What Happens When I’m Gone? Answers for those contemplating suicide By Robert Adelfson Copyright Copyright © 2012 by James Robert Adelfson Cover Photograph: Hanging Tree image used by permission Copyright 1985 Harry R. Snowden All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any electronic or mechanical means including information storage and retrieval systems, without permission in writing from the author. The only exception is by a reviewer, who may quote short excerpts in a review. Copies in electronic format can be downloaded from the internet, free of charge at: www.contemplatingsuicide.com. Printed in the United States of America First Printing: August 13, 2012 ISBN: 978-1-4675-4421-4 Dedication This book is dedicated to my son, Robby, and to the many friends who stood beside me during the most difficult time of my life. There are too many to name them all, but in particular I’d like to thank my wonderful fiancé, Linda Heller and her daughter Courtney. My friends Ron Liufau, Tim Schepper, Randy Harvey, Pastor Gary Howell, Alvin Nelson, Dan & Missy Clark, Hal Ingles, Jeff Kirkland, Adam Kirkland, Mark Hanno, Carl Beebe, Stephen Alan, Allan Alan and all of those who kept me from going crazy in the days, weeks, and months that followed Robby’s death. There are no words to express my gratitude. I would also like to thank the members of the Tempe C.A.R.E. team, officers of the Tempe, Arizona police department and Detective Trow for always returning my many phone calls, his patience dealing with my many questions, and for his always kind and professional demeanor. I’d especially like to thank the staff of EMPACT Suicide Prevention Center in Tempe, AZ who continue to facilitate the Survivors of Suicide group meetings. These meetings helped me heal more than you know. Finally I’d like to thank Robby’s many friends who came to show their support, helped move his belonging out of his apartment, paid their final respects at his funeral, and offered their assistance. I’d especially like to thank Charles “Chip” Courser for compiling a beautiful memorial video, and Jason Kissling for dedicating the October 30, 2011 combat flight of Bone 23 over Afghanistan. Forward On Sunday evening, August 23, 2009, my fiancé and I made a quick trip to the grocery store about a mile down the road from my house. It was a typical, hot, Arizona summer night with the mercury hovering above 100 degrees. On the way home we discussed Linda’s plans for my upcoming fiftieth birthday. Linda had arranged to rent a three-bedroom cabin in the mountains about 100 miles north of the valley. I was looking forward to relaxing in the cool mountain air and catching up with my friends whom she had invited to stay the week with us. All in all, it was a good night. We turned down the alley and traveled a short distance to my driveway located at the rear of my home. There I found my next door neighbor waiving her arms and yelling “there’s an emergency, answer your front door!”. I ran to the front door, and upon opening it I see my son’s good friend Carl. He looked at me with an expression I’ll never forget and said five words that have forever changed my life; “Robby’s dead. He shot himself”. Stunned and confused, I stepped back inside and tried to digest what I just heard. How could this be? Surely I must have heard him wrong. Robby was 27 years old at the time and by all outward signs, he was doing fine. I simply could not believe it. Immediately I jumped into my truck and drove to Robby’s apartment about 20 miles away. When I arrived I noticed two police cars at the entrance to his complex, and several others closer to his apartment. A small crowd had gathered outside. I noticed a slight hush fall across the crowd and I could hear the whispers, “that’s Robby’s dad”. I made my way through the people and located a police officer standing close to Robby’s front door. I identified myself as Robby’s father. The officer looked at me and stated, in rather no uncertain terms, “As you probably know, your son is deceased”. At that moment reality set it, the world slowed and life came to a screeching halt. My worst nightmare, every parent’s worst nightmare, had come true. My son was no longer among the living. I would never again meet him for lunch, have him over to watch a movie, watch him work on cars in my garage, hear his laugh, see his smile or hear his voice. He was gone and there was absolutely nothing I could do about it. More than three years have passed now since Robby’s death. I’ve attended meetings for Survivors of Suicide (those left behind when a loved one dies by suicide), talked to others who have lost a love one, and decided it was time someone told the story of suicide from the survivors point of view, in hopes that anyone contemplating suicide will take time to read this short book. This is the story of the aftermath caused by this tragic event and how the lives of those who knew and loved Robby will be forever changed. Table of Contents Chapter 1 So, you want to kill yourself Chapter 2 First let’s talk about what you expect to achieve Chapter 3 Someone is going to find you… and it won’t be pretty Chapter 4 A homicide investigation begins Chapter 5 The medical examiner Chapter 6 Crime Scene Clean-up Chapter 7 Your funeral and the expenses that go with it Chapter 8 Collateral damage Chapter 9 What happens when I’m gone So, you want to kill yourself? Life can be incredibly hard at times, almost overwhelming. It may seem hopeless, empty, dark, without meaning or purpose. You may feel rejected, unloved, unwanted or unimportant. Sometimes it seems that life is simply not worth living. I know, believe me. I’ve been there. If you are considering suicide I beg you to first seek help. NATIONAL SUICIDE PREVENTION HOTLINE
1-800-273-TALK (8255) More than 90 percent of people who kill themselves have a diagnosable and completely treatable disorder, most commonly depression or a substance abuse issue. This means there is help, no matter how bad things are, there is help. In 2006, over 190 million prescriptions were written for anti-depressants, making them the most prescribed medication in America today; more than high blood pressure, cholesterol, and pain medications. Secondly I’d ask that you read this short journal. Herein you will see how the act of taking your own life adversely affects many more people than you can imagine. Not only family and friends, but those who find and process your body, the crime scene clean up crews, the financial impacts... the list goes on and on. Taking your own life truly alters the lives of those you leave behind and many undeserving people get hurt... really hurt. First let’s talk about what you expect to achieve Before you take such a drastic step as taking your own life, let’s talk about what you are expecting to accomplish. Are you seeking relief from the pain, an escape from life? What exactly do you seek? And what if the results are nothing like you hope they will be? After all, if you are serious about killing yourself, I think you owe it to yourself to consider exactly what you are hoping to accomplish and also consider all the possibilities of what may happen after you do so. First, let’s talk reality here. There is a difference between believing in something and actually, beyond a shadow of a doubt, knowing something. That said, I ask you when was the last time you personally spoke to someone who has died and come back from the dead. Christians believe Jesus did. But to be honest, I can’t say I know that to be true. I do know that I didn’t speak to him, nor have I ever spoken to someone who has come back from the dead. The fact is, no one knows what lies on the other side. People have spoken about walking into a bright, white light and feeling a sense of calm and love. But, what if that was their experience because they died of causes beyond their control. What if you don’t get to go into the light? What if the light turns off before you reach the end, leaving you in darkness... forever. People often say that suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. But what if it’s not a solution at all? So again, ask yourself what you expect to achieve by killing yourself. Do you expect that you will leave these problems behind and wake up free from them all? But what if you don’t? What if you wake up (so to speak) and find you still have the same problems you had before, only worse? The feelings you have now are intensified, far beyond what they are today, and they never end? What if you wake up feeling the pain your injuries have caused you, unable to do anything about it... ever? Some religions teach that we are put here on earth until we attain enlightenment, and until we do we will continue to be sent back to try again. I once heard a story of a young man who attempted suicide. He said he was greeted on the other side by a gentlemen who said he had two choices; he could stay there but he would have to go back someday and redo everything again, experience every problem he ever experienced; in essence live his life over the exact same way he had or he could be sent back immediately and continue where he left off. Do you want to exact some measure of revenge or instill a deep feeling of sorrow in the boy or girl who just dumped you? 
Well, first you won’t be around to reap the results of your effort. Second, people will eventually move on. While it will be much harder for a parent to get over the death of their child, your friends will move on and continue with their lives. They may grieve for you deeply today, and tomorrow, and next week or month, but eventually they will reach a place where they simply think of you from time to time, feel a tinge of pain, and continue with life, leaving you little more than an after thought. Do you expect to experience relief from the pain and sorrow you feel today? Well, don’t you have to be alive to “experience” anything? So killing yourself will not deliver relief. Do you expect to find peace in Heaven? To wake up in paradise and live forever in eternal bliss? Well... what if you’re wrong? Some churches believe that anyone who commit suicide is condemned and will never see Heaven. In fact, my church wouldn’t even conduct a standard Christian funeral for my son, leaving me to find someone who would while grieving his loss at the same time. What if there is no afterlife? What if you just simply cease to exist. Just like you were never born. It is true you will not feel any pain, but you won’t feel any joy, any excitement, any happiness, anything. How much can you remember before you were born? Nothing... right? Kind of like that I’d imagine. Finally, consider what could happen if you don’t succeed? There are people every year, that in spite of everything, beat the odds and survive their attempted suicide. Many are worse off than before. People say you can’t survive a shotgun blast to the head. Think again. Take for example 16 year old AJ Reed, who placed a shotgun under his chin and pulled the trigger. The blast tore off his jaw, destroyed his nose and eyes, but he survived. Or the two Reno teenagers James Vance and Ray Belkamp. On December 23, 1985 Ray shot himself in the head with a 12 gauge shotgun and died instantly. Vance's attempt was less successful, and he survived the suicide attempt but with severe facial trauma, essentially blowing off his lower jaw and most of the right side of his face requiring 140 surgeries and living in extreme pain until he died several years later from drug complications. There is no guarantee you will be successful hanging yourself either. There are those who don’t die, but break their neck in the process, severing the spinal cord, and spend the rest of their life paralyzed from the neck down. Unable to do anything for themselves, they spend the rest of their lives living with the regret of an unsuccessful suicide attempt. Some spend the rest of their lives on a respirator, unable to even breathe on their own. Others are left as quadriplegics, never able to use their arms or legs again. Some suffer complete tracheal raptures. Rather than dying right away, the are left hanging and die a slow, painful death as they suffocate, unable to do anything about it. Drug overdoses typically use random prescription and over-the-counter substances. In many cases the drugs are vomited back out before being completely absorbed. This can leave the person alive but with severe organ damage, brain damage, or both. Painkillers are often seen as the best option as people often and sometimes mistakenly believe that they simply cause the person to drift off to sleep and that is all they will know about it. This is not always the case and as mentioned, may cause them problems for the rest of their life if not successful. There are many other cases of people attempting suicide by jumping from a signifiant height, cutting their wrist, breathing carbon monoxide, and the list goes on, who have likewise survived but are left with permanent disabilities as a result. And finally, you can not be sure your suicide attempt will be painless. As mentioned in this chapter, many people survive suicide attempts and others die, but only after experiencing sometimes long periods of pain and suffering. In the case of my son, the reports indicate that he shot himself at approximately 7:35 pm, however the police report indicates that when officers arrived some 10 minutes later they observed “agonal respirations”. Unfortunately no one can say for sure if he was conscious, aware of what was happening, if he was feeling any pain or if his body was doing what it instinctively does... fighting to survive. So this brings us to the three big truths: You don’t know for sure what lies on the other side and how you will or will not be welcomed when you arrive and if you will find any relief from your pain. You don’t know for sure that your attempt will be successful and that you won’t end up worse off than you are now. You don’t know for sure that it will be painless. You may feel pain for seconds, minutes, hours, or years before dying. I don’t know about you, but these are risk I’m not willing to take, no matter how bad things seem right now. These may not be permanent solutions for a temporary problem, these are permanent consequences of a temporary problem. Now that we have reviewed the unknowns of suicide, lets read a bit about the known aftermath caused by suicide. What happens from the time your body is discovered until you are buried or cremated and the long lasting pain and troubles those you leave behind are forced to endure for many years following your death. Someone is going to find you... and it won’t be pretty Regardless of the method of suicide you choose, ultimately someone will discover your body. This person can be your mother, father, sister, brother, husband, wife, son, daughter, other relative, a friend or a complete stranger. But someone will find you... eventually. Regardless of the method of suicide you choose, ultimately someone will discover your body. This person can be your mother, father, sister, brother, husband, wife, son, daughter, other relative, a friend or a complete stranger. But someone will find you... eventually. Depending on your method, the one who is unfortunate enough to come across your body will find you in a very different state of being. For example... If you shoot yourself the person finding you will most likely be presented with a gruesome sight. The bullet will expand as it passes through your body and exit with great force. The force is strong enough to carry tissue, bone and fluids up to 30 feet away. In addition, when the brain is destroyed, the heart continues to beat, pumping large volumes of blood out of the wounds and onto the surrounding environment and clothing. The entry and exits wounds will be disfiguring and horrific to see. If you hang yourself you will most likely be found with swollen eyes full of ruptured blood vessels. You tongue my swell, and your skin may be grey or bluish gray, or purple, bloated and stinking, depending on how long you are hanging there. You will lose all body functioning and your bowels and bladder will evacuate themselves. Cutting your wrist will result in a similarly bloody discovery. As the blood leaves your body it pools and becomes a deep, purple, jelly like substance. Your body will lose color, turning ashen or grey. Again, as with other forms of suicide, when you die you lose control of all bodily functions. Should you choose suicide by drugs or alcohol your body may respond in many different ways, but commonly the body will first try to expel whatever you have ingested in an attempt to save itself. After vomiting you will pass out as your body shuts down. It may continue to purge itself in a continued effort to survive. Eventually your body will shut down and you will lose control of your bowels and bladder. Regardless of how you kill yourself, the results are never pretty. Television often depicts suicide in an almost romantic light, leaving the victims looking much like they did before their death. This is far from the truth. I can assure you that you will look nothing like yourself once you die. A suicide scene is a sickening sight. Something that you will never want to encounter. But when you elect to take your own life, you are forcing someone to live this nightmare. Imagine your loved one finding you in any of these states. Not only will you have no dignity, you will have left a scar on anyone who finds you or has to deal with your body afterwards. In most cases the person or persons finding your body suffer extreme and often long lasting mental trauma. They frequently suffer from nightmares, physical and mental illness, and sometimes even try to end their own lives as a result. At the very least they will be forever changed for the worse and will remember you not as they knew you in life, but how they found you... dead. Is this the way you want to be remembered? Do you really want to inflict this pain and trauma on someone you love, a friend or family member, or even a complete stranger? No one deserves this. No one. A homicide investigation begins When your body is found most people will immediately call 911. This call prompts the dispatch of both the fire and police departments. The moment the police arrive on the scene a homicide investigation begins. Until it can be determined that your death was the result of a suicide, it will be treated as a homicide. The first officer on the scene will begin to secure the area as a crime scene. No one will be allowed in except for the fire department, other officers and the investigating detective. In the case of my son’s death, he was with a friend when he shot himself. Unfortunately his friend witnessed this and will forever have the image of Robby shooting himself in his mind. Since his friend was with him at the time, he was questioned by three police officers and two detectives. He was considered a suspect until it could be verified Robby took his own life. Police officers also interviewed the neighbors across the hall asking if they had heard any loud noises, arguments, or anything that would lead them to believe something other than a suicide had taken place. In addition to questioning witnesses, police begin to gather the evidence such as the gun used, any used or unused bullets, pieces of your skull and brain matter, etc. The biological evidence will be turned over to the medical examiner, and the other physical evidence will be taken into custody by the police department. As part of the investigation, my son’s apartment was searched room by room. The text messages were copied off his phone and his email was reviewed. After moving his belongings to my house I went through everything. Each piece of paper, every cd and dvd, every file on his PC, everything in his “important papers” box. Everything he left behind. I checked his Facebook account, his MySpace page, and all of the many forums he was a member of, desperately trying to understand why he had taken his own life. In the end, Robby had no secrets left. His life was dissected and exposed piece by piece. Should you decide take your own life, rest assured that you will leave no secrets either. Your life too will be examined, questioned, and judged. My son died on August 23, 2009 and it wasn’t until five months later, on January 27, 2010 that the final police report was issued. This was the longest five months of my life. I had so many questions, so much guilt, and so much sorrow. Reading the police report brought back the memories of that fateful night like it happened only yesterday. It brought back so much pain and rekindled the many, many thoughts of taking my own life as well. Had it not been for my family, my friends, and the Survivors of Suicide group, I would not have survived. This I am sure of. It is important to remember that those you leave behind will go through much, if not more, of the same things I did. We will discuss what happens to those you leave behind later in this book. The medical examiner Once your body is released by detectives, the medical examiner takes over. Your body will be placed in a body bag, tagged, and sent to the medical examiners office for further examination. When the detectives are done with processing your body and the scene immediately around your body, you will be released to the medical examiner, as is the normal process with any homicide. Your body will be placed in a zippered body bag, along with any other evidence for the medical examiner. This evidence will include any tissue, brain matter, bone, etc. In short, they will put as much of you in the bag as they can. Obviously this may be a simpler procedure depending on your method of suicide. When your body arrives at the medical examiner’s office, “you” are no longer “you”. “You” has become just another body. Another in a line of bodies the medical examiner will view, autopsy, and issue an initial finding of your cause of death and issue a preliminary death certificate. Depending on the number of deaths the examiner must deal with, you may be there for several days. My son died on a Sunday evening, but there were other deaths that occurred before his over the weekend so it wasn’t until Wednesday that they were able to conduct their examination. Unfortunately it’s first come, first served. The cause of death and the final report and death certificate will not be issued until the results of any toxicology reports is received. The process of examining your body is an unemotional thing for the medical examiner. It is a very “matter of fact” event. It is nothing more than a process of recording the facts available when examining your body. The following is a copy of my son’s report: Once the medical examiner completes his report, your body will be released to the funeral home designated by your next of kin or designated responsible party. If no one claims your body it will be held for a period of time and eventually released to someone from the city, county or state who is responsible for seeing that you are either buried in the county cemetery or cremated. Crime Scene Cleanup Once your body is removed from the suicide scene, a “Crime and Trauma Scene Decontamination” or CTS Decon, must be conducted, before the area can be occupied or otherwise used again. This is a tedious and expensive job that must be done by licensed, qualified professional bio-hazard technicians. The police, the fire department and the crime-scene investigators who arrive at the scene of a suicide perform critical tasks in the aftermath of a violent death. ­­However they don’t provide clean up services. Cleaning up after someone who dies violently is the responsibility of that person's family. When firearms (handguns, rifles and shotguns) are involved the scene is especially disturbing and leaves a crime scene that no one should ever have to witness. The crime scene cleaners' work begins when the coroner's office or other official, government body releases the "scene" to the owner or other responsible parties. Only when the investigation has completely terminated on the contaminated scene may the cleaning companies begin their task. The cleaners' job is to remove any sign of what happened and any biohazards that result from such an incident. Federal regulations deem all bodily fluids to be biohazards, so any blood or tissue at a crime scene is considered a potential source of infection. You need special knowledge to safely handle biohazardous material and to know what to look for at the scene -- for instance, if there's a thumbnail-size bloodstain on the carpet, there's a good chance that there's a 2-foot-diameter bloodstain on the floorboards underneath it. You can't just clean the carpet and call it a day. You also need permits to transport and dispose of biohazardous waste. Obviously this is a very specialized field and because no one wants to handle the task of cleaning up after a suicide, the charges for a DTS Decon service run approximately $600 per hour and it often takes 2 or 3 days to complete, so figure around $10,000 minimum. Your funeral... and the expenses that go with it When you die, something has to be done with your body. Most often there is a memorial service or funeral. Even without these, there are certain expenses your family must pay for. And they aren’t cheap. There can be a wide range of fees associated with handling your body after it is released from the Medical Examiners office. Where appropriate I will use the actual figures from the mortuary that handled my son’s arrangements. Professional Service Fee: This fee can range anywhere from $500 to as much as $3,000, and this fee is non-declinable. In other words, your family doesn’t have a choice, they must pay this fee. In my case the professional service fee was $470.00 Refrigeration: In my home state the law requires your body be refrigerated if it will be more than 24 hours before the funeral or cremation. This was $495.00 (just for keeping your body in the freezer). Transfer of remains: This is the charge to pick up your body from the Medical Examiner’s office and transport it to the funeral home. This fee was $695.00. Transfer to crematory: Even though the crematory was located on the same property as the mortuary, there was a charge of $195.00 to move the body from the funeral home to the crematory. Crematory Fee: This fee is self-explanatory. $295.00 Memorial Urn: This is the container that the crematory will place your ashes into. The basic fee is $295.00. Interment Fee: If your family decides to have your ashes interred (permanently stored) in a mausoleum or similar facility rather than take and scatter your ashes themselves, they will have to pay for this service as well. The internment fee can range from around $800.00 to more than $6,000.00. Now, should your family decide to have a traditional funeral rather than cremate your body, they can expect to incur these additional expenses: Embalming: This procedure is usually mandatory for open-casket viewing, which may also be accompanied by charges for cosmetics and hairdressing. The embalming fee is $795.00 Dressing, casketing and cosmetizing of deceased: This is the fee to put your body in clothes, place it in the casket, and put some sort of make-up to help you look more presentable. This fee is $245.00 and your family must provide the clothes used. Funeral Vehicle (e.g. Hearse): This one is self-explanatory. $145.00 Staff Services: These services can be described as either of the following: Use of Facilities and Staff for Funeral Services in the mortuary’s chapel Staff Services for a funeral service at another facility (usually a church) Equipment and Staff Services for graveside service. Regardless of the option you choose, the fee is $595.00 Casket: Caskets vary in price $1595.00 to as much as $6,000 or more. Burial Plot: Burial plots cost from little or nothing in a community or church cemetery to several thousand dollars in a for-profit cemetery. Digging (Opening) the grave: Your family will have to pay for opening and closing the grave, and these costs vary depending on the time of day and day of the week. This fee runs from $250.00 to $900.00. Reinforcing the grave: Most cemeteries require a vault or grave liner to prevent the ground from settling. These can start as low as $595.00 for a cement liner and upwards of $2000.00 for a metal and concrete liner. Headstone or marker: A typical gravestone can start around $695.00 and go up from there, depending on the size, position (standing or flat), the number of inscription lines, and any other add-ons such as ornamental engraving, your photograph, etc. Death Certificates: Your family will need certified copies of your death certificate to facilitate the handling of your estate. These are frequently ordered by the funeral home. They are not free, and the cost is passed on to your family. These certificates can cost between $5 and $20 each. As you can see, no matter how “cheap” your family tries to go, a simple cremation can cost well over $3,000, and a funeral in excess of $10,000. It is important to remember that the guilt associated with your death will often cause your loved ones to give you the best funeral, casket, etc. and spend well above what they can afford. These are some of the funeral expenses you will leave to your family to deal with. At this point your family is not only mourning your loss, but now they are also thousands of dollars in debt. Collateral Damage What happens to those you leave behind? We’ve discussed a lot of things so far, but by far, the most important topic of discussion is what happens to those you leave behind. Losing a loved one to suicide is one of the most horrific ordeals possible in human experience. Those left behind, called Survivors of Suicide, will ride a roller coaster of emotions unlike any other. You see, losing someone to suicide is different than losing someone by any other means. Not only is there pain from the loss, but the reality that this loss was 100% preventable. There is no reason on earth you shouldn’t be here now. You were not killed by a drunk driver, a terrible disease, or any other type of accident. You are dead and gone because you chose to be, and the people you leave behind have to deal with this reality, and the many, many questions that go along with it. They must live through the confusion, the guilt, the anger, the sadness, the overwhelming sense of loss and a feeling of disconnection from their world. There is no worse pain. Period. Unfortunately some of these survivors will not live through this time. They, prompted by your suicide, may elect to take their own lives because they simply cannot deal with the pain of losing you. It is not unusual for parents and siblings, husbands, wives and lovers of those who commit suicide to commit suicide themselves. When my son died the thought of taking my own life was in the forefront of my mind for many months. Society still attaches a stigma to suicide. Those you leave behind will no longer be your mom or dad but will become the mom or dad of that boy/girl that killed themselves. People will often assign a certain amount of blame to those left behind. He should have been a better father, she should have been a better sister. How could they let this happen? It’s an ugly side of human nature that for some reason must assess blame for your death, and those closest to you make easy targets. Sometimes this ugly side enters into the marriage of the parents left behind, often leading to divorce. Along with grief, survivors of suicide experience an almost overwhelming feeling of guilt. Most every survivor will tend to blame themselves for your death. They will ask themselves “why didn’t I do this”, “why didn’t I do that”, “why didn’t I see it coming?” It’s been several years since my son died and I still ask myself “Why?”, “Why didn’t I see the signs?”, “Why didn’t I try harder to be a better father?”, “Why didn’t he ask for my help?” and the questions go on and on, almost never ending. I still think of him multiple times a day, I cry many times a month, and I know deep inside myself that my life will never be the same. I’ve lost someone I loved so much and no one can ever replace him. You see, when you take your own life, you turn the lives of many others who love and care about you upside down. And you destroy the lives of others. In essence, you are taking your set of problems and giving them, and many more, to those you left behind. What Happens When I’m Gone? Throughout this brief reading I hope you have come to realize that taking your own life is not the answer to your problems. While some see suicide as an end to their pain and suffering, we’ve learned that your pain is passed on to those you leave behind, and in fact, it may not be the end of your pain and suffering at all. Let’s look at the facts we’ve discussed: No one knows for sure, without a doubt, what happens after you commit suicide. Your attempt at suicide may not be successful, leaving you in worse shape than you are now. You may not get the relief you seek on the other side. Things may be worse. You may simply cease to exist, much like before you were born. If you are considering suicide because of a boyfriend or girlfriend, they will grieve but will eventually move on with their lives, and your death will soon be a distant memory. Someone will find your body eventually, and it won’t be a pretty sight. You may scar them for life. The ensuing homicide investigation will expose all your secrets and leave your loved ones to deal with this legacy. Someone has to clean up the mess you leave behind, and it is very expensive. Your funeral will will be another added expense for your loved ones to deal with, in addition to grieving. Those you leave behind will experience a deep, long lasting, sense of grief, guilt, abandonment, frustration and sadness. So again, I beg you, if you are considering suicide, please reach out for help. Call the National Suicide Prevention Hotline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255). Nothing you are experiencing now cannot be fixed. There are always options available. The most important thing is that you survive. There are people who love you, people who care, even though you may not realize it right now, there are. Please don’t hurt yourself, and please don’t hurt them.