Loved as much as he is hated, Wrinklegus Ezekiel PoisonTongue is a freelance (or some would say “vigilante”) lawman, specializing in the apprehension of the worst of the worst spell weavers, who either cannot be caught by traditional methods or the authorities are afraid of altogether. PoisonTongue’s style is unorthodox, as not only does he often break the very laws he’s trying to upkeep, but he’s fonder of killing than apprehending! There are many who’d have him strung up by his scaly ankles and vanquished at the might of a thousand wands, but the problem is that he has an enormous amount of supporters. Between his stardom from his career as a novelist and painter (activities indulged in his moments away from murdering off the scum of society), you’d be hard pressed to escape the mobs of people (children included) defending him!
Not that he’d need their help. After all, he’s a prodigiously skilled spell weaver with an itchy wand hand! ...And did I mention that he’s half dragon? (Yes, it’s widely known that his human mother had “eccentric” tastes.) So, aside from his superhuman strength, conjuring abilities, and the fact that it would take a near impossible amount of injury to kill him, PoisonTongue is still capable of roasting an enemy alive! You may trust that he isn’t one to be tested.
It is known that Wrinklegus PoisonTongue likes to masquerade about as a human, and there’s top secret intelligence that states his currently assumed identity is that of “Marque Terrynamahr Strickland,” a 36-year-old ****** with art and writing skills that are far too similar to his own. This last bit is a dead giveaway, as the fool even wrote a novel under that name, called “The Gift of Volkeye” (currently undergoing a rewrite). PoisonTongue is getting sloppy with covering his tracks! Still, this sorcerer is a talent of epic proportions, and I’ll not be stupid enough to attempt to apprehend him myself, lest I be spell cast into the next life!
(For those wondering what "******" means, read on. If you want my secret, you'll have to work for it! :)
For those new fans and also one girl in particular that sent me an email saying, “What’s the deal? You’re too cool and too talented to be a * * * * * * !”, here’s the “FROM THE AUTHOR” section on the “Creatures, Smells, and Magykal Spells” page on a certain site, which MANY of you obviously haven’t read yet! Sillies! :)
(You guys are not in grammar school any longer, LOL! Do your research before you ask silly questions…the information is out there!) Anyway, this is what you missed on the page…perhaps I’ll post it in other places, too, just so that I can stop answering the question so freakin’ often! You all have no idea how tiresome it is! :
“OH, MY GOD…HOW COULD HE REVEAL SUCH A PERSONAL DETAIL ABOUT HIMSELF?”
Sorry, guys, I’ll not be ashamed of my book simple because it tells the truth. The bottom line is this (although it isn’t one of the reasons I put in the “About Me” section…it’s funny I didn’t think of it) : SEX CREATES BABIES!
I’m too focused on my career to give my attention to anything else. Also, until we get to where we’re going, the life and the financial status of us creative folk is too up-and-down. There’s no way I’ll bring a child into this mess!
“YOU CAN’T THINK ABOUT THINGS LIKE THAT…JUST USE PROTECTION!”
Excuse me, but you all have no idea how many couples I know that used every kind of protection there is, but somehow still ended up pregnant! I don’t care what anyone says. On the off-chance that I’m one of those guys with super sperm that eats through condoms and completely disregards birth control, I’ll not be out in the world “laying around” as if I’ve got no sense!
It’s funny how people are flipping out, taking my virginity more personal than me. You guys are only shocked and appalled by it because you actually know what I’m missing. But me, I can’t miss something I’ve never had, so naturally I don’t give a F**K. (Pun intended!)
And, voila, my explanation! Satisfied? Good…now calm down!
I love you guys!
Where to find Wrinklegus PoisonTongue online
Creatures, Smells, and Magykal Spells
by Wrinklegus PoisonTongue
Approx. 45,070 words.
Published on August 5, 2012.
I came up with the name “Creatures, Smells, and Magykal Spells” based upon book 2 in my series, “The Legend of Orchis and the Five Sisters.” Its preview is in the third section of this ebook. It has creatures; it has smells (due to one repugnant character in particular); and it definitely has Magykal spells! After all, what self-respecting “fantasy” author would craft a novel without any Magyk?
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