Poems That Make You Laugh
by Ernest Slyman
Price: $2.95 USD. 11690 words.
Published on July 24, 2010. Fiction.
A collection of funny poems collected from various literary publication.
Hailstorm
Lighting's omen.
Thunder's din.
The sky has lost its marbles!
May the tournament begin!
Giraffe
Short-horned colossus
It's perfectly obvious.
You're one part spindly legs,
Nine parts esophagus.
Lightning Bugs
In my backyard
They burn peepholes in the night
And take snapshots of my house.
Location: United States
Member Since: July 04, 2010
1 user has added this author as a favorite.
Ernest Slyman
Biography
Ernest Slyman is an Appalachian poet, playwright and humorist who lives in NYC. He is wishful that his work exhibits a proper dose of hyperbole. A sense of ridicule, irony, and wryness and misadventures in wild metaphors, paradox, symbols, free associations, non-sequiturs, and sense of the ridiculous.
Books
Tall Tales of The Bible Belt
by Ernest Slyman
Price: $2.95 USD. 50630 words. Published on July 24, 2010. Fiction.
Amusing stories from the Bible Belt. A man was sitting in the second row in church. He burst into flames, shot out the window in a ball of fire. He was eating M&Ms. He deserved it. Vengeance is mine, saith the Lord. The minister's wife found a girly magazine down at the bus depot. She brought it home, put in the dishwasher. It come out the Ladies Home Journal. Lord moves in mysterious ways.
Price: $2.95 USD. 50630 words. Published on July 24, 2010. Fiction.
Amusing stories from the Bible Belt. A man was sitting in the second row in church. He burst into flames, shot out the window in a ball of fire. He was eating M&Ms. He deserved it. Vengeance is mine, saith the Lord. The minister's wife found a girly magazine down at the bus depot. She brought it home, put in the dishwasher. It come out the Ladies Home Journal. Lord moves in mysterious ways.
The Church Bells That Talked
by Ernest Slyman
Price: $1.95 USD. 1040 words. Published on July 24, 2010. Fiction.
For many years, the church bells whispered to us. But two years ago they started saying things. The beels told us the best prices for groceries. And where to buy them. Meatcuts and canned goods. They told who the best mechanic in town. And where we could get a good deal on a lawnmower. And what boy needed a haircut. You could learn a lot from church bells. But you had to listen carefully.
Price: $1.95 USD. 1040 words. Published on July 24, 2010. Fiction.
For many years, the church bells whispered to us. But two years ago they started saying things. The beels told us the best prices for groceries. And where to buy them. Meatcuts and canned goods. They told who the best mechanic in town. And where we could get a good deal on a lawnmower. And what boy needed a haircut. You could learn a lot from church bells. But you had to listen carefully.
Life Is Too Short -- Wear High-Heels
by Ernest Slyman
Price: $1.95 USD. 2290 words. Published on July 24, 2010. Fiction.
The strangest thing happened. I felt like a giant. When I put those high-heels on I felt grown up and I heard a voice inside me say, "Life is too short. Wear high-heels." It just jumped out of me. So I wore high-heels everywhere. I went to church in high-heels. I went to school wearing high-heels. I believed that wearing high-heels gave me something. I don't know exactly what. It was a msystery.
Price: $1.95 USD. 2290 words. Published on July 24, 2010. Fiction.
The strangest thing happened. I felt like a giant. When I put those high-heels on I felt grown up and I heard a voice inside me say, "Life is too short. Wear high-heels." It just jumped out of me. So I wore high-heels everywhere. I went to church in high-heels. I went to school wearing high-heels. I believed that wearing high-heels gave me something. I don't know exactly what. It was a msystery.
Confessions of a Bookworm
by Ernest Slyman
Price: $1.95 USD. 3050 words. Published on July 24, 2010. Fiction.
(5.00 from 1 review)
I cannot stop reading books. There is a book among my collection that I love the most. A 1938 deluxe boxed edition, gold-trimmed with brazed lettering on the front and a blue velvet ribbon for a bookmark stitched to the spine. The book once belonged to my father. Indeed, it was one of his favorite books. He presented it to me on my eleventh birthday. A memento of my childhood.
Price: $1.95 USD. 3050 words. Published on July 24, 2010. Fiction.
(5.00 from 1 review) I cannot stop reading books. There is a book among my collection that I love the most. A 1938 deluxe boxed edition, gold-trimmed with brazed lettering on the front and a blue velvet ribbon for a bookmark stitched to the spine. The book once belonged to my father. Indeed, it was one of his favorite books. He presented it to me on my eleventh birthday. A memento of my childhood.
The Dog Who Loved The Lord
by Ernest Slyman
Price: $1.95 USD. 1190 words. Published on July 24, 2010. Fiction.
Lucy was a fox terrier," She always followed us to church. Lucy always at the church waiting for us. How she got to church before we did we never figured out. It was a mystery, like so much about dogs. Maybe that was what we loved about Lucy. She kept us guessing. She just laid down in the grass. She'd wait patiently there for the services to end. She never barked at church.
Price: $1.95 USD. 1190 words. Published on July 24, 2010. Fiction.
Lucy was a fox terrier," She always followed us to church. Lucy always at the church waiting for us. How she got to church before we did we never figured out. It was a mystery, like so much about dogs. Maybe that was what we loved about Lucy. She kept us guessing. She just laid down in the grass. She'd wait patiently there for the services to end. She never barked at church.
The Hypochondriac's Calendar
by Ernest Slyman
Price: $2.95 USD. 4130 words. Published on July 24, 2010. Fiction.
Humor. I've a headache coming up on Monday afternoon. Tuesday I've got a rash on my left leg. And Wednesday I've got bursitis. Thursday I have a choice of either diabetes or Tourette's Syndrome. Friday I get dizzy and can't stand up. Saturday, I've got a peptic ulcer. Sunday I break out in hives, my neck swells.
Price: $2.95 USD. 4130 words. Published on July 24, 2010. Fiction.
Humor. I've a headache coming up on Monday afternoon. Tuesday I've got a rash on my left leg. And Wednesday I've got bursitis. Thursday I have a choice of either diabetes or Tourette's Syndrome. Friday I get dizzy and can't stand up. Saturday, I've got a peptic ulcer. Sunday I break out in hives, my neck swells.