You Cannot Be Serious: and 32 Other Rules that Sustain a (Mostly) Balanced Mom

You Cannot Be Serious is a contemporary and humorous roadmap for ''doing it all'' that any woman can relate to for untying her own ''nots.'' And for moms who lie awake at night wondering if their sanity will remain intact until the kids move out, Lyons provides a girlfriend-to-girlfriend guide, not just for getting through each day, but for being able to say with conviction, ''I love my life!'' More

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Words: 43,520
Language: English
ISBN: 9780974699042
About Elizabeth Lyons

Elizabeth Lyons—an author, jewelry artist, and inspirational humorist—vividly remembers the day she sat down at the kitchen table and began writing her first book.

She was 6 years old, and she started with chapter 8 because starting from the very beginning seemed an awful lot of work.

When she discovered that she couldn’t write an entire book in a day, she quit. Because there were enough other proverbial fish to fry that taking more than 24 hours to complete one project seemed nothing short of absurd.

She invented her first game, Jakbat, at age 3. She wrote her first song (with the very original title “It’s really a song”) at age 10, and fully expects the newest boy band to pick it up any second. She imagined a store that sold petit fours named Petit Four Your Thoughts, but was told that a store that sold only petit fours would never succeed. (And yes, every time she passes the Sprinkles cupcake store, she cringes.) She also insists that she invented the battery-operated heat-generating ice scraper, but sadly admits that she didn’t run to the patent office fast enough. Lesson learned.

These days, Elizabeth is many things: mom, wife, friend, lunch maker, chauffeur, hostage negotiator, writer, on-call plumber, DIYer, tile layer, guitar student, window washer, product designer, and on and on.

She ultimately invented a product for which she did run to the patent office fast enough. Check out the Hold It Baby website for more info—especially if you are, or know of, a mom tired of your child dropping anything and everything from his car seat, high chair, stroller, etc. If you’re curious about her collection of modern handcrafted jewelry, you can check that out at

To be clear, one thing she is not is any sort of Superwoman. She simply demands the right to do things her way—a way that often defies even the most creative imaginations—and she strives to inspire others to do things their way (once she helps them figure out what their way is!).

Elizabeth lives in Arizona with her husband, five kids, two three dogs, two fish (RIP Cosmo and Paul), four barely surviving organic gardens, and whatever (or whomever) else has taken up residence with them in the last five minutes.

Please feel free to contact Elizabeth at She would love to hear from you, and she prides herself on punctual responses. But if you send an e-mail between 9 p.m. and 7 a.m., you’ll have to wait a bit because those are the hours during which she either thinks about or actually engages in sleep, the latter of which is completely non-negotiable.


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