About this business of “May-December” love, I can only speak for the “December” side of the connection. You see, I was a robust and virile “older” male who suddenly found himself mumbling unexpected commitment to this flashy little heart-crusher still in her twenties. I was twice her age, forcrissakes.

When a man like me has reached a place of supposed enlightenment and suddenly finds himself in a candy store with a license to steal, believe me, there’s trouble ahead. No matter how strong his resistance, how prudent and cautious his intentions, he’s still going to reach for the sweet goods. I did. When that young and beautiful temptress gazed deeply into my world-weary eyes and convinced me she had spent her tender years searching only for me, I was a fool without hope. All the supposed smarts which had taken so long to wedge into the space behind my age-dated forehead seemed to disintegrate. I became, under the hot-bodied domination of this nubile invader into my well-ordered life, a rubber ball bounced to the max.

~

HER. I don’t think I could have ever conceived that such an improbable relationship would happen to me. No, not ever. Falling in love with her, a malady that might aptly be described as the “Lolita Syndrome,” is simply not my style. I’m a plodder, a thinker, a wary hesitator not known for plunging headlong into chancy endeavors; let alone, forcrissakes, serious romance. I simply wasn’t prepared—my own fail-safe system didn’t emit one lousy warning blip. There I was, minding my own celibate business, sort of in a state of romantic disconnection so to speak when, with silken finesse, she plunged herself into the workings of my life. She zapped me with full phaser power while I was still bent over picking up the soap.

We’re talking world-class female here, Captain. HER was a beguiling butterfly, a neon charisma of devastating charm and personality who had, for all her adult life, fluttered from flower to flower seeking the nectar of love. She was sexy and gorgeous and totally irresistible—and I was amazed by how it could all be packaged in such a neat container. And if that wasn’t enough to ensure my surrender, there was that cascading bouquet of honey blond curls spilled ever so carelessly around HER’s damnably-perfect face. I was convinced I had discovered the jewel of creation; all that is desirably female and wonderful in this world.