on Aug. 17, 2013 :
The author does a wonderful job laying out the story especially in the voice of the third-person narrator because you can feel her passion and see her creativity. However, the dialogue slows the story WAY down because the characters don't move when they interact and the authors smooth delivery becomes choppy. Don't get me wrong I'm not a best selling author but having your characters doing the simplest things while talking will give them depth and pull out their own individual
Example: "Mom I'm going to the store, I love you," said Bob.
"Mom I'm going to the store," said Bob as he grabbed his keys and cell phone from the cheap ceramic counter top. After not getting a response for nearly 30 seconds he walked down a short hallway and into the room of his aging mother, kissed her on the cheek wile she slept and whispered "I love you."
(review of free book)