Teenaged + Girl + Poetry a collection of poems by Yaritza Garcia Copyright 2012 by Yaritza Garcia Smashwords Edition Dedicated to that girl I used to be. The teenager that did so much crying for me, learning everything the hard way. I had to publish this poetry to honor her and all the strange girls out there who might like her poetry. **** One Thing If I told you you are beautiful you would just laugh and call me blind saying you are far from that And that’s one thing I love about you **** Potential You always looked above my head at my potential. Even though I was young and wild and experimental. You saw school as the best way to have a better future, But all my struggling never did seem to suit you. You never liked the friends I had while I was growing up. You never seemed to be there for me like they were, though. You never let me go out, I remember. But then you gave me away to a strange family member. You always looked above my head at what I could’ve been. You never did erase your pride and just looked at me. **** Stumbled your life stumbled into mine and now we’ve affected each other’s destiny now we belong inside someone else’s psychological book of memories I don’t think you know how much you’ve impacted me I don’t think you know how grand this is **** Mary’s Mind I wish I could go in your mind and shop-lift. Take some things back. Just sneak them in my bra and slink away. That way, perhaps you’d still be my friend. **** emotional assistance pet carry me around everywhere you go **** Spontaneous Meltdown Desperate, confused, blind A stranger to this land Trying to be something I’m not or searching for who I am? I don’t know I test the boundaries of sanity Jumping in and out of reality When you feel everything at once You have a nervous breakdown Reason shuts down Spontaneous meltdown **** Quick Date Tonight we had nowhere to go, nowhere to be in this small town. So we sat in your car with nothing but ourselves and the radio sounds. The music was very old but we didn’t care. We were in a different era right then and there. And when you kissed me, I felt a jolt. Some wonderful fireworks in your ride. You held my hand as you drove me home and watched as I snuck back inside… **** Weak Smile Maybe I just have to grow up some more So that I find out what life is worth And be able to look at everyone Without any feelings of doubt And the smile I give away All those forced times during the day Will finally hold sincerity Instead of just insecurity Maybe I just have to grow up some more **** Cry Out Cry out open your mouth You asked for it begged Reached for it and fell **** Your Smile you fell into the spell as if it was a spider web and I took a closer look at you you threatened me as you didn’t struggle or panic to break free you just gave me a wonderful smile and I fell into the spell of your smile as if it was a spider web as I lay there silent you took a closer look at me and smiled **** My Ex-Best Friend You puzzle me so much. My ex-best friend. I didn’t think we’d ever have an end. You ignore me in the hallways where we once hung out. You have new friends --a new life without a doubt. You only speak to me when there’s no one else around. You deny all the sleep-overs and the fun that we had found. You puzzle me so much. My ex-best friend. Walking with your clique. I watch you play pretend. You know, I never thought that we would have an end. **** Unique Perfection Adolescent thoughts challenging questions Pushing the limit to such perfection Such a hunger for unique expression In this plane you’ll leave your impression Don’t worry… it makes you beautiful **** Voicemail I hear your voice tangled in the static of the phone I also hear the music in the background I can’t measure your honesty nor dilute your words for lies that leaves me with nothing but a doubt in my mind And that message you left me… did you sound happier than usual? **** Mood swings again I can feel the pain I’m afraid you’re in my path **** No Urge to Run Downtown I have no urge to run downtown and search for music sounds Or make my way through drunk crowds I’d rather stay where it’s not so loud Id’ rather drown in the voices of my radio than in drunken stranger conversations I don’t care to dance don’t want to drink a thing there’s nothing to enhance I’m not missing anything **** The Trend My dreams are outside of the trend my words don’t look fashionable on paper The subject matter does not entertain you **** Imagery My brain is my crime It won’t let me think for myself It preoccupies me with imagery It won’t let me see through to the essence I hold It entangles me with words gives too much value to the outer influence that preoccupies me with imagery **** Opinions in a Jar put your opinions in a jar then close it stare at it for days until they rot then later on fish out the ones that didn’t decompose those are the ones worth keeping **** Taken Away An avalanche of feelings has fallen on me Because you put me in a vulnerable position I think of all the happiness you place in me And all the things at my disposition Then I realize, to my dismay it could all be taken away **** Voices Millions of voices from all around me questioning me asking what I’ll do with my life all of them at once The echoes make them two million bending and cracking the walls that confine my insanity and that far away screaming noise is my voice trying to tell them to shut up and guide me through this less traveled road **** I did what they do for happiness I drank I smoked I danced and felt nothing except a bit of disgust **** Don’t Try to Teach Me Enslaved in your own prison the one you built yourself Build with fears chances not taken dreams not followed and an urge for security YOU made your life unfair YOU settled in life Do not try to teach me to do the same I do not live by the rule of “life is unfair” I make my own destiny and go from there **** I take a different road I just woke up and noticed I’m tired of hearing everyone’s advice All those people that didn’t make it all of a sudden think they’ve got the secret for me I take a different road I drive a different car and I even have a different destination in mind **** Discarded Words Your words are scribbled in my notebook and it takes me to the past It brings memories of your smile and all we had in common I turn the page it’s blank. A jolt to the present and I’m sad I don’t find you there **** a bullet word It startled me it hurt Your words hit my brain and I felt pain a verbal knife a bullet word why did it hurt so much? My heart just stopped or so I thought with every word you drew my blood it hurt your words punctured my soul **** Wide Open Hell I feel I was blind in heaven but my eyes are wide open in hell So as I look up through the cloud of smoke I realize how beautiful it was and how much I didn’t appreciate it because I couldn’t see what I had **** Drowning Lend me a hand now, I’m drowning. All my hopes go under as I see you drowning next to me extending your hand to me. **** the dimensions close in the dimensions close in the palm of my hand is no place to be right now the palm the palm of my hand the palm of my hand is no place to be right now the dimensions close in the palm of my hand is no place to be right now **** Still Don’t Know My future is in front of me, they say But it seems to be too far away Out of my reach, out of my vision Right now in the form of a delusion They say the road will fork ahead But I haven’t even started my way Still uncertain, still in doubts Still don’t know how to choose my route **** Glimpse The pretty girl’s make-upped face turned and looked at me With silky hair golden hair Her back straight on the chair And I looked back with my dark brown eyes Wiping my dirty hands on my dirty t-shirt Then my skinny body turned to wash the dishes **** Understanding I wanted to tell her she isn’t missing anything. She looked at my bare flat belly as she handed me the delivered food. I could feel her thoughts all the pain that comes with being her. I knew what it was like to look in the mirror and see her --and be cruel… --and scrutinize… then think of the reactions in her memory from every single boy (and the glares from some of the girls). As she walked away I wanted to yell at her the being me sucks just as much. **** ever since ever since you abandoned me I feel like a discarded piece of paper and I can’t read the words that are on my crumpled pages and I can’t find the meaning to my torn little edges ever since you abandoned me I feel like a discarded piece of paper and my ink is running through and I feel uncomfortable and it’s blue like my veins and I can’t rhyme ever again ever since you abandoned me I feel like a discarded piece of paper Torn Wrinkled and old and so… crumpled … makes me wanna hate ya! ever since you abandoned me I feel like a discarded piece of paper **** Like Every Other Girl I want to see the flowers like every other girl I want to have a smile that never quivers or fades Be able to be in the sunshine without getting burned Be able to remember life and everything I’ve learned Not keeping track of pills Not seeing therapists Not wondering if today’s happiness will be suicidal tomorrow I want to see the flowers like every other girl… **** Concentrate I can’t concentrate I just can’t concentrate I was living in a place of comfort And now someone has shoved it underwater Now as I drown in my delusions And the thoughts that once were good I realize how wrong I was And how much I lied to myself And I can’t keep lying now just to keep me afloat It won’t work anymore My lungs have already tasted the water of disappointment and pain Now all I can do is drown until someone helps me Then I can lie to myself again just to keep me afloat **** Concert Monday Night surrounded drowning in a sea of people shouting sweating deaf by the music I should be happy but I’m not I sing along to the sad songs and shout but I can’t hear myself They are on stage pouring their tired hearts out but I can’t focus or pay attention I’m not in this moment I’m in the next I should be happy but I’m not **** Regress Too many doubts cloud the mind and the wind flowing is no longer sound And we rip each other apart until it’s so gruesome it looks like art But nonetheless we regress back to our caves to be the slaves How dare you become one of them? **** One Feeling One feeling of being alone yet standing up. The thought of someone being mine to drag on a leash just so I can feel like a master. I cry sometimes to put the tears on my hook as bait. Life is taunting me and one day I will bite back. Break my teeth in the process ‘cause it is bigger than I. So is the monster I hide inside. I was born alone so why am I so afraid of dying by myself? One feeling of being alone with no one to break me but no one to be with me. **** Wired Tasting your lollipop I get such a sugar rush And I want more sweets to taste more of this crush I drink your coffee and I get so hyper People point and ask “What is wrong with her??” I lick your battery and I get so wired With you in my mouth I’ll never get tired **** untitled (messy house) I’m messy, you should see my house If you come in, step around the stuff on the floor The ground is there somewhere I like to lie on my mattress and look up at the stars that glow in the dark on my ceiling This is how I’m living I walk to the kitchen for breakfast I feed my fish they stare from the counter they know I’m there The cat knows they are there too **** My Failed Attempt at an Explanation I’m sorry all those boundaries we lost… well, I kind of want them back **** Empty Hands As I stand before you, you wonder why I don’t cry My make-up is intact, and my cheeks quite dry My hands are still as stone, no sign of being upset And my expression shows no sign of some regret You look out past the window avoiding all eye contact And I have to stop and wonder if this is all an act But you know I love you always had Only problem is you don’t love back So forgive me if I don’t seem the least bit sad But how can I weep over that which I never had? **** All poems by Yaritza Garcia, AKA Moody Thursday =^_^= For more poetry, free teen romance e-books, and fiction like Yaritza/Moody Thursday on Facebook at www.facebook.com/MoodyThursday Thank You