I'm currently a elementary school teacher, but I love to write and act. I have been a main character on TBN's The Lads TV. I was also a contracted actor for Christ In Youth's Superstart and an MC for their Move conference. I have written a book of Biblical parables, but the stories are fantasy and science fiction. I call them 13:34 Fables. The website is www.1334fables.com.
on March 16, 2013 :
Interesting story very imaginative. I think it could be longer to make it easier to visualize. I had to go back to see if the guidance had left the cocoon before after Veron talked to Philip but decided it was all from a distance. I do think it could benefit from some revision. There are a few major typos like a voice spoke in his mind in agreement. Two prepositions tacked on to the end makes the reader stop and think about the word order instead of the story so maybe a voice in his mind spoke. There is one tense change from past to present on about the 3 page that jarred me as a reader. Another one due to the face that. Typo made me stop. Clearing those up would be a good idea.
(review of free book)