Pain Is So Close To Pleasure

Rated 4.17/5 based on 6 reviews
This is the story “Pain Is So Close To Pleasure”, a short comedy story I wrote several years ago. The story looks at an alien race who has recently come into contact with our own. To learn more about each other, ourselves and the aliens decide to send an exchange student to the others world to spend time there so each race can learn more about the other.

Warning: contains swearing More
Download: epub mobi (Kindle) pdf more Online Reader

Price: Free! USD

Words: 750
Language: English
ISBN: 9781301282869
About Jonathan Antony Strickland

You really want me to reveal personal information here?
O.K then...here's some stuff you might (or might not) like to know about me!

Well for starters you can contact me on milthyswinebuckle@gmail.com

My Hobbies:
1_Are you bored. Then do what I do. Take off all your clothes and paint your face and arse bright blue. Then run outside and shout abuse at passers-by....passes the time if nothing else!
2_managed 18 keepy ups with ye old pigs bladder once....What's that you say? Not that impressive you say! Well. What I failed to tell you was that the pigs bladder that I did the 18 keepy ups with was still inside the pig!
3_Not pissing on the evil that is Milthy Swinebuckle, if he where ever to catch fire
4_scratching my arse!
5_Watching Milthy get his arse kicked by a three legged tortoise...HA !!!
6_Scratching my arse and..oh wait I've already said that! Ah, what the hell. It's a good one so I'll say it again.
7_???? **** ???? with **** then ?*?*!
8_Wondering what I'm doing during hobby seven?
9_Plus...yawning, farting, drinking ten bottles of brown, smoking (various substances) and how to become immune to getting kneed in the balls from various women who find my charming advances not to their liking!

MY most prized possession: Hitler's missing left testicle (NOT FOR SALE).

My most famous quotes:
1_A step in the right direction can still mean the death of an ant!
2_I look down on almost everybody...although come to think about it, it's probably because I do climb a lot of trees
3_You know that poem "if", what a load of crap. Kipling got it all wrong. What he should have said was "If you can portray the ideas you get to a sober man (no matter how shite though's ideas may be), and keep a straight face. Then you'll be a man MA SON!
4_HMMMMMM........I think I'll eat my socks!
5_MMMMM.......cheese and onion flavour .........NNNNIIIICCCCEEE!!!!
6_Ignore the above quote's and instead just read and live your life by number 7.
7 As far as I am concerned you should not judge a fellow person on there looks, sex, race or beliefs. Their are only two types of people: 1_Everyday ordinary people who just want to get on with there lives and not bother anybody else...2_The preachers, the arseholes and the gobshites who want to tell you what you should do and how you should be doing it.

My favourite words:...knickers, bra's, boobs, bums, knockers, shit, shite, bollicks, twat, boobs (such a good word it needed to be said twice), gussets, stains, ugabalooga, randy, stodgeflaps, fgkgkujhghrewh, and TURD!

My Arch Enemies:
1_Milthy Swinebuckle....Beware he who sneaks, creeps, squakes and chortles. He who goes by many names. Names such as....Archibald Stott, Feagus the mostly squidgy, Terrance the quite nasty tormentor etc..., but to me I shall always know him as Milthy Swinebuckle (or if I meet him face to face....ARSEWIPE).
2_Mr.Hairy Monkfish....Swinebuckle's main henchman (and suspected bumchum)
3_Randy Stodgeflaps....not much to say about this guy except he is one of Swinebuckle's best mates and a bit of a ballbag!

Charity work.....Milthy Swinebuckle has been infected with writers tourettes. Only i can help him. I really hope I don't catch it though, as every few words he writes he can't stop himself writing "KNICKERS" or"ARSE" or some other filthy word. It takes him a good twenty minutes to write and edit a single sentence. I really "NADS" feel sorry "BOOBS" for the "GUSSETS" poor guy......"B...BB...BBB BOTOMSSS, ARSHOLES, PANTS,......oh bugger".

PS: Milthy ya little ninnyhammer, how are things. I ain't heard from ya me old buddy for some time. I hope you've not been arrested again for snorting tadpoles out'ta Mrs.Plunderthunks fish-pond....ya dirty little sod?

Also by This Author

Reviews

Review by: James Jenkins on Jan. 28, 2014 :
Fun but unbelievable. Worth the time to download and read.
(review of free book)

Review by: Rob Wilkins on May 09, 2013 :
A nice little flash-fiction piece, it's silly and will make you laugh. While the premise could certainly have been drawn out to make a larger story, this short version (a letter from one headmaster to another) worked nicely for me as it is. Good, simple fun.
(review of free book)

Review by: Emily Carter on March 19, 2013 :
I can't remember laughing so much over a story in a long time, maybe even ever! (don't let your head swell too much Johnny). A hilarious twist on the concept every GCSE language student will be aware of. Download NOW!
(review of free book)

Review by: Selena Faith on Oct. 27, 2012 :
Absolutely loved it!
(review of free book)

Review by: David Blake on Oct. 13, 2012 :
This 'story' is a lovely idea with great potential for development, alas in its current form it's essentially just one over-milked gag.
It's very difficult to assess whether it's well written or not because the errors in the text could be put down to the alien's limited grasp of the English language.
(review of free book)

Review by: Michael Carter on Oct. 05, 2012 :
This is a great easy-to-read story, you'll read in five minutes. It's a sort of first-contact-with-aliens type of tale, and the communication problems they would have. It's very funny, and you'll laugh. I read this on my Kindle while sitting waiting for an opticians appoitment and everyone looked at me funny when I was laughing out loud.
(review of free book)

Report this book