Joshua Scribner is the author of eight published novels and over 100 short stories. He currently lives in Michigan with his wife and two daughters. Up to date information on his work can be found at joshuascribner.com.
on March 16, 2011 :
Overall this is a very well-written and clever short that's certainly worth a read. The story and ending are good, the length is just about right, and there aren't any spelling or grammar mistakes (well, I didn't see any).
I'm going to try to give some constructive criticism, though these are really minor. At the start of the story, there's a character that isn't mentioned after the first section. Looking back on the first section after reading the whole thing, a lot of what's said doesn't matter to the rest of the story. If you do keep the old man, maybe tying him in with Dave would give him purpose. If you don't, the main character could benefit from having the extra space used to work on his character. This isn't a big issue, I'm just hoping my writeup will help you with your writing.
(review of free book)