My Schizophrenic Experience
Copyright 2013 Dennis Hou
Published at Smashwords
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I feel that the diagnosis for schizophrenia sometimes lives in a fantasy world. If you do research on schizophrenia, you will discover that when you have your first psychotic episode, you are supposed to tell a doctor right away so that he or she can cure you. Personally, at that time I did not even know what a psychotic episode even was, so there was no possible way I could have talked to a doctor. Furthermore, I knew nothing about schizophrenia, so I figured that if I had it I was crazy for life and would have to be locked up in a mental hospital.
I think the first weird thing that happened to me was in grade 7. My teacher got me in trouble for putting dirty words on the computer screen of this guy who I was talking with. I remember crying for about forty minutes. I just kept babbling and babbling and I just could not stop. I had no reason to do this. Even when I got control over myself, I was still feeling half sad and half happy. I used to be really embarrassed about this event. Now it is not as bad because on the inside I know that it was not me. This is symbolic because, at least to me, it represents my first experience with bipolar disorder. My first sign of mental illness. Basically bipolar disorder is a disorder where you experience mixed feelings of extreme happiness and depression. I have noticed that it mainly comes in phases, like some days happy some days sad, but I have also noticed that when I am depressed I may have certain moments of happiness just as how when I am happy I have certain moments of depression. Now this brought me a whole lot of embarrassment in the future, because the fact that I smiled during my depressive phase made me think I did not have depression, that I was just a wuss. To be perfectly honest, I did not even know what bipolar disorder really was at that time. I think slang and stereotypes teach you to believe that bipolar disorder means that you get mad really easily.