Chapter Four

The Hearts Pliability

They are...separated from the life of God...due to the hardening of their hearts

I have lost. More than I can describe. In truth, I have never won at anything. I have lost everything in my life more than once. I have lost my most precious personal belongings. I have lost my reputation. I have lost relationships. I have lost all my money. I have lost my self-respect. You name it, I had it and I lost it in some manner or another. I am used to it by now. I had hardened my heart so it didn’t matter to me. I became pessimistic and fatalistic in order to deal with it. As a Christian, early on, I read in the Book that I could never lose the Lord. Well, I believe the Book. Totally. So since that is what it says, that is what I believe. But if it were possible to lose the Lord, I would be the one that could do it. It would have to be a supernatural event for me to keep anything in my life; except possibly my penchant for self- destruction and making bad choices.

Early in my life I was hurt by so many things - I remember each one. But it was the cumulative effect of them all that did the real damage. By the time I was in my twenties I was an emotional basket case. My thirties were even worse. I finally bottomed out at forty-one. Let me pick a few examples from my life, maybe then you can get the flavor of my madness.