A Jalapeño For The Vampire by Daniel A. Roberts Copyright 2012 Daniel A. Roberts Smashwords Edition Thank you for downloading this free eBook. You are welcome to share it with your friends. This book may be reproduced, copied and distributed for non-commercial purposes, provided the book remains in its complete original form. If you enjoyed this book, please return to Smashwords.com to discover other works by this author. Thank you for your support. Susan Smith knew she was in deep trouble. The lecture she always despised from her half drunk father came back with horrifying clarity. "You're a beautiful girl, almost a woman. If you're not careful, that invisible bulls-eye on your back will get you killed." He wasn't an abusive father, just a sad alcoholic who lived in constant remorse after her mother abandoned him for a younger man. He never grew violent but was always weeping late at night. Susan decided it was high time to leave home the same day she turned eighteen. That was only two years ago. Her thoughts went to the more recent disturbing event. She had been kidnapped and trapped with no way out. She reviewed the crime in her head and replayed it for the tenth time, praying that she would recall some detail that could help her in some way. She carried a large leather bag from one church to the next as she did her best to make a living. Convinced that her pretty face and suave demeanor could sell just about anything, her current water sales held the best profit margin that paid out a commission. Her large leather bag was heavy with fresh samples as she had landed another contract earlier that morning. She started out across the parking lot, her best high heels and the brand new business outfit complimented her natural good looks. She didn't notice the brown van as it slowly rolled up in the distance. Just as she stepped up to the curb to cross the street to her destination, the vehicle screeched to a halt only inches away. She briefly glimpsed the homemade shock rod with four brightly sparking metal studs. It jabbed harshly against her outer thigh as the van door quickly slid open. The world turned fuzzy and the hard jolt dropped her without a sound escaping her lips. Gloved hands emerged and pulled her slender body inside the dark vehicle. The heavy bag never left her arm as the muscles refused to relax enough to let it go. Electricity did that to a human body sometimes and they hauled it in with her. She woke up all alone in the stone room with no entrance or exit. Susan knew better, she couldn't have just materialized into the scary place. Where there was a way in also meant there was a way out. She spotted her bag in the corner. Most of her samples were still in it and she owned reservations about drinking the water in the first place. Her bigger concern was who did this to her and why. The current situation required more than screaming for help, the solid stone walls felt like they were impossibly thick to her probing hands. She dug a scrunchie out of her pocket and put her blond hair into a pony tail. The large stone room resembled more of a cave than anything else, what appeared to be gas lanterns on the walls kept the area brightly lit. Where the fuel came from and how far underground the lair sat, she had no freaking idea. An unnatural heat forced her to take the business jacket off. The cream colored tank top shirt underneath was loose cotton and she was quickly comfortable. Her high heels were missing, whoever had dropped her into this place removed them and left her barefoot. Then she discovered the coffin on the far side of the large stone room. Her brown eyes rolled at the amateur theatrics. Was this some type of prank that was being filmed for a dumb television show? Determined not to let such a crazy situation catch her on cable TV for all of America to laugh at, she marched right up to it and lifted the lid. Her glare of unamused hostility spread across her pretty features for the camera that she was sure to find. If life was a bitch then reality was one mean old bastard. This was no camera and most certainly not an actor. The vampire was without a doubt real and only the left eye opened. The red orb spun at an angle no human could imitate and the diamond shaped pupil speared her mind. She could actually feel the gaze physically pass through her eyeball and run an invisible tendril over her brain. Fear locking her joints and mostly frozen from that horrible one-eyed gaze as it stroked her soul, the only thing she could do was slam the lid shut with a quick flick of her wrist. Once it boomed closed, she was able to move again. Her bag! She was passing out samples to local churches and the bright metal cross was attached on the outside flap. As she quickly approached it, the metal dissolved like melting wax and was gone before she could get to it. Her head swiveled, panic nearly filling her entire body as she expected to see the monster walking in her direction. The coffin remained closed and there wasn't anything standing there. Yeah, Susan understood quite well that she was in a world of danger. The monster hadn't gotten out of the coffin and it seemed to bide its time. The thing knew she couldn't find the way out and it wasn't quite thirsty enough to get up and take her. Since the truly unholy gaze that enjoyed caressing her mind like a starving man might enjoy the scent of an impending feast, the creature projected an aura of patience at her. Susan could feel the evil presence as surely as she could feel the air slipping in and out of her lungs. When she turned her head in any direction the coffin wasn't visible, she could see the ghostly web of influence out of the corner of her eye. Her heart hammered deep in her chest and she could hear it as if the drummer was right next to her, going wild with a pair of fear sticks that pounded without mercy. Hours went by and the creature still didn't rise from its slumber. The waves of terrifying patience had ceased and almost as the coffin had never been there, a relative calmness fell across the entire room. Susan was getting hungry and the only thing she possessed was her samples. At first she didn't want to touch then water, she only had so much. The sample bottles were small and she might have enough for a half gallon at the most. Her eyes fell on the bag flap where the cross impossibly melted away. Why did her captors keep that with her? False hope? Then she understood. There wasn't anything about that bag that could really help her against the reality of an actual vampire! As if a distant whisper could be heard, her terrified thoughts seized upon her only chance of survival. Trick the damn thing when it woke up and came for her. The developing plan might not work. To the resting vampire she was nothing more than fast food and it was only a matter of time before her corpse would be discarded like a hamburger wrapper. She felt there was nothing left to lose as she couldn't see any other way to escape. Susan opened the bag and pulled out a sample bottle of water. She opened the cap and chugged the entire thing. There was no clock and no indication on how long she had been stuck there, but her own natural thirst reared up within her. What she swallowed felt good as the coolness spread down and across her chest. Without hesitation, she drank two more bottles and her thirst was finally slaked. Susan spent time walking the walls and only shied away from the area the coffin was occupying. No tracks and no indication as to how she was brought into the room became visible with a slower inspection. Damn it. More time passed and her thirst returned. She got two more ten ounce bottles and drank them. She wanted to cry all of a sudden but fought it off. After more time slipped by and she downed yet another bottle of water, she grew drowsy against her will. Her head nodded once. Not more than a second went by after her eyes closed that she sat up with a sudden rush of terrified energy. What if that monster was waiting for her to sleep before draining her blood? Before anymore fear could settle into her dread filled heart, another disturbing feeling assailed her. She had to go pee. The farthest corner of the stone room had a small dip in it. She eyed the distant coffin as her signal to go increased in intensity. Yeah, right. She could see the damned writing on the tombstone in the back of her mind. 'Here Lies Susan Smith - Caught With Her Pants Down By A Vampire - Rest In Pee' Susan sat down with her back against the wall and stared at the coffin. She began to rock back and forth. Three hours later and the lid not budging, she couldn't hold it any longer. She went to the corner and did her business where the floor dipped down slightly. She took off her underwear and used it to clean herself and tossed it to the side. Then her slacks went back on in a hurry. All the while she had kept her big brown eyes on the coffin lid and it hadn't even twitched a little bit. That done, her thirst returned and she got another sample bottle. She drained it, nerves making her chug instead of sip. How long was that damned thing going to wait before it rose up to kill her? The waiting was starting to feel worse than the actual idea of the attack. Scratch The sound put fresh minted fear all through her body as it came from within the coffin. Her large eyes locked onto the lid, waiting for it to finally happen. Hands shaking, she opened and chugged another bottle of water. She tossed the plastic container aside, regarded the coffin a little harder. Scratch Susan backed up and found a clean corner in the large room and slid down the wall to a seated position, a tear escaping her eye. Upset at herself for feeling weak and defenseless, she wiped it away. It was tormenting her, increasing the fear as if it was supposed to flavor her blood. As those thoughts uneasily formed, she could sense the sensation of agreement in the air. Oh shit, the vampire had been listening to her thoughts all this time! Another cold wave of agreement blew across her pretty face. "What are you waiting for?" Susan suddenly screamed out, more angry than afraid. "Stop playing with me, damn it!" The coffin lid swung open quickly and she rose to her feet with a bounce, sorry as hell she shouted anything at all. Vampire lore fluttered through her thoughts like fireflies in the dark woods. A memory would light up and be important, then flicker away in terror. Another piece of lore would spark to the front, then wink out into the dismal dark background of fresh minted panic. Her first instinct was to look up into the vampire's eyes, and it was here that reasoning latched on and finally shook sense into her. She saw the dust covered dress shoes touch the floor as the vampire stood, and again she internally refused to look up into those evil eyes. It's what he wanted. What he mentally demanded. Go to hell, she thought. I'm not that damned easy! "But you are," his impossibly dry voice rasped, answering her thoughts as if she had spoken them aloud. "My minions did well in choosing you. Pretty and delicious at the same time. Oh yes." "Fuck you!" she countered, finding the farthest corner and backing up into it. "Sex is beyond me," the vampire dryly announced, followed by a rasping chuckle that would have made the lowest demon in hell shudder with envy. "Something better flows through your veins. I will take you very soon." The monster was quite literal, she realized. She latched onto that thought. Literal. Her dad rose unbidden in her mind. He tried teaching her how to hunt when she was only sixteen. His voice seemed to come from far away. "Some predators enjoy the hunt, Susan. Mankind is the worst kind of predator out there. The harder the hunt, the sweeter the kill." She felt the memory filter untouched through her thoughts by this monster's obvious power. Was this something she could use? "What?" the vampire demanded, curious. He only got what she actively asked herself or thought with an internal voice! Recalling memories escaped all notice. "What can you use?" "Not me," she quickly replied, making sure she didn't look into his eyes. Those shoes stopped shuffling forward in the middle of the stone room, the surrounding gas lights making sure there weren't any shadows from any angle. "Something you could use, and I'm not talking about blood." She side stepped to her opened leather bag. "You misunderstand my nature," he said, almost laughing. His rasping voice held no humanity in it. "That's the only thing you have of value to me. Your exquisite blood." "Not true," Susan explained, stepping even closer to her bag. "You're a predator, a hunter of humans. Yes?" "That's right, and I'm hunting you, my pretty morsel." "No you're not," she quickly replied, forcing herself to chuckle. "This isn't hunting. This is cage feeding, like in a zoo." The vampire didn't respond to that. So she added more to her fear filled analysis and got even closer to her precious bag. "So how is it hunting to have me hand delivered? Nowhere to run, no chance of escape, you just reach out and take what you want and then go lay back down? How damned boring. I know what I'm talking about. The harder the hunt, the sweeter the kill. Isn't that accurate for your kind?" "It is," he stated, his tone dropping in temperature. The icy words flowed like liquid death. "Today's world isn't a place to hunt anymore. I make promises to my minions, sometimes I keep them and sometimes I don't. They bring me pretty things like you and I give them a little bit of power. I'm happy with that. I'm happy with you. I can smell your essence from here and I begin to heavily thirst." "Bullshit, you're not happy," Susan accused him. "I can hear it in your description. Look, I'm as good as dead, right? Are you going to make me a vampire or something?" The laugh that followed from his undead throat almost made her cry. There was no humor there, it was a terrible mixture of loneliness and deep regret that pretended to sound like a laugh. "It doesn't work that way, those damn fiction writers were never close to the truth of that horrible ritual. You're just going to die." "Fine," she stated, inwardly shivering despite the heat in the air. No, she wasn't fine but this was the only ploy she had, the only chance to use her wits and possibly hope for a positive outcome. She was nearly to her bag, half afraid if she made a sudden move the monster would swoop on her. Then it would be all over. "How would you like to really hunt? Not a big one, mind you, but a small hunt. Wouldn't that make catching me sweeter?" "My delicious trickster," his voice pulsed with evil, making her breath catch deep within her chest. Those dust encrusted dress shoes hadn't budged, but his unearthly voice sounded so much closer it made her skin crawl. "Even if I showed you the way out, there would be no way to escape me." "That's what I'm talking about," she bitterly complained. "It's not a hunt unless I have a chance to get away. Oh, it doesn't have to be a huge chance, just a small one. Just enough to give me hope. If you catch me fairly I won't fight you. If you want to have real fun, stop messing with my head. Let me think clearly for a moment." The pressure eased up inside her skull so quickly it surprised her. She glanced into her bag, three bottles of water left. No longer compelled to look up into his eyes all the time, she risked scanning the room without resting her gaze on his face. His tall leaning body was the most horrible stance she could have witnessed. One shoulder slightly higher than the other, a leg twisted too far to one side, he just stood there with his undead arms hanging down and fingers branching out like dead tree limbs. "Better?" he asked darkly. "Yes," Susan replied quickly. "OK, here's what I propose. Show me the way out. I won't budge from this spot. In order to give you the best chase possible, I'll drink the rest of my water here. Get me good and refreshed. Then I count to three and run for it. You come after me on a five count. I'm gonna die if you catch me, but at least I have some hope of escaping. That chance will give you a measure of fun in this hunt." She almost threw up, but was able to get her next statement out. "It should make me taste sweeter. Right?" "Why do this?" he harshly asked, the vampire not even remotely moving. He was so still he could have been a statue. "Why such an offer to please me?" "I'm not trying to please you, damn it!" she yelled, then got her feeling of panic under better control. She started to shake. "Hope! I need my hope like you need my blood. Do you understand this, or does being a vampire rob you of IQ points? I get what I need, and you might not! But if you're a really quick vampire, you'll get what you want too. At least lets finish this with us both getting something out of it!" "Calm down," the undead mouth rattled. Was that a measure of humbleness in that terrible voice? She never found out as the ice cold tone of death returned. "You're offer is accepted, such as it is. There, in the corner you soiled." Susan's eyes swiveled to the corner she had peed in, spotting movement. The corner pulled back and a ramp gently going up was revealed. The vampire didn't have to move, she could feel his will reach out like an invisible tentacle and push the secret door aside. The ramp looked long, but on the other end she could see stars in the distance! It was night outside. She could escape if she was fast enough! "See?" Susan exclaimed. "Can you feel the hope in me?" "Yes," he replied, and the vampire noisily inhaled. "I can smell your fear and now it's seasoned with hope. What a nice change. I'm ready when you are." "Of course," Susan agreed, words heavy with fear saturated trepidation. She slowly reached down and grabbed the three remaining bottles. "A moment." Her fingers shook as she unscrewed the plastic blue tops. She guzzled the first one down and was doing her best not to swallow wrong in her haste. The second bottle opened and was consumed. Then the third was finished and the final plastic container clattered to the floor. As she gauged the slope of the ramp, the vampire spoke. "It's good there was only three bottles of water," he crooned with pleasure. "Watching you drink them down, seeing your pretty throat flex has stirred my own thirst quite strongly. Go ahead and start counting or I might forget the deal." Susan nodded, started to hyperventilate on purpose to fill her system with extra oxygen. "One." She regarded the gentle slope of the ramp, willing her body to be as quick as possible. She could see the unholy beast out of the corner of her eye. He didn't even tense up. "Two." She put one foot forward and took her best sprinter's stance, glad of her history of running track in high school. Barefoot or not, she could be fast. Hope of making it out of there alive blossomed within her chest and her body unleashed all her fear packed muscles. "THREE!" She wondered if the vampire would keep his end of the deal and do a five count. It didn't matter anymore, she was running up the ramp and her adrenaline added so much more to her speed. She felt light as a feather. The dirt floor flashed by and the angle got a little steeper. The exit to this place, where ever it was located, loomed up big before her. She could hear the outside breeze rustle through trees! She was almost out! As if in a surreal nightmare that she couldn't wake up from, she went backwards all of a sudden. The exit shrank away as if she was falling down a hole. Her face pinched from the near victory and it was then she felt the horribly thin arm around her middle. The brightly lit stone lair was all around her once again. The vampire quickly caught her as promised and now she was all his. He spun her around and embraced her body. It was a hug designed to deliver death from the undead. His limbs were ice cold and there was no breath coming out of the lips that brushed her left ear. With thin cold fingers, he reached up and pulled the scrunchie out of her hair, let the blond strands fall down around her sweet living shoulders. "Why?" Susan demanded. "My hair was back and out of the way." The vampire hesitated. His dry mouthed answer made her shudder in his inhuman embrace. "Like butter to bread, your beauty is the best flavoring of all. I like having long hair down when I feed." He may have thin arms, but they felt like steel pipes. No, this vampire was not cute. He wasn't fancy and he didn't care for his appearance. He smelled like moldy clothes and she tensed in anticipation. "What are you waiting for?" she hissed into his dry shock of dusty hair, looking over his shoulder at the open passage way. So close yet so far away. How freaking unfair. "You were right," the vampire slowly whispered back into her own ear. "You smell much sweeter." "Weren't you taught any damned manners?" Susan crazily asked, sick of the delay. "Don't play with your food!" Amazed at the audacity of this highly sweetened morsel, his fangs sank into the side of her living throat, the firm strip of muscle that stood out just a few inches under her ear got grabbed by his cold undead lips. His paper white cheeks puckered, juicing her throat while savory hot blood squirted inside his dry mouth. He felt her tense in his arms, the heat from her intoxicating body calling to every cold fiber in his frame. For just a moment the vampire regretted his plan to drink all of her blood in one feeding, but only for a moment. Her flavor was just too good to stop. She wasn't even screaming out loud like the rest of them, honoring her promise not to fight. How pleasantly rare. It was his third swallow of richly seasoned blood when the undead monster realized that something was going wrong! Her essence was warm at first, as it should be. Then it got hotter. The vampire recalled his old living form centuries ago, when he first encountered a red jalapeño pepper. It was the same type of intense burn! Her blood got even more uncomfortable. This wasn't right, it never happened like this before! "No!" Susan screamed in anger as the vampire tried to pull away. "Drink it, you horrible son of a bitch! Drink!" Her hand came up and braced the back of his dusty undead head. She held his face against the intense pain on her throat, not wanting this unholy creature to escape her one in a million chance at beating him. The moment she realized that she had been trapped with a real vampire and witnessed the cross melting without the creature's direct involvement, she didn't want to blow her second and only secret weapon. No idea if it would work or not, it was the only thing she could have done. The vampire had lost most of his strength, the human woman was even stronger than he was now. He no longer drank her blood and his entire frame felt like it was about to blaze. His dark mind scrambled for an explanation. The last of his vast powers almost flickered out of existence, and with his last segment of strength, he established contact with this female's mind one last time. He finally saw what she plotted and there was no way he could have ever known unless she voiced it. Or brought it to the surface of her mind for him to see, as she did now. Susan felt triumphant and finally pushed the creature off her body with ease. He flopped down onto his back like a large broken puppet as her hand went over the fang marks on the side of her throat. Dripping only a little bit, the thin enamel spikes no longer kept the wound open and bleeding. She applied even more pressure and knew she was going to survive the bite. She could sense it in his undead eyes, he finally knew what she got away with, her clever plan beating him at his own game. His lips smoking as her blood stains started to burn him there too, he rasped out his final sounds. "You bitc..." The vampire's body erupted into bright blue flames and quickly dissolved into ash before he could finish his vulgar statement. She was violently captured in the morning hours with only the samples in her bag. All day she had consumed the precious drink and nothing else. If the monster knew what it was she possessed, he may have used his mind powers to destroy it from a safe distance, like he did to the cross. She picked up a discarded plastic bottle and smiled warmly at the label. Probably never been tried before, now she knew there was a new way to kill vampires. She would never sell any other product again for as long as she lived. Silver Springs Purified Aqua Distilled and Softened For All Occasions Thrice Blessed Holy Water, Inc The End Novels by Daniel A. Roberts Defenders of Valinthia Rulers of Valinthia Passion of the Different Passion of the Same Passion of the Unknown Short Stories by Daniel A. Roberts The Unintentional Vampire The Gift of a Kiss A Temporal Mistake A Jalapeno for the Vampire Visit and follow Daniel's blog for his current project at: http://magicvsscience.wordpress.com/