Published: Aug. 30, 2012
Words: 184,771 (approximate)
Language: English
ISBN: 9781476289236

Short description

Honest and humorous addiction memoir of a woman enmeshed from an early age in emotional and compulsive disorders who has a Near Death Experience that her atheism causes her to deny. However, as the paranormal after-effects of Fourteen Weird Things invade her life, she is forced to acknowledge and pursue the spiritual energies that will cure her addictions and fill her life with joy and meaning.

Extended description

Over three years in the writing, mine is a story of spiritual depravity and healing for a woman who refused to accept belief in god until she was left no choice. Alcoholism was not my only illness. As a teen I developed an obsessive compulsive disorder that literally acted out the bondage of self in an astoundingly bizarre way. I cultivated an outwardly healthy life, but as I entered my 20's, the only way I knew to rise above my sense of worthlessness and self-loathing was through the ego-driven vanity of playing a part, chasing glamor, and manipulating boys.

Then, in the midst of this chaotic tug of war – I died. That is to say, in a Manhattan nightclub, at age 22, I snorted nearly a full gram of lidocaine that had been sold to me as cocaine. Lidocaine is a local anesthetic that, ingested systemically, shuts down both respiratory and cardiac functions in the body. My heart slowed, my breaths became shallower and shallower, until my brain and heart suffered such a lack of ox.. (Read more) Over three years in the writing, mine is a story of spiritual depravity and healing for a woman who refused to accept belief in god until she was left no choice. Alcoholism was not my only illness. As a teen I developed an obsessive compulsive disorder that literally acted out the bondage of self in an astoundingly bizarre way. I cultivated an outwardly healthy life, but as I entered my 20's, the only way I knew to rise above my sense of worthlessness and self-loathing was through the ego-driven vanity of playing a part, chasing glamor, and manipulating boys.

Then, in the midst of this chaotic tug of war – I died. That is to say, in a Manhattan nightclub, at age 22, I snorted nearly a full gram of lidocaine that had been sold to me as cocaine. Lidocaine is a local anesthetic that, ingested systemically, shuts down both respiratory and cardiac functions in the body. My heart slowed, my breaths became shallower and shallower, until my brain and heart suffered such a lack of oxygen that I went into a full grand mal seizure followed by cardiac arrest, right there on the floor of the Peppermint Lounge.

While a bartender worked frantically at CPR, I left my body and, atheist that I was, traveled through a wondrous, otherworldly landscape in close connection to my dead ancestors, until I saw a brilliant sun dazzling the ocean panorama before me that – quite to my surprise – pulled me toward it and sucked me inside, into light of divine love more brilliant than you can imagine.

I'd never heard of Near Death, and refused to believe I’d 'crossed over.' I refused because I’d been raised in an academic family that rejected god and all things spiritual. I also had no clue of NDE paranormal after effects. But over the next decade or so, my need for god would progress as my addictions grew more destructive, while the paranormal after-effects of having crossed would surface, and resurface – 14 inexplicably Weird Things – until they became undeniable.

Gradually, I came to understand that god is omnipresent, but certainly nothing like the bill of goods we’ve been sold by religions.

It’s that story, and that vision of god, that I share in my book. I present it in hopes of helping others pursue their own paths toward recovery.
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Tags

autobiography, spirituality motivation, compulsive disorders, neardeath experience, alcoholism and recovery, addiction memoir

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Videos

Book Reading
Intro to Louisa's reading at Unity on Union bookstore.

Reviews

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Review by: Billy Roeseler on Jan. 07, 2013 :
How dare she!! How dare Louisa P expose all those skeletons I had so carefully hidden for all those years? Her honesty about her sex life, her secret passions, and her toxic, destructive behavior during the parts of her life when she was most sick awakened similar memories in me that I had not thought about for a long, long time. She reminded me of secret loves and lusts that I had 50 years ago, of passions and practices that I had buried. But there was something therapeutic about this process as well, and I now, somehow, feel better, knowing I am not the only one who went through what I went through.

Products of expensive, Ivy League educations, driven to excellence by families of overachievers, she and I shared so many experiences growing up, then going through the horrors of our physical and mental illnesses of our twenties and early thirties, often drunk and disorderly, nearly always facing the despair which inevitably followed our excesses of toxic passion. And yes, we climbed the highest mountains, enjoyed the company of beautiful people, tasted the ecstasy of romance in far off places, only to be dashed to the dirt by our still more powerful, destructive demons.

Louisa’s book about her own spiritual evolution was a great tonic for me as I recalled my own experience, strength, and hope. Her journey in sobriety still takes her to places of hope, love, and despair, and she reminds us there is a solution. By recounting her own near death experience and the 14 Weird Things that brought her from atheism to a belief in a higher power, she has strengthened my own belief in God and all things awesome!! Thanks for publishing your autobiography, Louisa P. I love you for it, and for just being you. Great literature leaves us better than we were before we read it, and your book is in that category for me. I feel changed, in a good way, and I can now go out into the world with a new sense of purpose, a stronger acceptance and unconditional love for all.
(reviewed long after purchase)

Review by: Lauri Carrasco on Sep. 29, 2012 :
I couldn't put this book down. From the start it draws you in to Louisa's world and mind, and I was always intrigued as to what would happen next. The stark difference between the person she was and the person who she has worked hard to become today- is truly emblamatic of what working a 12 step program, and learning/acting out what service to others can do for those struggling and are self absorbed. I learned some good ideas about how to combat my own 'contempt prior to investiagation' and find inspiration through her candid experience.

The only reason I didn't put down 5 stars is I reserve my highest rating for my favorite books of all time- which tend to be historical fiction.
(reviewed within a month of purchase)

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