I grew up in a sleepy little town in Southern Oregon. It was pretty conservative. They had a Sundown Law on the books way past the 60's. I'm not sure why the city fathers bothered with the law, because Grants Pass was a very white town. Guess they didn't want 'strangers' loitering after sundown. I didn't agree with racism or any kind of discrimination. I didn't fit in, and I dearly wanted to. Whenever I heard unkind comments my stomach churned. My grandfather was from the South and I heard words that no one should hear. Listening to hateful words, even when the person the words were directed at wasn't in the room, burned with discomfort. It made me squirm and I was aware that it left an indelible imprint. At a deep cellular level I knew it was wrong, that it hurt me too. As I was growing up you would think that I would have been more kind. Knowing how it hurt didn't stop me from being hurtful to others. Wanting to fit in and knowing I didn't, pushed me to do things against my inner knowing. Guess I was a slow learner, or maybe I should call it a thorough learner. It was a good training ground for the experiment in (S)self awareness that has inspired the last 30 years of my life.

Life inspires me. Sometimes it is messy. Sometimes it is delicious. Sometimes it is painful. I never know which version will meet me as I start a new day. I once saw a picture of two monks in beautiful red and gold clothing riding a rollercoaster. They were perched atop the highest point just about to drop down in the twists and turns. Their arms were in the air and the grins on their faces defied words. They are my role model for how to do life. We aren't in control. We might as well put our arms into the air and ride life for all its worth. When we do that, we find out that life has infinite value.

I write for myself. It is a cathartic process. Because I write with a high degree of raw openness, my words seem to be accessible to others. They can see their life in my words. My last book was about death and dying and grief. And I have found that people don't need to be going through a physical death in order to 'grok' my words. They get it because they too, are going through smaller deaths ... the end of a relationship, the loss of a job, a change in status, a health issue and loss of vitality. This is a planet where none of us get out alive and we will lose everything in the process, everything and everybody. The beauty of that is that when we allow ourselves the experience, we are constantly meeting death. Death is a wonderful teacher. It teaches us how to live. Until I had met death, I wasn't fully alive. I am now.

I have always written. As a kid I wrote several pieces of dark poetry when I was feeling disconnected from life. I was never suicidal but thoughts of suicide did come through in my poetry. I realized in my early teens that everything my family believed, while it might appear to work for them, didn't work for me. Writing was for expression, so that I could say the things that I couldn't put into voice. I didn't learn to put my thoughts on loudspeaker until much later in life, after many hard knocks and brilliant successes. Both failure and success were grand teachers. I felt inadequate through both. If it hadn't been for the successes though, I might still be attempting to find success instead of going within to find the 'Capital T' truth.

"Silent Presence" is the raw, real and fully lived story of my husband Ken's five years with cancer and the year following what appears to be his death. As one of my readers wrote in tribute, "It is a brilliantly written reflection of how a mind can release its hold through a process of physical death and dying, but more importantly it is a vivid reminder to let life have us, completely and without reservation. It is a call to open our hearts more widely than we might know how to do." I don't think I will add anything to her words.

There isn't much about me that is traditional anymore. To use a traditional press would fly in the face of who I am and what I offer. I like the new, unusual, unique. This is one of the ways we change our world.

I love Smashwords. I have told other authors about them and they have books now on Smashwords too. I love the fact that with one file, my words are available in every format for every e-reader. What's not to like. Anybody with a computer or a e-device can access my work. Love it.

My purpose here is compassion .. compassion for myself and through that process, compassion to all others. I answer emails. I listen to concerns. Most of the questions I get are about places I have experienced personally so I can share my experience. We are all designed differently and yet are very much alike. I share my reality and if it resonates for you as true, good. It might be helpful. If not, that's good too because you know what it doesn't look like for you.

I am constantly writing small articles and updates on my website AmayaGayle.com. I know I will be writing another book. I am just not sure when. I am still in communication with Kendal, my husband Ken's spirit name. He says we will write a book together and I trust that. Life now is listening. Listening to the inner voice and doing what it says. Anytime I deign to defer, there is a small wake-up call attached -- not painful, but pointed. I choose to listen. When I do, things simply work and work simply.

I loved Jed McKenna's trilogy. I would read anything he writes regardless of how 'awake' I am. I love the way he uses words and the total irreverence he writes with. He is a fun ride. I also get so much from A.H. Almaas, Joel Goldsmith and Wei Wu Wei. I love Science Fiction too. The works of J.R.R. Tolkien, Frank Herbert, C.S. Lewis adorn my shelf in movie form. I have a collection of what I deem to be the finest films with a spiritual message. It is wonderful to live in a time where I can add new movies regularly. Just after Kendal told me that we are a constant series of incarnations ... his words, "We incarnate. That is what we are, a continuous process of incarnations," I went to the movies and saw "Cloud Atlas". It brilliantly demonstrated what we had talked about less than twenty-four hours before. On my shelf: Life of Pi, Inception, Alice in Wonderland, Avatar, Dune, Matrix trilogy, Star Wars, Whale Rider, Lord of the Rings trilogy, Hobbit, Narnia trilogy, The Truman Show and others. I use movie quotes judiciously in my latest book. It helps us to see the reality from a different angle.

I don't write. I type and the words flow through me. With "Silent Presence", some of the work came from my journals. During Ken's illness I found journaling good therapy. Some of the book came as I was told to add a particular memory. When I was asked to do so, I entered a holographic reconstruction of that sparkling moment in time. I could literally see, feel, taste, touch and smell the experience. The smell was intense. It was difficult and wondrous entering into the world Ken and I shared after his body was no longer on this plane.