Part 4 of the Messiah Tree
By Bruce Goff
Published by Bruce Goff at Smashwords
Copyright 2012 Bruce Goff
There was a time once when I believed there was no God above me, or hell beneath my feet. I found the human concept of “finding God,” ridiculous. My will was the only god I worshiped. I was the judger of sins. I was the righter of wrongs. I waged war on the evil I saw all around me, and thought that I could come away clean. That's not meant to excuse the things I've done. My past is what it is. I don't mourn it. I was an assassin, and before that a soldier. I became what I was because I had needed to in order to survive. The same was true of Susan Harris. It never occurred to either of us that we might believe as we did for much the same reason. Then one day God found us both. I looked down then at my soul and saw blood on all the pages of my life. It was only then that I realized what I had become; and so only then that I despaired.
It’s easy to lose track of time when you’re walking in between. It’s easy to become disoriented as well, when the timeline of your life isn’t syncing up with the individual lives you are following. I found myself in a familiar room, standing over the form of a woman I had already slain in my own relative timestream. I didn’t know how many days or hours of my time had elapsed since I’d been there. Frankly, I was more puzzled by the fact that I was back at all. A part of me had concluded that I had been sent into Susan’s world in order to react as I had, to the injustices of her life. I thought of myself as the universes way of getting even; or of ensuring that not all crimes went unpunished. The fact that I was back meant that my understanding of my role in events was incomplete; not that I at any time considered that my understanding was flawed, simply incomplete. I pondered this, even as I looked in on the office of Rachel Stover.