Zombies Versus Cupid:
A FREE Living Dead Valentine
By Rusty Fischer, author of Zombies Don’t Cry


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Zombies Versus Cupid
Rusty Fischer

Copyright 2012 by Rusty Fischer

Smashwords Edition


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This is a work of fiction. All of the names, characters, places and events portrayed in this novel are either products of the author’s imagination or, if real, are used fictitiously.

Cover credit: © Igor Igorevich – Fotolia


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Zombies Versus Cupid:
A FREE Living Dead Valentine



Zelda, the fair zombie,
Sat and waited all year long;
For that most special day when every
Word became a song.

Yes, Valentines was here and with it
Zelda’s highest hopes;
And so she left the tomb and all
Those other zombie mopes.


She made her way to town to find
The one that they called “cupid”;
For he alone could turn men’s hearts
To “smart” instead of “stupid”.

See, all year long the human boys
Grossed out at seeing her;
Zelda’d heard the cupid could reverse
The tide and make those dumb boys purr.


She’d been a beauty, long ago
Before she got the virus;
Now she looked all sad and gray
Like a biker dude named Cyrus.

But underneath her rotting chest
Her shriveled heart still felt;
The thrill it meant to make a guy
Turn into putty melt.


She missed the fun of dating
And holding human hands;
And making boys gasp and
Run over at the salivary glands.

But now those glands are all dried up
And Zelda looks like toast;
Her hair is sparse and her skin is tough
Like six year old pot roast!


But that’s okay because on Valentines
The cupid does appear;
And that had Zelda smiling
From ear to missing ear.

She found the cupid hanging out
Behind the old high school;
Where he had just turned some big jock
Into a lovesick fool.


Zelda walked right up to him
And introduced herself;
He looked just like a baby
Or an overstuffed goof elf.

He wore only white diapers
And clutched a little bow;
He didn’t like the looks of her,
And straight up told her so:


“Be gone, you hag,” old Cupid said
As Zelda’s face did fall;
“I cannot help you fall in love.
Why, dear, you have some gall!”

At first, Zelda felt mystified
By the bold Cupid’s words;
And then she thought about them and
Felt he was quite absurd.


“Just use your arrow, Cupid dear,”
She told the little fellow;
“And the boys will all forget that
My teeth are all Corn Pop yellow!”

But Cupid would not pluck his bow
For one of the living dead;
“Why waste an arrow?”
Was what that Cupid said.


Soon Zelda went from sad to mad
And flashed her zombie teeth;
“I’m asking you, oh Cupid dear,
To bring me some relief!”

But Cupid had a hard, fast rule
To never waste an arrow;
And his refusal just to bend
Chilled Zelda to the marrow.


The zombie rage inside of her
Threatened to spill right out;
And trust me, when a zombie blows
They sure do have some clout.

But Cupid simply pulled his bow
And tucked an arrow in;
And let it go and smiled as toward
Zelda it did spin.


It struck her in the chest plate
And bounced into the street;
For where is an arrow supposed to stick
Where there simply is no meat?

Zelda bared her teeth and took
That Cupid sucker down;
And as he lay there on the ground
Old Zelda went to town.


By the time she had her fill
Zombie Cupid was quite wasted;
Though she had to flat admit that was
The best cherub Zelda’d tasted.

And when he rose back from the dead
Cupid had to agree;
That it was time to find some love
For Zelda the zombie.


And so he fired one more arrow
Into a passing jock;
And when the boy looked up at her
They both got quite a shock.

“I think you’re very pretty,” said
The boy wearing # 9.
“And I would be most honored if
You’d be my valentine.”


Now Zelda’s undead heart did burst
To hear those lovely thoughts;
And her dried up intestines turned
In a hundred different knots.

She took her fellow by the hand
As they strolled arm in arm;
And hoped that she might get a kiss
Before she lost her charm.


Now, Zombie Cupid followed
Dragging his little bow;
And now that he was shuffling
He followed mighty slow.

Now Zelda had her Valentine
Now Zelda had her man;
And all she had to do was chomp
On Cupid’s big brain pan!



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About the Author

Rusty Fischer is the author of over a dozen zombie novels, including Zombies Don’t Cry, Zombies Don’t Forgive, The Girl Who Could talk to Zombies and Panty Raid at Zombie High! Visit him at www.zombiesdontblog.blogspot.com to learn more and read tons of FREE zombie stories and poems just like this one!