Second Time Around
By H. A. Caine
Second Time Around
H. A. Caine
Smashwords Edition

Copyright 2012 H. A. Caine

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From Love and Pain
Smashwords Edition, License Notes

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~*~




Jamie adjusted the black and gray plaid skirt over his hips, pulling and twisting at it until the bulge at his front was no longer noticeable. Grabbing the tight white, short sleeved t-shirt he had draped over the chair by his bed; he pulled it on before stepping up to the mirror at back of his bedroom door.
He admired himself, striking random poses and making sure all his bits and pieces stayed unnoticeable.
Grabbing the black eyeliner from the top of his dresser, he applied it artfully above and below his eyes. After a moment, he decided to skip the lip gloss, figuring it would be too much.
Slipping on his all black Vans, he opened the door to his bedroom, only to find his roommate on the other side, his fist raised to knock.
John stepped back and followed him down the hallway that ran the length of their small apartment.
Stepping into the kitchen, Jamie filled a glass with tap water and stood at the counter to drink it.
"I thought you'd never be ready. I swear, Jamie, sometimes you're as bad as a female." John spoke from the doorway.
Turning to look at his roommate, and best friend of three years, Jamie simply raised his eyebrow as he finished his water. John was grinning, his eyes scanned Jamie from his shoulder length cotton candy pink hair, and made-up face and down the length of his body before returning the way it came, stopping pointedly on his waxed legs and French manicured fingers before once again resting on his face.
"Dumbass." Jamie muttered, rinsing out his glass.
John laughed, walking to the door. He donned his denim jacket, tossing Jamie his small leather one. Opening the door, he waited for Jamie to step out before turning to lock up.
Taking a moment to look his friend over, Jamie admired the fit of the dark jeans that hugged the curve of John's muscular ass. His friend was extremely good looking and knew it. Hell, the man was a model, of course he knew it.
"You look hot." he said as they turned to walk the short distance to the bank of elevators.
Pressing the down button, John swung his arm over his shoulders. "Thanks." he looked at Jamie and grinned. "You don't look too bad yourself."
Jamie rolled his eyes. "Geez thanks."
Laughing, they stepped onto the elevator and made their way down to the underground parking lot.
"So, you excited about the party?"
Sighing, Jamie looked down at himself. Of course he was excited; the party was for him after all. Years of hard work were finally paying off and he was opening up his own bakery shop. Still...
"Am I going to know any of the people there?"
"Of course you are. I wouldn't throw you a party and not invite any of your friends, Jamie, you know that." he ignored the disapproving look thrown his way in favor of stepping off the elevator and making his way down the rows of cars.
"What friends?" he muttered under his breath. Jamie wasn't stupid. He knew most people were uncomfortable around him. He didn't blame them, not really. He was different; at least he was when compared to society’s standard for what passed as normal.
Being gay was one strike against him. The fact that he enjoyed wearing women’s clothing was another one. He was also effeminate, had a soft voice and the body of a teenaged swimmer.
Again, he sighed.
"Oh, Jesus. Not this again.” John grumbled.
They stopped next to a black Turbo 911. After disabling the car alarm, John leaned across the hood, pointing a finger in his direction.
"I don't want to hear none of that crap tonight. The fact that I had to rent a damn hall to throw this party shows just how many friends you have. Sometimes I wish you'd told me where your dad lived when we first met, cause man, would I enjoy beating the crap out of him."
Climbing into the car, Jamie couldn't help but smile. John was always quick to defend him, even when he had to defend him against himself.

When they'd first met that last year of college at a campus party, John had mistaken Jamie for a female. It had only taken a few drunken gropes for him to figure out that, yes, Jamie was indeed a guy. Not that that had stopped him, no sir-ree. Drunk off his ass, he had led an equally drunk Jamie off to a dark corner, where they proceeded to give each other mutual blow jobs.
They'd woken up with there pants tangled around their ankles and a few small drops of dried cum sticking to their stomachs. It hadn't taken a genius to figure out what happened and Jamie had waited with baited breath for John to call him a faggot and pummel him near death to reassert his manliness.
Only that hadn’t happened. John read the fear on his face and instead of hitting, like Jamie assumed he would, he helped him up and took him to the Student's Center for breakfast, where he proceeded to tell Jamie that things happened; that was the point of college, and he was undeniably straight, all the while smiling and being friendlier than Jamie would have thought possible.

It never happened again, and they remained friends. When they both finished college, they got an apartment together and that was that. John was the best friend Jamie could ask for. He was completely accepting of who he was and had never tried to change him. Unfortunately, the same couldn't be said for his father.
Before he could delve further into that black pit of a thought, John was parking the car and telling him they were here.
Standing beside the car, he zipped his jacket, thankful for the felt-lining as it protected him for the freezing cold. His legs, on the other hand, quickly began to feel frozen and he made his way to the entrance of the Dance Hall as John stepped onto the sidewalk.

He followed as John led the way pass the Assistance Desk and down the deep hall full of doors. Although there were signs with announcement names on quite a few of them, but you couldn't hear anything from inside the rooms.
"Ah, here we are." John stopped at a door half way down the hall and turned to Jamie. "Remember what I said, tonight's a night to be happy and enjoy yourself. I expect nothing less. Understood?"
When Jamie just stood there John crossed his arms and stood in front of the door.
Rolling his eyes, Jamie smiled and finally nodded his head, yes.
"Good." John reached out, giving Jamie a quick hug. "I'm really proud of you."
Grinning, he pushed away from John. "I know so am I. Now, would you please open the door? I do believe there's a party going on and we're missing it."

~*~

Stepping into the room, Jamie was surprise at the number of people who were gathered there. There were pockets of activity all around the room, although the bar and buffet table seemed to be getting the most attention, he noticed as he looked around the room.
"There's no way I know all these people." There had to be almost one hundred, if not more, crowded into the room. "There's not even enough room!" he pointed out when someone elbowed him in the side as they walked by.
John looked sheepish, as he scratched at the short hairs at the back of his head. "Yeah, well. How was I supposed to know they'd all show up? I only sent out, like 150 invites. And it was short notice! I expected maybe half of them to come, if that." John looked around the room. Despite what he said, Jamie knew his friend was glad at the number of people milling around.
"150? Do I even know that many people?" he didn't mean to ask the question out loud but John turned to him, grinning.
"If you don't, you will soon."
Shaking his head, Jamie couldn't stop from grinning back. Although he was cautious about meeting new people, he couldn't help but start to feel excited.
"Okay, so who's here that I actually do know?" he stared into the crowd, trying to find familiar faces. John had moved them to the bar and ordered soft drinks for them both. John was driving and Jamie wasn't much of a drinker. Handing Jamie a club soda, he appeared to be thinking.
"I know for certain your sister is here. She called earlier to ask if she could bring a date."
"A new boyfriend?"
"I think so."
Jamie sipped his soda, fighting the urge to shake his head like the disapproving older brother he was. Lisa was always with a new boyfriend every time he saw her. This was fairly often, considering up until a few months ago they were both working at the same Pharmacy. Lisa as a pharmacist, and Jamie on the register. He now made a point to see her at least twice a week.
"Anyway, Phil and his partner are here. Your mom said she'll see if she can drop by for a little. Kathy and her daughter came. She recently turned twenty-one." John wiggled his eyebrows suggestively and Jamie laughed. Kathy was a friend of his mom and he and her daughter, Chrissie, were good friends. Since he'd introduced John to her, his friend had had the hots for her but refused to act on them until she tuned legal. Technically, she was legal when they met but John said that didn't count. He had no doubts about who his friend would be going home with tonight.
"Okay, that's six people out of 150, John. So who are the rest of them?" he asked once his laughter died down.
"I invited your Facebook friends. Since you’re so strict about only accepting requests from people who've met and like, I figured that was a safe bet. I also invited the other shop owners on your block, so you'd get a chance to meet them."
Jamie nodded his head in agreement, that was a great idea. "I've met my next door neighbors. They seem nice enough."
"Yeah, they do. The Robertsons’ seem like a nice couple."
He thought about the elderly couple that ran the little bookstore to the right of his shop. They were sweet, but if Jamie wasn't mistaken they thought he was a girl.
A tall girl.
"A few of my co-workers heard me making plans and invited themselves." John rolled his eyes. Although he was polite and decent at the studio, Jamie knew he preferred to keep his work life and his personal life separate.
"Okay, enough chit-chat. Let's party!" Jamie barely had enough time to finish his soda and place the glass on the bar top before John was grabbing his arm and dragging him into the center of the crowd.


~*~

"Did you have fun?"
At the question, Jamie lifted his head from its resting place against the window.
A jaw breaking yawn stopped him from answering. A glance at the dashboard told him it was after one in the morning. The party had lasted for almost five hours.
"Yeah, it was great. Thanks, again." he finally answered.
"So..." When John didn't continue, Jamie turned to look at him.
John's eyes flicked to his for a second, and then he refocused on the road.
"Who was that guy I saw you talking to? He looks a bit familiar." John's voice was casual but the quick glances out of the corner of his eyes were anything but.
Resisting the urge to laugh, Jamie looked back out the passenger side window.
"Matthew. He and his brother run the Home Improvement store across the street. Didn't you invite him?"
"Oh, yeah. He seemed nice, but I could've sworn his name was Clark." John sounded confused.
"Maybe you mixed up their names?" Jamie provided helpfully.
"More than likely. We only talked for about a minute." Jamie caught the quick glance John tossed him and so he wasn't surprised by his next words. "Sooo... does he know you're a guy?"
Even expecting it, Jamie couldn't have stopped himself that time, even though he tried. He burst out laughing, slapping his palm repeatedly against his naked thigh.
He knew John was serious and, in all fairness, the question really was a legit one. Still, he couldn't help it.
"Stop laughing." John muttered, trying not to chuckle himself as Jamie continued to laugh, a tear squeezing out the corner of his eye.
Trying to breathe deeply and get himself under control, Jamie giggled. "Sorry, sorry." he apologized when he could open his mouth without laughing.
John shook his head, the corner of his mouth tilting up in a small smile.
"So does he?"
Opening his mouth, he stopped himself before he could respond "Of course he knows I'm a guy."  He glanced down at himself in the seat. He looked more feminine tonight than he usually did. His legs were unblemished and shiny from his recent wax and oil on his skin and his feet looked smaller than they usually did in the all black Vans. His nails were painted pink, not to mention his hair was as well. And he knew from looking in the mirror before they had left home that the eyeliner made his eyes seem brighter. Tonight, more than ever, he could be mistaken for a tall, flat chest girl.
He bit his lip. The more he thought about it, the more he was certain Matthew had no idea he was a guy.
Which meant the man was straight. And he'd only flirted with Jamie because he'd thought he was a girl.
Crap!
He heard a sigh beside him. "He doesn't know, does he?"
Jamie shook his head in the negative. "I don't think so."
"Did you like him?"
"He was really nice."
"And you're sure he doesn't know?"
"You didn't, and I was wearing jeans."
"Crap."
Slumping down in his seat and crossing his arms over his chest, Jamie let his head thump against the window pane, deciding that was exactly what he felt like.

~*~

He sat at the small breakfast table in his apartment. John had already left for work and other than rewashing the as yet unused dessert plates and coffee cups at the bakery; Jamie had no plans for the day.
Tomorrow was his Grand Opening and Jamie couldn't wait for it to get here. His plan was to get there early, maybe around 4am so he could start the pies and cakes and prepare the cookies. He already knew how he wanted the display cases to be and his two employees were due to arrive at six. Together they'd help him get everything ready and at seven the doors would open.
He prayed everything would go according to plan. He worked really hard to get where he was and he didn't know what he'd do if everything crashed and burned in the upcoming months.
Sighing, he did his best to push the matter from his mind. He'd done everything he could to be ready, now all he could do was sit back and let the pieces fall where they may.
Deciding he needed to get out for a little while, he dressed in a pair of tight fitting dark gray jeans, his black Vans and a black shirt. His hair he combed out, leaving it to fall around his face. After applying a little eyeliner and some clear lip gloss, he grabbed his jacket and headed out the door.

He made his way down the single aisle, picking through the bags of chips, boxes of cookies and prepackaged cakes. He wasn't looking for anything in particular, just some snacks to munch on later. Finally deciding on cream puffs and saltine crackers he headed to the counter in the small deli and paid for his items.
Exiting the store, he thought for a second before turning left down the street.
His bakery was only a few blocks away, why not head over and make sure he wasn't forgetting anything? Oh, he knew he'd taken care of all the big things. But it was the hundreds of little things that seemed to slip his mind until the very last minute and he didn't want to end up rushing five minutes before opening to get everything in place.
He couldn't remember if he'd put toilet paper in the bathrooms or if he'd remember to put up the little sign on the door letting people know he'd be open for business tomorrow.
As he turned the corner, he could see the logo on the business sign.
"DELIGHTFUL SINS" in a cherry red, script font stood out against an all-black background. Next to the words an angel dressed in a white gown, with little horns on his head and a small tail that curled around his legs, was depicted taking a bite out of a cupcake.
Subconsciously, Jamie's back straightened and his chin lifted. He was proud of himself. In the past few years there had been times when he wasn't sure if he would make it. He had even seriously considered giving it all up and going back to school to learn whatever he needed to get a normal, boring, nine-to-five job like everyone else. If not for the support of those who cared about him, he was sure he wouldn't be where he was today.
Maybe he didn't have a lot of friends, but Jamie realized he rather have a handful of people who loved and cared for him, than a hundred friends who wouldn't hesitate to talk behind his back or use him to better themselves.
Switching the grocery bag to his left hand, Jamie positioned the door key in the lock and twisted it open. Stepping inside, he let the door whisper shut behind him as he walked behind the counter, setting his bag down and turning to face the room. Dusting his hands together in a business-like manner, he grinned. "Let's see what we can do."

Moving around the room, positioning this and that until it was just so, Jamie was startled by the sound of the bells jingling over the door as it opened behind him.
Turning, he stood staring as Matthew, the man he'd met at the party the night before, stepped inside, a killer smile aimed his way.
"Hey, I saw you were open and thought I'd stop by." Matthew said, standing just inside the doorway.
"Oh, um, hi. How are you?" Jamie wasn't exactly sure what to say. What were you suppose to say when a guy you liked thought you were a girl?
Chuckling softly, Matthew's gaze swept the storefront. "I'm good. This place looks nice."
Looking around himself, Jamie had to agree. The country redwood colored tiles went nicely with the soft pumpkin paint color he'd chosen for the walls and the off-white tables and chairs blended perfectly with the warm colors. The room wasn't overly cluttered; ten round tables with three chairs each were spaced randomly around the room. A magazine rack stood empty by the counter, waiting for the newspapers to arrive in the morning. There were two Neoregelia plants in the corners, and a few colorful paintings of nature, that he had found at a stoop sale, hanging on the walls.
All in all, Jamie thought he had done a good job with the place.
"Thank you. I like it." Jamie blushed, hoping that didn't sound as unappreciative of the compliment to Matthew as it did to him.
Again, Matthew chuckled. "So. What are you doing here? You don't open until tomorrow, right?" he stuffed his hands into his pocket.
Huh. If he didn't know better, Jamie would've thought the guy was nervous.
"Yeah, seven tomorrow. I didn't have any plans for the day, so I thought I'd come by and see if there was anything I could do. If I leave all for tomorrow morning, I'll be rushing and God only knows what I'll forget to do." he smiled sheepishly, walking to the counter. Putting the window cleaner he had used to wipe down the table beneath the counter, he discarded the wet towel he was holding in the garbage bin. "I actually just finished up here." he held his breath, hoping Matthew would hear the invitation in his voice and takes him up on it. He wasn't an idiot, he knew nothing would be happening between them, not while Matthew was under the impression that Jamie was a woman, but that didn't stop Jamie from wanting to hang out and get to know the guy better.
If nothing came of it, at least he would have made a new friend.
He smiled.
For a second, Matthew stared at him before turning to the door. Before opening it, he glanced back and smiled. "Well, I should be going. Got to get back to the store before Clark starts bitching that my lunch break is only an hour, not an hour and a half." he grinned, then continued. "I'll be sure to stop in tomorrow. Bye, Jamie." he walked out, the door swinging shut behind him to he sound of soft jingles.
Unable to stop his sigh of disappointment from leaving his mouth, Jamie drooped across the counter, his forehead resting on his outstretched arms. Damn.

~*~

Pushing the register closed, Jamie handed the impatient teenaged boy standing across the counter from him his change before greeting the middle-aged lady standing in line behind him.
He couldn't believe how well the day had gone. He had been worried at first, when they'd been open for over an hour and had not a single costumer, that maybe the flyers and online announcements that he'd organized over the last two months hadn't been enough to generate interest in the little bakery. But soon enough, people started walking in. Only a few at first but soon enough half the tables were full, and even if people weren't buying as many baked goods as he'd wished, he knew they were doing okay with coffee and tea refills.
Besides, it was only the first day. While he wanted to make a ton of money today, he knew that was completely unrealistic and was happy with the amount of business they had gotten. He had to put Charlie on the register by noon to make more muffins and croissants, when the handful of dozens he'd made that morning were gone.
So yeah, all in all, Jamie was happy.
At least, that's what he told himself.
The bakery was closing in an hour, and there was still no sign of Matthew. He knew it was stupid of him self to be disappointed, but he couldn't help it.
After all, the man had said that he would stop in today.
Turning his attention back to his customer, he handed her a plain white box with the bakery's logo on it and a small bag of napkins and icing packets.

"Okay, I'll see you guys tomorrow. Don't forget to flip the sign on your way out." Jamie scrubbed at the greasy cookie sheet in the sink.
"Got it, Boss." Charlie called on his way out the kitchen as Katie said goodbye.
He listened for the jingle of bells out front, before returning to the pile of dishes in front of him.
Katie had washed most of the dirty plates and cups throughout the day as Charlie tended to the customers that opted to eat in and take advantage of the quiet and peacefulness.
Rinsing off the soap suds from his hands he turned off the water before grabbing a hand towel and wiping down the inside of the sink. Hanging it to dry, he was organizing the dish rack when he heard the bells above the entrance.
Pushing through the single swinging door, he was calling out "Sorry, we're closed." before he saw who was standing at the counter.
"Hey." Matthew smiled.
"Hi, Matthew." Maybe it was nothing, but Jamie thought he looked a little self-conscious. Or maybe just plain uncomfortable.
"Uh, yeah. I saw the closed sign on the door. Sorry I didn't stop by earlier."
"Huh? Oh, that's okay… are you okay?"
Jamie watched as Matthew, seeming to realize he was acting oddly, stood up straight. Or straighter. Was he really that tall yesterday?
"Yeah, yeah. I'm fine." When he smiled this time, Jamie thought that it looked forced.
"So, if you're finished here, do you want to go get a coffee?" he eyes shot to the espresso machine behind the counter. "Or something else?" he offered.
"Well I'm meeting my roommate, John. He’s supposed to be here any minute. But if you want, I can make us coffee here?" Maybe there was a reason for Matthew's odd behavior but even if there wasn't Jamie still wanted to get to know the man better.
"That'd be great." The smile reached the brown eyes this time. Unlike yesterday, the sunlight was shining into the room from outside and Jamie figured that was why Matthew's eyes didn't look like the same warm, melted chocolate they had yesterday.
Grabbing two paper cups, Jamie filled them and passed one to Matthew before gesturing to one of the tables in the middle of the room that still had its chairs down.
They sat and talked about nothing in particular. Jamie laughed as he listened to Matthew telling him about the pranks him and his brother played on each other.
"So then he switched out his number with our moms', and let me tell you she did not appreciate that picture. Her response was 'I diapered, changed and washed it for eight years; I do not need to be seeing it now. Send me another picture like that and I will remind you are never too old to get it kicked!' when I saw him the next day... ah, well that's another story." Matthew grinned and Jamie couldn't help but think on how handsome he was.
His long black locks shined, giving the appearance of glistening dark waters. His jaw was strong and Jamie noticed a small, almost invisible scar on reaching from the left side of it up towards the man's thin red lips. But still, something was missing.
"Matt-" Jamie's phone rang and he took it out of his pocket, glancing at the screen before clicking the connect button. "Hey, John. Where are you?"
"Sorry, I got caught up at work and lost track of time. I'm a block away. Do you mind waiting outside so I don't have to look for parking?"
"Yeah, sure. Not a problem." Disconnecting, Jamie stood and pushed his chair in.
He looked at Matthew.
"I'm sorry, that was John. I have to go."
Matthew had stood with Jamie and was shaking his head. "No, it’s not a problem. This was great, I like talking to you." he picked up their cups and tossed them in the garbage by the door before opening the door for Jamie.
"One second." Jamie ran behind the counter a flipped off all the lights. The bathroom lights were already off.
Walking back to the door, he blushed as Matthew bowed slightly, imitating a doorman at a fancy hotel. "After you." Matthew grinned.
Locking the door once Matthew stepped out, Jamie turned to him.
Before he could say anything, he was pulled into strong arms and a mouth was pushing down on his. The touch was forceful and despite the strength behind it, all Jamie felt was gentleness.
Moaning softly, he twined his arms around Matthew's neck, pulling himself up into the kiss.
Softly, lips ghosted over his, coaxing his mouth open before the tip of a tongue flicked his bottom lip. He opened his mouth more. With a quiet groan, Matthew plunged his tongue inside, licking at his teeth before venturing deeper inside.
Jamie pulled back, gasping for breath. He couldn't believe this was happening.
Matthew wrapped a hand in his hair and tilted his head back, kissing him once again. Jamie clenched his hands on the hard shoulders beneath his hands convulsively. Distantly, the thought crossed his mind that this was not the kind of kiss that should be taking place in public but he was too wrapped up in what was happening to pay it any mind.
Matthew slid his free hand into Jamie's back pocket and pulled him closer. Their bottom halves connected and Jamie sucked hard on the tongue filling his mouth when he felt the erection pulsing against him through two pairs of jeans. He rubbed his own hard cock against Matthew's.
In the next second the warm, hard body pushing against his froze. 
It took him a minute to register that Matthew had stopped kissing him, but when it did, he pulled back.
He stared into Matthew's face, recognizing shock and confusion as the expressions caused the man's face to contort.
"Matthew?"
Matthew shook his head, his gaze focusing on Jamie as he stepped back. "What the... you're a... a guy?! But you... and... Jesus, that's just fucking wrong!"
Jamie's eyes widen and he backed into the door behind him. The anger in Matthew's voice scared him and he cringed. This was the part where Matthew hit him.
But he didn't.
He looked at Jamie as he flinched against the door and disgust crossed his face. He turned and took off down the block in the direction of his shop.

Jamie let his weight fall against the door, sliding until he was seated on the sidewalk. He looked out towards the street, spotting John who was double-parked right in front of him.
John got out of the car and walked to him.
Grabbing the hand held out to him, Jamie let himself be pulled to his feet and led to the passenger side door. Getting in, he buckled the seatbelt and waited while john went around the front and started the car up, pulling into traffic.
"Did you see?" Jamie's voice was quiet in the car.
"Yeah." John was just as quiet.
"All of it?"
He ignored the hand John put on his knee.
"Yeah."

~*~

Two Weeks Later
Jamie watched the dark swirls of blue tinted water spin down the drain in the bathroom sink. Turning his head to the side, he spotted John standing in the open doorway.
"Hey. Give me a hand here, would you?" he nodded to the small packet of hair conditioner sitting on the counter beside the open bottle of shampoo.
Sighing, John walked over; ripping open the packet and pouring the yellowish cream into his palm he massaged it into Jamie's hair.
Tipping his head downwards, Jamie closed his eyes and tried not to breathe deeply as the warm water washed over his head and John rinsed the residual; hair color and conditioner out of his hair and squeezed the excess water out.
"There you go." John grabbed Jamie around the waist and assisted him to stand.
Grabbing the edges of the towel and wrapping them around his head, Jamie scrubbed at his hair, turning to John. "Thanks."
"Yeah, no problem." John turned for the door, his body stiff.
"Is something wrong?" Jamie asked before John could disappear down the hall towards his room.
He watched as John paused in the doorway, but didn't turn around to face him.
They stood there for a minute and Jamie could hear John mumbling something to his self, but he was too far to make out the words.
Finally, John turned to him, a mask of determination etched onto his handsome face.
"Why blue?" was all he asked, his arms crossed intimidatingly over his chest.
Confused, Jamie could feel his eyebrows wrinkling as he continued to dry his hair, faint marks of blue staining the towel as he rubbed his ends dried. "Huh?" he wasn't sure he had heard John correctly.
"Why'd you dye your hair blue?" John leaned back against the door frame.
"Because it's a nice color and I figured it was time for a change." he drawled, his voice revealing his confusion.
But John was already shaking his head silently, walking towards him. He didn't stop until they were nose to nose, John's eyes narrowed as he stared into Jamie's.
"The real reason." his voice was quiet.
Swallowing, Jamie looked away taking step back.
"I told you already. I thought-"
He cut off, staring down at John's big hands wrapped around his own. He had subconsciously begun to wring the damp towel between his hands and John stilled the nervous action.
"Jamie." he winced. The sympathy he heard in that voice annoyed him.
So what if the one guy he liked thought he was weird. So what if he freaked out on him and left him standing on the side walk like an idiot.
So what if it had been two weeks and he hadn't seen hide or hair of Matthew.
It wasn't like he cared. Really, he didn't.
Jamie sighed. Even he couldn't believe that lie.
Remaining silent, he watched as one of John's hands left his. A second later, a hand wrapped around the back of Jamie's head and he allowed himself to be pulled to his friend's chest, John's hand petting the wet strands of hair against the back of his neck.
"It's your moon ring." The words were quiet and Jamie almost didn't hear them, he was too busy trying not to cry, although he knew John wouldn't judge him. Would, in fact, let him cry onto his shoulder and then pretend it didn't happen, since Jamie preferred it that way.
"Huh?" he asked pulling back. He wiped the drops of water off the back of his neck with the towel he still held in his hand.

Smiling softly, John stepped back. "Your hair. It's like a mood ring. You dye it a different color whenever something is bothering you. Or makes you really happy."
"No, I don't." Yeah, he did. Jamie knew he did but he would have never guessed that John had noticed.
He tilted his head to the side, staring at his friend. He really didn't give the model enough credit sometimes.
"Uh-huh. Remember when you said you were never going to drink again? You dyed your hair white to proclaim your 'innocence'. You lasted until your roots changed back. And then that other time, when you swore off men. You went dark green, to show how 'sick of men' you were. And then there was that time you-"
"Okay! Okay! You made you're point. Sheesh." Jamie toed the ground, knowing his face was flaming red in embarrassment.
John laughed, grabbing his arm and leading him into the living room. Once there, he pushed Jamie down, forcing him to sit on the couch, before seating himself next to him.
They sat there in silence for no longer than a minute when John exhaled a loud, and to Jamie, completely unnecessary, gust of breath.
"So? Why'd you pick blue? Dark blue, actually. Dark, dark blue. You see where I'm going with this?"
Jamie sighed, fighting the urge to roll his eyes.
"I'm not depressed, John."
When John only stared at him, his face revealing his disbelief, Jamie shook his head and forced himself to stare John in the eyes.
"I am not depressed. Yes, I'm sad. I really liked him, John. We had fun together." he held up his hand before he could be interrupted. "Yes, I know we didn't spend that much time together. But haven't you ever met anyone and just thought, 'Wow. That's them. That's the one.'?"
He went to hold up his hand again, but John pushed it aside and nodded solemnly.
"Yeah, I have. You." Jamie's eyes widen but before he could panic John grinned widely and started laughing. "But then I noticed you weren’t a woman! Besides, you make a much better friend." he patted Jamie on the arm and motioned for him to continue.
Shaking his head at his friend's antics, Jamie sighed. "It hurt when he reacted the way he did. I mean, okay, I can understand that it would come as a shock. But after the amazing conversation we had-"
"Don't forget that sex-charged kissed." John reminded helpfully.
As if Jamie could forget that. Jamie would be fantasizing about those five minutes for a long time.
"- I thought, y'know, that maybe there was something special there." he continued, not acknowledging John's words.
"And what? You plan on just giving up? That's it? He freaked so instead of trying to talk to him, you go and dye your hair blue to declare your 'lack of hope for the future' to the world?"
As the words continued to fall from John's lips, Jamie stared at the man seated beside him in surprise. If it was anyone else, he'd feel like he was being attacked but he knew this was his friend's way of attempting to goad him into doing something.
Finally, John stopped, and Jamie took the chance to shake his head, no.
"Why should I force myself on someone who so obviously wants nothing to do with me? You think I want to give up, but you're wrong. It's been two weeks, John, and I haven't seen him, at all. I haven't heard a word and I have no way to contact him." Jamie shook his head again, dispirited.
"Did you go to his shop? Maybe his brother could help you out." John suggested.
"Of course, I-" Jamie shut up as he realized, of course he did not go to the brothers' Home Improvement Store.
It was such an obvious thing, you'd think it would have been the first thing he did but it never even crossed his mind.
He slapped himself on the forehead, hard.
"You didn't, did you?" he could detect the faint trace of laughter in the voice and it made Jamie blush. He shook his head, mute.
"Well, then maybe you should. Who knows? Maybe things aren't as bad as you think they are.”
Sighing, Jamie fought back the snort that was tickling at the back of his nose for escape. "You were there. You saw what happened. If things aren't 'as bad as I think', then I'm not sure what they are."
John stood, sighing. Turning to the kitchen, he spoke over his shoulder.
"I still think you should-"
KNOCK! KNOCK!
They both froze, staring at the door.
KNOCK! KNOCK!
"Jamie! Jamie!"
Changing angles and grinning widely, John made his way to the door.
The loud rapping of knuckles on the door continued.
"Ja-!" the door opened and the person on the other side cut off.
John turned to the couch, holding the door wide open, his head cocked in the direction of the man standing on the other side of the doorframe, fist raised in mid-knock.
"I still think you should talk to him."

With that, Jamie watched as his roommate walked out the door, pushing Matthew inside and closing the door firmly behind him.
The soft click resounded in the quiet apartment and Jamie watched as Matthew started to fidget, avoiding eye contact with him.
Five minutes passed and still, Matthew said nothing, remaining where he was.
Jamie sighed. It looked like it would be up to him. He wasn't sure what he was supposed to say; only that he had to say something. The room was full of tension and he didn't like being uncomfortable in his own home.
"Do you want-" Jamie started to ask.
"Look I-"
They stopped, Matthew smiling softly. He took a step towards Jamie before motioning towards the couch, asking permission to sit.
Jamie nodded, swallowing nervously.
A bag he hadn't noticed was placed on the floor in front of Jamie as Matthew sat closer to him than Jamie would have expected.
Again, silence filled the house.
"Look-" Jamie began, his nerves getting to him.
He didn't know what to expect.
Why was he here? It had been two weeks, Jamie had been sure he wouldn't be laying eyes on the gorgeous man anytime soon.
And now here they were, Jamie trying to prepare himself for the worst; whatever that may be and Matthew looking like he was trying to build up the courage to say something.
His mouth kept opening but then he'd shake his head and close it. Then do it all over again.
Jamie shook his own head, "Why are you here?" he asked, unable to take the suspense any longer.
"I know you're a guy!" Matthew blurted out, his face turning red.
"Yeah, I think that would have been hard to deny, considering." he made a vague gesture, unable to bring himself to say the words out loud.
It hurt to think of the way Matthew had pulled away from him at the feel of his erection pressed against the man's own. He didn't think he could bear saying it out loud.
"No." Matthew shook his head hard, the short ends of his hair slapping the side of his jaw.
"I mean, I knew you were a man. Before that."
He couldn't help it. Jamie snorted. "Really? No offense, but that's hard to believe." his arms crossed over his chest, Jamie tried to ignore the way Matthew winced at the nasty tone to his words.
"That's what I'm trying to explain. I have a brother-" 
"I already know that." Jamie interrupted.
Matthew nodded his head. Looking at Jamie, he could see the apprehension enter his eyes as he continued to stare at Jamie.
"See, I have a twin brother-"
"That's convenient." Jamie muttered, leaning back against the arm of the couch behind him, putting space between himself and Matthew in the process.
Matthew nodded. One hand rose from his lap and rubbed a t the bridge of his nose. "He said you'd say that."
"What's his name?" the question was asked in the hopes of catching Matthew in a lie.
It wasn't the nicest thing to do, but Jamie had to protect himself.
It may hurt, but he knew he could handle the rejection from earlier and after a while, he would move passed it.
It was Matthew showing up here, feeding him hope that maybe, just maybe, they could salvage something he thought was lost to them.
It wouldn't be so easy to get over the rejection this time, when Matthew snatched it away.
"His name's Clark. He's a few minutes older than me."
Jamie froze. Hadn't John said something about a Clark the night of the party?
When Jamie had told him the guy he was talking to was named Matthew, John had said he had invited Clark.
At the time, Jamie simply assumed that John had mistaken.
What if... what if Matthew was telling the truth?
Still, Jamie didn't understand what his brother had to do with them.
"Why are you telling me this?" he asked, tired of trying to figure it out in his head when it would be so much easier if he just asked.
For a second, Matthew just stared at him. "You believe me?" his voice betrayed his shock.
"That depends. What does he have to do with any of this?" he knew he believed him about having a brother named Clark. And considering that John had insisted Matthew's name was Clark, the twin factor wasn't unbelievable.
But still.
Jamie wasn't ready to give in just yet.
He watched silently as Matthew breathed deeply before speaking.
"After the talk we had the day after the party, I went to work. As always, Clark was nosy and asked what was up."
Matthew looked away quickly before meeting Jamie's eyes again. "He asked me if my mood had anything to do with the 'pretty girl' I was talking to at the party. I didn't answer him and I assumed he dropped the matter. Until the next day."
Jamie sighed. He had an idea where this was going. Matthew next words confirmed it.
"You have to understand, I had no idea he was going to do that. He didn't know I was gay, I never knew how to tell him and he's always so busy with the store. He hardly noticed the lack of females in and out of my life." Matthew grabbed his hands, turning in his seat, his left leg folded up on the couch.
Licking his lips, Jamie squeezed his hands slightly.
"You didn't know he would do what?" he asked quietly.
His heart was beating rapidly and he was praying that Matthew's explanation wouldn't disappoint him.
"Pretend to be me! He's never done-"
"Wait, what? You mean that wasn't you that..." Jamie trailed off, unsure how to end his question.
Matthew looked shocked for a moment, before shaking his head repeatedly, speaking all the while. "No! No, no, no, no, no. I wouldn't do that! Like I said, I already knew you were a guy. I mean it wasn't hard to miss your. Um..." Matthew made a vague gesture towards Jamie's lap, obviously embarrassed, before continuing. "In your skirt."
Jamie blushed. He looked down shyly, before lifting his gaze back to Matthew as he continued to explain.
"Clark has never done that before. I asked him why, but he refused to answer. My only guess is my reluctance to tell him who you were piqued his interest." he watched as Matt shrugged helplessly.
"If you were so reluctant to talk to him about me, how did he know where to find me?"
Jamie had begun to believe Matthew's story but that small flaw in his reasoning shot that chance to hell.
Sheepishly, Matthew ran a hand threw the hair at the back of his neck, refusing to meet Jamie's eyes.
"Ah, well. Clark saw me go into your bakery the day before and when I came back he said I had the same smile on my face from the party."
Sitting up straight, Matthew stared earnestly into Jamie's eyes, holding firmly onto Jamie's hand still in his grasp.
"I would have come over sooner or tried to talk to you at the bakery but I had to work things out with my brother. It took me days to get him to talk to me. I thought he was angry I was gay but it turned out he was hurt I hadn't told him. We just got things smoothed over between us."
Matthew shifted closer to Jamie on the couch.
"Do you think you can give me a second chance, Jamie?" he asked hopefully.
"Jamie looked down at their hands clasped together, Matthew's hold on him tight. He looked back up at him and stared into eyes the perfect shade of melted chocolate.
He smiled.
"Yeah, I think I can do that."
A relieved gust of air escaped Matthew and he released one of Jamie's hands and reached for the bag on the floor, handing it to Jamie.
Curious, Jamie grabbed the small red gift bag and peeked inside.
A white teddy bear holding a heart lay snuggled in amongst a few layers of tissue paper.
Pulling the bear out, he laughed when he read the heart.
‘Be Mine’ was written in script with a question mark drew on with a black marker at the end.
"Where did you find a Valentine's bear in the middle of the summer?"
Chuckling, Matthew kissed him on the cheek.
"Surprisingly, it wasn't that hard."
Jamie turned his face to him, smiling, and kissed him softly on his lips.

###

The End


About the Author

H. A. Caine remains in her hometown of Brooklyn, New York. She has hopes of becoming a great write and one day opening her own bakery. She even has the name and layout already decided. Currently, she has self-published From Love and Pain on Smashwords. Among other projects, she is working on her first series, Boys in Love. The first book, Letting Go, will be available later this year.


Contact me Online:

Twitter: @H_ACaine
Blog: cainebooks.wordpress.com
Facebook: facebook.com/H.A.Caine
Goodreads: H. A. Caine