Sex has always been a challenge for us men. But now with Hi-Definition pornographic images and videos available On-Demand-24/7, it seems too much to expect a man to live Porn-Free. This book challenges that expectation. It's the story of Frank, a man struggling with an irresistible compulsion for porn, who meets a man who gives him the tools, the techniques and the encouragement necessary to win. More
Once there was a struggling man. His name was Frank.
On the outside he was relatively well off. Not as good as some, but not as bad others. He felt he had no reason to complain.
He was a Christian man and his family attended church at least once a week. On special occasions he was held up as a shining example of a strong Christian man and husband. That made him feel pretty good. On those occasions his wife and children were really proud of him.
But over the past five years, so slowly no one but he noticed it, things began to change.
Life was getting harder. Why?
The stresses of work, family and church were weighing him down like never before. He couldn’t seem to find the lightness of heart he knew way back when. Back when he was younger. Back when he was a new Christian.
Was that it, he wondered. Was he just getting old? Older? Responsible? Stale? “Is this what it means to finally become a grown up?” he asked himself, not for the first time, on his way home from work one day.
He was tired.
And stressed out.
Nothing in his life stirred his juices anymore. Nothing got his heart racing, his blood flowing. Nothing except. . .
A moment for himself. . .
Once again stuck in the middle of rush hour traffic Frank looked at his watch. He’d worked late nearly every day this week and told his wife that morning not to expect him until after seven or eight.
But he’d gotten caught up faster than expected and snatched at the opportunity to leave the office on time. He told himself he’d surprise Marie by walking in the door before six o’clock.
He thought about all of this in an instant and feeling pressured by his ruminations wanted relief. His eyes flitted at the freeway. He saw where he was. A familiar feeling rose up from his belly. He had time.
He didn’t want to.
But he did.
But he didn’t.
But he did.
“No!” he thought quickly to himself, realizing where his mind was taking him. “I should go home. Now! I haven’t been home on time all week. I have responsibilities. . .”
And before the echo of that word died in his ears he saw the off-ramp he now knew so well.
Daringly, stupidly, he crossed two lanes of rush hour traffic to catch it, barely maneuvering himself down the exit ramp in time.
His mind swirled with something like confusion and excitement. His blood was flowing now, his juices stirred in his belly even as he argued with himself, berated himself, condemned himself all at the same time. Even as he steeled his determination to do what he knew he was going to do, feeling trapped by the impulses coursing through his blood. Exhilarated with the adrenaline rush they brought.
Man, he liked these feelings.
He cursed himself as he pulled into the adult bookstore’s parking lot. But that didn’t stop him from getting out of the car. He looked furtively down the street as he always did, feeling stupid for doing so.
No one knew him here. He lived twenty miles away.
It didn’t matter. His fear of exposure was too great. He was compelled to look. Don’t take chances, he reminded himself.
Like it isn’t already too late! Stupid!
He scanned the street looking for familiar faces. Seeing none he quickly entered the store.
Emerging from The Pit
An hour later Frank came out.
The excitement was gone. His blood pressure was back to normal. His heart felt like a deflated balloon. He felt unclean; scummy.
Now the recriminations and reproaches began, along with the anguished questioning of himself, his character, his worth as a husband and a Christian. And as a man.
The problem, which Frank did not yet understand, was he wasn’t looking for loving sex from pornography. He wanted sex raw. The lust of the flesh was what he craved. More simply still? He craved the feeling of lust. He wanted to feel horny and aroused and feel it as much as he could for as long as he could. Without commitment. Without obligation. Without reciprocity.
Especially without reciprocity. . .