You really want me to reveal personal information here?
O.K then...here's some stuff you might (or might not) like to know about me!
1_Are you bored. Then do what I do. Take off all your clothes and paint your face and arse bright blue. Then run outside and shout abuse at passers-by....passes the time if nothing else!
2_managed 18 keepy ups with ye olds pigs bladder once....What's that you say? Not that impressive you say! Well. What I failed to tell you was that the pigs bladder that I did the 18 keepy ups with was still inside the pig!
3_Not pissing on the evil that is Milthy Swinebuckle, if he where ever to catch fire
4_scratching my arse!
5_Watching Milthy get his arse kicked by a three legged tortoise...HA !!!
6_Scratching my arse and..oh wait I've alrady said that! Ah, what the hell. It's a good one so I'll say it again.
7_???? **** ???? with **** then ?*?*!
8_Wondering what I'm doing during hobby seven?
9_Plus...yawning, farting, drinking ten bottles of brown, smoking (various substances) and how to become immune to getting kneed in the balls from various women who find my charming advances not to their liking!
MY most prized possesion: Hitlers missing left testicale (NOT FOR SALE).
My most famous quotes:
1_A step in the right direction can still mean the death of an ant!
2_I look down on almost everybody...although come to think about it, it's probaly because I do climb a lot of trees
3_You know that poem "if", what a load of crap. Kipling got it all wrong. What he should have said was "If you can portray the ideas you get to a sober man (no matter how shite though's ideas may be), and keep a straight face. Then you'll be a man MA SON!
4_HMMMMMM........I think I'll eat my socks!
5_MMMMM.......cheese and onion flavour .........NNNNIIIICCCCEEE!!!!
6_Ignore the above quote's and instead just read and live your life by number 7.
7 As far as I am concerned you should not judje a fellow person on there looks, sex, race or beliefs. Their are only two types of people: 1_Everyday ordinary people who just want to get on with there lives and not bother anybody else...2_The preachers, the arsholes and the gobshites who want to tell you what you should do and how you should be doing it.
My favourite words:...knickers, bra's, boobs, bums, knockers, shit, shite, bollicks, twat, boobs (such a good word it needed to be said twice), gussets, stains, ugabalooga, randy, stodgeflaps, fgkgkujhghrewh, and TURD!
My Arch Enemies:
1_Milthy Swinebuckle....Beware he who sneaks, creeps, sqaukes and chortles. He who goes by many names. Names such as....Archibald Stott, Feagus the mostly sqiudgy, Terrance the quite nasty tormentor etc.., but to me I shall always know him as Milthy Swinebuckle (or if I meet him face to face....ARSEWIPE).
2_Mr.Hairy Monkfish....Swinebuckle's main henchman (and suspected bumchum)
3_Randy Stodgeflaps....not much to say about this guy except he is one of Swinebuckle's best mates and a bit of a ballbag!
Charity work.....Milthy Swinebuckle has been infected with writers teretts. Only i can help him. I really hope I don't catch it though, as every few words he writes he can't stop himself writing "KNICKERS" or"ARSE" or some other filthy word. It takes him a good twenty minutes to write and edit a single sentance. I really "NADS" feel sorry "BOOBS" for the "GUSSETS" poor guy......"B...BB...BBB BOTOMSSS, ARSHOLES, PANTS,......oh bugger".
PS: Milthy ya little ninnyhammer, how are things. I ain't heard from ya me old buddy for some time. I hope you've not been arrested again for snorting tadpoles out'ta Mrs.Plunderthunks fishpond....ya dirty little sod?
on May 09, 2013 :
This is a story that I think could benefit from being edited down, especially during the first half. It very nearly lost my attention there, but then story gained pace and momentum and became vastly more compelling (and ventures there into a style that's not too far removed from some of the Lovecraft stories I've been reading recently).
The core of the tale, and its conclusion, were both satisfying and interesting. It simply took a little too long to get going for me. However, I'd rather a story ends well than starts well, and this one certainly does. The core idea is appealing, and works very well. As always with Strickland, there are occasional forays into mildly insane observations, despite the fact that at its heart it's a largely quite serious horror story. Somehow, though, it wouldn't quite be a Strickland story without them.
If I'd started reading the tale from just before the half-way point, I'd probably have given it four stars, as I really enjoyed the second half. Taken as a whole, the first half pulls that rating down a star for me, but I'd still recommend it as a tale worth reading.
(review of free book)
on April 18, 2013 :
I loved this story. The moors, the atmosphere, the characters and the way they interacted with one another. And I loved the lucky beetle. The story draws you in gradually becoming more and more scary as mervin badman takes shape on the page. But back to reality, I thought the lucky beetle side plot was excellent which is why i preferred that ending it drew the story to a close better. Brilliant story Jonny i've gotta say!
(review of free book)
on Oct. 04, 2012 :
MERVIN BADMAN is a classic-style pulp horror story, reminiscent of Guy N Smith's THE SLIME BEAST, but also completely different.
Four friends go on a Time-Team sort of archealogical expedition on the Northern English moors, but discover much more than they bargained for. Every area on the planet has its own local 'boogeyman', a mythic tale used by mothers to scare their children away from dangerous places. In this imaginative story, the four friends [and a lucky beetle] meet the 'boogeyman' of the Tremwell Moors, a dirty piece of work called Melvin Badman.
This is another enjoyable and compelling horror story from my friend Jonathan Strickland. He often says he doesn't write horror, but I really beg to differ.
(review of free book)