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Hello! I write smut. Or rather, I write happy, sex-positive stories that aren't afraid of the occasional bit of blatant humanity. When was the last time you saw a character in a novel stop mid-sentence to sneeze? Or walk into a room, immediately forget what the hell she went in there for, and wander around for a minute trying to remember what she was doing? These little malfunctions are a part of being alive, and I think we need to see more of them in our fiction. I hope that you enjoy my stories about malfunctioning humans who fall in love and do really weird things to each other.
I am kept warm and dry by a beautiful redhead, who keeps me in a little hutch at the bottom of her garden. I write my stories in the dirt with a stick, and then I sit on them until they hatch into ebooks. I give those ebooks to Amazon and Smashwords, and then people send me shiny pennies by abstracting them into ones and zeroes and pushing them to me through a big hose. I don't properly understand how it works, but it lets me buy more carrots, so that's okay.
Amazon told me to write a proper biography like the guy who wrote "Angela's Ashes," but he uses his real name and has won awards, and he probably writes using a computer or something, not a stick. I haven't won any awards.