What others are saying about Gifts With No Giver... I first picked up this gem of a book about a decade ago, around the time I was discovering Nirmala and his teachings in the non-dual tradition. Here Nirmala shares his beautiful experiences of Awakening through his own unique heartfelt words. Enlightened spiritual poetry not unlike other mystical offerings like Rumi, the Songs of Kabir or Lao Tzu's sayings. I continue to find fresh inspiration whenever I open these pages, and with an open heart dare to let myself be touched.–Akash, BC At a meditation retreat I was leading at Harbin Hot Springs, a participant handed me your free book of spiritual poetry, Gifts with No Giver. From the moment I opened it, my heart soared into the realms of Silence that your words invited. Tears of truth touched my soul. I have so wanted to savor each poem that I have been reading only one every few days. I love squeezing the juice out of each poem! Thank you for the depths that you have traveled inside yourself that allows your words to thrust me inward.–Peter Rengel, Retreat Leader and author of Living Life in Love and Seeds of Light If you are looking for a book of spiritual poetry to help light your spiritual path, this book will be a good choice. The subtitle of the book, A Love Affair with Truth, describes well the theme of this collection of spiritual poems. Nirmala's depth of insight is well represented. -Gloria Achterberg ****** GIFTS WITH NO GIVER a love affair with truth Poems by Nirmala Nirmala offers these poems in gratitude for the love and grace that flow through his teacher, Neelam, and in gratitude for the blessings of truth brought to this world by Ramana Maharshi and H.W.L. Poonja. In addition he would like to thank Donald Turcotte for his generous assistance in the design and production of this collection, and also Pamela Wilson for her help with editing. Thank you for downloading this free ebook. You are welcome to share it with your friends. This book may be reproduced, copied and distributed for non-commercial purposes, provided the book remains in its complete original form. If you enjoyed this book, please visit http://endless-satsang.com/free to discover other works by this author. Thanks for your support. This book and others by Nirmala are also available in print on Amazon.com. Endless Satsang Foundation http://endless-satsang.com Copyright (c) 1999 by Daniel Erway (Nirmala) Smashwords Edition For more info or to purchase Nirmala's other books on various ebook stores: http://endless-satsang.com/free To Neelam: the blue sapphire flame in my heart (Note: There is a free bonus at the end of this book of Part two of Living from the Heart by Nirmala) ****** CONTENTS POEMS About the Author Free Ebooks by Nirmala Free Bonus: Excerpt of Living from the Heart by Nirmala ****** GIFTS WITH NO GIVER your hand is always in mine your whispered endearments are my constant companion you have never turned your face from me no matter how many times I have turned from you now I vow undying love I meet you in the secret places I used to hide from you in I hold you with tenderness I used to reserve for my pain I would give you my life and my breath in an instant for you are my true love the one with no form the one who has never been anywhere, but right here in the singing of my heart ****** why fear this moment when no thoughts come at last I lie naked in the arms of experience why fear this moment when no words come at last I find rest in the lap of silence why fear this moment when love finds itself alone at last I am embraced by infinity itself why fear this moment when judgment falls away at last my defenses fail to keep intimacy at bay why fear this moment when hope is lost at last my foolish dreams are surrendered to perfection ****** I may think I feel love but it is love that feels me constantly testing the woven fibers that enclose and protect my heart with a searing flame that allows no illusion of separation and as the insubstantial fabric of my inner fortress is peeled away by the persistent fire I desperately try to save some charred remains by escaping into one more dream of passion I may think I can find love but it is love that finds me meanwhile, love becomes patient and lies in wait its undying embers gently glowing and even if I now turn and grasp after the source of warmth I end up cold and empty-handed I may think I can possess love but it is love that possesses me and finally, I am consumed for love has flared into an engulfing blaze that takes everything and gives nothing in return I may think love destroys me but it is love that sets me free ****** the past is long gone from here there is no way back how could there be the present is over too quickly for feeble desires to have any effect except to hide peace the future races ahead forever out of reach of dreamy wishes and useless plans and yet when I rest in the endless now every need is satisfied in ways never imagined ****** I have fallen in love with truth I only want to be with her I cannot stand to be apart I would gladly go to the ends of the earth or I would never again move from this spot just to be sure to inhale her fragrant perfume with my dying breath I have fallen in love with truth her every wish my command I simply must obey for she has captured my soul and taken complete control of even my innermost thoughts freeing me to find repose in her unadorned splendor I have fallen in love with truth with exquisite tenderness she shows me the perfection in my every flaw no need for pretense for she knows everything about me and yet takes me in her arms with complete abandon until only she remains ****** sunlight burns shadow cools there is no difference earth is still grass is moving there is no difference wind rustles sky is silent there is no difference spider drifts by on a silken web and I remain there is no difference ****** where is absence of desire once I dreamed there would only be bliss now I am in awe of the ordinary now I am content with longing or no longing desires do not disturb the source of all desire life and death carry on as they always have and always will only the dreamer is gone behind the flow of imagination beyond any effort to be still dancing in the ebb and flow of attention more present than the breath I find the origins of my illusions only the dreamer is gone the dream never ends ****** river of voices eternal mantra of foam meaningless words swallowed in a humming roar thoughts arise and are splashed away river of music sacred song of motion nowhere to go but downstream actions arise and are swept away river of sounds laughing and crying impossible to bring the depths to the surface emotions arise and are washed away river of silence flowing through everything peace beyond even the absence of sound nothing ever arises ****** I don't know what to say I never know what to say yet there is great power in not knowing knowing I can never know the mystery constantly deepens overwhelming my sense of what is the mystery speaks without words taking the breath away leaving no air for words in silence there is room for pain and bliss in unlimited measure ****** love is a dream that does not stop when you awaken but constantly surprises no strong emotions stirring up dust and clouding your vision love is more than it seems and has a purpose you cannot see and yet cannot hide from love is an inescapable reality that knocks you senseless takes your breath away and leaves no heart beating but its own ****** nobody is my lover I searched for her for lifetimes and finally noticed she was always at my side nothing is my heart's true desire but something used to always get in the way now emptiness fills me to overflowing as I fall into my lover's embrace I can love you or ... I can love love itself and thus love you truly letting illusion rest at last has freedom spoiled me for any other lover or is there room for the one in the infinite questions fall away in the embrace of my true love join me in her arms and rest at last I am carried like a mother holding her infant child tender, yet firm I am provided for with caring attention that anticipates every need and yet I am swallowed whole by this love ****** no longer my hand that moves no longer my voice that muses no longer my eyes that fill with tears at the simple beauty of a hazy afternoon who could contain this rapture who keeps this heart beating who could keep this heart from breaking at the loss of everything it foolishly held dear questions have lost their fascination longing has surrendered to fullness gratitude is enough even with the loss of everything foolishly held dear ****** endless traces of memory fill in empty moments stealing my peace and robbing my happiness they cannot take the real treasure beyond peace and happiness behind every memory is simple awareness of this ordinary moment a body breathing a mind making comparisons and yet something more is always present this simple moment a body still breathing mind still chasing dreams what is the something more that fills the ordinary with magic? the full recognition of what was always longed for in the heart ****** through emptiness peace is born no painful labor required an easy birth an easy life an easy death the peace flows from the depths the heart can only be broken when the object of love is gone but true love has no object through emptiness awareness is born it grows untended filling the emptiness with eyes and ears and noses and more hearts to be broken and mended broken and mended until they can no longer be broken only mended through awareness birth is ended what never ends needs no beginning love is too large for a heart to hold yet the opened heart rests in this largeness until fear is also ended knowing the heart has always been unbroken ****** no poem no song no ritual captures the simple beingness of a stone let alone a mountain of stone but let the stone write the poem let the mountain sing in your heart let the rituals fall like gentle rain to nourish the gods inside every stone and every mountain let your soul rise above the mountain above the rain above the clouds the journey home requires no effort only willingness to release your claw like grip on the familiar ground then the stone speaks unspeakable truth then the mountain fills your heart with a silent song of peace and rituals sprout wings of surrender in your soul and you arrive here ****** like a green desert life has burst forth in this empty container spilling over and moistening the parched soil no need to store the bounty the supply is endless the source is at hand the fruits of no labor within easy reach feast on this feed the deepest longing drink until thirst is a distant memory desire itself is consumed when the heart finds nourishment ****** your smile morning sun on new fallen snow melting the icy chill unveiling a blue sapphire flame in my heart burning memory into ash revealing bliss your eyes dark liquid pools of grace causing a whirlpool of emotion carrying me to the depths drowning me in joy your touch gentlest breeze passing through skin and flesh and bone healing so complete leaving no scars where once were deep wounds your form graceful flight in empty sky giving me birth naming me ruling me forever yet your only command: setting me free your voice birdsong and distant thunder inspiring quiet so vast thinking no longer finds refuge your love a rain swollen river overflowing its banks washing away all cherished possessions leaving an empty cup full of peace ****** I never knew tears could feel so good until I opened my heart and found they come from the same source as boundless laughter instead of blurring my vision they bring beauty into focus instead of burning my cheeks they wash away dusty dryness I used to hide behind let sorrow have me now for surrender has freed me to savor the bittersweet nectar that flows in measureless abundance from within ****** I bathe in holy water wash myself clean in the sacred river nothing has changed yet senses are now clear and I hear what she is saying to my heart: give me your foolish thoughts... you don't need them anymore give me your every desire... they will never fulfill you give me your deepest fears... what use have they ever been to you give me your very soul... you have always been too large for its tight confines so once again I plunge into Ganga's embrace once for my thoughts once more for my desires and a third time for my fears she has always had my soul and once again, nothing has changed.... nothing always changes ****** no deep rooted fears fear exists on the surface fear is the surface dive deeper and fear is swallowed in the depth of knowing nothing to fear in this moment even when a gun is held to your head the thing most feared has not yet happened once an event has occurred fear is too late fear has no home here where all is as it is Breathe the tranquil air and discover the fragrant serenity ****** thoughts dance their enticing moves before my entranced inner sight but the spell is broken when I wonder who is entranced memories beckon seductively with all the luster they can manage yet their shine is swallowed in the light behind my eyes there is one dancer I cannot resist her only movement is utter stillness I find no memory in her transparent gaze ****** romance is a simple mistake finding true love in the arms of one other is like capturing a waterfall in a tiny cup thirst is slightly quenched why not just step into the source romance is a beautiful distraction taking you beyond your dry concerns yet what good is an open heart with room for only one when that one is gone the heart is empty and dry and tears fall on empty ground romance is a single drop in a torrent of love why settle for one sip at a time the sweetest tasting water is deeper than the surface dive into the current and as you are swept away drink to your heart's content ****** nothing seen is wasted the sight of every eye increases the range of vision of that which sees every sight is a gem of pure perfection in the inner eyes of that which sees each viewpoint lives on forever nothing can die within that which sees look deeply into any eye beyond your reflection come face to face with that which sees abandon appearance let go of pretense you are naked and exposed before that which sees do not turn away your gaze no need to hide only love shines in the eyes of that which sees ****** all may have a mind of their own but thoughts are gifts of grace touching mind for an instant like melting snowflakes every place can be home but rest is a divine blessing when effort falls away like the setting sun the heart may burn with emptiness but love comes in waves smoothing away doubts like a tide erasing footprints in the sand ****** in the dream I always play the fool in the dream my defenses always fail in the dream my desires are never fully satisfied in the dream my heart is broken over and over wide awake I always play the fool wide awake my defenses always fail wide awake my desires are never fully satisfied wide awake my heart sings its endless joy ****** what should we do what is the purpose of life here is the endless task to do nothing well here is your purpose to be free of any purpose why do we suffer so how can we end the pain here is the source of suffering in the desire to end suffering there is no end to pain nor an end to joy within the soul of freedom ****** my longing was never deep enough to touch this empty well my effort was never great enough to move this unmovable mountain my understanding was never broad enough to contain this silent truth my dreaming was never real enough to shape this formless presence nothing is always enough when nothing is needed ****** the mystery of this simple moment cannot be spoken yet all of history occurred to arrive here the mystery of the endless terrain of self cannot be mapped out countless new frontiers are born with every breath the mystery of awakening cannot be achieved all that is needed is to notice inner eyes that never close the mystery of sweet undying love cannot be understood the heart already knows what the mind can only long for the mysteries always remain untouched by worried thought ready to welcome us home when we abandon our dreams ****** take my hand feel the vital grip that love lends to this flesh listen to my voice hear the catch in my throat of awe that can't be expressed gaze into my eyes see tears welling up as I recognize my long lost self in your smile rest in my arms find refuge in my embrace until you know you are forever safe join me now here where we have never parted ****** no word is real enough to conjure up a crumb of bread still we try to find nourishment in endless musing no thought is thick enough to cushion a fall yet we pursue idle distractions while tripping on obstacles in our path there is a silent voice behind the words there is a quiet source of every thought listen without your ears ponder without your mind rest your senses and your sense for just one moment of this stillness will sustain and uphold you forever ****** it is here in the breath it is here in the stillness between breaths it is here in the active mind it is here in the resting mind it is here in the dream's panorama it is here in each moment of awakening it is here when all is well it is here when fear has nothing left to fear even then there is pure noticing even then there is no need for doing no frantic searching can find the obvious no seeking needed to find that which seeks it is here where it can never be lost or found ****** where does willingness come from willing to do anything although nothing can be done willing to surrender everything although nothing is mine willing to be exposed although there is nothing to hide where does lovingness come from loving the flaws in us although we are perfect loving the simplicity although feelings are so complex loving you although no one is there where does gratefulness come from grateful for the laughter although the joke is on me grateful for the beauty although eyes cannot truly see grateful for the bounty although hands are forever empty ****** truth is a living being that must be nourished and fed and loved then it grows and blossoms filling the air with pure aroma making us gasp with delight truth is a friend that asks for loyalty and acceptance then it enters our hearts dissolving the boundaries freeing us from loneliness truth is a demanding lover that requires constant affection and endless gifts then it rewards us with a glimpse of indescribable beauty making us faint with satisfaction and finally truth is an empty hand that asks for and requires nothing ****** the obvious signs a playful smile absence of pretense disregard for convention respect for truth listen when they speak look where they point follow where they lead abandon hope and faith and dreams accept nothing less than all they have to give your share in the infinite is infinite come claim your birthright return to the place never left return and let the seeker rest subside in the unending peace let the seeker rest let that which you seek find you let the seeker rest the task is finished let the seeker rest let the seeker rest ****** behind closed eyes the world falls away a whirl of empty sensation with no boundary drowning thought in a silent symphony burning the body in painless effigy when eyes open again the world is cleansed only perfection remains the room is resplendent with the absence of illusion ****** grateful for grace that fills mind with visions of the invisible grateful for time that expands to embrace stillness grateful for breath that seems to require no breather grateful for gratitude that breaks the soul wide open freeing love ****** in a timeless instant before a painful idea appears in my mind an ever present softness, a gentle hand reaches into my thoughts and soothes them until they reflect only empty sky in a timeless moment before a desire burns in my heart an inexhaustible peace, a whispered silence quells the storm of fruitless wishing leaving me breathlessly still in a timeless lifetime before my story is wrenched from silence a wordless honesty, an unflinching gaze shows me my face without shadows of doubt dimming the fire within in a timeless eternity before my soul is torn from infinity a passionate tenderness, an enfolding embrace leaves me alone with the source of sweetness even closer than a kiss ****** welcome home welcome to the home never left you have always lived here will always live here this is home, forever... so stop now no effort is required even during all journeys you have always been here this is home, forever... so relax now the fire is in the hearth this inner fire is keeping you warm the storms outside cannot touch you this is home, forever... so rest now everyone loved is right here we have always lived here will always live here this is home, forever... ****** I must follow this thought all the way let the mind have its way with me but only with me not with the quiet presence the voice behind all thoughts I must feel this emotion with my whole being and as it sweeps me off my feet enjoy the sensation of falling falling endlessly into the arms of no lover I must, I must for this dream demands no less than total suspension of disbelief total surrender for the dream and the dreamer are one and the same I have never been more than a dream and the dreamer is awake ****** endless poems wait to be written while all has been said before this truth cannot be spoken and so I try again just to get a little closer to the unspeakable reality forever gently teasing just out of reach forever invisible at the edge of perception forever tranquil in the maelstrom of feelings forever present in this moment's eternity ****** it doesn't matter what I do mind judges then judges itself for judging that's just what minds do when I let it have its way it surprises me by stopping and in the vacant interlude the mind finds no grip and falls effortlessly into the deep pool of silence it never left ****** rain falls within the endless awareness the sun still shines behind the clouds loss rips at the heart of love empty peace still rests at the source of tears floods wash away the precious hillsides life rises to the surface for another breath of joy thoughts race across the mind's attention quiet still sings from the throat of nowhere pure freedom remains when all else is swallowed in the river of time ****** mind always wins every thought an artful trap leading further into dreams resistance speeds the entanglement surrender, the only option then what surprising silence entanglement becomes a tender caress dreaming dissolves in wonder mind continues the endless game jumping in to claim peace as its own creating a new identity to play with as if it could find something solid in empty space laughter, the only response then identities come and go mind plays on the surface silence enjoys it all ****** all I have ever wanted is wanting all I have ever had is having all I am is all there is and wanting and having are always here in equal measure all I have ever loved is love all I have ever loved is loving all I am is love and loving is always here in infinite measure ****** quite ordinary desires come and go come and go never needing to be fulfilled their satisfaction made irrelevant by the shining beauty of a rain soaked forest the rain washing away thoughts of something lacking what could be lacking in this explosion of life that grows in each nook and cranny of the infinite heart the moisture of love seeping down to nourish the roots of every being or dancing in streams and rivers all the way home ****** die a little with every disappointment or find what never dies and has no preferences try a little and keep illusion going or see the futility of effort and stop pushing on nothing be happy a little now and then when circumstance allows or rest in the source of happiness now, then and always believe a little that you are someone or notice there is no separate one nor any limit to being love a little with half a heart or let love have it all filling the heart to overflowing ****** the dance of emptiness goes on and on colors, shapes and forms arrayed in courtly splendor on the dance floor of infinity the patterns of the dance will hypnotize if watched too closely while the entire view ends all trances and frees the dreaming mind now join the dance its irresistible ebb and flow swallows your pride in the pure joy of moving stillness ****** this voice is inadequate to express the abundant wonder of this endless moment this body is insufficient to embrace the sweet infinity of this lover's bodiless form these eyes are unable to capture the invisible beauty of a cloudless sky and yet I sing with joy, caress the air with tenderness, allow beauty to fill my eyes with tears, and know that the love in my heart is always enough ****** truth is too simple for words before thought gets tangled up in nouns and verbs there is a wordless sound a deep breathless sigh of overwhelming relief to find the end of fiction in this ordinary yet extraordinary moment when words are recognized as words and truth is recognized as everything else ****** a quiet room empty of profound thoughts in this moment no need to uncover deep truths the chairs do not mind the silence the rug is not burdened by the lack of weighty ideas only the thought, "there must be something more" cries out in pretended anguish the chairs pay no attention the rug only lies more quietly until the pretended suffering can't help but notice there is always more that does not need to be revealed ****** laughter stops thought and fills the space behind the eyes with light such simple delight to find nothing is knowable I can only give everything to this nothing and am overjoyed to let it tear down the barricade in my chest and steal my heart ****** the room is empty except for these saddened eyes that find refuge in emptiness friends come and go lovers come and go but love itself never wavers emptiness is my refuge emptiness is my resting place everywhere I turn the end of boundaries awaits take sadness now take happiness also leave only clear vision the room is still empty except for these opened eyes that find refuge in fullness ****** early in the morning asleep in a dream only to awaken in another dream why disturb the quiet mist with imaginary forms the heart is never fulfilled with dream lovers for there is never enough of what does not satisfy so let the mist have it all I have moistened my cheeks long enough in this fog of dreaming I will not move again until my true love appears when at last the sun burns away the haze no one is there what relief. . . to find her waiting ****** mind finds a path to struggle along never reaching the goal heart knows it already rests in the path of something wonderful it cannot escape mind seeks to hold onto a still point of final understanding heart knows it is being held by an unmoving whirlwind that it will never comprehend mind tries to feel safe enough to allow love out into the open heart knows love is never cautious and cannot be kept secret once all hope of refuge is abandoned ****** simply resting from a full day of resting feeling too rested to even consider anything more simply quiet staying in the silent pauses no thought not even the idea: no thought too busy doing nothing to stop long enough to do something less ****** excitement stirs the blood yet only nothingness is ever palpable imagined pleasures always fall short compared to the simple reality this bird in the hand is worth a million in the bush sensations have their say promising satisfaction, as if they could stay long enough to fulfill endless desire yet always ending in a reverberating empty stillness this deafening calm is cherished by the core of being as the true source of infinity ****** light through a prism... a rainbow love through my heart... the spectrum of feelings revealed red anger to blue sadness yellow fear to black despair allow them back into my heart and the prism works in reverse turning the most deeply tinted pain back into pure white love ****** foolish to chase after imaginary pleasures they love to dance out of reach giving only tastes of slight satisfaction simpler to give heartfelt attention to the source of contentment and find there is never anything missing in this moment then the rising water of devotion takes the weight out of these hands and dissolves the dreamlike boundaries of desire itself ****** a world of endless contradiction sad smiles and joyous tears the heart is torn in two by feelings that never fail to pull in opposite directions torn in two by dreams that forever dance out of reach until at last the contents of the heart spill out in an endless flood of sad smiles and joyous tears that no longer have any ambivalence because of their shared source ****** words do not come there is no need for profound utterances or deep truths here is an ordinary evening why spoil it with dramatic overstatement the silence amidst the noise the gem at the core of every experience is polished by simple attention into shining magnificence ****** every taste every sensation every possible pleasure is already present in the timeless awareness that is beating my heart what use in chasing dreams that have already come true ****** who would have guessed this empty feeling in my chest is the door to eternity who could have known this longing is what I longed for how is it possible thoughts of freedom only hide freedom why don't I care about answers when questions never end who would have guessed this empty feeling in my chest could be so full ****** what kind of fire has no preference for fuel gladly burning thoughts, feelings, bodies and souls yet it is a cool flame leaving the core untouched it flares whenever I give it attention or has it always been burning this brightly ****** sleep comes in the afternoon and then wakefulness never truly returns drinking in rest like cool water cold outside does not touch it yawning does not disturb it thoughts of friends in pain can only make it more obvious here in this quiet house the totality comes out to play ****** hot sun fills the eyes to overflowing while a cooling breeze of freedom lifts sweat from the brow every experience from the past that visits now is recognized for what it has always been pure food for the dreaming oneness the banquet continues with each breath I feast now even on heartbreak and loss as they burst the limits I held so dear freeing me from resisting appetite for fear of a taste of sour fruit I also welcome the sweet dessert of quiet moments truth with no trimmings a simple meal of limitless portion every tender morsel of silence more filling than the last ****** desire pure unadulterated longing tears at the chest with such force it seems the soul might leave just to find relief sadness bittersweet taste of emptiness weighs on the shoulders like a burden too heavy to bear surrender swallowing all pride collapsing from all effort only to find rest again in the depths of pain itself why was I running from this profound silent joy ****** sweeter than any kiss the taste of eternity lingers on my lips tasting me only the slightest pause before her passion overwhelms my feigned resistance and takes everything I have to give if this lover breaks my heart there will be no pieces left ****** gratitude burns in the chest glad tears run down the cheeks strange illusion fills the eyes the hum of life thrills the ears no more sense of mine to senses the body no longer belongs to anyone leaving no one in the way of all a body can contain and all a body cannot touch wonder awes the mind inspiration raises the spirit silence soothes the doubts intuition speaks to the soul no more idea of someone with ideas knowing needs no knower freeing truth to expand into all mind can contain and all mind cannot even imagine ****** when I am held in your arms even pain is pure bliss dark thoughts of separation and lack are waves of pure pleasure unfulfilled desire is complete ecstasy thank you for never having let go ****** the truth catches up with me I am not enough never have been never will be what relief to admit this finite container can never contain infinity what joy to find infinity needs no container ****** the tears flow freely now the mind quiets and the heart breaks wide open all the hopes and dreams of a lifetime, many lifetimes gently washed away longings that have burned in the mind for ages suddenly flare up, but are quenched the dying embers of illusion gently washed away and the soul thus unburdened of pretense can barely stand to open its watery eyes sights so intense, and yet so unreal gently washed away finally, a voice that speaks the simplest of truth intermingled with sweet blissful sighs all the remaining fears and excitements gently laughed away ****** the tired wanderer loses the strength to go on and in surrendering to hopelessness is surprised to finally feel at home the hurried creek pauses in a cold, stony pool and in sudden stillness arrives at the distant ocean the frightened warrior decides "I am ready to die" and in willing abandon becomes immortal the fitful breeze fades to calm in the afternoon heat and in catching its breath is reborn as undying tradewinds the troubled philosopher finds nothing to believe in and in unexpected silence just smiles at the still unanswered questions the restless sea becomes smooth and mirrors the clouds and in ceasing all motion rejoins its own depths the saddened lover faces the loss of illusion once again and in dying to passion falls in love with love itself the weary sun sinks into the embrace of the horizon and in resting at last welcomes other shores to a new day ****** memories of true love are useless in filling empty moments for this lover never shows the same face always a new disguise keeping mind in suspense and senses alert surrender to perpetual surprise and find her waiting once again in emptiness itself ****** body is pure doing beyond doing there is mind mind is pure knowing beyond knowing there is heart heart is pure being mind is more than the brain the heart of being is infinitely more than this physical beating in the chest all resides in this heart the pulse of all life depends on its endless rhythm lifting us in moments of simple awareness beyond the limits of doing and knowing directly to the source of our most tender feelings and beyond even limitless love where all is merged in silent wonder ****** the passion for freedom swallows the source of passion if twoness could lead to oneness we would all be faithful lovers no reason to dream of love for it is already here in the waking heart find it now in the sweet infinity of this moment's eternal embrace ****** the flower can only wait for the bee to arrive yet passion appears from nowhere to play hide and seek with peace all that is gained is lost once again timeless dreams are swallowed in the yawn of an awakened sleeper yet spring rises like a phoenix from the ashes of winter all that is lost was never real is the heart big enough for the source of weeping is the heart big enough for this pure delight ****** mind plays its oldest trick sighing woe is me so lonely so lonely....being someone what's this a sweetness in the embrace of loneliness what deeper longing is being satisfied ****** I always thought you would come to me in the shape of a beautiful lover I never dreamed you would steal my heart with no shape at all I always pretended I needed arms to hold me and lips to kiss away my pain yet I find fulfillment in the embrace of empty space I always wished you would speak to me with words of tender sweetness now I know you whisper silently of your undying love I always knew I would find you although I foolishly looked with my eyes you were here all along hiding just out of sight in my heart ****** a lasting marriage when devotion has claimed you for its own no longer any chance to stray a brief fling with illusion no longer satisfies the truth demands utter fidelity with no possibility of divorce all pain must be faced and embraced as the true countenance of your beloved all fear must be met and recognized as the thrill of tasting the unknowable all joy must be surrendered and acknowledged as a gift with no giver this union only requires telling the truth even when the truth shatters your dreams even when the truth leaves you emptied out even when the truth reveals your counterfeit existence then there is no other possibility than happily ever after ****** fire may burn the wood the ashes do not mind ****** ABOUT THE AUTHOR After a lifetime of spiritual seeking, Nirmala met his teacher, Neelam, a devotee of H.W.L. Poonja (Papaji). She convinced Nirmala that seeking wasn’t necessary; and after experiencing a profound spiritual awakening in India, he began offering satsang and Nondual Spiritual Mentoring with Neelam’s blessing. This tradition of spiritual wisdom has been most profoundly disseminated by Ramana Maharshi, a revered Indian saint, who was Papaji’s teacher. Nirmala’s perspective was also profoundly expanded by his friend and teacher, Adyashanti. Nirmala offers a unique vision and a gentle, compassionate approach, which adds to this rich tradition of inquiry into the truth of Being. He is also the author of several books including Nothing Personal: Seeing Beyond the Illusion of a Separate Self. He has been offering satsang throughout the United States and Canada since 1998. Nirmala lives in Sedona, Arizona with his wife, Gina Lake. Visit Nirmala's website: http://www.endless-satsang.com For more info or to purchase Nirmala's other books on various ebook stores: http://endless-satsang.com/free About Nondual Spiritual Mentoring with Nirmala Nondual Spiritual Mentoring with Nirmala is available to support you in giving attention and awareness to the more subtle and yet more satisfying inner dimensions of your being. Whether it is for a single spiritual mentoring session or for ongoing one-to-one spiritual guidance, this is an opportunity for you to more completely orient your life towards the true source of peace, joy, and happiness, especially if there is not ongoing satsang or other support available in your location. As a spiritual teacher and spiritual mentor, Nirmala has worked with thousands of individuals and groups around the world to bring people into a direct experience of the spiritual truth of oneness beyond the illusion of separation. He especially enjoys working with individuals in one-to-one sessions because of the greater depth and intimacy possible. Mentoring sessions with Nirmala are an opportunity for open-ended inquiry. In your session, you can ask any questions, raise any concerns that are meaningful to you, or simply explore your present moment experience, which is a doorway into a deeper reality. Regular weekly, biweekly, or monthly mentoring sessions can be especially transformative. These mentoring sessions are offered either in person or over the phone and typically last an hour. You can contact Nirmala at http://endless-satsang.com/arrange-a-session.htm to arrange a time for a spiritual mentoring session. At the arranged time, Nirmala will call you if you live in the United States or Canada. If you live in another country, you must initiate the call. FREE E-BOOKS AND EXCERPTS BY NIRMALA The following e-books and book excerpts are available for free at http://endless-satsang.com/free Free Excerpt: Part Two of Living From the Heart *Note: Part Two is included in this ebook as a free bonus at the end of this list. For more info or to purchase the book on various ebook stores: http://endless-satsang.com/living A collection of teachings about the Heart, including: -Part one: From the Heart: Dropping out of Your Mind and Into Your Being: Offers simple ways to shift into a more open and accepting perspective and to experience your true nature as aware space. -Part two: The Heart's Wisdom: Points the reader back to the Heart, the truest source of wisdom. -Part three: Love Is for Giving, Not for Getting:Points to the true source of love in your own heart. It is by giving love that we are filled with love. Free Ebook: That Is That: Essays about True Nature That Is That: Essays About True Nature is a free collection of articles and answers to questions posed by spiritual seekers. It captures the essence of spiritual inquiry and provides the reader with a real transmission of Presence on every page. It is much more than an exposition about our true nature as infinite consciousness, it offers an experiential exploration of who we really are, not only through the transmission in the words, but through the many thoughtful questions it raises. Nirmala's warm-hearted and accepting presence makes it possible to drop into the space he so eloquently describes, where peace, love, and joy abide. For more info or to download this free ebook at various ebook stores: http://endless-satsang.com/that Free Excerpt: Chapter 7 of Meeting the Mystery: Exploring the Aware Presence at the Heart of All Life Download Chapter 7 for free at http://endless-satsang.com/free For more info or to purchase the book at various ebook stores: http://endless-satsang/meeting What is the source of the aliveness and awareness, which are fundamental to all life? What is the nature of desire, and how do our desires relate to suffering? How do we know what is true? What is the nature of belief, and how do our beliefs affect our ability to experience the deeper reality that is always here? And in the midst of these mysteries, how do we live our daily lives in the most satisfying and integrated way? Meeting the Mystery explores these questions and will help you discover new dimensions and possibilities in your life. This collection of articles and answers to questions posed by spiritual seekers is a springboard to ever deeper inquiry into the greatest mystery of all—Presence, which is who you really are. Free Excerpt: Part One of Nothing Personal, Seeing Beyond the Illusion of a Separate Self Download part one for free at http://endless-satsang.com/free. For more info or to purchase the book at various online ebook stores: http://endless-satsang.com/nothing In this concisely edited collection of satsang talks and dialogues, Nirmala “welcomes whatever arises within the field of experience. In the midst of this welcoming is always an invitation to inquire deeply within, to the core of who and what you are. Again and again, Nirmala points the questions back to the questioner and beyond to the very source of existence itself—to the faceless awareness that holds both the question and the questioner in a timeless embrace.” –From the Foreword by Adyashanti. “Nothing Personal is an excellent book, very clear and warm-hearted. I love it and recommend it highly. Nirmala is a genuine and authentic teacher, who points with great clarity to the simplicity and wonder of nondual presence. He invites you to ‘say yes to the mystery of every moment.’ Good stuff!”–Joan Tollifson, Advaita teacher and author of Awake in the Heartland ***** FREE BONUS SECTION: LIVING FROM THE HEART (Excerpt entitled The Heart's Wisdom) Nirmala Please note: This free bonus is part two only of the book, Living from the Heart. For more info or to purchase the book on various ebook stores: http://endless-satsang.com/free Endless Satsang Foundation This book consists of three related teachings about the Heart by Nirmala. They were previously offered as downloads on www.endless-satsang.com. The poetry is from Gifts with No Giver by Nirmala. Endless Satsang Foundation http://www.endless-satsang.com Copyright © 2008 by Daniel Erway (aka Nirmala) THE HEART'S WISDOM The truth is that which opens the Heart. The capacity to sense the truth is something we all already have. We all have a Heart that is already accurately showing us how true things are. Anything that puts you in touch with more of the truth opens the Heart. This is a literal and experiential description of truth. When your experience is bringing you more truth, there is a sense of opening, softening, relaxation, expansion, fulfillment, and satisfaction in the Heart. This can be most directly sensed in the center of the chest, but the Heart of all Being is infinite and therefore actually bigger than your entire body. So this opening, softening, and expansion is actually happening everywhere; we just sense it most clearly and directly in the center of the chest. When you encounter truth, the sense of your self opens, expands, softens, fills in, and lets go. The me, the sense of your self, is no longer felt to be so limited or small. It becomes more complete and unbounded. The boundaries soften and dissolve, and any sense of inadequacy, limitation, or deficiency is lessened or eliminated. As a side effect of being in touch with more of the truth, your mind gets quieter because you simply have less to think about. Even knowing a simple truth like where your car keys are gives you less to think about. And when you touch upon a very large truth, your mind becomes even quieter, like when you see the ocean for the first time: The truth or reality you’re viewing is so immense that, at least for a moment, your mind is stopped and becomes very quiet. In contrast, when your experience is moving into a diminished or smaller experience of the truth and of reality, the Heart contracts. The sense of your self gets tight, hard, contracted, and feels incomplete, bounded, and limited. It can feel like you are small, inadequate, or unworthy. The smallness of the truth is reflected in the smallness of the sense of your self. The result of being less in touch with the truth is that your mind gets busier as it tries to figure out what is true. Fortunately, your Being is never diminished or contracted, only the sense of your self. Just as blocking your view of the whole room by partially covering your eyes makes your sense of the room smaller without actually making the room smaller, an idea or belief that is not very true is reflected in a small sense of your self, without actually limiting or contracting your Being. This opening and closing of the Heart in response to the degree of truth you are experiencing isn’t something you need to practice or perfect. Your Heart has been accurately and perfectly showing you how true your experience has been all along. If you start to notice your Heart’s openings and closings, you’ll discover that you already have everything you need to determine what is true. The Heart is the true inner teacher, the source of inner guidance we all have as our birthright. You don’t need a spiritual teacher or spiritual books to show you what is true, just your own Heart. Exercise: Take a moment to sense your Heart. Dropping into the Heart can help you get more in touch with what is happening there. Notice if the Heart feels relatively contracted or relatively open. In either case, your Heart is working perfectly to show you the degree of truth you are experiencing in this moment. Also notice if your Heart is expanding or contracting in this moment. The movement might be subtle or a fairly gross contraction or relaxation. You may be able to notice that the Heart is always shifting in response to every thought, feeling, desire, and experience that arises in your awareness. There is no wrong way for your Heart to respond. It is always showing you the relative truth of this moment. WHAT IS THE TRUTH? Truth is what exists, what is here now. So if what exists is also what is true, then there is only truth. Whatever is present is true—but to varying degrees. Just as there is no actual substance or energy that is darkness, but just varying amounts of the energy of light or photons, there is no falsehood or untruth, only varying degrees of the truth. We are always experiencing the truth. But because we don’t experience everything in any one moment, our experience of truth is always limited. Sometimes we experience a large amount of truth—of what is actually here—and sometimes we experience only a small amount of what is actually happening, of what is true. Our Heart’s openness or lack of openness in each moment is what shows us how much of the truth is being experienced in any moment. What about ideas that are mistaken? An idea or belief that has little or no correspondence to external reality is going to be an extremely small truth, so small it may only exist in one person’s mind, like the saying: “He was a legend in his own mind.” When you experience an erroneous idea or belief, your Heart will contract appropriately to show you that it is a very small and inconsequential truth. For example, if you entertain the idea that you will never be happy unless you have ten million dollars, your Heart will contract appropriately to show you that it is just an idea. This contraction may be very quick, so quick that it doesn’t cause you any discomfort or trouble. But if you really believe this, then the sense of your self will contract for as long as that idea is held. Exercise: For just a moment, hold onto a limiting thought, such as “I will never have enough time,” and notice the response in your Heart. Does that thought allow you to relax and be, or does it require a kind of effort or contraction just to hold it? Now consider another thought that you find ridiculous because it is so untrue, such as “I will never be happy unless I become President of the United States.” Notice how it might not even be possible to hold onto this thought. It might even make you laugh. Many jokes end with a ridiculously impossible truth (e.g., “And then the dog said to its owner, ‘I guess I should have said Dimaggio instead of Ruth’) and the smallness of the truth of the punch line causes you to let go of believing in it. Laughter is a wonderful movement into a bigger perspective! Thoughts are real—they exist—but they still exist only as ideas. You could put all the thoughts ever thought into a pile, and they still wouldn’t trip anybody. They only exist as neural firings in the brain, so to focus on thoughts exclusively is to severely limit or contract your experience of reality and therefore the sense of your self. In the range of everyday experience, our ideas have varying degrees of correspondence with reality. Those that correspond more closely to reality won’t contract or limit the sense of self for as long as mistaken ones. Many ideas are of service to our ability to be at ease in the world. For example, when you need to go someplace, correct ideas about how to get there allow you to simply go there and then move on to other experiences. Ideas such as these can enhance our experience, rather than limit or contract it. An idea about where something is located is, of course, not a big truth, but it’s also not usually experienced as a limiting one. THE HEART’S CAPACITY TO SHOW YOU THE TRUTH All there is, is truth, and our Heart’s capacity to reflect the degree of truth in any experience is the way we recognize how true a particular experience is. What is this Heart? What is this sense of self that is ever present? It doesn’t relate to sensations in the physical heart or chest. It’s a more subtle sense, at times even more subtle than the physical senses, although the opening or contracting can also be experienced as relaxation and contraction in the physical body. The sense of your self, the sense that you exist, is something more intimate than your physical experience. What does it mean when you say me? What are you referring to when you say me? This simple fact that we are here, that we exist, is a very mysterious aspect of our experience. When we speak of it poetically to try to capture its essence, we call it the Heart, like when you know something in your Heart or when your Heart is touched. This sense of your self is a very alive and changing experience. At times, your sense of me is open, free-flowing, and expanded. At other times, like when a judgment arises, it feels small, inadequate, and deficient. In these moments, have you actually changed? Has your body suddenly shrunk? Much of the time this sense of me is bigger than or smaller than your physical body. How does that work? Have you ever experienced your inner child? How can your me be the size of a child when you are an adult? The sense of me, the sense of self, is shifting all the time. It’s always either opening and expanding, or contracting and tightening, similar to the ongoing expansion and contraction of our breathing. Exercise: Consider the idea that it is better to be thinner or more beautiful or younger than you are, and notice what happens to the sense of your self. Does your Heart open, soften, and expand? Does this idea allow you to simply be? Or does it tighten and restrict the flow of your experience? Then just for contrast, notice what happens to the sense of your self if you consider the idea that you are okay just the way you are. It might be challenging to consider this idea without other thoughts being triggered, such as “But I’m not really good enough!” If this happens, your Heart will show you how true this response is, not how true the original idea of okayness is. Just as an experiment, see if you can hold the idea that you’re okay just the way you are, and then notice what happens in your Heart. Does this idea allow your Heart to open, soften, and expand? Does it allow you to simply be? Or does it tighten and restrict the flow of your experience? For most, the idea of being okay just the way they are allows a greater ease and fullness to the experience of the self. The idea that it is better to be thinner, more beautiful, or younger than you are is simply a smaller truth than the idea that you are perfect the way you are. Even if you are beautiful, thin, or young, the idea that it is better to be that way can limit the sense of your self. If it’s better to be that way, can you just relax and be, or do you need to do something to stay that way? In contrast, a neutral idea that doesn’t state or imply anything about you can be experienced neutrally in your sense of self. For example, if you consider the color of the ceiling in someone else’s house, this usually won’t open or close your Heart because it’s not about you and probably doesn’t imply anything about you. The sense of your self doesn’t shift in response to neutral ideas like this. This opening and closing of the Heart is not a prescription—something you need to practice—but simply a description of what your Heart has been doing your entire life. Whatever does happen in the sense of self in any moment is entirely correct and appropriate. It’s appropriate for your Heart to close when someone is telling you a small, limiting truth; and it’s appropriate for your Heart to open when you experience a deep and profound reality. THE HEART’S QUICKNESS Your Heart is incredibly quick. It instantly knows how true something is and instantly opens or closes to that degree. It’s so fast that it never really lands anywhere. It is always either opening or closing in response to each moment. So if a thought triggers another thought, the Heart will then be reflecting the relative truth of the triggered thought, not the original one. And if this triggered thought triggers another one, then your Heart will reflect how true the latest thought is. The openness of your Heart can shift very rapidly, as rapidly as you can think another thought! I was working with a woman once who had difficulty taking time for herself. I asked her to check in her Heart to see how true it is that it is okay to take time for herself. She closed her eyes for a moment, and when I asked her what had happened, she said she felt an intense contraction. I was surprised, so I asked her to tell me exactly what had happened. She said she thought, “It’s okay to take time for myself,” and then immediately decided this would be selfish, and her Heart contracted. Her Heart was showing her how true it was that it would be selfish to take time for herself. It was no longer reflecting the truth of the idea that it is okay to take time for herself. In the quickness of our usual rapid-fire thinking, it can be tricky to determine what your Heart is actually responding to. Therefore, when checking in your Heart to see how true something is, it is helpful to slow down and take each thought or each possibility one at a time. Exercise: Take a moment to think about a situation in your life. Notice if there are any familiar or recurring thoughts about that situation. Pick one of the main ideas, beliefs, opinions, or attitudes you have about that situation or about someone or something related to it. Now just hold that thought gently in your awareness. Repeat it to yourself a few times, and as you do, notice what happens in your Heart. Does it open and soften, or is there a kind of tightness or hardness that starts to form in your awareness? Remember, either way your Heart is working perfectly to show you how true the thought is. See if you can hold that one simple thought for a moment, almost like a child completely engrossed in whatever he or she is looking at. Holding a thought for a moment gives you a clearer picture of the relative truth of that thought, as indicated by your Heart’s response while you are focusing completely on it. If your mind wanders and you find yourself having second and third thoughts, or even a whole conversation with yourself about the situation, that’s fine. Just note that the Heart has moved on along with your thoughts and is now showing you the truth of the thought you are having in this moment. THE ROLE OF JUDGMENTS Not only can an initial thought or experience trigger other thoughts, the opening or closing of your Heart can itself trigger a thought or judgment that results in the further closing of the Heart and a sense of your self as limited or small. If you are a spiritual seeker and have come to believe that it is better for your Heart to be open than closed, then a sudden contraction of the sense of your self can trigger a further judgment related to not wanting to be contracted, which closes the Heart even further. Test it for yourself: Exercise: If you hold the idea that you shouldn’t feel contracted, does your Heart open? Does that idea allow you to just be? Or does it tighten or limit the sense of your self? The idea that you shouldn’t feel contracted is a limiting idea and usually feels tight or limited because it is simply not very true. There is a certain kind of logic to this cycle of judgment, even though it results in a restricted sense of self: When the sense of your self contracts, your awareness also contracts and becomes limited, and your unawareness expands. When your field of awareness becomes smaller, the rest of reality lies outside your awareness in that moment. The logic of judgment is based on this simple effect. As a result of a judgment, you become less aware of your experience and temporarily less aware of the initial discomfort that triggered the judgment. Therefore, you get some relief from it. The logic of judgment is based on this temporary relief provided by the reduction in your awareness. However, the flaw in this logic is that now that contraction of your awareness must be maintained or you will become aware again of the initial discomfort. Maintaining a contraction is, itself, uncomfortable. Try making a tight fist and holding it for several moments. It will quickly begin to feel uncomfortable. Similarly, when you keep your awareness contracted to avoid an uncomfortable sensation, this generates even more discomfort. So when a cycle of judgment is triggered, the sense of your self and your awareness keep getting smaller as you try to avoid the ever-increasing discomfort caused by this same contraction of your sense of self and your awareness. This often continues until you are exhausted by the effort involved in maintaining vigilance against your discomfort, and you simply let go of any judgment. The good news is that whenever you are not contracting your sense of self through small truths, such as judgments, the sense of your self naturally relaxes and opens. An open, spacious sense of self is the natural resting state of your Being, just as your muscles naturally lengthen and expand in the absence of any effort to contract them. So when a cycle of judgment wears you out, there is sometimes a profound release of the small sense of self and the contraction of awareness. In light of this, it’s not surprising that many realizations and spiritual awakenings occur immediately following an extremely contracted and painful experience. More good news is that the tendency to judge is not your fault. You were taught to do it by those who raised you, who were taught by those who raised them. They did this because it was the best way they knew to manage their own discomfort. When parents are confronted with the unlimited Being of a two year-old (and we all know how big that can be), they often resort to the best means they know for giving that two year-old a more limited sense of his or her Being: judgment. We eventually learned to do this for ourselves. We learned to judge ourselves and hold limiting ideas about ourselves to get along with the people around us, especially those who clothed and fed us. Judgment is just one of the many ways we limit our experience of the truth and thereby limit our experience of our self. Other culprits are our ideas, beliefs, opinions, concepts, doubts, fears, worries, hopes, dreams, desires, and our usual knowledge. Judgment is just one of the more effective ways of limiting the sense of our self because it always implies something limiting about the self. Exercise: Make a list of some of the judgments you have about yourself, life, and other people. Pick ones that you really believe. Now read through your list several times and notice the sense you have of yourself as you do this. Does holding these judgments give you a sense of yourself as someone in particular, someone who has a very definite perspective on life? Do you feel more connected with others and with the world, or do you feel more separate and apart from the world? Even if that separate sense of self feels superior because it has the right judgments, how big or open and relaxed is your sense of self when you have these judgments? This implied someone in all of your judgments is always a small someone, someone who is limited and therefore vulnerable to something bad or who needs to feel superior or for something good to happen to feel better or even survive. The ultimate truth is that you are unlimited. Your Being can never be harmed—or benefited—by any experience. Only a smaller (less true) idea of your self can seem to be harmed or benefited. POSITIVE JUDGMENT What was said about negative judgments applies to positive judgments as well. When some experience triggers a positive judgment, the sense of our self contracts just as much as when we have a negative judgment. Test this for yourself: Exercise: Think about something you have a very strong positive judgment of, like your favorite movie or something you have done that you are very proud of. Notice what happens to the sense of your self when you have a positive thought about this. If you find yourself thinking something like, “Great! This is wonderful—wait until I tell my friends!” notice what happens to the sense of your self. You may be surprised to find that your Heart isn’t as open as it was before the positive judgment. A big truth allows you to relax and just be however you are and to change in any way that naturally happens. A positive idea about your self implies that you have to continue to be a certain way to be okay. Implied even in positive judgments is an idea of yourself as someone who is limited—someone who needs good things to happen to be okay and feel adequate. There’s nothing wrong with something good happening; it’s just that even your positive judgments are small truths that are based on a small idea of your self. Your Heart will contract just as much for a small positive truth as for a small negative truth. Fortunately, there’s nothing you need to do about a small truth beyond recognizing it’s small. Besides, even small truths can be useful. So there is no need to try to rid yourself of them, which isn’t even possible. Seeing that they are small immediately puts them in perspective. Then, when they arise, they are seen as no big deal. You might still think them, but no matter how often they arise, you recognize them as relatively unimportant. You have probably experienced this ability of a bigger truth to displace or put in perspective a smaller truth. For example, if you or someone you love is suddenly diagnosed with a life-threatening disease, what really matters becomes obvious. The truth, or reality, of a possible death makes many other truths appear small and insignificant in comparison. You don’t need to wait for a big truth to hit you over the head to put your experience in perspective. Simply notice how true each thought is. Experiences come in all different sizes. You are always moving in and out of different degrees of truth, and you are naturally able to discriminate how true each one is. You can determine how truly important something is just by noticing the content of your thought and the sense of self it results in. If it opens and relaxes the sense of your self, your Heart, then it is truly important. If it contracts or limits the sense of your self, your Heart, then it’s not. ALL TRUTH IS RELATIVE Truth is all there is. Yet our experience of truth, of reality, is always partial. Right now your field of vision is partial. You can only see what is in front of you, not what’s behind you. Similarly, your Heart is always showing you the degree of truth of the experience you are having in the moment. Your view or range of experience is always opening and closing, filling in the blanks in your experience or forgetting or ignoring parts of your experience. Whenever you focus on a particular aspect of experience, you necessarily stop noticing other aspects. As a result, any particular perspective is either smaller and more limited, larger and more complete, or roughly the same degree of completeness as another perspective. The openness of the sense of your self is always relative. Because truth is always relative, any particular truth could be experienced as an opening or a closing of your Heart. Even a small experience of the truth may be larger than the experience you were just having and therefore will be experienced as an opening or relaxation in your Heart. Similarly, even a fairly large truth can feel limiting if you move into it from an even larger, more spacious experience. For example, if you’ve lived most of your life paying attention to your thoughts and ideas, then the first time you are put in touch with your emotions will be experienced as an expansion of consciousness. It will feel like you’ve discovered a new, rich dimension of your Being. However, if you’ve had many even larger experiences of much more expanded states of Being, possibly through spiritual practices, then moving into a strong emotion like anger, sadness, or excitement may be experienced as a contraction or diminishment of the sense of your self. The same truth, the same experience of emotion, can be experienced as either an opening up in your Heart or a closing down. It just depends on where you move into the emotion from and also how open or expanded the sense of your self generally is. The difference can be slight between two experiences with similar degrees of truth or unimaginably huge. The true dimensions of your Being are limitless. You are everything, and when you directly experience this completeness, the sense of self can be equally vast and limitless. YOUR PERFECT WISDOM Your Heart is the wisest thing in the universe. The sense of your self is always perfectly and accurately showing you how true things are, how complete your perspective is in every moment. Even when your Heart is contracted because of some deeply conditioned idea you are holding, it is appropriately and accurately wise in its contraction. No one has more capacity to distinguish how true things are than anyone else. No one is wiser than you, and no one is less wise than you. Since no one else is able to experience your individual perspective, no one else can ever be more of an expert on your experience than you. Just as someone else can’t eat and digest your breakfast for you, others can’t experience and digest your perspective of the truth in each moment. If no Heart is any wiser than any other, perhaps that’s because there is just one Heart that functions through many bodies and yet is not contained in any of these particular expressions. What you are is this one Heart of Being. Since we are all equally endowed with the wisdom of the Heart, there is no need to give away our authority to another. There is nothing better than your own Heart at discriminating how true something is for you right now. In addition, the thoughts that cause contraction are not your fault. Your thoughts and beliefs were passed on to you by others, who learned them from others. If you trace each conditioned thought or reaction back to its source, you’ll discover that all limiting beliefs and ideas are shared among us all. If anyone is to blame for them, it’s all of us put together. Another way you could say this is that the whole of Being is the source of everything, even the limited ways we have of experiencing that Being. With this understanding, the possibility exists to simply trust your Heart, no matter how big or small the truth is that you are experiencing. You can trust your Heart when it opens, and you can trust it when it closes. Your Heart is the wisest and most trustworthy thing there is. In the deepest spiritual traditions, the true teacher, or satguru, is seen to be within each of us. Your true teacher is this sensitive and accurate Heart, which expands and contracts as it senses the endless folding and unfolding of life. APPLYING YOUR HEART’S WISDOM Because the Heart responds so quickly to what’s happening now. . . and now. . . and now, it’s helpful to slow down and take your experience one thought or response at a time if you wish to find out how true it is. Just as you can more fully appreciate a meal if you take each bite and savor it, the possibility exists to take time to fully sense a thought that arises. For example, let’s say you remember a disappointing experience and then the thought arises, “My life will never be good enough.” Before you rush into thinking of all the ways this is true or, alternatively, defending yourself with reasons why it isn’t true, you might take a moment to sense directly how this thought affects the sense of your self. Then, when you know for yourself how true this thought is all by itself, it may be obvious that it is neither completely true nor completely false. If it is sensed directly as a relatively small truth about your life, it may not even be necessary to defend against it with an opposing thought. Sensing how true an initial thought is in this way can reduce the importance of any ensuing thoughts. Another practical way of exploring and utilizing your Heart’s truth-sensing capacity is to check in your Heart when making a choice. By doing that, you can find out what choice is the truer one. However, when it comes to relative choices (e.g., what to do, what to eat, where to live, who to marry, etc.), the differences may be slight in your Heart. From the ultimate perspective, the practical choices we make in life may not be that important. So it may take a while to learn to accurately sense the differences in how true various choices are. But just as a wine connoisseur can learn to discriminate the subtlest difference in flavors, you can learn to sense even very small differences in how true a choice is relative to another. When checking in your Heart for the truth about some choice, it’s helpful to consider as many choices as possible. The truest one may be somewhere in between the possibilities you’ve considered, or it may be something completely different. For example, a friend was torn between her desire to go permanently on spiritual retreat and her desire to stay with her husband. Neither option felt completely true in her Heart. When I suggested that maybe she could stay with her husband but still go away for long periods of time on spiritual retreats, her Heart opened, as she sensed this was the truest way to respond to both desires. Exercise: Think of a choice you are considering in your life. It might be best to pick something where you have a decision to make that isn’t too important and not too immediate so that you can really explore the process of comparing the truth of your choices. Make a list of possible choices you could make, and be sure to include some that are in between or completely different from the first two options you come up with. Now really take some time with each choice and sense your Heart’s response as you hold in mind the idea of making that choice. Again, keep it simple, and just picture having made the choice, and let go of secondary considerations, such as pros and cons and further ramifications. Notice whether considering a particular choice results in a spacious, easeful sense in your Heart or a contracted sense of your own self. There is no right or wrong way for your Heart to respond. Just notice the way it does respond. Include the thought that it doesn’t matter what you choose. In many cases, the biggest truth about your choices is that what you choose doesn’t really matter. If that is the case, then that thought or perspective will give you the most room to just be, and the largest sense of yourself. Finally, when considering the relative truth of various possible choices, it is also helpful to check in your Heart several times over a period of time. Especially when making major life choices, checking numerous times before acting is more likely to result in a more satisfying outcome. For example, if you want to know if it’s true to stay in an intimate relationship, you might find a different result right after an argument than right after your lover has surprised you with a gift. It’s a bigger perspective to find out what is truest over the long term than just what is true in the present moment. The Heart is wise and accurate and can show you how true it is to stay or go, how true it is to buy a house, how true it is to take a new job, even how true it is to eat another cookie. But it also can show you much more of the possibilities inherent in this life and much more of the truth of your Being. In relation to these bigger truths, the practical questions of your life turn out to be relatively small matters. Using your Heart only to know things like what to do or where to live is like using a global positioning satellite system to find your way from your bedroom to your bathroom. It utilizes only a small part of your Heart’s capacity. However, following your Heart day in and day out can put you in touch with the richness of the functioning of this dimension of your Being. Along the way, you may also find your Heart opening in response to the bigger truths and deeper movements of Being that touch every life. Exercise: For a moment, sense if there is any Peace here. Don’t worry how much or if there’s only a little bit of Peace here right now. Just notice if you can sense any Peace at all. Now focus your attention on that Peace that is here beneath the flow of thoughts or feelings. Give yourself permission to really sense the nature of Peace and the deep stillness in that experience. As you touch Peace with your awareness, notice if there really is any boundary to the stillness at the core of this moment. Don’t worry about doing this right, but just taste as much of the Peace that is here right now as you can. Now notice the sense of your own Being. Focusing on Peace may have relaxed or opened your sense of self profoundly or just a little. Notice if this has softened or expanded your Heart. THE MANY SIZES OF TRUTH The deepest and largest truths don’t fit into words or language. While words can act as pointers, your Heart will open the widest and the sense of your self will feel the most complete and full in response to the direct experience of the vast dimensions of Being that are beyond thoughts and beliefs. As always, your own Heart is the truest guide to these larger dimensions and possibilities, but the reason the sense of your self expands when your view of the truth is more complete is because you are the truth. You are everything that exists. When you are experiencing more of the truth, you are experiencing more of your self. The truth comes in many different sizes. One of the primary ways you create and maintain a small sense of self is through a profound involvement with thought. We’ve been taught from an early age to think, conceptualize, and name things. Because there is such a huge momentum to thinking, moments without a thought happening are rare. Thinking is such a prevalent part of our moment-to-moment experience that many of us live mostly in our minds. Adding to this momentum of thought are strongly held assumptions and beliefs about the world and yourself, many of which are unconscious. This deeper current of thought also serves to create and maintain a small, separate sense of self. As a result of all of our conscious thinking and unconscious assumptions and beliefs, most people live in awareness of a very small part of reality, most of which only exists in their mind. This momentum of small truths is reflected in a momentum to your small sense of self. This leads to the question of what to do about it. Unfortunately, any idea about what to do about it is just that—an idea, another thought. However, what is possible is to simply be aware of the prevalence of thought in your experience. This awareness is not really something you do, as awareness is a fundamental quality of what you are. Just as you don’t need to do anything to have shoulders, you don’t need to do anything extra right now to be aware—and to be aware of your thinking. Exercise: What is thinking like right now? You can notice not only the content of your thoughts, but also the rhythm and speed of your thoughts, the ebb and flow of thought. Where do thoughts come from and where do they go? What happens if there is a pause between thoughts? How is the sense of your self affected by this flow of thought? Do you need to think in order to be? Does thinking give your sense of self a familiar smallness and sense of boundaries? Is it uncomfortable to not know something in this moment, to not have a thought? The invitation is to just notice thought and its effect on the sense of your self. Any idea of changing your experience is just another thought that will have a similar effect on the sense of your self. Why not simply find out what thought is like? Experience for yourself how true each thought is. There’s nothing wrong with small truths—they’re just small. What if all of your thinking is not that big a deal? What if your thinking is just not a very large container for the truth? Thinking can only contain a small amount of the truth. There is no need to get rid of thought. Once you experience that thought is not a very large container for the truth, this gives way to another question: What else is here besides thought? What else is true? As you sense the prevalence of thought and possibly even the deeper current of unconscious beliefs and assumptions, you may also begin to sense what surrounds and contains thought. Drop into your Heart and notice the space all around your thoughts. What effect does dropping into your Heart have on your sense of self? THE DEEPER CURRENTS OF THOUGHT Many beliefs and assumptions shape and limit our experience of truth and the sense of our self even when we aren’t consciously thinking them. They are ideas and concepts that are so deeply believed that they aren’t even questioned, such as “Life is short” or “There’s never enough time.” Furthermore, these beliefs and assumptions generate other thoughts, which add to the momentum of thinking and keep your Heart, the sense of your self, small and contracted. Two deeper currents of thought strongly shape the experience of your self. The first is the belief in a direction to your life. Usually this direction is toward more, different, or better experiences. But sometimes it’s framed in opposite terms as not less, the same, or not worse. In either case, there is a deeply held belief that life should move or change in a particular way. Of course, things do change, which keeps the hope alive that they will change in the way you want them to. This deeply held assumption that things could or should be better implies a small you. The directionality of this assumption is based on a reference point: Things should be better—for you. If things should be better for you, then you must be lacking something. This assumption and the thinking it generates help maintain a small, contracted sense of your self because that is the implied reference point of the assumption—a small you. The second, even deeper and less conscious current of thought that serves to maintain a contracted sense of self is the assumption that physical experience is the most real. This is such a widely held assumption that any other orientation could get you labeled crazy. Even very sensitive and spiritually-oriented people who have had very real and profound experiences of other dimensions are often pulled by this assumption back toward the physical into a more limited experience of truth and their own Being. There are many dimensions to reality besides the purely physical, and as a human being, your experience includes all of these dimensions. There are the dimensions of thought, emotion, and intuition. And beyond those, are dimensions of pure presence and spacious Being. Many of these dimensions are more real than even physical reality. Experiences of this transcendent reality give you a transcendent sense of your self that is much fuller and more complete than the purely physical sense of your self. THE THOUGHT THAT YOU ARE THE BODY The idea that your life could or should be better and the idea that physical reality is the most real animate an even more basic assumption: that you are the body. Your sense of your self, and therefore the experience of your Being, is most often shaped and limited by your identification with the body, which results in the ongoing question, How is it going for the body? Is it better, more pleasurable, or at least not painful right now for the body? This orientation toward the body isn’t bad, but it is a limited way of experiencing reality and your self. It’s like watching only one channel on your television: It’s something, but it’s limited. This limitation can affect every experience you have. By focusing on how it’s going for your body, you can miss some of the richest and most profound possibilities in life. The biggest truths may not even be particularly comfortable for your body. Profound states of love and bliss can be exhausting from a purely physical perspective. The deepest realizations of the nature of your Being can be so vast and expansive as to feel like a death for your identity as the body. Asking what you can do about this limitation will only reinforce it. Another possibility is to explore the sense of limitation that identification with the body gives to your awareness and your Heart. Exercise: What is it like to believe you are the body right now? Does this allow your Heart to open and relax? Or does it result in a small sense of your self? There is nothing wrong with small truths; they just aren’t very complete. You don’t have to get rid of or change small truths. Just recognizing they are small is enough. With the recognition of the incompleteness of identifying with the body, a larger curiosity often arises: What else is true about you? Are you more than the body? What other channels are there on this television called your life? What else is going on here? THE SENSE OF ME Beneath the assumption that you are the body is an even deeper one. The idea that you are the body is predicated on the assumption that you exist, that you are a me—a separate, individual self. The most intimate sense of your self is often this sense of me, which is a limited and incomplete sensing of your self. It doesn’t include the far reaches of your greater Being. This sense of a separate me is not bad or wrong; it’s just limited and incomplete. In the midst of a very profound and large experience of truth, the sense of your self can become so large and inclusive that it no longer has much of a sense of being your Being. When you awaken to the oneness of all things, the sense of a me can thin out quite dramatically. If you are the couch you are sitting on, the clouds in the sky, and everything else, then it simply doesn’t make sense to call it all me. If it is so much more than what you usually take yourself to be, then the term me is just too small. In a profound experience of truth, the sense of me softens and expands to such a degree that there is only a slight sense of me as a separate self remaining, perhaps just as the observer of the vastness of truth. Beyond these profound experiences of the truth, is the truth itself. When you are in touch with the ultimate truth and the most complete sense of Being, there is nothing separate remaining to sense itself—there is no experience and no experiencer, no Heart, and no sense of self. There is only Being. The experience of bigger truths and even the biggest truth doesn’t obliterate your capacity to experience a small truth and therefore a separate self. But with many experiences of shifting in and out of a small sense of self, this separate self feels more like a suit of clothes you can take on and off than like something permanent. As you move in and out of many dimensions of Being and even beyond experience itself, the boundaries between all of these dimensions become very permeable and inconsequential. It turns out that these boundaries are just thoughts anyway. They don’t actually separate anything. The question isn’t how to get rid of a small sense of self, but what is the sense of your self like? Is it fixed or is it constantly shifting—opening and closing, expanding and contracting, tightening and loosening, and sometimes even disappearing altogether? The sense of a separate self can therefore be loosely held even though it continues to contract appropriately when a small truth is triggered. What is your sense of self like right now? What is true right now? Your Heart is the only guide you need for exploring even the biggest truths. THERE IS ONLY LOVE Anything you or anyone else has ever done has been the movement of love. What shapes the movement of love is the sense of me. What we are always doing is taking care of the self, whether it is a small sense of self or a more expanded one. Whenever that sense of self is contracted and small, we take care of that me. And when it’s expanded, we take care of that larger sense of self. All we have ever done is tried to take care of the self in the best way we know how, which is always a loving act. But, of course, when our actions only take care of a contracted me, they don’t take care of or take into account other things. For example, we might take care of our taste buds by eating tasty foods, while ignoring our body’s need for nutrition. Or if we are so identified with a feeling that all we can do is take care of it, we may not be taking care of our whole Being. Taking care of only the taste buds or only the emotions is still a loving act, but because it is such a narrow way of loving ourselves, it can be neglectful or even harmful to other aspects of our Being or to others. If we see love in everything we may be afraid that we will allow rape, murder, and other horribly narrow ways of taking care of a small separate sense of me to continue. Yet in discovering that there is only love, the surprising thing is that our actions naturally become more loving. If we see murder as an evil that needs to be abolished without also seeing its basic loving nature, that is when it makes sense to murder. If murder is really bad, then it makes sense to kill someone who has murdered someone else. Or it even makes sense to kill someone before they kill us. It makes sense to bomb a country before it attacks us. But when we see the loving nature even of murder, we can respond to it in a way that doesn’t perpetuate it, even as we work to prevent it. It is possible to recognize the love that is already inside of us and already acting through all of us. It is in recognizing that love that the possibility exists for even greater recognition of love. Contrarily, when we reject any aspect of love—which includes anything that’s happening—the more contracted our experience will be and the less completely loving our actions will be. So in condemning, we actually become more like what we condemn. Seeing the beauty, perfection, and love within something is what allows it to transform, to move into a more complete way of loving. When the sense of our self expands, our actions aren’t really any more loving; they’re just more loving toward a more complete view of the self. When our loving actions take care of a larger sense of ourselves, we appear more saint-like because they are taking into account everybody, since we recognize that we are everybody. These actions are still self-gratifying, but they are gratifying to a much broader sense of self. When the awareness of self becomes even more complete, you come to see that there is ultimately nothing that needs to be changed or fixed. Everything is already fine. The world already is full of love. Your actions and everyone else’s are already loving. Whatever Being is doing is Being taking care of itself. That is all it ever does or ever has done. This leads to an appreciation of everything you do and everything that happens, an appreciation of the way Being moves every time it moves. Love is pouring out everywhere. There’s no evidence of the lack of love. What a surprise to discover this in a world that seems so full of problems and things that need to be changed. TRUE FREEDOM In this culture where more is felt to be better, there is often an implication that bigger truths are better. If your Heart can open and expand, then it may seem best to find a way to open the darn thing all the way and keep it that way. However, if you check in your Heart right now as you hold the idea that it’s better to open your Heart and keep it that way, you may be surprised to find that this idea actually feels tight or limiting. It’s simply not the biggest truth or the most freeing possibility. An even bigger, freer possibility is to allow the sense of your self to be whatever size it is. If your Heart is always accurately and appropriately opening or contracting to show you how true each moment’s perspective is, then the best result of experiencing a small truth is for your Heart to contract and show you how small that truth is. It can be as liberating to find out that a small truth is small as to find out that a vast dimension of Being is profoundly real. In both cases, the nature of truth has been more fully illuminated. Once you realize you can trust your Heart just the way it is right now, whether it is open or closed, you can just rest within the folding and unfolding of all perspectives. You don’t do anything to get rid of the small perspectives, which just arise out of the conditioned parts of your Being, and you don’t do anything to bring on the bigger perspectives, which just arise out of the unconditioned parts of your Being. You just rest in the moment as it is. There is never a need to have a bigger or smaller experience, as Being is still Being even in the small experiences. Its nature is the same, and part of its nature is this capacity to discriminate how true—how complete—a particular perspective is. The small experiences of Being are still an expression of Being’s ultimate nature, just as a single drop of water is still wet. Spiritual seekers often think of liberation as staying in an expanded experience of truth. While expanded experiences are freeing (especially when you’ve been contracted for a long time), the ability to move in and out of many different perspectives is an even greater freedom. Walls are only a problem when you don’t know where the door is and therefore can’t get in or out. True freedom is when you can move in and out of identification with a small sense of your self. You don’t have to take my word for it. Find out what happens in your Heart if you just let the opening and closing of your sense of self be just the way it is right now. Does this allow your Heart to open? Does it allow you to just be for a moment? WHO ARE YOU? What is this Being that you are always sensing to some degree? Perhaps the most surprising discovery is that the sense of your self is not showing you anything about your true nature. A limited sense of your self is never about who you really are! It’s not indicative of who you are but, rather, shows you how true your conditioning is. Recognizing this can turn your world inside out. The sense of your self is being shaped and limited by the unfolding of conditioned beliefs and ideas; it’s not a reflection of your true nature. This can be a tremendous relief. All of your experiences of limitation, incompleteness, contraction, insufficiency, or unworthiness have nothing to do with you! Instead, they are accurate reflections of the limitations, incompleteness, smallness, insufficiency, and unworthiness of your ideas, judgments, beliefs, concepts, fears, doubts, worries, hopes, dreams, and desires. They have nothing to do with the nature of you. The most intimate experience of your self—your Heart—is ultimately never a complete experience of your true self. It is always a relative experience of the functioning of that true self as it determines the relative degree of truth in the particular content of your experience. This brings us back to the question: Who or what is the Being that you are always sensing to a greater or lesser degree? This question points to what is completely beyond words—and even beyond experience. Even the most expanded experience of Being is still not free of this shaping or limitation. In this case the question itself points to a bigger truth than any answer, even an experiential one. What happens in your Heart when you simply hold the question, Who am I or what am I? Even if your Heart is open, you can still wonder who or what is experiencing the openness. The ultimate truth will never be captured in an experience because it’s simply too big to fit in even the most expanded experience. This provides a clue to the question, Who are you? The reason an expanded sense of your self never quite contains the whole truth of your Being is that you are everything that exists. Perhaps you can rest now from the dream of experiencing the ultimate truth. The truth is not dependent in any way on your experience of it. It is and always has been functioning just fine through what you call your experience of a self, without ever being contained in that experience. The sense of your self, whether it is expanded or contracted, is a functioning expression of a much larger Being that can never be fully captured in experience. Perhaps the experience of truth doesn’t need to be captured. Truth is something we can also unfold gradually bit by bit like a meal or novel that we slowly savor rather than rush through. We are and always have been realizing the truth even when we experience only a small part of it. The richness of Being is also revealed in the small truths that make up our lives. Being is never harmed by the limited perspectives we experience. Being is not dependent on any particular way of sensing your self, nor even on the absence of a sense of self. Being is already resting within the endless opening and closing of your Heart, so you might as well enjoy the ride. the truth catches up with me I am not enough never have been never will be what relief to admit this finite container can never contain infinity what joy to find infinity needs no container Please note: This free bonus is part two only of the book, Living from the Heart. For more info or to purchase the book on various ebook stores: http://endless-satsang.com/free *****