Big Sister Babysitter I am going to be a WHAT!? Volume #1 by Lysne Nolte Kindle Direct Edition PUBLISHED By: Lysn2me Press, Inc. on Kindle Direct. Copyright Lysne Nolte Lysne Nolte holds the copyright of this book and has granted the exclusive right to publish it Lysn2me Press. Kindle Direct Edition License Notes This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This ebook may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each person you share it with. If you're reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then you should return to Kindle Direct and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the author's work. Lysn2me Press, Inc Auburn, WA (206) 383-6162 www.bigsisteridol.com Praise for Big Sister Babysitter "A wonderful story that normalizes the struggles of growing up in a blended family. A fun insight into the thoughts and feelings of a typical girl facing these struggles, with a great use of faith and strong family values to show how she overcomes her fears and finds strength in her circumstances. This book would make a great resource for children and their parents going through the joys and difficulties of the birth of new family member." ~ Jennifer Elton, MS Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist “Big Sister Babysitter is a wonderful and refreshing book in a genre lacking volume of relevant books for our young Christian girls today. If you have a child that is reading at a 9-12 year old level, then this book would be a great story to show how through Christ Jesus we are able to conquer all things! It is probably more suitable for a young girl, but would recommend this story to anyone who has a child struggling with the addition of a new baby to the family!” ~ Carlie Kercheval So You Call Yourself a Homeschooler blog site “This insightful book, written with light spiritual undertones, and support from a few profound bible verses, does a wonderful job of explaining what is happening during pregnancy. It is age-appropriate for young adolescents and helpful in clarifying things in simple terms for what a child might wonder and ask about as this miracle develops. I like that the book explains things in terms of blessings without getting overly explicit into the biology of things that a young child might not yet comprehend. This book also depicts a healthy mixed family that is thankful for the ups and downs that have brought them together, and highlights the blessings of having more than one parent, as well as bonus siblings. If I had three thumbs, they would all be up. I can’t wait for her next book!” ~ Kimberly McEntire Stephens Master of Library Science "Very well written book! No matter what age you are, you can still imagine through the eyes of LA. I look forward to reading more books from Lysne Nolte. She knows how to capture the hearts of the young and old." ~ Will Taylor a.k.a. "Billy, the guy nurse" Respiratory Therapist   Acknowledgements I first want to thank God for blessing me with the courage to pursue writing, Big Sister Babysitter. I feel honored to be able to share my story and bring attention to March of Dimes. To all of my friends and family, thank you for continuing to be supportive and incredibly patient with me, especially my loving husband Drew, step-son Ethan, daughter Ellaysia, Kayla and our son Isaac. Our family is forever grateful to all people that work in a field to help others; doctors, nurses, firemen and women, police officers, military service, pastors, teachers and psychologist. I couldn’t have done this without the editing support from Kristen Portillo and my dear friend Connie French, cover illustration from Aubrey Coggin and graphic assistance from Allen Koenig. You all are my hero for loving me unconditionally and encouraging me to grow and explore my new found passion for writing and for that I am sincerely thank you all! ~ Love Lysne ~ Chapter 1 Introduction Tonight is my first night back home and I jump up into my super-high bed, realizing how much I’ve missed my own pillow and blankets. Shutting my eyes, I think about all the fun things I recorded at my grandparent’s house. “Now I want to keep recording more videos to save the memories forever,” I say into my camera with my head relaxed on my pillow. “My parents have been in Hawaii for ten days and they just came home a few hours ago. Every year they go on vacation the last week in August and stay for five days. This year they went to celebrate their one-year anniversary and it ran into September, meaning my mom missed my first day of school. To be honest, I really don’t understand why they didn’t bring me AGAIN!! I wouldn’t have minded starting school a few days late,” saying to my camera as I hold it up above my head. Rolling over to my side again, I continue to narrate, “I really did miss my mom and John when they were gone. However, I had a great time with my grandpa and grandma, especially when my gadget-loving grandpa took me shopping at an electronic store and let me pick out my own belated birthday gift. It was the best gift ever because he gave me a choice of a portable movie DVD player, digital camera or a video camera recorder, and since they had the recorder in my favorite color, it was an easy decision. Yes, I am talking about you, in your beautiful turquoise shiny metal skin.” I say as I grab the video camera and kiss the lens. “When Grandpa Paul bought my gift he emphasized that this is not a toy to throw around and that it is too expensive to lose or break. I assured him I would be very careful and would use it every day. Besides having this special gift makes me feel older and more responsible.” “I remember my Grandpa Paul spent several hours playing around with my video camera and showing me how to record everything around the house. At first I would just record random things like scanning their kitchen and Grandma Catherine’s rooster collection. Then I figured out that I can zoom in close and I found a fly on the wall to record as it cleaned its gross long mouth and big bulging eyes. Grandpa Paul was so happy to see me enjoying my new gift that he gave me his old tripod which will allow the camera to stand still by itself. One day I used the tripod around their farm to record myself riding on a tractor, feeding the cows, and brushing the horses. Then later Grandpa Paul taught me how to download my videos to the computer, and attach them to an e-mail for my mom and John to watch while they were away.” I smile proudly thinking about the e-mails they would send back to us. “My parents said they loved watching my videos and then they would send a reply e-mail full of pictures from Hawaii. I have been dreaming of these pictures ever since they sent them. They were full of bright reds, pinks, oranges and rich greens from the tropical plants. Plus the warm, gorgeous water that is all different shades of blue and jade. It seemed like everything on the island was so amazing, especially my favorite creature… the sea turtles that they swam with.” I say while turning my camera at a picture on my wall of two beautiful turtle’s crawling along a moonlit black sandy beach. “Oh gosh, it is nice to be back in my own comfortable bed,” I mumble to myself while shutting the flip to my camera and drifting into a deep sleep for the night. After a few hours of sleep I wake myself up by tossing and turning. I look over to my clock that reads 3:12 a.m. and it must still be pitch dark outside because no light is sneaking through my window blinds. After trying to force myself back to sleep for a few minutes, I realize I can’t sleep anymore. I roll over and reach for my camera and lay it on my pillow next to my forehead. I rub my eyes hard and then extend my arms up for a long stretch to the ceiling with a huge yawn. I am still very tired but decide to open the flip to turn on my camera and point it at my sleepy face saying, “It’s the middle of the night and I can’t sleep. I just had an awesome dream about making a movie with this camera. So, I am going to think about what kind of a movie I want to make and in the meantime, I will set the camera on my window sill to record the sunrise,” while slightly pulling up my window blinds. I kick my fluffy blankets off to the side and fling my body across my bed, putting my hands under my chin while leaning on my elbows. I lay staring out my window into darkness, with hopes of capturing the first light of dawn and narrating my first film. “Imagine living in an amazing place, that when you leave you can’t wait to come back. I don’t live on a tropical island in the middle of the ocean, but I do live in a beautiful and peaceful paradise. I have even heard some people call this area, ‘The Island in the Sky’, but the real name is Tapps Island in Washington State,” I say with my eyes nearly closed. I move my hand to cover my mouth as I yawn again and continue talking, “There are a lot of tall green pine trees at the top of a gigantic hill, and that is where Tapps Island is hiding. We have a huge white snowcapped mountain called Mount Rainier. Everyone on the island can see its beauty from every angle. I’m so blessed because I can see the gigantic cold mountain from my bedroom window. The entire snow covered mountain reflects the magical sunrises and sunsets with every color imaginable. When the sun starts to make more regular appearances during the late spring, all the heat melts away the snow and ice, which creates rushing ice cold water down to where I live, settling into a crystal blue lake for us, Lake Tapps. The freezing water continues as it passes into the White River and eventually trickles into the Puget Sound.” I perk up talking about the lake because I just learned that is how Lake Tapps gets its water. Then I sit up onto my knees and lean over to look at my clock again, it is only 3:23 a.m. “I don’t see any light from the sunrise yet, but generally in the early morning I can see from my window, both the majestic mountain and the sparkling lake with fish jumping for their breakfast. My view looks like something I’d seen only in pictures or on TV before we moved here. To me, Tapps Island is heaven on earth! We have schools, churches, fire and police stations, a golf course, a theater, a small airport for helicopters, and a few different restaurants. Everything is close and convenient. Plus on our island when a kid reaches the age of twelve, they can get a driver’s permit to drive a golf cart around the island. The only time people drive their cars around here, is when they leave the island to go to work, the hospital or to visit friends and family, or maybe to go shopping at a big mall.” “Oh for this film maybe I should introduce myself,” I pick up my camera and point it in my face with a big smile. “Hello, my name is LA Payton. You know like Los Angeles in California because I’m soooo cool. Just kidding, I have never been to California. I just know that city is where most of the famous celebrities live. Someday, I want to be one of the many stars attending the Kodak Theatre for the Academy Awards and add my name to the Walk of Fame along Hollywood Boulevard, and of course go to Disneyland.” I shake my camera around as I crawl down from my bed. “Actually, my real name is Lake Ashley Payton. My mom named me Lake because she grew up here on Lake Tapps. Ashley is also her and my grandmother’s middle name. I have been told that when I was three years old, mean kids would tease me about my name. They would call me Tree, Stick, Rock and even Mud... So I wanted everyone to call me by my middle name, but there were already four other Ashley’s in my preschool class. My teacher started to call me LA and so did everyone else. Now, mom says that teacher created a monster by calling me by my initials because it brought out my ‘inner diva.’ I love being called LA and I think it’s perfect for me, especially since I want to be an actress, singer, and dancer when I grow up.” “Oh gosh, I just remembered today is picture day, so I turn to my camera to focus on my closet.” I continue talking, “I just turned nine years old July 5th and I like to think the fireworks the night before are for me.” Then I focus on picking out something nice to wear. I take a few shirts and skirts out of my closet and set them on the floor. I’m trying to be quiet so I don’t wake anyone as I open my bedroom door and record as I tiptoe to the bathroom and prop my camera at an angle on the counter. “Cheese,” I say as I decide to zoom in on myself smiling. I keep narrating, “I live with my mom, Kayla and my step-dad, John Fergus. They have known each other since they were in seventh grade, but they only started dating three years ago. They were married last summer, so my mom changed her last name and I kept my dad’s last name, Payton.” I hop up onto the counter and sit on my knee’s to be closer to the mirror. “Since they both grew up on Lake Tapps, it was natural for them to have their wedding on the lake too. It was super nerve-racking for me to be the Maid of Honor, but I felt really special standing at the altar beside my mom. I remember that summer day being hot and beautiful. My favorite was the color coordinated three-tiered aqua cake, with a rhinestone trim, and pearl flowers that were decaled across the sides and top. It was a yummy white spice cake filled with chunks of real peaches and a thick cream,” I say dreamily as I lick my lips remembering how scrumptious the smell and taste of the cake was. “The only thing that upset me that day was no one was allowed to go swimming! Which to me seemed cruel, but my parents explained it was for insurance reasons or something like that.” After awhile my cheeks begin to ache from all my practice smiling and I think about going back to sleep because I know I will be tired later. As I tiptoe back into my room I see my pretty clothes still laid out on the floor. I point my camera down to the floor and decide to put on my best outfit on instead of going back to bed, since I am actually wide awake. “Hmmm... The sun is still not out and my clock says 4:10 a.m. I guess I don’t know when the sunrise is, since I am normally asleep. My mom must still be asleep because I don’t hear anything.” I grab my art set from under my bed and start to draw. “So far this is a boring movie, maybe I should say it’s more of a story about my life,” I say looking into the camera. “My mom works part-time at my school as our nurse, and she is taking classes to become a business owner. I’m very proud of her, and she is my best friend. We used to do everything together and had date nights every Friday. Of course when she started dating John and going to school, everything changed. Our date nights turned into every other Friday and now we all three do everything together all the time. So, there really is no longer that night to look forward to with just me and my mom.” “Was that a noise?” I curiously perk my head up and pause my coloring to listen. “Maybe it was nothing because I don’t hear anything else,” I say looking into my camera and beginning to color again. “Anyways, where was I? Oh yeah about John, don’t get me wrong. I love John. It’s just not the same when I’m not the only one my mom is enjoying her time with. John is always funny, really nice and most of all, he makes my mom laugh. Since he came into our lives, we both started smiling and haven’t stopped since. John works hard and travels often for his job, but when he is home, he always has fun and exciting ideas for games or activities. It might be a picnic, walk, movie, basketball, board game, pickle ball tournament with our neighbors and cousins, or just grilling dinner outside with our friends.” I hold up my drawing of different colored flowers and while I’m lying on the floor, I see my Bible. I pull it over to me and put a thin piece of paper over the top and begin tracing a picture of a cross. Then I open the Bible that’s bookmarked by a list of Bible verses and decide to read one. I say the verse over and over trying to make sense of it. Then I write it on a tiny open space at the bottom of the bookmarker. I read it again, before tearing it off and shoving it in my pocket to practice later. After a few times of saying the verse I say into my camera, “Oh yeah, I also have a step-brother Skyler, but we all call him Sky. He is about two-and-half years older than me and sadly, I don’t see him very often because we live sooooo far away. I think he is super cool and he is totally nice to me. A lot of people say he looks just like his dad, but John has really short hair. Sky kind of reminds me of a surfer dude with his straight shaggy-long blonde hair and blue eyes. However he is missing a tan, desire to surf and the use of “Dude” before and after every sentence. We talk about everything and just thinking about him makes me miss him!” I quietly put my crayons away and tuck them back under my bed and say, “Ok, back to me now... the star of this movie. I do not have blonde hair and blue eyes. I have been asked a few times why I am so tan. I have heard people ask my mom if I was half Spanish or Native American. She tells them, I am half African American and White. Yep, it’s true, that’s me! My mom is white and my father isn’t and so as a result, I have light-brown loose curly hair to my shoulders and I like to say, “Golden-brown SPARKLING eyes.”’ I creep back out my bedroom and go into the bathroom to brush my teeth. I set my camera on the counter and say with a mumble through the scraping of the sudsy toothbrush, “Last week, I started the fourth grade at Hills and Lakes Elementary school and have a very entertaining teacher named Mrs. Reeves. She loves to sing in the classroom, which can become kind of annoying, only because of the songs she picks. Every morning she sings the same school theme song over and over again until all the kids are sitting at their desk. Believe me, I am the first one to sit down,” I say nodding my head. “Let’s see, what else can I talk about? Hmm, well after school I like to play sports with my friends in the neighborhood. My favorite is swimming, well if that is even a sport, I don’t know. I have played soccer and basketball and used to take gymnastic and ballet classes, but now I mostly swim and ride my scooter. My friends and I used to ride our bikes everywhere, but after crashing too many times and scraping up my elbows and knees, I decided my bike didn’t like me and we could no longer play together.” I put my toothbrush down and rinse out my mouth with a quick swish of water and spit it out in the sink. Just then I hear a loud noise and I jump up, startled. I crack open the bathroom door and poke my head out listening for a minute. “It might be my mom or John,” I say as I wait patiently again to hear something more, but I don’t. I step back to the counter and notice my lucky necklace and put it over my head. “I can’t forget to wear this for my pictures today,” I say lifting it off my chest and holding it up to the camera. “I made this with my Grandma Catherine. We called it ‘lucky’ because we used fancy beads that look like jewels.” I open my drawer and get out a brush, “What was I talking about before? Oh yeah bikes and friends. I do have three best friends, Addison and twin sisters, Shannon and Zoey. I also have so many family members around me, it would be boring for me to list them all, but just trust me there are tons and I love them all! However, I don’t live close to my real father, so I only see him for a couple of weeks around the holidays and again in the summer.” My hair is brushed nicely into a tight ponytail, and I definitely know I heard the toilet flush this time. I turn off the bathroom light and take my camera down the long dark hallway quietly whispering, “I’m not perfect or the most godly kid on the island, but I try to learn as much as I can without sitting down and reading the whole Bible front to back. I love Jesus and want to live as he would. Our family is Christian and we all go to The Chapel on the Hill. We enjoy each Sunday, and we make a game of picking out the newcomers. I think it is easy to spot them because their mouths are always hanging open from the shock of all the rows and rows of golf carts spilling out of the parking lot. Our parking lot is kind of crazy if you’re not used to seeing an ocean of golf carts, I guess.” I stop at my parent’s door and knock softly. Chapter 2 I’m going to be a WHAT?!?!? I knock on my parent’s door again, this time a bit harder. “Come in,” my mom hollers. As I slowly open the door, I scan their bedroom with my video camera for my parents. My step-dad, John appears to be sleeping by the looks of the mound shape on his side of the bed and two pillows covering his head. My mom quickly turns her head as she is standing in their bathroom brushing her teeth saying, “Good morning my sweet Angel-Pot-Pie.” Then she sees my camera, “Oh NO! Please don’t record me so early in the morning and by the way... why are you already up?” I ignore her and continue recording, then ask if she is feeling jet lagged from their vacation in Hawaii? She sits at the edge of the bathtub looking up at me while putting on her socks, “No, but it is still very early in the morning. Again, why are you recording me?” “Just so you know, my clock read 3:12 a.m. when I woke up, and I decided to make a movie,” I say very proud of my idea. She laughs, “Well, you’re obviously not going back to sleep, since you’re already dressed for pictures today and busy cooking up inventive ideas for a movie. So tell me, what is your movie about?” “Well, I am not sure yet, maybe me dancing and singing into the sunset. I was going to record the sunrise this morning for the beginning part, but it’s still dark outside.” I say holding my camera steady on my mom and seeing the darkness out the window behind her. She is finished getting dressed and is now fixing her hair asking, “Since we’re both up, would you like to go to McDonalds with me?” “Duh, of course I want too,” I say while running to grab my jacket and shoes. When we walk outside I get an immediate chill and I record the street light still on with fog gently surrounding it. We hop into the PT Cruiser and my mom quickly turns on the car and cranks up the heat. We drive over to the shopping area and pull up to the drive-thru for an egg McMuffin meal. She also buys us a treat, a cinnamon roll that is already cut up into little pieces. YUMMY! As we wait for our food, I start thinking about the verse I read earlier and pull the piece of paper out of my pocket. “In a loud voice she exclaimed, ‘Blessed are you among woman, and blessed is the fruit of the womb!’” Luke 1:42 I kind of have it memorized, but don’t understand it yet. I like to pick out new verses in the Bible and figure out how it can apply to life. My church thought that would be a fun way for kids to learn about the Bible, sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn’t. I think this verse will be one of those doesn’t verses. Who knows, I might meet a lady yelling about how wonderful fruit is. “Ha! Ha!” I laugh, envisioning our crazy neighbor dancing in the street with watermelons and grapes in her hands. My mom smiles at me as she reaches back handing me the food. “What’s so funny?” “Oh nothing, I was just thinking about our neighbor Cookie and how silly she is.” We pull out of McDonald’s parking lot and drive to my daycare and we get there really early. It’s only 5:15 a.m. and it doesn’t open until 6:00 a.m. Since we still have forty-five minutes, we decide to eat our breakfast inside our car. My mom talks to me about today being her first day back to college. I ask her, “Are you nervous or are you excited?” “Yes, actually I am both,” she says while taking a sip of her orange juice. “I will have a lot of homework you know. So, we will have homework time together, okay?” “Great,” I sigh because it’s way too early to be thinking about homework. After we are finished eating, much to my surprise, my mom scoots her seat back and tells me to come over and sit on her lap. “WOW, COOL! This can be the beginning of my movie,” I yell as I jump out of the back seat with a gigantic smile on my face. I never get to sit in the front seat and I start screeching and giggling as I climb onto my mom’s lap and toss my camera on the passenger seat. She explains that we can drive around the empty parking lot, only because it’s empty and she is with me. I start turning the steering wheel hard to the left and to the right. “Before we get moving, I want you to understand what makes the car move,” my mom says pointing to things I’ve never seen before. “Oops... sorry,” I apologize after I turn on the windshield wipers and blinkers. She stays calm and doesn’t get mad. Instead, she says with a smile, “Great, now look out the mirrors on both sides and in front.” She explains to me what all the round things are behind the steering wheel, she calls them gages, or something like that, and continues on about what the numbers are for on the dashboard. Honestly, all I heard was blah, blah, blah because I’m no longer paying attention. I just nod and smile, hoping she will hurry up and stop talking so we can get moving. Finally, she tells me to reach down and hold the car’s shifter from P = for Park, to D = for Drive, then push the button to let down the emergency break. “Oh my gosh! I’m so nervous, but so far, this is way cool!” I squeal. We make a deal... she works the foot pedals for the breaks and gas, and I move the steering wheel. I really want to honk the horn, but she won’t let me, darn it, she never lets me. AHHH... I can’t wait, I’m so excited! She takes her foot off the break and pushes on the gas and we start moving. I scream, “Faster! Faster!” I feel like I’m riding on a snail, when I really want to feel like I’m riding on a rollercoaster! She laughs saying, “No, we are not going to go fast, but you can drive us in a figure eight.” As I crank the wheel to the left and to the right, I feel as if my hands are tangled together like a pretzel. It is cool feeling the car move wherever I want it to go. Screeeeeech! The tires scream as I turn the car in circles and all around the parking lot. “Mom, don’t you feel like we are ice skating but without the wind in our hair? Is this what it feels like every day for you? You’re so lucky! I can’t wait until I’m older and get to drive real fast. I want a convertible for my sixteenth birthday... okay?” I ask looking quickly at her then back out the front window. “Well, we’ll see about that, when that time comes. Most likely you will have to buy your own car like I did,” my mom replies with a, don’t push it look on her face. I groan, “That will take FOREVER!” Then she stops, and asks me to put the gear shifter thing to R = for Reverse. We start going backwards. “AHH! STOP! I don’t like this. STOP! STOP! That is way too scary, I feel like something is over my eyes and I’m going to crash or something.” I ask if we can just drive around some more because that is my favorite. “Oh darn!” Just then a car pulls into the parking lot and my joy ride is over. Gosh, that was so much fun! I was happy to see it was Anna, the daycare teacher. Before she parks her car, I jump out of ours and wait for her to open her door. I told Anna, I learned how to drive and I just turned nine, two months ago. My mom takes my hand and we walk inside the daycare. With a skip in my walk, I go to put my backpack and jacket away. My mom gives me a kiss and tells me, “Remember to smile real big for your pictures and have a blessed, beautiful, happy, and smart day my Sugar Blossom.” She is so funny because she always says that to me, and I love it! However, I am getting tired of all the cutesy pet names she calls me. I wrap my arms around her narrow waist and squeeze her with all my might. “I love you, Mommy. You’re the bestest in the whole world,” I say as I lift her off the ground. She gives me another kiss and struggles to unleash my grip. She tenderly says, “I love you too and I hope this morning was fun. Please don’t expect us to be able to do that all the time.” Yeah right, believe me I won’t expect driving again anytime soon. This was the first time since I was four years old, that I even came close to driving. I remember she used to let me sit on her lap, it was so fun. Our old house had a really long driveway to our backyard where our garage was, so I felt like I was able to drive for a long time. As she leaves I say to her, “I know, I know... I loved it and thank you for being my mom!” When I try to squeeze her again, she blocks me saying, “Honey, you’re too strong to hug me so hard. I’m sorry, but I can’t have you hug me like that anymore.” Wow, I realize those words actually hurt my feelings, and I sink my shoulders and head down a bit. It makes me feel good to be able to show her how much I love her and miss her and besides, I like showing off how big my muscles are. She gives me a quick kiss and a wave good-bye. I want all the kids to show up right now, so I can tell them that I drove to daycare this morning! Of course all day long, I’ll be telling everyone about how I can drive an automatic car in a figure eight, going backwards and forwards. Okay, that might be a slight exaggeration, but I will tell them this only to express how exciting my driving was and how great it will be for my movie. Later when my mom picks me up from school I pick up my camera and climb into the backseat. She explains she has something important to tell me. I instantly start to cry as I turn on the camera to start recording... I am so nervous because whatever follows a statement like, “I have something important to tell you,” is generally something bad. “Oh my gosh, what is it?” I blurt out. My mom very soothingly says, “Everything is okay, please don’t cry. Remember this morning when I told you not to hug me so hard? And you know how John and I told you we want to start a family?” I nod with a sniffle. She continues, “Well, that time has come and God has blessed all of us with a baby growing inside my stomach. So congratulations... you are going to be a BIG SISTER!” I imagine myself looking like a cartoon character as I am wailing into my lens, “I’m going to be a WHAAAAATTTTT? NOOOOOOO-OOOO, no no, I don’t want this! I can’t believe this! This isn’t fair!” I instantly feel hot and I’m sure steam is coming from the top of my head and out my ears. My heart sinks to the floor and I start shaking with frustration. “Kayla can’t possibly expect me to be happy about this?!?!” I say to the camera while giving my mom a dirty look. “Please do not call me by my first name. I am your mother and I am surprised you are so upset Snoogie Boogie,” my mom says reaching back to touch my knee. “I don’t like this news at all and stop calling me stupid pet names! I am in the 4th grade you know, not kindergarten.” I snap and start crying even harder. A million horrible things start racing through my mind and I fear my mom and John won’t love me or pay any attention to me anymore. I whisper into my recorder, “I’ll be like an old dog left outside, while the cute puppy gets all the smiles, hugs, treats and toys. What am I going to do?” My mom looks in the rear-view mirror at me with her eye real wide saying, “No honey, that will never happen. We love you. Settle down, everything will be just fine.” We both sit in silence for a few minutes while I try to regain my rhythm of breathing. Finally, I look at my mom, put my hands on her shoulders and say, “I don’t want a baby! This isn’t fair, but... if we have to have one, then at least make it a girl and name her Stephanie.” I direct my whisper again to the microphone, “That is my favorite name; I name all my Barbies Stephanie.” My mom tells me that she doesn’t have any control over if it is a boy or a girl. She says next month we can all go to the doctor’s office together and find out what we are expecting. I think that sounds okay, but I’m not ready to act happy, feel happy, or even think anything happy yet. As we are driving home, my mom drives right past our house, “Um, HELLO,” I say as I point back at our house. “I thought it would be nice for us to drive straight to the library and check out baby books for you to look at,” she says. I cross my arms and feel like saying, “Whoopee, why should I care, it’s not like I’m going to even touch the books,” but I just stare out the window instead. After our quick trip to the library, we go home. I glumly tell John that I heard the news. With an excited voice he says, “Yeah isn’t that great? Are you excited to be a big sister?” I turn and make a groaning “mmm-mmm,” sound as I slam my not-so-lucky necklace on the counter and go straight to my room early. I slowly crawl into bed with my clothes still on and throw my pillow over my face to scream as loud and long as I possibly can. I stop and think about how it’s been an extremely long day and how very tired I am from waking up so early this morning. I plug my camera in to charge and try to go to sleep. Hopefully this afternoon’s news was just a nightmare from my lack of sleep and tomorrow everything will be normal. Chapter 3 Overwhelming and Freaky The next morning, I quickly grab my recorder off the nightstand and unplug it from the wall. I play back the video from yesterday to see if it was real or just a really bad movie. I head to my parents room while watching everything on my camera screen and find my mom in her closet. She is complaining about how none of her pants or skirts fit. I suddenly feel like Eeyore from, Winnie the Pooh with a little black raincloud over my head. “Yep... it’s real,” I screech as I drop my camera and bolt downstairs aiming straight for the couch. I fall face first onto a pillow, then curl up and cry. After a few minutes of sobbing, I realize that I left my camera upstairs, but I don’t want to go back up and get it. I suppose my school wouldn’t let me record for my movie and just take away my camera anyways. Right after school I didn’t have daycare, so I ran home as fast as I could. I walked in the front door asking my mom where my camera was. She handed it to me and I quickly turned it on to say, “While I was at school today, my friends wanted to hear more about my driving and my dreams of swimming with sea turtles and dolphins in Hawaii. However, I didn’t want to talk to anyone about anything because I felt frozen with my bad thoughts. At recess I made the decision not to make a movie, but a video diary of my life instead.” As I sit in my room starting on my homework, I feel like maybe talking with my best friends, Shannon and Zoey or Addison. I quickly finish all my work then ask my mom, “Can I go across the street to see if the twins can play in the cul-de-sac?” My mom can tell how sad I am about the bombshell she dropped on me yesterday and says, “Yes, but stay close by.” I hurry and shove my math and spelling into my backpack. I grab my camera before shutting the door and run over to Shannon and Zoey’s house. Shannon and Zoey are a year older than me. They are from Hawaii and people occasionally think we are all sisters because we have the same skin color and always do everything together. When I get to their door, I ring the doorbell like a hundred times because this is an emergency! The minute they open the door I sit on the floor and take my shoes off. Suddenly, I’m on the verge of tears. I can’t hold-in the big news any longer, I have to tell my friends right away, but as soon as I start spewing out the words, “My mom is pregnant,” I can’t stop the flood of tears down my cheeks. Halfway through my saga, they both start laughing at me. Shannon giggles saying, “No, way... your mom? Nurse Fergus? Wow, that is so cool. You will love having a baby in the family. Zoey is six minutes younger than me and totally annoying, but I love her and she is my best friend. Of course, we fight a lot, but we always have each other to play with and tell secrets too.” Zoey says, in between making funny faces at my camera, “Yeah, big sisters can be really mean and bossy, but I’m glad I was born.” They also have a little brother, Alex that is two years old. He is really cute and he normally follows us around everywhere we go. I guess I never paid much attention to him until now. He see’s my camera and tries to grab it from me screaming, “Mine! Mine! Mine!” when I pull it away. Then Alex makes a sound as if he was a cat that just got its tail pulled, “MMMOUUUU-OUUUUUU! AHHHHHH!” I record him and I am in shock to witness him flopping around like a fish out of water. Shannon and Zoey do nothing but shut their bedroom door. While we play in their room, we can hear him kicking the door. I keep waiting for them to do something, but they said not to give him any attention. We continue to play for awhile and then I decide to go home. While I am saying goodbye to the twins and their little brother, I quickly show Alex the video of himself throwing a fit. He laughs with a cackle and runs away. As I am crossing the street I see Addison walking her dogs. She has long, stringy strawberry blonde hair to match her two big, beautiful golden retrievers that are pulling her over to me. “Hey LA! Slow down… you silly dogs! I guess Buttercup and Daisy really want to say hello,” she hollers in her load boisterous voice. I walk to meet her and the dogs instantly start jumping all over me. Their leashes gets tangled around my feet and I fall to me knees. Buttercup is happy that I am down to his level and begins licking away my dry salty tears. Addison struggles to control the dogs, “Stop! No! Buttercup, Daisy… SIT!” she commands. “Sorry, they just love you” she says with a smirk. “So are you going to the twin’s house or going home?” she asks. I say solemnly while I wipe off my slobbery face, “I just told Shannon and Zoey that my mom is pregnant.” Standing up, I look at her and for once she is speechless. I put my head down and walk away. When I get home to eat dinner, I begin feeling a bit curious and interested in peeking at the library books. I wonder if there is anything important in them for me to know about. I excuse myself from the table and head straight to my room, where I see the books on the floor. I pick them up and set them on my bed. “Finally, it is the end of another really long day,” I say while brushing my teeth. I hop into my soft, cozy bed and get comfortable before turning on my camera and feeling brave enough to grab one of the books. Pointing my camera at a book and opening to the middle pages, my mouth drops and all I can say is, “Wow!” My mom pokes her head through my door and asks if I am ready for her to tuck me in. I do not reply. Instead, with my mouth hanging open, I hold up one of the books. She walks in and sits next to me. We start reading and looking at the books together. She looks at me and says, “Let’s look at this page because I’m twelve weeks along, which is three months pregnant.” How gross, I think, as we see pictures of what looks to be an alien creature growing week by week. “Let me say, looking at these books is extremely overwhelming and actually really freaky!” I say directly into my camera. When I do lie down to go to sleep, I have a lot of questions and I bet I will have nightmares too. I have seen hundreds of pregnant women before, even my old music teacher was pregnant once. Honestly, I have never stopped to think about how a woman is chosen to have a baby inside her or why. My mom closes the book and puts it on the floor, then turns off my light and gives me a kiss goodnight. I roll over to say my prayers and fall asleep, but not for long. In the middle of the night, I can no longer resist my curiosity to find out more information. I reach over and turn on my lamp, then jump down from my bed and pick up a book and quickly hop back into my cozy spot. I open the book at the beginning this time. It says every month a woman drops a teeny-tiny egg like thing into her womb. I now know that a womb is like a big round muscle where the baby grows. Each little egg holds 23 different parts of the mom, called DNA. “That is so weird,” I mumble. I keep reading more and learn that a woman’s egg turns into a baby, only if it becomes fertilized by a man, “What? A man!” I say out loud and in a shock with my eyes wide open. A man also makes something that holds 23 different parts of his DNA, called sperm. I guess he creates about 500 million tadpole looking things. “Ha, I definitely CAN NOT count that high and thankfully women only have one egg. It is no wonder boys automatically like frogs,” I say chuckling to myself as I turn the page. Reading to myself at first then tell my camera, “Those tadpoles actually carry in them a boy or girl chromosome. I’m not sure exactly what that word means other than they keep saying Y or X. If one of the sperm eats a hole into the woman’s egg and goes inside the egg, it will live there. That means that now the egg is fertilized. Wha-la! A baby girl or boy starts to grow and is already learning five letters of the alphabet; A, D, N, X and Y. That is so cool, now I understand why humans are smarter than animals. In the pictures from the book, the baby doesn’t look like anything at first, maybe just a bubble, then slowly a blob of flesh that resembles a potato. In the seventh week, it becomes more real as it starts to develop a heart that beats, blood vessels, and ha ha... even a crazy tail, with balls for arms and legs and a huge weird looking head.” I take my camera and point it to the book saying, “That is what the baby looks like now inside my mom... a deformed gummy bear or some type of monster you’d only see in movies, but it’s smaller than a peanut M&M, I guess.” All this baby business seems so crazy, I can’t believe all this is happening, I think clinching my teeth as I set the book down and roll over. I think about my verse again, remembering it had that word womb in it. Maybe the verse means she is speaking loudly because she feels blessed. I bet she is proud that God has chosen women’s bodies to have a womb-like house for a baby to grow, and that means her fruit, the baby will be blessed too. I’m glad I finally figured out that verse because for a while, it was sounding very confusing. I close my eyes and start to fall back asleep. In the morning, I drag myself downstairs and John sings in a loud opera voice, “Good morning,” as he hands me some scrambled eggs with cheese on top. “How did you sleep?” he asks. “Not good, too many crazy alien-monster nightmares,” I mumble. He says, “Oh I’m sorry,” as he sits down at the table with me. “Hey, I was thinking tonight we all could watch a movie and have some popcorn.” “Yeah, that sounds great! Well, have a good day at work,” I say smiling, forgetting about the baby situation for a moment. I look over to see my mom waiting for me, so I wolf down the rest of my eggs, run to the door and put my shoes on. When my mom drops me off at daycare, I tell Anna “I can’t hug my mom anymore. She is growing a big-headed blobby alien with a tail. I saw pictures in a book and read something about how the baby is swimming with twenty-three plus twenty-three, soooo... forty-six, D’s, N’s and A’s, and there are some X’s and Z’s too.” “Oh, that sounds very interesting. However, I think it’s just not the best time to give your mom one of your famous, big strong hugs.” Anna pauses then says, “Did you know that all living things like people, animals, plants, and even fungi start by forming a code called DNA?” She kneels down and says slowly, “Human development is fascinating to me and I think you may be a bit confused. Let me try to help you understand a little better.” Anna smiles real big and continues, ”DNA is actually short for Deoxyribonucleic, say... (de-oxi-ribon nu-clee-ic) acid. I want you to know that the baby isn’t swimming around in alphabet soup. However you are sort of right because each person does have a total of 46 chromosomes to make up their personal DNA. These 46 chromosomes are what carry our hereditary information from one generation to the next.” I hear what she is saying, but I don’t know what ‘hereditary’ means. I interrupt Anna, look into my camera and ask her if hereditary is like a family tree or something? I point my camera back at her, “Yes, exactly. You can also think of it as needing different ingredients to make cookies. You need bits and pieces of your dad’s family and more bits and pieces of your mother’s family. This makes me who I am and you... the special person that you are. So, no two people will ever be the same, even if they have the same parents.” Anna puts her hand on the top of my head and smiles. “Oh, like no two chocolate-chip cookies will ever look the same. Even if the cookies come from the same bowl. Right?” I say without confidence, basically asking to see if that is what she means. As we continue to talk, Anna tells me that she is an only child, and she remembers how lonely it felt not having anyone to bug or play with her. She shares stories about how she begged and pleaded her mom to have another baby or, at least adopt one. Anna seems to think I’m very blessed to have a baby join the family, even if I will be ten years older. I can only hope she is right. Before she leaves to go talk to a parent, Anna says “Oh... one more thing. I want you to know the letter X isn’t just part of the alphabet. In this case, it is part of that coding I was talking about. When there are two X’s, it is what scientists use to identify a female,” she points to herself. “A women’s egg inside her body only has half of an identity, so it’s only one X.” She turns her head and tells the waiting parent, “Oh sorry, just one moment please. I will be right with you.” Anna turns back to me, “A man’s sperm can be either a letter Y or a letter X. Remember, X means girl, and Y would mean what?” “A boy?” I ask. “Yes, exactly!” Anna smiles and stands up. “See, it’s easy like math. So LA, us ladies, are an X (from your mother’s egg) plus an X (from your father’s sperm) to equal an XX. But, Tommy over there,” she points to a boy sitting across the room, “he is an X egg plus a Y sperm to equal a boy, XY.” She gives me a nod and smile, then walks away. I say to my camera, “I love Anna. I swear she must be related to Bill Nye the Science Guy because she is so smart. I remember I once watched his show when he talked about how snowflakes and fingerprints are never the same.” Wow, that really helped me understand that we are all like snowflakes and fingerprints. That’s pretty cool! Now, I realize that the baby isn’t learning the alphabet while they’re growing. The X’s and Y’s are just a science code. I never knew that. It’s interesting how God makes us. Hummm..., maybe I’m blessed to get a baby after all. Since, my mom works part-time as our school nurse, I’m not sure I should tell anyone yet. I might decide today to ask some of my friends at recess if their mom has a cookie cooking in the oven and see what they have to say. As I talk to all the kids and none of their mom’s are pregnant, but they all have good and bad things to say about their sisters or brothers. I notice that most of my friends have one or more siblings. I’m kind of getting excited to be able to have a story to tell too someday. At second recess I fear that Addison, who has a history of being a blabber mouth, won’t keep the information a secret about my mom. I decide if they are going to hear it, the news should be from me. I stand on a big tire and gather all the kids around me, making sure they can hear what I’m about to say. “You all know my mom, Nurse Fergus. Well, just so you know she is having a baby!” I shout as loud as I can, so even kids not next to me can hear. I want to tell them for two reasons; I am hoping they will make me feel better or maybe they will talk her out of having this baby. Suddenly, a bunch of kids in my class need a Band-Aid and some say they feel sick and need to lie down in the nurse’s office. Honestly, this is crazy because half of my class is missing. The kids are silly and if they only knew that my mom isn’t even working today, instead she’s at her college class. Later in the evening, John doesn’t forget about our movie and popcorn. We sit on the couch to watch a great movie about dogs. I snuggle up close to my mom, but she is mostly paying attention to her homework. Then my mom’s cell phone rings and John pauses the movie for her. It is Principal Boyle, saying congratulations. My mom starts to shift around on the couch giving me a strange look. “Um, thank you! How did you hear the news?” Then she says, “Oh, so a bunch of kids from my daughter’s class came in wanting to see my round stomach… with a baby girl named Stephanie in it” she says with a loud voice to make sure I hear her. I tilt my head, raise my shoulders and give her a big, oops kind of smile. After she gets off the phone, she tells me, “Honey, I would have preferred to tell people of the pregnancy, especially Principal Boyle and the rest of the staff. I am not mad, I just hope you understand. However, the news is already out there and there’s nothing we can do about it now.” I do feel bad about announcing her pregnancy and now I am no longer in the mood to watch any more of this movie. I give my mom and John hugs and kisses and go to bed. As I lie in bed, I decide to include Stephanie in my prayers... Dear Heavenly Father, thank you for my life, my family and friends. Please watch over all of us and make sure we are safe, happy and healthy. Please keep all the bad things away from us and don’t let us have any bad dreams. Also Lord, please make sure I will like Stephanie. Amen. Chapter 4 Blended Family I’m recording my mom outside on the back patio and she looks like she’s in a painting. She and John always say how lucky I am and I see it now that I am. I haven’t paid much attention to where we live, but it’s actually really pretty and I finally see why they call this the Island in the Sky. Behind my mom is the snow covered mountain which blends into the clear, greenish-blue lake. The same lake gently laps at our bright green grass. On the right side of our yard is a view of the valley where a pair of eagle’s nest in the tallest pine trees. Normally my mom spends hours outside working in the yard, but not today. It’s late October, and she seems so relaxed, sitting at the table with the sun on her back. I watch as she sips her tea and reads the news on her cell phone. I, on the other hand, can’t sit still for longer than two seconds. My step-brother, Sky is coming to visit today from Northern California. I’m so excited to see him again! Unfortunately, he doesn’t visit very often, but I talk to him several times a month on the phone. John goes to visit him when he can. This will be my first time hanging out with him since the 4th of July. It’s going to be so awesome! It’s barely 10:00 a.m. and I’ve already asked my mom twice when John and Sky will be here. I know it won’t be until around dinner time, but I’m so excited, I can’t stand it! I run upstairs and decide to change my dress again. This time I put on my favorite shiny gold dress, some might call it a prom dress. Oh my gosh! I can’t get my hair right, it looks puffy and I want it to look really nice and perfect. I have been up since 7 a.m. and keep thinking about how cool it will be while Sky is here. It will be like a slumber party every night. He is almost twelve, so we always get to stay up super late watching movies. I can fall asleep, wake up the next morning, roll over and turn the TV back on for cartoons. We can ride scooters together, but we can’t swim since it’s too cold this time of year. I know that whatever we do will be tons of fun! I actually feel older just knowing he is coming. I say into my camera, “I cleaned my room, the movie room and our bathroom. I put out a towel and a toothbrush for him in the bathroom and I double checked his room to make sure his bed has the softest sheets and pillow cases on it. Then I put some extra blankets at the foot of his bed, with a heart shaped card I made.” I point the camera at the card reading, “Welcome Sky! We love you!” My mom walks upstairs, wanting to know what I’m doing. As soon as she sees me in my fancy gold dress she tells me, “Please take off your gold ball-gown and put on something more practical.” “Fine!” I growl and wonder if she realizes what a big deal this is to me? I put on a new outfit my Grandma Catherine bought for me last month when I was there. It is really pretty, and has a long pink shirt with chocolate-colored lace trim and leggings to match. Now for my hair, “Ugh... MOM!” I yell, “Can you help me?” I still can’t figure out what to do with it. “Mom, my hair isn’t working right!” I snarl while pulling a brush hard through my curly knots. “Will you please curl or straighten my hair before Sky gets here?” She straightens my hair and puts a little flip at the end, which is my favorite hairstyle. Normally Sky comes from the airport, but this time John drove down to Oregon to pick him up, so it’s taking longer. I impatiently ask my mom for the ninetieth time, “When will they be here? It seems to be taking FOREVER!” This time she doesn’t say anything. Instead, she picks up her cell phone, calls John, and passes me the phone. “I can’t wait anymore, where are you guys?” I demand. John says, “Well, I’ll let you ask Sky.” I suddenly feel shy and say in a very quiet voice, “Hello Sky, when will you be here?” I can hear him asking John how much longer and John answering, “Three more hours.” “REALLY?” I shout and instantly start pacing the floor while looking at the clock. It is now 5:40 p.m. that means it will be almost nine o’clock when they get home. Then I hear them laughing on the phone saying, “Just kidding, we should be there in about twenty minutes.” “Yay!” I squeal and run to hop on the couch in front of the window to wait. While I sit there I feel like years are passing while I am doing nothing but counting boring Cheerios. Since it is taking forever and waiting is totally boring. I decide it might be cooler if I am riding my scooter outside when they pull up. I quickly grab my scooter from the garage and my camera from the tripod and go over to my friend’s house, asking if they can come outside and wait for Sky with me. Shannon and Zoey, have a crush on Sky, so they rush to get their scooter’s and come outside with me. We glide in circles around the cul-de-sac for a while, but still there is no John and Sky. “It has been at least twenty minutes by now,” I say to my camera. I tell to the twins I will be right back and hurry inside the house to find out what time it is. The moment I run in the door I hear my mom yell from the kitchen, “I just got a text message from John saying, ‘Get ready!’” I fly back through the front door and stand by the driveway to wait. My friends run over with huge smiles plastered on their faces asking, “Is he coming LA? It’s such a gorgeous day, just like California. Maybe, he’ll want to stay here and marry me,” Shannon says with a silly, dreamy look on her face. My mom walks outside to wait with us and she thinks she is pretty funny. “Here they are! Oh, here they come!” she says with two cars that pass by. “Duh, I know what John’s truck looks...” I stop talking just as he actually pulls around the corner. I instantly start jumping up and down, frantically waving my hand. I look over and see my mom waving too, and decide maybe I should stop the jumping part to avoid looking too excited. Shannon and Zoey continue to jump and scream as if Justin Bieber was coming. I guess we are all super excited to see Sky again. As soon as they park, I run over to Sky’s side of the truck, eagerly waiting for him to get out. He is smiling and waving too. He slowly gets out of the truck and extends his arm over my shoulder for a slight, awkward hug and says, “Hi LA. It’s good to see you again.” Suddenly, Shannon attacks him from the other side with a gigantic hug around his waist that looks more like a baseball tackle. Sky’s eyes widen and he gasps for air. I stand back and put my hands over my mouth in shock. I can’t believe her. She is definitely not afraid of appearing overly excited to see him. All the sudden, I feel frozen and don’t know what to do now that he is finally here. I say a slow, “Hi...” in a small, meek voice and a shy smile. Glaring at Shannon I yell, “Shannon, get off of him!” Poor Sky, I could tell he didn’t know what to do about Shannon. When she does finally let go of him, Sky pretends it didn’t happen and throws the strap of his duffle bag over his shoulder. I ask him if he brought his scooter, thinking that we can go for a ride. He points to the back of the truck and says, “Yeah, sure... but I’m really hungry. Maybe we can ride our scooters another time. My dad and I were talking about having Papa and Nana meet us for pizza.” “Yessss... PIZZA!” I yell, pulling my fist to my side. I whisper to my camera, “Papa and Nana are John’s parents.” John tells Sky, “Tomorrow son, instead of scooters, I was thinking of teaching you how to drive one of the golf carts.” Sky cheerfully says, “Yeah dad, that sounds like a lot of fun!” Great, now he can drive me around the island. That will be so much fun and I can introduce him to all my friends. We will have freedom to do whatever we want... LOTS OF FREEDOM! Shannon and Zoey’s mom whistles for them to come home for dinner. They both giggle and wave good-bye and Shannon blows Sky a kiss. John shakes his head saying, “Whoa, watch out for that one huh?” as he helps Sky get everything out of the truck and into Sky’s room for the three-day weekend. When Sky walks into his room he sees my card on his bed. He picks it up and starts to read it. “Oh, that is very sweet LA. Thank you, I love you too,” he says looking up at me with a smile. Our family jumps into the cart and putters down the street to the restaurant. As we enter the parking lot, I begin to smell pepperoni and my stomach growls. I realize how hungry I am. With all the excitement I guess I forgot to eat today. We all walk in the front doors and John’s parents are already sitting at the table, waiting for us. They start waving with big smiles when they see us. They’re wonderful people with generous hearts and I’m so thankful they live close by. Sky and I order a cheese pizza to share. Everyone else splits a combo and pepperoni pizza with black olives. “Yummmm, Tapps Rock Pizza, is the best!” I say wiping sauce off my cheek. John smiles real big and says, “We have an announcement to make!” Oh no, I panic. My palms become damp and I feel my heart start to beat quicker than normal. I know what he is about to say and I standup from my seat, deciding now is a great time to do what my great grandma always used to say, “Don’t cry, go pee.” “Excuse me, I have to go the bathroom.” My mom gives me a dirty look, but I don’t want to hear the baby news again. In the distance, I can hear Papa and Nana, whooping and hollering and I’m sure the whole restaurant does too. I knew they would be excited, but I wonder what Sky is thinking about this news. I don’t cry in the bathroom after all and I decide to go back to our table. The first thing I see is Papa and Nana rubbing my mom’s tummy saying, “I love you already. We can’t wait to meet you in May!” I look over at Sky, to see he doesn’t have any color in his face and looks very confused. I touch his shoulder and say, “I know, it’s not fair huh?” John turns to Sky and asks what he thinks as he gets up to give him a hug. Sky, sits motionless in his chair, stunned. Then, his grandparents ask me if I am excited. Sky stares at me eager to hear my answer. I pause and reply slowly, “Not exactly.” For the rest of the dinner Sky and I sit quietly lost in our thoughts. When we get home, it’s about 9:30 p.m. We all hang out together in the living room watching Transformers. I only like the character Bumble Bee, but this is Sky’s favorite movie. Lucky for us, my mom is craving sweets and digs out some Halloween candy she has been saving for the little Trick or Treaters. She takes a few pieces for herself and leaves the bag out for us. Both my mom and John say goodnight giving us hugs and kisses then heads upstairs to bed. Sky and I stay up eating Lemon Heads and Kit Kats and watch the movie again. Out of nowhere he blurts out, “Jeremiah 29:11.” I’m not sure I hear him right, but I believe he named a Bible verse, that is the same one my mom loves. He starts to quote it, then I joined in... “For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.” Sky tells me he has been thinking about this verse since dinner and wants to believe that God knows what he is doing by giving his dad another baby. We talk about how having a baby will be weird, but maybe fun. Then I notice, talking to Sky is helping me feel more comfortable knowing we are going through this together. The rest of the night, we look through pictures from the last time we saw each other. We laugh at the silly pictures and how much fun we always have together. I really love Sky and I’m so glad he is my big brother. Chapter 5 Boy or Girl A few weeks later while sitting at the table for dinner, my mom and John announce, “This Wednesday is the doctor’s appointment, so you will get to sleep in a little bit.” I don’t say anything... I just continue eating my grilled chicken. When I look up I see them both staring at me. “What?” I ask. My mom takes a bite of her mashed potatoes, then turns her head slowly toward John, but her eyes are still on me. She says in a very gentle voice, “We are going to try to find out the sex of the baby at this appointment, and we thought you might enjoy seeing the baby too.” She seems to be fishing for some sort of reaction from me or something. I don’t know why they are acting like they are walking barefoot along a construction zone. I decide now will be a good time to turn my recorder on, I look into it and say, “I’m actually excited... Wednesday, not only do I get to sleep in for a doctor’s appointment that’s not for me, but I will also be able to see what my baby sister looks like, and I think that’s pretty cool!” I’m going to keep saying my prayers all day, every day for this Wednesday. Then at our appointment, I’ll pray real hard, hoping God hears my request for a baby sister! Later while I am taking a shower, I start to think about how much fun it will be to paint her little fingernails pink with glitter, snuggling up together watching all my old favorite princess cartoons and playing Barbies with her too. Oh yeah, I still have a lot of stickers and can go through them to decide which ones I want to share with her. We will have so much fun together! I rinse my hair out and write on the steamed up shower glass door, a big smiling face and two little hearts. Wow, I guess I’m starting to really look forward to her coming and hanging out with me. Since God listens to prayers, I know he will answer mine, so that means he will give me a gift of a sister. “Oh no!” I shout out loud, as a thought jumps into my head and I quickly decide I am done with my pleasant shower and turn off the water. I grab for my warm towel that is lying over the heater and I continue to wonder. ‘What if she doesn’t like me or I don’t like her? What if everyone stops loving me?’ After I finish drying off, I use my towel to wrap around my hair, put on my fluffy blue bathrobe, then run to jump into my very, very tall princess bed and start to cry. Darn, I guess I have to admit, I’m still worried that I won’t get any attention or be able to spend time with just my mom. I think about all the fun things and places we had been and I cry myself to sleep. In the morning I feel good, but still a little nervous. I look through my closet and pick out my cutest outfit, it’s a bright pink and orange skirt and a matching mini sweat shirt. I also put on a heart shape rhinestone necklace and my diva style big white brim sunglasses. I look at myself in the bathroom mirror, “Now, I really feel better!” I say, as we start to walk downstairs. My mom is standing in the kitchen making a cheese sandwich for my lunch today. Yum, that is my favorite kind of sandwich! She looks at me as I put on my brown Eskimo type boots. My mom snaps at me, “You can’t wear that summer outfit! The sun may be shining, but it is still cold outside, so please go put something else on.” She hands me my lunch bag and points upstairs with a scowl on her face. I run back upstairs to quickly put on some tights and throw on a jacket. As I walk down the stair toward the door, “There... we compromised,” I say with a huff. On days like today, when my mom works a half-day shift at my school, I walk with the twins and Addison to my class ten minutes away at Hills and Lakes Elementary. “Yuck... that dead bird is still on the side of the road, GROSS! It makes me want to puke!” I say as I turn my head to look away. I look up and realize it’s actually a nice November day with no clouds in the sky, and the sun already feels good even this early. Ummmm, I think maybe today will be a good day after all. At school, I tell my friends that I will be late on Wednesday because I’m going to see an ultrasound of my baby sister at the doctor’s office. Of course then they all start chatting about all sorts of stories from their baby brothers or sisters and how bratty they can be. These stories don’t make me feel good about having a baby join the family. The rest of the day I can’t think straight. I keep thinking about how my world will be coming to an end and nobody cares about my opinion or my feelings. How will I be able to sleep with a baby crying its head off all night next to me? I’m having very negative thoughts cross my mind like, ‘I wish God wouldn’t allow this baby to happen.’ But, what am I really asking for by even thinking that? Yikes! It would be like that bird I saw on the street! “No, of course I don’t want that!” I say out loud, I’m just so angry and now I’m crying for thinking that way. I feel so bad because this baby is already a real person, growing and has a heartbeat. Even thinking about God reversing this pregnancy would be like asking for murder. I don’t want the baby to be like that bird. I cry more because I feel so sick about that evil selfish thought. I guess I am confused, I don’t know what to do or how to think or feel about this whole baby thing. Maybe it’s normal for me to feel emotional and confused about everything, I don’t know. Finally, the bell rings and I turn my camera on and I run outside to wait for my three friends. On days when my mom is home already from work, I walk home with Shannon, Zoey, Addison and a couple of other girls from our neighborhood. As soon as I walk in the house, normally I get a snack and do my homework in the kitchen with my mom. Instead, I decide to go straight to my room and shut the door. I feel like I need some alone time. Later, my mom comes in to check on me and tells me dinner is ready. I tell her I’m not hungry and then she sits down next to me on the carpet. She looks at my homework from over my shoulder and suggests I take another look at #18. She asks how my day was and I didn’t want to tell her about my awful thought today, so I shout “I don’t know! Okay... I guess!” I then accidently blurt out, “I don’t want to be forgotten about! I’m worried you won’t love me anymore!” As I cry, she holds me close with her right arm around me and she takes my camera with her left hand. She looks into it and say, “God blessed me with one angel and He sees how wonderful and well loved you are.” She gives me back my camera and takes my hand, looking straight in my eyes, “Now He wants to bless our family with another angel for us all to love and take care of.” She continues to say, “You’re my baby no matter what, that fact will never change. No matter how old you are. You came from my tummy and I will never stop loving you. Even when I’m not happy with you, I still love you. That’s just how families are. I hope you understand that, and know you can always feel comfortable talking to me or anyone else in our family about your feelings.” She smiles and touches my cheek softly. I nod and lean my head on her shoulder. As I snuggle close, I feel like weight is lifting from me. I think, wow! I really needed to hear my mom say that! We say a prayer right then. We ask for God to watch over us all and keep us loved, safe, happy, and healthy. All of a sudden my stomach grumbles and I realize I’m really hungry and should have eaten dinner after all. My mom and I walk down the stairs holding hands. John has the table ready with mushroom chicken, green beans and a salad, plus some chicken flavor rice, yum! We always have healthy meals I guess, but they’re not always my favorite to eat; if I had a choice I’d only prefer cheesy food things. I pick at my food for a while then ask, “I ate what I wanted. Oops,” I quickly cover my mouth because I didn’t mean to say that out loud. “Um... I mean, I ate all that I can, may I be excused?” My parents excuse me from the dinner table, but tell me to clean off my plate and put it in the dishwasher. As I wash my dish, I ask John if he wants a boy or a girl? He says, “I don’t know, I guess I originally wanted a girl, since I already have Sky. I have you... so, I guess it doesn’t really matter as long as the baby is healthy.” I shrugged my shoulders and say good night to my parents. After brushing my teeth and putting on my pajamas, I plug my camera into the charger. As I lay cuddled in my blankets, I think about what John said and laugh out loud, “I guess he is right, having a healthy baby is better than having a baby with two heads or twenty toes.” In the morning I wake up to hear my alarm and turn it off. Today is the doctor’s appointment, and it is nice not to wake up early to get ready for school. I am relaxing on the couch watching some cartoons and eating a bowl of Lucky Charms. I feel happy and excited about this appointment today and can’t wait to see my little sister! My parents are cheerful and almost doing graceful ballet moves around the kitchen with each other as they make themselves a quick breakfast. When they sit down to eat with me at the table, we talk about normal stuff, like me needing to hang up my coat, sit up straight, and did I sleep well? Then we load up into John’s truck and make a quick stop at Starbucks for their coffee and a warmed up raspberry-vanilla milk for me. The whole way there, we chat about what we think we are having, but I already know. Besides, it seems like everyone else thinks that a sister will be a great addition to the family. When we arrive at the doctor’s office, I run to sit next to the fish tank... I always look forward to the beautiful fishies. John sits down next to me, puts his arm over my shoulder and kisses the top of my head. My mom checks in at the front desk, then comes to sit down next to us. She smiles real big at John and says, “I’m so excited.” I turn my head to look away from my parents and stare numbingly at the fish tank and think about how happy they are and I guess it still makes me feel almost sick to my stomach with insecurity. I love cute little babies, but I still get a bit nervous that my mom is already forgetting about me. A few minutes later a nurse comes out and calls for my mom, “Kayla! Kayla Fergus!” She motions her hand quickly to get our attention and we all stand up walking. We follow behind her through a long hallway and she points us to go into a dark little room. When she flips on the lights, I can see a monitor and a computer next to a bed, a chair and a big hanging light attached to the side of the bed, like at the dentist office. The nurse exit’s the room for a moment. When she returns, she has a stool that spins for me to sit on and a big paper towel she hands to my mom. She told my mom to undress to her bra and panties, then to wrap the towel around her and to lie on the bed. John and I step out into the hallway for a moment, while she changes. I think I’m starting to get really excited again now that I’ll be seeing the baby and tell John, “This is so awesome, huh?” He looks at me with a gigantic grin and says, “I know, and I’m glad to see you’re excited with us.” Then the doctor walks around the corner and greets us in front of the door, but I can’t understand what she said. She knocks on the door as she enters my mom’s room. As we follow her in, I quickly sit down in the chair next to my mom. This woman doctor is cute and very nice. She looks young and has a short blonde bob haircut. I bet if she was my age we’d be good friends because she has a very bubbly and happy personality. For some reason, she talks really funny and I keep giggling at her. She says, “Howdy y’all, I’m Dr. Stork. Y’all must be raring to get going? Before we start, do y’all have any questions or concerns?” John and my mom look at each other and they both say that they want to make sure the baby is healthy. I’m still laughing, “Stork... ha ha, like the bird that delivers babies.” I say reaching out my hand touch my mom’s stomach, “I want to see what she looks like! Ohh... Ohh my gosh she just kicked!” I say looking at my mom’s belly with a shock at the baby’s timing. “Wow, I think that means she’s ready.” Dr. Stork chuckles at the timing too, then looks at my mom and starts talking to her about how long she has been able to feel the baby move and asks her some other questions. I seem to have the case of the giggles because I can’t help but laugh every times the doctor says something. Suddenly the doctor looks at me and says, “Y’all must think I sound pretty silly huh? Is that why y’all keep giggling? Well, I’m from the South. Yeah, it’s my accent that gets y’all every time. I know!” She says moving her hands all over the place as she speaks with a smile. “Here, y’all can have a Christmas ornament.” She continues and opens a drawer and pulls out a stork bird holding a baby in its beak, wrapped in a blanket and hands it to me. “Well, Pumkin when we get’ta the face, I’ll be sure’ta take extra pictures for y’all. How does that sound?” Dr. Stork spins on her stool from the computer around to us with a puzzled look, “Hold on. So did y’all already have an ultrasound done recently to identify the sex of your lit’l darlin?” she asks. “Oh no, we haven’t. LA however, is feeling pretty positive, that she will be having a baby sister. We did have an ultrasound two months ago. I was eight weeks along and we listened to the heartbeat then. At that time, they determined that the development was progressing very normally, but no other ultrasounds,” my mom says turning to me with a smile. Then Dr. Stork asks us, “Well, do y’all wanta know, or do y’all want me not to say anything, if I see the sex of your lit’l darlin?” “We all definitely want to know!” My mom tells the doctor, looking straight at John and nodding her head as if to ask for reassurance that he hadn’t changed his mind or something. “Great, let’s get go’in then.” Dr. Stork says cheerfully as she stands up to turn off the lights. She asks my mom lay on her back and she moves the paper towel that’s wrapped around my mom so we can see her slightly bulging tummy. For some reason as she does this, I start to chomp on my fingernails. I’m feeling a little freaked out and nervous. I guess because, I’m not sure if she’s going to get hurt or what’s going to happen. The doctor gets out a tube of blue jelly, and asks me if I’d like to squirt some on my mom’s stomach? “Of course I would!” I say as I grab the jelly from her hand and start squeezing it real hard, like I’ve always wanted to do with my tube of toothpaste. As it splats on my mom’s skin she flinches. Dr. Stork pats my mom’s arm, “Now honey this here jelly might be a bit cold at first.” Then she starts smearing the icy blue goo around my mom’s belly and feeling for the baby with her hands. Suddenly she says, “Oh there y’all’s little sweetie.” and pulls a microphone looking thing out that’s attached to the computer and sticks it over the baby. “Wow, this is so cool!” I say leaning closer to the monitor because I can’t see anything but gray fuzz and swirls of nothing. Then suddenly we hear a loud, “Shoo-shoo-shoo–shoo-shoo-shoo-shoo…” over and over. Dr. Stork says this really quick sound is the baby’s heart beating. “I can’t believe you can hear it so clearly, can you hear it laugh or cry too?” I ask. Dr. Stork says in a serious voice, “That’s a great question! Generally, babies don’t laugh until they’re born and about three months old. Right now, your mom is twenty weeks pregnant. If y’all was more than twenty-eight weeks along and if y’all baby brother or sister wasta cry while in your mommy’s stomach, y’all could see the crying motion, but the lit’l pumpkin wouldn’t be able to make the crying sound yet.” Then she says, “I’m gonna look at all the insides and make sure the organs are all functioning and developing properly.” She turns away from the monitor and looks at me saying “Now Pumkin, make sure to keep your eyes open for a turtle with its head sticking out or a capital letter ‘M’. Okay, now make sure y’all holler out if y’all see either?” I think that sounds like a fun game, but I’m still amazed at how we can hear the heart beat and see the baby moving around. The black and white pictures on the monitor are kind of creepy because all I really see is just bones, and it’s hard to focus on anything else. After looking over the baby’s heart, lungs, brain, spine, kidneys, fingers, and toes, Dr. Stork finally says to me in a loud voice, “Well, do ya see it?” I squint hard and lean in closer to the monitor. It took me a second to figure out what she’s talking about, then... “Yes, I SEE IT!” I shouted, “I see the turtle with its head sticking out!” I ask, “Does that mean I win something?” Suddenly, the doctor, John and my mom laugh at me. “What? I don’t understand!” As I look over at John, I see him wipe away a tear that is rolling down his cheek and my mom has a big smile. They all smile and say, “It’s a boy!” Just then my stomach feels queasy and I want to puke. I burst into tears screaming, “No, this isn’t fair! NO, NO, NO... there is a mistake, this isn’t right. The baby is supposed to be a girl!” Now, all I can think about is getting out of this doctor’s office. The whole drive back I feel shut off and just want to be left alone. When my mom and John drop me off at school, I slowly crawl out of the back seat and jump out of John’s truck and I ignore them as they say their good-byes. When I walk into class everyone turns to look at me with question marks in their eyes. I don’t want to talk to anyone... so I pretend to have a toothache and lay my head down on my desk. When I get home John is working on the computer and my mom is looking up baby BOY names. I slump down at the kitchen counter to do my homework and eat dinner. I know they are talking, but I can’t seem to hear anything they are saying, it’s as if I’m in a daze or something. I decide to kiss them good night and go to bed. Tonight as I lay in my bed, I don’t feel like praying to God, I’m too disappointed. Then I start to think of Sky. If he was here he would tell me to look to the Bible when I need help. I know my pastor, mom and step-dad would say the same thing too. “Darn it, they’re right!” I mutter out loud. “Okay fine!” I say to myself as I roll over to get my Bible from my drawer and then turn my lamp on. In the front of my Bible I have a section to help me look for verses to match say... something for “Discouraged” or “Worried.” When I look up these two words, both of them are found in the book of Matthew, so I start to turn the pages. Then, I come across something I want to read more and I decide to skip looking up either emotion. Then I read very slowly a prayer my dad used to say to me a long time ago. Matthew 6:9-13 “Our Father in heaven, hallowed be your name, your kingdom come, your will be done on earth as it is in heaven. Give us today our daily bread. Forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors. And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from the evil one. Chapter 6 PARTY! PARTY! Today is Friday, the first day of Spring Break and John and Sky just walk in the door. Every March, Sky comes to spend nine days with us and we celebrate his belated birthday, since his actual birthday is in February. This year we are also going to celebrate something else... a baby shower for my mom, so that means two cakes! I rub my hands together and drool over the thought of the yummy sweet frosting. “Happy belated birthday Sky! Do you feel older?” I ask as I scan him from head to toe to see if he looks any older. “No, not really, but on my birthday I did get into my first fight... see?” He lifts up his shirt and shows me a big bruise on his right ribs. I gasp with shock at the huge dark purple mark, “Oh my gosh what happened?” “Well I started playing baseball, you know and my friend who is the smallest on the team went to catch the ball and missed. A couple of the older bigger kids started pushing him, so I tried to break it up and then we both got jumped on by like five other kids.” He told me with a very sorrowful voice. “Those guys should go to jail!” I command putting my hands to my waist. “Is your friend okay?” I wonder. “No, he has a broken nose, needed stitches over his left eye and has two broken ribs. It was really bad.” He takes a wad of clothes out of his duffle bag and shoves them into a drawer continuing, “Now, all seven of us will not get to play anymore for the entire season. I am pretty bummed about the whole thing.” I gave him a soft hug and told, “I am sorry that happened to you.” My mom walks in the room and asks with a curious look on her face, “What do you mean, what happened?” I record as Sky shows her his bruise and her eyes widen, and she demands to know what happened. He retells the same story to her, then my mom wants to know how Sky’s mother and step-father are handling the situation with the other boys. He answers, “I don’t exactly know.” John walks into the room and wants to know what is going on? My mom pulls up Sky’s shirt, points to his bruise and tells him what happened. John puts his arm around Sky and looks at me and my mother, “I know. He called and told me what had happened right afterwards.” He looks closer at the bruise and says, “This is the first I’ve seen the mark and it does look bad. I know it must have really hurt him.” My mom looks at John, with an expression of ‘So what are you going to do about it?’ “Son, you know I am very proud of you for sticking up for your friend. I am sorry that the other boys couldn’t control their actions toward you both.” John says to Sky pulling him in closer. “I know you understand that this matter may not be over between you all, but please pray about it and try to always keep your temper in check with what’s right in God’s eyes. Remember son, you don’t need to seek revenge with God on your side. He will settle all disputes at his own time and discretion.” “That’s true, so you need to keep doing the right thing and know that the punishment is for God to make.” My mom says with a reassuring smile. “On a better note, honey I am happy you’re here!” She gave him a hug, “What would you like to do for tonight? It’s your choice.” Sky’s face lights up with a smile, “Well, first can we see the new Denzel Washington movie? Afterwards, I’d just like to play some video games.” John and Sky look for the movie and find one that is playing in twenty minutes. They hurry up and pile into John’s golf cart to drive over to the theater. I wave out the door, “Bye!” Sky motions his hands toward him, “Aren’t you coming?” I look at John and he nods, so I jump in the back seat and wave goodbye to my mom. After the movie I say, “Wow, that was a really good movie, thank you John for letting me come too.” I step back into the back of our cart and put on my seat belt. “Hey LA, I got the new Call of Duty game from my mom. Do you want to watch my dad and I play when we get back?” Sky stretches his neck backwards and shouts over the humming of the engine. “Umm, sure.” I say quietly. Ugh, I hate that gross game, but I don’t want to hurt Sky’s feelings. I would rather watch Scooby Doo and play Barbies, but he doesn’t like that. Since he is only here for a short time, I guess it won’t kill me to do something he enjoys. Besides he says he want to join the Army when he grows up so he needs the practice. I don’t like the thought of him out there killing bad guys or getting shot at by them. As soon as we pull into our driveway, I’m eager to tell my mom about the movie and I run inside. “SURPRISE!” Everyone shouts as we walk in our front door. There are people popping out of the walls, behind couches and balloons everywhere in our house. It was quite the surprise for me too. I can’t believe John and my mom didn’t let me in on the secret. I could have kept it! Then I blurt out, “I bet you can’t wait to drive your new golf cart, huh?” I quickly smack my hands over my mouth “Oops!” Okay... maybe I can’t keep a secret. I quickly look over at John and my mom with an ‘I am so sorry’ face and they both gave me smirks and glaring eyes of disapproval. Sky starts jumping up and down, like the show, The Price is Right. In the summer or when I’m sick, I love to watch everyone act spastic. “No way! Really? Where is it? Can I drive it?” He exclaims as he runs to give John a hug. I’m totally jealous and hope when I turn twelve I will get a super cool powered sports cart like Sky’s. [[I Everybody follows Sky as he runs outside to look for his new cart. Sky opens up the garage door and sees it parked inside with a gigantic red bow tied around the front bumper. He jumps in the driver’s seat and begins looking around at everyone asking for the key. John pulls the key from out of his pocket and hands it over to Sky with a proud smile. John starts telling him about the lights, the off-road big tires and the fold-out seats in the back. I walk around the back of the cart recording what my new seat looks like. Then John says looking at me and Sky’s friends, “No one can sit back there for a year,” he points straight to my newly claimed back seat. Darn it! I guess that must be some rule of the island or something. I continue recording the cart, it’s really nice, it is all black paint and the seats have two white racing stripes down the middle. Sky asks, “How fast does this baby go?” John shows Sky the speedometers, “It is adjustable, so it can go anywhere from 12 – 40mph. Before you go getting too excited, I did have it adjusted to go a maximum speed of 22mph, since our limit here is 20mph.” “Oh, darn dad, it would be fun to race around in this.” Sky says with a slight hint of disappointment in his voice. “I know kiddo, but it is safer for everyone to all follow the same rules. We can take it with us when we go on vacation and we will adjust it accordingly then.” John says rustling up Sky’s hair. “Why don’t you take it for a spin now?” Then Sky took people around for rides, except for my mom. She seems uncomfortable just sitting there. Her tummy is getting really big and round. Ha ha and her boobs are getting bigger too, plus she walks really funny, like a penguin. After the scrumptious cake and everyone has left and we are all settled in for the night. Sky says to me, “I can’t believe we are going to have a baby brother soon.” I say just a second, and I run to our parent’s room to grab a magazine John, my mom and I got from the doctor’s office. As I show Sky the pictures and tell him, “Look at this page because my mom is now in her last trimester. Which means, the baby looks like a real baby now but still needs to grow more. He is only about three pounds and about 11 inches long. See...” I say pointing to the orange tinted baby in the photo. Then I keep reading “He is developing his brain for memory and speech, he can grasp with his hands and he is also growing eye lashes now.” Sky seems surprised by all the information. He says, “The pictures are amazing. I can’t figure out how they got the camera in with the baby, while it’s still in the mother’s stomach.” “Hmm, I guess I never really thought about that, but I don’t know either,” I say scratching my head. “Maybe she swallowed a camera.” “Hey, that reminds me, last month we went for another ultrasound, I wasn’t allowed to use my recorder while we were in the doctor’s office because of the machines or something. But our parents did ask for the whole thing to be burned onto a DVD for her seventh month check up,” I say pulling out the DVD, from our bookcase full of movies. We sit on our huge soft beanbags and get comfortable like we are about to watch a movie. Sky flinches the first time he sees the baby moving around and starts to shout, “No way, look at it! It’s so cute... can you believe that’s our baby brother?” He says pointing at the TV. “What’s wrong with him?” “Nothing is wrong, he is taking gulps to drink and now he has the hiccups,” I say very proud to know exactly what’s happening. I take out the ultrasound video, “So, are you going to help us decorate tomorrow morning for the shower?” I ask as I start to spin in a circle, thinking about how much fun we will have. “Cough... cough... Well, actually my dad and I are going to do some target practice with both of our grandpa’s. Afterwards, I think we are planning to do lunch together too.” Sky smiles and tosses a ball up in the air saying, “Besides, my dad told me in the truck while we were driving up, that the shower is only for girls.” “Oh yeah, of course! I didn’t even think about a shower being for ‘Girls Only’.” I giggle and say, “I guess you’re right, you might feel silly... hee hee,” throwing my hand to my waist. “Wait, have you even seen his room yet?” Sky jumps up and saying, “No, but I’ll check it out!” We run down the hallway to his room that is in between mine and the bathroom. “Do you know what it’s name will be?” “You mean, the baby? Not ‘IT’.” I say with a smirk and turning on the light switch. “No, I don’t... our parents picked out a name a few months ago, but won’t tell anyone until after he is born.” “Oh because people in our family tend to be a bit over-bearing with shoving their personal opinions down your throat. That kind of stuff does make it impossible for anyone to want to share something,” He says with a smile while touching everything in sight. Then he tosses a stuffed bear at me. I nod my head and smile, as I agree to what Sky is saying. Then I try to change the subject by comparing my arm size to a super soft, tiny blue outfit, “There is no way, he’ll be this small. I wish I knew his name, so I could start making stuff for him, but I guess I’ll just have to be surprised too.” I close the closet door and hop onto the baby’s rocking chair. “Hey, our rooms are the same color... I like that!” Sky says noticing their rooms are both a mossy green color. The baby’s room doesn’t really have much in it yet, only a crib, dresser and a chair. In the closet there are some clothes, blankets and stuffed animals. Sky yawns and says, “I am really tired, I’m going to brush my teeth and go to bed.” When Sky walks out of the room, I quickly try to remember my new verse I’ve been practicing… "By wisdom a house is built, and through understanding it is established; through knowledge its rooms are filled with rare and beautiful treasures." -Proverbs 24:3-4 Something about spending time with Sky makes me feel good and better about having a new baby come in to the family. I brush my teeth too and jump into my bed. I realize now, how my new Bible verse may represent a home and the family inside it, like me. I close my eyes and fall asleep. “Wake up, wake up... I need your help.” My mom says as she is opening my blinds and the window to let fresh air in. “Brrr! Mom, that’s way too cold, please shut the window!” I grumble pulling my covers over my head. “What do you need help with?” “Today’s the party and I made a shirt for you and bought a bunch of decorations just for YOU!” She says with a fast and cheery voice while tickling me through the thickness of the blankets. I poke my head out and see pink flower decorations. “I thought while I’m having a party downstairs, you can have a Big Sister party in the movie room. So, what do you think, do you like your shirt?” “Wow, Mom. Thank you! So you mean I get to have a party too? That is so cool! And, yes I like the shirt!” I still like Hello Kitty, besides this one has a sassy brown zebra print background and on the back she put ‘Big Sister Idol’. “Okay good because I made one for Sky too. So get up, eat breakfast and then get to decorating. By the way, you will have eight guests, well that will be all your cousins of course.” “Um, Mom,” I say with a long stretch. “I hope you didn’t make Sky’s shirt a Hello Kitty one too.” “He wouldn’t like that. No, his has a Superman logo on the front and the back it says, ‘Super Brother’, see?” She says while pulling the shirt out of a plastic white bag. I roll my eyes at the thought of seeing Sky wear the shirt. Then my mom and I walk downstairs together. I point my camera to record Sky and John loading up the new sports cart with guns and stuff they need for target shooting. Before they leave to pick up Grandpa and Papa, my mom hands Sky his shirt. “Here dear, you can wear this today in honor of the shower,” she smiles and waves good-bye to John. Sky’s face instantly becomes contorted and he holds the superman shirt limp in his hand with a look of, ‘What am I supposed to do with this?’ I giggle and wave good-bye while sitting to eat a quick bowl of Cinnamon Life cereal. When I finish, I hurry to change into my new, ‘Big Sister Idol’ shirt. I know my mom wants me to feel proud and happy about wearing it, but I don’t. I feel awkward and uncomfortable strutting around in something I am still on the fence with. However, I decide to brighten my outfit up with some leggings and my very fashionable, fluffy citrus green tutu. I love my tutu because it’s cute and my dad sent it to me last month after he came back from a trip to Brazil. Since everything here focuses around the baby, I want to wear my tutu because it makes me smile when I think of my dad. I run upstairs to the movie room and see a wrapped present on the couch for me. It’s from Sky, John and my mom. I tear off the paper and see it is three movies. Justin Bieber – Never Say Never, Tangled and the Twilight series I haven’t seen yet. I also see two big bowls, one of Cheetos and another with Jelly-Beans. “Ok, now this is going to be a real party!” I say to myself and pull out the karaoke machine and two microphones. I have so many decorations and I can put them anywhere I want. “Hmm... where should I start?” I say out loud searching the room. First, I think I’ll put up a curtain chain of mini roses for the doorway. Then, I can hang some balloons from the lamp, “Ugh, I wish someone could help me put these on the ceiling.” I sigh and decide to stick the rose curtain to the wall until someone comes to help my mom. I blow up some more balloons and hang pink paper ribbon around the door knob and TV. Ding-Dong, the doorbell rings. “I’ll get it!” I shout over the balcony and run down the stairs. It was two of my cousins, Lauren and Ryanne. I motion for them to come upstairs with me and say, “I get to have my own party upstairs, come on.” “Before you girls run off, LA look I brought something special just for your Big Sister party,” my Aunt Alissa says, leaning a box down to show me cupcakes, with pink frosting and dark pink roses on top. “LA, I know your mom got some decorations for you. Do you need me to do anything before I start helping your mom?” “Oh, no thanks, I think I’ll keep it the way I have it. Thank you! Bye!” I say turning the corner jumping in the movie room to start the party. I ask my cousins if they are ready to watch a movie? I decide to put in Tangled, since all my cousins that will be coming are younger than me. Soon everyone has arrived and some even bring gifts for Sky and myself. I was totally not expecting any of this, I’m so happy! I only go downstairs a couple of times, and when I do… oh gosh the house is packed with people and there are piles of gifts. I know my mom really wants a good baby monitor, car seat and a stroller. I’m sure with all the packages, my mom will get what she needs and much more. Back in my party land, we start dancing and singing Michael Jackson, Taylor Swift and Carrie Underwood songs. My aunt Alissa comes up to check on us twice. Other than that, this is purely a Girls Rule the 2nd Floor Zone. I think tonight I’ll ask Sky if he will help me put our videos on the Internet, so we can become famous and then the whole world can see how good we dance and hear our amazing voices. After everyone leaves, I help my mom clean up, plus clean up my own party zone. I’m so tired. When Sky comes home, he plops on a beanbag. He grabs my camera and turns it on, “So did you have fun? Ha ha ha, I think you guys are funny.” He laughs as he watches our super cool dance moves. “Funny? No, we are the, Girls of Rock! We came up with a band name and PLEASE... PLEASE... PLEASE! Put us up on YouTube, so we can be rich and famous.” Sky laughs some more and sets my camera down, “I don’t even know how to put anything onto the Internet. You’ll need to ask my dad.” “Okay, I’ll ask him later. Do you want to watch Twilight after we eat dinner?” I yawn and get up to walk slowly downstairs for some real food. Oh man, maybe I got up too fast or maybe my mom was right when she told me not to eat too many sweets. “Ouey, I feel kind of sick to my stomach.” I groan bending over and clutching my tummy. I finally make it downstairs and my mom is sitting on the couch with her feet propped up by two pillows. “Wow, what happened to you?” I say shocked to see her ankles missing and her feet super fat. “Are you okay?” “Yes, I will be fine. I guess I must have been on my feet too much today, and this late in a pregnancy women’s feet tend to swell from extra water.” She shifts around like a walrus on land. “John made a great dinner tonight. Please go wash your hands.” While I am in the bathroom, I quickly turn my head backwards and drop to the floor and throw my hands around the toilet. Yep, I got sick from eating all the junk. I wipe my face off and wash my hands again. I say to myself looking in the mirror, “I never thought I’d say this, but my mom was right.” I trudge to sit at the table and my mom gives me that look of, ‘I told you so’. I look down at my food and I don’t want to eat anything now, maybe a huge glass of water instead. I turn to Sky because he is laughing at something he found on the couch. “What are you laughing at?” I grumble just to make sure he isn’t laughing at me. “Oh, he found a shower gift from our neighbor Cookie. It’s a silly book called, Old Wives Tales to Live By, From A-Z.” My mom says as she gets up just to plop some mashed potatoes on my plate. Sky scoots the book between him and I so we can both read it. BABY: 1. Don’t make a baby laugh too much or they will stutter when they are older. 2. Don’t let a baby stand before they can sit or they will become bow-legged. 3. Don’t let a baby listen to too much music or they will go deaf. 4. Every time a baby stretches, they grow. 5. Don’t let a baby go cross-eyed or they will stay that way forever. 6. Don’t let a cat sleep with your baby because it will steal the baby’s air. 7. When a baby is born, someone in the family will die. 8. Don’t take a family photo or someone in the family will die. 9. Baby will learn to walk faster in shoes. CANCER: 1. If a baby is born with hairy toe knuckles they will not get cancer. 2. Don’t give a baby too much milk or they will get cancer. 3. If you don’t give a baby enough milk they will get cancer. 4. If you put on too much sunscreen the baby can get cancer. “Oh my gosh, I can’t read anymore. This is awful. I don’t want anyone to die or get cancer,” I say turning my head and pushing away the horrible book. Sky is drinking some milk and blows bubbles in his cup in order not to spit it out. He moves his cup and dabs his mouth with his napkin. He chuckles saying, “These are Old Wives Tales, meaning they are NOT true. For some reason, many, many years ago people once blamed certain things for both good and bad outcomes in life. Since then, they almost all have been proven as incorrect and as silly superstitions. That is why I think it’s funny because today some people might actually believe this stuff.” “Yes, there are some that are funny, but there is no way I would let a cat sleep with a newborn. It’s not like the baby can say, ‘move over, get off me or gross your fleas’ are eating me!’” John says with a look of disgust. Sky flips to the back of the book and looks up some that have a small grain of truth to them. Sky reads, “If you have heartburn during pregnancy, you will have a hairy baby. And here is another one, chicken based soups can help fight against colds.” “What about a four-leaf clover, they are supposed to bring good luck, isn’t that true?” I say, thinking back to the hours I have spent searching in the school field for one. Sky turns the pages again, “Well, let’s look it up. Okay, here it is, PLANT: Clover - In Irish tradition the Shamrock or 3-leaf Clover represents the Holy Trinity: one leaf for the Father, one for the Son and one for the Holy Spirit. When a Shamrock is found with the fourth leaf, it represents God's Grace.” Chapter 7 Ready or Not… Here He Comes As soon as I open up my eyes, all I can see is white out my window. I rub at my eyes thinking my vision is just blurry. I prop myself up and open my eyes real big. “YAY, it snowed!” I screech and throw off my blankets and jump out of bed. “Where is it? Darn, where did I put it?” I say mumbling to myself as I scourer the floor in a quick search for my bathrobe. Oh well, I think as I run to pounce on Sky to wake him up, “Look it’s snowing outside!” “What, no way... it’s way past winter,” Sky says in a froggy voice. I open up his blinds, “Look, it’s so beautiful and soft as it’s gently gliding down from the thick gray clouds.” Sky quickly sits up in his bed looking a bit nervous about the snow. “Besides TV, I’ve never seen snow or touched it.” He says leaning close to the window. “Get up and get ready!” I say shutting the door behind me. Then I run into the movie room and jump on the couch and hang over the backside and watch out the window as the snow continues to gently drop from the sky. The ground and all the trees are covered with a blanket of white. As I record the snowflakes, it seems as if they are getting bigger and bigger. John comes into the movie room and asks if I would like some hot chocolate before heading outside to play. “Yippee, I do! I do!” I say raising my hand like I was in a classroom and knew the right answer. Sky clumsily walks out of his room and downstairs with John. I follow behind them because I want to make sure John adds a lot of marshmallows to my special vanilla white-chocolate. After John is done making the hot chocolate, Sky asks if I would help him find something to wear. We set down our hot chocolate to let it cool and then race up the stairs. Since he only brought shorts, Sky is unsure about what to wear and he starts flinging his clothes high up in the air and across the room. After I watch him empty his suitcase, I say, “Why don’t you borrow some of your dad’s sweat pants?” John comes into Sky’s room prepared and hands Sky a pair of his old gray University of Washington sweat pants from college. I laugh because we can literally fit all the balloons from Sky’s birthday party, plus the baby shower inside those pants. As soon as Sky is dressed and ready, we go outside. I run ahead and quickly bend down to grab some snow to make a snowball and throw it at Sky. I have my arm cocked back and I look for him to the left and to the right. Then I turn my head back to the house and see him walking slow like he has cement blocks for feet. “Poor thing,” I say as I hold my camera on him and zoom in real close. I toss my snowball straight up in the air hollering “Are you okay?” as hold my head up to try and catch the falling chunks in my mouth. “Yeah I am good. It’s so cold out here and I think I got some ice in my shoe when I jumped off the patio and into the snow.” Just then, Sky holds out his hand to catch a few snowflakes on his gloves and after careful examination he licks them off. He starts to walk normal and says, “The snow makes everything quiet doesn’t it? I feel like I can hear every single flake land around me.” I nod, because I guess he’s right, but I’ve never thought about it. Then I record our house covered in a soft marshmallow blanket of snow and see my mom watching us from her bedroom window. “Hello mommy!” I shout as I wave and blow kisses to her. “Poor thing,” I say to Sky. “I feel bad for her because she is still recovering from her fall in late January.” “Oh really? What happened? I don’t remember?” Sky says slowly because he is concentrating on his every move while he steps onto the icy street. “She was walking up a snowy hill to push me on my sled and she fell straight on her bottom and broke some bone, called a tail bone. The doctor put her on bed rest for six weeks to heal and she had to miss a whole quarter of her college classes. Thankfully, the school has allowed her to do her work on the computer. Even though it’s been longer than six weeks and she seems to be doing better. She still is nervous to do much of anything, especially something outside.” I realize that I’ve been walking and rambling on about my mom. Then I look back at Sky, he is still slow, but becoming more confident. “Wait, wait…be careful! Oh no!” I say wincing as he starts to run to me over another icy spot in the street. He slips and falls to his knees and hits his chin. I run over the snow cover grass to avoid falling too. When I reach Sky, he is down on one knee and holding his chin with his head hanging down. “Are you okay?” I ask, but he doesn’t reply. “Here take my hand and I’ll help you off the ice,” I say reaching over to him. Sky instantly put up his left hand for me to stop and to stay away from him. Then he barks, “I’m fine.” When Sky looks up at me, I see blood running down his face from a cut on his chin. “Um, you’re bleeding, and we need to go inside,” I say in a very matter of fact tone. I help him off the icy street and onto the soft snow. When we get inside, John says, “Guess what? We need to go to the hospital.” Sky’s face turns to horror, “Am I going to need stitches?” he asks, as his face turns red and he is about to cry. “Oh son your cut doesn’t look bad, let’s clean you up and get you a Band-Aid,” John says very calmly. I, on the other hand, start to cry with worry. John tells me, “LA, I need for you to go upstairs and see if your mom needs anything.” “Okay”, I say with my voice shaking. When I go upstairs, I see my mom is dressed and walking around. “Mom, John wants me to see if you need anything?” “Hello sweetie. What is wrong downstairs? Is everything okay?” She asks as she sits down to put her shoes on. “LA, can you help me? I can’t quite bend over far enough anymore?” She says with a laugh. “Mom, Sky broke his chin and now we have to go to the hospital! It’s horrible and it’s all my fault!” I say as I use my fingers like windshield wipers to squeegee away the tears that are streaming down my cheeks. Then I pick up her shoes to start shoving her feet in, but as I wiggle hard to try getting her swollen heels inside it just doesn’t work. Finally, my mom decides to wear flip-flops instead. “Where are John and Sky now?” she asks with her finger pointing in the direction of her summer sandals. I walk to the closet and tell her, “They are downstairs in the bathroom putting a Band-Aid on Sky’s chin.” Since she is a school nurse she smiles and says, “I bet if they are putting a Band-Aid on his chin then it’s not broken. Believe me, if it was something serious, he would have called me down to help or John would have rushed us out of here.” She motions for me to sit down next to her and says, “We are going to the hospital, but not for Sky. Your baby brother is excited to meet you and wants to come while Sky is still here on Spring Break.” “What? Wow! Really? That is great, but I thought you said he wasn’t coming for another six weeks!” I say while shifting emotions to now very excited and continuing to wipe my tears away. “Wow, this is so cool, wait until I tell John and Sky, they will be so surprised!” I quickly run down the stairs yelling, “Come on! Come on, we have to go! John get your keys! Come on hurry up!” I stand fidgeting nervously with my fingers at the front door wishing they would hurry up. “Where is John?” I say to Sky as he is still looking at himself in the bathroom mirror. “He is outside warming up the truck.” Sky says without even looking at me. Then my mom looks over the balcony with a bag in her hands. “Don’t forget about me!” She says with a smile. Oh gosh, I can’t believe that I have totally forgotten that she needs help. I run back upstairs to grab her bag. Suddenly John is right behind me to help my mom down the stairs. She greets him with a small kiss. “Mom, slow down! Watch your step! Be careful!” I shout with my hands over my eyes and my fingers slightly apart so I can still see her. “Honey I will be careful, thank you. Can you grab my overnight bag right by our bedroom door?” I’m so nervous and start moving all around not sure what to do first and I definitely don’t want her to fall because of the sandals I put on her. I pick up her bag and run down the stairs behind her. I suddenly realize I better bring another memory card for my recorder and the charger. I set the bag down in the middle of the stairs and rush back up to my room and shove them into my jacket pockets. On my way back down, Sky is holding the door open for John and my mom and I see he also has my mom’s bag. Sky has a Band-Aid on his chin with a bit of blood seeping through the top and his eyes are bugging out like, ‘what should I do?’ My mom is being overly calm and John looks like he is about to run a race on stilts or something, but also trying to pretend that he is calm too. John puts a towel down on the car seat before my mom sits down, which I think is weird. Then I quickly jump in the back seat and put my seat belt on. I look over at Sky and he seems like he is still trying to figure out what is happening. He says, “Why are we going to the hospital, I don’t understand? I thought it wasn’t coming for long time.” “Well son, maybe your baby brother knows you’re leaving soon and he wants to come while you’re still here,” John says grinning at my mom. “Okay gang, these roads maybe slippery, so make sure you have your seat belt fastened. Also, I’ll be driving slowly through our neighborhood. Once we get onto the main road I’ll go a bit faster. Okay? Here we go... everyone ready?” John asks. On our way there, John calls a ka-zillion people on speaker phone. Over and over telling everyone he works with, my parents’ friends and our family that, “We are on our way to the hospital right now because Kayla’s water broke about an hour ago and she is having small contractions.” I point my camera to Sky, “Do you know what all that means?” “Nope, and I don’t think I’m ready for this... I don’t like surprises.” He says in shaky voice. Then he smiles dreamily and looks up into the air, “Well, except for my cool new cart, I loved that surprise.” John drives right to the hospital’s front door and drops us off to stay with my mom as he parks the truck. Out of nowhere, two guys wearing all blue come out to help my mom sit in a wheelchair. They wheel her to the front counter for paperwork or something, but I start to record the beautiful tropical fish in the huge tank a few feet away. “Where is Sky and Kayla?” John asks as he storms through the doors. Then he sees them and rushes over to see what is happening and I follow behind him. He puts his hand on my mom’s shoulder asking, “Are they admitting you honey?” “Yes, this is really happening today.” She says with a tear rolling down her cheek, “I’m so excited to meet him, but I know it’s way too early.” Then a couple of nurses bring us down the hall to the elevators and we go to the second floor “Birthing Unit”. They show us our room and it is big with a couch and a bunch of computer stuff. My mom asks for Sky and I, to wait outside for a second while she changes. As soon as we go into the hallway, we see John’s sister, Paris. I smile real big because she is everything I wish I could be. A singer, dancer and she even won Miss Tapps Island when she was seventeen and she got to wave in a parade. She is very tall and thin with long blonde hair and crystal blue eyes. She has big white teeth and never needs to wear makeup. I knew it was her from the moment I saw her step out of the elevator because she is always dressed so fashionable. She waves as she sees us. “Aunt Paris, how did you get here so fast?” I ask as Sky and I give her a big hug. “Oh, I was working down the street and was just standing in line to get my coffee when your dad called.” She says, sipping her coffee and pulling off her gloves. “So, where are they? I bet you two are super excited, huh?” Sky rubs his eyes saying, “Well I hurt my chin and I wasn’t expecting this to happen so soon. So I am thinking maybe my mom should come pick me up.” John pokes his head out of the door and motions with his hand for us to come in the room. We all speed-walk over, almost as if it was a race. I sit in a seat next to my mom, who is lying on the bed with a pastel night gown tied on. As I start playing with her hair, she starts to breath really bad. Her face turns bright red and I quickly pull my hand back to my lap. “I’m sorry, did that hurt? Mommy, are you ok? I’m so sorry, I’ve stopped! What’s wrong?” I ask looking at her and back at John. A nurse behind me says, “Your mom is having a hard contraction. She will be having a lot of these. You didn’t do anything wrong, it’s her body’s way of getting ready to push the baby out.” “Oh yeah of course!” I say, as I start to scan my mom up and down with my camera, looking for it to come out. My mom puts her hand out and holds on to my camera. “No more recording for the rest of today. I know we haven’t talked yet about how the baby comes out, I will, just not now,” she says being more relaxed. I stomp away from her feeling very frustrated and disappointed and tuck my recorder under all of our coats. John puts his hand on my shoulder to get my attention saying, “It is time for prayer. Sky, Paris and LA let’s hold hands with Kayla and say a prayer together for her. “Dear Heavenly Father, we are so blessed for today. Thank you for getting us to the hospital safely and we ask that you continue to bless us with a safe and healthy birth of our son. Please Lord, put your hands on the doctor’s staff that will care for Kayla and our baby. God please be with us all as the birth of your precious child enters into this world. Thank you for this gift, we love you! Amen.” John then gets comfortable into my spot and all of the sudden the room is quickly filling up with friends and family. I squeeze my way around the other side of my mom’s bed toward her head. She is sweating on her forehead now, and asks me to hand her the cup of water in between a contraction. She keeps breathing like she is really hurt but doesn’t want to say anything. She is holding onto John’s hand, I can tell she is gripping really hard and tears trickle down her face. As soon as she can relax again for a minute, she takes a drink of water. Then she starts choking and waves for everyone to get out. John says, “Okay, everyone out!” A nurse ushers us out to sit in some chairs in the waiting room just a few feet away from where my mom and John’s room is. I sit in a chair close to a different fish tank and put my head in my hands leaning over with my elbows on my knees. I think to myself how scary that was and I start to cry. My Grandma Catherine gives me a hug, saying, “Your mother will be fine, she probably just swallowed the water wrong or had an air bubble in the straw.” All of the sudden, I hear an extremely loud growling-scream coming from their room. Sky gets up and runs in the door, “Is everything ok?” He asks. John yells, “Go sit in the hall and shut the door!” Sky slams the door shut and stands still for a few seconds. Then as we are all staring at him, his eyes roll back into his head. He begins wavering back and forth and then slowly falls backwards. Papa and Nana jump out of their seats and fall to their knees next to him touching his face and chest. Nana begins to breath real quick as if she is having a contraction and starts fanning herself saying, “Oh my gosh, I think he had a heart attack!” My mom’s brother, Uncle Brian shout, “NURSE! No, I think he just fainted.” Then he and a nurse lift Sky’s limp body off the floor and set him on a bench to lie down. Another nurse comes and hands my uncle a cup of apple juice and a pink bean shaped bowl. “Does this young man have any medical conditions we need to know about?” The nurse asks looking at my Uncle Brian. I run over to them and Nana is blowing on Sky’s face saying, “No, but do you think he has a concussion from falling on his chin earlier today?” “Well, we can’t rule anything out, but no ma’am, I doubt that. I believe he may have seen something he didn’t want to in the birthing room and he simply lost consciousness,” the nurse says. I stand there in a nervous panic, and start grabbing at my finger tips picking away at my skin. My Grandma Catherine asks if I’m okay. “Yes I am, but I’m totally freaking out and I don’t know what to do. Everyone is piled around Sky and he might die and my mom keeps sounding like she is in fact dying!” “I know this must be hard for you, but everything will work out, just sit down and know we are all in the right place if something was to go wrong,” Grandma Catherine says calmly as she takes my hand to sit down next to her. I use her shirt to dry my nose and eyes, I’m trying to relax, but I hate the way my mom keeps screaming. At that moment, Sky opens his eyes and turns his head to look around. He says, “Why is everyone standing over me?” Then he pukes. My Uncle Brian holds out his hand to try and catch it in the pink bowl, but he didn’t exactly get it all. I turn and look away because the smell and seeing the vomit almost makes my stomach feel queasy too. Then, everyone is silent and they all start smiling saying to each other, “Ohhh! Ahhh! Did you hear that?” “No. What?” I listen carefully and hear a tiny high-pitch baby cry and my heart sank and my eyes well up with tears, “Is that my brother?” My uncle hands Sky a cup, then he adjusts to sit up and take sips. Sky must be annoyed because he is giving a dirty look to a nurse that is still fussing around him. She is asking him and Nana all sorts of question from her clipboard, while another nurse is taking his blood pressure and temperature. He is insisting that he is fine and he gets up and walks toward Papa. My aunt Paris says, “I’m so excited to see him. Should I knock on the door and see if we can come in?” One of the nurses walks back to her desk saying, “You can, but they may need a minute, so you might want to wait for someone to come out.” Paris sits back down, “Oh, right. I think I’ll wait for John to let us know when they are ready for us.” It seems like forever, then finally Dr. Stork walks out and says, “Well, it’s a boy!” She smiles real big and shakes both grandpas’ hands and gave hugs to me and some of my cousins. Then, like a stampede everyone runs in to meet my baby brother, except Sky. When I walk in, I see John hovering over the sink with a nurse next to him on the side of the room. He is gently putting water over the baby’s tiny body with his hand. The baby’s eyes are pinched tight and he is screaming his little head off. I think it’s cute because he looks like he is really putting up a fight, but his cry is just a little, Whaa, Whaaaa and even his flat little tongue is cute. Then a nurse dries off the baby and wraps him tightly in a white blanket with bright pink and blue stripes. She then hands him to John and the baby instantly stops crying. He proudly holds up the baby and says, “Everyone, I would like to introduce to you... Caleb Jonathan Fergus. And yes, he has all 10 fingers and toes so you don’t need to take him out of the blanket.” Sky stands by the door, not really wanting to come in, so thankfully, I get to hold him next. I sit in a chair next to my mom and John slowly sets Caleb in my cradling arms. He is all bundled up in a blanket and has on a matching blue and pink striped hat. His eyes are still closed tight and his cheeks are round and chubby. The only thing that I mutter out is, “Oh baby, I already love you so much.” I start to cry again. I get my picture taken with him then Caleb makes his rounds from person to person. I look at my mom and she asks, “Why are you crying?” “I thought you were dying! I was so worried and then Sky fainted! It’s been crazy!” I say quickly, “I can’t seem to stop crying I am just a MESS.” “What, Sky you fainted? Oh, son I’m sorry I yelled at you. Are you okay?” John walks over and gave Sky a hug. Sky looks down saying, “Oh, don’t worry about me, I’m fine. I shouldn’t have walked in. Believe me dad... I WILL NEVER do that again!” John chuckles and drags him closer to Caleb. Sky glances at Caleb briefly saying, “Wow, he is so small. I don’t want to hold him!” “Son, you won’t break him. Just sit down and I’ll hand him to you.” Sky stiffly hold his arms straight out away from his body and smiles real fake for the cameras as John puts Caleb on his arms. Sky’s face suddenly relaxes and he just stares at our baby brother saying, “He’s really cute!” Chapter 8 My Life Will Never Ever Be The Same! Shortly after Caleb was born, a nurse comes in the room and wants the baby to try to eat by nursing from my mom’s breast. “EWWW!” Sky says, making a sour face. The nurse smiles and picks Caleb up from Sky’s awkward cradling arms. While the nurse is holding Caleb and about to give him to my mom, she suddenly says, “I will be right back. I need to run some tests on your son. He is not breathing right and his color is off.” Then John rushes out of the door with her. Everyone begins talking about how they also noticed Caleb was purple, but weren’t sure if that was normal or not since he was still so new. My mom, sits straight up and begins to panic, saying in a trembling voice, “Oh my gosh! Everything happened so fast, I don’t remember anything. Except when they flopped Caleb on my stomach and I didn’t even know what it was. My mind couldn’t comprehend that I just had my baby boy. I feel so awful! I haven’t even held him or seen him yet.” After a few minutes, John comes back in the room, but without Caleb. His skin is stark white and he has a look of horror on his face. He grabs for my mom’s hand and she burst into tears, “What is it? What’s happening? Where is he?” Just say it!” She pleads. John says, “I don’t know how to say this...” Everyone gasps and leans forward as if it will make them hear better, “Caleb isn’t doing well at all. He hasn’t turned a normal pinkish tone, like new babies skin should do. He is a dark purple color and is breathing very quick and shallow.” John looks at everyone in the room and continues as he sits in a chair still holding my mom’s hand. “The nurses did observe him and they also did blood work. They have determined that his blood sugar level is extremely unbalanced and his little lungs are not fully developed, so he is struggling for his every breath.” John looks down and says to my mom, “They need to have him transported in a little baby ambulance to St. Joseph Hospital by a helicopter.” I look over at my mom, and her face is distorted with disbelief and despair. John asks, “Honey, I want to go with him... should I, or do you need me here?” My mom flings her hands up in the air, “Yes of course they should transfer him, if it means he will get the treatment he needs.” She takes John’s hand in between both of hers and says with a strong voice, “You have to go with him! I have everyone here, I will be fine.” She looks at a nurse who walks into the room with a wheelchair and asks, “Or can I go too?” “Well, we will work on your discharge paperwork now, to get the process started.” My mom flings her head back and gives her a look like, ‘you better!’ “Just so you know, in the morning when Dr. Stork examines you and if everything checks out okay for your health, you will be discharged. Then you will be on your way to see your precious baby Caleb,” the nurse says with a gentle tilt of the head and a comforting smile. My mom tries to get out of bed, but needs help from the nurse and John. She looks extremely uncomfortable as they help her into the wheelchair. Another nurse comes into the room saying, “The ambulance crew and the nurses have arrived and are preparing for departure. They need to speak with the parents of Baby Fergus.” My step dad and mom leave the room and I trail behind them with Sky. A lady in a long white lab coat extends her hand out to greet John and my mom saying, “Hello you two, I am sorry to meet you under such somber conditions. I am Kim, a Registered Nurse, and will be taking care of your baby during the transport to St. Joseph’s Hospital.” She seems very patient answering all my parent’s questions. She explains, “Since Caleb is six weeks premature, he is in respiratory distress and will need special care to keep him alive.” My mom and John say, “Thank you, we understand and we appreciate you for being very informative and helpful! Please take care of him!” R.N. Kim assures them that the transport will be fine and St. Joseph’s Hospital has a great NICU (Neonatal Intensive Care Unit) that specializes in preemies like my baby brother. She tells them that they have all the right machines necessary to help him become healthier and stronger. She carefully picks up Caleb and sets him in my mother’s arms. My aunt Paris quietly walks in the door to avoid disrupting the conversation and then she asks if she can take the first family photo? “Ready? Okay, smile,” she says and I run up to her to see the picture. Paris turns the camera around to show me, the picture is awful! My mom is sitting in the wheelchair holding Caleb, John leaning down kissing his tiny purple hands while Sky and I are standing behind them. We all have tears in our eyes and holding a flat or grimace of a smile. As I keep thinking about that picture, I try to image what my parents must be thinking. They were excited to have their baby. Now they are happy and yet completely worried that this might be the last time they will ever get to hold their tiny new son... that just joined our world. This is so sad, I think as I slump my head down and stand close to Paris. She pulls me in towards her and wraps her arms around me for a few long seconds. I look over at Caleb and the nurses have put a tube in his nose to help him to breathe air I guess, and my mom is struggling to say good-bye. She keeps crying and kissing him. Then she finally holds Caleb up in the air toward R.N. Kim and she gently lays him on his back and shuts the door of the little clear plastic transport box. John says to my mom, “Okay, we should go. Honey, I will call you as soon as we get settled in, I love you.” “Alright,” my mom squeaks out. “I love you too sweetie and thank you for going with him.” She gives John an awkward hug from the wheelchair, then she turns to me and wipes her eyes, “I know he will get the care he needs and this will all work out.” Paris rolls my mom back to her room and when Sky and I look around... everyone in the room is crying with tissue to their faces. My Grandma Catherine clutches onto me and saying, “Come on, we should let your mom get some rest. You can stay with us tonight.” My mom turns to grandpa and Grandma Catherine, “Thank you mom and dad for coming here today, I know things didn’t turn out as we had hoped, but we appreciate you allowing LA to stay with you. Before you go, can you wheel me over to the nurse’s station, so I can see if they need anything from me for the check-out paperwork?” I give a long hug and kiss to my mom telling her, “I will call you as soon as we get home. I love you.” Then, I ask Sky if he is coming too? He says, “Yeah, but I’m going to stay with Papa and Nana I guess.” He gives me a quick hug and waves good-bye. When I get into the car with Grandma Catherine and grandpa, I hear them talking about how quick everything happened. They say, “From check-in to the time Caleb was born, it had only been about three and a half hours.” They seem worried about my mom being left there all night without her husband or baby and how awful and distraught she must feel. Then they ask me, “Honey, are you hungry? Did you eat any dinner yet?” “Hmmm...” I think out loud, “Oh yeah, I am hungry. Jeez, there has been so much going on, I forgot about me.” I say to them as I feel around for my recorder, “Have you guys seen my video recorder?” I begin to panic and frantically look under the seats and through the bags in the back seat next to me, “We have to go back, I think I left it there!” “Honey, we are almost home and the weather is pretty bad, we are not going to drive back. I set a bag down hard and slam myself to the back of my seat and start crying. I feel like such a cry baby, I have cried more today than any day of my life. My grandpa says in a soft voice, “I bet it’s been an emotional day for you huh?” “Totally,” I sigh and wipe my tears away. When we pull up to my grandpa and grandma’s farm, I run to the door and wait for them to come, “Can I just use your cell phone to call mom?” I shout because they are taking soooo long getting everything out of the car and I really want to call her now.” My grandpa looks at me and says, “We are coming, just a second!” As soon as we walk in the door my grandma starts making me an egg salad sandwich with potato chips and a glass of milk. I sit at the bar watching her to see who will be first... grandpa with the phone or grandma with the food. Grandpa wins, but he is talking to my mom while I start to eat. After I am done with dinner, I quickly change into my grandma’s tent of a nightgown. She is not big, but her pajamas are long and it drags about two feet on the floor. My grandpa is still talking on the phone, so I run over and grab at the phone so he knows I want to talk to her. “Just a second sweetie I’m almost finished,” he says shooing my hand away. A few minutes later, he hands me the phone, “Okay, here you go.” “Mom! Hi, how are you? How is Caleb?” I ask. She told me that John called her and they landed at St. Joseph’s Hospital fine. They are now getting Caleb situated into his area with the nurses. “Okay great! Mom, I’m going to sleep with grandpa’s cell phone, so call me or text me later if you’re feeling lonely or if something happens. I love you so much!” I say gripping hard to the phone. Then I walk over to grandpa to give him the phone back, “Grandpa, I told my mom that I was going to sleep with your phone next to me, is that okay?” I ask with my big puppy dog eyes holding the phone close to my heart. He looks at grandma and says, “Sure, I think that will be fine, we always have grandma’s cell phone too. So yeah, that works out for us. Come here let me show you how to use it.” “I want to text her and John too, will you show me that part?” I ask eager to make sure I know what I am doing. Right then, the door bell rang and my Grandma Catherine asks, “Who is it?” “It’s Sky,” he shouts through the door. When he walks in the door he says, “I drove my cart over to drop off LA’s recorder that we found with our jackets. Plus, Nana wants you guys to have some hot apple pie she made earlier today.” Sky gave me a hug and hands me my recorder. “Oh thank you,” I say holding it to my chest and swaying like it is my baby. “You’re welcome,” he looks away and talks to my grandparents. “I talked to my dad, and I guess he is going to stay at the hospital all night. He says he will have to sleep in a chair, if he’ll be able to sleep at all.” Sky looks down scuffing his feet on the floor saying, “I feel bad because my dad was crying and sounded very nervous, especially when he talked about all the machines and tubes Caleb has hooked up to him. Look,” Sky hold up his cell phone, “He sent me a text message with a picture of Caleb.” “Oh my gosh!” I gasp and smack my hands over my mouth and immediately start crying. “I don’t want him to die! What should we do?” I sob. My grandpa and grandma rush over to see the picture too and they are also upset by seeing Caleb’s naked little body with tubes and wires all over him. My grandpa lifts me up and set me on his lap like he used to do when I was a lot younger. He say, “St. Joseph’s Hospital is a great place and Caleb is in very capable hands. But ultimately, it’s up to God. What we should do is say a prayer for Caleb, the professionals in charge of his care and for your parents because they need rest now too, in order to be the best they can be.” “Grandpa, can you please say a prayer? My prayers don’t ever seem to work, I think I’ve been doing something wrong. If God does answer my prayers, it’ll be the opposite of what I want. I think He wants to prove that I am not in control,” I say with a smirk and a slight shake of my head. “Sure sweetie, will you get a pen and paper to write it down? Then you can read it any time you want,” Grandpa says while walking to the couch to sit down. I ignore him, and walk to the spare room where I always sleep and grab my camera. As I leave the room, I start recording and run back to jump on the couch next to my grandpa and say, “Okay, now I am ready.” Just then my grandma walks over and says, “Sky, I know it’s getting late. You’re welcome to stay if you can, but be sure to call your Papa and Nana and ask them.” She then starts passing out plates of the yummy apple pie with a scoop of vanilla ice cream. “No thank you, I actually already ate some and I should probably go. LA, call me later if you hear anything.” Sky says waving good-bye to us. “Okay, bye Sky. Thank you for coming over and tell your Nana she makes the best apple pie. Drive safe! We love you!” We all three yell as he shuts the door behind him. “As for you little miss, I thought I asked you to get a pen and paper to write it down?” Grandpa says with his head cocked to side looking at me with disapproval. “Oh, please grandpa... I hate writing! Besides I love to hear you pray and by recording it I’ll be able to hear you anytime I want.” I plead as I gobble up the rest of my pie. “Alright, I suppose, are you ready?” He asks reaching for his Bible on the coffee table. He reaches for my hand, “I want you to know that there is NO right or wrong way to pray, you know. Sometimes having a conversation with God is the best.” Grandpa says. He turns to Proverbs 22:6 “Train a child in the way he should go and when he his old he will not turn from it.” Then signals to me to bow my head and he begins... “Dear God our Heavenly Father, thank you for our sweet treasured baby Caleb. Although you have entrusted him to our family, I know he belongs to you and I recognize that he is always in your glorious hands. Please Lord we ask for your help, as older siblings, parents, and grandparents with our weaknesses and imperfections. Give us strength and your Godly wisdom to help raise your child by your Holy Words. Provide what we lack and always keep him walking with you Lord to avoid temptation and sin in this world. Please Father, send your Holy Spirit daily to lead and guide our family. Ever assist us to grow in wisdom and stature, in grace and knowledge, in kindness, compassion and most of all LOVE toward everyone and everything. May we always be a physical body of Christ to serve you faithfully. Help us relish in joy from discoveries of your presence through a relationship with your Son, Jesus. Help us to never hold on too tightly to this child, nor neglect our responsibilities as faithful leaders in his life. Please continue to watch over our family and keep us all happy, healthy and safe from evil. We love you and thank you, we pray this in Jesus name. Amen.” “Wow, grandpa that was good. I can’t wait to tell my mom and John.” I jump up from the couch and to call my mom. I turn up the volume so when I play it back, she can hear it. I think she starts tearing up. She says, “Thank you sweetheart, I really needed to hear that now. You guys did a great job. You all mean so much to me and this really breaks my heart being here all alone. But it’s a good thing because that means John is with Caleb. Don’t worry about anything, you just get a great night sleep and call me when you wake up.” “Thank you mom, I love you and have a good night too,” I say lying on my back in my grandparents hard and stiff bed. After I end the phone call, I set the phone next to my head and bundle up all the crisp blankets around me for warmth. I begin to think about how I am officially a big sister now and I automatically smile. Then to avoid lifting the covers, I rock a few times to nudge onto my side. I suddenly hear a loud squeaking sound from the white metal bed frame… as if to squawk at me, telling me to be the best big sister ever and to set a good example for my brother. “Ha ha. Thanks bed I laugh, then I start to wonder what else I’m going to be when I grow up and I think about my mom’s favorite Bible verse, Jeremiah 29:11 and realize that God already has it all planned out for me. With confidence that God is on my side, I feel relaxed then I close my eyes and fall asleep. The next morning at 6:30 a.m. my mom calls to talk to my Grandma Catherine. She tells grandma that the nurses are almost done with her discharge paperwork and Dr. Stork should give her an exam in about an hour or so, and then hopefully, she will be released from the hospital. She then asks grandma if we could come to pick her up at 9 a.m. and bring her to see Caleb? When I hear this, I quickly throw off the nightgown and put on my dirty clothes from yesterday. As I run out of the room, I look at grandma and grandpa and they don’t seem to be in as much of a hurry as me. They are moving slow and making coffee, eggs and bacon. “Thankfully, it didn’t snow anymore so we can drive straight there... right?” I say trying to get them to realize that I am ready. “Honey, sit down and eat some breakfast. We have plenty of time. It only takes us twenty minutes to get there, so we still have about two hours,” Grandma Catherine says while she sets a plate on the table and scoots out a chair for me to sit. After I inhale my food, we clean up and get in the car to drive over to St. Francis Hospital where my mom is. As soon as we get to my mom’s room, I give my mom a big hug. I feel bad because she looks so tired. My grandparents chat with her for a bit, but she is still not able to leave. They start getting all of her stuff ready to go and my mom changes her clothes. Finally, the doctor walks into the room smiles and says, “Hey kiddo!” Then she holds up her clipboard saying, “Y’all free ta’go!” The nurses come and help my mom into a wheelchair and she complains to them about how she doesn’t need it. They insist for her to sit and be wheeled out for safety reasons. Then we all get into the car and drive to St. Joseph’s Hospital where John and Caleb are. In the car ride over, my mom tells us how she didn’t sleep all night because her and John stayed up talking and texting, in disbelief of their mixed blessing. I hold her hand and she says, “John thankfully sat next to Caleb, watching over him and in between all the hustle and bustle of the NICU, he was able to discuss Caleb’s treatment and situation with the nurses.” When we get to the hospital and start walking to the elevators, my mom seems to be intense. It’s painful to watch her walk because I can tell that she wants to go fast, but she can’t. I ask, “Do you want a wheelchair?” She gives me a dirty look like ‘leave me alone,’ so I decide to just keep walking slowly with her. When we find the NICU, my mom presses a button to ask permission to enter. Then suddenly the door opens up for us, and I start to become nervous. My mom smiles and says, “Oh my gosh, the first thing I want to do is hold Caleb and kiss his soft sweet cheeks!” Before seeing him, we have to wash our hands, put on a pair of blue rubber gloves, hair cover, face mask, and a big yellow paper shirt. I am glad that the hospital has tight security, but it is disappointing because they only allow two people to visit at a time. My grandparents and I wait peeking through the windows while watching my mom touch Caleb. She and John hug each other and they both start dripping tears down their checks. Then John comes out and gives me and my grandparents a hug. He says, “I’ll stay out so someone else can join Kayla.” “I want to go,” I say eagerly. Once I go in and see him, I cover my mouth in shock. My mom puts her arm around me and I say, “It’s really scary!” Then I reach my hand in Caleb’s clear plastic crib to touch him and I totally start to cry. I look at him and begin to count how many attachments he is hooked up to saying, “I can’t express how terrible I feel! All I see is my new infant brother holding onto his life by fourteen different wires and tubes.” Then quietly a guy nurse with the nametag of “Billy” comes up to me and asks, “Is this your baby brother?” I can only nod to answer. I’m afraid to move with all the machines everywhere. He hands me a tissue to wipe my eyes, and he points around the room. “Look... Your brother is here being a great bodyguard to all the little babies,” he says with a friendly smile. I smile back and slowly wiggle my way around my mom as she stands touching Caleb’s legs, then I start to sneak over to see all the other babies and notice they are all teeny tiny girls. I stop and stare at one baby that looks dry, wrinkly and almost a brownish color. She is by far the smallest girl in here and she is crying. I shake my head at what I am seeing. “Oh my gosh, this baby is only the size of my hand, I bet my finger is the same size as her entire leg.” I tap on her clear plastic crib as if I was at the pet store telling her, “You’re such a cute baby. I’ll pray for you and I really hope you’ll be okay!” I motion for my mom to come over and look at her. As soon as she walks over she starts to tell me not to visit the other babies. Then Caleb’s alarms suddenly start to beep and Billy rushes to Caleb’s crib. I shout, “What’s wrong... is he going to die?” I panic because if something bad is going to happen, I definitely don’t want to see it. I quickly smack my hands over my eyes and walk as fast as I can to the exit. “Ouch!” I cry as I slam right into the exit door. I uncover my eyes, but still hold them to the side of my face to avoid seeing anything. In the other room, John and my grandparents are looking at me and I can only shout, “Get me out of here!” I hug the door handle with both hands, desperate to be let out by a nurse, but they are all busy with Caleb. When the room becomes quiet, I realize that I can hear my heart racing, like I’ve been running for miles or something. I unleash my hands that are now white from my tight grip on the door handle. I can’t focus on any words that John is trying to say through the glass window. I stand still and glance over to Caleb and listen to what is happening. They don’t seem to be hysterical, so I finally decide to take a deep breath. My mom walks towards me and says, “Honey, it is ok to come over.” Then before I walk back over to Caleb, I look at John and see him mouth the words, “See, that’s what I was hearing all night. It’s very scary, I know!” Billy comes and stands next to me and tells me what he explained to John earlier. We take few steps over to my mom and he provides information about the little mask covering Caleb’s face, he said it’s called a C-Pap. This machine forces consistent pressure of airflow into Caleb’s lungs to help him breathe a certain amount of air. This positive air will keep his lungs working and will allow him to become stronger. I look at Caleb in his crib and notice he is calm and quiet. John continues to talk about the special machines and how many of the ones Caleb will be using like the C-Pap, come from a non-profit foundation called, March of Dimes. I look at my grandparents and can tell that they really want to come in to visit with Caleb too. The waiting room door opens and it is John’s parents with Sky. I wave to say hello. Then walk with my head down, as I begin to think about how sad it is that without these machines, the staff couldn’t do much to help babies like Caleb survive. I wish this never happened! I wish he could be home, tucked into his nice warm clothes and blankets, nursing and getting lots of kisses. Instead he is here, with needles poking into his feet and arms, things on his cheeks and wires on his chest, no clothes or food plus, he has a tube down his throat. I feel bad for him and all these other poor babies, they are not used to all this touching and poking, or all the constant noise, lights, and cool air. To think this is what my own baby brother’s first experience to life is like... discomfort and pain. As I slowly walk around looking at the plastic tanks, I accidently step on something and when I look down I realize it’s a foot. I quickly jerk my head up to see it’s Billy and say, “I feel broken for him. Do you think he will ever get better?” Billy redirects me away from the other babies and we stand next to Caleb. He leans his clipboard into his chest and tells me, “Like I told your parents, at some point you come to terms and realize it looks awful and ugly, but it is all to help his little body work through this difficult time. Believe it or not, your brother is the biggest and strongest one here.” He stops talking and looks at Caleb and puts his hand on his crib. Then he says, “We pray all our babies will become healthy and strong so they can all go to their loving homes soon. Everyone in this hospital unit does their part to make sure Caleb and the little ladies have everything they need. I know it may not be how you’re used to seeing a new baby, but you can do your part too... pray.” He touches the top of my head and smiles as he walks away. I say loudly, “I will for sure!” Then I see my Grandma Catherine motioning for me to come out. I look down at Caleb and rub his small doll size arm. He moves his arm, as if he is saying good-bye to me. At this moment I vow to him saying, “I will love you forever and will never let anything hurt you,” of course after you get home. When I walk out of the room, I feel almost numb. I sit down and I start to daydream and stare out the window. I realize when I grow up I want to become a nurse. I want to save babies, like Billy and everyone else here. In a way, the nurses are heroes! I envision people bowing to me and giving flowers, chocolates and fan mail, like a famous singer or something. When Sky steps out of the NICU room he says, “I decided to go home early. Papa and Nana are driving me down to meet my mother in Oregon.” “Okay, bye Sky. I wish you would stay for the rest of the week, but I understand. I hope your chin heals up quickly. I’ll miss you and I’ll be sure to record everything for you! Have a good ride home, I love you!” I say quietly, so ladies at the nurses’ station wouldn’t hear me. I gave him and Papa and Nana a hug and sat back down. Tonight when my parents and I go home, I am so exhausted and fall to sleep before my head hits my pillow. For the rest of the week my parents are by Caleb’s side every day from 9 a.m. – 9 p.m. and call before and after they leave for updates. Sometimes they would call me, and read a cute note they found from the night nurses celebrating a Caleb’s “MONDO POOP.” I know that would normally make me sick, but for some reason that news is a great achievement for Caleb. Every time I go to see Caleb, it is so amazing to see his progress changing from day to day. Two wires removed one day then the C-Pap removed another. The nurses use a super cool light thing, which is my favorite. Billy calls it a phototherapy light to help with jaundice or John-Just is what I call it. The bright blue warm light works to get rid of Caleb’s yellow skin. One day my parents are asked by the hospital to take a CPR class and I ask if I can do it too? I want to be prepared in case Caleb ever stops breathing or whatever might happen someday. After we finish taking the class, we all receive our own Infant CPR cards to put in our wallets. My card says, “Lake Ashley Payton, CPR Trained Rescuer,” and my parents say, “Cardiopulmonary Resuscitation (CPR) Certified” with their names on it and a date to say it expires in two years. I must admit that I like the looks of my card better and I can’t wait to show the twins, Addison and the rest of my friends at school. The next morning my mom says, “Good morning and Happy Easter,” as she throws a fuzzy headband on my head with big white and pink bunny ears. “Oh, yeah... that’s right, today is Easter! I totally forgot with all of our crazy weather and with everything that has been going on for the last couple of weeks with Caleb!” I say jumping out of my bed. I’ve been so worried about Caleb, I haven’t even thought about Easter. After I use the bathroom, I turn on my recorder and start walking down the hall. My eyes widen and I am excited when I see scattered colored plastic eggs everywhere. I pull out my pajama top to use like a pouch for the eggs and hold my camera in my teeth. Then when I see my Easter basket downstairs, I am so surprised! It is full of candy of course, movies and different papers and stamps. I take the candy out and start to unwrap it, but my mom calls for me to sit down and eat my breakfast first. She says, “Today Caleb is two weeks old and we are hoping to hear the good news about him possibly coming home this evening. Are you excited?” I smile and say, “YAY!! I think I’ll make him a card with my new fancy paper,” I say while trying to eat fast so I can look for a special design to make his card. Then, I stop and think, telling my mom, “You know mom... it seems weird that I love him so much now. I remember before he was born, I would cry because I didn’t want him, now he is all I think about. I am going to be prepared, in the hopes that he does get to come home today and I will proudly wear my ‘Big Sister Idol’ shirt you gave me at the baby shower!” “Wow, honey that makes me so happy to hear you talk like that. It’s amazing how God works to soften our hard hearts huh?” She says as she raises her eyebrows and leans over to give me a hug then she takes my empty plate from the table. I wipe my mouth of any crumbs and then grab my Easter basket and run up to my room. I walk straight into Caleb’s room and look through all his new clothes from the baby shower and pick an outfit for him to wear home. I hold up the outfit and record it, saying as if I was talking to Sky, “Well here it is... I finally found the softest, warmest and smallest outfit I could find. See, it is light blue with a baseball on it. I want one with a lamb, chick or bunny on it, but since he wasn’t expected to come until after Easter, we didn’t have anything, but I hope you will like the baseball, I know your dad will.” When we get to the hospital, my mom happily dresses Caleb in the outfit I picked out. “Oh my gosh,” I giggle because it is too big for him and the socks are pointless, they are so big they just slip right off. I think to myself… At least he has gotten better and is now able to wear some clothes and be free of all the wires and coldness. The nurses are talking to my parents and I hear them say, “Caleb has to pass one final test before he can leave the hospital. He will need to sit in his car seat without setting off any alarms for twenty minutes.” John and I quickly go out to the truck to get Caleb’s car seat. When we return, Caleb has two wires put on him to monitor his heart and breathing again, and I instantly start to feel nervous. Then, my mom gently sits him in the car seat while he’s still sleeping. I am so nervous and start to pick at my fingers cuticles. I sit and stare at him, listening intently for any sounds. Caleb looks funny because he is so small and kind of reminds me of a ball all crumpled up at the base of the car seat. After what seemed to be an eternity, the nurse starts taking off the wires saying, “He passed! He’s officially yours to bring home! That must be a great Easter present huh?” Then we all smile and cheer, “YAY!” Then John picks up the handle to Caleb’s car seat and we all start walking out. My mom looks at John, Caleb and I, then at the nurses and says with tears in her eyes, “Words can’t express our gratitude to all of you, that gave us and our brand new helpless son, all the time, attention, and machines he needed to fight for his life. Thanks to your loving care and prayers, it worked! Thank you all so much!” The nurses smile and some put their hands across their hearts and one even starts to cry too. Then we all exchange hugs and we finally head home with Caleb. Caleb’s car seat is in the middle section to John’s back seat and I like that I’ll always get to sit next to him. My mom decides to hop in the back seat with us too. We think it’s great because he is facing backwards in between us, so we have a perfect view of his tiny face. Even though I’m recording his every little move, I can’t stop staring at him. I laugh at my mom because she keeps fussing about his bobbling head over each bump in the road. I think it’s funny only because my bunny ears I put on over his hat keep falling off him and onto his lap. When we pull up to our driveway, I notice our yard has blue balloons wrapped around a giant bunny and a “Welcome Home Caleb!” banner stretching across our front porch. Inside our house, we have a cake on the counter matching the banner and a card with a note says, “Look in the oven.” I quickly open the oven door and see a dish with tin foil covering the top. John takes the dish out and he says right away, “Oh nice, it’s my mom’s homemade lasagna.” We all love lasagna and quickly eat a big piece for dinner. “Caleb is still asleep.” I mumble out loud, then pick up the card from grandpa and grandma saying, “I really like this card, it says, ‘John 16:33. These things I have spoken to you, that in Me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulations; but be of good cheer, I have overcome the world.’ Wow, that is like Caleb this week, huh?” “Yes, it does say a lot about what Caleb, you and our family has gone through, doesn’t it?” my mom says. I put my hands together, “Yep, the power of prayer!” Then my mom tells me it is 8:30 p.m. to hint that it’s bedtime and she wants me to get a good night’s sleep for school tomorrow. “Well, okay... goodnight everyone.” I say walking slowly over to Caleb in John’s arms and trying to find every excuse possible to stay up and watch him longer. Then, after kissing his chubby checks a hundred times and protest as much as I possibly can without actually getting into trouble, I go to bed. While in the bathroom brushing my teeth, I think about the last week and notice a pattern. He seems to cry every three hours like tonight once at five and again at eight. I’m tired, but can’t sleep and now it is almost eleven and Caleb should be waking up soon. I decide to turn back my covers, sneak out of bed. I turn on my lamp to get an extra blanket, my pillow, and Amy, my favorite stuffed animal. Then quietly I open my parent’s bedroom door and make a bed on the floor next to Caleb’s bassinet. My mom hears me and turns on her light. She gives me a look like, ‘What’s wrong?’ “He should be waking up soon right? I promise to be quiet. I just want to stay with him too!” I say while slipping Amy by Caleb’s feet. “And so it begins...” she says slowly with a gentle smile and turns off the light. I’m Going to be a WHAT!? 1. Kayla, LA’s mother has a favorite Bible verse. What is yours and why? 2. LA is going to be a big sister and is aspiring singer, dancing and now a possible a nurse. What do you want to be? 3. If you where to make a movie, what would it be about and why? What roll would you want to play in it? 4. How do you handle emotional situations? 5. What would your video diary say about you? Infant CPR Steps 1. Check the Scene - Make sure you are in a safe environment to help. Don't become another victim. 2. Check the Victim - Finger sweep in mouth making sure nothing is blocking the airway. If mouth is empty, tap on chest, tickle bottom of feet or make a loud noise to get a response. 3. Call for Help - Tell someone to call 9-1-1.If you are alone, perform 5 cycles of CPR first, then call 9-1-1. A. Airway - Tilt head back, lift chin up to open airway. B. Breathing - Take a normal breath, cover baby's entire mouth and nose with your mouth, and give a gentle breath until the chest rises. Give a second breath. Blow about 1 second per breath. If chest doesn't rise, adjust head to open airway again. C. Circulation - Pump the chest 30 times. Place two fingertips of one hand in the center of the baby’s chest. Press chest down 1 ½ inches deep at a rate of 2 – 3 pumps per seconds. Repeat A - B – C, until help arrives or the victim begins breathing. If there are two rescuers, one does the breathing and one does the compressions - CPR steps and ratios remain the same. Call 9-1-1 for any unconscious and victim that is not breathing. About the Author Lysne Nolte grew up in a small town of Lake Tapps located in the Pacific Northwest and she continues to live near her old stomping grounds. She inter-twines her own personal experience growing up, with a loose fiction of her supportive and gracious husband and their four amazing children. She is a stay at home mom and is constantly inspired to write more. Follow me on Facebook and Twitter. For more information please visit www.bigsisteridol.com