It would seem a contradiction. I want to be the pen. I yearn to be the pen. Yet to be the pen is to relinquish all control and to sacrifice my own wants and desires for the sake of merely being lost in the act of being the pen. It is an endless cycle of death and rebirth. This is why I am and forever will be the Phoenix.

It takes an enormous amount of energy out of me to channel information that flows through me. Every time I embark on a new creation the author wishes to write, I do so knowing that I am closer to being completely drained. The effect on my human form is evident to those who know me. My drive to complete my task pulls me away from them. I cease to live among them as I normally would. I function only on instinct. I walk among them only in body. My heart and my spirit are in another place.

Those that know me are growing use to this though. For some of them it is painful to witness. I will often forget to eat, to rest, and even at times to breathe. I forget for a time what it is to live. Though they are concerned for my welfare, they will allow my detachment and patiently await my return.

At times, it is hard to be the pen. Harder still for those who love me, and accept that I am the pen. Some of them do not understand my willing sacrifice, nor do they understand that it is not to me a sacrifice. They do understand that it is my choice. I am blessed with the knowledge that they will be waiting for me when my task is complete. I have done this many times before. My detachment from reality. My disappearing and rebirth.

This time is different. From a place that flutters between heaven and earth I write. I continue my interactions and learning from the humans, while resting and choosing to come home to heaven. Travelling back and forth is more exhausting. I am being drained much more quickly than ever before, but the constant renewal of energy continues to flow into me. I will remain strong enough to complete the task at hand.

Those who know me have agreed to help, full well knowing that there are times when they must let me be. There are times when they must let me rest and times when they must not interfere when my energy is drained. There are times when they must accept that it is OK for me to become weak. They have agreed to help, to wait patiently, and watch. They will catch me as I fall and tenderly hold me while my strength returns. They have agreed to help and go out into the world gathering the knowledge and information that I am destined to share with you. They have agreed to help and stand guard over my weakened form and distract forces that may try to overpower and consume me. They protect me from other hands that attempt to pick me up and use me as another's pen. They shake their heads and say to those foreign hands, "No, she is not yours to use".