We all struggled with releasing control to others because everything seemed important to handle personally. The dark circles under our eyes darkened even more while we drank coffee practically nonstop and pushed on day after day. After my sister and I spent months away from our home in San Francisco, neglected work and bills called for our attention. After difficult nights of little to no sleep, we were all a mess. The workload was too much. Finally we sought help from other people, which provided solutions and reduced our tasks.

We took one task at a time and determined which duties were important for us personally to handle and which could be accomplished by others. Good friends made some of the necessary phone calls and coached us in making decisions about funeral and memorial service details. After we released some control and tasks to others we trusted, sleep came easier. We then had time to take care of ourselves by taking breaks or a walk, calling supportive friends, getting a manicure, or simply taking a nap.

We ignored our own needs when we tried to do everything ourselves. Your family may want you to take part in the planning, but you also need to take care of yourself. You may be captive to unexpected public meltdowns of emotion when you take on too much. If you try to avoid the grief that comes along with the death of a mother or father, unresolved grief only delays your natural grieving process.

Grieving Your Own Way