Sometimes Love Isn't Enough
By India Jade Smith
Copyright 2012 India Jade Smith
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All characters appearing in this book are fictitious. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead is purely coincidental.
Sometimes Love Isn't Enough
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Chapter 1
Kimberly
As soon as I heard the front door close, I quickly rushed to put my husband’s food on the table. He had told me this morning that he’d wanted fried chicken, green beans, and mashed potatoes so I made him exactly that. When he reached the kitchen, he wrapped an arm around my waist and kissed me. I accepted his kiss willingly; at this point, I was ecstatic for any form of affection from him. 
“Hey, baby,” Dwayne said after our lips parted. 
“Hi,” I said with a small yet warm smile. “I have your plate right here.” I added making a nervous gesture at his plate on the wooden table. 
“Mmm, thank you,” He said, taking a seat. I handed him a fork, but he sat it down to dig right into his chicken. I watched him sample everything. I wanted to be sure that he liked it. After he tasted everything on his plate, he looked up at me and smiled. “This is good, girl, you did your thing on this right here.”
“Thank you,” I smiled. “Do you want something to drink?”
“Some Pepsi, if you don’t mind.” He said, returning to his food.
“Okay, baby.” I went to the fridge and took out the two-liter bottle of Pepsi and poured him a glass with some ice. I went back to the table and placed the glass in front of him. “Here you go, baby.” 
“Thanks,” Dwayne said, but he didn’t look up from his plate. 
After I was satisfied that he had everything he needed, I went back to the living room to finish up the cleaning I was doing. I began wiping the dust from the television with a dry rag and some Pledge spray.
 He’s in a good mood today, which is fantastic for me. I wasn’t in the mood for another random fight. His work must have gone well. He has been under so much stress lately. Every day he would come home and barely look at me unless he wanted me to do something for him. He’s been popping attitudes and yelling at me for every little thing and for absolutely nothing. Now he’s kissing me and being all polite. I hope this lasts. I can’t stand another argument. The other night he snapped on me because I came into the living room while he was watching TV and asked him what was bothering him. That night he had actually raised his hand at me. He didn’t hit me, but he raised his hand. When he realized what he almost did, he simply walked away, and we haven’t mentioned it since them. He actually had hit me many times before, when we had first gotten married. I remember how he used to say that it would never happen again, and I believed him. Even though it always had happened again. And again and again and again.  It used to be so bad that he would slap me across the face just because he felt like it. The way things are now is how it had first gotten started. 
He was always angry. Then he was always yelling. Then he was hitting me. I forced myself to stop thinking about it as I felt tears begin to well up in my eyes. That was the past and he was never going to that again. He promised me he wouldn’t, and he had kept his promise. I sighed to myself. I just wanted him to be as loving and as attentive as he used to be. 
I was now vacuuming the floor when Dwayne came up and hugged me from behind. He kissed me on the neck and then inhaled my perfume. 
“You smell so good,” He said as he kissed my neck some more. I tingled a little. I really missed him; I really missed this.
“Dwayne,” I said, trying to get my cleaning done. I didn’t want to deny him what I knew he wanted, but if I didn’t finish cleaning now, I’m not gonna do it at all. 
“Hmm,” He murmured again my skin. He squeezed me tighter against him so that my behind pressed against his growing erection. I squirmed a little. Since we’d been fighting, we haven’t been getting “active” so this actually did have an effect on me.
“Baby, I’m working,” I told him as firmly as my body would allow. I was trembling a bit; his kisses felt so good.
“Wouldn’t you rather work with me?” Dwayne asked gently. I know he was smiling at his little line, but I wasn’t hearing that.
“Baby, come on,” I started but I couldn’t even get the words out before he spun me around and kissed me so sweetly I sighed when he pulled away. 
I knew I was gonna give in so I might as well just let it happen now. I wrapped my arms around his neck and accepted more of his kisses. He took my hand and started to lead me to the bedroom. I dropped the rag and the Pledge spray on the floor where I stood as he eagerly led me upstairs. 
He pulled me onto the bed with him and then got on top of me. He was so big compared to my tiny body. I was barely 5’2” and he was a giant 6’3”. He was over a foot taller than me and at least a hundred pounds heavier. He pushed my skirt up and pulled my panties down. He loosened his belt and pushed his pants down just enough to pull out his dick. He sat up on his knees and began to slowly stroke himself. I knew exactly what he wanted.
I positioned myself between his legs and made him lie back. I licked his tip, and he shifted a little. Then I wrapped my mouth around the head of his member and slowly took in his length. He groaned a little as I took all of him inside my mouth. As much as I didn't want to admit it, he wasn't that big so I wasn't really deep throating anything. It was easy to take him in without gagging. I bobbed my head up and down on him slowly at first and then faster. I stroked his base with my hand. It didn't take long for him to cum. I meant to move, but he came into my mouth before I had the chance to. I spit what was in my mouth onto the floor and looked up at his satisfied face. He wiped himself off with the Kleenex on the nightstand and then laid me down on the bed. 
"Why don't you do me?" I suggested. He never did. I'll do it for him, but he won't ever do it for me. 
"Come on, baby, you know I don't like doing that." He said as he positioned his tip at the opening of my womanhood. "That's what this is for." Then he pushed inside of me. I grabbed his shoulders as he started thrusting into me. I began to moan and to "beg him not to stop". I always fake it with him or should I say for him. I wouldn't want to bruise his ego so I allow him to believe he was wearing me out. He could never tell the difference, because this is exactly what he wants me to do. It makes him sick when I’m not moaning and screaming like an adult film star. 
I didn’t always fake it with him, but lately I had been. I lifted my hips, trying to draw him as deep into me as his five-inch dick would allow. I wanted to grab as much pleasure from this as I could. I never really enjoyed sex with him, but I did it anyway. I did it because my mother taught me to keep my man pleased. I still missed this intimacy; being close to him. I pictured fantasies in my mind, imagining myself trapped in a dark room that just happened to have a king-sized bed in it with some sexy stranger who wanted me to enjoy these last moments just in case we didn't make it out. My moans grew louder as the fantasy went on. I always fantasized. Morris Chestnut was usually the star of my fantasies.  
Dwayne began to pound really fast inside of me as if he wanted to push out of the back of me. I squeezed his shoulders trying to keep myself from screaming out in pain rather than fake pleasure. I found myself begging him to come in my mind. Finally he began to slow down, and I felt him stiffen on top of me as he came. I looked over at the digital alarm clock on the nightstand as he collapsed on the bed beside me. His record time: about four and a half minutes. 
“That was so good, baby.” He said, out of breath. “I know you loved it. You were louder than usual.”
“Mmm-hmm,” I murmured. He usually did this after we finished, and I was sure to stroke his ego. “You were amazing.” I added. 
I had trained myself to keep my voice steady, but truthfully I was feeling sore. I lay practically still on the bed as I allowed my body to relax. It felt like he literally tried to break me in half. 
Moments later, Dwayne got up out of the bed and kissed my forehead before he went into the bathroom. He looked so cocky as if he were amazing. I love him, but he ain't all that. I was surprised to hear the door lock. I had to look up and listen. I heard him take off his belt and then I heard a lot of things begging moved around. I kept hearing things fall on the floor. He was looked for something, and he obviously couldn't find it. 
"Uh, Kim," Dwayne called to me from the bathroom. 
"Yes," I called back, not moving from my spot on the bed. 
"Did you move my shaving kit?" He asked me. I had in fact moved his shaving kit, because he had it under the sink with the cleaning products so it made it looked cluttered under there. What I wanted to know was why he needed a shaving kit at six o' clock at night. 
"Yeah, it's in the cabinet with all your other stuff." I told him, still listening. I heard him open the cabinet and then moments later, close it. "Why do you need to shave at night? Are you going somewhere?"
"Naw," He said. "I just need to look fresh for my woman."
"Hmm," I said, but that still sounded suspicious. Something isn't right with this. He never worried about how he looked any other time, yet he does now. I got out of bed and went to the door. I gently pressed my ear to it as I pulled my skirt down properly. I heard the sound of skin smack or something. Maybe he hit himself on the arm? Then I heard a groan. He couldn't possibly be masturbating, not right after sex. That really hurt my feelings. I guess I'm not the only one faking it. 
"Babe," I said, knocking on the door. "I need to use the bathroom."
"Alright," Dwayne said after some time and he sniffled a bit. Seconds later I heard the cabinet close and the door unlock. Dwayne stepped out of the bathroom without facing me. He made a ridiculously huge effort not to show me his face. He deliberately kept his head down as he made his way out of the bathroom and then out of the room. 
The moment the bedroom door closed, I went straight into the bathroom and retrieved his shaving kit. I opened it and riffled through it. It was nothing but razors, shaving cream, combs, an electric razor, and those little Band-Aid things. Maybe he really did shave, of course I wouldn't know because he wouldn't show me his face. 
I guess I'll just leave it alone for now. I still have somewhere to be. I slipped out of my clothes to get ready for a shower. Wearing only my bra, I began collecting my bath things. After I had everything I needed, I took off my bra and stepped into the shower. 
In about an hour, I was bathed and dressed in a pink blouse, black jeans, and pink calf-high boots. I didn't want to look too dressy, but I wanted to wear pink so I could wear my new boots. They were warm for the snow and also cute. I grabbed my purse and headed downstairs. I glanced around for Dwayne to find him watching television. 
"Dwayne," I called to him from the living room doorway. He glanced up at me, looking slightly drowsy, but then he looked away.
"Yeah," He said, he still wasn't meeting my eyes.
"I'm taking your car." I told him. I wasn't being smart, but my car is currently unavailable so he knows we have to share his car for a few days.
"What's wrong with your car?" He asked, sounding almost angry.
"You already know my car is in the shop. Why are you saying this now?" Now I was angry. I didn't want to play games.
"Oh, sorry." Dwayne apologized. He rubbed his nose and sniffled. He looked like he was getting a cold. Now I was thinking about how I was just kissing him; I bet not get sick too. “You know, matter of fact, why don’t you stay home?” He continued and I rolled my eyes at him.
“Because you know my girls and I only get together once a week and sometimes it’s barely that. You knew for over a week now that I was going out tonight so what’s the problem?”
“The problem is that you are running out here to hang with your little friends rather than staying home in the house with your husband where you belong.” He said and I sighed deeply. Here we go with this again.
“Dwayne, I’m here all day. All I do is cook and clean and run errands and take care of you. I want to go out and get some time in with my girls rather sitting in the house doing nothing.”
“Since when did spending time with me become nothing?” 
“Dwayne, don’t start. You already knew I was leaving. Why are you trying to control what I do?”
“I’m not controlling you, but I’m your husband. I want you here with me. Shit, can’t I get some fucking alone time with my wife?”
“I never said you couldn’t, but I need alone time with my girls just as much as I need alone time with you. You already convinced me not to go last week and now you don’t want me to go this week.” Actually he had forced me not to go. He begged and he pleaded and he yelled until he got what he wanted. 
“See, that’s what makes me think that you aren’t with your little girlfriends all the damn time. It seems to me like you out with some nigga.”
“Dwayne, don’t start. You know I would never do that to you so why do you always accuse me of it? You are the only man I love no matter what so why do you continue to say I cheat on you? I never even leave this house and when I do, you call me every half hour to make sure I am where I say I am. Dwayne, get a grip.” I told him.
 He did this all the time. When the mood struck him, he became jealous and possessive. He would accuse me of seeing someone else and say that I’m with other men and whatnot whenever I leave the house. He hates the fact that I go out with my friends and he hates the fact that I’m so close to my mother and sister. Christmas was coming up and it was a terrible struggle just to get him to agree to let my sister stay with us. I don’t understand it, one minute he’s fine and loving and then the next minute he’s argumentative and angry with me.
“”Yeah, whatever,” He said.
"Why can't I use your car all of a sudden?" I asked him in a smart tone. Why is he acting so weird?
"I'm tired of you using my car. We both have cars for a reason. It's not my fault you fucked your shit up in an accident. Learn how to fucking drive and you won't be in this situation."
I pursed my lips, showing my anger in my face and my posture as I crossed my arms over my chest. "You know what, Dwayne? Keep your car; I'll catch the bus or something. I ain't got time for your crap. You can take your car and shove it." I told him and yanked my purse up on my shoulder and turned on my heel. I don't know why he was acting like such an idiot, but he needs to stop it now. 
I was at the door when Dwayne ran up and grabbed my arm to stop me. "What now?" I demanded, not wanting to hear the half-butt apology I knew was coming. He placed his hands on my hips as if to hold me in place. I could walk away if I wanted to, but being the soft-heart that I was, I stayed to at least listen to him.
"I'm sorry." He said, pulling me close to him and wrapping his arms around my waist. He kissed me just below the ear.
"You should be," I told him. I crossed my arms, but I didn't step out of his embrace.
"Baby, can I apologize or would you rather do it for me?" Dwayne asked with a grin, but I didn't find anything funny.
"I bet I can do it better." I told him.
"Come on, I'm sorry. I'm just stressed, okay? Of course you can take my car.” He said, kissing my cheek.
“I don’t want it if you don’t really want to give it to me. And I don’t appreciate you talking to me like that. Keep your stupid car.” I told him. I know I was being childish, but I’m letting him know how it feels when your partner has an attitude. 
“Kimberly, please. Nothing would make me happier than for you to drive my car to go hang out with your girlfriends.”
“Shut up,” I said, leaning back into his chest. “Where’s your keys?”
He reached into his pocket and retrieved his keys. He took his Jetta key off his key chain and pressed it into my hand. “Drive safe,” He smiled. I didn’t find that funny either.
 “Thanks,” I said monotonously. I kissed his cheek before I walked out though. I only did it because I didn’t want to appear to be petty. Though I noticed he still had the same hair on his face that he’d had when we were in the bedroom. Now that makes me want to know what he was doing in the bathroom with the shaving kit.
Moments later, I was sitting behind the wheel of my husband’s Jetta. I looked up into the rear-view mirror to check my make-up and of course I had those black mascara marks on my eye shadow. I hated that so I had to wipe all of my eye shadow off. In the process, I messed my eyeliner up. I reached into my purse and pulled out my make-up things. After putting his key up on the dashboard, I reapplied my make-up. Once I finished, like an idiot, I knocked the key onto the floor when I reached for it. 
After putting my things back in my purse, I reached down for the key. As I fished around for the key, my hand instead brushed against plastic. I grabbed the plastic object to find that it was a plastic sandwich baggie. I shook the bag and watched the stuff inside shift. It was some sort of powder and I didn’t even what to verbalize what I thought it was. I hope to God that I’m wrong. 
I stuffed the bag into my purse and debated whether I should go confront Dwayne or not. I reached back down and finally found the key. I played with it in my fingers as I waited. I didn’t want to confront him to find out that it was sugar or something, but of course I knew what sugar looked like and it ain’t this. As much as I didn’t want to admit it, I knew exactly what this was. I mean it would explain why he was acting the way he was. But then again I would know if he were using drugs. But would I really know something like that? I sighed. He could always be selling them. No, Dwayne owns his own company and can afford what he wants; he wouldn’t need to be selling drugs. But then again, why would he want to throw his life away by using them if he has so much money and my love anyway. Though, he does come home all hours of the night. I just don’t know. I sighed and decided to leave the situation alone for now. I feel as though this in particular would be best if I wait a while and decide how I want to confront this rather than running in blind, not even knowing all the facts. 
I found myself running a couple of stop signs on my way to the J Spot. It was this little theme club. It was really cute. My two best friends, Charisse and Regina, and I always met up here weekly to talk and hang out. This week was themed as jazz so there was going to be live music. You can sit, drink, and watch or get up and dance. It was nice. 
When I walked into the J Spot, I was angry. I must have had way too much time to myself on the way here or something because I was really mad. Dwayne must be out of his dang mind. 
I spotted Charisse and Regina at our usual table in the right center of the club. It was close enough to the stage that we could see, close enough to the bar so we could drink, and close enough to the dance floor if we wanted to dance. I walked over to them and hugged them both before I sat down. 
“What took you so long?” Charisse asked me as she sipped her Long Island Ice Tea. “It’s usually this one who isn’t on time.” She chucked her thumb at Regina and smiled.
“Whatever,” She said. “My man drove me today so best believe I’m right on time.”
“Hoe,” Charisse and I said in unison and we both pointed at each other and laughed. Regina was the only unmarried person in our little group so we had to pick on her just a little bit. Though, Regina was unmarried by choice. She “can’t see herself waking up to only one man everyday”. Those are exact words. She wasn’t nasty, but she had a new man every month so we call it as we see it.
She gave us both the finger and then focused on me. “What’s wrong with you?” She asked me as she studied my face.
“Nothing, girl, I’m good.” I really didn’t want to air my business even though I knew my girls wouldn’t spread it.
“Uh-uh, I can tell you got something on your mind.” Charisse chimed in. 
“You might as well tell us. We gon find out anyway.” Regina pressed. This is how we are. We don’t kept secrets from each other so we had to gang up on each other whenever someone tried. I like this concept better when it’s Regina we’re ganging up on and not me. We never gang up on Charisse because she was the oldest of our group and it just seemed like we never get a reason to.
“Alright,” I told them. “Y’all can stop staring at me now.” I took a small breath and cleared my throat. “I just found something…disturbing.”
“Like hair in strange places disturbing or gay porn in Dwayne’s dresser disturbing?” Regina asked. She was so blatant it was amazing.
“Neither,” I told them with a confused look for Regina. As way of an explanation, I reached into my purse, pulled the baggie out, and threw it to the center of the table. “That kind of disturbing.”
Charisse quickly snatched the bag up and examined it. As soon as she realized what it was she threw it back to the table.
“Damn, girl, put that shit away before someone sees it!” Charisse exclaimed, drawing more attention to the table than if someone was looking at the bag.
Regina gingerly picked up the bag by its corner and placed it gently in my hand. “I don’t want my fingerprints on it when they take you in for questioning.” She explained with a small laugh.
“Are you using that?” Charisse asked me with wide eyes. “I mean, girl, I know things are rough, but there are better solutions. We’re here for you if you ever need anything. If you need a place to stay, because Dwayne drove you to this…you can stay with Regina. I love you no matter what and I’ll help you.” 
“No, I’m not using cocaine.” I said after she finished her speech. “I said I found it just thirty seconds ago or did you forget that quick?”
“Well you better put it back where you got it from. Dealers do not cope well with people who steal from them and they don’t care if you are a man, woman, or child. People get killed over that.” Regina perked up. She had once dated a drug dealer from Hazelwood. He was a pretty nice guy, except one day he put a gun to her head, accusing her of stealing money from him. That turned out to be the deal breaker. All the illegal stuff he did didn’t ring any bells in her head. 
“I found it in Dwayne’s car.” I told them. They both looked at me with a pitying yet confused expression. “I was looking for something I dropped and found it hidden under the seat.” I explained as I put the bag away in my purse. As I did this, I noticed a man looking at me. I wondered if he seen the bag, but he wasn’t looking at me as if he were a cop of something but instead like he was about to come swerve on me or something. I ignored it. If he wasn’t a cop, I ain’t got that to do. 
“So what now?” Regina asked me.
“I don’t know.” I said I all truthfulness. 
“Confront his ass!” Charisse exclaimed. “He’s either using it or selling it, so either way it’ll turn out bad for you. You need to handle this now before something goes down.”
“No, don’t,” Regina said in a gentle voice as if she were truly experienced in this matter. “If he’s involved with drugs he may get violent. If he’s selling it and he’s used to the fast money, he’ll dispose of you if he has to so he can do what he wants to do. Though if he using it and he’s addicted, well an addict will do whatever they have to so they can support their habit. He’s either gonna play stupid if you confront him or he’s gonna confront you for taking it. These situations don’t usually go well. You need to handle this delicately and carefully. The last thing you wanna do is run up in this blind and end up hurt more than you would think.” 
They both had completely different views on the matter, but something tells me to go with Regina’s choice only because it makes a lot more sense than randomly confronting Dwayne on something that may or may not be his. 
“I guess I’ll just do nothing for now.” I sighed. “Can we get back to our night please? I know I just killed the mood up in here, but, dang, I came here to have fun not sit around looking depressed.” I gave a weak laugh as insurance that I was fine and they didn’t have to worry about me even though I knew they would. “I’m gonna get something to drink.” I stood up from our table to make my way to the bar. Now I wished I could get something stronger, but I drove here so that was out of the question. I would hate to get into another accident but this time in Dwayne’s car. 
“Can I get a bottle of vitamin water, please?” I asked Chuck, the bartender. Chuck was a pretty much quiet guy. He was a white boy, but he was really cute. He always treated me and my girls nicely and hooked us up with free drinks every now and then on his tab. He had big muscles which he showed off by wearing sleeveless shirts. He had tattoos all down both his arms; all of them were skulls on fire, crosses, angels, or bible scriptures. There were tattoos on his chest too and I could see the top of them peeking from under his V-neck shirt. He was a religious man, but at the same time he was nothing to play with. I once witnessed him beat the mess out of a guy for talking bad to a woman at the bar and then not apologizing when he told him to. When I asked him why he did it, he just said he doesn’t like dudes that treat women badly. All in all, I like Chuck.
“What flavor, babe?” Chuck asked me as he went to the big store quality refrigerator thing.
“It doesn’t matter.” I said and he slid me a red one. I put seven dollars on the counter for him. It was more than enough for the water and a nice tip for my boy. 
As I walked back to the table, the man from before met my eyes and smiled at me. He had a really nice smile; I could even say it was sexy. He was light-skinned with a close cut and sexy hazel eyes. He was really fine, and he sure was looking at me like he wanted to flirt. If he wasn’t sitting with another female who was obviously was his date, I would go talk to him. And of course if I wasn’t married, I would go talk to him.
I went back and sat down at the table where Charisse and Regina already moved on with the conversation.
“She was too crazy. She came over to me and started flirting with me even though I was sitting with another man so obviously she knew I was straight.” Regina was saying as I sat down. Leave it to Regina to not only have men falling over her, but women too. 
“What did you say? Matter of fact what did your date say?” Charisse asked her. 
“Well, I politely told her I was strict for dick while Mike just kept his cool to see what I would do. The girl had balls. I mean if I were a lesbian, I wouldn’t just walk up on a straight woman and see if I could pull her.”
“That’s funny, I miss being single.” Charisse sighed. “Damn, that’s funny as life.”
“Naw, but if she was a fine man who walked up on me like that while I was on a date, I’m sorry I would have left Mike for him. I mean the girl was bad and she had all the qualities I would want in a man, except she was lacking a penis and excelling too much in boobs.” Regina laughed and I shook my head. 
I really wasn’t involved with the conversation because I was too busy focused on the guy who kept looking at me. I swear he looked familiar, but I could have easily been thinking with the fluttery feeling I was getting in my stomach from this. It’s been a while since I’ve gotten this much attention from a man who wasn’t focused on my butt or my breasts. 
When I finally mustered up enough willpower to pry my eyes away from his and enjoy my time with my friends, the guy got bold and walked over to our table.
“How you ladies doing?” He asked as he stood between Regina’s and Charisse’s chairs. He may have been referring to all of us, but he was focused on me when he asked. 
I put my left hand up to show him my obnoxiously large ring. Dwayne just had to prove that he could give me anything when he proposed. “I’m married,” I told him immediately. I may think he’s fine, but I love my husband way more.
“That’s okay, I just wanna be friends.” He said with a grin that was equally as sexy as his first smile. 
The three of us ladies laughed at that; he was bold. “My husband doesn’t like those kinds of friends.” I continued, trying to recover my composure. I didn’t want him to think I wasn’t serious about what I was saying. 
He boldly sat down in the empty chair between Regina and Charisse. He asked me with a challenge in his eyes, “What kind of friends is that?”
Charisse and Regina, who were both being quieter than they’ve ever been in their whole lives, looked at me to see how I would respond. “Friends with benefits,” I said, blushing. He was so fine; I wouldn’t mind being his friend for just one night. 
“What benefits do these types of friends get?” He pushed. I could tell he was enjoying making me blush. 
“Why are you asking me these questions?” I asked him, finally giving up on the conversation. “You do know I am not gon talk to you right?” 
“I would just love to hear you explain the concept of friends with benefits.” He continued as if this were a normal conversation.
“Why me, I mean it’s just so-“
“They’re friends who enjoy each other’s company by fucking with no actual relationship other than physical.” Regina interrupted me. “Now, my friend here is married, but I’m not so if you wanna be my friend, give me your number and we can set something up.” 
“Regina!” I exclaimed. I never knew she could be so bold. I was embarrassed now, and I’m just so glad that I’m a dark girl so you can barely tell when I’m blushing. Well, at least now I don’t have to say it. 
Regina and Charisse laughed and gave each other the feminine version of dapping up where they clasp their fingers together. This entire conversation is making me uncomfortable and it just seems like everyone is enjoying seeing me embarrassed. Especially since I notice his date is casting evil glares on our entire table.
“Alright,” He said and smiled. He had perfect white teeth. I love that freaking smile; why is it so dang sexy. “You don’t remember me, huh?” 
I gave him a hard look before recognition hit me. “You started that youth center on fifth.” I looked at Charisse. “Doesn’t Bobby go there?”
“Yeah, he does. I knew you looked familiar but I never knew you’d be the night club type beings that you are an example to children all over our city.” Charisse said, and I could tell that she was reevaluating her decision of sending her son to that program. 
“Actually, I’m here on a meeting.” He said and I gave him a skeptical look. That woman doesn’t look like a business partner. 
“Is she married?” I asked him, when a thought occurred to me.
“Yeah,” he said simply. 
“Is that why you’re over here? Do you like messing with married women?” I asked him and Regina looked at me. 
“Actually she’s the mother of one of the children at my program.”
“Oh, well anyway…” I said, not even caring that I was wrong about him, maybe.
“Well anyway, we went to college together. You were the woman who beat me out of an internship and then turned it down.”
I had to think back for a minute. Even though college was only three years ago, it still took me a moment. “Yeah, and you were the asinine jerk who always felt the need to make everyone understand your point whether we wanted to or not. You annoyed me every class and you acted like you were better than everyone. You couldn’t just grin and bear it like a normal person.”
He gave a small laugh and I shook my head. “So, I was an ass back then.”
“You were the biggest I’ve ever met.”
“Alright, what’s your point?”
“What’s yours?” We were both silent as we glared at each other. It was like being in a college classroom all over again. “So you came over here to remind me of how much you got on my nerves in college?”
“Actually, when I recognized you I felt the need to buy you a drink to show you that I’m not an ass.”
I smiled. “That’s debatable.” I remember I used to say that every class, because in a sense, everything was in fact debatable. He used to hate that.
“Everything is debatable with you, isn’t it?”
“Of course,” Our eyes met and stayed there. It was as if we were challenging each other. He eyes were such a gorgeous hazel. They were almost green. That is a benefit of being one of those high yellow brothers. He was darker than yellow, but not that far off. I held his gaze because I didn’t want him to win the little game we were playing. It wasn’t a staring contest, but we were seeing who could last longer. I lost. I had to drop my eyes because I could almost feel heat on my body from his gaze. I took a sip off my water as a cover.
“So, can I buy you a drink or what?” He asked me with a smile.
“I don’t need another yet, but you can get another round for my girls.” I said, disregarding the fact that he had won that little stare down match. “Well, if your date doesn’t mind. She looks a little pissed off.”
“My what- oh damn. Give me a sec.” Then he quickly rushed over to his own table and started talking to the woman. 
“Would either of you offer to buy a drink for someone who blew your chances to go on a free trip to Egypt, probably getting a job in the process, but then never goes?” I asked Regina and Charisse. “He obviously didn’t come over here to apologize for our immaturities from years ago.”
“Please, he was looking for a little more than forgiveness. He probably wanted to get an internship to work on those panties.” Regina said laughing.
“Why is everything about sex with you?” I asked her, rolling my eyes.
“It’s my favorite subject.” She said, still smiling. 
I rejected the urge of calling her a hoe or something and looked at Charisse. “Do you care to comment?” 
Charisse shook her head. “I have nothing to say. You just better be careful about what you’re starting here. Dwayne wouldn’t like this.”
“Be careful about what, Charisse?” I sighed. Here she goes with the mothering stuff again.
“I see that look you got. You’re obviously attracted to this man. I’m just saying don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.” She looked at Regina and smiled. “And don’t do anything Regina would do.”
“Forget you, Charisse.” Regina said. She also looked at me. “But she is right. Don’t do anything I would do. You ain’t on my level. You could get hurt.”
I rolled my eyes. Am I really looking like I want this man? I still don’t even remember his name. Just as I was going to say something in my defense, my phone vibrated in my purse. 
I pulled my phone out and looked at the screen. It was a text from Dwayne. I read it and of course he asked me where I was. It was barely an hour and he already thought I wasn’t doing something else.
“I’m still at the club” I sent him and then looked back up at Charisse and Regina. They both saw that I was texting so they both waited until I was finished.
“That was Dwayne.” I told them. “He wants to know where I am.”
“Didn’t you tell him you were gonna be with us tonight?” Regina asked me.
“Yeah, but you know how he is. He always wants to make sure he knows where I am in case something happened.” I explained to them. They both rolled their eyes. They knew that I was making an excuse for his possessive behavior. He wasn’t worried about whether something happened, but instead this was one of his many ways of controlling my every move.
“When r u comin home?” He texted me and I rolled my eyes at the phone.
“When I’m done here”
“And how long is that gonna take?”
“I don’t know”
“That makes me think u aren’t where u say u are”
“Dwayne you know I’m here at the club like I said I was gonna be. Whats ur problem?”
“Ur my problem”
“Fine Dwayne I’ll talk 2 u when I get home”
He didn’t text me back after that so I knew he had a problem and I was gonna have to hear about it as soon as I got home. I sighed to myself. I didn’t want to go home and argue. Not tonight. I wanted a peaceful quiet night after I finish up with my girls. 
“What’s wrong?” Charisse asked and I decided to give her the chopped and screwed version.
“Dwayne’s a little upset that I’m taking so long here.” I said, trying to dismiss the subject and leave it at that.
“It’s barely been an hour,” Charisse said. “What did he expect? For you to come, say and few words, and then leave?”
“I don’t know. He just misses me, that’s all.” I said and I received another twin eye roll from them.
“No, he’s trying to control you. You don’t ever think that maybe he doesn’t want you to have a life outside of him?” Regina said. 
“That’s not true.” I defended my husband. “He loves me, and he misses me. I can’t get upset with him just because he wants me to spend time with him.”
“But he should know that you want to spend with other people too, like your friends and your family.” Charisse added. I hated when they double teamed me like this.
“He does,” I said, once again I wanted to dismiss the subject. “Can we please get back to our night?” I asked, actually I practically begged. I hated when they talked about Dwayne like this. They just didn’t understand. Dwayne loves me and I love him too. There’s nothing wrong with a man missing his wife.
I was about to add something about Dwayne’s genuine love for me, but the man returned to our table with three drinks even though I said I didn’t need another one. He placed the appropriate drinks in front of us. I decided to push the situation out of my head and enjoy my night, before I had to deal with more problems or criticism. 
“You don’t follow directions well; I said I didn’t want another one.” I told him with a slight smile to show him I wasn’t really serious. 
“Maybe you need to teach me what you want me to do so I can do it how you like it.” He locked his eyes on mine when he said this, showing the sexual undertones of his statement.
“Okay,” Regina said and laughed slightly. “This is my cue…” She looked at me and then Charisse and shook her head. 
“Regina, control yourself.” Charisse told her and shook her head. “You’re nasty.”
“He said it, not me.” Regina sipped her cosmopolitan as if to calm herself. 
Ignoring Regina, I looked back at the man. “So, tell me what you really came over here for.”
“Well, I recognized you and I remembered how we always used to butt heads so I figured maybe now we can be mature enough to have a real conversation. I figured we could talk sometime, you know. Maybe I can call you or you can call me.” He said, spitting real game.
“I did tell you I’m married, right?” I said, starting on my second vitamin water. 
“I didn’t say I wanted to date you or even just fuck you for one night. I want to talk. Explore your views on certain topics, you know?” 
“Why do you keep saying ‘you know’? I don’t know anything about you.”
“Well, if we talk you can get to know me.” He said as he reached into the breast pocket inside his jacket. “Here’s my number. Call me anytime.”
“I don’t even know your name.” 
“Trent, my name is Trent Moore. Now, I’m the one apologizing here, but I think you were just as rude to me back then as I was to you so I think you owe me at least one phone call.”
“I don’t owe you anything.” I said as he dropped the folded piece of paper with his number on it on the table in front of me. He is way too bold for me.
“Call me. All I wanna do is talk.” Trent said, giving me that sexy smile of his.
“I’m not gonna call you.” I told him pushing the number back to him.
“Then how about you stay here with me and we can talk.” He said, picking up the number and playing with it in his fingers.
“Actually we’re about to take off so…” I said, not wanting to be rude and say I’m not interested, but still getting my point across. “Besides my husband” I stressed the word to him. “Is waiting for me. I probably won’t call you either so you can keep that.” The whole time we talked, we kept our eyes locked on each other. It was like a game of chicken. The first one to break the eye contact is weaker.
“But there’s a chance that you probably will.” I said, gathering my purse to show him that I’m really about to leave. 
“No, I’m sure I won’t.” I told him. 
He took my hand gently and placed the paper on my palm. He kept his eyes locked on mine as he did this and then closed my hand. “Take it anyway.” Then he just walked back to the woman. 
For some reason I watched him as he and the woman walked out of the club. As much as I hated to admit it, he was so freaking fine.
“You know eye-fucking can also be considered cheating.” Charisse said to me after I snapped out of the trance of watching him walk away.
“What?” I said, finally registering her insinuations after a few seconds.
“You two just watched each other like you just had sex with your eyes.” 
“Oh please, stop exaggerating. I’ll admit, he looks good, but I am a married woman.” 
“Please, married women cheat all the time. Hell you need to since Dwayne ain’t doing it right.” Regina said, cutting in.
“You know sex isn’t everything. But hell he needs to take a class or some notes or something.” I said with a laugh to lighten the mood. 
“So you fake it? He doesn’t even play the tongue game?” Regina asked me as if my pleasure in bed were a national issue. 
“The tongue game? You two just talk about sex like it’s baking cookies. I can’t just talk so openly like that.” I said, shaking my head.
“We are grown ass women. Grown ass women talk about sex.” Charisse said laughing.
Regina laughed with her and said,” So he doesn’t go down on you at all?”
“No, he doesn’t and it’s annoying. I do it for him, but he won’t do it for me. Dang, y’all are so nebby.” I sighed. I am not comfortable with this. 
“Well, you are better than I am. I needs the tongue game.” Regina laughed. “Michael makes me back into the headboard, rip up the sheets, and the beg him to wait for me while at the same time, begging him to stop.”
“Now, Robert, he is…” Charisse gave a small moan in place of an adjective. “I’ve never had to fake it with him.”
“Never?” Regina and I asked in unison.
“Damn, well Rob’s pipe game must be on.” Regina said and then shook her head of the thought. She probably didn’t like the mental image she got of her big brother and her best friend. “Even I had to fake it a few times with Michael.”
“Robert knows what he does to me. I get multiple orgasms when we make love.” She looked wistful and then her little smile faded. “Only now it hasn’t been so hot.”
“What’s wrong, hon?” I asked her. If she and Rob were having problems then the rest of us were doomed to loneliness. 
“Well, we haven’t had sex in a few days, well actually a few weeks. And we argue so much. I mean anything can set us off. And I think he has a problem with Brian always coming to see Brianna even though he is her father. And he’s always working. I own a salon and I still don’t work that much. I know as a black woman I shouldn’t get upset that my man is working, but sometimes I feel like…like he’s…” Her sentence trailed off and she took a deep sip off her drink. I knew what she was thinking because sometimes I get similar thoughts about my own husband.
“Like he’s out doing something other than working?” I asked her.
She nodded. For once, Charisse looked vulnerable like she needed her girls help rather than us always coming to her. It was our time to comfort our big sister for once. “I don’t think he’d cheat on me but… I don’t know; it just seems that way sometimes. Other times I just think that he’s so tired of me that he might leave me. Times other than that I feel like I might leave him.” She huffed and finished her drink. “I just miss how we used to be.”
“Well, you still love him, don’t you? Otherwise you wouldn’t care so much.” Regina said and I wasn’t quite sure whether it was a statement or a question.
“Of course I love him. He’s everything to me.” Charisse said and she started on her second drink. I had a feeling that one wasn’t going to last very long.
“Well, you better remind him why he married you. Send the kids away and meet him at the door naked. Better yet, wear nothing but a thong and your best stiletto heels. Just put it on him, girl.” Regina said.
“Yeah, get him, girl.” I said, laughing while trying to lighten the situation. “Show him why you want him home more often.”
“I thought of that, but I could never get the time. On more than one occasion, I had arranged for the kids to be at a friend’s house for the night and then Robert never showed up. Then when he did come home I was either sleep or too pissed off that he didn’t come home when I told him to. Just like now, I’ve been texting him for a half hour and he still didn’t text me back. He’s supposed to pick me up.” Charisse said as she showed us her cell phone that was in her lap while she was texting.
“Damn, he’s supposed to be my ride too.” Regina shook her head and pulled out her own cell phone. She started playing with it on the table, probably wondering whether she should call her brother or not or just let his wife get in touch with him.
“I’m gonna go call him.” Charisse said sounding aggravated. She drowned the last of her Long Island Iced Tea and then left the club, leaving me with Regina and the questions I knew she had.
So,” Regina said, not wasting any time as she leaned into me and nudged me with her shoulder. “What’s with Trent?”
“Nothing, you were here. I’m not even gonna call him.” I said replaying the while confrontation in my mind. Even though I said this, I still wondered to myself why I put the number in my purse anyway. Just in case heck freezes over or he becomes the last man on earth I guess.
“Please, Kim. I was here, remember? You eye-fucked him and had an orgasm.” 
I rolled my eyes and shook my head. An orgasm? She was too much. “It’s not that real.”
“You want him and he wants you. You won’t admit it, but it’s true. You better not spend too much time alone with him or you’ll end up a cheating slut.” Regina smiled as if that would be a good thing.
“Regina, you are a slut, not me. I won’t be spending any time alone with him.” I said with a little grin. I don’t want Trent. He’s a butt hole. He was then and by the way he was openly flirting with me, he is now.
“We’ll see.” She said and paused. “You know, I’m not a slut. I just like sex. I-”
“Sluts like sex.” I interrupted her with a smirk and she cut her eyes at me.
“Anyway, I love sex. I have friends with benefits who agree that sex can be fun and we don’t need a relationship to enjoy that. My job is all about sex. I get paid to read, edit, and write about sex. Hey, sex is my life.” She laughed. “I know sexual attraction when I see it.”
“I understand that your life revolves around porn, but I am not a porn star. Trent and I aren’t characters in one of your scripts. He wants to talk, probably about psychology and sociology, and that’s all we’ll do.” 
“I thought you weren’t going to call him.” Regina challenged me with a smug look on her face that made her look real ugly to me right now.
“Well, I probably won’t. I don’t know.”
“I know,” Regina smile. She thinks she’s so smart. I love Regina, but she is such a know-it-all. She may have her master’s degree in sociology or psychology or ones of those therapist studies, but she is not a mind reader no matter how much she thinks she is. She’s not right. She’s not right. I repeated this to myself a few times, just to make sure I believed it too.
“I don’t have to convince you of anything.” I said finally. “You won’t listen anyway. 
“Because I’m already convinced that you want him.”
“Well, get unconvinced.” I said, rolling my eyes at her with dramatic annoyance.
Regina just smiled. I’m not like her; I can’t just cheat on my husband no matter how fine a man is. I can’t have just a platonic relationship based solely on sex. It just isn’t me. I like married sex. Planned, safe, acceptable in God’s eyes, married sex. 
There were a few moments of an annoying silence where our conversation hung in the air, floating around us, waiting to be resumed, but, thank God, Charisse slammed herself down in the chair, obviously pissed off. She slammed her touch screen phone face down on the table. She’s gonna be madder later if she broke the screen. 
“He’s not answering.” Charisse explained. “I’m so tired of this shit.” She stressed the word as if she were tired of simply saying it.
“Hold on, let me try.” Regina said and picked up her cell phone. She typed in the speed dial and waited. He answered and Charisse looked as if she wanted to strangle her husband through Regina’s cell phone.
“Hey, bro,” Regina said, in a slightly irritated tone. There was a pause. “Are you picking us up? …me and your wife…. Come on Rob, how’d you forget? ….it’s midnight, why are you working?....I’m gonna kill both you and Drew tomorrow….” She sighed deeply. “I guess we’ll just have to catch the bus home or call a jitney. I hope there’s one running this late at night.” She was trying to guilt him, but it obviously wasn’t working. “Whatever, fine, okay, bye.” Regina hung up the phone, looking almost as pissed as Charisse. “He’s working and he doesn’t know when he’ll finish up so he can’t pick us up.”
“You alright?” I asked Charisse. She looked like she’d dazed out of her own body and was trapped somewhere deep inside her mind. 
“I’m just contemplating whether being a widow would be that bad. If I kill him, I’ll still have our child. I’d be giving up the best sex of my life but I could always buy a vibrator and a lot of batteries.” 
Regina and I looked at her, both of us wondering if she was serious or not. She shook her head and laughed weakly. “Too bad, I love his stupid ass. I’d end up killing myself if I didn’t have him.” Charisse said and looked down at the picture on her phone. It was a picture of her, Robert, her daughter Brianna, and her son Bobby. They were all smiling and hugging. It was from their vacation they took to Virginia Beach. She smiled at the photo, probably wishing for that happiness again. A small tear escaped the corner of her eye and ran down her face. 
I reached over and gave her a hug. It seemed random at the time, but I felt like she needed one. I squeezed her tightly and she held on like she wasn’t quite ready to let go and I had no motive to make her. A single tear dropped down her face and then before I knew it Regina was hugging her too. It appeared as if none of us knew what to say, but a hug and some love seemed like enough. 
After a few moments and Charisse regained her composure I told them that I’d ride them home. I wouldn’t even think of making my friends call a jitney.





Chapter 2
Charisse
The moment I walked into my house after Kim dropped me off, I slammed my purse on the living room recliner and pretty much ripped off my coat and threw it also on the recliner. As much as I wanted to call Robert and blow a fuse in my head as I went off on him, I knew it would a stupid thing to do. I didn’t want to start acting a fool, especially on a phone call, when my fourteen year old daughter ad eight year old son was asleep upstairs. 
I decided to stay calm, because snapping wasn’t going to solve anything, at least not until I actually saw Robert. I reclaimed my purse and fished inside for my bottle. I took two tablets and then walked into the kitchen, craving a bottle of water to chase the pills when I saw Robert with his head in the refrigerator, burning electricity and letting the cold air in there go to waste. 
“You know, Robert, you have a lot of freaking nerve. You would have had better luck staying at the office until I was asleep rather than seeing me now. How much time would it have taken you away from you precious work to at least give me one phone call. You could of at least texted me, but I couldn’t even get that. How the hell do you expect this marriage to work it you don’t wanna work with me?” I said in one breath. I sucked in another breath of air and was ready to continue my spiel when Robert closed the refrigerator door and I realized I wasn’t talking to my husband, but instead my ex-boyfriend and for lack of a better term, baby daddy. He was the father of my first child, Brianna. 
“Brian, what the hell are you doing here?” I demanded. I was more embarrassed than upset because he heard what I would have said to my husband so now he knew we were having problems.
“Well, first of all, I’m thanking God that my name ain’t Robert and I ain’t got to deal with all that anger.” Brian said with a slight smile as he threw the apple that he had taken from my fridge up into the air and caught it.  
I sighed deeply, trying to keep myself from being angry at Brian now, just because of my husband. “Why are you really here?”
“I dropped some things off for Brianna and I stayed around because there weren’t any adults here, and I didn’t want to leave them alone.”
“Brianna is old enough to watch her little brother.” I said. I didn’t really care that he’d stayed I was just embarrassed that he’d heard all that. I actually thought it was nice of him to hang out and watch my kids. 
“I just have to say I am so glad I’m not Robert.” Brian said with a smirk. 
“You said that already.” I said as I got the bottle of water that I’d come in here for from the fridge. I took a sip and smiled inside. That’s all I wanted.
“I just want to emphasize it.” He said as he leaned his lean body against the table.  “So, what’s going on wit cha?”
“Nothing,” I breathed. Not that I wanted to talk to him about it. This was a talk for my girls not my ex.
“Please, you know that’s a lie.”
“I just don’t feel comfortable talking about my husband to my baby daddy.”
“I thought you didn’t like those two words together.”
“I don’t, but it fit this scenario.”
“Well, I figure we see each other enough to be considered friends so think of me that way and not as the father of your first child.”
“Okay, friend, um…” I chewed on my lower lip as I thought of what I wanted to say and what I wanted to leave out. The not having sex part definitely needed to be left out. “Robert and I aren’t on the best of terms anymore.” That sounded pretty much stupid, but he made me nervous.
“Meaning what?” Brian coaxed as he continued to toss up and catch his apple. He still didn’t even bite into it.
“We don’t communicate anymore and he’s never home. I barely see him. He’s usually gone by the time I wake up and I’m asleep when he gets home. Hell, the whole neighborhood is asleep by the time he gets home. When I call him he doesn’t answer half the time, but he answered his sister on the first try. I feel like he’s purposely avoiding me. And we argue all the time. I just don’t know what to do anymore.” I guess it’s easier to talk to him than I thought. I’d just unloaded all the baggage I had stored up in my brain on him in thirty seconds.
“Why do you think he’s doing that?” Brian asked me, sounding much like a therapist.
“I don’t know, maybe his job is just more important to him.”
“Do you think you are contributing to this? You could be pushing him away.”
“I’m not pushing him away. If anything, I’m trying to pull him closer.”
“You sort of pushed me away.”
“I didn’t push you away, you ran away. You ran from all your responsibilities because you weren’t ready to be a father at seventeen.” I said. I was getting pissed off that he was trying to put his insecurities off on me.
“Maybe, I could have stuck around if you weren’t constantly reminding me of everything I was doing wrong. Maybe I could have been a better father if you weren’t always telling me that I’m fucking up as a dad.” 
“Oh, piss off, Brian. You just want to justify your walking away. That was your fault not mine.”
“All I’m saying is that you can be pushy. You don’t like admitting that you’re wrong, even when you’re wrong for the right reason. Robert may be wrong too, but I know it’s not all his fault.”
I sighed. I guess he’s right, but damn, did he have to be? He sure wasn’t this smart when he was struggling with the condom that broke the night we conceived our daughter.
Aww shit, Risse! Aw shit! You ain’t gon be pregnant, right? It was only one time. You can’t get pregnant the first time I cum inside you, right?
I don’t know, Brian. I guess not.
Yeah, you right. It’s all good. Let’s go again. 
Okay, Brian. Do you have any more condoms?
Naw, but it’s all good. I’ll pull out. Just tell me if you feel pregnant.
Needless to say, nine months later l felt very pregnant. I smiled and shook my head at the memory. We were just horny, stupid ass, naïve kids. The only thing I wanna know is: how am I supposed to feel pregnant after we have sex? 
“Just know that if I were given a second chance to show you that I can be a better man, I would make you feel like a queen and never let you go. You are a gem, babe. I didn’t realize that back then, but I definitely do now. If your man doesn’t get it right, come see me.” Brian said this so matter-of-factly as if what he was saying was okay. He was obviously making a pass at me even though I’m married. How’d we get here?
“Why aren’t you saying anything?” Brian asked and he finally bit into his apple. He and Robert both ate fruit in the sexiest way. There was just something about the way they bit into an apple, or peach or a plum and the juices just covered their lips and they just lick it off. Damn, I wish Robert was here. I may be mad, but now I just got myself horny. I can’t be horny around Brian; I could get in a lot of trouble that way.
“I don’t know what to say to that.” I answered finally after I dropped out of my fruit trance. I took a few cautious steps back and leaned against the opposite side of the table. This way we weren’t facing each other and he was about four feet away from me to my left.
“Then don’t say anything,” Brian dropped his apple into the garbage disposal and sidestepped towards me. “I missed you. “He said, standing in front of me. He had his hands on either side of me and leaned down so that his face was only inches from mine. He stared into my eyes with a brooding gaze that showed me that he was hungry for something else. I turned my head to the right so that his lips were now close to my left ear. At least now he couldn’t kiss me.
“Brian, what are you doing?” I asked him in a small voice. I thought that I knew what he was doing, but part of me was hoping that he was doing something else. Something that wouldn’t get me in trouble. I didn’t push him away even though I know I should have. It’s not that I want him to do this, but he just has that effect on me. He was my first. I guess it’s true: you never really get over your first. 
“I never stop thinking about you.” He said. He turned my head with one finger to face him. He leaned in and kissed me gently. Sweetly. Softly. Then he pulled back and studied my face. What the hell am I doing? I should stop this, but I can’t. Why aren’t my arms moving? He leaned in and kissed me again. This time it was firmer. This time I kissed him back. His tongue slid into my mouth in the most sensual way as he kissed me. Now my arms started working properly, but instead of pushing him away, I snaked my arms around his neck and pulled him closer. What the hell am I doing? When his hand found my ass, a light clicked on in my head. I pushed against his chest and pulled away from him.
“We can’t do this.” I said, slipping out of the now suffocating space between Brian and the table. “I can’t do this.” 
“Why not?” Brian asked as if that was absolutely okay.
“I just-Brian, please. I am a married woman. I can’t be doing this with my daughter’s father whom I am no longer seeing.” I said with my voice growing in sternness. I was trying to stop my hands from shaking so that he could see I’m serious about what I was saying. “I have a husband whom I love.”
“That isn’t treating you right. I can treat you better.” Brian said as if he meant it.
“You say that now, but you treated me much worse before.”
“I’ve changed, babe.”
“Stop calling me babe. You should leave.” I said, pointing to the door with a stiff arm like a school teacher.
“Babe,” He sighed as he corrected himself. “Charisse, I’m sorry. I really missed you, you know? Can you blame me? You’re beautiful and I missed you.”
“Just go and we don’t have to ever mention this again.” I told him with a sigh of my own. He gave me one last studying look before he complied. I followed him to the door so I could lock up after, but right after Brian opened the door, Robert pulled up into the driveway. I watched as he and Brian exchanged “I-don’t-wanna-see-you-here” looks and then Robert came into the house.
Robert simply glanced at me and proceeded to our bedroom. I shut and locked the door and then set the alarm. I sighed. After what just happened here with Brian, I’m not even angry at Robert any more for choosing his work before picking me up. I guess Brian gave me a new perspective. 
I walked into our bedroom where Robert was sitting up in the bed with his laptop on his lap, working as usual. Without looking at him, I went straight into the bathroom. I took a long shower, washing away today’s stresses, Brain’s touch, and hopefully, all anger towards my husband. 
Once I finished my shower, I dried off and dropped my towel on the bathroom floor. Because of my obsession for cleanliness, I had to hang the towel on the rack first, but I still took it right off. I walked barefoot into our bedroom wearing absolutely nothing.
Robert was still typing away; he didn’t even look up. Here I was prancing around ass-naked and he doesn’t even notice. Bastard.
Giving up on trying to draw his attention away from that damned computer, I went to the dresser for clothes. I pulled on panties and one of my own T-shirts. Usually I slept in one of his shirts, but I didn’t even want to touch anything of his. My T-shirt wasn’t all that big so when I put my arms up, my ass got exposed. It doesn’t matter; he’s not looking anyway. I wish he would.
I crawled into the bed, snuggled under the covers, and turned out the lamp on my side. This was our pattern every night. We never speak to each other; if we do, it’ll just end in a fight. We don’t have sex. We don’t talk. And I still haven’t learned to go to sleep with the light on so I just lie awake until he goes to sleep. 
“You’re not going to say anything.” Robert said after I heard the beeps of his laptop shutting down. He turned off the lamp on his side so it was dark now. I took that to my advantage. I decided to ignore him. Since it was too dark to see my face he couldn’t tell if I was awake or not. I wasn’t in the mood to fight and what I was in the mood for neither one of us wanted to do right now. After he chose not to pick me up earlier, I concluded that his work was more important than me so I was no longer going to compete with that. I closed my eyes and kept my back to him.
“I know you’re still up.” He continued and I continued to ignore him. I felt the pressure on the bed change as Robert moved close behind me. He was spooning me. He put an arm around me and rested his hand on my stomach. He got my attention, but I still wasn’t in the mood for this right now. I brushed him off and moved away from him, closer to the edge of the bed. “I knew you were up.”
“Good for you, Robert, now go to sleep.” I said. I moved closer to the edge. If he would have so much as tapped my shoulder I would have fallen to the floor. 
He turned the lamp on his side back on and sat up. He wanted to talk. After all this time of me wanting to talk and him not wanting to, he now wants to talk. “Charisse, get up.” He said. It wasn’t said in a mean or controlling way, but instead in a pleading way. 
I complied, sitting up in our king-sized bed next to him. I sighed as I did this though, only because I truly wasn’t in the mood to talk. 
“What do you want to talk about, Robert?” I asked him.
“Don’t be difficult with me, Charisse. I’m just tired of this.” He looked at me with his dark brown eyes. Loving eyes.
“Tired of what?” I asked, looking down at my hands and away from his gaze. I was tired of it too. I knew exactly what he was talking about.
“Fighting with you. I don’t even know how we got here. Everything was fine before your ex kept showing up in my damn house.”
“He’s here because his daughter lives here. He wants a relationship with his child. If the shoe was on the other foot and you were coming to visit Bobby, he wouldn’t have a problem with you.”
“He would if I was always around his wife.”
“I’m the mother; he’s going to be around me.”
“No, he looks at you like he wants you, and I’m not with that shit at all.” 
“Brian doesn’t want me.” I told him in what I hoped sounded like a convincing lie. That was a lie after what just happened in the kitchen an hour ago. “You wouldn’t have a problem with Brian being here if you were here too. You are never home. And when you are home you’re on that damned laptop. So you know what, at least Brian has time for his child because you sure don’t.”
“I have time for my family, including Brianna who isn’t even my real daughter. I work so we can have a good life and be comfortable. If it wasn’t for me working you wouldn’t even have a job, because I paid for that salon.”
“Fuck you, Robert! Actually, never mind, because you don’t even have time to fuck me anymore.” I swung my legs off the bed and went to the opposite side of the room. I didn’t even care that my ass was pretty much exposed in my little T-shirt and panties. I just couldn’t stand to be in bed next to him anymore.
“So this is about sex? So because I haven’t been piping you down every night, you want to argue all the damn time. The fact that we haven’t been having sex is your fault not mine.” Robert was out of the bed now too. He stormed over to me with his thick, wavy ponytail bouncing behind him. He wasn’t wearing a shirt so his chest stood out bold and strong making him seem even more intimidating as he towered over me.
“You better lower your damn voice before you wake my children. This is not just about sex. It’s about the very fact that you are never home. When was the last time you sat down and had dinner with your family? Huh, Robert? When was that? It’s been about two weeks. We haven’t truly talked in God knows how long. I feel like you don’t want to be at home. I feel like you’re cheating on me. Are you, Robert? Is there someone else? I need to know.” I stared into his eyes and he looked at me like I was insane. Truth was, if he told me he even considered another woman I would probably break down and cry. Then I’d probably beg him to stay with me after I beat the shit out of him and whatever hoe he was with.
“No, there isn’t anyone else. You know damn well I wouldn’t cheat on you.” Robert said. His voice was still hard and angry, and he looked at me like he wasn’t quite sure what he wanted to do with me yet.
“I don’t know anything anymore.” I turned on my heel and walked away from him, stopping in front of the bathroom door. 
Robert followed me and placed his hands on my shoulders. “You should know that I love you and only you. There’s no one else for me. I’ve stood by your side this long and it isn’t because we have a child. I love you. Know that.”
“I love you, too, but how am I supposed to show you that I love you if you’re never here?” Robert wrapped his arms around me from behind, and I leaned into his embrace, taking pleasure in the feel of his warm body.
“By working with me. You have to let me finish this project I’m doing with Drew. Trust me, this book will be a bestseller and make a lot of money for us.” I could hear the excitement in his voice even though he spoke softly to me. I know he really wanted to pursue this author thing, but I need him too.
“I feel neglected and so does Bobby.” 
“I’m gonna try harder to leave my work at the office so I can handle my business here with you and my family. How does that sound to you, babe?” He kissed my shoulder and a shock went through my body just from that brief contact. He continued kissing my shoulder, making a hot trail from shoulder and up my neck. He licked my earlobe and I shivered. I tilted my head to expose my neck and ear to him. He took my earlobe between his teeth and nibbled. I gave a small moan and reached my hand up to Robert’s cheek. He began kissing and sucking on my neck, licking me softly. I stroked his face, but I was too focused on the pleasure he was giving me to truly give him anything in return. It was when he started nipping on my cheek and lips as he kissed me that I realized I couldn’t take anymore. I turned and pressed my body against his. I pray to God he doesn’t get me all worked up just to deny me again tonight.
I closed my mouth over his and snaked my tongue inside. We kissed like this was the last time we could do it again. I gently bit his lower lip and then sucked on it as my arms wrapped around his neck. He dipped down to my breasts and lifted my shirt. Robert cupped my breasts and began sucking and licking on my nipples, which were already taut with my arousal. He nuzzled his lips between my cleavage, licking me roughly. I squirmed, feeling my wetness dampening my panties.
“Let’s make love,” I moaned. “Right now.”
Robert led me to the bed and gently laid me down, kissing my stomach. I was ready to call out his name from this simple touching when the bedroom door burst open and my fourteen year old daughter was standing there. I quickly yanked my shirt down and then seized the blanket to cover my bare legs.
“Tell your son to go to bed.” Brianna said, not even apologizing for bursting in on us. 
“Little girl, don’t you knock?” I asked with attitude. She acts like she has no home training.
“Why, it wasn’t locked?” She said with that little attitude of hers.
“But it was closed.” We glared at each other until I started shaking my head.
Robert disregarded the whole thing and asked, “What’s the problem?”
“Bobby won’t go to sleep, he keeps bothering me.” Brianna complained.
I sighed, looked at Robert with a look that mentally asked him to fix it, and then looked back at Brianna. I looked at the door. I called to my son. “Robert Emmanuel Smith Jr., get in here.”
Of course he was standing right outside the door so he walked right in. “Yes, mommy?” He asked in the cutest little voice.
I couldn’t help but smile, but I wasn’t falling for the suck up tactic. “Why are you awake after midnight and why are you keeping your sister awake too?”
“She wasn’t even sleep!” Bobby quickly said and then he and his sister exchanged a look.
“What was that?” Robert asked them both.
“Nothing,” Brianna quickly answered.
“I’m not playing this game. This is a school night. Bobby, you should have been in bed by nine o’ clock. Brianna, you may not have a bedtime, but I’d expect you to go to bed by midnight because you never want to get up in the morning.” 
“I was having an important conversation.” Brianna defended herself.
“What conversation could a fourteen year old be having at one o’ clock in the morning that could be so damn important?” 
“She was taking to her boyfriend.” As soon as Bobby said this he ran to my side before Brianna could grab his throat.
“You little snitch.” Brianna said to him. I could tell she wanted to hit him, but couldn’t because Robert and I were here.
“What boyfriend?” Robert snapped to attention. Brianna may not be his biological daughter, but he treated her like it. “You’re too young to have a boyfriend.” He was out of bed now. I had to stay put, because I wasn’t wearing pants.
“He’s not my boyfriend.” Brianna said. Bobby stood by my side of the bed, looking smug. He was proud that he’d gotten his sister in trouble and she couldn’t touch him as long as he was near me. 
“Bobby, go to sleep.” I told him.
“But mom, I wanna-” He started but I cut him off.
“Bobby, what did I just say?” I glared at him. “Go.”
He gave a deep sigh and left my bedroom for his. “Who is this boy?” I asked with a sigh.
“He’s not my boyfriend.” She said as if that answered my question.
“I didn’t ask you if he was, I just want to know who he is, how old he is, what grade he’s in, and how you met him.”
“Dang, do you want his social security number too?” She asked sarcastically.
“What did you say?” I demanded with raised eyebrows. I wasn’t trying to hype up the situation, because if I do she won’t talk to me about it.
“Nothing,” Brianna said. She still didn’t answer my question. 
“Who is this little boy you were on the phone with at one in the morning?” Robert pressed.
“He’s just my friend and his name is Devonte.” Brianna explained.
“And you couldn’t wait until tomorrow to talk about whatever it was.” Robert continued.
“Robert, stop it.” I told him. He was making the situation worse and I could tell. A teenage girl wouldn’t want to talk to her mother about a boy let alone talk to her step father. “Brianna, is there anything you want to talk to me about? Just me, not your father, not Robert, and not your little brother who’d better take his butt to bed.” After I said that I heard the sound of his little feet trying to quietly run to his room.
I watched as she considered it, but quickly declined. “I don’t have anything to talk about, mom.”
“Are you sure?” I didn’t want to pressure her, but I know if my mother had taken the time to talk to me I wouldn’t have been having sex at the age of fifteen.
“I’m sure.”
I sighed. “Alright, you’re not in trouble. Go to bed and don’t get back on the phone. For now on, I want the computers and the phones shut down at eleven-thirty on the dot.” I told her.
“I thought you said I’m not in trouble.”
“You’re not. That’s just a new rule for my household. Now go to bed.”
She was probably confused about how that turned out, but she knew she got off easy. She took her “punishment” and left the room. 
After Brianna left, I simply got comfortable in the bed and turned my back to my husband as if nothing happened. I decided to ignore the situation at this point because I didn’t want him to question my methods.
“What was that?” Robert asked me, referring to how I handled the thing with Brianna.
“Let me handle this one, okay? Trust me, this is a mother thing.”
He made a face at me. “You want me to just let this go?”
“Not let it go, just let me handle it.” I told him as he got into the bed and made me turn towards him. “Okay?” I asked before I kissed him gently on the lips.
“Okay.” He repeated. He said that reluctantly, but at least he agreed. “So….” He stalled as he slipped a hand under my shirt. “What’s up?”
“Are you up?” I asked him with a hidden meaning. 
“Damn right, I’m up.” He said as he grabbed my ass with both hands.
“Well come on then.” That was all I had to say for him to pull back the blanket and do what we do.
I was smiling hard as hell when he pulled off my panties. Damn, I have never been this excited to have sex in my entire life. Or maybe I have, I thought and then giggled to myself. 
“What?” Robert asked, grinning just as big as I was. He stood up and did the leg shake thing to get out of his pants and boxers. 
“Nothing, come on.” I told him. He went to turn off the lamp, but I stopped him. “No, leave it on.”
He smiled. I was never a fan of doing it with the lights on, but he is. I don’t like him seeing my face when I was into it. It’s embarrassing to me even though he’s heard all my moans and seen all my faces since we’ve been married for nine years. He liked it though so I figure I’ll put up with it for him. 
He got on the back on the bed and got on top of me, using is arm to support his weight. He began kissing me, his tongue delving deep into my mouth. Damn, if he would just bring his tongue a little lower. I let my hand roam his chest and stomach. I gently brushed over his manhood and balls, teasing him.
His hands were on my breasts now and his lips weren’t far behind. He licked, sucked, and massaged my breasts, making me moan just a bit. He started kissing my stomach, and I started tingling; I loved when he kissed my stomach.
He began making a slow trail of kisses down to my womanhood. I gasped as soon as his tongue flicked over my clit. I lifted my hips up from the bed, trying to push myself on his mouth. He cupped my ass in his hands and held my hips in that position. I was making incomprehensible sounds and moans as he licked me and pressed his tongue deep inside me. After a few minutes, I was squirming away from him. He had to hold my hips just to make me stay in place. He was destined to make me cum, and he certainly did make me cum.
He looked up at me, grinning with my juices on his mouth. Robert licked his lips and then leveled himself with me. He held his manhood in his hand and used his head to stroke my slit. I was still dripping and now, all I wanted was to feel him inside me.
“Come on,” I told him breathlessly. I was still recovering from my first orgasm. He wanted it just as much as I did so he didn’t waste any time to tease me as he usually would. He pushed inside me with one hard thrust that made me scream out his name. 
He covered my mouth with his, giving me a deep, but sloppy kiss. When he released my mouth, he shushed me. I just realized that Brianna left our door open. At this point, I really didn’t care if our children heard us. I don’t care if the entire block hears us. 
Robert continued to thrust into me, and I continued to do my best not to make too much noise. I matched my movements with his, thrusting my hips and pulling back in sync with him. He had one hand on my right breast and his right hand beneath my ass as he worked into me. I clenched the sheets with my eyes pressed shut. My body trembled with pleasure as I felt myself nearing my climax. Robert’s body was tight and I could tell he was ready to cum, too. He lifted my upper body from the bed and pressed my breasts to his chest. In this position, we came together. I held him this way, breathing heavily, with my head bent downward against his shoulder. I kissed his shoulder and sighed against his skin. 
“Damn, I needed that.” I laughed a little at that. Robert responded by kissing my forehead. I snuggled closed to his chest, finding warmth there. I swear I could sleep right here, just like this. Robert kissed me one last time before he released me and let me lay gently on the bed. 
“I’m gonna shut the door.” He told me as he hopped out of the bed. I didn’t respond, but simply nodded. Then I purely enjoyed the sight of him walking naked to the two big oak doors to our bedroom. He was tall and fine. Robert had skin just like dark chocolate and I just loved to lick it. 
When Robert returned to bed, we both got close to each other as we cuddled under the blankets. I kissed him one last time for the night. Our kiss was nice, sweet, and long, and it lingered on my lips after we broke apart. I nestled into his chest to go to sleep. He wrapped his arms around me, kissing my hair. No matter how much we argue, I love this man. He’s like my everything, no he is my everything.

When I awoke the next morning, my legs were sprawled out and my body was lying across the whole bed in the opposite direction that I fell asleep. Robert was gone. I looked at the digital alarm clock on the night stand; the red numbers read seven o’ four. Robert, once again, left for work early as hell and didn’t even bother to wake me up and kiss me goodbye or anything. 
I got out of bed and put on my fuzzy robe I had gotten about five years ago. It was pretty worn and faded but I loved the thing. Brian had bought it for me as a sad ass Christmas present, but I had grown to like it.
I made my way to Brianna’s room to make sure she was gone since I had over slept. As if by a direct gift from God, she had left for her bus on time. I then went to little Robert’s room to wake him up. He of course was still knocked out. I went to sit beside him in his bed. I pushed his hair back from his face so I could watch my baby boy slept. He looked so much like his father. His nose, his mouth, his ears, and his hair were just like his dad’s. All he got from me was his pretty brown eyes. He was so handsome; that’s my little man. He needed his hair done though. He and his father had long, thick Troy Polamalu hair. Right now I had him wearing it in a braid in the back. I usually kept his and his father’s hair braided right, but things have been stressful lately so I haven’t found the time to do it. It seems like Bobby is the only person showing me love in this household. Brianna is off the chain. Everything is a battle with her. If I say black, she has to say white. If I tell her she’s doing something wrong she always has an argument about why she’s right and Brianna thinks she is always right. Looks like Robert is back to his same stuff, leaving early in the morning and coming home late at night. I guess all he said last night was crap. He probably just wanted some ass. That’s cool, I just wanted some dick. Of course Brian is showing too much love and that could definitely become a serious problem. 
I gave Bobby a little shake and spoke softly to him. “Bobby, baby, wake up.”
Bobby snapped up quickly, looking around the room, seeming bewildered. “Dad?” Bobby asked more or less to the room.
“No, honey, it’s Mommy.” I told him as he sat up in bed and rubbed his eyes. Aww, I had to smile. He looked so innocent with his Steelers pajama’s on. 
“Mommy, where’s dad?” Bobby asked me. It sort of hurt my feelings a bit that my son didn’t even say good morning to me, but instead asked for his father, but I was used to it. But what was worse was disappointing my son by telling him his father left without saying bye again.
“Mom, where’s dad?” Bobby asked again when I didn’t respond right a\way. 
“Daddy went to work already, sweetie.” I told him with a frown. I hated seeing either of my children disappointed. It hurts to see that my babies can’t always be happy.
“What? He said he’s gonna take me to school today.” Bobby was pouting now. Once again Robert made another promise to his son and failed to keep it. 
“He must have forgotten.” I said in Robert’s defense. I didn’t want to flat out say that Robert acted like his business was more important than his family; even though I felt it was true.
“He always forgets. He doesn’t even care.” 
“Why would you say that? You know your father loves you.” Bobby was hurting so now I was too. I’m going to handle Robert if I don’t do anything else. It’s one thing to neglect me, but now his child? Hell no, I’m not having it. I wish I could kill him and then bring him back to life. That way I could happily kick his ass and then he could spend time with our son.
“How come when Brian promises to do stuff with Brianna, Brian really does it, but my dad won’t do that for me?”
“Because Brian doesn’t even have a real job. He writes some stuff about some sports game in his basement/office and emails it to the editor. Then they wire him a paycheck. He doesn’t even know what the paper editor looks like; he never has to leave his house.”
“But he leaves his house for Brianna. My dad won’t leave his stupid job.” Bobby crossed his arms and poked his lower lip out. 
I sighed. “I’m sure Daddy will take you out tomorrow if you remind him. He’s been forgetting a lot lately.” That’s an understatement. He’s been forgetting way too much for me. 
“I’m not reminding him.” Bobby looked down at the floor when he spoke. “I wish Brian was my dad. He’ll actually have time for me.” My heart broke into a million and one pieces.
“Bobby,” I pleaded with a sigh. “You don’t wish that and you know it. Your father loves you. He loves you so much, but he is also very busy. I will talk to Robert, okay? I don’t ever want to hear you say that again. Robert is your father and you know you don’t want anything different.”
“Okay, mom,” Bobby said in a small voice. 
“Now come here and give mommy a hug.” Bobby practically leapt into my arms, and I squeezed him tightly. “I love you, honey.”
“I love you, too, mommy.” Bobby lifted his head. “I don’t wanna go to school today.”
“Bobby, you have to go to school.”
“Please, mommy, I don’t wanna go.” Bobby looked up at me with the sweetest face. Only a monster could say no to him.
“You can’t just skip school.” I said to him. I didn’t want to just allow him to not go to school or he’ll think he can always do it, but how can I say no to him.
“Please,” Bobby begged.
“Okay,” I caved with a sigh. “You can hang out at the salon with me today, but you have to go to your after school program though.”
“Okay, mommy, thank you.” Bobby gave me another quick hug and then quickly jumped up to get dressed.
I know I just got played, but it’s all good. I made my son happy in the process. 





Chapter 3
Regina
“Dammit, dammit, dammit!” I screeched as I ran around my apartment looking for my blue and black pumps. I was already wearing a blue tube top and a black short sleeved half jacket with my dark blue LisaRaye skinny jeans so there was no way in hell I was changing.
“Shit, so the last time I was wearing them…” I started talking to myself aloud. “Mike was over…we were in the kitchen…I was dancing on the counter…and…” I went into the kitchen and pulled open the bottom drawer, where I kept my food storage containers, and there were my blue pumps with the black toe.
I quickly stepped into one shoe just as the doorbell rang. I hoped on my three-inch heel to the door, but before I got to the living room part of my apartment, the door opened. 
“Now, who the hell just walked in my house?” I demanded as I stood up after putting on my other shoe.
“The nigga who thought you’d be ready ten minutes ago.”
I smiled and gave my best friend a little hug. Drew was definitely my best friend in the whole wide world. Of course Kim and Charisse were my best friends too, but Drew knew me a whole lot longer and knows a whole lot more about me. We’ve been through everything together. 
“My bad,” I said after I hugged him. “I couldn’t find my shoes.”
“You have a million and one pairs of shoes, but it took you this long to find one pair.”
“But Mike bought me these.” I looked down and admired my pumps.
Drew sighed. “Oh, yeah, Mike,” He said my boyfriend’s name as if it were a venereal disease.
“Yes, Mike, my man,” I said as I gathered my purse. “What your beef with him?”
“He just doesn’t seem to be who he claims to be.” Drew said as we left my apartment.
“Stop it, Drew. I don’t know how many times we have to have this conversation. Mike is a good man, okay? I’m not saying I’m in love with him or anything, but this is my first serious relationship since high school with Jackson Jackson.” I scolded him.
 Yes, he had the same first and last name and he was my first love and I’d lost my virginity to him when I was eighteen in the back of his Lincoln after our school football team won the playoffs. It was senior year and he convinced me to take off my panties. He was quarterback and captain of the team. He was the best player in the school, and I meant that in football and the girls. I was head cheerleader and he was quarterback, it was only natural that we fell in love. It didn’t work out and we separated not long after that night in his car. It was a mutual breakup, but still he was my first and last real boyfriend. 
“I really like him,” I continued with Drew. “Why can’t you just be supportive of my relationship?”
“Fine, I’ll support you like a sports bra.”
“That was stupid.” I told him as we got into his silver Range Rover Sport.
“Dat wuz toopid,” He mocked back what I said but made it sound like he was special.
“You is a we-tard.” I said in the same stupid voice.
The two of us sat in the car calling each other retarded in that dumb ass childish voice for about three minutes. I finally got tired of it and said, “Take me to work now, please.”
“This is my car. I ain’t got to go nowhere.”
“Please, Drew, drive the car.”
“Say sorry.”
“For what, you started it.”
“So what, say sorry or I’m not driving.”
“I sighed and complied. “Fine, I’m sorry. Now can we get to work before we’re late, please?”
“Mmm-hmm, apology accepted.” He said as he started up his car.
“Douche,” I said in a low voice that was still loud enough for him to hear me.
“What was that?”
“Nothing.” I said in a singing voice. Then I laughed and Drew laughed with me.
Drew and I were always like this. He was my bestie since I was three and he was five. Originally, Drew was supposed to come over to play with Robert, but I was always with him too. Robert and Drew are also good friends, but Drew likes me more. I used to pull the wheels off his and Robert’s toy cars and they used to make my Barbie dolls hump each other. We were bound to be friends. 
When Drew parked in his spot at Climax we both hopped out of car halfheartedly. We were partially ready to do some work. Climax was a company based solely on sex. We did everything but prostitution and internet porn. All of our porn is legal and can be purchased at your local adult video store. Though we didn’t do prostitution here, almost every woman in this place will sleep with any other man here and in some cases, other women. This place is crawling with nymphomaniacs. I don’t consider myself a nympho, but I do really love sex. The only difference between me and most women here is that I don’t sleep with random men. I sleep only with my man and only after at least three dates. Well, sometimes there’s only two dates. And on fewer occasions, if I really like and trust the guy, it may happen on the first date. But it only happens if I really really like the guy and it only happens a few times. Well, maybe a bit more than a few, but I’m not a nympho or a hoe.
Climax did just about everything. There was even a phone sex hotline linked to this company as well as a porn site. We did professional photos, wrote informative articles, trashy books, scripts, and had our own magazine. This company probably had a whole lot of other things too, but I just don’t know or remember all of them. I’m not sure if they actually film pornos here, but I know there’s an AV room and when I went in there last year, a naked woman was laying on a desk with a camera man. And also I was asked if I wanted to do a video, but I’m not sure whether I was being hit on or if he was serious. Our slogan is, “Climax, where the buyer cums first.” Cums, get it? 
“Have a nice day, my little porn star.” I said to Drew as we went in opposite directions for work. 
“You too, just remember not to take your clothes off for anyone without an ID.” Drew laughed.
“Forget you.” I told him with an eye roll as I headed for my office. 
“Just keep your thong on.”
I rolled my eyes again as I went to see my girl Kara. They had her doing phone sex for the hotline. I had to do the same thing when I first started and truth be told, I hated it. It was interesting at first, but it got old fast. I never knew how many freaks were out there. When I went into the room with the phone-hoes, Kara was already on the phone with someone. Phone-hoe is not an insulting term per se, but instead what the people who did the calls were called. 
When Kara saw me, she waved me over to her and put the phone to her chest to block out the sound. “Gina, can you take over this call for me, please? I really have to pee and if I don’t get there in the next thirty seconds I’m gonna explode and then I’m gonna need you to find me dry pants.”
“You are so great at this phone sex thing. That was a very sexy statement.” I said sarcastically as I took the phone from her and sat on the corner of her desk. 
“Thanks, girl,” Kara called back to me as she rushed off to the ladies’ room.
“Hey,” I said in my sexiest voice.
“You’re not the same girl.” The man said. “But that’s alright.”
“I’m her best friend. I’m her bestest, bestest friend.” I moaned into the phone. “We are very close.”
“How close?” The man asked.
“Close enough to be called lovers.”
“That close?” Every man in the world loved lesbians.
“Hmm, keep your fingers right there.” I pretended as if I was moaning to Kara touching me. The old pervert seemed to like that.
“She’s fingering you?”
“Oh yeah, I wanna feel you too. At the same time, I want you both to finger me.”
The man made some kind of deep moan that sounded more gross than sexy, but what do you get with a sixty year old pervert with a phone sex fetish? Well, he’s paying a dollar and twenty-five cents a minute.
“Hmm, what would you do to me?” I coaxed. I started reviewing my Kama Sutra as I got bored. Since I’m just sitting here I might as well make sure I didn’t miss anything important for my article. Doing phone sex was the only part I didn’t like. Now I meant that as I don’t like it here at this job with strangers. Now when I’m on the phone with my man, I love it.
“Tell me more,” I don’t know what the hell the man had just said, but it didn’t really matter. As long as he thought he had my full attention, it’s all good. 
Kara came back minutes later and took the phone. She took over the conversation and I swear I wanted to laugh at her. I know I probably looked just as stupid. Pretty much everyone in this room did. Most of the people in here were saying all this sexual shit with a bored look on their faces while occupying themselves with something else.
I made a motion for her to move this along and she shrugged. I started moaning into the phone with her, trying to help the process. Moments later, the man thanked Kara and then we told him to call again.
“Girl, I need a favor.” I told her once she hung up the phone. She looked at the Kama Sutra and shook her head. “Girl, I stopped doing those types of favors in college. Well, at least stopped doing them for women.” She laughed and I rolled my eyes.
“Come on, Kara, stop playing. I need you to get me a small camcorder from AV.” 
“I can’t. Donnie’s not gonna keep doing favors for me. I already got you one and you made me return it because it was too big. Now that wouldn’t have been a problem except you broke the side of it from whatever it was that you tried to wedge it between.”
“It still worked.”
“But it was broke on the side and there was one of those black spots on the screen.”
“Regardless, it still worked.”
“Whatever, I can’t do it.”
“Come on, girl, he likes you.”
“I don’t want to lead him on. I don’t like him in that way.”
“Kara, please.” I begged. I really needed a small, discrete one. The one I have in my own bedroom is too big to go unnoticed.
“Regina…” Kara said in a hesitant way. I could tell she wanted to say yes, because she was my girl, but she really didn’t want to do it. Only she didn’t know how to say no to me.
“Thanks, Kara, you’re the best.” She didn’t say yes, but she didn’t say no either.
“Regina, wait, I don’t know if I can get it.”
“Thanks, girl, I knew you’d have my back.” Then I was power walking away. It was messed up that I did that to her, but I really needed a good, small camera.
“Regina!” Kara called after me, but I kept it moving. I’ll pay her back with something. We’ll go to lunch and I’ll let her get whatever she wants and pay.
I made my way to my office which was located on the fifth floor. The fifth floor was the editorial part of the building. It has everything and everyone needed for the magazine and the internet articles. I decided to take the elevators, my shoes were not meant for stairs. Hell, my shoes weren’t even meant for the sidewalk. 
The elevator was empty when I stepped in so I closed my eyes and leaned against the back wall. When the elevator opened for the next floor, a few people came in. I didn’t bother to open my eyes or even move to make space. I could tell it was only about four people. No one was speaking so the only sound in here was the elevator music that happens to be real music. Right now, Pretty Ricky’s “Love like Honey” was playing. Everything was perfectly fine, just the way I like it- then someone put their hand on my ass.
I opened my eyes and wanted to heave at the face at saw. It was Adam, in other words, the bastard, slime ball pervert. I usually don’t use words like slime ball, but it’s the best way to describe this non-human creature. He had black hair that had too much grease in it and was sort of curly but nappier. He could have been potentially handsome, but he was such a perverted asshole that his personality made him ugly. He probably had a tiny dick so that’s why he was such a creep and so rude to women. 
“You better move your hand or I’ll cut it off and shove it up your ass.” I told him. He slowly pulled his hand away with a sick little smirk.
“Please, don’t act like you don’t get down and dirty.” He said. He had asked me out and I turned him down. Ever since then he had been calling me a whore. I wished I could just slap the hell out of him, but that would show poor work ethic. I also wanted to press sexual harassment charges on him, but I’m not sure if that would be a great idea. This place was already a sexual environment so if we went to court he could use that to his advantage. And also, I don’t want to seem like the type of woman who can’t withstand in such a setting. Women have been let go because they couldn’t handle it. 
“I don’t get down with you.” I took two side steps away from him.
“You would if I paid you the right price. Tell me something, Regina, how much for some head?”
“Fuck you, Adam.” I said loud enough for the other three people in the elevator to hear. They all turned towards us and then slowly turned away. They were all listening to our conversation now. I didn’t care; I wanted more people to see how much of a douche bag he was. “I’m not a hoe and there isn’t enough money in the world to make me go down on your tiny ass, pinky-ass dick.”
He laughed nervously as the two women smiled and giggled softly at what I said. The other man in the elevator just looked like he was ready to get out. I planted my feet and put my nose up in the air like I was the shit.
“We’ll talk later, once we’re alone.” He said simply as if this conversation was brought up mutually. I snorted at that.
“Burn in hell, Adam.” 
“You’re the only one burning, Regina. There’s an ointment for that.” As soon as he said this the elevator opened up to the third floor. 
“You would know.” I said quickly, just to get the last word in. He walked out of the elevator looking smug. I fucking hated him with a passion. 
Once the elevator opened to my floor, I proceeded to my office. As soon as I stepped inside, I noticed a little Hallmark card on the floor that had been slid under the door. I opened the card where I stood and there was a short note written inside. 
Don’t let stress get you down; you’re too pretty to frown.
By the way, you look very beautiful today.
Love,
Your friend
The card itself said “keep your chin up”. It was a picture of a scene from Charlotte’s Web. This was the reason why I wanted the camera. At first I thought the notes were from Drew, as a little sweetness for my day, but when I asked him he said it wasn’t him. Then I thought it was Adam, maybe he was just being an ass, but the notes were so sweet and poetic I knew Adam hadn’t come up with it. Whoever it was ought to just come out and say it, because anyone who could be that sweet can get my attention.
I tucked the card into my bottom left drawer with the others. I decided to worry about it once I set up a camera.
I logged on my computer and blew a kiss at my desktop wallpaper background. It was Trey Songz with no shirt on and water dripping all down his sexy body. I would drop Mike in a second for one night alone with Trey Songz. I opened up Microsoft Word and read over my document, checking for errors and being sure I didn’t miss anything. It was titled Women vs. Kama Sutra. It was about women’s opinions on trying out the different positions in the Kama Sutra for their men. That was the top voted question for my column in Climax Magazine. My answer was that there was nothing wrong with experimenting with and/or for your man, just don’t do anything you’re not comfortable with. My article looked good and I got good vibes on it so I printed it. Then I went to take the document to the magazine editor. 
The editor’s office was at the end of the hall past the middle row of cubicles. I wasn’t particularly a fan of walking past the cubicles, because o had a lot of haters in this area. It was because myself and only three others were promoted to offices so of course we had jealous people left here in these non-privacy having twelve square foot wanna-be offices.
I went to the editor office and knocked lightly on the door.
“Come in,” Alyse said from inside. I walked into her office and held my document up for her to see. “Nice,” She said when I put the paper on her desk. She read over the title. “Good, this will probably be in the next issue. Are you doing the quick Q&A’s on the website?”
“Of course,”
“Good, I’ve had to threaten people to answer then in a timely fashion.”
“Well, I only do the ones directed to me.”
“Yeah, that’s all I ask. Ghost-writing is overtime.”
“Cool,” I said as I went to the door. I didn’t have any reason to hang around and Alyse was always busy anyways. When she talked to people, she was always doing something else at the same time. She barely glanced at people when they called her. A person is lucky is she pulled her glasses down from her face and gave them a three second look. She wasn’t even thirty yet she was running this magazine and everyone on this floor. She wore her hair in a ponytail and seemed like she never took breaks. Every time I see her down in the café she was sending emails on her blackberry or writing something as she drank her coffee. Busy woman, point blank period.
I went back to my office and shut the door. Pretty much I’ll spend the rest of the day writing on my topics for the week, responding to letters, and answering questions on the website. Climax Magazine, where the reader cums first. Cums, get it?

 “So where are you now?” I asked my boyfriend, Mike as I let myself into my apartment. Drew had just dropped me off from work and now I was ready to chill with my man for the rest of the night and then wake up to him in the morning. I was talking to him on my cell
 “I’m at home.” He said. “And I’m thinking of you.”
“I’ve been thinking of you all day.” I smiled as I plopped down on my couch and kicked off my heels. “So how ‘bout I come over and we can think of something good to do?”
“I can’t, babe. I’m watching my sister’s kids and if you come over I’ll only be watching you.”
“We don’t have to do anything. I can help you keep an eye on them. I just wanna spend time with you.” I could feel my lower lip poke out as I started to pout. It didn’t matter; the pouting thing only worked when he could see me. 
“I know, babe, but my sister is real particular about who’s around her kids. She’d cuss me out if one of my nephews told her I had some random chick over.”
“But I’m not some random chick, am I?” After all this time Mike and I have been spending together over the last month, I figured we were at least in an exclusive relationship. I never even called the guys I talk to boyfriends until I met Mike. I actually really like him. 
“Of course, you’re not some random chick, but that’s how my sister would see it. You haven’t met my sister or anyone else in my family yet to be considered my real girlfriend rather than a piece of ass on the side.”
“Well, let me meet your family, it doesn’t have to be today, but soon. You’ve already met my friends and my brother. I’d introduce you to my mom and dad, but, as you already know, both of them are unavailable.” My father left my mother when she was pregnant with me, because he didn’t want another child. My mother, God bless her soul, died of cancer when I was seventeen and Robert was nineteen. It was hard back then; she’s been gone for almost eleven years.
“Why are you pushing this so hard?” Michael asked me.
“Because I feel like you always have an excuse not to spend time with me outside of my apartment.”
“Now you know that’s not true. We just spent all of last weekend together in New York.”
“Not really, it was a business trip for you so I spent half the weekend by myself shopping and hitting the streets.”
“But you had a good time didn’t you?”
“Yeah, but I want to have a good time with you.”
“Regina, we can set something up.”
“Why? We never do anything spontaneously. Why do we have to plan everything?” I asked him. Now I really wanted to know this. I used to doing what I want when I wanted to do it. Now I have to plan ahead and fit into his busy schedule and that shit is annoying. But I really do like him so I have to be willing to be patient with him. I sighed into the phone. I’m still getting tired of it.
“Because I’m busy, babe. If you can’t work with me then maybe we should just stop seeing each other now.”
“I don’t want to stop seeing you.” I told him in a small voice. I didn’t want to break up I was just tired of getting no real alone time with him other than sex.
“Then work with me, babe. I just need you to be patient until my schedule clears up. I’ll try to make it over there tonight and if not I’ll take you to lunch tomorrow and we’ll do whatever it is you want to do. Is that good?”
“I guess.” I said, still pouting. I didn’t to push the situation or seem childish. I’m really not used to liking a guy this much.
“I’ll make it up to you, okay, gorgeous?”
“Okay.”
“I’ll see you later.”
“Alright, bye.” Then he ended the call and I sighed deeply. He didn’t even say bye.
I went to my bedroom and slammed myself down heavily on my queen-sized bed. I took off my jacket and hang it on the bed post and then soon after I was naked. I just lay there, thinking about Michael. I wasn’t touching myself or anything, but instead I was wishing we could spend time together. I don’t want to just have sex; I wanna do something or go out. I just wanna chill, talk, and smoke. Then of course, we can have sex later.
I got up and walked naked to the bathroom. I turned on the shower and stepped in it. I closed my eyes and let the almost hot water beat down on me. I simply stood under the spray. A few more of this passed and I was ready to wash up and get out. I reached for my Dove body wash and my loufa, ready to wash up, when my bathroom door opened. Then I immediately shrieked when the shower curtain was pulled back and I tried to cover myself with only my hands and my loufa.
“Michael?” I demanded when I realized who it was. I damn near had a heart attack. “What are you doing here?” I relaxed against the shower wall, not minding that I was naked and the shower was wetting up my floor. He already saw everything and every part of my body.
“I wanted to surprise you. You surprised?”
“Yeah,” I smiled. “I just talked to you like ten minutes ago.”
“I was in the elevator while we were talking. I figured I’d let you think I wasn’t coming, but then you’ll be a whole lot happier when I surprised you.”
“Did you know I was gonna be in the shower?”
“No, that was a good surprise for me.”
“So are you getting in or do you wanna stand there and wet up my floor?” I didn’t wait for an answer. I pulled his shirt off with my wet hands and accidentally dropped it into the small but growing puddle on the floor. We’ll it doesn’t matter now. He kicked off his Jordan’s and was careful to throw them away from the water. I was feeling giddy when he dropped his pants and his mans stood out boldly. I took his hand and led him into the shower and the closed the curtain.
“I wanna wash you.” I told him and he smiled. I squeezed a generous amount of body wash on my loufa and began to slowly wash his chest in gentle circles. I washed his arms, shoulders, neck, and stomach, innocently avoiding anything below the waist. 
“Turn around,” I said to him and he willingly complied. I began to wash his back slowly, taking my time as I drifted downward. I soaped him down his spine and even washed over his ass. He had a great butt.
I made him turn back around and this time I dropped down and washed his legs. Once I had his entire body covered in soap, I began washing his dick with my hands. More or less, I was giving him a soapy hand job. He reached for me, but I moved from him. I wanted to make him cum like this; I just wanted to pleasure him. I continued to jack him off and felt him begin to tense. Before I could get him to cum, he reached and lifted me up.
“It’s my turn now.” Mike said with a small grin. He reached for my Dove body wash and squeezed a lot into his hands. He ignored my loufa, wanting to feel me with his own skin. He rubbed his hands together until it became frothy and began massaging it on my breasts. When he became satisfied that my breasts were properly covered with soap, he moved on to my stomach. Unlike me, he didn’t avoid my sweet spots. He soaped up my womanhood, my hips, and my ample ass. He rubbed my legs down with the soap and gave me a quick foot massage.
He washed the soap from his hands under the shower spray and then he made me lean back against the wall. Then he began to stroke my slit with his freshly cleaned fingers. I was so wet; I just feel my sweetness dripping on his fingers. He slipped two fingers inside me and gave me slow, sweet, strokes. I bit my lower lip gently and tilted my head back. He was hitting my G-spot like whoa. I had to grasp the support bar in the shower just to steady myself. Seconds later, I came into his hand. He put his fingers into his mouth and sucked my juices off. Damn, the sexiest thing a man can do after fingering a woman is licking his fingers.
“Let’s go to your bed.” Michael suggested as kissed and sucked on my neck. 
“No, let’s stay in here.” I said as I guided his hands to my ass. “Did you bring condoms?”
“Shit, no, I forgot.” He looked disappointed, but hopeful. I shook my head at him. He knew I don’t trust the whole “I’ll pull out before I cum.”
I have condoms in my room.” I stepped out of the shower and went to the door. “Stay in here.” I told him and then I quickly padded across the floors to my bedroom where I kept my stash. 
In the top drawer of my night stand I had a drug store’s worth of protection, an assortment of swishers, white owls, and blunts, a couple dime bags of weed, a switch blade, and my .38. I stayed prepared for any situation. I had condoms ranging in sizes of medium to extra large. I didn’t keep small because if a nigga needed one he wasn’t getting in these panties. I took a large for Mike and quickly went back to the bathroom. I got back into the tub and went to Michael. I gave him the condom and waited as he put it on. 
“Turn around,” He told me and I did as he said and turned against the wall. “Naw, get under the water.” 
“No, my hair,” I said while still sporting a small smile. If I had on a shower cap or something, maybe I would, but not when I had a fresh sew-in done.
“I’ll buy you more weave,” He said jokingly or maybe he was serious. Mike definitely had paid for me to get my hair redone many time after he messed it up after a night of heat. 
I allowed him to position me under the shower head and let the water rain down on my back. I grasped the support bar and he leaned me forward. He stroked my back and pressed his manhood against my awaiting sex. I closed my eyes and waited for him to enter me. He just continued to caress my back while holding his elongated member only an inch or so from my womanhood. I was at the point where I wanted to beg for it, but I wasn’t doing that. Instead I took his hand and put it over my mound. My juices practically soaked his hand as he cupped me. He leaned down and began kissing my neck. I tilted my head back and gave him more access to my neck and shoulders. He stroked my clit and I held my breath. The wait is getting to be too much. I reached back and stroked him, trying to make it harder for him to hold back from me. He met my lips and gave me a deep kiss. 
Then he lifted straight up and pushed inside my haven in one fluid movement. I grasped the bar tighter as he gave me the pipe from behind. My mouth made a perfect oval as I moaned. He began to thrust into me harder and I began to buck my ass against him.
“Come on, Mike.” I breathed as he pounded me. He cupped my right breast in one hand and massaged my clit with the other. I gasped and moaned as he gave it to me and bucked my ass like I was on something. Michael thrust into me so deeply that his hips met my ass with every stroke. “Yes, baby, don’t stop.”
He kept his strokes going, slowing down just a little. After a few more thrusts, I came and he pulled out, but he didn’t cum himself. 
“Come on, babe.” He said. He turned off the water and took my hand. He led me out of the bathroom and we walked naked to my bedroom. 
“Wait; dry off before we get into bed.” I told him. I refuse to get my extra soft Playboy Bunni Sheets wetter than I am. I went to my dresser and grabbed my beach towel and tossed it to Michael. He began to dry off and I had to watch because his very erect penis kept getting catch on the towel. 
After we finished, he tossed the towel back to me. I quickly dried off and motioned for him to get into the bed. Before he did so he pulled off the used condom for another one. 
“Do you have more condoms?” Mike as me as he hopped on the bed.
“Yeah,” I said and then I went to my nightstand. I blocked it with my body, not wanting him to see my unnecessarily large condom stash. I selected one and gave it to him. He slipped it on and pulled me into bed. 
I got on his lap, facing him, and pushed against his chest. “Lay back,” I told him. I then positioned myself on his shaft and began riding him slowly, letting him savor each stroke. I smiled down at him as I worked my hips. Then I leaned forward and supported myself on my right arm and rode him faster. I lifted and lowered my sex on his manhood and took a handful of my pink and black Playboy comforter. I pushed my other hand against his chest and took him deep inside me. I tightened my Kegal muscles around his hardness and he grabbed my ass and squeezed. I threw my head back as I contracted my walls around him. 
“Stop doing that, you’ll make me cum faster.” Mike told me. His eyes were completely focused on my breasts as they bounced with every thrust. My head was spinning with ecstasy as he thrusts his own hips, sending me to amazing heights of pleasure. 
“I wanna make you cum.” I said between moans. I continued to thrust until I couldn’t go anymore. I began to slow, but I was able to keep my tempo. 
Then I came. My orgasm rolled through me like a wave and I fell forward onto his chest. I breathed heavily as I lay on his chest. 
“Shit, baby, that was good.” I breathed and then kissed his throat.
“You were good.” Mike said as he wrapped an arm around my body. There was a little dew of sweat on his forehead and chest, nut I liked that I had his heart pumping from my sex.
I cuddled close to him, still rubbing my legs together in attempt to subside the aftershocks of my orgasm. I didn’t want to just go to sleep, even though that’s all I feel like doing. I wanted to stay awake so I could chill with Michael. 
“Do you wanna watch a movie or something?”
“Yeah, but I’m hungry now. Why don’t you go make us some sandwiches and I’ll find us something to watch?” Mike suggested.
“I got something you could eat.” I said and I kissed his chest.
“I could eat you after I eat a sandwich as soon as you go make some.”
“How ‘bout you go make them and I’ll pick a movie?”
“Come on, baby, please go make us some food.” Mike gave me a deep kiss as extra incentive.
I smiled. “Fine, I’ll go make us some sandwiched. Pick a good movie.” I got out of bed after giving him a quick kiss and then I padded off to the kitchen.
I went to the fridge and got what I needed for our sandwiches. Mike likes every meet I have in the kitchen on his so I pulled out salami, pepperoni, turkey, ham, and corned beef. I threw a few pieces of each on four pieces of bread, added some lettuce, tomatoes, and miracle whip, and put the bread together. I made a turkey, ham, and pepperoni sandwich for myself with the other fixings and put our sandwiches on a plate. I put a large handful of chips on the plate and half ran back to the bedroom. 
I put the plate in the center of the bed just as Michael was walking back to the bed with the Comcast remote. He got in bed next to me and took a few chips at the same time. He put the chips in his mouth and crunched on them loudly and all I could do was shake my head and smile. He was so cute. 
“What are we watching?” I asked him as I took a small bite from my sandwich, not wanting to seem greedy. 
“Menace II Society,” He said, shoveling more chips into his mouth.
“I don’t wanna watch this.” I said in a bit of a whiny tone. “Let’s watch Love Chronicles 2.”
“Come on babe, I ain’t seen this movie in so long. Please, let’s watch this.”
I sighed. “Okay,” I complied. Truth be told I really didn’t care what movies we watched as long as we watched them together. I snuggled up closed to him and we sat up in the bed, eating and watching a movie. 
It turned out to be a great night. After we watched a movie, we made love again and then I fell asleep in his arms. This is exactly how I wanted the night to go. 

When I awoke the next morning I was sleeping alone. I crawled out of the bed, naked after Mike and I decided to “play” after we watched a movie. My 32” inch television was still on with the blue DVR screen on display. I turned off the TV and went to my clothes. After a quick shower, I dressed in an above the knee length skirt and a pink top with a belt. After I finished getting dressed, I grabbed my cell phone to call Mike. 
He answered after a few rings. “What happened to you last night?” I asked him. “Why did you leave?”
“I’m sorry, babe, but my sister called me in the middle of the night and I had to go.” He explained.
“Why did your sister need you so late, doesn’t she have a man?”
“She’s single right now so she’s living alone with two children. I’m all she has sometimes. I didn’t want to wake you so I just crept out.”
I sighed. “Okay.”
“Are you mad?”
“No,”
“I think you are.”
“I’m not, I understand.”
“Are you sure?”
“I’m positive.”
“One hundred percent positive?”
“Yes, now don’t ask me again.”
“Alright, I’m just making sure.”
I sighed again, but didn’t say anything else.
“Thanks, babe.” Mike said. “I’ll call you later, alright?”
“Alright,” At that I hung up the phone. I wasn’t mad, but I was a little upset. I figured we would actually spend the night together, but then he ducked out. Suddenly I craved a blunt.
I went to my nightstand drawer and searched beneath my condom stash to my other stash. Underneath the condoms was an earring case with a few bags of weed stuffed into it. I took a nickel bag and returned the case to its spot beneath the condoms. I also took a whit grape white owl and rolled the blunt. I sparked it and puffed deeply on it, held it, and then exhaled with a passion. 
Still smoking my blunt, I went in the kitchen. I decided I might as well cook for Drew instead of hitting the McDonald’s drive-thru as usual for breakfast.  I didn’t even put my blunt out as I cooked. By the time Drew knocked on my door and the walked into the kitchen, I had homemade waffles, cheesy scrambled eggs, bacon, sausage, and sliced fruit ready for him. 
“Yeah, it smells fire up in here. I hope you got some for me.” Drew said as he looked eagerly at the different frying pans on the stove. 
“You know I made you a plate.” I said putting a plate that was packed with food and a fork in his hands. I took my own plate and sat right on the counter. I took a few more puffs off my blunt and then held it out to Drew as an offering. He took it, took a few hits, and then put it out. 
“You are my new favorite girl.” He said as he tasted and obviously like his eggs. 
“I thought I was already your favorite girl.” I said as I drowned my waffles in syrup. 
“You were, but then I met my new girl Maya.”
“So you put your girlfriends in front of your best friend?”
“Actually I’m putting good sex in front of my best friend.”
“That’s pitiful.” I said and shook my head at him. Then I took a big bite of my waffles and mentally patted myself on the back. These were delicious.
“Can I have sex with you?”
“No.”
“Well it ain’t pitiful. I’m just getting what I need from someone who will give it to me.” We laughed at that.
“So what’s up with your boy?” Drew asked me after a while.
“You mean Mike?” I asked him as I ate popped a sliced strawberry in my mouth.
“Yeah, whatever,” 
“Why do you care so much about him?”
“I’m not allowed to ask about your boyfriends anymore?”
“Well, you always act like you have a problem with Mike when he’s never said anything wrong about you. Especially since a lot of the guys I’ve seen don’t like the relationship you and I have.”
“I just wanna look out for you. You’re my girl.”
“Mike is fine. He kind of abandoned me last night, but he’s fine.”
“What do you mean he abandoned you?” Drew asked as he sucked hot sauce off his fingers.
“Well, I wanted us to spend the night together, but he left in the middle of the night.” I sighed. I wasn’t upset, but thinking about it annoyed me.
“Hmm,” Drew shook his head, but didn’t say anything other than that.
“What?”
“Nothing, I don’t want you to get mad.”
“Tell me, Drew.”
Drew scraped the last of his hot sauce covered eggs up with his fingers and ate them. “You’ll get mad.”
“I’ll get madder if you don’t tell me.”
“Look, don’t get mad at me for saying this, but Mike might be messing around on you.”
“Drew, stop it. Mike isn’t cheating on me.”
“Mo, listen, you told me he can’t take you anywhere unless you plan ahead and he never took you to his house? Come on now, it seems to me that he got another girl that lives with him or he got kids.”
“Drew, stop, I don’t wanna here it. Mike is a good man. It isn’t his fault that he’s busy and it doesn’t help for you to judge him even though you only met him twice.”
“Regina, I’m just looking out for you. I would hate to have to kill that nigga if he hurts you.”
“He’s not gonna hurt me, Drew. I really like him and I know he cares about me.”
“He better not hurt you. You know I just wanna have your back and make sure you’re alright.”
“I am.” I hopped off the counter and gave my best friend a hug. “Thanks for caring though.”
“No problem.” Drew squeezed me tight and my eyes filled.
Tears ran down my face and I buried my face in his shirt. He was always there for me no matter what and I loved him for it. Even when I didn’t want him to, he had my back. I didn’t mean to start crying, but I guess it just got to me. Drew is like another brother to me. I don’t know what I’d do without him and Robert. 
“I know you’re not soaking up my shirt.” Drew said jokingly as I pulled away and he saw the tears in my eyes. 
“I’m sorry,” I said as I pulled myself together. “I just love you that’s all.”
“I love you too, girl.” Drew pulled me to him against and gave me another tight hug. “Do you need another minute or do you wanna go ahead and get to work?”
“I’m good.” I said, pulling a paper towel off the roll on the counter. I gently dabbed my eyes, not wanting to ruin my makeup. Good thing it was waterproof or I would have black lines down to my neck. “We can go.” I said.
Drew put an arm around my shoulders and gave me a kissed my hair. He smiled at me. He was definitely one of the sweetest men in the world. He, Michael, and Robert were definitely the sweetest men ever. 





Chapter 4
Kimberly
When I had come home last night, Dwayne was upset with me just as I knew he would be. He was angry that I hadn’t come home fast enough. First he was saying that I would rather spend time with my friends rather than with him and then he started saying that I was cheating on him and that I probably wasn’t even with Charisse and Regina last night. After he screamed and hollered for a while I allowed him to calm down, before I explained to him that I did want to spend time with him, but there were also other people in my life. He didn’t like that I’d said that and he felt that I should only want him in my life. Sometimes I just don’t understand him. There are times that he acts like he doesn’t want to be bothered with me, but then other times, he’s angry that I’m not giving him enough attention. It was mindboggling. I loved him with all of my heart and I know that I don’t ever wanna be without him, but sometimes I want to just get in my car and drive until I’m far, far away from him. Other times, I just want to hold him close and make sure he knows that I love him and that I will never let him go. I wanted him to know that he didn’t have to be jealous, because I could not and would not ever love another man the way that I love him. 
I want him to hold me like he used to. I remember when we used to just lay curled up on the couch, enjoying each other’s company. It isn’t like that anymore. Dwayne barely even holds me when we make love. That is if I can even call it that anymore. Sometimes it feels like we are simply having sex and doesn’t even feel like it used to. It feels like sleeping with a stranger. And he doesn’t even care about my pleasure. He climbs on top of me, grunts and moan, and then he’s done. He argues with me when I tell him, I’m not in the mood and when I am in the mood, I end up disappointed. We used to really make love. It used to be mid blowing. We used to be so much in love that our love making was like ecstasy on steroids. I used to orgasm and my moans used to be real. Now all I do is fake it. When I told Dwayne that he wasn’t pleasure me and that I wanted to do something so that we could both enjoy it like we used to, he hit me. He’d snapped and he felt like I was calling him less than a man. I’d never told him that I wasn’t enjoying it since then. If I don’t moan, he gets angry. He tells me that he likes the way I sound when I’m enjoying him and that he wants to hear me. If he can’t hear me, he automatically thinks I’m cheating on him and I’m “losing my voice with some other man”.
 But I give him want he wants, even if it is only to keep peace in our house. I moan in his ear and make him think that I am having the time of my life. When he’s being loving as he was yesterday, his kisses actually do feel good and I actually do get turned on. But then we get to the bedroom and he rushes straight into it and comes too fast for me to get any real pleasure from it. I may be just like Regina, but I actually do love oral sex. He used to do it for me, but he stopped and said he never really liked doing it. If I were to stop doing it for him, he’d only get angry.
I was downtown, just got my car back, and was now on my way to get my sister from the airport. My sister, Kierra, was going to stay with me and Dwayne for a few weeks so now I had to pick her up. She was going to college way out in Phoenix. Why she needed to go to college all the way out in Arizona, I don’t know. But she was a smart girl and she got a scholarship so I’m proud of her. I whipped my cute red Prius to the airport, and called my sister. I had gotten my car back from the shop and I’d never been happier to have my own vehicle.
“Hey, sis!” Kierra exclaimed excitedly.
“I’m outside.” I said. I didn’t purposely ignore her greeting but I had being stuck in traffic at the airport. “I’m at the end of the drop off.” I added. Pittsburgh was always crowded this time of year.
“Okay, I’ll be out there in a second.” She said. She must have been waiting by the door, because she truly did walk out in a second. I helped her put her suitcases into my trunk and then she was in my passengers’ seat.
“Hey, big sis!” Kierra screeched and she reached over the console to hug me. I hugged my little sister tightly and gave her a double kiss on each cheek.
“Hey, Bumpkin, how was your flight?” I asked as she released me. Bumpkin was a nickname my mother gave her when she was little and it lasted until she was grown. Here she was, twenty-two years old, and her family still called her by what she was called when she was in diapers.
“It was good and I got a number from a fine ass surgeon who’s here on business and told me to call him.”
I rolled my eyes at her. “Why is it that you pick up men wherever you go?”
“Don’t hate, Kimmy.”
I laughed. “I got a man.” I said as I pulled out of the airport, but was soon stuck in traffic on the parkway. I sighed; I hate being stuck in traffic.
“And I don’t so I’m allowed to play the field.” Kierra laughed.
“So what do you wanna do?” I asked, changing the subject.
“I just wanna have fun, you know? I wanna go shopping, hit the clubs, go on some dates, and then hit mama’s crib for Christmas.”
“Hit mama’s crib? This is Christmas; you’re supposed to want to spend time with family.”
“I do. That’s why I’m here with my big sister!” Kierra squealed.
“Alright, calm that down.” I moved up a few feet on the parkway, but of course I got stopped by a red light. “Are you hungry?” I asked my sister randomly. I figured this way I don’t have to worry about her eating. Dwayne already called me and told me that he was eating at the bar with his boys so I didn’t have to cook anything for him. 
“Yeah, actually I’m starving.” She said. “Let’s go to that place you and Dwayne took me to last year.”
“What, that Latino place?” I asked as the light turned green. 
“Yeah, I wanna go there.” She said. She was all excited about it. I smiled. I guess there are times when you can think of your little sister as adorable.
“Alright,” I said and we drove into the cultural district to Ceviche. Thankfully, there were minimal lights and we got there relatively fast. 
“So are we gonna be at mom’s or your house this year?” Kierra asked me as we ate. I had traditional Ceviche and she got fillet mignon bister.
“I’m looking at Mom’s house.” I didn’t go into detail why, but I just didn’t want my family and friends in my house for a prolonged amount of time until I find out what’s up with Dwayne. It’s only been two days since I found drugs in his car and he hasn’t said anything. I hope that means someone else borrowed his car and left it there. Dwayne may not even know about it, but of course whoever left it there may be looking for it.
“Kimmy, Kim, Kimberly, are you there?” My sister was saying as she snapped her fingers at me.
“Oh, yeah…sorry.” I said, taking off my Pepsi. 
“You just zoned out. Are you okay?” 
“Mmm-hmm, I was just thinking about something.” I smiled, not wanting Kierra to pry. “Anyway, what were you saying?”
“I said, I wonder if mom will mind if I bring a date.”
“What date? You just got here.”
“Well, you never know, I might meet someone.”
I rolled my eyes almost to the back of my head. “You’re a fast little thing.”
Kierra laughed. “Don’t hate.”
“Trust me, I’m not.” We were quiet for a few beats, not knowing what else to say. I would have welcomed the silence; it gave me time to think, but Kierra ruined it. 
“Do you know him?” She said, directing a nod at a man eating alone at a table.
I looked at the man and met his eyes. He smiled at me, and I gave him a small smile.  Then I changed my attention to my half full glass of Pepsi. It was Trent. I see at J Spot two days ago and now at Seviche. What are the odds? 
“I guess,” I said casually and then shook my glass gently, stirring the ice.
“What do you mean you guess? Either you know him or you don’t.”
“Well, I went to college with him and we ran into each other the other night.” I told her and then looked back at Trent. I tried to look away, but he caught my gaze and held it. He gave me another dazzling smile and then stood up. He dropped a few bills on the table as a tip for the waiter. I looked back to Kierra. I didn’t want to encourage him to come over since he had obviously finished his meal. He actually got up and left and I found myself oddly disappointed that he hadn’t come over to me. I mentally knocked the disappointment from my head. I don’t like him.
“He was watching you,” Kierra said. She was grinning like the Cheshire cat. “He’s fine too.”
“Stop it, I already know what you’re thinking and it isn’t true. I barely even know Trent.”
“Yet, you’re on a first name basis with him.”
“That’s because I don’t know his last name.”
“Then why’d you get all happy when you saw he was looking at you?”
“I didn’t get happy, I just smiled at him. I didn’t even show teeth. That was an acknowledging smile.”
“Then why are you being so defensive?”
“Because you’re asking me all these questions. I’m the big sister so shut up.”
Kierra laughed, but she dropped the issue. In sibling land, the oldest sister’s word is law.
“Actually, I’m ready to go.” I said and involuntarily looked around the restaurant as if Trent would have reappeared. I actually am a little surprised that he hadn’t come talk to me. I guess he got the hint from the other night. Good, I didn’t want to have to tell him again in front of my sister. I shook my head to myself. Who was I lying to? I knew all too well that I’d wanted him to come talk to me. That’s a dangerous thing for me to actually like him.
Kierra and I were sitting in my Prius, about to pull off when someone ran up alongside my car and stopped at my window. Just my luck, it was Trent.
“Why didn’t you call me?” Trent said immediately. 
“Don’t people say hi anymore?” I asked Kierra, but of course I wanted Trent to hear it. Kierra gave me a knowing look and I shot it down with a look that said “you know what I said.”
“I’m sorry. Hi, Kimberly.”
“Hi,” I looked to Kierra for help, but she adverted her eyes. I guess that was her way of saying “you said I was wrong so handle it yourself.” I reached into my purse for a piece of gum and popped it into my mouth to occupy myself.
“So…why haven’t you called me?”
I shrugged. “I told you wouldn’t.”
“Why not?”
“I don’t know you.”
“You can get to know me.”
“I don’t want to.”
“Come on, Kimmy,” Kierra jumped into our conversation. “Don’t be so mean.”
“Yeah, Kimmy, don’t be so mean.” Trent repeated and I glared at him.
“Don’t call me Kimmy.” I said.
“What can I call you?”
“Well, strangers call me Mrs. Boyde.”
“What do people who want to be friends call you?”
I rolled my eyes, but I couldn’t help but smile. “That was real cute.” I told him in a teacher to student manor.
“So is your smile.” We just looked at each other for some long moments before I was forced to tear my gaze away and turn to Kierra for support.
“Oh, yeah, Trent, this is my sister, Kierra. Kierra this is Trent.” I introduced the two and Trent reached into the car window to shake her hand. When he reached across me his hand accidently brushed my breast and I, on impulse, inhaled his cologne. He smelled really good. 
“So, Kierra, how about you tell your sister to call me?” Trent said to Kierra with his sexy smile intact. He noticed the involuntary shiver I made when he accidently touched my breast. I shook my head as if I could shake those thoughts out. I didn’t look stupid, because it seemed like I was saying no to calling him.
“I’ll see what I can do...um...Trent? My sister is very stubborn. Oh, and she’s married so I don’t appreciate you flirting with her.” Kierra laughed as she spoke. I love my little sister.
“I wasn’t flirting. I truly want to talk.” Trent said, sounding sincere. He was just as sincere as a wolf in sheep’s clothing.
“Well, we have to go, but maybe I’ll call you. Maybe.” I said. I knew I wasn’t going to call him, but it didn’t matter. He knew that too.
“Okay, cool,” I could tell that “maybe” made him happy, but he was trying to play casual. 
“Okay, bye.” I said, before I quickly reversed and then drove of the Seviche parking lot. 
“He was fine.” Kierra said as we got back on the parkway. 
“You said that already.” I said as I drove. I was focused on the road, but in my mind I was thinking about how good he looked and smelled. I shook my head again and the thoughts went away. I think it would be in my best interest to stay far away from this man. I could never see myself cheating on my husband or cheating period for that matter. Though for some reason I feel as though if Trent made the right moves and I had a few drinks, he’ll have me in his bed for a night.
“Yeah, but I said it when I saw him from a distance, now I’m saying it after seeing him up close.”
I rolled my eyes at her. “I don’t want to call him.” I said before she could get the chance to ask.
“Do you mind if I do?” Kierra said. It seemed like she was joking, but knowing her, she could be serious.
“Knock yourself out,” I know I said this and I know I’m married, but the thought of Trent and sister together made me…somehow….jealous. I shook my head once again, trying to shake the thoughts away. 
“You sure drove out of there fast as hell.” Kierra continued.
“I was getting uncomfortable.” I said simply.
“So you like him?” It really wasn’t a question. It sounded to me more like a statement of fact.
“No! Of course not, I’m a married woman. Why does everyone keep saying that?” I said as I turned onto my street.
“I’m saying it because y’all were eye-fucking.”
I nearly swallowed my gum. “Regina said the same thing. I swear I wasn’t.”
Kierra laughed. “Sis, I know you’re married, but you can’t let your face light up like it did when you see him or people will think y’all have something going on.”
“I don’t like him.” I said simply as I turned into my driveway behind Dwayne’s Jetta.
“Hey, I believe you.”
“Mmm-hmm,” I murmured. She didn’t have to believe me and neither did Regina, but I really didn’t like him. I mean. Yeah, he’s cute, but I only “like” my husband. 
When we went into the house, Dwayne was walking down the stairs looking nervous. I glanced at him and was about to go over to give him a kiss, but he rushed out the door.
“Well, here, we can take your things upstairs.” I said to Kierra, but I was still thinking about Dwayne. I guess I’ll talk to him after I get Kierra situated. 
After we took her things up to the guest room, Kierra’s cell phone rang. 
“Hi, Mom!” Kierra squealed into the phone. 
“Tell Mommy I said hi.” I told her.
Kierra, acting like a kid, walked away and went to the other side of the room. She put her index finger up to tell me to wait.
“Yeah, my flight was good.” She continued to talk. I followed her to the other side of the room. I wanted to hear my mother’s voice. I hadn’t talked to her in a while and I missed her.
“I’m staying at Kim’s the whole time I’m here, but of course we’ll be there for Christmas and a lot before then.” 
“Hurry up, Kierra.” I said; still on her heels and listening to my mother speak.
“Kim’s here…I seen Dwayne, but I think he left.” Kierra laughed. “Well, that’s her husband.”
I raised my eyebrows in her direction. “What was that?”
“I’ll come over right now.” Kierra paused and looked at me. “I’ll tell Kim to call you.”
“What did mom say about Dwayne?”
“Oh, nothing, but she said call her. “Before I could comment she bounced out of the room.
I pulled out my cell phone and called my mother as I followed Kierra downstairs. “Hi, mommy,” I said sounding much like a little kid. 
“Hey, Kimberly.” My mom said. Her name was Antoinette “How have you been, baby?”
“I’ve been good, mommy. How ‘bout you?” I said as I sat down at the kitchen table.
“I’m fine. Why haven’t I heard from you in so long?” 
“I’ve been busy.”
“With what? You don’t work nor have kids.”
“Mom,” 
“Alright, are you coming for Christmas?” 
“Of course,”
“Well, you said you’d come for Thanksgiving but you didn’t.”
“Like I said, I’ve been busy. Dwayne and I have been doing us.” Too bad we were doing that now.
“Hmm, well is Dwayne coming?”
“Of course he’s coming. He is my husband.
“I don’t care if he comes or not, I’m just asking.”
“Okay,”
“Kierra’s on her way over here, why don’t you come too? I want to see both my daughters.”
“I might come over later, but I wanna see what’s up with Dwayne first.”
“Okay, well if not I’ll call you tomorrow.”
“Okay, mommy, bye.” I disconnected the call. I missed my mom, but it seems like every time I’m with Dwayne at her house she acts like she has a problem with him. Then of course Dwayne notices and that only makes more problems for us. That’s the real reason why Dwayne and I didn’t go to Thanksgiving dinner at her house. He didn’t want to go and I didn’t want to go without him. 
I put my head down on the table and groaned to myself just as I heard the back door open and then close.
“Kimberly,” Dwayne said in a low voice. “I’m gon ask you this one time and on time only.”
I lifted my head up from the table and looked at him. He looked angry and he sounded even worse.
“Where is my shit, Kimberly?” He demanded and I actually felt a little scared. 
“Dwayne, what-” I started, but he cut me off.
“You stole something out of my car and I want it.”
I glared at him. He was talking about the cocaine. “Dwayne, why do you have that? Don’t you know that’s illegal?” I started saying. I didn’t want to give him the drugs because I was afraid of what he was doing with them. 
“I don’t give a fuck!” Before I could react Dwayne grabbed me by my ponytail and yanked me to the floor.
“Dwayne, let me go!” I screamed, grabbing at my hair, trying to pry his fingers away. “Dwayne!”
“Shut up! Shut the fuck up and get my shit!” He yanked my hair so that my face tilted up to his. I was on my knees with both hands on my hair, trying to get Dwayne off me. “I will beat the shit out of you, Kimberly, I swear to God.”
I was crying now. It felt like he was going to tear my scalp. “Dwayne, please let me go.” I begged him through my tears. 
“I’ll let you go as soon as you get my shit.”
“It’s upstairs.” I whimpered. “It’s in my dresser.”
“Bring your ass on.” Dwayne pulled me by my hair and forced me to walk up the steps to our bedroom. Once we got there, he slammed me on the floor. I noticed that my purse was emptied out on the floor so he must have searched it. I brought my knees to my chest and wept. He promised me he’d never put his hands on me again. When we’d first resolved our issues after the first time he’d started hitting me, he told me that he swore his life that he’d never hurt me. 
“Where is my shit, Kimberly?” Dwayne demanded and then he grabbed me again by my hair and pulled me up on my knees. “Where the fuck is it?”
“It’s in the dresser,” I whimpered and he threw me in the direction of the dresser and I had to grab the edge of it to steady myself. I pulled out the top drawer that contained my underwear and reached into it. I had it buried under my panties and bras. I pulled out the baggy and gave it to him. 
“You bet no have used my shit,” Dwayne said. “Clean yourself up and wipe your damn face before your sister gets back.” Then he simply left.
I stayed where I was and cried. I can’t believe what just happened. My scalp was on fire and it felt like I lost hair. I rubbed my hand over my head and tried to soother the pain with no avail. Dwayne promised me he wouldn’t do this again. I don’t know what happened to him. I knew he was always angry lately and I knew he’d been continuously yelling at me, but I’d never thought he’d hit me again. He promised me.
By strength I didn’t know I had, I got up and put my things back into my purse. I went into the bathroom and cleaned my face up and then reapplied my makeup. I needed to get out of this house. After I fixed my clothes, I looked as if nothing had happened. I still had red eyes from crying, but other than that a person would have to look really close to see anything wrong with me.
I practically ran downstairs to the back door. I heard Dwayne watching television as if everything were normal. 
“Kimberly,” Dwayne called to me, but I ignored him and turned the knob to the back door, but it was locked. 
“Kim, please come here.”
“No,” I said defiantly. He wasn’t going to hurt me again. 
“Kim, please, baby come here. Kimberly please,”
“No,” I said again this time more firmly. I was fumbling with the locks when Dwayne ran in and hugged me from behind. At the same time as he had grabbed me, I got the door opened. “Dwayne, get off me, please.” I could feel myself about to start crying again. 
“Kimberly, I’m so sorry.” He hugged me to him tightly and started pressing hurried kisses to my face. “I didn’t mean that.”
I finally got out of his embrace and then bolted out the door. I ran in my heels down the stairs to the driveway and clicked my car unlocked. 
Dwayne followed me out and he called to me. “Kimberly, please don’t leave me.”
“I’m sorry,” I said and then I was getting in my car.
“Kimberly, bring your ass back here!” Dwayne yelled at me and I only became more afraid.
“Please don’t, Dwayne,” I cried and got into my car. He started to come down the stairs after me and I quickly pulled out of the driveway. 
“Kimberly, don’t bring little ass back then, you dumb hoe.” Dwayne was still yelling at me and I swear I could still hear him until I turned off our street. I was just driving with no destination in particular. I wanted to go to my mother’s. I wanted to lay on her and cry. She was the only person I wanted to talk to, but I didn’t want to tell her want Dwayne did. After I drove for a while well above the speed limit, I parked on the side of the street and cried. I truly sat and cried until I wanted to go to sleep. Next thing I knew, I was driving to J Spot. 
Once I got there, I sat right at the bar and ordered a cosmopolitan and a black rose. I told Chuck to stay close with the shots. I was never big drinker, but I knew tonight would be different. 
“Rough night?” Chuck asked me as he put my drinks in front of me.
I nodded. “The night is already terrible and it barely even started.” I picked up the shot glass and drowned the black rose in one big gulp. The vodka and tequila seemed like it burned my throat on the way down, but it did exactly what I wanted it to do. The alcohol allowed me to think of something other than Dwayne. A few more of these and I won’t be thinking about anything except what make me happy. 
“You want to talk about it?” Chuck asked. He was doing the usual bartender thing and was cleaning glasses as he spoke to me. The only thing was that Chuck didn’t seem like the kind of bartender that you talked to about the day’s problems while you got pissy drunk. He was the kind of man women looked at but rarely approached. He seemed like a guy who’s been through a lot in life. He seemed like a guy who only dated bold women who rode on the back of his motorcycle without caring about their hair. He was really a nice guy, but with all the tattoos and black clothing he didn’t always seem like it.
“You don’t seem like the kind of person who’d want to hear my night’s story.” I said as I sipped the cosmo. It tasted good. He sure knew how to mix a drink.
“What kind of person do you want to talk to? You have a problem and you obviously need to vent, so vent?” he said and gave me a smile as he spoke. Chuck had a nice smile. From a distance he looked like he’d hurt somebody, but when you talked to him you realized he was just a big sweetheart.
“I’m having problems at home.” I said as I tentatively sipped my cosmopolitan. “With my husband,”
“Care to elaborate?”
“I think he’s involved with drugs,” I said and then I brazenly finished off the cosmo. I may have to be a little twisted to finish this story.
“Using or selling?”
“I’m not sure,” I said and then I pushed the empty glasses to him as I sucked on the lime to occupy myself. I made a face and my lips puckered at the sour taster.
“You know you’re real cute.” Chuck said as he watched me with the lime. “Should you really be drinking? You’re a sixteen year old in a twenty-five year old’s body.”
“I just…” I didn’t know what to say to justify what I just did so instead I just put the lime slice in the cosmo glass. “Can I have another set please?”
Chuck simply smiled at me and got me another cosmopolitan and black rose. “So what’s up with your husband?” He asked, moving the conversation back to what I was telling him.
“He’s acting weird and he did something to me that I don’t care to say. I don’t what happened, last month he was perfectly happy and carefree. This month he’s always so angry.”
“What did he do?”
“I said I don’t care to say.”
“Alright I understand, but I could understand better if I knew.” 
“He snapped on me. He’s never done that before. Well, actually he did once, but not like this did, he never actually…”My sentence trailed off.
“Did he hit you?” Chuck looked serious rather than all smiles as he did before. He hated men that disrespected women. 
“Well, no…” I said after a bit of hesitation. Dwayne didn’t actually hit me, but he hurt me just as well. 
“It took you long enough to answer,” Chuck said, studying me.
“He really didn’t. I don’t know why I hesitated.” I drank the shot, slower this time. It took two gulps.
“Do you need someone to take you away from it all?” He asked with a half grin and half smirk on his face. He could see that I was uncomfortable so he was making light of the situation.
“Not yet,” I kidded back to him. “I’ll let you know if I start liking white boys.”
“Oh, cold,” He said and shook his head. “I said nothing about you being black.”
I smiled. “I’m just messing with you,” I sipped my drink. 
“Oh, I don’t care; I don’t like crazy women anyway.”
“Crazy? What gave you that impression?” 
“You just have that look?” He said, eyeing me with mock suspicion.
“And what look is that?”
“The crazy look,” He said and then laughed. I had to laugh with him. 
Despite the fact that I was able to laugh now didn’t make me forget about how Dwayne treated me today. And the only other thing going through my mind was where was I going after I got finished drinking myself into a stupor. I couldn’t go to Charisse’s because she had children and I didn’t want to go into her household like that. I couldn’t go to my mother’s because she would want to know why I was drinking when that usually isn’t like me. I don’t want to have to explain it to her. I could go to Regina’s, but she usually had a man sleeping with her these days so I would hate to ruin her thang. I could always go home. Dwayne couldn’t keep me out of our home no matter what he said when I left. I know he’ll let me in. Or he would only get angrier at me. I guess I’ll have to buckle down and go to my mother’s.
Chuck left me to my alcoholism, but kept making me drinks as I asked for them. I had another round when I received some company at the bar. This brought me up to a grand total of three cosmopolitans and three black rose shots so it was safe to say my judgment was a wee bit impaired. 
“Hey, Trent,” I said in mid hiccup or burp. I really couldn’t tell. “Excuse me,”
“What’s up with you?” Trent asked me as he eyed the empty shot glass in front of me and the cosmo I was sipping on.
“Nothing, nothing,” I hummed. “I’m considering a divorce though.” My eyes widened. “I really didn’t mean to say that.”
“How many have you had?” He asked me. I was sure he was referring to the number of drinks I’ve had tonight.
“Only a few,” I giggled. That was a bit of an understatement. Three cosmos and three shots equal six drinks. I wasn’t a big drinker so for me that was a lot. Every now and then my head will pound and the room will spin around me. 
“She’s had seven,” Chuck jumped into our conversation from the other end of the bar. “I already took her keys and was about to call her a jitney. Are you gonna take her home?”
“I guess or I’ll call her husband.” Trent said as he looked at me with concern in his eyes.
“No, don’t call Dwayne.” I said, leaning over in the bar stool. “I don’t wanna talk to him right now.” I reached into my purse and pulled out my phone. I scrolled through my contacts and called Regina. Since I had involuntarily decided to get a little tipsy, I decided going to my mother’s was out of the question. The phone rang and rang before I finally heard her voice.
“Yo,” She said. That was her way of answering a phone call.
 “Regina, I need...a favor.” My words slurred just a bit as the alcohol truly started to take effect.
“What, girl?” She asked. She sounded like she was in bed.
“Guess what?” I asked her randomly instead of answering her question. I ran my hand across Trent’s cheek and he looked at me as if I were crazy.
What?”
“I’m with Trent.” I sang and then started laughing at that.
“What are you with Trent? Are you drunk?”
“I’m not drunk?” I said quickly. “I just have a little headache.” I blew Trent a kiss and was rewarded with another one of those “she’s insane” looks.
“Do you want me to pick you up?”
“No, I think I’ll stay with Trent.”
“Then why did you call me?” 
“I don’t really know.”
“Where’s Dwayne?”
“I don’t really care that much right now.”
“Kim, let me talk to Trent,” Regina said sounding much like a distressed mother.
“She wants to talk to you.” I said to Trent as I gave him the phone.
“Hello, “Trent said and I finished off my third cosmo. Chuck had cut me off already so I couldn’t even get another one. I never realized how fine he was. I knew he was cute, but now he was worthy of a day-ummm and I don’t even cuss. I mean dang, he was sexy.
“I guess I could take her home, but she doesn’t want to.” Trent continued.
 I smiled. He talked as if I was a child rather a grown woman. 
“I’ll bring her to your house; just tell me where you live.” Trent continued. “Well, do you want me to take her home with me?” He asked sarcastically.
“Ooh, yes, I would love to come home with you.” I said aloud. He gave me a look and I laughed. “I’m kidding.”
“Oh, for real?” Trent said as he watched me. “I’m just surprise you trust me.”
“Hey, Trent,” I said as I stroked his face. “Do you trust me?” I laughed at his reaction. Maybe it was the six (or seven) drinks that I’d had, but I was feeling bold tonight. Bold enough to give Trent a ride. I laughed again. I sound like Regina.
“Anyway,” Trent said and he focused on his conversation with Regina. “I’ll babysit for the night.”
“Babysit?” I asked immediately. “Trent, I don’t need you to babysit, I need you to…” My voice trailed off and I giggled.
“Alright, then,” At that he hung up the phone and gave it to me. I tucked it away safely in its compartment in my purse. “Chuck, you can give me her keys.”
Chuck reluctantly gave Trent my keys after asking me, “Are you gonna be alright with him?”
I smiled at the fact that he cared. “Yes, he’ll take care of me.” I don’t really know why I did it, but I gave Chuck a friendly kiss on the cheek and waved goodbye to him as Trent led me outside. 
“Wait, I need to sit down.” I said and then, without waiting for him to help, I sat down right on the curb. I didn’t feel as drunk as I did in the club, but I knew I would feel it in the morning. I was feeling it now that Trent was making me walk. 
“Come on, my car is like ten yards away.” He said, trying to pull me to my feet but I wouldn’t let him.
“Trent, carry me.” I told him and I stretched my arms up to him like a child. 
“Are you serious?” He asked me incredulously. 
“Yes, I don’t wanna walk anymore, Trent.” I said and he scooped me up. I snuggled into his chest and felt his biceps. “Yo are so strong.” I squeezed him again. “And so...hard.”
Next thing I knew he was putting me in the passengers’ seat of his Tahoe. You can do things in the backseat of this truck.
I think I must have fallen asleep in his car, because the next time I opened his eyes he was carrying me again.
“Are we going to bed?” I asked him.
“Yes,” He said simply.
“Together?”
“No,” He shook his head. “I’m letting you sleep in my bed and I’m going to sleep on the couch.”
“Won’t you sleep with me?” I asked him boldly as he laid me in his bed.
He laughed. “You’re drunk as hell.”
“I’m not asking you to have sex with me.” I said as I took off my shoes and threw them on his floor. “I don’t want to be by myself.”
“Why not? Will you have a nightmare?” He said, sitting on the corner of the bed.
“Maybe,” I said looking down at my hands. Maybe I’ll dream about Dwayne trying to choke me this time rather than just pulling my hair. “I don’t like sleeping alone.”
“You should sleep with your husband.”
“I don’t want to be around him right now, but at the same time I wish I could be with him. So we could comfort each other.”
 “Why do you need to be comforted?” Trent asked me. He looked at me with very sincere eyes and I felt like he truly cared. Or of course he could be playing the role of a bartender. He could just be listening to be polite. 
“After what happened today, I feel like my marriage is only hanging on by a thread.”
“Do you talk about how you feel to each other or are you just letting it happen?”
“We used to. Now we seem to grow farther and farther apart. He never wants to talk when I try. Then today we had a big…fight and I truly wanted to leave him. I just ran from the house and went to J Spot.”
“What do you mean, you ran?”
“He called after to me, but I ignored him. He told me not to come back when I got into my car and drove off. I don’t think he meant that though.”
“Do you love him?”
“Of course, I’ve always loved him. I wouldn’t be fighting with myself if I didn’t.”
“Then why do you want to sleep with me?” Trent asked and I really didn’t know how to answer.
“I don’t know. I guess so I could feel better. I guess since it seems like Dwayne doesn’t care anymore then I’ll feel better if some other man does.”
“Will he let you go back home?”
“Yes. I know he didn’t mean it when he said don’t come back. He was just angry. He just needs time to cool down before we can talk.”
“Do you believe he loves you?”
“Yes. I know he does. It’s just sometimes…I’m not so sure.”
“Well if you’re questioning whether he loves you or not, you should talk to him, not get drunk and try to cheat on him.”
My face darkened. He was right. “I thought you’d want to do it. You’re always flirting with me.”
“I would actually love to make love to you, but not while you’re too drunk to enjoy it. I want you to aware of everything I’m doing to you so you can get all the pleasure possible.” He said with his eyes locked on my and I looked away and blushed. Thank god I was too dark for him to see it. As a man I wouldn’t get in the way of you being so obviously in love with in love with your husband. If you were with me for a night, you’d be saying ‘Dwayne who?’” That brought on another blush.
“Well, thank you,” I said to him after a moment. “For not letting me do something stupid. And also for taking me into your home for a night even though you don’t know me.”
“No problem.”
There was a silence between us and then my phone vibrated. It was a text from my sister. 
‘Where r u?’ She texted me and I really didn’t want to text her the full truth.
‘Im @ a friends house.’ I texted her. 
‘Well your husband is lookin for u.’
‘Is he mad?’
‘It seems like it. R u coming home 2nite or wat?’
‘No im staying the night here’
‘Dwayne is not gonna like that. He started snapping cuz I came here and u wasnt wit me’
‘I’ll deal wit that 2morrow’
‘Y didnt u tell him u were stayin @ sum1 elses house’
‘Cuz I wasnt plannin on it’
‘Do you want me 2 tell him 2 call u @ least he can talk 2 u’
‘I guess’
‘OK, I’ll tell him’
‘Ok’
I looked at Trent and sighed deeply. “That was my sister. My husband is looking for me.”
“Is that a good or bad thing?” He asked.
“She said he was still upset so I’m going to say bad.”
“I can take you home if you want.”
“That’ll be worse to have some random guy dropping me off at my house.”
“Yeah, I guess it would be.”
Moments later my phone rang and Beyoncé’s End of Time filled the room. I knew it was Dwayne without looking at the screen. I really didn’t want to answer, especially not in front of Trent, but I didn’t want to him have to tell him to leave. 
“Hello,” I answered the phone.
“Kimberly, where the hell are you?” Dwayne demanded in a loud voice that I know Trent heard. 
“I’m at a friend’s house.” I said even though I felt that he didn’t deserve an answer.
“What friend? I want you to come home, now.”
“Dwayne you are not my father.”
“Don’t start that shit with me, Kimberly. Bring your ass home right the fuck now.”
“Dwayne, who do you think you’re talking to? You are my husband, not my daddy. This is why I left and this is why I can’t deal with you right-“
He cut me off. “You know what, Kimberly? Keep your ass wherever the hell you are. I’m trying to apologize to you and show you the kind of man I am and here you go running your mouth.”
“Dwayne, I haven’t heard an apology from your mouth yet. All I heard was you screaming in my face. And the kind of man you are is the kind of man who swings his wife around by her hair when his stuff that he shouldn’t have had anyway disappears.” I regretted it as soon as the words left my mouth. Trent was looking at me in a way that I couldn’t explain because he had heard what I said. Dwayne was pissed off by it.
“Fuck you, Kimberly! I do whatever the hell I wanna do in my own house. You had no right taking my shit anyway so you brought that shit on yourself. You keep running your mouth like you on something and I’m going to have to really hurt your little ass.”
“Are you threatening me? Dwayne, are you using that stuff?” My tone went from angry to compassionate.
“Bitch, who the hell are you to ask me if I’m using or doing anything?”
“What did you say? Dwayne, you will not call me out of my name.”
“Shut the fuck up, Kimberly. I’ll call you whatever the hell I wanna call you. You are my wife.”
“That’s right, Dwayne. I am your wife, not your property. This conversation is over.”
“Kimberly, don’t you hang up on me or I will-” Click. I sat the phone on the nightstand and folded my arms across my chest. I looked at Trent while trying to steady my breathing. 
“Please don’t tell me he swung you by your hair.” Trent said and I nodded slightly.
“We got into a fight earlier.”
“There is nothing in the world y’all could fight about that gives him the right to put his hands on you.”
“He was really mad. It was my fault really. I shouldn’t have moved his stuff.”
“No it isn’t your fault. No man has a right to hurt a woman. That make me want to kick his ass and I don’t even know him.”
“No, Trent. It’s okay, really. It was the first and last time, I swear it.”
“Fuck that,” He said, shaking his head.
Dwayne had lost his ever-loving mind. Trent was right. He had no right to do what he did to me. I refuse to be talked reckless to as he just did also. I sighed as the phone rang again. I decided to ignore it. I knew it was him and I don’t care to get yelled at again. Trent watched me, wondering whether I would answer it or not. I ended up caving and I answered it.
“You know, Dwayne, I don’t wanna hear any more of your mess, okay? So if you wanna argue and call me names, you might as well hang up now, because I don’t wanna hear it.”
“Kimberly, I-” He started, but I cut him off.
“No, I don’t wanna hear it.” I said and then waited. He was silent for a few beats and then he finally responded.
“Kim, I’m sorry.” Dwayne said and I found myself rolling my eyes. After I didn’t respond for a few moments, he kept going. “Kim, I truly am sorry. It just upset me that you really left and didn’t some home, okay? I wanted to talk to you, but you ran out. I just snapped.”
“Dwayne, you snapped earlier. I can’t just keep accepting apologies and letting you treat me any kind of way. Because what happened earlier, I don’t ever want to happen again.” The alcohol was making me bolder than I ever was so I just kept talking. “You will not ever put your hands on me as you did today or I promise you I’m leaving and never coming back.”
“I understand and I promise it never will happen again. I love you, okay? You have to believe that no matter how mad you are right now.”
“Dwayne, I do believe you love me, but you sure have a funny way of showing it. You really hurt me earlier, physically and emotionally.”
“I know and it will never happen again.  I swear to you. I just love you so much; don’t you still love me?” I felt my heart melt when he said that.
“Baby, of course I still love you. I love you more than anything.” I told him and I held the phone to my ear with both hands and sat up on my knees in the bed. It made me feel as though I was closer to him rather than talking on the phone. 
“Then why are you doing this to me?”
“Why are you doing this to me?” I repeated back to him. “You continue to treat me reckless and expect me to be with you. I can’t deal with that.”
“You are my wife. You’re supposed to stick by me through thick and thin, sickness and in health, till death do us part.”
“I know that. I am your wife, but I am not your mother. And you seem to be getting your definitions mixed up. You seem to be confusing me with your mother, your property, your maid, your personal chef, your doormat, and your punching bag. Dwayne, I can’t this anymore.”
“Why are you acting like this dammit?” Dwayne demanded. “Are you cheating on me or something? Where are you? Are you with another man? Who the hell are you with, Kimberly?”
“I’m not cheating on you, Dwayne!” I told him defensively. Though, I had thought about it. Even though I had wanted to with Trent, I truly couldn’t do it. I could never do that do him. I loved him too much. If Trent would have said yes, I would have punked out. “Why would you even ask me that?”
“How am I supposed to know if you don’t come home and talk to me?”
“You told me not to come home.” I shot back at him.
“You know I didn’t mean that.”
“Tell me how I would know.”
“Because we’re married,”
“That doesn’t make me a mind reader. I know all that I’ve heard and seen. And so far, you’ve been telling me that you don’t want me around anymore.”
“Kimberly, I just told you I loved you and I want you to come home.”
“But that’s not how you act. And yelling at me all the dang time isn’t going to change my mind about how you feel about me.”
“Kimberly, you’re starting to get on my nerves with the fucking mind games.”
“Here you go again with that. Dwayne, we’ll talk tomorrow, because you are obviously still upset and I can’t talk to you like this.”
“No, we can talk now.”
“Tomorrow, Dwayne. I can’t right now. I don’t know what we’re doing.”
“We’re married. What do you think we’re doing?”
“I don’t know, Dwayne. I just don’t, okay? We’ll talk tomorrow.”
”When will you be home?”
“I’ll be there as soon as you get in from work.”
I could hear him sighing. “Okay,”
“Alright,” I said as I was preparing to hang up.
“I love you,” He added.
“I love you, too.” I said and then I hung up the cell phone. The conversation was left dangling in the chaos, just like my heart.
“Are you okay?” Trent asked me. He had waited patiently for me to finish my call.
“I guess, but I’m starting to feel sick to my stomach.”
“That could be the vodka.”
“Maybe, or it could be my marriage. It’s falling apart and there’s nothing I can do to stop it.”
“If you two really love each other, there’s always something you could do.” Trent said. 
I thought about that for a moment, but before I could do any real thinking I felt like I wanted to throw up. “Where’s your bathroom?” I asked him with my hand over my mouth, afraid that I might lose my dinner all over his bed.
“It’s down the hall,” He said, moving out of my way. “Here, come on,” He took me by the hand and led me out of the room and down the hall to the bathroom. 
I pushed him aside and ran into the bathroom, closing the door behind me. I didn’t want him to see what I was about to do. As soon as I got my head over the toilet bowl, I vomited. I held my hair back with one hand had the other hand on the floor to support myself. I was on my knees and I threw up twice within five minutes. I know he heard me so that was even worse than how I felt right now. 
After I pulled myself together I washed my hands and face in his sink. “Trent,” I said. I know he was right outside the door.
“Yeah?”
“Do you have any aspirins?”
“In the medicine cabinet,” He said and I opened up the mirror cabinet. They say you can learn a lot about a man by what he keeps in his bathroom. There were shaving supplies, toothpaste, mouthwash, aspirins, Band-Aids, and some tooth ache medicines. It was all the normal stuff. I popped to aspirins with tap water and leaned against the sink. There was the biggest mirror over the sink that took up the whole wall. There was a whirlpool tub with a shower overhead. It was decorated with no theme in particular in mind, yet it was nice. It was homey. It was all silver, chrome, white, and black. Simple.
I opened the bathroom door and cautiously stepped out.  “Can you please take me to my mother’s?” I asked him as he looked me over.
“Sure,” He said. “I’ll go get your shoes.” He walked away and I met him in the living room. 
I stepped into my shoes and as soon as he opened the door for me I realized that it was freezing out here. It was early-December in Pittsburgh was well below zero after midnight. There was snow covering the ground. Trent realized what was wrong and closed the door. 
“See this will keep you from leaving the house without a coat again.” Trent said as if he were my father. He went to the closet near the door and took a black wool man’s coat out of it. “This is the best I got for you.” He said. 
I thanked him and he helped me put on the coat. It was warm and it smelled deliciously like him. I mentally shook out the bad thoughts. 
I wrapped the coat tightly around myself as we walked outside into the cold December night air. Trent had his hand on the small of my back as he led me out to his car. 
“How am I going to get the coat back to you?” I asked him as he helped me into the front seat and I put my seat belt on.
“I guess you’re just gonna have to see me again.” He said with a slight smile. I smiled back at him, knowing I wouldn’t mind seeing him again.
He got into the drivers’ seat and started up his car. “Where does your mom live?” He asked and I gave him the address and directions. 
I snuggled into the warm leather seats and closed my eyes. I had never done anything like this before. I had never not gone home to my husband. I had never gotten too drunk to drive. I had never gone home with a man, ever though Trent and I didn’t have sex. My mother is going to give me the third degree and I know it. She knows this isn’t like me so she’ll know something is wrong. 
“So what’s up with you and your husband? You aren’t divorcing him are you?” Trent asked out of the blue.
“Why do you care?” I asked him. I didn’t mean to sound smart, especially after all he’s done for me tonight, but I really didn’t want to talk about it. “I’m sorry,” I breathed. “I just don’t want to talk about it right now.”
“Well, I heard the way he way yelling at you and a real man doesn’t do that to a woman. And a real man would also never put his hands on you.”
“So I guess you’re saying you are a real man?” I asked him. I wasn’t being smart. I wanted of get off the subject of my husband. In a way I guess I was flirting with him. It’s harmless though.
“Hell yeah, I’ll be your real man and you’ll love me too.”
“You’re cocky,” I said lightening the situation. The way he looked directly at me when he said I’ll love him gave me a rush of heat. I almost thought he was serious. “You truly believe you could keep up with me.”
Trent smiled at that and so did I. I knew darn well that I would be the one out of breath. “I’d have you begging for more and hanging on my dick after just one kiss.”
I shook my head at his language and at what he said. “No you’d be begging me and hanging on my hips after just one kiss.”
“Are you willing to bet on that?” Trent asked me. He kept his eyes on the road, thank god, or else he would have seen me blushing.
“Are you?” I challenged back. In my mind I was just playing, but something inside of me was telling me that he was serious about what he said. Something else in me believed him.
“Yes,” He said simply and then I noticed we were approaching my mother’s house. Trent didn’t live very far from her. It was barely a fifteen minute drive. 
“Okay,” I said just as simply as if I were planning on making a move even though I knew I wasn’t going to do anything. 
Trent parked in front of my mother’s house and looked at me. He had cut the engine and everything so now we were sitting like two teenagers after a dater. He was gonna kiss me!
He reached out to my and stroked my cheek with one finger. My heart was beating rapidly in my chest and my mind was all cloudy, maybe from the alcohol. I tilted my head slightly and he took that as invitation to continue. He ran his index finger along my jaw and down my neck. It was then that I realized I was holding my breath. His finger gently traced a path along my skin down  my breast. When his finger trailed over my breast and down to my stomach I thought my shirt was going to catch on fire. He gently ran his finger back up to my cheek and all the air I’d been holding released in one big exhale, showing him that he had me hot and bothered.
He smiled and shook his head at me. “See, you’re all talk.” He said and he was right. I was talking a whole lot of stuff but if it all boiled down I was just a talker with no intention of backing it up. At least I am in this situation.
“I thought we were only kidding.” I said only telling half a lie. Part of me thought it was just play, but another part of me, the part between my legs, was serious as heck.
“I don’t play when a woman has the effect on me that you do.”
“What effect is that?” I knew the answer. It was sexual attraction. Just looking at him had me wet. Dear God, I haven’t felt like this since I first met Dwayne and even then I wasn’t….wet. 
He smiled again. “Keep playing with me and you’ll find out.”
Now it was my turn to smile. “Maybe I want to find out.” Crap! Did I just say that? He was looking at me like I was his favorite meal and I’m steady flirting with him. I need to get out of this car.
Then he leaned in to me so that his face was only inches from mine and looked directly into my eyes. “Do you really want to find out?”
“Yes, tell me.” I said. My heart was beating all crazy again and I was trying to ignore that fact that he was so close to me.
“I can show you better than I can tell you.”
“Then,” I hesitated. Was I really sure I wanted to make this step? This can turn him from being nice and friendly into my time of need and make us more than that. 
“Show me.” I said under someone else’s control. I don’t know whose control it was, but it wasn’t mine. It was this coat. I had his smell all wrapped around me and it was making me say things I normally don’t. Maybe I should just take the coat off and get back to being normal Kimberly. Only I don’t wanna take the coat off. 
Trent grabbed me by the collar of his own coat and pulled me hallway across the console and to him. Once again my breath caught in my throat and I didn’t know what was about to happen. Well, actually I did, but I figure if I pretend it took me by surprise then I won’t be cheating on my husband.
Trent leaned in real close so that his lips were less than an inch away from mine. He breathed gently and I felt it on my mouth. I was holding all my air in my lungs, because I felt out of breath so if I allowed myself to breath then I’d be panting on him and there’s nothing attractive about that. Trent stretched his neck a quarter of an inch and brushed the slightest, barely even there kiss on my lips. When he pulled away, I released my breath in a sigh. 
“That’s what’s supposed to leave me begging for more?” I said with a smart-mouthed tone in my voice. Actually he really did leave me begging for more only I won’t admit that. Secretly I wanted him to kiss me again, but next time I don’t want it to so gentle and brief. I wanna feel his tongue. Oh wow, there’s no way I’m thinking this.
“You hesitated.” He said simply. “When I kiss you, I want you to be willing with absolutely no reluctance on your part, because there won’t be any on my part.”
I nodded. I actually understood that. And I was glad that he didn’t really kiss me, because that would only lead to me doing some other things that would make Dwayne upset. I didn’t know what else to say so I could have gotten out of the car, but I didn’t. Then suddenly Trent smiled at me.
“What?” I asked him, returning his smile only because his was so cute.
“If you’re not doing anything tomorrow, why don’t you come down to the center at like two o’ clock and volunteer.” He said.
“Is that your idea of a date?” I asked teasingly.
“No, it’s my idea of doing my work while still having you around.” 
“Sure…if I’m not doing anything.” I said and he nodded. “What would I be doing?”
“You could work the desk, the kitchen, or pick a station and watch the kids.” He said.
“Hmm,” I said simply. I really didn’t care what I had to do as long as I was doing something. As long as it was with him.
It was silent between us again and once again I was presented with the opportunity to get out of his Tahoe and didn’t. Then suddenly my mom’s porch light clicked on and I see my mother standing on the porch with her arms crossed peering at the car. 
“Oh, wow, this probably doesn’t look good.” I said aloud to Trent and then I opened the door to get out the car. “Thanks for everything,” I said as I glanced up at my mother.
Trent leaned in and gave me a simple, friendly kiss on the forehead. “No problem,” 
“Good night,” I said and I was out of the car and shutting the door. I was holding his coat tightly around me. I know I could have easily given it to him now, but I wanted to hold on to it. If I see him tomorrow, then he’ll get it.
“Night, Kimberly.” He said through the window. He waited for me to walk up the steps to my mother’s house and receive a questioning look from her. I waved to him and he pulled off. 
“Who was that?” My mother asked as she followed me into the house and was shutting the door and locking it.
“It was Trent.” I said as I was making my way to my old bedroom that was now a guestroom.
“I don’t even what to know why you were out with this man past one A.M., but I’m going to ask anyway. Kimberly, what were you out there doing?”
“It’s not what you think.” I said. “Dwayne and I got into a fight and I went out to J Spot to have a few drinks. I had a bit too many drinks and he drove me to his house, because I didn’t want to go home and fight with Dwayne. I would have come here first, but I didn’t want you giving me the look you’re giving me now.” I said. 
My mother, Antoinette, had her mouth set in a tight line with her eyebrows drawn together. It was a look that said she was disappointed in me. I hate that look. It makes me feel bad even though I really didn’t do anything. Okay, we kissed. But it was definitely the briefest kiss I’ve ever had and that includes my first kiss that I had in second grade when me and my “boyfriend” were seeing what it felt like. My mother had a full, plump body. In the right clothes she could pass for my older sister, but my mother was a church woman so she looked like a very attractive minister. She had a pleasant face except when she was turning her looks on people. My mother was beautiful and I loved her dearly. She was forty-eight, but she gave advice as if she were a lot older. My mom was always there for me.
“Well, I stood looking out that window for quite a few minutes and watched you two in there. Y’all were talking pretty long.” My mother continued.
“Well, we were just talking.” I said. That was only half a lie, but at the same time it was only half the truth.
“Hmm, so why didn’t you stay there?”
“I was feeling queasy and I would rather spend the night here with my mama.” I said. Once again that was only half the truth. I felt guilty sleeping in Trent’s bed.
“Mmm-hmm,” My mother said and then she gave me another look. It wasn’t her disappointed look, but instead as if she remembered something. “What were you and Dwayne fighting about that made you leave and go get drunk?” My mother asked. I didn’t like how she said “go get drunk”, but she was right. 
“I don’t want to talk about it, okay?” I said. I really did want to tell her everything, but I was afraid what she might say. I started to go into the guest room, but she grabbed my arm gently.
“No, I’m not hearing that.” She said, leading me by my arm back to the leaving room. We sat down on the couch. “Tell me what happened.”
I sighed as I thought whether or not I was going to tell the whole story. I decided I would with the exception of kissing Trent. “I found drugs in Dwayne’s car.”
“Lord have mercy, is he using them?” My mother asked.
“I don’t know. I came home with Ki-Ki and after she left he just snapped on me. He demanded that I give him the drugs back and not touch his stuff again.”
“Did you give them to him?”
“Yes, but only after…” I debated whether I should tell her or not. 
“What, baby?”
“He didn’t actually hit me, but Mommy, he grabbed me by my hair and swung me around.”
She shook her head and I could tell she was struggling with what to say. She, Charisse, and Regina all had their suspicions about what went on in Dwayne’s and my household. When we had first gotten married, I had admitted to them that Dwayne had hit me, but since he’s stopped, it was never mentioned. Though sometimes I knew that they were thinking he was hitting me again every time we would have the simplest of arguments. That’s why I chose not to tell them when Dwayne and I had troubles. “Then what?”
“I just left. I didn’t know what to do. He was yelling at me and he never did that before. I was just…confused.” I said and then I decided to tell her about our conversation while I was at Trent’s. “When I was at Trent’s house, he called me and he snapped on me then too. He called me out of my name and he swore at me like I was someone off the street. Like I said, he’s never done that before.”
“Well, you can stay here as long as you want.” She said. I could tell she was thinking something else, but didn’t want to say it.
“What, ma?”
“I just don’t want my daughter messing with a man who’s dealing with drugs and puts his hands on you.”
“I’m not messing with him, he’s my husband.”
“But he hurt you,”
“But I still have to stand by him. I know he won’t ever do that again. And I’m going to deal with the drug problem and make sure he doesn’t bring it back into our house.”
“Usually women can’t control stuff like this. If he hit you once, he’ll do it again.”
“No, he won’t. I know he won’t.”
“Then why didn’t you go home?”
I thought for a moment as I thought about what I was going to say. “Because we were both still angry and I knew we weren’t going to talk unless we’ve calmed down.”
“Hmm,” Mom murmured and then she suddenly pulled me into her arms. I didn’t resist and I wrapped my arms around her and hugged her back. I could tell my mother was upset about what I’d told her, but I was sure I could handle it. “I don’t want some insecure man hurting you.” She said and I could hear that she was crying even though my face was buried into her shoulder.
I didn’t say anything. My father had beaten my mother for years. He would beat her in front of my sister and me with no hesitation. If Kierra and I had so much as acted like we wanted to say something he would hit us too. He was a drunk. It all started when I was eight and Kierra was six and he had lost that factory job. He was angry with the world ever since. He treated my mother like she wasn’t the woman who stood by him through it all and cooked and cleaned and raised his children and used her nursing money to take care of all of us when he couldn’t work. My mother was a certified saint and caregiver and she never complained.
 One day, my father had beat Kierra so severely that she was hospitalized. She was only nine at the time. He had hurt me too, but not as bad as Kierra. She was young and she kept crying no matter how much I tried to quiet her. He crying annoyed him so much and he was so drunk that he just wouldn’t stop hitting her until she became quiet. Only when she got quiet she had passed out with a concussion. My mother had come home from work in the middle of this and I remember running to her and telling her that daddy was hurting Ki-Ki. My mother ran up to Kierra bedroom and she stopped my father from hurting her farther only she hadn’t stopped him until Kierra fell against the dresser and got that concussion. When my mother stopped him he only turned on her. By the end of that night my mother and my sister and I were all pretty messed up. My mother and I followed the ambulance to the hospital. Kierra had to stay overnight. 
When my mother and I went home that night she snapped on my father who was just simply watching television while drinking forties as if nothing happened. I remember standing right in the doorway the whole time. My mother beat the living heck out of my father and then when he slapped her across the face it was hard enough to dislocate her jaw. My mother was yelling for me to go to my room and shut the door but I didn’t. I stayed there and I watched in fear. I’d never moved until my father had suddenly grabbed my and hit my across the face. That was enough to make my mother lose all control. That’s when she really hurt him. She beat him until he couldn’t get up. When he did get up, she stabbed him in the stomach with a butcher knife.
 She didn’t even call the ambulance for him. Instead she grabbed me in her arms and held me. I remember crying in her arms, but not for my father. I cried because of all my mother went through. My father managed to get himself to the hospital and lived. He left and never came back that night and none of us complained. I didn’t want him back. Kierra didn’t want him back. And my mother dang sure didn’t want him back. Our lives were a lot happier after those three depressing years.
I held my mother tightly and tried to convince her that that wouldn’t happen to me. “Mom, Dwayne won’t hurt me, I swear it.” I told her as she held me tightly. I don’t know if she believed me or not.
When we had gone to sleep, I couldn’t relax. I was thinking about Dwayne and Trent and my mother. I went to my mother’s room and slept in her bed with her like I used to when I was young. I had actually occasionally slept in my mother’s bed until I was sixteen every time I got scared or had a lot on my mind. Sleeping with her reassured me that everything would be fine so I went back in there and didn’t it again after a whole ten years. 





Chapter 5
Charisse
“Bobby, baby,” I called to my son. He was sitting under the dryer while he played his PSP. Bobby looked up from his game and then nodded when I motioned for him to come over to my chair.
Once Bobby sat down I began putting my special blended hair lotion in his thick hair. 
“Do you want something specific done today?” I asked as I combed through his hair.
“It’s doesn’t matter he said. He didn’t even look up; he was dissolved in his game. If I’d have asked Brianna that question she would have had a whole description, but the men in my house don’t ever care. I could probably put bows in Robert’s head and he wouldn’t notice until someone pointed it out. 
“Okay,” I said and went to part his hair. I decided to give him simple straight back braids. 
“Oh, wait,” Bobby said, looking up from his game as if he just realized what I’d asked him. “Mom, can you put zigzags and make it go straight back with the plaits in the back?”
“Of course,” I told him, happy that he’d taken an interest. I started making the first part for his zigzag braids and decided to start a conversation, because the plaits are going to take a while with his thick hair. “Did you call your dad?” I asked him.
“Yeah,” Bobby said with a sigh. 
“What did he say?” I asked. I was prying, but I needed to make sure Robert doesn’t given me a reason to kill him for disappointing my son again.
“He said he promises he’ll hang out with me tomorrow.” Bobby said.
“Well, that’s good.” I said as I started braiding.
“Yeah,” Bobby said and then he said something else to break my heart today. “If he’s telling the truth.”
“I think he is,” I said. “And just in case he forgets again, you and I can go wherever you want and do whatever you want after school.”
He looked up at me from his game. “What about Brianna?”
“Well, I don’t know if Brianna is going to want to hang out with her mother and little brother all day, but if he wants to come she can too.” I said, glad that he wanted to include his big sister in the plans. 
“If dad can go, we can all go together. And Brianna’s dad can come too.” Bobby added. He was getting all excited about this.
“Well, how about we plan this for this weekend so everyone can make plans to go.” I suggested as I finished another long braid.
“Okay,” He said and went back to his game. 
I shook my head and smiled. Why do I even buy him those things? It was then that I got back into the conversation of the salon. 
“Well, all I’m saying is width is a whole lot more important than length.” Melanie announced to the women. Everyone was laughing and debating but my son was right here. 
“Whoa!” I exclaimed with playful seriousness. “My son is eight, okay.”
“My bad, girl, but these heifers wanted my opinion so I gave it,” Melanie apologized while laughing. Then she spoke to Bobby. “Bobby, put your little headphones on and turn ‘em up as long as they’ll go.”
Bobby smiled and did as he was told. He stuck the headphones to his iPod and blasted them. 
“Bobby!” Melanie called to him and when he didn’t respond, because he couldn’t hear she nodded. “Good. Now, anyway, we can get Risse in on this. Now, Charisse, what do you think is better: thickness or length?”
I smiled and thought for a moment. “I have got to go with thickness ‘cause if a dick is long, but it’s thin, that ain’t doing nothing for me.”
We all started laughing and Melanie half ran away from the sew-in she was doing to high five me. “Not that I have that problem because my man is thick and long.” I added with a smile. 
“That’s all I’m saying,” Mel laughed as she got back to her client. “I can’t ride a skinny dick!” Melanie yelled out as if it were a war cry. 
“All right, Melanie, calm that down.” Natalie told her. She was tapering a woman’s edges with the clippers and never looked up as she spoke.
“Oh, I’m sorry, Natalie, I forgot you have virgin ears. You don’t like to talk about anything but puppies and church.” Mel teased her and I shook my head, because I knew where this was going. Natalie was nineteen and my youngest employee. She usually kept to herself. She used to be under a lot of stress with her school and family, but she seems to have managed fairly well. She had a baby at seventeen, but unlike me, she was able to take care of her child alone and still start working early. I wasn’t able to work full time until Brianna was three and I was nineteen. Her baby was two so she was doing better than I was.
Melanie was a loose cannon. She was loud and obnoxious and spoke her mind no matter what. She said what she wanted to say without caring about the outcome. She was my girl and I respected that she spoke her mind, but she once said the wrong thing to me about my choice of shoes with my dress and I almost killed her. It wasn’t that I couldn’t handle a simple comment it was how she said it to me and decided to get smart with me. We had taken it outside and were about to fight, but luckily the men in the barbershop half of my salon had broken it up before someone got hurt. That someone was gonna be Melanie. Natalie and Melanie were total opposites so they always went at it and I was tired of it.
“I have sex too, but I don’t talk about it in public or in front of eight year olds.”
 Natalie said, holding her own. 
“He can’t hear nothing!” Melanie shouted at her. As soon as she raised her voice Natalie started running her mouth at her too so now they were arguing yet again.
“Alright, bitches, I ain’t trying to hear all that. Now bring it down, bring it down, and bring it the hell down.” That was Ci-Ci. As always, even salon needs a gay man and Ci-Ci was ours. He was my boy though…or my girl, whatever.
“Shut up. Ci-Ci, and I’m tired of you calling me a bitch.” Melanie turned on Ci-Ci and now the two of them were arguing. 
“Alright, alright, now I’m saying something, everybody shut up!” I told all of them in a clear, loud voice. Knowing I run this shit, they all quieted and got back to doing hair. It was quiet for all of four seconds when Regina burst into the salon.
“Hey, Gina,” I said as she sat down in a waiting chair.
“Hey, Risse,” She said and then stood right back up. I drew my eyebrows together and then raised them at her. 
“Girl, what’s wrong with you?” I asked her, but I didn’t stop working on Bobby’s hair.
“I need you to come outside and see something.” Regina said and she took my hand and pulled me away from the braid I was doing on Bobby’s head. I’m gonna have to start that one over. Bobby looked up at me, confused that I’d stopped so abruptly so I gave him the wait a minute finger as Regina half dragged me outside.
“What is it?” I demanded as I looked around the street for anything remotely interesting.
“Look down the street at that grey car.” Regina instructed me and I did what she said.
“What’s so special about it?” I asked upset that she was wasting my time. I got three more heads to do after Bobby and she’s one of them. 
“Damn, girl, you slow as hell, looks in the car!” Regina snapped and looked like she lost her mind. I ignored my urge to cuss her out and peered down the street, squinting slightly. 
“Now, do you see what I see?” Regina asked me as she stared down the couple in the car. 
It took a moment for me to register in my brain what they were doing. It was two teenagers kissing in the front seat of a Sudan. 
“Why do you have me watching some-” My jaw dropped and my eyebrows rose when I realized what was going on. “I know she isn’t- I’m gonna…” I couldn’t even finish a sentence.
The next thing I knew I was striding down the street, mad as hell. I walked down to the car, ripped the door open, and snatched my daughter out by the collar of her coat. 
“Oh my God!” She shrieked, unsure of what just happened since it happened so fast. “What the hell is-” Brianna stopped herself when she realized it was me and she just dropped her head.
I looked into the car briefly to see who the boy was. He had a little hair on his face and he was driving so he had to be at least seventeen. He didn’t look at me, but instead kept his head down. I saw him mouth something to Brianna as I half dragged her away. 
I kept a hold on her pink, puffy, coat with the fur around the hood as we went back to the salon. Everyone was silent when we walked in, even the men in the barbershop half didn’t say a word. The only sound in the salon was my heels clicking as I pulled Brianna into my office. I kept an office simply for the paperwork and whenever I had discussion with employees or bank officials. 
“Sit down,” I told her. I was angry and she couldn’t even comprehend what was going through my mind. Child abuse was the beginning of it. 
“Ma, I-” She started, but I immediately cut her off.
“I said, sit down, and you better not make me say it again.” I told her one last time, daring her with my eyes to stay standing. Brianna knew it was in her best interest to sit down so she did. She took a seat in one of the two chairs in front of my desk. 
“Ma, I-” Brianna once again tried to explain, but I put my hand up to silence her.
“Who was he?” I asked her in a calm voice as I sat down on the corner of my desk. 
“It was Devonte.” Brianna said and I squinted at her.
“You told me yesterday that he was just your friend.” I had already known she was lying about them being just friends, but I was still mad at the very fact that she lied rather than talked to me. 
“We were,” Brianna said. “Now, we’re not.”
I shook my head at her. “I cannot believe that you were in his car kissing him like you’re grown. You are not grown!”
“I’m fifteen years old.”
“You are fourteen.”
“I’ll be fifteen next month.”
“I don’t care if you were gonna be thirty. You live under my roof so you follow my rules. How old was he anyway?”
Brianna didn’t answer so I knew he was just as old as I’d thought. Too old for her. “Brianna I just asked you a question so answer it.” I glared at her until she answered in a low voice. 
“Seventeen,” She said and even thought that was what I’d thought I still felt my heart freeze.
“Seventeen?” I asked her as if I hadn’t heard correctly.
“Seventeen,” She repeated. 
“Seventeen? He’s too old for you. Actually you are not old enough to have a boyfriend.” I was fourteen years old when I had my first boyfriend just like her. And just like her my boyfriend was seventeen. Now, I’m gonna stop this before she ends up just like me with a baby at sixteen.
“I’ll be fifteen years old, mom. He’s only two years older than me.”
“You are a freshman in high school and he’s a junior. No, Brianna, you heard what I said. You need to be focused on school and your grades not some boy.”
“He’s a senior and he has a job. He’s not just some boy.”
“He’s a senior, that means he almost eighteen so he practically an adult. And where the hell does he work when he’s dating little ninth grade girls.”
“He works as an auto mechanic at his father’s shop.”
“He didn’t even earn that job; he got it from his damn daddy. I don’t want you seeing him anymore.”
“Mom, why?”
“Because he’s a grown ass man! I said I don’t want you with a boyfriend and that’s it. You’re too young. Boys that old only get with girls your age for what’s between your legs.”
“Devonte’s not like that. He actually likes me for me and I like him. And you can’t stop me from seeing him.”
“I can if I tell you to stop and I’m telling you to stop. You are not to see him anymore.”
“You can’t do that! I’m going to be fifteen; I’m going to have a boyfriend.”
“Not until I say you’re old enough to have one. You are not old enough to have a boyfriend and that’s final. I’m not gonna say it again. You and Devonte are done.”
“Mom!” 
“You heard what I said.” I said sternly. 
Brianna sighed and slammed back in her chair. “I can’t believe this.”
“I can’t believe you,” I shot back at her. I folded my arms as I spoke to her. She sat there staring at me like she was going to do something. “You know what, you better wipe that look off your face before I do it for you. I can’t believe you were in that boy’s car kissing him like that. I’m so disappointed in you.”
“Don’t be disappointed in me, mom. I wasn’t doing anything, mom, I swear.”
“Kissing is doing something.”
“That was all we were doing. It wasn’t like we were having sex.”
“But when little girls are with older boys like that it almost always leads to sex.”
“Devonte’s not like that and it won’t happen.”
“I know it won’t happen. It won’t happen, because you are no longer to see that boy. You are not to be in his car. Actually you are not to get in anybody’s car unless I know exactly who it is and why you’re in there. Wipe Devonte out of your mind.”
“Mom, that’s not fair. You had a boyfriend at fifteen. You’re such a hypocrite. Why can’t I do something that you already did?”
I immediately became angry and yelled at her. “You can’t do it because I don’t want you to do what I was doing! I ended up pregnant at fifteen years old. I had you only days after my sixteen birthday! I didn’t have a sweet sixteen. I had a baby shower.”
Brianna didn’t say anything and I shook my head. “You are so stubborn. You refuse to listen even when I’m telling you something that’s right.”
 “Can I go now?” She asked with her attitude.
“You better take that tone out if your voice, little girl. Who do you think you’re talking to?”
She rolled her eyes at me and said, “May I please go now, mother?”
 “You know what, Brianna, roll your eyes at me again and I’m gonna pull ’em out.”
“May I please go now?”
“Bye, I said rolling my eyes myself. She stood up to leave but before she reached the door, I said, “Brianna, if I find out you went anywhere, but directly home, you’re gonna have a severe problem.” 
“Okay,” She breathed.
“Matter of fact, I’m gon take you home. You can sit out there and wait until I finish your brother’s hair.”
Then we both walked out of my office to the salon. All eyes quickly darted from us back to hair, magazine, and in Bobby’s case, videogames. 
“Sit down and wait,” I told her and she crossed her arms and slammed down into the waiting chair farthest from everyone. I rolled my eyes again. She needs to check that attitude or Bobby will be an only child.
“Alright, Bobby,” I said as I went back to braiding his hair. It was pretty quiet for way to long on the salon side, but the barbershop men were already on another subject. All the men talked about was sex, money, drama, and women. Once the salon conversation resumed, all the women talked about was sex, money, drama, and men. Nothing ever changed.
After another half hour I finished Bobby’s zigzag braids and was now shuffling both him and his sister into my blue Kia Sportage.
“Mommy, can I ride in the front?” Bobby asked when Brianna went to sit in the back seat. 
“No, you aren’t old enough yet.” I told him as I put on my seatbelt.
“Why not?” He asked in a whining voice.
“You’re not old enough, now get in the back.” I told him one last time.
“Dad lets me sit in the front.” 
I looked at him and shook my head. “Well, I’m not your father so you won’t be in the front of this car.” I wanted to make a comment about him sitting in the front seat when I told Robert he was too young. He was only eight years old. I didn’t let Brianna sit in my front seat until she was at least ten. The only reason I didn’t say anything was because I didn’t want my children to see that Robert and I didn’t agree on everything. I wanted to keep the peace as often as possible. “Put your seatbelts on.” I told them instead. 
The ride to the house was silent except for the random sounds of Bobby’s game. Brianna was listening to music on her iPod with headphones and wit glances through my rearview mirror, I saw that she still had an attitude. When I was halfway to my house I decided to change my route because I wanted to speak to Brianna again in private so I’ll drop Bobby off first.
Once I parked in front of the Youth Center, I noticed a red Prius parked in the employee parking lot. I wasn’t exactly sure, but I’m positive I was looking at Kim’s car. I told Brianna to wait so I didn’t have to put money in the meter or get towed. I walked Bobby inside and went to the front desk. 
“Wait a moment, Bobby, and I’ll get you signed in.” The woman behind the desk said. I looked up at her and smiled widely. 
“You work here, Auntie Kim?” Bobby asked her and I leaned in so I could hear her answer. 
“Oh, no, I’m just volunteering.” Kim said and I noted that. 
“Do you have community service?” Bobby continued and I shook my head.
“No, I’m just helping out.”
“Why?” 
She thought for a moment. I knew why she was helping out. It was because Trent was here. “So I can see my favorite nephew.” She said and then she leaned over the desk to kiss his forehead. 
“Oh, okay.” Bobby said and then he ran off into the center to play. 
“Hey, Kim,” I sang with a knowing look.
“Hey, Charisse,” She said and blushed. She was obviously embarrassed, probably because she knew what I was thinking. “I really am just helping out. Trent asked me if I wanted to volunteer…so I said yes.” She started to explain.
“I’m not judging. Do you, girl.” I shook my head and smiled. “I have to ask, does Dwayne know you’re here?”
“I didn’t really go home yet and I haven’t talked to him since last night. I was at Trent’s house last night and then I-” 
I interrupted her when I heard her say she was at Trent’s house. “You slept with him?” I was shocked at that. Kim was never the type to cheat. She was the youngest of her little click and she was like our little, sweet sister.
“No!” She nearly shouted. I laughed at how embarrassed she was. “I was at his house, but then I went to my mother’s. Nothing happened and nothing would have happened if I stayed. Dwayne and got into a fight and I just couldn’t stay in our house with him.”
“So naturally you stayed with Trent?” I asked playfully.
“Yeah, naturally.” She joked once she felt more comfortable. “No, I was sort of too drunk to drive.” She laughed nervously.
“Well, be careful, girl. Married women, especially little shy girls like you, shouldn’t be around single men who are that fine.” I warned her seriously. I didn’t want to see her do something wild. She was like my little sister and I have to look out for her. Usually it was Regina I was saying something like this to. I shook my head to myself. It’s like we’re really sisters so now the youngest sister is starting to act like her older sister.
“I know. Trent is just a nice guy friend type of person.” She struggled for words.
“Okay, well I have to get going. I have Brianna waiting in my car.” I told her after a moment.
“Okay, tell my favorite niece I said hi.” Kim said. 
“I’m gonna have to tell you something about your favorite niece later.” I said with another head shake.
“What happened?” She asked immediately.
“I’ll tell you later it’s not urgent.”
“Okay, well I’ll let you go.” She said as she started shuffling through papers on the desk.
I started to leave, but then I noticed something catch Kim’s eye and she immediately looked down at her paperwork. I followed her look to see Trent strolling into the room.
“Hey, Mrs. Smith,” Trent waved at me as he leaned against the desk and I noticed that Kim diverted her eyes to the computer screen.
“Hi, Trent, how are you doing?” I greeted him while watching Kim with a slight smile.
“I’m good, and you?”
“I’m fine.” 
“That’s good,” He turned to Kim. “Oh, Kimberly, do you want to come help me in the work room?”
“Yeah, sure,” She said, looking at him for the first time. She walked out from behind the desk. I could see it in her eyes; home girl was sprung on Trent. I waved goodbye to them and left. I had to walk away just because of the way she looked at him.
I went back out to my car and slid behind the wheel. I put my seatbelt on but didn’t start the car up. I turned in my seat and looked back at my daughter. She had one earphone in and one out. “Brianna, come sit up here in the front with me.” I told her. I didn’t say it harshly or domineeringly. It was simply a request.
“Why?” She asked as she started to put the other earphone in. 
“Because I want to talk to you. I’ve asked you nicely already, now get up here.” I was doing my best to stay calm and not lose my cool as I had in the salon, but she was trying my patience.
Brianna sighed deeply and spitefully as she climbed over the seat into the front. She sank down into her seat and put the headphones on as if I hadn’t just told her I wanted to talk to her. 
“Brianna, I just said I wanted to talk to you so why would you put the music back on?”
“I can still hear you.”
“Take the headphones out.”
“Why do I have to take them out if I can hear you?”
“It’s rude. When someone wants to talk to you, you are supposed to take out your headphones and give them your full attention.”
“Well, I don’t do that. If I can still hear them then I listen.”
“Well, Brianna, you may do that with everybody else, but you are not going to do that with me. I am your mother and I expect you to give me some kind of respect.” I said as I pulled out of the parking spot and started towards home.
“You have to give respect to get it.” She mumbled as she pulled out her headphones. She rolled the headphones around the iPod and shoved it into her bag.
“Brianna, when have I ever disrespected you? I have done nothing but treat you exactly how you deserve to be treated. I do so much for you and yet you continue to give me this nasty attitude. Why is that?"
“I don’t have an attitude, mother.” She said with her arms crossed over her chest.
“Brianna, I’m tired of this. There you go again with that.”
“There I go again with what?”
“With that attitude, you will not speak to me like that.”
“Like what, mother? I haven’t said anything wrong yet.”
“It’s not what you say, but it’s how you say it. When have you ever called me mother?”
“You are my mother, aren’t you?”
“Yes, I am your mother, but yet you talk to me like I’m someone off the street.”
“I do not.”
“Yes, you do, Brianna and I’m not gonna go back and forth with you on it. You know exactly what it is you do and I wanna know why.”
She sighed and didn’t say anything.
“Why is it, Brianna? I’ve done nothing but love you and raise you up like a young lady should, but yet you keep giving me attitude. Have I not treated you right?”
Once again she didn’t say anything. There was obviously something bothering her and I knew it. I know she hasn’t been acting this way for no reason at all. 
“Brianna, tell me what the problem is.” I turned to her as I stopped at a red light. 
“It’s nothing,” She said.
“No, it’s not. If it were simply nothing, then you wouldn’t be acting like this. Brianna, I’m trying to talk to you and I want you to be able to come to me about anything. Tell me what’s wrong.”
“Mom, I said it’s nothing, let’s just drop it, okay.” She said as I moved on from the red light. 
“Why won’t you talk to me?”
“Because you won’t listen and you don’t really care anyway.” 
I could tell my face dropped and my heart dropped as well. I wanted to look at her, but I hated to look away from the road when I’m driving. I was approaching an intersection to get to our division and the last thing I wanted was to turn away and a car crashes into us. “Why would you say that? I do care. I wouldn’t be asking if I didn’t care.”
“Whatever, let’s just drop it.”
I was driving up the street to our home and I felt the need to slow down, because I figured she might hop out the car as soon as we get home. “I can’t drop it until you tell me why you think I don’t care.”
“I do think you care, I didn’t mean to say that.”
“No, you wouldn’t have said it if you didn’t mean it. Brianna, talk to me.”
She was concentrating hard on the houses out her side of the window. She wasn’t trying to look at me and I knew why. I pulled into our driveway and parked. “Honey, talk to me.” I asked again. 
“I don’t want to talk anymore.” She said and I could tell she was trying to hold back tears. I reached over to her, pulled her over the console, and into my arms. “No, mom, I’m fine.” She said and tried to pull away, but I refused to let her go.
I simply held her tighter and she stopped resisting me. She climbed the rest of the way out of her seat and slipped onto my lap like she used to when she was only seven. Brianna snuggled into my chest and I held her tightly. She was crying harder now and I still wasn’t exactly sure why. All I knew was that she now had a death grip on my coat, holding me tighter than I’d originally grabbed her. 
“It’s okay, sweetie.” I coddled her as I rubbed her back with both hands in attempt to console her. “It’s alright, sweetie. Mommy’s got you.” 
Brianna was sniffling as she tried to stop herself from crying any longer, but to no avail. She continued bawling and I let her. I wanted to ask her what was wrong and why she’d started crying as she did, but I knew it was best to wait until she had some time to calm down and relax. Her body shook and shuddered in my arms as if she had these tears stored inside for way too long. It was as if she’d kept her emotions bottled until they finally just burst out like water from a cracked dam. This was the first time Brianna had ever cried in front of me since she was like twelve. She always stayed composed no matter how upset she was just as I had when I was her age.
After a few more minutes, Brianna collected herself and pulled herself out of my arms. 
“I’m sorry,” She said as she swiped furiously at her eyes trying to get all the tears off her face. 
“No, sweetie, don’t apologize to me for feeling whatever it is you’re feeling. I just want to know what’s wrong with you, honey.”
“I don’t want to talk anymore, Mom, okay? Please, can I just into the house now?”
I watched at her with inquisitive eyes. I was searching for some form of emotion, any type of giveaway that would tell me what’s wrong with my baby girl. 
“Please, mom,” She pressed and I realized she wasn’t going to talk to me until she was ready.
“Fine, you can go.” I said and she was immediately on the door handle. “But, Brianna,” I said before she got out of the car.
“Yeah, mom?”
“If there is anything you want to talk about, please come to me. I truly do care and I want you to be comfortable with me, okay? I love you, sweetie, and I hope you know that.”
“I do, mom. I’ll see you when you get back.”
“Okay, honey.” I said and I watched her as she went into the house. I sighed and I felt like I wanted to cry myself. 
The drive to the salon was completely unconscious. I drove there without even thinking, because my mind was still on Brianna. She was obviously upset about something, but she didn’t want to come to me about it and I can’t deny that bothered me. My mother never talked to me that way. I was like a liability to her. She never talked to me about how I felt or about boys or about anything really. That’s why I ended up with a child at sixteen.
 My mother kicked me out as soon as she found out I was pregnant. She didn’t even care that I had nowhere to go and that her daughter and unborn grandchild could be homeless. I thank God for Ms. Antoinette every day for what she had done for me. I had checked into women’s shelter and Ms. Antoinette, Kim’s mother, was heading it. This was before I even knew Kim. We were at different schools and everything. Ms. Antoinette had become close to me and I always considered her a second mother. She offered me a room in her home and took me in rather than letting me stay in a shelter. She drove me to school every morning or made sure I had bus fare, because my school was in an entirely different district than Kim’s. Kim and I became friends and we’ve been sisters ever since. My mother and I don’t speak anymore. She doesn’t even know that my first child was a girl. Unless she’s asked about me, whom I highly doubt, she doesn’t know where I live, that I’m married, or that I have another child. 

I was doing a lace-front in a woman’s head now and thankfully I only had one more client after her. The conversation in the salon was on men and sex, as usual, and of course I was expected to be in it.
“See now, I like when my man just comes up, grabs me, and takes me somewhere to fuck.” Melanie was saying. She didn’t have any heads left so she was just sitting in her chair.
“I like it to be spontaneous too, but I like it romantic, you know?” Natalie said, giving her opinion. “I like when my man just comes and shows me that he had something all planned out for me and surprises me with it. Then I like to make sweet, slow love all night long.” Natalie dazed out and looked like she was having a wet dream. A slow smile formed on her face and she looked like she was enjoying whatever memories she was having.
“Nat!” I called to her and she snapped to attention. “Come back to us, girl!” We all started laughing, including her. 
“Next,” Melanie called out, but was looking directly at me. 
“I guess it’s my turn,” I said, giving her a playful eye roll. I thought for a moment.  “I like it hot. I like when Robert turns into an animal on me. I like it passionate and loving and sexy and deep. Hmm, I love it when it’s deep.” I smiled at the thought of Robert’s and my lovemaking. I was ready to have a wet dream myself. 
“Y’all can’t have sex in public.” Melanie said with a smirk. 
“Why not?”  I asked her rhetorically. “Robert and I have had sex everywhere from every room in our house to his office to each of our cars to a park bench to public bathrooms to… Melanie, we even had sex in your bathroom.” I told her and her jaw dropped, but she smiled. 
She shook her head. “It’s cool, now I don’t feel guilty about that time I used your car.” Melanie said and everyone started laughing but me. 
“Shaking my head, you’re nasty.” I told her.
“Oh, but it’s okay for you to fuck in my bathroom?”
“It was a party. People are expected to get drunk and fuck in the bathroom. If no one fucks in your bathroom at a party then you aren’t having a good party. But in my car? My kids sit back there.” I said and she laughed harder so I couldn’t help but laugh too. “I hate you.”
“I hate you too, girl.” She said as she hugged me and I hugged her back.
“Now that the estrogen moment is over, can I go now?”” Ci-Ci asked and we all answered at the same time in the same way. 
“Oh, hell naw!” 
“Fuck y’all bitches!” He said as he braided as woman’s hair who had also told him no. 
“That’s too bad. Don’t nobody wanna hear that freak shit.” Mel told him. She was serious as hell and telling the complete truth. 
I shook my head. Ci-Ci was my nigga, but he always had something nasty to say like how he told us about how he was fucking on nigga up the ass while another nigga fucked him. Just nasty.
“So anyway,” I said trying to move the conversation along.
“There’s Robert,” Natalie told me and I looked up out the big store-front window to see Robert’s black Lincoln Navigator driving slowly past the salon like he was about top park. 
But he didn’t park here, but instead kept driving. I wasn’t trying to stalk him or anything, but I wanted to see where he was going. I watched as his loveruck kept rolling until he parked in front of a small office building that I’ve never been inside nor paid attention to. It was several buildings down and on the very end of the street and on the opposite side of the street of my salon. Robert got out of the car and walked around to the passengers’ side and opened the door. Then my jaw dropped because a woman stepped out of his passenger seat.
“Oh, shit,” Ci-Ci said, partially under his breath. Everyone in the salon was either looking at me or Robert. I just kept watching my husband.
The woman was wearing black Christian Louboutin platform heels. She had on a black skirt suit with a skirt that was a little too short for her to be an innocent business woman. She had a short, Rihanna style, curly Mohawk. She was wearing a wool coat that fit her form really well and showed off that she had a nice body which only made me angry inside that Robert had her in his car. I’m not the jealous type, but something was telling me that this woman was not harmless.  Maybe I was a little hurt. If the woman was ugly, I wouldn’t have the slightest problem, but I hated to admit, but she was actually really pretty. 
She and Robert started talking and I wished I knew what they were saying. The woman was laughing and giggling and shit, throwing her head back so that her curls bounced. It seemed like she was flirting to me, but I didn’t know anything yet. Then she squeezed the muscles on his arm and I wanted to snap. She was flirting with my husband and he was just leaning up against his Navigator like he was fucking LL Cool J or something.
After a few more minutes that felt like hours of talking, the woman kissed my husband on the cheek and then walked into the office. Robert watched the woman walk into the office and then he finally got into his car. He made a U-turn and the drove down and parked in front of my salon. I rolled my eyes at him through his car as he parked and got out.
“What are you gonna do?” Ci-Ci asked me, wanting to see some drama.
“Nothing,” I told him simply. “I’m gonna wait. I don’t know anything yet.”
“You know that chick was in his car.” Melanie said just as Robert walked in. Even Natalie shook her head at him. Natalie walked over to me and whisper “handle that nigga” into my ear. 
“What’s up, babe,” He said and he kissed my temple, but I didn’t respond. I instead focused on the lace-front I was doing. I couldn’t help but notice how hard he was smiling when he’d walked in. they must have had some conversation.
“What’s wrong with you?” Robert asked me immediately. 
“Nothing,” I told him. I didn’t want to cause a scene and I didn’t want these nosy heifers in my business. “We can talk later.”
“No we can talk now.” Robert said, disregarding all the people in here.
“Robert, I said we can talk later.” I said, growing angry, but doing all I could to keep my voice level. 
“Whatever then, Charisse.” 
“You know want, Robert? You wanna talk now? Let’s talk now. Who was that bitch you had in your car? Huh, Robert? Who the fuck was that?” I demanded. All my annoyance that I had stored up from the day had all burst out in one lashing for Robert. 
“In my car? What the hell? Are you fucking stalking me now?”
“Ain’t nobody fucking stalking you. I just saw you drop that hoe off. So tell me, Robert, is that who you’re cheating on me with?”
“Charisse, I ain’t got time for you right now, okay? So you need to run that shit back.”
“I ain’t got to run nothing back. Answer the damn question, Robert.” It was over now. Everyone was watching us and those who were pretending not to be were still listening so I say fuck it. It’s too late to dial it back so I might as well let you loose. 
“I’m tired of with this dumb shit, Charisse. Why the hell do you always think I’m cheating on you? Why can’t you believe that I love you and just trust me?”
“Because when there’s another woman in your car, it looks like you’re cheating on me.”
“Fuck what it looks like! What the hell do I look like? I think I look like the nigga who loves you and has been there for you for the last nine years.”
“Well, if all that is true then why the hell was that chick in your car? Why was she feeling on you and shit, Robert? And why did she kiss your cheek?” I demanded. All the questions ran out of my mouth like water. 
“Charisse, you don’t get it, do you?” Robert demanded, fully exasperated. “After all that you still don’t fucking get it. You see what the hell you wanna see and you hear what you wanna hear. You don’t get it, because you don’t want to. And you won’t even listen. You need to grow up, Charisse.”
“Get what, Robert? And you’re the one that needs to grow up. You need to grow up and be a man about yours instead of running around with little Rihanna wannabes.”
“I’m more of a man than that other nigga you as with.”
“Here you go again bringing up Brian. Why don’t you get over him?”
“You wanna fuck around with me and who I’m seen with so who about we talk about you.”
“I’m not doing anything wrong and unlike you, I’m not seen with Brian anywhere but my house when’s seeing Brianna so what else you got?”
“I ain’t got to have nothing else. You just got to grow the hell up and stop with this jealous little kid shit. And I’m not gon argue with you because you like that shit. You like to create drama and problems with us when shit is cool-”
“No, shit ain’t cool.” I interrupted him, but then he kept going before I could say anything else. 
“It ain’t now, because you won’t let it be. You always trying to be in fucking control of everything whether it’s me, our relationship, our kids, or anything else, you just have to be in control of shit. You think you have to get whatever the hell you want and if you don’t there’s a problem. Well, you know what, Charisse, if you still want me to be your husband you better grow the fuck up and start acting like my wife and not my fucking mother. You need to be a woman about yours or you know what…or I’m gon have to walk away.”
I didn’t say anything. I couldn’t say anything. What the hell am I supposed to say to my husband when he just said in front of a whole salon of people that he’d leave me. He just stood there, expecting me to answer, but I couldn’t. He just shut me down and embarrassed me in front of all these people. Then he just shook his head and walked away. I just stood there and watching him drive off while I tried to pick my face up off the floor. 





Chapter 6
Regina
Once again I was running later. Drew had come to get me, but I wasn’t ready so he had to wait a full twenty minutes before we could leave. Now I was running in three inch heels my boss’s office because he wanted to have a meeting with me first thing in the morning. By the time I got to James’ office I was already ten minutes late so of course he was waiting for me.
“I’m so sorry for being late,” I told him as I took a seat in one of the chairs in front of his desk. I had to just drop my two bags and my purse on the floor because I didn’t have enough time to go to my office and drop my stuff off. 
“It’s fine. So how’s everything?” James asked me as if this were a social call.
“Everything’s good. How about you?” I was being brief. I did not want to elongate this meeting any longer than it has to be.
“That’s good; that’s good.” He nodded and paused. He was stalling as if he didn’t know what to say. James began tapping his fingers on his desk nervously as he searched for words.
“James,” I started as I got his attention with a small wave. “Whatever you have to say, just come out and say it. There’s no need to prolong this. Am I fired?” I stayed calm and collected. I’ve never been fired in my twenty-eight years of life. I’ve always quit any jobs I didn’t want anymore. 
“No, no, no, of course not,” James said and I breathed a sigh of relief. “But an issue has been brought to my attention.” 
“Okay, such as what?” I asked, waiting to see what he’d say.
“An employee of this establishment has told me that you’ve been making sexual passes at him and it’s making him extremely uncomfortable.”
“Excuse me?” I demanded. I know I expected something was wrong when he called to meet with me, but I hadn’t expected some shit like this. “I have never even winked at anyone in this building let alone make passes at them.”
“Look, I don’t know if it’s true or not, but I can’t think of a reason for him to lie.”
“Who was it?” I asked him. This had Adam written all over it. 
“Well, I believe you would know who you were hitting on.”
“I wasn’t hitting on anyone!” I exclaimed defensively. This is some shit right here. “Was it Adam? Adam Raymond?”
“Well, yes.” James said and I shook my head. That fucking snake ass bastard.
“Adam is an asshole. If anything’s he’s been harassing me.”
“Well, if he did, why didn’t you report it to me as he did?”
“Because I was ignoring it,”
“Why would any woman allow someone to continuously harass her?”
“I…” I really couldn’t think of my reason of not reporting him. “I really don’t know.”
“Exactly,” James said, obviously judging me. He didn’t believe me. I can’t believe anyone would believe Adam over me.
“I can’t believe this,” I said, shaking my head.
“Look, just stay away from him and everything will be fine. I would hate for this to be a sexual harassment suit.”
 “Wait, is he pressing charges against me?”
“No, he said he doesn’t want to file a sexual harassment suit. He only wants it to stop. He doesn’t want his wife to think something’s going on. It’s making him uncomfortable ad he thinks people are starting to notice.”
I just shook my head and sighed deeply as I listened to him. I really can’t believe this shit. I ought to just tell my brother, Robert, to kick his ass and be done with it.
“Look, Regina, you are a very beautiful woman and you can have practically any single man you want,” James cleared his throat and straightened his jacket as if insinuating that I can have him. Hell no; not my type. And Adam is not my species. “Stay away from the married men, okay?”
I narrowed my eyes at him. I can’t believe he would even say that. I have never messed with a married man. Even though it can be rumored that I get around and that I always have a man, it can never ne said that I been with another woman’s man. I just don’t do that. 
“Are we done here? I have work to do.” I asked, sounding like a bitch, but I didn’t care. 
“Yes,” He said and I gathered my things. I stood up to leave, but he called me.
“And Regina,” He said and I turned back to him. “Can you please keep this quiet? I don’t want any further problems. And please don’t address Adam on this; it will only make it worse.”
“Sure,” I told him reluctantly with the best reassuring smile that I could muster. “I won’t say anything.”
“Thank you,” James said and then I left his office. 

“You know what, that was a real dirty low down stunt you pulled with James. I ought to slap the spit out of your mouth with the heel of my shoe!” I snapped as soon as I walked into Adam’s office. The little worm was sitting in his desk chair as if he were waiting for me. His elbows were on the arm rests and his fingers were laced together. “You’re such as fucking lying asshole. You make me sick.”
“Are you finished?” He asked simply as if I were a child having a temper tantrum.
“Am I fini-” I was confused for a second and then I was even more furious. “Fuck you, Adam! You better tell James the truth or I will, Adam.”
“You already did, didn’t you? Or at least you tried to, but of course he didn’t believe you. So now you’re here as if I’m just gonna expose myself for your benefit. Come on, Regina, you know me better than that.”
“Why the hell would you do that? Don’t you know that could get me fired?”
“I know,” He said simply and I just wanted to grab his throat.
“I fucking hate you,” I said in all seriousness. I usually don’t use the word hate, because it is a very strong word. But that was the only word I could think of that could describe how I feel about him. Actually I think I need a stronger word. 
“Well, I wanna fuck you.”
“You’re such a pig. You make me so sick. I ought to just kick your ass.”
“Well, how ‘bout this, Regina?” Adam said as he got up and walked over to me. I stood perfectly still as he spoke quietly into my ear. “Unless you’re gonna pull that skirt up, bend over that desk, and give me some ass,” Then he yelled directly in my ear, “Get the fuck out!”
I turned and slapped him across the face. It was instinctual but I was glad I did it. He seemed more shocked that I’d hit him rather than in pain. I know that shit hurt his cheek though, because even my hand stung a little.
“I can’t believe you did that,” He said as he gently poked his cheek. I smiled to myself, that shit was probably numb.
“I can’t believe you lied to James about me making passes at you like I actually find you attractive.”
“Well, Regina, that’s too bad.” Adam said, he returned to his normal “talking out of his ass” voice. “I suggest you leave. I would hate to have to tell James you were in my office throwing yourself at me. My wife would hate that.”
I shook my head at him; he disgusted me. “You pussy ass, bitch ass, bastard ass, faggot ass nigga, you make me so fucking sick.” Then I walked out. I can’t believe this shit. James doesn’t believe me and Adam is just gonna keep pushing this shit until I get fired or kill his punk ass. For the first time in my life I can’t do anything about the situation I’m in. Ain’t this some shit?
When I went to my office for the first time today, I slammed my things on the floor and slammed myself in the chair. There was a letter on the floor that was slid under the door from my little buddy, but even that couldn’t make me feel better. 
“If I could kiss your lips one time I would never stop and trust me, you wouldn’t want me to.”
I read the card three times. Whoever this man was, he was pretty damn cocky. It still made me smile, despite what else was going on.
I booted up my computer and first checked my email. There were the usual messages such as reminders and meetings and then there was the junk mail like new job opportunities and free gift cards. After I deleted all the crap, I was left with only twelve emails worth reading. I opened the one from Kara. It was a party invite that said to forward it to all contacts. 
I wasn’t in the party mood, but who knows how I’ll be feeling later. I closed that email and was about to open another when there was a knock at my door.
“Come in,” I called and there door opened. Kara peeked her head in with a small camcorder in hand. 
“This is your Christmas present. I’m not doing any more favors for you. I have to go out with him now. I’m serious, Regina, I’m not doing anything else for you for the rest of this year.” She said.
“Alright, I get it, I won’t ask for anything else.” I told her with a smirk. I’m glad I got my camcorder and it’s funny that she has to go out with Donnie now.
“No, I’m serious. You always say that and then you ask me for something else and I end up doing it.”
“It’s not my fault you don’t know how to say no.”
“It’s your fault for asking.” She said and I had to laugh. She put the camcorder in my hand and said, “Merry Christmas.”
“Well, I got you Valentino stiletto heels so you can wear them on your date.” I started laughing and she pushed me. “I’m just playing, girl, thank you.” I said as I eyed the camcorder. It was nice and small. It was perfect to put right at the door. It will catch whoever comes in and drops the letters on my desk during the day. 
“You’re welcome, “Kara said and then her tone changed. “Did you really get me shoes?”
I looked away since I already ruined the surprise. At least now I don’t have to wrap it. “Yes,” I complied and she made a squealing sound.
“Girl, I got you shoes, too.” She shrieked excitedly.
I laughed. “Are they Valentino’s?”
“Yeah,” 
“I hope they’re not the same ones.” I said, thinking that would be stupid.
“Well, if they are you can exchange yours, because the ones I bought you are so cute I would rather have them.” Kara said and I laughed.
“That’s nice; you get to keep the cute ones and I get the second best.” I said with mock irritation.
“Yes, that’s exactly right.” She said and laughed.
“Well, you know, you should just give me my shoes now so we can see if they’re the same as the ones I bought you.” I suggested. I truly wanted new shoes. I spent a little over eight hundred dollars on her shoes which included the delivery. I ordered her shoes from Nordstrom’s. 
“Uh, no.” Kara said in a patronizing tone. “If that happens we’ll exchange it then, but Christmas isn’t quite here yet.”
“Oh, darn,” I said and chucked my arm in the dang nabbit motion like an old cartoon character. 
“LOL,” Kara said and I squinted at her.
“You did not just say LOL’ like that.” I said laughing at her.
“What?”
“I hate that. This isn’t Facebook, speak in complete sentences.”
“Wow, that really bothers you?”
“Yes,” 
“SMH, you are so controlling. LMAO at your face. 143 though.” Kara said sounding like a stereotypical white girl.
“Okay, that’s really enough.” I said and then used her own thing against her. “It’s time to STFU.”
“What’s that?”
“Shut the fuck up,” I said and we both laughed.
“Alright, I have to get back to work or I’ll be accused of taking a break.” She said after a few moments.
“You’ve been in here for ten minutes; that is a break.”
“No it isn’t, I’m still on the clock. I’m supposedly in the bathroom.” 
I laughed. She is too much. “Well, are you actually going to that party thing later?” I asked her.
“Um, I don’t know yet, but I’ll email you later.” She said and then she bounced out of my office.
I shook my head and smiled. I absolutely love Kara.
The day had leaked on slowly after the “excitement” of the morning. I had left early at my lunch break, because I had a hair appointment with Charisse. There was a bit more excitement there when I saw my innocent little niece in a car with some boy once I got there. After my appointment I decided to come back and do a little more work. I had set up the camcorder strategically in my office where it was hidden by books and magazines on the shelf behind my desk, but had a great view of my desk and door so I know who comes in and places what on my desk. The only thing is that if he were to only slide things under my door I wouldn’t know anything.

At this point, I was packing my bags up and shutting down my computer as I waited for Drew. It didn’t take long for him to show up at my office door, holding his leather coat/jacket over his arm. 
“Are you going to that little party thing?” Drew asked me as he politely took my bags from me so I didn’t have to carry them.
“Are you going?” I asked him, answering his question with yet another question. “If you’re going, I’ll go, but if you’re not going, neither am I.”
“Well, I was gonna go if you were gonna go. So are you going?” He asked me and I had to roll my eyes, because I knew where this was going. 
“I said I’ll go if you do. So do you wanna go?” I asked him again.
“Well, if you do, I will.”
I sighed deeply. “Oh my goodness, we can do this all day. Do you or don’t you want to go?”
“Um, well, I guess.”
I narrowed my eyes at him. “You guess? Don’t let me sway your answer, because I sort of think it’s going to be stupid. I mean think about it, it’s going to be a borderline porn party.”
“What’s wrong with that?” Drew said jokingly. Or maybe he was serious, knowing him, he probably was.
“Well, have fun.” I told him with my eyebrows drawn close together.
“Naw, you said you’ll go if I go. I’m going so you’re coming with me.”
“Are you ordering me?”
“Yes, now come on.” He said as he started to leave my office.
“Yes, master.” I said sarcastically as I checked to make sure the camcorder was on, turned out the lights in my office, and then locked the door. 
“That’s right.” He said as we walked and then he added. “Slave,”
“Alright, joke’s over, you’re pushing it.” I told him. 
“Don’t speak unless you’re spoken to or I’ll have to whip that ass.”
“Drew, it’s over. You’re doing too much.” 
He laughed. “Alright, I’m done.” Then he laughed again and I rolled my eyes.
“When’s this thing start anyway?” I asked him as we got off the elevator.
“It starts at eight, so we can get something to eat.” Drew said.
“Oh, good, ‘cause I’m starving.” I told him as we got into his car.
After a stupid argument about where we should eat, we ended up going to Steak n’ Shake and Eat n’ Park in the Waterfront. I just wanted to go to Steak n’ Shake to get a milkshake, but neither of us really wanted to eat real food there.
Once we got into Steak n’ Shake, we sat down at a table next to the big glass windows. We were only seated for a few minutes when a high school aged waiter came over to take or order. 
“Can I get a regular chocolate and a regular Mint Oreo milkshake?” Drew ordered for both of us without me even asking. He knew exactly what I wanted just I knew he was gonna order a plain chocolate.
“Is that all?” The waiter asked, probably expecting us to buy their not all that great steak burgers. 
“Yes, that’s all. Thanks, man.” Drew said as he scanned the room. It was pretty much full in here. There were families with lots of kids. All of them were sucking down milkshakes until their tonsils froze. 
“You’re order will be here shortly.” The waiter said, smiled at us both, and then left.
“So what was that meeting about?” Drew asked me after the waiter left.
I sighed deeply; I was becoming irritated just thinking about it. “Adam, being the worthless piece of shit that he is, told James that I was sexually harassing him. Then when I confronted him on it, he told me he wasn’t going to come out and tell the truth. He fucking screamed in my ear, but I did get to slap the shit out of him so that felt good as hell. “I told Drew my story in a rant and he shook his head.
“I’m surprised all you did was slap him. I figured you would have stabbed him in the neck with a pen or something. Did you try to talk to James?” Drew asked me.
“Yes, but he didn’t fucking believe me,” I sighed and put my face in my hands. “Shit, this is so stupid.”
“Six,” Drew said randomly.
“What?”
“Drew, what the hell are you talking about?” I demanded, now I was annoyed. 
“Oh, not seven,”
“Drew, what the fuck?” He was making me mad. “I’m having a real ass problem and you’re fucking counting. Come on, Drew, what the hell?” 
“Eleven.”
“Drew!” I exclaimed and a few people looked at our table.
“Oh, that was the number of times you cussed in the last minute.”
“Oh, shut the fuck up.” I said and smiled at him. I swore on purpose that time.
“Twelve,”
“Shut up,” I sand just as the waiter came with our shakes on a silver tray. 
“Thank you,” I said to him with a polite smile, but then I notice he was looking down my shirt at my breasts. I rolled my eyes. Of course he noticed, but instead he gave me a suggestive smile. I gave him a look that said “I will slap you” and then he walked away.
“Don’t tip him,” I told Drew. 
“What makes you think I’m paying?” Drew asked me in all seriousness. 
“Oh, well you usually do.” I said, confused by his sudden solemnity. “You don’t have to. I don’t mind paying. I’ll pay.”
“You should, I’m not your meal ticket.”
I looked at him with my eyebrows drawn close together. “Why are you so mad all of a sudden? Are you okay?” I reached across the table and placed my hand over his, but he quickly snatched away from me.
Drew glared at me and I could just feel the tension. “Drew,” I said in almost a whimper. “Sweetie, are you alright? You’re not taking any new pills, are you?” Now I was truly concerned.
There was a silence between us as Drew continued to glare at me with dark, angry eyes. If he was anyone else I would have thought he was going to strangle me. 
Then he just burst out laughing.
“Gotcha,” He said when he finished laughing.
“Drew, that’s not funny, you scared me!” I pouted and then kicked him in the leg under the table. 
“You scared me!” Drew mocked me with a terrible impersonation of my voice. 
“I don’t sound like that.” I said as I put a straw into my milkshake.
“You definitely sound like that.” Drew said as he sipped his milkshake.
“This is really good.” I said more to myself after I took the first sip off my Mint Oreo Milkshake. 
“Yeah, so is this.” Drew said. He nearly drowned the thing in one gulp.
“Mine is better. Yours is boring, plain chocolate.” I said as I pulled my straw out and licked it clean. I put the straw back in and used it to mix my milkshake, because it was too thick to go through my straw.
“Mine is a classic.” Drew said.
“No, you just don’t like to try new things.”
“I try new things all the time. For example, I tried ordering for you for the first time and it worked out fine.” 
“No, that’s not what I mean.” I pulled my straw out of my milkshake and held it out to him. “Here, try mine.”
“You just licked that.” Drew said and I rolled my eyes.
“Please, you’ve done it plenty of times before. “ I told him, still holding out the straw. Ice cream was starting to drip off of it.
He shrugged his shoulders and leaned in to the straw. He wrapped his lips around the straw and sucked the ice cream off. Not that I was trying to notice, he did this in a very sexual way. If he were not my best friend I’d say that was sexy.
“Good, right?” I asked as I put my straw back into my glass. 
“It’s alright.” He said and I rolled my eyes. “Mine is just better, but that was good.”
“Oh, shut up. You know you want some more.” I said as I sipped my own milkshake. 
He didn’t say anything for a moment, but then he said, “Yeah, you right. Let me get some.” He reached back over and took my glass out of my hands. He pulled his straw out of his own milkshake that was practically empty and put it in mine. 
I put my straw in it also and we finished my milkshake off together. To an outsider, this looked like we were on a date, but we were just this close. Once we finished, I paid the bill and we drove the short, actually walking distance, to the Eat n’ Park. 
We sat down in a booth seat and Drew was trying to order for me again, but I stopped him.
“I’ll have the Philly cheese steak and he’ll have the spicy chicken wraps with fries.” I said to the woman and Drew gave me a look. 
“What drinks would you two like?” The waitress asked. 
“I’ll take a Brisk raspberry tea and he’ll take Pepsi.” I said and the waitress smiled and bounced off. 
“I don’t want chicken wraps. I wanted a turkey club.” Drew said sounding a bit like a pouting child,
“You always get a turkey club. Like I said in the Steak n’ Shake, you don’t like change. So as of right now, you’re trying something different.” I told him.
“You can’t make me do anything.” He said and received an eye roll.
“Yes, I can. You didn’t change the order so you’re gonna eat it.” 
He shook his head because he knew I was right. “Sometimes I don’t like you.” He said after a moment.
“But you always love me,” I said and blew him a kiss. 
“I guess,” He said with a smirk. He had a look on his face that I couldn’t decipher. It was almost wistful as if he were thinking of something, but wasn’t sure if he should say it.
“What?” I asked him. 
“Nothing,” Drew said and shook his head.
“No, tell me.” I pushed as I leaned in to him.
He looked down at my breast. “Your titties are really out.” He said with a smirk. I noticed he wasn’t looking away.
I looked down and sure enough my breasts were on full display. I pulled my shirt up and got some coverage. I was wearing a V- neck top. On the bright side, my boobs looked great in this bra. I laughed, slightly embarrassed. “So tell me what’s up.”
“That was it.” He said.
“No, it wasn’t. My boobs only popped out when I leaned forward. That’s not what you were gonna say.”
“No, I’m serious that was it.”
“Come on, Drew, I tell you everything. Tell me.”
“It’s nothing.” He said and then he gave me another one of those wistful looks. “You just look really beautiful, that’s all.”
I met his eyes. He said it really seriously. It seemed like a simple thank you wasn’t enough. He said it as if he meant it and I made me want to kiss him. I didn’t want to peck him on the cheek as I usually do, but I wanted to kiss him. I wanted to wrap my arms around his neck and truly kiss him. Our eyes held in a heated gaze and I felt a rush of warmth in my stomach that immediately headed south. It seemed like he wanted to kiss me too. Neither of us was talking. All out words were being conveyed through our eyes. My thoughts were scrambled as I tried to comprehend what I was feeling at the moment and hoping I wasn’t talking it too far. He could have simply been giving me a compliment and everything I was feeling could be exaggerated. 
Our gaze was finally broken when the waitress came and placed our drinks in front of us. I thanked God for this waitress, because I was suddenly feeling confused. 
“Thanks,” I mumbled as I immediately put a straw in the frosty glass and sipped it. 
“Your food orders will be here shortly.” She said. I thanked her again and she left.
I sighed as I was able to mentally put things in perspective. Drew was my best friend. Whatever the hell I was just feeling was a result of the stressful day, nothing more. Once I figured that out I was able to get on with our conversation. What the hell were we talking about?
“So what are you doing Friday?” Drew asked and I thought for a moment that he was going to ask me on a date, but then I remembered it was just a question.
“I don’t know yet. I usually just go with the flow.” I said as I collected myself.
“Oh, well, I was going to my mother’s for dinner so I figured maybe you wanted to come since my mom loves you and all.” Drew said and I smiled. Drew’s mother, Tina, was like my second mom. When I lost my mother to cancer, Ms. Tina and Ms. Antoinette was always there of me. Ms. Tina took part in raising me beings that I was always at her house with Drew.
“Oh, yeah, I’m definitely coming. And Friday’s my day off, this is perfect. You have Friday off too, right?” I asked him. 
“Not paid, but I got the day off.” He said and smiled. He knew how much I loved his mom. She was the nicest woman in the world. At the same time, Ms. Antoinette was also the nicest woman in the world. I can’t choose who’s nicer.
“We can spend the whole say out there, unless you have something else planned.” I said. 
“No, we can stay out there.” Drew said and I smiled. It was a two hour trip, but it was definitely worth it. I could already tell that it was going to be a great trip. The last time we went to Ms. Tina’s we did everything we used to do as children in our old neighborhood. We rode bikes, threw eggs at passing cars, went to the high school football games, and anything else we could think of. Yes, Drew and Robert and I were a couple of bad ass kids along with Vivian. Vivian was Robert’s high school and a little bit of college girlfriend that we all thought he was going to marry her. But then Charisse came along and stole my big brother’s heart. I’m glad. Charisse is a good woman and Vivian always was a little crazy. Sometimes I thought she was obsessed with Robert rather than in love with him. 
“I can’t wait,” I said. I sounded much like a little kid but I didn’t care. I love Ms. Tina. 
“I see,” Drew said simply. He always acted like he was all cool, but he and I both know that he couldn’t wait to go see his mom. 
After our food orders came, we sat and talked some more about miscellaneous things. I was glad to see that Drew ate and enjoyed his chicken wraps. But of course, as we always do, we ended up picking off each other’s food. After we finished up ate Eat n’ Park, Drew was driving me home.
“So what now?” I asked him. The party still wasn’t for another hour or so. 
“I’m taking you home so you can change and I’m going home to change. I’ll come back to pick you up at quarter till.” Drew explained as drove. 
“You think I need to change?” I asked. I didn’t think the party was that real that I really needed to wear something other than my normal work skirt and top.
“I figured you want to wear a dress or something rather than what you wore all day. Don’t you wanna look nice?”
“You just told me a half hour ago that I looked beautiful. Or were you just fucking with me?”
“I was just fucking with you.” Drew said and then he smiled at me. “Naw, I’m just playing, but I do believe this is a semi-formal attire event.”
“Oh, well, whatever.” I said. I was mentally going through my wardrobe to see what I was going to wear.
Moments later, we pulled in front of my apartment building. I climbed out of the car and turned back to Drew. He usually walked me up to my apartment, but I guess today he needs to go change out of his clothes.
“I’ll be here at seven forty-five on the dot.” He said to me.
“I’ll be ready.” I said.
“Then why are you always late?”
“It’s fashionable late, sweetie. Only stylish people can pull it off.” I said with a mock sophisticated accent.
“Mmm-hmm, I bet.”
“See you at seven forty-five, Drew.” I said and started towards my building. Drew waited until I was inside before he pulled off.
I went up to my third floor apartment. My apartment had a total of six floors and I was glad I only lived on the third, because once again, the elevator was out of order.
I let myself into my apartment and locked the door behind me. I immediately went to the closet of my bedroom. I riffled through the closet and looked for a semi-formal dress. I had a lot of clothes, but my dresses were all in the sexy date category rather than really formal. I looked for something simple, but I don’t buy simple. I buy things that pop and look good on me. 
I settled on a navy blue short dress. It was fairly short but it wasn’t sluttish. It had a ruched V-neck with the loose, slit sleeves, but a tight form-fitting bodice. The V-neck didn’t show a lot of cleavage, but I had the right bra for this dress so my breasts were still up and at attention. I paired the dress with the jewelry set Drew had bought me for my birthday two years ago. It was dangly diamond set in silver earrings, a simple diamond and silver necklace, a diamond studded bracelet, and a matching cocktail ring. It was an extremely expensive birthday present, but Drew would always buy whatever he thought someone would like without worrying about the cost. I added silver four-inch platform stilettos and completed my outfit.
I took a quick shower and massaged myself with cocoa butter lotion. I wasn’t going to wear pantyhose with this dress since it was long enough to get away with not wearing them. I slipped on a thong and a push-up bra and got dressed. I put on all my jewelry and went back to the bathroom. I had diamonds everywhere but decided the necklace was a little too much so I took it off. I put on subtle blue and light grey/silver eye shadow, a thin layer of eyeliner, and a few swipes of mascara. I added plum lip stick and a bit of clear lip gloss on top of it. Charisse had already hooked me up with a fresh sew-in only a few hours ago so I gave myself a little spray of olive sheen and was ready. The weave I got is wavy with a swoop bang. I smiled at myself in the mirror after I finished. I looked good. Hell, I looked freaking amazing.
I went back to my bedroom and transferred my necessities like makeup, gum, keys, mints, Blistex, and tissues from my black purse that I normally carry to a relatively big solid silver clutch purse. Once I got back to the living room it was already seven forty. I knew Drew would probably be here by now if not already here. I was just about to sit down and wait for Drew when someone who was probably Drew knocked on my door. I went to answer it and opened the door to a GQ magazine cover model looking man.
“Ooh, sexy!” I cooed at Drew. He looked really good. He was wearing a black Giorgio Armani suit with a blue shirt and a blue and silver stripped tie. “Aww, your tie matches me.”
Drew shook his head. “I’d make you go change, but you look really good.” Drew gave me another over. “Why aren’t you wearing the necklace?” He asked, recognizing his gift from two years ago.
“I figured it was too much. I already have on the diamond earrings, the diamond bracelet, and the diamond cocktail ring. If I put more diamonds on I’ll get robbed.” I said. 
“I’ll protect you.” Drew said playfully. “Wear your necklace. This is a party, you’re supposed to look like the shit tonight.”
I gave him a playful sneer. “Is that why you broke out the Armani tonight?” I asked him. “Dusted the cobwebs off everything and decided to walk out your house smelling like money?”
“Yep,” He said and then he did a male model walk across the foyer and did a pose and spin at the end of his “runway”. “I’m sexy and I know it.” 
“Wait; let me show you how to do it.” I said and then I did my own model walk down the foyer and then we posed together. 
I laughed and Drew shook his head. “Alright, go get your necklace and we can go.” Drew said. 
“I don’t wanna look ghetto fabulous, you know? All these diamonds can make it look like I’m that type of drug dealer’s girlfriend.” I said as I mentally looked at myself in the necklace.
“You were a drug dealer’s girlfriend.” Drew said.
“Anyway, that was the past. I’m not a drug dealer’s girlfriend anymore.” I said. “Since it’s so important to you, I’ll wear the necklace, too.” 
I went back to my bedroom and took the necklace out of my jewelry box. I went back to Drew with the necklace in my hand. “Happy,” I said as I dangled the necklace between my fingers.
“Yes,” He said and he took the necklace from me. I turned around and he clasped the necklace around my neck. He turned me back to face him. “Perfect,” He said and I smiled.
“Now I’m all blingged out so we can go now. We’re gonna be late.” I said as I stepped away from him.
“Fashionably late, isn’t that what you said?” Drew joked as he led me to the door.
“Yep, and as you can see, I’m very fashionable so I can be late.” I said as I locked my door and we left my apartment. We both instinctively walked to the elevator and then I remembered it was out. 
“Oh, crap, I forgot the elevator was broken. We have to take the stairs.” I said as I looked down at my four-inch heels. I walked and danced in platforms higher than this, but I still didn’t want to walk down the stairs. At least down was better than up.
Once we got to his car, Drew opened the door for me. Before I could step into the car, Mrs. Midler called to me.
“Hey, Regina,” She said. She was about fifty years old and always wore a smile. She was nice, but she’d didn’t play. She lived on the same floor as me and it seemed like every day I heard her yelling at someone for making too much noise in the hallways while she’s watching her soaps.
“Hey, Mrs. Midler, how are you?” I greeted her politely.
“I’m fine, honey, and how are you?” She replied.
“I’m good.” I said.
“You look really nice and so do you Andrew.” She complimented us and we both thanked her. “I knew you two were gonna get together sooner or later.” She said giving us a knowing smile.
“Oh, no, we’re not together like that. Drew and I are still friends just as we were when you said that last time.” I said with a slight smile. It didn’t bother me that she said that. A lot of people have mistaken Drew and me as a couple.
“Hmm,” Mrs. Midler said as if she didn’t believe me. “Well, you two still look nice this evening and you make a beautiful pair.” She said and then she started to walk away.
“Okay, thank, Mrs. Midler.” I said as I rolled my eyes to myself. 
“Alright, I’m just gonna keep counting down how long it takes you two to get together.” She said as she got to the building.
“Well, don’t hold your breath.” I said and she smiled. 
Drew and I got into his Range Rover and fastened our seatbelts. I was freezing cold so as soon as he started up the car, I turned up the heat. It was December and the snow was falling lightly as a lot had already set on the ground. I was carrying my coat over my arm, because I didn’t want to cover my outfit.
“She’s funny,” I said to Drew as he started driving.
“I know, I love how she said she’s counting down like she just knows we’re gonna hook up.” Drew said as he drove.
“Right, I guess men and women can’t be good friends anymore without people thinking they’re gonna have a more intimate relationship.” I said.
“I know,” Drew said. “You’re practically my sister. I couldn’t even imagine being more than friends with you.”
“I know. It would be weird. I might as well be dating Kim.” 
“Well, it ain’t gon be like dating a female, I know that.” Drew said with a glance over to me.
“Well, I don’t mean you are like a female, but I mean bath of you are my good friends.” I said and then smiled at him. “But then again, you would be like dating a female.”
“Please, I’ll turn you out.” He said with a cocky grin.
“No, I’ll have you whipped.” I said. We’ve had this conversation before when people mistaken us for a couple. We’ve always talked a lot of bull about how great we are in bed and what not to the other, but of course we’ve never ever crossed that line. And we never will. We’ve always been close friends. Though, there were quite a few occasions that I’ve thought about what it would be like to have Drew as a boyfriend. It wasn’t like he was ugly or something. Drew was actually really fine. I’ve just never really thought of that, because of how close we are as friends. Though, I remember I used to have dreams about Drew and me “hooking up”. There were even times that I wanted to kiss him, but I never did. I never made that step because I know our friendship is much more important to me.
“Yeah, I bet.” Drew said and then the conversation faded.
“Do you think I’m gonna look like your date? I mean, you picked me up and we match. Even though we matched accidentally, it could still seem like we’re together.” I queried to Drew. 
“No, because just about everyone knows I drive you to work and stuff since you don’t have your own car. And the matching thing is just coincidental and people will figure that out for themselves.” Drew said just as we bypassed the Climax building.
“Wait, where are we going?” I asked Drew.
“The party’s at the Double Tree.” He said as if I should have already known that.
“Oh, the email really didn’t give any detail at all.” I said.
“The one I got did. You probably got the reminder one. That one only reminded people that the party was tonight and that’s it.” He said and then he pulled up in front of the Double Tree Hotel. 
He opened the door for me and a valet walked up to us. Drew gave the valet his keys and received a ticket. 
“Valet parking,” I asked as I made an impressed face. “I didn’t know this was that important.”
“I guess it is.” He said and then he took my coat from me and draped it over my shoulders. “Wait here for me; I have to make a call.” He said.
I wasn’t sure why I couldn’t wait in the warm hotel but I complied and stood there while Drew walked a few feet away and out of my hearing range with his cell phone. I looked around and waited for a few minutes while Drew talked to someone. I reached into my purse and glanced at my phone. It was eight twenty. We were late again. 
Moment later, Drew returned to my side. He put his hand on my back and led me into the building.
“What was that?” I asked him. He usually didn’t have to walk away from me to make a call.
“I had call and see what the room was.” He said simply as he led me down a hall to an elevator. We stepped in and he pressed the second floor button.
“You had to take that call privately.” I asked. I wasn’t being nosy. If it wasn’t my business then it wasn’t my business, I didn’t care.
“Yep,” He said. The elevator opened up to just about everyone from our job partying, drinking, dancing, and having a good time. Everyone turned and looked at us and we received smiles as if we were celebrities arriving. 
“Here, let me hang up your coat.” Drew said as he took my jacket.
“Okay,” I said and then I spotted Kara in the distance. “I see Kara, I’m gonna go over there with her. Have fun.” I said and then we parted. 
“Hey, girl,” Kara said. “Damn, girl, look at you looking a million and one dollars.” 
“Thank you and you look good yourself.” I said. She was wearing a cranberry red mini dress that had a black strip around the torso just below her breasts. The dress had a V-Neck that dipped well below her breasts with no bra. She couldn’t wear a bra with the dress with the low V- neck. She looked really good. Looks like I ain’t the only one bringing the sexiness to this party.
 “Thank you, thank you, I try.” She said. She had a drink in her hand that matched the color of her dress. 
“Is this open bar?” I asked her. It was only a little after eight, but I wanted to get my drink on.
“Yep, yep,” She said as she shook her drink. “Let’s go get me another one.”
“You ain’t even finished with the one you got.” I said as I shook my head at her.
“I’ll be done by the time we reach the bar.” She said and draped an arm around my shoulder. I could tell my girl was ready to go hard tonight. We walked to the bar together and we both ordered a mojito. 
“You know, you shouldn’t mix drinks like that.” I warned her. 
“Please, I do this about every night. Do you know who I came here with?” She asked me as she sipped her mojito.
I shook my head and smiled. I wasn’t sure, but I had a feeling I was the reason she’s here with him. “Who are you here with?” I asked her.
“Donnie Lowenstein,” She answered as she motioned to him. He was walking out the bathroom looking around, probably looking for her.
Donnie was wearing a black suit with a red shirt and black tie. He was fairly lean and skinny, but he didn’t look too thin. He was gangly like a teenage boy. He had a fairly large nose and common Jewish features. He didn’t look bad though. He chose a great suit, because he looked like money. 
“He looks nice. I actually think you two make a cute couple.” I said and Kara snorted.
“I don’t even like white boys. I’m only here with him because I let you convince me to do yet another favor for you.” She knocked back her mojito. 
“I’m sorry,” I whined. “It isn’t that bad. He likes you and he’s a nice enough guy. It isn’t like he’s ugly. I think you’re only problem is that he’s white.”
“You’re right. That is my problem. I don’t like white boys, simple as that.” Kara said and I shook my head. Granted, I dated more black men that white, I still didn’t have a preference. I gave all men a chance.
“He’s not a white boy, he’s a man. Instead of getting drunk, why don’t you give him a chance? Have a conversation, dance with him. You never know, you might actually like him and end up thanking me for this.” I told her and she looked at Donnie as if considering it by his appearance.
“I’ll give him a chance,” She complied. “But if this night is the disaster I imagine it’s going to be, I’m going to lash out on you.” 
“I’ll deal with that. Now go, have fun, please. He’s waiting for you.” I said and then Kara smiled across the room at him. “Bye, now.” I said and shooed her off. 
“Are you enjoying yourself yet?” I heard a man whisper in my ear behind me. I turned and saw Emmanuel standing with a bouquet of red roses. 
“Are those for me?” I asked with a smile. Emmanuel was a nice enough guy and he was pretty good looking. I only talked to him in passing, but I was starting to think he was responsible for the notes and flowers in my office.
“Yes,” He said simply and gave me the flowers. I took them and smelled them. Wonderful.
“Can I ask what the occasion is?” I asked him. I know I had a boyfriend, but I was flirting with him a little. If he was the man who cheered me up every morning then he deserved to be flirted with.
“You’ll see.” He said and took my hand. He started to lead me in the direction of the dance floor.
“What’s up?” I asked when he bypassed the dance floor. Now I wanted to know where he was leading me. 
“You’ll see,” He repeated. Then we stopped at the head of the room. He gave me a friendly kiss on the cheek and then passed me off to Rebecca, head of human services. 
I drew my eyebrows together and looked around for an explanation. I hate being set up and that’s exactly what this looked like. 
“Rebecca, what’s going on?” I asked her and she said the same thing Emmanuel kept saying that I was tired of hearing.
“You’ll see,” She said and then she brought a corded microphone to her lips. “Alright,” She said into the microphone to get everyone’s attention. 
Everyone turned to her, some people looking at me with broad smiles. “We all know why we’re having his party tonight, right?” Rebecca asked and everyone whooped and cheered.
“I don’t know,” I said. I was slightly panicked. I truly hate being set up. Paranoia was setting in and I was beginning to picture this turning into Carrie’s prom. 
“Well, everyone, but one person knows.” Rebecca continued, ignoring me. That got more cheering. “So, I’d like to proudly present to you all, our girl, the lady we all love and some of us hate on, the guest of honor: Regina Walker!” Rebecca announced and my eyebrows drew tighter together and I looked around at the crowd of people watching me. I manage to get a smile out, but I still wanted to know what I was being honored for and why they’re just telling me now. My birthday is three months away so it isn’t that. Everyone began cheering again at the sound of my name and I had to smile again. This was obviously something positive. 
“Alright, Regina, so I’m guessing your about to die of impatience, wanting to know what this is all for.” Rebecca said into the mic, but directly to me. I nodded and she continued. “Well, we are celebrating you and your accomplishments in the four years you’ve worked with us.”
After more cheering and me smiling broadly, she continued. “You’ve won Climax writer of the year three times in a row. You’ve became a local celebrity in adult literature. Your articles have been published in not only our works but also in national workings. You’ve even given advice about relationships and the bedroom to the many people who read your column and at last half the people in our building. We love you and you are by far very deserving of this. On behalf of everyone here, we love to have you. Now, we present to you and hope you accept this promotion.” 
I raised my eyebrows. I was only a breath away from being slapped with a sexual harassment suit, but yet I’m being promoted. I was smiling widely. Shit, I deserved it, but this whole party was a lot. I didn’t know it was that real.
“Regina Walker, will you accept the position as the senior editor of the literature side of our humble little company.” Rebecca asked me as if I needed to think about it. This company was far from humble, but I loved it no matter what.
“Hell, yes!” I exclaimed and everyone laughed and cheered. “This is amazing. I didn’t expect this at all.”
“Well, we knew you’d accept the position, but now we have a reason to use company money on an open bar party.” Rebecca said laughing and this got more cheers and drinks went up in the air. 
“Thank you all so much,” I said to the entire crowd of people who had just been cheering for me. “Well, hell, let’s party!” I shouted and we all started cheering.
“Hold up, hold up, somebody bring her a drink.” Rebecca said, quieting down the cheers of the crowd. 
Yolanda, the sales director, walked over to me with a fresh mojito. She gave it to me with a peck on the cheek. “Congrats, girl.” She said. I thanked her and then she dissolved back into the crowd.
“Alright, let us all drink to our girl of the night, Regina!” Rebecca said. She and I clanked glasses and so did many other people in the room. Then all the glasses in people’s hands were empty. 
I was on the dance floor with Kara. She and I were setting the place on fire as Phillip and Donnie tried to keep up with us. I had consumed four drinks and I decided that it was time to stop. I was able to hold my liquor, but I didn’t think it was good to get pissy drunk right when I just got promoted. 
I had Phillip by the tie and I was grinding, popping, and dropping my booty on him to Big Sean’s “Dance (Ass)”. I was having a ball. I had danced with at least every single man up in here tonight and I still wasn’t done. Everyone was laughing, drinking, and having a good time. This was my kind of party. I even saw James getting his freak on with a temp on the dance floor. I saw Adam lurking by the bar with a glass of vodka in his hand, watching me and just about every other female in here. But this was my party so I wasn’t even thinking about him. 
After a while I had kicked my shoes off and they were underneath the table where Drew, Kara, and Donnie and I sat. Kara and most other women in heels had too. 
“Phil, man, I’m gonna go to the bathroom and sit and talk for a moment.” I said to my dance partner of the last few songs. 
“Come on now, girl, I know you ain’t tired already.” Phillip said, taking my hand and trying to keep me on the dance floor with him. 
“I ain’t saying all that now. I just wanna take a moment to breath, but don’t worry, I’ll be back.” I said and Phillip released me.
“I better get another dance with you before the night’s out.” Phillip said and smiled at me. 
“Don’t worry, you will.” I said, returning his smile. I put my shoes back on and  made my way to the bathroom. Phil was cool people. I liked him. He was fun to hang out with. 
I went into the ladies room and peed. Too many drinks. After washing my hands, I was on my way back inside the room with the party, but then I saw a familiar face. 
I quickly ran over to Michael and kissed him. His hands found their way to my hips and he pulled me close to him as our kiss deepened. 
“What are you doing here?” I asked him. I was wondering if maybe someone had told him about the surprise promotion party for me so he came.
“I was actually invited,” Michael said and it seemed like he was holding something out of that, but I didn’t make a comment on it.
“Have you been here the whole time?” I asked him as I stepped away from him.
“I actually got here when they were making the toast.” He said. 
“Why didn’t you come say anything to me?” I asked him, my arms crossing involuntarily. 
“I don’t know, but I came out here to say see you now.”
“I know,” I said and then I kissed him again. “I want to get a dance in with you.” I told him as I took his hand and began to lead him into the room. 
Just as we were about to walk in, the door opened and Gwen walked out. Gwen was the sole proprietor of Climax. She owned everything. She had taken control after her father became too old to run it. Michael let go of my hand.
“Regina,” Gwen said with a smile as she reached out her hand and took mine. I shook her hand. She and I didn’t see each other often and I was glad of it. Usually when you had to see Gwen it was because she was no longer in need of your services. “Congratulations, I know you deserve it.” She said with a wink. I knew of course that she was the one who selected me for the promotion.
“Thank you, Gwen.” I told her with a smile. “I’ll be sure that you won’t regret it.”
“I already know I won’t. You are an incredible employee.” 
“Thank you,” I said and then I started to move for the party, but she looked to Michael.
“I was about to come looking for you.” Gwen said to him. “I thought maybe you got lost in the bathroom or something.” She said and then she leaned in and kissed him. He kissed her back, right in front of me. My heart jumped into my throat.
“Of course not,” Michael said to her as if I wasn’t even there. “I was just enjoying the scenery.” He kissed her again.
“Oh, Regina,” Gwen turned to me. “This is my husband, Michael. Michael, this is Regina. I’ve been telling you how wonderful of a woman she is. I don’t think you’ve met yet.” 
Husband? My heart dropped into my stomach and stayed there. I wanted to cry, but what was I supposed to do? Tell my boss that her husband was cheating on both of us? I choked up a smile as Michael held out his hand to shake mine as if we didn’t know each other. As if we hadn’t been sleeping together for the last month. 
 I reached out and forced myself shake his hand. “Nice to meet you,” I forced out.  
“Likewise, Gwen tells me you’re a great employee. I can already tell her decision to promote you was a great one.” Michael continued on with small talk as if nothing were wrong. I wanted to cry and I wanted to beat the black off of him. 
“I believe it was,” I said and I started to wonder if maybe he had something to do with me getting promoted. I was uncomfortable and I wanted to scream. “I’m going to get back to the party.” I said to Gwen. “Nice to meet you, again, Michael.” I said and then I nearly broke my ankle getting back into the party room. 
I rushed back to my table and put my face in my hands. As if on cue, Drew came over and sat down next to me. 
“What’s wrong?” He asked me with his hand on back. 
“Nothing,” I said. “I’m fine.” I didn’t want to admit to him that he’d been right about Michael or at least he’d been close enough. He’d said that Michael wasn’t right and he was correct. It made me sick the way he’d just kissed me moments before and then when his wife showed up, he was able to easily pretend like he didn’t even know me. A tear escaped my eye and ran down my face. 
“Come on,” Drew said, helping me to my feet. “We’re gonna go talk.” I allowed him to lead me out of the room and he took me to the area outside of the bathrooms. The area was pretty much deserted, but every so often someone went in or out of the bathrooms.
“Tell me, what’s wrong.” Drew said, looking at me intently. 
I looked up and met his eyes. I could tell he was truly concerned. If I couldn’t talk to him, then I couldn’t talk to anyone. “Did you see Mike here?” I asked him.
“No, I didn’t even see him, but what’s up?” Drew asked.
“He’s here.” I said and then sucked in a breath. “He’s here with his wife.” 
Drew didn’t say anything, but I heard him sigh deeply. I didn’t know if he was angry with Mike, still worried about me, or thinking “I told you so”. Probably all three. 
“Why wasn’t I ever able to see that he was married?” I asked him and myself. “You kept saying that he was hiding something, but I didn’t see it.” I was crying now. I never cried over a man, but I was crying over Michael.
Drew pulled me into his arms and held me. “Fuck that nigga.” Drew said and I wished I could have that same attitude. 
“But Drew, I really cared about him and I thought he felt the same way about me. When his wife came out, he acted like he didn’t even know me. He let her introduce us and talked as if I were just another employee his wife had him talking to.”
Drew sighed again. “Regina, don’t cry for him. I know you’re hurt, but don’t worry. He ain’t worth you. You’re better than him. If he has to cheat on his wife and then treat someone as great as you wrong then you shouldn’t even want him. You’re better than that.”
I snuggled into Drew, trying to get some of his strength. I didn’t say anything, because he was right. I am better than that. But why does it hurt so much?
Drew wiped my tears away and then kissed me on my forehead. “Come on,” He said, taking my hand. He was taking me back to the party.
“No, Drew, I wanna go home.” I told him, dragging my feet.
“Naw, I’m not letting you go out like that. You’re gonna have fun tonight no matter what just happened. I saw you dancing with Phil. Go find him and have some fun.” Drew said, giving me a smile. His intentions were good, but I wasn’t in the mood anymore. Partying wasn’t going to make me forget how I feel right now. I wanna curl up in bed and go to sleep and not wake up till June. 
“Drew, I don’t wanna go,” I said as Drew dragged me onto the dance floor. 
“Dance with me,” He said. I sighed and tried to walk away from him, but he grabbed me and pulled me against him. “Dance with me, Regina. If you wanna be depressed over that nigga you can be depressed when I take you home, but right now, you’re not gonna think about him, okay?”
I wanted to believe that I was gonna be able to just put Michael out of my mind even if was only for a few hours, but I knew I couldn’t. Drew was looking at me with such determined eyes that I had to agree to whatever he said. He didn’t want to see me upset and I loved him for that. 
“Okay,” I finally agreed. A slow song was playing, but that didn’t matter. Drew and I danced to slow songs plenty of times before and thought nothing of it.
Drew pulled me against him and I leaned into his body and closed my eyes. I was holding back tears, but I wouldn’t let them fall again. Not for a man who lied to me. Not for a man who cheated on his wife. Not for a man who could be so cruel. Drew and I danced to the slow jam by Tank and I allowed myself to enjoy it. I did my best to push Michael from my mind, but a part of me was still thinking of him. 
Drew held me around my back in a friendly manor. I had my hands lying on his chest and I was leaned completely into him. We were even really dancing. I was using his as support and he was just swaying to the music. People were whooping and hooting around us, but I really didn’t know why. There was a spotlight shining on someone. It was two women actually. I squinted across the room and saw that the women were Yolanda and the temp I saw James dancing with. It was the “Kiss-Light”. We did this at a lot of our parties where a spotlight was shined on two people who were sitting or dancing together and they had to kiss. They didn’t even have to be a couple. They obviously didn’t even have to be a man and a woman. 
“Kiss! Kiss! Kiss! Kiss!” Men and actually quite a few women were chanting. People were smiling and laughing. Yolanda was blushing. She was shy and probably never kissed a girl before. I actually kissed two females when I was caught under the Kiss-Light. It really wasn’t much. You weren’t expected to slob or French the other person unless you wanted to. People just wanted you to do it. It was entertainment and mild porn for the little horn balls. 
I was surprised to see Yolanda turn and kiss the temp on the lips. It was like a first kiss experiment. They both leaned in as far as their bodies would allow without actually touching. It was a simple three second middle school kiss with their lips pressed together but never actually opening.
I smiled and Drew and I joined into the cheering. Yolanda was letting her hair down. She was still blushing hard, but soon the light was off of her and put on someone else. When I saw who the light stopped on, I screamed out. It was Donnie and Kara. Donnie was blushing like a teenager and Kara looked like she wanted to run. 
“Kiss her, Donnie!”  I shouted out and Drew squeezed me. He was obviously glad that I wasn’t as upset anymore. 
“Kiss! Kiss! Kiss! Kiss!” The chanting started back up and Drew and I joined in. 
The two of them looked like they didn’t know what to do. The Donnie suddenly grabbed Kara by her shoulders and yanked her against him. Before she could react, he had his mouth on hers. She looked very still for a moment as Donnie kissed her, but them her lips parted and the two of them started slobbing. 
“Get her, Donnie!” I shouted and laughed. They were two fish going at it. I was surprised that Kara was actually holding him and kissing him back since she had so much to say about how she didn’t want to be here with him. 
When they finally pulled apart, you could see spit stretch from each of their lips. Gross, but still cute. Everyone was cheering and men were patting Donnie on the back. I was able to read Kara’s lips when she mumbled as she looked at Donnie hungrily. 
“Hot damn,” She said and I smiled. Who would have thought a slightly geeky Jewish boy would put it on a black woman like Kara with one kiss. 
The Kiss-Light was scanning around and I looked around at different people standing together to see who it would stop on. Then I saw Emmanuel’s eyes on me as he controlled the spot light. I realized that I was still leaning on Drew. I tried to quickly step back, but it was too late. The light stopped and shined down on us. Was I blushing?
“Oooooh!” I heard people jeer. I heard wolf-whistles and cat calls. Drew was smiling at people, the attention or inevitable fact that he was about to kiss his best friend didn’t bother him one bit.
I shook my head and put my hand up in a stop motion. “Sorry,” I said to the people. 
“Naw,” I heard Emmanuel shout. “You had to we was getting you tonight. This is your party, right?” 
“He’s my best friend,” I said as if that were an excuse. I’d kissed men I was simply friends with and women under the Kiss-Light, but when it came to Drew, I was suddenly shy and afraid. I was afraid, because I actually wanted to kiss him. I was scared that we’d go in for a simple three second middle school kiss and then I’d start slobbing him. 
“Please, girl, it ain’t like we haven’t kissed before.” Drew said, he was still holding me close to him and it had swiftly become uncomfortable. 
“Yeah, like fifteen years ago.” I said, knowing exactly what he was talking about. Truth or Dare in sixth grade. “We were twelve.” 
“It was fourteen years ago and we were thirteen.” Drew corrected me as if that made a difference. 
“Oh, please,” I said with an eye roll and then I stepped away from him.
Drew looked out to the crowd and spoke directly to them. “Do y’all want me to kiss her?” He asked them and the all cheered. He looked at me. “They want me to kiss you, Regina.” 
“Drew,” I said with another eye roll. 
“Come here, girl,” Drew said and then he yanked me to him. Just as Donnie had done to Kara, I had no time to react before Drew’s lips were on mine. I didn’t know what to do so I just allowed him to press his lips on mine and waited for the kiss to end. 
But it didn’t end as fast as I’d thought it would. Drew’s hands slipped down to my hips and he held me tightly to him. I felt his tongue prodding my closed lips, trying to urge them open. I felt my lips open and my arms wind up around his neck, but I wasn’t the one controlling them. I was under a spell and as much as I hated to admit it, I wanted to stay spellbound. Drew’s leg slipped between mine and we were now tangled into each other. We were so tightly pressed against each other it would take a crowbar to separate us. I heard people cheering and egging us on. I took their applause to heart and I practically sucked on Drew’s tongue. I was getting no objection on his end as he was trying to make me swallow his tongue. 
When our lips finally parted, I think I moaned and I know I was blushing. I looked around the room and people were still cheering. In my peripheral vision, I saw the one person in the room who wasn’t clapping. Michael. He was staring at us hard and he definitely looked upset. He was jealous. He’d just flaunted his wife in front of my face and now he was looking all surly because I just kissed Drew. 
What I did next I knew was out of spite but I didn’t care. I leaned back in and kissed Drew firmly on the mouth, clinging to his neck for dear life. Drew didn’t let me go or push me away, but instead he held my hips close against him. We were slobbing, but it was damn near. This time I sent my tongue into his mouth and acted like I couldn’t get enough of him. In a deep, dark part of my mind, I was enjoying what I was doing. The way Drew’s big hands held my hips was sexy. The way his strong body was pressed against me and it felt good. I was so wrong for this, but I was getting turned on by my best friend. It was even worse that I was enjoying how jealous Michael was. But what was worse than that was that I was allowing myself to strain my friendship with someone so dear to me just so I can make some man upset. I pulled away from Drew and looked up at him. He smiled at me. 
“I guess you were thinking the same thing I was.” Drew said and I wasn’t sure what he meant.
“What were you thinking?” I asked him. If he was thinking what I was thinking then he was thinking of his own jealously, hurting his ex, and getting close to his best friend. That’s what I was thinking and I don’t think his thoughts were the same.
“I was thinking that I wasn’t gonna let Donnie and Kara show us up.” Drew said as he released me.
I smiled at him. I was glad that what he was thinking. This was simply a stage kiss to him. He just did it because the light was on us and he didn’t want to look like he didn’t have as much balls as Donnie. Of course that’s how he should be thinking. My thoughts were the ones that were wrong. 
I saw Kara giving me a knowing look. I shook my head and smiled at her because I knew what she was thinking. “It’s not like that,” I said when she made her way to me.
We moved back to our table and sat down. “Well, what was that? You damn near lost your tongue in the back of his throat.” Kara said.
“You’re one to talk. You and Donnie sure as hell were having fun under that spotlight.” I said with a laugh. I was subtly changing the subject from Drew and I so I didn’t have to verbally admit that I’d enjoyed that. 
Kara sighed contently. “I know what I said before about white boys and everything, but Donnie can kiss! Oh my God, I wanted to rape him right then and there. I was upset at first because he grabbed me like that and caught me off guard, but then he started kissing me. I could just feel the heat, it was so amazing. I don’t know what to do now.”
“What do you mean?” I asked, smiling that she actually liked Donnie as much as he liked her. 
“I mean, I really want to take him home with me tonight. I mean, I really want to take him home with me tonight. I just don’t want to seem like a slut or anything. I know those Jewish boys usually expect those perfect, lady-like women.”
“Well, the way he grabbed you up, I highly doubt he’ll have any problems with you taking him home. He really likes you. He looks at you like you are a goddess. I’m glad you like him too.” I said in all seriousness. 
“Well, I’m not saying I like him all like that.” She said and then she glanced over to him. They’re eyes met and she smiled at him. He smiled weakly back at her. She does like him and I know it. 
I was about to say something else when I felt a hand on my shoulder. I turned and looked up to see Michael. He was peering down at me and he even seemed disappointed. Well, I was disappointed too.
“Can I talk to you for a second?” He asked and I considered it for a moment. I had nothing left to say to a married man who used me and lied to me, but at the same time, I wanted to know why. I also knew that if I told him no, Kara would suspect that he was the Michael I’d been seeing and then know that I’d been unknowingly sleeping with my boss’s husband.
“Sure,” I said and then I turned to Kara. “I’ll be right back.” 
“Alright, I’ll be with Donnie.” She said and we both stood. I followed Michael out to the foyer outside the room and Kara went to Donnie. 
I was silent with my arms crossed over my chest as we walked. Once we got out of the party room, I simply leaned against the wall and waited for him to explain himself. Neither of us spoke for what felt like a long time. I just stared at him, disappointed. 
Michael sighed and finally spoke. “You look very beautiful tonight. I forgot to tell you that.” He sighed and I wanted to beat him with my shoe.
“Michael, you also didn’t tell me you have a wife.” I snapped at him. “So, I want to know what you want to talk about, because if it’s about us, then I don’t want to hear it, because we’re done.” 
“Regina, I’m sorry.” He said and I rolled my eyes and looked at the paintings on the wall. Of course he was sorry. He was one sorry ass nigga. When I didn’t speak he continued. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about my wife. I didn’t know how you’d react and I knew you wouldn’t understand. I knew you’d think I was just another nigga cheating on his wife.”
“That’s exactly what you are. You were a married man at that club picking up women and you’re a married man lying to your different chicks on the side.”
“I have no chicks on the side,” He said. “I’ve only been seeing you.”
“No, you’ve been seeing me and your wife!” I shouted at him and then immediately lowered my voice. There was no one in this hall, but us, thankfully. 
“Gwen and I are married, but we are not together.” He said as if that made any since at all. 
“Y’all live together. Y’all sleep together. Y’all eat dinner together. Y’all drove here together. Y’all were dancing together. No matter how you put it, you are married, Michael. You are married and you don’t even care that you hurt me.”
“What do you mean I don’t care? I wouldn’t be out here trying to talk to you if I didn’t care. I care about you. I loved Gwen at one point in time, but we grew apart. I’ll still love her to a certain extent, but our marriage is over. Gwen and I are divorcing.”
“Please, Michael. If you two were divorcing, tell me why you are here with her. Tell me why you were kissing her. You didn’t look like you were divorcing then. You looked very much married to me.” 
“Regina, that was all for show. She doesn’t want our divorce to be big and she doesn’t want people in our business. I agreed that I’ll continue to come to her social events and she’ll still come to mine until our divorce is final. That way no one will know we’re divorced until we actually are. She wouldn’t have even kissed me if you weren’t in the hall. She has to make it seem like we are still very much in love. She was only looking for me because they were about to do that Kiss-Light thing and she wanted me to be out there so it’ll land on us and we’ll seem even more like a happy couple. Our marriage is practically pretend now.  She even agreed that we see other people as long as we keep it quiet.  I already know she has another man and it doesn’t bother me.”
“Does she know about me?” I asked in fear. That was the last thing I’d ever want her to know.
“No, I didn’t tell her. We don’t talk outside of faking for people in public and what we need the other to attend. When you had told me where you worked, I knew it was best that I didn’t tell her I was dating one of her employees.”
“So you were hiding?” 
“It isn’t hiding. It was only for your protection. Gwen would probably have a problem with me dating one of her employees and demand that I break it off with you. She wouldn’t want this to spread.”
I rolled my eyes. I didn’t know if I believed him or not. What I did know was that he was married. So divorcing or not, I don’t date married men. No good ever came from it. There were women who were dating married men who promised that they were divorcing their wives but never did. There were the women who found out that their husbands were cheating so now you become the other women and you’re responsible for that woman’s pain. There were women that never stopped seeing married men and didn’t even care that there was a woman sitting in his house waiting for him to come home after he got finished fucking you. Then there were the women who got dumped when the wives found out that their men were cheating. Then of course if there are children involved, their pain is also on your conscious. Too many people got hurt when you mess with married men. 
I hated single husbands. They were the men who ran around behind closed door with their women as if they had no attachments at home. Then they went home to their women and acted as though they were the perfect husband. It was despicable.
“Regina, you have to believe me. Gwen and I are done. Period. There is nothing left of our marriage and there are no hard feelings. Our divorce will be final soon, I promise. As soon as we dispute the settlements and such, we will be out of each other’s lives.”
“Do you have kids?” I asked him. I remembered all those times he babysat for his sister. Chances are he was lying then too and he was really watching his own damn babies. 
He didn’t answer immediately so I already knew the answer to my question. I wanted to hear him say it and I wanted to know how many. “Answer me, Michael.” I urged him.
“Yeah, I have children.” He said and I sighed. I knew he was going to say that but it hurt all the same. I felt like I just got kicked in my stomach. The one time I found a man who I actually like, I find out he has a whole family. I hate it. It’s like God doesn’t want me to have a stable relationship. 
“How many?” I asked him. 
“Four,” 
“Four?!” I demanded. I expected him to say one or two, but not four. No man gets a divorce after four kids. It just isn’t right. Not with that many children involved.
“Is that a problem?” 
“Yes, it’s a damn problem, Michael. The very fact that you are married to those children’s mother is a problem. I can’t believe this. I can’t believe I didn’t see this before.” 
“You know, Regina, I think you did.” He said, shocking me with his sudden change of tone.
“Excuse me?” I demanded.  I know he wasn’t trying to say that I knew he had a whole wife.
“Come on now, Regina. We could never do anything without planning it ahead of time first. You’ve never come to my house and I never spent an entire night at your house.”
“How was I supposed you know you were married? You told me you were busy and I believed you. I had no reason not to. I trusted you, Michael, and what did that get me? Hurt. You lied to me and now you’re trying to convince me to stay with you. No. I’m sorry, Michael. No matter how much I like you, I’m not dating a married man. It’s not an option.”
“Regina, I care about you. I swear Gwen and I will be legally divorced sooner than you think.” Michael begged as he grabbed me by my shoulders so I couldn’t walk away. “I want to be with you. I promise you, I’ve never been with any other women since we got together, not even my wife.”
“I care about you too, Michael, and I do want to be with you, but I can’t.” I said as I pushed away from him. “Call me when your divorce is final.” I started to walk back into the party room, but Michael grabbed me tightly by the arm and yanked me to him. 
“Listen to me, Regina,” Michael said as he stared straight into my eyes. “I don’t want to let you go. You have to believe that Gwen and I are done. Just look at me, I know you can tell how much I care about you.” 
I looked down at the floor rather than into his eyes. I was afraid if I looked at him I’d melt. I was scared to get weak and then make him think that he could just continue to see me even though he was married. 
“Look at me, Regina.” Michael said I willed my eyes up to him. “I know you know I care about you. I’m not letting you walk away from me. I can’t. I care too much to let you go.”
“Michael, please,” I said in a pleading voice. I wanted him to stop talking to me like this. I wanted him to stop telling me that he cared so it would be easier to walk away. 
“Look at me, baby.” Michael said again. He shook me gently and made sure I made eye contact with him.
“I am looking at you.” I said just above a whisper. 
“No, really look at me, Regina. Look at me and see that I care so much about you. Look and see that you care as much as I do. See that you don’t want to walk away.” 
I stared into his eyes. I saw so much there, hope, passion, determination. But there was also regret. What I saw most boldly was affection. Genuine affection for me.  I wanted to look away. I wanted to woman up and do what I knew was right. I wanted to tell him no. Tell him that no matter how much he cared, I won’t see him until he was a legally single man. But I couldn’t. I couldn’t do it, because I wanted to be with him. I couldn’t so it because I believed him. I believed he was divorcing his wife. 
I melted into him and kissed him deeply. My hands instinctively went up and around his neck and I held him close as I kissed him. Michael’s hands wrapped around my waist and held me just as tightly as I held him. Our tongues touched, met, and stroked each other. I felt my leg lift up and rest around his waist. I was pressed against the wall and I could feel Michael’s arousal pressed firmly against my womanhood. My dress was practically around my waist and the thong I wore held no barrier to the feel of Michael’s manhood. I moaned into his mouth and his hands cupped my ass. 
We should stop. Anyone could walk out and see us. More specifically, his wife could walk out and see us. I started to pull away, but Michael pushed his mouth forward and didn’t allow me to move away. His lips moved from mine and then started kissing down my neck.
“Oh my gosh, Michael we need to stop this before someone sees.” I breathed as I stifled a moan. 
“One second, I just want to kiss you.” Michael said and he did just that.
He kissed me down my neck and to my shoulder. I closed my eyes and enjoyed heaven as he pushed my sleeve down my arm so he can expose my shoulder and, because of how the dress is made, he exposed the majority of my left breast too. Michael kissed my shoulder and then ran his tongue over my breast. I moaned as quietly as I could under these conditions and I knew my nipples were taut under my bra. 
“Shit, Michael, don’t do that.” I commanded weakly, but he ignored me. 
Michael dropped down to his knees and pushed my dress up to my waist, revealing my black thong. He pushed the crotch of my thong aside and buried his face in my pussy. I looked around, desperately praying that no one walked outside and saw us. No one was out here in the foyer, but that doesn’t mean someone couldn’t just walk out. Michael didn’t care who could come out and began licking me frantically as if he couldn’t get enough of my taste. 
“Oh God,” I moaned. I was pressed into the wall and one of my legs had somehow gotten up over Michael’s shoulder. 
When Michael began to focus on my clit, I realized that I really needed to stop this before I came. I began to push his head away from my, but he grabbed my hips and held himself to me. He closed his mouth over my clit and sucked. 
“Oh my God, Michael!” I exclaimed and then I flooded all over myself and his face. 
Michael stood upright, smiled at me, and then hungrily licked his lips. I was partially out of breath, leaning against the wall, and hoping my legs wouldn’t collapse from under me. 
“Why’d you do that?” I asked feebly. I wanted to come home now. I wasn’t sure whether I wanted him to come with me and we could do this farther or if I just wanted to go straight to sleep. 
“You know exactly why I did it.” He said simply and then he leaned in to kiss me. I tasted myself on his tongue. He kissed me long and lingering before he finally pulled away.
“Tonight,” He said to me as he stared deeply into my eyes. “I’m coming over and I’m gonna make love to you like never before. I’m gonna go home, drop Gwen off, and then check on my kids, but after that….” He paused, letting me imagine just what he was gonna do. “After that, I’m gonna be with you all night.”
“You promise?” I asked. I didn’t want him to leave in the middle of the night like he had many times before.
“I promise. I’m with you all night. I won’t leave until you leave for work. Matter of fact, I’ll take you to work.” He said and I smiled. 
He looked down between my legs and smiled at me. That’s why I realized my cat was still hanging out. I fixed my thong and pulled my dress down, but I knew I had to go into the bathroom and clean myself up. I had to take a hoe bath.
“I’ll see you later,” He said. Then he kissed me and simply walked back into the party. 
I was still leaning against the wall for a few more moments, sort of in a daze. I turned and was just about to go into the bathroom when I heard my named called behind me. I turned around to see Adam. He stood glowering at me with a twisted little smirk.
“You know you really fucked up now, Regina.” He said and then my heart dropped. 
I swear no one was there. He must have been hiding. “Adam, please don’t,” I half begged.
“What? Don’t tell Gwen that you were out here with her husband? Why not? Would she fire you?” Adam asked the questions as if he didn’t know the answer. 
“Adam, please,” I asked him again. I hated asking him for anything, but I knew it was in my best interest to beg.
“Don’t worry,” He said, but I was doing just that. “I won’t say anything, Regina. I actually like you.”
“Thank you,” I breathed, but I knew it wasn’t going to be that easy. 
“Don’t thank me yet.” He said holding up his hand. “If you want me to keep quiet, you’re gonna have to do something for me.”
“No, Adam,” I said firmly, because I knew he was talking about sex. “I’ll  pay you five thousand dollars to stay quiet about this.” 
“I don’t want money, Regina. You already know what I want from you. You can either give it to me or suffer the consequences.”
“Why are you doing this? Why can’t you just take money and leave it alone?”
“Because I’ll probably never get a better chance to get with you than this. I told you we’d get together sooner or later. It may not be willingly on your part, but I knew it was gonna happen.”
I glared at him. “You are such a sick, bastard pervert.” I spat at him.
“I wouldn’t get so rude if I were you, beings that I’m the one in control of whether your little secret gets out.” He turned and went back to the door to the party. “Oh, congratulations on your promotion, Regina. You really do deserve it.” Then he went into the room.
I felt sick.  I will not and will never sleep with him. I don’t care. I love this job, but I’m not selling myself to keep it. Fuck Adam.

That night when Michael came to my apartment, only an hour after the party ended. I wanted to tell him about Adam, but I couldn’t. I also wanted to tell him to leave, because I didn’t want to risk it anymore. But I couldn’t do that either. Instead I kept my mouth shut about it and let Michael kiss me. Then he did just what he said he would do. He made love to me like never before. I pushed Adam out of my mind for that night and enjoyed my man. I don’t care about Gwen. Michael is my man.





Chapter 7
Kimberly
I stood in my mother’s bathroom mirror and combed my hair. I had a hangover, but my mom was downstairs making the remedy for me. Hot breakfast and hot coffee. I was wearing the same clothes from yesterday which were also the same clothes I’d slept in. My eyes were still a little red and poufy from crying and it was fairly obvious that I had a hangover. After breakfast, I was gonna go home, get a shower, and make sure things are in order there. Dwayne was already at work and he’d already called me three times this morning. I had answered the first time, but then he started yelling and getting upset with me so I hang up on him and got on with my business. I knew I was gonna have to pay for that later with another one of his attitudes, but I’ll deal with that when I get to it.
I went down to the kitchen and took a seat at the table. My mom was cooking away and moving like someone much younger than she is even though she was only forty-was. The kitchen smelled delicious and I was in heaven as I took it all in. Pancakes, sausage links and patties, bacon, home fires with peppers and onions, cheesy scrambled eggs, homemade biscuits with white gravy, fresh cut fruit, and orange juice. I was in love. My mother usually didn’t look like this on an average weekday, but I was sure she was doing it because both her daughters were here. 
“Mom, do you need any help?” I asked her, but I already knew the answer.
“No, baby, I’m almost finished anyway.” She said as she put sausage and bacon on a plate. “You can set the table; Kierra should be on her way here.”
“Okay,” I said and stood up. I cleared the table of and began putting things where they belonged. “So, how are you feeling, Mom?” I asked her as I set the table.
“I’m good, Kimmy.” She said. She didn’t turn to look at me, but instead continued working. 
“You sure?” I pressed her. This morning when I had woke up, she was already out of bed. I’d expected that because Mom was an early riser, but when I went to find her, she was crying in the kitchen. I hadn’t said anything then, because I figure she needed to calm down first.
“Yes, why are you asking?” Mom finally turned around to face me. She was wearing the smile she always had. My mother rarely cried, especially not in front of us, but of course she didn’t know I was at the top of the steps. 
“Nothing in particular, you just seemed a little down that’s all.” I said.
“No, I’m fine, honey. I’m worried about you and what you told me last night.” She said and I shook my head.
“You don’t have to worry about me. I’m sure Dwayne and I will be fine as soon as we talk tonight.” I said, hoping that was true.
“Honey, I hope so.” She said and I knew she doubted it.
I walked over to my mother and put my arms around her. “Mommy, we’ll be fine.”
“I know you will, baby. I’ve been praying since you told me that last night. I know God will protect you and your marriage.” Mom said and she kissed my cheek.
“That’s all I need, Mom.” I told her. My mother had more faith than anyone I’ve ever known. She believed that God was always there even in situation that no one else would believe God was there. I wish I had faith like that, but truth be told, I haven’t been to church since Dwayne and I got married. I used to be involved in the church with my mom. The only reason I stopped going was because Dwayne didn’t want me at church every Sunday for services, every Wednesday for bible study, and whenever the miscellaneous meetings and events would occur. He wasn’t a big fan of going to church and he said that they always looked down on him because of his ignorance of the bible, but expected him to give a lot of money because he had a good job. I told him it wasn’t true, but he was obstinate about not going. After a while I stopped going too.
I was still hugging my mother when Kierra walked in. She walked over to us, gave both me and my mother a kiss on the cheek, and then sat down at the table, ready to eat.
“What’s up?” She asked, referring to the way Mom and I were hugging. 
“Nothing, Bumpkin, we were just talking.” My mother said and then she and I put the rest of the food on the table.
After everything was set up we all sat down. My mother made sure we said grace before we ate so after we did so, we enjoyed our meal. One would think that was a lot of food for just three women, but we ate just about all of it. After we ate, I left my mother and Kierra to head home. 
Once I pulled my Prius into the driveway of my home, my cell phone rang. Without looking at the caller ID, I pressed talk and put the phone to my ear. 
“Hello,” I said as I grabbed the mail out of the box, unlocked the door and let myself into my house.
“Kimberly, where the hell are? I’ve been calling you all morning.” Dwayne’s voice filled my ear. He wasn’t yelling, but he did sound pissed off.
I sighed into the phone. “I’m at home.” I said. I was making my way up to our bedroom, flipping through the mail.
“I thought you were at your mother’s. Are playing games with me? Kim, I ain’t got time for your shit.”
“Dwayne, I’m not doing anything. What is your problem? I’m tired of you yelling at me like this. You keep doing it and it’s really getting me upset. I just got home. You called me as I was getting out of my car.” I told him as dropped my bag and Trent’s coat off in the bedroom. Then I went to Dwayne’s home office. 
I heard Dwayne breathing deeply into the phone. It didn’t seem like he was gonna say anything so I continued. “Why did you call? I hope it wasn’t to yell at me more, because I ain’t got time for your stuff.”
“What do you mean ‘why did I call’? You’re my wife; I’ll call you whenever I want to and for whatever I want to. Damn, you talking like you got other shit to do. Are you doing something that’s more important than your husband?”
I sighed deeply again. “Dwayne, I was about to take a shower. It’s not that I don’t want to talk to you, it’s that I don’t want to argue with you.” I said and I dropped Dwayne’s mail on his desk and left the room for my bedroom.
“I’m not arguing with you, Kim. Why the hell do you always say I’m arguing with you?”
“Because you keep yelling at me like I’m a child.”
“I’m yelling at you. You’re just making me mad. All I wanna do is talk to you and you act like you got better thing to do.”
“That’s not it, Dwayne.” I said. 
“Then what is it?”
I sighed again. “I’m tired of you yelling at me and I’m tired of you getting mad at every little thing and then taking it out on me.”
“Shit, Kimberly, I’m not fucking yelling at you so stop saying I am.”
“You may not be yelling, but you’re talking to me in a tone of voice that can sound like you are. And why are you cussing at me? I am not some person on the street; you don’t have to talk to me like that.”
“Man, who are you to tell me what to say and how to say it? I’m a grown ass man and if I wanna cuss, I’m gon cuss.”
“So are you telling me that it’s okay for you talk to me any kind of way, but if I so much as raise my voice a little you can snap out on me.”
“I’m your fucking husband!” Dwayne yelled into the phone.
“But you’re not my father!” I yelled back. I paced the room in front of my bed as we spoke.
“Who are you talking to?”
“See!” I exclaimed because he had just proved my point. “You get an attitude with me for saying something wrong, but then you do it. I’m not dealing with that.”
“I’m sorry, okay?” Dwayne apologized angrily.
“You’re always sorry.” I said. That was true. He always apologized and then he turned around and did it again.
“Well, I’m serious this time, okay? You just make me so upset when you talk to me like that. I only want us to talk to each other like we love each other not like we hate each other.”
“Dwayne, I never talk to you like I hate you, because I don’t and never will hate you. You’re the one who acts like you hate me.”
“Kimberly, can you just,” Dwayne started as though he going to yell at me, but then relaxed his tone and calmed down. “Can you just leave that in the past and let us move on to the future? Okay? All that is over with starting right now. Okay?”
I didn’t say anything, because I really didn’t believe him. I knew he loved me, but I wasn’t sure if he’d stopped popping off like he does. He does this all the time and all those times he’s went back to his same old ways. I was about to answer him when my call waiting beeped.
“Hold on, Dwayne. I have another call coming in.” I said and before he could respond I clicked over to the other line.
“Hello?” I asked, slightly irritated from my conversation with Dwayne.
“Hey, Kimberly,” When I heard the familiar, sexy, deep, smooth like melting chocolate voice, I immediately smiled.
“Hey, Trent,” I answered.
“How are you feeling?” He asked me and I smiled at how considerate he was.
“I had a slight hangover this morning, but I feel a lot better now.”
“That’s good.” Trent said. 
“So what’s up with you?” I asked and I sat down on the bed and cradled the phone to my ear much like a teenager.
“Not much, I was actually headed to the center. I went to the closet for my jacket and realized I had given it to this crazy, drunk woman last night.” I could tell he was smiling as he spoke.
I laughed once. “You’d better get it back. Usually those crazy, drunk women keep things. Especially a coat as warm as that one.”
 “Hmm,” Trent murmured and then I remembered Dwayne.
“Oh, crap, I’m on the other line with my husband. Can I call you back in a little bit, after I get a shower?” I asked him.
“Sure,” He said. “But you better call me back.” He added and I smiled.
“I will,” And then we disconnected.
“What took you so long?” Dwayne asked me when I clicked back over to him.
“What do you mean? It was barely a five minute conversation.”
“I know, I just was tired of waiting to hear your voice. I miss you.”
“Babe, it was only five minutes.” I said, but I was smiling. That’s so sweet.
“That don’t mean it ain’t enough time for me to miss you. I always miss you. I can’t wait to get home so I can show you just how much I miss you.” 
“Hmm,” I murmured. He wanted to have sex tonight. I really wasn’t in a sex mood. I was in a sex mood last night. The only problem was that I wanted to do it with Trent and not my husband.
We were silent for a few beats. I knew he had something else to say, but he probably didn’t know how to say it. 
“What are you thinking, hon?” I asked him. 
“When I told you that I’m not gonna be angry with you all the time, you didn’t believe me did you?” He asked. 
“I just don’t know, Dwayne. I wanna believe you, but you always say that, but then you do it again.”
“Not this time, I’m serious. I’m serious about how much I love you. I’m serious about how much I know I don’t want you mad at me and I don’t want to be mad at you. This time I’m for real, babe. Okay?”
Once again I didn’t answer him right away. This time he spoke before I got a chance to. 
“Okay, Kimberly?” Dwayne pressed me. He sounded desperate, like he really needed me to believe him.
“Okay, Dwayne.” I said.
“I’m serious, baby. I know you’re doubting me, but I’m gonna prove it to you.”
“I believe you, baby.” I said. 
“You will,” He said. 
Once again we fell silent. I wanted to know if he was serious or not. I wanted him to be, but experience makes it hard to believe that.
“You know I love you, right?” He asked after a moment.
“Of course,” I answered.
“No, I mean do you know I love you? I love you so much I can’t think sometimes.”
“I know, baby. I love you too.”
“You don’t understand. You get upset with me for yelling and getting mad, but it’s only because I don’t like when you disrespect me. You’re my wife and I want us to be like married people who love each other. I don’t want us disrespecting each other like that.”
“But, Dwayne, I don’t try to disrespect you. You just feel like I’m disrespecting you over every little thing.”
“I know, baby, and I’m sorry. But you ain’t got to worry about that anymore. I love you and I’m gonna prove that to you every chance I get.”
“Baby, I already know you love me.”
“I know, but I’m still gonna get you something. Then tonight, when I come home, I want to make love to you all night long.” 
Can you last all night long? Can you even last a full twenty minutes? I was wrong for thinking that, but he never went close to “all night”. Well, he used to. Maybe if he’s serious about what he’s saying, tonight will be different from usual. Maybe tonight will be like it used to be. 
“You hear me, babe?” Dwayne asked and I snapped out of my thoughts.
“Yeah, honey, I was just thinking.” I said to him.
“Were you thinking about what I’m gonna do to you tonight?”
“Actually I was.” Just not the way you think.
“Good, because tonight it’s just me and you.” 
“I can’t wait.” I said. I did want to see him and I wanted to kiss him, but I just didn’t want to have sex with him. 
“Me either, babe,” He said and then he paused. “Kim, baby, I gotta go, okay? I have a meeting in like three minutes. I’ve held out for our conversation for as long as I could, but I really need to go.”
“Okay, Dwayne, I’ll see you tonight.” I said. 
“Okay, Kim, I’ll see you tonight.” 
I was just about to hang up when Dwayne spoke again. 
“Wait, Kimberly.” He said.
“Yes?”
“Tell me you love me.”
“I love you, Dwayne. I love you so much.”
“Now tell me you’ll never leave me.”
“Baby, I’ll never, ever leave you.”
“Promise me.”
“I promise, honey, I’ll never leave you.”
“Thank you,” He said. “I’ll see you tonight.” Then we disconnected.
I wonder what brought that on. He seemed like he frantically afraid that I’d really leave him. He even sounded desperate to hear me say I loved him. Maybe I was acting distant. Maybe that’s why he was always so upset. Maybe he thought that I didn’t love him anymore and maybe he thought I was gonna leave him.
He didn’t have to worry about that. I loved him no matter what. I still loved him despite the fact that I’d found those drugs in his car. I still loved him even though he swung me around by my hair like a rag doll. I still loved him even when he got mad and yelled at me. I still loved him though the sex hasn’t been that great. I still loved him even when he was jealous and possessive. I still loved him even when he sometimes thought I was cheating on him. I loved him no matter what. Sometimes I love him even more than myself.

I had taken a shower and was dressed in sweat pants and a T shirt. I had already finished cleaning up everything that could possibly be cleaned in this house so now I was lounging on the couch, watching television. I really didn’t watch a lot of television, but I didn’t have anything else to do. I was flipping through the channels, looking for something to watch when I remembered Trent. I had forgotten to call him back.
I grabbed my cell phone from the coffee table and scrolled through my contacts. Then I remembered that I’d never put his number in my phone, because I was never planning on calling him. Then I also remembered that I’d never given him my number for that matter so how did he get it?
I picked up my purse and riffled through it for that little piece of paper with his number on it. Once I decided that it was in there I went through my incoming calls list for his number. The number was probably lost when Dwayne dumped my purse out last night. I chose not to think about last night and agreed with Dwayne to move on to the future. It was best to leave the past in the past. 
Once I got Trent’s number from my incoming calls list, I added it to my phone and called him. He answered on the first ring.
“That must have been one hell of a shower.” He answered.
“I’m sorry,” I said with a small laugh. “I forgot to call you and I ended up cleaning my house and watching T.V. before I finally remembered.”
“See, I’d rather think of you taking a long, relaxing shower rather than think of you cleaning instead of calling me.”
I smiled. “Well, maybe you’re just not that interesting and I’d rather clean.”
“There must be some other reason, because I know that ain’t it.”
“So, why did you call anyway?” I asked him, moving on.
“I just wanted to see how you were feeling.” He said, but I suspected there was more to it.
“I already told you I was fine, my hangover been subsided.”
“I know. I’m glad you feel better.” He paused and I waited for him to continue, because I knew he had more. “So….did you and your husband settle your problems?”
Well, I knew there was more. “We are fine now, I guess. Dwayne wants to talk again tonight though. We just had a conversation on the phone when you called me. He apologized and wants to make up.”
“I really don’t care to hear what you two are gonna do.” Trent said and I shook my head. “But I’m glad everything’s fine.”
“Thanks,” I said, for lack of anything else to say.
We were silent on the phone for a moment so I figured the conversation was over, but I really didn’t want to hang up.
“So…” He murmured.
“So…” I repeated. 
Trent laughed gently and then so did I. he had a nice laugh. It was deep just like his voice. It was sexy. I blushed, glad he couldn’t see it. “You have a nice laugh.” I told him. I wasn’t sure if that was a random statement or not but whatever.
“Thanks,” He said. “So do you.”
Silence again. “So, is there anything else you wanted to say to me?” I asked him, once again trying to move along the conversation. 
“Well, are you going to come volunteer at the center with me today or what?” He asked.
“Sure, I’ll come. What time do you want me to come?” I asked him. I actually wanted to go now. It was wrong to be thinking that right after having a conversation with my husband about us getting back on track, but I couldn’t help how I feel.
“Well, how about you come right now and I can show you how things worked so that way when the kids get here at three you’ll already know what to do.”
I knew it wouldn’t take three hours to explain what to do at a youth center, but I was sure he just wanted to talk with me or something. “Well, I’m gonna get dressed and I’ll be there as soon as I can.”
“Okay, you know how to get here, right?” He asked me.
“Yeah, I’ve dropped Charisse’s son off there a few times.”
“Alright, well I’ll see you when you get here.” 
“Okay, bye.” Then we disconnected. 
I nearly ran up to my bedroom and got dressed. I shouldn’t really care how I look to go see some man who isn’t my husband, but I did. I dressed in dark blue skinny jeans and a red, V-neck top. I spritzed on some Victoria’s Secret Pink perfume. The top was a little low-cut but not so much that it would be sluttish or that I’m trying to be noticed by him. I wasn’t trying to be noticed by him.
I added red suede boots that came up to my knees. The boots were a gift from Regina, but I’d never worn them. Regina’s choice of clothing was a little too sexual for me. She had also given me the shirt and a shade of lip gloss to match. She told me I needed to be more “sexy” when I’m around her. She was laughing when she said it, but I knew she was probably serious on some level. Compared to her and Charisse, my style was a little plain. I wanted to buy things like that, but Dwayne felt that there was no reason for me to go around looking like I was on display for other men when I’m with him. 
I got the unopened lip gloss out of my make-up box. The lip gloss was called “Dick-Sucking Cherry Red”. Leave it to Regina to find something like that. But it was in fact a nice color so I put it on anyway and looked at myself in the mirror. She was right. It did look good with my skin color and I liked it. If someone asked what I was wearing I just won’t tell them. 
I combed my hair and pulled it into a pony tail. I looked really good, but I decided that for once I’m gonna wear my hair down. I never did unless Dwayne asked me to. He said he liked my hair in a ponytail, but I truly believed that it was part of his thing about me putting myself “on display”. I pulled my ponytail out and combed my hair down to my shoulders. I saturated my hair in African Pride hair lotion and then broke out the hot curlers. 
After a half hour, my hair was neatly curled and bounced when I moved. I looked great. Heck, I looked sexy. I grabbed my car keys, put on my coat, and put Trent’s jacket over my arm.
I pulled into the employee parking lot of the Youth Center and went inside. As soon as I walked in I was greeted by an older man at the front desk. He smiled warmly at me and I smiled back.
“What can I do for you?” He asked me and I saw him casually look me over. 
“I’m looking for Trent Moore.” I said, sounding professional. I didn’t look professional. I looked sexy casual.
“Oh, of course,” He said and then he picked up the corded phone on the wall that I suspected was connected to the intercom. “Trent to the front desk. Again, Trent to the front desk.” He said into the phone and I heard it loud and clear from the speakers on the ceiling.
Moments later, Trent walked into the little hallway that served as the reception area and smiled at me. “Glad you came,” He said to me and then he turned to the older man at the desk. “Mr. John, can you punch Kimberly here in as a volunteer?”
“Sure,” John said. “Nice to meet you, Kimberly.” He said as he began typing on the computer. “Do you have a surname?”
“Boyde,” I told him. “And you can just call me Kim.” I added.
“Okay, Kim. I have you all set as a volunteer. You know, usually our volunteers are teenagers.” He looked from me to Trent with a knowing look.
“Oh,” I said, blushing. I was sure he thought Trent and I had something going on. “It’s not like that.” I said defensively. “I’m just helping out.”
“I understand,” John said, but I was sure he didn’t.
“Alright, well, I’m gonna show you around, show you want you’ll be doing and you can get right on it.” Trent said sounding very professional as to ease John’s suspicions. 
“Okay,” I said and then I followed Trent into a large play room. It was set up like a mini-arcade with televisions, computers, pool tables, games tables, and even a few Dave n’ Buster type games. 
As soon as we got out of John’s view, Trent pulled me into a hug. I didn’t know we were on that type of basis, but I guess when a man lets you into his house and lets you borrow his coat that puts you on a hugging level. 
“You look really beautiful,” Trent said after he hugged me. “You’re not trying to make me do something are you?” He asked jokingly while eyeing me suspiciously.
“If I wanted you to do something I wouldn’t really have to make you, would I? You’d do it willingly.” I said. I felt guilty after the words left my mouth. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. Why do I keep flirting with him?
“You better stop playing with me or your husband will be without a wife.” He said. He pulled me back against him and buried his face in my neck. “Damn, you smell so good. What is that?”
“Victoria’s Secret perfume,” I said and tilted my head back, allowing him to burrow deeper into the crook of my neck.
“What else are you wearing from Victoria’s Secret?” He asked and my face got hot. 
“Sometimes a man just has to find some things out for himself.” Wow, did I just give him permission to look at my underwear? I was wearing a thong.
Trent gave me a look. It was a smoky, bedroom eyes look. He slipped his finger into the waist band of my jeans and pulled forward. I quickly put my hands over his, before he got a chance to look down and see my thong. 
“You play too much.” I told him as my heart stopped racing. “I wasn’t serious.” 
“I told you to stop playing with me. If you can’t back it up you better stopping talking like you can.” He said with a sexy grin on his face.
“Oh, I can back it up.” 
Trent took me by the hand and led me to a room empty of people. The rooms filled with circular tables, chairs, and books. It looked like a little library. I suspected this was the work room.
“Can you really back it up?” He asked me after he shut the door and turned the lock. He was giving a look like if I said yes he was gonna make me prove it, but if I said no, he was gonna do something to me anyway. He moved close to me and pushed me to one of the round tables. He pushed me against it so that I was forced to sit on it.
Oh, crap! I should tell him now that I truly was all talk when it came to men. I was never a flirter so I have no idea what comes over me when I’m around Trent. I try to tell him that we shouldn’t be talking like we do nor should we kiss like we did last night. Even though that was barely a kiss, but it was a very sweet kiss. His mouth tasted like alcohol and right now I was craving another taste.
Trent’s lips went to my neck and he inhaled. “You really smell really good.” He said, nuzzling my neck. “I wonder how you taste.” Then his tongue ran a line down my neck and I shivered. 
“Okay,” I breathed. “I can’t back it up. Please, stop.” I had just allowed him to take me there. He had me all hot and bothered. If he kept doing this he’s gonna find out what it’s like to be raped. Even though it wouldn’t be rape, because I know we both want it. I shouldn’t want it. I should want Dwayne. Why is it that the thought of sex with Trent turns me on, but not sex with my own husband?
“I knew you couldn’t.” Trent said, moving away from me. I wanted him to come back to me. I liked the feel of him close to my body. Dear God, I’m so wrong!
“Then why you do all that?” I asked him as I scooted back on the table.
“Because you keep playing with me and flirting with me and saying shit like you gon do something to me.” Trent said with his eyes locked on mine. He looked serious as ever. “What you need to realize is that I’m only gon take your sexual suggestions for so long before I take you to a hotel. Then when I get you there, you won’t be able to come up for air until I hear my name called over and over again.” 
“Is that a threat?” I asked him. What is wrong with me? Why am I flirting with him like this?
“No, that’s a promise. I know you want me.” Trent said. He didn’t say it like a cocky, arrogant man fueling his ego. He said it as a statement of fact.
“What makes you think that?” I asked. Of course he knew. My body temperature rose twenty degrees every time I looked at him, got close to him, or was around him.
“Please,” He said simply and moved closer to me. If I were holding a thermometer it would have exploded. “It’s cool.”
“And you want me too.”
“What makes you think that?” He asked, repeating my question.
“Please,” I said repeating him. “But it’s cool.”
He smiled and I smiled too. “See, you think it’s a joke right now, but if keep playing with me I’m not gonna be responsible for what I do to you. So don’t be mad at me.”
“Why would I be mad?” I asked. “I though you said I’d be calling your name over and over again.”
He smiled at me and shook his head. “Keep playing with me.” He said. “Let me show you this stuff before I do something.”

After Trent gave me the tour of the place and showed me how things ran in each room and activity, he asked me to work the front desk. I had given him his coat and we did a little casual flirting when I did so. It was three o’ clock now and kids were straggling in. The kids came in, lined up in front of the desk, let me sign them in, and then ran off to go play.
Then my honorary nephew Bobby walked in with his book bag slung over his shoulder. He was Charisse’s son. Bobby started to immediately run and go play, but I stopped him.
“Wait a moment, Bobby, and I’ll get you signed in.” I told him. Then I saw that Charisse walked in behind him. She smiled widely at me like the Cheshire cat. I could tell I was blushing, because I already knew she was going to think something of this.
“You work here, Auntie Kim?” Bobby asked me and I watch Charisse lean in. She probably wanted to hear my answer so I chose the simplest.
“Oh, no, I’m just volunteering.” I told him and Charisse nodded slightly, she was smirking.
“Do you have community service?” Bobby continued and Charisse shook her head. Kids say the darnnest things, don’t they?
“No, I’m just helping out.”
“Why?” 
I thought for a moment. I didn’t want to say I was helping out, because Trent asked me to. Bobby wouldn’t really think anything of it, but Charisse would. Then I thought of an answer that would please any kid. “So I can see my favorite nephew.” I said and then I leaned over the desk to kiss his forehead. 
“Oh, okay.” Bobby said and then he ran off into the center to play. 
“Hey, Kim,” Charisse sang with a knowing look. I hated that she thought I was out here doing something that I wasn’t supposed to be doing. I also hated that she was right. Trent and I have been flirting non-stop for the last two hours. We didn’t even have to be talking! He just kept giving me those looks like he was about to “beat it up”.
“Hey, Charisse,” I said and blushed. I was so embarrassed and I was even more embarrassed because I knew what she was thinking. “I really am just helping out. Trent asked me if I wanted to volunteer…so I said yes.” I started to explain.
“I’m not judging. Do you, girl.” Charisse shook her head and smiled. “I have to ask, does Dwayne know you’re here?”
“I didn’t really go home yet and I haven’t talked to him since last night. I was at Trent’s house last night and then I-” 
She interrupted me when I said I was at Trent’s house. “You slept with him. She looked shocked. I would be too. I’m not the cheating type.
“No!” I nearly shouted. She laughed at how embarrassed I was. “I was at his house, but then I went to my mother’s. Nothing happened and nothing would have happened if I stayed. Dwayne and got into a fight and I just couldn’t stay in our house with him.”
“So naturally you stayed with Trent?” She asked sarcastically.
“Yeah, naturally.” I joked back with her. “No, I was sort of too drunk to drive.” I laughed nervously. I didn’t know how she would take that.
“Well, be careful, girl. Married women, especially little shy girls like you, shouldn’t be around single men who are that fine.” She warned me seriously. Charisse treated me like a little sister as did Regina. I was the youngest of the group and Charisse was the oldest so she was always passing on her wisdom down to Regina and me. Of course I got advice from Regina too, but her advice was a little different.
“I know. Trent is just a nice guy friend type of person.” I struggled for words.
“Okay, well I have to get going. I have Brianna waiting in my car.” She told her after a moment. She was studying me.
“Okay, tell my favorite niece I said hi.” I said. 
“I’m gonna have to tell you something about your favorite niece later.” She said with another head shake.
“What happened?” I asked immediately.
“I’ll tell you later it’s not urgent.”
“Okay, well I’ll let you go.” I said and I started shuffling through papers on the desk.
She started to leave. Just as she was about to go I turned to see Trent sauntering into the foyer. I looked down at the desk. I didn’t want to meet his eyes in front of Charisse, because then she’d really know Trent and I were doing things that were a little friendlier than I’d said.
“Hey, Mrs. Smith,” Trent waved at Charisse as he leaned his tall, lean, muscular body against the desk. I quickly diverted my eyes to the computer screen. I noticed that my eyes could look hungry when I looked at his body.
“Hi, Trent, how are you doing?” She greeted him, but I noticed she was watching me from the corner of her eye. She was smirking again.
“I’m good, and you?” He answered.
“I’m fine.” 
“That’s good,” He turned to me. “Oh, Kimberly, do you want to come help me in the work room?”
“Yeah, sure,” I said, finally meeting his eyes. It seemed as though unspoken thoughts were going on between us and none of them were PG13. I started to move from around the desk and follow Trent. Charisse was leaving so I waved to her.
Once we got into the work room/library I asked Trent what he needed me for. All the kids were seated, some talking quietly, some reading, most doing homework. It didn’t seem like he needed help managing them.
“I really don’t need your help, but Yvette is going to be working the front desk now so I figured I get you working with me before she sent you somewhere else.” Trent said, smiling. 
“Oh,” I said. I was careful to keep my voice steady and not look at him more than necessary. The last thing I wanted was to give the children any ideas about us.
“So what are we to do in here?” I asked. It seemed like the kids already knew what they were supposed to be doing.
“We just keep an eye on them and if they need help, then we help them.” He answered. 
“Ohhhh-kayyyy,” I stretched the word. We both took a seat in one of the big cushy chairs in the back of the room. There were a few kids in some of the chairs, reading. 
“So what are you doing after this?” Trent leaned in and asked me. He had his voice lowered so the children wouldn’t hear us. 
“I’m going home. Remember I told you my husband wanted to talk.” I told him and I noticed the slight drop in his face. I guess both of us forgot I was married today.
“Too bad you’re married. Why didn’t I realize how much I like you in college?” Trent asked himself. 
“You were too much of a butthole, remember?” I reminded him with a smile.
“Oh, yeah,” He said. “You’re not gonna let me forget that are you?” 
“One day I’ll tell my children.” I told him jokingly.
He was quiet for a moment and then he asked, “Would you ever have my children?”
I really wasn’t expecting a question like that. When he was flirting with me and telling me what he’d do to me, I was used to that from it didn’t bother me. Well, it bothered me, but not in that way. 
“I guess if I wasn’t married already and we were to get married, I’d have your children.” I told him honestly. 
“Do you want children?” He asked me and I wasn’t sure if he was flirting with me saying he wanted to make babies or if this were a serious question.
I took it as a serious question. “Yes,” I said. “Someday.”
“Why don’t you have kids? You’re married.”
“Dwayne doesn’t want kids. He told me that sooner or later he’ll be ready, but he’s never ready. I know he really doesn’t want kids and isn’t planning on having some.”
Trent’s mouth twisted slightly. He was pondering that. “That’s too bad. You seem like you’d make a good mother.” Trent said. Before I could comment, my cell phone rang.
I pulled the phone out of my pocket and looked at the caller ID. It was Dwayne. 
“It’s my husband.” I said to Trent. “I need to take this.” I stood up and walked out of the room to take my call. I went into the empty hallway and pressed talk. 
“Hello.” I said even though I already knew it was him
“Hey, babe,” Dwayne said.
“Hey,” I said. It made me feel guilty now that he called. It made me realize all that I’ve been doing with Trent and how wrong it was. 
“Where are you?” He asked me and I sighed involuntarily. “What? All I asked was where you were?”
“I know, honey. I wasn’t sighing because of you.” I quickly apologized.
“Okay, so where are you?”
“I’m at the youth center. You know, the one Charisse’s son goes to.”
“What are you doing there?”
“I’m volunteering.” I said truthfully.
“Why?”
“I don’t know. I was asked if I wanted to help out so I agreed. It isn’t like I had anything else to do today anyway.”
“Hmm,” He murmured.
“What?” I asked him even though I had an inkling of what he was thinking.
“Nothing, it just seems strange that’s all, but you always did like kids.” Dwayne said. 
“Yeah,” I said simply because I couldn’t think of anything else.
“So when will you be home?” 
“I don’t know.” I said truthfully. “I’m guessing sometime after six, but I’m sure no later than seven.”
“Hmm, well hurry up.” He said. “You already know what I wanna do tonight.”
“I know, baby.” I said and I mentally sighed. What is wrong with me? I knew that I should make love to my husband because he was my husband. No matter if I didn’t like it or not, it was my duty as a wife to have sex with him when he wanted it. But yet I didn’t want to. I wanted Trent. But that was so wrong. Trent’s not my husband. Dwayne is. So that’s who I’m obligated to.
“Good.” He said. “And when you get your fine ass here, drop your clothes at the door.”
“Okay, baby.” I said, trying to sound enthusiastic. I wasn’t sure if I did a good job of that or not.
“Um, Kimberly,” A voice behind me said. 
I turned Mr. John. “Yes?” I answered him.
“After you finish your call, you’re needed in the computer room.” 
“Okay, thanks.” I said to him. After Mr. John left I went back to my conversation with Dwayne. “Okay, I’m back.”
“Who was that?” Dwayne asked, sounding as though he suspected something.
“That was just one of the men who work here.” I said simply.
“There’s men there?”
“ Yeah, Dwayne. Did you expect it to be an all women staff?”
“No, I just….” His sentence trailed off.  I had a feeling his jealous ways were about to surface.
“Come on, Dwayne.” I said. Right he had a reason not to trust me what with all that I’ve been saying to Trent, but it still annoyed me that every time he heard that I was around any man, he got jealous. I just wanted him to trust me. I trusted him around other women, because I knew I was the one he loved and wanted, but he couldn’t trust me.
“What? I didn’t say anything.” He said.
“Alright,” I said, but I waited.
“Why don’t you come how now?” He asked.
“And do what? You’re not even home yet.” 
“I know, but I don’t want you there anymore.”
“Dwayne,” I said his name like am irritated mother. “Why do you want me to come home just to sit around in the house?”
“Kim, can you just come home, please? I don’t want you there with them men.”
“Why don’t you trust me?” 
“I do trust you. I just don’t trust them men. I don’t want them around my woman.”
“Dwayne, trust me. I only want you.” And Trent. “Trust me.”
“Come home, Kim.”
“Dwayne, stop it. You said that you would stop with the jealous stuff so stop.”
“I am stopping, Kim, but-” I interrupted him.
“No buts, Dwayne. You told me you loved me. I told you I loved you. I also just told you that I’d never leave you so trust me.”
“Okay, baby, I trust you.” Dwayne said. “But I would really love it if you came home.”
“Bye Dwayne.” I said, preparing to hang up.
“I’m just playing, babe. Damn, Kim, you’re so serious.”
“Mmm-hmm,” I murmured. “Dwayne, baby, I gotta go. I need to get back to the kids.”
“Okay, baby, I love you and I trust you.”
“I love you too, honey.” I said. It hurt because he really shouldn’t trust me. I don’t even trust me. “I’ll see you later, okay?” I hung up before he could respond and before he could make me feel guiltier. 
I pretty much stayed with Trent the entire day. It was five forty-five now and the children had just finished dinner. Somehow I let Trent rope me into helping his wash the pans that the food was in. it wasn’t a lot, but it was still dishes. So here we were in the kitchen.
I was at the big restaurant sized sink washing the pans and Trent was wiping down the counters and such. We weren’t talking. We were just cleaning up. The metal curtain was pulled down and the door was shut. There was no glass window on the door to the kitchen so we were in here and no one could see us. I figured that would give Trent some kind of ideas but it didn’t. 
Once I finished with the dishes, I turned to Trent. “I finished.” I announced to him just as he threw the rag in the sink. “Is there anything else you need help with?”
“Actually there is.” He said and then he walked over to me. So now he was getting those ideas. 
“And what is it that you need help with?” I asked him with my hands on my hips. 
“Well first I want you to kiss me.” He said and I smiled. We hadn’t kissed since last night and I couldn’t deny that I was hoping he would kiss me again. 
“Then what?” I asked. He wrapped his arms around my waist and then I instinctively wrapped my arms around his neck. 
“Then, I want you to wrap your arms around me like you’re doing now.” He said.
“Check. What’s next?”
“Then I want you to come with me to my house, follow me to my bed, and…..” He trailed off, allowing me to use my imagination. 
“Well, I can’t do that.” I said.
“But you want to.” He said matter-of-factly.
“Maybe,” I murmured. 
“Hold on,” Trent said. He stepped away from me and dug his hand into his pocket. “I may be way out of line with this, but for some reason, I feel as though this is actually a good idea.”
I drew my eyebrows together, wondering what he was about to do. For a moment I thought he was about to pull out a condom, but he seemed too serious to be talking about sex.
“What is it?” I asked him.
He pulled out his keys and took a key off the ring. He took my hand and pressed the key into my palm. 
“Why are you giving me a key?” I asked him. I wasn’t exactly sure what he was doing right now.
“It’s my house key. If you ever want to come over or you ever have another one of those nights when you just have to get away from your husband, come over.” Trent said. He seemed very serious. “I don’t mean this in a sexual way either. Whether I’m home or not, just come over. I don’t want anything to happen to you and I’d hate for you to have another drunken night without anyone there to make sure you’re safe.”
I didn’t know what to say. He seemed like all he was worried about was my well-being. I didn’t want a key to his house. It seemed too personal to me, but at the same time I didn’t want to give it back and seem ungrateful of his caring for me. And who knows? I may actually want to go over to his house to get away from Dwayne. I know I’ve felt that way many times before. 
“I don’t want to say.” I admitted to him as I held the key tightly in my hand. 
“Just say that if you’re ever feeling like you want to run away that you’ll run to me.”
I felt like I wanted to cry. Dwayne had never spoken to ne that way. Dwayne told me repeatedly that he loved me and I believed him, but never had he done something so caring for me like this. I sucked in a deep breath of air. 
“Thank you.” I said instead.
“Promise me you will. I know I may be out of line with this also, but if your husband ever puts his hands on you, I want you to come to my house rather than the bar. If I’m not home, I want you to wait for me. Even if you don’t want to tell me what happened, just come. I don’t know why, but I feel like this would be good for both of us.”
“Why would it be good for us both?”
“Because you’ll have somewhere to go and I won’t have to be concerned that you’re not okay.”
“Oh,” I said. I looked down at the floor and then I walked over to the counter that my purse sat on. I pulled out my own key ring and put Trent’s key on it. “Why do you care so much about me?” I asked with my back to him.
“I don’t know,” He said honestly. “All I know is I do.”
“If I told you that I don’t want to ever cheat on my husband and that I’ll never sleep with you and that all we’ve been doing, like kissing and stuff has to stop, would you still care about me?” I asked. I wanted to know if he really cared about me or if he was simply being this way so that I’d open my legs to him.
“Kimberly, look at me.” Trent said and I turned to face him. Trent locked eyes with me. “I’d still care no matter what. Even if we never kissed again and you became so happily married and in love with your husband, I’d still be there for you. And I’d still be waiting for a chance to make you mine.” He looked and sounded so sincere. I believed him. I also believed that he wanted to be with me more than just physically, he’d just said so. 
I also knew that on some level, I thought of how it’d feel to be with Trent rather than Dwayne. I already knew that it felt different just to be with him. Just being in his presence made me feel warm inside and out. 
“Do you understand that I love my husband?” I asked him. I had begun feeling that he didn’t realize that. It seemed like he thought I was only going through the motions. Sometimes I did, but not always.
“I do.” Trent agreed. “But I also understand that he doesn’t treat you how you deserve to be treated. He treats you like property, I can tell.”
“He loves me. He only acts that way, because he loves me so much that he wants me around him and no one else. There’s nothing wrong with that.”
“It’s wrong when he grabs you up by your hair and yells at you and accuses you of cheating on him.” Trent said. I hadn’t realized how much he knew about my relationship with Dwayne.
“He said he’ll stop.” I said defiantly.
“I bet he’s said that before.” Trent said and he was right. “I bet he’s told you numerous times that he’d stop acting the way he acts, but then he turns around and does it again. Doesn’t he?”
I didn’t answer. I didn’t want to admit to him what I’ve been thinking for months now. It wasn’t fair to my husband to be taking blows at him behind his back like this. 
“Doesn’t he, Kimberly?” Trent asked me again. He closed the distance between us and stood directly in front of me.
 My back was pressed against the counter and I wished that I could melt through it and get out of this kitchen with him. I still didn’t answer him.
“I know he does.” Trent said. “You just don’t want to admit it.” Trent looked down at me and stared deep into my eyes. His hazel eyes were soft and showed how concerned he was for me. He rested his hands on my shoulders.
I looked away from him. I couldn’t stand the look in his eyes. It was disappointed. It was the same looked I’d received from my mother, Charisse, and Regina when they told me that I should leave Dwayne for hitting me. I hated that look. It made me feel less than nothing. The same way Dwayne had made me feel when he used to hit me, when he yelled at me. I hated it so much.
Trent lifted my face to his with one finger. “You deserve better, Kimberly.” Trent said to me as he gazed into my eyes. “You are much too beautiful and much too intelligent to allow him to belittle you like this.”
“I love him and he loves me.” I said. I was defending myself and my husband.
“That’s not love, Kim. It’s control. There is a huge difference.” Trent leaned in so that his lips were close to mine. “I can love you better.” He said and then he kissed me.
It wasn’t like the last time he kissed me. It was better. It was deeper. It was more intense. He pressed his lips firmly against mine and framed my face in his hands. When his tongue pushed against my lips, trying to get inside my mouth, I willingly accepted his tongue and his kiss. I was trembling all over. My hands gripped the countertop tightly and I knew my knuckles had turned a few shades lighter. This was so wrong. This was so much different from what we had been doing before. Before we had just been kissing each other and flirting with each other in a sexual manner. That wasn’t right, but it wasn’t like this. There was emotion behind this. We weren’t only connected physically, but emotionally also. That was a whole lot worse than just cheating for physically means. Our hearts had connected. We need to stop this.
I pulled away from him, but Trent just pulled me back and kissed me again. I broke away from him once more and turned my head to the ground. 
“Trent, don’t,” I begged him. My voice was barely above a whisper. 
He tilted my head up to face him, but he didn’t kiss me again. He spoke softly to me. I could see all the desire and emotion in his eyes. “See, Kimberly, what’s worse is that you don’t even know what a real man is. You’re so used to the way your husband treats you that you don’t realize that there is something better. I can treat you so much better. I am a real man. I can promise you that much.”
Then his lips were on mine again. Once again his tongue sought refuge in my mouth and I allowed entry. His kiss felt so good. My arms went around his neck and he held me by the waist. We held each other tightly, not allowing the other to move away. Our tongues wrestled. Why did this feel so dang good? 
I shouldn’t be doing this and I knew it. I just really wanted to. I need to stop. I want to stop. Well, I don’t want to stop, but I know I have to. I just can’t seem to take control of my body. My back was arched so that my breasts pressed against him and I was loving the feel of his body on mine. I moaned when he pulled his lips away from mine. I leaned in for more, but he pulled back and looked into my eyes. 
“Do you want me to make love to you?” Trent asked as his eyes stared onto mine. His eyes were so intense. His deep hazel eyes looked smoky with desire. It seemed like he was only a breath away from tearing my clothes off.
I couldn’t answer him. We both already knew the answer. He wanted me to say it aloud and I didn’t want to say it aloud. I didn’t want to admit it verbally. If I did then it would be true and I couldn’t even rationalize what I was doing. 
“Do you, Kimberly?” He pressed. 
His eyes were still locked on mine. I wanted so desperately to look away, but I couldn’t. It was like a magnet holding my gaze. Come on, Trent, why do you do this to me?
“Answer me, Kim. Yes or no, pick one.”
“Trent, please,” I begged. Only I wasn’t sure whether I was begging him to stop or begging him to make love to me.
“Please, what?” He asked.
“Please….” I started. I was trying to get all the courage I could to tell him what my mind, heart, and body was thinking.
“Tell me, Kimberly.” 
“Make love to me, Trent.” I gasped out the words as if I wasn’t sure it was really me saying them. 
Trent was on me now. His lips were locked on mine and his hands held my waits tightly. I felt his hands ever so slowly lifting my shirt up from my waist. I gasped when his fingers brushed the bare skin of my stomach. Seconds later my shirt was thrown on top of the counter. I immediately felt shy. I was standing before him in my thin, lace bra and I was embarrassed. 
I guess he noticed, because he said, “Don’t be nervous. You are beautiful.” He dipped his head and kissed each of my breasts through my bra. I tilted my head back and moaned. I had honestly moaned. I wasn’t faking it as I had with Dwayne.
“Damn, you sound so sexy.” Trent complimented me. He fingered the front clasp of my bra and looked up at me. It was as if he were giving me another chance to back out. I should have taken advantage of the opportunity and got the heck out of there, but I didn’t. I stayed right there, waiting for him to undress me so we can make love right here in this kitchen. 
In a kitchen? I asked myself. In a kitchen at the Youth Center at that? I wanted to shake the thoughts away, but they stayed right there in the front of my mind. I wanted to think not of where we were, but what we were gonna do. I just knew it was gonna be amazing. I knew our love making would be beautiful. That is if I don’t let the guilt get to me. I was cheating on my husband. He always accused me of it and I always got angry, but now I’m truly doing it.
Trent unclasped my bra and helped me take it off. It too was tossed on the counter. Trent took one of my breasts into his mouth and sucked. He teased my nipple with his tongue and it became hard in his mouth.
“Trent, that feels so good.” I moaned. I didn’t even know what came over me. “Don’t stop doing that, okay?” 
“I won’t.” He promised. “I won’t stop until you come for me.”
I moaned again, because I couldn’t force out a response. He massaged my breast in his hands and in his mouth and I continued moaning. I couldn’t do this anymore. I wanted him to do more. I wanted him to go lower. 
I began stroking Trent’s manhood through his jeans. He was so hard. It was like a rock in his pants. A very long, thick rock. I could feel my vagina dripping wetness. I wanted to see his manhood. 
“Pull your pants down, Trent.” I told him. I didn’t have to repeat myself. Trent hurriedly unfastened his belt and had his jeans and boxers around his ankles moments later. 
I looked down at his manhood and I swear I smiled. It was big. No, it was huge. It had to be at least nine inches. I hated to admit it, but Dwayne’s was nowhere near that. Though at one point in time he did know how to work with what he had. 
I began stroking Trent’s manhood in my hands and he groaned in the sexiest way. I continued caressing him and he reached out and began to pull at my jeans. I let him go for a moment and helped him push my jeans down. I had to take my boots off first. I quickly stooped down to take off my boots when my phone chirped and vibrated in my purse. 
“You bet not get that.” Trent told me and I almost listened to him. 
“I have to.” I had to, because it could be my husband. And if it was, what was I gonna tell him? 
“No, fuck that, come here.” Trent pulled me back to him and kissed me deeply. I sighed and moaned at the same time.
I was about to get back to Trent when my cell phone chirped again. “I’m sorry.” I told him and then I picked up my purse. “Just a second,” 
I pulled out my phone and saw I had two text messages, both from Dwayne. “It’s my husband.” I said to Trent and myself. A wave of guilt rushed over me. Here I was standing in a kitchen with another man with my breasts hanging out, my jeans down around my knees, stuck at the boots, and my thong on full display.
‘Go head and take ur time coming home,’ the first message read. It was from an hour ago. I must not get good service here.
‘Stay wherever u @,’ Said the second one. 
He was mad I hadn’t come home yet. It was already six thirty. Next thing I knew, I was yanking my jeans up properly and reaching for my bra.
“What’s wrong? Where are you going?” Trent was asking as I fastened my bra.
“I’m so sorry, Trent, but I have to go. That was my husband. I really need to get home. We shouldn’t have been doing this anyway.” I told him. I was pulling my shirt on as I spoke. 
“No, Kim, stay here with me.” Trent said. 
I sighed. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have been doing this. I shouldn’t have led you on. I shouldn’t have let us get that far.” I was gathering up my purse and all I needed was my coat from the front desk. 
“Kimberly,” Trent said my name in a pleading tone.
“I’m so sorry, Trent. I shouldn’t have done that to you.” I was fully clothed and completely turned off from sex now. Trent was still wearing his pants around his ankles and his penis was half hard and half limp. I wish he’d put that away or I wouldn’t be able to say no again.
I straightened my top as I walked to the kitchen door to make sure there was no indication that we were in here doing what we were doing. I felt bad for what I was about to do, but what was worse is that I really, really wanted to do it. 

I parked my Prius in the driveway behind Dwayne’s Jetta. I half ran up the stairs to the door. I let myself in and hung my coat up on the rack. I had fixed my makeup in the rearview mirror of my car. I was hoping if I looked good enough Dwayne wouldn’t be upset with me. 
I heard the television playing in the living room so I figured Dwayne was in there. He was probably waiting for me. I made my way to the living room and the sounds of the T.V. grew louder. He was watching porn. I hated when he did that. He never watched it when I was around, but sometimes I did hear it. At least he’ll be in a good mood. He’ll just want to have sex.
When I walked to the living room, I dropped my purse and my jaw on the floor. I stood, open mouthed and wide eyed, as I stared at the horror on my living room couch. Everything in me was angry, everything in me was sad. I felt betrayed. I felt like my heart was just ripped out of my chest and stomped on. I grabbed the crystal flower vase from the end table beside me and held it tightly in my hands. My knuckles turned lighter. My husband was up on his knees on my couch. My sister was also on the couch, completely naked, bent over as my husband pounded into her from behind. My little sister was moaning and screaming as my husband grunted and thrust into her. I never felt so betrayed in my whole life. I know I was about to do the same thing with Trent, but it still hurt. 
I gripped the vase tighter and felt my hands become numb. I launched the vase at Dwayne. It struck his arm then crashed to the floor in a million pieces. Dwayne’s head snapped up at me. Kierra looked up at me and her mouth dropped open.
“Kim, what the fuck is your problem?” Dwayne snapped at me as his dismounted Kierra.
“What is your problem?!” My voice came out shrilly and tears ran down my face. “How could you?”
Dwayne stood up and pulled up his pants. He wasn’t wearing a shirt. “I told you to bring your ass home, but you didn’t listen.”
“So you sleep with my sister!” I looked at Kierra. “How could you do this? We’re sisters!” I didn’t know whether I wanted to run to the kitchen for a butcher knife or if I should simply leave.
“You should have taken better care of your man.” Kierra said and flipped her weave back. She sat back on the couch, not even caring that she was completely naked. “That’s your problem.” 
She and Dwayne’s eyes were red and bulgy. They were high. Then I noticed the needles and a few cocaine lines on my coffee table. They were both high in my house. 
I shook my head and turned away as hot tears streamed down my cheeks. There was nothing I could say to them now. I didn’t want to say anything to them ever. I was making my way to the door when Dwayne snatched me back.
“Where the hell do you think you’re going?” Dwayne demanded. He held me tightly by the arm.
“Get off me, Dwayne!” I yelled at him as I tried to take my arm back but to no avail. “Get off me!” I repeated. 
“Who the hell are you talking to? Bitch, don’t get new with me.” Dwayne snapped. He tightened his grip on my arm and I had to stop myself from whimpering.
“I told you not to talk me like that, Dwayne. Now get off me!” I tried once again to yank my arm back, but he only tightened his grip.
“I talk to you however the hell I wanna talk to you and you ain’t gon do shit.” Dwayne continued. “Where the fuck do you think you’re going? I’m not letting you walk out on me like you did last night.”
“Dwayne, get off me. We’re done. You’re with my sister now, right? What do you need me for?” I tried one last time to pull away and it still did me no good. “Dwayne, let go. You’re hurting me.”
“I don’t give a fuck!” He yelled into my face and twisted my arm. I dropped to my knees. 
“Let me go!” I cried. 
“Shut the fuck up, Kimberly.” Dwayne said with a laugh. “Now, like I said. Your ass ain’t going nowhere, do you understand me?” 
“No, get off me, Dwayne. Please,” I begged. 
“Shut the fuck up,” Dwayne pulled me to my feet and began to drag me to the stairs. 
“No, let me go, Dwayne.” I cried as he pulled me to the stairs.
“Man, calm all that shit down.” Dwayne commanded. He scooped me and carried me to our bedroom. I kicked and screamed but it meant nothing. Dwayne threw me on the bed, shut the door, and locked it. I dropped my purse on our bedroom floor right in front of the door. I scrambled to get up, but Dwayne pushed me back down. 
“Don’t fucking move, Kimberly.” He said as he stared at me with a hard glare. 
“Dwayne, let me go. Please, Dwayne.”
“Naw fuck that shit. You wasn’t saying all that ‘please’ shit when you was down there throwing vases and shit. Stay the fuck there on the bed and don’t move until I tell you to.” 
“Dwayne, stop it.” I begged.
“No, you stop it!” He yelled at me and then he climbed into the bed next to me. He kissed my cheek and I moved away from him. I didn’t get out of the bed only because I was afraid of what he might do to me. 
Dwayne grabbed me by the waist and pulled me back to him. “Please, don’t leave me, Kim.” Dwayne begged and he buried his face into my lap. He started crying and sniffling like a child into my lap.
“Dwayne, stop it.” I commanded, but I could feel myself breaking down.
“Please, Kim, I love you so much. I’m sorry.” He begged. “Please, don’t leave me. You promised me you wouldn’t ever leave me. You told me you would always love me. Please, don’t leave me. I can’t live without you, Kim.”
“Dwayne,” I pleaded and I pushed him away and climbed out of the bed. I figured I’ll make my way out of here while he in this state.
“No!” He yelled and then he jumped out of the bed and grabbed me. Before I could react or respond, he slapped me across the face and I fell to the floor. “Shit, you see what you made me do? You don’t know how to fucking listen. I’m trying to be nice to you, Kim. I’m trying to love you like a man is supposed to, but you keep making it hard.” 
“Get away from me.” I told him through my tears.
“Kimberly, shut the fuck up!” He backhanded me in my mouth. I tasted my own blood. “Now, look at you.” Dwayne said, staring at my busted lip. He picked me up off the floor and put me back on the bed. I didn’t fuss only because I didn’t want him to hit me again. 
Dwayne laid me down gently in the bed and pulled the comforter over me. He slipped under the blankets next to me and tried to pull me to him. I pushed away and turned my back to him. I curled up into a fetal position and cried. 
“I don’t like hitting you, Kim.” Dwayne said to me. He didn’t touch me. He allowed me to cry to myself. “I really don’t like hurting you. You make me do it. I tell you to do something and you do the opposite. The only way that I could get you to listen is to hit you. You must like making me hit you. You run your damn mouth too much, that’s your problem. If you would just do what I say there wouldn’t be any problems.”
I cried harder. Why was he doing this? Why was he still here? He used to hit me like this. He would always say it was my fault and I deserved it. He would act like I was a child and if I didn’t follow his orders I deserved to be disciplined. I was sniffling and sobbing now. 
“You know what, Kimberly? Stop all that damn crying before I really hurt you. Shit, you act like I fucking stabbed you or something. I don’t want to hear that shit.”
“Then get out!” I told him. The words flew out of my mouth. I had no idea why I said it even though I know what’s going to happen. “Better yet, let me leave.”
“Shut the fuck up, Kim!” Dwayne yelled and then he pushed me. He pushed me hard and I fell from the bed and landed on the floor. “Now get your ass back up here.” He ordered.
I didn’t move. Dwayne rushed over to me and snatched me up off the floor. He threw me on the bed and climbed on it. He hovered over me and pointed his finger to my face.
“Shut the fuck up, Kim!” He yelled as he poked me in the cheek with a stiff finger. “You’re not leaving me! Do you understand me, Kim? If you ever try to leave me, I’ll kill you. I swear, Kim, I’ll fucking kill you if you ever try to walk away from me.”
My eyes were wide with panic. He looked so serious and at this point I felt like he may really kill me. I didn’t say anything, but hot tears streamed down my face. Dwayne grabbed me by the back of my neck and pulled my face close to his. His words were hard and loud as he spoke to me.
“You won’t ever leave me, Kim. I love you too much. I can’t live without you and I won’t.” Dwayne held my neck tightly and I felt like I wasn’t getting oxygen in my lungs. I couldn’t say anything. I couldn’t beg him to stop nor could even cry. I was paralyzed with fear. More hot tears streamed down my face. I was crying silently.
“Please, Dwayne,” I choked out. I couldn’t manage anything else.
He squeezed my neck tighter. “You want me to stop?” He asked me cynically.
“Yes…please…” I coughed. 
“Then tell me you love me.” He said and for a moment I didn’t believe he was serious. His eyes were still hard as he glowered at me. He was still very angry and upset, but yet that was what he wanted to hear. 
“Say it!” He shook me by my neck and I thought it was going to break.
“I love you!” I choked. I wasn’t even sure if I meant that. 
“Now tell me you’ll never leave me.” He commanded. It was crazy how he said those very same words to me this morning and it sounded completely different. It was crazy how when he said it this morning I was able to truthfully answer. Now I knew I still loved him, but I sure as heck didn’t want to stay with him. At least not right now.
“Say it, Kimberly.” He ordered.
“I’ll never leave you.”
“Promise me. Promise me like you promised me this morning.”
“I promise. I’ll never, ever leave you.”
“You bet not even try. I’ll find you wherever you go. And this is no game, Kim. If you leave, I’ll severely fuck you up.”
I didn’t say anything. I was terrified. I was afraid because I believed him. Dwayne released my neck and I collapsed onto the bed. I grabbed my neck and massaged it with one hand. 
“Come here,” He said and I tensed up and stayed where I was. I didn’t want to go anywhere near him again. “You know what, wait a minute.”
Dwayne got up and went over to his dresser. He opened the top drawer and began riffling through it. I waited. I didn’t know what he was looking for but I had a feeling it wasn’t good. He took something black out of the drawer and held it behind his back as he walked back over to me on the bed.
He kept his hand behind his back. “You better not be lying to me, Kimberly.” He said. He looked me in my eye as he talked. “You won’t ever leave me, right?” He demanded.
I nodded. I was scared. 
“I want to hear you say it.” He said.
“I won’t leave you.” I confirmed. 
“And if you try to,” He said and he paused. He pulled the black object from behind his back and my breath caught in my throat. He held a 9 mm Glock 17 in his hand and pointed it between my eyes. I stared down the barrel of the gun. My heart was beating fiercely as if it’d fall out of my chest and my breath came rapidly. 
“Dwayne,” I started. I don’t know whether I was going to ask him to put the gun away, where he got it from, or just beg for my life.
“Shut up, Kim.” He said and my mouth snapped shut. After a moment, he continued what he was saying. “If you try to leave me, I’ll put a bullet in your head.” Then he lowered the gun to my chest. “And a bullet in your heart.” 
I didn’t speak. I believed him. I believed he would truly kill me if I tried to leave him. He still had the gun on me. I was almost sure he wouldn’t shoot me now, but I still wished he would get rid of the Glock. 
“You understand me?” He asked. “I’ll kill you and won’t think twice.” 
My body was stiffened. How can my husband tell me that he would kill me and not even care? I wanted to cry again, but I wasn’t going to shed another tear.
“You understand me?” He repeated. “Are you listening or do I need to get your attention?”
“I understand.” I said but I really didn’t. I understood that he’d kill me but I didn’t understand why. Why he would do this to me after I’ve been dedicated to him for years, I didn’t know.
“You better,” He said and he laid the gun on the nightstand on the side of his side of the bed. He got into the bed next to me. He grabbed my face, framing it in his hands, and kissed me. 
I pressed my lips into a tight line, trying to keep his tongue from entering my mouth. My face was all scrunched up like I had sucked on a lemon. I had absolutely no desire to return his kiss, but I didn’t want to push him away and get hurt again.
“What the hell is your problem?” He demanded once he pulled away. 
What would my problem be? You just threatened my life and forced me to stay here and now you expect me to kiss you? That’s my problem. You’re my problem. I wish I was brave enough to that to him, but I wasn’t. I was too afraid to. 
“I really don’t care what your problem is.” Dwayne said when I didn’t answer. “You claim you love me. You already know you ain’t going nowhere. You are my wife so you better started acting like it.” 
I felt nauseated. He was sickening. I stared at him. I know my disgust showed on my face, but I didn’t care. He should already know how I feel about him right now. Suddenly he backhanded me across the face and I fell side first on the bed, clutching my cheek. My face stung. I’m sure my cheek will be swollen. 
“Wipe that fucking in look off your face.” He commanded as he glared at me. “You’re pissing me off, Kim. You better stop making me do that or you’ll end up really hurt. You’re really making me mad.”
“I’m sorry.” I apologized. I didn’t know what I was apologizing for but I suspected that’s what he wanted to hear. I could tell he believed everything was my fault and that he felt as though he didn’t do anything wrong.
“It’s okay,” He said gently, but I could still detect the anger in his voice. “Just don’t do it again.”
“I won’t.” I said. I never felt worse in my whole life. How is this happening? He used to be compassionate. He used to be sane. What happened? What is it that goes on in a man’s head that makes him hit a woman?
“You bet not,” He said and then a slow grin crept onto his face. His grin made my stomach turn. “You can make it up to me.” He said and I know I must have turned green with nausea.
“How?” I asked, but I dreaded his answer. I knew it involved sex.
“You can suck my dick.” He said and I almost thought he was only being sarcastic.
“Dwayne,” I started.
“No,” He stopped me. “You wanna make me feel better, don’t you? Do you really want me to stay mad?”
“No.” I said as if I understood his reasoning. “I want you to feel better and I don’t want you to be mad anymore, but I don’t want to do that. How can you even be in the mood for that?”
“I don’t care what you want to do. You gon do what I tell you to do. Now, do it.” 
I didn’t say anything for a whole minute and I saw Dwayne raise his hand as if he would slap me again. Before he pulled back his hand, I reached for his belt. I helped him pull down his pants down. Once his pants were down far enough, he freed his penis.
Just looking at it made me sick to my stomach. I felt like I would probably throw up on his dick. I reluctantly, slowly bent my head down to his manhood, but he grabbed me by my hair and pulled me back up. 
“I want you to do it on your knees.” He said. 
There was no difference between on my knees or on the bed. A blow job was a blowjob whether it was vertical or horizontal. He was doing just show he could show me who was in control. He was. Right now, he owned me.
Dwayne stood up and I got down on my knees in front of him. I reluctantly opened my mouth and took him inside. I began slowly giving him head. I hated him for this. He grabbed me by my head, over my ears and began forcing himself deeper into my mouth. He pushed himself as far as he could until he touched the back of my throat and I gagged. He didn’t even care. I kept gagging and he kept forcing deep strokes down my throat. He tightened up and I thanked God that he was about to come. I tried to pull off of him as I usually did before he came so I could finish him off with my hand but he stopped me. 
He grabbed me by my hair and made me look up at him. “I want you to swallow. Your sister swallowed so you can too.”
I don’t know what made me feel sicker: the fact that he was forcing me to swallow, the fact that I’m sucking him right after my own sister, or the fact that he was with my sister period.
Dwayne power stroked my mouth, forcing his penis down my throat. Then he came right in my throat. I gagged and I wanted to spit it on the floor and then throw up.
“You better swallow.” Dwayne said as he slowly pulled out of my mouth and watched me intently.
It was thick and oily at the same time. And what was even grosser was how warm it was. The texture alone made me what to vomit. It was like a big lump of mucus in my mouth. It tasted salty, bitter, and even slightly sour. I forced myself to swallow his semen down and I felt sick to my stomach. I wanted to run to the bathroom and throw up but I knew Dwayne wouldn’t like that at all. He smiled down at me, obviously pleased. I on the other hand, looked and felt disgusted. 
“Take off all your clothes.” He said. I sighed and regretted it as soon as it I did it.
“Did you think that was all I wanted? I told you, you are my wife. You’ll do what a wife is supposed to do. Now take your clothes off. All of them.”
I stood up and began to hesitantly, reluctantly take my clothes off. Why did he want me to take them all off? I can’t even remember the last time we had sex completely naked. He always just popped his john through his boxers and I just lifted my skirt or took off my pants. He was just showing his control over me again. 
As I undressed, Dwayne did also. We both stood naked looking at each other for a moment. I had one arm covering my breasts and my other hand covering my vagina. We were both looking at each other in completely different connotations. Him positive and me negative. He looked me over and smiled appreciatively at my body as if I were a piece of meat. Better yet, he looked at me as if I were property that he had made a good decision on buying. I looked at his naked body only noting how large he was. He was large in terms of muscle and build, not between the legs. Even though he was rock hard he still wasn’t over six inches. Though, he did work out. His biceps were huge as were his thighs and calves. I knew first hand that he benched over two hundred pounds. His chest was broad and strong. He was six feet and three inches of packed muscle. There wasn’t an ounce of fat on him. He could snapped me and just about anyone else in half like a dry twig.
Dwayne walked over to me and grabbed me to him by my waist. He began kissing my neck and I stiffened. My head felt heavy as though I was about to black out. I was nauseated and dizzy. 
Dwayne dipped his head and took my left breast into his mouth and sucked. I felt even sicker. Then Dwayne bit down on my nipple. It wasn’t a love bite, he straight up bit me. He bit down hard and I cried out in pain and groaned. 
“Get on the bed and get in doggy-style position.” Dwayne commanded. We never even did doggy-style before.
I did as I was told and got on all fours on the bed. Dwayne went to the nightstand, took a condom out, and slipped it on. He got on the bed behind me and gently caressed my back with one finger. He took hold of my hips and I tried to brace myself. 
Dwayne slammed inside me from behind and I let out a cry. It wasn’t of pleasure but of pain. He began ramming into me with all five and a half inches of his manhood. I wasn’t sure, but I felt like he was purposely trying to hurt me. I gritted my teeth and collapsed from my hands to my elbows but stayed up on my knees. 
I heard him grunting as he concentrated on what he was doing. All of his thrusts were hard and forceful. I cried out again and Dwayne grunted to match me. I wasn’t sure whether he thought I was moaning in pleasure or if he actually enjoyed my pain. Tears streaked my face. This was my husband. This was the man I married. This was the man I vowed to love and stay faithful to. This was the man I’m supposed to spend the rest of my life with. Dwayne’s hold on my hips tightened and found myself mentally praying for him to come. I wanted him to come so he could leave me alone.
“You want me to come?” He asked me as he pounded me. I guess it wasn’t mental. I guess I was saying it aloud.
“Please, just come, Dwayne.” I begged him. “Just do it already.”
Dwayne pulled all the way out of me and then forcefully slammed back into my vagina. I cried out in pain again. 
“Be patient, bitch.” He said and more hot tears streamed down my face. I hated when he talked to me like that. “You should be lucky I’m taking my time with your ugly ass anyway. I’m letting your ass enjoy it.”
So I’m supposed to be enjoying this?
After ramming me a few but much too many times, Dwayne pulled out of me. He ripped the condom off and threw it on the bed right in front of my face. Then he came on my back and on my butt. He finally collapsed on the bed. 
I turned onto my back and tried to relax myself. I realized I was lying next to him and it made me feel even more uneasy. I climbed out of the bed and tried to go to the bathroom, but Dwayne grabbed me firmly by the forearm. 
“Where are you going?” He demanded.
“I have to use the bathroom.”
“Ask permission next time,” He said. “Go head and go to the bathroom.”
Ask permission? I’m a grown woman. I’m twenty-six years old. I haven’t asked permission of a bathroom break in twenty years. I covered myself in my bathrobe and quickly scurried to the bathroom then shut and locked the door behind myself.
I looked into the mirror at my disheveled reflection only it wasn’t my reflection I saw. It was another woman. A woman I didn’t even recognize. She looked like me and I’m sure she sounded like me, but she wasn’t me. She was miserable. She was a slave to her husband. She was exactly how my mother had looked when she was married to my father. She looked defeated. She looked like the sun stopped shining. She looked like she had just gone through hell.
The worst part of it all was that I knew she was me. As much as I wanted to be someone else at that moment, I knew I wasn’t. I knew I was the unrecognizable, miserable, slave-like, defeated woman in the mirror. 
I took off my robe and looked my naked body over in the mirror. There were two hickeys on either side my neck. I looked at my breasts. There was a big, ugly, purple bruise on my left nipple where he had bit me. Liquid that I didn’t want to look at to identify dribbled down my leg. I forced myself to look down and saw that blood and semen trickled down my inner thigh. My breasts and my vagina were sore.
I got into the shower and set the water to one degree from scalding hot. I cleaned my body vigorously and washed my hair. I washed myself up about three or four times before I was satisfied with my cleanliness. I had stayed in the shower for about forty-five minutes and after I brushed and used mouthwash about five times, over an hour had passed. I didn’t care. I was hoping Dwayne would have fallen asleep by the time I finished. 
I went back to the bedroom and looked to the bed at Dwayne. His eyes were closed, he wasn’t moving, and he was breathing gently. He was asleep, thank God. I speed tip-toed to my dresser and pulled on underwear and a sports’ bra. I quickly dressed in my purple velour tracksuit and black fitted T-shirt. I put on my black Nikes. I wasn’t worried about getting clothes right not. As long as I could get to my mother’s tonight and Dwayne doesn’t wake up, I’ll be fine.
I picked my purse up from the floor where I had dropped it and took my keys out as I walked to the door. I turned the lock and was just about to open the door when a hard, cold voice shook me to the core.
“If you open that door, you’re gonna die today.” Dwayne said. 
I turned my head slightly behind me to see that he was out of the bed and standing with his Glock pointed at my back. I hadn’t even heard him get out of the bed let alone get the gun. I stifled a sob. I didn’t turn around and my hand stayed on the doorknob. I was wondering if he was able to shoot me in the back faster than I could open the door and run out. I doubted I was faster than a bullet, but maybe he would hesitate to kill me. Maybe he’s only bluffing. Maybe the gun isn’t even loaded. Maybe I was being too optimistic. 
I heard four heavy footsteps behind me and then Dwayne grabbed me by my arm and swung me around to face him.
“Are you testing me?” He demanded in a yell. “What the fuck did I just tell only an hour ago? What did I say I’d do if you tried to leave me?” Dwayne demanded.
I wasn’t sure if his question was rhetorical or not, but I didn’t say anything. Dwayne’s grip on my slender bicep tightened to bone crushing level.
“What the fuck did I just tell you, Kimberly?” he demanded again. 
“You said if I tried to leave you, you’ll kill me.” I said. I was crying for about the hundredth time today. 
“Exactly,” Dwayne said. “And what were you about to do just now?”
“I wasn’t leaving you permanently. I was just going to my mother’s for the night. Dwayne, I swear. I wasn’t leaving you.”
“I don’t fucking believe that shit. I know you, Kimberly. I know you were fucking leaving and I know you were probably planning on coming back for clothes when I leave for work tomorrow. Weren’t you?”
“No, Dwayne, I swear.” I lied. I was doing and planning exactly that.
“Don’t fucking lie to me, Kim. You know I hate being lied to.”
“I’m not lying, I swear, Dwayne.”
Suddenly Dwayne swung his arm in my direction and I felt the barrel of the gun connect with my face. He hit me in my right cheek bone and it felt like it was on fire. I fell onto my knees and cried as I clutched my cheek. 
“Tell the truth, Kim, and I won’t have to do that again.” Dwayne said as he hovered over me. He grabbed me by my hair and pulled me to my feet. He was holding a fistful of my hair and wrapped his hands all through it. “You were trying to leave me, weren’t you? And you better not lie to me.”
I sobbed uncontrollably. “Please, Dwayne, please just stop.” I cried.
“Man, shut the fuck up and answer me.” He said as he yanked my hair. 
“Okay,” I said. “Okay, I was trying to leave.” I complied and Dwayne threw me to the floor. 
He walked over to me and kicked me in my ribs. I balled myself up into a fetal position and tried to beg him to stop. “Dwayne, I’m sorry.” I said as he kicked me again. “I won’t do it again. Dwayne, I swear, I won’t ever leave you. I promise I won’t ever try to walk away from you again. Trust me, baby, I love you. I’m sorry.”
 I begged and pleaded and told him what I thought he wanted to hear. He wanted me to stay so I told him I would. He wanted me to love him so I told him I did. He expected me to apologize so I did that too.
“You gon be sorry.” Dwayne said and then he pistol whipped me again. I cried out as he yanked me to my feet and threw me on the bed. He hit me with the Glock repeatedly. 
“Please, Dwayne, I said I’m sorry. I said I’ll never do it again. Please believe me.” I begged him. My lip was bleeding and my left eye wouldn’t open. There was pain all over me.
“I’ll make sure you won’t do it again. I’ll make sure you won’t do nothing unless I say you can.” Dwayne said. He put the pistol on the nightstand and slapped me with his hand. “You gon be real sorry after this.”
Then the next thing I knew, I had his Glock in my hand and I was aiming it at his chest. How it got there, I don’t know, but I guess I must have picked it up. I guess I must have put my aim right on Dwayne’s heart too. 
“Get away from me.” I commanded as I slipped off the bed and walked slowly and backwards to the door. “Get the heck away from me and don’t move.” I told him. 
“And if I don’t what are you gonna do about it?” Dwayne asked as he watched me intently.
“If you try to stop me from leaving…I’ll kill you, Dwayne.” I told him, doing my best to keep my voice and hands steady. “I will. Just let me go”
He gave a bark of laughter. “Kimberly, put my gun down now and I promise I won’t fuck you up too bad. But if you keep playing with me like you gon do something, you gon have a real problem. You’re gonna wish I just killed you.”
“How are you gonna do anything?” I demanded. “I got the gun now.” I would have sounded real hard if my voice wasn’t shaking. I would have looked hard if my hands weren’t trembling. I would have felt hard if I wasn’t bluffing. 
“Kim, we both know you ain’t gon do nothing. So put my gun down before you hurt yourself or I hurt you.”
“No, Dwayne. I’m outta here.” I said. I kept the Glock aimed on his as I bent down to retrieve my purse. I pulled my purse strap up on my shoulder. With the gun still aimed, I walked slowly to where my coat was on the floor. I wasn’t gon run out into the snow like I did the last time without a coat on. This time I’m in control. Once I had what I needed, I started to go to the door.
“Bitch, put that fucking gun down!” Dwayne yelled at me. “You know damn well you ain’t gon do shit. Put the mother fucking gun down!”
Screw him, I thought and I went to open the door and Dwayne rushed at me. I quickly turned to him, pointed the gun at his chest, and pulled the trigger. 
Nothing happened. Dwayne smirked and I pulled the trigger again. And again. And again. And again. Nothing happened. Dwayne snatched the gun from my hand and slapped me across the face with it. 
“Next time you plan on shooting someone, you better turn the safety off.” He said and I mentally cussed myself out for being so stupid.
 “You should have never done that.” He continued. Then he smiled cynically. “But you’ll regret it. I’m starting to regret marrying your black ass. I should have stuck with the light skinned bitches. Maybe I’ll fuck your little friend Regina next. Maybe then you’ll realize you’re lucky I’m letting you get this dick over any other woman out there.”
He forced me onto the bed and tore my clothes off. I screamed and kicked and begged, but he didn’t stop. He forced my legs open and I beat against his chest. He pushed into me without a condom, without warning, and without caring about me.
That night I realized how it felt to be raped. I guess it’s true. It’s very possible for a man to rape his wife.





Chapter 8
Charisse
I sighed as I looked at my son. He looked just like his father only Bobby was smiling. Robert hadn’t smiled at me since the night before last. After I had come home from the salon yesterday, Robert just looked at me. Neither of us said anything to each other as we lay in bed last night even though neither of us was asleep. He’d asked me if I had anything to say about what had happened at the salon. I told him that I expected an apology because he shouldn’t have done what he did. He just said he’s sorry that we’re fighting like this. That was the last thing he said to me before he went to go sleep in the guest room. 
I hate this so much. I hate fighting with my husband. I hate that we’re not like we used to be. Our children used to tell us to get a room because we would just start making out like teenagers anywhere we were. We had sex every single night and every single morning. If we missed a night best believe I’d be at his job for some office love making. We never argued repeatedly like this. We always saw eye to eye or we were at least able to reach a compromise. Every time one of us wants to talk, the other one doesn’t. We continue to let pride get in our way. There’s so much distance between us. I hate to acknowledge that we’re growing apart but that’s how it feels. We need to fix this. We need to get us on track. As soon as my husband comes home tonight I’m gon make him remember exactly how great thing used to be and how great they can be again. I’m not gon just have sex with him. I’m tired of sex. I wanna make love to my husband. But before we do that, we’re gonna do something we haven’t done in way too long. We’re gonna talk and deal with what’s going on between us before one of us does something we both regret.
“Mom, did you ask Dad about ice-skating on Friday? Huh, Mom? Huh, huh?” Bobby was asking again and again. He was like a little puppy. He was a cute little puppy though.
I smiled at him. “I’m gonna ask him when he comes home later, okay?” I told him. He’d asked me the same question last night and this morning. Now we were sitting at the kitchen table as he did his homework. He was supposed to had done it at the youth center, but he was probably too busy playing.
“Okay, and don’t forget to tell Brianna.” Bobby said. “And Brian.” He added.
“I know, honey.” I said with a grin. I’m glad he’s excited about it, but dang. 
“Good,” He said. “I can’t wait. This is gonna be so fun. Dad said he’ll teach me how to skate, but we never got a chance to go. Now he can teach me when we go on Friday.”
“Oh, that’s right you can’t ice skate.” I laughed at him playfully. “I’m not skating. I’m just gonna it back and watch you and everyone else fall.” I kissed his head as I laughed again.
“I’m not gon fall.” He said. “Dad is a good skater. I’m gonna be better him. You’ll see.”
“I bet you will.” I said. “You can be great at anything you put your mind to.” I always try to encourage my children to be confident and successful. Though I’m sure he’s going to fall more than he skates. 
“I know, Mommy.” He said and then he looked down at his homework. “All done.” He said happily.
“Already?” I asked. “Let me see.”
I took the paper from him and began to check his work. I always checked his work because I knew the teachers only checked homework for completion rather than if he did it right. I wanted to be sure he knew what he was doing. 
“Wait, how’d you get nine and one-eighth? Shouldn’t it be eight and one-eighth? Twenty-four minus sixteen is not nine.” I asked him referring to the one problem on his paper that was wrong.
“What? For which one?” He asked. Bobby was really bright for a third grader but he hated when he made mistakes on his work. 
“Look, twenty-four and eighteen-twelfths minus sixteen and three-eighths.” I told him pointing out the problem on his math homework. His class was working on adding and subtracting fractions. “Show me your work.” I said.
Bobby reached for his scratch paper and showed me where he did the problem. “Look, it’s right.” He said.
“No it isn’t. Look, you wrote down twenty-five instead of twenty-four.” I said, showing his mistake on his paper. 
“No,” Bobby said, turning the paper so I could see it. “Eighteen-twelfths is an improper fraction so you have to make it proper as a mixed number. So twenty-four and eighteen-twelfths is actually twenty-five and six-twelfths or if you reduce it, it’s twenty-four and a half. Then you make a common denominator so you make it four-eighths. After you subtract sixteen and three-eighths you’re left with nine and one-eighth. See?”
I relooked over the problem and checked what he was saying. Well I’ll be damned. He’s right. My eight year old son corrected me, a thirty year old woman.
“You’re right.” I told him. I was proud of him, but at the same time I was upset that I was wrong. I guess I know where Bobby gets it from.
“Yep,” He smiled proudly. 
I pulled him to me and gave him a thousand and one kisses on his head and face. “My little man is so smart!” I cooed as I hugged him. I was a ridiculously loving mother and I was proud of it. My mother didn’t show me love like that so I was sure to show it to my children. “I’m so proud of you!” 
“Mom!” Bobby yelled, pushing out of my embrace.
“What? Mommy can’t kiss you anymore?” I asked him, smiling broadly. 
“Not like that.” He said. “I’m not a baby.”
“I know. You’re a big boy.”
“No, Mom, I’m more than a big boy. I’m not three, I’m eight. I’m older than that now.” 
I sighed. “I know.” I said, trying to cover my disappointment. “I’ll stop treating you like a toddler.” 
“And you can’t call me little man anymore.” He said and it felt like a knife in my heart.
“Your father calls you little man and so does Brian. You don’t get upset when they say it.” I said. What, only men can call him that.
“No, they say lil’ man, like ‘what’s up, lil’ man’. You say,” Bobby made his voice really high trying to imitate my voice. “‘Aww, my little man!’” 
I couldn’t help but laugh. He sort of sounded like me. Then I sucked my teeth. “But you are my little man.”
“But you can’t be saying that out loud.” Bobby said.
I rolled my eyes. “So what do you want me to call you? You’re my baby boy.” I asked him.
“I don’t know, but definitely not that.” 
“Well, I’m your mother, I have to call you something when I’m showing you love.”
“You could always call me ‘Bobby’. That is my name.”
I sucked my teeth and smiled. “It’s not the same. But if you don’t want me to call you my little man anymore I won’t. Just remember, you only get one mother.”
“Come on, mom. I know you love me, but you call me that in front of my friends. It’s embarrassing.”
“You’re eight! What do you know about getting embarrassed by your mother?”
“Yeah, but all my friends are nine. I’m the youngest in the whole class. They’ll think I’m a baby.”
“You’re not a baby, you’re my baby.”
“You don’t get it. But it’s cool, I love you anyway.” Bobby said and he hugged me. 
I kissed him on his head. I love my little man. “I love you, too, sweetie.” 
“Okay,” I said after we hugged. “Gather up your homework and put it in your book bag.” 
“Okay, Mom.” He said and he began gathering up his things.
 After he had all his things put away, he pulled a small packet of stapled papers. He pushed the papers to me. “Mommy, can I play basketball?”
“You want to play basketball?” I asked him with raised eyebrows. “You’re a little young.”
“No, I’m not, Mom. You can start playing when you turn seven.” He said and I shook my head. “I asked you to play last year, but you said I was too young, but I’m definitely not too young now.
“What if you get hurt?” I asked him. 
“I won’t, Mom. It’s just basketball. Please, can I play?”
“I just think you’re too young.”
“Mom, I’m old enough. Come on, Dad, would let me play.”
“I’ll talk to your father.”
“Okay, Mom.” Bobby said, looking disappointed. 
“I didn’t say no,” I said and he smiled. “But I didn’t say yes either. I said I’ll talk to your father.”
“Okay, Mom. Thanks.” Then he ran off to his bedroom. 
I stood up from the table to finish up the cleaning I had been neglecting for last two days. I stood up and went to the living room and decided to lean in there first. On my list was the living room, the dining room, the kitchen, and Robert’s and my bedroom. 
Soon everything on my “to do” list was completed except my bedroom and the dishes in the kitchen. I was at the sink, drying my hands after I washed the last of the dishes, when I felt strong arms wrap around me from behind. I closed my eyes and leaned into my husband.
“Baby, what’s happening with us?” I asked him.
“I don’t know.” Said a voice that wasn’t Robert’s.
I jumped out of Brian’s embrace. “What is your problem?” I demanded in a low voice. I didn’t want to be loud since I knew Bobby was right upstairs.
“What? You the one calling me ‘baby’. All I did was hug you.” Brian said with false innocence.
“Please, you know exactly what you were doing.” I said as I finished drying my hands and threw away the paper towels I used. 
He smiled. “Yeah, you’re right. I did know what I was doing.” 
I rolled my eyes and was ready to move on to cleaning the bedroom Robert and I shared. 
“What are you doing here?” I asked him as I began wiping off the kitchen table again for lack of anything else to do.
“I got something for Brianna.” Brian said and then I noticed the Sprint bag in his hand. He reached into the bag and pulled out a touch screen phone in a pink, flowery case. “I got her the iPhone 4S for Christmas, but I already got it activated so I’m gonna give it to her now.”
I narrowed my eyes at him. “You didn’t even tell me that you were getting Brianna a phone for Christmas.”
“That’s what she asked me for so I’m got it for my baby girl.” Brian said proudly.
“Well, her attitude hasn’t been right lately so I don’ think it’s best that she gets a cell phone right now.” I told him.
“Well, she has been absolutely fine with me. And her grades are better than they have been in a while so I believe she should be rewarded for it so she’ll keep it up.”
“The only thing she’ll keep up is talking any kind of way to me and manipulating you.”
“My daughter is not a manipulator and she is not manipulating me.” 
“Please, so why hasn’t she told me that she was getting a phone from you? I’ll tell you why. She already asked me and I told her no. So she went and asked you and got a different answer.”
“Well, she asked me and I think she deserves a phone so I got her one. Period.”
“Why do you think she needs a phone at fourteen?”
“I don’t know. To talk to her friends and call us.”
“Did you know she had a boyfriend?” I asked with raised eyebrows. So she no longer had a boyfriend because I put a stop to that before it even started, but I wanted to see how he’s react and make him get my point.
Brian’s lips formed a tight line and he looked angry. He had the look that you get when you touch something that looks like chocolate and then you realize that you just put your finger in shit. Brian just realized that his daughter was feeding his shit instead of the sweet little chocolate she’s been pretending to be.
“What?” Brian demanded as if he couldn’t believe it.
“Yeah, she was up talking to him until I made her hang up at one o’ clock in the morning. So if she gets a cell phone she’ll only be talking to him longer.” I was wrong for this, but it had to be done.
“And you’re okay with her having a boyfriend?” He asked.
“Hell no. I told her to stop seeing that boy, but fact being, if she had a cell phone, she’ll have more access to talk to him and just disregard what I told her.”
“Hmm,” 
“Yep.” I said. Then I remembered the thing that had my pressure up when I had brought Bobby home from the Youth Center. “Where the hell is your daughter anyway?”
“What do you mean ‘where is she’? Don’t you know where she is?”
“She was supposed to go to an indoor track meet and come home. Those track meets end at six, it’s after nine now. When she gets home she’s gonna have a severe problem with me. I’m tired of her doing whatever the hell she wants to do as if she’s running things in my house.”
“I’m sure there’s a reason why she’s late.”  Brian said in her defense. Brianna had him wrapped around her little finger.
“Yeah and the reason is that she’s out doing whatever the hell she wants to do.” I said.
“Don’t worry. I know my daughter,” Brian said. “Wherever she is I know she isn’t doing anything that either of us would be ashamed of. And I know if you told her to stay away from that boy that she isn’t with him. She’s probably at one of her girlfriend’s house.”
I rolled my eyes. He just thought she was so perfect. I loved my daughter, but I knew her and what she was capable of. I also know that she feels as if she can go wherever she wants to go without asking.
Brian had his own cell phone out and was scrolling through his contacts. “I’m calling Ashley. She’s probably with her.” 
I tapped my foot as I waited for Brian’s call to connect.
“Hi, Ashley, this is Mr. Brian, Brianna’s dad. Is Brianna with you?” Brian asked when the young girl answered the phone. “Okay, can you put her on the phone?” Brian continued after a brief pause. 
“Brianna’s at Ashley’s house.” He said to me as he waited. 
“She has no business at Ashley’s house.” I said to him, but he didn’t answer because Brianna came to the phone.
“Hey, baby girl.”  Brian said with a smile and once again I rolled my eyes. “Shouldn’t you be home?” He paused as she responded. I wondered what cute little response she was gonna give him. “Your mother said you should have been home by six. Did you have permission to go to Ashley’s house?” Another pause. “I know you didn’t. You need to get home now. Do you need a ride?”
“Alright, well hurry up and get home. Your mom was worried about you…Alright, bye, honey.” Then he disconnected the call. 
Brian looked at me. “Ashley’s mom is dropping her off. She should be here pretty soon.” 
I shook my head. It’s like he just let’s her do whatever she wants to do. That’s why she prefers him over me even though I’m the one who raised her form birth and he only just came back into her life last year. He enables her and I discipline her. 
“Why are you still mad?” Brian asked me as he walked over and stood in front of me. He’s a bit too close for my preference.
“You are such an enabler. She has you wrapped around her finger and you don’t even know it. You spoil her.”
“She’s my only child and she’s a girl of course I’m gon spoil her.”
“But that’s not right. That’s why she acts the way she does. She knows you’ll always have her back when she does something she knows she’s not supposed to be doing.”
 “I’m not saying what she does when I’m not around isn’t wrong, but fact being, she is my daughter and I am gon have her back no matter what.”
“Even when she’s against me?”
Brian sighed. “You know I’m not gon do that. You’re her mother and you know I love you for giving me such a beautiful daughter. We’re both adults and if there’s a problem concerning our child, we can handle it as adults. For example, the cell phone, I still wanna give it to her. I trust her not to talk to any boys after you told her not to.”
I rolled my eyes. He had to be the most naïve man I’d met. “I don’t think she should be allowed a cell phone until she proves to me that she can be trusted and until she learns how to show me some respect.”
Brian’s lips formed another tight line. “Maybe if you give her the phone now she’ll stay doing what it is you want her to do in order to keep it.”
“I don’t want her to listen to me because she wants to keep that damned phone. I want her to do it because it’s right and it what she’s supposed to do.”
“Just give her a chance. You never know, it may actually benefit. And if not, you can always confiscate the phone.”
“Fine, she can have the phone, but if she so much as breathes wrong the phone is mine.”
“I agree.” Brian said.
I sighed and shook my head. I’d lost that disagreement and I knew it. I looked up at Brian; he was staring at me.
“What?” I asked him, still a little angry.
“You always were sexy when you get mad. The way you poke your lips out is so tempting that it always made me want to kiss you.” He said with a small smile yet he sounded serious and sincere.
“Brian, what the hell are you talking about?” I demanded.
“Remember the first night we made love?” He asked me, ignoring my question. “When I took your virginity? You were angry at me and you were just as sexy when you were mad back then as you are now. Actually you’re sexier now. Anyway, you were mad and you had your lips poked out just like you do now and I just couldn’t resist kissing you. Then I couldn’t stop myself from wanting to make love to you. You didn’t stop me either. You weren’t mad for very long.” He laughed once.
“Brian, will you please tell me where you’re going with this?” I demanded. I wasn’t comfortable traveling down memory lane with him. I wasn’t especially comfortable traveling to that particular memory either.
“I guess where I’m going I’m with this is-” Brian stopped his sentence abruptly. Just as abruptly as he’d stopped talking, he grabbed me by the hips and pressed his mouth on mine. He held me tightly making it hard for me to push him off. 
His tongue prodded my lips apart and slipped inside. He had my arms pressed against my sides so there was nothing I could do but stand as still as I possibly could. Why does he keep doing this to me?
When Brian finally released me, I slapped him across the face. I didn’t smack him particularly hard, but just enough to get my point across. 
“What the hell was that?” I demanded and I instinctively looked at the living room doorway to be sure that Bobby hadn’t come downstairs. 
“Come on, Charisse, you know exactly what that was.” He said as he watched my eyes.
“But why would you do it?”
“I did it because I’m tired of seeing you unhappy. I want to make you happy.”
“Robert makes me happy.” 
“Not lately he hasn’t. Brianna told me that y’all been arguing a lot lately. She also told me that you’re mad a lot more lately. If he ain’t making you feel the way you deserve to feel then you have the right to go to someone who will. I will make you feel like you deserve to feel.”
I sighed. “Brian, what’s going on between Robert and I is none of your business.”
“It involves you so it is my business.”
“See, that’s where you’re wrong. You and I are and have been done. Your only concern is your daughter, but you don’t have anything to do with the mother.”
Brian’s lips formed a tight line. “I don’t see it that way. No matter how much you want to deny it, you and I are still connected to each other.”
“Yeah, we have a child together, but that’s it.”
“That isn’t it. I’m not saying you’re still in love with me, but I know you didn’t completely forget about me. So stop denying it.”
I shook my head. “I’m not denying anything. You and I are done. You just need to move on. I did. I got married. I have another child. I’m not thinking about you anymore. I’m in love with my husband.”
“I’m not saying you’re not. I’m just saying you didn’t forget about me.” 
Then he kissed me again. This time it was fiercer and when his tongue sought to get into my mouth, I allowed it. I’m not proud of it, but I kissed him back. Why couldn’t Robert just be like this? I wouldn’t have this problem if Robert would stop acting like an asshole. I wouldn’t have this problem if I would just get completely over Brian. 
I would never admit it to anyone else on this earth, but I knew I wasn’t over Brian. I did truly love my husband. I loved Robert with all my heart and I would never let him go for anybody or anything. Not for any other man or for any amount of money. But I’d only be lying to myself if I said I had no feelings for Brian. Despite the fact that he had walked out on me and our daughter, I still cared for him. I’m not in love with him, but I do love him.
Brian’s hands drifted down to my waist and the he slowly sank to his knees. I looked down at him with wide eyes as I watched him. He kissed the crotch of my jeans and I tingled all over. Brian started pulling down the zipper of my fly. Once my zipper was down, he went to work on pulling my jeans off. I almost let him until I remembered my son right upstairs. Then there was my daughter on her way home. Then of course there was the fact that the love of my life would be devastated. 
I pushed Brian away by his head and quickly pulled up my zipper and buttoned my pants. “Stop it,” I told him. “I...We can’t do this. I’m married and I love my husband. You need to stop coming at me like this.”
“Charisse, you wouldn’t have even let me go that far if you didn’t want it too.”
“I only want my husband.” 
“Please, Risse, stop acting like you don’t want me too. If Robert was as perfect as you claim he is, you wouldn’t even give me the time of day. Let me do to you what we both want me to do.”
“I only want you to leave.”
His lips formed another tight line. This was like the tenth time he did that. “Look, babe-”
“I told you before not to call me that.” I interrupted him. “Why don’t you just leave me and my marriage alone?”
“Look, Robert ain’t handling his business with you. You deserve someone that devotes his time to you. I understand that a nigga got to work and all, but Brianna told me and you told me that he’s never here. I’d make time for you no matter what.”
“So what are you saying? You think I should get back with you?”
“Yes.”
“Sorry, I’m very much taken.” 
“As far as I see, an unhappy married woman is just as much fair game as a single one. So your husband better watch his woman or he won’t have one.”
“Robert will always have me so don’t flatter yourself.”
Brian smiled. “Look, all I’m saying is that I want you happy. He ain’t making you happy, but I can make you happy.” 
Before I could say anything else I heard the front door open. I wasn’t exactly sure whether it was Briana or Robert. Moments later my daughter walked into the kitchen. 
“Hey, Dad,” She greeted her father, but ignored me. 
“Hey, baby girl.” Brian said and he gave her a hug. He acted as though everything was peachy as though he wasn’t just trying to get my clothes off.
I waited a few more moments for Brianna to say something to me and when she didn’t I spoke up. “Excuse me, Brianna, but don’t you see me standing here?”
“Yes,” She said simply as she went to the refrigerator. 
I looked at Brian to be sure he saw how his precious daughter truly acted. “I know I taught you to speak to me and any other adult when you walk into a room.”
She sighed. “Hi, Mom.” She didn’t wait for me to say anything else. “Dad, what are you doing here?”
“Well, I got you something, but I don’t think I should give it to you if that’s how you treat your mother.” Brian said, but I could tell he was only teasing her and that he was very well gonna give her the damn phone.
“No, the only reason why I didn’t speak was because I had already seen her today. I only spoke to you because I hadn’t seen you since the day before yesterday.” Brianna defended herself. There’s something she could get so she has to protect her daddy’s girl reputation.
“Mmm-hmm,” Brian said as he pulled the Sprint bag from behind his back. 
Brianna smiled widely as her father gave her the bag. She opened the bag, shrieked, and jumped up and down. “Oh my God, thanks Dad!” She shrieked as she clamped her arms around his neck in a hug.
I didn’t say anything. I just leaned against the sink and watched. I still didn’t agree that she should have even gotten the phone. I looked down at my hands. I could go for another manicure. I still had the same blue and white snowman design on my nails from when I had gotten them done the week before last. I usually get my nails done every two weeks at least if not more often than that. 
“Okay, now look, Bri,” Brian said to her as she released him. “If you want to keep this phone then you have to keep your grades up for one thing. You’re too intelligent to bring home anything less than a “B”. You are an honor roll student and I want it to stay that way.”
“No problem, Dad. I promise, I’ll keep my grades up.” She wasn’t looking at him as she spoke but instead she was playing on the phone. 
“And,” Brian said. “Brianna, look at me and listen to what I say.”
Brianna looked up at him and sat the phone face up on the table. “Yeah, Dad,”
“I don’t want to hear anything about you getting attitudes with your mother.”
“Dad, I don’t!” She projected defiantly. “She’s the one-”
Brian cut her off. “I don’t wanna hear it, Brianna. I know you’re a good kid so act like it. I know you can get upset sometimes, so does your mom, but there are certain ways you speak to your parents and there are certain ways you talk to people on the street. Don’t confuse the two.”
Amen! I wanted to jump in and give my two cents but I didn’t. I allowed Brian to talk to our daughter and hoped she would listen to him a lot better than she’s been “listening” to me.
Brianna’s lips formed a line just as her father’s does when he gets ticked off. “Okay, Dad.” 
“I’m serious, Bri. And don’t think I’m just coming down on you.”
“I don’t, Dad. I understand.”
“Alright, baby.” Brian smiled. “Now you can go call all your little friends and tell them what your daddy bought you.”
Brianna smiled widely and picked the phone back up. “Thanks, Dad.” Then she ran off to her bedroom. I wanted to talk to her personally, but I would rather wait until after Brian leaves.
Brian smiled after her. I did too. No matter how much she gets on my nerves, I’m glad she’s happy. If that little phone makes her happy then I’m fine with it. 
“So…” I said as a way of letting Brian know he could leave now.
He smiled. “Kicking me out already?”
I smiled. “Yep.”
“I’ll see you tomorrow. Brianna asked me to stay the weekend at my house. Is that cool with you?”
No. “Sure.” I said. Brian was making his way to the front door and I followed him. “Oh, yeah, Brian,” I called after him.
He turned back to me. “Yeah?”
“Little Robert wants to go ice skating this Saturday. He wants the whole family involved. Can you make it?”
“I’m part of the family?” He asked with a grin.
“According to Bobby and Brianna, you are.”
“I’ll be there.” He said. He was about to leave, but then he looked back at me. “He wants to go ice skating?”
I smiled. “Oh, shut up. What else is there to do in the winter? I want to set up snow tubing, but that probably won’t be till next month.”
“Alright, Risse. Remember what I said. Your boy better step it up.” And then he left. 
I shook my head and decided I’d pretend I didn’t hear him say that. Then I went on with my business. I first went to Bobby bedroom to check on him. He was lying in the bed, watching television. 
“Bobby, honey,” I called to him from the doorway.
His eyes stayed glued on Cartoon Network. “Yeah, Mom?”
“It’s time for you to get a bath and get ready for bed.” I told him.
“Okay, Mom, but I can I wait until this goes off.”
“Alright, but then you have to bathe and get right to sleep.”
“Okay, thanks, Mom.”
“Okay, goodnight, sweetie.”
“Goodnight, Mom.” 
I moved on to Brianna’s room. Her door was closed, as always, so I knocked. 
“Yeah?” She called.
“Brianna, it’s me. Can I come in?” 
“Me who?”
I let out a sigh. See, that’s the type of stuff that gets me upset. “It’s your mother. Can I come in?”
“Yeah, sure, whatever,” She called and I opened the door.
She was lying on the bed, already texting on her new phone. She had the television tuned to B.E.T and her iPod playing in its dock. Her laptop was sitting on her desk. It was also on and on Facebook. Why do we buy her all this stuff?
I walked into her bedroom and pushed the door to almost closed. I took a seat on the pink and silver couch underneath her big bay window. We had the window put in when she was twelve. She wanted a big window so she could put a couch under it like some teen celebrity. Of course, Robert paid for it. He and Brian both spoiled her. I had to admit it. When she was my sweet, little, polite baby girl, I spoiled her too. But I put a stop to that when she started with the smart mouth.
Brianna didn’t look up at me from her phone, but instead continued texting as if I wasn’t there. I sighed loudly. She still didn’t look up at me. 
“Bri, I want to talk to you.” I said to her. 
“Okay,” She said without looking up. I might as well talk to a wall.
“Brianna, how many times do I have to tell you? When you’re talking to me, I want your full attention. Put the phone down.”
She huffed and laid her phone face down on the bed beside. It vibrated immediately after she sat it down. She reached for it, looked at me, thought better of it, and ignored the text. “So what do you want to talk about?”
I thought for a moment. I wanted to choose my words carefully. I didn’t want her to get an attitude and then not talk to me. “I want to talk about what’s been up with you.”
She sighed deeply. “Mom, nothing’s up with me.”
“Please, Bri, you know I know better than that.” I said.
“Mom, I’m fine.” She tried to assure me.
“Honey, why won’t you talk to me? You talk to your father and you even talk to Robert one a few occasions. Why won’t you talk to your own mother?”
“You’ll only judge me and tell me everything I do wrong anyway.”
“I would not. I wouldn’t be asking you to talk to if I only wanted to criticize you. I want to talk to you because I love you and I know something’s up.”
“Nothing’s up, Mom.”
“Brianna, talk to me. I’m only gonna keep bothering you until you talk to me so why don’t you save us both some time and talk to me now?”
“I can’t talk to you if I have nothing to talk about.”
“Come on now, sweetie. I’m trying to be the type of mother to you that I didn’t have. My mother didn’t talk to me in the way I’m trying to talk you. Every time I tried to talk to my mother she would either blow it off or claim to be too busy. I’m not being that way with you. Now it’s the daughter blowing off the mother.”
“Mom, I’m not blowing you off. I just really have nothing to talk to you about. At least nothing you want to hear.”
“And what does that mean?”
“Exactly what I said.”
“But the fact is I do want to hear it. I want you to come to me about anything.”
“You’ll only get mad and then you’ll have more reason to always have an attitude with me.”
I drew my eyebrows close together. “Honey, I want you to talk to me. I won't get mad about anything you say.” I decided not to say anything about the attitude part. She's the one who gives the attitudes.
“I think you need to stop flirting with my dad like you do. You actually have a good man and as much as I love my dad, I don't want you to mess up your marriage for him.”
My eyebrows touched my hairline and my jaw touched the floor. “Um...what?” I asked her. I was straight up dumbfounded. That was the only way to explain how and felt and how I looked. “Excuse me?”
“See, I knew you'd get mad. You're the one who wanted to talk.”
“I'm not mad. I just don't understand where you got the idea that I flirt with your father.”
“You can see it.” Brianna said simply and then she glanced longingly to her new cell phone.
“How?”
“Every time the two of you are in the same room together you look uncomfortable and he just stares at you like you're some kind of queen.”
“That's not flirting.”
“Yeah, but it's like some king of tension between you two. It's like the uncomfortable sexual tension between two people who had sex but have other relationships.”
“What do you know about that?” I asked her.
“Movies,” She said with a shrug.
“You're done with the rated M for mature.”
“Come on, Mom. Did you?” She sat up and crossed her legs Indian-style.
“Did I what?”
“Did you have sex with my dad?”
“No!” I exclaimed and I choked on my spit. “Why would you think that? What would possess you to ask something like that? Did Robert tell you to ask me this?”
“No, Mom. This is all the stuff that I see.” Brianna said and I had to shake my head. “Does Robert think you had sex with my dad?”
“No!” I exclaimed. But he does think something is going on with him.
“Well, it's obvious that Robert doesn't like my dad. Maybe that's why.”
I walked over to her bed and sat down next to her. I framed my daughter's face in my hands and made sure I looked her in her eyes as I spoke my next sentence. “Sweetie, I can assure you that there is absolutely nothing going on between Brian and me, okay? And Robert knows that. Whatever you may think is going on with Robert and me has nothing to do with Brian.”
“So why are you two always arguing since it has nothing to do with you having sex with my dad?”
“Okay, first of all I need you to stop saying sex. I do not want to hear that word come out of your mouth until you're thirty and happily married, do you understand me?”
“Come on, Mom. I'm not a kid anymore. I know what sex is.”
“You are a kid and I don’t care what you think you know. Another thing is I can't believe you and I just had that conversation as if you were grown.”
Brianna grinned. “You wanted to talk.”
“Yeah, I did.” I sighed. “Anyway, don't worry about me and Robert and don't worry about me and Brian. Everything is fine.”
“Then why are you two always arguing? I hear y'all arguing almost every night and then other days y'all just don't talk period.”
I sighed deeply. I hadn't realized how much our children paid attention. “You don’t have to worry about us, okay? I will be talking to Robert as soon as he comes home and everything will be fine.”
“When is he coming home?” Brianna asked and I wondered the same thing. “I know you always get mad when Robert comes home late.”
Damn, she paid attention. “I'm not sure but don't worry about.”
“Mommy, I don't you and Robert to get a divorce. Robert is a cool dude and he makes you happy. If y'all would stop arguing and ignoring each other all the time you both would see how much you love and care about each other. Then you would know that all this arguing is stupid and that y'all need to learn how to talk it out.”
It was just then that I'd realized how grown up my baby girl really was. She knew so much it was ridiculous. “You need to learn how to talk it out?” I said, changing the subject from grown folks business to what I had truly come in here for. I know there's more to her new found hostility other than my strained relationship with her step-father.
“I don't need to talk.” She said. She did look at me when she said it.
“Come on, Brianna. We just had a very real conversation and I didn't get mad at you or anything else so you can see I'm serious about what I'm saying.”
“Mom, I know, but I really don't have nothing to talk about.”
“What was up with the way you broke into tears in my car the other day. That seems like something to talk about.”
“That was nothing.”
“Please, Bri, tell me what's up with you.”
“Nothing, Mom, it was just from raised estrogen levels.”
“What does that even mean? You're fourteen. You have no estrogen levels.”
“I started my first period.”
“Aww, my baby girl is growing up!” I practically shrieked. I reached and hugged her. She was going on fifteen and had her first period just now. Regina, Kim, and I all had ours around our fourteenth birthday. I know all people are different, but it just seemed odd that she hadn't gotten hers yet.
“Mom!” She shrieked.
“I'm just happy that you're becoming a young woman right before my eyes. But at the same time I still have so much to teach you.”
She sighed as if I were embarrassing her. “Okay, Mom.”
“No, I'm serious.” I moved close to her on the bed. “One thing I want to teach you is to be able to trust me.”
“I know, Mom.”
“No, you don't know. If you knew you wouldn't be so afraid to talk to me all the time and you wouldn't lie to my face and tell me nothing's going on.”
“Why do you keep pushing this?”
“Because I want a relationship with my daughter. I didn't have a relationship with my mother and I don't want that for you. I want us to be close.”
“I do, too, Mom. It's just...”
“It's just what, honey? Talk to me.”
“Sometimes it feels like you don't really care. It feels like you treat me like a liability rather than your child.”
“I don't understand how you can say that. Honey, I love you so much. You are not and never will be a liability. Do you think I would do all that I do for you if I didn't truly love you. As much as you get on my nerves-and you do- I still love you. Now, I may get upset with you and I may not allow you to do everything you want to do, but you have to know there's love behind that.”
“You won't let me do anything.”
“I let you come back into this house after going to Ashley's without asking and I didn't kick your butt.”
“But seriously, Mom. You never let me go to my friends' houses or let them come over here. You barely let me go to after school activities.”
“Because I have to be able to trust you in order for me to let you do anything. How can I trust you if when you were supposed to catch your bus straight home, your Aunt Regina finds you in a car with some boy? How can I trust you if I allowed you to go to that indoor track meet and afterward you went to Ashley's house without asking?”
“I knew you were gonna say no. And besides, it wasn't like we were doing anything. Her mom was there.”
“But you didn't ask, Brianna. That's what you don't understand. You don’t know whether I was gonna say yes or no. You just took it upon yourself to go do whatever you wanted to do like you're running things in this household. Had you called me and asked me to go to Ashley's house you could still be there now and you could have even stayed the night if her mother was okay with it. But you didn't ask. Now I'm going to let it go this time, but I don't want that to happen again. And now that you got that cell phone you better use it to call me before you do anything.”
“Okay, Mom.”
“Okay.” I kissed her on the forehead, something I hadn't done in a while. “I love you. And I'm gonna tell you repeatedly until the day I die, you understand me?”
“Yes, Mom. I love you, too.” Brianna clasped her arms around my neck in a hug. “I love you, Mom.” She repeated as she held me tightly. She had her face buried into my chest just as she had that day in the car.
I held my daughter tightly. “I love you, sweetie. Always and forever. Don't you ever forget that.”
Her hold on me tightened and I realized she was crying. “Baby, tell me what's wrong?” I pleaded as I held her tighter.
“Nothing,” She sniffled through her tears. “I just love you, Mommy.”
“And I love you.” I held her tightly. I didn't know what else to say after that other than repeatedly telling her how much I loved her. I hated to see her cry like this. I hated it more than I couldn't stop it. But what I loved was that she needed my embrace to soothe her.
“Mom,” Brianna looked up at me. Her eyes were red and tears still continued to fall even though her voice was even.
“Yes, baby?”
“Can you sleep in here with me? You don't have to stay in here all night. Just for a few hours.”
I was a little surprised by her request. She hadn't slept in my bed and I hadn't slept in hers since she was about ten. When she was upset or afraid she would always want me there to sleep with her.
“Of course, sweetheart.”
Brianna quickly pulled the sheets back and slipped under them once I agreed. She moved over in her full sized canopy to make room for me.
“I have to go double check the alarm and everything first. Turn all this stuff off, okay?” I told her referring to the television, the iPod dock, and the laptop.
“Okay, Mom.” She said as she scrambled out of the bed.
I went downstairs to check all the doors and windows. All the windows were closed since it is cold outside, but I always check anyway. I locked the front and back doors and then set the alarm. The time on the alarm system read ten fifteen. I don't know where the hell Robert is but it's late and he better find his way home. I couldn't bring myself to worried about if maybe he may be hurt or something because I knew he was still at his office. I told myself I wasn't going to be mad. I wanted to have a real talk with him though. Especially since Brianna notices the tension between us. I hoped Bobby didn't notice it too.
And then the whole thing with Brian? I didn't even what to think about that. Brianna had actually thought that I had cheated on Robert with him. That only goes to show that Brian is trying to get too close for comfort and he needs to stop. At the same time, I need to stop allowing him to do it. One thing I do know is it takes two to cheat. Brian isn't doing it by himself. I'm making him think he's allowed to just kiss me and grab me and all that. There needs to be a stop put to that.
I reached for the house phone from the end table that sat against the wall under the alarm pad. I left my cell phone charging in my bedroom. I dialed Robert's number and waited. It went straight to voice mail. I usually didn't leave him a message because usually when he didn't answer my calls it was on purpose.
“Robert, this is your wife. Do you remember me? It's late, when are you coming home. I really want to talk to you. Call me back as soon as possible or just come home as soon as possible. I love you, Robert. Bye.”
I disconnected the call and then dialed his work number. He picked up on the first ring and I sighed deeply.
“Robert Smith, speak.” I heard his voice. That was a very professional way to answer a work phone call, I thought to myself.
“Robert, it's me.” I said.
“Who's me, it's been a long night.”
“It's your wife. Don't you know my voice by now?”
I heard him sigh deeply into the phone. “Charisse, of course I know your voice, but like I said, it's been a long night.”
“Is the night over? Are you coming home?”
“As soon as I wrap things up here.”
“Baby, it's after ten o' clock.”
“Charisse, I know what time it is.”
“Do you? Because any other married man would have come home as soon as he saw it was this late.”
“And what are you trying to say?”
“I'm trying to say I want you to come home.”
“I want to come home, but I have to finish this up.”
I sighed. “Fine, whatever then, Robert.”
“Whatever, Charisse. I don't know what game you're trying to play, but I don't have time for it.”
“Game? Robert, I'm not playing games. I just want my husband to come home.”
“Why do you want me to come home, Charisse?”
“Because I want to talk to you. I want to talk. I don't want to argue anymore.”
He scoffed. “Is that it or do you just want control over me?”
“I don't want to control you, I want to love you. Robert, I'm tired of fighting.”
“Yeah, well, I been tired. When I wanted to talk, you didn't want to listen. Now you want me to jump because you want to talk now? Please, Charisse.”
“Robert, why can't we just move on from that? I'm not talking about what happened yesterday or last week, I'm talking about right now. Come home, Robert. Come talk to your wife, come see your son.”
“I'll be home when I finish, Charisse.”
“Fine, Robert. But know this, I'm not gon sit around and wait for you to want to be my husband again.”
“What do you mean by that?”
“I mean, you told me in the salon that unless I act like your wife again, you're going to leave me. Now, I'm trying to be that woman to you and you're pushing me away. Now, I'm saying the same thing. Either you meet me halfway, or me and my children are out.”
“You're not taking my son anywhere, Charisse.”
'I don't want to. But Brianna even noticed that things are strained between and it won't be long until Bobby notices it too. I won't expose my children to our foolishness any longer.”
“Charisse, listen to what I say: you will not take my son away from me.”
“You're not even listening to me. I don't want to do that, but I won't sit around and allow you to neglect me and our family.”
“You've been neglecting me for weeks.”
“And I'm sorry. I'm trying to make things right with us, but I need you to try too.”
“Or what?”
“Or...” I decided not to threaten him again because that's not what I called him for. I wanted to make things right again in our marriage and that won't happen if I'm making empty threats. “Robert, do you still love me?”
“Charisse, what the hell? Why are you playing games with me?”
“I'm not playing games. I need to know, because what's going on right now is not love. People who love each other don't treat each other like this. This is how people treat each other when they're soon to be divorced. Do you still love me?”
“Yes, Charisse. I love you.”
“Then prove it.”
“How?”
“Meet me halfway.”
“I'm trying.”
“Try harder.”
“And what about you?”
“I'll try harder too.”
“Do you love me?”
“Of course.”
“And you know I love you?”
“Of course.”
“Then why'd you have to ask?”
“I needed to get your attention.” I told him honestly.
“Well, you've got it.”
“Good.” I paused. “Well, are you coming home or what?”
“I'll be home within the hour.”
“Okay.”
“Hey, Rob,” I heard a woman call to him in the background.
“Yeah,” He answered her.
“I need you.” She said.
“Right now?”
“Yes, I really need you right now.” I felt my stomach churn.
“Give me a second to end this call.”
End this call? You're talking with your wife and you're just gonna end the call because some woman needs you. I was trying not to think negative of it, but it was becoming harder and harder by the second.
“Don't make me wait too long, okay?” The woman said and I already wanted to cuss her out.
“You know I won't make you wait.” Robert said.
“You better not.”
“Let me wrap this up.” Robert said. “Are you still there?” He asked me.
“Yeah,” I said. “Who is that?”
“Just a colleague.”
“What does she want?” I pressed.
“Business assistance.”
“Hmm...” I murmured. “And you'll be home within the hour?” I asked.
“Yes.” He confirmed.
“You're making me wait.” I heard the woman say. Impatient bitch.
“I have to go.”
“Okay, I love you.”
“Okay, goodnight.” Robert said and he disconnected the call.
 I know he didn't. I didn't want to be jealous, but he obviously changed his tone when he was talking to me after the woman walked in. He didn't even say 'I love you too'. He just said 'okay goodnight'. What does he mean by goodnight?  
I went back to Brianna's room and say she was waiting up for me.
”Are you still staying in here with me?” She asked. Her face had dry tears streaked down her cheeks.
“Yes,” I told her and then I crawled into her bed.
“You wanna watch T.V.?” She asked me and I smiled.
“Honey, you have school tomorrow. You can't stay up all night.”
“I want to stay up with you.”
“Not tonight. It's a school night, but how about we got to the spa or something. Just me and you having quality mother-daughter time.”
She smiled. “Okay.”
She seemed so vulnerable now it was like she was an entirely different person. “Now, go to sleep, honey, okay?”
“But what's wrong with you?”
“Nothing's wrong with me.”
“I thought we were gonna start talking.”
“Yeah, but that was about you.”
“It should go both ways.”
“Yeah, I guess. But I'm fine.”
“You seem different from when you just left. You seem sad now.”
“I'm not sad. I'm just thinking. You seem different too. Only an hour ago, I had to make you speak to me.”
“I know. I just had a lot on my mind. It feels good to cry. It's like letting it all go even if it is only temporary.”
“What's on your mind?”
“Nothing now.”
“Are you lying to me?”
“No, I'm just tired.”
I smiled. “I thought you wanted to stay up all night.”
“I guess not anymore. Maybe tomorrow.”
“Mmm-Hmm,”

My eyes popped open when I heard a crash downstairs. I heard the sound of my ADT alarm system. Please God, don't let it be a break in.
The telephone on Brianna's beside table was ringing so I quickly answered it.
“This is Mrs. Smith.” I said. I already knew it was ADT's first response people.
“Mrs. Smith, do you need help?”
“I'm not sure yet. It might just be my husband. Please, just stay on the line.”
“Yes, ma'am.”
I walked with the cordless house phone glued to my ear to my bedroom. I quickly lifted up the corner of my bed mattress and took Robert's gun.
I  slowly tip-toed to the stairs and pointed the gun straight ahead of me as I walked. I did a 007 move as I peeked around the corner of the living room doorway at a man frantically pressing buttons on the alarm system.
“Robert?” I demanded and he turned and looked at me.
“How do you turn this damn thing off?” He demanded just as I put the phone back to my ear.
“I'm sorry. It was a false alarm. Can you reset the controls please.” I asked the man on the line.
“No problem, ma'am. I need you to verify your password so I can confirm that I am in fact talking to Charisse Nicole Smith.”
I gave the man my password and he reset the alarm system. I hung up the phone and just stared at my husband.
“Robert, it's three in the morning. Where the hell have you been?” I demanded.
“I was at the office. Where else would I have been?”
“You tell me.”
“What does that mean?”
“I don't know. One minute you're telling me that you love me and then the next thing I know some woman is saying she needs you and you can't even say my name.”
“She needed me for business. There was nothing unethical about it.”
“Please, Robert, do you expect me to believe that? It's three in the morning! You have not be working for that long.”
“You don't have to believe anything. Now like you said, it's three o' clock in the morning. I need to get some sleep. I have to be right back up in a couple of hours.” Robert dropped his bags and his coat right on the floor where he stood. Then he pushed past me to go upstairs.
“No, Robert, I'm not done talking to.”
“Well, I am.”
I followed him upstairs. I thought he would go to our bedroom, but he bypassed it and went straight to the guest room at the farthest end of the hall that he had slept in the night before.
“Why are you in here?” I demanded. No matter how upset I was, I was tired of us sleeping in separate beds. I don't care if we're having sex or not. Married people sleep in the same bed.
“Do you really think I'm gon sleep in the same room as you? So you can keep me up all night with this dumb stuff? You're not depriving me of any sleep tonight, Charisse, so you might as well go on back to the bedroom because I ain't hearing this mess.”
“No, Robert, you will talk to me. You just claimed that you will meet me halfway so do it, Robert. Be a man and talk to your damn wife.”
“Charisse, who the hell are you talking to? You better lower your damn voice. Bobby and Brianna are sleep and I'd like to keep it that way. I'm not gonna let you wake them up with your stupidity this late at night.”
“See, it's not late at night. It's early in the fucking morning! Where the hell have you been?” I demanded.
“You know what, Charisse? I asked you to keep your damn voice down. I don't have time for your shit. Get out.” He said as he stood to his feet and rushed to me. “Get the hell out of this room, Charisse.” He grabbed me and began pushing me to the door.
“Robert, get your hands off me! You don't own me! You can't tell me what to do! Get the hell off me!” I snapped and clawed at him.
“Get out, Charisse. I don't have time for this shit.” Robert grabbed me and lifted me about six inches off the floor. “Fucking dramatic ass, get the hell out.” He half carried me and half dragged me into the hallway and slammed the door in my face. The lock turned.
I stood in the hallway, staring at the door, and more anger just took over me. I began pounding on the door and yanking the knob. I've never been so pissed off in my entire life.
“Open this damn door, Robert!” I screamed as I pounded on the door. “Open this door right now. Be a man, Robert. Learn how to be a man and face me. Stop hiding in this room like a little pussy! Open...this...damn...door....right now!” I yelled between deep breaths of air.
The door finally swung open and Robert yanked me inside. He slammed the door closed. He grabbed me by the shoulders and slammed me against the door. He kept on hand pressed against my shoulder to keep me pinned to the door and pointed into my face with his other hand.
“What the hell is wrong with you?” He demanded as he pointed his finger in my face. “You must have a real severe problem?”
“You're my problem! Now get off me!” I yelled. My feet were two inches off the ground and I had to stand on my tippy toes because of the way he held me against the door.
“Shut the hell up!” Robert yelled at me, raising his voice for the first time. “Shut the hell up.” He repeated through gritted teeth.
“Get off me, Robert.” I commanded.
“You bet not scream again. Are you trying to wake up the kids? Huh? Do you want then to see how stupid their mother is acting right now? Huh? Is that it, Charisse, are you trying to bring our children into this? They're probably already up, wondering what the hell is going on and why Mommy is acting like a damn idiot. You better keep your voice down, get the hell out, go to the bedroom, and let me get some sleep.”
“Don't tell me what to do, Robert. Now, get off me.” I ordered. I did lower my voice though. I wasn't even thinking about Brianna and Bobby until now. I would hate for them to have heard that.
Robert released me and I dropped an inch or so to my feet. “Where were you all night?” I demanded for hopefully the last time tonight.
“I was at work and I'm not gon tell you again. There's your answer, now get out so I can sleep.” Robert said. He stared at me with hard eyes.
My vision was blurred with tears of anger. It had nothing to do with sadness. I was mad as hell. “I'll do what I want, Robert, this is my house too. Now tell me the truth. You're lying.”
“Charisse, I am not lying to you. Get it through your head: I am not cheating on you.”
“I don't believe you, Robert.”
“And you know what? I don't care whether you believe me or not.”
“Tell me the truth, Robert.” I told him with my voice rising.
“That is the truth.”
“I want the truth!”
“Lower your damn voice, Charisse, I'm not playing with you.”
“Tell me the motherfucking truth, Robert!”
“Charisse, lower your damn voice!”
“Tell me!”
“Shut the hell up!”
“Tell me the truth!”
“Charisse, you better-”
“I want a divorce!” I yelled out. As soon as I said the words I felt like a weight had been lifted off my chest. I felt like I could breathe again.
“What?” He demanded.
“I want a divorce.” I said with my voice leveled. I was panting like I had been running through the cold and icy air filled my lungs. “I'm not doing this anymore. You obviously love that damn job more than me so you can marry that bitch who needed you so much because I'm done.”
“You know what, Charisse, I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I have a job and I'm working to make things better for you and our children.”
“Please, Robert, you only work at that job so much because there's some hoe there doing you extra favors.”
“Believe whatever the hell you wanna believe, but know this: we can get a divorce, but you're not taking my son. And you if ain't careful, I can take Brianna too. Remember, I legally adopted her as my daughter when we got married.”
“Robert, you're not touching either one of my children. I'm taking both my babies and however much money I see fit, maybe even more. That's job is so special to you, you better keep it, because you'll be paying me a lot in this settlement.”
“Please, Charisse. You won't get my son. End of discussion.”
“There is no discussion. This just goes to show that you never even loved me. You don't even care that I want a divorce.”
“I care, Charisse. I do love you. But you're right, I can't do this anymore. I'm not gonna continue to deal with your shit. Divorce is a great idea.”
“Well, pack your shit and get the hell out! Goodbye, Robert, get the hell out of my house!” I said. I grabbed the nearest object to me, the never used pumpkin spice candle that sat on the dresser. I grabbed it and threw it at him. He quickly dodged it.
“What the hell is your problem?” He demanded.
“Get the hell out of my house!” It was a set of three candles. I had thrown the largest one. I grabbed the smallest candle and threw it at him. He dodged it also. I quickly grabbed the middle sized candle and threw it. He tried to dodge it, but he was too slow and it hit him in the shoulder.
“Shit!” He exclaimed. “You better calm that shit down. What the fuck is your problem?”
“Get out of my house!” I yelled as I searched for something else to throw.
“This is my fucking house too. I ain't going nowhere.” He said.
“The hell you are. Get out! Take your ass back to work. That's where you want to be all the time. Go to that bitch's house. Just get the hell out.”
“Calm the fuck down. Bobby's room is three doors down. You better shut the hell up.”
“Let him wake up. Let him see what type of man his father is. You're not even a man. You're a bitch. You're a pussy, Robert. Man up!”
I lunged for the bed and began throwing pillows at him and ripping up the sheets. I balled the blankets up and threw them at him too. I threw the cordless phone from the nightstand beside the bed. I even threw the lamp at him.
Robert jumped on the bed and snatched me up. He wrapped his large, strong arms around me and pinned my arms at my sides.
“Get off me, Robert!” I yelled at him as I kicked my feet. I couldn't move my arms. He held me too tightly. “Get the hell off me, you bitch! Get off me, pussy! Man up, Robert! You wouldn't do this to a man. You are such a bitch!”
“Shut up the hell! Shut the hell up, Charisse. You need to calm the fuck down and stop with this dumb shit.” He tightened his grip around my body, pinning my arms even tighter to my sides.
“Get off me! Get off me, Robert! That hurts! Let me go, Robert! You're hurting me!” I tried to free myself from his grip, but he was too strong.
“Calm down,” He said gently. “Charisse, just calm down and I'll let you go.”
“Let me go now, Robert!”
“Calm down.” He said again in a smooth, calm voice.
I took a few deep breaths in a row. I relaxed in his arms as I calmed down. “Let me go.” I said and he released me.
I scrambled off the bed and away from him. “I can't wait to divorce you. I'm taking my children and we're moving far away from here. I won't ever have to see you again.”
Robert got off the bed and stood tall before me with his arms crossed over his chest. “You will not take my son.” He said. To anyone else he would have been intimidating, but not to me. I wasn't afraid of him or anyone else.
“We'll see.”
Robert shook his head. “I can't wait to be freed from your crazy ass.”
“I'm not crazy, Robert. You make me crazy. If you would just tell the truth and be a man, everything would be fine.”
“No, you're crazy all by yourself. You're controlling and manipulative.”
“And you're a bitch!”
“I'm surprised this marriage lasted this long.”
“I thought it lasted because we love each other. I guess I'm the only one with real love in this relationship.”
“Please, Charisse, you know damn well I love you. I wouldn't put up with your crazy ass if I didn't.”
“Well, you know what, sometimes love isn't enough.”
“You're right.”
We stared at each other for a few beats and then the door creaked open behind me. Robert and I both turned to the door and looked down. Bobby was standing in the doorway looking up at us.
“Why are you fighting?” He asked. I wasn't sure if he was going to cry or not, but it sure sounded like it.
“We're not fighting.” I said quickly. Despite our decision to get a divorce, I'm not gonna worry my son until I truly have to.
“Yes, you are. I heard you. You said you're getting divorced. Are you getting a divorce?” Tears leaked down his cheeks. My heart was just ripped out.
“Everything's fine, okay? Mommy and Daddy are fine. Okay, lil' man?” Robert stepped in.
“See, it's fine.” I said to him. Neither of us said we're not getting a divorce, because neither of us wanted to lie to him.
Bobby just looked from my face to Robert's and then back to mine. “Why are you crying?” He asked me.
“I was just a little upset, because Daddy thought he wasn't gonna be able to come ice skating with us on Saturday, but he can come so everything's fine now.”
I could tell Robert was a little confused because I hadn't even mentioned ice skating to him yet. “Daddy's coming?”
“Everyone's coming. Me, you, Daddy, Brianna, and Brian.” I said, hoping that would be enough to make him happy.
Bobby didn't respond so I continued. “You need to get back to sleep, okay, honey? You have school tomorrow and you can't get out of it this time.”
“Okay, Mom.” He said and I actually believed everything was going to be fine with him now.
“Come on, I'll tuck you in like I used to, okay?” I offered, giving him my best smile.
“Okay,” He said and he looked up at Robert. “'Night, Dad.”
“Goodnight, lil' man.”
Bobby turned to go back to his bedroom. I was about to follow him, but the Robert grabbed my arm. Bobby kept walking even though I stopped.
“You will not take my son. I promise you that.” He said in a low voice.
“My attorney will see that differently.” I said and then I added. “And you will go ice skating with us and you'll let our son know that everything will be fine.”
“There you go again, trying to control me. You can't make me do anything.” He said.
“I don't have to make you. You will come skating and you know it.”
“How so?”
“Because you know you're not gonna disappoint your son. Especially if we're gonna have a custody battle.”
Robert didn't say anything because he knew I was right. Then I turned and left the room. I went down to Bobby's room to see that he had already fallen asleep. I went to check on Brianna. She had slept through everything.
I was willing to do whatever I have to for my children. I don't care who Robert thinks he is, but he will not get my son. And I already know he won't be bold enough to try and take Brianna. And if he is, he won't get her either. Now I regretted ever allowing him to adopt her. Brian was long gone at the time and I wanted my child to have a father. Robert might as well have been her father. He helped me raise her since she was four years old and she'd been calling him Dad until Brian resurfaced last year. I can't believe my marriage has come to this.





Chapter 9
Regina
I stared at the door in front of me. I felt like I was facing sudden death. The office door in front of me read Gwendolyn Clark, Exec. CEO. There was no reason for Gwen to call me to her office unless it was personal. I wanted to believe she was calling me about the new position I had just received, but she wouldn't be the one to talk to me. She's the boss. There would be someone else that I would report to that would then report to her. I so desperately wished what she wanted was work related, but I just knew it wasn't. She called me just as I walked into the building. I had to walk the block to work, because Michael had driven me to work today, but I had him drop me off at the corner so no one would recognize me getting out of the boss's husband's car.
Gwen had called me this morning saying that as soon as I got in she wanted to see me. Of course I still took my good old time getting here. I went to my office and dropped my things off. I'd checked my email. And I even went to the bathroom even though I didn't have to go.
I took a deep breath, grew a pair of balls, and knocked on Gwen's door.
“Come in,” She called without asking who it was. She knew it was me.
I walked into her quaint, large office. It was tastefully decorated and looked better than all the other white painted walls offices in this building. Her walls were painted a toasted almost shade. The office was all earth tones with a little gold. It was much better than any other office here.
“You wanted to see me?” I asked her from the doorway. Gwen sat at her desk with a load of papers scattered in front of her. She had her hair pulled back and had on her glasses. She was writing and didn't look up at me as she answered. I took that as a good sign. She was busy. If a woman was going to confront the woman that was sleeping with her man, she would have cleared her schedule.
“Yes, have a seat. This won't take long.” She said and she motioned to one of the three big, comfy, brown leather chairs. I took a seat in the chair to the far right so I wouldn't have to look straight at her. “There's lemon water there if you'd like.” She offered.
One thing I've heard and thought was very good advice was always accept whatever the detectives offered you when you're being interrogated. I felt the advice applied to this situation also so I poured myself a glass of icy lemon water and sipped it.
I sat down and stole a glance at her. She put down her pen and pulled off her glasses. Then she looked up at me, laced her fingers together, leaned forward on the desk, and gave me her full attention. The way she looked right now couldn't even be described as intimidating. It was worse. King Kong had nothing on her.
“The reason I called you here today is to first off, personally congratulate you on your promotion.” She said and I almost breathed a sigh of relief.
“Thank you,” I said simply. This is about business. God is good, even though I'm not.
“Well, first off you have to move your things to Alyse's old office.” She said and I remembered that I was taking Alyse's job.
“Was Alyse fired?” I asked.
“No, she was promoted. She moved on from there and we needed someone to take her place. She recommended you. After reviewing all the recommendations I had with my husband, we both agreed you were the best choice.”
So Michael did have something to do with me getting this promotion. I was grateful, but I would have rather had Gwen select me because she wanted to not because he told her to.”
“You make business decisions with your husband?” I asked, trying to seem as though I were just asking a question, but wasn't too fairly interested. “I didn't know he was an actual exec in the company.”
“He isn't. But anyone can read a resume and chose who the best for a job is.” She said.
“Oh,” I said as if it still truly didn't mean anything to me. She didn't start foaming at the mouth when I mention her husband so I figured that was a good sign. “So what else did you call me for?” I asked.
“Truly, that was it. Oh, and when you get to your new office, which needs to be today, there is a stack of papers that you need to get on. New job, new duties.”
“Alright,” I said. I was ready to go. I was never more uncomfortable in my entire life. I breathed a sigh of relief. This was all business related.
“You seemed relieved.” Gwen said just as I reached the office door and was about to bolt. “What did you think this meeting was about?”
“I don't know.” I said. “Usually you don't speak to people directly unless they're being fired or promoted. I was already promoted. So I didn't know what you were calling for.”
“Sit back down, Regina.” Gwen said and I realized I became relieved all too soon.
I slowly, reluctantly took a seat in the same chair. “Yes?”
“What did you think this meeting was about?” She asked again.
I shrugged. I had the feeling that something bad was about to happen. “I don't know.” I nervously sipped the water she had given me.
“See, I think you do know.” Gwen said. She laced her fingers together and leaned forward on the desk as she did when I first walked in. I felt like I was being bated into a spider web. “I think you thought I was going to confront you for sleeping with my husband. Now is that what you thought this meeting was about?”
I choked on the lemon water I was drinking and spit it right back into the glass. “I don't know what you're talking about.” I said in the most convincing way I could. I tried to sound surprised and taken aback. That wasn't hard because I actually was. I knew Adam couldn't be trusted with any secret. I knew he would tell her, I just didn't know it would be so soon.
“You know exactly what I'm talking about, Regina.” Gwen said. She leaned back in her chair and opened her top desk drawer. She took out a manila envelope and flipped through its contents. “My husband left and didn't come back last night. I suspect he was with you, but knowing him, he  may be messing with more woman than just you, Regina. Were you with my husband last night?”
“No, I just met him yesterday.” I lied. My saying is lie until you can't lie anymore. At this point it was Adam's word against mine and I was gon ride this lie out until I run out of gas and I can't push it no more.
“You know, Regina, there is one thing I hate and that's being lied to. My husband lied to me the last time he cheated and said he'll never do it again. And now you're lying to me now saying that you only just met him yesterday. I knew something was wrong with the way you looked at him when you two shook hands. My brother only confirmed my suspicions.”
“You brother?” I asked. If Adam was her brother I wouldn't know who to feel sorry for. Her for having a snake ass brother or me for being fucked up by him.
“Yes, Adam told me what he saw you two doing in the foyer at your  party last night.”
“Adam's a liar. He doesn't like me. He's lying.” I said quickly.
“I thought that at first too. I know my brother and he does do underhanded things, but then he showed me the pictures.”
“Picture?” My mouth felt dry. If Adam gave her pictures I will kill him. I will wring his scrawny little skinny neck. I saw no resemblance between Adam and Gwen. For one thing Adam is white and Gwen is black.
Gwen threw the manila envelope that she had been looking at on the desk in front of me. The pictures inside scattered out. I looked at each of the pictures without touching them or picking them up.
All the pictures were of poor quality and looked like they had been taken with a cell phone camera in a dark room. Chances are they were. The pictures were of me and Michael in the foyer at the party from last night. Some of them were of us talking, some were of us kissing, others were of him down on his knees between my legs. Adam had taken these pictures, printed them, and given them to Gwen. Even though the quality was poor, you could still distinguish that the woman was me and the man was Michael. My hands shook as I picked up one of the pictures. It was of Michael framing my face in his hands as he stared into my eyes.
It was when he was telling me to look at him and see that he wasn't lying. He was saying that he was getting divorced and that Gwen couldn't care less about me. Either he was wrong or he was lying. I wish I was naïve enough to believe he was misunderstood, but I knew he had lied. He'd looked right into my eyes and lied to me. I felt tears form and cling to my mascaraed eye lashes. I refused to cry on Michael's behalf. He'd lied to me and his wife.
“I...I'm sorry.” I offered. I didn't know what else to say to her. I was the other woman. “I swear I didn't know he was your husband until last night when you introduced him to me.”
“Are you saying you just met him last night?” She asked me.
“No,” I finally looked up at her. “We've been seeing each other for over a month. Up until last night, I thought he was a single man. He told me I was his only.”
“Yeah, well he said the same thing to me.”
“He told me you were divorcing.”
“And you believed him?” Gwen asked incredulously.
“He seemed sincere enough. I've been dating him for weeks and he was great. I wanted to believe him so I did.”
“Michael and I never and still don't have any intention of divorcing. We've been married for twelve years. He may cheat, but he always comes back. He does love me, but he's a man and men cheat.”
“You're going to stay with him even though he's cheated on you multiple times?”
“Why do you care? Do you want him?”
“Not anymore,” Yes. “He lied to both of us. Yet you're okay with it. After twelve years of marriage I would kill him for cheating on me. You're so calm about this. It's a shame because you're used to this. You're used to confronting your husband's other women.”
“You know what, Regina? Don't you dare question me or my reasons for staying with my husband. He's mine. We still love each other no matter what. You're lucky Adam asked me to let you keep your job. If it wasn't for him, I'd have you promoted and fired in the same week.”
I didn't respond. I didn't want to be fired, but I was also wondering why Adam told her to let me keep my job. I would have fired the bitch sleeping with my man.
“I should just fire you just like all the other hoes my husband slept with from this company. I just wish he would learn to keep his choice of whores outside my damn company.”
“I understand you're upset, but I am not a hoe nor am I a whore. Michael lied to me. He told me he was single. If anything, it's your husband that's the whore. He promised me last night that you two were divorcing and that your marriage was for show. You should be mad at him not me. You don't see me lashing out at you, do you? No, but I'll let you know this. Michael told me you and him were done, point, blank, period. He swore how much he cared about me and how much he wanted to be with me.”
“He's a player. Of course he said that to you. He wanted you to stick around.” Gwen defended herself.
“You know what? I believed him. Maybe I shouldn't have, but I did. What I don't believe is you. You're letting him treat you any kind of way. He didn't even come home last night. He was with me and then he drove me to work this morning. You're letting him walk all over you.”
“At least I have a man. You're out there playing house with mine.”
“But the difference is that I didn't know he had another woman let alone a wife, but you did. You knew he was cheating on you, but you let him. Why? Just so you can honestly say that you have a man? I'd rather be by myself.”
“Well, I'm not you.”
“Damn right you're not, because I would have left Michael's sorry ass just like I'm gonna do now. Because what I do know is Michael's going to call me or show up at my apartment tonight instead of being with you. But you're fine with it just because you have a man. That's pitiful.”
“Regina, if you knew what was good for you, you'd get out of my office right now before I fired your ass.”
“You're mad because it's the truth.”
“You don't know shit about me or Michael! You are not to see him again. Ever. If I find out he's been at your house or had any contact with you I'm gonna do more than just fire you.”
“Are you threatening me? I don't take threats lightly. I don't care who you are.”
“You must want to get fired.”
“You must want to get your ass  kicked.”
“And you say I'm the one lashing out? Get the hell out of my office.”
“Or what?”
“Or you're fired.”
Did I really want to keep this job that bad? “You can't even fire me for personal matters, I can sure you.”
“I'll find a reason. Maybe sexual harassment.”
“I don't even like women.”
“Not me, you idiot. Adam.”
“Please, no one will believe that.”
“They will if the head of this company is backing him. I'll make sure you have to pay a big ass amount to him too.”
“That's blackmail.”
“And?”
I didn't respond. I didn't know how to.
She continued. “You make sure you stay away from my husband.”
“Gladly.”
“Now get the hell out of my office and go to the job I'm already overpaying you for.”
I swallowed my pride, kept my mouth shut, and left the office. She was a bitch and so was Adam. To hell with Michael, he ain't worth this shit.

“Well, you know what? I'm done.” I said to Michael as I threw clothes into my suitcase. Michael had just shown up at my apartment and just walked in while I was trying to get my things together to go to Drew's mom's house. I was folding my clothes, but then Michael annoyed the hell out of me so I was just throwing in clothes I didn't need. This was only a weekend visit.
“How are you just gonna end our relationship because of what Gwen told you. She's crazy. I know you can see that.” Michael said and I agreed. The bitch was crazy. “We are divorcing, she just won't admit it. She doesn't want to let me go, but we are done. Out divorce will be final before December thirty-first. That's not even  three weeks away.”
“Well, you can call me on the thirty-first. As soon as your papers come in that say your divorce is finalized, you can call me, but until then, bye.” I threw more items into my suitcase. Anything to keep myself moving. I didn't want to look at him.
“Regina, will you just listen to me? Where are you going? Why are you packing?” Michael was asking as I gathered my necessary toiletries.
“If you must know- not that you should -I'm going to my friend's mother's for the weekend. I glanced at the time on the alarm clock on my nightstand. “Speaking of which, Drew will be here any minute so I need you to leave.”
“You're going on a trip with Drew for the weekend. Damn, Regina, you didn't even fully hop off my dick and you're already climbing on another one.”
“Excuse me?” I demanded. “For you information, Drew and I aren't like that. We are visiting his mother. I can't believe you would even say that. Now get the hell out of my apartment before I take you out.”
“I'm sorry,” He quickly apologized. “I don't know why I said that. I didn't mean that. Regina, please, hear me out.”
“No, you've lied to me three times already. First, you lie and say you're a single man. Then you lie and say you are getting a mutual divorce and that your wife doesn't give a damn about you or what you do. Now you're saying that you're done, but she won't let go. Let me give you some advice, okay, Michael? Get your damn story straight and maybe you won't get back into this sort of predicament.”
“I don't have a story, Regina. I'm being so real with you right now. Gwen and I are done. I do not love her anymore. I want you. That's it.” Michael said. He sounded so desperate for me to believe him.
“Michael, I'm about to leave, it's too early in the morning for this mess. I really need you to go.”
“Come on, Regina. Do you really think I'd be spending all this time trying to convince you if I wasn't telling you the truth. If I were just another cheating husband, why would I still pursue you after I've already been caught? You have to see that I'm telling the truth.”
“All I can see is that you're another single husband. Taking off your ring doesn't make cheating on your wife acceptable. The worst part is that Gwen truly loves you, but you walk all over her.”
“I'm not. It's just that me and her are over. There's nothing left between us. No matter how hard she tries to hold on, our marriage is done. All I want is you.”
I rolled my eyes a full three hundred and sixty degrees. “Michael, I need you to leave.”
“You still don't want to listen to me even after all of that. You can't be serious, Regina. Can't you tell how genuine I am right now?”
“Michael, please leave.” I said, ignoring his statement.
“Regina, listen to me. I want you. No one else. Not Gwen or even freaking Beyoncé. All I want is you.”
“Michael, will you please just-” Before I could finish my sentence, Michael had me in a death grip against his body and his tongue was infiltrating the back of my throat.
“Michael...Mike...let....go....stop....this...please....leave,”My words came out in breathless bursts as Michael did everything he could to kiss me until I complied. 
Michael’s hands wrapped around my waist and he pulled me even closer to him. I didn’t want to and I wasn’t proud of myself, but I melted into him. I closed my eyes and sucked on his tongue. 
Michael pulled away from me and looked me directly in the eyes. “Don’t say no to me.” He said. “I want you and I’m not leaving here until you get that in your head.”
“Only thing in my head is that you’re married and your wife is my boss.” I said. He had my face framed in his hands and he stroked my cheek with his thumbs.
“You didn’t care about that two nights ago.”
“Because I believed you when you said it was over, but when I saw the way Gwen acted yesterday, I know you lied to me.”
“Baby, I didn’t lie. We are getting a divorce. She may still be in denial, but I’m not.”
“How can you just leave her after she had four of your children?” I asked him and I truly wanted the answer. I did not at all understand how a man can divorce a woman who stood by him for years despite his cheating ways. She had four of his babies. She truly loves him.
“I know. I’ve asked myself that numerous times. But don’t I deserve to be happy? It’s not like I’m abandoning her. I’ll still see my kids and I’ll provide for them. If she requests child support, I’ll willingly give it to her. Though I doubt she’ll need money with that multimillion dollar company sitting under her ass.”
“How long have you been married?”
He paused for a moment and then he answered. “Fifteen years.”
“Fifteen years? Are you serious? How can you divorce someone after fifteen years?”
“We got married right out of high school. We only did it because she was pregnant.”
I held my temples with my thumb on one and my middle finger on the other and shook my head. “I don’t know how to take this, Michael.”
“I know, but, baby, I need you. I can’t let you go. Regina, I think I’m in love with you.”
I just stared at him. Love. What did that even mean? I never used the word. I used the word with family and friends who are close enough to be family. I never claimed to be in love with a man except in high school when I thought I was in love with Jackson Jackson. 
“Listen to me, Regina.” Michael continued after I didn’t respond. “I don’t wanna let you go. Please don’t walk away from me.”
“Michael I just need some time to think. Please, just give me that.” I said as I put distance between us.
“Regina, I want to give you time, but I feel as though you might convince yourself not to see me anymore.”
“I have good reason to! Michael, you married. No matter what you say that’s still true.”
“What’s also true is that I love you.” Michael said and he grabbed me by my upper arms. He stared directly into my eyes again. “Regina, you’re like a drug in my system that I’m hooked on. Baby, I never felt this way with any other woman, not even my wife. You have to believe that. I don’t ever what to lose you.”
“What about Gwen?”
“What about her?” He took a breath and paused. “I’m sorry, but when I say it’s over, I mean it’s over. We would have never even been married if it hadn’t been for MJ, our oldest son. Then she just kept getting pregnant after that. I didn’t want to divorce her because we had so many kids, but I’m not happy with her. I tried to love her like a husband should because she’s the mother of my children, but I just couldn’t. I do love her to a certain extent, but only as the mother of my children. I love you.”
“Please stop saying that.” Hearing that word over and over was making me nauseous. 
“What? That I love you?” 
“Yes,”
“Why?” He asked.
“Because you don’t love me, Michael. You may think you do, but you really don’t.”
“How are you gonna tell me how I feel? I know how I feel about you, Regina, and it’s love. “
“Michael, it’s barely been over a month. How can you fall in love in only a month?”
“Love knows no time.”
“Oh dear God,” I breathed as if I were dealing with a crazy person. “Michael, I care very deeply for you too, but the fact of the matter is that you are married. I can’t get passed that.”
“I’m not asking you to. But we are divorcing.”
“Michael, I can lose my job behind this mess.”
“Mess? Baby, I understand that it’s tough right now and that you may not believe me, but my feelings for you are very real and true. So what if you lose your job? Would you really want to continue working for Gwen after we divorce?”
“I love my job.” I said as if that answered his question.
“I can support you.”
“I don’t want to be a housewife.”
“Well, you can find a different job.”
“I don’t want to be a home wrecker.”
“Trust me, our home is already wrecked and you have nothing to do with it.”
I looked down at the floor. “Michael, what do you want from me?”
“I want you to be with me. I want you to love me back.”
I sighed. “I want to be with you, Michael.”
“Then be with me.”
“You’re still married.”
“Don’t you believe me when I say we’re divorcing?”
“I want to, but after hearing Gwen yesterday I don’t know anymore.”
“Gwen knows as much as I do that our marriage is done. She just won’t let go.”
“I don’t have that to do. I don’t have time to be dealing with your crazy ass wife.”
“Soon to be ex-wife.”
“Whatever.”
Michael took me into his arms and held me. I didn’t push him away, but instead nestled into his chest. “Michael, what do you expect me to do?”
“Just stand by me, baby. That’s all I ask. You have to trust me when I say my marriage is over. I’m just waiting on the finalization.”
“If you’re waiting for the divorce to be finalized, why is Gwen still holding on like she has a chance. Finalization is the final step, she should know there’s no hope after that.”
“I don’t know. Maybe she thinks I’ll just call my lawyer and say call it off. At this point that’s not even possible.”
“Who has custody of your children?” I asked him.
“We have joint custody. We do every other week and weekend. And we’ll alternate holidays.”
“Do you have an apartment or another house to move into or is she leaving.”
“We had a pre-nup so she didn’t win the house, but I lost the argument about the joint names on the lease so I allowed her to take the house. I already have a condo, but I can’t move in until the first. I promised my boys that I’d stay in the house until then.”
“So your children know about the separation?”
“Yeah, oddly enough, my oldest two who are fifteen and thirteen understood that I wasn’t happy in our marriage and didn’t see it as me leaving them. But my ten and eight year olds don’t feel the same way. I have a lot of gifts to buy to get them to see that I still love them very much, but I know everything will be fine.”
I saw Michael in a whole new light right then. He was a father and despite his divorce, he was still trying to be one. I tilted my head up and kissed him on the lips. I was 5”10” and Michael was about 6’3”. When I wear my heels, we’re the same height or I’m taller. Right now I was wearing Nikes so I was shorter. Michael wrapped his arms around me and our kiss deepened. 
I sighed when our lips parted. “I need you to leave now.” I told him.
“Really? You’re still kicking me out?” Michael asked incredulously.
“It’s not like that, but I told you Drew will be here soon.”
“What’s up with him?”
“What do you mean?” I asked as if I didn’t know. He was about to ask what every man I’d ever dated asked me. ‘Is there anything going on between you and Drew?’ They always ask. I hated hearing that. I guess men and women can’t be friends anymore.
“You know what I mean. What’s going on with you and him?” Michael asked and I sighed deeply.
“Absolutely nothing. Drew and I are just good friends. We’ve known each other since we were kids. We were literally like potty trained together.” I explained to him as I had explained to all the men before him.
“Good,” Michael brushed a kiss across my lips. “I know you’re mine, but I still need to eliminate any competition.”
“No worries,” I said and I knew he may be upset with the next thing I said. “The only thing standing between me and you is your wife.”
He sighed. “No worries,” He repeated. “The only thing standing between me and you is these clothes.”
Michael fingered the collar of the form-fitting white T-shirt I was wearing. I wasn’t especially dressed up but as always I still looked cute and casual. I was wearing a nicely fit white T-shirt that definitely did my curves justice, dark blue skinny jeans that also hooked up my curves, and white Nikes. I was wearing a little mascara and lip gloss, but other than that I was natural in the make-up department. I wasn’t wearing any jewelry. 
“Please, Michael, I don’t even know if I want to stay with you right now let alone sleep with you.” I said to him in all honesty.
“What’s not to know? I love you not her. That’s all you need to know.” Michael said.
“What I need to know is when this divorce is final. I’m not saying I’m planning on marrying you or anything, but I’d like to have that option. I also like to be the only women.”
“You are the only women.”
“Then what is Gwen?”
“Gwen is the past.”
“Then why is she trying to fuck up our present?”
He smiled. “Haters do that sometimes.”
“She’s not a hater and you know it. Well, she was hating on me yesterday, but she loves you. That’s why I feel so bad about this.” I told him. “I never wanted to be a home wrecker. I know if you talk to people who know who I am they would tell you I get around and honestly, I do. I’m not afraid to admit that. I probably have more bodies than you. Well, I didn’t lose count, but it’s a pretty big number for a woman. But I’m not a slut or a hoe, I’m a freak. There’s a difference. I like sex; I date men who like sex. I usually don’t do one night stands. Well, I have done it though. Actually, I did it more than once or twice. Well, a lot more than once or twice, but I never acquired a venereal disease, because I’m always safe. I practically endorse Trojan and Durex. I buy my own condoms. I don’t depend on a nigga to have one.
 “I don’t buy female condoms. I don’t like them. I have some, but I don’t use them unless absolutely necessary. Only if both my man and I don’t have male condoms and we can’t get to a store or find someone who has some. I guess when a man says he can’t feel anything with a male condom, it’s the same for women with female condoms. I mean I can feel stuff, but not like I want to feel it. And they’re uncomfortable. It just doesn’t feel right. You know I’ve actually never had sex without a condom. No man has ever come inside me without a condom and I’ve been fucking since I was eighteen years old. So in ten years of fucking, no man has ever-”
“Baby,” Michael interrupted me in the middle of my rant. 
”Huh?” I asked him. 
“What the hell are you talking about?” Michael said with a smile. “You started off on topic, but then you just started talking about anything that popped into your mind.”
“Oh, I’m sorry.” I paused for a minute to collect myself. “What I was trying to say is that I’m not a home wrecker. I don’t want to break up anyone’s family. As I said in my rant, people who know of me will say that I get around, but no one can ever say that I mess with married men or that I’m responsible for a broken marriage. Now I may be responsible for one break-up with a girlfriend, but that doesn’t really count.”
“I understand that you don’t want any broken marriages on your conscience, but that’s not the case here.” Michael tried to assure me, but I wasn’t done.
“You can’t deny that she still loves you.”
“I love her too. I’m just not in love with her. Don’t I deserve to be happy too? Can’t we be happy together?”
“Yes, but not at someone else’s defense.”
“So what are you saying? You want me to stay in a relationship that I’m not happy in to make someone else happy?”
“No, that’s not what I’m saying. I’m just saying you shouldn’t do anything until you’re positive it’s over.”
“It is over.”
“Okay.” I said halfheartedly.
“I’m serious, Regina.”
“Okay,” I said again.
“Do you want to be with me?” Michael asked out of the blue.
“Yes, but-”
“No buts. Do you or don’t you want to be with me?”
“I do, but all I’m saying, Michael, is-”
“No. If you want to be with me then that’s all that matters.”
“But it’s not that simple.”
“I don’t want to hear you say ‘but’ again, Regina. I want to be with you and you want to be with me. That’s all that matters.”
“I need time to think.” I said.
“Think about what?”
“Think about all that I have to think about.”
“Like what? Whether you want to be with me or not?”
“Actually, yes.”
“Why?”
I was about to comment but my phone vibrated from the dresser. “Hold on, this is probably Drew.” I told Michael as I retrieved my phone.
It was a call from Michael, only I was with Michael. Something told me the call was from Gwen.
“Why are you calling me?” I asked Michael as I contemplated answering the phone.
“What?” Michael asked looking confused at what I said. 
“You’re calling me.” I said as I held up the phone for him to see.
“I left my phone at home. That must be Gwen or one of my kids. But my boys know better than to play on my phone. Don’t answer that.”
“Why not? I want to see what she wants.” I said and before Michael could say another word I hit talk.
“Hello?” I said cheerfully as if I didn’t know who was on the other end.
“Put my husband on the phone.” Gwen commanded.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” I said. Michael was looking at me like he was pissed but I didn’t care. If he was truly getting divorced he shouldn’t care either.
“Don’t play with me, Regina. I want to talk to my fucking husband.” 
“You’re gonna talk to me first.” I told her and waited for her to respond.
“What do you want?”
“Bitch, you called me.” In the back of my mind I knew I was treading deep water because she was still my boss, but at the same time I knew she wouldn’t fire me. Well, she wouldn’t fire me for talking bad to her. And I already knew she wouldn’t do shit. The bitch is crazy, but she ain’t crazy enough to roll up on me.
“I called because I know my husband is with you.”
“Why do you want a man that cheats on you? Come on now, don’t you have any dignity? You have to call another woman to get in touch with your husband.” I asked her. I wanted her to honestly answer me. I truly wanted to know why any woman would let a man treat her that way. 
“Because he’s mine. He is my husband. We love each other.” She said sounding much like a crazy woman. She sounded obsessed.
“Is it really that important to have a man to you? You can have someone who loves you.”
“Michael does love me.”
“You two are only weeks away from being divorced. Why are you still on his dick? Your marriage is over.” I told her.
“I’m gonna let you in on a little secret. Michael and I have been divorced four times in last fifteen years and we’ve been married five times, this would be our fifth divorce. I guess Michael failed to tell you, just like he does with all his women. We’ve been divorced so many times before, but he always comes back. He apologizes and he begs and he buys me things until I let him back into my life. We get married again, but of course one a cheater, always a cheater, so Michael cheats again. As always, he finds a play thing he thinks he loves and divorces me for her. Just like he is doing now with you. He married each of these women too. Those marriages never last more six months. One had. It lasted for nine months because she was pregnant. By the time the baby was born, Michael was cheating on her with me. By the time the baby was seven months old, Michael and I were married again and we had custody of the child he had with that women.”
I didn’t say anything. How could I? Michael had definitely failed to relinquish those details. Was that what I was? Just another play thing that Michael thinks he loves? No, of course not. I don’t believe he in love me, but I know he cares. 
“How do you know it won’t be different with me? He says he doesn’t love you as any more than the mother of his children.”
“Please, Regina, I know you’re not that naïve.”
“Do you still want to talk to Michael?” I asked her. I sounded very much defeated. I was. It hurts to think I was special in his eyes and then realize I’m the fifth woman he’s done that with. I might as well let her talk to him. He’s going home to her anyway. There’s nothing I can do to change anything of what Gwen says is true. I didn’t want it to be, but I knew deep down it was. She wouldn’t tell that big of a lie when Michael was right here for me to confirm it. 
“Oh, come on, sweetie. Don’t tell me you’re giving up already. You know, I’ve already stopped him for divorcing me and marrying his little hoes six times. Each time the women found a way to walk away with some money, cars, clothes, diamonds, or some other expensive shit.” Gwen said and I heard her laugh at me. I wanted to slap that hoe.
“Why are you telling me this?” I said.
“Because you sound like you’ve given up already. His women usually don’t give up until they’ve had their consolation prize of a new car and a few diamonds. I don’t know if that makes you smart or stupid for not sticking around.”
“Who said I was giving up?” I asked her. “I could use a new car. Drew wouldn’t have to drive me to work anymore.” 
“Cute, Regina, really cute. Why don’t you just stop? You keep asking me why do I want a mad who cheats on me. Why do you want a man who cheated on his wife, you, and every other woman he’s been with? Why do you want a man who lied to you?”
“I took a deep breath as I thought about it. “Maybe I love him.”
“I guess you’re stupid then. Love only makes it hurt more when he leaves you to come back to me.”
“I’ll let you in on one of my secrets. My men never leave me. I only leave them. Michael won’t come back to you until I’m done with him.”
“Please, I felt the same way. Michael will do whatever and whoever he wants. Your pussy ain’t good enough to keep him faithful to only you.”
“I guess you’re underestimating good pussy. If you were on my level, your husband would have never cheated on you.”
“Cocky little hoe, aren’t you?” Gwen said and something told me she was smiling. “Look Regina, how about you tell me husband I called, okay?”
“As soon as I’m finished fucking him.” I said cynically even though I knew I wasn’t gonna do anything with Michael.
“Please, we both know that isn’t true. You’re probably gonna lash out on him as you little girls do. That’s okay. He’s used to it. I realized he learned how to handle his hoes’ fits.” Then she hung up the phone. 
I knew she hadn’t called to talk to Michael. She called so she could tell me exactly what she had. She probably felt real good about herself too. Cocky little bitch. 
“That was your wife.” I said to Michael as if he hadn’t already known. He was standing completely still until I said the word “wife”. Then he mobilized. 
“What did she want?” He asked me. 
“She wanted to tell me about your history with women.” I said. I was trying to stay calm. That was a good sign, right?
“And?”
“How many times have you divorced Gwen?”
 He hesitated for what felt like years before finally answering. “Four.”
“And you married her five times?” 
“Yes.”
“Michael, get the hell out of my apartment.” I told him while shaking my head. That little track record was enough for me to be done with him.
“That doesn’t mean anything. You’re different from all of them.” Michael said.
“Oh, I know I’m different from all of them other women. I’m smart enough not to stay with your ass. Bye now, Michael.” 
“Don’t let Gwen break us apart. That’s all she’s trying to do. Don’t let her get to you.”
“Too late, Michael. Let me save both of you time and money. You don’t have to divorce her for me now only to marry her again.” I closed my suitcase and carried it to the kitchen. The front door of my apartment was to a foyer and then leads to the kitchen. Where the hell was Drew when I needed him?
“Regina, listen to me. I-” Michael continued, but the front door opened and interrupted him.
“You ready to go?” Drew asked me and then he looked at Michael. Drew didn’t like Michael and he had made it known. Now I see Drew had good reason not to like him. I wish I was that good a judge of character. “You want me to wait outside?” He asked me with even acknowledging Michael.
Normally I would say something to Drew for being so rude, but right now I couldn’t care less. “No, Michael was just leaving.” I said and looked at Michael. “Bye.”
“Regina, I’m not done talking to you.” Michael said.
“That’s too bad, because I’m done talking to you.” I said.
“Regina, baby, will you please just-” Michael started, but Drew interrupted him again. This time it was on purpose.
“She said she’s done talking. That means you can leave now.” Drew said stepping over to where I stood. Drew wrapped a protective arm around my waist and stared at Michael. Michael was 6’3”, but Drew had him by a few inches at 6’5”. 
I let drew keep his arm around me for Michael to see. Michael’s eyes focused on me. He and Drew were about a foot and a half apart. I hope I’m not gonna have to break up a fight between two big ass niggas. I also hope Drew doesn’t whip his ass too bad if they do fight.
“Out of respect for Regina, I’m not gonna sit in here and fight with her little friend. But remember you are just a little friend. This is between me and my woman. So take her suitcase and take your ass to the car and wait.” Michael said and I instinctively grabbed Drew’s forearm to keep him from doing anything.
Drew smiled at me. “It’s cool. I ain’t gon do anything to this,” He looked Michael up and down. “To this goofy ass nigga. But if you want me to, I will.”
“That’s not necessary.” I said then I looked at Michael. “Michael, leave.”
“You really choosing this nigga over me?” Michael asked.
“Yes,” Drew answered for me.
“For one, Drew and I aren’t like that and I told you that. For two, Drew never lied to me.” I said.
Drew pulled me closer to his side by my waist. “You can leave now,” Drew said.
“Fine,” Michael said. “What the fuck ever.”
Michael turned and walked to the door. Bye the time he reached the door, Drew called him. Michael turned back to us where we stood exactly where we already were.
“What now?” He commanded.
Drew gently took my by the chin and put his lips on mine. He kissed me deeply and I was too stunned to move. After a few long seconds, he released me and smirked at Michael.
“She definitely choosing me over you.” Drew said. 
Michael just looked at me and then left. He slammed the door behind him like a diva. I didn’t say anything for a full minute to Drew. He had already moved away from me and was getting suitcase and travel bag.
“What was that?” I asked Drew.
He smiled at me. “I don’t like that nigga. I just wanted to piss him off.” 
Drew laughed and I couldn’t help but laugh with him. Drew was my boy, but he was always doing stuff just to piss people who annoyed him off. That’s why his ass was jumped so many times and got into so many fights in high school. He fucked this footballer’s girl just to “piss him off”. Drew can fight so he did win, but he could have avoided the whole thing. 
“Man, let’s go.” I said.





Chapter 10
Kimberly
I sat with my head in my hands at the kitchen table. I was wearing swear pants and a white T-shirt with slippers. Dwayne and Kierra were in the living room watching television. The strong scent of marijuana drifted into the kitchen where I was. Dwayne had made me cook and then I had to clean up the big mess because he had commanded that I made a big hotel breakfast. That was nothing though. I’d been stuck up in this house for three days. Three days were full of nothing, but physical and verbal abuse from Dwayne. Since that night, Dwayne had awakened me with a pot of ice cold water. He had literally put ice cubes in it. I felt them when he dumped it on me. Yesterday I was able to wake up before him to avoid it, but today and the other days I was unable to. 
Dwayne took sex from me anytime he wanted to and he didn’t bother to ne gentle with me. He purposely hurt me every night and every day. He talked about me and called me any name he could think of. I don’t know what was worse: the physical or the verbal abuse. My left eye was swollen shut. He had thrown a ceramic bowl at me two days ago and it gave me a gash right over my left eye and my eye hadn’t opened since. I had bled each time Dwayne forced me to have sex since the second night and it wasn’t because I was on my period. He didn’t care. He actually didn’t stop until he saw blood. He had been using a condom though, thank God. I didn’t what other females he was with, but I knew it was more than Kierra. 
He had told me that he was only using a condom, because he didn’t want any children by me. That did hurt me because I was his wife and we were supposed to have children years ago. I had wanted children, but Dwayne never wanted to give them to me. Birth control and a condom at all times.  I’m glad now. I didn’t want any children by him. By the time I was allowed to go to sleep, I was so emotionally and physically drained that I needed to sleep until the afternoon just to get through the day. 
Dwayne had woke me up this morning with a pot of ice cold water and made me cook. I was still completely naked when he poured the water on me from the brutal sex we had last night. Actually from the brutal way he raped me last night, because that was not consensual sex. Dwayne had sex with Kierra this morning. They did it right down here in the living room. I was upstairs, practically hiding in my own house when I heard them. Kierra made me so sick to my stomach. I wanted to believe it was because he had her doing drugs that she would treat me this way, but deep down I knew Kierra was with him before he gave her cocaine. My own sister was sleeping with my husband and didn’t even care enough to keep it a secret. 
Dwayne had me sitting at the kitchen table so he could watch me from the living room. He had his gun with him and I couldn’t even go to the bathroom without asking him first. He had me sitting here like a child in time out. I didn’t understand why he was doing this to me. Why was I so important to him? He obviously had my sister to keep his crazy behind company. 
“You want something to drink?” I heard Dwayne ask Kierra. 
“Yeah, make her get us some drinks.” I heard Kierra say. 
“Hey Kimberly!” Dwayne yelled to me.
“What?” I demanded.
“Who are you talking to?” 
“No one,” I said. I didn’t want another confrontation, but in the last few days I have been saying whatever popped into my mind. He made me so mad I just wanted to kill him sometimes. Other times I felt sorry for him. In fewer times, I still loved him. In those few times I felt like he needed me. I felt like there was no one else there for him because I knew Kierra sure wasn’t.
“That’s what I thought.” He said and I heard Kierra laugh. It was a loud and ghetto cackling laugh then she coughed on the smoke. “Bring me that bottle of Jameson. And bring three glasses with ice. Hurry the fuck up too.”
I took my good old time standing up and going to the cupboard for the Jameson. I took even longer to put ice cubes from the dispenser on the fridge into three glasses. I took the glasses and the bottle into the living room and put it on the coffee table in front of Dwayne and Kierra. Kierra smirked at me as she reached for the bottle. She filled up two of the three glasses and gave one to Dwayne.
“Here, baby.” She said and I felt my stomach churn. I decided not to let it get to me and I turned to leave.
“Where the hell are you going?” Dwayne demanded. 
“I’m going back to time out.” I said sarcastically.
“Keep talking all that shit to me and time out is gonna be in the basement with the lights off and the door locked. Keep playing with me, I dare you.” Dwayne said and I bit my tongue.
He would probably really do it. In the last three days, I had become to be afraid of the dark. I had gone to sleep each night with the lights on. They had always been off by the time I woke up so I suspected Dwayne shut them off after I was sleep. I knew he came into the bedroom and checked to make sure I was still there. He usually slept in the living room or in the guest room with Kierra. 
“Anything else?” I asked sounding like a pissed off maid. I guess that’s what I was. Well, maids get paid. I’m more like a slave.
“Come over here and have a drink with your husband.” Dwayne said and Kierra rolled her eyes.
“Why?”
“Because I said so.” Dwayne said. “Why do you think I made you get three cups?” He asked sarcastically. 
I answered just as sarcastically as he’d asked. “I thought maybe you forgot how to count. I hear drugs can do that to you.” 
“You know what? I’m gonna let that one go. Now bring your ass over here and sit down.” Dwayne patted the couch next to him. Kierra sat on the far left of the couch and Dwayne sat in the center. Kierra had her head in his lap as she sucked on an ice cube from her drink. Dwayne expected me to sit next to him on the right. I’d rather stab myself in the eye with a rusty nail.
 I slowly, reluctantly walked over and sat on the love seat alone. Kierra seemed happy with my decision not to sit next to Dwayne, but he wasn’t. Dwayne filled the third glass with vodka and brought it over to me. He sat down next to me on the couch and I moved to farthest edge of the couch away from him.
“You know you need to calm down with all this rigid shit, Kimmy.” Dwayne said gently as he sipped his drink. “Here, relax.” He said. I took the drink from him, but I didn’t drink it.
I looked at the television. “Love & Basketball” was on BET for the millionth time and they were watching it. I focused on Omar Epps like I had never seen the movie before. 
“Kim, look at me.” Dwayne said and I pretended not to hear him. Dwayne gently turned me to face him by the chin. “Why you being so mean?”
I drew my eyebrows together and squinted at him. I had to give him “the look” on that one. It was the looked that said “wow, are you really this stupid”. I snapped then. There was no way he was doing this. 
“Dwayne, you’re keeping as a prisoner in my own house. A house I used to love coming home to. I feel suicidal because of you. You hit me and you call me every bad name in the book and to make matters worse, you rape me every night. My body, my mind, and my heart cannot take you anymore. So stop acting like you’re a good, sweet husband because you’re not. You’re sleeping my sister in our house.” Then I looked at Kierra. “And you. You’re my sister and you don’t even care what you’re doing. Both of you make me sick. I love you both. But you make me sick.” Then I drowned the Jameson in my glass, dang near swallowing a whole ice cube. I reached for the bottle and refilled my glass, drowned it, and refilled it again. 
I was holding my liquor a lot better these days. Alcohol had become my best friend. I was bracing myself for Dwayne to beat the last breath out of me for talking to him the way I did, but he didn’t. 
“I do love you.” He said and it caught me totally off guard. He told me he loved me daily, even as he beat the heck out of me. That meant nothing to me. What caught me off guard was how he looked me in my eyes and said it so sincerely.
“And what difference does that make?” I asked him as I sipped my drink. I instinctively moved closer to the edge of the couch so that only half a butt cheek was on it.
“Why are you acting this way? You never act like this.”
“Dwayne, I’m tired. I have no fight left in me. Matter of fact,” I finished my drink in two gulps and stood up. “If you want to kill me, go right ahead, because I’m getting out of here. I can’t take this, you, or her anymore.” 
I started to walk out, but Dwayne grabbed my forearm tightly. “You’re not leaving me.”
I yanked my arm away. “Just stop, Dwayne.”
“Just let her go, baby.” Kierra said. “What do you need her for anyway? You got me now.”  
“I agree.” I said simply and I walked back to the kitchen to go upstairs. 
Dwayne followed me. He ignored Kierra. “Do you really think I’m gonna just let you go like that?”
“You’re not gonna let me do anything. I’m doing this myself.” I was on my way upstairs when Dwayne pulled me by my ankle. I tumbled backwards down the steps and landed in a heap of aching pain at the bottom of the stairs. Kierra rushed into the room to see what the crash was. She stared down at me, but didn’t say anything.
“You getting too fucking bold and I ain’t with that. You ain’t going nowhere. I ought to kill you for talking to me that way, but I ain’t done with you yet.” Dwayne looked down at my crumpled body. I couldn’t move. I was hurting so bad.
“Get the hell up.” He commanded.
I groaned in pain as I tried to move. “I can’t.” 
“Dramatic ass bitch,” Dwayne said and he reached down and scooped me up. I thought he was going to take me upstairs, but instead he took me over to the basement door.
“No, Dwayne, please don’t.” I begged him. I grabbed the sides of the door frame and held on for dear life. “Please, I’m sorry.” I was crying just from the thought of sitting down in that cold, damp, and dark basement.
“Oh, I see you ain’t so bold now, huh?” Dwayne said. When he forced my hands from the door frame, I grabbed his forearms tightly. 
“Please, Dwayne, I don’t want to go down there. I’m sorry. I won’t say anything else. I won’t leave. I won’t do anything you don’t want me to do. Please, Dwayne.” I begged, but he only laughed at me.
“I know you won’t.” He said. “You ain’t gon do shit after I finish with you.” 
He carried me down the stairs and then dropped me on the cement floor. My elbow scraped on the floor and started bleeding. I stared up at Dwayne. There were no lights on. The only light was from the cloudy, non-opening thick glass windows that were inches from the ceiling. There were only four of those windows. The light cast an eerie halo around Dwayne’s body as he stood over me with his large build. I couldn’t see his face in the dim light, but he looked like a big black monster. 
“You ever talk to me the way you did today. I may just kill you.” Dwayne said and then he kicked me in the ribs. 
I groaned and cried as I curled into a fetal position. He kicked me again. And again. And again. And again. I hugged myself tight as I held the ball form to protect my imperative organs. Dwayne reached down and pulled my arms and legs apart.
“Let’s see how bad you are after I’m done.” He started taking my clothes.
All I could was cry. I had no energy to fight him off. It wouldn’t have done me any good anyway. Once I was completely naked on the cold, cement basement floor, Dwayne got down on top of me, crushing my body. He pushed inside me. He hurt me inside and out. When he was ready to come he pulled out and came on my face and body. He wasn’t finished.
I couldn’t really see his face, but I knew he was smiling. He held his penis in his hand and pointed it down at me. When I realized what he was about to do, I tried to move, but he put his foot on my ankle and pressed down. I screamed out in pain. 
“Don’t move or I’ll break it.” He said. 
I closed my eyes and took it. Tears seeped through my closed eyes. The last thing I heard before I was consumed with the blackness was Dwayne laughing. I also heard him urinating. I didn’t feel anything. My body was numb. I could smell his piss, my blood, and the musty basement smell. I could only see the darkness inside my eyelids.

I must have blacked out. When I opened my eyes, it was dark outside the windows. I was cold, wet, and sticky. I was lying in a puddle. Instantly I began hyperventilating because I thought I was lying in a puddle of my own blood. Then I realized I was lying in something a whole lot worse. I was lying in Dwayne’s semen and piss. 
I scrambled up as fast as I could which wasn’t very quick. I was aching all over. I had pains all over from lying down on this floor. I found my way through the darkness to the stairs and hobbled up. I felt like there was something behind me trying to pull my back down into the blackness. I reached for the light switch and flicked it on. Dwayne had taken all the light bulbs, but I was optimistic enough to try anyway. I turned the door knob to get out finding it was locked from the outside. 
I had no pride left. I’d pissed on like that little R Kelly fan girl. I knocked on the door and waited. 
“Who is it?” I heard Kierra call and then laugh. She opened up the door and wrinkled her nose when she looked at me. I did the same when I looked at her. There was a ribbon tied around her left arm, just above the elbow and there was cocaine residue on her nose. She was dressed in nothing but Dwayne’s dirty T-shirt. She didn’t have pants or even underwear on. She looked like a five dollar crack fiend. 
She was still doing better than me. I was completely naked. I think Dwayne stole my clothes. I had no pride and at this point no modesty either. I was standing completely naked and I didn’t bother to cover my parts. I didn’t want to any part of my bleeding and/or aching body. 
“What do you want?” She demanded. This was insane. She was my little sister. This is some shit and I don’t even swear. 
“Kierra, what is wrong with you?” I asked what I’d wanted to ask her since the night I walked in on them. 
She rolled her eyes, but didn’t say anything. 
“Is drugs really that good? Because I know it ain’t the sex.” I said and she scoffed.
“You know, Kim? Everything ain’t about you. Dwayne was yours and now he’s mine.” She said. “And the sex is good.” Then she called Dwayne. 
Dwayne sauntered into the room and looked me over. He smiled and shook his head. “You look like shit.” He said. He was right, but it still pissed me off because it was his fault. 
I sighed. No pride whatsoever. “I need to use the bathroom.” 
“And?” He asked sarcastically.
“Dwayne,” I was about to beg, but he interrupted me.
“You better hold it. Or pee in the sink down there.” He laughed.
“Dwayne, I need a shower.” 
“Yeah, you do. You smell like you pissed on yourself.” He laughed again.
I had no pride and now I had very little human compassion. I could just strangle him right now. “Please, Dwayne. Let me use the bathroom.” 
“You really want to use the bathroom?” He asked me.
“Yes, Dwayne, please.”
“You really want to take a shower.”
“Yes.”
“Then get down and suck my dick.” He said.
“Dwayne,” I pleaded.
“Well, then take your ass back down into the cold ass basement.” He said and he started to close the door on me again. 
I put my hand out to stop it. “Okay,” I complied. I was crying again. Actually I don’t think I ever stopped. 
Dwayne never dropped his pants faster. I realized he was high as a rocket soaring through the stars. “Don’t forget to swallow.”
After I finished the horrendous act with Dwayne, taken a shower, combed my hair, and brushed my teeth, I was feeling a lot better. Well, I was feeling better physically. Mentally and emotionally I felt like crap. I heard my Dwayne and Kierra downstairs doing what they always do. Screwing on my couch.
I found my very dead cell phone on the floor near the foot of the bed. I plugged it in to my charger and turned it on. I had forty-three missed calls. Twenty-one voicemails. Fifty-five text messages. And one picture message. I opened the picture message only because it seemed weird that I had one. 
The message was from four days ago and from Trent. It was sent the night he and I almost did some things in that kitchen. It was a picture of a white teddy bear in a Santa Claus outfit with a little present shaped box of chocolates. The text that came with the picture said “I’m sorry for putting you in that position. I know you’re married. I hope this doesn’t mean you don’t want to talk to me anymore.”
I looked at the picture and smiled for the first time in days. I couldn’t help but smile. I wished so desperately that I’d stayed with Trent that night. If I’d have slept with Trent, I would have felt good and I would have never even walked in on Dwayne and my sister. Then it would have been easier for me to leave as soon as Dwayne started acting like he is now. I missed Trent. I missed my mother. I missed Charisse. I missed Regina. I missed my little sister and my husband, because I don’t know who I’m dealing with now. 
I scrolled though the other texts. Most were from Regina or Charisse. There was one from my honorary niece, Brianna. Two from Charisse’s husband, Robert. The rest were from either Trent or my mother. The first couple were the same from everyone including Brianna. They all said they wanted to talk to me. Then after that they said, “where are you” and “what’s going on” or “why aren’t you answering any calls”. People were worried about me. 
I sent the same text to Regina, Charisse, Brianna, Robert, and Trent and the other mutual friends. It said, “I’m sorry I missed your call. I’ll call you as soon as I can. I’m just busy. Talk to you soon.” 
I sent my mother a different text. It said, “Mom, I really need to talk to you. Don’t call me. Wait for me to call you. I love you. I’ll talk to you as soon as I can.”
I almost instantly received as text back from everyone I’d texted with the exception of Trent. I was a little disappointed that I hadn’t heard from him immediately. 
“Honey, are you okay?” I got from Regina.
“Kim, I need to talk to you ASAP. Robert done lost his damn mind. But first, what’s up with you?” I got from Charisse.
“Auntie Kim, I need to talk to someone. I don’t know what’s going on with my mom and my stepdad. Can you call me? P.S. my mom said you weren’t answering your phone. I hope everything’s okay. “ I got from Brianna.
“I don’t really know why I texted you in the first place, Kim. I just figured I needed to talk to one of Charisse’s friends and I didn’t want to call my sister. Charisse done lost her damn mind. By the way, you fell off the earth. What’s up with you?” I got from Robert. It’s funny how he and his wife said the same thing about each other.
“Baby, what’s going on? I haven’t heard from you or your sister. Are you two together? Call me as soon as possible. And what do you mean don’t call you? Is everything alright? Are you in trouble? Baby, call me by tomorrow or I’m coming over there and if Dwayne has anything to do with it I’m bringing your cousin Todd with me.” My mother texted me. She’s forty-eight years old and she texted that in like one minute. 
“I scrolled through the list of voicemails, but didn’t listen to any of them because I already knew what they’d say. Instead I erased all the texts and voicemails, then I sat my phone down to charge. I had dressed in old, faded jeans and a sweat shirt. I also put on thick socks and house slippers. I was afraid of another trip to the basement, but just in case, I wasn’t going to freeze my but off. It’s December. The snow is like a foot high and the temperature is like twenty degrees at night.
I crawled into the bed that Dwayne and I shared. I didn’t want to go to sleep. I just wanted to lay there. Dwayne hadn’t slept in the three days. It was only a little after nine o’ clock. Stuff gets real. This is crazy. I can’t believe this is happening to me. I was going through my own  personal hell in my own house.
About twenty minutes after I sent the texts, my phone rang. I got up to retrieve it and saw it was Trent. I felt warm all over. I looked up to make sure the door was shut. It was, so I answered the phone.
“Hey,” I answered.
“Hey,” Trent responded. He sounded surprised to hear my voice. I guess I can see why. 
I was sitting on the floor with my back to the door with my phone still plugged in to the charger. “So what’s up?” I asked him as if everything in my life were fine.
“You’re not serious. I’ve been calling you for days. I’ve even been badgering Charisse every time she bought her son to the center to see if she’s heard from you. She said you fell off the face of the earth. They were talking about coming to your house. I came actually came over the day before yesterday and your sister answered. She said you weren’t there. I told her to tell you to call me but you never did.”
I can’t believe Kierra did that. My own sister. “I think that was the day I was out shopping.” I lied. 
“So, are you okay?” He asked.
“Yeah,” I lied again. Then I couldn’t hold it in any longer. I burst into tears and started bawling on the phone. I think I cried for a full two minutes before I was able to calm down enough to hear whatever Trent was saying.
“Hey, hey, what’s wrong?” He asked.
“Nothing, I’m fine. I just got a little emotional, that’s all. I’m sorry.” I said swiping at my tears.
“Don’t apologize to me. Tell me what’s up.” Trent said.
“It’s nothing, Trent, really.”
“Is it your husband?” Trent asked. It’s crazy how he and my mother just knew. “I can come get you.”
“Everything’s fine.”
“So it is him? I figured. That nigga ain’t a man. I was actually on my way out, but I’ll come over there and get you first. I already know your address.”
“How’d you get my address in the first place?” I asked changing the subject.
“Charisse gave it to me with directions. She, just like me, was worried about you.”
“Well, I don’t need you to come get me. I’m fine. Everything’s fine.”
“Kim, you don’t have to lie to me. I can hear it in your voice. Don’t lie. I’m on my way right now. Grab whatever you need and just be ready. Don’t say nothing to that nigga. I’ll handle him when I get there.”
“No, Trent, don’t come over here, please. I’m fine, I promise. Besides if you come, I won’t even be home.” I lied to him for the hundredth time.
“Where are you and I’ll come.” 
“I’m not telling you, Trent. But thank you for caring. And I saw the pic you sent me. I was cute.” I said with a small smile. 
“Let me come get you and you can get the bear and the chocolate.” 
“That’s not necessary.”
“You still have the key I gave you, right?” He asked me.
“Yeah,” I said.
“Promise me, you’ll use it if things get out of hand.”
“I promise.”
“I’m serious, Kimberly. I’m leaving right now, but you can still come over. And if you want me to wait for you or cancel for you I will.”
“No, Trent, I’m fine.” I said. “I’m gonna let you leave.”
“I’ll call you when I get in. If you don’t answer I’m coming over there.” 
“No, I’ll call you tomorrow,” I said only to pacify him. 
“You better or I’ll be there.”
“Okay.”
“Well, if I ain’t coming to get you, I got to go. See ya,” He said.
“See ya,” I repeated. 
“And Kim?”
“Yes?”
“I love you.”
I hesitated. “Really?”
“Yes.”
“I can’t say I’m in love with you too.”
“I didn’t say I was in love with you. I said I love you. There’s a difference.”
“Well, I love you too. I can say that.”
“I better hear from you soon or you’ll be a widow.” If I’m not already dead.
“Goodnight, Trent.” I said.
“Night.”
Then we disconnected. I placed the phone down. I turned to see Kierra standing in the doorway. She shook her head at me and then left the room. I knew she was gonna go tell Dwayne. Did I care? No.
Moments later Dwayne appeared in the doorway. “Come on,” He commanded. “And leave that phone there.”
I stood up slowly and followed Dwayne downstairs to the kitchen. 
“Sit down,” He said staring at me with hard eyes. 
I sat down at the kitchen table or in other words, I sat in the time out chair. I put my head down on the table as if I were sleeping in class in middle school again.
“Who were you talking to?” Dwayne asked me. 
“No one.” I said with my head still down.
Dwayne slammed his fist down on the table like the bad cop in an interrogation room. “Don’t fucking lie to me Kim. You were talking to another nigga. And you told him you loved him.”
Kierra has to be the biggest, low down, dirty trick right now. “So?”
Dwayne jumped up and grabbed me by my hair. “Who the fuck is you saying ‘I love you’ to? You ain’t even saying that shit to me no more.”
“Why should I?” 
Dwayne slammed my face on the table. I tasted blood and I swear a tooth was loose. Hot tears streamed down my face but I didn’t make a sound. 
“Who was it?”
“It was Todd.”
“Who the fuck is Todd?”
“He’s my cousin.”
“Kim, don’t fucking lie to me. You wasn’t talking to no damn cousin and you know it. If you were talking to family, Kierra would have known.”
I didn’t say anything. I just sucked on my freshly busted lip. 
“You must want to go back into the basement.” He said and I wanted to scream out, but I didn’t.
When I still didn’t say anything, Dwayne kept talking. “So you ain’t gon say nothing.” He said. He slapped me across the face. No pride, no words. “You must like when I hit you, huh, Kimberly? Is that it? Do you do the shit you do so I can hit you? Do you like it rough, Kim? You want me to choke you when I fuck you senseless tonight?”
I still didn’t say anything. I was done. I was done with everything. He can’t get to me no more.
“Are you cheating on me?” He demanded. 
“And if I was so what? You’re cheating on me. With my sister. Right in front of my face.” I spoke finally.
“So that means you can just whore around? Do you think that gives permission to fuck another nigga, Kim?” Dwayne demanded and then my face connected with the tabletop again. 
“I’m not sleeping with anyone. Unlike you, I stayed faithful.”
“Shut the fuck up. You’re lying and I know you are.” Dwayne said and he yanked me to my feet. “I’m gon show you want I do to lying whores.”
Dwayne half dragged me and half carried me to the basement door. I was about to willing walk down, but he threw me down the stairs instead. I crashed down the wooden stairs, unable to catch myself. When I got to the bottom, I landed on my left arm when I tried to catch myself and then my head smacked against the big metal cabinet that held Dwayne’s tools and such. I immediately felt light headed when I felt the warm, thick blood trickling down the side of my face.
I looked up to the top of the steps and saw Kierra and Dwayne staring down at me.
“She’s not moving.” Kierra said sounding panicked. “I can’t see anything. What’s wrong with this light?”
“I took the bulbs out.” Dwayne said simply. 
I tried to get up, but was unable to put any pressure on my left wrist so I couldn’t lift my weight. I groaned out in pain. My head felt heavy and light at the same time and my wrist felt like the bone had shattered into a million pieces. 
“She’s really hurt.” I heard Kierra say. “Help her.”
“How do you even know she’s hurt if you can’t even see her. Her black ass disappeared in the dark.”
“Dwayne,” Kierra pleaded. 
Dwayne sighed as if he were being forced to do something he didn’t want to do and trotted down the steps. Dwayne almost tripped over me in the darkness. 
“Aw, shit, what the fuck is wrong with you now?” Dwayne asked more to himself as he scooped me up into his arms. I didn’t resist him . I couldn’t if I wanted to. My mind and my body weren’t coordinating.
My eyes drifted closed as Dwayne took me back into the kitchen. He laid me on the table.
“Fuck, Dwayne, look at that big ass gash on her head!” Kierra snapped. 
Instinctively my right hand shot from holding my left wrist to the source of the bleeding on my head. I felt the gash and became woozy.
“Shit, don’t touch it. What the fuck, don’t you know anything?” Dwayne smacked my hand away. “Get that first aid kit out of that cupboard up there.” Dwayne said to Kierra. 
Kierra climbed up on a chair and got the first aid kit from the top shelf in the cupboard. She gave the kit to Dwayne and he opened it up and looked inside. 
“Wet some paper towels and clean the blood up.” Dwayne told Kierra. I didn’t say anything. I was glad he actually had a heart to help me. Even though he did this to me. I was too focused on the pain in my wrist. It has to be broken or sprained or shattered or fractured or something.
“You want me to do it?” Kierra asked.
“No, I want her to get up and do it herself.” He said sarcastically. “I can’t do anything with it until it stops bleeding.”
Kierra scurried to the sink and dampened some paper towels. She came back to my side and began dabbing at the blood. 
“What the hell is that gon do?” Dwayne asked her while shaking his head. “You have to put pressure on it.”
“Well, won’t you do it then.” Kierra said thrusting the paper towels into his hands. “I don’t want help her bougie ass anyway.” Kierra stepped aside and moved to the side of the refrigerator and out of the way.
Dwayne just shook his head and moved to my side. “Just keep your ass out of my way then.” He said and he pressed the paper towels to my head. 
I groaned in pain. “That hurts.” I spoke for the first time since he’d thrown me down the stairs. 
“I know, baby.” Dwayne said, but he didn’t stop pressing the paper towels on the gash. “I have to get you cleaned up.” He spoke gently to me. It was like he was a whole different person. Suddenly he was caring and he was concerned for me.
I pressed my eyes shut and tried to hold back the tears. I didn’t want to cry in front of him or especially Kierra. I’d cried so many times already I thought I was all cried out. I guess not.
When I opened my eyes, tears clung to my lashes. I looked up at Dwayne’s soft, compassionate face and the tears fell.
“Hey,” Dwayne said, brushing my hair back that had been plastered to my forehead from the blood. “You’re okay. I got you. ‘ll take you of you, okay?”
I forced a nod. I didn’t believe he could take care of me for one minute. I didn’t even understand why I was crying for him. A part of me hated him so much. A part of me hated him for what he was constantly doing to me. A part of me hated him for what he was doing to my little sister. My little sister was a drug abuser because of him.
But I still loved him. A part of me, a part that was much bigger than the part that hated him, still loved him deeply. That big part of me loved him so much. 
 “I need you to sit up so I can wrap it up.” Dwayne said and I complied. I sat up on the table facing him.
Dwayne took a roll of gauze from the kit. He cut a patch of what looked like a big white Band Aid and stuck it on my forehead. Then he covered it with gauze. 
“I know you probably want to wash your hair so when you’re done, I’ll rewrap it for real.” Dwayne said. “Now, let me see your hand.”
I carefully held out my wrist for him to see. He touched it gently and I winced. He blew out a slow breath as he reached for an Ace Bandage. 
“You have to let me bend it.” He said and I winced again.
“No, it’s fine.” I said. Actually it hurt like heck, but it would only hurt more if he touched it or bent it.
Dwayne smiled like a doctor trying to convince a toddler that a shot won’t hurt too bad. “I have to wrap it anyway, just in case.”
With a grimace and a lot of teeth gritting, Dwayne wrapped my wrist tightly in the Ace bandage. I think it’s broken or something. It shouldn’t hurt like this from a fall. Dwayne kissed my bandaged wrist when he finished. That made me grimace too. 
I noticed Kierra looking surly in the corner. If she was jealous of me and my husband, as terrible as that sounds, she didn’t have to be. At this point, if she wants him she can have him. 
“You feel better now?” Dwayne asked me as he held my good hand.
I nodded. I wanted to slid off the table, but even though it was only like a three feet drop, I was afraid that since I couldn’t support myself on both hands, I’d slide right on my behind. 
“Help me down,” I told Dwayne.
He took my by the arm and waist gently and helped me off the table. “Are you gonna go shower again?” Dwayne asked me.
“Yeah,” I said as I half limped to the stairs.
“You need me to help you?” 
“No,” I said all too quickly.
“Damn, Dwayne, she don’t need that much attention.” Kierra said from the corner of the room.
“She’s my wife.” Dwayne said as he watched me go up the stairs. “You just someone I’m fucking.”
In my house. While I’m there. Don’t even care that I know. Yeah, she’s just someone you’re screw but I sure hope the sex was worth it. Because it cost him a wife. A good wife at that.
I went up to the bedroom and locked myself in the shower. I took a long shower. I shaved my legs and washed my hair. Dwayne wins. I give up. I don’t care anymore. I can barely value my own life. After I got out of the shower, I blow dried my hair and combed it out. I hit it with a brush, and even broke out the flat iron. I curled my hair and let it fall in curly ringlets to my shoulders.
My left eye was still shut but it didn’t sting anymore. The steam from my shower relaxed me and my muscles. I had wanted to take a long relaxing bubble bath but I didn’t want to take the time.
I dressed in the black teddy with the see through lace across the breasts that I had bought to surprise Dwayne but had never worn. I put on the thigh high stockings I’d bought with the teddy and fixed them under the garter straps. I put on a black thong and decided not to put on heels as I’d planned. I might have to run. I decided to just walk around in stocking feet.
I shoved the same purple velour track suit that I’d tried to wear a few nights ago into my pink Nike gym bag. I threw some extra underwear and socks into the bag too. Then I added a black T-shirt and my black Nikes. With the exception of the bruises, I looked pretty sexy. I grabbed my purse and slipped my phone and keys inside. I slung my purse over my shoulder and carried icy hot, three candles, the bottle of Viagra Dwayne needed during that period when he couldn’t get it up, five scarves, and his dirty old baseball bat from the closet. 
I was about to walk out of the room when I saw a glimmer of something silver underneath the bed. I got down and retrieved it. It was my vibrator. I’d lost it maybe a month ago. I knew I was supposed to be the good girl, but Dwayne wasn’t handling his business. I got a thought, smiled, and then grimace. I’m a terrible person. I took the vibrator with me and  sneaked down the stairs and hung my purse on the banisher at the bottom of the stairs. I put the stuff I’d brought down on the kitchen table.
I debated leaving right now. I couldn’t hear any sounds coming from the living room. They could be sleep. I could easily just run outside and drive off. Drive where? I couldn’t go to my mother’s. Kierra would know I’m going there and since she’s playing hound dog for Dwayne she’d tell him that. There’s always Trent. But of course I barely know him. I can’t just drag him into my marital issues even though he offered up his home. And I especially couldn’t go anywhere in lingerie. 
“I’ll think of something,” I said to myself aloud. I stuck my hands into the pockets at the stomach of my hoodie and then I poked my head into the living room. It was a sickening sight. 
Dwayne was on the couch with the remote in his hand as he tried to focus on the TV. Kierra was draped over him, trying to kiss on his neck and putting her hands between his legs but he kept moving or pushing her away.
“Come on, baby, are you really mad at me?” She purred to him.
“I just thought that was fucked up. You could’ve helped. That’s your sister.” Dwayne said and I was surprised.
“Well, you the one who did it to her. Why should I have to help? I didn’t even know what to do.”
“I told you what to do, but you just didn’t want to do it.”
“Well, let her ass have some bruises. I’m tired of her perfect ass.”
“What does that mean?”
“Well, you and my fucking mother treat her like she’s some kind of golden princess that has to be protected. I mean, shit, my mother never did that shit for me.”
Dwayne just looked at her. I just looked at her too. If anything, Mom favored her, not me. And Dwayne sure as heck doesn’t treat me like royalty. Royalty has a whipping boy that gets beat instead of them. Where the freak is my whipping boy?
“She is a princess.” He said out of the blue. “That’s why I love her. That’s why I married her.”
“Yeah, and that’s why you’ve been beating the hell out of her for the last four days just for breathing wrong.” Kierra said. 
Dang right! That ain’t love. The only other thing I could think of is, has it been four days? One of us lost count. Probably me. 
“You don’t understand!” Dwayne yelled at her suddenly. Then he immediately calmed down. “Kimberly doesn’t know how to fucking listen. You listen. She thinks she can do whatever the hell she wants to do.”
“Does that really give you the right to put your hands on a woman?”
“She’s my wife.”
“But she’s still a woman. Just because she married you, doesn’t mean she signed her life over to you. You can’t control her the way you want to. She’s a person.”
“You saying all this shit now, but you wasn’t saying that when you was fucking me and using my shit.”
Kierra didn’t say anything. I was wondering that too. How can she jump to my defense now, but be part of the reason that I’m stuck here. I wouldn’t have been thrown down the basement step if she hadn’t run to go tell Dwayne I was on the phone.
“I’m just saying.” Kierra said finally.
“Well, say something else. You don’t know anything about me or Kim.” Dwayne said and he changed the channel.
They were both quiet. I was silent to as I pulled my head back into the kitchen. I took some time to collect myself. I glanced over at the stove for the time. It was already after eleven o’ clock. Time went fast. How long was I in the shower?
After I became able to look Dwayne and Kierra in the eye without crying or fighting, I walked into the living room. They both looked up at me as though they were surprised to see me. They both looked me over and gave me different reactions to my outfit. Kierra rolled her eyes and then raised her eyebrows. Dwayne moved over on the couch to make room for me. I smiled at both of them as if this were completely ordinary.
“Come sit by me,” He said.
“I wanna sit on the love seat,” I said and I went over there and sat down. “But you can come sit next to me.” I said.
I couldn’t tell if Kierra was surprised, jealous, or both. I was gonna guess both. Dwayne moved from the couch and took the seat next to me on the love seat. When Dwayne sat down, I switched around and cuddled up to him. 
“I’m sorry, baby.” I said to him in my sweetest, most convincing voice. 
Dwayne didn’t seem a bit surprised to suspicious that I was suddenly so loving to him. He wrapped his arms around me. “Sorry for what?”
Sorry for marrying you. Sorry for letting you do this to me. I feel sorry for Kierra. You are just one sorry… 
“I’m sorry for talking to you the way I have been.” I said all the while thinking of something to add to that. “I’m sorry for acting like I have too. I’m also sorry for making you so mad.”
“That’s alright, baby. I know you get stressed just like everybody else.” He brushed a kiss to my cheek. I suddenly wanted to wash my face. 
“You don’t want to apologize for anything?” I asked him. I wasn’t here for him to apologize, but I still expected one. An apology won’t be enough for me to forgive him, but I still deserved one.
“Yeah…” He said slowly. “I’m sorry for treating you badly.” He said and gave me another kiss on the cheek. “I’m sorry for hurting you and hitting you. I just don’t like when you act like you don’t love me anymore. I just want you to stay with me forever. You don’t understand how much I love you. No one understands. Sometimes I barely understand. I just know that I won’t ever let you go for anything or anyone. I just love-”
“Shh,” I shushed him. “I get it, baby.” I told him. As much as I didn’t want to, I knew I had to sell the story. I shifted up on my knees and leaned in to kiss him on the mouth. I gave him a small brush of a kiss. Immediately Dwayne’s hands moved to my butt and he pulled me down on top of him. I’m not sleeping with him and he’s not gonna make me do it either. I didn’t make him stop kissing me. I just laid there on top of him and let him do what he was doing just like I’ve been doing during our sex for the last year. 
Dang, I wish he would fall in love with some mints, some tic tacs, some Listerine, or something. I hadn’t shushed him because I understood, but because I was tired of hearing his lame, half-butt reason for doing what he did. I hated him. There used to be love in me. Even when he was hurting for no reason at all, I still loved him. Not anymore. The little bit of love in me that was still for him was tied up and gagged while I let the hate take over. 
I wanted to hurt him. I wanted to hurt like he’s been doing to me. My wrist was probably broken and he didn’t even care enough to take me to the hospital. I couldn’t wait to do what I had planned. Of course I thought of this while I was in the shower, but it’ll get my point across. 
Before I could do anything, I needed to get Kierra out of the house. I was watching her from the corner of my eye and I could tell the way I was on Dwayne was annoying her. Either she’ll leave or Dwayne will kick her out.
I whispered into Dwayne’s ear so that Kierra couldn’t hear. “Do you want to…?” I asked him allowing my sentence to trail off so he could use his imagination.
“Hell yeah,” He said and he squeezed my behind. I never felt more disgusted, but I’ll throw up later. I got stuff to do right now.
“Tell Kierra to leave. I want us to be alone.” I whispered and kissed his ear. Dirty, this boy needs a bath. 
“Hold up,” He said. 
“I’ll be back.” I smiled playfully at him. “She better be gone when I get back.” 
Like a slick little criminal, I’d taken what was left of the weed and cocaine from the coffee table without either of them seeing me. Dwayne was too focused on my breasts and behind and Kierra was too focused on Dwayne. I took an empty container from the sink and proceeded to go upstairs.
By the time I reached the steps I heard Dwayne say, “Take my car, go to your mom’s or some shit, just get the fuck out.” 
I smiled and shook my head as I slipped up the steps to the bathroom. I dumped the drugs into the toilet from the bags they were in and flushed it a few times. Once very illegal substance was out of my toilet bowl and out of my house, I searched for the shaving kit. I found it hidden behind the cabinet beside the sink. I opened it and found a few small bags of cocaine. I ripped them open and dumped them into the toilet too. After another flush I filled the container up halfway with toilet water. Then I peed in it. He’s literally pissed on me. I wasn’t letting that go.
After washing my hands, I took the container back downstairs and sat it on the table. I went to the living room and found Dwayne lying on the couch with his shirt off, waiting for me. Kierra wasn’t here.
I forced a smile. “I wanna cook for you.” I told him.
“Naw, that’s alright. You can just come over here.” He said as he patted his lap for me to sit down.
With another fake smile, I said, “No, baby, I haven’t made you dinner in a while. Let me cook for you.”
“Alright, if you wanna cook, go cook.” He said. “But don’t take too long ‘cause you already know what I’m hungry for.”
“Okay, baby.” I said and I turned back into the kitchen. 
I never knew anyone could be so dumb. I went to the refrigerator and searched for something I could cook. There was a pack of pork chops in the fridge. They were already unthawed so I’ll make them. I put the meat on the counter. I took a box of instant mashed potatoes out and three cans of corn. 
I opened the pork chops and put them in the sink in a strainer under cold running water to clean them. I wanted to mess with Dwayne, but I wasn’t gonna feed him unclean meat. I put a skillet of oil on the stove to get hot as I cleaned the pork chops in water. First I seasoned two pork chops and coated them in flour regularly. After I put those pork chops in the skillet on the stove, I put on rubber cooking gloves to do Dwayne’s. I took the cleaned remaining three pork chops and dipped them in the toilet water/piss mixture. I accidently dropped them in the container but I didn’t care. I used tongs to retrieve them and then I put them on a plate. I mentally reminded myself to throw the plate and the tongs away once I finished. 
I put two cans of corn on the stove in a pot while substituting the water with the mess in the container. I also seasoned his corn as usual. I turned the overhead fan on because until the cooking smells spread, it was gonna smell like piss in here. Then I made the last can of corn normally for myself.
I did the same with the mashed potatoes. I made a pot of piss potatoes and a pot of regular ones for myself. His potatoes didn’t exactly come out white, but instead it was pale yellow. I melted cheddar cheese in milk and added it to both pots of potatoes. Now they were both light orange. 
Once I finished the food I made the plates. I threw the remainder of the food I made for myself away and cleaned the pots to make it seem like I only made one of everything. I threw all the utensils and some of the dishes I’d made Dwayne’s food with in the trash. 
“Baby, what do you want to drink?” I called to him. 
“Pepsi is cool, babe.” He said.
No, it isn’t. I wanted him to drink alcohol. It would be easier to mask the toilet mixture was planning on mixing in his drink.
“How about we have some champagne?” I asked him. Champagne was gold and the piss mix is pale yellow. “Or maybe some whiskey?” Whiskey was so strong it might as well be piss. 
I looked through our alcohol cabinet. I smiled. “I know, I could make us some Long Island Iced Teas.” Perfect. It’s a mixed drink and I’m not bartender.
“Whatever you want,” Dwayne said.
How about I create a drink? I’ll call it Dwayne’s Crash and Burn. “Okay, baby.” I called.
I took out the cocktail shaker that we’d never used. It was a wedding present. I at least knew how to use it. I made the Long Island Iced Teas and poured them into two glasses, only filling Dwayne’s glass three-quarters of the way. 
I finished Dwayne’s glass off with the piss mixture. I crushed four Viagra pills up and put them in his drink also. I stirred the drink with a butter knife until all the flakes dissolved. I have no idea how much is too much, but I really didn’t care. I carried his glass and plate into the living room and sat it down in front of him. I gave him a deep kiss on the lips. After he eats and drinks this, he’ll be getting no more kisses from me. Ever.
“I’m gon get my plate. I’ll be right back.” I said and I went to get my plate of food. I carried my drink and plate back into the living room and sat down on the love seat while Dwayne sat on the couch. 
“Can you fix this?” I asked him holding out my damaged wrist. The Ace bandage was hanging off. I didn’t want his help, but I needed it.
“Yeah, baby.” He said and he leaned over and fixed my bandage. 
“Thank you,” I said and I lifted my glass in the air. “Let’s make a toast.” I said.
“Okay,” He lifted his toxic glass up in the air to mine. “Let our marriage prosper so we can get past all that’s happened. To us.”
“To us.” I repeated and we both drank half our glasses. 
“Ah,” Dwayne breathed after he drank. He looked like he sucked on a lemon.
I smiled. “Do you like it? I put a little something extra in it for a kick.” I said as I sipped mine. It was actually pretty good. But of course mine was lacking in toilet water.
“Yeah, it tastes a little strong. But it’s good baby.” Dwayne said and then he picked up his plate. 
I should have made gravy. It could have covered the piss taste. He might realize something’s wrong. I picked up my plate also and tasted my mashed potatoes. I was wondering how they’d tasted with the cheddar cheese. They were actually good. I was a good cook. Even when I was poisoning someone. 
“These potatoes are good.” I said to him as I watched television. Kevin Hart was on one of the movie channels. I smiled. You gon learn today. 
Dwayne tasted them. I got a twitch in his facial expression. “Mmm-hmm,” He murmured. He tested the corn and the pork chops. I guess the pork chops weren’t bad because he settled on them. I should have baked them. The frying must have evaporated the toilet water or something.
I watched him eat out of the corner of my eye. He ate the pork chop but he was playing with the corn and the mashed potatoes. I on the other hand was smashing my food. I hadn’t eaten in three whole days so I was enjoying myself. And the fact that I’d done that to his food brought my appetite back. 
“What’s wrong, baby?” I asked him in an innocent voice. “Don’t you like it? I made it special for you. Don’t tell me you don’t like it.”
“No, baby, I like it. It’s just…” Dwayne’s voice trailed off as he searched for a word. He probably wanted to describe it without hurting my feelings.
“It’s just what, Dwayne?” I asked him. I wanted to bust out laughing so bad, but instead i made myself look crushed because he didn’t like it.
“Nothing, baby, it’s perfect.” Dwayne forced himself to continue eating the food. After a few bits he would take a gulp of the drink. There’s piss in that too, buddy. 
I finished my food and sat back on the couch. I was full and content. If I hadn’t thrown all the good food away I may have gotten seconds. I picked up my glass to drink it, but it was empty. His was too.
“Do you want me to refill your glass, baby?” I asked him.
“Yes, please.” He said.
I took both our glasses into the kitchen and refilled them. I didn’t add any of the toilet water mess to his this time because I had use for the last of it. I picked up the bottle of Viagra and looked at the label. 
Do not exceed four to eight pills per day. Well, I’d already given him four. He hasn’t taken it in a while so the hard on has already started. Who cares? I crushed up four more pills and put it in his glass. I wanted the hard on to last until he needed medical attention. 
I carried the glasses into the living room and gave it to him. His plate was empty. He picked up the glass and took two big gulps. 
“I’ll take our plates in.” I said. 
After I came back from the kitchen, I saw the bulge straining in his pants. I had crushed the last five pills in the bottle and put it in a fresh batch of Long Island Iced Tea. For a moment I had thought the pills had expired because he wasn’t getting hard. Guess I was wrong. Dwayne always was a slow riser. 
“You want some more?” I asked him. 
“You trying to get me drunk, aren’t you?” He asked as I refilled his glass.
“Why would I want you drunk?” I asked him. I sat down on the couch next to him. I reached over his lap so that my breasts brushed his erection to retrieve my glass.
“I guess it’s the same reason why you’re wearing that outfit.” He said. “You aren’t cold?”
“Actually I’m hot.” I said as I watched him over the rim of my glass. Actually I was freezing my butt off. My nipples were hard and poking through the lace of the teddy and it had nothing to do with Dwayne.
“I see,” Dwayne played with the strap of my teddy. “What do you want to do about it?”
“I want us to finish our drinks and then I’ll show you.” I said.
“Forget these drinks.” He said. “Let’s go.” He leaned over and sloppily kissed my neck.
Yuck. Maybe I shouldn’t have fed him the piss. I may not be able to get out of kissing him.
“No, not so fast.” I said. “I want tonight to be special. Let’s take our time. I want to do something different.”
“Different like what?” He asked.
“I want to tie you up and blindfold you.” I said carefully. I was wondering how he’s react to that.
He was quiet for a moment and I found myself holding my breath. “You know, I knew something was up.” He said.
“What do you mean?” I asked him. I sipped my drink cautiously.
He smiled. “I knew you was into that kinky shit. You just wasn’t trying to show it. I knew you was a freak.”
I smiled as I exhaled in relief. “I guess I was shy.” I said.
“Well, don’t be tonight.” He said.
“Don’t worry,” I said. “I ain’t scared of nothing tonight.”
“Good,” He said and then he leaned over to kiss me on the lips. I quickly turned my head so his lips touched my cheek.
“What?” He asked. “Is it my breath?” He asked.
“Yeah,” I said with a playful smile. Naw, I just didn’t want to taste piss and toilet water.
“Here, hold on.” He said and he reached into his pocket. He pulled out a pack of tic tacs. He poured like five of them into his hand and popped them all. He blew cool air across my face and I wanted to throw up. “Better?”
“Maybe another one,” I suggested.
“Oh, it’s like that?”
“Yeah,”
He ate like half the bottle of tic tacs. “Is that better?” He asked.
“Yes,” I forced myself to kiss him on the lips. Yeah, feeding him pissy toilet water was a terrible idea. I just won’t tongue kiss him. I just have to stomach it.
Dwayne pulled me on to his lap and began kissing my neck. I tilted my head back like I was enjoying it. I even moaned for him. His hands caressed my back and stopped on my behind.
“Where’d you get this?” He murmured referring to my outfit.
“I’d bought it to surprise you. Surprised?” I said.
“Hell yeah, this is sexy as fuck.” He said. “I wish you were wearing some heels.”
“I was going to but…” I murmured. But I didn’t want to be slowed down. 
“It’s still sexy.” He said. He moved his hands to his waist to take off his belt. “Can we fuck while you’re still wearing this?” He asked crudely. I forced myself not to roll my eyes. How crude can you get?
“Yeah,” I said in an even tone. I took his hand and put it under my teddy so he could feel my thong. “The garter straps don’t close anything up.”
“Good, ‘cause I don’ want you to take this off.”
I stood up. His erection was forcing the zipper of his jeans into my thigh and it was not comfortable. “I’ll be right back.” I said. “Take your clothes off, close your eyes, and wait for me.”
“Okay,” He said. I knew he was watching me walk away so I put a little extra swing into my hips. I walked to the kitchen and gathered up the scarves, icy hot, vibrator, and candles. 
I carried the items back to the living room and sat it all on the table. I put the icy hot on the floor just in case Dwayne opened his eyes. Dwayne was lying complexly naked on the couch with his eyes closed and his hands behind his head. 
I kissed his cheek. “I’m going to tie you up now.” I told him as I tied the darkest scarf around his eyes. He was grinning like he was in a wet dream. Seriously, how could anyone be so dumb? I took another scarf and tied it to one of his wrists. Tying was an awkward motion with my wrist like it is. I looked around for something to tie him to. I should have done this in the bedroom. I could have tied him to the bedposts. 
I decided to tie him to the wooden stand beside the window. The stand was bolted to the wall so it should hold, but I don’t know. If he pulled hard enough he may either break the stand or rip the scarves to get out. I decided to wrap the scarf around the stand and then tie the other end to his other wrist rather than using two separate scarves. I wish I had some handcuffs or some thick rope. I was going to tie his legs but I didn’t have anything to tie him to and I didn’t want him to get suspicious until it was too late. 
He had his hands tied above his head and was completely vulnerable to me. I decided to tie one of his legs to the leg of the coffee table. Now even if he did get his hands free he would have to get his leg free too. By then I’d be long gone. 
I took the lighter he and Kierra had on the table and started lighting the candles. I left all three candles on the coffee table rather than spreading them around the room like this was some romantic evening.
“What are you doing now?” Dwayne asked me. I guess he was impatient. He was probably anxious. He should be. You should never let a woman that you beat to tie you up when there’s no one else in the house. There was no one to help him. 
“I’m lighting some candles.” I told him. 
“Hmm,” He murmured. “I see you, sexy.”
I gave a small fake laugh. “I can’t wait to give you what I have planned.” I said. I looked at his penis. I think the Viagra made him grow an inch or two. His manhood was large, hard, and throbbing. His erection probably hurt. 
“Just don’t make me wait. I’ve never been this turned on in my life.” He said.
After I lit the candles, I sat on his lap, straddling him. I started grinding on him.
He moaned. A man’s moan never sounded worse. His moan was a turn off. “That’s good, baby.” He said. 
“Hmm, you like that?” I cooed. I wasn’t elongating this mess. 
“Yeah,” He said. “You gon ride me or what?”
“Just wait.” I said. “I’m gonna give you something better.”
“Hmm,” He murmured.
I slipped back onto his thighs so that his penis poked up to attention. I took hold of his manhood. I grabbed him somewhat roughly. I started giving him a hand job. He moaned. 
“You like that, baby?” I asked him again.
“Hell yeah,” He grunted.
“Good,” I said. Pleasure over. It’s time for pain.
I stayed straddling him and reached for the icy hot. The only problem with this is that he’s gonna smell it. I figured the candles would mask it a bit, but icy hot is a strong scent.
I opened the little jar and dunked my hand in it. I took a handful of it and began massaging his penis, balls, and that whole general area in it. I even put some on his butt hole and crack. He was gonna feel this. I heard that icy hot dissolved into your skin and even if he were to wash it off he’d still feel the burn. He’d especially in his ball sack and on his butt hole. Sensitive areas were the worse. 
“Shit, that tingles.” He said as he squirmed. “And it’s cold. What’s you do, visit the Pleasure Chest?”
“No,” I said. “I got this from the drugstore.” 
“Hmm,” He murmured.
I continued massaging his manhood with the icy hot to accelerate the process. He said it was tingling so it’ll be burning in a second. It will be burning for like an hour since I’m rubbing it in and he has an erection. Lord, please forgive me. 
“Shit, what the fuck is that?” Dwayne snapped suddenly. A second ago he was moaning and complimenting my hand job. He jerked and I almost fell from on top of him. He tried to break from his restraints, but I made sure I tied them tightly. 
“You like that, baby?” I asked him in my sexy little purring voice.
“What the fuck are you doing?” He demanded as he writhed around on the couch. His free leg was kicking around and I literally had to sit on it to keep him still. I took the vibrator and clicked it on, surprisingly the batteries hadn’t died. I’m gonna remind myself of Duracell next time I go battery shopping. I took the vibrator and shoved it up his butt.
“Shit!” He screamed out and I couldn’t help but laugh. “You crazy ass bitch! I’m gon fuck you up!’
“You ain’t gon do nothing.” I told him and I climbed off of him. I reached for a candle and poured the hot wax on his chest.
“Fuck!” He screamed. “Fuck you, you crazy ass hoe ass black ass ugly ass bitch!”
“I told you so many times not to call me out of my name!” I yelled at him as I reached for another candle. “But you still do it.” I poured the wax on him and he writhed and screamed. 
I’d snapped and I knew it. I hated him. I wish I could have felt this way a long time ago. I wish I were brave enough to do this days ago. I had lost all respect for myself because of him. He called me ugly. He called me dark. He called whores and hoes and bitches. I’m tired of it. 
“You gon learn today.” I told him. Kevin Hart was still on and I heard the audience laughing. It was like they were laughing at Dwayne’s pain. They were laughing at me. They were laughing at how stupid I’d been to let Dwayne do me like this. Not anymore. I wasn’t gon be stupid no more.
I began thrusting the vibrator in his flaming behind and watched him thrash around in pain. I laughed at him and the audience on television laughed with me. 
I poured the wax of the last candle on his dick and balls. That really made him jump. 
“Crazy ass bitch!” He was screaming all kinds of stuff but I didn’t care to listen.
“I was your wife, Dwayne.” I yelled at him. “I was always there for you. I never ever treated like anything less than a man. But you couldn’t give me the same respect. You treated me like nothing. You beat on me and you cheated on me with my own sister! But I feel sorry for you. You were dumb enough to let me tie you up. You’ll be lucky if I don’t kill you.”
I left the vibrator in his behind and stood up. I stared down at him.  I wanted to do more. I wanted to hurt him more. I wanted him to feel emasculated. I wanted to make him feel less than a man because he made me feel like I’m less than a woman. I ran to the kitchen and retrieved the container of piss and the baseball bat.
“You pissed on me, Dwayne!” I yelled at him. “You can’t get no lower than that. You made me feel like I was nothing. I can’t even look at myself in the mirror anymore because all I can see is the bruises you gave me. You may have messed up my wrist, but trust me: I’m gon give you what you gave me for the last four days.”
I dumped the piss on his face and then I started swinging wildly with the baseball bat. I lifted the bat high above my head and then brought it crashing down to his chest. 
“You like that, baby? You like the way that taste? That’s my piss, you asshole.” I think I just cussed for the first time in years. “You like that? I know you like it. You just ate a whole plate of food and three glasses of it.”
“You dirty ass bitch. I’m gonna fucking kill you.” He said. His face was all battered and beat up. I must have hit him in the face with it too. I was blinded by rage. There were growing purple spots on his ribs. He may have been bleeding internally but I didn’t care. Let the motherfucker die. His lip was busted and his left eye was black and swollen just like mine. That only made me angrier and that only made me want to hit him more. So I did. 
“When, Dwayne? When you get untied? I’ll be gon by then. I may just be a widow by then.” 
The candles had melted down some more so I poured the wax on him again. This time I carefully spelled “Cheating Bastard” across his abs. it was sloppy, but you could make out what it said. I hope it scarred so that everyone would see it when he took his shirt off. That would give any other woman he comes into contact with a heads up. 
I was beating him again with the bat until I saw the shelf that was bolted to the wall break and crash to the floor.
“Crap!” I exclaimed. I was able to bolt for the door but Dwayne’s hand fastened around my ankle and he brought me crashing to the ground.
I was kicking and scratching and punching from beneath him. The icy hot between his legs was rubbing on to my thigh. I felt that his erection hadn’t gon down. He definitely needed medical attention.
Dwayne was on top of me and he was swinging and punching me directly in the face. I had my hands up to cover myself as I tried to get him off me. 
“You crazy ass bitch, I told you was gon fuck you up. You gon wish you was dead. I’m gon put your ass back in the basement and then I’m gon fuck you up every day until you bleed or starve to death.” He was saying. 
Somehow I found a way to bring my knee straight up and sent Dwayne’s testicles up to his throat. He fell off me and doubled over in pain. I kicked him a few times and then ran for the kitchen. I had no desire to stick around. 
Once I reached the kitchen, I grabbed my purse and my gym bag and headed for the back door. The way our house was set up, our driveway was actually in the back of the house rather than the front. So we usually used the back door as the front. I wrenched the door open but before I could run out I was pulled back by my hair. 
I started screaming at the top of my lungs hoping some neighbors would hear me. Dwayne yanked me back and somehow we ended up rolling around and wrestling on the floor. Dwayne ended up on top again but he had my legs so that I couldn’t knee him again. He slapped a hand over my mouth and punched me in the stomach. I gave a muffled scream and then bit his hand. 
He yanked his hand back and then called me a few more obscenities. Using that little window of time I pushed him off me and bit him in the neck like a vampire. When stood up I literally stepped on his balls. Then I ran out of the house without looking back. 
Dwayne chased me out of the house, completely naked. I ran to my Prius. I was barefoot and pretty much naked in my teddy. I pulled my keys out of my purse as I ran. I beeped my car unlocked and then hoped inside. Dwayne ran to my car with his very unhealthy erection standing out in front of him. I put my cute little Prius in reverse and ran over Dwayne’s foot as I drove out of the driveway.
“You’ll be back, bitch!” I heard Dwayne yelling. “Even if I have to drag you, you’ll be back.” 
I was laughing hysterically as I drove off. He had busted my lip for the umpteenth time and my wrist hurt like a mother, but I was laughing. 
I didn’t want to go to my mother’s. Kierra was probably there. I looked at the dash. It was after two AM. Time flies when you’re having fun. I laughed again. I tilted my head back and my car swerved. I knew I needed to calm down or I’ll be in another car accident. This time it may not be just a little fender bender. 
I was driving for about twenty minutes and I decided to call my dear husband. 
“What, bitch?” He demanded. 
I laughed into the phone. “Hey, baby.” I purred. I couldn’t keep myself from laughing.
“You one crazy ass bitch, you know that?” Dwayne said and I laughed some more.
“You made me crazy.” I said. “But I have to ask: did you like that, baby? Because I sure did, I think I may have had my first orgasm with you.”
“You crazy ass bitch,” He said again.
“Come on, baby, was it as good for you as it was for me?” I cooed.
“What the fuck is wrong with you?”
“You know that was the first time I ever got any pleasure from a sexual act with you, Dwayne. I know you liked it. You moaned for me remember, baby. You moaned like a little feminine bitch.” I swore two times.
“You know what, fuck you Kimberly.”
“Oh, you’ll never fuck me again. I’m only fucking real men for now on.” Okay, I’m done counting cuss words. 
“You ain’t fucking nobody, Kim. You was a virgin when we first got together and I’m still the only nigga you ever been with.”
“No, you’re not.” I lied. “You know you always accused me of cheating on you? Well, you were right. I’d been fucking with another man for a while now. Almost six months.” I just loved lying to him. I loved lying just like he lied to me so many times.
“You’re lying.” He said.
“Am I?” I pulled into the gas station. I pulled my Nikes out the bag and put them on. 
“Shut the fuck up, Kimberly. I’m gonna fucking kill you.” Dwayne started snapping. “I’m gonna kill you and any nigga I see you with.”
“No, you won’t. My man will kick your ass before you even come near me. He’s bigger than you. He’s bigger than you in every way.”
“Shut the fuck up, Kimberly!”
“Calm down, baby.” I purred. “Tell me something. Are you still turned on? I know you like what I did, right? Is your little ass dick still hard?”
“Yeah, what the fuck did you do to me?” 
“I turned you on. I know you loved that vibrator to the ass. I know that just turned you on. And I know you loved my outfit. I had that dick hard, right? I know it’s still hard.”
“What the fuck did you do, Kim?” 
“I didn’t do anything, but I think you took much Viagra. If you start losing your vision you should seek medical attention. I hear that’s a sign that you may be at serious risk.”
“You crazy ass bitch,”
“Whatever, Dwayne.” I walked into the Sunoco store and went to the register. The man behind the counter looked me over. 
“Damn, girl, you looking good.” He said and I smiled.
“You don’t look so bad yourself.” I said so that Dwayne could hear.
“Who the fuck is that?” He demanded. 
“That is none of your business. I have to go, baby.” I told him. “There’s my man.”
“I’m gonna fucking kill you, Kimberly. I’m gonna kill you both. I’m gonna-”
Click. I looked at the man behind the register. I gave him a weak smile. 
“Aren’t you cold?” He asked. He must have been talking to my nipples because that’s where his eyes were. I couldn’t blame him. I was wearing nothing but lingerie.
“Freezing,” I had been running on adrenaline so the below zero temperature just hit me.
The man’s eyes focused on my face for the first time. “Damn,” He breathed. “Are you okay?”
“I’m fine.” I said. “I need Band Aids and shit like that. Can you help me out or what?”
“Uh, yeah.” The man walked from behind the register and I followed him to an aisle. There were various drugs and such on the shelves. He pulled some stuff off the shelf and handed it to me. Among it was Band Aids, Ace bandages, Neosporin, and some larger bandages. 
“Yeah, I’ll take all this.” I said and we went back to the counter. I paid for my things quickly and was ready to be out.
“Are you sure you don’t need help?” He asked.
“I’m fine.” I said again. Then I went back out to my car. I hoped in to escape the freezing cold weather.
I put my heat on blast and then drove to Trent’s house. I didn’t want him to see me like this, but I couldn’t think of anyone else. I parked in front of his house behind his Tahoe. I took out my keys and found his. I opened his door and crept inside. I locked the door and found my way to his bathroom. 
I looked at myself in the mirror. I thought I’d look worse, but actually I didn’t. The only reason I seemed so shocking to the man at the store was because the bandage that was originally on my forehead was gone and the wound had reopened so blood was down the side of my face. My left eye was actually open and had reformed to a purple bruise. It looked better than it had only hours ago. My lip was busted, my nose was bleeding, and my cheek was bruised. That’s why my eye had looked so bad earlier. My cheek was swollen under it.
I washed my face in the sink and cleaned everything with Neosporin. I found rubbing alcohol in Trent’s medicine cabinet but I was too afraid to use it and it stings. I put a fresh white bandage on my forehead and looked at myself again. I looked pretty fine considering the conditions. I tightened the bandage in my wrist. 
Suddenly I was leaning against the wall and slowly sliding to the floor. I was crying and sobbing and bawling. I had suddenly broken down emotionally. I was laughing since this happened. I guess I was laughing to keep from crying. 
I felt like my whole world had crashed down around me. It had. I was broken. I wanted my mother. I wanted to crawl into bed with my mother like a little girl. I wanted to be held. I wanted to be held by anyone who cared. I wanted Trent. I wanted Trent to hold me and kiss me on my forehead like he had the first night he let me into his house. I wanted him to take care of me like he had that time. I wanted him to care about me. I wanted him to tell me everything was gonna be alright even though I knew it wasn’t. I wanted him to make me feel better. I just wanted him to be there. I wanted to feel like I was safe for the first time in my life. I wanted to believe that Dwayne couldn’t come near me anymore.
I was still crying when I found my way to Trent’s bedroom. When I opened the door, Trent opened his eyes and looked up at me. His hazel eyes were warm and concerned.
He didn’t say a word. He just pulled back the covers, inviting me in. I kicked off my shoes and went to the bed. I climbed into the bed next to Trent and he wrapped his arm and the blanket around me. He kissed me behind the ear. It was just as warm and gentle as his kiss on the forehead had been.
I was still crying in his arms, but I wasn’t shaking or sobbing uncontrollably anymore. He held me tightly and I cried some more. I cried myself to sleep in his arms.





Chapter 11
Charisse
So today was the day. Saturday. We have to go skating today at two o’ clock and Robert decided to go into work. He told me this morning that he’ll be there at two, but he had stuff to do at the office, but I wasn’t hearing that. I know his ass was gonna try to not come. If he didn’t we’re gonna have a problem. 
All week, since the night we said we were gonna divorce, all we’ve been doing was arguing. We argued all the time. An argument would start with something as trivial as “why would put your mouth on the orange juice carton? Other people have to drink that too. You are so disgusting.”
“This is my house and my orange juice so I’ll do what the fuck I want.”
“It ain’t gon be your house when I take this shit in the settlement. I’m taking the house and the orange juice.” 
And then we’re arguing. We couldn’t even say two words to each other without going at each other’s throats. It was the worse when the kids were around. That’s the only time we try and pretend to be married and happy, but we’d end up saying smart ass comments to each other under our breaths.
“Mommy, why those birds fighting like that?” Bobby would ask if we were watching television “as a family”. 
Then Robert would say, “Because that woman bird is crazy and thinks she can treat the man bird however she wants.”
Then I would say, “Actually, the man bird is the one treating the woman bird badly so the woman bird just wants him to go away.”
Then Bobby would say, “I thought it was because they were fighting for the food.”
Then Robert would say, “That’s how it starts. The woman bird just wants to take everything away from the man bird. The woman bird is selfish. She doesn’t want the man bird to be happy.”
Then I would say, “No, the woman bird wants nothing more than for then man bird to be happy, but the man bird would rather be happy at his bird job with another woman bird rather than the woman bird he vowed to be with.”
Then Brianna would say, “Hey, Bobby, how about we go get some snacks.”
Then Robert and I would be left alone to argue. 
Argue. Argue. Argue. That’s it. I can’t wait to get divorced.
“We will be there at two o’ clock, Robert.” I told him. I was on the phone with my no good, soon to be ex-husband. Bobby and Brianna were upstairs getting dressed to go skating. I was already fully dressed so I called Robert. We’d have the worst blow up last night, but I told him he was bringing his ass skating for his son. 
“Well, I’ll get there when I get there.” He said passively. 
“No, there will be none of that. You will bring your ass to PPG Place at two o’ fucking clock.” 
“Watch who you talking to, Charisse.” Robert said calmly. “I’m not a little ass kid. You won’t talk to me any kind of way.”
“You ain’t a man either so what are you?”
“Are you done? I’m not gon argue with you, Charisse. You got what you wanted. You don’t need to call and antagonize me every hour of the damn day.”
“I’m not antagonizing you, Robert, so stop bitching. Come late to this skating rink and you gon see some antagonizing. You gon see some real shit.” I told him.
“Goodbye, Charisse.” He said.
“You better find your way to that damn skating rink.”
“Are you ready to go?” I heard a woman ask him. It was the same voice from last night.
“Yeah, Jessiah, just let me end this call.” Robert said to her.
“You fucking her, Robert?” I asked him.
“Why do you care?” 
“I don’t.” Then I hung up my cell phone and stuck it into my purse. As if on impulse, when my hand came out of my purse, my pill bottle was in it. I took the two pills I knew I would need if I was going to have to stomach Robert for skating.
“Brianna, Bobby, come on!” I yelled for my children. 
Bobby ran into the living room, dressed for the weather in his big down coat. Moments later, Brianna came in dragging her feet. She was in another mood. She had an attitude because I told her she had to come skating with us. I wasn’t in the mood to say anything. Robert had me twisted if he thought he could just come late and I was gonna let that go. 
“Alright,” I said with a hand clap. “Everyone get in the car.”
We all trooped out to my Kia and fastened ourselves in. Brianna got into the back seat and Bobby didn’t ask to be in the front. I sighed as I drove to PPG Place.
Neither Bobby nor Brianna mentioned what happened last night. Brianna slept through it, but I know Bobby told her. They stick together. They may argue, but if one of them knows a secret, soon both of them will know.
“Where’s Dad?” Bobby asked from the backseat.
“Um…I just called him. He said he may arrive late.” I told him. And by the end of the night he may arrive in the emergency room.
“But he’s coming, right?” 
“That’s what he said.” 
“He better come. You told him what time, right?”
“Yeah, I told him.”
“Okay,” Bobby sat back in his seat. 
Robert can test me if he wants to. I don’t care what’s going on between me and him, he better do right by my son. I don’t play about my children and I’m not gon play games with Robert. That nigga is gon see a whole different side of me if his black ass doesn’t find his way to that skating rink. 
By the time we parked and got our skates and everything it was two-thirty and there was no sign of Robert. Brianna was off skating so I guess she was in a better mood, but Bobby was sitting next to me on the bench. I was trying to act like I was watching the skaters, but I was looking out for Robert just like Bobby. 
“Is he coming?” Bobby asked me for the twelfth time.
“He said he’ll be late, honey.” I told him again.
“He’s not coming.” Bobby said, sounding defeated. 
“I’m gonna call him again.” I told him. 
“Okay,” 
I caught Brianna’s eye and made a motion for her to keep an eye on her brother. She simply nodded and kept skating. She was with a young girl who was about her age that I hadn’t recognized. She’d probably just met her today. I got up and moved from the crowed skating rink to the paying area. I pulled out my phone and called Robert again. I’d called him twice already and he chose not to answer both times.
“Yes,” He answered.
“Where the hell are you?” I demanded. 
“I’m at work. You know; the place where I cheat on you.”
“You know what? Fuck you and all your little hoes. You need to get your ass to this skating rink now, Robert. I’m not playing no fucking games with you. Get your ass here. What the hell are you doing? I told your ass. Two o’ clock! I did not say two-thirty and I damn sure ain’t say three. Where the hell are you?”
“You know what, Charisse? Who the hell are you talking to? I’m not some little ass kid and you ain’t gon run your mouth off like that to me. I don’t know who the hell you think you are but last I checked you weren’t my mother.”
“Yeah, I’m your soon to be ex-wife. And if you don’t get your ass to this skating rink to play with our child, he’ll be your soon to be ex-son.”
“Bitch, please, you ain’t getting my son and we ain’t got to have this conversation again.”
“Robert, don’t call me no fucking bitch. I’m not a bitch, do you understand me?”
“You’re right.” He said. His voice sobered a little. “I ain’t mean to call you a bitch. You know I don’t talk to women like that. Not even the crazy ones.”
I sucked my teeth loudly. “You know what, Robert? Save it. Don’t try to play that nice and joking shit with me now. You’re still a pussy, and I still want a divorce. You just play that cutesy shit and get your ass down here to this park for my son. I don’t care about anything else. Bobby needs you not me.”
“You know what? I ain’t gon make it so tell my son that I’ll see him when I get home. And you can just take that attitude somewhere because I ain’t got the time or patience for your crazy ass.”
“Fuck you, Robert! I can’t believe you would do that to our son. He’s been looking forward to today all week and you gon do him like that? Are you serious? I think I married the wrong man, because Brian is here and you’re not. Robert, fuck you.” I snapped on him. “I never thought I could hate anyone in my life, but you make me sick. You put that stupid ass job before me and you had no remorse for breaking so many promises and dates to me. Now you’re doing the same thing our son. I can’t believe you, Robert. You’ve changed so much ever since you got this promotion last year. I hate it. I hate you.” 
I swiped at my eyes as tears welled up and began to fall. I sniffled and kept talking. “I should have never married you. The only reason why I don’t regret it is because you gave me my beautiful son. Other than that, the only thing I got from you was heartache. Love then hurt. Love then hurt. Love then hurt. That’s all it is with you. I don’t even think the love was ever worth this. I hated coming in second to your dumb ass job. But I don’t have to deal with that anymore. As soon as our marriage is over, I’ll have to feel that way again. So thanks a lot for wasting ten years of my life.” 
Robert was silent. I would have thought he hung up but I heard him breathing. “Well, I’m sorry you feel that way.” He said simply. 
“And that’s another thing. You have no emotion. Unless we’re having sex, you don’t express yourself to me. You shut me out. That’s all you can say after all that I said. Are you serious? I truly want to know; did you ever love me?”
“Now, Charisse, you know damn well I loved you and still do. I just ain’t got time for you dramatics.” He said.
“Dramatics? Are you serious? I’m not acting, Robert. This isn’t a play; this is our life. I hate that I love you. And I don’t care what you say, there’s someone at that job keeping you from me.”
“Only person keeping me from you is you. You’ve always pushed me away. I love how you can sit and cry on this phone like I’m the source of all this. You aren’t so innocent and pure. You say I shut you out, but you have to be so much in control that you won’t allow anyone to invade your comfort zone. You claim you love me but you don’t trust me. How can you have love without trust? The words are interchangeable.” 
“I wanted to trust you, Robert, but how can I trust you if you never tell me everything. I always have to find out the rest of the story later. Just like now, I’m sure the rest of your lies will blow up in your face.” I told him and I meant it.
“I have never lied to you. Not once. I never even lied about something small. You always accuse me of whatever and you’re always wrong.”
“Always wrong, Robert, really? When you first got this job and I knew something was up, what happened? What happened, Robert? I caught you cheating on me!” I was crying harder now. I’ve tried to forget that, but it was always in the back of my mind. I hated that bitch for fucking my husband and I hated Robert for doing it, but I loved him so I forgave him. Right after I beat his and that bitch’s ass. “So don’t act like I don’t have good reason for feeling what I’m feeling right now. The last time you did all this staying at work all hours of the night was because you were fucking some hoe in your office.”
“That was how many years ago, Charisse? That’s the past and there’s no reason to bring it up now. That woman doesn’t even work here anymore. But hell, so what if I was fucking another woman, we’re divorcing anyway.”
“You’re right and I can’t wait to be freed from you. I fucking hate you, Robert.”
“The same goes to your crazy ass.” And then he hung up.
I sank down into a bench. I felt like the weight on my heart was too heavy to stay standing. I put my elbows on my knees and my face in my hands, and I cried. I cried, because I loved him. I cried, because we used to be so happy. I cried, because that was all gone now.
I remembered that day when I caught Robert with another woman. It was on his birthday. He told me to come pick him up at his office at eight. It was after eight and his secretary kept telling me he was still in a meeting so I said to hell with it. I went into his office and told his secretary to try me if she wanted to. She sure didn’t. 
When I opened his office door, Robert was standing with his pants unbuckled and his shirt open. He had his cell phone in his hand because he had just sent a text. There was some white woman sitting on the desk with her skirt up around her waist and no bra or shirt on whatsoever. 
Robert just stared at me and I just stared at her. Then I snapped. By the time the building security dragged me out of there, Robert had a bloody nose and numerous scratches and claw marks all over his body. The woman, well she pressed charges on me. There were blond extensions all over Robert’s office. The secretary pressed charges on me too, because I felt the need to punch her in the mouth for trying to keep me out of that office knowing damn well what my husband was doing. Robert had almost gotten fired because of that. The only reason he kept his job was because he was a “well respected and imperative asset to the company.” How are you well respected if you cheat in your wife? 
Robert got his secretary and the hoe to drop the charges. Robert and I were on the verge of divorce then too, but it wasn’t like this. That was three years ago. We were able to get our marriage back on track though. Once again, everything was perfect in the Smith household. Now this. 
This time it’s real. I can tell. We’ve never argued like this before. Robert never purposely cancelled on Bobby like this. It hurts so bad. I do still love him. I probably always will, but I can’t live like this anymore. Either we’re gonna be a happy family or we’ll be a divided family. I refuse to live miserably and sleep in a bed with a man who doesn’t care for me anymore. Fuck him. He could go suck one for all I care. I don’t need him. Time heals all wounds.
I felt a large, gloved hand begin caressing my back. I lifted my head and looked up to see Brian sitting next to me. He looked at me with concerned eyes and I never felt happier to see him in my life. 
“What’s wrong?” Brian asked me. He brushed his gloved index finger underneath both my eyes to wipe the tears away, but the tears kept coming.
“Nothing,” I said. I straightened up my posture and brushed swiped at my eyes. “Who’s watching Bobby?” I asked him. I’m sure Brianna isn’t keeping that good an eye on him.
“Kenny is out there siting with him. We were trying to get him on the ice, but he wouldn’t go. He told me you were out here so I came to see what was up.”
“I need to go get back to my son.” I said as I stood up.
Brian pulled me back down. “He’ll be alright. He has Kenny and Bri.” Brian looked me in my eyes. “Tell me what’s up.”
“Robert isn’t coming. Bobby really wanted him to be here. Robert deliberately bailed on our son, because he and I are having problems.” I don’t know why I was confiding in Brian, but he was easier to talk to. I needed to talk to someone. I was tired of being left alone with my thoughts.
“What kinds of problems are you two having that is enough for him to neglect his son?”
I took a breath and decided I might as well tell him. He’ll find out sooner or later. “Robert and I are divorcing.” I said.
Brian looked shocked. At first I thought he’d be happy, by he was completely solemn. “How’d that come about? Three days ago you were saying how much you loved him.”
“Well, on that same night, he lied to me and told me he’d be home, but then he didn’t come home until three o’ clock in the morning. I tried to talk to him so I could make things right with us, but he didn’t want to do that. Next thing I knew, we were arguing. I was demanding the truth about his little job and he was saying that was the truth. Somehow, we got to the point where I just yelled out I wanted a divorce.”
“But you said that in anger.” Brian said. “Did you really mean that?”
“I meant it. I refuse to come in second to my husband. He told me he wanted a divorce just as much as I did so it doesn’t matter. He and I grew apart. All we do is argue. We can’t get even say one word without it leading to an altercation.” I told him. 
It was very true. Robert and I grew farther and farther apart until we got here. We continued to resolve our difficulties by having sex, but it never resolved anything. We had sex so we could ignore the issues, but because of that, we let our problems progress into something worse. 
“Are you sure you really want a divorce?” Brian asked.
“Yes. We can’t stand each other anymore. Just talking about him right now makes me sick. He’s such a little pussy. He’s too afraid to man up and come to this skating rink, because he’s afraid to face me. I hate bitches.”

Brian tilted his head back and laughed. I liked his laugh. It was deep and smooth like it came ever so naturally, I also loved how he tipped his head back when he laughed. He never laughed with his straight up. I smiled at him.
“What?” He asked.
“Nothing.”
“What did I just tell you?”
“You have a nice smile, that’s all. Sheesh, you don’t have to be so overbearing.” I smiled at him.
“Sometimes I do. If I don’t, neither you or Brianna will listen.” He said and I smiled again. “Do Brianna and Bobby know?”
“We haven’t told them yet, but they already suspect something is wrong. We’ve gotten into arguments in front of them. I hate arguing in front of them, but sometimes it’s inevitable.”
It was silent between us for a few moments. “Will you do me a favor?” I asked him after a few more minutes of silence.
“Anything,” Brian said.
“Be careful when saying anything. I can make you do something crazy things.” I said with a laugh.
“I’m into crazy.”
I smiled and shook my head. “Will you help me get Bobby to have fun on this little outing? We came all the way out here, it isn’t that cold today, and I just want him to enjoy himself.”
“Of course, I’ll help you with the ‘lil man.” Brian said and we went back to the ice. 
 Bobby was still where I left him, but Kenny was sitting with him. Kenny looked up at us as if he didn’t know what to do with Bobby. 
“You want to skate, sweetie?” I asked. 
He shook his head. “I want to wait for Dad.” He said.
I sighed. “Honey, Daddy can’t make it.”
“What?” Bobby looked shocked and ultimately heartbroken. 
Robert made me sick. I couldn’t even look my son in the eye, because I knew I was about to lie to him again. I was about to tell him some excuse on Robert’s behalf so my son doesn’t see that we are having problems no matter how evident it already is.
“Daddy had a very important meeting at work and he just couldn’t get out of it.” I lied to my son. Brian looked at me sideways, because he knew I was lying. 
“But he promised.” Bobby said and my heart tightened up.
“I know, baby, and I’m sorry. He really had to work.” 
“He always has to work. He always does this. I’m never accepting another promise from him again.” Bobby had his arms crossed over his chest as he pouted.
He had the same attitude as me. Robert was a liar so there’s no reason to believe or accept whatever it is he says. Robert makes me sick. 
“I want to go home.” Bobby said.
“But, honey, you wanted to come here and you haven’t skated yet.” I said. I didn’t really know what to say. I wanted him to have a good time, but now that was next to impossible because of Robert. 
“I don’t want to skate anymore. I just want to go home. Please, Mom?” Bobby looked up at me expectantly. I really didn’t want him to go home just so he could sit around and sulk in his room all day. I also didn’t want to have to take Brianna home since she was actually enjoying herself. I could leave her with Brian. She was probably going to stay at his house for the rest of the weekend anyway.
“Okay, Bobby, I guess I’ll take you home.” I said. “But I would really like for-”
Brian interjected and cut me off. “You know, if you stay I’ll teach you how to skate.” Brian offered.
“I wanted my Dad to teach me how to skate.”
“I get it, and I don’t want to step on anyone’s toes here. But if I teach you a little bit now, when your dad teaches you, you will already know the basics. So when you and your Dad skate, you two can focus more on having fun rather than learning.”
“I don’t want to.” Bobby said. This was a hopeless cause Brian was trying to resolve. When Bobby said he didn’t want to do something that was the end of it. Robert and I could rarely change his mind about something.
“Come on, let me just show you how to move so you don’t fall down.” Brian held out his hand to Bobby.
“I don’t know. My dad doesn’t like you very much. I don’t think he’d want you to teach me instead of him.” Bobby said and I shook my head.
Who cares what Robert wants? I sure as hell don’t. “I say, if Robert isn’t here to teach you, why can’t Brian do it. You came here today to learn how to skate. Let him teach you.” I said.
Bobby considered it for a moment. “Okay.” Bobby said and I smiled. Bobby took Brian’s hand and he helped him to stand up on his skates.
“After this, I’m gonna teach your mom how to skate.” Brian said and smiled at me.
“Oh, no, you won’t.” I said with a smile as I sat down on the safe, slippery ice free bench. “Y’all have fun.” 
I watched as Brian took a shaky Bobby out onto the ice and held him by the shoulder and by the wrist. Brian smiled back at me as he guided my son on the ice. I watched him as he glided on the white ice while holding Bobby’s hand. Brian was speaking to Bobby and giving him pointers. 
I smiled at then. Just as Robert had taken Brianna in as his own daughter, Brian treated Bobby as a stepson. More or less Bobby was like his nephew. Times like this I think maybe I married the wrong man. I know Brian had abandoned me and his daughter, but he has returned and redeemed himself. He takes care of his daughter, shows her love, and in all, he is a father to her. That’s all I want him to do. All this extra stuff like helping out Bobby and talking to me, he does all on his own. Of course I know why he likes talking to me, but I chose to pretend I didn’t know that. 
Like I said, sometimes I feel like I married the wrong man. But then I think about all the love Robert and I shared, and I realize that nothing could hold a candle to that. Robert had been in my life since I was eighteen years old. Brian had been long gone for only a few months at he time and I had some false hope that he would come back for me. I met Robert through Regina. At the time I had just become good friends with Regina. She had introduced Robert as her brother and I figured that made him off limits. But there was an instant connection between the two of us. Though I still wasn’t over Brian so I told Robert up front that he’s my friend’s brother, I have a child to raise, and that I was not looking for a relationship no matter how fine he was with his sexy long ponytail. It wasn’t until two years later that I had started dating again. I had had a sexual relationship with two of the men, but none of the relationships worked out. One day Regina came over to get her hair done. At the time I had gotten my license, but I never had any funds to open up my own salon. I worked at Sasha’s Style. 
Somehow, I had let Sasha leave me to locking up since I was the last hair dresser with a client. After I finished Regina up, Robert came to pick her up. Robert was still sporting the wavy, but nappy ponytail so I jokingly offered to braid his hair. He told me to do it so I agreed. Regina slyly found Robert’s keys and said she’ll pick him up once he finished getting his hair done. I know now that she wanted us to be alone, but at the time I was trying to steer clear of my friend’s big brother. 
Robert was a freak then just as he is now. He was quick with his tongue and his hands. I was trying to calmly braid his hair, but he kept accidentally touching me or brushing his lips on my bare skin. It was summer time so it was hot even though it was late so I was wearing shorts and a camisole top. His lips kept brushing my arm and even my thigh. I regret wearing the short shorts but at the same time, I’m glad I wore them.
No matter how much I told him no, Robert told me he liked me and that he was going to make me like him too. He didn’t need to make me do anything. I already liked him. One thing lead to another and Robert and I did the nasty unprotected the salon. Regina never did come back to pick up Robert so I offered to take him home. I was driving a dumpster car at the time. It was only 300 dollars and I was broke so I had to take it.
Robert, with his fast tongue and smooth voice, said he’s rather come to my house. Ms. Antoinette was watching Brianna, but I knew I had to pick her up. I didn’t want to ask Kim’s mom to keep her overnight so I could go sleep with a man I only knew through his little sister. Again. The only thing I knew was that we liked each other. 
Robert waited in the car while I got my daughter and we went back to my tiny apartment. Ever since that night, Robert and I have been inseparable. I was lucky I hadn’t gotten pregnant that night from the unprotected sex we had on the salon’s waiting couch. When we got back to my place, I so desperately wanted more of what Robert had given me, but we couldn’t with my four year old Brianna in the house. 
Within a year we were happily married. Robert had told Brianna that he loved her like she was his own and he didn’t mind if she called him Daddy. She had already slipped up in the year that I’d been dating Robert and called him Dad. I didn’t mind at all. My baby deserved a father who loved and cherished her like I did and Robert was that man. We had a rushed small wedding where Brianna played our flower girl. We never did have a honeymoon, because neither of us had the money. Within the next year and a half, Robert Jr. was born on October 8, 2003 and Robert’s career had taken off. With his new income, he practically paid for my salon when I couldn’t get the loan. Years later he got this new job that he’s working now as an editor. We didn’t have problems until he got this new job. I don’t care if he gets more money; this job stole him from me. 
 I was snapped out of my reverie of the past when Bobby and Brianna skated up to me without Brian. 
I smiled at Bobby. “I see you’re skating all by yourself.” I said to him. “Where’s your walking training wheel?” 
“Brian went to the bathroom. He said teaching me released him bladder.” Bobby said and we both laughed. 
“I see he did a good job of teaching you. You’ll be as good as Brianna.” 
“Yep,” He said proudly.
“No, you won’t.” Brianna commented jokingly as she playfully poked him in the arm. “Not even Dad or Robert is as good as me.” She said and I smiled at her.
“You actually are right.” I said just as Brian found his way to us. 
“Wash your hands?” I asked him playfully.
“No,” He said and then he wiped his hands on my coat.
“Ew, stop it.” I said pushing him and he stumbled into the seat next to me. 
“I’m kidding.” He smiled. “So what are we talking about?” He asked.
“Brianna said she’s a better skater than you and Robert.” I said as if I were about to start some drama. 
“Oh, you said that?” He asked his daughter as if it were a challenge.
“Yep, and I am.” She said. She rolled her neck like she was one of those ghetto girls from television and smiled. 
“You may be better than Robert, but you ain’t better than me. I’m the one who gave you the skating genes.” Brian said.
“We’ll let’s find out.” I cut in.
“How?” Brianna asked.
“One lap around and whoever gets back firsts is the best skater.”  I said.
“a race? There is no racing in ice skating.” Brianna said.
“That only means you’re scared.” Brian teased her as he got into position.
“I’m not scared.” She said and she positioned herself. 
“I wanna race too.” Bobby said. “I’m gonna lose, but I wanna race.”
“Alright,” I said. “On your mark….get set…..GO!” And the three of them took off. Brian was in the lead, Brianna was close behind, and Bobby was a little far behind in the back. 
I clapped and cheered them on as they dodged other skaters.  Brianna and Brian kept alternating between first and second place and I laughed at the concentrated look on her face. Bobby was miles behind as Brianna and Brian approached me to finish their lap. 
“Yes! I told you!” Brianna cheered for herself when she reached me first. 
“That’s my girl.” I laughed as I high fived my daughter. 
“Naw, I let you win.” Brian said. He was obviously out of breath as he slammed into the bench next to me.
“Oh, please. You’re getting old, old man.” I said. 
“Well, if I’m getting old, so are you.” He said.
“Oh, no I’m not. I’m younger than you, remember?” 
Moments later, Bobby skated over. “This sucks.” He said, but he was smiling. “I knew I was gonna lose, but not like that.” 
I laughed. “Better luck next time.” I told him. “Your sister got this one.”
Bobby sighed and looked at Brian. “You lost?” Brianna and I burst out laughing. 
“It was a tie.” Brian said.
“Naw, you lost.” Brianna said. 
“Aw, you lost to your own daughter. I picked the wrong person to teach me.” Bobby continued. 
I couldn’t stop laughing. It was just hilarious, because Bobby made it sound that way. He’s only eight years old and he lost the race in last place, but he’s criticizing the person who came in second. 
“This is a girls’ thing anyway.” Brian said.
“Oh please, men skate all the time.” I said.
“Yeah, roller-skate. This is a different animal right here.”  Brian said.
“Oh please,” I said. “You just jealous, my daughter is better.” 
“You’re talking so much, but you’re scared to skate.”
“I’m not scared of anything.”
“Then why don’t you get on the ice instead of keeping those skates from someone who could actually use them.” Brian challenged me. 
“Because I don’t want to.” I said and both Brianna and Bobby laughed.
“Come on, Mom.” Bobby said. “I did it.”
“That’s you. I’m more the roller-skating type. Ice isn’t my thing.”
“You don’t even roller-skate.” Brian said. “You don’t do anything.”
“I ride bikes in the summer.” I said. Well, I used to.
“Oh please, Charisse, what is there to be afraid of? There are three of us to catch you when you fall and Kenny is around here somewhere. But if you do fall, we’re all gonna laugh at you.”
“See, and that’s why I’m not doing it.” I said.
“You see how afraid your Mom is?” Brian said to my children. “When you turn forty, don’t act like this.”
“Forty? Brian, now you know better than that.” I said. “Don’t be adding ten years to my life because I don’t want to skate.”
“Are you really that scared?” Brianna asked me.
“I’m not scared, I just don’t want to.”
“Come on, Mom.” She said as she pulled on my arm. “Time to face your fears.”
“I have no fears, but I’ll ground you if you don’t let me go.”
“I’ll take that.” She said and then I was on my feet. “It’s easy. It’s like walking. Only you don’t lift your feet as much. Just glide.”
“Yeah, glide and fall on my behind.” I murmured. 
“You won’t fall.” She said. I was holding her forearm tightly as “skated” like a retard. 
“Do not let me go.” I told her. 
Moments later I was on my ass. Brianna let me go when I told her do not let me go. Now I was sitting on the cold, hard ice with my ass bruised. 
“I’m done.” I told her. “I’m so done.”
“Come on, everyone falls the first time.” Brianna said. She was trying to hold back her laughter but to no avail. 
I looked across the rink and saw Brian, Kenny, and my own son laughing at me. “See, I’m done. Help me up.” 
Brianna helped me scramble to my feet and over to the safety of the bench. 
“Done already?” Brian asked with a smirk.
“Yes,” I said simply. “My butt is wet.”
“That’s what happens when you fall on ice.” 
“Well, this is what happens when you laugh at me.” I said and I punched him in the arm.
“You remember what I said about you being mad, right?” Brian said and my face turned red.
“You play too much.” I said.
“Mmm-hmm, come on; let me take you out there.” 
“Naw, you’ll make me fall more than Brianna.”
“No, I won’t.” He turned to Bobby.  “Bobby, did I let you fall?” 
“Well, you let me fall once.” He answered and I shook my head.
“That’s because I let you go and you just stopped doing what I told you do.”
“I got scared by myself!” 
Brian turned back to me. “As long as you don’t get scared you’ll be fine. Since you’re saying you’re no afraid of anything, you should be fine.”
“No, I don’t want to play anymore. Leave me alone.” 
“Yeah, I’ll do that.” He pulled me to my feet and my legs shook on the skates. Why couldn’t they makes ice skates have two rows so they’ll be like roller-skates rather than roller-blades. 
“No, Brian, I really don’t want to do this.” I told him, but that didn’t matter to him. 
“It’s really easy, okay?” He said as he held me by the small of my back and by my left wrist. 
“If it were easy, I wouldn’t need you, now would I?”
He smiled. “You’ll always need me. You just don’t know it yet.” 
“Anyway, what am I supposed to do?” I changed the subject.
“We’re doing the simple-simple version.” He said. “Just plant your feet and try to stand without me holding you.”
He helped me stand up straight and then he let me go. Immediately, my legs shook and I was about to fall. I clutched his coat tightly and help on for dear life.
“Falling is part of ice skating. You can’t expect to come out here and not fall; it’s just not gonna happen.”
“I don’t want to fall.” I said simply.
“I lied to you earlier. On some occasions, I’m going to let you fall so you’ll know how to get back up again.”
“Nope, I quit. Take me back to safety.” I said and I started walking on my skates to the bench.
Brian skated in front of me. “Walking was the next step. Good job.”
“Brian, I really don’t want to do this.”
“You said that already, and it didn’t mean anything. You’re learning and that’s that.” Brian said and he held my shoulder.
“Now, I want you to bend your knees to a squatting position with your arms out at your sides.” He said.
“Why? That’s not how you skate.”
“It helps with balance. Now get in position.” 
“Yes, sir.” I said playfully. 
I put my arms out to my sides and eased down into a squat. I didn’t slip or fall so that was a good sign. 
“Good,” He moved and stood behind me. “Now come back up.”
When I stood back up, my behind brushed over Brian’s crotch. I figured he didn’t notice so ignored it. 
“Now squat….and stand…squat…stand.” Brian guided me and I did as he said. Each time I went up and each time I went down, my ass rubbed his crotch.
“Should you really be standing behind me?” I asked him.
“No,” He said and I knew he was smiling. “If you do this just a few more times, we’re gonna have to tell everyone I peed on myself. I think that’s better than what is really about to happen.”
I quickly moved from in front of him and turned to him. I was surprised I didn’t lose my balance and fall.
“You play too damn much.” I said to him for the second time today.
He smiled and took my hand. “Are you ready to skate?” He asked me.
I smiled back at him and squeezed his hand. “Let’s do it.”

I closed my eyes and relaxed in my big whirlpool bathtub. I had it filled with hot water and vanilla scented bubbles. I had the jets on full blast, and they massaged my body. The tub was big enough for two, Robert and I had experimented with that fit on numerous occasions. Tonight I was in it alone. Not that I wanted Robert in the tub with me anyway. He was in our bedroom. The bedroom that I had claimed for myself beings that he was always in the guestroom. He told me that he wasn’t going to sleep in the guestroom anymore and he was taking his bed back. I had just gotten Brianna and Bobby home from the skating rink so the last thing I wanted to do was argue with Robert after I had such a great day with my children.
I simply told him that I’ll take the guestroom. I almost had enough balls to tell him I’m sleeping in my bed and he could just go to hell, but I knew Robert would only get into the bed with me. Then I wouldn’t be able to sleep, because I know I don’t want to be in the same bed with him. I knew I’d end up in the guestroom anyway. 
Despite Robert disappointing Bobby by not showing up, today was in fact a great day. It was a wonderful day as a matter of fact. I’m glad Robert hadn’t come. He would have only ruined it for me. Brian had successfully taught me to skate and I only fell a few times. Bobby learned to skate and Brianna barely gave me any attitude. Most definitely a wonderful day.
The bathroom door opened and Robert walked in. He gave me a dark glance and went to the toilet. I sighed deeply when he pulled his stuff out and pissed right in front of me. I wanted to say something so desperately, but I refused to get into another altercation. Instead I reached for the stereo remote and turned up the volume on the R&B jams I was listening to. 
“You know what, let’s not do this.” Robert said. I wasn’t sure what he was referring to, but frankly I didn’t care. 
I ignored him and started singing along with the lyrics of the Mary J. Blige song that was playing. “So you think you know how to love a woman, but I think there’s still some things you need to know.” I sang and I wanted to burst out laughing at his face. He hated to be ignored, but so did I. I was ignored for long enough now it’s his turn to feel it.
“Really? Are we going to be this childish?” Robert asked.
“A woman likes for you to watch her back, protect her crown.” I sang some more. 
“You are so childish. Why don’t you grow up for one moment in your life?” 
So much for ignoring him. “You know what, Robert? Why don’t you grow up? And why don’t you man up? What is it that you want, because last I checked, we said everything that needed to be said.”
“We need to learn to be cordial with each other, at least for our children’s sake.” 
“My children are fine. Not that you would know anything about that, now would you?” 
“Excuse me?”
“Please, Robert, you heard me. My kids had a wonderful day and in fact so did I. Bobby missed you for a moment, but Brian stepped in like a real man and took care of that.”
“What was the point of having him around my son?”
“I told you to come, but you thought you were being smart by not showing up. In actuality, all you did was help me. When we have to go through a custody battle, it will be in my favor to tell the judge how often you break promises to my son. You’re obviously too busy to raise a child.”
“And you don’t have the funds.”
“Please, I make more than enough at the salon to support myself and both my kids.” 
“I own the salon.”
“Oh, no you don’t. Remember, everything was switched over to my name for financial purposes. Remember, you found a way to pay fewer taxes that way.” I laughed. I had thought it was a stupid idea back then, but now I love that I agreed to it.
“That can be changed.”
“Not without my consent, it can’t. You see, Robert, you’re digging your own grave. I don’t even have to help you. You think you’re spiting me by doing what you’re doing, but you’re only spiting yourself. Merry Christmas, baby.”
“We’ll see just how merry it will be.”
“Anyway, I’m trying to enjoy my bath. Brian taught me how to skate and I landed on my ass a few times. I’d really like to relax.” I closed my eyes and pretended to be perfectly at ease.
“I see you enjoyed yourself with that nigga.” 
“Well, you’re still having more fun with that bitch at your job.”
“Jealous?”
“Hell no, you’re old dick. I need something new that can appreciate a real woman. You’re just a little boy.”
“You wasn’t saying that when you were screaming this little boy’s name just last week.”
“Only because I was thinking of someone else.” That was a lie, but I didn’t care.
“Please, Charisse, you know damn well the dick is golden, and you’ll miss it.”
“No, you’ll miss this pussy.” All the while I spoke, I kept my eyes closed so I could pretend that he wasn’t getting to me. He made me so sick.
“I got new pussy, remember?”
Why the hell do I allow him to get to me? “Get out, Robert.” 
“See, you can talk all the shit you wanna talk, but as soon as I say there’s someone else, you get mad. You know damn well that shit gets to you. I’d feel a whole lot better if I really was fucking another woman.”
“Why do you keep denying it? I heard you talking to her. The bitch’s name is some weird shit like Messiah, Pessiah, or some dumb shit like that. I heard you, Robert.” A few tears streamed down my face as they always did when I thought about him cheating on me. I quickly swiped at my eyes with my wet hands, because I refused to let him see me crying.
“Jessiah?!” Robert exclaimed. “That’s the woman you heard me talking to?”
“Don’t act so fucking surprised, Robert.” 
“Please, she’s fine as hell, I’ll give you that, but trust me if I was fucking her, I wouldn’t even come home to you.”
“Fuck you, Robert! Just get the hell out. You won’t leave this house. You took over our bedroom. At least let me have my fucking bathroom in peace. Just get the hell out!”
“I ain’t got to do nothing.” He said and he turned to the sick and washed his hands.
“Fine, but don’t think I’m gonna leave just because you’re in here. You don’t scare me, Robert.” I turned away from him and relaxed into the bubbles. I wished I could turn the jets up higher, but I already put them on the highest setting. I needed some extra relaxation.
“I scared you out of the bedroom.” He said.
“First of all, you didn’t scare me from anywhere. I just decided to be the bigger person and let you have it to avoid an argument. But then you just came in here to start another one. Second of all, I have nothing else to say to you. Anything else you have to say can be said in court.”
“Fine with me.”
“Oh, and I’ll be filing for divorce on Monday so get ready for hell.”
“I’m already in hell so don’t bother filing. I already did. You’ll be served soon enough.”
I felt the anger bubble up inside me. It made me sick that he already filed. The fact that he did it so soon only goes to show that he wants out of this marriage so he can be with his hoe.
“You did that pretty quick. I see you and your hoe wants this done fast.” I said snidely.
“What’s the point of prolonging this? Our marriage is over and anyone can see that. We might as well get this over with. That’s why I was hoping we could settle this like adults so we don’t have to spend a lot of time in the court room.” Robert said.
“You scared?”
“You’re the one that should be scared. Don’t think I’m just gonna roll over and let you take whatever you want. I’m willing to fight for everything that’s mine, including my son.”
“We’ll see.”
Robert sat on the sink counter and looked at me. “It’s funny how you can be so in love with someone and then you realize their true colors.”
“I was thinking the same thing.” I murmured.
“You know, sometimes I think I married the wrong woman. If it wasn’t for Bobby, I would have thought we wasted the last ten years of our lives.”
“I thought that too. But even with Bobby, I still think I should have never married you. You were never there for me emotionally. Besides sex, you weren’t there for me period. You always had another focus besides me. Whether it was work or writing or sports, you always had something before me. I could never be first.” Tears formed in my eyes, but this time I let them fall. “Not once.”
Robert didn’t say anything. He just looked at me. Suddenly I felt the need to cover my body. I was fine with being naked in front of him because the bubbles pretty much covered my entire body, but now I felt like that wasn’t enough. I crossed my legs tightly and put my arm over my breasts.
“Will you please stop staring at me like that?” I asked him. He was staring at my body not at my face anymore. He was making me uncomfortable.
“You always were beautiful.” He said out of the blue. “But you always were crazy.”
“I’m not crazy. And you just told me another woman looked better than me, not that I care.”
“You know that isn’t true. Just like I know you don’t think about anyone else when we make love but me.”
“We haven’t made love in a long time. We’ve been having sex and frankly, I’m tired of sex. I need someone to love me. I don’t want someone who neglects me, neglects our son, hurts me, cheats on me, and then fucks me. I need a man.”
“I don’t neglect you, but I have to admit that you caused me to want to stay away from home.” 
“How? All I did was love you, but that was never enough.”
“We’ve already proven that love won’t save our marriage.”
“That’s because neither of us want to save it.” I said. “You’ve already moved on. I’m moving on too.”
“You should. After nine years of marriage, I couldn’t give you what you wanted. I tried, but the truth is, you never wanted me.”
“I did want you.” I told him honestly.
“Maybe you did at first, but as soon as Brian came back into your life, I’ve noticed the distance. You’ve always said that you don’t want him, but you do. I can tell.”
“You’re wrong.”
“No, I’m not. I just said I felt like I married the wrong woman. I was talking about Vivian. Who were you talking about?”
I know my face darkened. I hated Vivian. The bitch made me sick. She was already broken up with Robert when he and I got together, but she still felt like I stole him from her. She was obsessed. I told her I won his heart, not her, but she didn’t get it.
“I didn’t mean Brian.” I lied.
“Yes, you did. I know you, Charisse. You still have feelings for him.”
“I love you.”
“Do you?”
“Yes. Even through all of this, I love you. I’ll probably always love you, but I’ll get over it.”
“And you’ll get under Brian.”
I narrowed my eyes at him. “Get out.”
Robert shook his head. “You keep trying to kick me out when I hit a sore spot. You know I’m right so you get mad and try to kick me out so you don’t have to face the truth. “
“Just get out Robert! And stop staring at my breasts!” 
“Please, I saw it all anyway.”
“But you’ll never see it again.”
“I can live without it.”
More tears and suddenly I was standing giving him a full frontal view. I didn’t care. He made me so sick. I grabbed my robe and wrapped it around myself. “Move out of my way, Robert!” I yelled at him when he blocked the door.
“What are you doing?” He demanded.
“You won’t leave so I will. You win. I can’t take this anymore.” I pushed him and he grabbed my hands which caused my robe to fall open.
“Get off me, Robert.” I told him firmly. “Let me go right now.”
Robert released me immediately and allowed me to walk out of the bathroom and into the bedroom. I used my robe as a towel and quickly dried off. Moments later I was partially dressed in my underwear and sweat pants. All I needed was a shirt and some shoes.
“Where are you going?” Robert demanded as he watched me from the bathroom door.
“None of your business!” I spat as I put on a bra. “You win. I can’t stay here with you. I need a night off. You make me sick. I hate you. You couldn’t see a woman who loved you if she stared you right in the damn face which I do every damn day. You make me so sick! I hope you and your hoe have a happy life, but you won’t have it with my son.”
I shoved my feet into my Uggs without any socks. I didn’t even care. I just needed to get out of here. 
“So you’re going to run?” Robert demanded. “You claim you want your son so much, but what you’re about to do is have him wake up and see you’re not here. That’s what you want to do?”
“I’ll be back tomorrow. All this means is you’ll have to be here to make breakfast and take care of your son for the first time in months.”
“I can’t. I have to be at work early tomorrow.”
“Tomorrow is Sunday.”
“I said I’ll come in already.”
“That’s too damn bad. You expect to take my child away from me; well this is what you’ll be doing if you have to raise him without me.” I grabbed my purse and proceeded to the front the door, but Robert followed me.
“So that’s it?” He demanded.
“That’s it. I’ll be back tomorrow. I wave the white flag. I surrender. I can’t even take a bath without you harassing me.”
“Harassing? Please, I tried to talk to you like an adult, but you chose to argue.”
“You started this, Robert, and you know it.” I grabbed my coat from the coat closet and put it on. I reached for the doorknob.
“Mom?” Damn. I heard the small, timid voice behind me. Robert had grown silent and I knew I was going to have to explain some stuff now. 
I turned to face my son. “Yes, baby?”
“Where are you going?” Bobby asked me. He was dressed in Miami Heat pajama pants and a T-shirt. He’d heard us arguing and got out of bed.
“Mommy is going to spend the night with a friend.” I said.
“Why?”
“No reason. I just want to get away for the night, that’s all.”
“Why are you crying?” 
I swiped at my eyes quickly. “I’m not, sweetie. I’m fine.”
“Are you still mad at Dad?”
“No, sweetie. Daddy and I are fine. I just want to spend the night with my friend.”
“Don’t be mad about skating, Mommy. I don’t care that Dad couldn’t come. Please, Mom, can you just stay?”
“Honey, I want to, but I really just need one night with no stress.”
“Why are you and Dad always fighting? You don’t even share a room anymore. Are you getting a divorce?”
I looked at Robert. I didn’t want to lie, but I didn’t want to tell the truth either.
“Everything’s fine, okay, son? Mommy wants to spend the night with her friend so let’s let her go.”  Robert picked Bobby up and held him. He hadn’t done that in a long while. Bobby was eight now, it’s been years. 
“But, Dad, you can’t let her leave mad. You said you should never let someone you love leave when they’re mad at you. You said that will only make them do something out of anger. You can’t just let Mom leave.” Bobby said. Robert said that to me on numerous occasions when we argued and I wanted to just run out. I never knew he was saying it to out eight year old son.
“This is different.” Robert said.
“No it’s not. Mom is someone you love so you can’t just let her leave.” Bobby was crying and now I was crying even more.
“Baby, I’ll be back tomorrow. I swear it. I’ll be here before you wake up and I’ll be making breakfast.”
“But, Mom-”
I cut him off. “But nothing. I’ll see you tomorrow, okay.” I gave my son a kiss on the forehead.
“Mom, why do you have to leave?”
“I’ll be right back.” I kissed him again.
“Come on, let’s get you back in the bed, okay, ‘lil man?” Robert said and then he stepped back so I couldn’t kiss Bobby again. “Let Mommy run out.” 
Before I could respond Robert carried Bobby out of the room. I just turned and went outside to my car. Once I got into the car and sat behind the wheel, I realized I had nowhere to go. I couldn’t go to Kim’s because she had already told me of her situation. I didn’t want to bother Regina this late, because she probably had company. I could always call on Ms. Antoinette, but I really didn’t want a sermon. 
There was always Brian. But I didn’t want to open up that particular can of worms even though he was the only person I could really talk to. He would understand. I hate Robert. I hate how he just scooped up Bobby like he was the Super Dad that was always there for my son. No, I was the one who was there. I was the one who made time out of no time to do what I had to do for my kids. 
Suddenly I was driving and dialing Brian’s number at the same time. I was usually the safest driver on the road, but tonight was different. I had my Bluetooth in my purse but I didn’t feel like digging for it. Instead I just drove with one hand as I held the phone to my ear.
“Hello?” He answered. 
“Brian, it’s me.” I said as I drove,
“I was just about to call you. Brianna called me and said you and Robert were fighting again and you just left.”
“Yeah,” I said weakly. I didn’t even know Brianna was awake.
“Where are you?” Brian asked.
“I’m driving. Can I come over?” I asked him. I knew it was a bit out of line, but I needed someone. 
“Of course, how long will it take you?”
“Not long, I was already on my way over there.”
“Okay, I’ll unlock the door and turn on the porch light.”
“Okay.” I said. “I’ll see you in a little bit.”
As soon as we disconnected the call, I felt guilty. If Robert knew I was going to Brian’s house, he’d kill me. Even though we’re divorcing and we argue every time we try to talk, he’d still kill me. He’d kill me and Brian even though we’re not doing anything. But I don’t care. Robert can kiss my ass for now on. He wanted it this way so here it is. He got Jessiah. 
When I pulled into Brian’s driveway behind his car, the guilt was gone. The guilt was replaced with a need to feel better. I wanted to feel good even though Robert tried to hurt me. All the things he said replayed in my mind. It made me sick how he was able to act like our marriage never even mattered. He made it seem like he didn’t even care about this divorce. He talked like he never even loved me. To me the worst thing he said was that he wished he had married Vivian. I hated that woman. Maybe he was really fucking her. I knew that wasn’t true though, because Vivian wouldn’t be a mistress. If she got Robert back she would never be able to keep her mouth shut about it. She would have called me to gloat. 
I was wrong for what I was thinking, but I was going to use Brian tonight. He was going to make me feel good. I was wrong for it, but I know he’d be willing. Robert talked so much shit tonight so he could hurt me so now I’m going to hurt him.
I walked into Brian’s house and locked the door behind me. I flipped the porch light off and called for Brian. He called back to say he was in his bedroom. He must have known what I was thinking. 
“You can sleep in here. I don’t have a guest room so I’ll take the couch.” Brian said. He was putting fresh sheets on the bed.
“I’m not gonna kick you out of your own bed.” I said as he finished up the sheets.
“Well, I’m not gonna let a lady sleep on the couch.” He said.
“Then don’t let me sleep on the couch.” I said and I moved to stand in front of him. I stood close enough that our bodies touched. “We can share the bed.” Then I kissed him deeply. I wrapped my arms around his neck and kissed him. 
Brian grabbed my hands and forced them down to my sides. “Stop it, Charisse.” He said as he took a step away from me.
“What’s wrong?” I asked him. I know he couldn’t possibly be telling no after how many times he tried to get me to go to bed with him.
“You know damn well this isn’t you. You don’t really want to do this.”
“I do.” I said. “And I know you want to do it too.”
“You’re upset. You’re mad at your husband so you want to get back at him by sleeping with me. That’s not gonna make you feel better, Charisse. You’ll only feel worse when you regret it in the morning.”
“I’m not gonna regret it, Brian. You want to. I want to. We both know we want to do it. You said it yourself a thousand times. Now I’m telling you yes and you want to say no. What’s the problem?” 
“The problem is that I don’t want you to regret this in the morning.” 
‘I’m not going to. Robert and I are through. There is absolutely no hope for that marriage. Besides, he has someone else.”
“Do you know that for sure?”
“He keeps denying it, but then other times he’ll say he does so I don’t know. I don’t care. Whether he’s cheating or not, our marriage is done.” I at down on the corner of the bed and Brian sat next to me. 
“You know I want to, but I’m not sure you do.” Brian said.
“I want you to make love to me. I’ve been denied true lovemaking for too long. Give it to me. Give me the love I want.”
Brian leaned in and kissed me. He held my face with one hand and kissed me deeply. He kissed me like only Brian could. His tongue snaked into my mouth and wrested mine. I loved the way he kissed me. Even when I was young I was very aware that no one would be able to kiss me better than him. Not even Robert. Robert may be better in bed, I couldn’t deny that, but he will never be a better kisser.
It didn’t take long for our clothes to disappear from our bodies. My face flushed when I looked him over. He looked good. It’s been over a decade since I’ve seen him naked and the years have been kind to him. 
“Damn, you’re beautiful.” Brian said as he kissed each of my breasts.
“I was thinking the same thing about you.”
“You were gonna say beautiful?”
“Something like that,” I said and then I kissed him again. I couldn’t get enough of his kisses. So sweet, I loved it. 
I loved his kisses and Brian liked to kiss. Everywhere. He started at my forehead and covered my entire face in his sweet kisses. Then he moved to my neck. He kissed and sucked on my neck, placing a hickey right on the side. I would have told him not to give me anymore hickeys, but I knew that was his thing. Brian always left his mark on various places of my body. That’s what make-up is for.
I remember when I was fifteen and he took my virginity. It was summer time and I had a two piece bathing suit. It looked like I was attacked by sucker fish all over my body. 
Brian moved down to my breast and sucked on them two. I wasn’t sure if he was trying to give me hickeys there too or if he was just enjoying himself. I cradled his head in my hands as he sucked each of my nipples. I moaned in delight. I loved when a man paid attention to every part of me.
“Kiss my stomach.” I told him. Brian took directions. I liked that about him.
He moved to my stomach and dipped his tongue in my navel. That got another moan out of me. Brian moved lower but avoided my womanhood. I squirmed in protest, but Brian just smiled and lifted my leg in the air. He kissed up my leg and even kissed my feet. He held my foot and gave me a little massage. All the air damn near left my body when my big toe went into his mouth. 
I moaned and lifted my other foot to him. I wanted him to do the other one too. No man’s ever sucked my toes before, not even him, but I sure as hell liked it. 
“I knew it’d drive you crazy.” Brian said as if he read my thoughts. 
“You were right.” 
After he paid enough attention to all my toes, Brian positioned himself between my legs. He kissed my between my thighs and along my bikini line, but what I wanted him to kiss was left untouched. 
“Are you playing with me?” I asked as I squirmed beneath him.
He dipped his tongue inside me and tasted my honey. “Now, I’m playing with you.”





Chapter 12
Regina
“Ms. Tina!” I screamed when I hopped out the car before it was even parked in front of the quaint house. I quickly ran over and embraced Drew’s mother before he did. 
“Hey, baby,” Ms. Tina wrapped her arms around me in a tight hug. “If it isn’t my unofficial, illegitimate daughter-in-law, Andrew didn’t tell me you were coming.”
“I can be your daughter, but where’d you get daughter-in-law?” I asked her as Drew approached with a smiled.
“Please, you two were practically married since I caught y’all in the closet when you were twelve years old.” Ms. Tina said with a wink.
“Well, we’re far from that closet.” I said. I remembered the night well. Drew and I were some little bad ass kids who never had a first kiss. Somehow we decided we could be each other’s first kiss and we ended up in the closet. Robert was fourteen and was already running around with little girls. As soon as Robert found out what we were in the closet doing, he snitched on us.
“Hey, Mom.” Drew said as he hugged his mother. 
“Hi, baby.” 
Ms. Tina was a thin, tall woman of forty-eight. She had a pretty good body, no homo, for someone her age. 
“I missed you, Ms. Tina!” I exclaimed as I hugged her again. 
“I missed you too, baby.” She said as she squeezed me tight. When I released her, she turned to her son. “It sure took you long enough to come visit your mother.” She said to him as she playfully smacked him on the back of his head. “I thought you didn’t want to come.”
“Of course not,” He said, kissing her on the cheek. “I was waiting for the right time.”
“Mmm-hmm,” She murmured and I laughed. “Alright, let’s get in the house. It’s too cold out here for all this.”
We all shuffled into the house. Drew and I were just about to drop our bags on the floor when Ms. Tina said, “Do not put those bags on my wood floors. Take them right upstairs.” She said. “Andrew, your old room was turned into a guest room, but I set it all up for you. Gina, your room is directly across from his.”
As we trudged up the stairs with our bags, I whispered to Drew, “I bet she put Spiderman sheets on your bed.”
“She probably did just so she can be funny.”
Drew and my rooms were definitely directly across from each other. The rooms were separated by about three feet of hallway and that was it. If we were to come out of our rooms at the same time we’d bang our foreheads together. As clumsy as I was and as stubborn as Drew was, I could tell there’s gonna be some altercations in this tight little hallway. 
I did a quick unpack of my things to access what I’d brought. All lot of it was unless or out of season like the bathing suit I’d brought while the rest was just unnecessary like the one peep-toe heel. Because of Michael, I had blindly thrown random things into my suitcase. I was glad I’d already packed my essentials or I would have been left with one outfit, a bathing suit, and a cocktail dress to wear.
After I finished unpacking, my eyes rested on the bed, and I couldn’t help but laugh. I shook my head. I loved Ms. Tina. The sheets were obviously brand new so she had went out and bout them for this occasion.
I opened my door and didn’t even have to step out of my room to knock on Drew’s door. 
“Yo,” He answered without opening the door.
“Check your bed. What’s it looking like?”
“Batman, you?”
“Hello Kitty,” I said and we both laughed. “She really put some kids’ sheets on some grown ass people’s beds.”
“Watch your mouth in my house, Regina!” I heard Ms. Tina call from downstairs.
“How the hell did she hear that?”
“You are talking loud enough.” Drew said through the door.
“What did I just say?”
“Hell isn’t a cuss word.” I called back down to her. 
“It is the way you’re using it.”
“I’m gonna go wash my mouth out with soap now!” I called.
“As you should,” She said and I knew she was smiling. “Hurry up so we can have lunch.”
Once we got settled at the table to eat our lunch, the door opened and some tall, dark, and handsome walked in. Actually he wasn’t dark at all; he had skin like brown sugar. The man was holding a single rose in his hand and he held it out to Ms. Tina. 
“I was going to get you a rose for every time I thought of you instead of worked today, but I figured it’d be cheaper to give you one rose for one more day of work spent thing of you.” The corny ass words sounded like gold coming for his deep voice. He had an underlying accent too that I couldn’t identify, but only made him sound sexier. Wherever Ms. Tina got him, I need to go and put me one on layaway.
Ms. Tina took the rose and blushed as she put it to her nose. “Thank you.”
“You look beautiful.” He said as he leaned in and kissed her on the mouth. Gross, but it was still sweet at the same time. 
“You look handsome yourself. I see you’re wearing the suit I bought you.” Ms. Tina said as she straightened his tie.
“Look good, don’t I?” He asked as he stood back to give her a better look.
“You look great.” She said and they embraced again.
Ms. Tina was blushing like a school girl so I couldn’t help but smile. Drew on the other hand was looking very uncomfortable and pissed. He obviously didn’t like Ms. Tina’s man-friend.
The man was nuzzling her neck and whispering more sweet nothings into her ear. “You smell good, too. And taste good…” His words trailed off as their lips met.
Now I was starting to feel uncomfortable. Suddenly, Drew cleared his throat noisily and obnoxiously. He was evidently tired of the show.
“Oh,” Ms. Tina murmured as she and the man separated. She began smoothing the wrinkled out of her shirt.
“Should I hose you down?” I asked them with a smile.
“Hose him down.” Drew murmured and I’m sure the man heard him, but ignored it.
“I’m sorry, baby.” Ms. Tina apologized. 
“I’m good, honey.” The man said and I stifled a laugh.
“She was talking to me.” Drew said in a low voice. For a second I thought he was about to start growling at the man.
“Oh, right, that makes more sense.” He said and I shook my head. Goofy and fine, just how I like ’em. 
“Well, you must be the wonderful son I’ve heard so much about. Andrew, right?” The man held his hand out to shake Drew’s, but Drew ignored it.
“What’s up?” Drew said as a greeting. I shook my head. That’s so rude.
The man brushed his hand on his jacket as a recovery from being dissed. He turned to me and smiled with straight, pearly white teeth. He has dimples! “You must be the beautiful, honorary daughter, Regina.” He held his hand out to me and I took it.
“I am.” I said as our handshake lingered. “And you are?”
“I’m Guy.” He said.
I smiled at him. “Well, most people call me Gina so you can too. Oh, look at that, two G’s.”
Drew scoffed, but I ignored him. “Yeah, look at that.” He murmured. 
“What is that accent?” I asked him. 
“Spanish, I was born and raised in Detroit, but my Latino mother made sure I knew both languages. I picked up the accent from her and her side of the family.
“Really? I’m actually fluent in Spanish myself.”
“Really?”
“Sí, y usted tiene hoyuelos muy hermosa.” I said in my best accent.
“Gracias,” He answered and I thought I’d swoon from his accent.
“Really, Regina? You’re talking about the man’s dimples? Get a life.”
“Conseguir una novia,” I said with a smirk.
“I have a girlfriend.” 
“No creo que le gusto.” Guy said.
“He likes you. He just doesn’t know you.” I answered in English so even Ms. Tina could understand. Drew scoffed again so I ignored him. 
“Pues, la madre de Drew es una mujer muy impresionante.” Guy said and I smiled.
“That’s so sweet.” I said and Drew scoffed some more. 
“I’m obviously the only person in here who doesn’t speak Spanish so what’s so sweet?” Ms. Tina asked. 
“He’s said you’re amazing.” I told her and she smiled at Guy.
“That’s what you said?”
“Sí,” He said as he wrapped his arms around her waist.
“I know what that means.” She said. 
“What does this mean: dame un beso?” He asked and I smiled. I know what it means.
She leaned in and kissed him. “I remember you said that before.” She said.
“I’m glad you listened.” He said. “How about another one?” He asked and they kissed again.
“How about we eat before I lose my appetite?” Drew asked.
“Of course, sweetie.” Ms. Tina said. “Guy, are you staying?” 
“If I’m welcome.” He answered.
“Of course, you’re welcome.” I interjected. Ms. Tina gave me a look.
“Should I hose you down?” She asked.
I smiled. “Sorry.” 
“Uh-huh,” She said. “Have a seat and I’ll get the rest of the food.”
“I’ll help you.” I offered and I stood and followed her to the kitchen.
“So, how long has you and Guy been dating?” I asked her once we were in the kitchen.
She smiled. “We’ve been seeing each other for a few weeks now.” She sighed contently. “He’s great. I’ve never met anyone like him. Don’t tell Andrew I said that.”
“Of course not.” I said. “I’m happy you like him. And I can see he obviously likes you. Drew can see it too.”
“I know my son and he’s gonna have a problem with this. Since his father and I divorced, he expected me to be alone forever.”
“Well, what kid would want his mother dating another man?”
“I know, but Andrew is not a kid.”
“In some ways he still is.”
“I guess.”
“Well, look, if you need someone to take Señor Sexy off your hands. I’m available.”
“You just keep your eyes and hands off my man, okay?” Ms. Tina said and I laughed.
“I’m just playing, but seriously, where did you find him?” 
“I was buying wrapping paper at Walmart and I dropped one. The tube went rolling down the aisle. I was just gonna leave there, but then here comes Guy wearing a full suit with the paper in his hand. He’s more back than Latino, but he put the full accent on me. He said, ‘you dropped something, Señorita.’ Ever since then we were together.”
“You met at Walmart?” I asked in disbelief.
“Yeah, it’s funny isn’t it?”
“What’s funny is that I haven’t been to Walmart in a while. I think I should go shopping.”
Ms. Tina laughed. “Paws off,” She said as she put a plate of hamburgers in my hands. “Come on. I bet my little Andrew is uncomfortable.” I smiled, because I knew he was. 
When we went back to the dining room, it was completely silent. Drew was texting on his phone and Guy looked like he needed to be rescued.
“What’s for lunch?” Guy asked as we sat the food on the table.
“I hope it ain’t tacos.” Drew murmured and I shot him a look.
I sat next to Drew at the table, leaving the chair next to Guy and across from Drew for Ms. Tina.
“Why are you being so mean?” I whispered to him.
“Why are you being so nice? I don’t know him and neither do you.”
“That doesn’t mean we should be rude.”
“Whatever. Just eat, alright. Comer su comida. You with the Spanish I see.”
I sucked my teeth. “Whatever, Drew. You want to act like a little kid. Do it by yourself.” I said and I turned away from him in my seat. 
“Whatever,” He mumbled. 
“I was that maybe we can all go to the winter festival tonight.” Ms. Tina said after we all put hamburgers, French fries, and salad on our plates.
“That sounds fun, but aren’t we all a little old to do that. We don’t have any kids with us to say it’s for them.” I said as I picked at my food. Drew made me lose my appetite. 
“So what? It can still be fun. Adults go to carnivals all the time.” Guy said.
“As dates. That may be fine for you two, but I refuse to spend a whole day with Mr. Attitude over here.” 
“I don’t have an attitude.” Drew said. I noticed he was playing with his food too.
“Sure you don’t.” I said.
“Come on, baby. I know this couldn’t have upset you that much.” Ms. Tina said to Drew.
“I’m just wondering why you didn’t tell me.”
“If you would have called me anytime in the last few weeks you would have known.” 
“Whatever, you could have called me.”
“I did call you numerous times, but either you were too busy or I got the voicemail. After a while I just stopped.”
“Whatever. When I called you, you were always on your way out. Obviously you were going on a date with this nigga. You could have told me then.”
“Andrew, you better watch yourself when you’re talking to me. You may be grown, but I’ll still handle your little behind.”
“Whatever,” He pushed his plate away and stood up. “I’m done.” Then he left the room.
Guy and I exchanged a look. We were both in the middle of an uncomfortable situation. 
“I’ll go talk to him.” I said.
“No,” Ms. Tina said before I stood up. “It’s better to let him simmer down.”

The day passed on and night came uneventfully since Drew left the table at lunch. I was in my room getting dressed for the winter festival. Drew had left and came back, but more or less he’s been in that room all day. 
After I dressed in jeans with leggings underneath, my purple boots that came up to the knee, and a black long sleeved shirt, I was ready for the winter festival. I threw my purple pea coat over my arm after shoving my white gloves and ear muffs into the pocket.
I walked out of my door and knocked on Drew’s. Of course he ignored me. I knocked again only harder. I knew he was in there. I kept knocking and knocking until Drew wrenched the door open with an annoyed look on his face.
“What do you want?” He demanded.
“Get dressed for the winter thing.” I told him.
“I’m not going.” He said.
“Oh yes, you are.”
“You’re not my mother.”
“No, your mother is downstairs. You really hurt her feelings Drew.”
“How did I hurt her feelings? She hurt my feelings.”
“Please, Drew, you’re a grown ass man so stop acting like a little kid. If you thought I came in here to baby you, you thought wrong. I came in here to tell you to get your clothes on so we can leave. You have five minutes. If you’re not downstairs in time then I’ll just have to tell Ms. Tina I tried.”
“Whatever, Regina, are you done?” He asked indignantly.
“Yeah, I’ done. You have five minutes. Hurry up.”
I closed his door behind me and went downstairs. Ms. Tina and Guy were waiting in the living room. Ms. Tina looked up at me expectantly. 
I shrugged. “I told him, but I don’t know if he’s coming or not.” I said and she sighed.
“I don’t understand the problem.” She said.
“Drew doesn’t even understand the problem.” I told her.
After about ten minutes I hollered up the stairs. “Drew! Last call! Are you coming or what?” 
Moments later, Drew walked sluggishly down the stairs. I rolled my eyes at him. He really was acting like a child. 
“Are you riding with me?” Drew asked me once we got outside.
“No, there will be none of that. We’re all riding together.” I said.
“I’m not.” 
“Yes, you are.” I took him by the arm and led him to the back seat of Guy’s car. Guy drove a black Escalade. I pushed Drew into the car first and then I slid in next to him. With Ms. Tina in the passengers’ seat and Guy driving, we were off.
“This is a nice car.” I said to Guy. I knew Drew probably rolled his eyes, sucked his teeth, or scoffed or something.
“Business perks.” He said with a smile.
“What are you a drug dealer?” Drew asked. That could have been a joke, but knowing Drew it was probably a reference to Mexican drug lords.
Guy laughed. “Naw, but this isn’t the first time I heard that. I’m actually a real estate agent.”
“Really? I wouldn’t have expected that. I would have thought you were a lawyer or maybe you did something in marketing.” I said.
“Well, real estate is marketing.”  He said.
“I was thinking more like stocks or accounting.” 
“That’s too boring for me.” He said. “I like excitement.” Then he leaned over and nuzzled Ms. Tine’s neck. 
“You better excite your eyes on the road.” Ms. Tina said with a smile. 
“We’re at a stop light.” Guy said.
“I don’t care if we were parked. You never know with people these days.”
We all laughed, including Drew. Ms. Tina always was an overly safe person. She’s a teacher so I guess that’s safe enough.
“Feeling better?” I asked Drew as I snuggled up close to him as I always did when he had an attitude.
“I’m alright.” He said.
“You’re gonna tell me what the problem is.” I said. We were talking in low voices so Ms. Tina and Guy couldn’t hear us.
“There is no problem.” He said. 
“Please.” 
“It’s just. I can’t believe she has a boyfriend. You’re telling me that doesn’t bother you.”
“Well, I mean of course it’s weird seeing her being so touchy-feely and lovey-dovey with some dude we don’t know, but he obviously makes her happy. I figure that’s what should be important.”
“I’m glad she’s happy, don’t get me wrong. But I still don’t like this dude.”
“You don’t know him.”
“That’s why I don’t like him.”
I rolled my eyes. “You need to apologize to your mother.”
“For what?”
“For being rude and disrespectful.”
“I wasn’t-”
I cut him off. “It doesn’t matter. Apologize anyway.”
He sighed. “Should I do it now, mother?”
“No, wait until you’re alone, that way you can explain to her whatever it is you’re feeling.”
“Alright, the therapy session is over.” Drew said and I smiled.
“So, how long have you two been together? I know it must have been a while since Tina calls you her daughter.” Guy asked and I couldn’t help but laugh. Drew just smiled and shook his head. He may not like Guy, but he couldn’t deny that it was funny for him to ask that.
“What?” Guy asked as he glanced at us in the rearview mirror.
“They’re not a couple.” Ms. Tina explained. “They’re just close friends.”
“Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to offend anyone. I just thought-” Guy started to apologize, but I cut him off.
“You didn’t offend us. Just about everyone thinks we’re dating. Men and women just can’t be friends anymore.” I said with a smile.
“Well, it’s nice that the two of you are such close friends. You actually don’t see that a lot anymore.”
“I know. We’ve known each other for so long that it would be weird anyway. It’d be like kissing your brother on the lips every day.” I said.
“I can see that. I think it’s better to have a good friend than a girlfriend. Relationships just complicate things. If you were to take that step, no matter how much you want to, you can’t go back to being just friends as you are now.”
“I agree.” I said. I had thought of that on numerous occasions. There were times that I wanted to be more to Drew than I am, but I’m just too afraid to compromise what we have.
When Drew gets upset, I always snuggled up to him just like I’m doing now. If we weren’t sitting down for me to cuddle him, I would just embrace him tightly. So many of those times I just wanted to hold him and never let go. Sometimes I just felt like kissing him. For no reason at all, I’d just want to kiss him. But I never did, because I always thought of what Guy had just said. It could easily be a mistake.
If we take that step to the next level we could never turn back. Like guy said, that sort of relationship only complicates things. If we were to get into an argument or break up, it won’t be like our arguments now. We may never make up. Then our friendship will be lost, because we wanted to add sex and intimate contact into the mix.
Another thing is, what if he doesn’t feel the same way I do. What if I told him I wanted to try something more and he looks at me like I’m crazy. Right there, I would have compromised our friendship, because now he’ll be thinking about how I think of him in a different way than he does. Now our friendship would be strained and will never be the same.
“Did you ever think about it?” Drew asked me when we were walking alone through the park, enjoying the Christmas lights.
“Think about what?” I asked him. We were just talking about wanting something sweet to eat so I’m sure he wasn’t talking about that.
“What Guy said. Do you ever think about us being more than friends?” Drew asked.
I keep my eyes focused on the lit up nativity scene in front of us. I didn’t want to look at him. I wanted to say that I do think about that, but I didn’t know what to do about it. I wanted to tell him that I thought he was the finest man I’d ever seen with the exception of my baby Trey Songz. I wanted to tell Drew that I thought of that kiss we shared at that promotion party even though it was just for show. But I was scared. I didn’t want to ruin what we have.
“Of course not,” I said with a fake smile. “You’re like my brother. I could never think of you in that way.”
“Oh,” Drew said. He shoved his hands into his coat pocket. “What if I said I think of you in that way sometimes? Then what?”
“Then I’d ask you if you’re serious.” I said. I chose my words carefully.
“If I said yes?”
“Then I’d say we’re better as friends. I’d say I love you dearly, but only as my best friend. I’d say I’m too afraid to jeopardize what we have to try for something different.”
“You really never thought of it? Not even once?” Drew asked. 
“I have.” I admitted. “But I always thought about how good we are now. I’d hate to ruin that.”
Drew nodded. “I understand that.”
“Have you?” I asked after a while.
“Have I what?” Drew asked.
“Have you ever thought of me as more than a friend?”
“Yes,” He admitted without hesitation.
I didn’t comment. That fact that he was brave enough to admit it so carelessly and I lied just goes to show that he and I being more than friends was a bad idea.
“Why are you quiet all of a sudden?” Drew asked as we continued walking.
“I just don’t think we should be talking about this, that’s all.” I said honestly.
“Why not? We’re two adults. We can handle it.”
“I can’t.” I looked at the Santa Clause display. 
“What do you mean?” 
“I just don’t want go there.” I said. 
“I don’ t get it, what’s wrong?”
“Nothing, let’s just go find your mom and Guy.” I said. I started power walking ahead of him.
Drew half ran to catch up with me. “Look, Regina, I said thought about it before. I didn’t say I still do. There’s no reason to be uncomfortable.”
I sighed. “You don’t know how much that means to me.” I said as I hugged him. “I just want to be sure that we’ll always have our friendship.”
“Of course,” he said as he hugged me back. “Nothing is more important to me than our friendship.”
“Good,” I said. I held on to his arm and lay my head on him shoulder as we walked. 
“Oh, wait, Maya is definitely more important.” Drew said and he laughed when I gave hi a look.
“This is the second time you put that girl over me. Is the sex really that good?” 
“Yes. I almost didn’t pick you up today. Maya had my wrists handcuffed over my head and she was riding the shit out of me. She said she didn’t want me go for a whole weekend. She makes a nigga want to lock himself in the house with her.”
I laughed and shook my head because that’s what I would do when he said something like that. Strangely enough, I felt a little twinge of jealousy. I knew he was joking for the most part, but I still didn’t like to hear that some other woman was put before me. Some other woman? I’m not his girlfriend. What reason do I have to be jealous? I may not have any real cause to be jealous, but I was. What’s wrong with me?
“Where’d you two disappear off to?” Ms. Tina asked with a smile. She was cuddled up to Guy just as I was cuddled up to Drew. She was cuddled up to him because that was her man. I wasn’t thinking the same of Drew. I was just cold. 

I’d pretty much gone off to hide in my room after the winter festival. I feel as though Guy had touched too close to home for me. I understood that friends should stay friends because sex only complicates things, but I was just annoyed that I had the feelings that I had, but there was nothing I could do about it. I wished I could just go back to high school, when I thought of Drew as just a brother and best friend. It seems like after I lost my virginity at eighteen and I “became a woman”, I began to think of Drew differently. 
It seemed like around the time that Jackson and I had broken up not long after we had sex in his car that I began to think that I wanted a guy more like Drew. Drew was always there. Drew never cheated on his girls. Drew wasn’t pig. And then of course, Drew is sexy. I’d always known that. 
But he was my friend so there were always boundaries. Even though there were times that we had talked about crossing that line, we agreed that we will never do anything that will jeopardize our friendship. I was cool with that, but lately, I just… 
Lately, I’ve been thinking about how it would feel to be is girl. It’s his fault! It was just thoughts at first. Thoughts I’d never do anything with. Then he kissed me at that party. He intensified everything with that kiss. That kiss made me want to kiss him again. 
But I know I can’t. Then there’s Michael. Despite all the mess going on because of him, I really like Michael. I’ve had thoughts about Michael too. Michael made me want to settle down. He made me think he could be the one. I never used that word in that manner, but that was the thought. No one else made me feel like Michael does and I’m not just talking about the incredible sex. Michael makes me happy. But of course he makes Gwen and all the other women he’s cheated with happy. 
I liked to think I was different though. He told me that he loved me. I couldn’t just forget that even though I really wanted to. Did I love him? I mean, it is possible. No other man has made me feel like him. I’ve never messed up my weave in the shower for anyone. I’ve never been so hurt when I found out a man had another woman before. There were quite a few times that I was dating a guy and found out he was cheating on me. In all of those situations, I just moved on without a problem. I found out Michael was married yet I can’t just move on from him. 
If I had the choice, who would I chose? Michael or Drew? That was a tough decision. No it wasn’t. I loved Drew. Drew was my best friend in the whole wide world. He was finer than Michael in my opinion and he was a great kisser. But Michael was still different. If I had the choice, I would choose Michael. Drew will always be my friend and anything more would be too weird. 
So that was it? I would chose Michael? It’s funny that even though he’s a married and he’s married to my crazy ass boss, I still want to be with him. So that is it. I am in love with Michael. But Drew is still….
A knock on my door interrupted my thoughts. Before I could ask who it was or even say come in, the door opened and Ms. Tina walked in. I shook my head. She was just like her son. They’d knock, but they wouldn’t wait for an answer. 
“Hey, baby,” Ms. Tina said. She closed the door behind her, but stayed in front of it.
“Hey, Ms. Tina,” I said. 
“What are you doing in here all by yourself?” Ms. Tina asked me and I smiled meekly.
“Nothing,” I said coyly. “I’m just thinking.”
“Hmm,” She murmured thoughtfully. 
The room became silent, uncomfortably so. Ms. Tina shifted her weight and I just sat waiting on the bed. I knew she had something to say, but she was either too afraid to say it or didn’t know how to. 
I waited for a few more moments before finally giving up on her saying what she had to say.
“What is it, Ms. Tina?” I asked her.
 “I…wanted to talk to you, but I don’t want you to take it the wrong way.” She responded. She looked down at the floor, then at the ceiling, and then finally her eyes rested on mine.
“Just say it,” I said. I sat up on the bed and faced her.
Ms. Tina went and sat on the small sofa under the window. After she got comfortable, she turned to face me. 
“I don’t want you to get upset with Andrew for telling me, but I just felt you needed a woman to woman talk.” Ms. Tina continued. I felt like she was choosing her words carefully, afraid that she’ll trip a wire.
I smiled reassuringly. “Ms. Tina, please, just say it.”
“Andrew told me about your situation with your…friend. I don’t want you to get mad at him, but he was just concerned. I’m actually a little concerned myself. Baby, I only want the best for you and from what Andrew tells me, this Michael ain’t it.”
I was a little taken aback by what she just said. I didn’t want to come off as rude or disrespectful to her, but she definitely struck a nerve in me.
“No disrespect, Ms. Tina, but my relationship is none of yours nor Drew’s business. And no he is not my friend. Up until lately, he was my man.” I told her. 
“I don’t mean to get into your business, sweetheart. I just want to be sure you know exactly what you’re doing. Married men rarely leave their wives.” Ms. Tina said and I couldn’t help but roll my eyes. I knew she would automatically assume that I was being strung along by some married man who promised me the world. I know this is a lot different than that.
“He is leaving his wife so Drew must have left that out when he was telling you my business.”
“How do you know? Of course this man would tell you that.”
“I know because he told me so and I believe him. And if that’s not enough, his wife told me also.” Among other things.
Ms. Tina didn’t respond for a moment so I knew she didn’t expect me to tell her his wife said it also. I hate when people try to get all up in my business and give advice even though they don’t even know the full story. I love Ms. Tina to death, but I am too old for her to try and get involved with everything I do.
“Look, Regina, I know you don’t want to hear this, but I just want you to be careful. Just because he is in fact divorcing his wife does not mean he’s gonna marry you.” Ms. Tina said and I rolled my eyes again.
“Who said I wanted to marry him?” I asked her incredulously. I mean wow, who even said I was thinking about that. I don’t even know how I feel right now.
“I’m just saying, Regina. If he cheated on her with you, what makes you think he won’t do the same thing to you? A tiger doesn’t change its stripes.”
“He won’t do that to me because he said he loved me. I know I’m not sure whether that’s true or not, but I do believe him when he says he only wants to be with me.” 
 “Do you believe that he loves you?” Ms. Tina asked me with an inquiring gaze. 
I sighed deeply. I was confused and frustrated. “How the hell-I mean heck do I know? I’ve never been truly in love so how would I know what it looks or feels like? How would I know if it’s real or not?”
With the exception of Jackson Jackson in high school, I’ve never even claimed to be in love. Even then I was unsure. He was just a high school sweetheart and I know that now. Back then I believed it was true love and I was truly just playing myself. How do I know I’m not playing myself now? I said this to Ms. Tina.
“I can’t tell you how to know if it’s real. You’ll be able to know that on your own.” Ms. Tina said and I sighed again. 
“But I’m on my own and I still don’t know. I just want to know now how I would know if it’s real or not. I want to know how I would be able to tell so I would know if Michael is real or not and so I can put my own feelings in check.”
“Do you love him?” Ms. Tina asked, catching me off guard.
“I…I don’t know. I think so, but then again I don’t. Like I said, how do you know?” I tried to think about it before she came in and in my mind I thought I came to terms with it, but it still doesn’t seem right.
“You should know in your heart. You’re trying to think it through and psychoanalyze the situation, but you can’t do that. Love is too complicated a subject and even with all your degrees you’ll never fully comprehend the subject. You won’t even fully understand it when you are positive you’re in love. Only God truly understands.”
“Well, he needs to help me.” I said. I threw myself backwards onto the bed and close my eyes tight. My goodness, why can’t matters of the heart be as easy as checking a book for the right answers? Why doesn’t anyone figure out a way to tell if someone is truly in love?
Ms. Tina laughed gently. “Sweetheart, you have to find it on your own. God can lead you in the right direction, but it’s up to you to confirm it in your heart. And the only way you can do that is if you’re open to it. You can’t be afraid to let love in.”
Something told me she was talking about something (or someone) other than Michael and me when she made that last comment. I didn’t respond because I honestly didn’t know how to. 
“I think I love Michael.” I said after a while. “I’ve never felt the way he makes me feel with any other man. I’m not just talking about sexually either even though that’s off the chain too.” I saw Ms. Tina roll her eyes and I smiled meekly. “I mean, he makes me happy. We actually talk and that’s something I never really did with past boyfriends. Well, I can’t even call them boyfriends. They were actually friends with benefits if you know what I mean.” 
“Lord, girl, do you really have to bring up sex with everything you say?”
I laughed a little. “I’m just being honest.”
“Well, sometimes too much honestly can just mean too much information.”
“All I’m saying is that Michael is different from any other man I’ve been with. He honestly makes me happy. Just hearing his voice makes me smile. Even when he pisses me off with the dumb things he does like any other man, I still can’t be mad at him, because he’s just so…” I sighed and smiled.

“So you love him?” Ms. Tina asked. I guess she wanted to sum up what I was saying.
I sighed deeply as if she hadn’t been listening to me at all. “That’s the point. I don’t know!” I sighed and lowered my voice. I didn’t want her to think I was yelling at her. “Ms. Tina, I wasn’t….”
Ms. Tina put her hand up to signal me to stop. She smiled. “I know, baby.”
“So what am I supposed to do if I don’t know how I feel?”
“You’re supposed to do whatever is in your heart. If you feel like you love this man, then, sweetheart, I’m on your side no matter what. But be sure to think about it.”
“I thought you said don’t think about it. I thought you said follow my heart.”
“I did say that. Follow your heart, but don’t be stupid, girl. Make sure you’re doing what you truly want and not walking blindly in love. Also, make sure what you feel is of the heart and soul and not just of the body. In other words, don’t confuse your heart with what’s between your legs.”
I was just a bit taken aback by Ms. Tina saying that. She was usually the type of woman that would cuss you out but never say a cuss word or use inappropriate language.
“That’s another thing I’m afraid of.” I admitted. “This wouldn’t be the first that I got love twisted with lust. Remember when I was twenty and I almost married Caleb Davis?”
Ms. Tina sighed and groaned. “I’d never say I hate someone, but my God that boy came close. He was such a butthole. It seemed like you were completely oblivious to the fact that he was an idiot, and a sexist, and a jerk, and a straight up moron.”
I laughed. “I’ll admit to that. I literally thought everything he did and said was cute.”
“What was so cute about all those piercings and tattoos? He was literally every mother’s worst nightmare.”
“I know, but like I said, I thought he was cute. Then of course there was the tongue ring.” I smiled at the memory.
Ms. Tina shook her head but smiled. “And there’s goes the reason why you wanted to marry him.”
“He could damn near touch the bridge of his nose with his tongue! He had a birth defect that caused him to get teased all through school. Then he grew up and realized what he could do with that tongue. I always wondered why he never got that surgery. Then I witnessed it.”
“You’re nasty,” 
“Yes, I am,”
We both laughed. After the laughter died, we both fell silent. It seemed like the topic was still suspended in the air. Like there was still something else she wanted to say, but didn’t…yet.
“So…” Ms. Tina said, stalling.
“So…”I repeated.
Ms. Tina giggled like a teenager. 
“Come on, Ms. Tina, what is it?” I asked her.
“I was just wondering…” She started.
“Wondering what?”
“What about Andrew?”
“What do you mean? Drew will always have his own opinions. He never liked Michael from the beginning. I doubt he’ll change his mind now even if everything works out with Michael and me.”
“No, that’s not what I meant. I mean what about Andrew?”
“Do you mean like…?” I asked in disbelief. “Drew and I aren’t like that. We’re just friends. I figured you of all people would know that.”
“Please, Regina, anyone with eyes or even just ears knows you two have something for each other.”
“No there’s not.” I laughed nervously.
“Please,” Ms. Tina said again. “Look who you’re talking to. I don’t understand why you two are so afraid to just let it happen. It’s going to anyway.”
“Why do you think that? Drew and I already established that we are not meant for a relationship like that. We are better off as friends. You know that.”
“Does Drew know that?”
“Of course he does. Remember we tried a relationship before and it didn’t work out. Drew and I knew then that our friendship is far more important than that.”
“What makes you think you can’t preserve your friendship and have a relationship? An intimate relationship works a lot better when you start as friends.”
I shook my head. “It’d be too weird.”
Ms. Tina smiled. “I think you want to.”
“I don’t.”
“You know I don’t believe you. I’m known both of you way too long. I raised you both.”
“Still,”
“Mmm-hmm,”
“That’s only more drama to add to my unsavory mix. I don’t have time to think about being with Drew or Michael.”
“Well, you can’t just go against your heart because you don’t feel like dealing with it.”
“But….sometimes I think of Drew…differently.” I admitted.  “Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to date him.”
“So why don’t you tell him that?”
“Because if I tell him that and he doesn’t feel the same, I’ll be the one who ruined our friendship because I wanted something he couldn’t give.” I pulled my knees up to my chest like I used to when I was younger. I felt like I was fourteen again. I felt vulnerable and like I didn’t know how to run my own life.
“Sweetheart, you have to trust that he will accept you however you feel. If he doesn’t feel the same, which I know is not the case, you have to trust that he’ll still be your friend.”
“But….I’m even more afraid that he will feel the same way. I’m afraid that if we do feel the same way, we’ll jump into a relationship that neither of us is ready for. Then ultimately, we’ll ruin our friendship.”
“Why are you so afraid of ruining your friendship?”
“Drew is very important to be. We’ve known each other all our all our lives. He’s the only person in this world, besides God, that has seen me at my worst but still loves me without judging me. I love him so much. I don’t ever want to lose him or what we have.”
“Dang, it sounds more like you’re in love him than y’all just being friends.”
“No, it’s not like that. We just care about each other very much.” 
“Sweetheart, you just have to follow your heart. I can’t give you any better advice than that.”
Before I could respond, there was a knock at my door. I immediately knew it was Drew by the way the person just walked in without waiting for me to reply.
Drew looked at Ms. Tina. “Oh, my bad, I didn’t know y’all were talking.” He turned to leave but Ms. Tina stopped him.
“It’s alright, baby. I was actually just about to leave.” Ms. Tina said.
“Oh no, don’t let me run you out of here.” He said.
“No, sweetheart, you’re not running me from anywhere. I’m really about to go.”
Ms. Tina stood up to leave and Drew stepped aside for her. She met my eyes and gave me a look before she left, closing the door behind her. I hope she wasn’t getting any ideas.
“So what’s up?” Drew said as he lounged on the sofa his mother was just sitting on.
“Not much,” I replied. “What’s up with you?”
He smiled. “Thinking about you,” My heart fluttered. 
“Really?” I asked him, sounding way too eager. Regina, he is not your man.
“Yeah, I wanted to know if you were mad at me.”
“Oh,” I said. I was trying not to sound disappointed, but I failed.
“What did you think I was talking about?”
“Nothing, I just…I don’t know.”
Drew grinned like I was being goofy. “So are you mad at me or what?”
“No, of course not,” I told him quickly. “Why would I be mad at you?”
“I don’t know. You seemed quiet after we had that conversation at the thing.”
“I wasn’t. I was just thinking.”
“Think about what?”
“Stuff,” I said with a smile.
“What kind of stuff?”
“Dang, you want to talk more than a female.”
“I do. Now tell me.”
“No, it’s my personal thoughts.”
“Well, what were you and my mom talking about?”
“More stuff,” I said and then laughed.
“Come on, Regina, tell me.”
“We were just talking about me and Michael. And we talked about how do you know if you really love someone or not. And we talked about friends becoming lovers.” I was technically telling the truth. He didn’t have to know specifics.
“Well, you want my opinion?”
“No, not really.”
“Well too bad. In terms of you and Michael, you need to do what’s best for you. If you want to be with him, fine, I have your back all the way. But don’t be stupid. Friends becoming lovers is always good. And as of love? Love is when you want that person to be happy no matter what and you’re willing to do whatever possible to make them happy. Even if that means they are happy without you.”
I didn’t say anything for a moment. I was glad he said he’s support me with Michael, because I knew for a fact that he didn’t like him. I decided not to mention the friends becoming lovers being good situation so I figured I’d comment on love.
“I guess that makes sense, but I think of love differently. I believe love is wanting to be with that person for just about every moment of the day. Whether it’s enjoying time together, making love or having fun, or if you’re sleeping in each other’s arms, you just want to be with that person.”
“That’s true too. All people think of it differently no matter who you are. See, if you were in love with someone who wasn’t in love with you, you’d still want them to be happy with whomever that are in love with, right?”
“Yes,”
“Well then,”
“I still like mine better.” I said.
“Yeah, but mine is usually the reality.” He said.
“Sadly,”
We were both silent. I wasn’t sure whether he was thinking about what we just said or if neither of us just didn’t know what to say. Maybe both. Drew suddenly came and sat next to me on the bed. I instinctively moved away from him. I inhaled his cologne. Damn, he smells good. I moved a little farther away. I was afraid that I’d get the urge to lay my head on his shoulder and smell his cologne and end up kissing his neck. 
Regina, get a grip!
“You know,” Drew started after a few moments of silence, but then trailed off.
“What?” I asked him with a smile. 
“You’re beautiful.” He said. He looked me directly into my eyes when he said it. 
“Thank you,” I said simply. I was blushing, but I was trying hard not to show that I was excited.
“I’m serious. You’re gorgeous and your body is amazing.” He said as he looked me over. A rush of heat flash through me and went straight between my legs. It’s that damn cologne.
“Stop it,” I said to him. I was blushing hard.
“What’s there to be embarrassed about? You’re sexy.”
“Stop before you give me the wrong idea.” I said. That was the honest to God truth. He was giving me some thoughts and none of them were appropriate.
“What idea is that?” He asked slyly. Damn, is he flirting with me? No. Drew wouldn’t do that.
I didn’t answer so Drew continued. “What idea is that?” He repeated.
“Trust me, you don’t want to know.” I said.
“Why not? Do you want to do something?”
Yes!. “No,”
“If you want to do something just do it.” He said and I looked him in the eyes.
“Trust me you don’t want me to do what I’m thinking.” I said looking him dead in the eyes.
“Who cares what I want? You want to do it. So what is it you want to?” He asked me.
I want to sit on your lap and kiss your neck, smelling that sexy ass cologne. Then I was to kiss you slowly all over your chest and then….Regina, get a damn grip.
“I don’t want to say.” I said. I looked down at my hands.
“Then don’t say it. Just do it.”
“No,”
“Do it. Are you scared?’
“No, I just don’t want to.”
“Obviously you do. You’re just scared.”
“I’m not scared.”
“Then do it.”
I ignored him and began looking at everything in the room but him. He took me gently by the chin and turned me to face him. He looked directly into my eyes. His eyes sparkled like he was challenging me. 
“Do it.” He said. 
“Drew, I don’t want to-”
He cut me off. “Do it, Regina.”
“Drew, stop-”
“Do it.”
“Trust me, you don’t want me to.”
“Who cares what I want. What do you want?”
“Drew-”
“Do it,” 
“Drew,”
“Do it, now.”
I climbed on his lap and buried my face in his neck, kissing, licking, and sucking gently. I didn’t look at his face because I didn’t want to see how he’d react. I inhaled his cologne and sighed. So damn good. He smelled good and tasted even better. I wonder how his lips taste…
I met and sampled his lips, sucking on the bottom one. I slowly, cautiously slipped my tongue into his mouth. He didn’t push me away. Instead he grabbed me by the nape of my neck and pulled me harder onto his mouth. His tongue swirled, danced, and played with mine. He straight up tongued me down. 
Drew’s large hands grabbed my ass firmly and pulled me against him. I felt his erection pressing hard between my legs. My little pajama shorts didn’t hold any type of barrier against that anaconda. 
Our lips parted and we both sucked in a breath of air. I moaned as he caressed my back. We both took shallow breaths and then went at it again. Suddenly Drew pulled away from me in mid kiss and looked into my eyes. 
Neither of us said anything but just looked.  His eyes were dark and hazy, showing that he was turned on. It seemed like he was giving me a chance to back out. I guess I should take it. Naw.
“Do you want to stop?” Drew asked me. 
“I guess we should, but that doesn’t mean….”
“That doesn’t mean we have to.” Drew finished for me.
I leaned in and kissed him again. This time gently, sweetly. The soft little kisses didn’t last long because suddenly our tongues were in the wrong mouth again.
I can’t believe we’re doing this. I can’t believe I’m doing this. Well, no turning back now.





Chapter 13
Kimberly
When I awoke the next morning, Trent was still lying in bed behind me. We lay in a spooning position. My eyes felt puffy from crying all night and the dried salt from my tears streaked my face. I shifted slightly and placed my hand over Trent’s. 
He pressed a kiss behind my ear. “How you feeling?” He asked me. 
I didn’t respond. Instead and just turned and faced him, looking into his eyes. I moved close to him and buried my face in his strong chest. He wasn’t wearing a shirt, actually he was just sleeping in boxers. 
“Are you gonna tell me what happened or…?” Trent asked, trailing off.
“Trent, can we please not talk about this now. I know I came here last night, a complete mess, but I really don’t want to talk about it.” I told him. My eyes became wet with tears. I really didn’t want to cry in front of him again.
“Alright, I understand.” He said. His strong arms enveloped me.
“Will you do me a favor?” I asked him as I swiped at my eyes. 
“Of course,” He responded. 
“I know you probably have something to do, but, if you don’t mind, will you please just lay here with me. Please. All I wanna do is sleep, but I really don’t want to do it alone.” I told him. I was embarrassed for asking, but that’s what I wanted. 
“Sure,” He said. 
I turned my back to him and he pulled me close. “Thank you,” I mumbled as I closed my eyes. 
It didn’t take long for me to go back to sleep. I just thank God for Trent, because he doesn’t have to do this.

The next time I opened my eyes, Trent wasn’t in bed with me. I sat up bed and rubbed the sleep out of my eyes. I looked around the room. The room was well lit from the windows. It must be late in the afternoon.
“Trent?” I called out softly. I know I’m a grown woman, but did he really leave me here alone.
I climbed out of his bed and stretched. Suddenly the door opened and Trent walked in holding a tray of food. His eyes darkened as he looked me over.
“Damn,” He whispered. “You know if I were able to ignore all the bruises on your face, I’d do something to you right now.”
I looked down at the floor and instinctively touched the bruise under my cheek. It was still tender, but it didn’t hurt as much when I touched it.
“I’m sorry, that was a terrible thing to say.” Trent quickly apologized.
“Don’t apologize. I can’t expect you to just ignore them. They’re pretty obvious.” I laughed cynically. 
“So are you gonna tell me how they got there?” He asked.
“I think you already know.” I said, not wanting to admit it.
Trent shook his head. “No woman deserves to be treated like that. And no man should ever put his hands on a woman.”
I didn’t answer. He sure as heck made me feel like I deserved it. Just because men aren’t supposed to hit women doesn’t mean they won’t. 
“I think I’m going to kill that nigga.” Trent said. He said it like he was thinking about going to the store.
“Trent, please.”
“Please kill him?”
“No, please don’t say that. I know this looks bad, but I won’t have to deal with it anymore. As of today, I’m done with Dwayne and his crap. I’m done with all of it.”
“How did all this happen?”
“It happened when I married him.” I said as I blew out a sigh. I sat down on the bed and Trent sat next to me, sitting his tray of food on the bench at the foot of the bed.
He gently touched the purple and black bruises on my cheek and jaw. “But how did this happen?” He reiterated.
“I walked in on his having sex with my little sister.”
Trent’s eyes seemed to bug out of the sockets and then returned to a passive state. “How little is your sister?”
“She’s twenty-three.”
“And she slept with him knowing he’s your husband? What kind of sister is that?”
“That’s my sister. I couldn’t believe that either and what was worse was that she was right there when Dwayne would…” I held back tears. I didn’t want to remember any of that.
Trent wrapped an arm around me. “I don’t understand why people do the dumb shit that they do. Even your sister. I’m sorry, but she’s a fucking bitch and so if your husband.”
I didn’t respond because I agreed. I didn’t want to call my sister a bitch, but if the shoe fits…
Trent gently touched at the bruises. I wanted to tell him to stop messing with them and staring. 
“I see you cleaned this up, but I would like to do something better with this.” Trent said. 
“No, I’m fine.” I said quickly and moved away from him. I don’t know why, but I didn’t want him to help me with the bruises I got from Dwayne. 
“Just let me help you,” He said gently. He stood up and took my hand.
I allowed him to pull me to my feet and lead me to his bathroom. I looked around at the fully mirrored walls. No matter where I looked I saw my reflection. Every wall, with the exception of the glass shower door, was mirrored. It was a nice bathroom. The pieces of wall between the mirror panels were painted a dull gold and the borders of the mirrors on the walls, the medicine cabinet, and the shower door were grey. In any other situation, the grey and black would look dull, but his bathroom looked really good. My only thing was who would want to get out of the shower and see their naked body from every angle?
He led me over to the grey/black marble countertop of the sink. He gently lifted me up and had me sit on the countertop.
“Tilt your head up to the lights.” He said as he searched his medicine cabinet for what he wanted.
I tilted my head up and closed my eyes. I felt Trent’s warm hands on my chin as he pressed something cold and wet to the gash on my forehead. Dwayne had already “taken care” of that, but I guess it still looked bad. I flinched as I felt the cold antiseptic press against my bruised cheek. 
After about ten minutes, Trent did everything he wanted to do with my bruises. After looking myself over in the mirror, I saw that it looked pretty good. That is speaking relatively to how I looked before. 
“Thank you,” I told him. 
He smiled and leaned in to kiss my forehead. “No problem,” 
We went back to his bedroom and I surveyed the food he brought. My stomach growled and I was immediately embarrassed. Trent sat down and put the tray of food on his lap.
“Oh, are you hungry?” He asked.
I nodded. “I’m starved.”
“That’s why I brought up this.” He said.
“Great,” I said as I went to the bed next to him and the meal. I reached for a strip of bacon, but Trent moved the tray out of my reach.
“There’s more in the kitchen.” He said taking the piece of bacon I was gonna eat.
My eyebrows drew together. “That’s so rude. I’m technically a guest.”
“I believe that everyone needs to provide for themselves or they’ll be too used to being pampered that they won’t function in the real world.” He said.
“Please, I’ve never been pampered.” I sighed as I stood up to go get some food. At least it smelled good. 
Trent grabbed my hand before I could go. “I’m kidding. I want to pamper you.” He said. “I brought this so we could share it.” 
I smiled at him; it was an extremely sweet gesture. Though, honestly, I was thinking that I would rather eat all that food myself rather than share it.
I sat down on the bed next to him and reached for another piece of bacon. I bit into it and smiled. “I didn’t know you could cook.” I said appreciatively.
“There’s a lot I can do. I can run a business, build a bookshelf, fix a car, make love to you until you can’t breathe, and then make you dinner afterwards.” 
I shook my head. “Usually you make the girl dinner before sex.” I said.
“See, I like to have my desert first.” I rolled my eyes. So nasty.
The cheesy scrambled eggs looked and smelled delicious, but I couldn’t really get any. “You only brought one fork.” I said to him. 
He smiled. “I guess that means we have to share that too.” 
I raised one eyebrow and the other went down. “Really?” 
“Yep,” He smiled and picked up the fork. He scooped up some eggs and held the fork out to me.
I looked at the fork skeptically at first. What the hell? I closed my eyes and leaned in for him to feed me the eggs. 
“Good, right?” He asked with a grin.
I nodded. “I want more.” I said with a slight smile.
“I bet you do.” He said as he fed me another forkful of eggs and then ate some himself off the same fork.
I reached for the sliced fruit with my hands and took a piece of pineapple. I ate it. Then I picked up a piece of fruit and held it out to Trent. “You want some?” I asked him.
Trent locked eyes with me and the leaned forward to the fruit. He took my fingers into his mouth and sucked the fruit off while still sucking my fingers. I pulled my fingers away with a soft gasp and a rush of heat. Oh Lord!
He chewed the fruit slowly, all the while keeping eye contact with me. He picked a piece of fruit up to me. I simply ate the fruit, careful not to suck on his fingers. 
He smiled. “Don’t take the fun out of it.”
I smiled slightly. It’s hard to have fun looking like I just lost a boxing match. I thought ruefully.
“I want to kiss you but,” His sentence trailed off. 
I put my hand over my cheekbone. “Please stop staring at me.”
Trent leaned in and brushed my hair back. “There may be a few marks here and there but there’s nothing wrong with your lips.” 
Before I could respond, Trent leaned in and brushed a slow, gentle kiss on my lips. It was so soft, so gentle that it was barely there, but yet it felt so good. It felt like heat. It felt fire flowing through his lips into mine and then spreading through my whole body. 
When Trent pulled back from me, I found myself with my eyes clothes, still leaning in for more. This makes me wish I never met Dwayne. This makes me wish that I’d discovered how great Trent truly is in college. That way, I probably would have started dating Trent and I would never married Dwayne. Or maybe I would have at least divorced him a long time ago.
What did I ever see in him? What was there that I saw in him, but I didn’t see in any of the actual good men who were interested in me? There were men who were never controlling. There were men who treated me with the upmost respect. Men who would have probably truly loved me rather than use and abuse me.
Why was I so drawn to Dwayne? Because he called me beautiful every day? Because he made me feel special when no one else did? Or maybe it was because he always wanted me around? 
Unlike previous boyfriends, he never needed “me-time”. Dwayne always wanted me with him. He always needed me on his arm. He always needed me by his side. He called me nearly every ten minutes we were apart to make sure I was okay and just to hear my voice. He never liked for another man to look at me. He never liked for to look at another man or he would jealous. 
Then he would accuse me of cheating on him even though I never was. He was so jealous. He was so possessive. He didn’t call me every minute to “hear my voice”. He called me because he wanted to make sure I wasn’t with anyone he didn’t want me to be with. He kept me on his arm to keep me in his sight so he could control my every move. 
I can’t believe I used to think that was love. Now, looking back, I realize that he was never really in love with me. He couldn’t have been. At least it wasn’t healthy love. A real man would treat a woman he loved like Dwayne treated me. 
Right after Dwayne and I got married, he began treating me differently. One minute he’s extremely loving and attentive and then next thing I know, he’s rude and cruel. Instead of telling me I was beautiful, he told me I was ugly. He constant told me I was too dark. He constantly reminded me that he was the only man I could ever get because men don’t like ugly, black women. He made me feel so terrible. I truly believed him when he said I was too ugly to get with anyone other than him.
I truly believed him when he told me he loved me for who I am and he thinks I’m beautiful, but other men wouldn’t feel the same way. He told me the only thing any other man would want with me is sex. Like an idiot, I believed that. I believed I was ugly. I believed I was too dark. I believed no other man would want me. 
Suddenly I was enveloped in Trent’s strong arms. He held me close to him in a bear hug with my face pressed to his bare chest. I swallowed hard as I fought back tears.
“Please, don’t cry.” Trent said. “I didn’t know I was that bad of a kisser.”
“No,” I choked. God, why am I crying? “It’s not you. I was just…” I choked on my words as I cried softly. “I was just thinking…”
“Thinking about what?” Trent asked as he held me tighter.
“Nothing, it’s not important.”
“If it makes you cry, it’s important to me.”
“I was just….Dwayne.” I sighed. 
“Fuck him,” Trent said. He looked down at me, looking right into my eyes. 
I choked out a laugh. “I know. It’s just…”
“Please don’t tell me you miss him.”
“No. Heck no. I was just thinking about….like why did I marry him?”
Trent laughed once. “Obviously you’re in love with him.”
“I was in love with him. I’m done with him. Speaking of which, I need to file for divorce. I need to get as far away from that…creature as possible.” 
Trent smiled and wrapped an arm around my shoulders, pulling me close. “Even though I would want it to be true, you can’t just stop loving him or the love was never real in the first place.”
I thought of that. I guess he was right. I did hate him right now, but I don’t honestly think I fell out of love with him. “What do you mean by you want it to be true?” I asked him.
Trent looked me in my eyes. “I mean, I want you to stop loving him and start loving me.”
I blinked twice and looked at him strangely. I guess I knew Trent was looking for a relationship deeper than that whatever it is we were doing. I guess I couldn’t expect him to just be okay with whatever this is. 
“I shouldn’t have said that, huh?” Trent asked.
“No, you’re fine. I guess I saw that coming.”
“You say that like it’s a bad thing. I know you’re married now and you were married when I ran into you at the club, but I know you feel what I feel right now. Or at least something close to it.”
I didn’t respond. I don’t know what I feel. I do like Trent, but love was a bit too far. Way too far. “I don’t want to go too fast.” I told him.
“I don’t either. But, Kimberly, when I know what I want, I don’t like to waste time playing games. I know I want you so I don’t want to waste time playing games. I want to be with you. We’re two adults and life is short. Let’s not play games. Let’s just do the damn thing.”
I laughed nervously. “Trent, what are you talking about?”
“Be with me.”
“But…but we technically just met. In college we knew nothing about each other. We barely know anything about each other now except for the fact that I have a dysfunctional marriage.”
“I know all I need to know. I know you are a very beautiful woman. I know you are intelligent and classy. I know there is a very special, incredible person deep down inside you, but you’re afraid to let her out. I know I can help you let that person out, and I can truly make you happy.” 
“But Trent…”
“No, buts. Let me make you happy. I promise you, I will never treat you wrong. I’ll never put my hands on you. And I will never tell you anything other than how beautiful you are.”
“Trent, that all sounds nice, but I can’t. Not now anyway. At least let me handle my situation with Dwayne. I don’t even know what’s going on there. I can’t start a relationship with you if I hadn’t even ended my marriage.”
“Well, what the hell were we doing all this time? What were we doing when we were sharing kisses? What were we doing when we damn near had sex in the kitchen at the center? What were we doing then, Kim? Don’t tell me you were playing me.”
“I wasn’t playing you. Honestly, I don’t know what I was doing, but I wasn’t playing you.”
“Then what were we doing, Kimberly?”
“I don’t know. You were flirting with me and I was flirting back. I don’t usually do that, but you brought that out in me. I don’t know, Trent. When you kissed me, I had to kiss you back. When you flirted, I flirted. And when we were in that kitchen and you wanted to make love to me, I wanted to…..do it too.”
“Well, right now I want to be with you for real so won’t you want that too.”
“That’s not the same.”
“Why not, because it’s not sexual? So when I wanna kiss you, flirt with you, and have sex with you it’s okay, but when I wanna truly be with you it’s a problem?”
“No! That’s not what I’m saying. I just…I don’t know if I’m ready for that. You have to understand that I’m still married.”
“You were married when we were in that kitchen.”
“That was a mistake.”
“Really? The way I see it, you’re done with your husband, right? SO it doesn’t matter if you start moving on before the actual divorce.”
“My mother wouldn’t see it that way.”
“What? Who cares? Don’t you want to be with me?”
I looked into his eyes and sighed. “Sometimes,”
“What do you mean by sometimes?”
“I mean I’m not sure. What do you want from me?”
“Isn’t it obvious?”
I sighed. “You’re asking me for something I’m not ready to give right now.”
“Then what are you ready to give? I’m willing to take whatever I can get.”
“I guess I don’t know what I’m willing to give. I guess you’ll just know my restrictions whenever they come up.”
“Let’s have sex.” Trent said out of the blue.
“That’s a restriction.”
“It wasn’t a restriction in the kitchen.”
“Are you gonna keep bringing up the kitchen? My head wasn’t right. I was caught up.”
“So when’s the next time you’ll be caught up?”
“Hopefully, never,”
“We’ll see about that.”
I rolled my eyes at him. I looked down and realized I was still wearing the teddy. No wonder Trent was thinking about sex.
“Do you mind if I take a shower?” I asked him.
“Do you mind if I join you?”
“Yes.” I said.
“Well, no shower for you.”
“Really?”
“No you can go shower. But don’t be alarmed if I feel compelled to take a peek.” 
I rolled my eyes. “Whatever,” I said. 
I grabbed my bag from the floor by the door where I had thrown it the night before. 
I went into Trent’s bathroom for the second time today. After stripping out of my clothing, I stood and checked myself out in the bathroom’s many mirrors. I actually have a really nice body. With the exception of a few cuts and bruises, I looked pretty good. My breasts were nice sized C cups. They weren’t overly large, but they were big enough to have fun with, and they looked even bigger in comparison to my thin body. I didn’t have a huge butt like most black women but I definitely had something to fill out my jeans. I had nice, sensuous hips too, “give ‘em something to hold on to” as my mother would say. I have shapely thighs.
 Dwayne was very aware of this. I believe legs are the best part of a woman besides the obvious stuff between them. My shapely legs are what Dwayne told me he saw first when you first met me. I took that as a compliment. I remember wearing a mini-skirt that had my legs nice and exposed. Dwayne had come over, placed his hands on my hips, pulled me to him, and whispered into my ear, “When do you want me to pick you up?” 
I told him to scoop me up Saturday at eight. I said you’re even a minute late, don’t even bother showing up. Needless to say, eight o’ clock on the dot he was parked outside in his new Escalade. We’ve been inseparable ever since. I never saw the signs. I wasn’t allowed to wear my little skirts like that anymore. Dwayne didn’t want any other men to look at me. I thought his little jealousy was cute. I was so very wrong.
I gently, slowly unwrapped the Ace bandage from my wrist and laid the bandage across the counter. My wrist still hurt really bad and I was unable to turn or twist it. I didn’t want to tell Trent about it because he’d only be overprotective. Though I wouldn’t mind for him to come and kiss it for me. 
Trent’s shower is amazing! The strong, powerful jets shot from five different directions, cleaning me from every angle. His soap is great too. He always smells good when I’m around him and now I know why. 
After dressing in my purple velour track suit and my black T-shirt and Nikes, I returned to the bedroom to find Trent fully dressed. He wore a green button up shirt and some nicely fitting dark blue jeans. If I had just one guilt-free night with him, I would….Mmm!
“Where are you going?” I asked him feeling almost fearful. Either he was kicking me out or he was leaving me alone. I wasn’t a fan of either scenario.
“I’m going to the center. It’s about that time.” Trent answer. He looked me over and saw that I was dressed.  “Are you coming?” 
“Um,” I thought for a moment. Instinctively, I touched the fairly noticeable bruise under my eye. “No,” I answered. “I don’t want to go out publicly and have to make up stories to explain this.” I said, pointing at my own face.
“You sure?” Trent asked. He walked over to me and held me at the hips. “I thought maybe I’d give you another tour of the kitchen.”
I laughed and pushed him away from me. “Are you ever gonna let me forget that?”
“Yeah,” He answered. “As soon as I get what’s been on my mind since then.”
“Is that really all that’s on your mind?” I asked him. 
“It’s not all that I think about, but it comes up a lot with whatever I’m thinking or doing.” 
“Pitiful,” I said, shaking my head. 
“Is it really?” Trent said as he took me by the hips again. He pulled me firmly against him. “What’s so pitiful about wanting to make love to a beautiful woman?”
I rolled my eyes. “You said you wanted to have sex. You said nothing about making love.” I said as I wrapped my arms around his neck. 
“I thought that was implied.” He said simply.
“Trent,” I said, looking him directly in the eyes. 
“Yes, babe?” He asked, meeting my gaze.
“I don’t want to be a one night stand for you.”
“Trust me, baby, you’re not.” Trent started but I didn’t let him finish.
“I mean that. I don’t want to be a conquest. I don’t want to be the woman you’re going after just to say you got me.”
“Kimberly, baby, you are not a conquest. The only part of you that is even remotely similar to a conquest is the fact that I’m spitting my best shit here just to get you to take off your clothes and it still ain’t working.” He laughed. “But seriously, Kim, you mean a lot more to me than you can even imagine. I don’t know why, how, or when it happened but it did. I do care about you.”
I looked up into his hazel eyes. He looked sincere, but I guess I’ll never really know until he gives me a reason to think otherwise.
I stood up on my tippy-toes and met Trent’s soft, luscious, addicting lips. I didn’t give him the soft, gently, barely-feel-it kisses that he’s been giving me. Instead I sucked his bottom lip into my mouth and bit it gently. Trent’s hold on me tightened; he yanked my hips to his. 
Trent’s tongue snaked into my mouth and I literally sucked on it. His tongue felt so good rolling around with mine. 
I immediately back off of Trent, blushing so hard my cheeks were burning. I just had a thought about Trent’s tongue. Dwayne hasn’t (how does Regina say it?) “played the tongue game” since we got married. 
“What?” Trent asked. Did he look a little dazed or is it just me?
“I’m sorry. I know you have to get to the center.” I moved out of Trent’s reach. “Do you mind if I stay here? I’d go to my mother’s, but if my sister’s there, I might have to kill her.”
Trent smiled slightly. He walked slowly to the door. I followed him to the living room. He grabbed his coat out of the coat close. It was the same coat he had let me borrow. I smiled at him.
“I expect you naked and in my bed by the time I get back.” He said as if he was running the show.
“And I’d like to be naked in Morris Chesnutt’s bed with a brand new lime green Prius sitting in the driveway after I marry him.” I said back.  
“Sorry, sweetie, but Morris isn’t here. How about the next best thing? Actually, I’m better.” 
“I guess,” I said, trying to sound disinterested.
“You could have had any car you wanted in that little fantasy and yet you chose a Prius?” Trent questioned.
I laughed once. “I love my little red Prius, it gets great mileage. But I want a lime green one.”
“I’ll keep that in mind.” Trent said as though he were thinking about buying me a car.
“Don’t go buying me a car or something now.” I warned him. 
“Please, you think you deserve a car? You know how much trouble you are?” Trent said with a laugh.
I didn’t find that very funny. Actually that was a little offensive. “You didn’t have to take me in.” I said in a small voice.
Trent looked at me. “I didn’t that in a rude way. I was just messing with you.” He said.
“I know. It’s just…I’m dragging you into my mess and it’s not fair to you. I don’t want you to get hurt because of me.”
“The only way I could get hurt is if you decide you don’t want to be around me anymore. Otherwise, I’m fine. And you didn’t drag me into anything, I walked willingly.”
“But you wouldn’t have if I hadn’t been flirting with you.” I said.
“Please,” He said. “I started it all. You just couldn’t resist the charm.” 
 I rolled my eyes. “You mean you couldn’t resist.”
“We had this conversation in my car last week, didn’t we? And what happened? You couldn’t handle it.”
I remember the night. “I was pretty drunk.” I said.
“That’s not an excuse.” 
“Aren’t you leaving?” I asked him, playfully showing him that he was getting on my nerves. 
“Woman, this is my house. I’ll leave whenever I damn well please.” 
“Whatever,” I said. I walked over to the couch and sat down. I helped myself to the remote and turned on the television. 
Trent sat on the couch next to me, still wearing his coat. “Didn’t I say this is my house? Did you ask to turn on my television?”
I rolled my eyes, but continued staring at the BET movie that was playing as if Trent wasn’t even there. 
“Oh, so you can’t hear me now?” Trent asked and I held back my laughter.
“Alright,” He said. “I see you.” He stood up and took off his coat. He threw the coat on to the loveseat. 
I continued to ignore him, laughing at whatever Martin Lawrence was saying to pretend I was dissolved in the movie. 
Suddenly I was lifted into the air and then thrown over Trent’s shoulder. I shrieked gleefully. 
“Trent, put me down!” I yelled at him. I hit him on his back with balled up fists. I didn’t hit him hard enough to hurt him, but instead to playfully beat him up.
“Oh so now you hear me?” He asked. He spun around quickly and caused me to cling to his neck, afraid he was gonna drop me. 
I screamed. “Stop, Trent!” 
“What? I ain’t gon drop you.” He said as if that would reassure me. 
“No, put me down.” I urged him. I did not feel like landing on my butt right now.
“You want me to put you down?” He asked me.
“Yes,”
“Say please.”
“Please?”
“See, you can get what you want if you don’t get smart.” He set me gently on my feet.
“You better put me down.” I said. “You was about to get beat up.”
“HA!” He laughed at me. “You was gonna beat me up?”
“Yeah,” I said, laughing. “I may be small, but I was gonna give you the business.”
“You can give me the business alright.” He said. 
“I know I’m right. You think I’m playing? You can still get it.” I stepped to him like I was gonna swing.
“What you gonna do?” Trent asked. He moved close to me.
I backed off. “I’m just playing. I can’t even attempt to beat you up.” I said, taking a seat on the couch again. 
Trent laughed. “Because you know the deal,” 
I laughed. “You have to leave, huh?” I asked him, feeling a little disappointed.
“You can come.”
“I don’t want to go out like this.”
“Well, I’ll see you after six. It’s only a couple hours.”
“You really trust me in your house by myself?”
“You don’t steal do you?” Trent asked jokingly.
“Only kisses,” I murmured.
He smiled at that. “You’re fine. Help yourself to the food. You have a key to get in so lock my door if you decide to leave.” He met my eyes. “Just come back, okay?”
“I won’t leave. I’ll be here waiting for you.” I assured him.
Our eyes held a gaze for a few moments. It was like we were exchanging some unspoken words, words that were probably beyond my restrictions. 
“I’ll try not to keep you waiting for too long.” Trent said. Then he was out the door.

I decided to cook for Trent. Why? I’m not really sure, but it felt like something I should be doing. From what I found in his refrigerator, I made lamb chops, baked potatoes, broccoli, and a salad. It’s been a while since I made lamb chops, but they still turned out delicious. I also found a box of red velvet cake mix so I made that too.
I locked the front door so when Trent came home, I would hear him. When I heard the lock tumble, I moved the food to the table in the dining room. There was a dinner table in the kitchen, but I wanted to make it look more formal. Strangely enough, I felt like I should be greeting him in a little black dress, but all I have is a track suit and a teddy. 
I smiled. Trent would probably rather prefer the teddy. 
“Kim,” I heard Trent call. “Where are you, girl?” 
“I’m in your kitchen. Take off your coat and come on.” I called back. 
I found some small birthday candles in the drawers in the kitchen and stuck them into the cake. I put the small cake in the microwave so Trent would see it when he comes. 
Trent walked into the kitchen with the first few buttons of his shirt unfastened. That was one sexy man. He was being sexy and didn’t even know it.
“It smells good up in here, but I don’t see food.” He said. He kissed me on my cheek when he approached me. It was so natural as if were married for years or something.
“I hope you don’t mind, I cooked.” I said.
Trent smiled. “I told you to help yourself. I hope you left me something.” He said. “It smells too good in here.”
“Of course,” I said, taking his hand. “I set up the dining room.” I said.
“Damn, I feel like you just became my wife.” Trent said with a smile as I led him into the dining room.
I stopped and turned to him. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to move so fast. I just figured I’d cook for you. I’m trying to permanently move in with you or become your wife.” I started explaining but Trent put his finger to my lips. 
“You’re my guest. I gave you permission to cook. Why are you apologizing?”
“I don’t know.” I stuttered. “Here, let’s just eat.” 
“I can do that.” Trent said. He moved to pull out a chair for me but I stopped him. 
“Just sit down.” I ordered playfully. “What do you want to drink?” 
“There’s wine in the cooler if that’s what you’re going for.” Trent answered.
“I’m scared to drink in front of you. I was thinking more like Mountain Dew or Pepsi.” I said. I was serious. There’s nothing more embarrassing than being drunk in front of someone you like. He already saw me there so I don’t want to make him see it again.
Trent laughed. “What you scared of?”
“Well, either I’ll embarrass myself….or I’ll rape you.” I answered. I watched his eyes.
“I think you’re kind of cute when you’re drunk. And it’s not rape if you’re willing.”
“Are you saying you’re willing?” I asked him. I felt the impulse to go sit on his lap, but I fought it. That would be asking for trouble. Or asking for his dick.
Trent just smiled. “If you don’t know by now….” He trailed off. 
“I’ll go get the wine.” I said. 
Once I returned with the bottle of Magnolia wine. It was sparkling so I guess it wasn’t as bad. I know I can’t get drunk on it. 

Everything has been so perfect. Trent is so amazing. We’ve been going to the center every day and even that was extremely fun. Then we would go out to a club or something and just have fun. My face was looking a whole lot better and was easily covered with make-up so I wasn’t afraid to go out with him. The best part is, Trent wasn’t pressuring me in any way about sex, Dwayne, or anything else. Everything was so perfect until now.
“Just wait out here for me, please.” I told Trent as we sat in his Tahoe. 
“You need clothes, sweetheart.” Trent said. “I’m willing to keep buying you stuff, but I know there’s more you want out of there than just a few outfits.”
I sighed. He was right. We were parked outside Dwayne’s…ahem I mean my and Dwayne’s house. I was supposed to get clothes, but for some reason I’m scared. Dwayne’s at work anyway. It isn’t like he’ll know I’m here. And if he does realize it, I’ll already be gone. 
“Babe, I’ll come in there with you.” Trent said. 
“No, I’m fine.” I put my hand on the door handle. Actually, he could help carry my bags. “Actually, you can come in.” I said. 
We walked up the stairs to the house. The driveway was in the back but we were at the front. I use the back door so much, I’m not even used to my front entrance.  I pulled out my keys and opened the door, grabbing the mail on my way in. 
I leafed through the mail and took everything with my name on it and that was important to me, including, Dwayne’s car payment. It was pink which meant his payment was late. I’m surprised he didn’t just use a credit card and pay it. If he doesn’t get the bill, he won’t pay the car note. I hope the repose it. I tucked my mail into my purse. I saw more mail on the end table and I leafed through that also. I took the rest of my mail. 
“Just wait here, I’ll be right back.” I told Trent. 
I went upstairs to the bedroom. Immediately, I went to my dresser and began filling my gym bag with as much of my clothes as possible. After I filled my bag, I went to the closet and took a few of my nice dresses and good clothing. I put the items in a garment bag and laid it across the bed. I threw a few pairs of key shoes into another bag also: more tennis shoes, black heels, boots, and slippers. I had dang near had all of my clothes from the dresser but there was no way I was taking everything from the closet. At least not now I won’t. 
I shoved my jewelry box and make-up bag into one tote bag. One last thing and I’m good. 
I pulled out the bottom drawer of my dresser. Thank God, Dwayne hadn’t touched it. I kept some money hidden in the house just in case something happened and we needed it some quick cash. Dwayne knew about the money but he didn’t care about it. I guess he never thought I would use it to run out on his behind. 
I quick counted the money to see if it was all there. A nice little thirty-eight hundred. I had a bigger stash of mad money in a private bank account that Dwayne didn’t know about. I made the stash because Charisse and Regina convinced me to do it. I was adamant about never needing money to leave Dwayne so they convinced me to just put it up in case I need to pay a debt or something. That was a stupid reason since Dwayne was pretty much stocked for life. I guess in the back of my mind I knew I was gonna need to leave Dwayne’s sorry behind one day.
“Nigga, who the fuck is you?” I heard Dwayne demand. 
“Crap,” I mumbled to myself. I gathered my things from the bed and ran with them down the stairs. 
I ran into the living room with my things and saw Dwayne and Trent looking like they were about to fight. 
“Trent, don’t do that.” I stopped him. I didn’t want them to get into an alteration. I also didn’t want Trent to lose. Dwayne is a big man -much bigger than Trent- I don’t want him to hurt Trent. 
Dwayne turned and looked at me. He glared at me with hard eyes. “You brought this yellow ass nigga up in my house?” Dwayne demanded. He made a step towards me like he was going to do something. I doubt he’ll try to hit me in front of Trent, but with Dwayne, I never know.
“If you so much as act like you gon put your hands on her…” Trent said. Trent stepped to Dwayne with his fists balled up. 
“Trent, no,” I said. I walked right past Dwayne and to Trent’s side. “We can leave.” I told him. 
“What the fuck?” Dwayne exclaimed. “Kimberly, I don’t know who the fuck you think you are, but you ain’t gon come up in her with another nigga and take shit that I paid for out of my house.” 
“Dwayne, this is my stuff. I don’t if you paid for it or not.” I said. I held my bags tighter and shifted my garment bag onto my other arm so I’d have a free hand. 
Trent’s arm snaked around my waist and he held me close to him. I kissed his shoulder to show him everything was fine. Not that he was scared. I was the one shaking. 
“Kim, you got one second to get the fuck off that nigga, put your shit back up in that room, and then keep your ass in this house where you belong.” Dwayne said through gritted teeth. There was a vein protruding from his neck that looked like it was going to pop.
“Goodbye, Dwayne. I’ll see you when it comes time to sign the divorce papers.” I said. I took Trent’s hand and we turned to leave through the front door.
The next thing I knew, there was a scream, a punch, and a crash. The scream was mine, Dwayne punched Trent, and Trent crashed into the cabinet, causing everything to fall off.
I tried to grab Trent’s arm before he charged at Dwayne but it was too late. Trent lunged at Dwayne and tackled him to the ground. Dwayne was on the ground and Trent was over him, punching him in the face repeatedly. 
“What’s up now, nigga?” Trent was saying as he gave Dwayne repeated blows to the face. “You can hit a woman, and sneak me when my back is turned, but you can’t even get up and defend yourself like a man. You fucking pussy nigga.” 
“Trent! Stop! Trent, come on! Please, stop.” I screamed.
I ran to Trent and grabbed his arm before he could hit Dwayne again. I pulled Trent away from Dwayne. There was so much blood on his mouth and nose. I just stared at him. Part of me felt the urge to help him. 
“You fucking bitch nigga.” Trent said as he flexed his hand. “If you even act like you gon put your hands on this woman again, I’m gonna personally kill you.” 
Dwayne didn’t say anything. He just stared at me. He stared directly into my eyes. The look said that he was gonna kill me as soon as he got the chance. 
“Come on, Trent, let’s go.” I said. I ushered for him to turn and leave, but it seemed like he didn’t want to turn his back on Dwayne again even though Dwayne was still on the floor. 
“Watch your back, nigga.” Dwayne said. 
“Whatever, nigga.” Trent said.
I was holding the door open for Trent, keeping an eye on both of them so neither of them tried to start fighting again. Trent slowly, reluctantly turned his back and walked to the door. 
“Here, let me carry that.” Trent said, taking my bags from me. With his free hand, Trent grabbed me by my butt and yanked me to him. He kissed me deeply and practically attacked my tongue with his own. When our lips parted, he looked at Dwayne with a cocky smirk.
“You lost your woman, nigga.” Trent said. 
“Please, can we go now?” I practically begged.
“Yeah, baby,” Trent said, still looking at Dwayne. “Whatever you want.”
Then we finally left.





Chapter 14
Charisse

My phone vibrated again and I felt the urge to throw it in the sink. If Brian calls me one more time…
“Someone wants to get a hold of you,” The woman whose hair I was doing commented. “Boyfriend?” She asked.
“My daughter’s father,” I said with a slight smile. 
“Oh, baby daddy,” She said with a laugh.
I laughed too. “I hate those words together.” I said. 
“Most women do,” She said. “So, you’re married, why is he calling you so much anyway?”
“What are you? A cop? How’d you know I was married?” I asked her. Damn, I knew this woman looked familiar. What the hell is she questioning me for?
She laughed melodically. “That big ass ring is hard to miss.” 
I sighed. “Oh, right, I’m sorry. I guess I’m kind of paranoid.” Very paranoid. Brian got me all messed up. I feel like everyone is questioning what we did that night even though no one knows but us. As long as Robert never knows, I’m cool. If I commit adultery, the divorce will be in his favor and I’ll be messed up. I bet he…
The woman interrupted my thoughts. “Guilty conscience?”
“Something like that,” I answered seriously.
“Remember, the truth shall set you free.” She said. 
I parted her hair and flat-ironed the section. “Not in this situation,” Seriously, this bitch is trying to set me up. She has no reason to question me like this.
“I guess,” She conceded. 
Before she could ask another question about me, I changed the subject. “I forgot your name already.” 
She was a new client. She made her appointment through Melanie, but asked for me. I didn’t think anything of it at first. I own this salon and word gets around that I’m the baddest hairdresser up in this place. Now I’m starting to think she wanted me to grill me about what I did with Brian. So what? I fucked him. I’m getting divorced dammit! Ain’t like Robert ain’t fucked another woman during our marriage. And that’s the one I know about. No matter how much he denies it, I know he’s fucking someone else now. Why am I so paranoid?
She laughed again. Why is this bitch so giggly? “My name is Jessiah.” 
“Bitch!” I accidently burned her on the back of the neck with the flat-iron, but I didn’t care.
“Shit! What the-“
“You’re fucking my husband!” I yelled. I was ready to cut this bitch. 
She was out of her chair, ready to protect herself if I started swinging. I was cracking my knuckles and preparing myself to kill this bitch. I knew I recognized this Rihanna wannabe hoe. 
“What the hell are you talking about?” She demanded. 
“My husband. Robert Smith. You work with him, don’t you?”
She cocked her head to the side as if she didn’t understand the connection. “Yes, I work with him and I know you’re his wife. What the fuck does that have to do with anything?”
“How do you know I’m his wife? Did he send you here? Who the fuck are you?” 
“Shit, girl, calm down. You’re paranoid as hell. I am not, nor have I ever slept with your husband.”
“Then what are you doing here?”
“Getting my damn tracks sewn in!” She exclaimed. 
“Why’d you come here?”
“Because Robert told me you was good. My hairdresser went to Santa Monica. I need a new one. A lot of people recommended you.”
Her story sounds good, but I still don’t believe that. She’s doing something and I know it. And she’s obviously close to Robert if he’s recommending hairdressers to her. “Why were you questioning me?”
“You want the truth?” She asked.
“Damn right.”
“Robert asked me to come here and convince you that he’s not cheating on you. Damn, I told him I didn’t feel comfortable with this shit. Especially since you’re as crazy as he said you were.”
“He told you I was crazy?”
“Damn, don’t kill the messenger.”
“Why did you come here if you didn’t feel comfortable? I don’t even know you so why would I listen to you?”
“I don’t know. I was just doing a favor for a friend.”
“How much of a friend is my husband to you?”
“It’s not what you think. Robert and I are honestly just friends.”
“And I should believe that why?”
“Well, because Robert couldn’t get with me if he wanted to.”
I scoffed. I hope this hoe ain’t saying she too good for my man. Damn, my man? Two seconds ago I hated Robert.
“Hear me out. What I’m trying to say is, Robert has no chance with me, but you do.”
“What? What the hell are you saying?”
“I’m saying I’m a full-fledged lesbian, and there is absolutely no chance of me and your husband fucking because I have no interest in his or any other man’s dick.”
“You’re gay?” 
“What? Would you like me to prove it?” 
“That would help.” 
The next thing I knew, this girl had her tongue in my damn mouth. What the hell?
I pushed her off me and wiped my mouth as if she gave me lesbian cooties. I was no homophobe, but damn, she ain’t have to do all that.
She was grinning like hell. “I’m sorry, but you asked me to prove it.” 
I can see why Robert would want her as a friend. “So what? Just because you’re a lesbian, I’m supposed to believe my husband isn’t cheating on me now? I know what I know and I know how I feel.”
“I’m not saying you don’t. All I’m saying is: Robert asked me to come here to convince you he’s being faithful. I know all about what happened years ago with that hoe, Michelle, so I know you have your doubts. But let me tell you something, Robert loves you. He wouldn’t have sent me here if he didn’t. And also, Michelle is a hoe. Everyone in our building fucked her, including me.” 
“Is that supposed to reassure me? All you’re telling me is to feel good about my husband sleeping with some woman who’s been with a lot of men and obviously women too.” 
“I’m not telling you to feel good about it. All I’m saying is, you forgave him years ago, didn’t you?”
“Yes, but that doesn’t mean he wouldn’t do it again.”
“If you forgave him, then you shouldn’t hold it over his head. Robert is not cheating on you. Trust me, I would know if he was. He truly is a good friend of mine and we share a lot. That man loves you and I’m tired of seeing him angry and upset because you two are fighting.”
“Just because you’re his friend, you’re acting like this is all my fault. He’s played a part in this too. Maybe he’s not cheating-“
She cut me off. “He isn’t cheating.”
“Whether he is or not, the fact is, he should have brought his ass home to me rather than sit up at that damn job.”
“He has a job and you’re mad?” 
“I’m not mad that he’s working. I’m mad that he never comes home.”
“Mrs. Smith, Charisse,-“
“Charisse is fine.”
“Charisse, I know both of you played a part in this. From what Robert told me, I knew damn well it wasn’t all your fault. All I know is: that man wants to be your husband. He told me about y’all so-called getting a divorce.”
“There’s nothing so-called about it. Robert and I are divorcing. If he’s so damn hung up about it, why is he sending some woman to talk to me? All I’ve been saying is man up. He should be a man and talk to me himself.”
“Charisse, I’m gon tell you just like I told Robert. Y’all ain’t getting a divorce. Infidelity didn’t stop y’all three years ago and you thinking he’s done it now won’t stop y’all either. You two love each other. You know it. I know it. And Robert knows it. Talk to your goddamn husband before he actually does decide to cheat on you or before you do it to him.”
Too late. My nose burned as it always did when I was about to cry. Who is this woman and why does she think she knows so much about my marriage. She may know Robert, but she doesn’t know me. 
“I love him. I really do. But sometimes love isn’t enough.”
“Love is always enough. I walked into Robert’s office without knocking as I have a habit of doing and I saw him staring at a picture of you. There were actually tears in his eyes. When I asked him what’s going on. He said he misses his wife. This wasn’t last week or last year, this was this morning.”
Tears ran down my face. He was crying for me? He damn sure doesn’t act like he wants me. I miss you too, baby. I thought this as if I could send him psychic message. “So what do you expect to accomplish tonight?” 
“I expect for you to listen to what the hell I said, go home, and talk to your husband. Stop letting your pride control your life. That’s all the two of you are doing. Y’all are afraid to tell each other that you’re terrified of getting a divorce and that y’all don’t want to lose each other. Tell him. He’s a man. Stop waiting for him to say it first because knowing Robert and his ego, he probably never will.”
“Thank you,” I said. I hugged her. She definitely opened my eyes. I love my husband and I’m so sorry for doubting him. I’m even sorrier for what I did with Brian the other night.
“You can thank me even more by finishing my hair.” She said with a smile. 
“Sure, free of charge. This one is free.” 
“You mean this one as you’re my new hairdresser?” She asked. 
“Yes, but don’t expect any more freebies. I have a business to run here.”
I swiped my tears and wiped my hands on my apron. This woman is a godsend. 

I walked into my house feeling absolutely lovely. I guess after almost two weeks of hating my husband, as soon as I realize he doesn’t hate me, I’m ecstatic. I know I’ve been running my mouth all week and cussing Robert out, but I never stopped loving him. Maybe now that I know he does want to stay with me, he’ll be willing to change his ways. 
I went straight to our bedroom. It’s crazy how we haven’t shared this room in over a week. Robert was sitting on the bed, stretched out comfortably, on his laptop. I pulled my cell phone out and glanced at the time. It was a little after eight. My last client, Jessiah, ran over longer than I had anticipated. Surprisingly this is the first time Robert has got home before me. 
I closed the door and walked over to the dresser. I leaned up against it and peered at my husband. What am I supposed to say? 
Robert was working furiously on his laptop, typing as if his life depended on it. I didn’t want to interrupt him because that would be rude. Though I know I’m only using that as an excuse not to say anything. I know Robert saw me come in, but he was ignoring me as usual. A few hours ago I would just roll my eyes and not give a damn, but now it hurt my feelings because I wanted him to talk to me. 
“Uh…Robert,” I said, feeling embarrassed and shy and nervous and insecure. 
He ignored me, as usual. I don’t blame him. I honestly have been being a bitch lately. Though, he hasn’t been a saint himself. 
I put a little more oomph in my voice. “Robert,” I repeated.
“Yes, Charisse?” He answered curtly. 
“Can we talk?” I asked him. I looked up at him through my lashes. 
He scoffed. “Really?” 
I became annoyed. “Robert, don’t I look serious?”
“You were just as serious when you were running your mouth and popping of your rocker at me.” He said, returning his attention to his laptop. 
I sighed deeply. “Robert, will you please talk to me? If you don’t like what I say then you can gladly get back to your stupid computer. But, I think, you’ll like what I have to say.”
“Fine, Charisse.  I’ll talk to you.” Robert said as he closed his laptop. He set the laptop on the nightstand beside him and placed his hands in his lap. He looked at me like a star pupil focusing on the teacher.  “I’ll drop the work that I’m doing to sit and pay attention to you. Even though you would never, and I mean never, drop anything that you’re doing to focus on me, I’ll drop my work and focus on you. Fine, Charisse. What is it you want to talk about?” 
He stared at me with sarcastic interest. He is starting to make me mad. Doesn’t he realize that I’m trying to be nice? I’m being polite. I’m not disrespecting him in any way. Yet he calls me childish. He’s being childish.
“Robert, why are you acting like this, dammit?”
“Because you have the inexorable mindset that I am supposed to do whatever you want me to do. You think that I’m supposed to drop everything for even after the way you treated me these last few days.”
“What about the way you treated me?” I demanded. “Don’t act like I was the only one disrespecting the other.”
“Charisse, I tried with you. I tried to be cordial. I tried to treat you like an adult despite the way you’ve been acting. I’m sorry, my soon-to-be ex-wife, but I’m done playing games with you and I have no interest to entertain your little demands or whatever it is you have to say.” Robert reached for his laptop again, and I became even more upset.
“Robert, I’m trying to tell you that I love you, but you are the one being childish and stupid!” I yelled at him. “I came in here trying to fix this that we’re in, but you are the one ruining everything. You’re the one acting bitchy and rude! I tried to make everything better, but you obviously don’t want it better.” 
“You wanted to tell me you love me?” Robert asked incredulously. “You wanted to tell me that you love me? Are you serious, Charisse? Why are you so bent on playing games with me?” 
“I’m not playing games, Robert! I do love you!”
“Oh, you love me? You’ve been telling me that you hate me for the last week and a half and now, all of a sudden, you love me again? Please, Charisse, I don’t have you to do.”
“You don’t have me to do? I don’t have you to do! What will it take to convince you that I love you? I do still love you. I thought you stilled loved me. At least that’s the impression that I got. I wanted to tell you I believe you. I wanted to let you know that I know you didn’t and isn’t cheating on me. I just wanted-”
“You believe me. You believe me now after all that we went through, after all that happened? Are you serious, Charisse? I’m so tired of your games.”
“What games, Robert?”
He ignored me and kept talking. “What do you expect now, huh? You expect me to hold you and kiss you and make love to you and tell you everything’s gonna be alright? Is that what you want, Charisse? Well, sorry, honey, but it’s not gonna happen.”
Tears streamed down my face. Why is he acting like this? Why is he being so cruel? Why won’t he just let it go? “Robert, why are you doing this? I said I know you didn’t do anything. Why don’t you just forgive me and let it go?”
“Because I’m tired of letting things go with you, Charisse. You think you can just accuse me of every sin against our vows and then as soon as you realize you’re wrong, I’m supposed to just get over it. You don’t trust me, Charisse. You try to control me and everything I do and I’m tired of it. I’m sorry, but I can’t forgive you anymore.”
“Fine!” I shouted. “Fine, Robert! Don’t forgive me, I don’t care! If you felt this way, why would you send your little girlfriend to my salon to convince me that you weren’t cheating? Huh, Robert? Why were you crying in your office this morning because you missed me? Why are you playing with my goddamn heart?”
“Charisse, what the hell are you talking about?”
“Jessiah! You sent that girl, Jessiah to my salon today, made an appointment and everything, just so she can tell me all about how you feel.”
“I know Jessiah had an appointment with you and everything, but I did not tell her to tell you anything.”
“She told me to talk to you. I thought you wanted to talk to me too by the way she seemed. I…I’m just so stupid.”
Damn! What the hell did I just do? I just embarrassed the hell out of myself. I bet he did send that woman to do this.
“Charisse,” Robert said, solemnly.
“No, just forget it. I’m sorry I said anything.” I turned my back and furiously swiped at the tears in my eyes. 
“Charisse,” Robert said again. He didn’t say anything else, just my name.
I ignored him. I went to the closet to get my robe. I need a long, relaxing bath after this. I took my robe off the coat hanger and draped it over my arm. I can’t believe I came in here like this.
“Charisse,” Robert repeated my name. I finally turned to face him.
“What?” I demanded, sounding exasperated. 
“Charisse,” He said again. He was standing now. His eyes were locked on mine as he made his way to me. 
“Robert, what the hell?” I demanded. I know I shouldn’t talk to him this way, because I was upset with myself, but I did anyway.
“Charisse,” Robert said for the last time, hopefully. “I love you.”
He stared into my eyes. I know he wanted me to say it back. I do love him. I honestly, absolutely do. I was just tongue-tied. Why is he doing this now? 
“I love you, Charisse.” Robert repeated. 
Slowly, gently, almost timidly, Robert leaned down and kissed my lips. I closed my eyes and relished the feeling. He gave me small, quick pecks on my lips as his hands travelled down to my hips. He held me close to him. 
Should I stop him? No. Never. Why now? Why after all this arguing? Because I said something? Maybe I should thank Jessiah. I’ll send her a gift basket.
I wrapped my arms around my husband’s neck and kissed him back. Only I took the initiative to stop the pecking and really kissing him. Our tongues touched and familiarity never felt so good. My husband, my man, my love. 
 I pulled back from Robert’s succulent lips and stared him square in the eyes. I said firmly, “I love you, too, Robert.” I said it so he can know it’s true. So he’ll know deep down that his wife still loves and is in love with him. 
“Show me,” He said. His dark brown eyes were smoky with desire. I know what he wants. I want it too. 
I kissed him deeply. My whole body tingled and caught fire. I kissed his ear, his neck, his collar, his chest, his nipples, his abs, his navel, his pelvic bone, and then I kissed his…
Robert pulled me to my feet just as I took his head in my mouth. I was about to show him exactly how much I loved him. 
“You can do that in a minute. First, let me do you. I’ll be damned if I let you get me weak on our first time back at it.” Robert said as he began stripping me of my clothes. 
I smiled giddily. This is special. This will be our first time having sex, no making love, again after two weeks of fighting. This night has to be amazing. 
Robert took me to the bed and laid me down. I spread my legs willingly, waiting for my man to show me his love. 
Robert began by kissing my stomach while simultaneously massaging my calf that he held in the air. He worked his way down, kissing my pelvis, but avoiding my womanhood. I squirmed as Robert kissed and nibbled on my inner thigh. 
“Baby,” I breathed. I felt out of breath, but we haven’t even done anything yet.
Robert chuckled. He focused my other thigh, licking, nibbling, and kissing. Suddenly, he just stopped. He pushed me away and got off the bed. 
“What’s wrong?” I asked him with my eyebrows drawn together. 
“Charisse, what the fuck is that?” He demanded. He stood pointing at my thigh like there was a nine-inch bug on it.
“What?” I demanded. I sat up in bed and searched for what he was talking about. My eyes fell on the big, noticeable, hickey on my inner thigh that Brian had given me the night before last. Oh, shit.
“That! That on your leg, Charisse! Don’t play games with me. What the hell is that on your leg?” Robert demanded. He was angry and one step away from flipping out. 
“Robert, it’s just a bruise.” I lied, hoping he’d buy it. 
I really don’t want to lie to him, not like this, but I can’t do anything about it. If I tell him I slept with Brian, he’ll leave me for sure.
If I lie and he finds out, he’ll leave me.
Now what? Tell the truth and he leaves me or lie and pray for the best.
“That is not a damn bruise, Charisse. Don’t lie to me. Where did that come from?” Robert demanded.
“It’s a bruise, Robert. The fence in the back was stuck so I had to climb over it. When I went to climb over it, I bruised my thigh.” I chose the lying route. That was a convincing enough lie.
“If you were climbing over the fence in the backyard, you would not have a bruise like that. You’d have a cut or a splinter or something, but you wouldn’t have no damn hickey. Tell me the truth, Charisse. How’d you get that hickey?”
I was crying now, because he was really angry, and I was afraid to tell him the truth. “Robert, please, it’s just a bruise.” I tried to convince him. I know there’s no sense in lying now, but I didn’t want to admit that I’d cheated on him. Even though we were fighting at the time, we were still married and I broke our vows.
Suddenly, Robert grabbed me from the bed and slammed me against the closet door. He held me a few inches above the ground by pressed a stiff arm to my shoulder. He pointed in my face with the other hand. 
“Robert, you’re hurting-“ I cried but he stopped me by yelling in my face.
“Charisse, how’d you get that damn hickey? Don’t fucking lie to me. Where’d it come from? Who gave it to you? Tell me the fucking truth, Charisse.” Robert demanded.
“Robert, I’m so sorry.” I sniffled. I bowed my head and cried. “Baby, I’m so sorry. I love you so much. I thought that you….I should have never….I’m so sorry.” I cried, sputtering my sentences into fragments.
“Sorry for what, Charisse? Who gave it to you? I swear to God I’m gonna kill him.”
“Robert, please, I’m sorry. Please forgive me. I never meant to…I don’t know why I…” 
“Who, Charisse? Who gave it to you?” He yelled. 
“I slept with Brian.” I cried. 
Robert snatched his arm away from me, causing me to fall to the floor in a crumbled heap. I quickly scrambled to my feet and ran to Robert who was yanking his clothes on. 
“No, Robert, I’m so sorry.” I said through my tears. “Please don’t go.”
“What the fuck are you crying for? Huh, Charisse? Why are you crying? You hurt me. I can’t believe you did this. I can’t wait to see that nigga. I should be the one…” His sentence trailed off as I watched tears stream down his face.
“Baby, I’m so sorry.” I ran to him and tried to wrap my arms around him, but he firmly pushed me away.
“Don’t fucking touch me.” Robert said as he laced up his Jordan sneakers. 
“Robert, I’m sorry. We were fighting at the time. We were supposed to be getting a divorce. I’m so sorry.” I told him. I couldn’t stop the tears from falling.
Robert stood up and pushed me. I fell and landed on my ass. I looked up at him from the floor. Robert glared down at me like he wanted to hit me. Would he hit me? 
“Charisse, just because we were fighting does not give you the right to cheat on me. We’re married. Just because we verbally said we were going to get a divorce does not mean anything. Until you stop wearing my ring, you are still my wife. I don’t give a fuck if we were fighting for ten years, you are still my wife. You shouldn’t have done that, Charisse.” Robert said. He was so hurt. It only made me cry harder.
“But you cheated on me!” I cried before I could even think about what I was saying.
“So you did this for revenge?” Robert demanded. “So because I made a mistake three years ago, you are punishing me for it now? Two wrongs don’t make a right, Charisse. I’m sorry for cheating on you. I apologized years ago and you supposedly forgave me for it. But I guess you never did. You were just waiting to get me back. Well, you succeeded, sweetheart.”
“No, Robert, that’s not what I meant. I didn’t mean I cheated because of that. I just mean, I forgave you so you should forgive me.”
“Fuck that. Let Brian forgive your ass. I’m done.” Robert yanked on his coat and zipped it up. He grabbed his keys from the glass dish. 
“No, Robert, please!” I cried, grabbing his arm. “Please, don’t leave me. I love you. I’m so sorry. Please, forgive me. Baby, I’ll do anything. I’ll do anything to prove to you how sorry I am. I’ll do anything to make this right. I love you. Please, Robert, don’t leave me.” 
I held his arm for dear life as he power-walked to the living room and soon right out the door. 
“Robert, please! Don’t go. Baby, I love you. I’ll do anything.” I cried. 
Robert stopped in mid-step. He turned to face me, yanking his arm away as he did so. “You’ll do anything?” Robert asked. 
“Yes, baby, I swear, I’ll do anything.” I promised him. I meant that from the bottom of my heart. I’ll do anything to keep my husband by my side. All that I said over the last two weeks I didn’t mean. I love him. I don’t want a divorce. I don’t want to be away from him. I can’t live without him.
“Anything, Charisse?” Robert asked. “Are you truly willing to do anything for me? Like I was for you?”
Was? “Yes, Robert, I’m willing. Please, tell me what it is and I’ll do it.” 
“All I want from you is that…” He paused. “When I divorce your ass, don’t you dare try to take my son from me.”
Then he turned his back and went out the front door. I was sobbing uncontrollably now. I chased him barefoot out to his car. I yanked on his arm and tried to pull him back into the house, but couldn’t.
“Get the fuck off me, Charisse. I’m fucking done with your lying, cheating, whoring, controlling ass.” Robert said as he yanked his arm away from me again.
“Please…Robert…I…love…you…so…much…please….don’t….leave…me.” I sobbed, sniffling and sucking up mucus between every word. 
“I already left and so did you.” Robert said grimly.
 He jumped into the drivers’ seat of his Lincoln Navigator and slammed the door closed. I ran to the driver side window, crying and begging him. 
“Please, Robert. I love you so much. I’m so sorry. Please, please, don’t go. Please, let’s talk about this.” I begged.
His engine started and then he pulled out of the driveway, speeding away.
“Ow! Robert, you ran over my foot!” I cried out as if he could hear me. As if he cared. 
I limped to the street, holding my painful, bare foot in my left hand. I screamed out “Robert, please!” as I watched his Navigator turn the corner. 
I stood there in the middle of the street for almost ten minutes, crying with my nose running, looking absolutely pitiful, as if Robert would come back. He never did. 
I limped into the house and slammed the door closed. I locked it and screamed out in agony. Not from the pain in my foot, but from the pain in my heart. 
“Mom, what’s going on?” Brianna asked. She sauntered into the living room from the kitchen with a bottle of water in her hand as if she hadn’t a care in the world.
“Where the hell have you been?” I demanded. I swiped at my tears and wiped my runny nose with the back of my hand. “It’s after midnight, where the hell have you been?” 
“I was at my dad’s.” Brianna answered.
“Did you call me? Did you even ask to go to Brian’s house? No, you did not. You continue to do whatever you want to do, Brianna. I’m tired of it. I don’t know who you think you are to come in here after midnight as if you have the right to. This is my house. As long as you live under my roof, you will abide by my rules. And my rule is that you ask before you go anywhere.”
“I went to my dad’s house. You act like I went to a party or something without permission. I was at my father’s house. I don’t see what the big deal is. I never asked to go to my dad’s before.” Brianna said.  
“That’s the point. You don’t ask; you just do it. I’m tired of it. I’m tired of you disrespecting me in my own house. You will not do whatever you want to do. You are fourteen years old.”
“I’ll be fifteen!” Brianna interjected.
“You are fourteen!” I yelled at her. “Give me that damn cell phone. You are not to have nothing. You are on total lockdown. You’re grounded until I say otherwise.”
“What! You can’t take my phone. You didn’t buy it. My dad bought me this. He pays the bill, not you.”
“Who are you to tell me what I can and cannot do? You are not grown, Brianna. Now give me the damn phone.” I demanded with my hand out. My lips were pressed into a tight line and my eyebrows were drawn inward towards my nose. 
Brianna dragged her feet and slammed her phone into my hand. I raised my hand to slap her but caught myself. “You better watch yourself, little girl.” I told her. 
“I can’t wait to call my dad.” She mumbled under her breath.
“Call him with what?” I said snidely. “You are not to touch any phone in this household unless I say so.” 
“Why are you doing this? I didn’t do anything wrong. You never care if I go to my dad’s house.” Brianna started.
“Well, I care now. You will not do whatever you want here. Not in my house! I’m tired of you thinking you gon do anything and everything. You are grounded and that’s the end of it.”
“That’s not fair! I didn’t do anything! I can’t be grounded. You already said I can go to Ashley’s party.” 
“That’s too bad, because you’re not going now.” I told her.
“But you know how much I wanted to go to her party. It’s her birthday, I have to go; she’s my best friend.”
“You should have thought about that before you decided to stay out until after midnight and not even give me so much as a phone call.”
“I was at my dad’s! I hate this! Why are you doing this? Just because you’re fighting with your husband doesn’t mean you have to take it out on me.” 
“What did you say to me?” I demanded. I stormed over to her, ready to snatch the hair off her head.
“You heard me. I’m tired of you treating me like a child and making me pay for your mistakes. Just because you opened your legs at fifteen and got pregnant doesn’t mean I will. You keep me on a leash because you think I’ll end up just like you: sixteen, pregnant, and without an education. I’m not you. I’m not stupid enough to ever do that.”
I back-handed her so fast I didn’t even know I did it. The next thing I knew Brianna was standing with her hand on her cheek and the back of my right hand stung slightly. She stared at me with wide, teary eyes with her mouth slightly agape. 
“Don’t you ever talk to me like that, you hear me? Who do you think you are? I made mistakes, I know that, but you will-”
She interrupted yelling, “No, you made mistakes, but instead of learning from them you punish everyone else for them. I’m not you. I will never be like you. Your own husband left you crying in the driveway, because you opened your legs again when you weren’t supposed to. Yeah, I bet you thought I didn’t hear all that. You treated Robert like crap, accusing him of cheating when it was really you. You! You! You! You cheated! You act like you’re freaking Mother Theresa but you’re not. You’re just as imperfect as everybody else.”
I slapped her again. “Shut up!” I shrieked shrilly. “You don’t know anything! You don’t know what’s going on! Just because you heard on conversation does not mean anything! Just-”
“Why? Because you’re mad? You’re upset, because I’m right. You did cheat on Robert! I heard you admit. I was in the kitchen the whole time you were begging him not to leave. But he still left, because just like me, he’s tired of your control.”
I slapped her again. This time it was harder. She was stunned for a moment and so was I. “Shut up, Brianna! Just shut up! Go to your room! I’m done talking to you. Just shut up!”
“What are you gonna do? Keep hitting me until I do as you say? No, never again. I’m done. You can’t control everyone. Not even your own daughter. If you cared enough about people to ask what going on instead of accusing them, then maybe you’d get better results.”
“I asked you!” I defended myself. “I asked what was going on, but what did you do? You said it was nothing even though I knew that was a lie. I asked you repeatedly, but you wouldn’t tell me the truth. You never tell me the truth. You lie so much I never know what the truth is.”
“If you were a real mother, you’d know! You’d know!” She screamed. Suddenly, she was crying. 
“Brianna, I tried. I can’t read your mind. I won’t know anything unless you tell me.” I said, my voice softening. I took a step toward her, not knowing whether I should go to her or not.
“No. Don’t try anything now. I know how you feel. I know what it is. You’re tired? Well, I’m tired too. Just stay away from me.” Brianna turned and ran away. Ran upstairs to her bedroom. 
I screamed. Screamed from the bottom of my gut and let it all out. The anger, the pain, all of it. I let it out. Then I went to my own bedroom. I went straight to the master bathroom. I went to the cabinet and grabbed the bottle of dietary supplements for pregnant women. Inside I had my Valiums. I had to keep them hidden from Robert. I took a deep breath.
 Do I really need this? I had promised myself that once the bottle I had ran empty, I would stop taking the pills. The bottle’s empty, but I’m not ready to stop taking them. I need them. Brianna, Robert, Brian….I just can’t deal with it like I used to. I could use the help. If it wasn’t for the pills I’d been taking, I wouldn’t have gotten through my recent disagreements with Robert. I definitely can’t stop now. I can’t get through Robert leaving like that without them.
I grabbed the bottle and took it to my bedroom so I could refill my pill bottle. 10 mg, blue pill, with a “V” carved out of it. At one point in my life, I couldn’t even get through my day without taking a couple pills every few hours. 
I took three instead of my usual two pills and climbed into Robert’s side of the bed. I laid on the comforters with my clothes on. Soon I felt the familiar feel of euphoria. I felt like I didn’t have a care in the world. Nothing mattered right now. I knew I still had my problems and I’ll still have to deal with them, but at least now it won’t hurt. I closed my eyes and drifted off into my drug induced sleep. 





Chapter 15
Regina
I exhaled sharply. As if my day isn’t already stressful enough. I crossed my legs as I sank into the uncomfortably soft chair. What the hell do they want now? Why me? And why is the ‘meeting’ being held in the conference room? Even if it is the small conference room. Is it really that important? Did Gwen fire me? Right after I got that promotion? That was a set up, I know it.
The conference room door opened and a man in an expensive Armani suit walked in. behind the lawyer-looking man was a uniformed officer, and Gwen. I frowned. What the fuck is going on?! 
I stood up as every took a set at the table. I professionally shook hands with everyone, including Gwen. She smirked at me and I held back a sigh. What the fuck? 
“Regina Walker?” The man in uniform asked me, I guess to confirm. I obviously wouldn’t be here if I wasn’t Regina-motherfucking-Walker.
“Yes, sir.” I said, meeting his eyes. He has long, thick, pretty eyelashes. Handsome man. I would have been flirting under any other conditions.
“You’ve been served.” He said as he hands me a thick, yellow envelope. 
My eyebrows drew together and I know my face showed shock and confusion. “Excuse me? What exactly am I being served for?” I asked. 
“A temporary restraining order has been placed against you by a Mr. Adam Raymond. There will be a-”
I cut the officer off. “Excuse me? You have got to be kidding me. There is no way in hell Adam placed a restraining order against me. If anything, I should have one against him!”
“Ma’am, please lower your voice. As I was saying, there will be a hearing for you to state your case in exactly one month. It was requested by the plaintiff, Mr. Adam Raymond, that the trial be extend from two weeks to one month. You must attend the court hearing to state your case. The-” 
I interrupted him again. “This is insane. There is no way he can be granted a restraining order against me. I didn’t do anything wrong. He’s been the one antagonizing me and harassing me. I am not getting this set against me. I didn’t do anything. He’s the one who needs a damn restraining order.”
“Ma’am, please remain calm. You will have your time to state your side of the story in court. Though, at this time, the temporary restraining order has been granted. As a result, you are not allowed within 100 feet of Mr. Adam Raymond. It has also been decided that you are suspended from work until the date of the hearing-”
“What?! You cannot be-”
“Ma’am, please, you’ll have your time in court. All the information you need is in the envelope.” 
“What exactly is this restraining order on the grounds of?”
“It’s in the envelope, ma’am.”
I ripped opened the large envelope and pulled out the packet of papers. I flipped through them until I came across Adam’s petition. My eyes widened and I felt the need to through up.
“Sexual harassment?! What?! I never, ever sexually harassed him. He’s been harassing me since I started working here years ago. He’s been harassing me! I never did anything to that man! He’s lying. This shit isn’t true!”
“Ms. Walker, calm down. I know nothing of your personal situation. You are not solving anything by pleading your case to me.”
“This is ridiculous. Where’s my restraining order? Where’s my restraining order for when he calls me a hoe or a whore whenever he feels like it? Where’s my restraining order for when he hits on me rudely, crudely, and relentlessly? Where’s my restraining order for when he’s always grabbing my ass? Where’s my restraining order for when he tried to blackmail for sex? Huh, where’s my restraining order for all that? This is ridiculous!”
Gwen stood up. She spoke as though she was trying to rationalize the situation. “Regina, it’s been going around the office that you two have something going on.”
“What? That’s a damn lie! We have, and we never had, nothing going on. I hate him. He’s a freaking pervert. I’ve never-”
“Regina, it’s best that you just calm down and leave peacefully. You don’t want to cause a scene, do you? Whatever is going on between you and Adam can be settled in the courtroom.” Gwen said, calmly. That only made me angrier.
“Gwen, don’t you dare act like this is all fine. I know you have something to do with this. I just know it. You put him up to this mess. But I’m gonna tell you like I told you before, you do not want to mess with me.”
“Are you threatening me?” She asked in false shock. She looked at the other men in the room as if she wanted to confirm it. “Regina, you are not helping your case with this violent attitude of yours.”
“Gwen, you know exactly what you’re doing. You and your brother can both kiss my natural, black-”
“Ma’am, I’ve heard enough.” The uniformed officer stepped to me. “You’ve heard all you need to hear and everything else in in the envelope. It’s time for you to leave the building. If you still have a job, you are not permitted on the grounds until after the hearing.” 
“This isn’t fair!” 
“Regina, if you aren’t bothering that man then you have nothing to worry about.” Gwen said with a smirk. She had her back to the men so only I could see her smiling.
“I know you set this up.” I said as I stepped into her space.
“Regina, please. What makes you think I have the time, the resources, or the motive to do this to you? It’s only a restraining order. Adam may not even win the case.” She said. 
Then I smacked her. Damn, did that feel good! The palm of my hand stung, but I know her face hurt more. She grabbed her cheek, shrieked, and fell backwards on one of the lawyer-looking men who haven’t said anything this whole time. Dramatic ass hoe.
“Get her out of her!” Gwen screamed shrilly. “She’s crazy! Get her out of my building!” 
I heard Gwen screaming all kind of obscenities about me and my character until two building security guards grabbed me up and half dragged me out of the building. 

“This is some bullshit! Can you believe this?” I asked Drew incredulously. We were in my kitchen. I was pacing the floor while Drew sat at the table. We were passing a blunt between the two of us.
“I know. That’s crazy.” Drew said distractedly as he passed the blunt back to me. 
I took a long drag from the blunt, held it for a few seconds, and then exhaled. I glanced at Drew. He looked upset. I’m sure he is after what happened at his mom’s house. He wants to talk about it, but I’ve been running like mad from the conversation. I was trying to pretend it didn’t happen. 
We didn’t actually do anything, thank God. We were kissing and hugging and touching, and I almost thought we were going to do something, but then Ms. Tina walked in. I’ve never loved that woman more  than when she stopped me from doing something so stupid like that. She just looked at me with a condescending grin on her face. It was like she knew what was going on and she was saying “I told you so” and “shame on you” at the same time. 
Drew had walked out of the room with an erection, but I was too worried about me to care about his situation. Once Drew left, Ms. Tina told me don’t anything I’m not ready for. I definitely wasn’t ready for what we were about to do. I was horny and stupid. Now Drew wants to discuss the situation and “decipher what it means”. Please. I would rather let it go and pretend it never, ever happened. 
“Drew, are you here?” I asked him.
“What do you mean?” He asked absently.
“You’re distracted.”
“No, I’m listening.”
“No, you’re not. Are you still thinking about…that?”
“Yes, why wouldn’t I be?” Drew answered. 
“Because you shouldn’t be.” 
“What does that mean?”
“It means the whole thing was stupid so you might as well forget about it.” I said as I sat down across from Drew at the table. I offered him the blunt and he waved it off so I put it out.
“What do you mean it was stupid? If it was stupid, it wouldn’t have happened.” 
“Drew, it happened, but it shouldn’t have. We’re friends. Why complicate things? Let’s just forget about that entire weekend.”
Drew looked at me and shook his head. “How do you expect me to forget that? I can’t. It happened, Regina. Why pretend it didn’t?”
“Because I don’t want to fuck up what we have.” 
“And what’s that?” Drew said as if he didn’t know.
“A wonderful friendship,” I answered truthfully.
 “But what if….” He trailed off.
“What if what, Drew?”
“What if we can have something better?” He asked, meeting my eyes.
I just stared at him. He didn’t just imply that we could….that we could like get together. No, he didn’t. 
He did!
I gently placed my hand over his. “Nothing is better than our friendship.”
“Come on, Regina. Don’t act like you never thought about it. You proved to me you did from this weekend.” 
“Drew, I was caught up, okay? All I want is our friendship. I love you too much to mess that up.”
“What? So are you saying you never thought about having a relationship with me?” 
“Well…I did….but I remembered how relationships mess up friendships so the idea left my mind immediately.”
“Please, Regina. The way you kissed me, like you couldn’t get enough, showed me that you want more.”
“Drew, I do not want more.” I lied.
Drew squeezed my hand and looked me in my eyes. “I want more.” 
I blinked multiple times as if I had something in my eyes and if I blinked enough I’d see clearer. 
“I want more, Regina. I don’t want to be your friend anymore. I want to give this a try.”
“Give what a try, Drew?” I demanded, pulling my hand away as if he had cooties.
Drew stood up and walked to my side of the table. He sat on the edge of the table and took my hand in both of his.
“Me and you. I want to give us a try as a couple.”
“Where is all this coming from?” I demanded. I wanted to snatch my hand away from him, but I liked the way it felt in his big, strong hands. I liked how he caressed my hand with his fingertips. I like how he massaged it. So gentle, so loving, so sweet.
“It’s always been. I’ve always wanted more, but I was too afraid of how you’d react. I didn’t want you to run from. I figured it’s better to have you as just a friend rather than say something you don’t like and you walk away.”
“So why are you saying something now?”
“I’m saying something now because I can’t keep pretending like I don’t feel how I feel about you. And now that I know for sure you want more too, I can say something, do something.”
“Drew, what are you talking about? I never said I wanted anything else.”
“You didn’t have to. Your eyes say it all. And if that’s not enough, your body says even more.”
I closed my eyes and exhaled sharply. “Drew, stop. I don’t want to do this right now.”
“Stop being scared. Just give it a try. Nothing means more to me than our friendship. And with the exception of my mother, no one means more to me than you. Just try it.”
I shook my head and stood up, walking away from him. “I can’t. We can’t. This is too much, Drew. Let’s just keep things how they are. This is perfect.”
“How is it perfect if we both are hiding our true feelings for each other?”
“No one’s hiding anything. Drew, let it go. We are friends. Let’s be friends. That’s it. I don’t want to lose you for a little relationship.”
“A little relationship? Regina, stop acting like you don’t want it. Don’t be afraid.” Drew came over to me and took me by the waist. He pulled my body close to him. “Don’t be scared, Regina. I got you. Just try it, baby. I know this is good.”
I closed my eyes and lay my head on his shoulder. I batted the tears that clung to my lashes. Why am I crying? Why am I so scared?
“Regina, you want to, don’t you?” He asked me, looking into my eyes.
I met his eyes and nodded. I didn’t want to lie to him about it anymore. Especially since he was already aware. 
Drew brushed my tears away with his thumbs and then he leaned down and kissed my lips gently. I closed my eyes, relishing the feeling. 
“Don’t be scared.” Drew said. He kissed me more. More gentle kisses on my lips.
I didn’t respond. I just accepted his kisses. He covered my entire face in his soft kisses. I sighed contently. 
“I got you.” Drew continued.
Ms. Tina’s words rang in my head. Don’t anything you’re not ready for. That won’t work out for either one of you.
I inhaled, exhaled. “Wait, Drew.” I breathed, pushing him away from me. I stepped back so I could think clearly.
“What?” He asked.
“I can’t right now. I want to. I do. I want to try, but…I’m not ready. I just can’t.”
“Why, baby? Regina, what are you afraid of?”
“Everything. Losing you. I’m afraid of that, Drew. I’m just not ready to take that risk. Let me think, take some time, please.”
“Regina…”
“Drew, please, just give me time. Don’t rush me with this.”
“Come on, Gina,” 
“Drew, please,” I walked through the foyer to the door. I opened it and held it for him. “I’d really like to be alone right now.”
He squinted at me. “Are you serious? Regina, what are-”
“Drew, please. Just go, okay? I’ll call you tomorrow once you get off work, where I won’t be.”
“Can I at least have a hug?” He asked with a smile only he could possess. 
I smiled too. I have to smile when he smiles, my brain is programmed to. “Sure,” I gave him and quick hug and then sent him on his merry way. He was a little disappointed but he’ll get over it. 
I was just about to go take a nice, hot, bubble bath to drown away my stresses, but my phone rang. It was Michael. Against my better judgment, I decided to answer.
“Hello?” I answered.
“Bitch, I let you slide today but that shit won’t happen again. You’re gonna regret putting you’re hands on me. But it’s okay, you’re only digging your current hole deeper. And remember, if you violate this restraining order, temporary or not, you ass could go right to jail until the hearing.”
“I won’t go to fucking jail for a dumb as wannabe sexual harassment restraining order.”
“Please, if I was able to get the judge to grant a restraining order without anything formal petition, I can get your slutty ass in jail.”
“Please, Gwen, you’re juts hating because you’re man is still sniffing behind me.”
“Leave it to a dog to follow behind a bitch.”
“I’ll be a bitch, Gwen, but I’m a bitch that you’re jealous of.”
“I’m not-”
I cut her off. “Please, Gwen, you are. That’s why you’re doing all this, but I don’t care. It won’t work.”
“We’ll see.” 
“We will.” And then I hung up the phone. 
Crazy bitch.




Chapter 16
Kimberly
“Good morning,” Trent whispered in my ear and then kissed it.
“Hmm, good morning,” I sighed. I rolled over onto my back from my side so I could see Trent better. He sat up on his side, with his hand holding his head, and his elbow pressing on the bed.
“Sleep well?” Trent asked me with a smile.
“Mmm-hmm,” I answered. I smiled up at him. Even if we had made love the night wouldn’t have been better.
After the whole debacle with Dwayne, Trent felt the need to show me that “I was his” now and not Dwayne’s. We went shopping and Trent wouldn’t let me buy anything. He bought me sexy little dresses and high heeled shoes that Dwayne wouldn’t let me wear. I was against him buying me things, but Trent wouldn’t let me leave the stores with buying me just about everything I liked. 
Then we went to a very classy restaurant and had an amazing dinner. Trent was the best gentleman and I couldn’t do anything without Trent telling me how beautiful or intelligent or amazing I am. He’s so sweet.
Then he took me to the African Culture exhibit and we learned about many African cultures. And I learned that Trent can speak about eighteen languages fluently and has been all around the world. He hasn’t been to every single country, but he’s been on every continent. He told me he would love to take me with him when he does his studies and trips. Both of us are just twenty-six, both majored in anthropology, but I stopped my schooling and studies after getting my bachelors because of Dwayne. Trent continued his work and now he has the life he wants. I wanted to be an anthropologist, but Dwayne didn’t want me to work. I don’t blame Dwayne. I should have been woman enough to follow my dreams instead of letting Dwayne control them.
Then we came back to Trent’s house, enjoyed some Domaine de la Romanée-Conti. Yes, he treated me to the top most expensive and most delicious wine in the world. He said a woman as special as I am should have something extravagant every night of her life. I love how he spoils me, but I know I have to make him dial back. I’m not his wife. Honestly, I’m not even his girlfriend. 
I glanced at the floor. The twenty thousand plus bottle of wine lay empty on the floor. I smiled at it. Yep, yesterday was a great day. I all but forgot about Dwayne.
I had a bit of a hangover, but that’s what happens when you drink an entire bottle of wine between two people. Trent is just so…great. I don’t know what else to say. A man had never made me feel how he does. He makes me feel like a woman. He lets me be me and compliments all that I am. 
If you could just get a speedy divorce from Dwayne, everything would be perfect, huh?
No. I know it won’t be that easy. Besides, just because I divorce Dwayne it doesn’t mean everything will be perfect. Perfection is impossible.
But Trent is close, right?
I smile at the thought. Yes, Trent is close to perfect. 
Yes, I occasionally have conversations with myself in my head. So sue me.
 “What do you wanna do today?” Trent asked me, kissing my forehead. 
I smiled at him. “Anything you want,” I answer. He gave me such a great day yesterday so I’m willing to do the same for him. Whatever he wants to do, I’ll do it.
“Anything I want?” Trent asked, innuendo dripping from his words. “Because if we doing anything, I wanna…” His words trailed off to leave it to my imagination. He led me in the direction he wanted to go in by covering my mouth with his. My toes tingled with his kiss. Damn, why am I married?! 
When Trent pulled away from me and grinned at me with his suggestion, I wiped the spit from my lips and smiled. “We’re not doing that.” I told him. No matter how much I want to.
“Why not? That’s what I wanna do.” Trent said. His hazel eyes scrutinized mine, searching for any sign of wavering. Anything that will tell him I will do it.
“Well, I’m still married.” I said. The only thing about Trent I could do without is the fact that we keep having this conversation. I know he’s doing a lot for me, stuff that any other man would not do, but I’m really not ready to take that step. I know that somewhat hypocritical because I have been kissing him and we’ve been sleeping in the same bed. I know that’s a big step in itself. Though, sex is really a huge step. I do want to, sometimes. Other times I really want to. Sometimes it like, I want to rape him when he’s sleeping. Trent sleeps shirtless, and no matter how we go to sleep, we always wake up with him on his back and me lying on his big, strong, slightly hairy chest. Mmm! 
Trent’s eyes darkened, as they always do when I mention my husband. “Fuck that nigga.” He said. 
I roll my eyes. “I agree, but still…I don’t want to go that far. Not yet anyway. Until the ink dries on my divorce papers, I’m not going that far. I’m sorry, but-”
“I know. I’m not trying to pressure you but I guess I am.” He said. Then he smiled. “You’re just so damn sexy.”
I smiled too, blushing actually. “Don’t you try to butter me up. I know I’m sexy.”
“Then why can’t I remind you?” Trent asked. 
“Oh, just shut up.” I said, mushing his face.
“Why don’t you shut me up?” He challenged.
“I will.” I said. 
“Do it then.”
“Maybe I don’t want to.” I said, sitting up in the bed. 
“Maybe you’re scared.” 
“I am not scared of you.”
“Prove it.”
I reached out and playfully smacked him in the cheek. “Shut up,” I said simply.
He laughed. “That’s all you got?”
“Trent, please, boyfriend you don’t want to play with me.”
“Boyfriend? What is that supposed to mean?” 
“What? It’s just like when I call my friends girlfriend.”
“I’m a girlfriend now?”
“No, I’m just…” I laughed. “Why do you do this to me?”
“Because it’s funny,”
“Oh, just shut up!” I told him, playfully smacking him again.
Suddenly he put on my back and pinned my wrists to the bed. “You gon keep smacking me and I’m gon have to do something to you.”
I looked up at him, squirming slightly. I stared into his eyes challenging him. He didn’t hold my wrists too tightly, but it was tight enough to keep me from moving. “Do what to me?” I asked him, smiling demurely. There was something about the way he had me pinned down. 
He stared at me for a moment, probably contemplating his neck move. Then, instead of wrestling with me or something, he leaned down and kissed me. His tongue slipped between my lips and played in my mouth. Our tongues twisted, swirled, and danced with each other’s. I moaned into his mouth.
“I’ll do that.” Trent said. 
“Keep doing it.” 
His lips met mine again. This time he released my wrists and fitted his body against mine. I wrapped my arms around his neck, spreading my legs to allow him to lie between them. He stroked my bare legs, massaging my calves. How would this feel if I wasn’t wearing these shorts? I immediately wiped the thought from my mind. 
“Tomorrow’s Christmas Eve. The center is closing early today. Did you finish your Christmas shopping?” Trent asked me between his kisses to my neck.
“Thankfully, I do all my Christmas shopping early, so I have been done. But I didn’t get you anything, because at the time, I didn’t know I was going to be spending so much time with you.” 
“Aww, I got you something.”
“Really? What?”
“I’m gonna let you guess. Here’s your hint: it’s soft but is getting hard, and you can feel it pressing against your thigh right now.” 
“You’re so nasty!” I laughed at him. 
“Do you know what it is?”
“Yes, I do. And I don’t want it so you can return it to whatever store you got it from.”
“Naw, you know you want it.” Trent said. He sucked my lower lip into his mouth. Hmm…
“I can’t believe Christmas is in two days. This week I’ve been with you went so fast.”
“That’s because we was having fun. But I wish we could have a little bit more fun under the mistletoe…”
“Maybe I’ll let you unwrap me on Christmas.”
“Don’t make promises you ain’t gon keep.”
“I said maybe, you never know. Keep doing what you doing and I might just have to get me some of my present.”
“Oh so now you want your gift?”
“Maybe, maybe not.” I murmured before meeting Trent’s lips again.
We stayed in that position for a good five minutes, enjoying the taste and feel of each other. I felt my present pressed up against my womanhood. It was long and hard and felt absolutely amazing pressed up on me. I wiggled my hips, grinding myself on Trent’s man. He groaned with pleasure. 
I used to want you so bad. I’m so through with that ‘Cause honestly you turned out to be the….
“Ignore that.” Trent told me just as I was about to get up for my cell phone.
“It could be important.” I said, giving him a gently push to get off me. 
“This is important.” 
“Get up,” I told him and he did. I grabbed my phone from the charger in the far corner of the room and looked at the number. The display read Kiki. What the hell does she want?
I ignored the call and glanced at Trent. I was just about to return to the bed when my phone rang again. I almost ignored it, but curiosity got the best of me. 
“What?” I demanded. I knew this was going to be good. Probably some half-assed apology.
“Kimmy, please don’t hang up on me. I need you.” Kierra whimpered. She sounded like she was crying. I wanted to be as cruel and evil as she was to me and hang up on her little behind, but I wanted to hear what she had to say.
“Kierra, what do you want?” I demanded. 
“Kimmy, please, I’m so sorry. I need you to help me.” She whispered.
“Help you? Are you serious, Kierra? What makes you think I would do anything for you?” Trent perked up to the conversation and was watching me intently. I ignored him. 
Kierra started bawling into the phone. “Please, Kimmy, I need your help. He’s trying to kill me!” She blurted out.
“That’s your problem. You knew what you were getting into when you started messing with Dwayne. You made the bed now lie in it.” I stated. 
“Kim, how can you say that? I’m your sister. Please, I wouldn’t call you if I had anyone else to help me.”
“You were just as much my sister when I came home the other day to find you fucking my husband. Or let me guess, you wasn’t thinking then, huh? Is that it, Kierra?” I demanded.
“I wasn’t thinking. I don’t know what was going on with me. I don’t know why I would do that to you. Kim, I swear, I’m so sorry.”
“Of course you are, Kierra. You’re always sorry. With everything you do, you think you can just apologize and then say ‘I wasn’t thinking’. Are you serious, Kierra? I can’t take that anymore. I’m done. As far as I’m concerned, you and I stopped being sisters when I caught you sleeping with my husband with absolutely no remorse about it at all.” At that, I hung up the phone. Moments later, it rang again. I ignored the call and then decided to turn it off. Anyone else can leave a message, but I’m not dealing with Kierra. 
I felt Trent’s hands on my shoulders, massaging them. I hadn’t even heard him sneak up on me. I put my right hand on his and tilted my head to the side to grant him more access. “That feels good.” I mumbled. 
“What was that about?” Trent asked as if he hadn’t just listened to the entire conversation. 
I sighed before I answered. “That was Kierra, calling with her bullshit.” 
“Bullshit? I don’t think I’ve ever heard you swear before.”
“I know. I try not to. For some reason, Dwayne and Kierra tend to bring that out in me.” 
“What did she want?”
“I really don’t know.” I said turning towards the bed. I took Trent’s hand and lead him to the bed with me. He sat down and I sat in front of him. I placed his hands back on my shoulders. “Keep doing that, okay?”
“No problem.” He said, continuing with the massage. “But obviously she called for something. What was it?”
“She said she needed my help. I don’t care. I recall I needed her help a few days. Did she help me? No. She let Dwayne do the dumb shit he was doing.” Tears began rolling down my face. I quickly swiped them. I didn’t want Trent to see me cry.
“Help with what? Is it your husband?” 
“Probably. I think she said he was trying to kill her. Please, I doubt even Dwayne would go that far.”
Trent turned me to face him. “Kim, she could really be in danger. When you came to my house that night, excuse my French, but you were fucked up. He could be really hurting your sister. The last thing you want is for her to get hurt and not do anything about it.” 
“Not this time.” I said. I’m not bailing her out again. If she was woman enough to sleep with the devil, she better pray that God will get her out of there.”
“Kim, you can’t be serious.” Trent said.
“I’ve never been more serious in my whole life. I’m done with Kierra. Like I said, she’s not my sister anymore.”
At that, I walked out of the bedroom, leaving Trent staring after me, dumbfounded. I may be wrong and I may be going to hell for this, but I don’t care. This is the last time I’m cussing, I promise, but Fuck Kierra and Dwayne!

When Trent was getting ready to go to the center, I declined his offer to attend and help out. As soon as he left the house, I hopped into my little red Prius and took off for the hell to get the devil’s little whore. As much as I can’t stand Kierra, I can’t leave her in that house of she doesn’t want to be there. I know Dwayne is hurting her. I just hope for his sake that Kierra isn’t hurt. Otherwise, I’m gonna be like my mother and stab that bastard. 
I couldn’t bring Trent with me. I didn’t want anything to happen to him. I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if Dwayne did something to him. I know Dwayne wanted to after Trent beat him up that day. 
I parked in the driveway behind my (Dwayne’s) house. I took a deep breath and approached the gates of hell. I let myself in through the back door. The house was quiet. It was also filthy. Dishes were piled up in the sink as if no one’s washed them in weeks. The table was a cluttered mess. Cabinets were open and practically empty. The floor was in need of a hot mop. If this is how the kitchen looks, I’d hate to see the living room.
 “Where the heck is she?” I mumbled to myself.  Then I called out, “Kierra! Where are you?” Nothing. No one responded or anything. “Maybe they’re not here.” 
No sooner than the words left my mouth, the basement door banged open. Dwayne emerged from the basement, fastening his belt, and looking a complete mess. He was high as kite. His eyes were bloodshot and his nose was runny. 
“If it isn’t Super Save-A-Hoe! I guess Kierra got you to come after all. Where’s your punk ass sidekick, Pussy-Boy.” Dwayne said, laughing at his own joke. “I hope you’re here to stay, because Kierra ain’t leaving.”
I decided to be strong and hold my ground. “Let’s not do this, Dwayne. We’re both adults so let’s handle this that way. Where’s my sister?”
Dwayne grinned. He nonchalantly pointed down the cellar. “Sleeping in your old bed,” 
I quickly rushed to the basement door, pushing past Dwayne. He allowed me to get through so I could see. I looked down the steps to see Kierra sprawled out on the cement floor. It was extremely dark down there because Dwayne had taken out the light bulbs but I could still see her figure. Her eyes were closed. And it didn’t look like…
“Oh my God!” I screamed with my hand over my mouth. I was just about to run down the basement stair when Dwayne grabbed me. 
“Where the fuck you think you going?” Dwayne demanded as he picked me up and slammed me on the kitchen table. 
“Dwayne, get off of me! Let me go! I have to get to Kierra! What did you do to her?” I was screaming and kicking and clawing but to no avail. 
“Fuck that skank bitch!” Dwayne exclaimed as he tried to kiss me but I turned my head. “What? You can’t kiss me now? You too busy fucking that high yellow nigga so you ain’t time for me no more, huh? Is that it? Huh, Kimberly?” Dwayne wrapped his big, strong hands around my neck and squeezed. 
I tried to pry his fingers from my neck before he choked me to death. “Please, let go,” I whimpered. Dwayne pressed his fingers deeper and deeper into my skin, his nails cutting me. He just kept yelling at me with spit flying out of his mouth.
“You fucking that nigga, Kimberly? Huh? Are you fucking him? You gon come up in my house with that nigga and take shit that I paid for? Huh? You and that nigga gon steal from me? You think I’m gon let that shit go?” Dwayne was yelling. 
I couldn’t breathe. I was sputtering to catch my breath, but I just couldn’t. “Please, Dwayne…Let me go… I’m…sorry.” 
“Oh, you sorry now? You weren’t sorry when you were kissing that nigga in front of me. You weren’t sorry when you put those pills in my drink! You wasn’t sorry then, Kim! You just sorry now, because you know I’m gon kill your ass. I told you. If you ever leave me, I’m gon kill you. You thought I was playing, huh? You thought I was a joke, huh, Kim? Didn’t you?”
“No, Dwayne!” I cried. I did the best I could to rip his fingers off me, but every time I managed to get his fingers off me for a second to catch my breath, he tightened them again. 
“Naw, you always took me as a joke. I fucking know how you do. You think you so fucking smart, huh, Kim? I make the fucking money in this house, but yet you got the nerve to treat me like I’m fucking retarded. Why you always do that, Kim? Why you always try to act like you better than me?”
I didn’t answer. I couldn’t. I couldn’t get enough air in my lungs to answer. My legs started flailing as I tried to bring air into my lung even though my throat was closed. 
Dwayne finally released me. I sobbed harder as I grabbed at my neck. The skin felt raw and I was bleeding from his nails. I choked and coughed as I tried to get oxygen back into my body. 
“Why the fuck did you always treat me like I wasn’t a man, Kim?” Dwayne demanded. 
Before I could even act like I wanted to respond, Dwayne backhanded me so hard I felt my fillings come out. I crashed onto the floor, choking and crying. I held my hands up as if I was surrendering from a fight.
“Please, Dwayne, no more.” I begged. “I can’t take it. Please, don’t…” I couldn’t even finish getting the words out because I went into another coughing fit. It wasn’t from him choking me though. It was from smoke. Black smoke was beginning to fill the room. It was coming from the living room. 
“Dwayne, what’s going on?” I demanded, fearful for all of our lives.
Dwayne rushed to the living room doorway and then looked at me like a little kid that made a big ‘uh-oh’. “Shit! Shit! Shit! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! The goddamn couch is on fire. See what the fuck you did? See what you fucking caused.” 
The next thing I knew, Dwayne was on top of me. He was kicking and punching me as if the living room wasn’t on fire.
“Stop, Dwayne! Stop it!” I pleaded. “You’ll kill us all. The fire is gonna spread, we have to go! Please,, stop!”
Dwayne punched me square in my jaw as if I were a man on the streets. “We gon die together, Kim. But not like this. That fire ain’t gon do nothing but burn the bodies. Till death do us part, Kim. Ain’t that what we said in our vows? Six years, Kim. I loved you for six years and you think you just gon up and leave me for that bright ass nigga? Hell naw! I ain’t going out like that. We dying together. If you ain’t gon be with me, you won’t be with nobody.”   
Dwayne pulled his 9mm from the waistband of his jeans in the back. He pointed the gun at me. “I love you, Kim. I always loved you, but you didn’t love me.” 
I closed my eyes, awaiting the sound of the gun going off, waiting for the bullet to rip through me. It didn’t happen instead there was crash and Dwayne and Trent were on top of me, fighting. 
Where did Trent come from? I had no idea but I thanked God that he was here. I watched as the gun skittered across the linoleum floor as Trent and Dwayne fought. I pulled myself from under Dwayne’s massage frame and tried to pull Trent back. 
“Get the fuck off me, Kim!” Trent yelled at me. Then he went back to screaming at Dwayne as he hit him with blow after blow. “You tried to kill her, bro! Huh, nigga! You want to fucking shot her? I told you I’ll kill you if you ever hit her again. Fuck you, nigga!” 
 I wanted to pull Trent off, but he was much stronger than I was. There’s nothing I can do about him. I needed to get Kierra out of the cellar. My entire body hurt, but adrenaline nulled the pain. The living room was on fire, smoke was everywhere, Trent and Dwayne are fighting, and Kierra’s lying motionless in the basement. 
I ran down the basement stairs two at a time, almost tripping and falling on my face. I shook Kierra, she groaned. Praise the Lord, she’s conscious and alive. 
“Kiki, we got to get out of here. Come on, can you stand up?” I stuttered as I panicked. Up close, she looked even worse. Her face was beat up more than mine was and her ankle was twisted beyond what was humanly possible. 
“Kierra, get up!” I screamed at her as if that would help. “You have to get up now! We have to go or we’re gonna die. The house is on fire! We have to go.” 
I yanked and pulled on her arm until I was able to get her into a hunched over, standing position. She was dressed in tiny shorts and a midriff top. This was a terrible time to be thinking of this, but she looked like a prostitute that showed up with the wrong amount of money to her pimp.
“Come on, Kierra, walk.” I urged her. With her arm around my shoulders, we limped up the basement stairs together. 
When we reached the kitchen, flames were everywhere. I couldn’t see through the smoke, but the fire provided light. I could actually get to the back door with Kierra. 
“Trent!” I screamed. He and Dwayne were nowhere in sight. I don’t know what was going. “Trent! Dwayne!” I screamed for both of them as Kierra and I choked, coughed, and limped our way to the back door. 
“Kim, where are you, baby?” I heard Trent call. I whipped around and Trent was behind us. 
“Where’s Dwayne?” I asked him as I coughed on the smoke. 
“I don’t know.” Trent said. He took Kierra from me and scooped her up into his arms. “We have to go.” 
I let Trent lead the way out of the house. We were able to dodge the flames rather easily; it was the smoke that was doing us in. When we finally emerged from the back door and stumbled down the steps to our cars, I was willing to kiss the ground. 
I choked as I inhaled the fresh air. Trent and I put Kierra in the back seat of his Tahoe all the while I looked at the house for any sign of Dwayne. I was praying silently that he found his way out. I know he was probably going to kill me but I didn’t want him to die. 
“Trent, I have to find Dwayne.” I said as I turned back to him. “What if he’s stuck in there? Where did you leave him?”
“I think he ran upstairs when I stopped kicking his ass long enough to find you. The next thing I knew, you were out of the basement with Kierra and the fire was everywhere. I wasn’t thinking about him. I was too worried about you.”
Tears welled up into my eyes. I wanted to run in there and search for him, but that would be suicide. The entire lower level of the house was engulfed in flames. I swallowed the lump in my throat. Please, don’t let him be dead.
Pop! Pop! Pop! That’s all I heard. My eyes were ringing as I whipped around while searching my body for gunshots. I found the bullet holes. Pop! I looked up and saw Dwayne’s body, partially covered in flames, lying on the back steps landing. 
“No!” I screamed when I realized what he had done. He had come out of the house while part of his clothes were on fire and shot at us. Then he shot himself in the head.
“Trent, do someth—Oh my God!” I screamed as I looked down. Trent was on the ground, on his stomach. Because of his dark jacket and all of the blood, I wasn’t sure how many, but it looked like two bullet wounds in his back. The third bullet was in the car door, only inches away from hitting me. “Trent, no!” I collapsed to my knees over him. I started hyperventilating. He was still breathing. I’m not so sure about Dwayne. 
I wasn’t sure whether to turn him over or not. The bullets entered through his back so I wasn’t sure whether that would hurt him or not. He was coughing and choking up blood. At least one of the bullets must have hit a lung. 
I swallowed hard as I stared down at him. My throat felt like it had closed up and the next thing I knew, I was throwing up on the pavement. I felt frozen. Trent and Dwayne were both shot and I was frozen in place. Kierra hadn’t even stirred; she must have been unconscious. 
“The police,” I cried aloud. My body finally mobilized. I didn’t know what to do other than call the police. I didn’t know any first aid or preservation tactics but to scream to help. “I have to call the police.” The only problem was my purse and phone was still in the house. I began searching Trent’s pockets for his cellphone, but couldn’t find one. 
“Somebody help me!” I screamed. “Please, somebody help us!” 
I heard the sirens in the distance. Someone must have reported the fire. Please God let there be ambulances. 




Chapter 17
Charisse
“Bobby, where the hell is your sister?” I demanded as I grabbed my son by the arm before he was able to run out the door. 
“I don’t know. She’s never here. She’s probably at Ashley’s house.” He answered, trying to pull his arm away. “Mom, that’s hurts. You’re squeezing too tight.” 
I quickly released my baby boy’s arm before I was able to do any real damage. “I’m so sorry, sweetheart. Go, Aunt Gina’s outside waiting for you.” I said. 
Bobby was about to run out the door, but then he stopped and studied me. “Mom, are you okay?” He asked me.
“Yes, sweetie, I’m fine.” I said. I involuntarily tried to smooth out the rat’s nest that resided on my head. 
“You don’t look fine. Are you sure you’re okay?”
“Yes, Bobby, I’m fine. Now go get in the car before Regina pulls off. If she doesn’t get you to your program, I sure can’t. Now go! Get out!” 
His eyes widened as he stared at me. I didn’t mean to lash out at him like that. “I’m sorry, sweetie. Please just go to your program. I’m fine. I just need some rest.”
“Do you miss Dad?” Bobby asked me. 
Tears welled up in my eyes just by his little, four-word question. I refused to let the tears fall in front of him though. “Of course I miss Daddy, but he’ll be back.”
“Will he be back for Christmas?” 
“Of course he will.”  I said, not knowing whether that was a lie or not. Regina beeped the horn of my car. I let her borrow my car in exchange for her driving the kids to and from school beings that I don’t have the strength or time anymore. “Now go.”
Reluctantly, Bobby stalked out the door. I’ll do something for him later. Right now, I have other things to worry about. 
I returned to the kitchen and grabbed my pill bottle from where I had left it on the table. I took two pills from the bottle and swallowed them with my spit. In a few minutes, I’ll be feeling a hell of a lot better. 
I looked at my reflection in the window over the sink as I started washing dishes. I looked good. I was sure to keep my hair and makeup done just in case Robert showed. Also, I didn’t want my kids to think I’d fallen apart. I wanted them to think that everything was fine and that Robert was simply taking some time to think. That’s what I wanted to believe, but unlike them, I knew better. I guess Brianna knew better too. 
I can’t wait to get my hands on her little ass. I don’t know who the hell she thinks she is, but Brianna didn’t come home from school today. She knows she’s on punishment. Also, that cell phone was taken from my drawer so I know she took it. She can keep acting like she’s grown if she wants to and I’m gonna beat her down like she’s a grown woman. Think I’m playing.

The sound of the front door closing snapped me awake. I whipped my head around trying to peer through the darkness to see who had come in. I had passed out on the couch, well fallen asleep, after I finished with my cleaning. I had taken another two pills so they made me a bit drowsy. 
“Shit!” I heard Brianna curse in a whispered cry. It sounded like she banged her foot off the corner of the couch. 
“Don’t even go upstairs.” I said as I maneuvered my way to the light switch without hurting myself in the darkness. Brianna hadn’t even seen me lying on the couch. 
She sighed deeply as she turned around to face me. She folded her arms as if she had better things to do and I was wasting her time. She tilted her head to the side as if to say “I’m waiting”.
“Where the hell have you been, little girl?” I demanded. It took everything in me not to just beat the hell out of her right then and there.
She just rolled her eyes, but didn’t say anything. 
“Answer me, Brianna.” I said firmly, keeping my tone even. “You better answer me now and you better say the right answer, because if you say something I don’t want to hear, I’m gonna rip your little ass a new one.”
“A new what, Charisse?” She asked with a smirk to be smart. I snapped. 
“Brianna, what the hell did you just call me?” I demanded as I walked up on her like she was some chick on the street. She didn’t even back up. I’m sorry to say it, but this little heifer thinks she’s bad.
“You heard me. Or would you rather I called you Mrs. Smith.” Brianna said. She was rolling her neck and eyes as she spoke. 
“Brianna, you must have lost your goddamn mind!” I concluded. “I don’t know who or what the hell has put it in your mind that you can just talk to me any kind of way, but that shit is not happening. You better consider yourself lucky because right now, I am keeping myself from beating your little ass.”
“Please, Mrs. Smith, I’m so done with you. You’re so turned up.”
What the hell is ’turned up’?  
“Call me Mrs. Smith one more time and you’re gonna have a problem. I am your mother. You will not talk to me any kind of way. I don’t what the hell you are going through that got you acting the way you’re acting, but you better not get it twisted. I will beat your ass and feel no regret afterwards. You wanna come in here after midnight again knowing damn well you ain’t even allowed to sit down without my permission first and then pop off at the mouth like you grown?”
“Whatever. You are no mother of mine.”
“What? Fine. Fine, Brianna. Who the hell else raised you for the last fifteen years? Who carried you for nine months and then went through twenty-three hours of labor? Who put up with your shit for God knows how long and still let you live? Who provided for you? Who bought everything you got on and everything you own?  I did that. I did all that and so much more. I am your mother, Brianna. I don’t know what I did to you to make you think otherwise, but you better get the picture straight and you better recognize quick, fast, and in a hurry.”
“I don’t care what you did. What about everything else you did? What about you ignoring me every time you’re fighting with your husband? What about you neglecting how I feel so you can do what’s good for you? What about the fact that you don’t even pay attention to me enough to realize that—I don’t care about anything you did.”
“Enough to realize what, Brianna? Huh? What is it? What is it that is so traumatic in your life that I am missing? What is it that’s going on that makes you feel the need to disrespect me? What is it? Those little boys that you shouldn’t be talking to don’t like you? Some girl wrote mean things about you in the bathroom stalls? What is it, Brianna? What’s wrong?” 
“Nothing! Nothing, nothing, nothing!” Brianna screamed at me. “It’s nothing yo9u would care about at least. Or maybe you would care. Maybe you would care only enough to make it all my fault. You’ll probably blame it all on me anyway. But I don’t care. I’m done with you!” 
“What is it, Brianna? What the hell is wrong with you? I’m so tired of hearing those same old lines about me not caring or blaming something on you. You still haven’t told me nothing. What the hell am I supposed to do to help you if I don’t anything? I can’t help you unless you tell me what the problem is.”
“I don’t what your help! I don’t want anything from you. All I want is for you to leave me the fuck alone! All of you! You, Robert, my Dad, Kenny, everyone just leave me the fuck alone!”
“Watch your mouth, Brianna. I’m not going anywhere. I’m your mother and I’ll be right here until whatever problem you got is solved or until you’re eighteen. Whichever one comes first.”
“I wish you would just go the fuck away. Matter of fact, why don’t you all just go to hell.”
I slapped her so hard she damn near fell backwards onto the floor. “You know what, Brianna? I’m done. I don’t know what the hell your problem is, but I am fed up. I’m done letting you slide with that smart ass mouth of yours. You think you grown? You think you don’t need me anymore? Fine, take your grown ass out my house.”
“Fine! I don’t want to be here anyway. This place is a fucking prison. I’ll gladly leave. You don’t have to worry about ever seeing me again. Any of you.” Brianna hiked her book bag up on her shoulder and went back to the door to leave.
“Brianna, if you walk out that door, don’t bother coming back. I’m serious. If you think you grown at fourteen, be my guest and go deal with the real world. You’ll realize how much you need your mother.”
“I don’t need you. You don’t give a damn about me anyway.” 
“If that’s what you truly believe then there’s nothing I could do to change that.” I said. I didn’t choose to indulge her. I’m tired of trying to show and tell her how much I love her, and she just spits in my face. Her little ass will be right back her before the week is out. 
“That’s what I know.” And then she left, slamming the door behind her. 
I reached into my pocket and opened my pill bottle almost at the same time as I pulled it out. I put my lips to the opening and let two pills roll into my mouth like tic-tacs.
If she wants to leave, I’m not gonna be the one to stop her. I tried to stop Robert and where the hell is he at? Right where he wants to be, not with me. I love both of them dearly, but I can’t force either one to stay by my side. All I can do is raise and love the one person that still loves me, Bobby. Don’t get it twisted; I didn’t give up on my daughter. I just know that for once, I’m gonna have to let her make and learn from her own mistakes.

“Are you avoiding me or something?” I heard the voice behind me say. I sighed. What the hell is he doing just walking into my house?
I turned off the television and picked up my drink. . I turned around to face Brian. There was no reason to get upset about him walking into my house without knocking or anything, because I already knew I was going to have to face him sooner or later. 
“Brian, do you know what time it is?”
“Do you hear me? Why haven’t you returned my calls?” Brian asked me. 
“I’ve been busy.” I said simply as I walked over to the pile of presents near the electric fireplace. I had never gotten around to getting a tree so I just put the wrapped presents on the floor. I started straightening the already neat piles of gifts. I probably wouldn’t be this calm right now if I hadn’t just taken those other Valiums a few moments ago. It was six AM on Christmas Eve. 
Brianna hadn’t showed up last night but I’m sure she’ll decide to blow around by Christmas. I’m not worried about it. Ashley’s mother already called me so I know where she is. 
“Busy? Charisse, ever since that night you’ve just shut down from me. Why is that? Do you regret what happened?”
I blinked twice. It felt like I was barely following what he was saying. “I’m not saying I regret what we did, but I am saying it shouldn’t have happened.”
Brian swallowed as if forcing his words back down his throat. “I didn’t want us to do what we did the way that we did it, but we did. You wanted it that way more than I did. How was I supposed to say no to you? I’m not the one who came to the other’s house saying I wanted to have sex. I tried to slow us down, but you wanted to. You can’t blame me for that.”
He was right. I made that happen. I went to his house looking to have sex. Looking to feel good about Robert. Possibly looking to hurt him in the long run. I swallowed to keep myself from crying. 
“Brian, I understand that. I don’t blame you for anything. I know it was my own fault. All I’m saying is that I shouldn’t have done it and the last thing I want is for it to happen again.”
“Why not, Charisse? I want to give us another shot. You’re divorcing Robert anyway, give me another chance.”
“I’m not divorcing Robert.” I said firmly. “He and I are going to work things out.”
I am not in denial about anything. I know how Robert is. He’s mad now, but we will work it out. I know we will. We have to.
“Work things out? Are you serious, Charisse? Robert isn’t even here and from what Brianna told me, he walked out on you.”
“He’s upset, I know. But that doesn’t mean I’m going to let nine, almost ten years of marriage go to waste. We love each other. I know it will be a while before he forgives me for what I’ve done with you, but he will because he loves me.” 
Brian came over and sat next to me on the couch. I immediately stood up. When I stood up with my drink in hand, the drink splashed out of my glass and wine spilled on Brian’s shirt and my couch.
“Oh! I’m sorry!” I apologized as I moved out of the way of the spilled wine. 
Brian sighed deeply as he stood up and pulled his wet shirt away from his skin. “That’s why you shouldn’t be drinking at six in the morning. “
I ignored his ass. “Just give me your shirt.” I said as I started to walk to the kitchen. He stood up and followed. When he handed me his shirt, i took it and began rinsing it in the sink so he wine doesn’t stain. I always kept spot remover with my cleaning products so I began to clean the shirt with it.
“Are you at least thinking about what I said?” Brian asked as he wiped wine from his neck and chest with one of my dish towels. 
“Honestly, Brian, I am not. I’m not being rude or mean, but there is no chance of me and you ever getting back together because I am still in love in Robert and he still loves me. Despite how things may look right now, we love each other dearly and we are not divorcing, ever.”
“Are you saying you don’t love me?” Brian asked as if he hadn’t heard anything I just said.
“I do love you,” I answered. “But not in the same way. I’m not in love with you anymore. I only love Robert.”
“How can you love a nigga that walked out on you like he did?”
“Can you blame him?” I asked in all honesty. “If the shoe was on the other foot and I had cheated on you with him, you’d walk out too.”
Brian didn’t respond so I continued. “I love him, and I’ll do anything to make him forgive me for what I did. I’m sorry, Brian, but there is absolutely no chance for us.”
“Fine.” Brian conceded. “I respect you enough to respect your relationship. All I’m saying is-”
I interrupted him. “I know: if Robert ever fucks up, you’ll be there, right?”
Brian smiled. “Yeah, something like that.”
“If you’d like, I can go get you one of Robert’s shirts until yours dries.” I offered.
“Naw, I don’t want his shit. I’ll just put my jacket on without a shirt. I have to go pick up Brianna from Ashley’s.” Brian said. I already knew Brianna gave Brian her version of the story.
“Oh,” was all I said. I started making random movements as we settled into an uncomfortable silence. 
“I’m out,” Brian said after a while. “Can I at least have a hug?” 
I gave a weak smile. “Of course,” I said. I walked over to him and gave him a hug with the lower half of my body poked away from him. 
Then the front door opened. I expected it to be Brianna, but Robert walked in. I tried to quickly break the embrace I was in with Brian, but it was too late, Robert already saw it. We weren’t doing anything wrong, but I know Robert will take it that way.
All I heard was something that sounded sort of like “fucking nigga” before Robert charged at Brian. Robert scooped him up and slammed him on the ground before punching Brian in the jaw. 
“No, no, don’t do this!” I screamed at them, but Robert had already stopped. I guess he only wanted to punch Brian once. 
Brian was already in the process of getting up, but Robert snatched him by his arms and yanked him to the door before throwing him out. Robert slammed the door and locked it. 
He turned and glared at me. “I guess you don’t miss me as much as my son said you did.”
I didn’t know whether to check on Brian or deal with this. Even though Brian just got punched, I’m more concerned about Robert.
I shook my head. “It’s not what you think. We weren’t doing anything. I just gave him a small hug.”
“Save you words, Charisse. The fact that that nigga was standing in here shirtless tells me all I need to know.”
“No, Robert. I swear to God the only reason his shirt was off was because I just spilled wine on him. We weren’t doing anything. He dropped by to talk to me before he went to get Brianna and I just told him that he and I aren’t going to be anything more than we already are to each other. I told him that you and I are working things out.”
“Why’d you tell him that lie? You and I aren’t working shit out because there isn’t anything to work out. You and I are done.”
“No, Robert, don’t say that. We love each other and you can’t possibly think that I’m just going to let you go.”
Robert snorted. “You don’t have a choice.” He said. He walked past me to go up to the bedroom. I turned and followed. 
“I don’t know what you’re expecting, but I’m only here to get a few things.” Robert said once we got to the bedroom. He started going through his things and throwing some things into a gym bag.
“Robert, please talk to me.”
“Charisse, what do you want to talk about because if it has anything to do with your senseless idea of us getting back together, it’s not gonna happen.”
“Senseless? Robert how can you say that? We love each other and there’s no denying that. I know you didn’t fall out of love with me just like that.”
“I do still love you, but you have to be senseless if you think I’m going to take you back after all you’ve put us through. It’s not gonna happen.”
“Robert, I forgave you after you did what you did so you should forgive me too. We love each other. Don’t do this to us.”
“You’re right. You did forgive me after I cheated. If this was only about you sleeping with another man, I would be able to forgive you and work on our marriage, but it’s about so much more than that. I just can’t let you pass on all your drama anymore.”
“Robert, what do you mean? I love you. Why can’t you just forgive me?”
 “I have forgiven you; I just can’t take you back. We have to just let this go. We have the most stressful marriage in history and it shouldn’t be that way. I love you, but I’ll get over it and move on. You’re, excuse me, bullshit trumps how much I love you. I can’t deal with it anymore.”
“Robert, please don’t do this. I love you so much. I can’t live without you. I can’t keep doing this without you. I’m falling apart, Robert. Please, I need you.” Tears had started streaming down my cheeks as I grabbed hold of Robert’s shoulders and refused to let go. “Please, Robert. I love you and I’m so sorry. I swear I won’t be like I was. There will be no drama. I won’ be that way. I won’t be so controlling. I’ll be the perfect wife to you just like you’ve been the perfect husband to me.”
I laid my head on Robert’s chest and he accepted me into his arms. More tears streamed down my face as I hugged Robert tighter. 
“Please, don’t leave me again. It’s Christmas Eve, Robert. You have to be with your family. With your wife. I love you so much. Just don’t leave me anymore, please. I won’t ever hurt you again.”
Robert didn’t respond. He lifted my chin with one finger so that I had to look into his eyes. We just gazed into my eyes for the longest of moments. I was waiting, holding my breath, for him to kiss me. He leaned down and I closed my eyes, waiting to feel his sweet lips press against mine. They never did. He kissed me gently on the forehead. Then he grabbed his bag, gave me a slight glance, and then left the room. I broke down crying again when I heard the front door close.
How could he leave me again? How can he say he still loves me and then just walk out like that? 
I grabbed my pill bottle, took two pills, and then just stared at the label without really reading it. What if I just…
No. Don’t ever think like that. He’ll be back. He has. I don’t wanna live without him.





Chapter 18
Regina
 I sighed as I pressed the button for the elevator. I never knew how much I would miss working. I feel like I have nothing…and no one… to do. I don’t even want to invite Drew over because he’ll want to talk about that stupid notion of the two of us dating. Michael is off limits until his divorce is cleared up and when Gwen gets a life. Kim is M.I.A. Charisse is going through some real shit right now and so is Robert. Kara is at work, where I should be. This sucks. I need more friends. I sighed as the elevator finally opened. I stepped in and pressed the third floor button.  
I closed my eyes and leaned against the elevator wall as I took the short ride to my floor. It’s crazy how for once in my life I’m not out partying, having fun, or sexing my man.  Hopefully, I still have a job because now I have nothing left to do during the day except chauffeuring my niece and nephew to and from school in exchange for the use of Charisse’s car. Maybe I should go get a loan so I could get my own car? Hell, I have nothing else to do.
I walked down the empty hall to my apartment. Oddly enough, I started thinking about the way my heels no longer clicked now that the hallways were carpeted.
When I got to my apartment, I noticed my door was slightly ajar. Drew must be here, but he shouldn’t have left my door open. 
“Drew, don’t you know how many psychos could have walked into my apar-” I stopped in midsentence as I stared at the type of psycho I was referring to in the first place. “What the hell are you doing in my apartment and how the hell did you get in?”
“Look, I didn’t break into your apartment per se. Women like you always hide extra keys around the door. I found one in the little plant out there.” Adam said, holding his hands up in a sign of surrendering. 
“That’s supposed to make me feel better? Why are you?” I demanded. I had already reached into my purse, my hand ready at either mace or my cell phone in case he tried something stupid.  
“I just want to talk.” Adam said. He made a few steps towards me and I clutched the mace can.
“Talk about what?” I demanded. Instinctively I moved the safety tab from the mace can with my thumb. “How you’re blackmailing me? Or maybe we can talk about how your sister is a total, crazy-ass bitch?”
“Look, Regina, all I’m trying to do is-”
Adam moved way too quickly towards me and I was suddenly spraying my mace all over his face. 
“Ahh! Oh, shit! What the fuck!” Adam was screeching as he clutched his face and fell backwards over the recycle bin that was moved to the middle of the floor the day before. I had nothing to do so I decided to start recycling. Too bad for Adam.
I approached Adam slowly to see him lying on his back, crying and snotting like a little toddler. Punk ass.
“Get the hell out of my house, Adam.” I said. I was still holding the mace can in case he needed another dose.
“Jesus, Regina! I just wanted to talk to you.” Adam said. He was stumbling to his feet and wiping his watering eyes. 
I touched his shoulder cautiously. “Are you alright?” I asked him. It seemed like he meant no harm.
“Hell no!” He exclaimed. “Can I get a wet towel or something?”
“Sure,” I said, walking into the kitchen area. I was surprised at myself for being nice to him rather than drop-kicking his ass.
I dampened a clean white towel and handed it to him. His eyes were all splotchy and red. His nose was running and then he blew it in my towel. I grimaced. He can keep that.
“I can’t believe you maced me.”
“I can’t believe you broke into my apartment.” I said, rolling my eyes.
“I didn’t break in. I used a key.”
“A key I didn’t give you,”
Adam sighed. “We can go back and forth with this all we want or we can just get to what I want to talk about.”
“Fine, what are you here for?”
“I want to call a truce.”
“A fucking truce!? Are you kidding me? You and your freak ass sister are the dumb ass motherfuckers causing this shit. I’m not doing shit. Why don’t y’all just stop?” After all that, I took a deep breath. His dumb as statement made me mad for a second.
“Look. Gwen is taking this shit too far and the last thing I want to see is you behind bars because of you and Gwen’s fascination with Mike. Honestly, in my opinion, I’d rather Mike be with you. He’s hurt my sister way too much so I’d rather he be your problem.”
“Adam, get to the fucking point.”
“Feisty, I like it.” Adam grinned and I pulled my lips back in a scowl. He’s so freaking gross!
“Adam!”
“Okay, look. I’ll stop this dumb ass restraining order shit that Gwen made me do and I’ll keep Gwen from firing you, if you agree to stop this dumb ass back and forth thing you got going on with us.”
“Adam, you started this.”
“I know, involuntarily I did.”
“Involuntarily? Adam, you did this shit because I don’t and never will want to sleep with you.”
“I know. I’m an ass, sue me.”
“I wish I could. I get some real bank from that shit.”
“So, is that a deal?”
“Is what a deal? I’m not even completely sure of whatever you just said.”
“Let’s end this stupidity. Michael and Gwen are, as we speak, finishing up the proceedings of their divorce. Now that Mike’s actually gone through with it, Gwen in going to come down even harder on you. I’ll leave you alone and I’ll make sure Gwen leaves you alone.”
“Why now?”
“Because Gwen is making this so personal that you don’t stand a chance. If Gwen wanted to, she can have your ass in jail or forced to deal with some real shit for the rest of your work life.”
“Fine,” I said, holding out my hand to shake. “Let’s end it.”
Adam took my hand and shook it. “It’s ended.” 
He held my hand far longer than I liked. I tried to pull my hand away but he tightened his grip on it. “What the hell?” I demanded. 
Adam looked at me weird. His eyes searched mine and molested my body. He acted as though he were deciding whether or not to do something. I looked to the kitchen counter for my purse where the mace can lay next to it. 
“Adam, let me go.” I commanded. 
I was barely able to get the words out before Adam yanked me to his body and shoved his tongue into my mouth. He held my body in a strong bear hug, prohibiting me from breaking free as he assaulted my lips, tongue, and mouth with his kiss.
I struggled to break free from him. I pushed against him to the best of my ability, but he only held me tighter. I hadn’t realized it from his build, but Adam is a hell of a lot stronger than he seemed. 
“Get off me!” I sputtered when Adam broke away from my mouth to catch his breath. “Adam, get the hell of me!”
“Shh, just relax.” He murmured as if he were talking to a teenager about to lose her virginity. 
“Get off-” I shouted but Adam clapped a hand over my mouth as he began to force me to walk backward until my back pressed against the wall of the foyer. I ripped one of my hands away and slapped Adam as hard as I could across his weasel-looking face. 
He grabbed both my wrists in both hands and slammed them against the wall above my head. 
“Regina, just stop with that shit. Just let me…” He started but them he stopped as he covered my mouth with his again. I screamed as loud as I could. Adam slapped his hand across my face again. 
While still holding my hands above my head, Adam forced my legs up around his waist even though I tried my hardest to keep them down and closed. My knee length skirt slipped up around my stomach and Adam’s hand slipped between my legs. He put his hand into my panties and began fondling me. My skin crawled and I felt like throwing up.
Tears streamed from my eyes as Adam began grinding his erection against me. Please, don’t. I begged him with my eyes. I can’t go there again. If I have to, I’ll never come back…
When Adam pulled his swollen penis out of his pants, I thought I was going to pass out. I wish I would have. That way I wouldn’t have to feel it. I was shaking my head rapidly, crying and silently begging for him to stop. If he would just stop now, I wouldn’t even tell anyone. I’d let it go as long as I never have to revisit it again.
He released my mouth so that he could grab the front of my shirt and rip it open. Buttons flew and skittered across the floor. Adam greedily sucked one of my breasts into his mouth and bit my nipple hard enough to draw blood. I screamed out in pain. 
Adam yanked and yanked until my lace panties tore. Then he pushed himself into me raw. I cried harder, shaking harder, trying to push him off, but couldn’t. He kissed my neck sloppily as he thrust in and out of me slowly, purposefully, as he enjoyed ever stroke. 
“See,” He groaned. “You like it. I knew you would.” He suddenly began slamming in and out of me, every stroke harder than the last. 
I cried and cried as he brutalized me. He forced my legs higher and higher as he forced himself deeper and deeper into me, harder and harder. 
“Please, please, stop…” I begged. I didn’t even have the strength to scream anymore. I didn’t think anyone would hear me anyway. 
I cried and shook my head, begging God to let it be over. It didn’t take long, but it was the worst twenty minutes of my life. Adam thrust rapidly a few more times before he came inside me. He picked me up and carried me into the living room. He laid me on the couch, kissed my forehead as if everything were okay, and then turned to leave. 
I curled into a fetal position on the couch and sobbed uncontrollably. Something in me screamed call the police but I couldn’t move. I couldn’t will myself to get up and dial three numbers. All I could do was cry, so I did. 
I heard my front door open, but Adam hadn’t reached it yet. Someone else was here. I should scream out. Tell whoever it was to get his ass for what he did. But I couldn’t do anything but cry.
“What are you doing here?” I heard a man ask. It was Michael. I sobbed harder. 
“I was just talking to Regina about something. I’m leaving now.” Adam said as if he hadn’t just done what he just did.
“Where is she at? I need to talk to her.”
“She’s sleep now.”
“Sleep? What you mean she sleep? What the hell she go to sleep for if she had your ass in her house. I know damn well she don’t like you.” Michael laughed at his statement.
“I don’t know, but I got somewhere to be. I’ll see you some other time.”
I heard the front door close and then Michael’s footsteps grew closer. “Gina, where you at, baby? I need to talk to you. I got some good ass news for you.” Michael said excitedly as he approached the living room.
I sobbed. I guess he heard me because he ran right to the couch. 
“What’s wrong? Did he say something to you?” Michael demanded. He looked like he didn’t know whether to come to me or run after Adam. I know Adam had already made a mad dash for his car by now.
I cried inconsolably. “He, he…he…Michael, he hurt me.” I cried. I couldn’t bring myself to say the word rape. I couldn’t do it even though that’s exactly what he did to me. To me! I was raped! Again!
I thought I got passed that part of my life. I thought I was free from all of that when….when that mad did what he did to me when I was still just a kid. I was still so innocent and he hurt me like that. Now Adam. He hurt me like that too. They hurt me.
I curled into a tighter ball and cried harder. Why me? What did I do? What did I do to deserve this? No woman deserves to be mutilated. And no teenage girl deserves what was done to me.
I felt Michael curl his arms under me until I was wrapped in his embrace. I wrapped my arms around him tightly and sobbed harder. My body writhed wildly and my chest filled and caved violently. I felt so…abused. I felt diminished. My body was all sore. I was sorest down there. 
“I’m calling the police.” Michael said as he stroked my back and gripped me tighter. “Don’t worry, baby. I’m gon get his ass. I know his punk ass is gone now, but best believe I’m gon find and kill him. He done fucked up big. I can’t believe he did this to you.”
Michael had already pieced the situation together and figured out that Adam had raped me. My body shook uncontrollably and even with Michael’s strong arms around me, I couldn’t calm down. 
“Yes, my girlfriend was raped.” I heard Michael say. I hadn’t even heard him make the call and I’m right on his lap.
“Fuck, I just got here. Instead of asking all these damn questions now, won’t you send somebody out here before I kill that motherfucker myself…Yes, the address is…”
I think I may have cried myself to sleep because then next time my eyes opened, the police were here and Michael was telling them about what he saw when he got here. Then they were questioning me.
Do you know who he is?
Tell me exactly what happened.
How did he get into your apartment?
Did you scream for help?
What time did he arrive?
Do you know where he is now?
Did he attack you immediately?
Did you know he was going to hurt you when you first came home?
Why didn’t you call the police as soon as you discovered he had broken into your house?
It was all a blur. I can barely remember answering the questions. All I remember is falling into Michael’s arms as he rubbed my back and led me to his car so we could follow the officers to the hospital for a rape test. I remember him arguing with the cops to allow me to ride with him. I remember falling asleep again in the passengers’ seat.
 Andrew 
I looked down at Maya as she stroked my hard dick. Damn, she the truth. She slipped my fat head into her mouth and took that shit to the head. Actually she took it down her throat. I stroked her hair back as she bobbed up and down on my ten inches of dick and didn’t even gag once. 
“That’s right, girl. Suck that dick like you own it.” I groaned. 
She popped my dick out of her mouth and started slobbing on the tip. “I thought I already owned it.” She said in her sexy ass, kitten-purring voice. 
I don’t know about all that, but… “Mmm-hmm,” I murmured. I was trying not to break her momentum. I know if I said the wrong thing, Maya would get up and leave a nigga with a hard dick and blue balls.
The thing is, Maya is my girl. I been seeing her for a minute now and shit’s been good. I’m a grown ass man so I ain’t looking for a wifey, but Maya seems to fit that profile. She ain’t no ghetto hood rat though even though sometimes she can act like it. Maya is thirty years old, two years older than me, and she’s a doctor. She makes her own bank and I’m glad about it. I ain’t no cheap nigga, best believe I keep my women laced up and dicked down, but it’s good to have a chick that can handle her own. Maya is that chick. 
I got mad respect for her. She’s intelligent, beautiful (sexy as fuck!), and the best part is, she’s a straight up freak! My kinda women. I’m trying to take things slow with her, but she’s looking for something more. Truth is, I’m looking for something more too. I’m tired of dating and I’m tired of meaningless fucking. Well, I ain’t tired of fucking, but I would like to make love once in a while. The only problem is, even though Maya is by far the best women I’ve ever been with, she ain’t got that spark like Regina do. I don’t know. Regina is playing games with a nigga. Sorry to say, but I’ll drop Maya in a hot second if Regina want to get the shit popping. Regina got a nigga in love and shit, but she wanna play games. Women! Get on my damn nerves!
“Aw shit,” I groaned as Maya starting jacking my dick. I was ready to bust this first nut right quick and then dig my girl’s back out. 
When I came, I was surprised as shit. For the first time, Maya popped my dick back into her mouth and swallowed my nut down. When we first started getting it in, she told me she wasn’t swallowing no nigga’s nut that ain’t her man. I respect that. I wouldn’t want no cum-guzzling hoe anyway. 
After Maya got finished slurping her late night snack up, I lifted her head up and looked down into her eyes, wondering why she had the change of heart.
She answered the question in my eyes. “I want us to take this to the next level. We have been having fun, but I wanna make it exclusive. Make me your number one woman.” 
I clucked my tongue. The only reason why I didn’t make shit real with Maya is because I was waiting around for Regina. Well, I’m done waiting around on her ass. She’ll always be my best friend, no doubt about it, but she obviously ain’t thinking about a nigga like I am for her.
Before I could respond, my cell phone vibrated on the nightstand. I picked it up and looked at the caller ID. I swear, Regina has a way of popping up every time I start thinking about a woman other than her. 
I pressed the ignore button. Regina has been blowing my phone up, calling me every five damn minutes for the last half hour or so. 
“Let’s do the damn thing then,” I answered Maya. She wasn’t Regina. No doubt about that. But she is everything I’m looking for in a woman. Beauty, brains, and bomb pussy. 
“For real?” Maya asked. I guess she didn’t expect my answer to be in her favor. I definitely was ducking her questions for the longest.
“Yeah,” I said, pulling her up so her lips lined up with mine. I kissed her. “Why not? I really been feeling you lately and I already know you feeling me.” 
“Oh huh? You that cocky huh?”
“And you know this,”
“That’s okay. I’m ‘bout to make you call Mama’s name.” She said. She did that mama shit just like Regina did when she was feeling cocky. I liked that.
When Maya mounted my dick and started riding me like a goddamn jockey, I definitely was calling her damn name. Then I had to turn the tables on that ass and flipped her onto her back. Legs on my shoulder, sweat on her breast, I had to beat it up. 
Then my damn cell phone rang again. Shit! I grabbed my cell without stopping my strokes on Maya.
“Yes?” I demanded into the phone as I watched Maya’s face. She looked like she wanted to protest to me taking a call, but the dick was so good the only thing coming out of her mouth was “Uh, uh, yes, yes, don’t stop,”
“Yo, Drew?” A man asked. The nigga sounded depressed. I didn’t recognize the voice and I wanted to know why the nigga was calling me from Regina’s phone.
“Who is this?”
“Drew, this is Michael, Regina’s man.” The dude said. I know this nigga ain’t calling me. I don’t even like his punk ass. “Some shit went down. We’re at UPMC. You need to get down here.”
“What? What the fuck happened?” I demanded. I froze in Maya’s good pussy and she looked up at me to see what was going on. 
“That punk ass nigga Adam raped Regina.”
“What?” 
The next thing I knew I was yanking on my pants with no draws on as Michael gave me the details. Regina was getting a rape test done on her now. He said he called me because I’m Regina’s friend and he knew she would want me there.
“Thanks, bro, word up.” I said into the phone. 
“No problem, man. I know we ain’t cool all like that, but I know you and Regina is like blood.” 
I nodded, but remembered he couldn’t see me. “I’ll be there as fast as possible.”
“What’s going on?” Maya asked me. I looked at her and she was completely dressed. That’s what I like about Maya. She doesn’t even know what’s going on, but she’s ready to ride for me. 
“Regina was raped.” 
“Your friend? Oh my God,” Maya breathed. 
“I’m going to the hospital.”
“I’m coming with you. I know she and I never met yet, but your friends are my friends.”
I just nodded as she followed me out to the car. I hadn’t even opened the door yet before my phone rang again. Thinking it was Michael, I answered it immediately. 
“What’s up?”
Instead, I was greeted by a crying young girl. “Uncle Drew,” My honorary niece, Brianna sputtered.
“Yeah, Bri, what’s up?” I asked her. I was not beat for more bad news.
“My mom, my, my mom,” She sputtered. 
“What’s going on with Charisse?” I asked her. I already knew she and Rob weren’t on the best of terms right now.
“She’s going to the hospital.” Brianna cried. 
“What happened? Is it about your Aunt Regina?” I wasn’t sure if everyone else knew bout the situation or not.
“Aunt Regina? I came home and Mom was just laying in her bed. I thought she was sleep, but she didn’t wake up when I shook her. I thought she was ignoring me because she was mad at me, but she, she, she…” Brianna broke into uncontrollable sobs. 
“Where is she now?”
“The ambulance took her to UPMC. They wouldn’t let me ride with her. I’m still at the house.”
“Okay, is your brother there?” She answered no. “What about Rob or your dad?”
“No one’s here. My Dad’s not answering his phone and Robert won’t answer either. I couldn’t get Aunt Regina or Aunt Kim. You’re the first person to pick up.”
“Okay, okay, I’ll come by and get you. I’ll be there in five minutes.” 
What the fuck is going on?





Chapter 19
Kimberly
“I’m not answering any questions,” I said again for maybe the fifth time. 
“Well, Mrs. Boyde, there are just a few questions we need to ask you and we’ll be on our way. I hope there isn’t anything crucial to this incident that you are trying to hide from me.” The detective whose name I didn’t care to remember; I think it was Anderson or Andrews, I’m not sure. 
“I’m not hiding anything. You can easily piece together what happened just by the four new patients that were brought in here tonight. Two men were shot and two women obviously got into a fight and lost to someone.”
“Were you and the other woman,” He paused as he flipped through his pad. “Kierra Thomas, fighting each other?”
 I glared at him. “That other woman is my little sister. Do it look like I did that to her?” I asked him with a lot of anger and attitude dripping from my tone.
“No, I guess not. I just need you to tell me what happened. You are the only person that came out of this fire that is capable of speaking with us and you’re resisting. If you would only participate, everything would be fine.” The detective said. 
I just sat there glaring at them. I refused to take any drugs that may cloud my judgment or make me go to sleep so I was in so much pain right now. I wasn’t sure whether Kierra, Trent, and Dwayne were dead or alive or barely hanging on. No one told me anything. The doctors and nurses are refusing to give me any information on my own husband and sister. All I know is that Kierra is hurt severely, but the doctors know she’ll be fine. A sweet enough nurse told me that much. They won’t say anything about Dwayne. I think he attempted suicide and shot himself in the head, but I’m not sure and no one will tell me otherwise. I’m not even entitled to hear anything about Trent beings that I am not family or his wife. I didn’t even know his last name.
“Look, Mrs. Boyde, Detective Anderson and I only here to help.” The second detective said. He tried to sound compassionate and friendly but I saw the cold, hard look in his eyes. This was only a job to him. He didn’t care either way about me or anyone else getting help. He just wanted someone to blame. Even though Dwayne is at fault here, I refuse to say anything against him.
 “We already know that your husband shot himself.” The second detective continued. We can’t just assume that he shot your friend too, but that’s the way it looks. By the looks of yourself and the condition of your sister, a man purposely attacked the two of you. I’m thinking it was your husband. There is no reason to protect him. The more you withhold information from us, the more we’ll start to think that you had a hand in this too. Just tell us what you know so that you and your sister will be safe.”
“A hand in this?” I demanded. “A hand in this? What the hell would I have done, huh? Beat myself and my sister up and then shot my husband and my friend?”
“Ma’am, we just need you to cooperate so we can handle this properly.”
“I’m not cooperating with anything you ask. I refuse to. I need to see my sister. I need to see my husband. I need to see Trent. Just get the hell out of this room!” I started freaking out. “Get out! It is my right by the Fifth Amendment not to talk to you people so I won’t! Leave me alone!”
The two men looked at each other and then Detective Anderson sighed before saying, “Fine, Mrs. Boyde. We understand your distress. I’m leaving my card here by the nightstand. Call me when you’re willing to participate. Although, once your husband, sister, and friend are in a better state we will be here to speak with them. And you too.” 
I wanted to go off on him. Just the inflection in his voice when he said friend made me mad. But I held my tongue, because they were leaving. 
As soon as the detectives left, a thirty-something year old nurse bustled in. She rushed right to my side and began bustling with my bandages and grabbed my chart. 
“Feeling better?” She asked me. They only reason I was willing to talk to her was because she was the only employee here who was willing to give me any information even though she only gave me Kierra’s. 
“Physically,” I said. Actually, I felt like I was hit by a truck and then it back over me. Maybe, I should just take the drugs. 
“If you’re up to it, the doctor would like to talk to you about your husband’s condition.” Nurse Jennings said. 
“Yes, of course, I’m up to it. Send the doctor in here as soon as possible.” I said, pepped up immediately. 
“One moment,” She said and then she walked out of the room. I swung my legs over the side of the bed and sat up. After I talked to the doctor, I’m getting discharged so that I could roam freely and check on everyone. 
Moments later, a handsome, Caucasian doctor with smooth wavy hair walked into the room with a chart in his hand, presumably Dwayne’s. I stood up to shake the doctor’s hand and formally introduce myself. 
“I’m Dr. Anthony Freidman. I will be taking care of your husband and doing absolutely everything possible for his condition.”
“What condition is he in right now?” I asked. I willed myself to stay calm. “I don’t even know where he was shot? I don’t know anything.” I felt the tears well up in my eyes. 
“Obviously a suicide attempt, Dwayne shot himself in the head, but I’m sure you already knew that. More specifically, he shot himself in the back of the left side of his head. Unfortunately, the bullet did in fact hit his brain.”
“Oh God,” I breathed. “He’s going to live, right?”
“Well, I cannot make any promises to you, but I have confidence that Dwayne will survive. The caliber of the bullet was small. It was a .38. Also, the shot was on an angle instead of head on so he had actually only hit the outer part of his brain. he sort of grazed his brain, but a shot in the brain is still a shot in the brain. Though, because of this, there is a great chance of survival.” Dr. Freidman explained. 
“How is he now? Will he be okay?”
“Well, he survived this long which is good. The small caliber bullet and the lesser impact are really helping his situation. While he is alive and the brain was not widely damaged, the brain is swelling. The swelling is actually the worst part of any brain injury. At this point, I am not as much concerned about the injury itself as much as I am concerned about the swelling. The problem with brain swelling is that it’s inside the skull, a closed cavity. Dwayne’s brain has already swelled up rather rapidly and can continue swelling for many days before it actually peaks. Then of course, the swelling will take even longer to decrease.”
I swallowed hard. “What are the chances of my husband surviving without being completely brain dead?”
“Actually, the chances of him being brain dead upon survival are fairly slim. The left side of the brain controls vision, language, and the ability to move the right side of the body. All of these functions are at risk. The best case scenario, Dwayne will survival this injury with minimal damage and with rehabilitation, will be back to normal or well near it.”
“And what’s the worst case scenario?” I asked carefully.
“The worst case scenario is that Dwayne can die. Next to that, Dwayne can lose all activity in the right side of his body. He could be partially or fully blinded, he may not be able to speak or understand language, and he’ll practically lose control over his emotions, among other things.”
I inhaled sharply. “In other words, he’ll be a vegetable. He won’t be able to walk or move on his own. He’ll need help with everything he does and he won’t be able to any of the things he loves. He will have outbursts and won’t even be able to say how he feels because he won’t be able to talk.”
Dr. Freidman’s brow twitched as if his conservative wall was breeched. “Possibly,” He said.
“What are you doing now to prevent that from happening?”
“Well as we speak, Dwayne is being prepped for surgery.” He said. Before I could ask, Dr. Freidman continued with an explanation. “Because of the swelling in his brain, we have to remove part of his skull to allow the brain room. Otherwise, the brain can swell to fill the capacity of the skull and still keep swelling. There is a lot more to it, but simply put, it will stop blood flow to the brain.”
I was hyperventilating, but fighting hard to keep it under control. “After you remove part of his skull, you’ll be able to put it back, right? Or will he have a giant soft spot on the back of his head?”
“No, we will most definitely be able to put the skull back together, whether it is with the actual skull itself or artificial bone. More than likely, we’ll use acrylic bone structure to put it all back together because the original skull will be contaminated with hair and bone.  After that, we’ll have to put him in a medically induced coma. Then we’ll give him steroids to reduce the swelling. After the swelling goes down, we’ll go from there.”
“Can I see him?” I asked.
The doctor sighed. “We want to move fast with this. If you absolutely want and need to see him, we can allow you to, but it’s not going to be a pretty sight. I suggest that we keep all visitors away until we remove the skull piece and put him under a medically induced coma.”
“Okay,” I breathed. I paused before looking up at the doctor. He was only a few inches than me. Maybe 5’7” when I was 5’2”. “Without all of the doctor terms and such, do you believe that my husband can be the best case scenario?”
“Ignoring the protocol? I truly believe your husband has an incredible chance at the best case scenario. Though I can’t make any promises. Anything can happen. This is a very serious and critical injury. I’m confident Dwayne can survive the injury part of this. I’m not one hundred percent sure about how he’ll do for recovery.”
“I don’t want my husband to end up a vegetable.”
Dr. Freidman gave me a smile. “If he makes it out okay with the surgery, it’s up to his own body to heal and reform his brain. We can enhance the process, but what was lost from the bullet is never coming back. Rehab will teach and re-teach until Dwayne is able to function near normal. I’m confident that he can.”
“Has he spoken at all since he’s been admitted?”
“Actually he has. Not much and it wasn’t very coherent, but we were able to make out the words sorry, where, and Kim. I’m sure he was asking for you. He was in a lot of pain at the time and of course the left side of his brain is damaged so don’t expect much speech from him if any until after rehab.”
“I understand.” 

 Once I was discharged, I went in search for Kierra. The nurse took me to her room since she was in fact allowed and capable of having visitors. When I walked into the room, I saw Kierra lying in the bed and my mother standing over you.
“Glad to see you’re okay.” I said as I walked into the room. 
“Oh, baby, look at you.” My mother said before yanking me into her arms. “I can’t believe that bastard did this to my babies.” 
Tears clung to my lashes as I held my mother tighter. I never really realized how much of an effect a mother’s hug can have on a person until now. 
“I’m okay, Mama.” I said, pulling away from her embrace. I went and sat in the chair farthest from Kierra’s bed, right next to the window. I stared out into the starry sky. It was such a beautiful winter night. Too bad all this had to happen.
“I hope that bastard rots in hell for what he did.” My mother said venomously.
“Mom, please, stop it. Dwayne shot himself in the head. Please, keep your comments about him to yourself. I’m already afraid for his life.”
My mother looked at me like I was crazy. Maybe I was. “Kimberly, this man beat and abuse you and your sister. He tried to kill you. Are you seriously defending him?”
“He’s still my husband, Mama! And I still love him. All I’m saying is save your comments for when I’m not in the room.”
My mother shook her head at me. “I guess this means that you’re planning on sticking through him after all this.”
“I didn’t say that. Even though I’m sure Kierra already filled you in, I had already left Dwayne before all this happened. I just hadn’t gotten around to filing for divorce.”
“You’re divorcing him?”
“Why wouldn’t I? I refuse to deal with what I had dealt with for the last four years. His jealousy, his rage, I put up with that. And now, ever since I caught him with her, things have only been worse. I was surprised I was able to leave when I did. I’m surprised I’m not dead now.”
“What do you mean by you caught him with Kierra?” My mother asked, looking from me to her other daughter.
“Oh, so I guess Kierra didn’t tell you everything. For all the time that that Kierra’s been staying in my home, she’s been fucking my husband.” I stated maliciously. 
“What?” My mother demanded. She turned onto Kierra. “How could you do that to your sister?”
“Kimmy, I’m so sorry.” Kierra said in a weak, small voice.
I snorted. Even though she was obviously in pain, I still couldn’t bring myself to feel any compassion for her. I know she’s alive and well and that’s all I needed. What she did crossed the line of sisterhood. I could never let that go. 
“Kierra, I’m sorry too. I’m sorry you would even do that to me. Sisters my ass!” I said.
“Kimberly, I know you’re upset about whatever happened between you two, but you will watch your language around me. You better shape up and act like the woman I raised you to be.”
I rolled my eyes. “I apologize for swearing, mother, but why are you getting at me for simply swearing when I’m a grown ass woman. You need to talk to your other daughter and tell her to shape up and act how you raised her to be. I’m sure you didn’t raise her to be a low down, dirty, sneaky little whore.”
“Kimberly, what did I just say?” My mother snapped on me.
“You know what, ma? You always do this. You always take her side of things. Even when you know damn well she’s wrong and what she did is not my fault, you still take up for her.”
“Kimberly, lower your voice when you’re talking to me. I don’t take her side for anything. I don’t take anyone’s side. All I know is that you better watch your tone and your language.”
“Whatever, mother. I’m so done. Kierra can fuck my husband, do cocaine, and end up in a damn hospital bed because of her actions and you still treat her like a little fucking Mother Theresa. I can’t believe this.”
I gripped my cheek as the pain flashed through me. My mother had slapped me so fast I hadn’t even known it until I felt it. I kept my mouth closed tight as I glared at her.
“I told you about your mouth, Kimberly.” She said as if that justified her actions.
“I’m a grown ass woman. How dare you hit me like that?”
My mother shook her head at me. “You were a grown ass woman when your husband was beating you. Suddenly, you’re so grand that I, as your mother, have no reason to put my hands on you but you let Dwayne do it for years.”
“Dwayne did not hit me for years!” I defended myself. “If he would have, I would have been left him. I’m not you, mother!”
She reared back to slap me again, but I caught her by the wrist and squeezed. “Don’t hit me again.” I said through gritted teeth. 
“You better let me go, Kimberly. I am your mother, you better act like it.”
“You better act like it!” I rebutted as I released her wrist. “Stop taking her dam side all the time and stick up for me once in a while. You always have her back, but you never have mine. All you do is criticize me. You criticize my marriage, my man, my home. Every time you get the chance, you talk about Dwayne. I get it, you don’t like him, but why do I have to deal with your aversion?”
“I don’t like him. Any man that puts his hands on my children is not a man to me and he does not deserve my daughter. Every time I look at you and this man, all I see is myself being abused by your father. I think I have a right not to want that for my daughter.”
“I admit that Dwayne has made mistakes. I even admit that marrying him was a mistake. But that has nothing to do with the fact that you always favored Kierra over me.”
“I did no such thing! I never favored either of you. I love both of you equally and I never showed you anything different.”
“Please, mother. Even when you got here, who did you run to first? Kierra! You probably wouldn’t have seen me if I hadn’t come to her room. I didn’t even know you were here.”
“The reason I came to Kierra first is because she’s the one who called me. I knew you were here, because your sister told me. As soon as I finished talking to Kierra I was going to go see you too. I’m sorry you weren’t first up on the list and I’m sorry I didn’t move fast enough for your liking.”
“Whatever. I don’t even care. As far as I’m concerned, you can put her first all you want because I’m through with her slutty ass.” 
“You better watch yourself, Kimberly.” 
“And you better watch her.”
At that, I left the room before she could say anything else to me. I held back my tears as I made my way to the waiting room. I just needed to find a phone so I could call Charisse or Regina to pick me up. 
“Kim?” I heard a male voice behind me call. I turned around to see Drew. He was more Regina’s friend than mine. He and I were like Robert and I. I’m friends with his wife, but I’m cool with him.
“Hey, Drew.” I said, walking up to him while wiping my tears.
“Are you looking for Regina or Charisse’s room?” he asked me and I was immediately confused.
“Room? What do you mean? They’re checked in?” I asked him.
Drew looked solemn. “Regina…she was raped by one of her co-workers so she had to come do a rape test. And Charisse…they said it was a suicide attempt.”
I know my eyes got as wide as goose eggs. “Rape? Suicide? What? I’m so lost. Drew, what the hell is going on?”
“Come on. Let’s just go get Regina. She’s in the waiting room. She just got finished talking to Charisse.”
Once we reached Regina the first thing I realized was that she didn’t look like herself. She looked pale as though she had seen a ghost. Her clothes were either ripped or disheveled. She didn’t look like the sexy, beauty queen she normally was. She looked like she survived Paranormal Activity in her own home.
I sat down next to her and touched her hand. “What happened to you?” I asked her.
“What happened to you?” She responded as she accessed my bandaged and bruises. 
“Fine, I’ll go first.” I said and then I explained, in brief, the escapades of the day. Then I had to explain everything that happened before today to explain why Kierra was there and why I left him.
“Wow,” She breathed. “This is crazy. All three of us, honorary sisters, ended up admitted into the hospital on the same night for some fucked up reasons.”
“I know. Drew said you were…” I didn’t even want to say the word.
“Yes,” She said and put her head down. I could tell she was hurt inside about it, as any woman would be. I heard her sniffle as she started to cry. I rubbed her back.
“Don’t even tell me anything else.” I said. “I’m not going to make you talk about it.”
She worked at quieting her sobs. I continued consoling her as I looked up at Drew. “What’s going on with Charisse?”
“It was a drug overdose. Her doctor says it looks like attempted suicide, but Charisse swears she just accidently took one too many pills. She’s fine now. They pumped her stomach and all that. She’s just weak and, whether she knows it or not, she’s on suicide watch.”
“Wow, who found her?”
“Brianna. She was home alone when she found Charisse just laying in her bed and not moving. She called me after the ambulance left.”
“What about Robert and Bobby?”
“I just reached Robert not too long ago. He said he’s going to pick Bobby up from his friend’s house and come here.”
“This shit is crazy.” I sighed.
Regina and Drew raised their eyebrows at me. I just ignored them. I’m a grown woman. If I want to swear then dang it I’m gonna swear!
“Where’s Brianna now?” I asked. 
“She’s in the bathroom, trying to get herself together. She thought her mother was dead not too long ago. From what she and Charisse told me, they were in a big argument yesterday. Brianna thought those would be the last words she said to her mother.”
I nodded. I understood that. Now I want to go apologize to my own mother and its only less than thirty minutes after the fact.
“I’m in room 3003. Can someone come get me after Brianna talks to Charisse? I want to see her after she’s finished.” I asked them both, but I think only Drew heard me. Regina seemed to be in a trance. I gave her one last hug before I got up and walked back to Kierra’s room to talk with my mother.
 “No problem.” Drew answered. 
Chapter 20
Charisse
Oh shit! What did I do? What did I do? I asked myself over and over again after I regained consciousness and found myself strapped to a hospital bed. It took a hell of a lot of talking and convincing to persuade the nurse and doctor that I was not suicidal so they can unstrap me. I think they are still suspicious though, but I don’t care. As long as I could go home, I’m fine. Jesus! Is it still Christmas Eve or is it Christmas already?
Regina and Drew just left out of here. Regina looks like she’s been through hell. I think she has. She’s definitely in a worse situation than I am. I put myself here. If I find the asshole that did that to my sister-in-love, I’m going to fucking kill his ass. I’ll straight up Lorena Bobbit that nigga. 
I willed myself to sit up in bed. I felt slightly weak and drowsy. They pumped my stomach and gave me charcoal. And then they gave me more fucking drugs to counteract the damn drugs I took. I felt like there was a goddamn step team in my head wearing Timberland boots.
I felt terrible. They told me Brianna found me. I know she is upset to say the least. I know that had to be hard on her.  I was in here waiting for her, but it seems like she’s afraid to come in. I told Drew to ask her to come in here for me. He said she was “getting herself together in the ladies room”. In other words, she’s crying and she doesn’t want to come in here crying.  
I wanted to focus on my daughter first, but I couldn’t stop myself from thinking about Robert. I know someone called him. Does he care? Is he really that upset with me that he won’t even come see if I’m alright? I know I’m fine. I mistakenly  took way too many pills. I know it was stupid, but I promise it was not on purpose. I would never commit suicide. I have too much to live for. I have two beautiful children to raise and love. I have a husband to love. 
I felt my tears run down my face. Dear God, please don’t let my husband leave me. I prayed. Father God, I know I haven’t prayed in a while or gone to church in a few years, but, please, don’t let him leave. I love him too much to just let him go. I promise I will never hurt him again. I will honor my vows. I’ll love him forever. Please, God, I will be a great wife to him. The best I could be. I know I can’t be perfect, but I’ll be damn near it! Sorry for cursing, but I need him. Amen.
As soon as I finished that prayer I found myself saying another one. 
Dear God, I’m back. Will you please bring my daughter back to me? I can’t take this fussing and fighting between us anymore. I know I shouldn’t have treated her the way I did that day. I shouldn’t have let the devil take me there. Please, allow me to understand what it is Brianna is going through so I could help her through it. I can’t stand to see my daughter hating me like this. In Jesus’ name I pray. 
“Amen.” I said aloud.
Most definitely by God, Brianna walked into my room as soon as I concluded my prayer. She looked shell shocked and pale, almost like Regina did when she told me what happened. 
“Were you praying?” She asked me in a small voice.
“Yes, baby, but I’m done now.” I said. I sat up straighter and did my best to swing my legs over the side of the bed.
“No, Mom, don’t move.” Brianna said. She came over to me and tried to help me lie back down as if I were some old lady.
“No, baby, I’m fine.” I said, sitting upright.
“When I came home earlier…” Brianna started to explain. “I wanted to apologize to you. I wanted to say I’m so sorry and I wanna come home, but when I came into your room…I came in your room and you were just lying in the bed. I called you, but you didn’t answer. I shook you, but you didn’t wake up. I thought you were…” She burst into tears and fell into my arms. 
I squeezed her tight and kissed her head. I felt my own tears growing stronger as she shook in my arms. 
“Mommy, they said you tried to kill yourself. Please, don’t say you did. Please, tell me you didn’t do that because you were mad at me.” She cried harder.
“No, sweetheart, I would never take my own life. And, baby, I will never be that mad at you to ever do anything like that.” I squeezed her tight as she settled into my lap. I held her firm even though she was almost as big as I was.
“Mommy, I’m so sorry for everything I said.  I didn’t mean it. I’m so sorry.” She cried, hugging me tight around my neck.
“I’m so sorry too, sweetheart. I shouldn’t have talked to you the way I did either. And I’ll never hit you like that again. That was uncalled for.”
“No, Mom, I was uncalled for. I shouldn’t have talked to you like that. I love you, Mom. You’re the best woman I ever met. I don’t know why I said what I said. You’re the smartest, most beautiful, and strongest woman in this whole world. I shouldn’t have said what I said. Everyone makes mistakes and I shouldn’t have said that about yours.”
“That’s the past, baby. I don’t care about any of that. All I’m worried about is you. I just want to make sure you are okay. I really need you to talk to me about what’s going on so this will never happen again. What is it that is happening, Bri?” 
She shook her head against my chest. “Nothing, Mom. I was just being stupid and using that as an excuse so I could do whatever I wanted.”
“I don’t believe that for one minute. You are not that great an actor. What is it?”
“Nothing, Mom, really. The only problems I had was drama at school and problems with the boy you told me not to talk to.”
I did my best not to go off about that boy. “You’re still seeing him?”
“No. I actually did break up with him. We stayed friends, but that’s it.”
“So what’s the problem?”
“He’s upset about something that I had no control over.”
“What’s that mean?”
“Nothing important. It’s over now.”
Brianna snuggled into my chest and closed her eyes. She had stopped crying, but it didn’t seem like she was letting me go any time soon. And I would never make her. The next thing I knew, Brianna was snoring lightly. She had cried herself to sleep in my arms as she had done when she was little. I did my best to gently lay her down on my cramped hospital bed, but I ended up waking her. 
“Where are you going?” She asked. Her voice sounded like she was only six.
“Nowhere. I was just letting you lie down.”
“Oh,” She said, turning onto her back so she could look up at me. “I love you, Mom.”
“I love you more.” I said. I lay down on the bed next to her, both of us looking up at the ceiling. 
“I can’t believe it took all this to fix our relationship.” I said reflectively. 
“I know.” She conceded. “Let’s never let that happen again.”
“I promise.” 
“Me too.”
“That can’t be comfortable.” I heard Robert say. I looked up at the door to see he and Bobby had just walked in. 
“Mom!” Bobby shouted as he ran over and jumped right into the bed and landed on my stomach. Ow!
“Hey, baby.” I said, ignoring the pain in my abdomen.
 “Are you okay?” He asked. He got comfortable on my left side as Brianna lay on my right.
“Yeah, I’m fine. We can actually go home now that you guys got here.” I said. I looked up at Robert to see if he caught my drift when I said you guys. I wanted to make sure he knew I meant we were all going home. He didn’t seem to object.
“Merry Christmas, Risse.” Robert said, looking me dead in the eyes. 
“It’s Christmas? Crap, I can’t believe we’re in the hospital, all because of me, on Christmas.”
“Well, my watch just struck midnight so it isn’t that bad. I just wanted to be the first person to tell you Merry Christmas.” He explained. I didn’t want to get all excited about that, but I was fluttering inside.
“Thanks. Merry Christmas to you too. All of you.” I added. 
A chorus of “Merry Christmases” went around as the four of us told each other Merry Christmas individually. 
I got out of the bed and went to Robert so I could speak to him without the children listening. 
“You’re coming home for Christmas, right?” I asked him in whispered. I wondered if I sounded hopeful or desperate. 
He hesitated. His juicy, succulent lips poked out as if he were thinking and then retreated. “I don’t know.”
“Come on, Robert, please. Do it for family, not for me. I know Bobby and Brianna would want us all together for the holidays at least.”
“I don’t want to confuse them. If we spend Christmas together they’ll think we’re staying together. That will make it that much harder when it comes time for divorce.”
I held in the outburst that threatened to escape my lips. I was about to cry and scream and beg and I knew it. Not here and not now. “Robert, stay for your family. Why spend Christmas alone?”
“I’ll be with….” He stopped himself. I knew he was going to say that lesbian chick’s name, but he stopped his sentence. “I don’t know, Charisse.”
“Please?”
He looked at me and sighed. “Fine, but I need to run home and change, shower, and get a few things. I’ll meet you at your house around ten. That will give you all some time to get some rest. Then we could do a makeshift dinner.”
All I focused on was him saying he was running home and then going to my house. “Robert, my house is your home.”
He didn’t respond. Instead he kissed me on the head and then said, “I’ll see you later. Do you want me to take the kids home to get clothes and then let them change at my place? That way you can get situated.”
“No offense, Robert, but I don’t want my kids anywhere near that chick you call yourself staying with.” My attitude was creeping out, but Robert knew better than to ask me to take my kids around another woman. I don’t whether she’s gay or not. If she really is gay, that is.
“I understand.” He said. He kissed me on the forehead again. He lingered there longer than he should have, his lips pressed firmly against me. I closed my eyes and enjoyed the feel of his hands resting on my waist. “I see you later.” Robert repeated as he stepped away from me. 
I closed the distance between us and pressed a firm kiss on his lips. He didn’t push me away. Instead he held me and we held the kiss for a few seconds. He finally pushed me away. I stared up at him with wide eyes. 
“Please don’t make this more complicated than it is.” He said. Then he walked out of the room. 
As soon as Robert walked out, Brianna climbed out of the bed and followed him. I was going to question her, but then I realized, if she was following Robert, she probably just wants to talk to him.
Brianna 
As soon as I saw the look on my mother’s face when Robert said “don’t make this more complicated than it is”, I knew my suspicions were true. I’d heard their whole conversation. I guess Mom thought she was whispering. They’re divorcing and mom doesn’t want to. Honestly, I don’t believe Robert wants to either even though he’s obviously the one initiating it.
When Robert walked out of the hospital room, obviously to go to the dyke he’s staying with’s house. Okay, so I eavesdrop a lot, sue me. I followed Robert out of the room. He didn’t even notice me until he reached the emergency room waiting room.
“What’s up?” He asked as he turned and looked at me. 
“Why are you doing this to Mom?” I demanded. I didn’t really demand it. I actually said it as a question with a bit of inflection in my voice. 
“What do you mean, Brianna?” Robert asked me. I could tell he was annoyed. Well, that’s his problem. 
“Come on, Robert. I already know you wanna divorce Mom. Why? Don’t y’all love each other?”
Robert looked at me as if I were a little kid. I knew the look. He looked at me as if I were a little ass kid who didn’t know anything and he was about to explain it to me. 
“Brianna, I do love your mom. I love Charisse more than anyone. The thing is-”
I cut him off. It wasn’t intentional, but I needed to know what the hell he meant by that. “If you love her more than anyone then why are you leaving her to go stay with some dyke?”
“Watch yourself, Brianna. I know you’re upset about this, but that doesn’t mean you can be disrespectful.” Robert scolded me.
He was right, but he was also avoiding the question. “I’m sorry.” I conceded. But then I hoped right back on it. “Why are you divorcing Mom?”
“You wouldn’t understand even if I tried to explain it to you.”
“Try.”
He sighed dutifully. Robert knew me since I was still a toddler. He knew I never gave up until I got what I wanted. “Charisse’s and my relationship isn’t what it used to be. Some things happened between us and some things have been happening for a while. The thing is that I can’t let those things go.”
“Because she cheated on you with my dad?” I asked, surprising him. I guess my mom didn’t tell him I knew that.
I watched Robert’s brow twitch. “There’s a lot more to it than that.” He said simply, as if he were dismissing what I said.
“What else? I don’t understand. What more could there be other than you love each other. If you could get over her cheating on you then there shouldn’t be a problem.”
“Brianna, it’s not for you to understand. It’s between me and your mother. I know this is complicated but this is how it’s going to be. Charisse and I just aren’t where we should be as a couple anymore.”
“So you’re going to run away? This is when you two should be fixing things. How can you come in here and see her in a hospital bed and still want to get divorce?”
“Brianna, I know Charisse was sick but she’s fine now. I’m not going to fake anything for someone else’s sake.”
“So that’s just it? You’re going to leave your life of almost ten years for reasons you can’t even explain to yourself let alone me?”
“Brianna, I know exactly why I’m doing what I’m doing. Just because I’m not telling you doesn’t mean I don’t know.”
Does he know how stupid he sounds? “I thought you were different, Robert. You’re just like my dad. You run away when things get hard and then you’ll be buying Bobby’s love as soon as you move out.”
“I won’t be buying anything. Charisse and I will have an arrangement regarding our son.”
I shook my head at him. “I just don’t understand how people can leave the person the love. Unless they were never really in love.”
“I love your mother, Brianna. I love her. She just…I just can’t anymore.”
“Can’t what? Love her?”
“No, I can’t deal with her shit….Look, I’ll see you guys later. If you still want to talk then, we can. Right now, I have to go.”
I sighed. This conversation, if you wanna call it that, is over. Robert and my mom are divorcing for some stupid ass reasons that neither of them know about. If this is how adults act when they’re in love, I’m never getting married. This is too much stress.





Chapter 21
Regina
“I’m Maya, by the way.” The chick said, holding her hand out to shake. I wanted to roll my eyes and ignore the hoe, but I knew Drew wouldn’t like that. Instead I gingerly took her hand and shook it.
“Regina.” I said curtly. 
We were still at the hospital. Charisse was discharged and was going home. We were waiting for Kim. We were all going to go to Ms. Antoinette’s house and have a makeshift Christmas. Now Drew decided he wanted to play meet and greet with his little friend. I know I have no right to be jealous, but I was. I didn’t like this chick already. She was too nice and polite. I bet she got mad skeletons in her closet. She was a doctor. Whoopty doo!
“I know you don’t know me and this is a terrible time to meet anyone, but I figure we might as well get the introductions out of the way since we’ll be seeing a lot of each other.” Maya continued. 
“Mmm-hmm,” I murmured absently. 
So this is Drew’s Maya. She’s…cute. Hell, let me stop hating, the bitch is bad. I like her style, but I ain’t gon tell her that. She’s pretty and it looks like her hair is real. And a doctor. I guess Drew was serious when he said he had the complete package with her. That made me even more jealous. At least if she was a bum hoe I wouldn’t have anything to worry about, but since she actually has something going for herself, all I could do is hate. 
Wow, I must be out of my mind. I’m hating on this chick just because she has Drew and I don’t even want Drew. Well, I don’t want to want Drew. I might as well take this as a blessing. She has Drew, she obviously makes him happy, and Drew is still my best friend. Blessing…
Maya scratched her head nervously. I’m sure she was uncomfortable because I wasn’t pursuing a conversation with her as she expected. 
“Well, Drew, I think I’m gonna sign off. I still have to meet my own mother for Christmas and I know I’ll never hear the end of it if I’m not there by the break of dawn.” She chuckled softly as if her statement was funny. Drew smiled and nodded as if he understood. 
He knows her mother? Damn, are they really that serious?
“I’ll call you later.” He said as they got real close to each other. “Merry Christmas. Tell Mrs. Porter I said the same.” 
“Okay, baby.” She said. They kissed long and slow. I felt my stomach turn. Don’t make me sick. After an uncomfortably long kiss, they broke apart. 
“Bye, guys. Regina, Michael, it was nice meeting you both.” Maya said as she turned to leave.
“You too.” Michael said. I didn’t say anything. 
Drew gave me a look. I drew my eyebrows together at him. His lips formed a tight line. He’s mad at me. 
“Regina, can I talk to you for a second.” He asked me. He looked at Michael before I answered. “Can you give us a minute?”
“No problem, bro.” Mike said as he stood up. “I’m gonna go find a vending machine. Y’all want anything?”
Drew and I both said no. I crossed my legs and looked at Drew as he took Michael’s seat beside me. 
“What’s up?” I asked him.
“Are you okay?” He asked me. 
“I guess I’m as okay as I can get.” I answered honestly. “I know I’m not traumatized or anything like that, but the whole situation is surreal to me.”
“I understand that. I still can’t believe shit. I’m gon get that nigga.”
“There’s no need. It isn’t like Adam is going to flee the country or anything. The cops will get him. That’s all I can hope for.”
Drew’s lips formed another tight line. “They better get him before me.”
“And Michael. You better wait in line.”
“I’ll proudly wait in line to get at that nigga.”
I turned in my seat so I could lay my head on Drew’s shoulder. The movement felt so natural. I took his hand and stroked his fingers. He squeezed my hand. 
“Why you act like that to Maya?” Drew asked, breaking the calm mood.
“What you mean?” I asked innocently.
“Come on, Regina. All the other women I introduced you too, you were talking they ears off.”
“Well, today I’m not in a talking mood. Obviously,” I stated. 
“I know, but…I can tell you don’t like her. Why?”
“Nothing. She seems nice. She obviously ain’t one of them ghetto birds you always with.”
He laughed. “Yeah, she’s cool.”
“I’m glad you’re happy.” I said coolly.
“Why you say it like that? You make it sound like I’m marrying her.”
“Would you?”
“If it came to that. We just kicking it right now.”
I couldn’t help but laugh. “Kicking it?”
“Yeah. I’m keeping my options open at the moment.” He said. He squeezed my fingers. “If you would ever decide that you wanna-”
I cut him off before he could finish the sentence. “Don’t say it, Drew. Keep kicking it with your girl.”
“Are you saying there’s no chance of me and you.”
 I moved away from him. “I’m sorry, but it can’t happen. I can’t see it. I can’t do it.”
“Fine.”
He stood up. “I’ll meet you at Ms. Antoinette’s.”
I stood up too. “Are you mad at me?”
“No. I’ll see you later.”
“You’re mad at me. How can you be mad at me because I don’t want a relationship with you?”
“I’m not mad at you, Regina.”
“Yes, you are. I see it all over your face.”
“Let it go, Regina.”
“You let it go first.”
“Regina, please. I’m not mad at you. I’m not that petty that I’m going to get upset because you don’t want to date me.”
I stared at him. I could see that his feelings were hurt. “Why aren’t you going to drive me to Ms. Antoinette’s?”
“I figured Michael can take you and Kim. That’s your man, ain’t it?”
“Drew,”
“Naw, I’m good.” 
Then he just left. As soon as he did, Michael returned with Kim in tow.
“Can we go? I just got a headache.” I said to them. 

I walked out of the bathroom with my bathrobe tied tightly around me. I walked in my Adidas flip-flops to my bedroom. I walked into my bedroom, shrieked, and the fell ass out.
I landed flat on my back with all God gave me hanging out of my robe. Michael scurried to his feet and ran to scoop me up. After I struggled to my feet and righted my robe, I stared at Michael.
“What the hell are you doing?” I demanded, staring at him. 
“Well, you obviously ruined the way I wanted to do it, but isn’t it obvious?” He answered.
“No, it isn’t.” I said briskly. I walked past him and went to my dresser for my cocoa butter lotion. I sat on my queen sized bed and began massaging the lotion into my legs.
“Regina, don’t blow me off.” Michael said as he sat on the bed next to me. He tucked the box he had into his pocket and took my lotion from me. He began rubbing the lotion on my legs for me. I didn’t push him away. 
“Michael, what are you doing?” I asked him. 
“Putting lotion on you.” He said simply. He pushed me back on the bed and took my robe away. He stared lustfully at my body. I felt the urge to cover myself. The last thing on mind was sex. I didn’t cover myself from his gaze though. I wanted to forget about what happened earlier (technically yesterday) so I didn’t want to put it on my mind. 
“No, what are you trying to do?” I asked him. He proceeded to spreading the lotion all over my body. His strong hands worked my muscles in a delicious massage as he rubbed in the lotion. 
“I love you, Regina. I love you so much. I’m trying to make you see that. I don’t want any other woman in this world but you. I want to be with you forever. I know today was not the best day for you. I’m sure it was probably the worst day of your life, but can you please make today my best day? Make me happy by allowing me to make you happy. I promise I’ll love you and only you. I know I got a bad track record with my now ex-wife. I know I cheated on her with you. But I swear I’ll never do that to you. I love you and I swear I’ll treat you like the queen you are.” 
Michael finished lotioning my body and stared down into my eyes. He gently caressed my face as tears slowly seeped from behind my lashes. Why are you proposing? Don’t do this. I can’t say yes. I can’t!
“I love you down to my very core. Regina Laniece Walker, will you marry me?” 
My throat closed up. I lay there in nothing but my birthday suit and I couldn’t summon the words to accept or decline. More and more tears fell from my eyes. I did love Michael. But I loved Drew too. But not in the same way. 
The next thing I knew, I was nodding frantically as Michael slid a five-carat, white gold, teardrop diamond engagement ring on my finger. The damn thing weighed my hand down so that it dropped onto the bed. This thing must have been at least 50K. 
Michael started kissing the tears from my face. He caressed my whole body, kissed my ring finger. We never made it to Ms. Antoinette’s. Good thing Kim rode with her mom after all.





Chapter 22
Kimberly
“I’m sorry.” I said to my mother. We stood outside of Kierra’s room. The doctor was doing some follow up stuff with her so that she can be discharged. She was in pain, but there was really no reason to keep her overnight.
“Kimberly, I just understand any of the stuff you said to me in there.” My mother said. 
“I don’t know, Mom. Sometimes that’s how it feels. You always take her side sometimes. You just do. I don’t know if it’s because she’s the youngest or if you truly see no wrong in her.”
“Kim, I know my children. Both of them. I know Kierra has her flaws, just like you. But I know I have to support my babies. I may not jump down her throat as you would like me to, but I discipline both of you.”
“But, Ma, you…” I trailed off. My argument was meaningless. I wasn’t saying my mother is a lost cause, but there’s no reason to push the situation. Kierra will always be pampered. That’s her problem. As long as my mother forgives me, I’m good. “I’m sorry for talking to you like that.”
“I know, baby. I’m sorry too. You’re a grown woman. If you want to swear, that’s your prerogative.”
“But I shouldn’t have disrespected you like that.”
“Forget about it.” She said. She drew me into her arms and kissed my hair. “I love you, baby.”
“I love you too, Mom.” I squeezed her tight. I love my mother. I know she’s going to be upset with me, because I have no intention of forgiving Kierra. 
“You all are coming over later, right?” My mother asked.
“Yes, everyone, but Charisse’s family will be there.”
“That’s good. We’ll do something better for New Year’s.”
I nodded. “I need to go check on someone. Okay, Mom?” 
My mom gave me a knowing look. “You’re going to go see that man that was involved in the accident with you all?” That wasn’t exactly a question, but more of a statement.
“Yes. I need to know that he’s alright. They told me that I can visit him. They said he asked for me.”
“Who is that man to you?”
“He’s a good friend.”
She nodded as if she understood.

I found Trent’s room and walked in without knocking. I gave him a weak smile as I walked in. He gave me a crooked grin. He was obviously pumped with drugs. He was shirtless and bandaged across him chest. 
“I was wondering when you’d show up.” He gave lazily. 
“They wouldn’t let me see you until you stabilized and was capable of taking visitors.”
“Well, I’m glad you’re here now. I thought you bailed on me.”
“I would never do that.” I said. I took his hand and he lazily squeezed it. I stroked his faded head with my other hand. “How are you feeling?”
“A hell of a lot better since you’re doing that.”
“What? Holding your hand and touching your head?”
“Just being here.”
I smiled at him. “How long are you going to be here in the hospital?”
“I don’t know. They ain’t telling me shit. I just know I ain’t going home tonight like you.”
I smiled. “What home?”
“You’re welcome to my house.”
“I know. Thank you.”
“No problem.”
I stared at him for a moment before continuing. “I’m sorry this happened. This is my fault and I’m just so sorry.”
“How is it your fault? You didn’t know that nigga was going to shoot.”
“Yeah, but you would have never been there if it wasn’t for me.”
“So what? I’m alive, ain’t i?”
“Thankfully,” I leaned down and kissed his forehead.
“Yeah, give me more of those.” He said with a grin. I kissed his forehead again and then covered his face in kisses. I kissed is lips briefly.
“I want to stay here with you for Christmas, but I promised my mom I’d go to here house. If you want, I’ll stay here with you. That’s the least I could do.”
“That’s the least you could do for what? You’re not responsible for any of this.”
“I feel like I am.” I said as tears threatened my sight.
Trent squeezed my hand. “Make yourself useful and give me another kiss.”
“Make myself useful?” I asked with playful annoyance. I managed to push my tears back.
“Yeah, woman, make yourself useful and kiss me.”
“You’re lucky you just got shot.” I said. I leaned down and sampled his lips. He kissed me sweetly yet sloppily. They drugs they gave him made his kisses seem uncoordinated, as if he didn’t know what he was doing. I knew from experience that he did in fact know what he was doing.
I heard someone clear their throat behind me so I quickly stood up. I turned around and came face to face with a light skinned woman. She was taller than me, like everyone was, at about 5’8”. She had short cropped haircut that mirrored Megan Good’s. It was black with blonde in her bang. She stared me down with one hand on her hip and her other hand connected to a toddler boy. 
I stared at the little boy who was probably about three or four. Oh no! He looked exactly like Trent. Big head and all!
“Trent, who’s your friend?” The woman asked Trent, but she stared right at me. She had green eyes that matched the child that was obviously her son just because of those eyes. Everything else about the little boy belonged to Trent.
“Evelyn, this is Kimberly. Kimberly, this is my ex-wife and friend, Evelyn. That little man is my son, Quinton.”
Ex-wife? Son? What? I held my composure even though this woman’s green eyes were staring into my soul. She obviously had a problem with my being here. She was the ex-wife so why is she upset with me.
I held out my hand to be polite. “Nice to meet you.” I said.
Evelyn looked at my hand as if I had offered her swine flu. She rolled her eyes at me and turned her attention to Trent. “Quinton, say hi to daddy.” She cooed to her son. I guess she was trying to stress that this child was Trent’s even though Trent had just said that.
I rolled my eyes at the chick and shook my head. I’m not about to come out of character for this rude trick. 
“Trent, I see you have your hands full. I’ll be here tomorrow to see you.” I said. The doctors also told me that it would be okay for me to see Dwayne tomorrow, but I wasn’t about to tell Trent that.
“Okay, Kim.” He said. He and his son were playing “hot hands” with one hand. He looked like he made a great father.
“Quinton, sweetie, stay with Daddy. Mommy’s going to go talk to Daddy’s little friend.”
Daddy’s little friend? Trick please.
I wasn’t about to embarrass myself in front of Trent to act a fool in front of his son so I followed the chick out of the hospital room.
“You got a lot of nerve coming in here like you aren’t the reason he’s laying up in that bed.” Evelyn spewed as soon as she shut Trent’s door to put us out of earshot.
“Excuse me?” I demanded. I heard what she said, but it was just one of those moments when you are giving the person a chance not to repeat themselves so I don’t have to deal with the drama.
“You heard me.” She snapped. “Because Trent was dumb enough to run behind you, some married woman, he’s laying up in that hospital bed fighting for his life. And now you’re in there, kissing all on him like that’s shit’s gravy. Naw, you need to stay the fuck away from Trent. He don’t need your drama anymore.”
“You know what, I know what the hell happened to Trent, okay? I understand that the shit that happened is because he was with me, but guess what? Trent’s alive and he damn sure ain’t fighting for his life. Don’t be so dramatic. And as far as staying the fuck away, that will only happen if Trent tells me that how he feels. I don’t care anything about what his ex-wife­ says. As far as I’m concerned, you two are divorced for a reason.”
I usually wasn’t one to publically make a scene or swear as much as I did just then, but if this woman thinks she’s just going to come at my neck, as Regina says, and I’m supposed to just let her, hell no! It’s not gonna happen.
“I am still the mother of his child. My son does not to grow up without his father, because Trent is too naïve to see that you are just using him to protect you from your crazy ass husband. Yeah, Trent told me everything. Now look what you did. Your crazy ass husband shot him. What if he would have died? Huh, what then?”
“But he didn’t I know there’s no way to make this seem okay. I already feel bad enough. I don’t know who you think you are to tell me to stay away from a good friend of mine, but it’s not gonna happen. I’m sorry, but I care about Trent too. I want nothing more than for him to be safe, and I’m so sorry for what happened to him because of me. But he is a grown man. As soon as he says he doesn’t want to be bothered with me anymore. I’ll go. But until then, get used to it.”
“I don’t care if you’ve been fucking Trent while I was away. If you need Trent to say it, fine, I’ll make it happen. I don’t know who you think you are that you think Trent is just going to keep risking his life for you. As soon as I explain to him that as long as he’s with you he won’t see his son, you’ll be right on your merry way.”
“You would seriously take a child away from his father because you don’t like who he’s with?” I asked her, shaking my head. 
“If I feel as though it’s putting my son in danger, yes I will. And if I have to explain the situation to another judge to get full custody, I will do just that. I’m already the primary caregiver.”
“You’re pitiful.” I said in all seriousness. She obviously wasn’t over Trent. She has much more problems with me than this.
“Bitch, you’re pitiful if you think you’re going to continue seeing Trent after this stunt you pulled. You’re pitiful, desperate, and a damn fool to think I’m going to let that shit happen.”
“Who are you calling a bitch? Out of respect for Trent, I’m trying to hold my tongue here, but please don’t get it twisted. You better watch yourself.”
Before she could respond, we heard the desperate cry of her little boy screaming for his father. We both rushed into the room to see Trent coughing up blood.
“Oh my God!” Evelyn and I gasped in unison. “Nurse! Nurse!” We both shouted to the woman in scrubs walking in our direction. 
The nurse ran into the room, pressed a button, and started doing stuff to Trent. A doctor and a few more nurses swarmed into the room. It was like a daze. The nurses were pushing us out while we were trying to see Trent.
“Ladies, you have to exit.” A nurse was saying as she pushed us. Quinton was crying in his mother’s arms and Evelyn was glaring at me once we were forced into the hallway.
“Stay the fuck away from Trent.” She said venomously. “Our family doesn’t need this.”
I wanted to say something. Anything at all that would make my point, but I had nothing. What can I say to that? She was right. His family didn’t need my drama, and I was selfish to even consider staying in his life to bring him more and more conflict. I simply lowered my head and walked away. Walked away from Trent forever. Chances are my drama will follow me for the rest of my life. Something tells me I’ll never rid myself of Dwayne. How can I after this? 
I walked down the hall, unconsciously going back to Kierra’s room until I ran dead smack into Michael, Regina’s boyfriend. I changed my path and following him back to Regina and Drew. I just wanted to go to my mother’s, crawl under the comforter of any bed, and sleep until everything is alright. Chances are I’ll be sleeping until the end of time.





Chapter 23
Charisse
I’m back at work. That’s good. After the drama of my alleged suicide attempt died down, everything got back to normal. Almost everything got back to normal. Robert came by the other day and took more clothes. All of his shoes are gone now, but he still has a lot of clothes at home. 
Today was most definitely the busiest day of this year for me. I don’t even know why I scheduled appointments for today. Tomorrow is New Year’s Eve so every woman and her momma were up in here today to get beautiful for the holiday. I had accepted twelve heads today and I did all of them beautifully I might add. The only thing I didn’t understand was that half the women that were here before Christmas were right back in her only a week later. I mean dang, your hair should last at least two weeks. 
 But, thankfully, the salon is closed. All my clients are gone, all my employees are gone. The only person left was me, doing my own hair in the mirror. I actually have my own hairdresser for times that I want a more detailed style that would be complicated for me to do on myself, but I only go to her for special occasions. If people knew about the stylist I went to when I was supposedly one of the best, people would rather go to her instead of me. Get it? The hairdresser that your hairdresser goes to is probably the better hairdresser, right? Well, not exactly in this situation, because Rochelle comes to me as I come to her, in secret.
I was just spraying my head with a little Spritz so the curls would hold when I heard the familiar sound of the classic bell chiming when the door opened. I turned, expecting to see some woman in a rush, begging for me to hook her up before New Year’s Eve, but I was pleasantly surprised by who I saw. My heart jumped and I smiled, but the smile faded when I saw the grim expression on his face.
“Hey,” I breathed with a smile. Despite his obvious distress, I was still happy to see him.
“Hey,” Robert repeated. He walked over to my station and stood directly in front of me. He pulled off his jacket and three it on Natalie’s chair. I stared at him, holding my breath. 
“What’s up?” I asked in a small voice. The way he pulled his coat off made me think of the times he would yank his shirt off before we made love.
“Can you do me a favor?” He asked me, still staring into my eyes. I wanted to hold him so bad and just gaze into his eyes.
“Anything,” I breathed honestly. I would do anything for him. Anything at all.
“Can you braid my hair? As you can see, my braids as crusty looking.” He said. 
“Oh, that’s all…” I said, trying not to sound disappointed. I stood up from my chair so he could sit down.
“What did you think I was gonna ask for?” 
“I don’t know, I guess.” I said.
It was my own fault. In my mind, I was thinking that he was going to ask me to take him home and make love to him. That’s the look that I saw in his eyes. I guess I was blinded by what was in my own heart. I guess I was getting my hopes up, wanting him to say something good for a change.
“You want anything special?” I asked him as I started taking out that old ass braids he’d been sporting. Had he not left home, I would have been doing his hair like I normally do and he wouldn’t have had to rock the same braids for so long.
“Naw, just braid it back. I know you don’t want to be here all day. I know you’re closed. You were about to go home right?”
“Yeah, but I don’t mind doing your hair.”
“Thanks. Just do it simple so you don’t have to stay here longer than necessary.” 
“I don’t mind staying here for years with you.” I whispered. 
Robert caught my eyes in the mirror and then looked away. I guess he heard me. I decided to change the subject to take the tension out of the room. I put a comb in his hands.
“If you want to make this quick, take out the braids from that side and I’ll do it from this side.” I told him.
He chuckled. “I guess I should have taken them out before I came. I’m used to you doing it all.”
I simply nodded. I don’t mind doing it all for him, but he obviously wanted to make this quick so I wasn’t about to make this uncomfortable for him.
It took almost forty minutes to get all the braids out of his head even with both of us working. Though, in those forty minutes, Robert had only taken out about four braids while I did about twenty.
“You’re hair needs washed.” I told him once we finished. “Come on.”
When we stood up, Robert pulled his Polo shirt off in one quick motion. My breath caught in my throat as I stared at that dark chocolate, hairy chest with those suckable chocolate chip nipples. I could just feel my panties melting off.
“What are you doing?” I managed to get out.
He looked utterly confused. “Aren’t you going to wash my hair?”
“Yeah, but….why did you take off your shirt?”
“Because when you wash my hair you always make me take my shirt off.”
“Yeah, when we’re at home and I’m washing your hair in the bathtub or sink. This is a salon. The washing stations have movable faucets so all you have to do is sit down and lean back and I’ll keep you dry.” Too bad the fantasies playing in my head about him are making me wet.
“Oh, well I was hot anyway.” He said with a laugh at his own mistake. 
No, you’re trying to make me hot.
“Come on, Robert.” I said like I was talking to a little kid. I led him to the shower station and put a smock on him. I should have done that in the first place. “Well, I never did your hair here at the salon. I always did yours at home.”
“That’s because we would make a show of bathing together and washing each other’s hair. The only time you washed my hair in the sink was when we were in a rush.”
I blushed and didn’t respond. The way he talked about us was like we were a distant memory of the past. If he hadn’t brought up such an intimate memory, I would probably have my feelings hurt.
I loving washed his hair. I say lovingly because I couldn’t help but play in it rather than do it like a professional hairdresser would. I couldn’t be professional. How could I when he was freaking flaunting his body in front of me. Okay, so he wasn’t really throwing himself at me, but he was all on display and all I wanted to do was reach out and touch him, stroke him, massage him, and caress him.
“Mmm,” Robert groaned so sexily as I massaged his scalp as I rinsed the conditioner out. “Damn, that feels good.” 
Eep! Honestly, why couldn’t he just shut the fuck up? I wasn’t mad at him or anything, but he just keeps saying and doing shit that is making me get the wrong idea. It shouldn’t be the wrong idea since we’re married, but Robert doesn’t want to be…
I hurriedly finished his hair and then put his fine as back in my chair. I broke out the hand dryer and dried his hair manually rather than out him under a dryer. It would go a lot faster that way. Once I finished drying, moisturizing, and greasing his hair, I went to work.
I was braiding for all of five minutes when he did it. Well, I’m not sure if he really did it or if it was just an accident, but he did it. He caressed my hip. That may seem like a little innocent act, but I felt him loving, sensuously caress my hip. When I quickly looked down at him, he conveniently moved his hand away before I could say anything. It sort of reminded me of the first time Robert and I made love at the salon I used to work at. He was touching on me then and I couldn’t stop myself from jumping on his fine ass. 
Nothing happened again for all of twenty minutes, I was moving rather quickly on his head so I was actually close to finishing.  It usually took me an hour to braid his hair, but I was more than halfway through and it only took about twenty-five minutes. Everything was cool, calm, until I tried to walk around his chair to get to the other side of his head. He purposely leaned forward so that my breasts rubbed across his face. His lips brushed across my sensitive nipple and I jumped back in shock. 
“Are you okay?” Robert asked me. He looked at me with an incredibly believable look of concern on his face. He was acting innocent knowing damn well what he did!
“Yeah, I’m good.” I answered. Fine, be that way!
I ran my fingertips caressingly across his neck as I moved to the other side of him. I continued to braid his hair with the same quick deftness that I was doing before. Every so often, I would walk back in front of his as if I were looking at his hair to be sure it looked good just so I could brush my breasts across his face. he seemed to catch on to my little game because every time I walked in front of him, he would lean forward to accept the touch and open his legs slightly wider so that I could move between them. At least that’s what I thought. I could be imagining everything and losing my damn mind. 
“All done,” I said, spinning his around to face the big mirror. I handed him a handheld mirror so he could see the back. I realized that he didn’t give a damn about the back, because it was simply straight back braids. I was just so used to the ritual for my normal clients who were all female.
“Good,” Robert said. He barely gave his hair a second glance. He reached into his pocket and pulled out his wallet. He opened it and stared at the bills inside. I squinted at him and waited to see what he would do. He looked like he couldn’t decide whether he should pay me or not.
“You know damn well you don’t need that.” I scolded him. He looked up at me and smiled. 
“I sort of figured that, but I wasn’t sure.” He admitted.
I swallowed once. I didn’t want him to leave unless he was coming home with me. He didn’t look like he was in any rush to get out of my chair. I smoothed the imaginary wrinkles out of my sweater dress, feeling uncomfortable in the silence.
The next thing I knew, Robert had yanked me into his arms and settled me between his legs. I was surprised, but pleased with his motion. He nuzzled his face into the crook of my neck, inhaling my perfume.
“I can’t believe you just stood there and teased me like that.” Robert murmured into my neck.
“You act like you didn’t start it.” I said with a small giggle. I cuddled close to him, feeling as though I couldn’t get close enough. Then I realized the problem. I took the smock off his body and relished the feel of his bare chest. If only I could get naked right here and right now.
He smirked. “Don’t act like you didn’t like it.”
“I didn’t. I loved it and I’ll admit it.” I said. 
Robert turned my head to face him and kissed me deeply. I sighed at the feel. He felt so good. I don’t understand why he was doing this now after he avoided me since Christmas, but I won’t complain. I’ll take this as long as I can have it.
“I love you.” I said, seemingly out of the blue.
Robert gazed into my eyes. “I love you more.”
“You can’t possibly love me more than I love you, but I get the point.” I said with a smiled.
“Why do you say that? Why can’t I love you more?”
“Because I love you to largest measurement there is. I don’t know what love is measured in, but I know I love you beyond the infinite number.” I snuggled into his chest. “I love you more than anything.”
“I feel the same way. These last few weeks have been hell. I never really realized how much it hurt to not be with you. I tried to play it tough, thinking I was doing the right thing by leaving you, but I can’t do it anymore. I love you so much, Charisse. Forgive me.”
“Forgive you for what? I’m the one that hurt you.” I said, looking at the floor instead of his eyes.
“Not as much as I hurt you. Had I acted like the man I was supposed to be and spend as much time as I can with you and our family, none of this would have happened.”
“You know that’s not true. We made vows and I broke them. We said for better or for worse. I had no business stepping out of our marriage because shit was in the worse stage.”
Robert touched my nose with his fingertip. “Watch your mouth.”
I giggled. “I’m sorry, Daddy.” I said sarcastically. 
“Mmm, I like that ‘Daddy’. Say it again.” 
I laughed out loud. I hadn’t said it that way to be sexy. I meant it in a smart way. “Yes, Daddy.” I said in my best, sexy, purring voice. 
“I like that. I’m gon make you say it more often.” Robert said as he sampled my lips.
“Can we go home? To our house?”
“Not yet,” Robert said. “I had some fantasies about making love to you in here ever since I bought it.” 
I giggled. “Why have you never mentioned it before?” I asked. 
“I don’t know, but I think it’s long overdue for us to christen this place.”
“I agree.” I murmured before I met his lips again for another toe-tingling kiss.
We kissed for a long time. Probably longer than we ever have. We had a straight up make out session and before long Robert had found a way to get my leggings and panties off before I could realize it. When his hand slipped between my legs, I damn sure realized it.
I gasped as he caressed me. I didn’t even have time to moan because he claimed my mouth in deep kisses as he stroked my womanhood. It’s been so freaking long!  I know I had about forty orgasms stored up inside me from lack of lovemaking in the last two and half weeks. It was even longer for Robert. He hadn’t had sex since we were speaking while I had sex with….I don’t want to talk about it.
When I had my first orgasm, I fell forward into Robert’s chest. He brought his dripping fingers to his mouth and sucked my juices off. Just watching the way he did that while briskly rubbing my clit out of the daze it was in made me come again. 
“Did you just…again?” Robert asked with a wide grin on his face. He was obviously turned on by the fact that I came again only second later. 
I met his lips hungrily, and tasted my honey in his mouth. Robert kissed me into a standing position and then put me in his seat. He dropped between my legs and looked up at me. 
“If you cumming like that just from me fingering you, you about to really get it.” Robert said as he grinned up at me from between my legs. I sucked in a deep breath to brace myself. 
“I’m ready.” I said like I was getting ready to skydive for the first time. 
“No, you’re not.” Robert said. Then he dived right in; literally. He nosed dived into my juicy, wetness and devoured me fully. 
I found myself squirming around in the chair, moaning and breathing hard. My toes tingled and my stomach fluttered. It felt like my clit was sending pleasure all over my entire body. I was pushing his head away and then pulling it back. I damn near gave him whiplash before he finally grabbed my wrists into his hands.
He grinned up at me, looking so cute with my wetness all over his face. “I about to strap you down.” He said as he released my wrists.
“That kind of turns me on.” I said with a grin of my own as I wiped sweat from my forehead.  
He smiled. “We’ll try it later.” 
“Looking forward to it,” 
We made love all over the salon. He put me up on the counter of my station and we made love standing up. We made love in my chair with it reclined all the way back. We made loved on the waiting chairs and on the floor. Then—unfortunately we had to drive our cars separately—we went home and made love all over the house. And we did take turns tying each other down with my scarves in the bedroom. We took a hot, shower together to wash away the sweat of our lovemaking and then went at it again. We finally passed out around four AM when we started at about nine o’ clock the previous night. 

“The water’s cold.” I whispered to Robert as he kissed my shoulders. We were in the bathtub, enjoying each other. We only slept for a few hours, but yet I felt rejuvenated and exhilarated. We decided to take a quick shower together that turned into a long bath and now the water was cold and we were all pruney. 
“Well, let some out and then add more hot water.” Robert suggested.
“No, we have to get out. I want to make the kids some breakfast before we go to Ms. Antoinette’s.” I said. I gave him a quick peck on the lips and tried to get up, but he hugged me around the waist and refused to let go.
“Come on, Robert. Let’s get out. We’re all shriveled.” I said. He ignored me and kissed my back. I felt an involuntary shiver go up my spine. 
“So what?” Robert said.
“Come on so we can go lotion each other up.” I said with a hint of seduction in my tone. I know that got his attention.
“Yeah, I was ready to get out anyway.” He said and I busted out laughing.”
We shared a towel and padded into the bedroom. After a sensual lotion-turned-massage session, we got dressed and went to the kitchen.
“Help me cook,” I said as I began taking out the breakfast essentials: eggs, milk, pancake mix, sausage, waffle maker, bacon, fruit, and flour.
“You want me to help?” Robert asked in disbelief. I grinned at him.
“Yes,” I said. “Come here.”
I poured the pancake ingredients into a bowl and grabbed a spoon. I put the spoon in Robert’s hand and told him to mix. I pressed myself against his back and held his hand and guided him as he mixed, not that he needed any help.
“See,” I murmured as I kissed his shoulder. “Cooking can be just as sensual as out baths.”
“Yeah, but I want to be in the back.” Robert said before flipping us around so that his strong chest was pressed against my back. I began grinding my ass against his manhood.
“I like you in the back better anyway.” I said. We sampled each other’s lips and then forced ourselves to focus on cooking. Otherwise, we won’t have time to eat breakfast before we have to leave.
It smells so bomb in here!” I heard Brianna exclaim as she walked into the kitchen after we finished cooking.
Robert and I quickly jumped out of passionate embrace as she walked in, but not fast enough that she didn’t see us. Robert had me sitting on the table as we kissed fervently. 
Robert and Brianna grinned at each other. Then Brianna turned and beamed at me. I smiled and blushed at her. 
“Aren’t you two cute!” She said and then burst out laughing. Robert and I laughed two.
“Good talk, sweetheart.” Robert said as he hugged his stepdaughter. “I was thinking about until I finally did what I did last night.” 
Brianna beamed proudly. “I’m glad you listened.” She said as if she were a grown woman.
“What talk?” I asked curiously.
“Dang, why you got to be so nosy, woman? This is between me and my stepdaughter.” Robert said with a false macho attitude.
“Oh, I’m woman now?” I asked with raised eyebrows, feigning as though he annoyed me.
“Yeah, you heard me.” Robert said, walking up on me. “What you gon do about it? Huh, nothing. You ain’t going do nothing.” 
He kept teasing me like that and poking me. I surprised both of us when I grabbed both his wrists and yanked them downward. I pressed my lips to his, kissing him until he shut up.
He laughed as he kissed me a few more times. “You only did that because you caught me off guard.” 
“Please,” I laughed, knowing he was right.
“Ahem,” Brianna cleared her throat. I giggled like a little girl. I forgot she was there. “I love that you two are so in love, but maybe you can dial it back. Just a little bit?” She asked, holding up her fingers in “a little bit” motion. 
“I’m sorry, sweetie.” I said with a laugh. “Go get your brother so we can eat.”
“Please, there’s food. He’ll be here in a second.” She said, snatching a piece of bacon and nibbling on it. Any other time I was saw something to her for eating before everyone was present, but right now I was on cloud nine.
As if on cue, Bobby ran into the kitchen. “Yes, breakfast!” He exclaimed as if he’s never eaten before in his entire life. Robert, Brianna, and I all laughed. 
“Dad!” He exclaimed when he saw his father. They did their dap each other up thing and then Bobby found a seat at the table. I was about to get a seat, but Robert made me sit on his lap, not that I was complaining.
“Obviously, he’s more interested in eggs he’s eaten everyday than me.” Robert said with feigned disappointment. We all laughed again when Bobby was too dissolved in his plate to even hear Robert.
Robert and I shared a plate and a fork, but we had the most fun playing with the whipped cream I had for the strawberry waffles. I love my children, but if Robert and I can be alone with this whipped cream…
After we ate, we all piled into Robert’s Navigator and headed to Ms. Antoinette’s.





Chapter 24
Regina
I’m not feeling this. I thought to myself as I sit on Ms. Antoinette’s couch, trying to focus on the television. Drew had the nerve to bring that chick here. No one said anything about bringing a date. Ms. Antoinette doesn’t even know Maya—no one does—and here Drew is, bringing her around the family. If I was considerate enough not to bring Michael, my fiancé, then he shouldn’t have brought that chick. 
Drew and Maya were cuddled up on the love seat, making out as they had been for the last thirty minutes or so. No one could possibly be that attracted to each other. Horny little bastards. Why don’t they just go somewhere and fuck and get it over with? No, because if they do that here, I’ll be even madder.
The front door burst open and Charisse, Robert, Brianna, and Bobby rushed in to get away from the snow. Yes! Finally something else to look at other than those two.
“Hello, everyone!” Charisse exclaimed as though she were greeting New York for a concert. I smiled. She was definitely happy today and I’m guessing it has something to do with Robert with his arms wrapped around her waist.
“Hey, guys.” I greeted them. I hugged my niece and nephew first, giving them kisses on the head and then Robert second. I saved Charisse for last so I could get the scoop. 
“Hey, Gina!” She said excitedly as we hugged. 
“Hey, girl.” I said, steering her away from Robert and into the kitchen. “So what is up with you and Robert?” 
“Everything is perfect!” She beamed. She lowered her voice as if someone may be listening in. “We made love all night and twice this morning.” She giggled. 
“That’s great. I’m glad everything worked out for you two.” I said thinking about Drew. He and I haven’t talked since that day at the hospital. I haven’t even told anyone about my engagement to Michael, not even Drew. Needless to say, Michael’s monstrous ring was tucked safely in my bra instead of on my finger. 
I watched as Ms. Antoinette attacked Charisse’s kids with kisses and hugs. Then Drew and WhatsHerFace walked in, instantly killing my mood. I just walked outside into the cold without my jacket. I love how he just flaunts his girlfriend in front of my face like I don’t have feelings. I don’t have feelings like that for him, but I still have feelings and he hurt mine.
I took out my cell phone and called Michael. He answered on the first ring. He’s been doing that a lot lately. I guess every time he sees my name on his screen, he immediately answers the phone, no matter what he’s doing.
“Hey, beautiful.” Michael chimed.
“Hey, baby.” I said. “What are you doing right now?”
“Well, nothing really. I don’t have anything to do until tonight.”
“Why don’t you come to Ms. Antoinette’s with me until then?”
“When are you going?”
“I’m already there.”
“Oh, well, I’ll come for you. Just give me directions.”
After I gave Michael the directions, I went back into the house. I was immediately disgusted when I saw Kimberly, Charisse, and Kierra all caught up in laughter at whatever Maya was saying. 
“I love it! Drew is so crazy!” Charisse laughed aloud.
“What’s so funny?” I asked as I settled into the only available chair at the kitchen table, right next to Maya.
“I was telling the ladies about my Christmas with Drew. It was hilarious. I set Drew up with a gay colleague of mine underneath the mistletoe at my company’s Christmas party. I made Drew kiss him and everything. He was so mad.”
All the ladies laughed except me. I simply nodded. “That’s cool.” 
“Girl, I love you two’s relationship and I love how you two keep setting each other up. Y’all are just so cute together.” Kim said. 
“Aren’t they? I’m surprised y’all are still boo-loving in the corner.” Kierra laughed. She looked good. Both she and Kim had a few bruises not completely covered by their makeup, but they definitely looked good.
Maya laughed. “I’m sorry about that. Drew just has a way of…how can I say this? He has a way of making me extremely horny.”Everyone but me laughed again. 
“Well, I’m serious about my birthday. Give me your number and you can take mine.” Charisse said, pulling her cellphone from her bra.
“Okay, girl, I’m serious too. I’d love to get it smacking for your B-day with you.” Maya said. She pulled her cellphone out and traded with Charisse. They exchanged numbers. “What are y’all doing? Partying? Clubbing? I’m down for whatever.”
“That’s what I’m talking ‘bout!” Kierra said as she and Maya high-fived.
How can Charisse just invite this chick to her party when she doesn’t even know her? Shaking my head…
Just then Drew and Ms. Antoinette walked into the room. Ms. Antoinette sat between her daughters while Drew immediately went to stand behind his girl. He wrapped his arms around her waist and buried his face in her hair. All I could to keep from throwing up was to look away and count the seconds for Michael to get here. 
“What y’all talking about?” Drew asked, still hanging on Maya’s clit like an obedient puppy.
“Risse was telling me about her party coming up. I can’t wait to get it smacking.”
Risse? Aren’t y’all chummy?
“Cool, you know I’ll be there. What you turning? Thirty-five?” Drew laughed.
“Anyway! I’ll be thirty years old and y’all know I look too good to be that old.” Charisse said as she flipped her bang. 
“That’s right, girl. I’m thirty and I’m loving it!” Maya squealed. She put her hand up and Charisse high-fived her. What is up with this chick and the high-fives?
“That’s real cute, but I swear you turned thirty last year.” Kim said with a laugh.
“Mind your business,” Charisse said and laughed. “I’ll turn thirty until my ass gets too low to pull it off.” 
We all laughed at that. “You look like you sagging now.” I laughed.
“Please, my ass has never been better. Just go ask your brother.” She said. She stood up, smacked her ass, and watched it jiggle.
“I don’t need to know nothing about my brother and your saggy booty.”
“My booty is not sagging so shut up!” She yelled at me.
“Then why you all mad then?” I laughed.
“Oh, Robert is your brother, Gina?” Maya asked me. Dumb bitch! Are you really a doctor? And who you calling Gina? You don’t know me.
“Yeah,” I said simply.
“Oh, that’s cute.” She turned to Charisse. “Did you get with Robert before or after you met Gina?”
“After. I met Robert through Regina.” Charisse answered.
“That’s so cute.” You just said that! I thought, rolling my eyes.
 “Ooh, baby!” Maya shrieked suddenly, she turned suddenly to Drew, smacking Charisse’s glass of sparkling grape juice across the table and onto herself and Drew. Clumsy bitch!
“Damn!” Drew groaned, pulling his wet, stained shirt away from his body. He got his with most of it. Maya only had a little splash on the bottom corner of her shirt. What a shame!
“Oh, damn, baby, I’m sorry!” She cooed as she tried to dab at the spot on his shirt with a paper towel. It was too late for that. I doubt the big spot over the stomach of his shirt will come out. 
“It’s cool, babe.” Drew murmured, but I could tell he was disappointed about his once crisp white shirt. 
“Drew, I have some shirts upstairs in the guest room for men that are about your size. Take that ne off and I’ll wash it.” Ms. Antoinette said. “It’s the last guest room, way at the end of the hall to the right. The shirts will be at the bottom of the closet in a big blue bin. Make sure you look in the blue bin and not the green one. It’s kind of dark in that closet.”
“Dang, what’s in the green bin?” He asked.
“Nothing, but more clothes, but for women. I’m just trying to save you the time. You know where to look?” She asked to confirm.
“I’ll show him. I know where they are, Ms. Antoinette.” I heard myself saying before the words registered in my mind. 
“Okay, sweetie.”
I actually didn’t know anything about any shirts in the last guest room. I actually had never even been in that guest room. Well, Ms. Antoinette’s directions were clear enough. I don’t even know why I volunteered to help when he didn’t even need it.
Drew followed me upstairs to the last guest room. I let him walk in before me and closed the door behind us. Why? I don’t know.
I went to the closet and dropped to my knees to search the blue basket. I felt his eyes on me. I kept my head in the closet found a decent looking T-shirt that looked about Drew’s size and handed it to him.
“Thanks,” He said curtly.
I waited a few seconds; we both did. We just stood there. It was very uncomfortable.
“Are you still mad at me?” I asked him.
“Regina, why would I be mad at you?” He asked almost sarcastically, but I wasn’t sure.
“You’re acting like you are.”
“I haven’t even said two words to you so how could i be acting like I’m mad?”
“Because you haven’t said two words to me!” I almost shouted. “Are you still mad over this relationship stuff?”
“This relationship stuff? Seriously, Regina? I told you I wanted to be with you and you just dropped me for that Michael nigga.”
“And here you are throwing your little girlfriend up in my face.”
“You better stop. You almost sound jealous.”
“Maybe I am.” I mumbled.
“What?”
I spoke louder. “Maybe I am jealous. How are you just gonna bring her to the hospital with you when you were coming to see me and then say you wanted me? What were you gonna do? Drop her as soon as said yes?”
“That’s exactly what I was gonna do.”
“Would you still do that?”
“Regina, don’t play games with me.”
“I’m not playing games with you.”
“Then why are you claiming to be jealous of Maya?”
“I’m not claiming anything. And I’m not jealous of her.”
“You just said you were!” 
“I said maybe.” I said, looking at the floor.
“Like I said, stop playing games with me.”
“I’m not. It’s just…I want to be with you, but I don’t want to want to be with you.”
“That doesn’t make any sense.”
“Yes, it does.”
“All I’m hearing is that you don’t want to be with me, but you don’t want anyone else to be with me either.”
That’s exactly right!
“It’s complicated, Drew.” I said.
“Un-complicate it.”
“I can’t. it’ll always be complicated.”
“Maybe it you would just tell me how you feel.”
“I just….it’s complicated.” I repeated.
Drew sighed. He walked a few feet away from me and started unbuttoning his shirt. I watched him carefully. He slipped out of the soiled white shirt and reached for the T-shirt I got for him. His smooth, hot, burnt sienna skin was rippling with muscles. His eight pack was strong and well-defined, begging for me to run my tongue across every line. His nipples were small and dark, challenging me to kiss them until they got hard. His jeans were nice and low, showing the defined V to the valley beneath. There’s something about that V on a man right below their belly button that turns me on. It made me wants to drop to my knees, trace the lines with my tongue and then sample the goods.
Then he put the shirt on and ruined my unholy, immoral, and extremely whorish examination of his delicious body. Then next thing I knew I was walking up on him. Our eyes met and locked. I could tell he saw something in my eyes, something delirious and foreign to him in me. 
I gripped the back of his neck and pulled him mouth on to mine. I kissed him deeply, roughing his tongue up with mine. 
“Regina, don’t play games with me.” He said, feebly pushing me away.
 Did I say feebly? The man didn’t even try and that was a welcome mat for me. I grabbed the hem of his shirt and lifted it over his head. I lowered my head to his chest and did everything I was imagining while he was taking his shirt off.
I started at his delicious nipples and then traced his entire chest and stomach with my tongue. I heard him moan. It cheered me on. I grabbed the waist band of his pants, trying to get them down without wasting the time of loosening his belt. Once his pants hit the floor, so did my knees. I knelt before him, licked every line of his V and then sampled the goods.
When I saw Drew was huge, I meant he was huge! I never was much of a deep throat because I never really sucked dick, with the exception of Michael every now and then and maybe one or two men from my past. I never really liked doing it, but I wanted to do it for Drew. He was special so he deserved special treatment.
 I heard him moan as he grabbed my hair. He pulled my head back, forcing my mouth off his hard, throbbing manhood. He made me looked straight up into his eyes.
“What are you doing?” He demanded. He almost sounded angry.
“I…” What am I doing? 
I decided to tell him the truth. “I want you. Even if it’s just this one time.” 
With that, I politely removed his hand from my sew-in tracks and went back to work. In my opinion, I sucked him off good. That’s how it sounded by the way he was moaning and groaning, trying to keep quiet. It was almost funny to watch the way his lip quivered and he begged and pleaded for me to slow down before he busted and nut and everyone heard him scream.
“Lock the door,” Drew commanded after a few minutes. I was doing some manipulative things to his balls which were tightening, letting me know that he was ready to bust.
“I’m not done yet.” I complained before taking him back into my mouth. I wanted him to cum. I wanted him to cum so bad it almost felt like I was pleading for my own orgasm. 
Drew let me be. His legs were shaking as I sucked him damn near to the base of his dick. I couldn’t do it; he was too big. I took as much as I could and handled the rest with my hand. 
“Regina, I’m about to..!”
“Shh,” I stopped him. I didn’t want anyone to hear us. Even though in the back of mind, I wanted Maya to walk in.
When Drew came, I did the unthinkable. I did something I would never, ever do for any other man, not even Michael. I swallowed his nut. I swear it was sweet too. 
I grinned up at Drew. I loved the satisfied look on his face. He looked down at me like I was the most spectacle sight he’d ever seen. I bet that bitch never swallowed his nut with her doctor ass! I doubt she can be a freak like me.
Drew pulled me to my feet and threw me on to the full sized bed. The bed was small for my tastes; I’m used to a queen or a king. But it will defiantly do for what I needed right now.
Drew covered my fully clothed body with his naked one. He kissed me like he was hungry. I love it. He slipped between my legs, pushing my dress up. I’m glad I decided to go without leggings or stockings. He peeled my soaked panties away from my hot womanhood and buried his face in them, smelling me. Then he buried his face in my womanhood. 
When Drew entered me without a condom, something no man has ever done with me, I knew this was how it’s supposed to be. Even though it will never be that way. Why? Because shit is just too damn complicated.

Drew and I walked downstairs, the walk of shame, thirty minutes later at separate times so we don’t look suspicious. I know I was blushing something serious when I walked into the kitchen even though it was empty now. Not even Ms. Antoinette was in there checking on the food. I hope we weren’t gone too long. 
“Babe, we had a very important conversation.” I heard Drew say as he walked into the kitchen with Maya on his arm. She looked at me with fire in her eyes. I fought the urge to roll my eyes at her. I can’t believe Drew is lying to that hoe. Just tell her we were making love. 
“Why couldn’t y’all talk down here?” She asked him with her naïve ass.
“Because we started talking upstairs and it was a private conversation.” He answered with his slick ass.
“You promise?” She asked. 
“Of course, baby.” Drew said.
Maya stood on her tippy-toes and kissed Drew on his lips. That’s my pussy you tasting, bitch!
Drew just pissed me the hell off with that shit. I can’t believe he just go lie like that. We made love and he knows it. How can he just come down here like it never happened? As of right now, I hate him and his ugly ass girlfriend.
When Maya and Drew broke their kiss, I walked over to them. I don’t know what I was doing, but I reached into my sweater dress pocket and pulled out the wet panties I was going to hide in my purse. 
“You forgot these, baby.” I whispered into Drew’s ear as I shoved the panties into his jeans’ pocket. I spoke loud enough that Maya heard me. I looked at her, smirked, and then turned on my heel to go about my business. 
“You fucking bitch!” She screeched and ran at me. 
I turned, ready to beat the shit out of that hoe, but Drew grabbed her around the waist and lifted her off her feet. She started kicking and scratching at Drew, trying to get at me.
“Calm down, baby. It’s not what you think.” Drew was spitting his bullshit. I was just standing there, waiting for that bitch to get free so I could rumble her ass.
“Get the fuck off me, Drew! I can’t believe you! I fucking knew it! I knew you two were too fucking close! Fuck you, Drew! I can’t believe you played me like that!” Maya was shouting. 
I rolled my eyes at her. The bitch was crying. You played your damn self. 
Charisse and Robert walked into the room, trying to find the source of the commotion. 
“What is going on?” Robert demanded. He looked from Drew and Maya to me. 
“That stupid bitch fucked my man upstairs!” Maya shouted. “Drew, get the hell of me!”
Charisse looked at me, Drew, and then focused on me. “Gina…? What is...?” She didn’t even know whether to ask or not. 
“That was fucked up, Regina!” Drew barked at me.
“Fuck you, Drew!” I spoke for the first time. “Then again, we just got finished doing that. You gon chose her over me?”
“Yes, bitch!” Maya snapped. 
“You already chose that other nigga over me.” Drew said solemnly.
“Will someone please explain what the fuck is going on?” Robert demanded.
“I’m leaving!” Maya said, pushing away from Drew. She threw me one more dirty look before turning and leaving through the back door so she didn’t have to go past me.
“Maya, hold up!” Drew called. He also gave me a dirty look before running after his girl.
I was left with Charisse and Robert staring at me. “Gina, what happened?” Charisse asked.
“Nothing,” I said. I tuned to leave, because I couldn’t stand the way she and my brother were looking at me. I walked dead smack into Michael. I inhaled sharply.
He stared down at me. His face was hard and his eyes matched. I don’t know how long he was standing there, but I know he’s heard enough to understand the situation.
“Michael…” I breathed.
“Please, don’t tell me you fucked him.” Michael said. I could tell by the look in his eyes that he already knew the answer to that.
“Baby, I—”
“Get the fuck out my face.” He snapped when he realized I wasn’t going to say no. he turned and tried to storm out. I let him leave the house, but I wasn’t letting him get back in his car. Just like Drew, I chased after my man.





Chapter 25
Kimberly
“How you doing?” I asked him as I touched the side of his face gently. He couldn’t hear me. He was in a medically induced coma. I just felt the urge to talk to him. 
Dr. Freidman wanted to talk to me today so here I am. I didn’t need to be in Dwayne’s room. I didn’t even need to see him for Dr. Freidman to tell me what he needs to tell me. I just wanted to. I was glad he was alive. I know I wished death on him when he was doing what he was doing to me, but I didn’t mean it. I swear I didn’t. 
“Happy New Years’, baby.” I continued. “This is so crazy.” I blinked as tears escaped my eyes as I thought about my next sentence. “It wasn’t too long ago that I was thinking you’d put me in a hospital bed instead of yourself.” 
A knock on the door startled me from my one-ended conversation. I turned to see Dr. Freidman.
“How are you today, Mrs. Boyde?” He asked me.
“I must admit, I was in a better mood before I had to walk into this depressing place.” I said as I wiped the tear that fell.
“It can be that way sometimes.” The doctor concurred. “But you won’t have to worry about that for Dwayne for much longer.”
I simply nodded because I didn’t know what else to say. The nod signaled the doctor to tell me what he wanted me for in the first place.
“Dwayne is in great condition.” Dr. Freidman said.
“How can you say that when you have in all drugged up to the point that he can’t function?” I demanded before I could hold back.
“It’s better than forcing him to endure the pain. The swelling in his brain peaked a few days ago, as I called you to let you know. It’s going down now, and in a few days we’ll be able to repair his skull.” He explained.
I swallowed. His choice of words got to me. Repair his skull. Those bandages on his head were covering nothing but brain.
“Once his skull is repaired, Dwayne will be perfectly fine. Well, of course not perfectly. It will be time for recovery.”
“Rehab?” I asked to confirm.
“Yes. He’ll need rehabilitation. Because we still have him in the comatose state, we are not fully aware of how much Dwayne has lost, but it will be considerably a lot.”
“So what will the rehab do for him?”
“As you already know, the left side for the brain controls the right side of his body, speech, vision, and language. Once he is ready for rehab, the doctors will assess the damage so to speak. Chances are, Dwayne will need to work on movement on the ride side of his body and learn and re-learn some things if not all of his language and speech.”
“He won’t be paralyzed on the right side of his body, will he?” I asked in fear for him. 
“We won’t know until he’s out of the coma, but I believe not. Though that doesn’t mean he’ll be perfectly fin eon his right side. He’ll probably still need rehabilitation for his right side.”
“How long will this take?”
“Every person is different. It will all depend on the way his body rebuilds the cells lost, but of course the brains cells that are gone, are gone forever. That’s why he’ll have to relearn some things.”
“But how long will it take for him to walk and talk on his own? I don’t want him to be a vegetable.”
“The way things are going he won’t be. This can take anywhere from six months of rehab to years at a time. It all depends on how your husband learns.”
“Dwayne’s always been hardheaded.” I murmured more to myself.
Dr. Freidman chuckled. “Well, if he’s determined, he’ll probably move fast.”
“I hope so.” 

After I finished talking with Dwayne’s doctor, I found myself wondering to Trent’s room. I know I decided to leave him and his family be, but I still wanted to at least say goodbye. When I turned to corner to get to Trent’s room, I saw him in a wheelchair with Evelyn pushing it. His son was walking alongside him, holding his hand. There was a nurse with them. He was being discharged. I wasn’t sure, but I hope the wheelchair was just hospital policy and he didn’t need it permanently.
“I can’t wait for you to see the Chriss-muss tree, daddy.” His son was saying. “Mommy said we could leave it up just so you could see it when you get out the hosp’tal.” He son sounded so cute the way he missed syllables in words.
“That’s great, man. I heard you decorated it with your cousin Jazz.” Trent said.
“Yep! But I did most of the work.” 
Trent and Evelyn laughed; even I cracked a chuckle as I watched them. “No, you just ordered everyone around.” Evelyn said with a laugh. They all laughed some more. 
“Don’t expect Daddy to get buck wild with you and all your new toys.” Evelyn warned. “Daddy has to take it easy for a while.”
“Please,” Trent snorted at the idea.
“Daddy’s stronger than Superman!” Quinton said excitedly.
“That’s right!” Trent agreed. He dapped his son up.
“Uh-huh, try that Superman stuff and you’ll be by yourself in your house. Quinton and I will be kicking it at my place.” Evelyn said. 
I stopped myself from the jealous feeling I got. Trent needs someone to stay with him right now. Obviously, it can’t be me.
“Last I time checked, you loved Superman.” Trent chuckled. I watched as he smacked her butt.
“You must not have checked in a while.” Evelyn said. 
“Okay,” Trent said as if he knew she was lying. When they turned the corner from the long corridor, out of my sight, I decided not to say goodbye to Trent. 
His family was beautiful, ex-wife or not. It was obvious that he and she were still close. I wouldn’t even think to mess with that. Not with that handsome little boy in the picture.
For right now, I’m going to focus on Dwayne’ health. Even though I want out of this marriage, I want to make sure he’s capable of living his life without me or someone else talking care of him.





Chapter 26
Charisse
I sighed as I walked out of the kitchen and into the family room to check on my kids. I have no idea what drama Regina has going on with herself and Drew, but I’m going to keep my distance. That’s my girl and I love her to death, but something tells me this is personal and I should not get involved.
I knew I shouldn’t, but I couldn’t help myself. I grabbed my purse and went upstairs to the bathroom. I fished into my purse for my little bottle. Once I found it, I was careful to take only two pills out the bottle. I didn’t want a repeat of what happened on Christmas Eve.
I was just about to put the pills in my mouth when knock on the door startled me. I quickly shoved the bottle into the bottom of my purse and out the two pills I had in my back pocket.
 "One second!” I called. Moments later, after my heart rate returned to normal, I damn near yanked the door open.
Robert was standing there with his arm crossed over his chest as if he were upset. He walked into the bathroom, pushing me so that I stayed in there instead of running out like I wanted to. 
“Baby…” He sighed, sounding disappointed. 
“Robert, what’s wrong?” I asked him. 
“Don’t play me like that. What are you in here doing?” He demanded. He didn’t yell at me, but I heard the severity in his voice.
“Peeing,” I lied matter-of-factly.
“Then why didn’t you flush?”
“I was about to.” I lied again. I reached over and flushed the unused toilet. Good thing the lid was down. “Watch out so I can wash my hands.” I added so it would be believable.
Robert stepped out my way and allowed me to wash my hands even though he knew and I knew I didn’t need to. Robert sighed deeply as he watched me in the mirror.
“Baby, I know you like the back of my hand. We talked about this.” He continued.
“Talked about what, Robert?” I asked, sounding annoyed even though I didn’t mean to.
“Those damn pills,”
“I didn’t—“
“Don’t even lie, Charisse. As soon as I saw you grab your purse to go to the bathroom, I knew what you were doing.”
“What was I doing, Robert?” I demanded, folding my arms across my breasts. I tried to look annoyed and confused rather than guilty and disappointed in myself.
“Don’t start. If we’re going to make our marriage work, you’re not going to stand and tell me boldfaced lies. You know damn well you were about to take some damn Valiums. You know it so don’t lie.”
“Robert—”
“No, Charisse. Why are you still talking those pills? You almost killed yourself just last week.” 
“I need them.”
“Don’t you tell that boldfaced lie. You don’t need that shit. What those pills gonna do for you?”
“Robert, they help me. That’s it. I don’t want to talk about it anymore.” I tried to push past him to get out of the tight bathroom, but he stood in front of the door. “Please let me out, Robert.”
“No, Charisse. You’re going to talk to me. And you’re going to give me those pills.”
“Robert, I can’t! I need them!” I shouted at him, regretting it as soon as I did. I sounded like a junky.
“Baby, you don’t need those if you got me. Why you depending on some damn pills to get you through the day when you can depend on me?”
“Robert, it’s not that I’m not depending on you, because I am. All those days that you were gone, I realized that I can’t get through my life without you. The pills are just…I get really stressed. They keep me calm.”
“Baby, but you don’t need them. Not to mention that they’re not even prescribed to you. That’s illegal.”
“It’s not that serious, Robert.”
“It is when you damn near killed yourself on Christmas Eve because of them.”
“That was a mistake and a complete accident.”
“But it would have never happened if you hadn’t been taking those pills.”
“I know, Robert.” I admitted. I looked down at the floor. I wanted to look at anything other than his eyes. “I want to stop, but every time I try, I just find another reason to need them. I’m sorry, but I’m like...” I didn’t know what else to say. 
“I know shit gets tough, baby. I of all people know that, but we got to depend on each other. I’m your husband. Look at us, we damn near killed each other by the way we hurt each other with this whole divorce mess, but we’re fine now. We fixed it. We’re still together and I’ll say we’re even stronger.”
“I know, Robert. That’s why I am so happy you came home. I need you so much.”
“I know, baby. But I need you to stop needing these pills. I’m right here. Whenever you feel stressed, down, or like you’re about to have one of your renowned panic attacks, just come to me. I’ll take care of you. That’s all I wanna do is take care of you.”
“I love you, Robert.” I whispered. I enveloped myself in his arms and pressed myself to his chest. “I love you so much, baby.”
“I know, babe. I love you too. Now give me those pills. You don’t need that shit anymore. You got me.”
I nodded. I pried myself away from him and searched my purse for the little orange bottle. Once I found it, I pressed it into his palm and he squeezed his fingers over it. 
Robert opened the bottle and lifted the toilet seat. “You ready to only depend on me?” He asked me, staring into my eyes.
“Yes, baby. Just dump them.” And he did. He turned the bottle upside down and let the pills fall into the blue water. 
I flushed the toilet and we ceremoniously watched them go down. That’s the last of them. My entire stash. There’ll be no more illegal transactions with the prescription drug dealer I dealt with. This is it. I wrapped my arms around Robert and looked up at him. I kissed him on his lips.
“I love and need only you. Those pills mean nothing to me. Not like you do.” I told him.
“I know,” He said. He kissed me, deeper and deeper. The next thing I knew, he had me sitting up on the sink with my legs spread and stood between them.
Then Robert showed me exactly what I needed to depend on. I must say, this was a way better stress reliever. 

Robert and I walked downstairs twenty-five minutes later still entangled in each other’s embrace and wearing huge smiles. I know Robert was happy I let him get rid of the pills for the last time and I know he trusted me not to use them again. I was happy because I knew I didn’t need them. All I need is my man, my daughter, and my son. With all that, I’m good.
“At eleven forty-five, you meet me at the back upstairs, okay?” Robert reminded me.
“Yep, and we’ll bring in the New Year the best way we know how, right?” I asked him hopefully. I know he was insuring that we kissed at midnight, but I wanted to more than that. By midnight, everyone will be watching the ball drop down in the family room while Robert and I will be making love up in the guest room. The perfect plan.
“That’s right.” Robert said, before slipping me the tongue. 
I had to push him away because he made me breathless. “Save some for tonight.” I remarked.
“I don’t think I can wait. How about we make love until midnight instead of at midnight.” Robert suggested.
“No, let’s try to spend some time with everyone. We’ve been lost in each other since we got here.”
“Ain’t nothing wrong with that.”
“Sure ain’t.” I wrapped myself in Robert again and we commenced our make out session. 
I had him pressed against the wall, losing my tongue in the back of his throat when Brianna cleared her throat. Once again, we separated, blushing. She looked distressed when I looked at her.
“Sweetheart, what’s wrong?” I asked her. She looked like she was on the verge of tears.
“I took this from Kierra’s bag…” She said. From behind her back, she pulled a pregnancy test stick, obviously used.
“Ew, you touched that thing?” Robert asked her in disgust. “If she’s pregnant, you didn’t have to go through her stuff. That’s her business. And that’s none of—”
She cut him off. “No, I took the test from her, but I used it.” She burst into tears. “Mommy, I’m pregnant!” She cried. 
“What?!” Robert and I demanded in unison.
“I…I can’t believe this…happened…I…didn’t…” She sobbed and I couldn’t stand to listen to her. I was so angry with her, so disappointed. I wanted to slap her something serious, but what would that do? The damage is done. My little girl got pregnant over a year in age than I did.
“Mom, I…”
“I asked you if you were having sex with that boy and you told me no. you lied to me, Brianna. I can’t even look at you right now. You don’t even realized what you’ve done. You’re fourteen. You’re twelve days away from being fifteen. I can’t believe this.” 
I felt so lightheaded. I felt like I was about to faint. I half ran away from Robert and Brianna. I just needed to escape for a moment. Even though there’s no escaping it now. And abortion is completely out of the question. My little girl is pregnant. That little Mack Daddy wannabe better watch his back. Once I reached Robert’s car, I used my spare key form my ring to get inside. I didn’t start the engine or even attempt to drive away. I just sat in the drivers’ seat and reached into my pocket. I obtained the two pills I had stuffed in there when Robert had knocked on the door. I picked the fuzz from them from the dust bunnies that had been in my pocket and popped the pills. I closed my eyes and leaned back against the headrest. 
If it’s not one thing, it’s another. Everything was so perfect for all of nine hours. I had my man back. I had my daughter back. Now this. How can Brianna make the same mistake I made after I told her time and time again about having sex at such a young age? I always thought she’d be different. She even said she wouldn’t be like me. This is one trait I did not want to pass down to my children.
Chapter 27
Regina
“Regina, what the fuck do you want? Huh? How you gon do me like that?” Michael demanded when he finally stopped to talk to me.
“I’m so sorry. I don’t know what came over me.” I said. I was crying, but I still wasn’t sure if the tears were for Michael or not. Part of me was more hurt by the way Drew just ran after that hoe instead of being there for me. 
“I know what it was. I knew something was going on with y’all two. I said that shit, but you said y’all was just friends.”
“We are just friends. We’re not even that anymore. This was a onetime thing. I don’t know how it happened.” I lied. I know exactly how it happened, because I caused it. I’m the one that initiated the sex and I stopped Drew from stopping it.
“Why did you except my ring if you were gon do this? Why would you say yes knowing you had feelings for him?” Michael demanded.
“I don’t know!” I admitted. “I care about both of you. But none of that matters, because Drew doesn’t give a shit about me and you’re running out on me.”
“Don’t try to act so hurt in this, Regina. Why shouldn’t I run out on you? Do you even love me?”
I didn’t respond, because honestly I didn’t. I like him and I cared about him dearly, but it wasn’t love. When I accepted his ring, I guess I assumed it would become love, but now I’m not so sure. 
Michael suddenly looked at my left hand. “Where the fuck is my ring, Regina? You gon take my shit off so you can go fuck another nigga?”
“No, I…” I didn’t know what else to say. I took the ring off because I wasn’t ready to let everyone know I was engaged. Most importantly, I wasn’t’ ready to tell Drew. I know Michael wouldn’t understand that.
I reached into my bra and pulled the big ring out. Michael took it from me. “You don’t love me, do you?” He asked solemnly.
“I’m sorry I led you on like this. I honestly thought I could be with you, because I care about you so much, but…I was just fooling myself.” I cried. “I love Drew. I do love him, but…it’s too late.”
Michael just stared at me. “Well, I hope shit works out for you. Even though you completely disregarded my feelings.”
“Michael, I’m so sorry.”
“Me too. I truly believed you were the one for me, but obviously you don’t think that. I can’t make you love me.”
“I’m sorry.” I said again.
“Whatever. You take care, Regina.” Michael said, turning his back on me, just like Drew. I watched him go to his car and climb in. I watched him drive off. As soon as he did, Drew emerged from the front porch as if he were waiting for Michael to leave.
“Where’s Maya?” I asked as if I truly cared.
“Gone. She said she’s done with me. I see Michael said the same shit to you.” Drew said cruelly. He was obviously upset with me.
“Drew, I love you.” I said. To my surprise and dismay, Drew burst into laughter.
“Spare me, Regina. You play too many fucking games. It’s like you enjoy playing with a nigga’s heart. You didn’t even say you accepted Micheal’s proposal. You accepted and knew damn well you didn’t love him ass.”
“That’s because I love you.”
“No, you don’t, Regina. You—”
“How can you say that? I do love you and you love me.”
“I don’t think you do. I think you just love playing games. I told you I wanted you and you said you didn’t want me. Then you said you needed more time. Then you get engaged to another nigga. Then, when shit is going good for me, here you come to fuck shit up. Here you come to fuck me and then fuck up my relationship with Maya. Now Micheal’s gone and you’re right back here to me. No, Regina. You ain’t playing me anymore.”
“I’m not, Drew! I really love you. This has to be for a reason. Forget about Michael and Maya. Forget both of them, because we don’t love them. We love each other.”
Drew swallowed. “I don’t want us to be friends anymore.” He said.
“What? No, Drew, you don’t mean that.” 
“I do. I can’t pretend to be your friend anymore, knowing how I feel. And I also can’t be in a relationship with you just so you can string me along like you’ve been doing and like you just did Michael. It’ll be best for both of us if we just let the past go.”
“Drew, I do love you. Believe me.”
“I do believe you. I just also believe that you can’t love me properly. You have more problems that you let on. I can see that.”
“Then help me, Drew.”
“I can’t. It’s beyond me. You have to deal with your own demons.”
“Drew, don’t—”
“Let’s just forget about it, Regina.” 
“I can’t.”
“You will. I love you, but…that’s obviously not enough. You bring to much drama and indecisiveness.”
When Drew walked away from and hopped into his Range Rover, I felt my heart shatter into a million pieces. I can’t even say I understand and respect his decision because I don’t. I don't understand it one bit. How can he be so in love with me yet walk away because of some dumb bitch he’s been dating for only a couple months. I know I was acting iffy in the beginning, but I made up my mind now. I love Drew. And I refuse to let him go as a friend and a love for no reason at all. I don’t care what nobody says, love is always enough.

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First and foremost, I thank God for granting me with the will and time to write this. I want to thank him for the talent, but let's not get cocky. I hope you enjoyed reading my first novel as much as I enjoyed writing it. I know a lot of author say that and it’s become quite the cliché, but it’s true. An author loves nothing more than knowing her readers loved their work as much as she enjoyed writing it. When I released the preview, I got a lot of good reviews and quite a few bad ones also, but I hope the full and finished product is good enough for all the people who gave me the great reviews and those who pushed me to finish this novel. Sometimes Love Isn’t Enough will be the first in a new series I look forward to writing. Please don’t forget to rate and review, I love reading what people think, whether positive or negative. I truly pray you enjoyed it. All glory, honor, and praise go to God. I wouldn’t have finished this without Him. 
Until next time, 
India Jade Smith