Anniversary

Rated 3.80/5 based on 5 reviews
A very short flash fiction story about love and the importance of timing. More
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Price: Free! USD

Words: 820
Language: English
ISBN: 9781301198139
About Jeff McDargh

Thank you for taking the time to read my work. Your reviews are welcome and appreciated. If you have questions or comments that you don't wish to post on this sit please feel free to contact me at jeffmcdargh@yahoo.com

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Reviews

Review by: Vicki Tyley on Aug. 16, 2014 :
I read and enjoyed all Jeff McDargh's Maple Drive series shorts plus the Anniversary flash fiction (my favourite of the four). The writing in all is strong with no wasted words, yet McDargh manages to pack a lot in.

McDargh's strength is in the storytelling. All the stories, however, could do with some editing. The missing punctuation and the few typos weren't so much, though, as to detract from the story.
(review of free book)

Review by: Michael Carter on Nov. 14, 2013 :
Jeff McDaaarrggh!

There's a decent little story here, about a man murdering his wife, and some good lines of writing and sense of description. However, it reads very much, and increasingly as it goes on, like a first draft. I try my hardest not to harp on about spelling and the use of homonyms and such, but here I found it to be defiantly distracting. The errors are frequent and are quite common basic problems. I am all for the story first, and a few mistakes are par for the course, but I really felt here, they kicked my teeth in a bit. I'm not gonna list all the errors and stuff [but if the author wants to get in touch somehow, I will point them out], but generally it needs a good going-over with a keen eye.

My advice to the author, because this story is okay, not bad of its type, is to give it a second or third draft, listen to people's comments, and keep writing, especially stories about pyschopathic killers. That should do the trick.
(review of free book)

Review by: Sherry Donacy on Nov. 01, 2013 :
Agreed Jonathan. I don't mean to be mean. And I must append my early review by saying, not only did Jeff correct the few things in this story I had pointed out but he also reviewed one of my own tales and gave it an adequate rating. This impressed me enough to check in and see if Jeff had taken any of my advice. He is a professional and five star writer and this story itself has been raised to that level. It still has a slight few typos but if I give it five stars, that brings my overall review to four right?.. "Oh bother," said Pooh as he fell into the vat of muriatic acid...
(review of free book)

Review by: Jonathan Antony Strickland on Oct. 26, 2013 :
I enjoyed this sharp short tale of murder. A good first flash story to start off your writing on Smashwords, with a nice twist ending.

First of all though I've got to agree with Sherry Donacy, there are a fair few mistakes here but these can be easliy corrected and for me they did not take anything away from the story, so don't be put off from writing more stuff. It's always good to have a review like Sherry's, a review that actually helps the writer.

My own story scibblings have many mistakes within them as anyone who's read any of my stuff will tell you. However I always think that as long as a free story is readable, then any mistakes can still be pointed out without altering the score of the story. After all, we strive to be story-tellors and NOT english teachers. After all, the first stories were indeed told by word of mouth, and not written down. These stories are still considered some of the best.
(review of free book)

Review by: Sherry Donacy on Oct. 14, 2013 :
I really like the concept of this story, a husband murders his wife with the telephone on their anniversary. That said, there are quite a few typos. "Drug" should be "dragged", I noticed some places where spaces were missing between words or sentences, some run on sentences, etc. A purely functional note for the author: why is he waiting in the restaurant? I get the feeling he's having an affair but it's a question raised that is never resolved. And the last thing is just a functional note for your story: for Smashwords you need to include a copyright notice and the Smashwords Licensing Agreement at the beginning of your story. I apologize if it seems like I'm picking this story apart, I know criticism can be hard to take. I do sense vast potential in your writing, Jeff. If you just make these few changes, this will be a great little piece of flash fiction, and flash fiction is one of the hardest genres to write well. I look forward to many more stories from you in the future. Just give them another proof read and possibly have a friend check them to see if there is anything else you missed (I myself find I absolutely need a second pair of eyes after re-reading my own story four or five times).
(review of free book)

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