The Nocturnal Voice Jeffrey Miska Vol. #3 of the “Sessions Series” Published by Jewimi Book Publishers Copyright 2012 To find other stories and works by Jeffrey Miska, visit his website http://timespirits.com/ or you may visit http://www.smashwords.com/profile/view/CVJumper Smashwords Edition, License Notes Thank you for downloading this free eBook. Although this is a free book, it remains the copyrighted property of the author, and may not be reproduced, copied and distributed for commercial or non-commercial purposes. If you enjoyed this book, please encourage your friends to download their own copy at Smashwords.com, where they can also discover other works by this author. Thank you for your support. *** Chapter 1 - Synchronicity Daryl sat confidently in the corner of the room. He purposefully cocked his head to one side to appear disinterested in life and sat with his left leg propped over his right knee. The unconscious movement of his foot in an almost rhythmic bounce showed the true discontent with his surroundings. A small professionally dressed woman almost reptilian in appearance, sat across the room reading some documents and making occasional notes on a pad of paper. She was one of the staff psychologists and facilitators of the group therapy sessions at the Brish Mental Hospital. Daryl began to play with the hem of his pants as his foot continued to move. Suddenly, his detachment with the moment was interrupted when he looked up to see a young girl about his age walk into the room. She had pale skin, dark eyes and long dark hair. She looked up to make eye contact only briefly as she became aware of his presence in the room. His gaze was immediately drawn to the image of a masterfully drawn black dragon tattooed on her upper arm. That was also the moment it happened. He heard the voice. It wasn’t unusual, for it was the voice that spoke to him in his head. Without warning, Daryl sat straight up in his seat and directed a command to the young girl. "Hey, look out!" The words startled her and she looked up to make eye contact with him at almost the same moment she brushed her leg against one of the upholstered chairs in the room. A short shriek of pain and an involuntary movement of her hand to her leg made it clear something had happened. A small fabric staple had apparently come loose from the chairs upholstery, and had gouged a decent size cut into her leg. The woman in the corner of the room after seeing some blood on the girls hand, leapt out of her chair and began to direct the moment. “Oh my god Ali, are you OK? What happened?” She could immediately see the staple that did the damage and pushed the chair against the wall of the room saying. “I’m sorry that happened. I’ll get someone in maintenance to get that fixed. We also need to get that looked at and do an injury report.” Ali snapped her head up from looking attentively at her leg and spoke. “No way, are you fucking kidding me? It’s a scratch, I didn’t lose a limb! Just hand me a Kleenex and some scotch tape and we can go on with our productive days.” The therapist smiled and shook her head saying, “I know. It may not be a big deal to you, but the hospital needs to make a big deal over issues and occurrences that cause patients injury.” Daryl now walking over toward Ali with some Kleenex in his hand chuckled saying, “Wow seriously? A scratched leg calls for immediate action, but having to take anti-psychotic meds that may cause tremors and sudden death are alright. Now who can pick out the real Psychotic people in this place?” Ali looked up at Daryl taking the tissues from his hand. Smiling in a shy but warm way, she said thank you for the Kleenex. She also admired the way he commented on the obvious gap of logic in this moment. The therapist however, other than thanking Daryl for the tissue, showed absolutely no emotion. She then asked, “Ali, feeling up to being a part of group today? We can get that looked at after if you wish to wait.” Ali rolled her eyes saying, “Really, I don’t care, it’s just a scratch.” Daryl now returning to his seat made another remark, “Do we have any people in group today with a fear of blood? Ali could be their go to girl for exposure therapy.” Ali now grinned ear to ear and walked over to sit in the chair nearest to Daryl. She folded over the Kleenex and held it over the scratch again. Daryl said, “Sorry I didn’t warn you soon enough. Sometimes that’s the way it goes.” Ali still looking at the scratch replied, “That’s ok, it’s really not a big deal”. She sat for a moment thinking and then remarked, “Hey wait, did you see the staple sticking out or something? I could swear it was me hitting the chair with my leg that caused it to bend back like that.” Daryl thought for a moment and replied, “Well…no I didn’t see it, I was just. I had this feeling that something bad…” He stopped talking as two more participants from group therapy walked in the and took places around the room. Daryl nodded a greeting to a young man who he obviously knew. He looked at Ali again and said, “I’ll tell you about it later alright?” She nodded feeling a bit confused but really didn’t think much of it. Odd behavior and unique events were viewed as ordinary and mundane in this place. The group session began normally and the participants were all encouraged to talk about the challenges that they were having in their lives. As each person in the group became more relaxed with the others in the room, it became clear what type of psychosis or act of irrational behavior had ultimately placed them in this undesirable place. Even though they were temporary residents the locked doors and iron clad rules made the feelings of being a prisoner immutable. When it was Ali’s turn to share her thoughts, Daryl became aware of why she was in the hospital. She attempted an all too common act of desperation by attempting suicide with the use of prescription drugs. Listening to her describe all of the tragic events that led up to the present day made Daryl feel deeply sorry for her. She’d lost two siblings and her closest friend to untimely deaths in a very short period of time. In many ways, her dark description of feeling painfully isolated made it clear how alone she really was, and it was a feeling that Daryl could relate to with perfect clarity. It described him in many ways as well. Usually the facilitator didn’t work to involve Daryl in discussions because of his past track record of staying rather neutral and detached in his answers. Today however, she asked if he would like to add anything to the discussion and was surprised to see him nod yes. He leaned back in his chair and looked over at Ali with a quick almost unnoticeable glance before speaking. “I guess I just want to say how much I get what Ali was saying about how it feels like we’re on our own. It fucking sucks to feel like you’re alone in this world and I know because I feel like that all the time, you know?” The facilitator nodded and said, “It takes courage to admit that. Are you willing to share what types of things happen to make you feel that way?” Daryl smiled at her and replied, “Sure I’ll share anything you ask me to, but you may not like what I have to say. That happens sometimes when I start to talk.” The facilitator nodded with an encouraging expression and said, “Just say what’s on your mind. As long as it’s respectful to the others in the group, you can say whatever you wish.” Out of the corner of his eye, Daryl could see that Ali was looking at him and waiting to hear what he would say. He thought for a moment and spoke, “Well it’s not just one thing that makes a person feel like they’re alone. It’s a lot of things that all stack up and bury you. The most obvious one is when you really want to talk about something that’s bothering you, but there’s no one there to talk to or trust enough to confide in them. I know it seems obvious that if you’re alone, you would feel lonely and that would be it, but that’s not the whole picture. I also feel alone when I’m surrounded by people. The reason is, for the most part people don’t connect to one another at all. Most of them present you with a stylized fantasy of the image that they have of themselves. They show off this generic mask that they want everyone to believe is their true self instead of the dream image it really is. I feel lonely talking to people that think that plastic image is really who they are. I mean they really, truly believe it.” Daryl looked over at Ali and then made brief eye contact with everyone in the room with the exception of the facilitator. “How can you feel connected to people and share your deepest secrets when the majority of them are too terrified to look inside of themselves? Too fucking scared to walk blind, hands out in front just grasping at the dark places in their mind where the shadows live. It’s a scary place, I know. I also know that if you get lost there, you may not walk back out into the daylight again for a long time.” He took a deep breath and looked at the facilitator. “I also can’t connect to people who live in fear of questioning their own beliefs. Whether it has to do with God or blind hatred is irrelevant. They have such vacant infantile minds, those two words sometimes hold the same meaning for them. They reject all knowledge or truth no matter how irrefutable the facts are that prove them. I know it’s because of fear and I get why they do it, don’t get me wrong. They think that if they begin to reason, they’ll suddenly have to see the universe and the people in it for what they really are. A mystery with no answers and no roadmap. As Daryl stopped speaking, the group was in utter silence. He chuckled slightly looking at the eyes transfixed on him from everyone in the room. Shaking his head he said, “Now you see why I stay quiet about my opinions on life? I kind of rant about it.” He shrugged his shoulders and looked at Ali again. She just gave him a warm smile and shrugged her shoulders in almost the same way. Daryl now spoke directly to the facilitator slightly lowering his voice to a quiet and almost peaceful tone. He said, “Your question was, “What makes me feel alone in this world? The truth is, I am alone in this world! We are all “alone” in this world and that is the reality of the human experience. I found out years back that the trick in life isn’t to stop feeling alone.” As he paused and sat quietly in his chair, Ali leaned forward and looked at Daryl with slightly timid eyes. She asked, “So if the trick isn’t to stop feeling alone, then what is it?” He turned to look at her, smiled warmly and spoke in a confident tone. “The trick is not minding.” As he finished speaking, the facilitator made some comments and tried to link some points and commonality of Daryl’s statements to the others in the room, and began to ask for some additional feedback from the group. Her words were lost to the ears of Ali who found herself completely intrigued with Daryl. She was impressed by his ability to speak so intelligently and sensibly, and was trying to figure out what condition plagued his mind so profoundly, that he ended up here. The group session soon came to a close and everyone stood up to exit the room and walk to the next activity in their very structured day. As Ali stretched her arms and stood up Daryl asked, “So are you ok?” She looked down at her leg and said, “Of course, my leg is fine.” Daryl shook his head and said, “No, I can see that. I asked if “you” are ok?” She nodded with a half smile and rolled her eyes. “So where are you off to next?” she asked. He replied, “Just my daily morning brunch with the candy man.” Ali cocked her head looking confused. Daryl replied, “I mean the Psychiatrist, you know, the one who gives out all of the pretty pills and potions. I’m sure you’ve met the candy man.” A voice from across the room said, “Daryl, Ali? Group is over now, let’s move along to your next activity OK?” Daryl smiled at Ali and said “See you later.” and walked through the door and out into the hall. Ali grinned as she heard him whistle a song that she immediately recognized from her childhood called “The Candy Man”. As Ali left the room, she knew she didn’t have anything else on her agenda for at least an hour. Downtime could be spent pretty much however you wanted to spend it, but they did not allow you to go back to your room and isolate yourself. Being with other people or doing creative and social activities was the method of intensive behavioral therapy that worked to break negative cycles of thinking. Since she wasn’t feeling particularly creative, she chose to sit down in the day room. The day room was purposefully bright and inviting and she thought it might distract her considering her current situation in life. Taking a seat near the window, she leaned back into the large cushions a soft chair. The sun on her skin felt warm and comforting and it was really very peaceful for the moment. That peace was broken shortly afterward by the sound of someone yelling at the top of their lungs from down the hall. It was clear that there was some other incident in progress between a patient and the staff. It ended rather quickly and then became quiet again. Ali once again looked out the large window at the green trees and relaxed in the nourishing warm light of the sun. Ten minutes had passed, and she could hear the sound of someone who walked behind her and took a seat close by. She barely lifted one of her eyelids to discretely see who it was, and was surprised and pleased to see Daryl sitting next to her. His hands were clasped and folded across his stomach, and his head was back with his eyes closed. She said, “Well hello, was the candy store closed? That was a quick visit?” He nodded and replied, “No, they were open for business. By the way, I didn’t mean to sneak up on you, but I thought sitting down and letting you find me was better than scaring the shit out of you. If you want to be alone though, that’s cool, I can always go freak out the nurse by staring at her.” Ali gave him a warm smile and said, “No, I was just hanging out. Good choice not to surprise me. I’ve always been jumpy like that and probably would have screamed. So did the candy man give you anything good?” He chuckled and said, “Oh yeah! He hooked me up with a kilo of Alabama Kush and a case Dove Bars. Are you in?” Ali laughed and leaned closer to him saying, “You have no idea how much I wish you were telling me the truth. I would be your best friend the rest of the week!” Daryl grinned, sat up straight in his hair and said, “Well now I wish I was telling the truth too. In reality, all I got today was the cold stare, scripted nods and usual bullshit questions. I used to try to break the monotony by joking around with the shrinks. One time I said I was afraid to go back to my room because there was a dragon egg on my pillow that was about to hatch and I was worried about the mother coming back to retrieve her baby.” Ali smiled looking at him with the anticipation that he would soon say he was kidding, but after a few seconds, she realized he wasn’t because he shook his head and said, “Not a good idea.” She laughed and said, “I could see that might be a bit out of place in that setting. What did they say to you?” Daryl rolled his eyes and replied, “As expected, the doctor maintained an even strain. She asked if I would be willing to take her back to my room and show her the egg.” He rolled his eyes and added, “That’s when I realized that humor in this place is pointless with many of the staff. Not all of them, but most. I figure I’m better off showing my personality to only those people who appreciate it. Hopefully I’ll find a few of those people someday.” Ali looked down and spoke shyly saying, “I appreciate it.” Happy and a bit embarrassed by her comment, he blushed slightly and said, “Thanks.” Yet in the moment of awkward silence that followed, he felt a bit anxious not knowing what to say next. Then he remembered something from earlier in the day. “Oh, speaking of dragon eggs, or dragons I should say. I meant to tell you, I really like your dragon tattoo, it’s beautiful.” She smiled, turned in the chair and pulled her sleeve higher so he could see it more clearly. She said, “Really, you like it? Thanks. It’s the only tattoo I have but it’s really special to me. I guess it kind of represents me, sort of like a self image that makes me feel stronger when I look at it. It’s…well I’m mean...not really me but…Wow that must have sounded messed up and weird to you right?” Daryl began to grin and then broke into a full out laugh for a moment. He said, “Seriously? Do you actually think that anything you could possibly say or do in this place would make me see you as weird, or twisted?” Ali shrugged her shoulders and frowned saying, “Ok, well I guess I see your point.” Daryl could see that she wasn’t seeing the humor in his last comment and said, “Ali, I hope you know I wasn’t trying to make you feel bad. Really, what you said wasn’t weird or messed up at all whether you said it here or anywhere. I totally get how you feel about the tattoo. I mean for all the shit you’ve been through with people dying around you. When you think of a black dragon, you think of it as strong, resilient, dark, beautiful. That’s a perfect symbol of you.” Ali looked in Daryl’s eyes feeling very happy he understood what she’d been trying to say, but within this entire moment of validation, one word took hold of her heart making everything else fade away. Daryl spoke the word “beautiful”. “He thinks I’m beautiful?” she thought. She didn’t have the courage to thank him and point out what he’d said, and even if she did it would have been unnecessary. Daryl was well aware of the fact that he made the comparison. He however, trying to stop any awkwardness said, “I have a tattoo. It’s the only one I have as well.” Ali replied in an exited voice, “I didn’t notice, where is it? Can you show me?” Daryl looked around the room and said, “It’s on my back and it’s actually pretty big, The thing is, I don’t know how well the staff of the Hotel California here is going to react if I take my shirt off in the day room. Know what I mean?” She looked around and saw one of the staff by the door reading a magazine. She turned to Daryl and said, “Just bend forward and pull up your tee-shirt. She won’t see you and if she does, you were showing me your tattoo. Big deal. Fuck them!” Daryl smiled at her and said, “If anyone get’s fucked around here, it’s always the patient, and may remind you that I will already be bent over with my shirt off.” Ali giggled and looked back at the nurse by the door one more time. “Really it’s ok, and if she gets up I’ll tell you.” Daryl grinned and said, “Honestly, I don’t care if they have a problem with it. What will they do kick me out? Isn’t that the goal when your a patient here anyway?” He leaned forward in the chair and pulled up his tee-shirt exposing his back. Ali looked down to see a large tattoo of a moth or some type of butterfly that spanned his upper back. The color of the tattoo ink used was pale blue-green almost pearlescent in appearance. The creature had a long split tail that followed Daryl’s spine and ended on his lower back. She stared at the detail and beautiful precision that the tattoo artist had put into their work, and as Daryl moved his arms to get a better grip on his shirt, the wings of the creature seemed to undulate with the movements of his shoulders and back. She whispered the words, “Wow that is so cool! What is it?” Daryl still bent over said, “It’s a type of moth. It’s called a moon moth.” now pulling his shirt back down and sitting up in the chair. There are different kinds of moon moths all over the world, but this one is the American species. Like me.” Ali said, “I think it’s beautiful. Are these moths really rare because I’ve never seen anything like that around here.” Daryl shook his head, “No, they aren’t rare at all. You see them a lot in the spring, but most people never see them because like all moths, they’re nocturnal. That’s the bad thing about the darkness. You can’t see how many beautiful things exist in it even though they may be just inches away from you.” Ali nodded and suddenly began to think about what he’d just said. It wasn’t his statement about the reality of being blind in the dark that she saw as a revelation, yet he seemed to use a lovely metaphor for both she, and everyone around them. All familiar with the dark places of the human psyche, yet blind and unable to see the beauty that lives their as well, side by side. She said, “So is that why this tattoo is important to you, as a reminder that the dark places can be beautiful?” Daryl looked at her with a blank almost emotionless gaze for a moment. She thought in that instant that she’d crossed some boundary that had offended him. Just as she was about to apologize he said, “Wow, exactly you pretty much got it. It’s a representation of my mental illness and what it really looks like to me.” Ali smiled and asked, “So what was the moth called again, a moon moth?” Daryl replied, “An American Moon Moth. Sometimes people call them Luna Moths too. This may sound odd, but you might as well know. Her name is Tinea.” Ali repeated the name, “Tin- ay-ah? Why do I feel like I’ve heard that name before? It’s a pretty name.” The room now became awkwardly silent. Ali looked back at the outside world through the window and Daryl did his best to straighten his shirt. It was then Ali felt the need to ask a question. “Daryl, can I ask you why you’re here? You said that tattoo represents your mental illness but you never really said what happened to you.” He nodded his head with a half smile on his face and replied, “I was wondering when we would get to this. Of course you can ask.” He folded his leg under him and turned so he could speak with Ali face to face. Then he said, “I sometimes have this problem where I feel the need to do random things. You’ll think this is screwed up, but at times I seem to know when things will happen before they do.” Ali sat speechless for a moment and said, “What, do you mean you think your clairvoyant or something? Hey wait a minute, was that what the whole thing this morning was about when I messed up my leg? You said watch out before I gouged up my leg, whoa that’s kind of creepy. Seriously, that staple was not sticking out enough to see it or I would have avoided it. That certainly didn’t seem like you were delusional about that.” Daryl said, “Thank you for the vote of confidence, but as you can see by the gouge on your leg. My gift is kind of flawed don’t you think?” In that moment of silence, the wind picked up outside and the trees began to sway in the stiff wind of an approaching storm. A sort of low roar from the wind in the leaves could be heard even through the double paned glass window. Daryl looked at Ali again focusing on her tattoo. “I know I said it before, but your dragon tattoo is really beautiful. She nervously glided her hand over the artwork and shyly replied, “Thanks. I like yours a lot too.” He glanced behind him at the nurse who was still sitting by the door to the day room. Speaking quietly he asked Ali a random question as if pulled from the air. “Have you ever heard of synchronicity?” Ali shook her head but then thought for a moment and replied, “Wait, yeah! Do you mean that retro song from like, the 1980’s or sometime back then?” Daryl laughed and said, “No, not the song, but I know exactly which one you mean. No, I’m talking about the word synchronicity and what it actually means.” Ali thought for a moment and said, “No, I have no idea. I didn’t even know it was a real word.” He replied, “Oh, it’s a real word. Synchronicity is when you see two or more events that have nothing to do with one another. Maybe something happens that’s very unlikely to occur at the same time as another. Yet when they occur, they seem really meaningful in some way, almost like it was meant to be. Do you know what I mean?” Ali felt a bit odd considering the randomness of Daryl’s discussion. She had the feeling that he was about to use a potentially poor line to ask her out or something. She cautiously replied, “You mean like coincidence, right?” “In a way,” Daryl said, “but there’s way more to it than that. Have you ever thought of someone you haven’t thought of for a long time, but suddenly it seems like you see them in some unlikely place or they call you on the phone at the exact moment you think of them? Do you know what I mean now?” She said, “Oh god yes, absolutely! In high school, I had a close friend named Renee. She had the most amazing blue eyes, in fact people used to think she wore contacts to make them look like that but she didn’t. I used to think it would be so cool to have eyes like that instead of these black holes I have. Anyway, she ended up moving to Arizona during junior year and that following summer we stopped keeping in touch. I felt really bad about that. You know how it goes, you get caught up in life and it just sort of happens. Then one day you realize that a year went by and feel like its your fault you never called. Then it gets weird calling them after that much time went by.” Daryl nodded his head with a thoughtful look on his face and said, “I know how that goes, believe me. I wish I didn’t.” Ali nodded back, “Well after that happened, almost three more years went by. Then one day on this nasty, rainy, cold day in November, I was watching a movie. The movie actually sucked and I came close to not even watching it. About half way through it, I noticed that one of the characters was a young girl named Renee who was trying to fit into a new school because her parents moved. On top of that the actress who played her role had the coolest blue eyes and I instantly thought of my friend. The creepy thing happened later that afternoon when I decided I was going to try to look her up. I looked at my phone and saw a friends request from her. Isn’t that crazy? It freaked me out so much I couldn’t believe it was possible. She told me later that she just started to think about me that day for no reason.” Ali nodded her head and said. “Synchronicity, I like that the word. Now when that kind of thing happens, I’ll have something that sounds better that “crazy messed up”. Daryl laughed, “I agree. It sounds a little classier. You also nailed it, that’s a perfect example. A lot of times people come up with the worst stories. They describe meeting someone who mentioned they own a bird and tell you, “It was so weird! After they said that, I saw a bird sitting by my car just hours later.” Ali rolled her eyes and dropped her head into her hand, “Oh god, I know, right? Seriously, you would think that people would realize that some things in life are just coincidence. That thing with Renee though, that was really unique.” Daryl smiled and replied, “That was. Synchronicity isn’t about trying to find a connection to every stupid little event in your life. It’s about recognizing those times when an event borders on the impossible. It’s about following that moment to see if there was a reason for it and asking yourself, what am I supposed to do with this little vision from god knows where. Usually I can figure it out, but if you ignore it, the amazing things that follow can go unnoticed.” Now completely captivated by Daryl’s every word, Ali asked, “Like what? What things happened to you?” Daryl had been speaking passionately about the topic and seemed almost animated and carefree. He was about to anxiously reveal his experiences in detail, but abruptly stopped as he made brief eye contact with the nurse across the room. She’d been glancing over at them more frequently from time to time. The peaceful warmth faded from Daryl’s gaze and he said, “I need to tell you one thing before I say anything more.” He leaned forward, motioning Ali to move closer. He whispered, “I really can’t talk about this here.” Ali squinted with a confused shake of her head and asked, “Why? That’s not right, you should be able to talk about anything you want.” Daryl replied, “Well, I guess I can talk about it if I want to, but I really don’t think it would help me get me out of here any faster. This whole synchronicity thing is more or less the reason I’m here, OK?” Ali dropped her head looking down seeming a bit uncomfortable now. She stuttered out some words, “Oh. You mean that…well I think I understand but.” She thought for a moment wondering if it was appropriate to ask him any personal questions about this. Then she said, “Wait, are you saying synchronicity brought you here or are you saying you’re here because of what it’s doing to your head?” Daryl sat back in his chair and thought for a moment before replying to her question. With a devilish grin and a small chuckle he said, “Both actually. That’s really kind of funny when I think about it, but I guess it’s both. Huh, that’s interesting.” Ali still feeling lost about the explanation began to feel odd pressing him to elaborate. All she said was, “It’s ok, you don’t need to explain it all if it will make problems for you.” Daryl could see that she appeared noticeably interested in the explanation but looked awkward about discussing it now. He smirked and said, “Ali, it’s OK. I’ll tell you everything, but I just don’t want the concierge for the hotel over there to overhear my discussion. Look, imagine if you were telling everyone here how happy and great you felt, but they overheard you tell me that you were going to off yourself the day you walked out the door. How soon do you think you would be going home? Well it’s kind of the same with my story OK?” She looked at him wide eyed and then said, “Ok, I get it now.” He said, “How about if after dinner tonight, you meet me here again. It’s so full of patients and visitors in the evening there should be enough noise to obscure what we talk about?” Ali nodded and said, “Alright, but only if your comfortable telling me. It actually works out better talking tonight anyway. I need to go a therapy session soon. I also don’t want to sit all alone tonight. That’s not a good thing for me right now if you know what I mean.” Daryl nodded, “I know, believe me I get it. Really though, you don’t have to worry because it will be alright. It will, you’ll see.” She smiled and waved as she left the day room and wandered out into the hallway. As she walked toward her room to use the restroom, she felt perplexed trying to understand the absolute assurance in Daryl’s voice as he spoke the words “it will be alright”. She wished she could find a small part of that conviction within her own thoughts and began to feel sad again. She also began to think about when he used the scenario of pretending to be happy to get out of this place and covering the fact that in reality she felt hopeless. Notably, that example described her perfectly. Although she acted the part of the recovered depressed patient, the thoughts of being alone and grieving for all the people who were lost in her life were still slicing her apart like a jagged blade. The plan that she had from the moment that she arrived was simple, “She would act the part of a depressed person, and slowly pretend throughout the week to get better. In her heart though, she still maintained the dark and horrible plan to end her life the moment she had the opportunity to return home and do so. This time however, she would do it right. Her loneliness in the world was so profound, she had no way to see beyond the endless pain it caused her and that pain consumed her. Chapter 2 - Save the Little Girl The day passed quickly and dinner was now over. Nightly visitation had begun, and as Daryl had predicted, the day room was a lively encounter between people of every class, character and temperament. As Ali entered the room, she found herself stepping around oddly placed groups of chairs and tables that were pulled together so fellow patients could spend this cherished time with their family and friends. Looking across the room, she could see that Daryl was sitting on a love seat close to the large window where they sat earlier in the day. He had his feet up and was purposely taking up the entire chair, maintaining an irritated expression on his normally gentle looking face. She couldn’t help but to smile in appreciation of his ingenuity and although hidden from conscious thought, she found his courage to make himself appear brazen to be very attractive at times. When he saw her warm gentle smile from across the room, he dropped his feet onto the floor and spoke loudly, “Cousin Ali! Over here, I saved you a window seat.” Everyone in the room glanced at her and she turned bright red from embarrassment. Now reaching the love seat and sitting down she said, “You are such a dork, I should punch you for that.” “Now, now cousin Ali.” he said, “Striking family members will only get you more therapy. Then again, they may ask us both to leave, but I kind of doubt it.” As she giggled, he said, “By the way, I had an epiphany sitting here. Holding this prime location on the loveseat was a breeze. Apparently most visitors will not ask a potential psychopath if this seat is taken.” Ali burst into laughter and said, “Yes, well I would imagine that’s true, and what do you mean potential? You are absolutely out of your damn mind!” Laughing back he nodded in agreement and said, “Well given the current state of affairs, I would have to agree. Speaking of that, I think that was the reason for us getting together this evening. I was going to let you into my brain. God help you.” Ali said, “That’s up to you. Even if you don’t want to talk about that stuff it’s ok. I still enjoy your company. What can I say, you make me laugh.” She smiled warmly and looked into his eyes. He shyly looked down and quietly replied with, “Yeah, well you make me laugh too.” He then glanced up smiling and turned his body in the chair to face her. “The thing about what you just said, you know...about having the choice not to talk about my issues. It’s tempting believe me. I’m kind of worried you‘ll think less of me.” He took a deep breath and continued, “Unfortunately however, it’s what I want to do. I really want you to know.” Ali nodded and spoke very sincerely, “I would be lying to you if I said I wasn’t going crazy with curiosity. You seem so…well for lack of a better word, healthy. I mean I can figure out that you don’t always seem happy, but then again who does? I just can’t figure you out.” He nodded, “Ok then here it comes. That whole synchronicity thing? Well the fact is it kind of messes with me from time to time.” Ali sat quietly, eyes wide, listening to every word he spoke. He said, “This all started about 5 years ago when I had this recurring dream. In the dream, I was sitting at a park close to my house. I’m just relaxing and it’s a nice summer day. There are people jogging and kids are playing, you know the usual. For some reason I keep noticing this little girl on the swing who is going really high in the air. I can see that her Mom is standing by a tree nearby and everything is business as usual. All of a sudden, this voice talks to me in a very direct tone and says, “Save the little girl!” Ali shakes her head looking confused and Daryl responds by saying, “Yeah, I know it makes no sense right, so I thought. Well I was wrong. As the dream goes on, I get this really disturbing vision of what I need to do to save the little girl. I need to run over to the little girls Mom, and push her down on the ground. Not hurt her or anything. Just push her down. Kind of disturbing I know but who cares, it’s a dream. I’m thinking that dreams are pretty fucked up visions anyway so whatever. Anyway, in the dream, I run across the park full on and push this poor lady down on the grass. She screams, the little girl jumps off the swing and runs over to us because she’s scared that someone is hurting her Mom. Meanwhile my heart is beating out of my chest because this goes against anything I would ever do someone. Within a second, I see this flash and feel like I’m falling and I wake up feeling kind of weird. I can’t explain what weird feels like, but I just don’t feel right, you know?” Ali nods and says, “That is a strange dream, so do you know what it means?” As she asked Daryl that question, she felt horrible because she could see that the question hit him hard for some reason. He dropped his head and took a few deep breaths to apparently stop himself from crying. His face seemed tense, his eyes closed for a moment and he spoke quietly saying, “Yes, I know what it means, but I didn’t back then. I swear to god I had no idea. I just kept having this ridiculous dream. All I know is, one day I went to the park. It wasn’t anything out of the ordinary. I grew up in the neighborhood and I must have visited that park hundreds of times over the years. I was walking by the playground and looked over to see something incredible. I saw the same little girl that I knew from my dream just playing by the slide. I was so amazed, I went to sit down in the exact spot I knew I was sitting during my dream and waited. As I sat there, these unbelievable events began to unfold. I saw the little girls mother on her cell phone and standing in the sun, then she hung up and walked over to stand in the shade of the tree. The little girl left the slide and hopped on the swing and started to swing higher and higher. Then it happened, it was my dream. Every image, every sound, the warm breeze, even the damn birds were in the same place singing the same song! I felt like I was in a dream because of the surreal moment in front of me. Then it happened. I heard the voice say “Save the little girl” Daryl stopped talking and again seemed to be trying to maintain his composure. He was breathing shallow, his fists were clenched with fear and he seemed to be experiencing an extreme level of emotional distress. Ali took hold of his hand and said, “It’s ok, it’s ok. Whatever happened its ok.” Daryl took hold of her hand and calmed down for the moment but replied, “It’s not ok Ali.” She sat silently knowing what must have happened. She said, “Daryl, that was a pretty significant mind fuck, don’t be so hard on yourself. You just reacted to the moment.” Daryl looked into her consoling eyes and said, “No. No I didn’t. I know what you’re thinking. You think I knocked down her mother don’t you?” Ali now seemingly perplexed asked, “You mean you didn’t? I’m sorry, then what happened?” Daryl said, “I ran! I got up from that bench and I ran in primal terror until that park was a half mile away. Then I went home.” Ali sat mystified as Daryl continued to explain. He said, “Listen, I know this makes no sense but it will. At this point, this was just a really crazy messed up event and nothing more, but that wasn’t the end of it. I got home and broke open a bottle of wine to calm down. Then I just sat quietly deciding what I should do about all of this. After a while, I had this urge to go back to the park. I don’t even know why I had to do it, maybe just to see if it was real. As I got closer, I saw that there was a lot of activity. Police, Fire trucks, ambulances, the works. I just froze afraid to walk any closer. Then I saw these teenage boys riding bikes toward me and I yelled out, “Hey, do you guys know what’s going on at the park?” and one yells out, “Some girl fell off the swing. I guess she got hurt really bad.” Ali locked her gaze on Daryl’s eyes as she placed her hands over her mouth in shock. She could see that his eyes were moist and void of any happiness. With the voice of a frightened child he said, “She died Ali. She fell off the swing and died. She broke her neck. It was because I didn’t do what that dream told me to do.” Ali felt the blood drain from her face and sat frozen in place trying to put all of the facts together. Daryl looking slightly angry now said, “Before you ask the next set of questions I seem to get, I’ll save you the trouble. Yes, I’m sure it was the same girl and no, I’m not making this up to get attention!” He could see that Ali didn’t know how to respond and she almost looked hurt by his comment. He shook his head saying, “Oh god, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to speak to you like that. It just seems that people always seem to…” Ali without warning lunged forward and wrapped her arms around him. He was startled at first but soon grabbed hold of her and found himself lost in the divine warmth of human embrace. He felt the tension relax from his body as she held on to him. She whispered, “I’m sorry Daryl, I’m sorry.” After a short time they relaxed their grip on one another and returned to the conversation. Ali was still at a loss about what to say to make him feel better. Her mind was swimming with a storm of questions and what if scenarios. Daryl said, “Thank you for not assuming that this was something that was just in my brain. As you can see by my temporary residence, the folks here don’t share your opinion.” She asked, “So that’s the reason you’re here? No wonder, that has to be a terrible memory to live with.” Daryl thought for a moment and said, “Well, it is terrible but it’s only half the problem. Although I never got past the question of what would have happened if I did what to voice told me to do. It caused me to change my whole direction in life. I realized after that day, that the voice was speaking to me all the time. I just didn’t listen.” Ali now looking a bit concerned said, “What do you mean?” He replied, “I started to find out that when I did what was asked of me, I could change people’s lives in the most amazing ways. For instance, I once had this dream, which had me sitting at a table in a restaurant that I visit quite a bit. In the dream, I was across the room from a table by the windows where I usually ask to be seated. It was just a simple dream and that was it. I decided however, that the next time I visited that restaurant, I would take the dreams advice and sit across the room to see what happened just for the hell of it. I couldn’t believe what happened. A woman sat down at the table by the window where I usually would have been. About five minutes later, another lady came in and stopped at her table, looked at her, and they both threw their arms around one another. One says, “This is unbelievable, I was just thinking about you last night!” It turned out that they were old friends that hadn’t seen one another for twenty plus years and the second lady just walked into the restaurant to use the restroom. She didn’t even live around here. The thing is, the restrooms were along that wall in the back and all of those window seats were full except for where I usually sat. If I took my usual seat that day, that lady would have been across the room and there would have been no way for her to run into her friend who came in to use the bathrooms that day. She would never have seen her. What the end result of their reunion was I will never know, but it taught me that when I followed the voice, I found those things happened more and more.” Ali had an expression that was a mix between doubtful skepticism and intrigue. She asked, “Wait, so if you aren’t in here for that first event, what happened exactly?” He thought for a moment and seemed to have trouble coming up with an explanation. He looked at her rather shyly and replied, “I stole something. It was a painting actually. I stole a painting from a outdoor art show.” Ali paused and softly said, “Oh.” It became very obvious to Daryl, that his comment must have made her feel scared and uncomfortable. “Why wouldn’t it?” he thought, “you just told her you were an art thief. Nice going Daryl.” He said, “I know how that sounds. It sounds horrible, but I promise that this was a really an unusual situation. I would normally never do anything like that. Other than being an emotional wreck at times, the whole synchronicity thing usually isn’t a problem, especially when I can see that my actions are making a difference, you know? Like the lady in the restaurant, or like the little girl.” He dropped his head, “That is if I would have done what I needed to do. Unfortunately, I don’t always know if following this voice or my dreams make a difference or not. Sometimes I see the results, and sometimes I don’t. Oddly though, this last time, the voice told me to steal something, and I just did it. I also got caught and in lieu of a shoplifting charge, I ended up in here.” Ali still sat quietly trying to think of how to respond to what he was telling her. It’s not that she didn’t believe him, but she was concerned that the trauma with the little girl committed his mind to a path of doing anything to make amends for the guilt he felt about her death. She said, “You know, I get why you would want to do things that would make positive changes happen, but why did you end up doing something so risky like stealing? What good could come from that?” Daryl answered immediately, “What positive consequence could happen by running up to a little girl’s mother at the park and pushing her down into the grass?” Ali dropped her head and looked back at Daryl’s intense gaze. He threw himself back in the chair and said, “Shit Ali, I don’t know if I did the right thing. I never know if I’m doing the right thing, and to make it all worse, I really don’t have anyone to talk to about it. You know when you were describing how you felt earlier? Well it really hit home with me. I know I gave a good speech about how you just have to not mind being lonely, but the truth is I hate it.” He looked up at Ali expecting to see her nodding in agreement, but was sad to see that her eyes had now filled with tears and she was moments away from a full emotional collapse. She again threw her arms around him and buried her head into his shoulder. The tears and sobs of profound sadness began to pour out like a river flooding over its bank. As Daryl held her tightly, she kept repeating the words, “Oh god Daryl, why? Why am I so alone? Why did they die and leave me. Why wasn’t it me that died?” All he could do was hold her tightly and whisper, “It’s OK, I got you. It’s OK.” Some people in the room were looking over at them and as one of the nurses approached, Daryl shook his head and waved her away for the moment trying to give the impression that she would be alright in a few moments. Eventually she calmed down enough to speak and said, “Great, this is just fucking great. I didn’t want this to happen. Not here.” Daryl gently wiped some tears from her face and said, “Ali, this shouldn’t ever need to happen to you anywhere, not ever. I don’t know why you were left to deal with this, I wish I did. I do know for a fact, and I mean for a fact, that things do happen with some purpose. I’ve seen it with my own eyes. Even this moment right now is happening because it’s supposed to in some way. I know this in my heart as a solid fact without a doubt. I do!” He took both of her hands and spoke the words with alarming intensity, “I know for sure!” She looked at the passion in his eyes and could hear such conviction in the words he spoke. She didn’t know if it was the emotional release or the longed for intimate touch of another person in her life, but for the first time in months, she felt hope. She felt a reason to live. Daryl ran his hand gently along the side of her face wiping away the last of her tears away and said, “Look, I don’t want to say anything messed up or sound creepy especially now with you feeling so bad, but I was wondering if we could keep in touch after we get out of this place.” Ali surprised by his comment said nothing at first making Daryl feel like he had crossed some boundary of trust. He began to back pedal saying, “I mean, nothing weird or anything. I mean friends or whatever you…If you feel lonely and you wanted to call me you could, anytime and then maybe then I could cheer you up. That’s all.” His innocent almost bashful behavior touched a part of her heart that endeared him even more in her eyes. She smiled warmly, touched his cheek with her fingertips and said, “I would like that a lot, but you promise right? You’re not just saying this to make me feel better and then you won’t call me right?” He was about to begin a steady rant of words to convince her of his sincerity but stopped and said, “I haven’t felt this happy for a long time and it’s because of you. I like you a lot. Adding in the fact that I’m in a mental hospital undergoing therapy, your ability to make me a happy person in this hell hole is a damn miracle don’t you think?” She smiled, laughed and wiped the remaining moisture from her eyes with the back of her hand. She replied, “Yes, I guess it is. You know you make me feel the same way.” As they sat enjoying the joy and connection of that moment, they were interrupted by one of the Psychiatrists who worked the night shift. Apparently the nurse had gone to seek his help when Daryl waved her away. The doctor asked, “Is everything alright here? Are you both OK?” Ali looked at Daryl with a smile and then back at the doctor. With a confident tone in her voice she said, “Yes, We’re ok.” Daryl looked at the Psychiatrist and said in a serious voice, “Have you seen my dog?” Looking at Ali expecting her to see the humor in his comment, he was surprised to see her mouth hanging open absolute shock that he would joke around like that. The doctor nodded in a serious way saying, “Did you say dog?” to which Daryl grinned and replied, “Sorry Doc. Apparently it was a poor attempt at being funny. Seriously, like Ali just said. We’re doing just fine.” With a nod, the doctor turned and walked quietly out of the room. Ali shook her head and said, “You really are a little off, do you know that?” to which he nodded with a grin. They spent the remainder of the evening talking about their lives outside of the hospital. They discussed their past and where they grew up. As it turned out, Ali and Daryl attended the same high school but never met since she was an incoming freshmen the same year he graduated. Having one another in their lives began to make them both transform into happier people and both felt anxious to start a life over again. Only two days had passed since they first met, but in that time, Ali progressed so quickly, her therapist said she felt that it was time for Ali to be discharged. Daryl also got the same news but was being released one day later. The day when Ali left was difficult for Daryl, but he knew that he would be seeing shortly, in fact she insisted on being the one who picked him up and brought him home. He was due to leave the following morning at 10:00 AM. One of the last experiences all of the patients had to endure was a final evaluation and meeting with their in-house psychologist. Daryl had been there for close to one month now, so he had built a somewhat of a pleasant rapport with the young woman who handled his case. She asked the usual direct and sometimes challenging questions about his readiness to enter the world again. Daryl as expected was anxious to leave this place far behind, especially now that he felt that he had someone who cared for him in the world. His therapist seemed very happy that he’d made such great progress in his acceptance that the events that led his destiny were something much different than he’d thought the were. She asked him, “So are you feeling comfortable with your new understanding of that voice in your head?” He nodded and said, “Definitely. It’s odd, but looking back at the moment I took that painting, I had no idea why I had to do it. Thanks for taking time to talk things out with me. The time I spent here really brought clarity to the whole thing.” The therapist got up and escorted him to the registration area to complete his discharge. He was given his wallet and cell phone by the woman at the counter and then walked to the main door of the hospital accompanied by his therapist. She shook his hand and said, “I’ll miss you Daryl, you were a lot of fun to counsel. I wish you the best of luck and I hope things continue to go well for you.” “Thanks” he replied, “and thank you for having enough confidence in me to let me go home. Things are going to be a lot better.” She smiled, “I’m sure they will. Oh, wait, before you head out, I did have one final question for you that I meant bring up before on several occasions.” “What’s that?” he asked. She said “I asked you this question the day you arrived when we sat down for the first time but you never had an answer.” “Shoot!” he said. “Did you ever have any revelation on why you stole that specific painting over all the others. What significance did a picture of a black dragon have in your mind?” Daryl looked up with a puzzled expression on his face as if he was trying to ponder the question carefully. He shook his head, “Wow, I gave that a lot of thought but just don’t know. Not a clue.” Shaking her hand one more time he said, “Thanks again.” He turned toward the exit and the automatic double doors slid open. Walking outside, he took a deep breath of the fresh summer air and at that moment saw Ali waiting in her car with the engine running. A smile beamed from her face as she saw him approach and upon entering the car, they gave one another a warm and loving embrace. She put the car in drive, pulled forward and was waiting to pull out of the lot into traffic. Looking at her arm resting on the steering wheel, Daryl saw the tattoo on her arm and said, “I know I said this before, but that is a beautiful tattoo.” Smiling back at him she took hold of his hand. “Thanks” she replied, “I like yours too.” *** Authors Notes: I hope you enjoyed reading “The Nocturnal Voice”. This is the third short story in the “Sessions Series”. Thank you for taking the time to read it. In lieu of the book being free of charge, I would appreciate any feedback or comments, either to me personally at Author@TimeSpirits.com or even better, write a review about your thoughts about this topic at http://www.smashwords.com/profile/view/CVJumper . At this link you will also find other short stories and books with many similar themes. Poetry is also available at http://timespirits.com/