A s h l e y   L a n e










Author's Note: This novel is a work of fiction.  Names, characters, places, and incidents are either loosely based on the real counterpart or are entirely fictional, and any resemblance to any persons, living or dead, events, or locales is not meant offensively, but only to entertain the reader.

Copyright © 2008 by Ashley Lane
All rights reserved.

Printed in the USA
www.lulu.com
Book design by Ashley Lane











For my mother, Michelle
who cried the first tears for this work
and is my creative colleague


Deepest thanks to those who 
helped put Minnie out there:

Grampa Bob Burrese, Dave Ness, the Abruzzinis, the Dyes, 
the Thierrys, the Barnetts, the Alcorns, the Shrivers, 
the Morrisons, Deby Smith, Laurie Holten, Tiffany Mejia, 
Tricia Hamilton, Rose McGowen, Betty Keolker, Craig Wheeldon, 
Renee Farnsworth, Aleksander Granger, Mrs. Bratt, Mark Tyson, 
Becca Witherbee, Charity Bishop, Sheila "Maestra" Stuhlsatz, 
Heidi Reed, Darrah Perryman, Evelyn Galloway, 
Sandi Salisbury, Dave Irwin, Carrie Boucher, Donna Freund,
 Linda Block, Angie Skaugset, Mrs. Collins, Audie Wray,
and for Erik Kreffel, whose inside joke with me is hidden in the book.




























c h a p t e r
o n e


After polishing off his spicy eggplant casserole and a bottle of Pepto-Bismol, Patrick Davis was ready to teach classic literature to a group of bright-eyed teenagers, each ideally possessing a hunger for reading the books that defined eras of the past. 
And as always, Monday through Friday, Davis's dream was dashed.  Not only did the Woodridge High School students lack self-control, they couldn't muster any sort of interest in literature beyond Seventeen or Maxim.  The best they did was Harry Potter or the new Stephenie Meyer books.  Many times, Davis regretted pursuing a teaching degree instead of opening a coffee shop where he could provide a place for unknown musicians to spread their wings and be the hot spot for friends to relax.  Instead of handing over cups of frothing cappuccinos, Davis was handing out graded tests.  Today, he was fairly pleased by his class's grades: A, A, B, A, and so on.  The D on Sadey Leach's test was one of many reasons he doubted his career choice.  When Davis slid the test on Sadey's desk, she did not look at it.  The senior was busy drawing complex tattoos on her wrists with red and black Sharpies.  Davis felt a girlish scream clawing at the lining of his throat, fighting to get out.
The 3:00 bell rang and the English students left the room in a flurry of swearing and laughing.  Sadey was gone, her test blatantly abandoned on the desk.  Davis rubbed his face and picked it up, looking at the many mistakes that graced the pages and a new addition, a red FU outlined in black.  At that moment, Davis felt sorry for her, rather than angry.  Although she made his job complicated, he wanted to see Sadey graduate.
With a few clicks on his keyboard, Davis was on Woodridge High's website.  Some nerdy student offered to design the site, which worked well enough, despite the spelling errors and cheesy graphics.  Davis entered the administration's password and accessed Sadey Leach's transcript.  She had a 1.74 grade point average and was not involved in any extracurricular activities.  After punching a speed dial number, Davis was on the phone with Elizabeth Rasmussen, the principal of Woodridge Middle and High School.
"Hello?"  Her voice was soft, unlike the mean, stereotypical principal often portrayed in movies.  The sound through the receiver sent a tickle down Davis's neck.  
"Yes, Elizabeth?  Hi, it's Patrick.  I need to schedule a meeting with a student and yourself."  He heard her exhale with more exasperation than he wanted.
"Which student are we talking about?"
"Sadey Leach.  It's about her ability to graduate."  
Rasmussen grumbled. "If the answer had teeth, it would've bit me.  Okay, I'll make the call."  After taking a last look at the pitiful transcript, Davis felt sick and craved another dose of Pepto-Bismol.  It was 3:23, so he took a double dose.  A minute later, his phone rang.  He wiped the pink medicine off his mouth and answered, "Patrick Davis's room."
"God, Davis."
"Pardon me?"
"It's worst than I thought.  I have Ms. Leach's portfolio in front of me and there is hardly anything in it.  I had no idea that this was an emergency.  Could you come to my office?"  Patrick had no time to answer back.
Red and white streamers and posters counting down to graduation decorated the senior hall to an obnoxious degree.  Davis always chuckled as he passed through.  High school society was at its pathetic worst.  The dominating students claimed a separate section of lockers for themselves and moved the padded benches for their use.  The other students got whatever was leftover, which was usually nothing.  A giant poster titled "Senior Society" hung by the popular kids' lockers.  Of course, only a few people were repeated for every nomination, such as "Biggest Airhead" and "Best Hair."  "Best Overall" went to a boy that Davis knew did not deserve the status, due to his cheating streak, arrogance, and bed-hopping habit.  Or at least the last one was one of the many rumors polluting the air.  The only reason the kid was nominated "Best Overall" is due to the fact that he was also nominated for "Best Ride," "Best Eyes," and "Biggest Flirt."  "Most Likely to Succeed" went to a girl with a 2.4 GPA, simply because she got a full-ride to Gonzaga University by playing a remarkable season of volleyball, while a boy in the same class finished the NASA intern program without getting a single vote.  Davis hated high school society and questioned himself as to why he returned to see it replayed every year through the eyes of a teacher.  
The casserole in Davis's stomach churned with the Pepto-Bismol when he stepped into Rasmussen's perfumed office.  Davis sat down with Sadey's transcript and waited for the principal to wrap up calls concerning indecent exposure and the like.  Elizabeth plunked the phone into the cradle, shocking Patrick out of his perfume-induced coma.
"Take a look at Sadey's portfolio while I make another call."  Elizabeth was on the phone in a blink and slid the expandable folder before him, tapping it with her French-tipped nail.  Davis leafed through the varied contents, such as a few personality assessments, career placement tests, and the general "what do you want to be when you grow up" worksheets.  
As Davis looked over Sadey's papers, he wanted to groan aloud.  Her career choice was at the local Burger Stop and the reasoning made Davis think he bit off more than he could chew: "People can't live without fries."
Surprisingly, Sadey completed her job shadow at the Post Office, but her paper about it was dismal, an example of how not to write a research paper.  Her job résumé didn't follow any template she was given and before Davis could look at the other documents, Elizabeth took the community service paper and snapped it to stand stiff between her manicured thumb and index finger. 
"Blank.  No hours whatsoever.  Sadey is a senior and can't graduate without helping the community for at least twenty-four hours.  She's had time since she was a freshman to get them done."  She flung up her other hand in exasperation.  "It's early March and Sadey needs twenty-four hours by late May."
Davis sighed, "It can be done."
Elizabeth took an aspirin and a sip from her water bottle, as she found was becoming routine. "Sadey has no choice.  All we need to do is to find a place for her to volunteer before she gets here for the meeting at five."  Elizabeth snatched some paper and slapped a sheet before Davis.  They wrote in a silent fury anything that came to mind.  After ten minutes, Elizabeth took the lists and wrote them on her white board.
"Okay, here we are.  Not much to choose from, huh?"  Elizabeth read off the first item.  "Option One: Recess Helper."  It was Patrick's idea and he thought it was a good one.  Elizabeth crossed it out with her reeking pen.  
"What was that for?" Davis griped, pointing his arm at the board in protest.  Elizabeth got a matter-of-fact look on her face.  "We are dealing with a delinquent, Patrick, not a model student.  Would you trust an irresponsible teenager to watch your child if you had one?  I would hope not."  Patrick took his glasses off and ran his fingers through his thick, graying hair.  It was 4:28, leaving them little time to decide on something that was harder than Patrick imagined.
"Option Two: Campus Cleanup."
Davis raised his thick eyebrows.  "I see many things going wrong with this one.  Are you sure?"
Elizabeth's toothy grin faded.  "Of course I'm sure."
"I know that Sadey can't really hurt anything at the campus cleanup, but it would be easy for her to escape.  She would come back and nobody would know she was ever gone."
She uncapped the pen and whined, "Fine, but it was better than your recess helper idea." 
One of the shared ideas was "Option Three: Mentoring."  Elizabeth tilted her styled head with thought.  "Maybe Sadey will bloom when she is in the teacher role."  Davis regretted putting the idea down and made a face that reminded Elizabeth of her baby trying solid food for the first time.
"No.  She might not teach them at all." 
Elizabeth plopped in her executive chair and growled in frustration. "We just have to find one place to have Sadey help for twenty-four hours and she's done."  She massaged her scalp and mumbled, "So, what about that one?"  
Amid the red slashes, the last one standing was "Option Four: Nursing Home."
"I think we have it here.  She will be monitored by a supervisor, I presume, and they always accept volunteers.  The ayes have it."
Elizabeth rubbed her eyelids.  "You're only 'aye,' not 'ayes.'  But you're right.  The ayes have it, only because it is our last choice."   
It was 4:53 and Davis felt like a champion.  "Nursing home it is."
*
The chickadees and finches quarreled over the thistle and sunflower seeds, providing entertainment for Wilhelmina.  On days when she got her hair permed, all she could do to breathe was to sit by her open window and let the peppery smell die out.  Sometimes she was afraid that the perm fumes would kill her feathered friends.  They didn't seem to notice.  That was how Wilhelmina, who preferred the shortened "Minnie," felt in general: nobody seemed to notice.  She had her friends, but they had their friends and did their things together.  Ever since Minnie was accepted into the Forest Hills Convalescent Center three years ago, she only wanted a true friend.  She felt silly for that wish, even stupid.  The youngest nurses from the nursing program at the local community college were apathetic to Minnie's plight and only had time to check her blood pressure and ask if she had any painful bowel movements.  Any of the nice nurses stayed for short amounts of time and left to work at St. John's Medical Center or to the new hospital in Vancouver, always giving Minnie one last smile before leaving her indefinitely.  She felt as if she was only a resident, someone to take medicine and eat three meals a day.  
As the birds sang and bickered, Minnie prayed in her small voice: Lord, bring me a companion.  Your birds are lovely, however, we don't speak the same language.  I would just love to talk to somebody who actually listens, even if I'm an old woman.  In the meantime, I really do appreciate the birds.
*
As soon as 3:00 came around, Sadey was gone.  She had seen the D she got on her English test.  As easy as it was to breathe or swear, she shrugged it off.  All she cared about was getting home to her little sister, especially since her mother insisted on watching Cora today, only so she could save the money that would've gone to daycare to use for her cigarettes.  Sadey's only concern was to get out of high school and run away with her sister, away from her mother.  Not a single flunked English test was going to stop her.
When Sadey opened the flimsy door to the house, her eyes started to burn.  Sadey's mother, Tracy, smoked the nastiest cigarettes that coins could buy.  Tracy started smoking at thirteen, buying the cheapest packs available from the Buenos Dias gas station.  The contents, instead of being dark brown and crumbly, looked like old cigarette ashes mixed with saliva, all rolled up in a withered wrapper.
Sadey hated having her mother home, which was fortunate for Sadey because it wasn't often.  Since the Mexican restaurant was repainting for the day, Tracy didn't have work or a man to go to the local motel with.  Sadey regretted letting herself believe that Tracy would actually watch Cora, who was crying in the corner.  Sadey rescued her and fled upstairs, away from the smoke and inevitable arguments.
Corazon smoothed Sadey's face and cried, "Sissy, sissy, sissy?"  Sadey was sure that her mother did not feed Cora or even give her water to drink.  From her backpack, Sadey pulled out a bag of Doritos and a bottle of water.  As soon as Sadey opened the bag and unscrewed the cap, Cora dug into the chips and drank without a pause.  
"Poor baby," Sadey whispered.  She braided Cora's long and curly black hair, comparing it to strands of silk.  While Cora inhaled the tortilla chips, Sadey pulled out a brown longneck from underneath her bed.  The feel of the glass was nothing new to Sadey.  She bent off the cap and took a swig, savoring the strange aftertaste.  Against what the anti-alcohol presentations said at school, Sadey was not addicted to alcohol.  She drank because it occupied her mind for the time it took her to drink the last drop.  Beer could be nonexistent the next day and Sadey wouldn't care.     
As Sadey caressed Corazon's chubby arm, she was reminded of the time Tracy gave up being a mother.  Tracy was back from the hospital with Corazon and the father was gone, hadn't even told Tracy his name for all the times they were together.  Whatever his name was, there was no doubt it was Hispanic.  Fifteen-year-old Sadey ran home from school to adore her baby sister like all older siblings do.  Instead of seeing Tracy cuddling Corazon, the baby was screaming on the floor and Tracy was curled up in the corner, crying and cursing at the baby as if it was a snake waiting to strike her.  A bottle of bleach lay sideways and the milk jug was opened next to Tracy's feet.  Sadey couldn't put the facts together until she saw a bubbly mixture in Cora's bottle.  
"What did you do?" Sadey screamed.  Sadey picked up the baby bottle and smelled the contents, grimacing as the milky froth burned her nose and throat. 
"I didn't do anything!  I don't want her!" Tracy screamed.  The milk jug flew at Sadey and hit the wall, exploding in a shower of white droplets.  Tracy stormed into her room and didn't come out for the rest of the evening, not even coming out to breastfeed or tell Sadey how to change a diaper.  The baby's mother had, after only a few days, turned her back on her.  At that moment, Sadey knew that she was the adult of the house as she picked up her naked sister and calmed her crying.  From then on, Sadey had to find ways to save money to buy formula and diapers while her mom worked and spent the money on herself.  On days when Sadey felt the need to be reflective, she wondered how she ended up with a mother one only found in Cinderella-type movies, where the mother was impossibly selfish and ugly, unreal.  It was Sadey's life, not ever experiencing the warmth she saw between a mother and daughter in her classroom as the mother dropped off cupcakes for a birthday.  The closest Sadey perceived as a normal mother-daughter relationship was Tracy leaving Sadey her junk mail and magazines on the stairs in a neat stack.
As Sadey finished her beer, Tracy hollered from downstairs.  Cora had fallen asleep in her lap, as usual.  Sadey picked up the deadweight with a grunt.  She cracked the door and shouted, "What?"
"Your school just called!  Thanks to you, we have to get our butts down there at five."  Sadey could hear her plopping on the ancient couch and turning up the television.  It was 4:20, giving Sadey time to straighten Cora's curly hair and dress her cute for the conference.
Sadey then realized that she had no particular talents.  She wasn't athletic because of weak ankles and she wasn't gifted musically, not even with "Hot Cross Buns" on the recorder.  All Sadey could do was imitate Donald Duck, which didn't even place her in school talent shows.
In her mirror, she saw what many people called "grunge."  At fifteen, when she made enough money from working odd jobs, Sadey got her hands on two boxes of black hair dye and went to work at changing her appearance.  Black pants replaced all of her denim jeans and her stained shirts from the Helping Hand were tossed to make room for anything black and edgy.  Her teachers automatically treated her with less warmth and she instantly found a new group of friends---the Goths.  In ninth grade, she had her first drink in a bathroom stall at school, sharing the beer with two other friends.  By now, the lifestyle was as familiar as the razor blade scars on the insides of her wrists.  She told people that the marks were from playing with her cat, but nobody knew that Sadey had never owned a cat in her life.  The marks told Sadey that her life wasn't worth living or worth taking, a failed suicide attempt.  She swore she would never take a blade to herself again, not for the pain or release of it, but for the fact that Cora wouldn't have protection from her mother anymore if Sadey found herself in a coffin.
It was 4:48 and Sadey turned off her stereo.  She flipped her blackened hair and reapplied a bit of eyeliner.  Tracy sat in the Geo, revving the tiny engine and laying on the tinny horn.
"Coming!" Sadey growled out the window before she scooped her sister in her arms.  Before Sadey had a chance to shut the frail car door, Tracy blitzed out of the driveway.  She couldn't make a trip without running a red light and screeched into the parking lot of Woodridge High.  Before Tracy ever got out of a car, she had to check her looks.  Tracy teased her streaked, fried, permed, and dyed hair into an outdated dome and fixed her makeup like a model from the eighties.  The final step was pushing as much cleavage out of her shirt before she exposed her nipples.  Once she was satisfied with the final result, she lit one of her nasty cigarettes, leaving a ring of pink lipstick on the wrapper.  
Sadey, as excited to be there as Tracy, led the way to the principal's office through the near-empty building.  A spring play was in the middle of rehearsal in the auditorium and the exaggerated voices bounced into the hall, slightly awakening Cora.  Before Sadey could grasp the handle to the principal's office, a man opened the door for them.
It was Patrick Davis, the only teacher that got under Sadey's skin.  Her other teachers barely assigned homework or projects, but Davis was harsh.  He had his students read one novel every month and do activities that required group work.  In addition to the book work, he taught them sentence structure and proper tenses.  She would rather have permanent lice than to show him respect.  Then she remembered the FU she left on her test, wondering if Davis received any pleasure from it.
The principal, Elizabeth Rasmussen, greeted them with the smile she always wore.  "Hello, Ms. Leach.  Thank you for coming on short notice.  We need to discuss Sadey's graduation requirements."  Rasmussen offered some chairs and Sadey sat as far away as she could get.  Tracy sat as close as she could to Davis, puffing out her chest and blowing a puff of rancid smoke in his direction.
Davis looked at the ceiling to avoid Tracy's breasts and said, "I have asthma, so could you?"
Tracy rolled her eyes and looked for an ashtray.  Rasmussen scrambled for a bottle of her sacred Pellegrino and held it out, allowing Tracy to drown her cigarette.  The cigarette disintegrated and turned the water gray.  Elizabeth wiped her hands on her lunch napkin and smiled sweetly, despite the fact that her designer water was sacrificed for such a cause.  She used her training to try and make the meeting comfortable.  "Sadey, how are you doing?"
"Fine," said Sadey as she sucked on her teeth and stared at shiny black gum spot on the carpet.
"Good.  I'm just curious about your community service.  Have you done any since freshman year?"  
Sadey laughed with a touch of incredulity. "Are you kidding?  I watch my sister all the time when I'm not at school."  
Davis adjusted his glasses, a sign of frustration.  "Sadey, remember what we've said at the advisory meetings?  Babysitting doesn't count.  You have to go out of your way and volunteer at an approved business or an approved event."  
If Sadey hated one thing, it was being told that she was doing something wrong the entire time.
"So, what are you going to do about it?  Sadey is eighteen, not ten.  She is an adult and can handle this problem, so why am I here, wasting my time?"  She stared hard at the principal before looking down to rearrange her chest underneath the spandex-blend shirt.
Rasmussen hated meetings with parents like Tracy, who thought the school had to provide everything for their child: knowledge, food, encouragement, identity.  "Since Sadey concerned us, we thought that you should know.  Mr. Davis and I looked over her transcript and Senior Portfolio.  From that, we noticed that she needs to complete twenty-four hours of community service before the end of May."
Sadey didn't see what the big deal was and was ready to submit to anything, as long as it meant getting out of the frilly office.  "Okay, so I'll just volunteer at one of those stupid clean-ups and some other stuff."
Davis smiled.  "We already have a place for you to volunteer.  If you follow this plan, you'll get twenty-four hours easily." 
Okay, where then?"
"Forest Hills Convalescent Center."  
Sadey's stomach dropped and she was sure she looked like she was ready to vomit.  Forest Hills, to Sadey, was where all the elderly went to spend the rest of their days peeing into bedpans and drinking prune juice.  "No way.  There has to be something else for me to do.  Anything."
"We're sorry, Sadey.  This was the best option.  In order to get twenty-four hours, you must volunteer at least three hours a week.  By the end of May, you should have all of your community service completed.  You will learn to enjoy it."  Sadey felt as if someone just told her to eat rat poison and not die.
"I spoke with the head nurse there and they are expecting you tomorrow at 3:30.  Sign this and you'll be on your way to graduating."  Rasmussen got a new volunteer log and signed in the appropriate places and slid the paper to Sadey.  She grabbed a pen and looked at the sheet.  It was supposedly her ticket to graduation and ultimately getting away from Woodridge.  Sadey signed in her blank spaces and dated it.
Elizabeth grinned like one of Cora's Barbie dolls.  "Have fun."


 
















c h a p t e r
     t w o


"Question 9: What was the main theme in The Scarlet Letter?"  Davis believed in pop quizzes.  He expected the students to know whatever was on the test, that a responsible citizen would care about classic literature.  Because of that, pop quizzes happened often.  As for the question, Sadey had no idea.  All she knew about Hester Prynne was that she was an idiot for marrying an ancient man and committing adultery with a minister.  She could not muster any other theme besides that, especially considering that she only read to the third chapter when the test revolved around the book's concluding pages.  She wrote: "Use contraceptives to be protected from public shame and banishment."
After Davis collected the quizzes, he asked for Sadey to stay after the bell.  Sadey approached his desk and stretching her fingers into a sweaty fist, suddenly identifying herself with a cornered cat, claws ready.  Davis smiled, pleased at knowing he saved Sadey from repeating twelfth grade and being called a "Super Senior," of which there were two in the senior class.
"Are you excited to volunteer today?  I've heard good things about Forest Hills."  On cue, Sadey raised an eyebrow.  "Give it a try.  You never know, you might meet some really neat people there."
The expression on Sadey's face told Davis that she did not agree, then she cocked her head and wrinkled her brow.  "You know, Mr. Davis, you would have made a fortune in a different time period."
"I beg your pardon?"  He suddenly craved Pepto-Bismol.
"Slave trade.  The auctioneer would separate the families and give the people to whoever had the highest bid.  The slaves had no choice, just like me."  She didn't give Davis a chance to speak and knocked his Huskers flag off the door as she slammed it shut.  Davis had to admit that Sadey's situation was vaguely related to slave trade.  He rubbed his face and chuckled.
"I need a triple espresso."
*
 Licking the barbeque chip dust off her fingers and closing the bag, Sadey glanced at her alarm clock.  If she remembered correctly, Rasmussen said something about 3:30.  
"Betty Crocker!"  Sadey picked up Cora and stuffed some toys in a baby bag.  In six bounding steps, Sadey was out of the house and at the beautiful door belonging to her neighbors, knocking on their door like a hyperactive Girl Scout.  The heavy door opened to reveal an Irish beauty the Leach girls came to know as their adopted Aunt Mira.  
"What did your mother do now?  Whatever happened, you're in time for supper."  Reminding Sadey of an air traffic control worker, Mira twirled her hand to motion the girls to come in.
"Can't.  I'm late for volunteering.  Do you think you could watch Cora?"
"Anything  I'll get her bathed and the whole shebang."  She bounced Cora on her hip and moved a dark brown curl away from her eye.
Sadey glanced at the clock on the wall inside.  She was definitely late.  
"Thanks, Mira!"  She ran fast enough to her car that she bounced off the door like the fools in movies, except she slashed the paint with her readied key and dealt with four purple knuckles.  Cursing and bruised, Sadey sped past First Street, Second Street, and Third Street.  She turned onto Fourth Street, which happened to be the least maintained road in all of Woodridge and had the highest population of wild children and cats zigzagging in front of her car.  As she avoided a pair of fighting cats, the Honda dipped into a pot hole and the bottom scraped on the rugged pavement, making Sadey grit her teeth.  Further down was Fourth Street's crowning glory, a miniature White House complete with a fountain in the parking lot, except there was no Mr. President and First Lady, but dozens of old people, within the building.  The sign to Forest Hills was in need of a new paint job and the exterior probably never felt the cleansing power of a pressure washer since their invention.  When Sadey parted the glass doors, she couldn't hold her breath fast enough.  The secretary watched Sadey gag and curse as the aroma of rotted lemons and unwashed bodies greeted her.
"Can I help you?" the girl asked.  Sadey looked up and recognized her as Laura Cox, one of the good students at Woodridge High and in Sadey's graduating class.  Laura was normally sunny; until now, looking austere and disapproving as Sadey stood before her in her black attire.  But she could not be blamed.  Sadey and her friends teased Laura, calling her "albino" for her pale skin and fair, wavy hair.  Her plain handmade dresses always brought on more stupid names like "Amish" and "Laura Ingalls."  One time, Sadey even had the audacity to ask Laura where she bought her clothes and disappeared into a classroom giggling.
Sadey tried talking without breathing through her nose.  "What is that nasty smell?"
Laura was confused, but didn't show it.  She was accustomed to the Forest Hills smell and could not remember what it was exactly, but Sadey gagged out the words "B.O." and "Lemon Pledge."  She remembered that it was the Alzheimer's ward that smelled something like that.  
"Do you need anything?  Are you here to visit a relative?"  Laura's lips remained tight around her mouth.
Sadey breathed through her sleeve and added a heavy cough for fun.  "I'm here to volunteer."  Laura slid a clipboard across the counter and blindly held up a pen, hoping that this was just an unfunny joke Sadey felt like playing.  Before Sadey accepted the pen, she asked, "I won't change diapers, will I?"  Laura gave her a look that was a blend of amusement and shock as she shook her head.
"Perfect!"  She swiped the pen and scribbled down the time she was supposed to show up.  "Okay, point me towards the living dead."  Laura whispered, "Down the left hallway."
With less than a bounce in her step, Sadey cut through the smelly fog and reached for the door bar.  Luckily, nobody watched Sadey as she walked into the locked door.  After three attempts of brutal force to open the door, Laura raised her voice high enough for Sadey to barely hear.  
"Push the green button!"  Grunting and stomping, Sadey managed to open the door after stabbing the button with her functional index finger.  The door swung open to a cramped hallway alive with the chatter of the elderly.  They stopped when they saw Sadey sucking on her throbbing knuckles.  On the faces of each person looking at her was a degree of fear as they gaped at her trench coat and black hair.  Any resentment she felt towards Davis magnified; she most obviously didn't fit in and the old people confirmed it.  She dared to move further down the hall, not sure where to go.  To her left was a reception desk with a plump nurse working inside, taking out files from shelves stuffed with hundreds of colored folders and thick books, all the while rolling around her space as if the swivel chair had been permanently attached to her rear.
"Miss, can I help you?" the nurse asked.
"Volunteering?"  The nurse studied Sadey's attire and pushed a button, speaking into it with a flat voice, "Trossetran to the Nurses' Station, Trossetran to the Nurses' Station."  A woman no higher than Sadey's shoulders zipped out of a room in hot pink scrubs.  Her white pixie contrasted sharply with her naturally tan skin and frosty blue eyes.  She smiled at Sadey with perfect teeth that would have evoked jealousy in toothpaste models.  
"So you're the one the school signed up?  You're a little late, but we can get you started.  Follow me," said the pint-sized nurse.  "By the way, my name is Diana."
Diana reached back and snatched Sadey's hand at her side.  "And you are?"
"Sadey."  They passed a nurse who knocked on a resident's door and loudly announced her presence for bathroom help.  Sadey felt like gagging.  "Will I have to do bedpans or wipe butts or anything?"  
Giggling, Diana said, "Only if you want me to show you."  Sadey made a mental note never to ask. 
They walked through the assisted living ward, passing a few tanks of tropical fish and a parakeet Diana couldn't go by without some sort of interaction.
"This is Re-Pete."  The blue parakeet jumped onto the bars and gave tremendous effort at trying to bite Diana.  
"Re-Pete?"  An annoying screech filled the hall.
"Pete died and the residents wanted another Pete.  Pete Squared was too hard to say and not really funny, so we settled for Re-Pete."  Diana thumped the parakeet on its bill after it nipped at her index finger.  As Sadey followed Diana, she noticed that the nurse smelled like cherry almond lotion.  It was the best smell she had come across so far.  
A few young nurses scrambled around, holding records and blood pressure cuffs.  They seemed rushed while the residents enjoyed themselves.   
"Here we are."  They entered a room with a television and another, larger tank of fish.  A cop show, barely audible to Sadey, entertained a few men until Diana changed the channels for the VCR.
"It wasn't a good episode anyways," one of the men grumbled.  Secretly, Sadey wanted to watch it.  About the only thing Tracy told Sadey about her father was that he was arrested before the film crew, but she never recorded the episode for a keepsake.  Deep down, Sadey knew it was a lie, just like everything else Tracy said to build herself up in any small way.  
Diana fed the ancient VCR and waited for the film to flicker on.  "Watch this.  It's just twenty minutes of nursing home ethics and some basic procedures.  I'll be back around the end."  Diana zipped off again, leaving behind her scent of sweet lotion.  The tape took off with a fuzzy start and was mute.
"Just smack the tape player," the chubbier of the men barked.  Sadey thumped the side of the VCR and the picture spliced backwards with the top half being on the bottom and bottom being on the top.  The sound returned, but it was like listening through a sheet of Styrofoam.  In the film, two actresses dressed as nurses sat at a lunch table and ate with exaggerated smiles.  Sadey noticed that both nurses had the same outdated perm and gobs of makeup, just like her mother.  In the scenario, one nurse ducked her head like she was going to tell a secret. "Guess what Mrs. Smith has?  It's so gross!  She has---"  
Another nurse cut her off with a look of chastisement, the look mothers give to grass-stained boys in bleach commercials.  "We shouldn't talk about the conditions of others, no matter how slight or serious."  Sadey found herself rolling her eyes and guessing how old the water stains were on the ceiling.  Some had dark brown rings and others were bruise-like with yellow spots.  The residents had the same reaction towards the ancient tape.  Sadey could hear them grumble that they've seen the tape before and how they'd love to destroy it.  The tape rambled on about cleanliness in nursing homes, how to deal with Alzheimer's patients, and that resident confidentiality is crucial.  Sadey only listened to the interesting facts and was in a daze so deep that her vision blurred.  A flash of pink shocked Sadey back to full consciousness.  Diana flipped the channels back on, landing on a rerun of Home Improvement.
"What did you think?" Diana asked.  
Sadey shrugged.  "The styles were tacky and the acting sucked."
"Besides that, did you learn anything?"
She tried to remember, making a show of it.  "Wash your hands, don't spread personal information, and be friends with the old people."  The men were gone, allowing Sadey to say "old people" freely.
Diana stabbed buttons to get the tape out.  "Have you ever worked with the elderly before, like a grandma or grandpa?"
"Um, nope."
"Well, the tape doesn't touch on experience.  You'll need to wash your hands to keep the residents healthy and you'll need to keep your mouth shut on personal topics, if you hear anything.  The last part, being friends, is the most important aspect of this job.  These people are in the home stretch, but being a friend to them is the difference between a happy ending and a bitter one.  Even though it'll take some experience, you'll enjoy working with the residents."  Diana threw up her hands, forfeiting the tape to the VCR.
"What experience can I get from volunteering for twenty-four hours?  My learning curve isn't all that great if Principal Rasmussen hasn't already told you."
Diana raised her eyebrows, hinting at mystery.  "You'd be surprised what you'll be taught."  Without warning, she zipped off again.
"Are you coming, Sadey?  I have to show you where you'll be helping."  Sadey clicked her tongue, reluctantly following Diana.  They ended up in a dining room, where Sadey expected to see ladies knitting.  Instead, balloons in primary colors flew above the heads of several residents with fly swatters.  
"Balloon ball.  Something they created.  Anyway, this is where you'll be helping until you get the hang of things.  I need to take stats, so Lydia will fill you in," Diana said, her jeweled fingers patting Sadey's shoulder.  Sadey nodded dumbly, taking in as much of the lotion smell as she could before Diana took off in a blur of pink.
"So you're the one from the school?" the woman asked.  Lydia, a towering woman with hair standing six inches high above her six-foot frame, chomped on a piece of neon gum and possessed less than an ounce of body fat.    
"Yeah." Sadey stared at a lady with drool traveling down her chin, unaware that it was there.  
Lydia smacked her gum several times before bringing Sadey up to speed. "After fifteen minutes of balloon ball, or physical therapy, we set the tables up for dinner.  This diagram over here," Lydia paused, bringing over a piece of paper with drawings of tables with names.  "We bring the residents to their designated spots.  Then you bib them up."  Lydia opened a cupboard that held stacks of terrycloth bibs.  
Fifteen minutes ticked by with Sadey on her knees, retrieving balloons from under the table and smacking them like a volleyball.  Whenever a balloon escaped from the reach of the group's drama queen, Starla, she cried out, "For Pete's sake!"  As Sadey retrieved the balloons from under the table, she noticed that every leg was riddled with blue veins.  Some of the veins were large and spread out, while others were as small as thread and bunched together.
Lydia's shrill voiced startled Sadey.  "Bag up the balloons and flyswatters!"  Sadey dusted off her knees and hugged the balloons to her chest, squeezing them into a mesh bag with the flyswatters.  Lydia already had the tables moved for dinner and snapped her fingers to get Sadey's attention.
"While you put the residents in their spots, I'll get the drinks.  And you are not allowed to get the drinks." 
Offended, Sadey asked, "Why not?  You think I am going to put stuff in them?"
Lydia smiled at the retort.  "No, I would be afraid of you not putting stuff into the drinks.  What needs to be put into the drinks is the important thing.  Some of the residents need nectar because they choke on water."  
While Lydia prepared drinks, Sadey looked at the diagram, reading the names of the residents she had to find.
"Halwell?"  Sadey looked in the room for a Halwell, but Lydia said, "She is napping.  We wake her up just before dinner starts."  Sadey rolled her eyes and tried again.
"Bates?"
"I know where I sit, for Pete's sake."  Starla wheeled herself to her spot, her mass of costume jewelry clinking together as she moved the wheelchair.  
"Workman?"  While Lydia poured nectar into a cup, she said, "She should be right around here."  Sadey left the dining room, looking for the woman who belonged to that name.  Among the throng of permed women and bald men staggering towards her, Sadey was lost.  Was Workman in a wheelchair or with a cane?  As the residents passed her for the dining room, one woman remained by the tropical fish tank.
"Workman?"
The woman turned, apparently hearing her name.  "Yes?  Is it supper already?"  Sadey didn't answer and grabbed the wheelchair's slick handles.
"I feel like royalty when someone pushes me.  I pretend I am Queen Wilhelmina and a banquet is being held in my honor."  The woman chuckled to herself, waiting for Sadey to reply.  
"This is going to be worse than Hell," Sadey whispered.  The woman slouched softly.  Sadey pushed her into the dining room and into the wrong spot, but Lydia didn't seem to notice as she beckoned Sadey over with wild arm movements and screeched, "Bibs!"
Sadey hustled to Lydia, grimacing as wheelchair handles poked her waist and ribs, and took the stack of bibs that smelled heavily of bleach.  Most of the residents had bibs on, except Queen Wilhelmina and a few others.  Lydia rushed to a man's side and yelled in his ear, "Coffee or tea?"  The man jumped and barked, "Coffee!"
"This is Hell!  This is Hell!" Sadey said behind clenched teeth as a resident's fart entered her vicinity.
"Please don't say that."  Sadey glanced down at Queen Wilhelmina as she fought with a bib.
"What?"
Wilhelmina sat as straight as she could.  "Young lady, God frowns upon swearing." 
Sadey bent down close to the woman's ear.  "I'm not here to make friends.  I'm here to work for twenty-four hours because I want to get out of this Hell-hole called Woodridge."  Sadey fastened her bib and moved on, rolling her eyes so hard she thought she damaged the nerves.
Wilhelmina felt the intended sting by the girl's words.  Lord, when will You bless me with that friend?  She knew that getting something as grand as a friend wouldn't come easy and without complications like the girl with thick makeup masking her face like an oil change gone wrong.
Sadey put bibs on the other residents, noticing every detail about them.  One man sipped his coffee while a purple bat hat warmed his bald spot.  Across from him, his wife let her white hair fall down to her waist as she chattered with naturally-colored cherry lips.    
They all seemed happy.  Even the whiny Starla laughed with her friends as she wrapped her fingers up in her long Wilma Flintstone necklaces.  She made a quick glance at Queen Wilhelmina and noticed that nobody sat with her.  But she didn't care to ponder why and bibbed the last resident, worn out and frustrated.  The clock had only changed one hour, which to Sadey felt as if it had been an eternity since she arrived.
Servers brought out crab salad and baskets of wheat rolls, making Sadey stare like a dummy.  She only had boxed meals and fast food, canned food and cereal, save for the occasions when they went to the Finn's to eat real food.  It was not in her plan to spend the Welfare money on eating out in nice restaurants, no matter how good the offers were.  Through the steam of the tomato bisque on the server's trays, Sadey saw Lydia beckoning her again and followed, thoroughly irritated by the woman's hasty pace, into a small office where she was signing Sadey's volunteer sheet.  
"When you next come in, be here on time to help me.  After a while, you can come whenever you want, but I have to get you familiar with this place and the residents before you do that."  
"When do I come in next?"  Sadey remembered Davis and Rasmussen explaining the procedures to her, but no words came along with the memory.
"Your teacher wants you here three hours every week.  It's up to you when you come in, but that doesn't mean skipping class to do it," said Lydia, putting the slip of paper away.  Sadey shook Lydia's dry hand and left.  She caught herself running down the hall and slowed before crashing into a medicine cart.  As Sadey drove home with the bass level at maximum, Lydia floated from her mind, as well as the stress she felt from her first volunteering experience.  Most importantly, though, Sadey relaxed before she had to face her mother.  Every time, something was new: new man, new reason to leave for the night, or a new reason for Sadey to wish she had never grown in Tracy's womb.
She screeched to a stop over a three-foot long oil stain, always fresh in the center from her car.  Taking her sweet time, Sadey visited with Mira for a few minutes as Cora rubbed the sleep out of her eyes.  Reluctantly, Sadey dragged her feet back to her front door and braced herself.
Inside her house, a familiar cloud of smoke hung before Sadey.  Tracy lumbered out of the kitchen with a shabby cigarette between her fingers and a pair of tan hands on her hips.  
"Sadey, meet Jorge!"  Tracy was drunk, as she always made sure to be when she had gentlemen callers.  Sadey lost count of how many men her mother brought home over the years, most of them being Hispanic.  All she knew was that all of the men were customers, regular or new, at the Casa del Rey downtown.  Jorge was new, with eyes of dark chocolate and a complexion as smooth as Cora's.  His hair had been combed back with grease or gel and his goatee was perfectly trimmed.  A gigantic cigar dangled from his lips, stinking up the air worse than Tracy's cigarettes.
"Hola.  Your madre is divine," said Jorge, putting his lips on Tracy's neck and barely missing her with his hot cigar butt.  
With a puff of smoke, Tracy said, "You might want to find someplace else to sleep tonight.  It's not going to be quiet here, I'll tell you that."  She giggled as Jorge tickled her ribs and played with the tangled thread hanging off of Tracy's shirt.  There was no countdown to when the clothes would start magically coming off; Sadey ran upstairs with the toddler wrapped around her front, squatting down like a pregnant lady to get Cora's overnight bag stuffed with dolls and puzzles.  She slung it over her shoulder and began the wobbly trek down the stairs, wishing she had not seen Jorge with his white undershirt off amid the slurping sounds.  The flimsy front door felt as if it would snap in half as Sadey kicked it shut.
"We're going to see Uncle Darius and Aunt Mira again?" Cora asked, petting Sadey's neck with her chubby fingers. 
"Yep."  She kissed Cora's pink cheek and took in the sickly sweet scent of baby powder and cigarette smoke.  She bounced the growing girl, adoring the way her black curls stretched and coiled with the movement.  After a minute, holding and bouncing Cora became a chore.  Thanks to Sadey's ability to stock the shelves with little money and nutritious meals from the Finns, Cora had some heft to her.  If Tracy was in charge of feeding Cora, Sadey was sure that the she would look like the starving children on those commercials that compel people to donate money.  Each roll on Cora's body assured Sadey that the child wasn't starving, although it was hard for Sadey to tell at the moment whenever she heard Cora's stomach rumble and gurgle against her chest.  
Cora leaned forward and rang the bell of the brick house, knowing that the bell magically opened the door to reveal someone.  This time, it was Uncle Darius.  
"Hey-ya, kiddo!" he said, snatching her from Sadey's hip.
She giggled.  "I knew it would be you!"  Together, they escaped to the study where Darius taught Cora to assemble puzzles.  The puzzles weren't the four-piece baby puzzles, either; Darius and Cora had already assembled, destroyed, and reassembled enormous puzzles of French landscapes, Charles Wysocki paintings, and one that Mira framed of the world.  Sadey couldn't help but smile as she passed the sepia-toned puzzle map in its place on the wall.  "Mira?" 
"In here."  Sadey followed the rich voice into the kitchen.  From behind, Mira looked plain, but as she turned, Sadey was always stunned.  Mira looked like a Maybelline model, but she never used makeup.  Rose glowed from her cheeks and her green eyes played up her ginger hair.  Delicate freckles adorned her cheeks and the bridge of her nose.  And despite being in her early fifties, her face seemed immune to wrinkles that plagued other women.
"Another one of those nights?  I knew it.  I had a feeling your mother was due to have another gentleman caller over." she said in her singsong Irish voice.  Sadey nodded as she climbed into one of the wrought-iron bar stools.  Whenever Sadey found herself at the Finns', she wished she had been born to be their daughter.  Everything was perfect, which exaggerated her poverty even more.  But Sadey didn't mind; she was glad that good people like the Finns were rich and not her mother.
Silence conquered the atmosphere.  Over the years, Mira heard every reason why Sadey escaped to her house.  Now, she didn't need words; she knew from Sadey's expression that her mother had invited a man to her bedroom.  She focused on the salmon she purchased from Pike Place Market yesterday, delicately arranging spices and lemon wedges around the cooked fish.  At any time, Sadey could vent her pent up troubles or remain silent; either way, Mira was ready to let the salmon spoil to hear every pained word.
Darius came in the kitchen with Cora sitting on his shoulders.  His blonde curls had clearly been played with and an amazed look activated the channels of wrinkles on his face.  "Puzzle's done."  The herb shaker slipped from Mira's grasp.
"But you were less than halfway done with it when the girls arrived!"  She laughed and shook her head in disbelief.  "Cora is going to have to teach you how to do puzzles, love!"
Sadey was amazed.  Her sister seemed lifeless whenever she was in Tracy's presence or at daycare, but as soon as they walked through the door at the Finns', Cora's eyes went from vacant to dazzling.  The worst part was that Sadey had no idea what to do with Cora's gift with puzzles.  All she could do was buy more puzzles as they went on clearance at Target, making it very easy for Sadey to claim that Cora owns close to ninety puzzles.
"After working your noodle like that, I bet you're hungry now."  Mira set the fish on the table.  Darius growled and made his hands into claws, saying to Cora, "I'm as hungry as a bear!"  The toddler imitated him, showing off her baby teeth, and giggled until prayer.
After the filling dinner, Sadey bathed Cora with lavender bubbles and struggled to put the pajamas over her damp skin.  Cora normally fussed, but she was thinking deep this night.
"Does Mommy not love me?"  Sadey was thrown by the question, trying hard to word the answer for a three-year-old to comprehend.  Her first reaction was to lie straight out with something like, "Of course she loves you!  All mommies love their kids!"  She knew Cora wouldn't believe it, or if she did, it would be enough to let her drift off to sleep, but Sadey couldn't bear the thought of planting such an obvious lie in her sister's tender heart.
"Well, Mommy is not...very grown up.  She only loves herself and doesn't think about you or me.  I love you more than Mommy does."  Cora finally wiggled her head through the hole of her pajama top and whipped around to wrap her arms around Sadey's neck.
"And Mira and Darius love me, too.  Don't forget, silly-willy."  She pecked Sadey's cheek before running to Mira and Darius to wish them goodnight.  Feeling drained, Sadey plopped back on the pillows and whispering, "Don't worry about Mommy.  She doesn't mean anything to us.  Her ugly head is so far up her butt that she can't see us."  
	Although nobody was around to hear her, Sadey said the words for herself.









c h a p t e r
    t h r e e


Sadey parked as close as she could to the door, always somewhat paranoid of being kidnapped if she was too far from a building.  One of the residents from the assisted living wing sat on a bench, blowing two small streams of cigarette smoke from her nostrils.
"Hi, sweetie.  Nice day, huh?" the woman said.  Sadey nodded without really thinking about Woodridge's weather today.  She stopped and took a moment to look at what she ignored: the sky was a milky blue with wisps of white clouds towards the east and storm clouds made their way from the coast.  The formations of gray advanced, a feathery bottom on each cloud indicating that rain was falling.  Sadey could almost smell the sweetness of wet pavement.
"Yeah, nice day."  She went through the double doors and saw Laura, pinning on her metal nametag and running her fingers down the length of her wavy hair.  Sadey glanced at the plain girl and walked by without any sort of greeting.  
Even before Sadey reached the recreation room, she could hear Lydia raising her voice.  Today, she sounded a bit snippy.  Lydia met her eyes, looking anxious about something, biting her wad of green gum faster than usual while giving Sadey a strained smile.  "Glad you could make it."
"Uh, thanks.  So, what do you want me to do?"  She gestured to the table.  Lydia gave her instructions to a simple game and rubbed her face.  Normally, there was no downtime with Lydia in Sadey's short experience.  At the moment, the tall woman stared at nothing in particular.  Then she mumbled, "What do you like to do?"   
"Nothing much.  I hang out with my friends."  
"Nothing?  Well, I'm sure there are other things.  My son likes to drink, which I hope you don't."  Lydia rubbed her face again.  Before Sadey could tell her that she likes to imitate Donald Duck, Lydia left the room to get residents for supper.  Sadey tried to read the seating chart; it was like an unbreakable code, each name relating to a face she'd probably never remember.  Lydia came back, pushing a man in his wheelchair fast enough to make him hold tight to the arm rests.
"Do I need to get anyone?" Sadey asked, feeling useless.  Lydia stopped and chomped her gum while calculating in her head.  "Yeah.  I'll get Ronald, so then you need to get the lady from Room 134."
"Which lady?"  Lydia ran off in her hasty manner, ignoring the question.  She knew Lydia gave her the room number to make it easier to locate the person, but she still felt so lost in the sea of wrinkled faces she came across. 
Down the right wing was Room 134.  Pictures taken with a digital camera identified each resident dwelling inside the rooms.  Room 125's picture was of a man who always wore a black cowboy hat and had an unlimited supply of Louis L'Amour novels.  Room 132 was empty, in need of a person to take a picture of.  Sadey stopped at Room 134 and recognized the woman in the picture.  Her loosely permed hair framed her soft face.
"Queen Wilhelmina?  Just the person to make my day," Sadey grumbled, knocking on the door.  A faint "come in" prompted Sadey to open the door with much reluctance.  Instead of the harsh fluorescent lighting, natural light filled the room.  Chickadee songs sounded bubbly and gentle as they sang just outside the window.
Sadey raised an eyebrow as her eyes met Wilhelmina's.  "I came to get you for dinner."
Wilhelmina turned away and chuckled. "The chickadees love their dinner.  They go after those sunflower seeds like I would go after truffles!  I don't think Diana would let me live on a truffle diet here, though."  The lack of laughter from Sadey moved Wilhelmina to a different topic, as if she knew why Sadey restrained herself.
"Honey, I'm sorry for reprimanding you the other day.  I'm not your mother, so I shouldn't act like it.  I'm sure there's a greater reason why you feel the way you do."  Wilhelmina sighed and shook her head.  Sadey remained silent, rather than make a cause to be reprimanded again, and pushed Wilhelmina out of Room 134 to dinner.  As Sadey fastened the bib around Wilhelmina's neck, she had a strange feeling that the woman had actually forgiven her.  
It will probably be the first and last time someone forgives a waste like me, she thought.  Wilhelmina didn't even know Sadey and yet, she forgave her for her sour attitude and rude words.  The notion mesmerized Sadey's teenage brain.  When she tried catching Wilhelmina's eye, the woman wasn't smiling or even looking at Sadey, which reminded her of how the counselors acted towards her and her "issues" at school.  They might be concerned and play the part well, however, as soon as the session was over, Sadey knew that the counselor wouldn't really do anything to help her.  Other more deserving people existed, people that had more money and influence than Sadey.  She assumed Wilhelmina must've been a counselor or psychologist in her career days.  Sadey shrugged off the hope she had from the encounter just minutes before.  "Too good to be true" ran through Sadey's ears like tickertape.  
It was 4:35 and Cora was overdue to be taken off Mira's hands.  She finished bibbing late arrivals and made her way through the costumed servers, trying not to get knocked in the face by platters.  Without another word, Sadey left, taking one last look into the dining hall.  As he ate, the cowboy read one of his westerns, completely ignoring his plate of sausage and spinach.  Wilhelmina turned her head of soft curls and saw Sadey, wrinkling her face with a smile.  Before Wilhelmina could wave, a server asked to refill her glass.  When she looked back up, Sadey was gone.
"Nice weather, isn't it sweetie?"  The same woman who greeted Sadey earlier was still sitting outside, smoking.  Again, Sadey took note of the weather.  Although the temperature had dropped, it was humid, and clouds arched over Woodridge like a glass dome over a cake.  The storm from the west moved south to Oregon and not a piece of sky peeked through the clouds.  
"Yeah.  Kind of cold," she replied as she fished for her coconut lip balm.  The lady blew out a puff of smoke and continued staring at the rock fountain across from her.  Before the lady could take another drag, Sadey revved the Honda and was out of Forest Hills for the day.  She pulled over the oil stain and noticed a headless bird sprawled on the concrete, rotting with most of the skin and feathers peeled off.  Sadey covered her mouth as she crossed over into the Finn's driveway, kicking the dead bird onto the grass divider.  
From inside the picturesque home, Sadey heard Cora talking in her squeaky, toddler voice.  Sadey went in and listened by the kitchen entrance.  
"?and turn the oven on to five degrees and cook the chicken for ten-hundred seconds.  Then you put it on a plate with some mashed 'tatoes."  
Mira laughed and slapped her thighs. "But then I would be freezing the chicken into an ice cube!  You don't want to have a giant chicken ice cube for dinner, would you?"
"No!" Cora giggled.  When she noticed her sister standing in the doorway, Cora ran and hid behind Mira's skirt, as she always did when Sadey came for her.  To Cora's relief, and secretly Sadey's, Mira begged the girls to stay for the chicken dinner.  More than half the times Sadey came for Cora after school, Mira would have something ready to put on the table.  Once Mira was satisfied with how much the girls ate, she wished them a good night and the girls left, moaning from being so stuffed.  Cora chattered on and on about her day, with the words she knew, as Sadey suffered through giving the plump girl a piggyback ride.  
Once inside, Cora took her play dress off for her evening bath and waited in the tub for Sadey to fill it with lavender bubbles.  Cora grabbed her plastic Dollar Mart dolls and pretended they were mermaids while Sadey washed her black curls with the soapy water.  Suddenly, from somewhere in the house, Sadey heard footsteps.  They were definitely not from outside, but coming up the stairs.
Can Jorge have a key already?  She poured more water over Cora's hair and body, trying her best not to panic.  Just outside the bathroom she heard the footsteps again, forcing Sadey to turn and look into the face of her mother.  For once, there wasn't a man attached to her backside.  Cora quit her adorable babbling at once.
"Your butt looks bigger.  I'll bet you couldn't stop that Irish woman from shoving food down your throat again."  Tracy studied her daughter's rear with exaggerated disgust and turned to the mirror.  
Tracy plucked her eyebrows and said to her reflection, "Don't ever get tangled with men like Jorge."  Sadey was surprised that Tracy offered a bit of advice, like a mother should.  Her surprise was short-lived.  "Don't ever have children.  They screw you when you're still in your prime.  If I could redo some things, I wouldn't have two bastard kids."
Cora squirmed and whimpered, reaching for Sadey.  Even though Cora glimmered with bubbles and water ran down her legs like rivers, Sadey pulled her out and wrapped her up in the best towel she could find.  She looked back into the bathroom and saw her mother still plucking away at the little hair that was left of her eyebrows.
Despite Cora's age of three, she could tell that the woman she called Mommy did not really care for her.  If ever Cora saw Tracy, the instinct she had was to find Sadey and cling to her leg or whine with arms stretching up to Sadey.  As always, Sadey came to her sister's rescue.  
Sadey shut the bedroom door and hit the play button on the CD player.
"Hey diddle-diddle, the cat and the fiddle?"  Cora relaxed when Sadey put her in fresh pajamas and sang along with the CD.  By now, Cora was asleep, draped over her sister's thighs.
"Three little kittens, they lost their mittens?" Sadey tried to pick Cora up to put her in her own bed, but the toddler hugged her sister's body in silent protest.  It was useless.  If Sadey pushed the issue any further, Cora would wake up crying and try to get back into bed with Sadey until she gave in.  Once Sadey pulled a blanket over their bodies, Cora hugged her sister's body in a desperate attempt to stay close.  Sadey hugged her back in hopes that Cora felt loved instead of lost?as Sadey felt.









c h a p t e r
    f o u r
 
 
"Senioritis" hit Sadey harder than it did for most of her peers.  Being a senior, Sadey did not want to work at all, considering that she would get her diploma anyway with C's and D's across the chart.  As part of having senioritis, Sadey failed to listen to Davis's assignment in sixth period.  Sadey could do the minimum by reading the Chapter Summary and asking one of the teacher's pets for the assignment.
Usually until 3:00 came, all Sadey did was sit and rot, waiting for something to jolt her.  Surprisingly, the 3:00 bells did not jolt her, but the thought of volunteering did.  
Snap out of it.  You're getting excited over working with old people? My god, she told herself.  Did her heart skip a beat in excitement or was it an air bubble traveling through her chambers?  Sadey decided it was an air bubble.  
She dragged her feet to her car and drove five miles below the speed limit.  People blared their horns and got as close to Sadey's bumper as possible, making Sadey feel much like an animal being led to the chopping block.  Finally, she pulled into the Forest Hills Convalescent Center parking lot and trudged her way to the entrance.
"Lovely weather isn't it?  I love it when it's like this," said the same woman as last time, pointing at the sky with her cigarette.  Sadey looked up.  The weather in March was always undecided, as if the sky wanted to sprinkle the earth as badly as it wanted to open up for the sun.  At the moment, a breeze rustled the trees and chilled Sadey's face.  She was glad to get inside for the shelter, but the odor quickly reminded her of its overbearing presence.  
By now, Sadey pushed the green button without Laura shouting for her to do it and automatically headed for the recreation room.  Like last time, Sadey followed Lydia's booming voice.  Today, she didn't hear it.
Did she lose her voice?  No, there's no way, she thought.  Sadey found Diana in Lydia's place, leading a giant game of bean bag tic-tac-toe.
"Where's Lydia?"  Sadey handed a bean bag to Starla.
"Honey, she had a death in the family."
"A grandpa or grandma?" Sadey asked.  Death made Sadey shiver a bit, but death in the elderly never bothered her much.
"Her son, Drew.  Only eighteen.  It was all Lydia could do to stay sane and help me out yesterday, but after she found out Drew went into a coma, she fell apart.  Did you know Drew?"
The answer almost came out as, "Yeah, he put his tongue down my throat once," but Sadey didn't want to be connected to Drew in any way.  "Not very well.  We have some of the same friends, but not much more than that."  
A white minivan drove around the building at mach speed.  Sadey soon lost interest once it was out of sight.  If it was a flower delivery, they wouldn't be for her.
"We have to rearrange the tables!  Our friends are here!" Diana squealed as she grabbed the bean bags and stuffed them into a mesh tote.  Sadey stood still, not knowing what to do.
"Oh, for Pete's sake!" Starla cried, her masses of costume jewelry clinking together.  She got out of Diana's way while giving Sadey a look that said, "Are you here to help or not?"  Luckily, Diana started firing off directions to Sadey: "Go get the residents that you'd normally bring in for dinner and set them up in a circle with enough space in between each other.  Quick!"  Sadey jogged to the seating chart and read off the names of those she needed to fetch.  "Alice, María, cowboy man, and Wilhelmina."  
Alice was watching an Italian cooking show and begged for Sadey to wait until the lady showed the proper temperature and time to achieve al dente pasta.  After granting Alice her wish, Sadey went in search for María.  She was sitting by Re-Pete, sticking her fingers between the bars to try to pet Re-Pete's blue chest.  He turned and lunged for the Mexican woman's hand.  María yelped something in Spanish, sucking on her finger as Re-Pete held his beak open in defense.  Sadey wondered if the parakeet ever possessed a gentle soul, but she doubted it as Re-Pete started squawking and banging his beak against the thin bars.
"Time to go?" Sadey used her fingers in a walking motion on her palm.
"Sí, yes," María said, gathering her blankets in her lap.  Sadey grabbed the wheelchair handles and rolled María into the recreation room, all the while trying to interpret words she should've known from Beginning Spanish.  
Sadey searched in the rooms and found the man with his Louis L'Amour novel and black cowboy hat, taking him swiftly into the recreation room.  He grunted his thanks.
"All it takes is three eggs, some flour, and salt, and then you run the dough through a pasta machine, and then you boil the pasta for only two minutes!  The lady on the show said that fresh pasta doesn't need to be cooked as long.  I wonder if the chefs here make fresh pasta at all.  With my dentures, it's hard to tell anymore."  She set Alice by her husband, Arthur, and wiped her hands free of sweat.
Waiting by her open window, Wilhelmina let the chilly March breeze purify her room.  She turned when she heard a knock on her doorframe. "Oh, hello.  Come in."  Wilhelmina was pink-cheeked and energized, even more so when Sadey started wheeling her out of the room.
"Oh, dear, could we go a bit faster?  I've been looking forward to this day for several weeks!"
Sadey mumbled, "What, for Bingo?"
The brown and white curls on Wilhelmina's head bounced as she laughed, "I'm not that desperate for entertainment!  No, no, no.  We have a special guest today.  He doesn't talk much, but he loves to prance around the room and crawl on people."
Thoughts of Chippendale dancers visiting nursing homes forced rolling laughter from Sadey.  "Who exactly crawls on people, Willow-minna, I mean, Will---"
"Dear, save your tongue from exhaustion and call me Minnie.  Oh, here we are!  My usual spot is over there," said Minnie, pointing to the center arc of the circle formed by the other wheelchairs.
Diana counted the residents.  "Okay, everybody's here, so we can begin!"  The Red Cross woman smiled as she introduced Myles, a slim and smiling Golden Retriever.  "My buddy here just wants to love you and be loved.  Don't be afraid of him.  He's perfectly safe."  She gave Myles's rump a small pat and he took off for the first person he saw.
"Oh, for Pete's sake!" Starla grumbled as Myles sat by her, sending a flow of dog breath her way. 
"Pet him!" the cowboy grunted.  Starla lowered a timid hand and rested it on Myles's bumpy head.  He leaned into her palm.  "Oh, for Pete's sake," she cooed, as if she were saying, "How sweet!"
Diana snuck up behind Sadey and deposited a sleek Polaroid camera into her hands.
"Take pictures of the residents with Myles!"  Sadey scurried over to Starla and felt ridiculous when she said, "Cheese!"  Myles smiled as Starla smoothed his ears, but Starla looked up and moaned, "Oh, for Pete's sake!"  
Sadey snapped the picture in mid-complaint and waited for the camera to spit out the filmcard.  She waved it in the air, thinking that it helps the picture develop quicker, and handed it to Starla.
"Oh, for Pete's sake, I look hideous!"  Sadey agreed in her mind that Starla's photogenic years were far behind her.  The Red Cross woman slid two fingers underneath Myles's collar and led him to the cowboy, who did not give the slightest smile.  He shook his head and whispered, "No, thanks."
The woman sat Myles at Minnie's side.  Sadey poised the camera, waiting for the right moment.  Myles was idle, almost bored-looking, until Minnie started talking to him.
"Who's a good baby dog?  Yeah?  Myles is!  Myles is a good baby boy!" Minnie squealed, scratching underneath the dog's floppy ears.  A visible grin spread across his face.
"Up!  Come up!  Myles, up!"  She patted her lap several times and finally tempted Myles to stand up with his front paws on her legs.  Around his golden tail went in circles, as if it was a propeller.  She kissed him between the eyes and on his cold nose, getting long kisses in return.
Sadey's finger rested on the shutter button.  For a moment, Sadey forgot that she had a camera glued to her face as she felt Minnie's gentleness sweep around her.
Diana tapped Sadey's shoulder.  "Take a picture!"  Sadey fumbled for the button.
Click.  The picture popped out and Sadey waved it, eager to see.  Slowly, the darker objects appeared first.  Then the fine shadows of Minnie's wrinkles came in, making her look soft again.  
"Here, Minnie."  Sadey still felt warm after the picture was long taken; somehow, Minnie looked at Sadey in the eye, not just through the focus, but as if she was two inches from her face.  The feeling haunted Sadey.
"I'll get the other residents for dinner if you want to start the bibs," Diana said as she tried suppressing a yawn.  Sadey pulled down an armload of terrycloth bibs and found necks for them to go around.  All of the residents chatted as if they were in a coffeehouse and flashed their false teeth for every good memory that they dug up.  Some of the pieces Sadey caught dealt with award-winning hot rods left behind in garages (and whose was hotter), rhubarb pie recipes (and whose was better), and great-grandchildren (and whose were most angelic).  In Starla's case, she proudly claimed to have the nastiest grandchildren.  But Minnie was alone, watching a single gray squirrel attempt to climb into the birdfeeder.  Sadey put the bib around Minnie's neck, trying not to get the Velcro hooks tangled up with her hair.  
Before Sadey could secure the bib, a soft hand wrapped itself around hers.  Minnie turned to study Sadey's face, far beneath the superficial layers of makeup and a half-scowl.
"You have a lot of pain behind your eyes."  That statement was not what Sadey was expecting.  Usually, people commented on Sadey's cheeks always being pink, enough to make her numb to hearing about it.  Nobody had ever looked past her skin and into her emotions before.
"What do you mean?" Sadey asked.
Minnie smiled at Sadey's confused face, "When you are ready, come and tell me."
*
In the Honda, Cora was too ill from another child in the daycare to bother buckling herself in.  The Finns would have watched Cora, but they had plans to meet friends in Seattle for the day.  Fortunately, it was Friday and Tracy would be serving drinks at Casa del Rey until late, followed by an extended stay at a man's apartment, no doubt, rather than sitting on the couch and ignoring her youngest child.  Sadey fetched her Everything You Need to Know about Childcare book and flipped to the section about illnesses.   
She skimmed the text as she rifled through the cabinets.  "Blah-blah-blah, take temp, aspirin-free medicine, sponging, liquids."  She turned the book upside-down to keep her page and found the digital thermometer and a bottle of liquid Children's Tylenol.  Cora had already taken off her jacket and jeans and lay curled on the couch.  She opened her mouth and cringed as the metal tip of the thermometer shocked the warm, tender skin underneath her tongue.  
"Okay, keep your mouth closed until it beeps."  Cora closed her eyes, looking perfectly miserable and sticky.
Beep-beep beep-beep, beep-beep beep-beep!  Cora held the thermometer up for Sadey to read.
"103.92?  Great."  Sadey poured out a dose of Children's Tylenol and held it to Cora's pale lips.  Cora drank the thick grape medicine obediently and shut her eyes, her sighs almost turning into cries.
Like the book suggested, Sadey found a sponge and put it into a plastic container of lukewarm water.  Cora was almost asleep by the time Sadey finished sponging her torso and neck.  As Sadey sponged Cora's steaming back, she heard some knocks on the front door.  Her heart jumped to think of the Finns returning with a bag of Seattle's chocolate-covered espresso beans or huckleberry truffles. 
The knocking came quicker and harder.  Standing at the door was her closest friend, Wynter, holding a plastic grocery bag and bouncing like a child.
"Did you forget that I was coming over?" she giggled as she entered the house.  Her outfits defined her as the school's freak, which only encouraged her to spend more money at Costume Depot, stocking up on naughty French maid and Raggedy Ann ensembles.  For school, she had to wear tight jeans or a floor-length costume skirt because she hated Principal Rasmussen barking at her to change out of the frilly miniskirts.  Today, Wynter wore a complete bar wench costume, including the white tunic, fake leather vest, burgundy skirt, and thick boots she stole from her brother.  Not only did Wynter desire to dress vastly different, she dyed her hair strange colors and somehow found money to buy contacts in weird designs, like Marilyn Manson, wolf, cat, and her favorite, blackout.
Sadey shut the door.  "I kind of did forget.  Cora isn't feel---"  Wynter didn't seem to hear as she spun around like a fairy.
"My boyfriend, yes, I have a new one, named Wesley, and I, have become really close.  He saw my need for a man and stepped in to save me.  I got some candy and you promised to bring Jack Daniels and the girly wine."  Sadey snapped out of her thoughts of what Wynter meant by "really close" and automatically headed for the cupboard for the half-empty bottle of whiskey and a bottle of Arbor Mist in her favorite flavor, Blackberry Merlot.
The previews to an Adam Sandler movie lit up the living room as Sadey plunked the cups and alcohol on the table.  Wynter wrapped her ring-laden fingers around the whiskey.
"I'll be right back.  Cora caught the flu or a cold from daycare today.  That Romanian lady brought her sick grandson today and locked him in her office, even though he infected, like, eight kids."
"Quiet, I'm trying to listen."  Sadey did not bother to repeat herself as she headed upstairs.  Cora was sleeping with her face squished against Sadey's pillow.  The medicine was taking its effect on her little body.  She leaned down and kissed Cora's damp cheek.
Truthfully, Sadey wanted to sleep and take care of Cora, but she predicted that Wynter would stay longer when she went downstairs and saw her odd friend dangling a Ziploc baggie of pills.  Sadey drank a sip of wine and stared at the assortment in the bag.  Oval pills and white circular pills shuffled around with green capsules.  To the girls, it was a bit of freedom compressed into bitter swallows.  
"I forgot about how popular these are," Sadey breathed.  Many classmates had recently been toting around the clear bags filled with a wild variety of medicine, right under the nose of the administration.  Last month, Sadey and Wynter scraped enough cash together to buy one of the coveted baggies from a fat woman with fish eyes.  Her place of business was conveniently just off school grounds under the Smoking Tree, where the premature smokers could practice their new addiction.  
Wynter upended the baggie on the table, spreading them into little categories.  
"What if she put Viagra or boob pills in here?" Sadey asked as she read the fine print on the tablets.
"The boob pills are a positive result and you're not a guy, so I wouldn't worry."  Sadey fished through the bag and took one of the white pills, hoping that the smaller the pill was, the less results she would get.  If Cora caught her doing this, Sadey would never forgive herself, but found it hard to shy away from something a little forbidden.  Wynter found a grainy capsule and swallowed it with a mouthful of whiskey.  She giggled once the acetone flavor died down.  "I'll be well-rounded now!  I drink, I smoke, and I take pills for no reason!"  She helped herself to a blue triangular pill and cracked open the contents of a capsule into the Jack Daniels bottle.  
Ten minutes passed without anything strange happening.  Sadey still watched her chest to see if it had expanded at all.  Another ten minutes went by.
"I probably took an aspirin or something, I hope," Sadey guessed.  She had no aches for the aspirin to dispel, but perhaps it would ward them off for a bit.  They watched the television in silence, until Wynter scrambled off the couch.  She flew into the bathroom and retched into the toilet.  After a minute, she pranced her way to the couch.
"Whatever I mixed together, I want some more!" 














c h a p t e r
    f i v e

	
Sadey took huge bites of cheesecake under Tracy's gaze while her mother slurped a vanilla Slim-Fast.
After swallowing, Sadey asked, "Why does ten pounds bother you?  You're thin."
"I'm a cow.  Take another bite," Tracy growled.  Tracy weighed 162 pounds, versus Sadey's 152.  To please her mother, Sadey shoved the rest of the cheesecake into her mouth and chewed, swallowing it with a smile. 
"I have to go to work.  I hope you gain eleven pounds while I'm gone."  Tracy left the house without acknowledging Cora on the floor, crying her dark brown eyes out because she saw her mother slap Sadey before she smashed a piece of cheesecake into her hand.
The Geo whined out of the driveway and down the street, most likely blitzing through all of the stop signs.  Sadey always had a strong laugh after every "Weight Problem" session.  The Slim-Fast had as many calories as the small slice of cheesecake, but Tracy was too stupid to notice.  
However, after laughing, Sadey fell to the couch crying.  She blinked away tears to see pills, half gone now, still on the table.  Tracy must not have seen them.  Most of the pills Sadey had taken herself, suffering from dry mouth and vomiting all over her bed the next morning.  She thanked God that Cora wanted to sleep on a blanket on the floor that night.
Why is my life so screwed up?  She cried harder.  With a swift backhand, the pills flew across the room, rolling under the entertainment center and recliner.  Cora, still recovering from her flu, waddled over to some spinning pills and picked them up.
Through sobs, Sadey screeched, "Don't touch those, baby!  Just put it down!"  Cora was unaffected by the sharp demands as she dropped the pills.  Like Sadey did for her, Cora came to her side and lifted the hair off Sadey's neck, blowing on it to cool her down.
"You're the only good thing in my life," Sadey sniffled.  
"You, too, and Uncle Darius and Aunt Mira, too."  Cora kissed Sadey's cheek and smeared a tear around.
When you are ready, come and tell me.  Minnie's voice penetrated Sadey's throbbing brain, sending the offer to her heart.  
"I'm ready," she whispered.  "Somebody has to know."
Cora held Sadey's head.  "Somebody has to know what?"
"Somebody wants to know what makes me hurt and I'm going to tell them."
*
"Meet me at the Smoking Tree for lunch?" Wynter asked.  "Wesley's bringing the cigarettes and I highly suggest you take one because you're too fidgety today, you need something to calm your nerves."  Sadey nodded as she studied her friend's choice of apparel for today.  Wynter's French maid blouse was pulled down enough to show cleavage and wolf eye contact lenses added a sense of danger to her appearance.  Wynter tapped the pack of cigarettes she could now legally buy, tucked safely in her retro clutch purse.
"Sure.  Wesley can teach me how to smoke, I guess.  Not much else I can do that's bad for me," Sadey mumbled.  They were on a ten-minute "Nutrition Break" between second and third period, but instead of eating something nutritious, the two girls split a bottle of hard lemonade disguised as a Sprite.  
"I know Wesley will be a good teacher.  He smokes about a pack a day, so he should know what he's doing."  The bell rang, dividing the girls between Math and Drama.  The formula for standard deviation did not tempt Sadey in the least.  Instead, she was busy writing something else:

	Things to tell Minnie
	1. My mom is evil
	2. I drink a little
	3. My friends aren't that good
	4. I don't want to live this life anymore

By 12:30, Sadey had to be at the Smoking Tree.  The temptation of learning to smoke pulled Sadey a few steps outside, but her impending chat with Minnie pulled her back into the school.  For the first time voluntarily, Sadey went to the third floor of the school to the library.  She was not looking for books, however, but for peace, where Wynter would not think to look.
She went to the towering windows that overlooked the edge of the campus and the Smoking Tree.  As expected, Wynter walked attached to Wesley, grabbing a handful of baggy jeans until she eventually found his butt.  An assortment of acquaintances lit up under the Smoking Tree and let out long streams of smoke.  Wynter had been smoking since eighth grade and expertly held her cigarette.  She looked around with exaggerated body language that plainly told Sadey that Wynter was upset that she did not come.  But Sadey did not worry herself for long.  She pulled out her spiral notebook and looked at the numbered list she made.  
Can Minnie handle my problems?  Are they really that important for her to listen to? Sadey wondered.  Now she doubted whether Minnie was serious about hearing Sadey or was just being polite to make her feel special.  She slammed the notebook shut and rested her head in her arms.  The excited murmur of the students on the computers sounded mute to Sadey, as well as the noise of the boys kicking around a plastic bottle in the hallway.
I can barely handle my problems.  I shouldn't even tell Minnie because my problems will never end.  My friends will never go away, my mom will always cause trouble.  And  I'm stuck with it all.
Sadey took a short nap, which she rarely did, and woke up to the screaming bell.  With a grimace, Sadey made her way to the gymnasium lockers and dressed down to run a mile.  The stick-thin runners passed Sadey, saying in a bantering tone, "You call that running?"  Sadey flipped them off and continue panting, bending over every ten steps and jabbing a finger in her cramping side.  After fifteen more minutes of torture, Sadey got dressed and trudged to English.  Again, she pulled out her list of troubles, imagining what Minnie might say about each one.
"Didn't you want to learn to smoke today?"  Startled, Sadey stashed the notebook in her backpack before Wynter could read it.  "Wesley had Marlboros, girl!  We were waiting, but gave up."  Sadey shrugged and hoped she would stop talking.  "So, what were you doing?"  Not for a million bags of Cheetos would Sadey tell her what she had planned.
"I had to do some thinking, some deep thinking."
Wynter lowered her voice.  "Are you...pregnant?"
"Actually, Wynter, I was just thinking, and no, I'm not pregnant."
"Those pregnancy hormones are really making you emotional."  She giggled as Sadey slapped her arm.
"I'm not having a baby.  I had to go somewhere quiet."  Davis gave the girls a warning glance, not that Wynter cared.
"Remember those ads that said something like 'kissing a smoker is like licking an ashtray'?  Totally not---"
Davis snapped his yardstick against the whiteboard.  "May I have your undivided attention?"
*
Sadey's sweating hands slicked the steering wheel of the Honda and the multiple handles she touched on her way to the recreation room.  She was sure that Re-Pete would fall off her finger if he were tame enough to perch.  
A young nurse kept score of Taboo, ignoring Sadey as she entered.  Sadey noticed that Minnie wasn't in the group of ladies bickering over the buzzer.  When she went to look for her, the last place she found Minnie was in Room 134, at her window watching the chickadees.  Sadey's hands turned into a sweat faucet.
"I'm ready to tell you."  Minnie turned around, not seeming surprised to see Sadey in her room.  She patted the quilt on her on bed.
"Tell me everything."
*
Sharlena hated the way her butt swayed as she walked down the halls of Forest Hills.  At times, she was sure she looked like a duck.  Pilates and kickboxing DVDs waited on top of her TV, but she never found the motivation to play them.  And tonight would be like any other night: she would finish work at six, eat a bit of something warm and cheesy, and go to work at seven in the morning.
She was on her way to Room 134 to bring Wilhelmina to dinner because the wheelchair-bound woman never showed up.  The new volunteer that was supposed to bring her to the dining room disappeared, probably skipping her duties for drugs.  The fill-in nurse was putting away the Taboo game when she roped Sharlena into helping.  
"I'll get Edna.  Anybody else you need?" Sharlena asked.  The fill-in nurse scanned the dining room set-up sheet.
"Wilhelmina and the group of guys that hang around the fish tank should do it."  Sharlena rolled her eyes as she found Edna roaming through the halls in her tiny wheelchair.  All Edna needed was a dinner invitation and she'd take herself.  Room 134 wasn't much farther.
"Knock, knock!" Sharlena sang.  "Are you hungry?"  It was odd that Wilhelmina's door was shut; Sharlena opened it a crack and peeked in.  She was used to seeing naked bodies coming out of the shower and would humbly apologize, but what she saw was most unusual.  The new volunteer was sitting on the bed with her arms and head slumped into Wilhelmina's lap, crying and crying.
Wilhelmina looked up and gave a slight nod that said, "Everything is okay."  Sharlena shut the door with utmost care, dumbfounded.  Minnie tucked Sadey's black bangs behind her ears.
"I knew you were hurting, but not that bad.  You shouldn't have to bear all of this on your own.  Come to me whenever you need.  And I will pray for you," she whispered.  Sadey wiped her cheeks on the sleeve of her sweatshirt and gave Minnie a hug.
"Well, dear, I'm afraid that if I don't eat something, I shall faint.  Before we go, how about you take a minute to compose yourself."  The weepy teen did just that, wiping off smears of eyeliner and mascara running down her cheeks.  
Once Sadey was able to breathe calmly, she pushed Minnie to the dining room.  Everybody else was through with dinner and digging into custard cups.  A tired server brought out a plate of chicken and potatoes that were too dry, then forgot to bring a roll and butter.  Minnie could've complained, but she began eating like a mountain man.  
"I should get home.  I have to get my sister from my neighbors."  Sadey wiped her nose.  "I'll see you tomorrow, I think."
Minnie unfolded her napkin primly.  "I pray for your glowing presence to come every day.  Sleep tight tonight."  Minnie took Sadey's hand in her own and squeezed.
The Honda idled shakily at the red light.  Despite the lack of traffic in Woodridge, the single traffic light took a long time to change.  It didn't bother Sadey right now.    
"Minnie loves me," she whispered.  Upwelling joy spilled out of her eyes in the form of sparkling tears.  She rested her forehead on the steering wheel, laughing and crying until her lungs ached.  A car honked at her from behind.  Sadey wiped her eyes and looked up at the most glorious green light she'd ever seen.








c h a p t e r
     s i x


"Did you sleep tight like I asked you to?"  Minnie folded her hands in her lap and waited to hear Sadey's answer.  Her own sleep had been full and deep.
"Good, I guess.  I slept in the car with Cora---"
"In the car?  Why?"  Minnie put on the brakes of her wheelchair, causing Sadey to run into her as she pushed from behind.
"Something came up, that's all."  Sadey pushed but couldn't move.  "I'm okay, really."
"You can trust me with anything, dear.  What happened?"
Rolling her eyes, Sadey rushed to get the words out.  "The guy my mom brought home last night, Ramiro, tried to molest Cora last night.  I was getting ready for bed while Cora worked on a puzzle and my mom came home earlier than I expected."
"And?"  
"Well, my mom was in the kitchen mixing some drinks and I saw Ramiro?"  Choking on a lump, Sadey blurted, "I saw Ramiro holding Cora to keep her from wiggling and pulling the front of her pants open and looking down."
Minnie gasped.  "What an awful man!  What else happened?"
"I screamed, 'Pervert!  Stop touching her!'  My mom came in with the drinks and said, 'Baby, keep your hands to yourself and to me.  Bye, Sadey.'  So, we spent the night in the car because I didn't want to wake up our neighbors.  They'd do anything for me, but I don't want them to be characters in my soap opera.  I'm probably being too paranoid, I guess."
Minnie released the brakes.  "I still don't know how that constitutes as a good night's sleep."
"I do."
Minnie was more confused than before.  "How?"
"Because you showed that you actually care about me.  I can't tell you how much it made me feel like a real person."
Suddenly, Minnie remembered the prayer she said only a couple of days ago.  Sadey wheeled Minnie to her spot by the window and was about to say her goodbyes, but Minnie secured her hand over Sadey's.
"You can't leave yet, not without hearing what I have to say.  Please sit next to me."  Sadey sat, worried about what she was going to hear.
"Before you started volunteering here, I was getting very lonely.  I prayed, I prayed, and I prayed for a friend.  None of these streaky-haired, fresh-out-of-college nurses know that all we want is companionship in our old age.  They have no problem taking our blood pressure and telling us how often to go to the restroom, but they never offer more than that for words.  As I see it, the Lord sent you to be my friend."  She smiled and rubbed Sadey's hand.  "Now, if you're not in a rush, I'd like for you to stay for dinner."
Diana came in with a medicine cart and pulled out a clipboard.  She saw Sadey settling into a cushioned chair across from Minnie.  One by one, Diana set down Dixie cups of pills for residents and stopped by Minnie's table.
"How many for dinner, Ms. Workman?"
When Minnie smiled, it looked like a rosy sheet rumpled from sleep.  "Two, Diana."   
The double doors of the kitchen opened to near applause.  Instead of a lean dinner of baked chicken like yesterday, the residents were treated to fish and chips.  Minnie had to swallow her extra saliva when the server set the plate before her.
"Oh, good Lord, I haven't had something deep-fried in ages.  I'm going to enjoy this more than I should, honey," Minnie laughed, pointing to the battered fish pieces.  The servers went around the room a second time and deposited ramekins of coleslaw next to each plate.  Sadey's gut rumbled.  Normally, she would make macaroni and cheese for dinner, or, for a treat, Tuna Helper.  She, too, was going to enjoy the dinner more than others.  She picked up a greasy piece and brought it to her mouth, but was stopped when Minnie held her hands and said, "Let's pray."  Sadey hesitantly put the fish down.
"Lord, I have to give You so many thanks tonight for bringing Sadey to me as a friend.  She is no doubt the answer to my prayer.  Tonight, we thank You for this food and we hope it will sustain us to be healthy and to keep praising You.  In Your name, Amen."
"Amen," whispered Sadey.  In minutes, both women had cleaned their plates.  
"What do you say, Sadey, of keeping me company for a little while longer?" 
"I'm sure the Finns won't mind." Sadey pushed Minnie to Room 134 and flipped the light switch.  For the first time, Sadey noticed a single portrait in sepia tone hanging by the vanity mirror.
"Is this you?" she asked.  The woman in the picture was the essence of glamour with an hourglass figure.
"Lordy, how could you tell?  It's hard for me to believe that I was that trim and smooth."  Minnie blushed a little and rolled over to the picture.  "Believe it or not, I was in style in this photo."  Her bowed finger roamed over the picture.  "This was my favorite look, graduation 1951."
Through the blurriness of the photo, Sadey admired the sprays of rose buds on Minnie's flowing dress and the T-strap shoes dressing up her feet.  It seemed that a gust of wind blew over Minnie as the picture was taken, sweeping her dress to the right.
"I made that dress for my graduation party in only a few hours.  I couldn't sleep, I was so excited."  She looked over Sadey's clothes.  "I don't know what the designers are thinking when they design the clothes you kids wear today."  Sadey inventoried her outfit of the day: black pants, safety pins galore, checkered shoes, and a red shirt with mesh sleeves.
"Do you hear that, honey?"  Sadey listened to the still air and heard a hoarse sound that eerily reminded Sadey of an accordion.
"It's Billy Warbuck!  Come on, dear!"  Sadey was quick to grab the handles, for fear of Minnie bailing out of the wheelchair and crawling to the recreation room herself.
The accordion grew in volume as they came closer and finally, the music and clapping consumed them.  An old man that reminded Sadey of Rex Harrison with a beard stretched and squeezed an accordion without much thought, as if it were another limb.
"YEE-HAW!"  His rugged voice jolted Sadey as if she had been electrocuted.  She wanted to escape, but Minnie grabbed her hand.  "Wait until he plays the piano!"
As if on cue, Billy Warbuck dropped the accordion and started hammering his fingers over the piano keys without missing a beat.  The accordion and piano music reminded her of The Lawrence Welk Show Mira liked to watch.  Minnie rocked in her wheelchair as she clapped.  Sadey felt out of place because everyone else seemed to know the song he was playing, except for Sadey.  
The hillbilly sound of a banjo joined in without warning.  Sadey looked to see who was playing and saw the cowboy plucking with agile fingers.
"YEE-haw!" he cried.  
"Join in the chorus!" said Billy Warbuck, repeating a bar of the song.  Now Sadey felt more lost than ever as three dozen voices began to sing the words to a hymn.  The verses went on with Billy and the cowboy taking turns at solos.  Sadey looked at her checkered shoe; her toe went up?and down.
I'm tapping my foot!  She clenched her teeth as her foot tapping got worse.
Minnie loved the song, but she had to stop clapping.  A dull pain called out to her from within her chest.  She gripped her wheelchair arms with animal strength to try and overcome the pain.  If she cried out, which she tried not to do, the nurses would take her to her room and demand they test her.  The pain passed with patience and pursed lips.  Now, that is nothing to get worried over.  Just a little ache every now and then never killed anybody.
"Minnie, are you okay?"  The woman fluttered her hand at Sadey and shook her head.
"Just a bit of heartburn, dear."






c h a p t e r
  s e v e n


"You're asking the wrong woman."  
Sadey was more disappointed by Minnie's answer than by not getting chocolate when the Finns went to Seattle.  Mr. Davis assigned a "Life Skills" paper with the strangest topic for 18-year-olds: How does a good marriage last?  
The students had to ask someone who had been married for at least 25 years, was not one of their parents, and had never been divorced.  Sadey instantly thought of Minnie as her source because Darius and Mira hadn't been married long enough to qualify.
"What do you mean?" 
Minnie looked at her hands and sighed.  "Shut the door and I'll tell you."  In a nanosecond, Sadey shut the door and sat down, waiting for Minnie's answer.  
"I've never told anybody this because, well, in my day, this subject was something you didn't bring up in everyday talk."  Twisting her hands in her lap like a child, she began with a quiet start.
"When I was your age, I was already married, but not happily.  Harold treated me like a goddess before we married, but after he slid the wedding ring on my finger, I sensed he felt different about me.  I wanted to get out of that wedding, despite how much I loved him before.  Oh, Lord, are you sure you want to hear the rest?"  Minnie's breaths came quickly and her rosy cheeks were now pale.
"Only if you want to tell me."  Sadey could watch any drama movie and handle the situations, but something about Minnie's behavior frightened Sadey more than any situation she watched on film.  
"Okay, honey.  In 1952, I married Harold Workman."  As Minnie revealed her story, the pictures came back to her mind as a horror movie.  She remembered Harold taking her on dates to hamburger joints in his pickup, always ordering a cheeseburger with onion rings and a vanilla milkshake, sometimes strawberry if the right people were working that night.  Her mind fast-forwarded to their wedding day four months later.  The look that Harold gave her when he fitted the simple ring on her finger nearly made her spew as she talked.  A glitter was always in his eyes, a glitter that showed his loving character.  But the glitter vanished.  
The new Mrs. Workman hoped their honeymoon at the coast would iron out the doubts from earlier.  Her hope wasn't any good.  Harold did not offer any sort of affection towards his new wife and ignored her, even when she cried in a corner of the hotel room.
"Shut up, Wilhelmina!  Are you going to cry for the rest of the trip because I didn't sweep you off your feet when we got here?  This whole thing's gone to hell already and it's your own fault!."  Harold left the hotel room and disappeared into the restaurant, drinking a beer and canceling the wedding dinner in one breath.  
"Shut up?"  Harold never acted that way before.  For the rest of the evening, Minnie recalled the sweet Harold she dated: they both wanted many children, he planned on building a house for their family, and he told Minnie that he was a man of God.  He was perfect.  His body was toned despite the amount of driving he did and he always had a bit of stubble on his face that added to his ruggedness.  But Minnie could no longer adore the Harold she fell in love with, for he departed at "I do."  
At 3:00 in the morning, Minnie woke up to hear chains rattling.  She looked at the door and realized she used the chain lock.  With shaky fingers, she unlocked the door and saw her husband, with wild eyes like a spooked horse and smelling of alcohol.
"Why did you lock me out?  Is this how you want this marriage to work?" he growled.  He lurched forward and pinned Minnie against the wall with his strong hands.
She couldn't think of anything to say, except for, "I'm sorry."  Harold grabbed her jaw and gave her the same look he had at the wedding.
"Watch yourself, Minnie.  Remember that a wife's job is to keep her husband happy."  He let go after squeezing her jaw, hard enough to make her cry out, and got himself ready for bed.  Minnie touched her jaw, feeling the instant soreness.
"And a husband should protect his wife," she murmured.  Harold was in the middle of taking his shirt off and tossed it on the floor, all the while looking at Minnie.
"What did you say?  Would you mind repeating that for me, darling?" He came closer, this time putting his face and booze breath right in front of Minnie's, close enough to touch chins.
"I?I said that a husband should prote---"  Minnie could see the whole thing as if it were slowed down.  Harold pulled his head back and snarled, then swung his left hand in an arc that met with her face.  The funniest thing she could recall was that his hands were sticky from something and she could feel his palm stick to her face for a split second.  His fingertips grazed over her right eyebrow and his palm bent the tip of her nose.  The blow twirled her body around and dropped her to her knees.
Once things stopped moving, Harold stood in front of Minnie with nothing in his eyes.  In fact, Minnie swore it wasn't Harold standing in front of her at all, but somebody entirely different.  He didn't seem to know Minnie, standing there in all the familiarity she had come to know about him: the constant stubble, tan face, pale arms, even the light pink, L-shaped scar on his neck.  As much as she resisted under Harold's eyes, Minnie huffed until it turned into sobbing, holding her face like a baby.  In her mind, she thought Harold would snap out of whatever had possessed him and caress her.  He cleared his throat and tucked himself into bed.
Minnie rushed to the bathroom mirror and saw a red hand-like mark on her cheek.  For the rest of the morning, she slept in the bathtub and used the hotel towel as her pillow. 
Sadey noticed that she was barely breathing during the story.  "He beat you?"
"Not yet."  She felt a surging in the area she was first slapped, still burning.  "I lived with this for a while, but it stopped when I got pregnant.  Those were the happiest nine months of my life."
Minnie looked at her wrinkled hands as she washed the lunch dishes.  Marcia, now two-years-old, "read" books to her mother in her squeaky voice.  She was lucky to have a daughter who could entertain herself because she had to dedicate most of the day cooking elaborate foods for Harold.  Even as the steam from the boiling corn beaded up on Minnie's face, she still glowed from the four-month-old baby in her womb.  Harold did not know; Minnie wanted to tell him over a nice meal.  The salmon fillets perfumed the house with lemon and dill, while the red potatoes browned perfectly.  The ginger cake cooled by the window and a tub of freshly whipped cream sat in the refrigerator.  
If this meal doesn't make Harold fall in love with me again, I don't know what will, she thought.  The meal was finished by 5:30 and ready for Harold.  Minnie even brought out her grandmother's wedding dishes and lit the fancy beeswax candles she bought special for tonight.
The closer the clock inched towards 6:00, the more nervous Minnie became.  Her movements were jerky as she dressed Marcia in a butter yellow party dress she sewed and weaved her hair into two springy braids.
"Mommy, don't pull my hairs so hard!" Marcia whined.
"Sorry, sweetie.  Mommy needs to calm down and relax."  Just as Minnie scooted Marcia into the living room, Harold walked in and almost hit Minnie with the door.  
"What are you doing all gussied up with lipstick?  Are you trying to tell me something?" Harold asked, smelling of alcohol as he did every night.  Minnie almost wet herself.
"Harold, honey, I made salmon and potatoes, and?and a ginger cake!  Uh, for later, of course.  Sit down, honey.  I'm sure you've driven a thousand miles today."  Harold gave Minnie a quick kiss on the cheek, robotically and barely touching his lips to her skin, and sat down at the head of the table.  He forked a hunk of salmon onto the china plate and took more than half of the potatoes for himself.  Minnie slowly took her place, trying not to make sudden movements that might bring criticism from Harold.  When Minnie nodded to Marcia, the toddler folded her hands and prayed, "Dear Lord, we thank Thee for this food today---"
Marcia yelped when Harold slammed his fist on the table, "Hell, Marcia, aren't you old enough to see I'm trying to eat?  I can't stand that broken record prayer you say every---"  
Minnie decided now was the best of the worst time to tell Harold.  "Honey, we're going to have a baby!"  She looked into her husband's face for some brightness, but instead, found the look she received on their wedding day three years ago.
"Is that right?  Think we're rich or something?"  Minnie's memory played only pieces of the next few moments.  She heard Marcia cry as Harold locked her in her room and then she heard herself cry out as Harold pinned her torso against the wall and slammed his fist into her abdomen like a jackhammer.  The blows were so firm that the gilded mirror on the same wall fell down, splintering into a thousand shards.  Countless times she tried beating his head and remembered the sting in her knuckles and hearing them both step on broken glass.  Her body lay crumpled and bleeding in the kitchen as Harold left the house in his typical slam-the-door fashion.  
After three more months, Minnie knew that she was no longer pregnant.  
"You had a miscarriage?"  Sadey lost her appetite.  Minnie whipped out her handkerchief and wiped underneath her glasses.
"Yes, many times, I'm afraid.  I always imagine what my babies would have looked like, what careers they would have chosen.  But all I have is my Marcia, my unmarried, angry, little Marcia.  Well, I'm sure you know by now that I didn't have an ideal marriage, but I know a couple who could help you out."
"Who?"
"Arthur and Alice, with sixty-five years of marital bliss under their belts."  
Sadey closed her notebook and squeezed Minnie's hand.  "Thanks.  I'd better go before they go to bed."  Sadey shut the door and went in search of Arthur and his wife.  Minnie rolled over to the window and listened to the chickadees and towhees call out in their ethereal tones.  The spring brought with it a cleansing power that Minnie couldn't explain.  A fresh dampness rode the wind into her room, smelling of pavement and evergreen trees.  Something else mixed with the aroma of the outdoors.  It was Sadey's perfume of cotton candy, swirling together with the other smells.  
Minnie shut her wrinkled eyelids and envisioned Sadey's face, revealing only her top row of teeth when she smiled, blocking out all evil memories of Harold.
Lord, if Sadey is the friend I asked for, You did a good job.






c h a p t e r
  e i g h t


Sadey's phone buzzed, but Davis didn't seem to hear it.  He was deep into a lesson on symbolism used in A Separate Peace, muttering as he scribbled on the white board.  As discreetly as she could manage, Sadey flipped her phone open and read the message: Pleez hang out w me 2day!!!!!!!
When the bell rang, Wynter nearly tripped out of her chair in her efforts to reach Sadey.
"Oh, God, I miss you!  I think you've spent enough time with the old people this week, so you have no choice but to come with me," Wynter gushed.  She grabbed Sadey's hand and led her to the Tercel.  Lounging on the hood were two guys that Sadey had never seen before.
"Wynter, who's this?"  They checked Sadey out with lewd eyes.  As Wynter unlocked the car, she said, "Sadey's, like, my best friend!  Sadey, this is Jeremy and this is Tom.  I met them at SK8 Klub yesterday and we're going to their house to hang out."  She started the car and gave Sadey an "are you coming?" look.  Grimacing, Sadey sat in the front and cradled her backpack between her feet.  
The boys' "house" turned out to be a luxury camper from the 1970s, complete with an awning speckled with mildew.  Inside, the pull-out table was littered with beer cans and donut boxes and every seat had piles of laundry hiding them.  Tom carried four raspberry coolers and ushered the girls into one of the ridiculously small rooms.  Only a foot apart, two beds with storage cabinets above forced the four to sit on the beds folded in half.  
"Sorry, but this is as close we could get to having real alcohol," said Tom.  He looked at Sadey's face as he handed her a warm bottle.  His eyes seemed to be dead, indicating that nothing of significance passed through his brain.  She looked at the dresser and saw a glass pipe resting on it.  White residue had collected on the inside.  Sadey suddenly felt poisoned.  
Wynter chugged half of her cooler and played with Jeremy's feet.  She soon found her way onto Jeremy's lap and fed him his drinks of cooler.  The silence in the camper, besides Wynter's heavy breathing, almost forced Sadey to scream.  
Why am I here?  She closed her eyes and imagined time passing quickly, but Tom's hands on her thighs jolted her and made her spill some of the cooler.
"Chill.  I just thought you and I could go to the main bedroom and?you know the rest," he said, looking at her with his deadened eyes. 
Wynter detached her lips from Jeremy's.  "Sadey, we're all going to the woods on Sunday to do whatever.  Want to come with us?  Unless, of course, you're too busy taking care of the diaper-wearing grandmas and grandpas."  She didn't wait for a reply and drank the rest of her cooler.  
Sadey was on the verge of crying.  "I'll go if you take me back to my car."
"Now?"  Sadey nodded and left the small bedroom.  Wynter slid off Jeremy's lap.  "I'll be right back, guys.  And can the coolers actually be cold?"
In the car, Wynter was fuming.  "What's wrong with you?  Those guys were being totally generous!  You've done weird things with guys and still are a virgin, which, frankly, I don't know how.  What I'm wondering is why is it suddenly out of your character to turn down any sort of alcohol and a make-out session?  I mean, what if Tom was your future husband and you just screwed it for life?"  Sadey kept quiet.  When they reached the school, Wynter got out and walked Sadey to her car.  She hugged Sadey and moved the black bangs that always fell back down.
"Sadey, don't let doubts get in the way, okay?  If you let these doubts stop everything, life wouldn't be fun at all, right?  Promise me you'll come on Sunday and you'll be the old Sadey, okay?"  Wynter hugged her again.
"Okay.  I'll be there."
	*
"Can you stay for dinner tonight?" Minnie asked as Sadey bibbed her.  The Finn couple planned a special St. Patrick's Day dinner to celebrate their heritage and Sadey did not want to disappoint them by being a no-show.
"I can stay for a little while," she said.  She took her seat across from Minnie as the servers brought out platters of cabbage, carrots, potatoes, and corned beef.  When everyone was served, Minnie took Sadey's hands and said, "Let's pray."  The sound of prayer didn't bother Sadey as much as it used to, perhaps because Minnie's voice was soft and easy to listen to.  
"Here, honey.  I can't stand cabbage.  You like cabbage?"
"I like it, yeah."  Sadey took a fork and started eating Minnie's cabbage, feeling much like a goat or a dog, but nonetheless, a happy one.  Arthur wore a leprechaun hat with tall ears as he passed around a plastic cauldron full of sugar-free chocolates.  As Minnie unwrapped her truffle, she attempted to speak, but sighed.  She tried again, this time getting Sadey's attention by doing it.
"Is everything okay?" Sadey asked.  Minnie bit into half of the truffle and ate it, thinking hard.
"Do you?Sadey, um?I don't know if this, if these are the right words to describe what I'm trying to say, uh, goes against the grain for you, but, if you want, really, don't feel obligated, by all means, you're more than welcome to---" 
Sadey laughed at Minnie's string of dead-end words.  "Just come out with it."
"Okay.  Would you like to come to our little service here on Sunday, at noon?"  Sadey knew she had bad luck, but bad timing was new to her.  Rarely did she do enough in her life to have a conflicting schedule.
"I'm already doing something.  Sorry."  Sadey felt her cheeks turn red.  Normally, Minnie would have let the excuse go and not think anything more of it.  However, she was not about to let Sadey go.
"Are you not sure about coming to church or are you really doing something?"  Her bluing eyes watched Sadey's pretty mouth explain her plans for Sunday and her heart would not accept them.  She placed her hands over Sadey's and restrained herself from scolding Sadey into the next life.  Again, she had trouble putting her words together to have an impact, but soon, the words just flowed.  
"Are your friends always there for you, Sadey?  If you got hurt, would they abandon you?  Well, let me tell you something.  I'll always be here.  I may be old, but I can still talk the sun up and down with conviction.  So, do what you want, but remember what I just said.  When your friends leave you, come here and you'll find me here somewhere."  She sighed and popped the other half of her truffle on her tongue.  Sadey registered every word and was still digesting the emotion behind the speech.
Sadey pictured herself in the woods on Sunday, getting raped by Tom or put down by Wynter.  It was a place she no longer wanted to be and Minnie knew what conclusion she came to.
Now it was Sadey having a difficult time with her thoughts.  "Yesterday, I wound up in a camper with a raspberry cooler in my hands and this disgusting boy looking at me like I was a cheeseburger.  I didn't want to be there at all.  My conscious, I found that I have one that works, told me that I belong here."  A weight came off her shoulders, one that had grown over the years and became a part of Sadey's life; now it was gone.  Minnie saw the change as if she was watching a flower bloom in elapsed time.  
"Good Lord, I've never seen so many miracles worked in my life!  Sunday at noon?"
Sadey wanted to cry because she was saved from Tom, Wynter, and even herself.    
"I'll be there."   
*
The pair of black slacks hanging from Sadey's full hips did not seem like something formal for church with the checkered cuffs and slashes made in precarious spots, but they were the only slacks she had.  Just as she secured her freshly washed braid, the phone rang.
Adriados, Tammy blinked on the Caller ID.
"Hi, you've reached the Leaches.  Leave a message and we'll get back to you!"
"Hey, Sadey, Wynter here!  Just wanted to let you know that we're meeting at Wesley's place instead.  He's in the apartments on the right side of Cloverdale, with the little wading pool on the deck.  Hey, should I wear my reptile contacts or my Marilyn Manson ones?  Oh!  Wesley's bringing hard lemonade!  I know we've done better, but hey, can't complain about free drinks.  I guess I'll see you soon!  You rock!"
Wynter's voice haunted Sadey as she dropped Cora off at the Finn house, but the haunting stopped as she entered Forest Hills's family room.  The ladies transformed on Sunday; normally, they wore "I Love Grandma" sweatshirts and no makeup, but today, they donned their best dress suits, hats, and powdered their cheeks with blush.
"Sadey!"  She turned to see a woman wearing a veiled hat like Jackie Kennedy.  Gloved hands pulled up the blue veil to reveal Minnie's face.  "I'm so glad you could make it!"
"Me, too," said Sadey as she hugged Minnie.  "So when does this churchy thing start?"
"This 'churchy thing' starts in a few minutes, so you'd better pull up a chair."  An older man entered the family room as Sadey sat by Minnie, his red face reminding her of sausage.  "That man is Pastor Greg Reynolds, been here for the past ten years.  Poor man, he preaches here after he preaches at the Nazarene church.  His throat must feel like a gravel road at the end of the day."
His white moustache curled upwards as he smiled.  "Good morning, everyone.  I hope we've been counting our blessings and staying healthy all week.  Today, I'm going to go into?"  Reynolds's deep voice coaxed its way into Sadey's brain, sending his sermon to her heart. 
During the final prayer, Minnie squeezed Sadey's hand.  Sadey returned the squeeze, but Minnie was concentrating on getting over the pain in her chest.  By the time Reynolds reached "Amen," Minnie's face glistened with sweat.  Luckily, she had a veil to hide behind.
Brunch waited for the residents once Reynolds dismissed them.  He said a prayer for the meal and helped himself to the ham.  Sadey watched Minnie smother her muffin with sugar-free jam and looked at the food on her own plate.  She had no appetite.
Minnie noticed, too.  "Honey, aren't you going to eat anything?  The ham is marvelous, but I wouldn't say the same about the canned pineapple."  Sadey took a bite of muffin, but was still not satisfied until she got something off her chest.  
"Minnie, I'm ready to change.  Like, totally, completely.  Get rid of my bad friends, away from my mother.  Everything.  I need your help, though."
Minnie sat her muffin down and forgot about the rest of her meal.  "Praise the Lord."
*
All week, Sadey looked forward to the next service.  Minnie never showed up, but Sadey waited.
"Amen," said Pastor Reynolds before making a beeline for the platter of roast beef.  Nurses wheeled the residents to brunch and servers brought Sadey a glass of iced tea where she sat at Minnie's table?alone.  
"Oh, for Pete's sake, didn't anybody tell you?"  Sadey jumped at the rough voice.
"Tell me what?"
Starla beckoned Sadey over and whispered, "Minnie's not feeling very well today, so she's sleeping."  Sadey left the table for Room 134 to find the door closed and voices coming from within.  Just as Sadey was about to tap her knuckles on the door, Diana walked out with a clipboard.  A nurse with a medicine cart followed, keeping her eyes trained on the ground.
"Is Minnie okay?" Sadey blurted.  Diana smiled and gave Sadey a hip-to-hip hug.
"She's doing much better, hon.  If you want, you can have brunch in her room.  Would you like that?"  Diana zipped to the Nurses' Station and filed Minnie's paperwork, leaving Sadey alone in the hall.
"Sadey?"  Sadey turned to see Minnie smiling and patting a spot on her bed.  Relieved, she took the free seat by Minnie.  "Sorry to worry you.  I just had some bad heartburn this morning and Diana wanted to check me out.  But I'm swell now.  I heard Diana say something about brunch.  Would you be an angel and bring us our brunch and we can eat in here?"  Sadey perked and left in search of brunch.
Minnie wondered how long she could have "heartburn" before Sadey picked up on it.  As she secured her pillbox hat with full intentions of meeting Sadey for service this morning, she fainted in front of her mirror.  She opened her eyes to see her hat hanging from the coat rack and the smell of Jergens flooding her nose.  Diana had the most serious look on her face as she listened through her stethoscope.  The disk probed Minnie's chest, picking up her heartbeat underneath her breast.  Of course, Sadey would never know.
With a bounce in her step, Sadey brought in the brunch and made a second trip for a tea tray.  Minnie tipped some tea into Sadey's cup.  "How do you like it prepared?"  
"I don't know.  I've never had tea before."  As Minnie explained the milk/sugar proportions, Sadey loaded her saucer with pound cake, strawberries, and cream-filled wafer rolls.
"Taste it," Minnie said, handing the tea cup over.  Sadey tilted the cup and let the bitter, milky fluid run down her tongue.  To her delight, there was a cinnamon aftertaste.  "It's good."  
Minnie took a contemplative sip and cleansed her palate with a generous bite of cake as she admired Sadey's face.  "You are a beautiful girl, even with the black clothes and makeup hiding you."  She watched as Sadey sucked out the cream of a wafer roll, remembering the first time 16-year-old Marcia tried wearing makeup.  It was a disaster.  Dark pink powder all over her cheeks.  Blue or green eyeshadow up to the eyebrow.  "Do you have a boyfriend?  You don't have to answer that if you don't want to, my dear."
Sadey stopped sucking.  "Boyfriend, right.  I have no idea what to look for and I can promise you that I would never date or marry any guy from Woodridge."  Sadey half-heartedly nibbled on a strawberry, a slight depression dampening her spirits.
"He's out there somewhere.  When God wants you to meet him, you will.  I made the mistake of letting Harold blind me with his words.  I didn't feel anything for him, but I tricked myself into thinking I did.  Don't let that happen to you.  I'm just glad it happened to me and not some other young bride."  Minnie stirred her tea and suddenly, a look of discomfort overcame her soft face.  "Honey, would you please get me a glass of ice water.  My legs have swollen something terrible."  Sadey set down her half-empty cup of tea and disappeared into the dining room.  Minnie shut her heavy lids, ready to nap again.
Two seconds later, Sadey was back in her seat.  "That was terribly quick, dear.  Thank you."
"Mother, how are you?"  Minnie nearly dropped her cup of tea over her blankets.  She looked up into her daughter's face, which was permanently contorted into a glare.  In her lap was the leather briefcase that never left her sight.  Minnie rolled her eyes.
"I'm fine.  I was just having tea with a friend of mine.  She'll be back in a flash."  Minnie hoped Marcia would leave before Sadey got back because she knew what would happen.  Before she could knock on wood, Sadey came in with the water. 
Marcia's face paled and she moved her mouth, but no words came out.  She stood and got six inches from Sadey's face, studying her painted and darting eyes.  "Are you the friend my mother was raving about?  Looks more like a devil worshiper to me."  
"I'm not...no, I don't do that," Sadey said, her voice weak with shock.  Marcia's height forced Sadey to take a few steps backwards.
"Sure.  Go back to the ghetto and cut yourself, drink your cult's Kool-Aid.  We don't need other people in our life, not after what has happened to us."  Marcia wanted to pummel the girl and dump her into the Woodridge River.  Sadey tried to hold her shock inside, but as she fled Forest Hills, she sobbed for everyone to see.
Now it was Minnie who wanted to murder somebody.  "Marcia!  If that girl doesn't come back, you are going to have to answer to the Lord for it."
"Screw Him, screw her."  Marcia folded her arms over her chest like a defiant child.
"You'll answer for that, as well.  Listen to me.  That girl you scared off has a hard home life and she is trying to change some things, and with the Lord's grace, I am the one helping her.  And I won't quit."	
*
"I want to wear that one!"  Cora pointed to the pistachio-colored dress with white polka dots to wear to church.  Despite the measures Sadey took to assure an easy arrival, everything seemed to go wrong: Cora's toenails made a run in her white nylons, the shirt Sadey wanted to wear never made it to the coin washer, which threw her into frenzied search for something else, and there was nothing to eat for breakfast besides tortilla shells warmed up with barbeque sauce.  And Cora went with wet curls because she disappeared when Sadey uncoiled the blow dryer.
To top it all off, Sadey ended up carrying Cora through Forest Hills with her yelling, "I don't want to wear the ruffled underwear!"  The young nurses raised their eyebrows and the older women laughed.  Finally, Sadey made it to the family room and sat by Minnie, who reserved a seat with an oversized hat worthy of wearing to the Kentucky Derby.  Easter lilies and Nile lilies blossomed from every table and surrounded the pulpit.  The smells of honey and cinnamon swirled around the room, mixing with perfume and cologne.  
During Pastor Reynold's sermon, Cora squeaked, "Sissy, I smell cim-a-nun!"  Luckily, Cora stayed quiet during the rest of the Easter sermon and through prayer.  Her little voice was stilled further by the Easter brunch being fed to her by Minnie, even though Cora was old enough to feed herself.
"She's just like a little bird," she cooed.  Cora opened her mouth obediently and showed off her baby incisors.  Sadey ate everything on her plate and told Cora to do the same, especially since they didn't have any money to buy groceries yet.  The cupboards only carried the weird items that were never used, like fish sauce or dehydrated pears from several Christmases ago.  Luckily, the girls brought healthy appetites with them and devoured the ham, rolls, and potatoes.
Suddenly, Sadey wanted to lose her brunch.  Someone was standing behind her and she could see who it was in the window's reflection.  Marcia was back.  
"I know you can see me."  Marcia tapped Sadey's shoulder, "Are you even listening to me, witch?  Have fun casting spells lately on innocent children?"  Minnie caught Sadey's eye and saw the need for intervention.  She didn't want to see Sadey leave again.
"Marcia!"  The whole room stilled and watched.  "I don't want Easter to be this way, especially for Sadey.  She is making changes, which is more than I can say for you!  Now, go home and think that through."  The whole room watched Marcia with suspended breath.  After a moment of white-hot glaring, Marcia left, letting the residents relax and digest what just happened.
When Marcia flopped into her car, she took care to buckle in her leather briefcase.  Even as she took her anger out on the corners, the beloved briefcase never moved.  The apartment she called home lacked any sort of decoration or character, save for the framed newspaper clippings on one wall.  Ritually, Marcia locked the six locks on her door and took several minutes to study the framed items.  She had memorized the titles: Woodridge Man Drowns in Semi, Alcohol Involved in Workman Death and Trucker Belonged to Cult.  Among the clippings were typed transcripts of phone calls from the hospital calling to inform Mrs. Workman that her husband was dead, an official copy of Harold's death certificate, and his obituary from January 16, 1967.  Her most cherished piece, however, was a bag containing ashes from Harold's cremation, pressed in the frame and labeled Ashes of Harold F. Workman, 1926-1967.
Yet, none of the artifacts convinced Marcia that her father was truly dead.  Perhaps he faked his death well enough or bought off several people to help him fake it.  Either way, Harold was well and alive in Marcia's mind.  Somewhere, she knew he was watching and planning to hurt both Marcia and her mother again.




















c h a p t e r
   n i n e


The cold metal of Diana's stethoscope rested for several minutes on Minnie's chest.  The nurse had pulled a chair close to Minnie's bed and tried not to look overly worried, probing gently.  Finally, Diana removed the stethoscope and scribbled something on a notepad.  She then took Minnie's hand and sighed before saying, "I know we've been treating your heart for a while, but it just isn't responding as I hoped it would."
"What do you mean?"  Minnie's heart beat faster than the time she got her first kiss.
"Dr. Lowden and I have both noticed consistent arrhythmias, which are irregular heartbeats.  And the medication doesn't seem to help decrease these occurrences.  This is forcing your heart to work harder at pumping out less blood."  Diana stopped, clearly thinking of the best way to phrase what she had to say next.  "Based on previous tests, your doctor and I believe that your heart is stiffening and enlarging."  
Stiffening?  Enlarging?  Minnie hoped her heart would have just failed on the spot.  Despite the news and tears rolling down her face, she kept her composure.
"How much longer do I have with you wonderful people?"  
Diana shook her head.  "No need to talk like that.  I'll try to get you on new medication.  We'll take some EKGs again and see what's happening inside.  Your heart is still young, just like you.  We'll fix it."  The bright outlook cheered Minnie up enough to want to play Scrabble with Starla, which most residents avoided.  
"For Pete's sakes, Minnie!  You can't get that many points in one turn!  I quit!" 
"Then I win."  Minnie was sure she had Starla cornered.
"Wait, let me look at my tiles some more."  The afternoon dragged on, almost painfully.  Starla ended up declaring herself the winner of Scrabble and Minnie with the satisfaction that she actually won. 
Shortly, Minnie's adrenaline rush wore off and all she was left with was the realization that her heart was still "stiffening and enlarging." 
"Is everything okay?"  Sadey, fresh from school, laid a chilly hand on Minnie's shoulder.  Through that touch, Minnie felt a connection that only happened between women, through which distress seems to vanish without words.  But Minnie's distress did not decrease.  It intensified.  She almost blurted out, "Yes, I just have heartburn."  She knew she had overused that excuse.  Something else needed to be said.
She said nothing.  
*
It was Sadey's first week on improving herself with Minnie's help.  She only used the lesser swear words and refrained from using her middle finger.
One of the first chores on her list was to get rid of things that brought out the worst in her, so after she laid Cora down to nap, Sadey went through all of her things.  Rap music found its way into the Hefty bag, along with risqué pictures she had pinned on her bulletin board.  They were not of hunky firemen, but of Wynter and herself when they were completely opposite of being sober during sophomore year.  Sadey took the liberty of ripping the pictures until she couldn't rip them any smaller.  After she found every bit of garbage from her life that she could fit in the Hefty, her room seemed bare.  But better.
By the time Sadey finished vacuuming her room, the alarm clock gave her eleven minutes to be at Forest Hills for Bible study.
"Cora!  We need to go!"  Cora was in the bathroom brushing her hair and had somehow changed into the pistachio dress by herself.  Her white sandals were on the wrong feet, however.
The girls breezed in just before Pastor Reynolds began, plopping into the seat next to Minnie.  After the sermon and final prayer, Reynolds made an announcement.  "This is late notice to you all, but next Sunday will be my last with you.  Yes, I am retiring.  I'm still preaching at Woodridge Nazarene, but I need to rest.  You will meet the new pastor next week.  You are dismissed."
Minnie chuckled.  "Poor man.  I knew he would retire before the month was out.  I wonder who will replace him."  Sadey didn't seem to hear as she navigated the plugged hallway to Room 134.  Instead of visiting in the noisy dining room, Minnie elected that they retreat to the quiet of her room to eat.  
Over a plate of pork and creamed peas, Minnie kept looking at her sepia portrait.  "I still wish girls today dressed like I did when I was eighteen.  Our dresses were romantic and unique.  Now, it is hard to tell some of the girls apart from boys.  I still cringe every time I see you wear those pants with the safety pins and patches, like you're Oliver Twist's disturbed sister."  A thought tickled Minnie's brain as she looked at her dress from 1951 and back to Sadey's pants.  "Sadey, now that you're trying to change for the better, do you think you should dress?a little different?"
"Why?  Clothes are just clothes."  
"What I mean is, your current look is a tad?scary.  It doesn't represent your new self in the best way." 
"I can't afford a new wardrobe, Minnie.  That'd take me a whole year of babysitting, which I barely do anyways and I only spend the Welfare money on food and necessities."  She thought Minnie was ignoring her when she opened her purse and dug through it. 
"It'll only take ten seconds of talking to me to afford a new wardrobe."  She grabbed Sadey's wrist and pressed four one-hundred dollar bills into her palm.  "Buy yourself a modest wardrobe.  Don't get anything that exposes your chest too much and make sure the clothes flatter your figure.  Your torso is a bit short, so look in the petite section when you go."
The idea excited and irritated Sadey.  She had the money to buy whatever wardrobe she wanted, but the one she was told to buy was the last one she would have picked?ever.  "I have to buy Amish clothes?"
"No!  I'm talking modest and beautiful.  Even when you aren't dressed in black and patches, you can still be the strong girl you already are.  With that said, buy some cute clothes."
Sadey held the money out to Minnie.  "I already have a butt-load of clothes."
"Toss them."  Before Sadey could protest, Minnie was onto another order of business. "And do me another favor.  Dump all of your black makeup and buy some neutral cosmetics.  Brown, gold, and ivory would work best for you."
"I don't underst---"
"Just bring a change of your new clothes and the new makeup tomorrow.  Now, what is that great proverb women always say?"  Whenever Sadey heard the word "proverb," she always thought of ancient Chinese men in robes writing things on paper and stuffing fortune cookies with them.  "Confucius say you're a crazy lady?"
"Shop till you drop!" 
*
Every child in Wal-Mart assaulted the atmosphere with screaming and crying except for Cora, who slumped in the child seat of the shopping cart.  She endured being taken in and out of the child seat to follow Sadey into the dressing room over a dozen times, being supremely bored without her doll.  After several hours, the cart was loaded down with a complete wardrobe and several boxes of shoes.
In the makeup section, Sadey fought off the urge to buy blue and green mascaras and black lipstick.  Those seemed like good colors to her, but Minnie wanted browns and tans.  When Sadey hadn't moved in over three minutes, a flamboyant and redheaded woman named Carla, a highly-decorated Mary Kay consultant, walked Sadey down every aisle.  She tossed in what she thought was best for her helpless friend.  Not only did Sadey have every sort of cosmetic product that Carla thought would go best for her skin tone, Carla tossed in the cart clay masks, exfoliating cream, toner, and moisturizer, all the while giving application hints.
"That should do it.  And when you want to host a Mary Kay party, you get forty dollars worth of free products.  Call me soon!"  Carla left after squishing Cora's cheeks with her bejeweled hand and slipping Sadey a business card.  After that whirlwind experience, Sadey wanted nothing more than to leave the overcrowded store.  But Cora looked up with puppy eyes.  "Do I get some new clothes, too?"
"Of course!  I can't believe I forgot!"  Sadey hoisted Cora out of the cart and let her loose in the toddler clothes.  "Get anything you want."  
Cora ran through and under the racks, petting fake fur ponchos and velvet dresses.  It didn't take long to settle on something.  Cora, with Sadey's help, came out of the dressing room with flowered jeans, a white shirt with lacy sleeves, and a furry pink poncho.  She twirled before the mirror, playing peek-a-boo with the poncho.
The checkout line was longer than it would be for free fries at McDonald's.  Cora dozed off several times with her new outfit in her lap and Sadey even had a chance to read half of a People magazine before the checkout clerk snapped, "Washington residence?"     
"Yeah."  The woman rolled her eyes and moaned as she looked at the conveyor piled with clothes and boxes, leaving no part of the belt showing.  It took her a while to find all the barcodes to scan, but she finally scanned the last item, a 3-piece set of shelf bra tanks.  The people behind her had abandoned the line and were already out of the store.  
"$414.35," the clerk said with a hint of irritation.  From her wallet, Sadey dug out a twenty to supplement the cash Minnie gave her and was out of the Wal-Mart parking lot as fast as she could manage.  Luckily, Tracy had a date that night and didn't expect to be back until tomorrow.  Just as Sadey unloaded the fifth bag of clothes, the phone rang, displaying Adriados, Tammy on the Caller ID.
"Probably to brag about Wesley."  She put a pillow over the phone to dampen the ringing.
Clothes in shades of pink and blue spilled over Sadey's bed and onto her floor.  Most of the time had been spent trying the clothes on, but she swore it took longer finding out which clothes were modest and fashionable.  Looking at the wardrobe was too strange; it was as if a tornado came in and dumped somebody else's clothes in her room.  
A new Hefty in hand, Sadey opened her closet and clawed at her old garments with shut eyes.  She knew that she was saying good-bye to corset tops, patch-covered jackets, and belly-exposing tees.  She squealed as she opened a drawer and threw ripped jeans into the garbage bag, followed by grungy pairs of Converse and skate shoes.  Last, she bid farewell to her beloved fishnet stockings and combat boots.  
Bare.  Not a single item remained in the closet.
"Fill it up with your pretty clothes," Cora giggled.  One by one, Sadey took a hanger and slipped it into the neck of a new shirt.  Her drawers were filled with jeans and the shoe rack with new shoes.  Once everything was put away, Sadey glanced at the Hefty bag, stuffed and ready to go to the garbage can.
"More like a body bag."
*
"Ta-da!  I set up an appointment with Darcy," said Minnie.  Sadey had arrived earlier, not knowing what to expect and found herself standing outside a flower-framed door.  "It is for noon and we better let her know we're here."
"A doctor's appointment?"  At the mention of "doctor," Cora whimpered, "I don't want a shot!"  Then Sadey noticed the sign on the door said Perms are Free with Hot Gossip.
Sadey pushed Minnie in a room with mixed tastes and the powerful peppery smell that laced the oxygen of Forest Hills.  The room was originally decorated with an apple theme, but it collided with American Indian décor and frog decorations were everything, from a frog-covered shower curtain used for a room divider and frog rugs.  The woman that came from the back of the room matched only one of the themes.  She looked like Disney's Pocahontas with her long, dark hair and tan complexion, but with thinner lips and almost no hips or thighs.  
"Minnie, how are you today?  Is this the noon appointment?" she said, pointing at Sadey.  The woman, Darcy, seemed to have an energy drink mixed in her blood.  "Come, come, sit, sit."  Darcy didn't know what made her more excited: she lost five more pounds or that she was actually getting to use her beautician's license for more than a perm refresher.  
The look Sadey gave Minnie reminded her of children sitting on Santa's lap for the first time.  "It's okay, dear.  Just don't look in the mirror until Darcy is finished."  Darcy guided Sadey to a chair and wrapped a tissue and a polka-dot cape around her neck.  As soon as she pumped Sadey up as high as the chair would go, Darcy raked her fingers through the mutilated hair and examined Sadey's scalp.  After a few seconds, Darcy found Sadey's natural color and tried her best to find the color in her guides.  "Ash Brown, Hazelnut, European Chocolate?that sounds good.  Chocolate."  Darcy mixed up a white paste that she massaged into Sadey's hair and tucked it all into a cap.
"Okay, you're going to bake for a bit."  A loud helmet fit over Sadey's head, blowing hot air over the cap.  Sadey felt her ears burn.
"A bit" seemed like forever when Darcy left to visit with the others.  Since she couldn't hear anything with the air moving, all she could do was watch.  Cora hid from Darcy, but Minnie coaxed her into meeting the tall, dark woman.  The Good Housekeeping and Reader's Digest magazines were out of reach, leaving Sadey bored.
"A bit" ended when Darcy stopped the machine, but it turned out she wasn't completely done.  Darcy handed Sadey her paper bag of clothes that Minnie instructed her to bring.
"By Miss Minnie's orders, you have to change into these clothes without showing any of us.  Take another cape to hide yourself.  And she says to toss the clothes you have on after you change."  Darcy acted as if this was a normal request.
Sadey took the bag and extra cape into the bathroom and began taking her clothes off.  It felt strange to put the new clothes on and tossing the last bit of her old wardrobe away, as if she could change her life that easily.  Careful not to let any of her new self peek out, Sadey wrapped the capes around her, hopping and waddling back into the salon.  Cora laughed as she pointed at the poofy cap on her sister's head.
"Okay, let's finish this job."  She shut the door so that it was only Sadey and herself.  Or rather, only Darcy because Sadey wasn't allowed to look in a mirror.  She could only go by feel?and smell.  The dye was so strong that Sadey swore the tip of her nose curled.  Darcy rinsed and washed Sadey's hair several times, using a myriad of expensive shampoos, conditioners and toners.  
"I need to put some life back into your hair, girl!  It was dead, dead, dead," said Darcy as she rubbed something that smelled delicious in Sadey's hair.  As the cream penetrated the strands, Sadey was instructed to close her eyes.  Suddenly, she felt a chill over her eyeballs and jerked.
"Don't worry, it's just makeup remover.  The new makeup's in the bag, right?"
"Yeah."  Once Sadey knew her eyes were okay, she enjoyed having them cleaned.  She liked the softness of the brush over her eyelids and how gingerly Darcy applied the mascara and eyeliner. 
"Makeup's done.  Now for the finishing touches!"
The last time Minnie had been this excited, she found out that she didn't have cancer.  She almost peed her pants when the blow dryer stopped and the sound of laughing and "I love it!" came through the door.
"Is she ready?" Minnie asked as Darcy danced her way out of the salon.
Darcy winked at her.  "May I present to you, Princess Sadey!"
Minnie looked at her feet first to save the face for last.  Sadey wore her new pair of sandals and a white crinkle skirt, topped off with a pink scoop neck tee.  But the clothes barely compared to her head.
"Lordy, Sadey!  Look at you!"
Shiny, chocolate tresses fell just before Sadey's shoulders.  No signs of her past hair abuse remained.  Then Minnie met Sadey's eyes.  So much more of her face was open for everyone to admire.  Instead of her eyes being locked in with thick, black lines, they were subtly outlined in brown with just a hint of black.  It perfectly accented her eyes, which were emerald green at the moment.
A flash of pink came around the corner.  "Look how gorgeous you are!" said Diana, truly stunned.  "I better tell my neighbor's boy about you!"
"How do you feel?" Minnie asked.  By now, she and Sadey were enjoying a cup of tea outside.
"It's hard to say, except maybe like a new car?" she giggled.  Her fingers wouldn't stay out of the chocolate silk that grew from her head and she kept smoothing her skirt.  "I feel lighter.  I didn't lose weight, I mean, but I don't have to be chained to the person I was anymore."
"I'm glad for that.  Now, I don't know how this'll sound, but forgive me if it sounds odd.  Are you a virgin?"  Sadey thought Minnie was going to ask her something about boyfriends, definitely not her virginity.  Minnie noticed Sadey brace her arms on the lawn chair, taking it as a negative sign.
"Uh, I guess I'm still a virgin.  I don't recall getting too close with a guy."  Sadey felt her cheeks flame.  "Why?"  She watched as Minnie took her left hand and put a ring on her ring finger.  
"What is this?"  Sadey held out her hand to inspect it.
"A purity ring."  
The silver band was stamped with Vow of Purity and fit perfectly.  "Does it mean that I'm like a nun or something?"
Minnie lowered her voice and moved closer to Sadey. "It means no sex before marriage.  Between you, me, and God, you must promise to stay pure until after you are married to the man God wants you to be with.  It'll save you much heartache."
"Anything for you, Minnie."  And Sadey meant it.  Suddenly, tears popped from Minnie's eyes.
"Is everything okay?"
A smile wrinkled Minnie's face.  "Don't stop blooming."










c h a p t e r
     t e n


Farewell Pastor Greg scrolled atop the sheet cake in purple frosting.  Cora wanted to touch the cake, but Sadey batted her little hand away, putting Cora in a grumpy mood.  She didn't stay grumpy for long because the residents kept asking for Cora to show off her new clothes.  Obediently, she twirled around and flapped her pink poncho up by her ears.
It took Sadey ten minutes just to get close to Minnie, due to the traffic rushing to see her new look.  Fingers ran through her chocolate hair and ladies held her face close to theirs.  The overall reaction was "two thumbs up."  She even got a wink from the cowboy.
As Sadey sat down, she caught yet another pair of eyes on her.  But these eyes were new to her.  They belonged to a curly-haired man who sat next to Pastor Reynolds.  She had to look away and knew that he could see her blush.  For an instant, she looked at him and was stunned to see him blushing.  
"Isn't he good-looking?" Minnie whispered into Sadey's ear, referring to the curly-haired man.  Sadey and Minnie were not the only ones talking about the new face.  She overheard Starla saying as she played with her necklaces, "What I'd give to be twenty again and be fair game for him!"  Cackling and giggling followed with, "Me, too!"  
Pastor Reynolds finally began the morning.  "God told us to be 'fishers of men,' and I intend to do exactly that.  So, without postponing my retirement any longer, here is your new pastor, Gabriel Mickelson."  The curly-haired man stood up and took another look at Sadey as he adjusted his black blazer.
Minnie nudged Sadey.  "He keeps looking at you!"  Sadey smoothed her white polo shirt and tan skirt, both nervous about her new look and getting looks from the handsome man.
"He's probably looking at one of the nurses," she muttered.  The new pastor cleared his throat and grabbed the pulpit.  "Hi, I'm Gabriel Mickelson.  I respond better to Gabe?"
"Or Babe, or Hunk," Starla whispered to her seating partner.  They giggled.
"?just don't call me Mr. Mickelson or Pastor Mickelson.  Pastor Gabe is okay, though.  Okay, I am twenty-three, originally from Seattle, home of the best coffee, and I was the young adult pastor at Woodridge Nazarene for a year.  Now I am your pastor and I will be glad to answer any questions."  Starla raised her jewelry-covered hand.
"Is there a Mrs. Mickelson?"
He smiled.  "No."
The cowboy raised his hand.  "Are we going to eat cake yet?"
*
Pastor Reynolds had to leave early for a hunting trip in Idaho with his son-in-law and forgot to take the rest of the cake.  Diana wouldn't dare eat a bite and said that anybody could take it home.  The young nurses ran away and practically hissed at the thought of having cake in their fridge, so the only people left to take half a sheet cake home were Gabe and Sadey.  He took the knife and mumbled, "Want any?"
"Whatever you don't want."
"Half?"
"Sounds good to me.  I know my little sister, who is MIA right now, will help me eat it.  She'd eat it for breakfast, lunch, and dinner."  He chuckled as he stared at Sadey's shoes and ran the knife through the cake.  As Sadey knelt down and stuffed balloons and streamers into the garbage bag, she felt the sensation of eyes on her.  She turned suddenly; Gabe nearly chopped his finger off as he jerked from surprise.  He recovered by handing her a plate piled with cellophane-covered cake.  "I gave you most of the flowers, even though I probably squished them."  Sadey could barely understand his soft voice.
"Sissy, I hided away from Minnie and she hasn't found me yet!"  Cora tiptoed into the room, despite her loud entrance.
Sadey gathered her purse and reached out for Cora's hand.  "Did you stay in the same place for her to find you?"
"I move when I find her!"  Gabe laughed as he wrapped cellophane around his plate of cake.  Just as Sadey walked by Gabe with Cora, he put his hand on her shoulder and said, "It was nice to meet you?"  This time, he looked Sadey straight in the eye.
Sadey grimaced, "Sadey?"  Ever since she was little, she never cared for her name.  Without fail, everyone made a comment about knowing a horse or dog named Sadey.  
Gabe repeated it, "Sadey."  He smiled.  "I like it."
At that moment, Sadey declared to herself that Gabe was perfection.
*
Tuesday promised to be a great day.  The Leach girls woke up in the Finn house to the smell of apple sticky rolls and coffee, the Honda didn't idle as high, and she found a decent parking space at Woodridge High.  The teachers treated her with more respect and the "good kids" didn't run away from her or glare.  However, she was summoned to Principal Rasmussen's office.  As far as she knew, she hadn't caused any recent trouble.  Sweat collected on her upper brow in Rasmussen's perfumed office.  She tried to calm her mind by looking at the fake plants and family pictures.  From the pictures, Sadey gathered that Rasmussen had two boys, loved to ski, and had a nerdy husband, despite her beauty.
"Are you sure nothing's wrong?  I have all of my shots, so I don't need anymore," Sadey lied, thinking that the meeting would be about missed immunizations.  
Rasmussen beamed.  "This isn't about shots.  We're meeting because you're doing so well."  She fished out a folder Sadey recognized as her own from the advisory meetings.  "I called Diana Trossetran at Forest Hills and she's recorded you with, let's see, where did I put that?"  She shuffled her phone messages until she found the one she needed.  "Diana has you down, as of yesterday, with twenty-eight hours of community service.  You don't have to volunteer any further."
"No way!" Sadey interjected before catching herself.  "I mean, I'll still go on."
"It was just a suggestion.  You are allowed to continue volunteering, of course.  I just want to say how proud I am of your changes.  Mr. Davis says your grade has improved in his class and your other teachers say the same," said Rasmussen.  For the next forty-five minutes, the two talked about Sadey's plans for college.  Surprised to hear that Sadey hadn't thought about college, Rasmussen gave her basic information and then gabbed about her sorority.  When the first bell rang, she said, "If you don't have any questions, you can make it to fifth period.  And keep on volunteering!"
Just as Sadey left her office, Rasmussen called her name.  "I love your new look!"
In between fourth and fifth period, Sadey made her way to her next class.  As usual, the halls were clogged with the preps, the jocks, the hicks, and the punks.  The preps left her alone, as well as the hicks, the jocks hollered "nun," and her old friends blocked her way.  Sadey couldn't tell who slammed her body into the lockers.  She writhed on the cold floor when Wynter appeared in her pirate wench costume, glaring down with wolf eyes.  
She threw a crumpled piece of paper at Sadey and said in a high-pitched voice, "Someone has helped me to see past high school and its drama!  I've grown up!  What kind of weak-minded garbage is that?"
Yesterday, Wynter gave Sadey a note begging for her to abandon the "zombie house."  In return, Sadey wrote to her saying that she has a new friend that understands her and treats her like a daughter.  This was the part Sadey was afraid would happen.  She tried standing up after Wynter kicked her in the stomach, but Wynter shoved her down, forcing Sadey to hit her head against the lockers.  The punks began to chant, "Kill, kill, kill, kill, kill?"
Wynter stood over Sadey's legs like a champion in a boxing match.  "Who in the hell said we couldn't be friends anymore?  Just drop this goody-goody act and come back to us!  What do you say?"  She offered a hand to Sadey with half-angry, half-hopeful wolf eyes.  Sadey brushed off her pants and wiped her eyes.  She returned the crumpled paper to Wynter.  
"Read it again.  I won't say anything differ---"  
Wynter delivered an icy slap across Sadey's left cheek, then grabbed some boy's hand and stormed off, followed by the rest of Sadey's old friends.  Other students stood silent as they watched Sadey whimper and cover her cheek.  Running down the hall, Principal Rasmussen arrived flushed and angry.
"I saw the major events on camera.  What just happened?" Rasmussen asked, examining the red handprint on Sadey's cheek.
"Wynter isn't handling the breakup of our friendship very well."  As Rasmussen rambled on about witnesses reporting to the office, Sadey laughed and smiled.
*
"I'm free!" Sadey sang to Minnie when she arrived in Room 134.  Proudly she showed Minnie the fading red hand on her cheek.  
Minnie raised her eyebrows in shock.  "That is definitely one way to stop being friends, I see."
"Sorry I can't stay and visit.  I have to make dinner with whatever I can find.  I just wanted to tell you that Wynter can't influence me anymore."  They embraced.
"Sleep tight, honey.  Give Cora a hug from me."
"I will."  Sadey left and signed out.  Minnie waited for one of the nurses to come by and asked to be taken to her room.
"Can't you do it yourself?  I'm busy right now," she said, her big eyes not showing much intelligence beyond makeup and hair.  The nurse walked off with her friend to gossip.
"No, dear.  I'm too tired."  Lately, fatigue had been a common problem, even if she just went to the bathroom or played Scrabble.  The medicine Minnie's doctor prescribed didn't slow her heart the way it was supposed to.  Minnie could tell by Diana's expressions, even if she tried to hide them, what was happening.  Her heart was on a downward spiral and nothing could stop it.






c h a p t e r
   e l e v e n


Since it was only a half-day at school, Sadey got out at 11:30 and headed straight for Forest Hills.  A sweet and tart smell greeted her as she entered the recreation room, where the residents were assembling their desserts for the evening. 
Minnie held up her wrinkled and purple fingers.  "Berry cobbler, dear."
"I thought you guys were finger-painting," Sadey teased.  Kitchen staff came out and took the marked cobblers away.  "What do you guys do now?  Balloon volleyball?"
"No!  That's not the only thing we do!  What we do now is the best thing we can do for our souls."
"Take a nap?"
"Reading God's Word.  You can accompany me," Minnie said.  Sadey and Minnie made their way to the family room, but couldn't get in right away.  Residents with walkers and nurses pushing wheelchairs plugged the entrance.
"Is this Bible thing like a sold-out concert here?" Sadey asked, feeling like she was crowding forward to see the celebrities.  Inside, the chairs were organized in a C-shape with one chair in the break of the formation.  On that lone chair was Pastor Gabe, reading his Bible with a studious face.  
"We'll share," Minnie whispered, setting an aged Bible on her lap.  At hearing that, Gabe looked up to see who was without a Bible.  His pulse quickened at the sight of Sadey.
"Good afternoon, everyone.  Let us open in prayer," said Gabe.  Minnie took Sadey's hand as Gabe prayed.  Sadey asked forgiveness when she cracked her eyes to watch Gabe.  Rich, brown curls fell to the bottom of his chin and thick eyebrows curved softly over his eyes.
When Sadey opened her eyes again, she looked at Gabe.  He was looking at her, but quickly glanced at his Bible and mumbled, "Everyone, open to 1 John?"  
This was Gabe's first day of true work for Forest Hills?and he was butchering it.  He had preached to elderly congregations before like a professional, but not when a pretty girl was among them.  More than once he forgot scripture in mid-sentence and his train of thought stopped dead on the tracks.  
"Is he okay?"  Sadey whispered to Minnie.
She shook her head.  "Poor boy, he's bouncing all over the Bible.  It doesn't help that he keeps peeking at you and losing his place."  At the end of the study, Gabe dismissed the group and rubbed his face in defeat.  A few people made their way to Gabe to console him and to get clarification about the patchy lesson.
"What now?" Sadey asked.  Minnie pointed out the window.
"Lunch outside, it seems."  Sadey pushed Minnie into the sunlight and placed her at the table with the least amount of pine needles and bird poop on it.  Grown children of the residents and grandchildren started showing up as soon as it struck noon.  Starla's grumpy-faced son had five grandkids running around him and jumping over shrubs, screaming and calling each other names like "bubble butt" and "turd."
"Those kids need some old-fashioned discipline," Minnie whispered over her cup of tea.  The only thing louder than the wild kids was Billy Warbuck on his accordion, sauntering around the tables and bending nearly backwards to get out the high notes.
"This music reminds me of The Lawrence Welk Show and the couples dancing in front of the band.  No matter how hard I tried, I could never style my hair quite as fancy as those girls did, the ones who sang, what's their name?"  She sighed.  "It's before your time?and Gabe's."
At the mention of his name, Sadey took a few looks around and found Gabe watching her from the side, as if he sat down to where he could see her better.  He instantly picked up random conversation with Arthur and Alice. 
"Here's my dose of depression, coming in at ten o'clock," Minnie grumbled.  Sadey stopped talking and glanced left towards the doors.	
"Don't say anything.  Just eat quietly, pretend you're with the other people, and don't look at her!"  A few pounds slimmer, Marcia sat down by Minnie, as if her outburst at Easter never happened.  Sadey couldn't help but take a better look; she noticed the same briefcase in her right hand.
"Marcia, why do you still carry your father's ashes around?  It's so unclean."
"And I'm glad to see you, too, Mother."  She set her small briefcase on the table and tapped her fingers on it impatiently.  Minnie told Sadey everything about it several weeks back.  
"She still thinks Harold is alive, but apparently she carries all of these papers and his ashes proving his death for self-assurance," Minnie said after shutting the door to her room.  "Even with the papers, she believes that Harold held his breath long enough underwater to trick the paramedics that he drowned and that he did his own 'death makeup' for his funeral.  Then, he runs away from the funeral home and spies on her.  I know Harold was abusive, but Marcia is simply taking it too far.  Not seeing Harold in nearly four decades is enough proof for me.  I don't need to tote his baked carcass as a reminder.  Oh dear, don't I sound crude."
Sadey had her back turned to Minnie as she listened to the conversation.  Marcia handed Minnie a piece of paper and whispered, "This is my new phone number.  It is similar to last week's, but don't get confused and don't hand it out to anybody."  Minnie slipped the paper in her Bible.  "So, Ma, how are things going?"
Almost every time Marcia came, Minnie had to answer this question.  The question didn't require a simple answer, but an answer to a series of questions Marcia would ask after Minnie said, "I'm fine."
"I'm fine."  Minnie didn't feel like being peppered with questions and beat her daughter to the punch.  "And to answer your next five questions, 'no, no male nurses have abused me,' 'no, no male residents have abused me,' 'no, I haven't seen your father peeking in windows or roaming in the halls,' 'yes, I'm very certain he's dead,' and 'no, I don't need to double-check your evidence.'"  Marcia snorted in disgust.
"I can't believe you're mocking my trauma!"  She gathered her jacket and briefcase?and saw Sadey sitting next to Minnie.  "Hey, aren't you that cult witch?" 
Sadey looked at Marcia with a look of confusion, hoping that Marcia would apologize for mistaking her for someone else.  Her hope was wasted.  Marcia appraised Sadey and smiled like a Barbie.  "You clean up nice for being a channel of evil spirits.  I'm still watching you.  Don't think I haven't stopped."  Marcia was up and gone in ten seconds, walking away as if she knew she destroyed Sadey for the day.  "What did she mean by evil spirits?" Sadey exhaled, almost crying.
"Don't listen to her, dear."  Minnie embraced Sadey's sulking frame.  "Whenever I deal with Marcia, I need something to pick me up.  Let me show you something, if you'll please push this unsightly wheelchair of mine!"  Sadey pushed Minnie and found herself in a massive labyrinth of trellises and ornaments, flowers and vines.
"This is The Garden."  As Sadey pushed her down the eclectic brick path, Minnie explained that each resident has a patch for flowers that is protected by a trellis divider that separates their patch from other gardens.  Alice and Arthur sat knee-to-knee on a bench under a garland of ivy and Starla bossed her great-grandkids around in her casino-themed garden, complete with playing card stepping stones and pots shaped and painted like dice.  Dozens of gnomes, some mooning everyone, stood amid flowers and gazing balls reflected the world in shades of blue.  Gardeners hired by Forest Hills cleaned out some dead patches, making them new for the next resident.  Minnie said the only way for the gardeners to clear a patch is if a resident passes on.  Sadey cringed when she counted three empty patches and a gardener working on clearing out a fourth.
It didn't take many bird baths and ugly gnomes to bore Sadey.  Her boredom vanished when Minnie put her brakes on in front of an explosion of life and colors.
"Here I am."  Minnie pointed to her section where the bees collected pollen and daring hummingbirds drank from the tubular flowers.  Glistening cocoons dangled from several branches of the tree, tempting Sadey to feel the slick casing.
"They're about ready to leave my garden.  I just hope I see them when they do leave."  Sadey took a seat on the mosaic bench and ran her fingers over velvety petals.
"What kinds of flowers are these?"  Sadey recognized them all, but had no idea what their names were.  Minnie was more than happy to oblige.
"In the front are black-eyed Susans and Shasta daisies.  Behind them are red-hot pokers.  Then I have a bit of foxglove and hummingbird mint.  The hummingbirds just love it.  They love it so much that I've been accused of hoarding all of the creatures!"  Sadey giggled, then closed her eyes and let the moist winds cool her face and neck.  She noticed the wind chimes ring from the other gardens along with Minnie's.  It was an eerily elegant sound.  For hours, the women talked until a light sprinkle drove them inside where a game of Charades had just begun.  In the end, the score was forgotten and everyone left with aching stomachs from laughing so hard.  
When Sadey realized that it was 5:30, she gave Minnie a quick hug and said, "I'll see you tomorrow!"  She hated leaving Cora with the Finns all day, knowing that they had lives of their own.  If she hadn't lost track of time, she would've picked Cora up at 1:00 to go to Chuck E. Cheese for the day.  Sadey ran to her car and fired up the engine, but nothing happened.
The pop-up lights on Sadey's Honda were up?which meant she left her lights on since noon.  The engine wouldn't turn over at all and the dome lights didn't even try to come on.  She called the Finns, but the call wouldn't go through.  The screen of her cell phone read: Low Battery, Powering Down Now.  
I have the best luck in the world, she teased herself.  Since Sadey could walk to school in the morning, she locked her car and headed home, despite the facts her light skirt and polo didn't block much of the evening wind and her shoes weren't that great for walking.  After less than five minutes of solid walking, her feet burned where the sandal straps rubbed against her skin.  To her right, a pair of headlights came closer.  She moved safely to the side for the white Ford Ranger, but instead of passing her, the truck stopped a few feet ahead.
"Do you need a ride?"  It was Gabe.
All that Sadey could say was, "No thanks.  I live close."  
He looked disappointed.  "Okay, then.  Have a good night."  His red taillights glowed in the dusk and disappeared when he took a right turn.  
I don't think my luck can get any better, she thought as the skies opened up to rain on her.  Up ahead, headlights came from the right.  The vehicle was coming towards her.  She wanted to cry with joy when she realized it was Gabe, laughing at her wet hair and clothes.
"Hop on in," he said as he leaned over the seat to unlock the door.  Before Sadey climbed up, she wrung out as much water as she could from her hair and skirt.
Figuring that Gabe was curious about her predicament, Sadey began with, "I'll have to wear walking shoes tomorrow, thanks to my stupidity."
Immediately, he asked, "What stupidity?"
Sadey explained her rash of luck with her dead car, dead phone, and turning down his first offer only to get rained on.  She blushed as she basically confessed to Gabe that she was a perfect example of an idiot.
He didn't seem to think what happened was a big deal.  "I'll charge your battery in the morning and pick you up, then take you to your car.  What time do you want me to come by?"  His hands perspired on the steering wheel.
"It's okay, I can walk."  She glanced at Gabe's face, noticing that he looked dejected, and was instantly overwhelmed by guilt.  "Well, only if it won't be too much trouble for you."
"No trouble at all!" he said, brightening.  She placed her Honda key in the cup holder, hoping that she was doing the smart thing.   
As Sadey directed him to her house, he realized that she would have walked over a mile to her house in dress shoes if he hadn't turned around.  He stopped the truck and watched Sadey go to the nice house belonging to the Finns, being raised to wait for someone to be sure of their next move before driving away.  As Sadey walked up the steps, a woman next door kicked out a Hispanic man in silk boxers and black dress socks.
"Gross," Gabe whispered.  If there was one thing he didn't want to see, it was another man's underwear, especially ones that reflected his headlights.  The man cussed in Spanish at the woman who stood behind the screen door.  In return, she flipped him off before she slammed the door shut, sending the man huffing down the street.  Luckily, Gabe thought, in the opposite direction of Sadey.
Chilled and shaking, Sadey groaned when she saw a white paper fluttering on the door.  In Mira's perfect penmanship, the note read: Darius, Cora, and I went to the Oregon Zoo for the day.  We should be back around dinner, depending on traffic.  Love, the Finns and Cora.
It was Sadey's day for monkey wrenches.  Now her sister was trapped in Portland traffic.  
She was relieved to see Gabe still parked at the curb and was going to tell him her situation.  From the corner of her eye, she saw someone come from behind her house towards her.  She recognized the man as her mother's current lover...and his eyes were fixed on Sadey like a laser.  Before she could cry out, the Hispanic man wrapped one arm around Sadey's chest and dragged her into the dark space between the Leach and Finn houses.  Struggling only drained her energy faster and angered her attacker, who smelled of Tracy's cheap perfume.  He slammed her body against the Leach house like a dusty rug and caught her as she bounced off the wall.  They were nose to nose.  He talked at mach speed in Spanish, grunting and spitting on Sadey.  She couldn't breathe to scream when the man pressed his forearm against her throat.  Her tongue felt like it was going to explode from the pressure and her focus blurred, turning Gabe's headlights into vague sparkles.  Suddenly, she felt something cold.  The man had lifted up her skirt and took liberties between her thighs that she couldn't escape from.  The brick wall snagged her shirt and grated her back as the man rocked her weak body.  She didn't cry when her body crumpled into the wet grass or look up when she heard a deep, muffled hum.  
Pain did not register in Gabe's knuckles as he slammed them into the man's nose and throat, pushing him down with the persistence of an attack dog.  The man cried out like a little girl, pleading for Gabe to stop, but it all fell on deaf ears as Gabe shoved the man against the brick wall and kicked him in the stomach.  Finally, the man gave up and crashed into the grass, convincing Gabe that he had actually passed out.  Gabe dragged Sadey's bleeding attacker to his truck and dropped him by the front tire.  He was prepared to run after the man, but he was sure that he wouldn't recover fast enough from the stiff blows to his body.  The front seat bent forward to reveal a stash of miscellaneous gadgets.  Gabe parted his junk like Moses to find the giant zip-ties he used for odd jobs.  One of the zip-ties bit into the fat of the man's ankles and the other pinned his wrists to his back.  Once the man was secured, Gabe ran between the houses, tripping over sprinklers and hoses.
"Sadey!"  She was still on her back, her wet skirt plastered on her chest.  He hastily fixed her skirt and checked her breathing.  At the moment, Sadey felt like she was dreaming, suddenly finding herself floating.  The more she woke up, she realized that arms were supporting her back and legs.  Under the light of the streetlamp, she saw that it had been Gabe that carried her.
"Are you okay?" he said.  His warm breath felt nice against her clammy skin.  
She whispered, "I don't know."  Her body ached, but her mind seemed detached from the pain.  Gabe laid her on the grass and dialed 911 with his cell phone.  In seven minutes, a white police SUV and ambulance pulled up behind Gabe's truck.  A cop started asking Gabe questions as paramedics swarmed over Sadey.
The cop scribbled notes down like a robot.  "Thanks Mr. Mickelson."  He explained the situation to the other cop and they knocked on the Leach's door to see Tracy wearing lingerie.  She gave minimal effort to hide herself.
"Ma'am, could you tell us anything about a Hispanic man that was reportedly kicked out of your house wearing only boxers and socks?"  Gabe stopped listening at that point and heard what the paramedics had to say.  To his relief, Sadey only had slight bruising and had not been raped.  When the police and paramedics left, Sadey finally broke down.
"I don't want to go in there."  Her voice was tight and soft.  Gabe realized that she wasn't referring to the Finn's house.
"Was that your mom?"  Sadey sobbed harder, hiding her face in her hands.  He helped her into his truck and said, "I'll be right back, okay?"  He jumped the steps of the Finn's and added a note on the paper they left: My name is Gabe and I'm a friend of Sadey's and a minister at Forest Hills Convalescent Center.  Sadey doesn't feel comfortable going into her own home right now, so she is visiting with me.  When you return, please call my home phone or my cell.  Thanks and God Bless.
He tried to remember both of his phone numbers and jotted them down.  He read the note for grammar and a smile spread on his face.  "?she is visiting with me."
The ride to his apartment was quiet, save for the grinding sound when Gabe shifted from second to third gear.  Every time he did, he muttered, "I got to get that fixed."  He stopped in front of a black gate and rolled down his window to punch in some numbers on an entrance key pad.  Lights illuminated a sign that said Evergreen Apartments.  The gate screeched open, moving nearly one inch every two seconds.
As Gabe unlocked the doorknob and deadbolt, Sadey expected a messy place with takeout cartons sharing space on the table with newspapers and dirty dishes, and laundry waiting to be washed draped over furniture.  Instead, she walked into a warmly lit place, shocked to see the opposite of her expectations.  Gabe hung his blazer up and tossed his keys on the kitchen counter.
"Make yourself at home.  There are some blankets by the television if you need to warm up," he called.  The pictures on Gabe's walls captured Sadey's attention.  A younger Gabe and a redheaded girl stood shoulder-to-shoulder, smiling and drenched.  But the picture was indoors.  Another photo was of Gabe at five-years-old.  Next, a black man in safari clothing smiled with his head next to Gabe's, along with big grins belonging to several black children.  Acacia trees filled the background in the picture, hinting to Sadey that the picture was taken in Africa.  One picture caused her to linger.  It was Gabe's silly face squished together with three of his friends in Seattle.  He had crossed his brown eyes while touching his tongue to his nose.  She nearly screamed when she suddenly noticed that Gabe was standing close to her.
"I have this thing for keeping pictures.  I'm just a little paranoid about forgetting where I've been in my life.  Even if I just have one picture of a place, like this one in Seattle, I remember every single detail of what happened."  He pointed to the one of him making a silly face.  "I remember that I had my first cappuccino that day and it was horrible, like tangy dishwater, so I got a hot chocolate instead.  Extra whip cream."
"I could only do that if I had memories worth remembering from my past."  When she looked at Gabe to give him as strong a smile as she could manage, she noticed delicious details about his body that he kept hidden everywhere else with his blazer.  His muscles tightly filled his shirt sleeves and his stomach was as flat as the polished floor.  But he wasn't a toothpick.  His broad chest reminded Sadey of a wrestler and his waist, although trim, required him to buckle his belt at one of the larger settings.
"Please, sit down."  As Sadey took a small space on the leather couch, Gabe unfurled a blanket over her wet body.  For several minutes, Gabe sat across the room in his recliner and fidgeted in silence.
Sadey sighed.  "It's okay to ask questions."  He didn't hesitate.
"Was that woman your mother?"  He hoped that it wouldn't make Sadey cry like it did earlier when he had asked.
"Yes."  When Gabe turned pale, Sadey blurted, "I'm nothing like her!  I'm making changes to put that life behind me!"
"What kind of changes?"
"Do you think I've always looked like this?"  Sadey's hands rested on her shoulders, indicating her appearance.  She blushed when Gabe looked over every detail.
"That was my original thought."
She laughed.  "I just recently used to dress in all black, combat boots, dark makeup, the whole deal."
The phone rang, putting a halt on the awkward conversation.  Gabe looked at the caller information.  "Finn, M & D?" he asked Sadey.  She nodded and said, "That's them."  
"Hello?  Hi, Mira.  Yes, just some light bruising, but the paramedics checked her out and she's fine.  Okay, I'll bring her shortly."  He wandered into the kitchen and back into the living room.  "Oh, no problem.  We'll be there shortly.  Bye."
"Is Mira panicking?" Sadey asked as Gabe hung up.
"Just a little.  She wants you to stay the night and to not even go into your house."  
Sadey folded the blanket and hurried to the door.  "I'd better go."  
When Gabe stopped the truck in front of the Finn's house, he couldn't believe that only a few hours ago, Sadey's life was almost ruined.  He escorted Sadey to the front porch.  Before Sadey made it to the first step, Gabe's gut told him to grab her hand.  Sadey turned, almost tripping.
"I hope making your changes goes well."
A tear rolled down Sadey's face.  His hand went up to wipe it away, not for the mere act of drying her skin but to touch it.  His fingers traveled from her cheek to her jaw, guiding her head towards his.  Sadey had kissed boys before, but the experience had always been empty.  This kiss, although brief, was strong.  Gabe had to kiss her once more and felt like skipping to his truck and speeding all the way to his apartment.  He waved to Mira before driving away.
"Was that the man who saved you?" Mira asked, cradling a cup of tea.
Sadey turned on her heel and jumped onto the first step of the porch, reaching out to hug Mira, seeming to forget her pain.  "That man is the most romantic and wonderful person I've ever met."









c h a p t e r
   t w e l v e


Gabe didn't look like he was a morning person when he pulled up to the Finn's.  When Sadey buckled up, she noticed that Gabe blinked in slow-motion and his eyes were half-open.  It was only after a sip of coffee did he seem to perk a bit.  The Honda looked particularly sparkly in the morning sun and Sadey didn't know why, especially since her hood was normally covered with paw prints of cats she didn't own.  
When Sadey got out and looked at her car, she knew why Gabe was so tired.  Not only was the Honda washed, but it was waxed and the interior had been vacuumed and polished with Armor All.  She squealed with delight and hugged Gabe.  When Sadey started the car successfully, Gabe left and Sadey made it to class just on time.
Sadey didn't even hear Wynter's many attempts to get her angry because she was busy filling pages with her signature and tagging "Mickelson" to each one.  By the end of the day, she wrote down every single combination and found her favorite to be "Mrs. Sadey R. Mickelson."  In fact, her right wrist was so sore that she babied it on the drive to Forest Hills.  
It struck Sadey as strange that Minnie wasn't seated next to Starla and the cowboy during Cutthroat UNO.
Is she waiting for me?  Outside of Room 134's shut door, Diana and Dr. Lowden stood close to each other, whispering and pointing to their clipboards.  Diana caught Sadey's gaze and pulled her to the side.  "Why don't you help with the card game for right now?"  Disappointed, Sadey disappeared into the recreation room.
"That's what I expected, Will."  Diana fought the urge to find the nearest bucket to vomit in.  "Every nurse to take her vitals says the same thing: 'cardiac output, decreased.'  With all other tests and her arrhythmia, there is no doubt that she has cardiomyopathy.  Her heart walls are enormous, just take a look at the X-rays.  The only thing I have left to ask you is..."  Diana stopped when she felt her nose burn, a sign that tears were on their way.  "...how long does she have?"
Dr. Lowden rubbed his eyes.  This was the part he hated most of his profession.  Setting someone's death clock was the worst way of saying that there is no hope.  "It's hard to say.  Since there is no doubt that she is in the later stages of dilated cardiomyopathy, I would give her less than a year, or possibly even four months if her heart deteriorates any faster.  I'm sorry, Diana."  He put his age-spotted hand on her shoulder to comfort her.
"Thanks, Will."  Dr. Lowden left to see his other patients.  Diana opened the door and saw that Minnie was asleep.  She sat down and watched her for a moment, wondering how it felt to have a bulging heart.
"Trossetran to the Nurses' Station, Trossetran to the Nurses' Station."  She was needed for something, probably to be called in for backup at Cutthroat UNO.  When Diana left, Minnie opened her eyes and blinked through the tears.  Four months?  Surely she would have longer than that.  She respected Dr. Lowden, yet now she hated him for giving her less than a year to live, like she was rotting food in the refrigerator that could be talked about so objectively.  She strangled her sheets as hot tears rolled through her wrinkles.  
"Minnie?"  It was Sadey.  Hastily, Minnie dabbed her eyes with a sheet corner and tried to forget about what Dr. Lowden said.  
"Come in."  The teenager plopped into the cushioned chair, laughing, and apparently oblivious to Minnie's condition.
"We missed you at Cutthroat UNO!  You should've seen it!  Starla actually beat Arthur this time and she was proud and everything, but Arthur said, 'I let you win,' which got Starla so mad!  I bet they were brother and sister separated at birth and finally found each other here!"
Suddenly, Latin music played from Sadey's purse.  She looked at the number calling and wrinkled her face.  "Who is this?"  People had dialed her number by mistake before and a lady named Derhonda left a weird message, but this caller was persistent and not leaving any messages.  "Hello?" Sadey asked, annoyed.  After a minute, Sadey's demeanor softened.  When she hung up, her cheeks were hot pink.
"What did that boy want?" Minnie sang.  Sadey shut her phone and looked puzzled.
"How did you know it was Gabe?"  Even just saying his name deepened Sadey's shade of blush.
Pushing her bad feelings aside for the moment, she sat up with a majestic air and a rascally twinkle came about her eyes.  "I was the one who gave him your number."
"You're kidding!"  When Sadey was over the shock, she said, "We're meeting here tomorrow and I have to dress nice.  But how nice?"  Suddenly, the door bumped Sadey in the butt.
"Sorry!  Ooo, sorry, sorry, sorry!  I'm comin' to apologize, I promise!"  The nurse's large behind entered the room first, only sparing a few inches between her body and the doorframe.  She pulled in the wobbly medicine cart, shocking Sadey and Minnie with her size.  But to both of them, her body looked good enough to be that of a plus-size model.  She looked ready for a photo shoot with her gelled hair, mint green scrubs marked with tiger stripes, and a creamy, toasted complexion.  The woman's lips dripped with pink lipgloss, much like her accent was heavy with a Texan twang.  
She smoothed her scrubs and showed off a smile that framed noticeably whitened teeth. "Ladies, I'm DonnaLee and I'm just going around meetin' everyone.  I heard what the nurse before me did to y'all, stealin' medicine like that and sellin' it like she was runnin' a candy shop."  She slapped her mouth with her hand, covering it with sticky lipgloss.  "I talk a little too much, which ain't very professional of me.  Just tell me to shut the heck up and I'll do it."
"You're forgiven, dear.  No harm done," Minnie assured her.
DonnaLee swiped Minnie's chart from the cart, reading to familiarize herself with Workman, Wilhelmina V.  "No meds for you, by order of Dr. Lowden.  I guess the less medicine, the better.  I'll still drop by for a visit.  Now I got to meet Miss Starla."  She replaced the chart and waved with French-tipped acrylic nails.  "See y'all later!" 
The bad news came to the forefront of Minnie's mind as soon as the peculiar company left.  Part of her wanted to simply tell Sadey what she knew about her heart; the other part wanted to protect her from anything that would change their friendship.  If she even hinted at being ill, every visit would turn into a sorrowful farewell with Sadey acting as if Minnie was on her deathbed, that the visit would be the last time they'd speak.  
As far as she knew, Sadey hadn't heard a thing from the loose-lipped nurses or overheard Dr. Lowden, as she had.  Perhaps she even had the naïve notion that Minnie would always be around.
And that's how Minnie wanted it.
*
Hanging in Sadey's closet was a lone black dress, still bearing the Wal-Mart tags.  She gathered her makeup, the dress and headed next door with Cora in tow.  The door was unlocked and the Lexus was in the driveway, clear signs that the Finns were home.  Darius, on his days off from the mill, worked in the garage with his power tools and hunks of wood.  Buzzing sounds and the smell of hot wood told Cora that she would get to watch her favorite shows instead of work on puzzles today.  Like an expert, she pushed all of the correct buttons on four different remotes and ended up on the Disney Channel.
Upstairs, Sadey disappeared into "her" room and slipped the dress over her fresh skin.  It was the first "little black dress" Sadey owned, let alone a dress for any occasion.  Mira knocked on the bedroom door and opened it gently.  She gasped, as if Sadey was the prettiest thing she had ever seen.
"What a beauty.  For our first date, Darius took me to this Mexican restaurant and told the servers that is was my birthday, which it wasn't.  So, I get the birthday song with a sombrero on my head and that set the mood for our relationship ever since."  Blush came over her fair cheeks at the memory.  She tucked in the tag and zipped the dress, fluttering about Sadey to make her look flawless.  
Then Cora shouted, "Potty train me!"  Mira gave Sadey a quick kiss and went in search of Cora in one of the four bathrooms.  
"Tell me everything when you get back!" Mira shouted from the hall.
*
When Sadey walked into Room 134, DonnaLee was Minnie's company.  "You look mighty pretty," said the Texan.  Apparently, DonnaLee was not shy and felt that getting to know people was irrelevant as she wrapped her arms around Sadey. 
Minnie straightened against her pillows.  "Aren't you glad I gave that boy your phone number?"  DonnaLee sparked sooner than Sadey.
"Who?  Is it someone I know?  Oh, please, tell me!"  DonnaLee slapped her mouth again and blushed.  "I weaned myself from them Harlequin romances, but I still need to hear some romantic details from time to time.  Keeps me from bingin'."
Minnie smiled proudly.  "This particular gentleman is Gabriel Mickelson, the new pastor here.  You might not have had the chance to meet yet."
"The cute one with curly hair and glasses?  My, he's a piece of work, that one."  A naughty look spread over DonnaLee' glittery face.  "I got me some of that pheromone perfume if you want it.  It's supposed to drive men crazy.  You should probably wait until you are outside or something, away from the men here.  Lordy, I could just see a stampede of wheelchairs and walkers."
Minnie interjected when she imagined Sadey crushed underneath dozens of men attracted to pheromone perfume.  "She doesn't want a horde of men around her, just one man and that is Gabe.  And guess who happens to be at my door?"  Flecks of glitter fell like snow from DonnaLee's blonde hair when she snapped her head around.
"Come in, young man."  Minnie smoothed her blankets over her legs as Gabe sauntered in, bowing his head to Minnie and DonnaLee.  Then he melted at the sight of Sadey.  For the past two days, they had talked for hours, breaking down barricades of shyness.  Had it not been for the rescue, Gabe was sure he'd never be brave enough to speak to Sadey.
"Tell me everything when you get back!" Minnie said as Gabe escorted Sadey out.
DonnaLee winked at Sadey.  "You sure you don't want none of that perfume?"
*
Sadey barely traveled anywhere and hadn't a clue where she was when Gabe pulled off the freeway.
"It won't be much longer now.  Close your eyes."  Sadey did and tried her hardest to not throw up.  Her carsickness originated several years ago when she was crammed into a van with other nine-year-olds going birthday bowling.  Even though the drive to the bowling alley was only ten minutes, she never recovered from the effects of the father's constant braking and squirrelly steering.
"Open!"  Sadey's eyes rolled into focus on a twinkling sternwheeler.  "I thought we might go to Chinese for dinner, but the Columbia Grace seemed a little bit better."  Older couples walked by dressed in their suits and sparkly dresses, the type of couples Sadey always thought had a small dog for a child.  As she and Gabe entered the crowd of people, she felt Gabe reach for her hand.
"Reservation for Mickelson, please," said Gabe to the older man taking tickets.
"Have a good time, kids."  He winked at them as they passed.  
Gilded pillars and a sculpted ceiling took Sadey's breath away.  Everything was either burgundy or gold and the tables were laid out for a meal worthy of royalty.  Amid the spicy jazz, guests created rush hour traffic getting to their tables.  Dozens of servers ran around with order pads and trays of champagne, nearly hitting guests in the head with them.  When Gabe and Sadey finally found their table, they only had a few minutes to look at the menu before they were pressed to order.
"Two orders of Oregon Coast King Salmon, a great choice.  Your seafood chowder will be here momentarily, so enjoy the music and your drinks."  Gabe, being twenty-three, ordered pinot noir to complement the salmon entrée and Sadey had a champagne flute of sparkling cider.  She took a sip and thought over the amount of time she knew Gabe.  Five days?
"In the hours we talked, we never covered the simple things, like where we're from and likes and dislikes.  Isn't that strange?" she asked.
Gabe shrugged, as if forgetting these details was trivial.  "Not much to me.  I'm from Seattle and moved here to Woodridge to help others know God, but other than that, I'm just Gabe.  Of course, there are some things in my past that I'd rather forget, but who doesn't want to forget some things?"
"What's so bad that makes you cringe like that?  Did you run over a frog?"  Gabe didn't feel the same way.  He stared into his glass of pinot noir.
"If only my sins were that small."
*
"I bet they're having a romantic time," Minnie said as she fanned herself with her Sequence cards.  She, on the other hand, was having a frustrating time.  No matter what the game was, Starla involuntarily made it hard to play.  Candy Land turned into Candy Hell and Mexican Train turned into Dead on the Tracks.  Alice had the great virtue of patience and simply let Starla's rambling go in one ear and out the other.  
"Screw romance!  I need to get some clubs!"  Starla also made the game hard by her habit of letting others know her goals on purpose.  Minnie fanned herself harder and couldn't focus on her cards anymore.    
"Sorry, but I'm out," she whispered.  Room 134 wasn't far, but for Minnie it was hundreds of miles in a wheelchair that felt like it weighed as much as an armored truck.  A pair of nurses talked to each other in the hall about going to get highlights done and then going out for margaritas.  Neither of them noticed Minnie trying to get somewhere.  Suddenly, she was moving.
"Where to, Miss Minnie?"  It was definitely not one of the young nurses or Diana, but DonnaLee. 
"Room 134, please."  The fatigue won and put Minnie to sleep.  With muscles developed on the ranch, DonnaLee had no trouble of lifting Minnie out of her wheelchair and into bed.  For a while, DonnaLee watched Minnie and found pain in her puffy face.  "Sleep tight, you hear?"  
*
The white chocolate mousse with marionberry sauce was heavenly.  Sadey, however, felt it traveling south to her hips.  Gabe could not care less about calories.  He cleaned out the glass goblet with his spoon, like a dog licking a bowl clean.  Now that dessert was over, the jazz band slowed the tempo and the lights dimmed.  Without any prompting, almost every couple rose from their seats and paired on the dance floor.  
Is he going to do it?, Sadey wondered.  She half-hoped he would since she lacked the skills of dancing properly.  Before making her lifestyle changes, Sadey could out-dance even Wynter.  The moves, however, wouldn't be considered "clean" by Gabe or the guests aboard the Columbia Grace.  Suddenly, Gabe stood up and held his hand out to Sadey.  Heart pounding, she took it and pictured the two of them making fools of themselves by crushing each other's toes and not maintaining any sort of fluid movement.  What surprised her, though, was how naturally Gabe put his hand on her waist and brought her close.  Before the end of the third song, Gabe and Sadey danced as if they'd been dancing together for years. 
The jazz came to a smooth finish and a hostess announced into the microphone, "Thank you for being a guest on the Columbia Grace this evening.  We will be docking in ten minutes.  Please gather your belongings and give applause for this evening's band, Cummings & Goings.  They perform Fridays only?"  
Gabe and Sadey went to the deck to admire the Portland skyline and to escape from the crowd that smelled mostly of obnoxious perfume.  To be chivalrous, Gabe draped his blazer over Sadey's bare shoulders and arms.  Even though she was still too warm from dancing and being in the overheated cabin, Sadey was pleased by the gesture.  Suddenly, guilt overwhelmed her.
"Minnie was never loved by her husband."  Her mouth formed a shocked "O," surprised that the statement slipped out.
She caught Gabe off guard.  "What do you mean?"  Knowing that Minnie would trust Gabe, Sadey divulged all of what she knew.  With every detail, Gabe's face dropped or cringed.  Then Gabe turned pale when Sadey described the cause of Minnie's miscarriages.
"Men who make marriage a prison don't follow God.  And men who beat their wife to prevent children?"  Gabe paused, trying to find the right words, "?don't deserve to live."  He was taking it harder than Sadey thought he would.
"Gabe, are you okay?"  The boat entered the docking area and the twinkle lights shut off, leaving them in darkness.  A crew member scanned the deck and found them.
"Sorry, but you have to exit the boat now."  Sadey took a few tiny steps towards the exit, hoping Gabe would follow.  But he held his head over the railing like he was trying to conquer seasickness.  Finally, Gabe rubbed his face and took Sadey by the hand.  He was suddenly in a hurry to leave.  Sadey had a hard time keeping up with Gabe's vast strides and was confused when she buckled up.  A few miles before the Woodridge exit, Sadey felt brave enough to ask Gabe what was wrong.
He seemed to be mostly recovered.  "It was nothing you did, so don't blame yourself.  I just have strong feelings against what Minnie's husband did to her.  It's a little personal and I'd rather forget it."  He let out a controlled sigh, as if he was wrestling to maintain his composure.
After a light kiss, Gabe made sure Sadey got into the Finn house safely and went home.  As he always did after he locked his front door, Gabe tossed his keys on the counter and hung his blazer up at the same time he pushed the coffee button.  While the percolator gurgled and whirred, he glanced over his picture collages.  If he wanted to feel happy, he looked at the Seattle photo with his best friends, Greg and John.  And if he wanted to remind himself of the black spot in his past, he looked at the picture of himself being baptized.  A drenched girl with wavy ruby hair stood next to him in the baptismal with her arm wrapped around his shoulders and looked as if she was laughing and crying.  In the picture, Gabe's curls were reduced to slick coils and he squinted without his glasses, looking much like a geek compared to the beautiful girl.  He came within two inches of the picture, close enough for his breath to fog a large spot on the glass. 
The girl was happy then.  "God, please, please, forgive me."  He abandoned the photographs and curled up on his leather sofa.  Definitely not the first time or the hundredth, Gabe sobbed like a little boy.


















c h a p t e r
    t h i r t e e n
	

"?happy birthday dear Richard, Penny, Edna, Lewis, Minnie, Vern, Jim, and Mary, happy birthday to you!"  The May babies blew out the candles at the same time and fanned the smoke away with wrinkled hands.  Sitting atop Diana's head was a felt hat that looked like a white birthday cake, complete with purple candles and blue icing.  She and DonnaLee pranced around, depositing gifts into the arms of the birthday "kids."  Minnie knew what was under the wrapping paper.  She saw the presents the April birthday people received, which was what the March people received.
"Open!" Diana squealed.  Nonetheless, Minnie acted grateful for a new pair of ugly slippers, the kind that were quilted and ankle-high with a little satin bow, meant for old women to wear.  She knew she was old, seventy-four this month, but she also knew she wasn't blind or without a sense of fashion.  Diana could have at least petitioned for fuzzy pink slippers.  Minnie would still wear them, but only in her room.  But the real determinant if she would wear the slippers would be how swollen her feet were.  Some days she could barely stretch her socks on.
The gaiety of the party couldn't cheer Minnie.  Nobody saw her sitting by the organ, alone.  Enough strength remained in her arms for her to push herself halfway to Room 134.  Again, she was stranded and the only civilization she could see was the overweight receptionist at her computer with a game of solitaire reflecting on her glasses.  Fading out like a movie, Minnie slipped into a deep nap, hearing only the indistinct voices over the intercom.
She didn't wake up peacefully.  As she emerged from slumber, she was looking into brown eyes and a little mouth that shouted, "She's awake!"  In her sleep, Sadey had brought Minnie to her room and laid out several gifts on the bed.  Cora begged to give the first gift and plopped it into Minnie's hands.  It was about as big as a stone and as Minnie pulled off the toilet paper and tape, discovered that it was a stone.  Cora turned it over and pointed to the word Faith that had been carved in the black stone and filled with white paint.  "Sissy said this word is about you."
"Thank you, sweetheart."  She kissed Cora's head of curls.  Before Minnie could take another breath, Sadey piled her gifts on Minnie's lap.  "Dear, is this all for me?"  
With each little gift, more delight spread Minnie's smile.  She now owned a resin puppy frame, a peppermint aromatherapy set, and a bag of sugar-free peanut clusters.
"Now close your eyes," said Sadey.  Minnie feared that Sadey would set a pair of old lady slippers on her lap.  Instead, she felt something hook around her pinky.  "Open."  Minnie took the chain off her finger and held it away for her tired eyes to focus better.
"What do we have here?  It looks like a Celtic knot."
Sadey nodded and showed her the necklace about her neck.  "I have the same one.  The symbol chart at the store said it meant 'sisterhood.'  It's like a grown-up version of the necklace set where one says 'Best' and the other says 'Friends.'  It's corny, but happy birthday."  Minnie's eyes misted.
"I love you, dearest."
Someone knocked on the door and Minnie called out, "Come in!  We're just celebrating!"  Before the person stepped in, Minnie's heart sank.  She knew who it was and wished she could've told Sadey and Cora to hide.  Clutched in Marcia's right hand, besides her briefcase, was a pair of quilted slippers for Minnie.  Marcia's face burned as she set the slippers on Minnie's lap, never breaking eye contact with Sadey.  
"How have your supernatural meetings been?  Good, I hope.  How many more lives have you destroyed since we last met?"  Marcia folded her arms and nodded towards Cora.  "I feel sorry for your sister.  She's probably been the portal for your group's demons."  Minnie was so furious, let alone confused with Marcia's meaning, that she couldn't think of anything to say.  She wondered if God held His hand over her mouth so as to prevent anything foul from coming out that she'd regret.
Instead of being silent, Sadey defended herself.  "Why do you think I cast spells?  I've never met you in my life!  You don't know me!"  Cora began to cry and Minnie held her close, covering her ears and eyes with her hands.
"If you really want to know, follow me to my apartment.  Perhaps you'll understand why you are still scum."  She patted her briefcase and stormed out into the hall.  As Sadey began to leave, Minnie grabbed her wrist with animal-like strength.  "Don't go.  No telling what is going on in her head.  I've never been able to figure it out.  Let her be angry alone.  Please, dear?"
"This has to stop because it's making me sick.  Please watch Cora until I return."  She got in her car and cruised the parking lot, looking for Marcia.  The woman waited in an obscure import from the 1980s and flashed her taillights.  Sadey followed Marcia through the center of Woodridge and to the gated and guarded Chelsea Court Apartments.  
Apparently Marcia told the guard that Sadey was not a threat because he focused more on his magazine than an angry tenant being pursued by a stranger into her apartment.
"Sit."  The way Marcia spoke sounded like she had studied detectives on crime shows getting ready to interrogate the suspect.  As Sadey sat on the humble couch, she noticed that Marcia didn't live the life she would have expected from someone residing in Chelsea Court, the pricier apartments in Woodridge.  Marcia kept the huge windows covered with dark blinds, drowning the space with coldness.  Every single wall was bare, save for a spot across from Sadey.  Inside the frames were newspaper clippings and some other things Sadey could not tell.  One of the frames looked as if it contained a Ziploc bag of gray powder.  The only other thing in the room was a computer on a card table.  Other than that, not a single hanging plant or doily could be seen.
Now Sadey doubted whether following Marcia was a wise choice, especially since Minnie physically tried to stop her.  At that moment, all she wanted was to visit at Forest Hills and have a fat piece of birthday cake. 
"I'm not going to repeat myself, so I suggest you listen closely."  She rubbed her eyes and turned her back to Sadey as she studied the frames and their contents.  "I'm sure my mother told you everything about her past, so I won't go over that again.  But what she hasn't told you is what my father did to me."  
Ideas ran through Sadey's mind of what Marcia was about to reveal.  Was she sent to her room without dinner?  Or was she slapped once?  Marcia put her fingers against the glass protecting the bag of ashes.  "I was in my third grade classroom when my father released me from school that day.  I'd barely seen him since the divorce.  Actually, he just moved out and they didn't go through the courts, but to me, he was divorced from us.  Despite everything in me that said to stay in my classroom, I packed up my things and left with Daddy."  With her unnaturally keen memory, Marcia had no choice but to recall every detail.
She'd never been in her father's semi truck and was in awe of the huge steering wheel and the magical CB radio that crackled with deep voices that Marcia couldn't understand.  Several men started calling Harold and he answered each one with a similar response: "I'm about ten miles away from the stop," and "Three miles to go."  Marcia almost fell asleep from the lulling sounds of the engine and rumble of the tires, but when the truck squealed from downshifting, Marcia shook the fuzzy feeling from her head and saw several more semis parked in a row.
"Are we stopping for the bathroom?" she asked.  Harold ignored her as he reached for his radio.
"Line Five, I'm here."  He hung up the radio and asked Marcia, "Do you want to go to a party?"  He didn't smile, but he did raise an eyebrow.
"A party!  Is Mommy coming?" Marcia squealed.  The deepest wish from her heart was for her parents to come back together and that her father had changed into a nicer man.  And the chances of her father changing were very great, especially since her mother taught her how to pray for others and she said that God can change anybody, even murderers and robbers.  Her father wasn't a bad guy.  He was mean for a while and hit her mother, but that wasn't as bad as killing someone, so Marcia knew he had changed.  Anybody throwing a party had to be nice.  
Harold grabbed the radio and yelled, "Boys on line five, where the hell are you?"
"Are there girls coming to the party, too?  I want to invite Linda and Francie."  Again, she was ignored.  She was still learning to tell time and knew it was lunchtime because both hands pointed straight up to the twelve on her large-print watch.  The second hand went around twice before Marcia noticed twelve men approaching the semi.  She knew that by counting each head with her pointer finger.
"One of those men turned out to be a woman.  It also happened that I was selected as a vessel for all of their pain and that witch, that prostitute, would make it happen."  As Marcia told the story, her stomach rocked like a car aiming for potholes.  She sniffled and pushed her collar down to show Sadey something on her back, just above her right shoulder blade.
"Do you see it?" she said.  In the darkness, it was hard to see whatever it was she was looking for, but when Marcia turned a little to the right, something smooth caught the light.
"Yeah, I see it."  It was a huge scar that was in the shape of a football.  After it sunk into Sadey's brain, she realized that the scar was a bite mark.
"There are thirteen altogether, supposedly a portal for the pain I was forced to carry."  She stared at the floor.  "And since I was old enough to bathe myself, my mother never knew this happened.  My dad bandaged me with the first aid kit in his rig and told me the lies I had to repeat."  Her chin dented inwards as she recalled the memories.  "He said, 'You climbed over a chain link fence at recess and got caught, then the school nurse patched you up, okay?'  Here I was, bleeding like a fountain as he stuffed my back full of cotton and all I could say was, 'Yes, Daddy.'
"My mother will never know how hard I screamed when all those teeth opened my skin, how doomed I felt when the witch officiated the ritual.  Her words were thick with Latin, but I understood that once the scars healed, the pain all those men and my father transferred to me would be with me forever."
Sadey squirmed at the sensation of teeth piercing her flesh.  "You don't have to tell me anymore, Marcia."
"And the thing that gets me is that you look just like that witch!  When you wore black, my back caught fire.  Then when you changed, I knew that you were hiding.  You can fool my mother, but not me."  She sat down at her computer and stared into the dead screen.  
"Do you think I'm really like that?" Sadey murmured.  "I'm not befriending your mother to take advantage of her.  Believe me on that."
Marcia gave Sadey a bewildered look.  "Why should I believe you?  I can't trust anyone because I'll get hurt.  I've tried and I've always ended up hurt."  
"You're trusting me right now."  Something inside Sadey felt like it was changing.  Her outer shell of hardness was finally eroding and permitting her to care for this seemingly unlovable woman.  The feeling was indescribable, as if she had the worst illness and was suddenly completely recovered.
"Hell, you'll probably tell my mother and ruin her life in addition to mine."  Marcia wiped her nose.  "That would kill her for sure, finding out that I was a witchcraft tool..."
Sadey went to Marcia and grabbed her cold hand, the first time Sadey had done anything like that.  "This isn't for me to tell.  I will keep it a secret.  Trust me."  Marcia's face was flushed and puffy, but through that, she gave Sadey a look that she'd never seen before.  
She smiled.  "Want some iced tea?"













c h a p t e r
                     f o u r t e e n


The wide bus swayed down the streets of Woodridge with a cargo of residents from Forest Hills, freshly permed or shaven for the outing.  Normally, Minnie chattered like the other ladies and planned out all that she wanted to do.  In antique stores, she'd search for items that appeared on Antiques Roadshow and reminisce with Starla and Alice over a little girl's stained pinafore, a 1932 edition of Watkins Cookbook and gag at the memory of prune whip, and china dolls that could've belonged to their grandmothers.  When the van took them to the local nursery or the jewelry department at JCPenney's, Minnie's sweet voice always got her loaded down with free plants and overstock bags and perfumes.  On days like those, she was glad to be more social than normal.  Today, however, she didn't want to be around a soul.  When the bus pulled into the Woodridge Library parking lot, Minnie thought over her mission with a souring stomach.
For two hours, the residents roamed the library to check out any books they desired.  Minnie pushed herself down the crowded gardening aisle and picked a random book with electric purple crocus on the cover.  She backed out and found the most desolate aisle in the whole library.  A coat of sweat glazed Minnie's forehead as she tried her hardest to focus on the titles.  Slowly, her checkout pile grew with books of heart anatomy and heart diseases.  When nobody seemed to be watching, Minnie headed to the checkout desk and made sure that the gardening book was the only one visible if somebody happened to peek at her selections.  Once the librarian finished scanning the books and putting them in a bag, Minnie went to the lounge area and pulled out the gardening book.  The feeling of cold dirt and glossy leaves and petals always calmed her nerves, even if she only had pictures of them.  
"I wish I could plant some crocus right now.  They're so cute," she mumbled to herself.  Before long, she was lost in the pictures of dream gardens and closed her eyes, planting a garden in her mind.  Just as the blooms grew triple their size, they shriveled.  
"Mrs. Workman?"  Minnie snorted when she awoke.  An annoyed nurse stared down at her, arms crossed over her chest.  "Didn't you hear us say it's time to leave, like, ten minutes ago?"  Huffing like a brat, the nurse and her friend left for the van.  They giggled like middle school girls when she said, "I thought she was dead!"
Minnie knew they were brainlessly joking, but she felt like the statement was an expectation that hadn't been fulfilled.  Was she supposed to be dead?  Did the nurses place bets on who would die?  She couldn't stop thinking about it, even when Starla began a passionate monologue on how crowded Woodridge was becoming.
Was she supposed to die soon?  The thought erased her appetite for ham with apples, one of her favorites.  While everyone else enjoyed the ice cream social, Minnie couldn't put off reading any longer.  When she rolled into her room, she locked the door and dumped the books out on her bed.  The gardening book no longer mattered and stayed in the bag.  She spread the other books on the bed, tapping the covers like she was selecting fruit at the supermarket.  After a few minutes of debating, Minnie finally chose the best-looking heart disease book.  It was published four years ago, but Minnie trusted that the information was still true.
"Angina pectoris?  What did Dr. Lowden call it?  Cardio-something."  Minnie flipped to the index, scanning for cardio.  The print was small and hard to read.  Finally, Minnie squinted just right and the text became sharp.  "That's it.  'Cardiomyopathy; also, congestive heart failure.'  Good Lord."  Her moist fingertips nearly ripped the pages as she raced to find the chapter.  In five minutes, Minnie learned her heart walls were diseased in some areas, causing the chambers to enlarge, thus throwing her heart a curveball.  As Minnie's heart grew, the muscle fibers stretched?but only so far.  Before long, the muscle would lose its elasticity and become stiff.  From there, the problems grew worse.  The fluid building up behind her heart was the cause of her chest pain, swollen legs, and weight gain.  The information started running together to make nonsense, but one part stood out: "Once symptoms of congestive cardiomyopathy are detectable, the disease has been in advanced stages for several years.  Medications to regulate heartbeat, dilate blood vessels, and to rid the body of excess fluid are available, but in many cases, a heart transplant is the only long-term solution."
"Jesus, help me."  A heart transplant?  Now that she knew her heart more intimately, she had to square with the facts that she was seventy-nine, not nearly wealthy enough to pay for such a surgery, and there would be chances that the surgery would do more harm than good.
The book flew across the room, denting the corner against the wall, just beneath Minnie's portrait.  Anger was a stranger to Minnie, taking hold of her momentary weakness and bringing tears to her pale face.
I thought she was dead!
"Maybe I should be dead!"  Her pillow muffled her screams and drank her tears.
*
The familiar sound of the medicine cart got louder in the hallway and Minnie awaited the "DonnaLee knock" that never failed to come: "Pull up your pantyhose, 'cause here I come!"
"Come in, dear."  Minnie stopped fluffing her fresh perm to hide her eyes from the "DonnaLee entrance" that was marked by a large bottom revealing oversexed underwear through her cheetah-print scrubs.  Apparently, nobody wanted to address the six-foot-two woman about her taste in clothing.
"Ready for Bible study, m'dear?"
"Always."  DonnaLee looked at Minnie's chart and shook her head animatedly.  "Still not takin' any medicine?  Is it a temporary thing?  You were takin' diuretics and the whole enchilada, but Dr. Lowden made you go cold turkey."
"I'm not taking anymore medicine, dear."  DonnaLee looked confused at Minnie's statement.  "My condition isn't getting any better and it can only get worse."
"Give it time, darlin'."  Minnie hated how people tried to remedy things they didn't understand with time.
"DonnaLee, please shut the door for a moment."  The nurse maneuvered around her cart by sucking in her stomach and shut the door.  "Dear, I know that I have congestive heart failure and I've done intensive reading on it.  The symptoms are serious and only happen in advanced stages of what I have.  I don't have time.  I may be here for less than a year.  I overheard Dr. Lowden say four months if my hearts gets worse."  
A gloss covered DonnaLee's eyes and she burst from her chair to embrace Minnie.  "I didn't know it was that bad!  If you want me to tell Dr. Lowden off for keeping you in the dark, call me.  I'm good at it.  I'll do anything for a sweet person like you."  
Just as DonnaLee was about to leave with her cart, Minnie stopped her.  "DonnaLee!  Do you like the coast?"  The nurse considered it with squinted eyes and a cocked head.
"The coast?  Yeah, I like the coast.  Never been there in my life, but the pictures are mighty pretty."  She left with the cart and returned, panting after running back to Room 134.  "Darlin', I know exactly what you mean!"  
"God bless you."  
*
Even though Gabe was twenty-three, he preached like he had been doing it for fifty years.  He took the comment humbly when Minnie told him over lunch.
"I'm not good at many other things.  All of my human effort goes into spreading God's Word and trying to be a good example."  Minnie studied the boy as she ate her tuna noodle casserole, focusing mainly on his ring finger.  
"Gabe, do you love Sadey?"  Because she knew of her heart problems, she no longer felt the need for small talk when there were bigger matters at hand.
Surprised to hear such an upfront question from Minnie, he blushed and said, "Of course.  From the first day I saw her.  You know that." 
"How sure were you?"  She completely forgot about eating as she dug deeper into Gabe's thoughts.
Gabe anticipated the question.  "My parents said I would know my true love when I met her.  Of course, I didn't believe them.  But when I met Sadey, I had the strangest urge to talk to her, like someone was pushing me towards her."
"Do you intend to marry Sadey?  Soon?"
Even more surprised than before, Gabe choked on his coffee.  "Minnie, I---"
Sadey growled as she plopped next to Gabe.  "I forgot that my senior portraits are due next Friday and I never had them taken in the fall!  And it's too late to go to a studio."
"Do you need money?" Minnie asked.  Sadey shook her head and sighed.
"I'll have to use my school picture from October, when I looked scary."  DonnaLee rushed behind Minnie and whispered something in her ear.  
"Excuse me for a moment," said Minnie and was whisked away by DonnaLee.
She returned in ten minutes with a glow.  "Are you two doing anything on Saturday?"
"I'm just around here for help all day," said Gabe.  Sadey had nothing else besides volunteering on Saturday and shrugged.
"Be here early on Saturday, around nine, and dress warm.  I have a surprise for you two."







c h a p t e r
f i f t e e n


The pancakes in Sadey's stomach threatened to put her to sleep as she and Gabe left his apartment Saturday morning.  Not only did Gabe make the best pancakes, but he made his own hashbrowns and got fresh eggs from a woman at his church.      
"I don't think I can stay awake for the surprise," Sadey groaned.  Being warmed by her coat and hat didn't help her fight against the urge to sleep.
When Gabe turned into the Forest Hills parking lot, nothing seemed out of the ordinary.  A navy Chrysler van with the Forest Hills logo idled with nobody in it; that was the only sign of human life outside the building's walls.  Diana didn't seem to be overexcited about anything and there weren't any special guests in the recreation room.  
"There you are!" Minnie said as Sadey and Gabe found her in her room.  A beret covered her head and the only flesh showing was her face.  "Since we're all here, we can go.  Now!"  Following Minnie's directions, they ended up by the idling van.  
"I about had to sleep with the guy before borrowin' the van!" DonnaLee hissed.  
Minnie's face dropped. "Come again, dear?"
DonnaLee adjusted her tight jeans and sweatshirt.  "I said to him, 'Honey, I've never been in a wreck and I have top insurance!'  He still wouldn't buy it, wouldn't buy it, wouldn't buy it, until I told him all the degrees I had: massage, business, and nursin'.  He only heard me say 'massage' and started goin' on about this pain in his back.  'I'll let you use the van if you can realign my spine.'  What the hell is that supposed to mean?  So I grabbed him underneath his armpits and squished him until I couldn't hear him breathin' anymore."  
DonnaLee stopped to put on some lipgloss.  "When he started chokin' for air, I squished him harder and popped his back.  Either he was too scared to mess with me or he was so impressed that he put me on the insurance!"  She pushed a button to open the wheelchair door and carefully loaded Minnie.  Gabe called "Shotgun!" like a little boy and Sadey took her place by Minnie.
"Where are we going?" Sadey begged.  Minnie didn't say a word, zipping her smile with gloved fingers.
To make the drive shorter, Minnie suggested everyone reveal something unusual.  DonnaLee showcased her Dolly Parton impersonation and sang one of her songs.  Gabe sang the chorus of "Amazing Grace" with a jazzy touch to his untrained baritone voice.  Minnie hummed along as Gabe felt compelled to finish the song.  For Sadey's turn, she spoke in her Donald Duck voice until her cheeks hurt.
"What about you, Minnie?" Gabe asked.  The elderly woman blushed and said quickly, "I was in love with Dick Van Dyke."  Sadey didn't know who he was, which had everyone explaining to Sadey his roles in Mary Poppins and Chitty Chitty Bang Bang.
The mention of Chitty had everyone, except Sadey, singing the theme song until Gabe shouted, "We're here!"  DonnaLee parked where Minnie could get out of the van and tucked the thick blankets tightly around her.  
"It's been a while since I've been to Long Beach," Minnie said softly, inhaling the salty wind.
"I've never been to Long Beach, or any beach," Sadey added.  For the next two hours, the four shopped in bookstores, gift shops, went to a bizarre museum boasting the body of Jake the Alligator Man, and bought two pounds of salt water taffy.  Outside, Sadey chewed a piece of marionberry taffy and mumbled, "If only I could live here."
"I'm glad you like it, dear.  I wish Forest Hills would relocate here.  Many of us would live longer, I think."  The smell of fresh pastries floated on the air, luring the four into the Cottage Kitchen.
DonnaLee squeezed her mass into the small booth and fanned herself.  "I think Minnie and I will rest here if you youngsters want to walk on the beach.  You can borrow the van, but I know nothin' about it!"  She put her finger to her lips and slid it across her neck.  Then she squeezed back out of the booth and made a beeline to the pastries.  
"When we're here, time doesn't exist, so stay on the beach for as long as you like."  Minnie waved good-bye to Gabe and Sadey as they left the bakery, hand-in-hand, just as she hoped.  Hear that, heart?  Time doesn't exist today.  Stay quiet and behave.  
"Ta-da!  The Texas doughnut!" DonnaLee set a chocolate-frosted doughnut at least ten inches in diameter in front of Minnie.  "I hope you're hungry."
*
Gabe hummed a tune that he only knew the chorus of as Sadey lightly leaned on his shoulder.  Together they sat on a sand dune, watching people fly kites as if they were an extension of their hands.  
He looked at Sadey and without warning, pulled out his camera and took a picture.  
"Whoa!  Why do you have that?" Sadey said as she covered her face.
"Minnie hinted that this would be a good place to take your senior portraits."  He inspected the lens and refocused on Sadey.
Sadey cocked her head.  "Did you know we were coming to the coast today?"
"Not at all.  I take pictures to remember things, like I told you.  But when I saw the sun coming through your hair and shadowing your face like it did, I knew that's how I wanted to remember today.  And besides, we're getting your senior pictures taken at the same time."  After much persuasion, Sadey consented to being photographed without prior notification.
Within the course of twenty minutes, Gabe took dozens of pictures with the ocean behind her, the dunes behind her, the boardwalk behind her, and with the clouds behind her.  Finally, to Sadey's relief, Gabe ran out of film.
"We should probably get back anyway.  My body is crying for coffee," Gabe groaned as he stretched his back.  On the way back to the bakery, an ambulance blocked the northbound traffic, which made one-lane traffic impossible to establish.  Drivers honked with fury at the ambulance, shouting out their cars like wild animals.
"What happened?" Sadey asked.  She sat a bit higher in her seat, curious to see, and froze.  "Oh, God!"  She bailed from the stopped van and ran between cars to the ambulance, ignoring the piercing honks directed towards her.  Mounted on the building above the ambulance's flashing lights was the Cottage Kitchen sign.  
"Minnie."  Gabe sped across the street, jumping over the curb of the sidewalk, and parked crooked in two spaces, not caring that it was illegally and poorly done.  As he ran, he caught glimpses of paramedics checking Minnie's blood pressure and keeping onlookers back.  Sadey argued with one of the paramedics who denied her entrance, bringing Sadey to tears.  And when Gabe joined in the argument, the paramedic threatened to call the police.
"Honey, if you don't let them in, you'll have to lay on that gurney and bandage your own buns.  I'm the supervisin' nurse for Miss Workman and I authorize those two to come in the scene."  DonnaLee showed her proof and nearly broke down herself when Gabe and Sadey passed the blockade into the bakery.
"What ha---"
DonnaLee grabbed their hands and squeezed them.  "Minnie's heart stopped, right in the middle of our conversation.  I stabilized her, but that barely held her while the paramedics came.  We're leavin' as soon as they're done with her."  The looks on their faces told DonnaLee that they knew nothing of Minnie's heart.  Gabe held Sadey for the eternity it took to make sure Minnie was well.
After wrapping things up with the paramedics, DonnaLee started the van and backed it off the curb.  Soon, many miles separated them from the beach. 
Bye, Long Beach.  This is the last time we'll meet.  Minnie avoided talking, mainly because she was afraid of the questions Sadey and Gabe would ask.  Diana already knew via cell phone what happened and arrangements were being made with Dr. Lowden to assess Minnie's heart again.  When they finally made it to Forest Hills, Sadey didn't get out immediately.  She looked into Minnie's bluing eyes with her intense green ones.  "Why did you die?"
The response was curt.  "Sadey, dear, my heart is old, but I'm not dead."  She knew that Sadey was frightened to tears and quietly wept as she followed Gabe to his truck, like someone blindfolded.  Minnie watched them drive away and felt empty instead of rejuvenated by their time at the coast.
"Don't worry, darlin'.  Sadey needs time to relax.  We all got real scared earlier and she is real close to you, so it probably made her feel the worst out of all of us.  I still love you, don't get the impression I don't."  DonnaLee hugged Minnie and pushed her to Room 134.  When DonnaLee returned with a cup of tea, Minnie ignored it.  
"DonnaLee, what if my relationship with Sadey is?ruined?"  Minnie fluffed her pillow and slammed her head into it.  "I tried to hard to keep a normalcy to things ever since I overheard Dr. Lowden."
"Still, she doesn't know that you've been diagnosed with heart disease, right?"
"I never told her."
DonnaLee nodded with confidence.  "She'll be as right as rain next time she sees you, I'll bet."











c h a p t e r
   s i x t e e n


Gabe's red eyes clashed with his black suit and pale face as he delivered the eulogy to the Forest Hills residents.  The actual burial took place the day before at Golden Chapel and Funeral Home, where Gabe performed his first funeral service.  The residents wanted closure and begged Gabe to deliver it to them since many couldn't attend the funeral.
During the service, Starla donned so much black jewelry that she clinked with every movement and the cowboy held his hat solemnly against his chest.  His bent Louis L'Amour novel sat in his lap with the front cover facing down.  
"We will always miss them.  Arthur's humor is his legacy and Alice was a radiant woman, inside and out.  We will always remember them as a role model in marriage and in friendships, happy to follow God's will through trials, and now, their victory."  The group observed a moment of silence after Gabe prayed.
Since Sadey was a legal adult, she was able to write herself an excuse from school for the memorial.  Although she looked calm next to Minnie, her nerves hadn't recovered from their frazzled state after the Cottage Kitchen incident, in addition to something else.
Two days earlier, as Sadey pulled into Forest Hills, a van from the funeral home backed up to the rear entrance.  Her first thought was of Minnie's heart failing for the last time.  With tears in her eyes and her breath caught in her throat, Sadey blitzed through the halls to Room 134, only to find Minnie reading the Bible.  The shock of seeing Minnie alive when Sadey expected her dead made her dizzier than she'd ever been before, forcing her to her knees in tears.
Minnie patted Sadey's forearm after the silence for Arthur and Alice.  "Let's get some crab puffs in you, dear.  You look a bit weak.  This funeral business has worn on you."  Sadey didn't hear a word of it.  She was busy watching the gardeners clear out Alice's sweet pea plants and Arthur's cucumbers.
"That is so wrong," she whispered.
Gabe rubbed Sadey's shoulder.  "Is everything okay?"
"Yeah.  Just tired, I guess."  She took a few bites of crab puff, robotically, and didn't care to eat anymore.
"Sadey, I don't know if you feel like answering this yet, so I'll understand.  Would you meet my parents?"  His question was the jolt Sadey needed to temporarily forget her blue thoughts.  As Gabe told Sadey when and where he would pick her up, Minnie eavesdropped, trying her hardest not to seem overexcited.  When he left to work on Sunday's sermon and Sadey had gone to the Finn's to take a nap, Minnie burst with giggling when she saw DonnaLee.  "I just knew that boy was going to do that!"
"Do what?  
"Gabe wants Sadey to meet his parents!  How wonderful is that?" 
DonnaLee did a tiny jump.  Her hips followed a second later.  "That's a big step!  When the man wants his girl to meet his folks, that is a very good sign, but that means little in my case.  My first husband's family still loves the dickens out of me, even after the divorce, and my current husband's family thinks I'm a trashy whore, even though we're happily married.  But if Gabe's family is anything like him, Sadey will be one lucky girl."
*
"Where the hell are you going dressed like that?"  It was the first time Sadey had seen Tracy awake since the night she was assaulted.  Since then, Sadey had only seen her mother for a collective three or four minutes.  Sadey disappeared into the bathroom to primp and tried not to trip as Cora clung to her.  She'd gotten used to walking around with a body attached to her legs whenever Tracy was around.  When Cora whined for Sadey to pick her up, she rushed her makeup, poking her half-done eye with the mascara wand when a glass bottle crashed against the living room wall.  
"That's right!  Don't tell me anything!  I know you're going to see your man.  I hope he dumps you like Carlos did to me!  Carlos was the best one so far and then he starts buying some biker slut drinks that I mixed.  Everything is screwed in my life and you'll find out that everything in yours will be, too."  Sadey heard some grumbling and the fridge door opening.  Apparently Tracy left the shattered glass on the floor for Sadey to pick up.
Before Sadey left, she took a good look at her mother: several half-drunk liquor bottles surrounded Tracy and a strange cigarette hung from her lips.  She was at rock-bottom of rock-bottom.  All she knew dealt with male anatomy and how to make every alcoholic drink conceivable.
Sadey tried to look at her mother's eyes as she dumped the broken bottle pieces into the trash can.  They were fixed on the television, appearing deader and fishier than she remembered.  Before allowing herself to collapse into depression at the sight of her rotting mother, Sadey left with Cora on her hip, not looking back once.
"Hello, girls!"  Cora wriggled until Sadey let her down and ran into Mira's arms.  "Run along inside!  I think Uncle Darius has a surprise for you!"  Off Cora went in search for Uncle Darius, dropping her backpack on the porch as she left.  Mira sucked in her gently rounded middle to pick it up and plopped with a sigh on the porch swing.
"Sit with me, sweetie."  The swing swayed as Sadey rested her body on it.  Mira tucked loose hair behind Sadey's ear and rubbed her shoulder.  "Look how far you've come.  I remember when you moved next door.  Only twelve and you had such an attitude, except when you came to see us.  Darius and I so badly wanted to save you, even more when Cora was born.  It hurt us to see you act like the mother when you were so young."  She dabbed at a tear forming in the corner of Sadey's eye.  "Now you're sophisticated and nothing at all like your mother."  Gabe's truck turned the corner.
Mira noticed Sadey tapping her toes and rocking lightly from side to side.  "Let me guess.  You're going to meet his parents?"
"How did you know?" Sadey chuckled.  
"You just look anxious and can't stop your fidgeting.  I remember the feeling.  Luckily, Darius's parents claimed me without any hesitation.  I bet Gabriel's parents will think the same of you."
"If you'll join me," Gabe said in a butler voice as he opened the truck door for Sadey.  Sadey climbed into the truck, careful not to let her pink skirt pick up any dirt.  Mira waved until the Ford turned the corner.
Immediately, Sadey asked, "What if I'm not what they pictured or wanted for your girlfriend?"  Several similar questions plagued Gabe, that of which he answered sincerely with, "You're perfect."  He navigated Woodridge River Road, an old logging route, with ease and turned onto a sharp uphill road with snaking curves.  Finally, Gabe crept down a rutted, narrow driveway just as steep as the uphill climb, tossing Sadey's innards like a salad.
"Here we are!" Gabe said as he inhaled the country air.  Beside the typical lawn decorations and manmade pond, Sadey saw several large signs in the yard, obscured by the darkness.  She wondered why people would have huge election signs in their yard when they lived out so far.
"Is that a stain on your skirt?"
"What?"  She furiously flipped the material around in search of a spot.  
"Let's take the back door," Gabe suggested, leading Sadey to the house as she looked at her skirt.  Several cats scurried into the bushes as Gabe and Sadey got too close and a dog inside the house barked when Gabe knocked.  A woman with Gabe's eyes greeted them with a pleased, but confused, face and said, "Why didn't you come through the front door like always?"
He didn't hesitate to answer.  "No reason.  Come on in, Sadey.  This is my mother, Rebecca.  Mom, this is Sadey."  The women shook hands, both a little nervous.  Sadey looked uncomfortable until she saw the Pomeranian that announced their arrival.  She knelt by the kennel and let the puppy sniff her fingers.
"That's Skitters," Gabe said, smiling as the ball of fluff tried everything in its power to escape from the kennel.  He took a step in the house, only to have his mother put a hand on his chest and look him directly in the eyes.  She didn't say anything out loud, but mouthed the words Gabe knew would set the mood for the evening.
We're not repeating history, are we?  Gabe flushed and murmured, "That was seven years ago, Mom."
She acted as if Gabe didn't say anything.  "When are you going to cut your Tarzan hair?"  
A new sensation crept over Sadey.  She knew eyes were on her and they had the lowliness of judgment.  When she turned to meet the glance, she saw a darkened room and a girl's face lit up by a computer screen.  The girl's eyes went big and returned to the screen.  Somewhat wounded by the nanosecond of rejection, Sadey followed Gabe into the living room.
"Steve, shut the TV off so we can visit with Gabe and Sadey."  Rebecca reached for the remote, but Steve held his arm out.
"Game's almost over.  Seahawks are up."
Rebecca rolled her eyes.  "This is a recorded game that you've seen three times already.  It's not going to change!"  Reluctantly, Steve shut the television off and grumbled something about Rebecca nagging at everything.  He rubbed his hands and clapped them together like a coach before a pep talk.
"So, how long have you known each other?"  Early May.
"Was it love at first sight?"  Yes.  Yes.  
"Do you know what you want to major in, Katie?"  It's Sadey.  Not yet.
By the fourth question, Sadey felt like she was filling out bubbles for the SAT.
"I hope you aren't rushing into it.  When Gabe said he was taking a girl out after he knew her for less than a year, I had to brace myself against a chair!  And how old are you, Sadey?"
"Eighteen."  Sadey knew her age was working against her.
"Eighteen?  That makes you and Gabriel five years apart, nearly ten."
"How did you and Steve meet?"  Sadey switched the subject for fear of being crushed under Rebecca's negative scrutiny.
"Great," said a voice from the computer room.  Rebecca rubbed her eyes and shouted, "Amber, if you're not going to visit with us, then don't eavesdrop!"  She plastered on a smile seen on dental commercials.  "Ready for dinner?" 
Dinner was just as dull as the living room episode.  Amber finally came out of the computer room and reminded Sadey of a sickly female version of Gabe with dark circles under her eyes and shoulder-length wavy hair.  Unfortunately, Amber sat across from Sadey and watched her over dinner.  Much of the conversation was between Rebecca and Steve and consisted of phrases like, "That is behind us now," "Bad things happen to good people," "At least we're allowed to learn from our mistakes," and "God saw us all through that mess."  Soon the talking ran together and Sadey ignored it completely.  When she finished eating, she waited for Gabe to say, "Ready to go?"  
Instead, she heard Rebecca ask, "Amber, why don't you show Sadey the kitties."
"Why?"  Sadey caught Rebecca giving Amber the "because I said so" look and was all the more uncomfortable.  Amber rolled her eyes.  "Ready to see some retarded cats?  Oh joy!"  
"Take the front door, please."  Rebecca didn't look at Gabe's imploring and desperate face.  The teenager put her hands on her hips and huffed.
"But, Mom, the cats hang out in the back, so why do I need to go out the front?  That's just dumb."  Steve left the table and switched his recorded Seahawks game back on.  Rebecca smiled sweetly as if the dysfunction exploding around her wasn't happening.
"The kitties will come around the house if you call them from the front, Amber.  Now, please do as I say."  Amber rolled her eyes again, looking like she was having a seizure.
Gabe croaked.  "Mom---"
Rebecca still smiled.  "Gabriel, we'll talk in a minute."  
"Go, Seattle!"
"Amber, do as I say."
"Touchdown!"
"Please---"
"Gabriel, go into the living room!"  
It was all Sadey could take before she showed herself out the door.  Amber followed after, not in any hurry to socialize with her brother's girlfriend.  In the dark, Sadey couldn't see anything, except for the cougars and wolves she imagined.
"Come here, stupid fleabags!"  As predicted, cats came from around the house, behind the girls.  "This Persian is Sultan.  That orange tom is named Spot, even though he doesn't have any spots.  It's some stupid Star Trek thing when Gabe was obsessed.  And the black one with white paws is Tuxedo.  How original, huh?  I hate them all."  Before Sadey could get the names straight, Amber hissed and stomped at them, sending them bounding across the lawn.  One by one, motion-sensitive lights lit up the signs Sadey thought were for elections.  She didn't see anything along the lines of voting.  One of the signs boasted a stick-person version of a fetus, white on the green sign, reading "Created by God."  Another one said "Proud Anti-Abortion Family" with the word "abortion" crossed out by a red line.  "Pro-Life" and "Abortion Is Murder" signs adorned the walkway like decorations.  Sadey was speechless.  Wholeheartedly, Sadey disagreed with abortion, especially since Minnie was forced by her husband to terminate so many pregnancies and how Tracy was willing to abandon Cora.  But the way the Mickelsons proclaimed their belief was disturbing.
"Do you love my brother?"  The question threw Sadey off guard.  
"What?"
Amber rolled her eyes again.  "I asked you if you love Gabe.  My brother?  Do you?"
"Of course I love him."
"No, I mean, do you really love him, like, you want to marry him?"
The answer was pure vanilla to Sadey, not rocket science.  "Yes.  I love Gabe enough to want to marry him, after high school, of course."  Tears brimmed in her eyes.
"Do you know a lot about him?"
The sooner I answer these dumb questions, the sooner I can go home, Sadey thought, inhaling the evening air as she prepared herself for another round of questioning.  "I know some things, but Gabe and I don't want to reveal everything to each other.  He wants mystery in our relationship."
"Mystery?  Okay, if that's what Gabe wants to call it."  Amber pointed to the windows and said, "Take a look at this."
The Seahawks game was paused for Steve to turn his head away from it and direct stern faces at his son.  Rebecca still smiled while she used a strong voice that Sadey could hear through the home's walls.  Gabe was the biggest spectacle through the windows; his hands rested on his hips when they weren't flying around his body with rage.  There was no doubt that Gabe was mad, even though Sadey had never seen him that way.  "Are they arguing?about me?"
"Sorta."
"Tell me what's going on.  I'm in the dark here," Sadey choked out.
Contrary to Sadey's feelings, Amber seemed to be enjoying the wreckage of the evening.  "Prepare to be enlightened!  Did you know that Gabe has a child?"
Pictures of Gabe cradling a baby in his firm arms flashed through Sadey's aching head.  "A child?  When?"  
Amber couldn't wait to say it.  "I'm sorry.  I meant to say 'had a child.'  Little mistake on my part."  She wished she had a camera on hand to capture Sadey's shock.
"Wha--what happened to the child?"  The eerie dinner conversation, the lawn signs, the fact that Gabe had a child...it all came together and Sadey was paralyzed, only feeling the mountain wind on her skirt and hearing Amber's foul voice.
"Let's just say he and his girlfriend played doctor, except he was an abortion specialist and she was a pregnant whore."  Amber did her best to deliver each word dripping with sarcasm.
"Gabe killed his own baby?  I can't?"  The anti-abortion signs swirled around her in a haze, sending pains of sickness to her stomach.
"Yep, some girl named Amanda took his virginity and has it somewhere in Montana, I think.  And that poor baby.  We'll never know how cute it was going to be.  I think it would've been six or seven this year, a kindergartener."  She paused to let it sink in before the kill.  "But the bottom-line is that Gabe is the murderer of an innocent life."  A movement caught her eye; Gabe had come to the window to see what was going on and he rushed out of the house.  Amber watched as Gabe tried to console Sadey, but Sadey avoided him.
Gabe's voice was definitely strained from arguing, sounding deep and exhausted.  "Amber, come here!"  She headed for the house, but only took two steps before she cried out in pain.  Gabe grabbed the back of her right arm with as much strength as needed to send her to the ground.  She kicked out at his shin, but he moved and pinned his sister to the walkway with a grunt.  "Amber, if you destroy my relationship with Sadey like you've evidently tried, you'll be answering to God for it.  I've been forgiven for my sins with Amanda and what I did to her, but Sadey is the one God intended for me.  If you've damaged my chances with her, God may forgive you, but I won't."
"Gabe, let go of me!"  In disgust, Gabe let go of Amber's bruising arm and ran to the truck.  Sadey waited by the door and wouldn't look at Gabe and refused his touch when he tried to comfort her.
"Just take me to Mira's!" she cried.  A headache plagued her brain and the dinner churned in her stomach like a washer getting ready to backfire.  At Sadey's plea, Gabe started the truck and refrained from speaking for the trip.  Sadey watched his hands steer, shift, and occasionally wipe sweat off onto his pants.  The hands whose touch she adored were now repulsive.  She imagined the hands smoothing Amanda's body and hair with as much passion as Sadey wanted from him for herself.  Then she imagined the hands somehow killing his first child, the one who would probably have his curly hair and bronze eyes.  She didn't know how he managed to do it.  Before the last turn to the Finn's, Gabe took the prime opportunity to speak, rather than let the situation get a chance to fester.
"There are a few things you need to know about me."  She heard him, but didn't acknowledge it.  Even hearing Gabe's rich voice made her prickle.  When Gabe slowed down just before the Finn's curb, Sadey wrestled with the seatbelt and jumped from the slow-moving truck.  He yelped and stopped the truck to get out.  
"Sadey!" he yelled.  Sadey tumbled and got tiny patches of scrapes on her hands, wincing as she tried to stand.  Upon Gabe's touch on her waist as he helped her upright, she slapped him with surprising strength and ran into the house without the fear of being pursued.
Gabe bent over to pick up his glasses, which now had pavement scrapes on the rims.  He knew he deserved to be slapped just like that for every minute he lived, but coming from Sadey was earth-shattering.  His throat tightened as he replayed the night in his head.  As he drove home, the tears in his eyes made it hard to see the road and he barely made it inside when he collapsed on the wood floor with deep sobbing until his lungs and throat burned.
Inside the Finn house, Mira stroked Sadey's brow as she digested the information.  Gabe was the last person she expected to be involved with abortion and the fact that he wasn't a virgin made Mira feel sorry for Sadey.  On the day Sadey got her purity ring from Minnie, she showed it to Mira and explained its significance.  
"If Gabe is the sweet boy I know, he'll make it up to you.  He is a mature man now and probably won't make the same mistakes as he did in his youth.  And I'm sure he's asked for forgiveness from God and now he'll ask it from you.  Don't deny him what he deserves."
"I'll give him forgiveness when I'm ready."  Sadey wiped her eyes with a tissue blackened with streaks of mascara.  "And I don't think I'll ever be ready."
Mira kissed Sadey's forehead.  "Honey, I meant that he deserves you."






c h a p t e r
s e v e n t e e n


Sadey focused intently on the stack of bibs when she saw Gabe stroll into the dining room.  It had been a week without any sort of contact with him.  If he called, she hung up without saying a word.  If she saw his truck at the grocery store, she'd drive twelve extra miles, via the freeway, to go to another store.  She tried her best to imagine her life without Gabe and felt plagued by his face at every turn.  Any white Ford Ranger, or any white truck, made her heart skip a beat. 
Before she made her changes, she would've cussed him out until his ears bled.  The words "pig" and "murderer" waited on her tongue, ready to strike.  Grimacing as he came near, Sadey feared that she would sling every curse at him under the sun, in front of the residents, no less.  After the longest week in both of their lives, Gabe finally spoke.
"Can I---"
"Go away, Gabe."  She wasn't ready to hear anything he had to say, even if it was a breakup speech.  The innocent bibs felt Sadey's anger as she twisted them up with rigid fingers.
"Can we talk at my place around five?  If you don't come, I'll understand."  He left Forest Hills with his head hung low.  Sadey wanted to cry as she watched Gabe go to his truck and disappear around the corner.  Dropping the stack of bibs on the counter, she fled to The Garden, releasing the rest of her tears and fury as she plopped on the mosaic bench.  The rage in her wanted her to pick up every pearly gazing ball and smash it on the path, to tip over the birdbaths, and punt the dumb gnomes like footballs.  But she couldn't move.  The minimal exchange between Gabe drained her.
"?you sure that she came out here, honey?  Maybe she and Gabe went parkin' somewhere."  DonnaLee sighed wistfully.
"Don't be silly.  I know Sadey is out here."  Minnie was in a no-nonsense mood and was determined to find her hurting girl.
At the sound of their voices, Sadey looked around for a place to hide.  She looked behind a waterfall of hanging plants, but once the women made it in front of Minnie's garden, Sadey sulked with defeat on the bench.
When Minnie gazed upon Sadey's wet face and puffy eyes, she whispered to DonnaLee, "We need some privacy, dear."  DonnaLee nodded sympathetically and left, singing a Frank Sinatra song that clashed with her accent.
"What happened?  Gabe left early and you're crying in my garden.  The only thing I can think of is that you two called off the relationship.  Please tell me I'm wrong."  
"I don't know what's going to happen.  Wait until you hear what I'm trying to deal with."
"What is it?"  Minnie took Sadey's hand in her own, covering it like a warm glove.
"Gabe had a baby."  As Sadey explained the drama from the other night, she broke down into body-shaking sobs more than once and banged her scraped hands on the bench.
"Oh, dear.  Are you going to go talk with him?"
"I should go, but I don't want to."  Her bottom lip quivered.  "I mean, I do not and cannot accept this!  He killed his own baby, for God's sake, just like my mom tried to kill my sister!"
Minnie knew the anger was speaking, not Sadey.  "Calm yourself, dear.  Think of what you're saying."
Sadey rolled her eyes, forcing tears out.  "Sorry, Minnie.  I can't forgive him."  She stared off beyond The Garden's boundaries, into the sky, avoiding Minnie's motherly expressions.
"Dear, 'Love covers over a multitude of sins.'  That's somewhere in 1 Peter, I believe.  What that means, honey, is that even though Gabe has done this horrible thing in his past, showing him love will ease the pain he is feeling.  Only God can wipe his slate clean, but we can let him know he is forgiven by us, as Christians are taught to do.  That will make it much easier for him to bear."  Without a tissue on hand, Minnie wiped Sadey's tears with the sleeve of her sweatshirt.  "Of all the people Gabe wants forgiveness from, he wants it most from you."
*
When Gabe opened the door, his face was a mixture of apology and shame.  His puffy eyes and red nose told Sadey that he'd been crying, just like her.  "Come in.  I have something to show you."  He avoided her eyes as she found a place on the couch.  From the wall he took down a picture collage and sat next to Sadey without touching her.  Sadey recognized the pictures from Africa, which Gabe said were from a missionary trip, and the goofy faces with his friends in Seattle.  He pointed to the picture of himself and the redhead, both drenched and smiling.  Gabe and the girl stood side-by-side, her soaked hair sticking to Gabe's wet shirt.  When Sadey looked harder, she saw his hand resting on her ribcage, bringing her even closer.  "That is Amanda." 
For the first time in years, Gabe conjured the smell of grape Kool-Aid and the particular way Amanda hummed.  She didn't hum one note per syllable, but added notes to make her humming sound like a strange lullaby.  That was the first time Gabe noticed Amanda in Advanced Algebra.  Whenever he smelled grape Kool-Aid from then on, whether someone drank it or he made it himself, he would hope or imagine that Amanda was there.  But his boyish wish went no further until he heard Amanda hum familiar church hymns.  He then had enough courage to look over at her; she was busy reading formulas, but Gabe saw something on her finger that he wore himself.   
She has a purity ring!  Now that Gabe and Amanda had something in common, she was free to approach without fear.  Before the week was out, they became math partners and both wanted to go to Mozambique to become missionaries.  Over the course of a few months, they visited each other's churches and made it known that they were together.
Then he had the task of taking Amanda on their first date.  For weeks he planned and saved money by cleaning the garage and even babysitting.  He waited at the kitchen table, staring at the clock.  Free bowling shoes were only given out between six and six-thirty.  The sooner they left, the better the selection was going to be.  Gabe's watch read ten minutes past six.  "Amanda, do you have everything?  We only have twenty minutes!"
"No!  I can't find my purse!"  She called from the back of the house and begged for Gabe to help her look.  She swore it was hanging on the back of a chair, but then she remembered it was in her room.  When Gabe didn't come, she asked for him again.
"By the time we get there, I'll have to pay for the shoes and I won't have enough money for bowling!"  She still refused to leave without it.  Improper or not, Gabe headed for her room to find the stupid lipgloss-filled purse that kept him from getting free bowling shoes.  As soon as he stepped into her room, Amanda shut the lights off and grabbed Gabe by the middle and squeezed.
"Amanda, please.  We're going to---"   
She stole Gabe's first kiss and shoved him backwards to her bed.  At that point, the purity rings and bowling shoes didn't matter.  The only thing that concerned Gabe was getting his glasses off so they wouldn't break.  Then he had a stupid belt and button-down shirt to contend with.  Amanda had only a skirt and spaghetti-strap top, which took her less than five seconds to shed.  Once the covers came up, the outside world was forgotten.
The memory lived on further, but Gabe spared Sadey the details, even though the look on her face couldn't be more revolted.  
"Once we were done, Amanda laid next to me for five or six minutes and then she realized what happened.  She wept and screamed for me to leave, blaming me for everything.  But in the end, we took each other's virginity and that'll never change."  
For the next several weeks, Amanda snubbed Gabe when they would normally talk about marriage and trigonometry.  He hated it when she brought her purse to school, remembering it as the reason he first entered her bedroom.  And nothing important resided in the purse besides lipgloss, gum, and passed notes.  But what he despised most was how she was still wore her purity ring.  He tossed his purity ring in the cafeteria garbage can the day after the encounter, feeling that he didn't deserve to wear something that symbolized a promise that he failed to keep.  
During Advanced Algebra, Amanda took the bathroom pass and her purse, declaring that it was urgent.  All the boys laughed, bellowing "Poop!" and making farting sounds.  When she returned, her face was pale and wet with tears.
After getting the cold shoulder for so long, Gabe forgot the Amanda he knew and found solace in his homework.  It was even easy for him to forget having sex with her.  But the day she cornered him after school, the last thing he expected to hear was, "You got me pregnant, Mickelson."  When the words hit him, Gabe was excited.  
"Seriously?  When are we due?"  He'd always dreamt of becoming a father, just not as a sophomore.  Even though he wasn't even a legal adult, he was ready to have the responsibility of raising his baby.
"You're missing the point."
Gabe's face dropped.  "You're not keeping it?"
"It's my baby and I'll decide what's best for me."  What she decided was best was for Gabe to meet her at her house when she guaranteed her parents would be gone to a Bunko party.  When Amanda answered the door, she looked as white as she did the day she discovered her pregnancy in the bathroom stall.  
"Kick me."  The words were strange, as if she said, "Kiss me."
"Kiss you?"  He was ready to leave the house before she grabbed him again and reached for the doorknob.
Something clicked.  "I said to kick me, bastard."  He turned around to find a polished pistol in Amanda's right hand.  "You got me pregnant.  Fix it!"  Amanda wasn't strong enough to induce her own miscarriage and didn't have enough money to go to a clinic, so the next convenient thing was the father of her baby.  Under her direction, Gabe kicked her between the hips, where the fetus attempted to grow.  He'd lost track of how many times he kicked her because Amanda's grunting and cries forced him into tears.
"Kick me harder!"  How many kicks were enough?  Was he breaking her?  With every strike, he felt her pelvic bone at his toes and heel.  He imagined the fetus breaking away inside or dissolving as he made his blows stronger.  His neck was now wet with tears and his foot felt like it was going to drop from his ankle.
"Stop it!  Stop!"  Amanda collapsed, holding her stomach and moaning.  The gun slipped from her sweaty hand onto the rug.
"I'll call 911!" Gabe panicked.  
"No!" Amanda tried to shout, but her plea sounded more like an infant crying for the first time, choking on air.  He sat for what seemed like an hour as Amanda rolled around.  She finally was able to sprawl out on the couch.  By no means was she comfortable; she attempted to gag and moaned with every move of her bones and muscles. 
When the writhing slowed, she whispered, "I'll think of something to tell my parents if they ask, like I fell down the stairs or ate something spoiled, but don't say anything about this."  She leaned over and let spit flow uncontrolled from her mouth.  Gabe put a paper towel under her chin and wiped before Amanda weakly shoved him away and mumbled, "Leave me alone."
A week later, Amanda told Gabe the last thing he'd ever hear from her.  "It's gone."  Eventually, both families discovered the truth.  Amanda and her parents moved to Montana; whether it was connected to the incident or not, Gabe didn't know.  And his family was never the same.
The name that came to Sadey was "Harold."  Just as Harold beat life, both literally and physically, out of Minnie, so did Gabe of Amanda.
Gabe wiped his eyes and sniffled.  "How are you feeling?"
"Remember what I told you on the Columbia Grace?  You and Minnie's husband..."
He was crestfallen.  "You think I would do that to you?"
"You did it to Amanda!"  She moved to the other couch and gasped when Gabe dropped to his knees by her side, crying as if she just died.  
"I know I should be sentenced to death for what I did, and I want to be, but losing you would kill me!  I understand if you don't want to be with me any longer.  I just know true love only to be with you."  He tensed for fear of being punched or screamed at.  Instead, Sadey held his face for a few minutes, staring past his eyes, into his soul.  What she found was a man haunted by his past, just like she was a little girl herself with skeletons of her own in the closet.  She leaned forward, touching noses with Gabe, and kissed him with the most tenderness possible.  With each kiss, Sadey forgave Gabe more and more.  She lifted Gabe's glasses to dab at his tears.
"Thank you, Sadey."










c h a p t e r
e i g h t e e n


Sadey knew her well of luck had run dry when she heard an announcement that the seniors had to have their graduation walking partners chosen before noon, otherwise the staff would pair the remaining students.  
It was two in the afternoon.  Since eighth grade, Sadey knew she was going to walk with Wynter for graduation and never thought about more about it?until the announcement.  After she and Wynter broke off their friendship, Sadey hadn't even thought of whom to walk with.  She would rather walk with Garrett, who drove his Chevy through town with galvanized testicles hanging from the hitch.  She still dreaded seeing Garrett's name paired with hers on the list.  Instead of his name, she saw that the staff put her with Laura Cox, the receptionist at Forest Hills.  The encounters with Laura were becoming less awkward each time, but as Sadey looked at Laura, she still felt resistance from the shy girl.   
"Guess we're partners," said Sadey as she stopped by Laura's locker.  Laura pursed her lips and nodded.  "What's wrong?"
"Sadey, I know you've changed what you look like, but don't you remember what you used to call me?"  Sadey was too ashamed to say the names out loud.  "Laura Ingalls?  Albino?  Do you think I forgot?"  She thought Laura would cross off her own name from the list and pencil in Garrett's name next to Sadey's as punishment.
"Laura, I never would've said those---"
"I did forget."
Sadey was sure she heard wrong.  "What?"
Laura smiled for the first time Sadey could recall.  "Life is too short to remember the mistakes we can't fix.  You can't change what you said, but we can be friends from this point on."  Sadey felt like the Grinch when his heart grew several sizes bigger because of his overwhelming love.  
"See you at walk practice!" Laura called as she left Sadey stunned by her locker.
*
"I never knew Laura Ingalls was a lesbian!  She must be hot for backstabbing brunettes!"  Sadey knew it was Wynter and tried to ignore it by humming the graduation march.  The old Sadey wanted to slap Wynter's face until it bled.  When she looked to see how Laura handled the remark, she was laughing just loud enough to stamp out Wynter's fun.  Sadey was surprised Laura knew what "lesbian" meant and burst out with laughter, too.
The rest of the practice went without any flaws, save for the unfortunate girl who was hiding in the bathroom because she had to walk with Garrett.
*
"Sadey Rosalyn Leach."  For a moment, Sadey didn't realize the class president called her name.  Her sight had been captured by Minnie, who blew kisses and waved delicately.  Gabe sat next to her and brought his camera, which seemed to flash every three seconds or less.  Cora and the Finns came dressed in their best and DonnaLee sparkled like a Las Vegas fountain in her low-cut sequined halter top.  Afraid to come out of her apartment, Marcia called with her ever-changing phone number to give Sadey her congratulations.
The person sitting next to Sadey nudged her arm.  Sadey jumped up in her white gown and high heels to shake hands before getting her diploma.  In the line of gowned faculty, Mr. Patrick Davis was the first to congratulate her.  Upon the meeting of their hands, his eyes reddened and he had trouble saying how proud he was of her.  The girl who had hated him three months ago was now the one he would recommend the highest out of all the students he'd ever known.  Principal Elizabeth Rasmussen also shook Sadey's hand vigorously, but her eyes were dry.
When the diploma case, empty and stiff, was deposited into Sadey's hands by the class secretary, she suddenly felt torn.  Did she have to volunteer anymore?  What about finally moving out of Woodridge away from her mother?  Finally, as the last name was called, the students all stood and turned their tassels, symbolizing the transition into the "real world that will present new challenges everyday," as the class president put it.  
As if I've never had a taste of the "real" world, Sadey thought with a roll of her eyes.  All the hats, red and white, flew into the air amid sprays of silly string.  Sadey escaped the crowd into the protection of Gabe's arms.
"What a beautiful graduate you make!" Minnie sang out.  Sadey kissed Minnie's cheek and felt a significant difference; when Sadey expected firmness, she thought Minnie's face was going to disappear in a cloud of mist.   
After removing silly string that someone sprayed all over her backside, DonnaLee wrapped her big arms around Sadey.  "We're having a party for you at the center, sugar!"
When Sadey and the others walked into the recreation room, she expected to see everyone with party hats and a cake.  The room turned out to be nearly empty because of an outing to a used book store.
A flash of pink surrounded Sadey in a hug.  "Sorry that I couldn't make it, but congratulations!  Here's my gift."  Diana smiled as Sadey opened the card to find two twenty dollar bills.  "I can't tell you how much I appreciate you being a volunteer with us."  In another flash, she was gone.  Gabe also had to leave to prepare for Sunday, but he couldn't go without giving Sadey her present.  He opened her palm and placed a rectangular box in it.  Knowing that it wasn't a ring, Sadey relaxed as she cracked open the box.
"It's so gorgeous!" Sadey breathed.  Gabe took the simple cross necklace out of the box and fastened it around Sadey's neck, kissing her forehead in the same motion.  
"Just like you."  Just after Gabe left, half of Sadey's party showed up.  Cora had to lead Darius and Mira through Forest Hills to see all the fish tanks and Re-Pete before ending up in the recreation room.  
"Sissy, we got you something!"  Cora dropped the lumpy package twice before handing it over to Sadey.  The lump turned out to be an Irish-inspired blanket that Mira stitched together by hand.
"Did we miss any-thang?"  DonnaLee wheeled Minnie in at mach speed.  "New people!"  
Instantly, Sadey ran through the introductions.  "DonnaLee, this is Darius, my adopted uncle, and Mira, my adopted aunt.  Mira and Darius, this is Minnie."  As Sadey turned to introduce Minnie, she felt her knees try to give out when she saw Minnie cringing and croaking.  Her fists trembled, as if she was shaking dice in fast-forward.  Her dark pink tongue curled as the coughing rattled her bony frame, sending spit down her chin.  The scene made Cora start to scream and bawl, frightened by Minnie's shocking state.  Mira hoisted the toddler onto her hip and shielded her eyes.
The Texan kept her cool as she hustled to the hall for help.  Diana and another nurse swarmed over Minnie, using several instruments to get her breathing.  Once she was stable, they wheeled Minnie to Room 134 without any explanations.  
"DonnaLee, is Minnie okay?"  The graduation party and gifts went to the back of Sadey's mind.
DonnaLee smiled weakly.  "She just needs rest, honey."  The smile vanished when DonnaLee waddled faster than normal to Minnie's room.
"Do you want to come home with us, Sadey?" Darius asked, his brow furrowed with worry.
"I would like to, but I want to see what's going on with Minnie."
Mira smoothed Cora's small back.  "If there's anything we can do, let us know.  We'll be at home with Cora.  She's a little upset."  Mira kissed Sadey's cheek.  "And don't forget your blanket."
"Okay, I won't.  Thanks."  She half-heartedly waved as they left.
Once they were gone, Sadey ran to Room 134, getting as close to the door as she could until she heard voices.
"?it's most likely linked to the outing, Minnie.  Your condition is in advanced stages and it cannot handle the demands you make of it.  I'll contact Dr. Lowden as soon?"  
Sadey sunk into a stained chair, listening to Re-Pete screech and bang his beak against the cage bars.  When the door to Room 134 opened, Sadey jumped up and ran to Diana.
"Sadey, I'm glad you're still here.  Minnie wants to see you.  She feels bad that she didn't get to congratulate you yet."  Diana lowered her voice.  "Tell me if anything goes on."
Despite the uncomfortable order, Sadey entered Room 134 with a smile.
"Hello, honey!  I'm sorry about earlier.  In older people, sometimes going short on breath is a dangerous thing to do!  But don't worry about it.  I'll just take a nap and be well again."  She held Sadey's hands in hers.  "Can you do me a favor?"  
Sadey imagined herself entering uncharted waters, nodding feebly.
"I don't know Marcia's current phone number, so could you tell her that I need her to visit me?soon?  Today would be best."  Underneath her sweet voice was a layer of urgency.
"Okay.  I'll let her know it's important to you."  Sadey didn't even bother to grab her gifts before she dashed for the Honda.  As she sped to Chelsea Court, she wondered what message Minnie had for Marcia.  Was it about the "condition" Minnie had?  Was it cancer or Alzheimer's?
Several wolf whistles broke Sadey's silent rage.  To her right was a familiar sight that she cringed at.  Every couple of months, a group of foreign sailors would roam the town until they had to board their ship again down at the Port of Woodridge.  The group that whistled at Sadey was a group of Asian men.  She always flipped them off in return, but with Minnie on her mind, she had to fight the habit and kept her fingers wrapped around the steering wheel.
At Marcia's door, Sadey knocked impatiently.  "Marcia?  It's Sadey!"
No answer.  Sadey could hear noises from the inside and remembered how Minnie quelled some of Marcia's fears.  "Nobody is out here spying."
The sound of footsteps came close to the door until Marcia was right up against it and hissed, "Did you check the bushes?"
Sadey turned to inspect, just in case Marcia was watching her.  "They're clear.  Can I come in now?"  Marcia opened the door so that nobody could see her from the outside.  As Sadey took her place on the couch, Marcia toted a cup of coffee in one hand and her briefcase in the other. 
"What a day.  I've no inspiration for these parenting articles I have to write and I thought I saw my father knocking on my neighbor's door.  It put me to tears for about an hour."
Sadey felt terrible by adding on to the pressures of Marcia's day.  "I have something important from your mother.  She wants to talk to you today."
Marcia blew over her coffee before taking a drink.  "What of?  Is it about that male accounts manager?  I suspect he's taking my mother's money."
"I don't know."  Sadey didn't want to say anything about the "condition."  For all she knew, Minnie could want to talk about getting a pair of electric socks.
"You'll have to take me.  I think---" She lowered her voice.  "I think my dad sabotaged my car when I was sleeping.  The scar on my back itched at the same time I heard a car door shut."  She nodded gravely, fully convinced by her speculation.  After a bit of reassurance from Sadey, it took Marcia fifteen minutes to check her clothes for recording devices and another five to prepare mentally for the short trip.
On the outside, Marcia seemed to be a normal woman, but the inside was that of a skittish cat, always seeing things that weren't there and deathly afraid of things that were.  In the halls of Forest Hills, Sadey kept close to Marcia's heels as she marched to Room 134, desperate to know what Minnie had to say.
"Mother, Sadey said you had to talk to me."  Marcia sat next to the bed and looked around the room for cameras.  Minnie smiled at Sadey, but behind the sweet face, Sadey could see that she wasn't expected.  
"Dear, this June heat makes my plants thirsty.  Would you water them for me?"  Sadey bowed like a servant and left feeling sour.
Outside, she muttered to herself, "Let me guess: 'water the flowers' means 'you're not important enough to hear what I have to tell my pantophobic daughter.'"  Sadey filled the watering can and almost dropped it when she saw the life flooding Minnie's flowers.  New butterflies struggled out of their bindings and flapped wrinkled wings for the first time, reminding Sadey of Cora's skin when she was fresh from slumber.  
Like a child, Sadey wanted to touch one, just to see dainty powder on her fingertip.  She looked for the biggest butterfly and tried to coax it onto her hand.  As soon as her skin brushed over the wing, the butterfly flitted away above The Garden.  Not only did that butterfly go, but all the others followed, the ones that Minnie nurtured.  Sadey heard visitors in others parts of The Garden cry out in excitement.  For several leisurely moments, Sadey stood back and reveled in the butterfly exodus.
"You didn't water anything, did you?"  Marcia's voice regained its icy touch.  "Let's go."  	
"What's going on?"  At once, Sadey knew it definitely had nothing to do with electric socks.
*
"That'll be six dollars and seventy cents at the next window."  Sadey moved forward in the drive-thru line.  It was her first time, as well as Cora's, eating from Dairy Queen.  The Finns forgot about a date they had planned to meet another couple for tea, leaving Cora with Sadey.  So much had happened that day.  Graduation wasn't that big of a deal, but Minnie's episode of coughing and requesting Marcia's presence left Sadey feeling like she was on the outside of a snowglobe, unable to get inside.  That mix of emotions made her crave grease, which she barely knew.  With the money she got as graduation gifts, she raced to the nearest fast food place.  
"Can I eat it now?" Cora said as she rifled through her bag, looking especially adorable wearing Sadey's white mortarboard.  Parts of the tassel stuck in her inky curls.
"Wait until we get home.  You'll get my seats all yucky!"  Cora giggled as she nibbled on a French fry.  When Sadey pulled into her driveway, she was surprised to see her mother's car parked crooked and the doors ajar.
Passengers.
The appetite Sadey built up for her food disappeared as she carried Cora to the house.  Music was playing, thundering for all to hear.  She felt the bass rattling through the doorknob as her sweaty hand turned it.
Dancing in the middle of the Asian sailors was Tracy, dressed in her black and snagged lingerie and clearly drunk.  She seemed to have gotten alcohol down the sailors, too.  They staggered toward Sadey and reached for Cora.  One of the sailors yanked Sadey's shirt up and immediately unhooked Sadey's bra and tried to work it off as she screamed.  When the other man ran his hand up Cora's leg under her skirt, Sadey slammed the door against his head and made a blind run for the Finns.  Shaking and ready to vomit, Sadey dug out the key to the Finn home and screamed as she couldn't get the key in right.  Finally, the door flew open and the girls tumbled in.
Instantly, Cora ran to the room with all of her puzzles and brought out one with the picture of Scottish ruins.  It was a challenge, as most of the colors were gray and brown-gray.  The toddler just stared at her puzzle, not feeling the inspiration to connect the pieces.
"Come here, baby," Sadey whispered, picking up Cora and laying her down on the couch.  She grabbed a handful of Mira's steak knives and a bread knife and sat rigid at Cora's feet, not even bothering to hook her bra back into place.
*
"Hello?"  Mira looked around the lit-up house as if she thought she heard something.  Her unsuspecting eyes rested on the Leach girls in the family room.  Cora was asleep on the couch and Sadey stared into Mira's face and burst into tears.  Mira saw the knives and felt her hands go cold.  
"Your mother has a man over, doesn't she?"  Sadey could only nod dumbly.  Silently, Darius took the knives and put them back in the drawer, and returned with bottles of water.
Mira's face dropped.  "Did they do anything to you?"
"For the two seconds we were there, one undid my bra and another felt up Cora's skirt.  I just..."  Sadey cried on Mira's shoulder.  "Can we move in?  Our home is the last place I want to be anymore.  If Cora and I stay there for one more day, we're going to end up raped or dead."
Darius brushed the hair out of her face.  "You're safe with us.  Here, have some water."  Sadey chugged the water, apparently in desperate need of it.
"Move in?"  Mira paused to think.  At her hesitation, Sadey bawled, knowing that she couldn't do something as wonderful as moving in with the Finns.  "Stop that crying now!  Let me tell you, as soon as those terrible people are gone, we'll clear your things out."  Mira sighed, sounding more happy than upset.  "I was hoping you'd ask to move in because I would've made the offer before long."  
"Really?  We can move in?"  Embarrassed, she reached for a tissue to dab at her moist nose.
"That's what I told you, wasn't it?"
"Can I take a bubble bath?"  Cora, puffy-eyed from sleep, took her shoes and socks off and walked to the bathroom, predicting that Mira would allow one.  She didn't make it far before Darius scooped her up and gave her neck a raspberry.  
He winked at Sadey and said, "You know, the girls are required to be angels while they're under our roof.  Anything less, unacceptable."  
Cora gave Darius a raspberry back, grabbing his face with her chubby little hands, and giggled.  "I'm an angel, Uncle Darius!"
"Darius will help you move since he is the brawn of our household.  This whole thing has made me so happy that I think I'll make pie to go with dinner!"
Once the wonderful dinner of cabbage rolls was through, they waited for Tracy and the sailors to wrap up their party by watching from a darkened room.  When Tracy and the sailors drove back to the Port of Woodridge, Sadey's heart raced and she almost fainted.  
Darius whispered, "I'll play the Mission Impossible theme while we sneak over.  Let's say we have no longer than fifteen minutes in there, otherwise we're in it deep.  Ready?"  They hit their fists together and burst into the rancid house, carrying several black garbage bags back stuffed with all of their belongings.  By the time they finished, only bare mattresses, a full garbage bucket, and toys that Cora wouldn't miss occupied the girls' bedroom.
After dinner, Mira had a berry pie ready.  As she plopped vanilla ice cream next to each slice, she dropped a scoop on her shoe at the sound of abusive knocking at the front door.  "Darius, please take care of that woman!"
Darius raised his eyebrows.  "Showdown."
"Sadey!  Corazon!  Get back in the house!"  When Cora heard her mother scream her name, her face scrunched up into tears.  Sadey, still shaking, covered Cora's ears while rocking her on her lap.  
Darius knew that Tracy would try to get in.  When he opened the door a crack, he put his body weight behind it.  Tracy threw her twiggy carcass at the door to no avail.
"Go to Hell or open this door!  I know my girls are in there!"  Her words, while being both harsh and to the point, were slurred.  Darius could barely look at Tracy without feeling violated.  Scabs made debut appearances everywhere on her skin, which was barely covered up by clothes fit for a tramp.  He didn't know which was worse: her looks or how she smelled.
"Tracy, your girls are now my girls.  I don't recall ever seeing you be a mother to my girls."  While Darius was busy with Tracy, Mira nonchalantly rinsed her Birkenstock in the sink and cleaned the floor.  When the door shut, Darius came in the kitchen bearing a grin. 
Mira asked casually, "It went well?"  She placed a mountainous wedge of pie before him.
"You bet.  And guess what?"
"What?" Sadey blurted.
"We're a semi-official family!"  He snatched Cora and swung her around the room.  "Tracy said, precisely, 'If you want those brats so bad, I wash my hands of them for good!'  Well, we have the girls now.  Let's just see if Tracy will actually use some soap!"  
















c h a p t e r
n i n e t e e n


Hearing the chickadees and other backyard birds normally made Minnie sunny.  Today, no amount of singing could help her.  Her stomach growled, her head ached, and her legs felt like water balloons.
"Minnie?"  She didn't acknowledge the cheeky nurses or even Diana and DonnaLee.  But she wouldn't ignore Gabe.  "You weren't at Bible study and made me worry.  We studied Romans today."
There was nobody else she could tell her news to besides Gabe; she wanted to protect Sadey from it and DonnaLee wasn't exactly the best one to keep a secret.  His bright eyes behind his glasses seemed a shame to dim with her news.
"Yes, Romans."  Her stomach quivered.  "Gabe, in the past couple days, Marcia and I have been figuring out my?"  Minnie couldn't bring herself to tell him.  "?collection of teacups.  I'm considering to sell it."  She looked at her limp hands resting on her stomach.
"Oh."  She knew what he was thinking.  He adjusted his glasses and fished out a glossy booklet from his bag.  "I'm not an expert in teacups, but I hope you do well with selling it.  Is it a large collection?"
"I hope to think it is.  Lots of old Royal Albert pieces I inherited from my mother."  She tried peeking at the booklet.  "What are you reading there?"
"Since Sadey is at her new job, I won't have to worry about her coming in right now.  I was hoping you'd help me pick out something before I go to New Mexico tomorrow with my ministry team."  He slid the booklet across the blankets.  For that moment, Minnie forgot her condition to peruse the engagement rings with Gabe.  She felt her heart beat strong and healthy with the excitement.
"This is an answer to prayer!"
*
"I never knew there were so many people who hate tomatoes!"  For a few days, Sadey had been at her new job at the local deli, telling Minnie about all the types of people that enter through the door and how hard it was to stay away from the baked treats.  She wanted to work full-time and get more money, but after reconsidering her hours, she liked the idea of part-time because she could see Minnie in the morning or in the early evening, whichever hours she happened to be working.  Under Minnie's guidance, Sadey snipped the heads off dead flowers and weeded in her patch.  "How are you feeling today?  You're quieter than normal."
"The weather makes me a bit drowsy."  Minnie had thought earlier that lying to Sadey about her condition was better than destroying her spirit.  "Don't worry, honey.  I'll get my energy back soon when the fall comes."
She has no idea, Minnie thought as she studied Sadey's glowing face.  "Sadey, I think the sun has done enough damage to my skin for one day.  It's about time for dinner, too.  Will I see you tomorrow?"
Sadey calculated her hours.  "Probably.  I get off at three and I'll bring Cora."
"It's a date."  Sadey brought Minnie to the dining room and left, more exhausted than normal due to training for the deli.  If Minnie told her that Marcia helped her write her will, she was sure Sadey would've collapsed.
Besides, writing my will doesn't mean the end of my life!  People write them well before they really need them all the time, she thought.  She poked at her chicken noodle casserole, tuning out the chatter around her, including talk of everybody else having their wills finalized, Starla being one of them.  Wearing none of her costume jewelry should've tipped Minnie that something was wrong, as well as the untouched dessert sitting before her.
"Starla, are you going to let those precious berries go to waste?"
Starla shoved her dessert bowl at Minnie.  "I don't care.  Everything I have is going to someone else in the end.  I guess that includes food."  
*
It was after four o'clock the next day and Minnie still napped like a baby, even though Sadey told her she would be by after three.  Sadey had nothing to occupy her, not even a used crossword puzzle or an AARP magazine.  Cora had no complaints as she pieced together a favorite puzzle with the picture on the box flat on the floor.  When Diana blitzed into the room to check for residents, Sadey stopped her.
"Diana, do you know when Minnie normally wakes up from her naps?  She said the weather has been making her less energetic."  
Diana looked surprised.  "Weather?"  Then she realized what Minnie was doing.  "It's hard to tell.  Wait in her room and perhaps she'll stir."  Sadey brightened and took Cora down the hallway.  The shades were down in Room 134 and blankets covered Minnie's figure.
Cora walked up to her before Sadey could stop her.  "Minnie?  We're here."  Minnie didn't wake.  
"Cora, sit down and think of what you want for dessert.  Don't tell me so it can be a surprise, okay?"  Cora obeyed and immediately went to work deciding on dessert by tickling the top of her head like Shirley Temple.  With her sister out from underneath her for the moment, Sadey was able to watch Minnie in silence.  The sleeping woman breathed like someone trying to act dead in a play. 
Suddenly, something glinted on Minnie's chest.  Cora had moved the curtains to look at the birds and let in sunshine.  The glinting object was the necklace Sadey bought her for her birthday.  For so long, Sadey wanted to have someone to split a necklace set with and never had anybody.  Cora was still too little to understand the concept and Wynter would've thrown the sterling silver jewelry away without remorse.
Inside, Sadey knew Minnie wouldn't wake up while they were there.  It was clear that she'd been sleeping for a while when Sadey noticed that her perm was flattened on one side.
She's probably been asleep since last night, she guessed.  I hope summer doesn't last too long.  
"Come on, sis.  Figure out a dessert yet?" she whispered.
Cora whispered just as low.  "Ice cream with the chocolate that gets hard."  She skipped over to Minnie's side and smoothed the woman's hand.  It twitched, startling Cora.  "Is she sick like I was before?"
"No, she's not.  She's going to get better."










c h a p t e r
    t w e n t y


Gabe eagerly took the job of grilling the meat on his new Weber grill, tempting everyone along the beach with the juicy aroma of ribs.  The beef almost scorched because Gabe and Darius were into a deep discussion of politics and whose fault it really was for the state of the economy.
DonnaLee managed to pull some more strings to have Minnie come to the beach for the Fourth of July.  Despite the joy she displayed at first, Sadey now felt bad for wishing Minnie had stayed back at Forest Hills.  She slept most of the time and stared at the twinkling river when she was awake.
Mira cut up vegetables to grill and said to Sadey, "Let's focus on being together, even if a friend seems distant right now."  Sadey stopped watching for Minnie to open her eyes and went to work building a sandcastle with Cora.
Poor Sadey.  I know how she feels.  It's like watching my mother die again.  Mira knew something was wrong with Minnie that went deeper than Sadey knew.  Earlier in the day, Mira heard from DonnaLee that Minnie had been fainting more frequently, even after simple tasks like getting into her wheelchair.  When DonnaLee went on to explain that Minnie refused medication, Mira kindly asked her to stop.  
"Sorry, I didn't realize I was goin' on 'bout private matters.  I'm such a dummy."  With blushing cheeks of embarrassment, DonnaLee left Mira alone and occupied herself with picking up trash.
Gabe banged on the Weber with his tongs and held his hands up like a proud maestro.  "Meat's done!"  The party rushed over with plates loaded down by potato salad and chips.
Sadey heard DonnaLee trying to get Minnie to wake.  The desperation welling in Sadey's chest forced away any feelings to eat.  Gabe offered pieces of grilled chicken from his plate, but she refused.  
As the July night began to cool, Minnie woke up.  She saw Gabe and Darius setting up the mortar tube and Cora cuddling against Mira's chest.  Suddenly, arms wrapped themselves gingerly around her neck.
"Minnie!  You're awake!"  It was Sadey and smiled at the zesty greeting, smoothing the tanned arms with her cold hands.  "Just in time for fireworks!"  Gabe strutted down to water's edge and set off the first mortar.  As the mortar exploded, the remnants trailed off in golden fingers.
This is my last Fourth.  God, let it be a beautiful one.  It had been over fifty years since Minnie celebrated the Fourth.  With Marcia being reclusive, Minnie never saw a real reason to waste money on fireworks.  Besides, she was a widow who didn't trust herself with explosives.
"Alright, we've blown all I could afford!  Make room for me on that blanket!" Gabe said.  He scooted close to Sadey, allowing her to lean against him.  "Now we get to watch the rich families show off."
Minnie had to fight off sleep as she watched Gabe.  When he looked back at her and winked, her heart fluttered.  Sadey felt Gabe rub her arm and say, "Sadey, when I was in New Mexico, I missed you more than anybody.  Did you miss me?"
"What kind of question is that?  Of course I missed you."  She gently kissed his lips only, as the New Mexico sun had scorched his entire face  
"To make sure we're never parted again..."  He wiggled out from behind Sadey and got on one knee before her, "?will you marry me, Sadey?"  Gabe didn't know who was happier: Minnie, crying in her wheelchair, or Sadey, covering her gaping mouth.  He cracked open the stiff box and let Sadey gaze upon the old-fashioned ring.  It fit perfectly with the size Minnie gave Gabe for Sadey's purity ring.
When she was able to speak, she cried, "Yes, I'll marry you!"  Minnie looked up into the clouds illuminated by fireworks, as if God could peek at her happiness.  
"Thank You, Lord.  Thank You."
*
"I'll see you tomorrow at ten!"  Sadey untied her flowery apron and hung it up with the others.  The new job was fun and the pay above minimum wage, but Sadey couldn't get over smelling like grilled onions and having a wet stomach after washing dishes everyday.
Her coworker didn't look up from her line of work as she assembled sandwiches with superhuman speed. "You can come in earlier if you like, but don't feel pressured.  Have a nice time at the old folk's home.  Suze, this order's ready."  Sadey wrote down her time on the time card and waved goodbye.  
The June sun glinted in her engagement ring as she drove, looking quite like a star.  It was hard for Sadey not to use her left hand for everything.  People saw her ring when she handed back money or took it, when she held paper down to write meal orders, and when she moved hair off her damp forehead.
Since school was out, Laura Cox worked more hours and even volunteered in the Alzheimer's wing of Forest Hills.  When Sadey entered, Laura gave her a grimacing smile.  "You're right, Sadey."
"About what?"
"About the lemon Pledge and body odor.  I almost blacked out, I think.  And congratulations about the engagement!  Minnie has been glowing all day because of it!"  Sadey almost cried with joy knowing that Minnie was more alive than usual.  Minnie was so alive that Sadey found her pruning her garden patch alone.
"Looks like you're doing great!" Sadey said to Minnie's back.
"Oh, I'm doing better than great!  I lost a few pounds and my appetite has come back.  I even felt good enough to come out here."
After the appointment with Dr. Lowden, Minnie had to occupy her mind with good things.  Dr. Lowden tried to highlight the best points of Minnie's health, but the look in his eyes betrayed the truth.  
Then he asked, cautiously, "Have you made out your will?"  Despair crept into Minnie's heart and haunted the swollen chambers.  Instead of giving herself to the fear of the inevitable, Minnie hunted for Diana.  When she saw the petite woman filling out forms, Minnie had to peg her down before she was gone.
For once, Minnie saw Diana sit and not fidget as she explained her feelings about what Dr. Lowden said.  "Miss Minnie, we are all dying.  I'm dying, my son's dying, your daughter's dying, and Dr. Lowden's dying.  You're not alone.  We all have to face it, personally and with others.  I'm here with you to face it.  Start this stage off with a smile, do things and think of things that make you happy.  You have Sadey's wedding to help plan, for starters.  And that beautiful garden of yours is the envy of everyone here."
Minnie had to agree.  "It would be a shame if everything wilted because I pitied myself."  Diana gave Minnie a hug in her quick fashion, so fast that Minnie had to think if Diana actually hugged her.
Minnie stopped gardening and patted the bench for Sadey to sit.  "Have you thought much about the wedding?"  
Sadey cackled sarcastically.  "Are you kidding?  From looking at this ring and everyone congratulating me, I haven't thought of anything else today.  Mira went out to buy wedding books, and since money isn't an issue for them, I know I'll have a million books to look through.  But I'm happy.  Everything will be perfect."  
"That's what I thought when I was planning, too."  If there was one thing that didn't make Minnie happy was to think of her wedding.  "Harold was the perfect gentleman until 'I do.'  His father, I learned, beat his wife after they were married, just like I was.  I guess Harold thought that was how a marriage worked.  If only he knew that was wrong and fought his upbringing, I would have grandchildren by now.  But I have a recluse for a daughter that thinks men rank below meal worms.  Harold broke her future, I know it.  She will be harsh and cold until the day she gets her memory erased.  And that'll never happen."  
"I've seen through her shell.  She showed me things from her past that would make anybody turn out the way she is.  The thought of being hurt again keeps her from changing."  Sadey tried not to leak too much information.
"What do you mean?"
"It's for Marcia to tell."  Minnie now knew that Harold must've done something worse than beating Marcia if Sadey couldn't simply say it.   
"Well, I can't change what happened in the past, so I'll lay it at the Lord's feet and try to be happy."  Minnie always felt weak after talking about Harold and all he left in his wake.  Sadey bent over to get a kiss and left to buy groceries for the dinner she was making for the Finns.
Minnie gently pinned a black-eyed Susan between her fingers and sighed at it as if it could understand her.  "The hardest thing is giving advice and living by it yourself, isn't it?  Now it seems I have to be happy even when my heart is failing.  Well, I can't exactly be happy, but I'll do my best."










c h a p t e r
     t w e n t y - o n e


The speed limit in town was not fast enough for Sadey to get to Forest Hills to ask DonnaLee a question that had bothered her all day.  The question was of such great importance that Sadey slipped in her duties at work without even realizing it: orders were garbled, dishes had to go through the sanitizer twice, and she didn't even hear the phone ring during the lunch rush.  
"Go take care of whatever is on your mind and come back tomorrow.  I'll call in Justine.  She needs the extra hours anyway."  Sadey wanted to kiss the manager for the blessing and took off while still wearing her damp and oily apron.  She gave a nanosecond wave to Laura behind the computer and blitzed down the halls in search of DonnaLee.  It was usually easy to spot her; she was taller than the average woman and had the body of a plus-size model displaying the height of fashion in scrubs.  
"If she's not working today, I'm going to go crazy."  
"Pull up your pantyhose, 'cause here I come!"  At DonnaLee's voice, Sadey took off like a racehorse and stopped outside Room 112.  When DonnaLee emerged, she wore her favorite scrubs with the black lace she sewed at the hems.  Her eyes, heavy with ballerina pink eyeshadow, showed surprise.  "Sadey, what are you doin' here, honey?"
"I have to ask you something.  Do you have a minute?"  Sadey didn't notice that she clasped her hands together like she'd seen in movies whenever someone begged.
"I have ten minutes.  How 'bout that?"
"Perfect.  I need a huge favor."
*
"If Diana finds out that we're stealin' Minnie and the van, she'll mail my behind back to Texas with a foot-shaped stamp!  Just remember to thank me 'cause I'm usin' my lunch break for this."  DonnaLee turned paler every mile that she drove the van with Minnie sitting contentedly in the back
"It's okay, DonnaLee.  I'll tell her that it was my idea."  If it had been anything else that Sadey wanted, Minnie would have regretfully declined.  For the past few days, Minnie felt like a whale with a sleeping problem.  But helping Sadey find a wedding dress was her top priority.
"Hon, is Pacific Bridal fine?"
"As long as they have wedding dresses, anything is fine!"  Sadey pushed Minnie into the store and both of them lost their breath at the ocean of white.  Racks upon racks of dresses took up the floor, some of them sticking out two feet off the hanger.
"Ladies, can I be of assistance?  Are we looking for an evening gown or just browsing?"  The woman behind the desk wore so much makeup that DonnaLee looked bare.  
"This young one is getting married, so I believe a wedding dress is in order."  Minnie had clearly taken control over the ordeal; Sadey would have it no other way.  The painted woman, whose nametag said "Peggy," guided the three into a back room that looked like a fairyland princess's closet.  
"Look at this!" Sadey squealed.  She pulled out a strapless gown dazzling with hundreds of opalescent beads and sequins.  At once, Sadey could tell Minnie had a different opinion.
"What are they designing these days?  Why do women want strapless gowns when everyone can see their underarms?  Sadey, pick out something sensible."  After crossing strapless gowns off the list, finding the winner was difficult.  Sadey looked down the racks for anything with sleeves and saw one dress.  When she showed it to Minnie, she knew that it was worth trying on.  She came out of the dressing room walking like a princess, moving her arms around to show off the illusion sleeves and did the embarrassing cleavage check for Minnie.
"Just be careful how you bend over, but it is very modest otherwise.  The sweetheart necklines are classic and I absolutely adore the shimmering details at the bottom of your dress.  Change out of it and we'll see about renting it."  Minnie knew God was blessing her with this moment, as He knew she wouldn't get to see it with Marcia.
As Sadey slipped on her corduroy skirt and white button-up shirt, she heard Minnie getting a slight edge in her voice.  It was clear that the dress couldn't be rented.  
"We have some nice rental gowns along this wall.  The thing these dresses have over the new ones is that they're broken in.  You'll find the feeling exceptional, I'm sure.  Call me if you need help."  DonnaLee aimed an imaginary shotgun at Peggy's back and fired with silent gusto.
The three looked over the dresses in Sadey's size and settled on one with the least amount of snags and yellowing in the underarm area.  Minnie wasn't as enthusiastic as before.  "Try it on, dear.  I'll ask Peggy for an estimate."
"But this smells like onions!" Sadey hissed.
"We'll have it cleaned to perfection before your wedding.  Don't worry."  With a beaten face, Sadey disappeared behind the curtain to try on the onion-scented dress.
"DonnaLee, we have some negotiating to do."  Peggy looked irritated to see Minnie again and wasn't hiding it very well.
"Can I help you?"
"How much for the new dress that she tried on?"
"Seven-hundred dollars, ma'am.  We're running a special for twenty-percent discount on dresses paid for with cash.  So the total would be five-hundred-and-sixty dollars."  Peggy inhaled sharply, as if to say, "This is a waste of time."
Minnie raised a sparse eyebrow and whipped out cash faster than an ATM.  "Here is five-hundred-and-sixty dollars for that dress."  Suddenly, Peggy became the most gracious clerk as she counted the thick stack of bills and rang up the dress.  
"Also, for paying cash and the total was over two-hundred dollars, you get a free unity candle!  Take your pick."  Minnie scanned over the varied selection of candles with tacky decorations and bubbled paint.  The one that caught her eye was the candle with a fancy cross pressed into the wax.
Sadey dragged her feet to the front room.  "That dress didn't work too well."
"Don't worry, miss.  Your grandmother has everything taken care of," Peggy gushed.  Sadey didn't understand and looked at Minnie for some sort of explanation.
"Look, Sadey, we got a unity candle!"







c h a p t e r
         t w e n t y - t w o


Sadey was addicted to making dinner for the Finns and brought home the ingredients for Swiss steak.  Under Mira's tutelage, Sadey was becoming quite a chef.  Darius certainly didn't complain to being a guinea pig and even made requests.   
"I got the round steak and canned tomatoes.  Shoot!  I forgot the onion!  Mira should have one hanging arou---"
As she turned onto her street, she saw a police vehicle parked in Tracy's driveway.  She parked and waited on the sidewalk, imagining all sorts of scenarios her mother could be in.  When the sheriff came out, Sadey got in his path.
"What happened to my mom?"  
The cop looked Sadey over and held out his hand for her identification.  He handed it back after a moment.  "Well, Miss Leach, are you sure you want to hear?"
"I don't live with her because of who she was.  I'm not surprised if she ended up---"
"Dead, miss.  The medical examiner thinks that she's been dead for about a week."
Unexpectedly, Sadey felt a zing travel through her heart.  "How?"
"We got a call from the Woodridge River Inn for a body.  They rented out the room to a couple from Oregon and they recalled feeling a lump in the bed as they both put their weight on it.  Turns out that your mother's body was under there."  Sadey had the strange feeling that she was in an episode of CSI.  The bile rose in her throat as she realized that she wasn't dreaming.
"The manager has no name because your mother used her credit card, but he says it is a Hispanic male in his twenties, about five ten and one-hundred-eighty pounds.  Would you have anybody in mind responsible for your mother's murder?"
For a minute, Sadey couldn't think straight for all the images of the men that came in and out of her house over the years flew past her in one blurry mess.  "I have no idea," she finally squeaked.
The officer nodded, most likely disappointed at the lack of help from Sadey.  Once he made eye contact with Sadey, he carefully continued.  "Your mother had an overdose of painkillers in her system and there is evidence on her body that she tried to get away, but the killer strangled her at some point.  I'm sorry, miss.  If there is anything you need, give us a call."  He returned to his car while Sadey stood frozen in place.  She had no idea what to do next, except that she had some food to cook.
As Sadey carted the grocery bags into the Finn house, she felt the last length of chain from her old life dissipate.  It bothered her more than she expected.  Daughters and mothers were supposed to be best friends, but Sadey rarely saw her mother.  She shed a few tears after she plopped onto the couch.  Then realized how blessed she was to have family that wasn't even related to her.  She dabbed the corners of her eyes and donned an apron, wanting to get dinner on the table in a timely manner.
*
The last outing had taken its toll on Minnie.  After Sadey left with her wedding gown, Minnie had the worst coughing fit in her life, scaring the nurses with violent gagging and breathlessness.  Diana was just as baffled as the next nurse as to the cause, but DonnaLee shut her mouth.  Minnie didn't dare share a word, either.
"Diana, we can't know everything.  I'm fine."  Minnie didn't feel fine.  Her ankles threatened to break off like lead balls and water found every imaginable space in her body to swell.  Eating was the last thing she felt like doing.  When DonnaLee asked if Minnie was hungry, she shook her head.  "I gave up eating a long time ago."
"But you have to eat, Minnie!"  Many people thought it was hard to take DonnaLee seriously with her outfits and accent; Minnie knew DonnaLee couldn't have been farther away from being a ditz than now.  "I didn't become a nurse to have people dyin' on me.  If you let that happen, I begin to doubt whether it was a good choice to do this job, people dyin' when I'm there to help an' all.  And I love you too much, anyway, to let you go like that.  You like Jell-O?"
"Not the sugar-free variety."  When DonnaLee returned with a cup of Jell-O, Minnie ate one blue square for the nurse's satisfaction.  "I prefer my Jell-O a tad warmer, so I'll let it sit for a bit."  As soon as DonnaLee left to attend another resident, Minnie dumped the blue squares in the trash bin.  Missing meals was difficult at first, especially when Minnie heard there was berry sauce for the breakfast oatmeal and fresh fish donated by the grocery store for lunch.  Soon, the hunger was simply crowded out by the dominating pain.  
"Minnie?"  The one person she particularly didn't want to visit with stood just outside the crack of the door.  It was always like Gabe to respect Forest Hills as a real home and each room was a private space that couldn't be barged into.
"Come in."
Gabe entered, glowing with his New Mexican tan, and set a dessert plate on Minnie's lap, bowing like a passionate chef.  "Homemade fudge in July.  I didn't know if you liked cranberries and walnuts in your fudge, so I gave you a straight-chocolate piece.  It's like silk."  He plopped down and waited for Minnie to say something.  Suddenly, Minnie's eyes glistened.
"I'm going to miss you, Gabe."  She reached for his hand.
"What do you mean?  Are you leaving us to live with Marcia?"
"Not quite.  Sadey doesn't know, but I have to tell you.  Shut the door?and lock it."  His eyes never left Minnie as he did what he was told.  Minnie pulled out a folder from her drawer and slid it to Gabe.  "Look at these and you'll see what I mean."  As he flipped through the different test results and photos, a tear tried to fall.  He blinked it back, only to have more tears run over his cheeks.
When his wet eyes met Minnie's, she knew he was trying to prevent the evidence from sinking in.  "Doctors aren't always correct.  There could've been something wrong with the machines.  I mean, your heart hasn't grown that big?has it?"
A simple nod from Minnie was all it took.  The tears raced each other down Gabe's flushed face.  "You can't go!  Sadey needs you, Minnie!"  Minnie's hand, taut with water retention, stroked Gabe's cheek.
"She'll know where I'll be going."
The comment was too morbid for Gabe to handle.  "You're not going anywhere---"
"I am afraid to leave you behind, but I am giddy to finally get my chance to meet God.  Gabe, you have the amazing ability to deliver God's message and I know you will provide both emotionally and spiritually for Sadey after I am gone."
He laughed nervously.  "You saved Sadey's life from going downhill.  Now there's nothing we can do to save you."  
"I am saved, boy.  Why do you think I'm smiling?"  Minnie saw understanding in his bronze eyes.
"You're really comfortable with this then?  Are you going to tell Sadey?"
"I don't want to, but it may make everything easier."
"Are you hungry for lunch?  I heard the fish was caught yesterday and the cooks plan on making it into a lemon-dill dish."  In his boyish hopes, he thought bringing a nice meal to Minnie would wipe away any disease in her heart.
Minnie shook her head.  "I'm on a special diet now, dear.  Run along and don't let any of this drag you into the mire."  Gabe left with a wilted smile and squeezed her hand.
The fudge on Minnie's lap softened around the corners, making it even more tempting.
"Wouldn't it be nice to have your last morsel consist of pure chocolate?"  When the chocolate touched her tongue, her senses sparked for the moment, savoring the flavor longer than necessary.  Too soon, the chocolate was gone.  With nothing to do for a while, she checked her heartbeat.  Recently, Minnie had been into the habit of checking her heartbeat, sometimes for an hour or two.  Each time she felt it, it was different.  As she laid her plump hand beneath her breast, the random beats dominated the natural pattern of her heart.  "Lord, no."
I still have to say goodbye to Sadey.  I still have to see her get married to Gabe!  I need?  As she struggled for air, she tasted chocolate.  The sensation lasted for a few seconds, quietly disappearing along with sight and the ability to smell.  Suddenly, her body didn't feel heavy any longer.  The blankets turned into restraints as they kept her body from floating off.  
Then she heard a familiar sound.  "Trossetran to the Nurses' Station, Trossetran to the?"  The voice faded into a monotone hum, and finally, into nothing.
*
As Cora ate her ice cream cone, she had one sleeve rolled up to show off her hot pink Barbie Band-Aid.  "I was brave, huh?"
Sadey caught a cascade of fudge sauce with her spoon.  "You're braver than I am, sis.  Booster shots hurt the most in the whole world.  I would've cried like a big baby."  It was after three and Sadey had made plans with Minnie to pick a wedding cake from a magazine.  "Ready to go?"
"Yeah.  I want Minnie to see my Band-Aid."  Sadey led Cora through the barren halls of Forest Hills to the recreation room for games.  She was surprised to see far more people in the room than normal and felt like it served as a holding area.  When she saw Gabe, she knew somebody had died.
She dared to ask.  "Is it Minnie?"  Her heart hoped he would say Starla or even the silent cowboy, but he nodded.  Gabe somehow knew to catch Sadey as her knees responded to the news.  The room became hushed when Sadey cried into Gabe's shirt.  When Diana heard that Sadey had arrived, she rushed in as if charging bulls were right behind her.
"Honey, I'm sorry," Diana cooed, wrapping her arms around Sadey and caressing her hair.  Cora scrambled for Diana to pick her up and cried, too, not aware of what was going on, except that her sister was sad.  "Sadey, I'll take care of Cora if you and Gabe want to go outside.  It's okay."
In silence, the two made it to Minnie's garden and sat on the mosaic bench.  Sadey noticed that all the butterflies left their cocoons and the flowers were dying of thirst.
"All of Minnie's flowers are going to be taken out of here, like they're nothing." 
Gabe rubbed her hand.  "If it makes you feel better, I'll see if I can take some of the plants to my place.  Minnie put in too much work for them to go to the compost pile."  He wiped some tears off her face and dried his hand on his jeans.  "I talked to Minnie shortly before she passed.  I was afraid of how her death would affect you, but Minnie said that you would know where she'd be."
"There was so much I wanted to do with her!  She was supposed to be at our wedding and to always be around for advice and company.  The last day we spent together was shopping for my wedding gown and I didn't even think she'd be?gone.  If I'd known, I would've done something for her instead of dragging her around for me."
"Nonsense.  Minnie was honored to help you.  Don't beat yourself up over it."  His tears fell and soaked a spot on Sadey's scalp.  The only thing they could do was cry in each other's arms, even more so as they watched an ambulance drive away.  
*
After seeing that someone had vandalized her windshield with eggs and sprayed a shaving cream smiley face on the hood, Marcia wouldn't leave the apartment.  She paid Sadey to buy her groceries and run her payments around town.  She swore the world was against her, making Sadey dread the drive to Chelsea Court.  Since nobody knew Marcia's new phone number, Sadey had to deliver the news in person.  She was prepared for anything: receiving the blame for Minnie's death, being shot in her rage, or being forced to buy Marcia's food and Kotex forever.  
Sadey parked next to Marcia's car and noticed that dried eggs still covered her windshield and the smiley face slightly faded the paint on the hood.  She guessed that the car would remain as it was for eternity.
"Marcia?  It's Sadey.  I checked and everything seems safe," Sadey called through the door.  
"Seems?  Take a look at my car!  That idiot guarding the apartments should be shot.  Okay, I'm opening the door now."  As Sadey went inside, she was reminded of the smell her car got when she first brought home pizza.  For days afterward, her car reeked of stale onions and Marcia most definitely didn't have the nerve to have pizza delivered.  It was her paranoia preventing her from taking a simple shower.  
Despite her strange habits, Sadey liked Marcia and felt more comfortable each time she visited.  Marcia invited her to sit and smiled.  "Thanks for doing everything you've done for me.  I'm getting another list together, but I'm very hesitant because I have to get some new checks at the bank.  How hard is it to get a name change?"  She stopped her chatter to notice that Sadey was crying without making a sound.  "What's happened?  I heard about your mother on the news.  Sorry."  
"It's not that."  Her tears fell undisturbed.  "It's your mother."
Marcia froze.  "Mommy?"  Her breathing became heavy as she felt a physical cage lock around her body.  The only other safe relation she knew besides Sadey was gone.  Now that Minnie no longer breathed, Marcia knew her father would attack.  "Mommy!" 
When Sadey went to Marcia, she feared that a punch would greet her.  Instead, Marcia clung tight.  Marcia didn't loosen her grip and Sadey didn't care, for both felt pain deeper than any person could inflict.  
*
It took the psychologist three hours to persuade Marcia to leave her apartment.  Sadey wouldn't have gone through the trouble, but the circumstances were different.  She received a call from Diana to bring Marcia in to clear out Minnie's room and to divide the items in her will.  That information in itself forced Marcia to stand against the wall, pressing on her throat with a firm hand as if she was about to suffocate herself.
"Sadey, I'm ready.  I will imagine that my father is dead and everything should be fine, right?"
The psychologist nodded, disguising her exhaustion well.  "Yes, and Sadey will also be there to help you, Miss Workman."  Without offering further guidance, she left Chelsea Court at a speed contrary to her energy level.  
Marcia had showered and donned her dreary coat. "My father is dead, my father is dead, my father is dead?"  All the way to Forest Hills, she whispered the chant and didn't dare look anywhere but straight ahead.  As Sadey led her through the halls, her chant garnered strange looks from the nurses and residents.
The day proved to be long as Marcia and Sadey divided everything between them.  There were even directions for Gabe to wear his black blazer at her funeral.  To Sadey, Minnie asked her to always wear her half of the matching necklace set because she asked to be cremated with hers on.
"Cremated?"  It was hard for Sadey to imagine Minnie's body reduced to ashes.
Marcia looked through the collection of classical CDs from Minnie.  After a few moments, she broke down.  "I want her back!"  A Pavarotti CD flew across the room, scaring the birds off the feeder that hung outside Minnie's window.  "I want her here with me!"  
Sadey didn't react.  "I can take you home now since you have everything she gave to you.  Do you want to go?"  Marcia nodded, aggressively wiping her eyes.  As soon as Sadey dropped her off, Marcia retreated to her room and had the worst cry in her life, sounding like a mix between a horror movie scream and a spoiled child's tantrum.  Sadey was sure to lock the door as she left and hesitantly went back to Forest Hills for "her" things.  
"Darlin', is that you, Sadey?"  DonnaLee entered, astonished at the emptiness of the room.  "I feel like everything that happened was my fault.  It was me who took her out those times and then she suffered."  Sadey put down her things and held DonnaLee's bejeweled hand.
"She had fun with both of us."
"Thanks, sugar."  DonnaLee nodded at the things on the bare bed.  "What did she give you?"  Sadey passed her the Polaroid of Minnie and the dog, Myles.  "What a sweet picture."  Then Sadey handed her the high school portrait from 1951.
"I think she looks like a movie star in that one."  Sadey pointed to the tinted lips and how Minnie's eyes were huge and innocent.  "She probably had no idea that she'd have such a hard life."
DonnaLee shook her finger.  "If I knew how my life would be laid out, I would've screamed.  I don't think Minnie minded so much after having you as a friend."
*
The urn was lovely.  It was one Sadey would have chosen for herself, for she was fond of hammered copper.  The cross on the front was made of silver and rested on a cross-shaped piece of bronze.  The urn holding Minnie's ashes sat on a lace-covered table before Gabe, who had trouble holding himself together in his black blazer.  He wished Minnie had picked someone else to officiate her memorial.  Three times he almost vomited before the service from nervousness and generally feeling wrong about the whole ordeal.  Nonetheless, he made the small gathering laugh about the time Minnie tricked him into eating a dog biscuit and most cried as he repeated her last words to him.  While everyone showed some degree of emotion, Sadey was frozen in a state of shock.  She had her times of grieving at work and at home, but the tears didn't come at the moment she thought they would be most plentiful.
Even Marcia, who was normally guarded, let her pink face wrinkle with sobs.  Sadey even tried conjuring some tears by thinking of Minnie.  Nothing came.
Marcia stood up at the end of the ceremony and took her place by the urn to receive sympathies and cards from a dozen and half people she didn't know.  The only familiar face both she and Sadey recognized was Diana.  DonnaLee, she said, didn't do well at funerals and was too embarrassed to offer a reason.  
As Sadey passed by Marcia, it was Marcia who spoke first.  "I'm sorry for trying to destroy your relationship with my mother before I knew you better.  I was a monster to you."
"Forget about it.  If there's anything I can do, I'm here."  Sadey gave her a tearless hug and, as she passed the urn, ran her finger along the cold lid.  
*
Gabe prepared lunch at his apartment, but neither of them ate any part of it.  Instead, the afternoon dragged on, Sadey sulking in Gabe's arms.  
Every now and then, Sadey would feel something trickle down her neck and Gabe would wipe his tear off her skin.  Still, Sadey shed no tears, getting to the point of being angry.  Suddenly, Sadey got up and dug her keys out of her purse.
"Where are you going?" said Gabe, taking a handkerchief to his eyes.  On his coffee table was a potted fern that Forest Hills let him keep from Minnie's garden patch.  Sadey ran her fingertips over the prickly edge, unhappy that she wasn't able to keep all of the flowers.
She said flatly, "The mausoleum."
"What?  Are you sure?"  Gabe still felt queasy from the memorial and he thought it best to keep his distance for a while.  Sadey, on the other hand, wanted to feel something. 
"Yes, I'm sure."  The look in Gabe's eyes told her that she was crazy.  Crazy or desperate, Sadey made her way to Columbia Cemetery and contemplated whether it was a good idea after all.  She dared herself and opened the glass doors of the mausoleum.  Instantly, she felt sick.  Along the marble wall were hundreds of handles to pull out stacked caskets, like a giant filing cabinet.  Flowers hung from hoops on each panel, a few fresh, most wilting.  And the music, Sadey noticed, was a creepy blend of Enya and grocery store music.  
Minnie's urn, as Marcia told her, was down the right hallway by the water fountain.  Sadey hurried down the shiny hallway and nearly fainted when she saw a water fountain on her right.  The urns were also stacked in glass cases, some going higher than six feet.  Luckily, Minnie's case was at eye level.  Inside, Cora's Faith rock and the polished urn sat atop a piece of lace next to a framed biography and nice photograph of Wilhelmina Victoria Workman.  
"?she is survived by her daughter, Marcia Workman, and adopted children, Sadey and Cora Leach.  The Leach girls gave her some of the happiest moments in the last phase of her life at Forest Hills Convalescent Center."  The tears that Sadey thought would never come finally spilled over her cheeks.  
"Minnie, I miss you," Sadey said, barely audible.  Through blurred eyes, she buffed away the fingerprints on Minnie's glass case.  It was only a week or so ago that Sadey learned of Minnie's heart condition and couldn't shake off the guilt she had from not being with her as often as she could have.  Her new job took only a few hours away from Sadey's normal volunteering time, but to Minnie, Sadey realized, an hour or two must have felt like a decade with a time bomb in her chest.
"There are always questions we have for those that have passed," Gabe told her.  "I want to ask Minnie how she remained strong, emotionally and spiritually, during her suffering."
The last of the fingerprints were gone.  "I don't have any questions."  At that realization, the tears stopped.  There was no gap for closure or any bad memories to patch up with a heart-to-heart.  There was only a sense between Sadey and the urn that a good life had been lead, even with the bad cards dealt to Minnie.
That night, Sadey slept on Gabe's couch.  Sadey wouldn't remember it, but a question she did have for Minnie floated between dreams.  It involved a half dozen cherubs, glowing soft and pink, around Minnie.  With a fuzzy voice, Minnie seemed to be acknowledging each cherub by name.






c h a p t e r
               t w e n t y - t h r e e


Life in the past two weeks went normally, save for the times Sadey was reminded of Minnie.  She wanted to break some bones when she saw the gardeners clearing out Minnie's spot, uprooting the daisies and butterfly bushes without an ounce of respect.
"It's okay, honey," Diana whispered from behind.  "We have three new residents and one of them requested a gardening space.  As much as I loved Minnie, she can't keep her space forever."  Within an hour, the garden space was free of Minnie's handiwork.  Sadey never cried for creatures before, but when she thought of the homeless hummingbirds and butterflies that depended on Minnie, she shed countless tears while vacuuming the deli.
"I'll see you later, Gabe.  I have to be at work by ten today."  Sadey just finished getting acquainted with Bibi, the one who took Minnie's gardening space.  The mostly-blind Italian woman charmed Sadey with her sweet nature and tales of her womanhood in the forties.  Sadey was soon over her meaningless anger towards Bibi and even helped set up her waterfall garden.
"What's for lunch today?" he asked as he embraced his fiancée.  
"Meatloaf with Swiss cheese on grilled hoagie buns."
"I never liked meatloaf, but for you, I'll do it.  I'll be by after Bible study and a visit to the barber."
Sadey smiled.  "I'll see you soon, then.  There's not much to shave off you."  
The breakfast crowd began to leave when Sadey arrived.  She loved working at the deli in the mornings.  Steam from the ovens collected on the old-fashioned window panes and the smell of cinnamon and butter wafted to every part of the aging building.  Old women with their husbands often stopped in to eat as they looked over their bags of antiques purchased next door.  If Woodridge was famous for one thing, it was for its nine antique stores, all along the main street that Sadey could walk down and back in three minutes.    
The back of the deli was impossible to be comfortable in.  Even with the ovens turned off, the meat thermometer said it was over ninety degrees.  It didn't help that Sadey's hands and arms were submerged under hot, soapy water, working to clean potato salad and melted cheese off every plate.  
"Sadey!"  It was a call for help that Sadey responded to with a smile.  When she was summoned, she didn't drag her feet, as any excuse to leave the steam and suds was a vacation.  "It is almost time for the rush and we have four buns left!  Take a twenty?no, make it thirty dollars from the till and run to the store for me.  That would be lovely, thanks!"
"How many do---"
"As many as they have, which I hope is a lot!"  With the manager's orders, Sadey made the journey to the grocery store on foot.  Luckily, there was a barbeque sale and the hoagie buns the deli needed were twenty-percent off.  Only ten bags of the expensive brand were left.
"Twenty-five seventy, please."  Sadey handed the smiling clerk some cash.  "Here's your change.  Try and stay cool now!"  She would've stayed a bit longer in the air-conditioned store if it wasn't for the lunch rush.  She crossed the street, barely aware of the deep sound of a tweaked muffler growing louder.  Her right shin suddenly felt ripped in half, the force of the blow throwing her body onto the freshly waxed hood of an old Acura.  The bags full of hoagie buns flew out of her hands, scattering over the street.  The only thought she had, the last thought she remembered, was that she hoped she could sit down with Gabe for lunch if it wasn't too busy.  
Then her head hit the blistering pavement.
*
The barber did his job well.  He seemed to extract hairs from Gabe's chin that were never present before.  
"You're just a piglet.  Wait a few more years and then I'll give you a real shave."  The barber, being somewhere in his fifties, emulated an elderly Elvis with white hair and white stubble, no matter how often he shaved his own chin.
"How much do I owe you?"
"What kind of man would I be if I charged for nothing?  Like I said, wait a few more years and then we'll do business.  Now, go have lunch with your sweetheart."  No sooner had Gabe started his truck into town when a crime scene unfolded.  A police officer directed traffic around at a creeping pace.  At that speed, Gabe craned his neck to see the extent of the scene.  Amid the buns in plastic bags, officers interrogated witnesses.  Many of the witnesses he knew were from the hardware store and the bank.  
"The guy didn't even stop!  I mean, he plowed through her!"
"?then 'boom!'  I come out to see her land headfirst."
"She was legally in a crosswalk and that guy should be shot!"
From what Gabe heard, a girl was hit in a crosswalk and some serious bleeding was involved.  He knew that there would be more by the time he got to the deli.  In Woodridge, both truth and rumors traveled at lightning speed.  One time, there was a wreck by the high school and someone called Gabe to let him know that seven kids were piled in a Ford Explorer that had rolled in a tight corner, leading to the death of five of the kids.  He prayed ceaselessly, only to find out that one kid needed stitches.
The line in the deli went out the door.  There was no way Sadey would be able to take a break and eat with him.  He took his place in line and waved to people he knew.
"Just meatloaf?" whined a customer.  "You told me grilled with Swiss on hoagie buns!"  The manager looked like she wanted to gut the complainer with her spreader.  
"Have it on sourdough or rye, then!  There's been a crisis, so bear with us," she said.  She briefly looked up to assess the length of the line and gasped when she saw Gabe.  "Gabe, we're closing as soon as this rush is over.  Sadey was in an accident."
I come out to see her land headfirst.
He plowed through her.  
"Excuse?me," he mumbled, running for the bathroom.  The closest restroom happened to be the women's room.  He vomited his breakfast and three cups of coffee, along with his appetite.
*
Gabe was the only one in the waiting room for several hours.  In one bunch, the Finns, Cora, and Sadey's coworkers showed up and took the rest of the uncomfortable seats.  An hour had passed with everyone besides Gabe discussing the resiliency of young bodies and how healthy Sadey was.  Then he heard the rumors.
"Someone that came in the deli just after the accident told me that the driver was stoned."
"No.  I heard them say 'drunk,' not stoned?"
"?his license was suspended?"  Gabe tried his best not to believe any of the rumors, despite how hard it was not to listen to them.
"Someone said that Sadey's head hit the side mirror?"
"?the pavement.  How could her body bend like that?  She was out before hitting the ground like a rock, which is why she bled?"
Mira covered Cora's ears and wished she didn't hear anything herself.  When Gabe thought the rumors would drown him, a doctor came through the double doors with a lifeline out of the fog.
"Is everyone here for Sadey Leach?" the doctor asked.  Everyone spoke at once, saying their relation to her.  "Here's what we have: Sadey's right leg is broken, the left is fractured.  Several ribs on her right side are either fractured or broken.  Her throat suffered some impact, but it is very minor.  Then she has some skull damage and intracranial bleeding."
Cora began to cry out in pain because Mira squished the girl's ears without knowing as her fear grew with the doctor's list of injuries.  
"Can I go back?  I'm her fiancé," Gabe said, sounding strained and on the verge of crying.  
"Yes, but she is unconscious at present.  Follow me."  The doctor led Gabe past several curtained beds, many with groaning coming from them.  
"Here we are.  What's on her face is road rash, which we've cleaned the best we can.  Only take a few moments, please."
It only took five seconds for Gabe to decide that Sadey had a huge fight before her.  The tubes spewing from her neck and nose made Sadey look like she was from a Star Trek episode.
"Can you hear me?  Sadey, this is Gabe.  Everyone is here waiting for you."  Her engagement ring was gone, frightening Gabe until he saw it in a plastic hospital bag.  When he came back to the waiting room, Mira covered Cora's ears again.  
"There are tubes everywhere and?"  Gabe collapsed in the closest chair and cried, being sure to take off his glasses first.  Mira and Darius communicated noiselessly as Gabe filled the waiting room with weeping.
"Gabe, Darius will stay here with you overnight, okay?  If there's anything going on, call me.  Darius, do you have your wallet?"
"Yes, dear."  
"Make sure that boy eats real food, not just coffee."
"Yes, dear."  Gabe didn't hear anything, save for his own deep cries.  An hour or so later, he looked up to see only Darius, dozing off.  When Darius heard Gabe moving around, he snorted as he woke.
"Where's Mira and Cora?" Gabe asked.
Darius yawned like a bear waking from hibernation.  "They left, but I'm looking after you for a while.  Don't worry about food because I'm buying."  Gabe wanted to be alone, but appreciated Darius and his presence.  
The double doors opened.  At once, Gabe shot up to see Sadey upon her gurney.  The next few hours in her room were gray and silent.  Only one cup of coffee made it through Gabe's system, even though Darius tried his best to get him to eat.
Darius bored himself with crossword puzzles and had to stand to relieve his aching tailbone.  "Do you think you got this, Gabe?  I need to take a nap at home and then I'll be back."  Once Darius left, Gabe was able to cry.  He stared at the IV drip, seeming to cry, as well.  In Sadey's hospital bag, Gabe found her engagement ring and put it on Sadey's ring finger.  
"Don't slip away from me, Sadey."  He held her warm hands, expecting them to be cold.  He planned on getting dinner, but before he could stand, a heavy wave of sleep forced him to rest.
*
Four days later, somewhere from the black of Sadey's unconscious, she was aware of warmness and yellow light, beckoning her to open her eyes.  She opened them to see the face of someone she knew.  The face was young, from a picture taken in 1951.
"Minnie?"  The woman, who looked like she was an angel, nodded slowly.  "Am I dead?" Sadey was hopeful for her to say "yes," not wanting the peace to end.
When Minnie smiled, it brightened the atmosphere.  "No.  You have a fine man waiting to marry you.  The Lord has heard every cry and prayer from Gabriel for your broken body.  Sadey, as much as I want you here and enjoy this peace, God meant for you to be with Gabriel and to be Marcia's friend."
"But I want to be here with you.  You were the one to help me change when nobody else could see through me."
The atmosphere became blindingly white.  "Don't give up your life that easily.  Now that you know I'm here, you won't need to wonder or wish any longer.  Through this accident, I want you to learn that life doesn't end at death.  Now, close your eyes and breathe in, dear.  It's about time you woke up and married that boy."
*
When he felt someone ruffling his hair five days into his stay, Gabe thought it was the bold floor nurse that winked at him when Sadey was brought out of intensive care.  He cracked an eye and didn't see any nurses, only Darius sleeping and Sadey smiling through her tubes.
"Sadey!  You're awake!  I thought you were going to..."  Careful of her IV and tubes, they kissed the most serious kiss in their lives.  Darius nudged his way in to kiss Sadey and ran out into the hall to call Mira, all the way shouting like a football fanatic.  
Sadey could only talk by whispering.  "I saw Minnie."
Tears filled Gabe's tired eyes.
"I would've died, but she told me how much you wanted me here."  She reached out for Gabe's hand.
"I'm glad Minnie decided to let me keep you.  She's a wise woman.  The doctors weren't as generous with their predictions."  Gabe chuckled.  "This is childish, but I always believed that Minnie might have been an angel."  
Sadey didn't see anything to laugh about.  "She was."









c h a p t e r
      t w e n t y - f o u r


Reluctant from the very beginning, Marcia finally surrendered to wearing the bridesmaid dress.  She was actually a vision of silk and lavender once Darcy tamed Marcia's frizzed brown hair and lined her honey eyes with creamy cold eyeshadow.  Once during the ceremony, Marcia almost ran back until Cora stopped dropping her flower petals to grab her clammy hand.  
When the groomsmen and bridesmaids, one of them being Laura, took their places flanking the pastor, the congregation stood and turned to honor the bride...and her wheelchair pusher.  DonnaLee dressed her best in a formfitting sheath dress and jacket, taking extra care to make delicate ringlets around her glittery face.  One last string she had to pull was to get Minnie's wheelchair for Sadey, rather than buy a new one.  After a few weeks, Sadey became an expert at maneuvering in the wheelchair, finding obstacles easier to overcome each day.  
For the wedding, DonnaLee tied white bows on the handles and wove white ribbon through the wheel spokes, never satisfied with stopping her artistic flow.  Her artistry continued over to Sadey, caking on makeup and slapping gel over each strand of hair for perfect pictures.  The wedding guests admired Sadey as she sat in her wheelchair, still beautiful in the wedding gown Minnie bought for her.  Darius and Mira let their tears fall freely, basking in pride as honorary Father and Mother of the Bride.
"Miss Leach, you will need to undergo several years of physical therapy to use your legs again.  The extent of the injuries goes further than our original estimates."  Feeling Minnie's presence next to her when the doctor delivered the news, Sadey didn't panic, despite what happened to her leg felt as if someone had fired a shotgun two inches from her knee.  If Minnie could be happy in a wheelchair, why couldn't Sadey for a few years?  Darius went to work straight away at constructing ramps and devices to make Sadey's life easier around the house.
Pastor Reynolds performed the wedding ceremony, prompting Gabe and Sadey to repeat after him.  Diana mouthed the words on her own, holding Starla's hand in excitement.
A trickle of fear entered Sadey's heart.  When Harold said "I do" to Minnie, his eyes changed from what Minnie knew.  After she said "I do," she watched Gabe's eyes, afraid that they would change into something she did not want.
"I do," said Gabe.  A solitary tear landed on his tuxedo lapel.  
Sadey imagined Minnie standing beside her, saying, "Aren't you glad I gave that boy your cell phone number?"  Only once since the hospital had Minnie visited Sadey in her sleep.
"You have become a woman before my eyes.  Not many girls would sacrifice that much time to be with someone like me, old and not up to speed on most things.  And to imagine that your life began during the last days of mine."  Minnie touched Sadey's cheek, at the same time so warm and so light that Sadey almost didn't feel it.  
As Gabe wheeled her up the aisle into the reception, she felt Minnie somewhere in the room, as if she was there to greet the newly married couple before anyone else.  Throughout the night, Sadey felt warm touches on her arm and face, knowing they could only be from Minnie.  Just as the guests began to leave, warmness enveloped Sadey like a shawl and softly slipped into the night, a caress that Sadey's skin remembered well from the time Minnie first held her.