The Unforgettable Names Of the Forgotten Gods

Rated 3.43/5 based on 7 reviews
Short comic story.

In times of old, when the worlds had just formed, and mankind was still fresh and young, the One God fought for his right to rule over all. But as Gods go, he was not as clever or unique as he first thought and later found he was just one of many from a plethora of other divine deities striving to make a mark and be worshipped by humanity. THIS IS THE STORY TO END ALL STORIES More
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Price: Free! USD
Words: 1,760
Language: English
ISBN: 9781301781492
About Jonathan Antony Strickland

You really want me to reveal personal information here?
O.K then...here's some stuff you might (or might not) like to know about me!

Well for starters you can contact me on milthyswinebuckle@gmail.com

My Hobbies:
1_Are you bored. Then do what I do. Take off all your clothes and paint your face and arse bright blue. Then run outside and shout abuse at passers-by....passes the time if nothing else!
2_managed 18 keepy ups with ye old pigs bladder once....What's that you say? Not that impressive you say! Well. What I failed to tell you was that the pigs bladder that I did the 18 keepy ups with was still inside the pig!
3_Not pissing on the evil that is Milthy Swinebuckle, if he where ever to catch fire
4_scratching my arse!
5_Watching Milthy get his arse kicked by a three legged tortoise...HA !!!
6_Scratching my arse and..oh wait I've already said that! Ah, what the hell. It's a good one so I'll say it again.
7_???? **** ???? with **** then ?*?*!
8_Wondering what I'm doing during hobby seven?
9_Plus...yawning, farting, drinking ten bottles of brown, smoking (various substances) and how to become immune to getting kneed in the balls from various women who find my charming advances not to their liking!

MY most prized possession: Hitler's missing left testicle (NOT FOR SALE).

My most famous quotes:
1_A step in the right direction can still mean the death of an ant!
2_I look down on almost everybody...although come to think about it, it's probably because I do climb a lot of trees
3_You know that poem "if", what a load of crap. Kipling got it all wrong. What he should have said was "If you can portray the ideas you get to a sober man (no matter how shite though's ideas may be), and keep a straight face. Then you'll be a man MA SON!
4_HMMMMMM........I think I'll eat my socks!
5_MMMMM.......cheese and onion flavour .........NNNNIIIICCCCEEE!!!!
6_Ignore the above quote's and instead just read and live your life by number 7.
7 As far as I am concerned you should not judge a fellow person on there looks, sex, race or beliefs. Their are only two types of people: 1_Everyday ordinary people who just want to get on with there lives and not bother anybody else...2_The preachers, the arseholes and the gobshites who want to tell you what you should do and how you should be doing it.

My favourite words:...knickers, bra's, boobs, bums, knockers, shit, shite, bollicks, twat, boobs (such a good word it needed to be said twice), gussets, stains, ugabalooga, randy, stodgeflaps, fgkgkujhghrewh, and TURD!

My Arch Enemies:
1_Milthy Swinebuckle....Beware he who sneaks, creeps, squakes and chortles. He who goes by many names. Names such as....Archibald Stott, Feagus the mostly squidgy, Terrance the quite nasty tormentor etc..., but to me I shall always know him as Milthy Swinebuckle (or if I meet him face to face....ARSEWIPE).
2_Mr.Hairy Monkfish....Swinebuckle's main henchman (and suspected bumchum)
3_Randy Stodgeflaps....not much to say about this guy except he is one of Swinebuckle's best mates and a bit of a ballbag!

Charity work.....Milthy Swinebuckle has been infected with writers tourettes. Only i can help him. I really hope I don't catch it though, as every few words he writes he can't stop himself writing "KNICKERS" or"ARSE" or some other filthy word. It takes him a good twenty minutes to write and edit a single sentence. I really "NADS" feel sorry "BOOBS" for the "GUSSETS" poor guy......"B...BB...BBB BOTOMSSS, ARSHOLES, PANTS,......oh bugger".

PS: Milthy ya little ninnyhammer, how are things. I ain't heard from ya me old buddy for some time. I hope you've not been arrested again for snorting tadpoles out'ta Mrs.Plunderthunks fish-pond....ya dirty little sod?

Also by This Author

Reviews

Review by: Sherry Donacy on Sep. 22, 2013 :
Oh my gods! An adorable, profane, very enjoyable little piece of tongue-in-cheek. If Monty Cook and R.A. Salvatore had a baby with Monty Python, I believe the result would look something like this. I don't think I could label this piece if I had too: alternative history? new mythology? dungeon equipment guide? Whatever you call it, I have rarely enjoyed any comedy quite this thoroughly. Well done Jonathan! You are the master of puns. The only reason I'm not giving this story five stars is the few spelling errors that I encountered, so my only word of advice would be perhaps to give it another proof read before you post your next story. And I sincerely hope it is another this epicly hilarious!
(review of free book)

Review by: Melody Hewson on May 05, 2013 :
This was a very cute story! Like the others I would have enjoyed a bit more detail about certain things, but I understand the brevity.
Greatly enjoyed the puns and the creative deities as well as the methods used to defeat them. Look forward to reading more when time permits.
(review of free book)

Review by: Rob Wilkins on May 03, 2013 :
I'm rewriting this, because after rereading my review, I think I completely failed to make the point I was aiming for. Strickland is the perfect example of why you shouldn't always get hung up too much on everyone being picky about the rules of grammar. Quite aside from the fact that he really doesn't make many mistakes to begin with, getting all knotted over the few minor errors just means you miss out on what is some of the funniest fiction anywhere on Smashwords.

If you read Strickland, then you already know he's clearly a lunatic. It's always interesting to be given insight into the mind of a madman, as he comes up with the kind of ideas that you almost certainly wouldn't. (I'm damn sure I wouldn't.) Often it'll make you laugh, and sometimes it'll make you think.

This story is one of the make-you-laugh breed. It's not my favourite story by him, but the first half of it had me in kinks. Anyone who can read through Darse's Arsenal without laughing is definitely a better man than I am.

I likened him in my removed review to Robert Rankin, and I stand by that. Both writers exist largely to make your day better. If you're having a bad day, then you can't go far wrong with picking a Strickland story and giving it a read.
(review of free book)

Review by: Walter Lazo on May 03, 2013 :
Darse Yole? Maybe I misinterpreted this, but when I read it, I laughed so hard I'm pretty sure I broke a rib. This is the most irreverent, funny story I've read this year. As far as spelling and grammar errors, if you set out specifically to look for them, I'm sure you will find some. Personally, I'm a stickler for grammar; however, I do realize that the purpose of grammar is not rule-following but clarity and understanding. This is a four-star story--it is that funny. Here's a little something about grammar: even among the greatest writers of all time, you will sometimes find grammar and spelling errors. And these are people with expensive editors. I just finished reading a collection of Sir Isaiah Berlin's essays,for example, and on his essay on Tolstoy, on the third page, a paragraph repeats itself and periods are missing on the first two sentences. It happens. Further, there are some writers who deliberately disregard the rules. Friedrich Nietzsche, considered one of Germany's greatest prose writers, pretty much ignored every rule of punctuation; yet, he is of all philosophers the easiest to read. Why? He understood that writing is about meaning, about making yourself understood, about sharing a subjective experience with another human being. Sorry about the mini-rant; great story. By the way, "Gelly Larts?" Freaking awesome.
(review of free book)

Review by: Emily Carter on April 25, 2013 :
I really enjoyed this story. After everyone's reviews about grammar I was expecting this to detract from the reading however not once did my mind stray from the witty style of narrative. I loved the tale of Barse Yole's quest, and ultimate demise. Wonderfully told in classic 'Jonny' style!
(review of free book)

Review by: Michael Carter on April 24, 2013 :
First and foremost, this short free story is a fun and light-hearted mythological-type story, much like the ancient legends of the Greeks, Romans, Norse, or whatever, but laced with Jonny Strickland's black cynical humour.

It deals with the attempts of one God to gain the upper hand in the constant struggle with all the other gods. Imagine a short story by Lord Dunsany, sprinkle in some Terry Pratchett, a bit of Monty Python, and a couple of lists from Dungeons and Dragons, and you have this interesting and amusingly-silly story. If you can imagine all that in a big smelly pot, then champion; if not, then just download this free story and have a little smile in your day.

This story is perhaps a three star-story; it is not Jonny Strickland's best by a long shot, but is a funny and interesting read. However, I'm giving it four stars here to balance up the totally un-fair one-star review below. That one-star review mentions nothing at all about the quality of the story, but instead lingers on the technical aspects of the text. In this story there are occasional typo errors, or common misuses of pronouns, or whatever, but there are really not that many, and they are far less important than the mood and light-heartedness of the story. To give it a one-star review based purely on grammatical issues seems very unfair. This is a FREE story; the author went to the trouble of publishing it and making it free, so that anyone out there could give it a read and have a chuckle. Pedantic feedback is unhelpful for writers; take a star off for grammar, certainly, but to give one-star reviews with no mention of plot or story is doing a disservice both to the writer and to potential readers.

If you are interested enough to visit this story's page and read this [very long] review, I simply reccomend you download this free story, give it a read, and make up your own mind.
(review of free book)

Review by: Red Jackson on April 23, 2013 :
Difficult to read. "There" was often used instead of "their" and several times "were" was used in place of "where". This story should have been proof-read and edited prior to publishing.
(review of free book)

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