If I Only Had A Brain by Marvin K. Perkins A Smashwords Editions Published by Smashwords. Copyright 2012 by Marvin K. Perkins If I Only Had a Brain The sun rose on another beautiful day in La La land, through a heavy cloud of smog, thick enough to cut with a butter knife. I grabbed the alarm clock that blared its arrival from the night stand and hurled it across the room. The pieces fell on the floor, I laughed manically, turned over and went back to sleep. "The hell with going to work today. I might not even go tomorrow." I finally drug my severely hungover ass out of bed around noon, feeling like ten miles of bad road and looking. worst. I decided a shower was in order, having not felt the need for one for the past two days. I stripped off my stained briefs, grabbed the cleanest dirty towel I could find and stepped into the shower, turned it on. Nothing. I turned it off and on, no water. Then I remembered, I forgot to pay the water bill. The truth was I couldn't pay the bill, no money. Guess I should've went to work after all. Oh, what the hell. Putting on some deodorant and powder, I looked at my mug in the mirror. I didn't like what I saw. My brown eyes were red, the skin on my face that was normally baby smooth was rough with a two day stubble of neglected growth.. I reached in the cabinet for a razor. Oh no, don't tell me I forgot to buy blades. Damn it. Make a mental note, buy blades. Got it? Got it., My stomach suddenly rumbled like a 6.0 earthquake. I felt sick and queasy, time to eat. I opened up the fridge, empty shelves stared back at me, I shut the door, somewhat surprised and disappointed. Forgot to buy food. Truth was I had no money for food. Guess I should've went to work this morning. What was I thinking? Wasn't, I guess. "Hell, I could still go to work. Get a half day," I said looking at the clock in my bedroom that said one o'clock. I looked in my closet for a clean shirt and pants. It was empty. Damn, forgot to do my laundry. Make a note, "do laundry." After much searching in the dirty clothes hamper and a great deal of stiffing, I decided on a shirt, trousers, underwear, and even socks, I thought weren't too funky. Grabbing my keys, I headed out the door to my car. Or I headed to where I thought my car was, but it wasn't. Damn, I forgot to pay my car note, or I didn't pay the car note. As I turned to go back inside my apartment in utter disgust, a car came out of nowhere. I hurled through the air with the greatest of ease and landed on my head, rendering me unconscious. "Follow the yellow brick road. Follow, the yellow brick road." I said as I danced down the road with the tin man, the lion and Dorothy, dressed as a scarecrow. "How will we ever find the Wizard Dorothy?" I asked "Are you kidding?" said the Tin Man. "Please," the cowardly lion said in disgust. "Give him a break guys, you know he doesn't have a brain. To answer your question scarecrow, we just follow the yellow brick road." "The yellow brick road?" "Yes, the yellow brick road." Can he give me brain? 'Cause I really need one," I said looking bewildered. "Yes, he can give you brain," Dorothy said with a smile. So we eased on down the road and sure enough at the end we found the Wizard. He was a magical fellow just as promised. He gave the cowardly lion courage, big deal. He gave the tin man a heart, boring. He was just about to give me a brain, when I suddenly came to in the hospital emergency room. "Sorry, we can't admit you sir, your insurance policy is lapsed. You'll have to go to county," a lady behind the counter informed me. Damn I forgot to pay my hospital insurance. If I only had a brain.