John Blandly

Biography

The New Year’s Eve edition of Santa, You Freak is under the mistletoe.

The reindeer say the New Year's Eve edition of Santa, Le Freak will be ready for online Christmas Eve parties. I hope that makes sense.

Los renos decir la Nochevieja edición de Santa, Le Freak estará listo para los partidos de la víspera de Navidad en línea. Espero que eso tiene sentido.

My electronic Shelf Elf says buy a Nook, iPad ibook or Kobo reader for some lucky person this month. Okay, Santa? That is, unless your helpers can make them.

There was a time when Blandly read a lot of Arthur Conan Doyle (Sherlock Holmes), Earle Stanley Gardner, James M. Cain, Ian Fleming, John LaCarre and Ross Macdonald (The Far Side of the Dollar, The Goodbye Look, The Big Sleep). He has read the complete works of Arthur Conan Doyle. He thought Ross, Art and the other guys were great writers. "No Time To Die," is an experimental murder mystery written in the hard-boiled style of noir detective fiction. Blandly is also a fan of Gossip Girl, Girls' Guide To Hunting And Fishing, The Shopoholic, Ethan Frome, Erma Bombeck, Pride and Prejudice, and Chick Lit.

Some of John Blandly's favorite authors are J. D. Salinger, F. Scott Fitzgerald, Voltaire, Kafka, Ionesco, and Gabriel Garcia Marquez. In an esoteric education with no apparent favorable result, he studied Irish playwrights, the Greek classics, Sophocles, Euripides, Aristophanes, Homer, and the ancient Roman poet Catullus. He has recently read parts of The Rise and Fall of the Roman Empire, Mort D'Arthur, and the 15,000 page Encyclopedia Breartonicca. He is fascinated by the up and down careers of the Roman Emperors. He is most interested in contemporary romantic comedy magic realism fiction, and is inspired by good sitcoms and films.

"Lightman," is based on the screenplay of the same name. Lightman doesn't really have any super powers, just fiddler crabs who help him out as he tries to win the heart of his new girlfriend, Venus.

Blandly's massive corporate front office would like to say thank you to everyone who has bought one of his books. Other than a purchase, there is little in the way of feedback, so, when he is aware that a book is appreciated enough to buy, he is very grateful.

About ten years ago Blandly started writing screenplays. Suddenly it seemed like a book was completed when it got to 100 pages. He tried to put in a lot of dialogue, fast paced action and quick cuts, as if you were watching a movie. So, consider yourself lucky that you have been spared a lot of narrative.

It has been said that there is never a final version of a screenplay--just the current one. If you think your script is perfect, just pick it up in a few weeks or months. Spontaneously, it seems, typos, plot flaws, and all sorts of errors appear, as if out of nowhere. That's like an ebook. There is one way ebooks are better than printed books for a writer--you can easily revise them--edit--fix mistakes--make the book better.

"The Volunteers" was originally published in "Studio" (Australia). Blandly loves Australia and hopes some day to visit there. South America too. "Finn" was first published in a print version with Japanese and English in "The Abiko Annual."

Love stories--that's what Blandly likes in a book or a movie. Some love stories here are "Kiss Me, I'm Irish," "Ace It," "Girlfriends Lost," and "The Volunteers." There may be others.

Blandly has always been interested in astronomy, and gets new books almost every year (almanacs). There are always new discoveries. "The Meddlers," and "Peeps" deal with what might happen if there was virtual travel to nearby stars, which our onboard computer thinks will happen.

Check out Blandly's films by searching johnblandly on YouTube.

Phantom of the Art Gallery

http://www.youtube.com/user/JohnBlandly#p/u/0/XiDzQvtkbcA

Blandly resides in the wilderness of the New York frontier.
Here are some links to navigate with him!

It is said that a prophet is not without honor except in his home town. Blandly says, based on sales of his books, "Looks like my home town is--THE WORLD!"

The young adult novelette, The Volunteers, is based on a number of true stories, or more accurately, harrowing experiences.

Girlfriends Lost is completely fictional--we wish!
We do not know how to explain it right now except to say, Caesar used to write about himself in the third person, but he had far better adventures.
So, enjoy reading "The Death of John Blandly, Continued," included in this novella, and if you can figure it out, let us know, at jjbrearton@aol.com.

John Blandly and his friends, two brothers, Avant Life Guard, Avant Security Guard and their sister, Avant Point Guard, have posted articles and stories on the Internet, and have virtually collaborated on some sites, like Triond. Some of these writings are collected here.

Some of the covers of the books use photos courtesy of Freedigitalphotos.net.

http://twitter.com/blandly

Smashwords Interview

Where did you grow up, and how did this influence your writing?
a small Northeast US city
When did you first start writing?
started out as a cartoonist, and, at about age 19, when a beautiful redhead girl from down South broke my heart, started writing poems and stories--sorry
Read more of this interview.

Where to find John Blandly online

Twitter: AvantLifeGuard

Videos

John Blandly eBooks--a film
Two young girls, Rin and Kangura, discuss John Blandly's eBooks, and their views on boyfriends--they say, "You can't have guys going around 'thinking.'"

Books

Santa, Le Freak
By
Series: Christmas Romance Fantasy Fiction. Price: $0.99 USD. Words: 860. Language: Spanish. Published: December 12, 2014. Category: Fiction » Holiday » Christmas
Un nariz roja del Reno rapea sobre la temporada de vacaciones. Está muy ocupado en el 24 de diciembre y 25, pero aparte de eso, tiene un montón de tiempo libre. Le gusta el muérdago y las fiestas de Navidad y es un muy buen besador. Entonces, él espera escuchar de ti y realmente quisiera una fecha para la víspera de año nuevo. Es difícil escribir con estos cascos.
Abominable Snowman
By
Series: The Adventures of Jill & Gigi. Price: $0.99 USD. Words: 1,180. Language: English. Published: December 12, 2014. Category: Fiction » Romance » Contemporary
The true story of the arrest and brief death row life of the heart-throb of American women, the guy who American husbands vowed to hunt down and kill, the Abominable Snowman.
Hotlanta Plus
By
Series: Felicity Jones, Literary Agent, Book 5 · Southern Girls, Book 4. Price: $0.99 USD. Words: 4,800. Language: English. Published: September 26, 2014. Category: Fiction » Romance » Contemporary
The anthology of trying to forget about her, featuring that wild and gorgeous literary agent, Felicity Jones.
The Guy Instructional Manual
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Price: $1.99 USD. Words: 6,720. Language: English. Published: August 22, 2014. Category: Fiction » Young adult or teen » Humor
Finally, the historic groundbreaking Guy Instructional Manual, breaking the ground as we speak, featuring a bonus, low cost, low calorie (but maybe not better) alternative to the upcoming X-Rated College Girl Cookbook, plus, free of charge, the unreadable "How to be a Best Man" and the shocking and forgettable, "Guys Who Knit."
Selfies
By
Price: $0.99 USD. Words: 1,480. Language: English. Published: May 30, 2014. Category: Fiction » Graphic novels & comics » Science fiction
As we all recall, Earth was invaded by tiny space ships from another solar system. The "freeze frames" have now been decoded, showing video clips of the invaders, who have disappeared.
Political Cartoons
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Price: $0.99 USD. Words: 10,500. Language: English. Published: May 28, 2014. Category: Fiction » Literature » Literary
Like a character in a Joseph Conrad novel looking for someone in Africa, finding him, and having the guy say, “The horror. The horror.” That was Ricky's experience with politics.
Art eBook
By
Price: $0.99 USD. Words: 960. Language: English. Published: May 8, 2014. Category: Fiction » Graphic novels & comics » Media tie-in
A retrospective of many of John Blandly's experimental oil paintings, with commentary
Flip Flops
By
Price: $0.99 USD. Words: 1,960. Language: English. Published: April 23, 2014. Category: Fiction » Humor & comedy » General
How to walk in flip flops and analyze subliminal messages and leitmotif at the same time. Talk about multi tasking!
Roll The Dice
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Price: $0.99 USD. Words: 2,890. Language: English. Published: March 24, 2014. Category: Fiction » Literature » Literary
Designated drivers, runaway cows, best-selling authors, and trips to other planets--that is what you get when you roll the dice. So, go ahead, try it.
Poems and Pics
By
Price: $0.99 USD. Words: 2,670. Language: English. Published: February 21, 2014. Category: Fiction » Graphic novels & comics » Contemporary women
For those of you who are easily distracted, we have included photos of beautiful women in this new collection of poems, sure to win Blandly a Nobel Prize, or maybe a stick of dynamite.
Something Icy
By
Series: The Adventures of Jill & Gigi, Book 2 · Christmas Romance Fantasy Fiction. Price: $0.99 USD. Words: 3,890. Language: English. Published: February 13, 2014. Category: Fiction » Romance » Time travel
Ice age Neanderthal guys decide to kill wooly mammoths by hitting them with an asteroid. Of course, why did they not think of that before? Then they meet Jill and Gigi, and the fun really begins.
Deutsche Max
By
Price: $0.99 USD. Words: 1,440. Language: German. Published: February 10, 2014. Category: Fiction » Fantasy » Historical
Zurück in den dunklen Zeiten hatte Maximillion und Maxithousand gute Arbeitsplätze mit dem König, Charles die Anzahl. In jenen Tagen gab es verschiedene Möglichkeiten, mit Mörder umzugehen.
Rocky, Fake Service Dog
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Series: Driverless Cars, Book 2. Price: $0.99 USD. Words: 600. Language: English. Published: October 16, 2013. Category: Fiction » Science fiction » Adventure
Rocky, fake service dog, at your service. A mini-novelette adapted from the sci fi rom com novella, "Robot Driver.".
Ace It
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Series: The Adventures of Jill & Gigi, Book 1. Price: $0.99 USD. Words: 3,030. Language: English. Published: October 7, 2013. Category: Fiction » Fantasy » Contemporary
Finn meets a new wavelength girl in the "get acquainted" virtual reality booth. Her name is Glorista McPink, and she says she has a nice figure. He'll see about that--he hopes.
The Fan
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Price: $0.99 USD. Words: 2,770. Language: English. Published: September 12, 2013. Category: Fiction » Humor & comedy » General
When a writer is contacted by a fan, he does not know what he is in for. He has never had a fan before.
Feep's Commentaries
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Price: $0.99 USD. Words: 22,590. Language: English. Published: August 21, 2013. Category: Fiction » Fantasy » Historical
Josiah Feep, a French and Indian War soldier, meets a lovely shopgirl, Ophelia, but then is sent off on a dangerous campaign to capture Fort Ticonderoga.
Regles Pour Les Hommes
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Price: $0.99 USD. Words: 2,520. Language: French. Published: July 22, 2013. Category: Fiction » Humor & comedy » General
Du manuel d'instruction Guy historique, mettant en vedette un bonus, une alternative peu coûteuse (mais peut-être pas mieux), les règles du x à venir pour filles College.
Lightman
By
Price: $0.99 USD. Words: 10,650. Language: English. Published: June 24, 2013. Category: Fiction » Romance » Sci-fi
A Cape Cod superhero battles bad guys in his quest to win the heart of his new girlfriend, Venus.
New & Easy Poems
By
Price: $0.99 USD. Words: 7,660. Language: English. Published: June 12, 2013. Category: Fiction » Poetry » Contemporary Poetry
It is easy to be new. The EPIC/EPPIE nominated collection of poetry.
Bobby The Ghostwriter
By
Price: $0.99 USD. Words: 5,950. Language: English. Published: June 11, 2013. Category: Fiction » Humor & comedy » General
On an incredible quest to be real, Bobby writes a column for the lovelorn, though his own love life is pure fantasy. But then he meets a beautiful artist--can it be?
Recipe For Love
By
Price: $0.99 USD. Words: 1,960. Language: English. Published: May 16, 2013. Category: Fiction » Fantasy » Contemporary
She always spiced things up for him, and when he lost her, he realized she was the ingredient he needed all along.
No Time To Die
By
Price: $0.99 USD. Words: 3,690. Language: English. Published: April 17, 2013. Category: Fiction » Mystery & detective » Hard-Boiled
A murder case getting harder to solve every minute—just the way detective Ollie Reed didn't like it. Plus, he had to deal with curvy Sally Derivadose—his client—the main suspect.
Los Voluntarios
By
Price: $0.99 USD. Words: 4,070. Language: Spanish. Published: April 8, 2013. Category: Fiction » Young adult or teen » Romance
Eryk descubre que una chica que le gusta, D W-B, está en una pandilla. Decide checarlo y recibe paliza, pero resulta que valió la pena. D W-B se reuniera con él en su casillero. A veces no podía incluso hablaba, mirando las pecas en la nariz. Ella era la cosa más bella que jamás había visto.
Bésame, Soy Irlandés
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Series: Felicity Jones, Literary Agent, Book 4. Price: $0.99 USD. Words: 7,020. Language: Spanish. Published: March 16, 2013. Category: Fiction » Romance » Fantasy
Felicity Jones y su hermana menor, Dierdre, salir a un club para la gente local de los hombres, aunque Dierdre tiene que levantarse temprano a la mañana siguiente para volar a Chicago. Cuando Dierdre llega a Chicago se da cuenta de ella llevó el equipaje mal y ahora sólo tiene armario arriesgada de Felicity.
Abbie
By
Price: $0.99 USD. Words: 14,870. Language: English. Published: March 13, 2013. Category: Fiction » Romance » Historical
In his first year of teaching at a small upstate New York college, Frankie DeFrancisco meets beautiful math professor Maisie Montcalm. One of her best friends happens to be Barry Freed. Except that's not his real name. His real name is Abbie Hoffman.
Pickup Lines
By
Price: $2.99 USD. Words: 640. Language: English. Published: January 15, 2013. Category: Fiction » Graphic novels & comics » Romance
It is important to make a good first impression. Guys and girls need guaranteed, battle tested opening lines. Like, can you give me directions? I am getting lost in your eyes. Or, just, Bond--James Bond. Here is a collection you won't want to miss.
Robot Driver
By
Series: Driverless Cars, Book 1 · Christmas Romance Fantasy Fiction. Price: $0.99 USD. Words: 16,030. Language: English. Published: January 8, 2013. Category: Fiction » Romance » Sci-fi
Jonathan has to get a cheap replacement when his designated driver robot, a SexyGirl, is stolen. He has to buy Reggie, a used LawnMan. Reggie is accident prone, gets in fights, and is nothing but trouble.
Finn
By
Price: $0.99 USD. Words: 1,480. Language: English. Published: December 4, 2012. Category: Fiction » Fantasy » Contemporary
Sure, the Irish took over politics in Orange County, Southern California, long ago. We all know that--and inside politics--the winning and losing--it still goes on. So, if there is another Finnegan--another wake--that should come as no surprise.
Rules For Men
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Price: $0.99 USD. Words: 2,280. Language: English. Published: October 5, 2012. Category: Fiction » Young adult or teen » Romance
From the historic groundbreaking Guy Instructional Manual, breaking the ground as we speak, featuring a bonus, low cost (but maybe not better), alternative to the upcoming X-Rated Rules For College Girls. Plus, a helpful warning about Christmas shopping.
College Credit Francais
By
Price: $0.99 USD. Words: 3,010. Language: French. Published: August 30, 2012. Category: Fiction » Young adult or teen » Sci-Fi & fantasy
Toute sa vie, F. Scott Improbable voulait que les gens comme lui. Les premières personnes qu'il a essayé de faire comme lui étaient ses parents. C'était assez dur. Puis c'est les gars dans son quartier et à l'école, mais lorsqu'il s'agit de filles au Collège--maintenant c'était un défi.
St. Patrick's Day
By
Series: Southern Girls, Book 2. Price: $0.99 USD. Words: 5,350. Language: English. Published: July 18, 2012. Category: Fiction » Young adult or teen » Romance
What do you do if you have troubles? Love stories for young adults don't have many answers, but may let you know you're not alone. From Ireland to New York City, for as long as history, there have been troubles. Find comfort here.
Girls On Different Planets
By
Price: $0.99 USD. Words: 16,110. Language: English. Published: May 11, 2012. Category: Fiction » Young adult or teen » Sci-Fi & fantasy
Thistle, a twenty-something graduate student, captures Derek. On her planet, Antigone, all men are taken prisoner, but he is from somewhere else.
The Chicagoans
By
Price: $0.99 USD. Words: 13,590. Language: English. Published: May 2, 2012. Category: Fiction » Mystery & detective » Hard-Boiled
Bernard Notlieb, decides to hire an assistant so he will have someone to talk to. He likes the idea so much, he hires two guys, but things go horribly wrong when Notlieb accidentally gets his assistants involved in a murder case. Now, they refuse to speak to him.
The Greatest Poem Ever Written, and Other Poems
By
Price: $0.99 USD. Words: 3,220. Language: English. Published: February 17, 2012. Category: Fiction » Poetry » Contemporary Poetry
Ever wonder what the greatest poem ever written was? Well, stop wondering, because here it is, plus other poems with letters, words, and paragraphs. Brand spanking new edition.
Ruthy's New Texas Lawyer Friend
By
Price: $0.99 USD. Words: 5,640. Language: English. Published: February 10, 2012. Category: Fiction » Young adult or teen » Romance
When Ruthy has to leave school back east and return to Texas after the death of her parents, she meets Harry Fronctil, a young law school graduate who needs to borrow her father’s law books in order to study for the bar.
The Drip Theory
By
Price: $0.99 USD. Words: 1,400. Language: English. Published: January 12, 2012. Category: Nonfiction » Inspiration » Personal inspiration
Ever wonder why there is water covering the north pole and not the south? Oh, you haven't? Well, that's the Drip Theory. Here are also statistics about the relationships of the polar tilts of the planets, rotational lock relationships, and Alpha Centauri.
BombDown
By
Price: $0.99 USD. Words: 5,240. Language: English. Published: October 5, 2011. Category: Fiction » Fantasy » Contemporary
Donna is asked to speak to a scientist about a plan to shoot down an asteroid. Still in grad school, her new job does not offer much in the way of good looking guys, but what about Geoffrey? But there is little time to study this. North Korean and South Korean subs are firing nuclear warheads at the asteroid. The North Koreans will be darned if the South shoots it down before them.
The Meddlers
By
Price: $0.99 USD. Words: 17,720. Language: English. Published: June 13, 2011. Category: Fiction » Science fiction » Adventure
John Slic, a low level spy, is sent into outer space on a probe to investigate abductions believed to be the work of "physicians" from the Sirius solar system. When Slic bungles the job, beautiful CIA operative Juice Gilligan is sent to rescue him.
Peeps
By
Price: $0.99 USD. Words: 8,060. Language: English. Published: May 18, 2011. Category: Fiction » Romance » Sci-fi
Sasha was 29, and ready to give up filmmaking. She just had to do one more film, but first, she had to meet Rip Tide in order to use his lab as a shooting location. All Rip ever did was come on to her. He seemed to want it that way. He also wanted to take Sasha on a virtual vacation to Alpha Centauri.
Rock Star Diet
By
Price: $2.99 USD. Words: 1,530. Language: English. Published: April 21, 2011. Category: Fiction » Graphic novels & comics » Contemporary women
Beautiful actresses and rock stars may be rich and famous but see how they stay that way and still keep a good sense of humor.
Kiss Me, I'm Irish
By
Series: Felicity Jones, Literary Agent, Book 3. Price: $2.99 USD. Words: 7,090. Language: English. Published: March 1, 2011. Category: Fiction » Fantasy » Contemporary
Felicity Jones gives her younger sister, Dierdre, new luggage. Felicity bought two sets. That night, they go out to a club and tease the local men folk, though Dierdre has to get up early the next morning to fly to Chicago. When Dierdre gets to Chicago she realizes she took the wrong luggage, and now only has Felicity's risky wardrobe.
For Esme--With Love
By
Price: $0.99 USD. Words: 36,930. Language: English. Published: February 15, 2011. Category: Fiction » Young adult or teen » Romance
Esme, an artist, learns a valuable lesson in honesty when she enters a golf tournament. Then her father sets out to find her long lost sister. At age 17, Esme finally gets to meet Darcy. When Darcy appears in an independent film shot on a beach in Southern California by two young filmmakers, Esme meets Steve Ford, one of the producers, but he thinks she's too young.
Bodonis
By
Series: Felicity Jones, Literary Agent, Book 2. Price: $0.99 USD. Words: 1,760. Language: English. Published: February 5, 2011. Category: Fiction » Literature » Literary
Gorgeous literary agent Felicity Jones brings author Giusepe Visconti to the renowned Italian publishing house, Bodonis, only to have an editor tear into Giusepe's novels, unmercifully criticizing every detail of each book right to his face.
Santa, You Freak
By
Series: Christmas Romance Fantasy Fiction. Price: $0.99 USD. Words: 880. Language: English. Published: December 9, 2010. Category: Fiction » Romance » Contemporary
In words only a reindeer can express, Rudy the RNR riffs on the holiday season. He likes mistletoe and Christmas parties, and is a very good kisser. He's busy around the 24th & 25th of December, but other than that, he has a lot of free time, so, he looks forward to hearing from you. This book would be a nice gift even if you haven't got antlers. It's really tough to type with hoofs.
College Guy Cookbook
By
Price: $0.99 USD. Words: 2,610. Language: English. Published: December 2, 2010. Category: Fiction » Young adult or teen » Humor
From the historic groundbreaking Guy Instructional Manual, breaking the ground as we speak, featuring a bonus, low cost, low calorie (but maybe not better) alternative to the upcoming X-Rated College Girl Cookbook, plus, free of charge, the unreadable "How to be a Best Man" and the shocking and forgettable, "Guys Who Knit." Contains no information on how to rotate your tires.
Girlfriends Lost
By
Series: Southern Girls, Book 1. Price: $0.99 USD. Words: 3,780. Language: English. Published: November 17, 2010. Category: Fiction » Romance » Contemporary
If old girlfriends think that you forgot them, you know they should think again. Why did it end? It was surely your fault. You were too young, did not know what you were doing--there are so many reasons.
The Underground
By
Price: $0.99 USD. Words: 4,350. Language: English. Published: October 27, 2010. Category: Fiction » Young adult or teen » Romance
In a mysterious Ground Zero Green Zone, Trancegirl discovers there are more people going in The Underground than coming out and has to wear a short skirt just to get someone to listen. Dancegirl is paid to dance, when all she wants to do is get into grad school.
Urban Myths & Ghost Stories
By
Price: $2.99 USD. Words: 8,710. Language: English. Published: October 19, 2010. Category: Fiction » Fantasy » Contemporary
Sasha, Dee Dee, and Ursula are sophisticated urban law clerks, working part time for an absentminded lawyer, Jessy, who just passed the bar. When they are not doing that, Sasha has a guy putting hundred dollar bills all over her body, Ursula is getting groped in the lounge, and Dee Dee is tracking down weird alien coins that appear to be tiny spaceships.
Pauline & Melissa
By
Price: $0.99 USD. Words: 11,340. Language: English. Published: October 7, 2010. Category: Fiction » Young adult or teen » Thriller and Suspense
Melissa lives in a motel owned by her parents. Then Pauline, a runaway 16 year old Hollywood actress, checks in. Together, Pauline and Melissa accidentally solve a murder case, and meet a few boys along the way.
The Volunteers
By
Price: $0.99 USD. Words: 3,990. Language: English. Published: October 1, 2010. Category: Fiction » Young adult or teen » Romance
Eryk finds out that a girl he likes, D W-B, is in a gang. He decides to check it out, and gets beat up, but it turns out it was worth it. D W-B would meet him at his locker. With freckles on her nose, she was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen.
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