By Kathryn Allen
Copyright 2011 Kathryn Allen
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‘Slipping into insanity was like sinking into quicksand. Struggling against it, just as futile.’
Slowly Ellie lowered the page and closed her eyes against the confession that it represented. For so long she had thought of her mother as just that, a mother, not as a person who craved love and gentle affection as much as anyone. Now, after so very long, there was no denying that her mother had revealed herself as more of a woman than she had ever imagined her to be. Reluctantly she opened her eyes and continued to read the letter.
‘Every day I knew what I was doing was madness but I couldn’t stop. I’d say to myself this is the last time but of course it wasn’t nor was the next time or the time after that. Absolute madness it was. I once thought that marriage was forever and I had made a vow and I would stick to it. People of my generation were brought up to think like that, Ellie. But the thing is, forever is a long time to be unhappy. Your father was always a hard man but at the start that didn’t matter. I was too young and naïve to see the difference between passion and violence, although I did learn after a while. It was only later when it became a daily event that I realised he was sick.’