I Realized God’s Promise are in Me
	When I look in the mirror I don’t see the promises that God promised me.  I see a sistah saddened with betrayal betrayed by a world full of deception getting bonuses on my depression that was forced on me.  Constantly oppressing me to say that I am guilty for the struggle within and striving to be me when nobody cares who I am.  God keeps telling me to wake the hell up as I walk around blinded as I lie to myself.  The spirit moved me to where I was once was, feeding into a false since of me that could never be.  What I thought was the life I wanted to have, only turned into a living hell, where everybody was judging me; as I beat up on myself. 
           My sins was and is the color of my skin, I jumped before the fade was me and he game was checking it self, the good ole days where not so good for me.  Everybody’s screaming change as the depression kicks in no matter how much I scrub down I am who I am.  And I was what I was struggling to find myself I lost who I was. Tell it to the judge as I wonder where I left of and where I begin, I have to constantly check the mirror because I’m getting dogged only to wake up.   
        I had I yet when I closed my eyes-someone else walked away with the prize my blessing where there’s and my failures became my obstacles; while I struggled with the lies.  Good Luck just do you, every body says, have a good one no worries, but wake up you have to live with the reflection.  As I beg God to bring me into alignment, No weapon form against me will ever rise, as I struggle to get past the nightmares and get to the prize.  
       No weapon formed against me shall prosper I’m tired of looking at the glass half fool.  I miss my ole life the one that I was always complaining about.  I beg God to bring the strong sistah back, but I believe age and other things have taken that sistah gurls place.  I’m tired I say but as I catch my breath how can I knock what God has made.
Blame it on God because my own an sisters before me, always remind me how strong they must have been and how weak I have become.
     I complain too much because I have seen God’s amazing hand as I fast by pushing back the plate that was I believe was crippling me in the first place.  I keep coming back to the same shit just a different day.  It seems worse than when I started this shit! As I am told it’s not getting any better.
    I put myself out there for something and someone else to be told God Luck!  I’m frustrated what page was I on, you crazy, your lazy, you’re a nothing ass bitch—
As tears ran down my eyes with only a dream as my ambition how did I make the u turn to form my so-called addictions- this no weapon shall prosper I wonder most of the time am I the only one that the weapon is holding back from my own desires.
      I have experienced what my sisters in the past have I was rapped, beaten, and labeled everything but a child of God and charged for it.  God I am barely holding my head up as I wonder where my life begins because I am constantly being judged for other peoples crap.  
         Barely breathing as the world struggles to break as sistah gurl down, constantly humiliating me cause my race, gender and how I think.  As I get jacket by the man, and in tears I have to explain myself.  Where is my journey going, I am only half way to the dream, that has become a constant nightmare I thought as God never said it was going to be easy so I have to strength myself for the ride.  Someone once told me the ride was going to be bumpy as I think of it today, why the hell I got off because I hated the mess.
As I reflect and regret and look in the mirror I realize I am God’s Promise as I have to check myself.
         The good ole days where not good for me, I was handcuff and taken to jail for someone else’s beef.  As others twisted God’s words to me, only to throw them in my face; from day to day forgetting about the goal in the first place.  So why is I don’t see the promises God sent as I sit at the park bench.  He broke me to my knees as I could look at my own face.  After all this female has been through, it is as I still don’t get it.
       Don’t regret your life I keep telling myself.  Hold your head up, nobody gives a f---- The way things have to been going these have to be the beginning of the last days.  Why can’t we just love one another, and that is what I say.  
And that is what I plead my life I know the cloud of deception has to be following me.
That’s why I know God promises are in me.