Roberta Beach Jacobson

Biography

An American author and humorist, I've written, edited, translated, or contributed to 50+ books published on four continents.

Hundreds of my articles have appeared in newspapers and magazines, some syndicated by King Features, The New York Times Syndicate, and others. I'm a member of the National Society of Newspaper Columnists.

You can find me in Iowa.

Where to find Roberta Beach Jacobson online


Where to buy in print


Books

Grab Life by the Tail: Activities for bored cats
By
Price: $1.99 USD. Words: 920. Language: English. Published: May 1, 2011. Category: Nonfiction » Home and Garden » Pets & livestock
(5.00)
Kitty, are you wasting your nine lives by always napping on the same windowsill, chasing the dog around the kitchen table, sniffing catnip mousies on the couch? If so, you're in a rut. Roberta Beach Jacobson, former Cat Lady blogger at the Seattle Post-Intelligencer, encourages you to take charge, to strut your stuff, to be your own cat. Who doesn't desire to lead a flealess, fearless feline life?
Edible Art and Other Flash Fiction
By
Price: Free! Words: 1,050. Language: English. Published: April 24, 2011. Category: Fiction » Anthologies » Short stories - single author
(4.50)
Steve laughed at his obituary in the Chicago newspaper. 'Famed artist, fifty, perishes in airplane crash.' He cut it out and taped it to the fridge. Steve hardly felt dead. In fact, since he'd relocated to the remote Greek island not found on most maps, he'd put on a few pounds. Islanders knew him as Fat Jack. Day and night he painted food.
Snow Bride
By
Price: $0.99 USD. Words: 3,120. Language: English. Published: April 17, 2011. Category: Fiction » Romance » General
Amy, a blushingly mature bride, discovers magic in snowflakes. ~~~ You've read dozens of Roberta Beach Jacobson's short stories in True Love, True Experience and True Romance magazines. Her newest releases will be available exclusively as ebooks.
Here Comes the Groundhog
By
Price: $0.99 USD. Words: 1,550. Language: English. Published: April 14, 2011. Category: Fiction » Romance » General
You're invited to the February 2 wedding of Beth and Travis. (It's outdoors. Better bring a jacket.) ~~~ You've read dozens of Roberta Beach Jacobson's short stories in True Love, True Experience and True Romance magazines. Her newest releases will be available exclusively as ebooks.
When Emmy Met Oscar
By
Price: $0.99 USD. Words: 2,700. Language: English. Published: April 3, 2011. Category: Fiction » Romance » General
Emmy's life is a romantic comedy and she's even got the Hollywood movie poster to prove it. ~~~~ You've read dozens of Roberta Beach Jacobson's short stories in True Love, True Experience and True Romance magazines. Now her newest releases will be available exclusively as ebooks.
Honey, Dust Bunny: Introducing Hubby to 101 Things in the Real World
By
Price: $1.99 USD. Words: 1,510. Language: English. Published: March 29, 2011. Category: Nonfiction » Entertainment » Humor and satire
(5.00)
Humorist and author Roberta Beach Jacobson shares 101 dumb things smart husbands should know, starting with, 'The dust bunnies under our bed belong to you as much as they belong to me.' ~~~~ Roberta’s truly hilarious book is a treasure-trove of marital one-liners ... ~ Tracy Beckerman, syndicated humor columnist, Lost in Suburbia

Roberta Beach Jacobson’s tag cloud


Roberta Beach Jacobson's favorite authors on Smashwords


Smashwords book reviews by Roberta Beach Jacobson

  • Discovery on April 25, 2011

    Clever. Enjoyable.
  • The Friday Special on April 25, 2011

    Interesting concept, cleverly done, though not the usual type of story I'd select to read. I was "sold" by your cover. (Note your tag sort of gives it all away. Do you want readers to know that much before they begin reading?)
  • Before I Get Married on April 25, 2011

    How unusual this is! A clever plot, with subtle humor. Professionally written.
  • The Art Teacher on April 25, 2011

    Written from the heart. A touching account.
  • A Stroke of Genius on April 25, 2011

    I'm so glad to have read this. You are clever. Thanks for the laughs. (Note: This is the first time I've ever rated at Smashwords with all five stars.)
  • Bed Bug Ridden on April 25, 2011

    Entertaining read. What a surprise ending!
  • Cupcakes and Elephants on April 25, 2011

    Spot-on witty and funny. It was your title that got me to ready this. I also like your cover.
  • Camp-romising on April 25, 2011

    This story was fun to read. Cute title, too!
  • Afternoon of the Iguana on April 26, 2011

    Clever material. Really laughed at the ending.
  • Bolero Man on April 26, 2011

    A fine read with vivid passages. I tripped over your adjectives adverbs; they seem to clutter your paragraphs. Still, the overall story was enjoyable. Unusual.
  • A Brief History of Perpetual Motion on April 27, 2011

    Interesting. I find it curious how scientists (or nut cases) centuries apart concern themselves with the same questions. Your subject matter is worth pondering.
  • The Tippets on April 27, 2011

    Darling cover. An entertaining story and I particularly enjoyed how you crafted the ending.
  • A Sticky Situation on April 27, 2011

    Oh, such vivid imagery. Thanks for the laughs.
  • Text Order Bride on April 30, 2011

    Enjoyable read, full of joy. I like your humor. My only negative comment would be the word 'nice' is used too often.
  • The Mind on April 30, 2011

    Vivid. Honest. Enjoyable to read.
  • Lunch Time Surprise on April 30, 2011

    An entertaining read, particularly the "unexpected" ending.
  • New Windows on May 02, 2011

    Clever plot. Your story does what flash fiction is supposed to do: The pacing is exact. No loose ends. I enjoyed this.
  • Will His Love Be Like His Rum? on May 04, 2011

    Clever and entertaining. You've created a delightful story!
  • Eric on May 04, 2011

    Thanks for the giggles.
  • Sitting on Cold Porcelain on May 05, 2011

    Hysterical! This book is packed with laughs. (Watch the trailer if you don't believe me.) Most of us can no longer make sense of the world we live in, but we're in luck. Funny woman Rose A. Valenta explains the comical details to us and her zany cast of characters in Sitting on Cold Porcelain includes pirates, politicians and parrots - with a rare appearance by Punxsutawney Phil. Her timing is perfect and the punchlines powerful.
  • Type Name Here on May 05, 2011

    Unique voice. Reflective passages, though sometimes a bit odd. Poetry can be that way. I liked the humor, too.
  • 50 Ways To Annoy Your Friends on May 14, 2011

    Some great laughs!
  • #Conversationstoppers: Puns, Non Sequiturs, Impossible Scenarios on May 14, 2011

    Some real laughs here. A very tweet book.
  • A Further 100 Quotations to Think About on May 15, 2011

    Interesting read. These are uplifting quotes and make us feel better. As an aside, I don't like quotations that are unattributed. Had you listed some sources, this rating would have been higher.
  • Patch Pirates Princess on May 15, 2011

    Lovely. Clever. Fun. Loved it!
  • Patch Pirates Sauerkraut on May 15, 2011

    Most enjoyable and entertaining story. You have a few problems with your formatting (unless you meant to have a few blank pages here and there).
  • Growing Season on May 15, 2011

    An enjoyable, but not memorable, read.
  • 119 Witty Quotes From A to Z on May 15, 2011

    Fun to read and I discovered some quotes new to me. Highly recommended for writers! (Unlike some other collections of quotes, you've included your sources; I'm pleased to note this.)
  • A Very Bad Day on May 22, 2011

    Cute concept. Clever tale. Loved your ending. Would have rated higher had it not been for those few typos.
  • Lady Ice on May 22, 2011

    I very much enjoyed this experience and am glad graphic novels work at Smashwords. Thank you. A professional job.
  • The Day Time Ran Out on May 29, 2011

    Interesting piece, with subtle humor woven throughout. You write strong dialogue and I like your word choice.
  • Bug on May 29, 2011

    Unique. An interesting read, though a bit disturbing. Well written.
  • Magnum Tales ~ Q is for Question on May 29, 2011

    Had no idea what to expect. Clever story. You packed a lot of plot into this short story.
  • Musings While Doing Research On The Internet on May 29, 2011

    You are funny indeed. Very clever.
  • The V-8 on May 29, 2011

    Another classic piece of humor. Sensational writing, particularly your ending.
  • Emmit on May 30, 2011

    Well structured, believable. A bit creepy, though I enjoyed your wry humor throughout!
  • Serving Under the Spotlight on May 30, 2011

    Wow, I'm glad this is a work of fiction. Please, please don't make me come back as your server in my next life and be monitored, rated, judged and written about. I could never made the grade. I'd forget the orders, overcharge, spill the wine and drop the plates. Sorry. Wonderful tale, though the ending was weak.
  • To Be Frank on May 30, 2011

    Enjoyable read. Unique story!
  • Gothic Monster on May 30, 2011

    Entertaining. Unique. The cover is a winner, too!
  • Look what you made me do! on May 30, 2011

    Brilliant!
  • The PBS Painter's Tale on May 31, 2011

    Brilliant! Loved this!
  • God Are You Up There? on June 02, 2011

    Most enjoyable. Thank you. Excellent pacing and wonderful phrasing. I like your humor, too.
  • Why I am so Unlucky? on June 05, 2011

    Unique. That's the magic of poetry; it's your voice.
  • Madness and the Modern Home on June 06, 2011

    Cute premise. Clever little story. Enjoyable! I'm only marking it down a bit since it seemed to change from first person to third person right at the end.
  • Dementia on June 06, 2011

    Unique. Fun read! Bravo.
  • The Line That Deserted Him on June 09, 2011

    Most enjoyable, every word!
  • Awash on June 12, 2011

    Great emotion and I like your choice of phrasing. Enjoyable read!
  • Big Black Shiny Boots on June 12, 2011

    Most enjoyable read, thank you. An impressive story, because you packed a lot into few words.
  • Special Delivery (A short story) on June 12, 2011

    How sweet. Very touching and emotional story!
  • The Hour of the Time on June 12, 2011

    Sort of startling! I was hoping he was waiting for the dentist. Well written and full of suspense.
  • Latte in C flat on June 12, 2011

    Feels good read? Tastes great? Both, maybe. At any rate, this was an enjoyable experience.
  • Reflections on June 12, 2011

    A quick break from the hustle and bustle of real life!
  • A Fork in the Road on June 12, 2011

    Clever little story!
  • Turkey Trot on June 14, 2011

    Unusual story, though I'm left with a lot of questions.
  • Half A Man on June 15, 2011

    A powerful little story. Unique!
  • Deliciously Buttered on June 16, 2011

    A different sort of read.
  • Tweetable Limericks on June 16, 2011

    Clever idea and you've got some gems in here. Good show!
  • The Great Excuse Book on June 18, 2011

    Unique. Some zingers in here. Really liked the ending.
  • What's there to do at the Zoo? on June 18, 2011

    Cute and clever. Enjoyable.
  • Something Blue on June 18, 2011

    Clever. Unique. What's not to like?
  • Seline and the Séance on June 18, 2011

    Unique, clever, fun.
  • Sept-Iles and other places on June 18, 2011

    Haunting and moving stories, an eclectic collection. I devoured every word. Thank you.
  • An Hour To Kill on June 21, 2011

    What a haunting tale about a delicate and emotional topic. Wow. Great story!
  • The Girl In The Gondola on July 04, 2011

    Great story. Unusual. Haunting, yet packed with humor.
  • Musings while in traffic on Aug. 05, 2011

    Ha-ha. Good one!
  • Thug on Aug. 05, 2011

    Bittersweet tale. Believable.
  • Grace on Aug. 08, 2011

    A happy, touching story. Felt real!
  • Kate and Ben on Aug. 08, 2011

    Great pacing. Emotional. A surprisingly good read!
  • 8 Poems on Aug. 08, 2011

    A thoughtful collection. Prose Poem was my favorite.
  • 2012 on Aug. 08, 2011

    I can only hope this is a work of fiction!
  • The Chuck-It List on Aug. 20, 2011

    Lots of laughs. Clever and fun.
  • A Conversation Before Dinner on Aug. 20, 2011

    A fun and classy adventure, laced with humor. Very well presented.
  • Family Reunion on Aug. 25, 2011

    Bittersweet tale. I enjoyed. This could be about any family, even mine. Well done!
  • Can't Catch Me on Aug. 27, 2011

    Clever little tale. Thanks for the laughs.
  • Next-doors' Cat on Aug. 27, 2011

    Loved this. Brilliant piece of writing. Thank you.
  • Rupert Time on Sep. 05, 2011

    A charming story, where we really get to know Rupert. A most enjoyable read!
  • Gisela river Monster on Sep. 05, 2011

    How unusual. Enjoyable read.
  • The Ultimate Guide to Distinguish a Canadian from an American on Sep. 09, 2011

    You handled this subject well. Very clever. I love the part about seeing Russia!
  • Critique Circle on Sep. 09, 2011

    Most enjoyable. Clever ending!
  • The Dance on Sep. 09, 2011

    Well crafted. Held my attention. What a surprise ending!
  • Bad Habits on Sep. 28, 2011

    Fun read, imaginative ending. I'm only voting it down a little due to your overuse of adjectives throughout and those page numbers should go. They clutter up your otherwise clever little story.
  • How Not to Make a Dress on Jan. 07, 2012
    (no rating)
    Clever and fun. A well paced story, an enjoyable read! Thank you.
  • How Not to Make a Dress on Jan. 07, 2012

    Clever and fun. A memorable story, well paced. Thank you.
  • Nonsense For Nothing on Jan. 21, 2012

    Clever. Entertaining. Great work!
  • Sweet Revenge on Feb. 24, 2012

    The perfect recipe for fun. Very clever piece. You take the cake.
  • Doofus and Valiant: A Short Comic Collection on Feb. 24, 2012

    Well. Didn't know what to expect. Your humor is out there. Raw at times. Or at least untamed. But it takes intelligence to be funny. You must be a smart dude.
  • An Old Man's Decision on Feb. 24, 2012

    Excellent.
  • Ten Things I Hate About Valentine's Day on Feb. 24, 2012

    Excellent work. Even Cupid would laugh at this one!
  • Unrequited Love on Feb. 24, 2012

    Unusual. Rather kooky. Better than average read, but in an odd sort of way.
  • Lemons on Feb. 24, 2012

    I'm cringing. I'm laughing, but I'm still cringing. Most unusual read.
  • Fast Fooled on Feb. 24, 2012

    A satisfying read. I didn't even want dessert.
  • The 4 Types of Artists – Starving, Dying, Dead, and Rich! on Feb. 24, 2012

    Amen. Truth is stranger than fiction. Funnier, too.
  • Cats, Dogs, Ninjas and Fire-Hydrants. Twitter-Sized Jokes, Oneliners, Punchlines and Observations. With a Foreword by a Random Dude who wanted $10 for it but settled on $5 and a Taco. on March 04, 2012

    Some laughs here, but not everything was funny.
  • The Window on March 04, 2012

    I love intelligent stories that make me have to think! Wow.
  • The Snow Globes on March 04, 2012

    Riveting tale.
  • At The Bank on Nov. 23, 2013

    Cute idea, sort of artsy style. Different.
  • Morph on Nov. 23, 2013

    Although I love animal tales, I was timid about reading this. Great style, sort of the feeling of somebody singing jazz. Thanks!
  • My Summer, Myself, My Student Loan Debt - A Post-Graduate Confession on Nov. 23, 2013

    Clever and fun.
  • A Beautiful Girl on Nov. 23, 2013
    (no rating)
    Brilliant. Lovely every page. Thanks.
  • We Don’t Plummet Out of the Sky Anymore on Nov. 25, 2013

    Cool story, great flow.