Ernest Slyman

Biography

Ernest Slyman is an Appalachian poet, playwright and humorist who lives in NYC. He is wishful that his work exhibits a proper dose of hyperbole. A sense of ridicule, irony, and wryness and misadventures in wild metaphors, paradox, symbols, free associations, non-sequiturs, and sense of the ridiculous.

Where to find Ernest Slyman online

Twitter: erslyman
Facebook: Facebook profile

Books

Poems That Make You Laugh
By Ernest Slyman
Price: $4.95 USD. Words: 11,690. Language: English. Published: July 24, 2010. Category: Fiction
A collection of funny poems. Hailstorm Lighting's omen. Thunder's din. The sky has lost its marbles! May the tournament begin! Giraffe Short-horned colossus It's perfectly obvious. You're one part spindly legs, Nine parts esophagus. Lightning Bugs In my backyard They burn peepholes in the night And take snapshots of my house. Squall How blissful to note -- How at childbirth A world catche
Tall Tales of The Bible Belt
By Ernest Slyman
You set the price! Words: 50,630. Language: English. Published: July 24, 2010. Category: Fiction
Amusing stories abut the Bible Belt. A man was sitting in the second row in church. He burst into flames, shot out the window in a ball of fire. He was eating M&Ms. He deserved it. Vengeance is mine, saith the Lord. The minister's wife found a girly magazine down at the bus depot. She brought it home, put in the dishwasher. It come out the Ladies Home Journal. Lord moves in mysterious ways.
The Church Bells That Talked
By Ernest Slyman
Price: $1.99 USD. Words: 1,040. Language: English. Published: July 24, 2010. Category: Fiction
For many years, the church bells whispered to us. But two years ago they started saying things. The beels told us the best prices for groceries. And where to buy them. Meatcuts and canned goods. They told who the best mechanic in town. And where we could get a good deal on a lawnmower. And what boy needed a haircut. You could learn a lot from church bells. But you had to listen carefully.
Life Is Too Short -- Wear High-Heels
By Ernest Slyman
Price: $1.99 USD. Words: 2,290. Language: English. Published: July 24, 2010. Category: Fiction
The strangest thing happened. I felt like a giant. When I put those high-heels on I felt grown up and I heard a voice inside me say, "Life is too short. Wear high-heels." It just jumped out of me. So I wore high-heels everywhere. I went to church in high-heels. I went to school wearing high-heels. I believed that wearing high-heels gave me something. I don't know exactly what. It was a msystery.
Confessions of a Bookworm
By Ernest Slyman
Price: $1.99 USD. Words: 3,050. Language: English. Published: July 24, 2010. Category: Fiction
(5.00 from 1 review)
I cannot stop reading books. There is a book among my collection that I love the most. A 1938 deluxe boxed edition, gold-trimmed with brazed lettering on the front and a blue velvet ribbon for a bookmark stitched to the spine. The book once belonged to my father. Indeed, it was one of his favorite books. He presented it to me on my eleventh birthday. A memento of my childhood.
The Dog Who Loved The Lord
By Ernest Slyman
Price: $1.99 USD. Words: 1,190. Language: English. Published: July 24, 2010. Category: Fiction
Lucy was a fox terrier," She always followed us to church. Lucy always at the church waiting for us. How she got to church before we did we never figured out. It was a mystery, like so much about dogs. Maybe that was what we loved about Lucy. She kept us guessing. She just laid down in the grass. She'd wait patiently there for the services to end. She never barked at church.
The Hypochondriac's Calendar
By Ernest Slyman
Price: $3.99 USD. Words: 4,130. Language: English. Published: July 24, 2010. Category: Fiction
Humor. I've a headache coming up on Monday afternoon. Tuesday I've got a rash on my left leg. And Wednesday I've got bursitis. Thursday I have a choice of either diabetes or Tourette's Syndrome. Friday I get dizzy and can't stand up. Saturday, I've got a peptic ulcer. Sunday I break out in hives, my neck swells.

Ernest Slyman’s tag cloud

angels    appalachia    ballad    bible    books    church    comedy    comical    contemporary    dixie    essay    faith    fashion    fiction    funny    girls    god    humor    lifestyle    literary    literature    lord    lyric    medical    medicine    poem    poems    poetry    psychology    reading    religion    religious    rhyme    rhymes    satire    shoes    south    southern    stories    story    tennessee    verse    women   

Ernest Slyman's favorite authors on Smashwords