Emas de la Cruz

We are actually what retail America might call a BOGO deal – buy one get one free! We write under the pseudonym EMAS de la Cruz. The “first name” comes from a combination of our initials. The “last name” is from a family connection of writer EM. It’s important to know that we did this for two reasons. The first is because it is kind of like what technology users and interactive participants do when they create usernames or avatars of online characters to represent themselves. It adds a bit of mystery. The last name of de la Cruz is a reflection of our Latin American connection. That’s true for EM, who grew up in both Latino and Hispanic (European) cultures. AS is more of a traditional Anglo White person from the American Midwest. AS’s background is very different from EM’s. But together our experiences offer us the chance to look differently on changes that are underway within the USAmerican culture.

We recently traveled the country on an extended road trip (20,000 miles around the outer byways and back ways of the United States) to decide where we might want to settle and start new careers. Over the six months we did this, we ran into all types of people in many situations and asked them about their relationships. It became very apparent that many lived in coupled relationships that had little intimacy or sexuality – though not always for the reasons people think. Some people cheated, for sure, and their partner doesn’t like it. A few knew about this and said they didn’t care. Others, however, were surprised to find that the sex and intimacy problems were related to the fact that they had actually built a strong and equal relationship. They said that because they loved their partner in a respectful way, that it was weird sometimes to ask them to be involved in some kinds of sexual fun that seemed more about power and control. That having built an equal relationship, it was hard to come up with ways to continue sharing spicy, lustful experiences with each other. In My Husband, My Roommate the main characters and their kids see some of the dynamics of this kind of thinking play out in an open way while mom and dad have some distance between them.