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I'm a 700 year old Taoist wizard, alchemist and staunch advocate for the use of force to defend China against Tibetan Imperialist aggression.
My work history includes:
Lobbying for funding for the other three Great Walls of China.
Pushing the Terra Cotta Warriors into battle.
Cloning sweet and sour pigs.
Treating the Yellow Emperor for jaundice.
My skills include:
Attained oneness with the Universe.
Able to boil eggs in cold water (admittedly, they do come out a bit runny).
I've been married for 450 years to my dear wife, Wot Now.
My interests include:
Carving chess pieces out of ivory.
Carving elephant tusks out of chess pieces.
My religious views are:
Taoism is the one true path to self-realization.
Confucianism is the one true path to social order.
The track through my backyard is the one true path to the outhouse.
Some of my life events include:
Hiding in a wall cavity after being born in the Year of the Rat.
Lost an arm inventing gun powder.
Reclaimed an arm after inventing neurosurgery.
Unable to feel my arm after sleeping on it last night.