Speak if You May.
By Nora Jaber
Copyright 2012 Nora Jaber.
“Mommy, don’t go” I thought over and over while my mother hurriedly gathered her belongings into her purse. Once she was done she walked towards me.
“Darling mommy has to go to work now okay? It’s all for you, so that we can pay for your treatment and get you out of here as quick as we can, love. I’ll be back in the morning.” She leaned down and kissed my forehead. Tears automatically glazed my eyes. I wished she could hear me, but I knew that no treatment would make ever that possible.
“Don’t cry love, it’ll be over soon” she reluctantly said as she started to leave for the door; we both knew how untrue those words were though. She turned to look at the nurse who stood in the corner arranging my medications.
“Mary, take good care of her and don’t give her too much of that, it keeps her too alert. She needs her sleep.” Mary nodded at my mom then left the room.
“Don’t worry, love. You’re in good hands” my mother said before leaving.
Within seconds my body was already shaking. I pulled my blanket all the way up to my nose so that only my eyes were visible. I wanted to close them and dose off, but sleep wasn’t an option here; not when my mother was gone. My gaze kept going back to the door, I prayed that it would stay shut but I knew I was hoping for too much. Time felt like it wasn’t passing and I felt more alone than ever. There was no clock on the wall and I didn’t have a watch; I had no way of telling what time it was. Only a few minutes must have gone by but it felt like I’d been alone for hours. I lay there waiting, just waiting for the night to unleash injustice on me in its most twisted form. I heard a sound coming from my right, and turned my head to see the door knob being turned. Instinctively I pulled my cover around me even tighter and lay as still as a corpse. I could feel my heart pounding so fiercely through my chest; my breath quickened until it felt like breathing was something I had to put effort into. Without looking I knew who walked in. Mary’s footsteps had become so familiar by then; besides, no one else had access to my room at this time except for my doctor who never even came in after seven.