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I love writing and sharing my stories but I wish they wouldn't keep me awake at night.
I'm from Sydney and when I'm not writing I'm tweeting, reading or doing sporty stuff.
I've been named by iBooks as "One of 10 emerging fantasy authors you must read." Shadows of the Realm, the first fantasy novel in my Circle of Talia series, has been number one in it's genre categories on Amazon and iBooks, reaching number 1 overall on iBooks Australia. The series is complete with A Time of Darkness and Realm of Blood and Fire.
on May 02, 2014 :
I don’t think there’s a better way to start off this review other than by quoting the warning on the cover: “This book contains talking genitals.” That’s what really drew me into this one. It isn’t that I’m perverted and want to hear a vagina talk. Ok, maybe a little bit…it is a humorous concept. It’s also a very unique concept, and one that I wanted to see played out.
The idea that our genitals have a “mind” of their own, and can communicate with each other opens up the opportunity to show the world through another set of “eyes.” March did a great job of bringing this perspective to readers. There were many hilarious moments that occurred between Dorris (Jemma’s vagina) and the other genitals that she encountered.
I do think that I would have liked a little more POV from down there compared to from the human characters. Some parts of the book were a little more tipped to Jemma’s actions excluding Dorris, but I might have just been spoiled by the vagina talk and craving more. With the switching from human POV to genital POV during the same scene, it threw me off (but only slightly). It’s definitely a difficult way to write a story and it did work well for the most part.
As for the story itself, there’s a good romance to it. There’s a lot going on in the short length, but I was happy how the author concluded it. I do hope there will be more books to come, as I see this is probably the start to a great series. There’s some parts I hope to see explored in future installments and I can’t wait for a further development of Jemma and Doris’ relationship.
(review of free book)
Twilight Fantasies and CGB Press
on March 08, 2014 :
"Wonderfully executed and brilliantly funny..." - Taylor Morgan.
This was probably the only book I've read that all but had me rolling around on the floor in fits of laughter. I loved the humorous take on some serious issues this book raises - safe sex, STD's, pregnancy, as well as all the indignities women suffer "down there".
My favourite part in the book was when Jemma discovered Doris could actually communicate with her. LOL moment! "Squeeze once for yes, twice for no..."
A must read for tweens through to seniors. This book actually had me cheering for the characters, and that says a lot. I really loved reading this page turner. I honestly could not put it down. I'm sure you'll enjoy reading the adventures of Doris and Jemma. Even though Doris is a part of Jemma, both characters have their own identities.
The penises in this tale had their own identities too, and when the two meet - you have to read it! It's a riot. You'll cry laughing.
"Ms. March nails the comedy in this book. She captured it brilliantly and tackled an absurd concept, executing it with decorum and poise without being crude." - TM
(reviewed the day of purchase)
on March 04, 2014 :
Way before this book was published, Eloise March whom I am very pleased to call a friend started posting little snippets of what was to come via Facebook and Twitter. When I first read these snippets I thought, OMG this going to be one wild book.
Let me tell you right now, I wasn't wrong. A book about a talking vagina can only be described as absolutely riotous.
I enjoyed the story of Jemma and Doris from the very first page. We are led on a merry dance as Jemma with Doris in tow meets 'The One' but will it actually work out when Jemma find's out a huge secret, that will affect her, her best friend and her cousins life for ever.
I loved the concept that our humble vagina might actually have a mind of it's own. In doing so, I think back to all the men I have met, stood next to and drooled over and think what discussions might have occurred between my vagina and ..... Not sure if I'm happy, or worried now!
If you are looking for a short read that doesn't require you to follow a deep subplot, then I can guarantee that Close Call a Doris and Jemma Vadgeventure will leave you crying with laughter at the antics of Doris and her pals.
(reviewed within a month of purchase)
on Jan. 02, 2014 :
Talking vaginas, yes you heard me right. Now you might think this an X-rated book or extremely naughty, well it is a tiny bit naughty, but in no way X-rated.
It is about Jemma who is single and desperately trying to find the right one while dealing with friends and family, some of which you love and some you do not.
In between looking for prince charming in nightclubs, we get an inside view, or you might say a down under view of how life is for Jemma’s vagina named Doris and her vagina friends. I'm still trying to recover from laughing my butt of (I wish), the description of the troubles poor Doris goes through is absolutely hilarious.
This is a well-written story that you can't stop reading once you have begun, so hurry up and get your copy.
A quote I love:
Doris was reminded of the movie Alien: in the space between a woman’s legs, no one can hear you scream…
(reviewed long after purchase)