Dan Schwartz

Biography

I am an independent author and I am driven by my dedication to nature, humor and the written word. My personal personal philosophy that there is always room for jokes, and as such my writings are always sprinkled with puns, humor, and plenty of things that can be read tongue-in-cheek (if that phrase makes sense in this context). Having strong interests in the environment and mathematics, I tend to craft my tales and works around both and I use writing as an outsource to keep my creativity alive.

Where to find Dan Schwartz online


Where to buy in print


Books

Let Your Dim Light Shine Shorts
By
Price: Free! Words: 18,900. Language: English. Published: November 16, 2012. Category: Fiction » Anthologies » Short stories - single author
Short stories dedicated and inspired by one of the greatest musical contributions to the world (at least in my opinion), Let Your Dim Light Shine by Soul Asylum. Each of the fourteen tracks features fantastic imagery and amazing storytelling, and as such I thought I should honor it the best way I knew how. www.banocanut.com
Clyde
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Price: Free! Words: 1,180. Language: English. Published: November 5, 2012. Category: Fiction » Horror » General
Beware Clyde is not only coming, Clyde is here, Clyde is at your doorstep...Clyde is in your home... www.banocanut.com
Premeditated Suspense
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Price: Free! Words: 2,220. Language: English. Published: October 22, 2012. Category: Fiction » Adventure » General
A dark tale in every sense of the word. Some actions we take take little to no thought, and then there are those things we do which take more planning than anyone suspected. www.banocanut.com
Murderous: A Love Story
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Price: Free! Words: 2,560. Language: English. Published: July 25, 2012. Category: Fiction » Mystery & detective » Short Stories
(4.25)
A nosey neighbor entertains himself with the happenings of man living across the street. His fascination borders on the line of obsession, or could it be something more? www.banocanut.com
Zombie Mine Forever
By
Price: Free! Words: 620. Language: English. Published: June 22, 2012. Category: Fiction » Romance » Paranormal
(3.50)
Zombies need love to, and this tale tugs on the heart strings. How long can love last once your mind starts to go? www.banocanut.com
The Gopher Chronicles
By
Price: $2.95 USD. Words: 59,380. Language: English. Published: February 18, 2012. Category: Fiction » Adventure » Action
Abner the Gopher feels the itch for adventure and must act. Although Abner is small in stature, stricken with terrible eyesight, and aged in years, his heart, courage, and general willingness to help out those in need allow him to overcome all that life has to throw at him; plus he wears a fashionable hat.
The Shampoo Debacle
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Price: Free! Words: 900. Language: English. Published: October 25, 2011. Category: Fiction » Horror » General
(4.00)
The shower; sometimes dark, sometimes lonely, and sometimes the rushing of the water upon you drowns out the sounds of the horrors of the night. What can be more frightening than an attack when you are most vulnerable...an attack by your own hygienic products... www.banocanut.com
Haikus and Cartoos
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Price: $2.95 USD. Words: 1,320. Language: English. Published: October 24, 2011. Category: Fiction » Anthologies » Poetry - general
When the art and grace of the haiku is joined forces with the clever playfulness of the cartoon, the team is almost unstoppable. Featuring 100 hilarious, tongue-in-cheek, and pun-filled poems accompanied by drawings that hold their own in the comedy department, what is not to love? Great as a gift, stocking stuffer, coaster, or defensive weapon. www.banocanut.com
Jump to Conclusion
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Price: Free! Words: 2,940. Language: English. Published: July 20, 2011. Category: Fiction » Anthologies » Short stories - single author
A traffic incident is causing a traffic backup on a Rhode Island Bridge. One down on her luck woman thinks she has deduced the reason, as does a man stricken with road rage, but the truth may be sometihng all together different. More at www.banocanut.com
Terminal Vampire
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Price: $2.95 USD. Words: 55,640. Language: English. Published: June 3, 2011. Category: Fiction » Fantasy » Paranormal
A lonley and self loathing vampire turns away from the city and seeks out to reconnect with humanity after discovering he has AIDS. Evander Graft sets off to Alaska for the months of the eternal darkness and finds a true friend in one of the locals, but as bodies start piling up in the small town of Pleasant Valley, his stay is not going to be as peaceful as hoped in this dark romantic comedy.
The Living Puppets
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Price: $2.95 USD. Words: 52,870. Language: English. Published: May 6, 2011. Category: Fiction » Thriller & suspense » General
A small group of newly deceased find themselves in a mysterious afterlife with nothing but confusion and questions. They are greeted by experienced spirit who informs them that there is a power struggle against a corrupt soul. The group is taken in by the Resistance, who promise to end the evil reign of the man manipulating the living for his own personal gain.
Superhero's Welcome
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Price: $2.95 USD. Words: 52,250. Language: English. Published: April 17, 2010. Category: Fiction » Mystery & detective » General
Join The Seven Deadlies for the humorous thrill ride in this comical mystery adventure, as we learn of their sorted pasts, and hope for their fated futures. Superhero’s Welcome is a witty journey into the thin line known as good versus evil. With an assortment of characters that enjoy clever banter as much as fighting crime, this tale is a cross blend of Superfriends meets Seinfeld.
Vengeful World: A Tale of Global Warming
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Price: $2.95 USD. Words: 30,860. Language: English. Published: October 24, 2009. Category: Fiction » Science fiction » General
Temperatures around the world are increasing at intense rates never before seen, hurricanes are washing entire cities off the globe, earthquakes are swallow up once peaceful homes, and Abigail Winthrop, a leading climate change researcher, is in the heart of it all. Abigail follows a bread crumb trail of clues for an environmental adventure like no other to unearth the true nature of the heat.
Ramblings of a Love Sick Masochist
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Price: $2.02 USD. Words: 18,320. Language: English. Published: October 7, 2009. Category: Fiction » Literature » Plays & Screenplays
A lonely, yet content middle aged mall security guard is about to have his life turned upside down. He never anticipated finding a soul mate, and in a short period of time learns the joy and pain that love brings. He recounts his tale in a series of journal entries, in this modern day tragedy.
The Many Mini-Adventures of Abner the Gopher
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Price: $0.99 USD. Words: 25,740. Language: English. Published: September 18, 2009. Category: Fiction » Anthologies » Short stories - single author
Note: The Gopher Chronicles has been released which contains all these tales and many more... Abner, the old fashion and adventuring gopher, travels the world looking for adventure. Join the celebrated rodent for a comical adventure as he bumps elbows with pirates, becomes a veggetable, finds love, gets eaten, and so many more.
No Cure for Nature
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Price: $2.95 USD. Words: 62,470. Language: English. Published: September 14, 2009. Category: Fiction » Humor & comedy » General
No Cure for Nature is a fast paced, tongue-in-cheeked adventure taking place in a time of environmental uncertainty, pollution, and contamination. Nature needed to launch a strike against the humans before it was too late, leaving Guy, the unlikely hero, the task of fighting for the freedom of the world against the personification of Mother Nature in a whirlwind of puns, wordplay and heroism.
A Mid Mall Meating
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Price: Free! Words: 950. Language: English. Published: September 9, 2009. Category: Fiction » Literature » Educational
Three stangers discuss the morality of their meals in a mall. For more of my work visit my website www.banocanut.com
Dragon Lance
By
Price: Free! Words: 670. Language: English. Published: July 13, 2009. Category: Fiction » Romance » General
(3.00)
Love can be found at any place, and in all eras; be it future, present, or the Jurassic Period. Dragon Lance explores the interests and desires of one yearning young buck on his quest for satisfaction. For more visit www.banocanut.com
The Alligator versus the Clown
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Price: Free! Words: 680. Language: English. Published: July 2, 2009. Category: Fiction » Young adult or teen » Adventure
(4.00)
After being abandoned by his circus, a clown must travel his way out of a town. Unfortunate for the clown, and alligator stands in the way of the clowns homecoming. See the two face off in battle, and see how the clown stacks up against one of the mightiest predators. For more visit www.banocanut.com
Abner gets turned into a Rutabaga
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Price: Free! Words: 3,230. Language: English. Published: July 1, 2009. Category: Fiction » Young adult or teen » Adventure
A sample tale taken from the collection The Many Mini Adventures of Abner the Gopher (also available on smashwords). In this tale, Abner the Gopher gains a great deal of respect for veggetables after he is turned into one. How will Abner fit in with his former food, and will he be able to return to his gopher form? For more visit www.banocanut.com
The Amish versus the Mime
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Price: Free! Words: 1,460. Language: English. Published: June 30, 2009. Category: Fiction » Anthologies » Short stories - single author
The epic battle between the feirce Amish and the brutal mime. Could a battle so intense have a clear victor? For more visit www.banocanut.com
Shorts Stories
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Price: Free! Words: 1,430. Language: English. Published: June 26, 2009. Category: Fiction » Adventure » General
A small collection of accounts told through a first “person” account. From the beginning to the end of the story read of the hardships faced and realized that your life might not seem that bad. These shorts are beyond normal and traditional. For more visit my website www.banocanut.com
Why a Train?
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Price: Free! Words: 570. Language: English. Published: June 22, 2009. Category: Fiction » Literature » Literary
(2.00)
A man awake on a train, but is unaware to how or why he is there. This stream of consciousness short follows his mind to see what the evening has in store for him. FOr more visit www.banocanut.com
Fighting Poverty
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Price: Free! Words: 720. Language: English. Published: June 19, 2009. Category:
A truthful look into how to solve the homeless problem before it is too late. For more visit www.banocanut.com

Dan Schwartz’s tag cloud

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