Sold!!!

Adult
Rated 1.25/5 based on 7 reviews
Elizabeth had never felt so alone. Her mother now gone and here she had sold Elizabeth into this man's house and she was expected to obey. How will this ever work out? More
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About Rose Helman

I am rather new to the whole writing stories. I have tried to get all the grammar corrections right so forgive me for some of the mistakes that I have made. Hopefully as I continue writing I will get better with time. And hopefully everyone will be patient with me as I try my hand at this.

Reviews

Review by: hrhsophia on Sep. 30, 2012 :
Okay so it has some flaws, a lot but it is a good premise that needs some work.
(review of free book)

Review by: Doris Holmes on Dec. 31, 2011 : (no rating)
I couldn't even finish the book, it was not well spaced sentence wise and poorly written from what I did read. No stars from me
(review of free book)

Review by: ACB123 on Nov. 16, 2011 :
The writing is really juvenile. Grammar is severly lacking. Lots of run on sentances and missing punctuation. Examples:

"I ponder what the future will hold and can't help
but be angry. How could she sell my freedom to some
stranger I don't know. What will become of me, what is
He going to want to do to me, what if.... I dared not
continue thinking that way. I would just have to hope
that my virtue would never be taken against my will. I
fell on my bed crying until I fell asleep."

If he is a stranger- then the 'I dont know' is implied. Crossing out unnecessary words is something every English teacher I ever had liked to do to my papers. Also, Very few people actively equate virginity with virtue anymore. I think the other reviewer got the nail on the head when she said that Elizabeth acts like an 11 yr old for most of the book.

"I smiled at her and said “Good morning Momma, you shouldn't have slept in that chair it can't be good for you, and I am sorry for how I reacted yesterday I know that you were only trying to make sure I was taken care of. I will be ready to go whenever you are and I will do as I'm told no matter what. I will make you proud, Momma.” Mother smiled weakly and told me, “You are such a good girl I didn't want to do this but with no other options I had to make sure that you were taken care of above anything else."

Elizabeth takes the changes so passively that she doesnt seem like a real person. And what 18 yr old talks to her mother like that- to me it implied such extreme sheltering way beyond even the Amish that I cant picture that mother then selling her child as a sex slave.

Hmmm... I should find an example that doesnt occur in the first few pages...yeah, sorry, I couldnt find something clean enough to post. Its a book about a girl getting used and abused by "daddy" and his friends. Yes, abused- she didnt chose to enter the situation therefore its abuse. No romance. Its not even erotic.

My impressions of this book: poorly written, appalling, its not so much a story as the author's fantasy, I may never use the word "sass" again.

If you are researching what to expect if you want to try this lifestyle, yeah, not even then would I recommend this book.
(review of free book)

Review by: Future Slayer Girl (aka kitten) on Nov. 13, 2011 : (no rating)
Ok, I'm going to try and be a little bit more forgiving than Mr. Winchester down there. Seeing as I actually live the BDSM lifestyle, I am a better judge of 'appalling' when it comes to a Sadomasochistic relationship. Firstly, I'm not going to rate this book, its not fair. For me this is a first draft. Second, the story idea--fantastic. However, it was poorly executed.

I will tell you why.

I maybe live a BDSM lifestyle with my husband, but I am not a masochist--yes, there is a varying way we all--play. Unfortunately, what this novel fails to show is realism in a sadomasochistic relationship. Therefore, you get reviews like Mr. Winchester down below where he states he is appalled.

Firstly, if any Master punished his inexperienced slave like Max did, he wouldn't just break her, he would scar her for life mentally. You can't dive into that intense of a punishment right out of the gate like that, just not going to happen. Second, Lizzy acted like a child, an 11 year old child, for the whole of the story. After her first few sexual encounters that would have kicked her brain into adulthood. She may have wanted to eventually be a cock hungry slut, but not after three days of intense play like that. That would have broken me, and I've lived the lifestyle now for two years.

Lastly, Max states for her to never lose her spark, her passion. Um, he took it all honey. The moment she 'submitted' to him, he stole all her individuality. Eventually, yes she would have accepted a full 24/7 Master/slave relationship, but not after three days like that. You spent more time in her childish mind then laying the groundwork for a fantastic S & M story.

My suggestion?

Join fetlife and talk to some experienced slaves and their master. Second, you have a great idea here. Find a crit group and fine tune. The story was all I've the place and not ready for publication. Flush out your characters a bit more, evolve them. Especially, Lizzy. She was the same Little girl's with no growth at all.
(review of free book)

Review by: Ernest Winchester on Nov. 12, 2011 :
Sold!!! When I saw the title, I assumed it would be set in a bygone time where slavery was common. But no, it is in a time of automobiles, running water, and electricity. Yet no mention is made of the price paid for, or the legality of her servitude. Instead, we are subjected to poor grammar, lousy syntax, constant shifting of tense. (The first paragraph is past tense only to shift to present in the second. From then on, it is back and forth. Then, without as much as a passing of a baton, we are subjected to point of view changes difficult to follow. But the worse is coming. Right now I am nearing the three quarter point and I don’t think I can finish for I am so disgusted with the sickening plot that it is becoming too much to read. If the reader is to believe that this man loves her, he or she won’t by this point of the story. Appalling!
(review of free book)

Review by: Jordan Skye on Nov. 11, 2011 :
Very hard to read. Spacing isn't right, the sentences overlap.
(review of free book)

Review by: Jordan Skye on Nov. 11, 2011 : (no rating)
Very hard to read. Spacing isn't right, sentences overlap each other
(review of free book)

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