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I must use an old warning literary device (telegraphic), which isn't mine: PERSONS ATTEMPTING TO FIND A MOTIVE IN THIS NARRATIVE WILL BE PROSECUTED; PERSONS ATTEMPTING TO FIND A MORAL IN IT WILL BE BANISHED; PERSONS ATTEMPTING TO FIND A PLOT IN IT WILL BE SHOT. (Excellent plagiarism, sorry Mr. Twain).
I would like to impress you with my numerous achievements, brilliant titles, stunts, and education background. I have no education, hopefully that will not displease you. I have no titles. And most of my achievements are, to my eyes, quite distasteful. Yeah, I forgot, English is not even my first language. Child labor has never been an issue in my family, so I went to work at age 13.
I've been a movie projectionist, I restored ancient books from the Venice flood, I sold real estate, I worked in a Chamber of Commerce, I worked in resorts, hotels, restaurants, and on and on and on. I had a brief 5-year stint in the military where I learned how to read. After that I traveled a bit and learned a couple words in a few languages.
Now I can even write a little. I love stories, but I like to be in the middle of them. I am the main character, more or less, of my own stories; hopefully you will not find it suffocating.