Teenaged + Girl + Poetry
a collection of poems by

Yaritza Garcia
Copyright 2012 by Yaritza Garcia
Smashwords Edition

Dedicated to that girl I used to be.
The teenager that did so much crying for me,
learning everything the hard way.
I had to publish this poetry to honor her
and all the strange girls out there
who might like her poetry.
****


One Thing

If I told you
you are beautiful
you would just laugh
and call me blind
saying you are far
from that
And that’s one thing
I love about you

****

Potential

You always looked above my head
at my potential.
Even though I was young and wild
and experimental.
You saw school as the best way
to have a better future,
But all my struggling never did
seem to suit you.
You never liked the friends I had
while I was growing up.
You never seemed to be there for me
like they were, though.
You never let me go out,
I remember.
But then you gave me away
to a strange family member.
You always looked above my head
at what I could’ve been.
You never did erase your pride
and just looked at me.

****

Stumbled

your life
stumbled into mine
and now we’ve affected
each other’s destiny
now we belong
inside someone else’s psychological
book of memories
I don’t think you know
how much
you’ve impacted me
I don’t think you know
how grand this is

****

Mary’s Mind

I wish I could go in your mind
and shop-lift.
Take some things back.
Just sneak them in my bra
and slink away.
That way, perhaps
you’d still be my friend.

****

emotional assistance pet
carry me around everywhere you go

****

Spontaneous Meltdown

Desperate, confused, blind
A stranger to this land
Trying to be something I’m not
or searching for who I am?

I don’t know

I test the boundaries
of sanity
Jumping in and out
of reality

When you feel
everything at once
You have a nervous breakdown
Reason shuts down
Spontaneous meltdown

****

Quick Date

Tonight we had nowhere to go,
nowhere to be in this small town.
So we sat in your car with nothing
but ourselves and the radio sounds.

The music was very old
but we didn’t care.
We were in a different era
right then and there.

And when you kissed me, I felt a jolt.
Some wonderful fireworks in your ride.
You held my hand as you drove me home
and watched as I snuck back inside…

****

Weak Smile

Maybe I just have to
grow up some more
So that I find out
what life is worth
And be able to
look at everyone
Without any feelings
of doubt
And the smile I
give away
All those forced times
during the day
Will finally hold
sincerity
Instead of just
insecurity
Maybe I just have to
grow up some more

****

Cry Out

Cry out
open your mouth
You asked for it
begged
Reached for it
and fell

****

Your Smile

you fell into the spell
as if it was a spider web
and I took a closer look at you

you threatened me
as you didn’t struggle
or panic to break free

you just gave me
a wonderful smile

and I fell into the spell of your smile
as if it was a spider web
as I lay there silent
you took a closer look at me
and smiled

****

My Ex-Best Friend

You puzzle me so much.
My ex-best friend.
I didn’t think we’d ever
have an end.
You ignore me in the hallways
where we once hung out.
You have new friends
--a new life without a doubt.
You only speak to me
when there’s no one else around.
You deny all the sleep-overs
and the fun that we had found.
You puzzle me so much.
My ex-best friend.
Walking with your clique.
I watch you play pretend.
You know, I never thought
that we would have an end.

****

Unique Perfection

Adolescent thoughts
challenging questions
Pushing the limit
to such perfection

Such a hunger
for unique expression
In this plane
you’ll leave your impression

Don’t worry…
it makes you beautiful

****

Voicemail

I hear your voice
tangled in the static of the phone
I also hear the music
in the background
I can’t measure your honesty
nor dilute your words for lies
that leaves me with nothing
but a doubt in my mind

And that message you left me…
did you sound happier than usual?

****

Mood swings again
I can feel the pain
I’m afraid
you’re in
my path

****

No Urge to Run Downtown

I have no urge
to run downtown
and search
for music sounds
Or make my way
through drunk crowds
I’d rather stay
where it’s not so loud

Id’ rather drown
in the voices of my radio
than in drunken
stranger conversations

I don’t care to dance
don’t want to drink a thing
there’s nothing to enhance
I’m not missing anything

****

The Trend

My dreams are outside
of the trend
my words don’t look
fashionable
on paper
The subject matter
does not
entertain you

****

Imagery

My brain is my crime
It won’t let me think for myself
It preoccupies me with
imagery
It won’t let me see through
to the essence I hold
It entangles me with
words
gives too much value
to the outer influence
that preoccupies me with
imagery

****

Opinions in a Jar

put your opinions
in a jar
then close it
stare at it
for days
until they rot
then later on fish out
the ones
that didn’t decompose
those
are the ones
worth keeping

****

Taken Away

An avalanche of feelings has fallen on me
Because you put me in a vulnerable position
I think of all the happiness you place in me
And all the things at my disposition

Then I realize, to my dismay
it could all be taken away

****

Voices

Millions of voices
from all around me
questioning me
asking what I’ll do
with my life
all of them at once
The echoes make them
two million
bending and cracking
the walls that confine
my insanity
and that far away
screaming noise
is my voice
trying to tell them
to shut up and guide me
through this
less traveled road

****

I did what they do for happiness
I drank
I smoked
I danced

and felt nothing

except a bit of disgust

****

Don’t Try to Teach Me

Enslaved
in your own prison
the one you built
yourself

Build with fears
chances not taken
dreams not followed
and an urge for security

YOU made your life
unfair
YOU settled in life

Do not try to
teach me
to do the same

I do not live
by the rule of
“life is unfair”
I make my own
destiny
and go from
there

****

I take a different road

I just woke up
and noticed
I’m tired of hearing
everyone’s advice

All those people
that didn’t make it
all of a sudden think
they’ve got the secret for me

I take a different road
I drive a different car
and I even have
a different destination in mind

****

Discarded Words

Your words are scribbled
in my notebook
and it takes me
to the past
It brings memories
of your smile
and all we had
in common
I turn the page
it’s blank.
A jolt to the present
and I’m sad
I don’t find you
there

****

a bullet word

It startled me
it hurt
Your words hit
my brain
and I felt pain
a verbal knife
a bullet word
why did it hurt
so much?
My heart just stopped
or so
I
thought
with every word
you drew
my blood
it hurt
your words
punctured
my soul

****

Wide Open Hell

I feel I was
blind
in heaven
but my eyes
are wide open
in hell
So as I look up
through the cloud
of smoke
I realize how
beautiful
it was
and how much I
didn’t appreciate it
because I couldn’t
see what
I had

****

Drowning

Lend me a hand now,
I’m drowning.
All my hopes go under
as I see you
drowning next to me
extending your hand
to me.

****

the dimensions close in

the dimensions close in
the palm of my hand
is no place to be right now
the palm
the palm of my hand

the palm of my hand
is no place to be right now
the dimensions close in
the palm of my hand
is no place to be right now

****

Still Don’t Know

My future is in front of me, they say
But it seems to be too far away
Out of my reach, out of my vision
Right now in the form of a delusion

They say the road will fork ahead
But I haven’t even started my way
Still uncertain, still in doubts
Still don’t know how to choose my route

****

Glimpse

The pretty girl’s
make-upped face
turned and looked at me
With silky hair
golden hair
Her back straight
on the chair

And I looked back
with my dark brown eyes
Wiping my dirty hands
on my dirty t-shirt
Then my skinny body
turned to wash the dishes

****

Understanding

I wanted to tell her she isn’t missing anything.
She looked at my bare flat belly
as she handed me the delivered food.
I could feel her thoughts
all the pain that comes with
being her.
I knew what it was like
to look in the mirror and see her
--and be cruel…
--and scrutinize…
then think of the reactions in her memory
from every single boy
(and the glares from some of the girls).
As she walked away
I wanted to yell at her
the being me sucks just as much.

****

ever since

ever since
you abandoned me
I feel like a discarded
piece of paper

and I can’t read the words
that are on my crumpled pages
and I can’t find the meaning
to my torn little edges

ever since
you abandoned me
I feel like a discarded
piece of paper

and my ink is running through
and I feel uncomfortable

and it’s blue like my veins
and I can’t rhyme ever again

ever since
you abandoned me
I feel like a discarded
piece of paper

Torn
Wrinkled
and old
and so…
crumpled
…
makes me wanna hate ya!

ever since
you abandoned me
I feel like a discarded
piece of paper

****

Like Every Other Girl

I want to see the flowers
like every other girl
I want to have a smile
that never quivers or fades
Be able to be in the sunshine
without getting burned
Be able to remember life
and everything I’ve learned

Not keeping track of pills
Not seeing therapists
Not wondering if today’s happiness
will be suicidal tomorrow

I want to see the flowers
like every other girl…

****

Concentrate

I can’t concentrate
I just can’t concentrate
I was living in a place of comfort
And now someone has shoved it underwater
Now as I drown in my delusions
And the thoughts that once were good
I realize how wrong I was
And how much I lied to myself
And I can’t keep lying now
just to keep me afloat
It won’t work anymore
My lungs have already tasted the water
of disappointment and pain
Now all I can do is drown
until someone helps me
Then I can lie to myself again
just to keep me afloat

****

Concert Monday Night

surrounded
drowning in a sea
of people
shouting
sweating
deaf by the music
I should be happy
but I’m not

I sing along
to the sad songs
and shout
but I can’t hear myself

They are
on stage
pouring their
tired hearts out
but I can’t focus
or pay attention
I’m not in this moment
I’m in the next

I should be happy
but I’m not

****

Regress

Too many doubts
cloud the mind
and the wind flowing
is no longer sound
And we rip
each other apart
until it’s so gruesome
it looks like art
But nonetheless
we regress
back to our
caves
to be the
slaves
How dare you
become
one of them?

****

One Feeling

One feeling
of being alone
yet
standing up.
The thought
of someone
being mine
to drag on a leash
just so
I can feel
like a master.
I cry
sometimes
to put the
tears
on my hook
as bait.
Life is
taunting me
and one day
I will
bite back.
Break my teeth
in the process
‘cause it
is bigger
than I.
So is the
monster
I hide
inside.
I was
born alone
so why am I
so afraid
of dying
by myself?
One feeling
of being alone
with no one
to break me
but no one
to be
with me.

****

Wired

Tasting your lollipop
I get such a sugar rush
And I want more sweets
to taste more of this crush

I drink your coffee
and I get so hyper
People point and ask
“What is wrong with her??”

I lick your battery
and I get so wired
With you in my mouth
I’ll never get tired

****

untitled (messy house)

I’m messy, you should see
my house
If you come in, step around

the stuff

on the floor

The ground is there
somewhere

I like to lie on my mattress
and look up at the stars
that glow in the dark
on my ceiling

This is
how I’m living

I walk to the kitchen
for breakfast
I feed my fish
they stare
from the counter
they know I’m there

The cat knows
they are there too

****

My Failed Attempt at an Explanation

I’m sorry
all those boundaries we lost…
well, I kind of want them back

****

Empty Hands

As I stand before you, you wonder
why I don’t cry
My make-up is intact, and my
cheeks quite dry

My hands are still as stone,
no sign of being upset
And my expression shows
no sign of some regret

You look out past the window
avoiding all eye contact
And I have to stop and wonder
if this is all an act

But you know I love you
always had
Only problem is
you don’t love back

So forgive me if I don’t
seem the least bit sad
But how can I weep over
that which I never had?

****

All poems by Yaritza Garcia,
AKA
Moody Thursday
=^_^=
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