What a strange phrase, indeed! I have spent an outrageous amount of time debating four simple words, and I’m still uncertain! I suppose that the true meaning of this mysterious little phrase shall remain, well, a mystery!
Story Four: Me vs. A Dragon: Once upon a time, there was a girl named S. Miles. Wait, why? Why am I in a story I’m writing? I don’t get it. Anyways, I suppose I have no choice but to move on. This woman was a princess. (So far, I like this story!) Unfortunately, a vicious dragon came into town. Equally unfortunately, Princess Miles was appointed to slay this deadly, evil… fire-breathing… um, myself? There’s a small problem. I’m going to end up dying due to my own writing. Oh dear. This is not good at all! But I have to keep writing what I think of! Whatever I come up with, I will write. But…! No butts or gluteus maximi of any kind! Now shut up and listen, myself. And, um, write. You can do that, too.
Where was I? Oh, yes. Princess Miles ventured to the lair of this evil dragon. But this cave was far away, and she ran out of food supply and almost starved. Not giving up, she continued walking in the hot, dry, uninhabited, lonely, awful desert. Did it have to be that painful? No. But it was funny! I’m inflicting pain on myself. I’m going to have some choice words with this creative genius of mine after this story!
Finally, she was able to drag herself to the dragon’s cave. She knocked on the huge wooden doors of his home. On the doorstep, the doormat read ‘LAIR SWEET LAIR.” Princess Miles waited and waited, but there was no answer. The dragon wasn’t even home! So S. Miles lay there, helpless, before the dragon’s cave, and waited for his return. The stinging, scorching sun tanned her, which was very nice. But then she got burned badly. Third degree burn, too. Ouch.
And then guess who finally showed up? The dragon. “Listen here, dragon dude! I’m here to slay you. But before I do that, I gotta file in a complaint here! I just sat on your stinkin’ doorstep for, like, three stupid hours, and I got pretty darn burned! Check out my shoulder. Do you see this? I’m going to get serious skin cancer when I’m older if I live through this, man! I’m risking’ my life for my kingdom, and I gotta wait. Can’t this be quick? Sup with you, dude? Now let’s do this. Alright. I’m ready. Bring it, fire-face!” she complained. The dragon roared, and breathed fire on poor Princess Miles. Her long dress which, in all technicality, she probably shouldn’t have even worn to a battle with a fire breathing dragon, burned up to be four inches above her knee before she could put it out. It was rather uncomfortable to have a burned-up dress on. “Excuse me, Mr.- um- Sir Dragon? This dress is very uncomfortable to fight in. Do you, by any chance, have some spare outfits? Shorts and a tee or something?” she begged. “Inside,” the dragon grunted. He opened the massive door and she trudged inside. While she was changing, the dragon sat patiently outside. “Done yet?” he asked.