A Civil Quarrel
Written by H. Jason Schulz
Copyright © 2011 H. Jason Schulz
All Rights Reserved
Smashwords Edition
 
Any individual or group who wish to produce this Scene is required to give credit to the Author (H. Jason Schulz) as the sole and exclusive author of the Scene. This obligation applies to the title page of every program distributed in connection with the Scene and in any instance that the title of the Scene appears for purposes of advertising, publicizing, or otherwise exploiting the Scene and/or production thereof. No royalties are required. Thank you.

Cast of Characters:
Boy one 
Boy two
Grandpa

Setting:
A front porch

Time:
Halloween night
Scene 1

(The scene opens with an old man sitting in a rocking chair on a front porch. Two boys dressed in Halloween costumes with bags of candy approach and sit down next to him.)

Grandpa: How’d the tricker-treatin’ go?

Boy one: It went okay.

Boy two: (Shaking his bag.) Yeah. Okay.

Boy one: Hey Grandpa, do you know any ghost stories?

Grandpa: Yep. Lots of ‘em.

Boy two: Would you tell us one?

Grandpa: I guess. What do you want to hear about?

Boy one and two: Zombies!

Grandpa: (Rocks back and forth in thought for a moment then leans toward the boys) All right. Here goes…I’d always heard about the old graveyard back when I lived in Wickenburg, ever since I was just a little buck. I never knew where it was though; your great grandma didn’t like to talk about it and your great granddad told me that it was way out past the old ranch somewheres. As near as I can remember… the zombie story goes somethin’ like this:

In…Oh…about 1870 or so, there was an old colonel from the south who moved west after the civil war. He took to prospecting around the east side of Vulture Peak. If you ever get out Wickenburg way you’re sure to see it. Now about the same time there was an old major from the north that took up prospecting on the west side of the peak. These two old war horses were without any family and soon started the war back up. Before long neither of them could do any prospecting for fear of the other. They spent their time patrolling their claims and shooting at each other. No one wanted to come anywhere’s near the peak for fear of catching a stray shot. But the town could always hear ‘em every now and then throwing bullets back and forth. Before long though, the towns folk noticed that the gun fire had stopped and they supposed that one had finally got the other so they went up to investigate. They found that both old men had died of dehydration! Can you believe that? Neither would leave his claim even to fetch a drink of water! 

Well, the town folk gathered them up and buried them in the old graveyard and legend has it that every year at sun set, on Halloween night, those two dead soldiers gets up out of their graves and start a fightin’. They punch and kick, spit and swear all night long. I guess it got so bad that the whole town just picked up and moved miles away, so as not to be bothered by them anymore. And that’s why the town of Wickenburg was moved away from Vulture Peak.
(Grandpa leans back and appears satisfied with his story)

Boy two: Is that it?

Boy one: (Sarcastically) Wow…Great story.

Grandpa: (Shifting in his chair) Keep yer shirt on…I guess you need somethin’ more detailed. That there was just a little back ground - the story of where them zombies came from and how they died and all. (Looks around to be sure that no one else is listening and leans toward the boys again) Now I’ll tell you about the time I found ‘em! (Grandpa rocks back and forth in thought) …True story mind you.

Boy two: You saw them?

Boy one: Did they try to eat your brains? (Boy one chuckles)

Grandpa: I’m gettin’ there, just listen… I was fifty years younger then and a whole lot ornerier than I am today and I had a mind to figure out if the old story was true. We’d just finished saddle breaking two young ponies earlier that week and I wanted to take ‘em out for a ride. I talked a few of my partners into going out on a camping trip with me to try to find that old graveyard. We were all young, full of juice and itching to go. We headed out on horseback the 30th of October. I knew where the old ranch was and we made it there just as it was getting’ dark. We made camp in the ruins of the old ranch house; it burned down a long time ago but the stone chimney was still a standin’.  That night we stayed up late around the fire and talked about the two old soldiers.

Boy one: Did you find the graveyard?

Boy two: What did the zombies look like?

(Throughout the monologue below, Grandpa is increasingly animated as he tells the story and is slowly leaning closer toward the boys. The boys go from casual interest to undivided attention)

Grandpa: (Slowly rocks in his chair a few times) I’m getting there…hold yer horses…The next morning we searched and searched for somethin’ that would tell us where the old graveyard was, but nothin’, nothin’ at all. We searched all day and finally went back to camp at sunset, a little let down when suddenly… (Grandpa leans toward the boys) I heard someone a yellin! I called for my friends to listen and sure enough we all heard it! There was two men just a arguin’ as hot as you please! I wheeled my mount around and started toward the ruckus but none of my partners seemed to want to go.

What are ya yellow? I asked ‘em. When I got the pony turned back around. I could tell by their faces that they were. I told them that the whole town knew that we were up here and a lookin’ for the graveyard. I said that it was probably just some of the old timers from town up here to try to scare us, now come on! This seemed to give ‘em some courage because they started to follow me. We rode a little and then we stopped to listen to the hollerin’ and then rode some more ‘til we found ‘em! We rode up behind the scrub oak and the two old soldiers didn’t notice us –on account of their arguing. We dismounted and crept up for a better look. 

The southern colonel was dressed in his grey uniform and hat. His uniform had holes in it and in places we could see clean through to the bone! The northern major was like wise dressed in his dark blue uniform, also with holes that showed his bones. They were yellin’ fit to be tied when suddenly, they drew out their pistols and pointed ‘em at each other, their trigger fingers just a itchin’ to squeeze!(Grandpa pauses and looks at the two boys)

Boy two: (Excitedly) Did they shoot?

Boy one: (Vigorously nodding his head) You gotta hit zombies in the head!

Grandpa: (Leaning back in the rocking chair and grinning) Well…I’ll tell you this, I do believe those gents might have really hurt each other if I hadn’t jumped between them to break up that fight!

(There is a long pause where the boys blankly look at the Grandpa)

Boy two: (Looking at Boy one) What?

Grandpa: (Laughs and slaps his leg.) If I hadn’t jumped between ‘em…(Grandpa laughs again and then he begins to cough uncontrollably. The boys get up and begin to walk away shaking their heads during Grandpa’s coughing fit) 

Boy one: (To boy two) That was almost scary. (Boy two shrugs his shoulders and they exit stage)

Grandpa: (Grandpa calls after them) What? That was funny! 

End of scene