Location: United States
Member Since: May 23, 2010
1 user has added this author as a favorite.

Samuel Clemente


Biography

Samuel Clemente lives in some town, in some country, on some planet. He was born some time during some year. He likes some things and dislikes some others. He writes some ebooks when he's not doing some other things.

He is also pretty sh*tty at writing some "Bio" & "About Author" sections. Some might even say he's "incredibly sh*tty" at it.

Books

Undead Ted: Samuel Clemente Must Die    by Samuel Clemente
Price: $0.99 USD. 6650 words. Published on December 2, 2011. Fiction.
Human Summary: Undead Ted is an undead creature on a mission. Traveling along a meatbag-made highway with a new companion, he is on a quest for vengeance. The destination is Exit 13, the location of his father Fred the Supreme Destroyer of Humanity and Consumer of Copious Amounts of Brain Matter's final battle. Zombie Summary: Meehh...braaains...mehhh
Undead Ted    by Samuel Clemente
Price: Free! 2490 words. Published on December 2, 2011. Fiction.
Human Summary: Ted is an undead creature tired of his tedious job. He can do nothing but moan; walking the same foot post from light pole to light pole on 12th street for 4 years could drive any zombie insane. When personal tragedy strikes, it gives Ted the push he needs to begin his journey. Undead Ted Part I is a short story by Samuel Clemente. (2,200 words) Zombie Summary: Meh.. brains... meh
The Old Man and the Knife    by Samuel Clemente
Price: Free! 4780 words. Published on June 28, 2011. Fiction.
Harry Smith, the 78 year old daily patron of a fast food restaurant, sits alone. His sadistic past, full of dark and twisted acts, a mystery to all but one; the one who knew him best. The one who helped him commit murder. "The Old Man and the Knife" a short story by Samuel Clemente.
The Suicide Journals    by Samuel Clemente
Price: $1.99 USD. 12510 words. Published on April 7, 2011. Fiction.
A destitute recent grad chronicles his life, which is spiraling out of control, amongst his personal dystopia in this gripping reverse bildungsroman. "Capturing the essence of a moment in time, yet stretched infinitely to capture the quintessential feelings of worthlessness and meaninglessness endured by all at one point or another."
Samuel Clemente Presents: Prerequisite Droppings    by Samuel Clemente
Price: Free! 13890 words. Published on November 10, 2010. Fiction.
Comedic essays about random topics. Written by Samuel Clemente, whose accomplishments include: Getting around the Halloween ban on bodegas selling cartons of eggs by purchasing twelve bacon, egg, and cheese sandwiches and throwing those at people, cars, and windows instead; and watching black & white silent films on TV, partly because he's sophisticated... but mainly because his TV is broken.
Samuel Clemente Presents: A Guide to NYC (Comedic Essays)    by Samuel Clemente
Price: $1.99 USD. 13120 words. Published on May 24, 2010. Nonfiction.
Comedic essays about New York City, life, and other varying topics. Written by Samuel Clemente, whose accomplishments include: Getting past the hovercraft level in Battletoads in only 1.3 million attempts; Dialing 1-800-Collect using 1-800-Collect (they didnt accept the charges); and attempting to refine poppy seed bagels to start his own international cartel.

Samuel Clemente’s tag cloud

abnormal mouse    addiction    artist    bildungsroman    bronx    brooklyn    brothers    college grad    comedy    comedy ebook    coming of age    depression    digital sweatband    dominicans    dystopia    essays    eye patch    family    fiction    first person    free    friendship    funny    guide to    humor    humorous    knife    laugh out loud funny    lazy eyes    love addiction    manhattan    maple trees    mice kingdom    migraine    mimes    murder    new york    nyc    obsession    old man    pots of gold    queens    sancocho    satire    sci fi    short story    staten island    suicidal    super villains    tech    ted    thomas gill    time travel    tooth fairy    twist ending    undead    zombie    zombies