, his head bobbing out of the collar slightly. “Oh. Then shall I sit by you?” “If you want.” Alyce stood up and held Katz tightly in her arms. She crossed the leafy path to sit next to the hunched up musician. His body became smaller as she sat down on the other side of the bench with Katz. He seemed to be more afraid of her than he did of Alyce. As always Katz didn’t seem particularly bothered about anything. “Cats make me nervous,” the musician admitted “And you seemed so bold five minutes ago,” Alyce said, trying not to sound sarcastic. “I’m fine,” he said. The silence returned. Katz had curled up on Alyce’s lap regardless of the stranger. She purred loudly, which made Alyce feel at ease, but the musician was still nervous. He had put his harmonica away, and instead of playing so passionately and comfortably he jammed his hands woodenly into his pockets and dug his elbows in tightly at his sides, terrified that he might slip and accidentally brush Alyce’s arm. The very idea of that was almost paralysing. “It’s a beautiful day,” Alyce said, closing her eyes, almost wishing she could purr herself in case Katz wasn’t around “Yeah…it’s….really something.” “Are you nervous?” she asked, feeling like a hypocrite “What gave you that idea?” he replied shakily, wishing he could follow his hands and dive so deep inside the coat he would never be able to get out again. “Oh, I don’t know. Two strangers, sitting on a park bench on a quiet golden day, you pelting out beautiful music and me covered in ink from a creative spree…just seems…a little unusual. Nerve racking, almost.” This was possibly the longest string of words she had conjugated in weeks. She finally admitted, “I’m nervous.” “You are?” She leaned a little closer, making Katz fidget “Terrified.” “Oh,” he said, “Well…at least we’re even.” It suddenly occurred to Alyce that she had become the dominant one. She was now making him nervous, playing with him, almost; letting him think the conversation was over, and then frightening him again with another string of words. Alyce had forgotten that talking could be fun. “Do you have a bird, then, if you’re such a fan?” “Yeah,” he said. “A canary or something?” “A jackdaw. I know it’s a bit weird…but it fell out of a nest in my garden a while back. My parents said it would die, but I refused to let it happen. I got a book out of the library to see if there was anything I could do…I let him go eventually but he keeps coming back.” “Does he have a name?” “Not really, I didn’t want to tame him so I never gave him one. My mom calls him Jack. You know ‘Jack’s on the fence again; you’d better go and give him a bit of bread’” he laughed slightly, and Alyce laughed too. She realised that they were actually having a conversation “And…” Alyce added quietly. “Do you have a name?” “Yeah,” he said, but showed no intention of going any further “Can I hear it?” “Well…” he said, “What’s yours, first.” “It’s Alyce,” she said. It was the first time she’d told anyone her name for a long time. The bird lover still showed no sign of sharing any of his secrets. “Well?” He muttered something but Alyce didn’t hear. “What was that?” “Jackson,” he muttered. “Yeah, I know, laugh it up; my mom named the bird after me.” “I would have thought it was because it was a jackdaw, more than anything,” Alyce reassured him. “Kind of a coincidence, really. ‘Wouldn’t have worked if you’d found a crow or a magpie,” “Or a blue tit,” he added. They both laughed slightly, a little less nervously this time. “So you’re a bird lover who’s afraid of cats,” Alyce said. “Are you a cat lover who’s afraid of dogs?” “I’m not afraid of ‘em, I just don’t like ‘em, that’s all,” she admitted. “They’re big and masculine and dirty,” “And cats are elegant and feminine and sexy I suppose?” Jackson rolled his eyes “I guess so,” Alyce replied thoughtfully, “I’d never really thought about it. What’s a jackdaw’s appeal?” “I don’t know. They’re intelligent, well dressed…graceful. I can relate; I like to wear black” “So I see,” she said. “But they’re also crafty and used to be a symbol of witchcraft.” “As did cats,” Alyce added. “I like things that aren’t completely obvious. When I look at Jack, it’s like he knows who I am, and that I fed him and raised him, but he doesn’t completely admit it. He’s independent. Sometimes days go by and I don’t see him.” “It used to be like that with Katz,” Alyce said “But since we moved she hasn’t really left the house much. She goes out when I do, now.” “So you’re new in town?” “My parents would hardly have to butter my feet to get me to go home. I hate it here.” “It’s not that bad.” “You know it well, I take it?” “Like the back of Jack’s beak. I’ve been here all my life,” Jackson uttered. “Lucky you,” she dripped sarcastically. They sat in silence once again. Jackson’s head had come back out of his coat, and he relaxed his arms slightly. Talking about Jack made him feel at ease, even though he doubted a cat lover would feel the affinity he did. * * * Alyce slept soundly that night. The constant thought that had plagued her since she had parted with Jackson that day had exhausted her. Conversation was especially hard, when you didn’t have a lot in common with somebody. She and Katz had so much in common they hardly needed to speak. It plagued her as to whether she could class this ‘Jackson’ as her friend. He was the closet thing she had to a human friend in this lonely town. They hadn’t exchanged any information when they parted, so it was doubtful she’d have the pleasure of hearing any more of his harmonica renditions. When she awoke the next morning her eyes drifted onto the black feather, still attached to the Victorian clip, sitting on the desk. Oddly enough, she hadn’t made the connection that the bird that had watched over her could have been Jack, having left her a present in premonition of her meeting his owner. Alyce dismissed this idea as quickly as it came to her. However she did feel her usually perplexed expression soften as she thought of Jackson, huddled up on that bench looking as if all his feathers had been ruffled for warmth. She thought of the awkwardness that hung between the two of them on that rough bench while the leaves danced with the grass around their booted feet. Rolling over, Alyce glanced at the clock and groaned. She was late. As usual work was inconsequential. Alyce drifted out in a daze, still wearing her uniform and name badge. Her car was parked quite a way from the store, but she enjoyed the cool walks across the car park. They woke her up and brought her back to earth after a day of working on auto pilot and smiling falsely until her face hurt. She wanted to lash out and tell everyone what she really thought about them referring to her as ‘Pussy’ when they thought she was out of ear shot. She longed for Katz’s company on the back seat, but the much loved basket was empty; Katz was at home, probably sitting outside the skylight, leaving scratch marks on the plastic frame. Fat drops of rain landed on the windscreen. With childlike fascination Alyce watched them they trickle down the glass like tears, before disappearing under the bonnet and forgotten forever. Alyce had forgotten all her tears lately. At one time should could count the amount of times she had really cried on one hand, but now she would need both hands and feet, and a few donor parts besides. She caught her reflection in the rear view mirror, and watched her tired eyes open wide at the anticipation of driving home in the rain, alone, with only a forgotten DJ to keep her company. Alyce didn’t listen to the radio, they never played the songs she wanted to hear. When she was sad, they played happy songs. When she was happy… Without hesitation Alyce started the engine, determined not to cry as she sat on the car park for fear a colleague might catch her and ask too many questions. She put the car in reverse and backed out of her space as the rain began to fall. The car chugged along with more difficulty than usual. It was now dark outside, and the wipers tried and tried to keep the screen clear but were failing. The car choked again but carried on. Alyce was getting nervous, like she always did when she felt something was coming to an end. Her place of work was considerably far from her home, but she didn’t complain. She didn’t know anyone anywhere anyway, so who cared where she was? She hadn’t seen her parents for almost forty-eight hours, but they were used to that. If they were worried she would find a note attached to the refrigerator, or sometimes to her bedroom door, which she would then reply to in a similar way, and all would be well. The car wasn’t doing well. Alyce didn’t really have much mechanical experience, having passed her test by the skin of her teeth. The car spluttered and choked, then ground to a painful halt. Luckily the road was quiet being almost nine 'o’ clock, and anyway there was room for people to overtake anyway. Alyce didn’t have a mobile phone, but she’d noticed a pay phone a few meters back. The idea of getting out of the car seemed terrifying. Her bag, a mangy blue back-pack, with straps that had been repaired so many times it boggled the imagination, sat on the passenger seat. Feeling particularity brave, she grabbed this with her right hand, and flung open the door with her left. More than ever she wanted Katz. The breakdown company was not helpful. Alyce didn’t know where she was, so could hardly be found by somebody who didn’t care. They didn’t seem to understand the concept of ‘I’m new it town and I don’t know the roads’. They told her to call her parents to pick her up, and that the car would be dealt with. Alyce hung up the phone, not really wanting to reach out and call home. She turned and leaned against the phone, not caring that it was digging into her spine. She clutched her bag hard, savouring its comforting smell. Again fear welled behind her eyes, but she didn’t feel awake enough to hold the tears of frustration in. She was exhausted and felt so stupid for breaking down. The rain was beating down so hard on the phone box it made her claustrophobic, so she stepped outside. Within moments her hair was soaked, and water trickled down the back of her coat and the backs of her legs into her boots. She shivered and clutched her bag, only wishing her coat had a hood. She didn’t like getting wet. She hated swimming and baths with a passion. A shower was a far as she would go, and she didn’t even enjoy that as much as most girls did. It was just a necessity to be clean; that didn’t mean it had to be pleasant. The road was deserted. All the shops were closed, and thankfully nobody passed on foot. She leaned against the outside of the phone box and tried to keep a level head. It didn’t matter if she cried now; the whole natural world was crying with her it seemed. Maybe even Katz was crying at home. It was more than feasible. Alyce froze as she heard a noise; a croaking, ghastly intimidating sound that reminded her of the harmonica. Wings clapped against water, and shaded her from the rain for such a short time she barely noticed. A black bird, as if it had sprung from one of the creations still strewn across her floor, perched on the edge of the phone box in a sympathetic manor. He watched her, she unaware of him, flecks of water sliding down her hair like diamonds in dirt glimmered in the yellow street light. In the white glow of a vehicle that approached from the east. Alyce looked up, her forest-on-fire eyes ablaze with fear and self-pity, and the car slowed and stopped. The car was a metallic blue, though Alyce did not know the make, or care for that matter. A man was behind the wheel, but Alyce looked only for a second, and then continued to stare straight ahead. She clutched her mangy bag all the tighter as she heard the window being wound down. “Alyce?” Alyce looked up, rainwater and tears running down her red cheeks. “Is that you, Alyce?” probed the man, poking his messy head out of the window. In seconds his hair was as wet as hers. It didn’t seem to bother him. “It’s me, it’s Jackson” Alyce squinted and stooped her head slightly in that way people do when they think they recognise someone. “Jackson?” “Yeah, the creep from the park, remember?” “Yeah,” she said uncertainly. “What are you doing out here, its pouring!” “My car broke down,” she called, and realised that once again they were shouting across an open space rather than moving any closer together. “What’s wrong with it?” he called back. “I don’t know,” she sobbed, again feeling stupid. “Do you need a ride?” Alyce said nothing. “Is somebody coming for you?” “No. I didn’t know where to tell the breakdown to come to.” He squinted as he tried to focus on her face in the light, “Are you crying?” “Yeah. It’s no big deal, really,” she lied, and walked a little closer to the car. She wasn’t feeling too terrified of him at this moment in time. “I just got a little frustrated.” “Oh, I know that feeling,” he shrugged. “Do you live far from here?” “’Just past the woods, it’s a couple of miles.” “That’s on my way,” he smiled. “Hop in.” “Will my car be okay?” Alyce asked as she brushed the watery knots from her hair. “Yeah. They won’t tow it or anything.” “What were you doing out in that rain?” she asked, opening the window slightly to toss a hairball outside. “To be honest I was following Jack. He perched on the phone box you were standing by; lucky coincidence really. Almost like he led me to you,” Jackson laughed slightly. “Will he follow you home?” “Maybe. He’s quite elusive. I’m shocked you didn’t have your cat with you.” “I can’t take her to work, unfortunately. I dread the car journeys alone.” “Well, you’re not alone now, are you? Better in the car with me than outside at the mercy of the weather.” “Yeah, I guess you’re right,” Alyce sighed. “Turn left here.” “Wow,” Jackson said. “This is a posh neighbourhood. Actually I’d expected you to be living somewhere like this.” “Why’s that?” “I don’t know,” he shrugged and flicked off the indicator at the same time. “You just seemed like a well brought up kind of girl, from a nice area” “Thanks. I suppose that’s a compliment,” she replied, replacing her hairbrush in her bag and watching him from underneath her hair. “Well, yeah. You’re a little better dressed than some of the girls I see walking the streets at night. Glad I caught you though; you looked terrified when I pulled up.” “Mom always said not to talk to strangers,” Alyce half laughed. “You can hardly class me as a stranger. You know my name, and my pets name. That’s two personal details, Alyce.” * * * Alyce got out of the car and waved silently, shyly. Jackson watched her unlock the door and enter the house before pulling away and leaving the street. The rain was still pouring, but he found comfort noticing that Jack was watching Alyce into the house safely. Alyce clung tightly to the gum wrapper Jackson had scribbled on before she had gotten out of the car. It wasn’t a come on or anything so silly as that, he had told her nervously, but if she ever found herself stuck out in the rain hiding in a phone box she was to call him immediately. She hung inside the door until she was sure his car was gone from the street and earshot. The reaction from her parents would not be pretty, and the silhouettes from behind the yellow lit curtains would give an accurate visual of what was being said when her parents questioned why she was late, why the car was missing, and who had she been out with. Had she skipped work? She’d get fired if she wasn’t careful, then what would happen? No money to spend if she actually decided to leave the house for a change, they would say almost mockingly. Of course, this argument never happened. Her parents weren’t home. The light was on thanks to an ingenious little timer, and a sticky note on the fridge indicated that her parents were out to dinner with a client of her fathers, and she was to fend for herself. Alyce looked over at the gum wrapper beside her discarded bag on the kitchen counter and for a moment of insanity considered calling Jackson back for a while. He was strange for sure, but certainly more visible than her parents were. She half wished her anticipated argument had taken place because at least that would mean the house wasn’t empty. She didn’t want to be around anyone particularly, but she also didn’t want to be alone in an empty house. Katz was calling to be let in, and purred affectionately as Alyce rubbed her dry with a clump of kitchen towel. Katz finished their exchange with a twisting rub around Alyce’s ankles as she struggled to remove her soaking shoes and socks. Her hair was still dripping too, and she realised how cold she was. She used a kitchen towel to help her hair dry off a little, and put her socks over the radiator. Katz nuzzled her face into the chunks of tuna Alyce had dropped into her bowl for a treat, as she waited for her soup to heat in the microwave. Her parents clearly hadn’t been shopping this week, she moaned begrudgingly to herself; there was nothing for Katz readily available, so she had to improvise. She leaned against the kitchen counter, believing that the radiation from the microwave might be doing her damage, but not really caring, and gave a short yet perfect smile. “I saw our friend again today,” Katz did not look up, but Alyce knew she was listening. “He picked me up from work, and gave me his number.” Katz gave a snorting sound as she licked her little feet clean. How eating had dirtied her feet one could not be sure, but it seemed like an important task that could not be put off. “We should call him soon.” The cat looked up at this point in an almost questioning manner. Alyce decided that the question would be one of two things; ‘are you sure that’s a good idea?’ or ‘that’ll be nice, be sure you don’t forget to put me in the car’. “I need to get the car towed” Alyce stated, responding to the latter. She picked up Katz with one arm, and her soup mug in the other. As they climbed the stairs, Katz dug her claws into Alyce’s shoulder partly in affection and partly to prevent falling Pushing open the bedroom door Alyce hit a switch with her elbow. Fairy lights around the window and the top of the wardrobe ignited. She set down Katz on the bed, who instantly dug in her claws and purred in ecstasy at being full of tuna in a warm dry house. Rain still pounded in a threatening tone on the window pain, but Alyce refused to pull down the blind in case her flying friend returned. She knew it was magpies that collected oddments of tin foil and bits of jewellery when it was available, but couldn’t help imagining what magic little gift he might leave after the lovely black feather last time. She hit the CD player on and turned the volume down low, once again examining the phone number baring gum-wrapper. Why had he given her his number? It wasn’t that she felt obliged to ring or anything, she hated using the phone at the best of times because you cant always judge what somebody is really thinking, just by their voice, she thought. A facial expression was needed to fully understand somebody’s meaning or intentions. Jackson seemed pretty clear and simple; he was as curious as she was. * * * The next morning, for the first time since she couldn’t remember when, Alyce saw her mother Everybody had always said Alyce was like her mother; outgoing, bold, glowing, but lately this comparison had not been made. Alyce was not making her parents proud any more; it was difficult to do anything so demanding behind a till, she thought. Her mother was washing up as Alyce wandered into the kitchen. She rubbed the cracked floral saucer with a dishcloth and put it aside as she said, “You shouldn’t have wasted a can of tuna like that, sweetheart.” “Sorry,” Alyce said, quietly, flatly. “Is there anything you need to talk to me about?” Alyce shook her head. “You should have told me about the ink on your carpet,” said her mother “I can’t say I’m happy about it, but we said we’d get you a new carpet as soon as everything else is sorted” “Dad hasn’t put the cat-flap in yet,” Alyce pointed out, not looking up from the paper she wasn’t reading. Her mother sighed. “That’s not exactly at the top of the list at the moment, Alyce.” Alyce repressed a frown and said nothing. Keeping Katz happy was always at the top of her list. If Katz had a ‘list’ of any sort, Alyce thought, she would always be at the top, or near enough. “I shouldn’t be back late tonight,” said her mother, snapping Alyce out of a short list-related daydream. “Your father might have got another couple of clients lined up, so he may be late. But isn’t that fantastic?” Alyce didn’t reply. “Alyce” snapped her mother. “Oh, yeah, it’s really something. Good for him.” Her mother left the house via the back door as Alyce watched out of the window. She barely noticed Katz wonder in from upstairs as she caught sight of her own car on the drive in front of where her mothers had been. Funny, as she didn’t remember getting it towed; her parents must have taken care of it; she had left a message on the refrigerator last night informing them of her little mishap. Katz rubbed against Alyce’s legs as her mother’s car disappeared round the corner of the road. She snorted slightly as she realised that perhaps Katz wasn’t as important a part of the family as she once had been. With her Father’s company finally taking off in the new town and her mother not far behind, Alyce and little Katz were at the bottom of the list on all parts. She bent down to fuss Katz, dropping the gum-wrapper she had been clutching since walking in, her original intention being to use the phone. She retrieved it and revised the numbers once more, though she had almost memorised it already. * * * Shaking, Alyce pressed redial once more. She had been sitting at the kitchen table with the cat on her lap for just under an hour, having been dressed for two, all the time waiting for the courage to dial the number to appear. Ordinarily she would be glad of just Katz’ company, but something told her she needed to get out of the house today. An urge this strong shouldn’t be ignored; she didn’t trust many things, but Alyce did trust her gut. “Hello?” somebody asked, and Alyce realised that she had actually managed to dial. “Um…ba…mmm” she just about squeezed out. “Is somebody there?” “I think so,” she whispered. “Alyce, is that you?” came Jackson’s voice from the other end. “It’s me…” she declared a little louder “Uh, I’m…not really busy at the moment…I was wondering if you’d like to meet up or something…this afternoon…it’s okay if not, but…if you wanted…” “I’d love to” Alyce relished the sound of the words. “Meet in the park at three?” “Great,” Alyce closed her eyes at the relief of the conversation being over, and hung up. * * * An hour later, Alyce sat on the bench where she had first met Jackson, what seemed liked a millennium ago. She wasn’t even sure of when they had met, what time it had been, or even what day. She remembered the sunshine, and how quiet and peaceful the day had been, and the sound of his harmonica. But she was alone, so far. Only Katz sat beside her on the bench, watching the leaves with no interest of leaping into the air and chasing them like a normal cat. Since the move she had become more domesticated, and a little less like herself, much like Alyce, really. Inside, Alyce could kick herself for getting here early. It was only ten to three, and she desperately needed to hear Jackson's footsteps before she went mad. The park had been filling up with children emptying from the school around the corner even before she arrived. She hoped they would pass her bench without paying her any attention and head straight for the playground, far on the other side of the grass. As the clock struck three, a crowing indicated to Alyce that Jack had landed on a lamppost opposite where she was sitting, she felt a little better. Hopefully Jackson would not be far behind his macabre pet. Jack cocked his black head on one side and blinked his beady eyes at Alyce. She still wore the feather she had found, attached with the Victorian clip. He sat and watched for a full thirty minutes, Jackson failing to appear even half an hour after their arranged time, as more and more people, mostly parents and children filtered in through the iron gates. They laughed and screamed as they streamed in their dozens. Sound coming from all directions. Alyce felt like she was being crushed by the noise. A young mother, pushing a pram and trailing two more toddlers sat down on the bench beside Alyce, narrowly missing Katz’ flicking tail. She looked over and smiled briefly. Alyce gave nothing more than a quiet shriek, grabbed Katz and ran from the bench, against the grain of the growing crowd, as fast as her feet could manage to carry her. She stumbled to the car, opened the driver’s door shakily and got in, still holding Katz securely as she shifted into reverse in some far away hope of escaping the screaming hell the park had become. Katz crawled into the back seat, onto the new cat-bed. Alyce had snapped and brought it after her mother had complained about how disgusting it was that she still had that scrappy old pillow on the back seat; she really should get rid of it. Katz didn’t seem to mind either way; she could sleep in complete peace just about anywhere. Even as she left through the black iron gates and made her way back into something nearer to sanity, Jackson was nowhere to be seen. * * * That night Alyce’s insomnia returned. Mostly she thought of Jackson, and revised the reasons why he failed to show up that afternoon and left her to the mercy of the juvenile crowd. Perhaps he had been in an accident or gotten lost somewhere; he wasn’t answering his phone. Maybe he didn’t want to be her friend any more she quivered, and he couldn’t have been that far away as Jack was near her for so long. She got the feeling that Jack knew she perhaps needed a little more care than most girls did and for some unknown reason was willing to take on the job. Katz was snoozing on the rag rug. Alyce thought the spot would be completely perfect if the fireplace was real, but then maybe it would be too hot. She looked over at the clock; it was only twelve thirty, but it still felt as if this night was an endless black space. And it was black; there was no black bird to make the night a little bluer. There was only vague blackness. Alyce’s eyes fell from the desk clock and onto the black feather and clip. It was then she realised she was humming Paint it Black as she examined the feather and clip like an archaeologist examining an old bone. The feather was such a delicate object, almost invisible; it hardly seemed real in the darkness; nothing did. Even Katz, purring her little midnight hymn, seemed transparent and ghostly, fading into the night all too quickly, like a good dream Alyce never wanted to end. Suddenly Alyce pricked up her ears, as the night started to speak to her; tap tap, it said. What an odd song for the night to sing, she mused temporarily, and then ignored it. Tap tap tap. Alyce stopped herself from thinking for a moment and tried to hang on to her sanity for a few more precious moments, but reality seemed to drift right out of her hands as she realised that once again some nosey creature perched on the skylight was watching her, it’s brown eyes blinking as they focused in on her. Brown eyes, she thought. That wasn’t right. She rolled over and looked at the brown-eyed creature properly. “Jackson?” she cried silently, and fumbled with the window to let him in. She caught the last part of his sentence which she pieced together as ‘I didn’t want to wake your parents’. “They’re not back yet,” she said, as he almost hopped through the window and onto the floor. His grace was impressive. “What are you doing here? It’s past midnight!” “I needed to apologise about leaving you today.” “Forget about it,” Alyce said, trying not to sound annoyed. “I can’t give you a reason for it that you’d understand, but I was hoping you could find it in your heart to forgive me. I feel like a real idiot for doing that to you” “Jackson, seriously. Forget about it. I got home in once piece. I just got a bit nervous, around all the kids” she struggled to hold a lit match to the wick of a candle on her bedside table. “No, really” he said, taking her hands in his, the near glowing match still cupped in her palms. His hands, which she’d expected to be cold, didn’t really feel like anything that she could put her finger on right away. They were dry and warm, and so soft they felt like the invisible feather. She expected his pulse would sound like a whisper. He looked at her with his deep brown eyes, which glowed in the candlelight like a distant flare and said, “I just need you to say you’ll forgive me. Please?” Alyce sighed and wondered why he seemed more hurt than she was. It wasn’t usually the case. “I forgive you, Jackson.” They stared at each other for another moment, still holding hands, until Alyce cried out as the final glowing part of the spent match gave her a hot kiss on the palm. It flew across the room and landed with a tinkle on the edge of the fireplace tiles, next to Katz, who looked up briefly, then went back to her dreams. Jackson looked away awkwardly for a moment, and then said, “So…this is your room? It’s nice.” “Thanks” she said. “I hate it here.” “I can’t see why. Good view, nice soft bed” he bounced up and down briefly. “Nice place for little Katz…” “Not the room, Jackson, this whole damned place. I left everything behind for this. All I have here is this room, nowhere in this town is my own, no friends, no brothers or sisters, my parents are never at home. I hate it; it’s like living in a box. I hear the world outside, and sometimes people kick the walls…but nobody ever wants to look inside and pick me out for a second, you know? It’s just easier to judge and make jokes. I know I’m not a people person, but who is?” “I’m not, but I looked in the box, and right now I’d say I’m sitting in there with you. Where did you come from?” “You wouldn’t know it,” she said “A tiny village with about two hundred residents and six little shops. I had to travel ages to get to college, but I liked it. It was mine.” “And was Katz happy there?” “Much happier. I wonder why she hasn’t run back there yet; I know she’d make it before I did.” “Maybe she wanted to stay and take care of you?” Jackson suggested, “That’s what I would do.” Alyce turned to him, her eyes burning almost expectantly, but she did not speak. Jackson’s face was just as ghostly in the warm candlelight, as if the warmth hit everything else but him. He was wearing the same leather jacket as when they had first met; he didn’t seem to change from day to day as most people did. He was like nothing more than a solid shadow perched on the bed, hollow and unnatural, immune to light and warmth, yet he was the warmest and certainly the most realistic person Alyce could recall meeting in a long time. A cool breeze had sneaked in, and now stroked Alyce’s cheek. She knelt up to reach the open window, and noticed Jackson’s car was not in sight. “How did you get here?” she said. He hesitated slightly. “’Walked. I was out looking for Jack…also I couldn’t sleep. When I passed your road I couldn’t go another minute without apologising for my behaviour; it was simply unspeakable” “You worry too much.” “And you’re a hypocrite. I can name three things you’re worrying about right now. A, how am I going to get home? B, Why do I care so much? And C, You think you’re going to oversleep and be late for work again. Am I right?” She hesitated slightly. “Well, Alyce?” “Well, you’re right about the first two. I’m not in work tomorrow, so if I slept in that long I may as well be comatose,” she paused. “Though some days I wish I could sleep forever.” She sat back down, pulling her legs up and dropping her head on her knees. The strap of her pyjama top had fallen down and was a little irritating, but she didn’t care. She felt as if she were somewhere else. “Were you always this unhappy? Even at home?” Jackson almost mimicked how she sat, but then deciding against it. “No,” she sighed “Don’t you ever see your old friends?” “They all just…lost interest, I guess. Katz is the only friend I have here. And you.” “You consider me a friend?” he asked, clearly flattered. “Well, you’re the only person here who’s talked to me without giggling at my name.” “Why would I? Alyce Katz is a cute name.” Alyce narrowed her eyes slightly “I never told you my last name” Jackson fidgeted awkwardly “Yeah you did.” “When?” “Uh…in the park. You introduced yourself as Alyce Katz. Honestly” Alyce paused to consider his reason, then shrugged and once again thought that she was one step closer to finally going over the edge. “Well, if you say so.” “Maybe you should visit your old town. Hook up with some old friends for the afternoon or something.” “I don’t think they’d want to see me,” Alyce said. “Well, I’m not doing anything tomorrow, and if you’re not, why don’t we go for a drive to you old town?” “What for?” “I don’t know, maybe get a little perspective. I’m sure there are some things in this town that are better than your old one.” * * * The one good thing about her new town, Alyce decided, was that is was not raining. She had been driving for an hour, with another half an hour to go, when the rain started pelting again. It was the kind of autumn rain that chilled the air as soon as it began to fall, but was gone as quickly as it came. Stifling a yawn she squinted through what little clarity the windscreen wipers could manage, and briefly shifted her eyes over to Jackson, who sat in the passenger seat with his eyes closed. She very much doubted that he was asleep. She had fallen asleep before him last night, and he was already awake when she had opened her eyes that morning. She had awoken in her bed, him sitting on the edge fiddling with his harmonica, periodically polishing it with the sleeve of his shirt. It was a black shirt, like his jeans and jacket, but it was the first time she had seen it, this being the first time she had seen him without his coat. Alyce was unsure of what time she had fallen asleep, or if Jackson had slept at all. He always seemed wide-awake and alert no matter what time of day or night. As they had left the house, Alyce kept a careful eye out for her parents who might ask questions about the strange young man lurking about the house dressed in black at the dead of night. They had spotted the jackdaw sitting on the sill of the skylight. As Alyce started the engine he had taken off and begun fly in the direction they planned to travel. Katz was also dozing on the back seat. Alyce envied her comfort, and would have almost killed for her pillow at that moment. She didn’t feel completely like herself, somehow sharing her car with this mystery man in black didn’t feel completely natural, but still she trusted him. “We’re almost there, aren’t we?” Jackson asked, opening one eye. “Yeah,” Alyce responded, not stopping to question how he knew they were approaching a place he’d never been before when he clearly hadn’t been watching signposts. The old Katz residence was much smaller then their new one. It was a small red brick building with peeling window frames, with a little extended garage, and a room above that had once been Alyce’s bedroom. Now it was different; the curtains were blue not burgundy, and there was no dream catcher hanging in the window. Alyce had not seen her dream catcher since they had moved, and she supposed it had just been lost. It was still an attractive house, with pale bricks and a steep sloping roof at the front of the building. The window frames had been replaced since she had left and were now white instead of the slightly flaking dark wood she was used to. A porch was being added in front of the door, but was as yet half finished. The concrete base was wet and smeared with grains of builders sand. She had grown up there; done her homework, pitched a tent in the back garden and hosted sleepovers for childhood friends, and played endless games with Katz. In this place, she had never wanted for company. They got out of the car after parking at the end of the street, just beside her old driveway. Nothing outside had changed really, except the odd planting. Alyce examined everything closely, carrying Katz in her arms, who seemed to want to be held. Jackson stayed back out the way but came running when Alyce cried out. “What is it?” he said “What’s the matter?” “My little cat is gone,” she said. “What?” Alyce freed one hand from under Katz and pointed to the garden wall. There was a lump of dried cement as though a brick had been removed. “There was always a little stone cat on the edge of that wall, it’s been there as long as I could remember, I used to wave to it when I came home as a kid. I wonder what they did with it.” “You didn’t bring it with you?” Alyce paused, worried as her memory drew a blank. “I don’t remember.” “Do you know the people who moved in?” “It was a young couple, no kids or anything. The house was too small for us.” Alyce sighed, and perched on the wall with Katz, not really bothered if anyone was home. There were no cars in the driveway. Jackson sat next to Alyce and waited for her to continue. “I never liked change. When I was young, if the toys on my shelf got put back in the wrong order I couldn’t sleep. Even if I got up and changed them back, it was still never the same. Sometimes it bugged me for days.” “So moving to a new town and a new job wasn’t ideal then.” “I begged my Dad not to move, but he said I was just upset and confused. I’d never been more certain of anything in my life; I wanted to stay here, I grew up here and Katz did too.” “Were you and Katz always as close as you are now?” Jackson probed. “She followed me everywhere, sometimes nearly the whole way to school. I used to hate being apart from her, I took her everywhere it was possible.” Alyce was cut off as Katz leapt out of her arms and bolted round the corner of the house. Alyce and Jackson stood to follow her, round the back of the little garage. They had to climb a short wall and wander onto the woodland that the house backed onto. They ended up just outside the little green gate that led into the garden of Alyce’s old house. The wood floor was damp and muddy, but Katz was sitting down nonetheless. Beside her seat of choice was a familiar stone statue, of a little grey cat, curled up with its eyes shut as if asleep. It looked as peaceful as Alyce remembered it. “Is that your little stone cat?” “Yes, yes it is!” Alyce said excitedly, and leaned in for a closer look. The ornament was placed on top of what had once been a mound, but had apparently been flattened a little by the weight of the stone over time. The moss growing on the cats back and head was joined to the moss on the ground; it had clearly been there a while. Words had been scratched onto the smooth body of the cat. Alyce’s stomach turned “This isn’t an ornament” she said, “This is a grave.” Jackson crouched and read over Alyce’s shoulder “‘Katz – beloved family pet 1994 - 2012’” Katz had lay down on the damp floor and curled up like the little ornament. Though Alyce still saw her as clear as day, she seemed to be fading. “I’m going mad,” Alyce said. Jackson shrugged, with a little sympathy “You said you didn’t like change, and Katz went with you everywhere.” “Yeah,” Alyce just about managed through the tears. “She was very old, Alyce. It’s time for her to sleep.” “Katz,” Alyce whispered, reaching out to touch the cat. She almost felt the softness of her fur, but realised it was not her cat she was touching, but a memory. The stone was cold and soft with the moss, but Katz was gone. Alyce wiped tears from her face, accidentally smearing mud down her cheek. She stood up, clutching her shoulders for a little comfort. Jackson laid a hand on her shoulder. “It’s never easy going to a new place and leaving a friend behind.” “I thought she’d come with me. I brought her cat bed and her bowl, but I couldn’t understand why Mom and Dad threw it away, or why they wouldn’t get a cat-flap. I just thought they were too busy to worry about Katz.” “They worry about you,” Jackson said. “Some things we need to take with us in our hearts, but you need to let her rest now, and carry on with your own life. You can make new friends.” “Is this why you brought me here? So I could see this?” “You brought yourself here,” Jackson said. “I only followed, just like Katz” Alyce frowned “But you saw Katz. When I spoke to you in the park, and in my room. She must have been there if you saw her.” By this time they had wandered back to the car. Alyce decided against taking the stone with her; Katz deserved a proper resting place in the town she was born in. Jackson leaned against the passenger door, his expression soft and oddly reassuring. Alyce was trying to fight the headache she felt approaching. “You see, Alyce, you knew in your heart that Katz had never really come with you. She died about two weeks before you were due to move and your parents wanted to bury her in the woods because she’d spent so much time there in life, and you agreed. Katz had always been an outdoors cat in her youth, don’t you remember? She came in at night to lie with you, and she came out sometimes, but you were separable. When you moved, Katz’ memory was the only familiar thing you had. You used the memories of Katz being your only friend for comfort.” “But how do you know all this? How do you know when Katz died?” “My presence isn’t as simple as Katz’. You knew she wasn’t really with you anymore but didn’t have anything in your new house to really prove it. Your parents knew you were struggling, but didn’t want to approach it, so you did it yourself; you created me. “This is why I know all this: because you do. The first time we met was after you saw the jackdaw on the skylight. Remember? I was playing the song you’d been listening to all that night. I looked like the dark pictures you painted, and sounded like the bird’s crow. You even named me Jack.” Alyce struggled to comprehend. Surely if she knew all this already it should make sense. “You never even really broke down the second time we met. You drove yourself home, after you got back in the car and there I was again,” he shrugged. “You didn’t seem to notice.” “What are you?” “I’m not sure. A hallucination, an imaginary friend, schizophrenia…I don’t know. I know I’m not a ghost. All I know is that one day I didn’t exist, then when you dreamed of a friend, I did. You made me to snap yourself back into reality.” “You call having an imaginary friend reality?” “Well, I’m not entirely fake. I’m as real as Katz if you’ll remember me.” “And Jack?” Alyce questioned, noticing the jackdaw perched on the garden wall. “He’s as real as you are” Jackson said, “I think he likes you. He’ll watch over you until you can do it yourself.” “But…what about you?” “We always knew I wouldn’t be around forever.” He shrugged. At this point he was beginning to seem more transparent, just like Katz had. “My work is done; I did what you needed me to. Katz is at rest, and you can get on with your life.” “But…you’re my friend. You can’t just leave me so far from home!” “At least you know this isn’t your home now. You’ll be okay, Alyce. You’re as tough as Katz was; you can go out exploring in the woods and still make your way home safely. You’ll be okay, Alyce…” “Alyce?” Somebody said. “It’s Alyce Katz, isn’t it?” A car had pulled up onto the drive and a young woman caring a cardboard box had gotten out. Alyce looked up and realised she was standing alone, leaned against the car, as Jackson had been. Her cheek was still smeared with dirt but it was fading as she was still crying. “Are you okay?” “Do I know you?” Alyce replied dreamily. “It’s Maggie,” said the woman “We brought your house a few months back. How silly of me, I had my hair cut, you probably don’t recognise me” “Sorry,” Alyce said, and shook Maggie's hand. “My mind was elsewhere.” “Are you alright? What are you doing here?” “I came to…to… visit the grave,” she managed at last. “Oh, of course, your little cat. Your parents told me about it, so I left the stone where it was. Such a pretty little thing” “Yes, she was,” Alyce said “Are you still unpacking?” she asked, noticing the large box. “Oh, no, we’re very much settled. This is…um, a little ‘surprise’ for the husband” Maggie lightly tapped the lid of the box, then said “Would you like to see him?” “Him?” Maggie set down the box on the hood of the car, and opened the lid, and lifted out what looked like a large fist-sized ball of cotton wool. But the ball had little ears, and a little tail, and huge blue eyes, blinking at the emerging sunshine. “Isn’t he beautiful?” Maggie asked, holding the tiny kitten to her bosom. Alyce gasped, and reached out to touch the tiny animal. He was soft and purring, and much to her surprise very much real flesh and blood. Alyce smiled softly and whispered, “He’s perfect. What’s his name?” “Oh, the breeder hadn’t named any of them. But, he’s my little angel, so I’m naming him Angelo. ‘Bit silly for a cat I know, but I think it’s dignifying” “I think so too,” Alyce agreed. Out of the corner of her eye she thought she saw a black figure, standing by the back door of her car. The figure cocked his head as if indicating the back seat. “Oh!” she said “Um…I think I have something you could use.” She jogged to the car and pulled the new cat bed off the back seat, then dashed back to Maggie. “I brought this for Katz but she never used it before she died. I think your little cat needs it more than she will,” “Oh, I couldn’t…” “Please,” Alyce said, “It would mean a lot to me.” Maggie smiled softly and saw the admiration for the kitten in the girls’ eyes. She took the bed out of Alyce’s hands with a small thank you. Alyce noticed that the black figure was no longer standing by the back door, but the Jackdaw was sitting on top of the lamppost next to her car. “It’s time for me to go.” “Well, you take care of yourself, Alyce,” Maggie said, replacing the kitten in the box. He fidgeted a little and tried to cling onto the sleeve of her jumper. “Thanks for the bed.” “You’re welcome,” Alyce nodded. “He’s going to bring you a lifetime of happiness.” * * * The drive towards home was uneventful. The back seat seemed empty, but she didn’t feel Katz’ presence any less than she had done a few hours ago, when she still believed Katz was alive. She’s still in your heart, Jackson’s voice seemed to say, and she nodded her agreement. Even if he was just an imaginary friend, he had still been a friend, and although she had created him, he made more sense than she ever had. Alyce had noticed the Jackdaw’s shadow pass over her car a few times, and she knew he was following her home, like a macabre guardian angel. She felt a short smile spread over her lips, which turned into a grin. She remembered the time when she was a child, and she and Katz were playing dress-up…and the jumper Katz was modelling - an expensive chenille number belonging to her mother - had still been on Katz when she had bolted out the cat-flap, never to be seen again. She shook her head and changed gear to turn into the park. The rain had stopped and the sun taken over. Halloween was approaching and a lot of the shop windows had black and orange displays in their windows. There was a big stack of pumpkins for sale outside the greengrocers, and a near-terrifying witch effigy in the window of the bakery, advertising ‘scarily low prices’. Alyce got out of the car and locked up without going to the back seat to let Katz out. She doubled her scarf around her neck as the wind blew stronger and made her hair take on a life of its own. She headed down the path, no longer afraid that the world would become black and she would loose control. Instead she held her head high as she walked, confidently, just as Katz had, and enjoyed the sound of the leaves and gravel crunching under her boots. As the wind spoke again, she put her hands into her coat pockets, and immediately pulled them out again, as she felt something cold and unfamiliar. Plucking up her courage, she thrust her hand back into the left pocket, and felt the object; it was quite cold and metallic, about six inches long, and she felt screws at either end. Alyce stifled a short yelp as she pulled the harmonica out of her pocket. She examined it like she had the jackdaw’s feather a few short nights ago, taking in the colour, the smell, the taste, briefly, as she blew a quiet and fumbling note. Then her fingers came across something on the underside of the harmonica. Something had been engraved into it. She read the words quietly to herself. ‘Remember the past, look to the future’ it said in italic lettering. The writing had clearly been done professionally, she told herself. Later, Alyce would ask both her mother and father when she had gotten the harmonica, but neither of them would know. She asked if one of them had had it engraved for her as a gift, perhaps when Katz died, she suggested, but again they both pleaded ignorance. Alyce puzzled briefly on how the harmonica had gotten into her pocket when she had only ever seen it in Jackson’s imaginary hands. She didn’t care to question it for long, though; on the one edge of the harmonica there was another inscription. The smile on her face from the second inscription would be certain to give her a lifetime of happiness. She read her name, ‘Alyce Katz’, followed by another, written clear as day in the metal; ‘Jackson Doors’. Alyce smiled to herself, dropping the harmonica back into her pocket followed by her hands, and she continued with a small but sufficient satisfaction along the leafy path, humming slightly as she walked away alone into the autumn afternoon.