Galactic Fat

By H. C. Turk
$2.99 Rating: Not yet rated.
Published: Aug. 16, 2012
Words: 68,016 (approximate)
Language: English
ISBN: 9781476258607

Short description

In the near future, pizza boy Robar Drill is transformed by The Federal Government into a metaman with enormous powers, the only person capable of saving Earth from an alien race bent on harvesting human cellulite. This bawdy, outrageous satire follows Robar and his six strange companions to the Planet Of Fatty Doom, a horrific world that, under Robar’s influence, may be no worse than Earth.

Extended description

In the near future, Robar Drill awakens from a chemical torpor to learn that he is not the average pizza boy he appears, but a former wino whose life has been commandeered by The Federal Government. During the years in which Robar's senses were nulled, The Government surgically transformed him into a metaman with enormous powers, the only person capable of saving Earth from an alien race bent on harvesting human cellulite.

Robar wakes with partial memory, having no idea of his past, no understanding of society. When he is thrust into the modern world by his captor/benefactor, U.S. Sub President Jon Protestant, Robar must relearn living. During a god-awful training mission in which he will be taught how to save Earth, Robar meets his six companions: Fawn Bonita, an elderly retiree; Dana Spearless, a five-year old unaware of his/her gender; Suckle Blowrose, an exotic dancer and the group's intellectual; Hazel Edna Brenda of Pork, the Queen of Ingland and a student of lichens; Ralfie M.. (Read more) In the near future, Robar Drill awakens from a chemical torpor to learn that he is not the average pizza boy he appears, but a former wino whose life has been commandeered by The Federal Government. During the years in which Robar's senses were nulled, The Government surgically transformed him into a metaman with enormous powers, the only person capable of saving Earth from an alien race bent on harvesting human cellulite.

Robar wakes with partial memory, having no idea of his past, no understanding of society. When he is thrust into the modern world by his captor/benefactor, U.S. Sub President Jon Protestant, Robar must relearn living. During a god-awful training mission in which he will be taught how to save Earth, Robar meets his six companions: Fawn Bonita, an elderly retiree; Dana Spearless, a five-year old unaware of his/her gender; Suckle Blowrose, an exotic dancer and the group's intellectual; Hazel Edna Brenda of Pork, the Queen of Ingland and a student of lichens; Ralfie MacKenzie, laundry operator; and Jud Protestant, Jon's brother, a minor government official who wants to save Earth for himself. These people have been chosen because each possesses one of the characteristics of the only person to have survived the alien fat monsters on their own planet. The previous, failed space mission revealed the terror of the alien creatures, who plan on rendering all humans grotesquely obese, then extracting the fat for bizarre alien purposes, as well as dessert.

During training, Robar proves himself physically incompetent and emotionally immature. Jud derides him for being a wino at heart, though Robar has no memory of this embarrassing past. The lovely Queen will scarcely look at him due to his plasoid hair and titanium teeth. Suckle will not partake of intellectual discussions with Robar. Even in this collection of abnormal people, Robar is too bizarre to fit.

Robar is not considered a savior, but a failure and a fool. Receiving final instructions as they enter the spacecraft and leave for their interstellar mission, Robar and his aides learn that they will have but one chance to save Earth. This will be Robar’s only opportunity to prove himself.

They arrive at a planet so alien that the humans are unable to perceive their surroundings. Soon they are confronted with the mind control of irresistible alien TV commercials. Robar manages to survive via his unmatched technological abilities, not through courage, for Robar really is a drunk at heart: a man who chose the oblivion of the bottle rather than face a world of people who might damage him emotionally.

As the Earthers struggle against creatures they can sense but not understand, Robar learns of himself by learning of his companions: Fawn is not merely a crotchety old hag, but a woman rich in experience with a vital sense of living. Suckle is not only a knockout piece of tail, but a deeply intelligent woman whose strength is in sharing her knowledge with her friends, thereby improving their own thinking. The Queen of Ingland is not just a cute ignoramus, but a thoughtful and pleasant woman of class. Dana is still a kid, but a good kid. Ralfie is not only an expert in cleanliness, but a connoisseur of pizza. Jud remains a troublemaker, but at least he's human. Not until his companions are faced with genuine death, however, does Robar learn his place in life, his relationship with these people. For they are not his cohorts, but his only friends; and Robar learns the desperate trait of sacrifice as he saves his people not from aliens, but from fear.

In this bawdy, outrageous novel, no topic escapes galactic satire: the intricacies of love vs. sex, the buffoonery of politics, the joy of obesity, the sanctity of cowardice, even the duties of friendship suffer along with Robar as he relearns living the hard way: by nearly killing himself (again and again).
(Less)

Adult-content rating: This book contains content considered unsuitable for young readers 17 and under, and which may be offensive to some readers of all ages. For more information, see the Support FAQ.

Tags

sex, science fiction, literary fiction

Available ebook reading formats

Single purchase gains access to all formats. How to download ebooks to e-reading devices and apps.

Format	Full Book	Sample First 20%
Online Reading (HTML, good for sampling in web browser)	Buy	View sample
Kindle (.mobi for Kindle devices and Kindle apps)	Buy	Download sample
Epub (Apple iPad/iBooks, Nook, Sony Reader, Kobo, and most e-reading apps including Stanza, Aldiko, Adobe Digital Editions, others)	Buy	Download sample
PDF (good for reading on PC, or for home printing)	Buy	No sample available
RTF (readable on most word processors)	Buy	No sample available
LRF (Use only for older model Sony Readers that don't support .epub)	Buy	Download sample
Palm Doc (PDB) (for Palm reading devices)	Buy	Download sample
Plain Text (download) (flexible, but lacks much formatting)	Buy	No sample available
Plain Text (view) (viewable as web page)	Buy	No sample available

Reviews

Log-in to write a Review   Log-in to add a Video Review

This book has not yet been reviewed.

Reason for report:
— Select a reason — Book is or contains spam Book infringes copyright Same content is published elsewhere with different author (for ex., by private-label rights) Duplicate Incomplete work (such as sample or serial) Should be marked adults-only Category is inappropriate Poorly formatted Nudity or other inappropriate content on cover Nudity or other inappropriate visual content in book Inappropriate erotica content Cover image is improper Content is inappropriate Other violation of Terms of Service Other reason not shown above.

Additional details: