Nenia Campbell

Smashwords Interview

What is your writing process?
Process? Err.... Sit in front of computer and hope words come out, and that I don't get too distracted by funny cat videos...
How do you approach cover design?
I contact my good friend in Singapore, Louisa, who makes all my bee-yoo-tiful covers. <3
Read more of this interview.

Books

Crowned by Fire
By
Series: Shadow Thane, Book 3. Price: $1.99 USD. Words: 47,910. Language: English. Published: September 7, 2014. Category: Fiction » Erotica » Paranormal
Catherine Pierce always knew she was going to leave home. She just never thought it would be at seventeen, on the run for her life. Her only ally is her greatest enemy, Phineas Riordan, the witch who brought her to the attention of the Slayers hunting her. But Phineas is losing his control...and his sanity...and he is determined to possess Catherine at any cost. Even if it starts a war.
Witchfire: Shadow Thane #1-3
By
Price: $5.99 USD. Words: 155,580. Language: English. Published: September 7, 2014. Category: Fiction » Fantasy » Urban
Catherine Pierce was never normal, even among her own kind. Phineas Riordan is a prince whose sexual deviancy poses a threat to his inheritance. Circumstance forces them together -- and prophecy binds them. They are two of the four who will either save the world...or destroy it.
Bound to Accept
By
Price: $2.99 USD. Words: 47,180. Language: English. Published: August 13, 2014. Category: Fiction » Erotica » BDSM
(5.00 from 1 review)
Kelly Hauser is a 25-year-old hipster in love with her best friend. When she finds out he's broken things off with his latest girlfriend, she takes the chance to tell him how she feels . Tristan is hesitant to reciprocate her feelings because he's an active participant in the BDSM scene. Sparks fly as they start a D/s relationship. But Kelly can't help but wonder: is she playing with fire?
Touched with Sight
By
Series: Shadow Thane, Book 2. Price: $2.99 USD. Words: 55,120. Language: English. Published: July 19, 2014. Category: Fiction » Fantasy » Paranormal
A powerful shape-shifter and a mercurial witch must join forces to stop a group of Slayers from infiltrating and killing all the Otherworldly creatures in their town. But the shifter has a secret, and the witch does as well. And of both those secrets could easily get them killed by their own kind.
Endgame
By
Price: $0.99 USD. Words: 45,630. Language: English. Published: May 21, 2014. Category: Fiction » Science fiction » Utopias & dystopias
A young woman competes in gladiatorial virtual reality games while struggling to piece together the fragmented memories of a dark and twisted past.
How to Write Good: A Guide for the Aspiring Independent Author
By
Price: $0.99 USD. Words: 15,860. Language: English. Published: April 29, 2014. Category: Nonfiction » Reference » Writing skills
A handy how-to for the aspiring indie author.
Cloak and Dagger
By
Price: $2.99 USD. Words: 109,840. Language: English. Published: April 21, 2014. Category: Fiction » Thriller & suspense » Spies & espionage
Christina is an ordinary high school senior — until she gets kidnapped by a group of people who think she's the key to the malicious code that has infected their mainframe system and she is plunged into a world where the lines between right and wrong are blurred beyond all recognition and terror knows no bounds. Her only hope is the demon who dragged her into this hell: Michael Boutilier.
Black Beast
By
Series: Shadow Thane, Book 1. Price: $1.99 USD. Words: 52,860. Language: English. Published: April 2, 2014. Category: Fiction » Young adult or teen » Fantasy
Catherine Pierce is a young shape-shifter in a small town that has become the epicenter of paranormal activity. It's kill-or-be-killed, and when she finds herself in the crosshairs of a vengeful witch, she must figure out how to protect herself and her family without attracting the attention of the evil Slayers.
Horrorscape
By
Series: Horrorscape, Book 2. Price: $2.99 USD. Words: 71,190. Language: English. Published: March 11, 2014. Category: Fiction » Young adult or teen » Horror
Val receives a calling card from a very dangerous boy who wants to play with her. It's a game without rules, logic, or consequence, and he'll stop at nothing to claim her as his—even if it means destroying them both.
Bleeds My Desire
By
Price: $1.99 USD. Words: 57,570. Language: English. Published: March 1, 2014. Category: Fiction » Fantasy » Urban
A young woman is forced to play a deadly game of intrigue in a post-apocalyptic court of vampires. Warnings: Dub-con, gore, violence, content not appropriate for those under 18.
Fearscape
By
Series: Horrorscape, Book 1. Price: $1.99 USD. Words: 50,790. Language: English. Published: February 24, 2014. Category: Fiction » Young adult or teen » Thriller and Suspense
(3.00 from 1 review)
A young woman gets involved with a man who embodies many of the traits of a romantic hero...but he might also be insane.
Tantalized
By
Price: $1.99 USD. Words: 52,290. Language: English. Published: January 21, 2014. Category: Fiction » Erotica » BDSM
A depressed and suicidal teen starts an affair with her college professor that results in tragedy.
Terrorscape
By
Series: Horrorscape, Book 3. Price: $3.50 USD. Words: 76,060. Language: American English. Published: January 8, 2014. Category: Fiction » Erotica » Suspense/Mystery
He lost to her twice and it nearly consumed him. Now, it's time for another game. And this time, he won't let her go so easily. Val's not just fighting for her friends' lives this time: She's fighting for her own, too. Warning: Contains rape, rape triggers, non-con, elements of BDSM, violence, and content not appropriate for those under 18.

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Smashwords book reviews by Nenia Campbell

  • Cum For Bigfoot on July 19, 2014

    I remember when TWILIGHT first went viral, everyone was falling over themselves to make fun of the genre. And someone wrote this hilarious blog post about what it would be like if Stephenie Meyer wrote a romance novel about Bigfoot. I don't remember the specifics, except that the MC would live in the middle of a national park because she was the daughter of a forest ranger, and the Bigfoots would be beautiful, mostly hairless, bearded men--and I laughed my ass off a lot. I did a cursory search for the OP but couldn't find it anywhere, so maybe the OP removed it, which would be a shame. Maybe they figured that they might want the book after all and removed the post so nobody would steal their idea. Maybe it's already published. But if it is, CUM FOR BIGFOOT is not that book. karen is such a bad influence on me, I swear. She finds the strangest books on Goodreads and makes them sound so good (or so bad) that I just can't help myself--I have to read them. I blame her for starting the monster porn craze. I had no idea how many different kinds of monsters people out there want to write sex about. All of them, apparently. Everything from zombies to unicorns. I got CUM FOR BIGFOOT free for download from Smashwords. (Now that my e-reader is finally getting cleared of Netgalley ARCs, I have a chance to actually look at some of my freebies.) The book starts out with three boys and three girls in the woods with a stepfather chaperone. Does one of the girls immediately start fucking the chaperone? But of course! This is porn! Christopher's stepdad was a naughty daddy. His finger in my pussy was driving me wild, as I quivered with pleasure and need (9). Who's Bigfoot again? His huge tool was thrusting and demanding. He took me roughly, his balls smacking against me. "That's it. Thatta girl. Take daddy's cock, you nasty girl" (12). Screw Bigfoot (literally). Sometimes, you just have to channel your inner-V.C. Andrews. And speaking of channels-- He drove deep, practically banging on the door of my cervix (13). Knock, knock! Who's there? MY COCK! The end suddenly erupted, and wild splashes of whitened cream were tossed out haphazardly into my face, sprinkling my tongue (14). So the MC fucks stepdaddy-dearest, and NO ONE MUST KNOW because otherwise his wife might find out and get mad (gee, ya think?). Next morning, post-coitus, the girls go out in the woods for fun hiking and camping experience...and get drugged! OH NOEZ! When they wake up, they find themselves in a cage. Standing outside the cage is a crazy old woman with a stockpiled collection of lubricating oil and sex toys, and her son, Leonard. From within the tufts of matted hair, the creature released a huge pale cock that defied logic. It was riddled with intersecting veins and bulging on the end like a tennis ball. That massive cock was going to be inside Shelly in a matter of moments, and we were powerless to help her (19). A.K.A. Bigcock--I mean, Bigfoot. The MC watches from her cage as Bigfoot rapes her two best friends while the old woman stimulates them with the vibrator. "Whoooaaarrrr!" roared the animal. A second later, he pulled himself from her. "Aaaarrrhhhhhh..." He held his gleaming tool as he pointed it at Shelly's belly, spurting a shocking amount of semen, which doused her abdomen and breasts with milky fluid. It was like a fully loaded water gun. The MC is the prettiest, so she gets saved for last. Bigfoot attempts to woo her, taking her in front of the fireplace, even doing some foreplay before demanding that she suck his water gun. The MC enjoys herself immensely, all thoughts of naughty step-daddy erased from her brain. The two cuddle together and when she wakes up her friends are still traumatized. But it's OK! She has a great idea! They can have a foursome with Bigfoot, and then run away!!! It's so easy. OR IS IT? My reaction at the end of the book can pretty much be summed up thusly: The writing is bad, the story is bad, the sex is bad...it's so bad it's almost good, but not quite. Also, there is rape. AND AN OLD VIBRATOR-HAPPY WOMAN WHO SEEMS TO GET OFF ON MANAGING HER SON'S SEX LIFE. WHAT THE HECK IS UP WITH THAT??? I am disturb. 1 star.
  • Forced Awakening (Forced, Fucked, and Bred Trilogy Part 1) on July 19, 2014

    My first introduction to the monster porn genre was CUM FOR BIGFOOT. It was pretty awful--at least, I didn't like it--but I also got the sense that the author was winking at the audience the whole time, like, "You don't seriously believe this, do you?" (Incidentally, Virginia Wade is a lovely person.) I got CUM FOR BIGFOOT free from Smashwords during a site-wide promotion, in addition to several other books of various genres. Then I went on a downloading binge and added all the books the site currently had listed as "free." FORCED AWAKENING was one of these. I should point out that there are trigger warnings for this book. Rape is heavily romanticized and eroticized in FORCED AWAKENING, which I'm sure many people will find offensive. "Listen closely," Rylan said, "If you try to fight me, I will not be gentle and I will take you here and cause you pain" (5). "No, I don't want you to," she said weakly, pushing his hands away. "Yes, you do, Sophie," he said forcefully (13). Sophie just wanted to take a nap outside on her grandmother's property. Apparently, you can no longer do this without getting raped by a sexy--but evil!--man who claims to be a werewolf. He carries her off back to his lair, but Sophie is so sexy that he has to keep stopping for sex breaks. The sex scenes...well. Imagine you took a thirteen-year-old girl aside and asked her what her favorite book was. Imagine that she said TWILIGHT. Then imagine that you told her to go ahead and write some porn. (Note: don't do this--pretty sure this is illegal. Also, gross.) FORCED AWAKENING is probably a pretty close approximation of what you would get. "Sophie lay on the ground feeling like a dirty whore as Rylan panted and rubbed his hard c*ck against her. Sophie whimpered, her thighs quivering, feeling the juices running out of her and onto the dirt" (6). He tossed her panties aside, saying, "You won't be needing these any more" (6). "Arrgh!" Sophie cried out. She had never felt such pleasure and she trembled from his hot mouth on her most delicate parts (8). "Oh, Sophie, you're [sic] ass is so tight. I'm going to take it soon, but not now" (13). Sophie collapsed onto the damp earth, a heap of sex (22). "I own your breasts, pussy and ass" (22). It's all totally worth reading, though, if only for this line: "I came so hard that I shifted," Rylan said, dazed. "I've heard stories of that happening, but I never believed them. An orgasm has to be so intense, that it shifts our molecules" (17). He came so hard that it shifted his molecules, guys! (I'd probably be more impressed if I hadn't already read another shape-shifter romance that also employed the use of special snowflakey magic orgasms.) FORCED AWAKENING is pretty bad. The writing is bad. The grammar is bad. Entire phrases are repeated multiple times (and since this book is only 23 pages, it's really noticeable). The sex is terribly written and basically romanticizes the act of rape. There's something in here for everyone.
  • Captured by the Darkness on July 19, 2014

    CAPTURED BY THE DARKNESS is only ten pages. It is about as long as a pamphlet, although a good deal less entertaining. Our protagonist is held captive by something she calls The Darkness. What is The Darkness? We don't know. But he's there, and he's horny, and he's possessive as hell. One day, another guy comes in, and he's like, 'Sup? Let's fuck. So the main character and this guy have really bad sex, and then The Darkness shows up and some sort of weird one-page showdown happens and then the main character escapes and there are cops and oh-em-gee, she remembers who she is! She has a name! And the book ends. Dafuq? CAPTURED BY THE DARKNESS had a compelling summary, but the writing was lazy. And the book is short. I mean, ten pages? Come on. It doesn't have enough meat to be a story, but it doesn't have enough sex to be classified as actual erotica, so the result is some sort of weird book-limbo. I got this for free. I definitely wouldn't pay money for it. If I did, I'd demand a return. I repeat: Dafuq?
  • Pandora's Key on July 19, 2014

    I've always found Greek mythology fascinating; it definitely consists of one of the most interesting pantheons in the world rivaled only by my interest in ancient Egypt. As a child, I grew up with D'Aulaires' Book of Greek Myths, and it says something that those "dead gods" are still worshiped even today, in the twenty-first century, in our fiction. Pandora's Box is one of those stories that I demanded be read most. Mostly because it's just so like a fairytale: to punish the humans, the gods release a very roundabout means of delivering their revenge--a beautiful woman with a deadly deus ex machina. The first femme fatale. Naturally, I was super excited when I found out that somebody had written a story about one of my favorite myths. Pandora's Key is about a Dan Brownesque group of followers who protect the descendent of Pandora, and the box. However, there's an additional bonus to this curse--the descendents are doomed to die early, and painfully. Oh boy! There is also an evil group of people dedicated to collecting and selling the artifacts of the gods for money and power, and they are called the Archivists. They're pretty much like a society of evil Indiana Joneses. Except they walk around in robes, not Stetsons. Some readers complained that there was too much mythology. I kind of liked that; it was a great way to brush up on the myths this story was building off of, and since the author added some things it was nice to have an idea of where the story was going. Pandora's Key wasn't perfect though, and aside from the problems that frequently plague us indie writers (typos, info dumping, haphazard pacing), there were some issues about this book that bothered me. First, let me say that I liked Malledy's character. He's a young member of the Archivists with early-onset Huntington's, a disease that will gradually wreak havoc with his muscle control, eventually even keeping him from swallowing--and, ultimately, breathing. (For another interesting book about early-onset Huntington's, check out the translated magic-realism novel, April Witch.) He thinks that if he can find Pandora's box and descendent, he can force her to heal him. The passages with him were pretty well done and I liked the twist with him at the end--I totally did not see that coming. Well done! Evangeline's character, by contrast, was not so great. She's very passive and socially inept. A lot of the things other characters said about her didn't jibe with what she said and did. She doesn't think she's pretty, she envies her best friend's good-looks, she's clumsy; I would have liked to see her fleshed out, with interests, hopes, desires. Interests stemming beyond her looks and her love life. I thought the way that she brought up her absent father when Melia's BF asked about her birthday was super-awkward. Who does that? "How was your day?" "Oh, my days have been pretty bad ever since my parents abandoned me on brothel's front porch when I was only six months old." I understand the need for exposition, of course, but it should come in a natural way that matches the flow of the story as it unfolds. I didn't like Tristin and Melia, either. Tristin's behavior was sort of accounted for at the end but Melia was a total witch. Also, (view spoiler). I do like the fact that Evangeline didn't believe she was Pandora right away, but it actually went on for too long. That never happens! So I'm actually bizarrely pleased by this. Let me close by saying that I really liked the idea. PK could use some polish, but the idea is very similar to the Artemis Fowl/Percy Jackson sort of deal, with a precocious kid fulfilling destiny and coming into age, blah blah blah. I'm not quite sure who the target audience is. I think the characters were sixteen, but they acted younger--and yet the medical information, while well-researched--is complicated enough that most readers probably wouldn't understand it without college biology. So, to quote Simba, from the Lion King, I'll finish by saying that this book was "slimy, yet satisfying." Thank you, Nancy Richardson Fischer, for providing me with a copy for review. I hope both that my review is useful, and that I didn't offend you by not liking it quite as much as some of your other readers. :) 2 stars! I received a free copy of this book from the publisher in exchange for a fair and honest review. This in no way biased or shaped my reading or opinion of the book.
  • The Athena Effect on July 19, 2014

    I received a free copy of this book for review. The author is my friend, but that doesn't impact my opinion. (No, seriously; I'm such a bitch, I give some of my friends 1- and 2-star ratings. I'm not sure why they keep coming back for more....) The Athena Effect was a pleasant surprise for me: the story is polished, features some remarkable character development, and manages what I always thought impossible for YA fics: it features a heroine who is naive without being TSTL. I know right? Caledonia is the daughter of two very intelligent but mysterious individuals. Her parents are brilliant but have severe psychological problems that result in seizures and paranoid delusions. The three of them live off the land in the wilderness, because they are afraid that someone will steal their daughter. This isn't as unreasonable a fear as it sounds: Caledonia has psychic powers that manifest themselves in synesthesia. She can see and taste auras, and is learning how to project her own emotions onto other living creatures in order to manipulate them--usually for the good. When Cal's parents die in a car crash, she is sent to live with her aunt and her aunt's boyfriend Phil in California. Her aunt is a nice but easily swayed woman, who is rather too quick to believe her pedo-boyfriend's lies. Cal is instantly miserable. Meanwhile, down the street is a house always surrounded by motorcycles. One day, when walking around at night to avoid Phil, Caledonia encounters a boy in the middle of some trouble. She fights off his attackers with a knife. That boy is Calvin (Cal and Cal!), our womanizing love interest. One thing I really loved about this story was how hard Calvin had to change before Caledonia would accept him. His "you're not like the other girls," and "I don't like it when you dress like them," don't work on Caledonia. She doesn't let herself love-love him until it's quite clear that he's learned how wrong it is to use women the way he does. I really appreciated that. I also love how bad-ass Caledonia was. A lot of stories, it seems like only bitchy women can be self-sufficient. But Cal is a sweetheart, and she knows how to compartmentalize. She can be girly and sweet, but when it's time to kick-ass she takes no prisoners. I really liked that a lot. Nice girls don't have to finish last! Add to that witty dialogue, a really believable and sweet romance, and a very evil villain, and you've got a pretty wonderful story. I'm surprised this doesn't have way more reviews than it does.
  • Hillary: Tail of the Dog on July 19, 2014

    That disclaimer is not there for decoration, people! HILLARY: TAIL OF THE DOG contains, among other things, rape, (very graphic) torture, cannibalism, and sexual abuse. I would definitely label the book as "torture porn", not just because of the mixture of torture and sex in the latter half of the book, but also because of the fact that the torture is written with the purpose for entertainment. (Torture porn doesn't necessarily mean that the book is porn with torture; it means that the torture is gratuitous, and written to titillate or shock.) The book starts out with a girl named Hillary tied up to a cot in a strange room. She doesn't remember anything about her past, only that she has terrible nightmares - and that the doctor who is taking care of her has questionable professionalism (gloves? who needs 'em? and so what if you enjoy inserting your patient's catheter just a little *too* much). Dr. Dumbass and his wife clearly take lessons from Nurse Ratched in their bedside manner. At first I felt sorry for Hillary but she proved what a psycho she could be early on in the book, and I didn't trust her. I kind of stopped feeling sorry for her, too, although I've been told that the second book will make me feel differently. At least, in the first half. The second half will make me want to puke. What a fun rollercoaster ride of fuckery that will turn out to be! I'll be honest (well, aren't I always?) Reading HILLARY was not fun for me. I'm kind of a horror-phobe. I've never seen SAW, or any of those other new horror movies, and I don't like violent video games. However, a lot of my friends were reading this book and the author seemed nice and the book was free, and I thought I'd give it a try. BIG MISTAKE-A-ROO The first half of the book is, with the exception of one horrible scene, diet-WTF. I was confused, and annoyed with Hillary and Dr. Dumbass & co. Then, halfway through the book, things get NASTY. (Incidentally, my mom got me a hamburger for dinner. Um, no spoilers or anything, but while reading this book, I suggest becoming a vegetarian for the day.) Like, if Patrick Bateman from American Psycho was Jigsaw, and happened to live on Shutter Island with a whole bunch of live-in victims. There are a number of errors I noticed while reading this book, by the way. For example, dialogue tags that are misplaced (one character is talking, but the dialogue tags make it look like there are two or three people in the convo), typos (Bellefluer instead of Bellefleur, etc.), and awkward sentence structure. Sometimes the word "yelled" or "screamed" would appear five or six times per page. I received all three books in the author's trilogy during a promotion. I'll probably read books 2 and 3 eventually, but first I think I could use a break. 1 to 1.5 stars.
  • Unchanged on July 19, 2014

    First off, a disclaimer: Heather Crews is my GR buddy. Also, I got the book for free during a promotional event on Smashwords. UNCHANGED really reminded me a lot of TWILIGHT...if TWILIGHT did not have a chronically stupid main character. Actually, if you're older--and more feminist--you will probably be reminded of L.J. Smith's "Night World" series--her tragically under-rated paranormal series that pales in popularity to the Vampire Diaries (which is a shame because Night World > Vampire Diaries any day of the week). Lilly lives in Oregon with her mother and brother. She has a big birthmark covering one side of her face. She likes to draw. She has friends. Her grades are bad. She's pretty ordinary. One day she meets a tall, dark, and handsome man in the woods named Ahaziel. She feels an instant connection to him, which frightens her, as does his persistent presence in her life. Instead of succumbing completely to the insta-love, she avoids him, and questions him, and discovers that they are bound by fate. UNCHANGED takes a while to get moving, plot-wise, but the story really picked up in the second half, and I got a little misty-eyed by the end of the book. The characters grew a lot over the course of the novella, and I wish this book were a little longer, just to give some of the secondary characters more depth, and give me a better feel for the beautiful scenery. Another thing that sets this book aside from the usual YA PNR is the fact that there is no slut-shaming. There is a queen bee who seems to hate Lilly for no reason, but Lilly asks her about it instead of being passively-aggressively slut-shamey back. I also thought it was cool how Ahaziel was Siuslaw and how this book incorporates Native American mythology without beating us over the head with it, or using it to make the male love interest more exotic. Overall, I found myself pleasantly surprised by this book. 3.5 stars.
  • Sarah Palin: Vampire Hunter on July 19, 2014

    I got SARAH PALIN: VAMPIRE HUNTER for free from Smashwords. Like many others who read this book, I was hooked by the title and the exciting premise: what if Sarah Palin was a vampire hunter, and she decided to "end" a parody of Edward Cullen...and Bella Swan got M-A-D? Unfortunately, SARAH PALIN does not live up to what it promises. The portrayal of Sarah Palin is quite good--the author clearly has an ear for her odd mannerisms and country soccer mom sayings--but as a parody of Twilight, it falls flat. Part of the problem is that the book is just too damn short. NIGHTLIGHT is about as short as a successful parody can get, clocking in at around 154 pages. As with other books, you need to set the stage in parodies, and provide yourself with adequate space to navigate through your parodying plotline. The best parody I've read was lampooning THE GIRL WITH THE DRAGON TATTOO. It's called, THE GIRL WITH THE STURGEON TATTOO and it's bloody brilliant. Points for this book are: -A shoot-em-up scene in Walmart -Palin giving Bella Swan dating advice -All the Cullens get killed -Bella becomes a murderous goth The ending leaves it open for a sequel, too... 1.5 stars.
  • She Craves the Satyr: Villa on July 19, 2014

    Lady Aislinn is a lady...except when she's not. And this is usually when she's fucking the satyr that lives in the woods outside her manor. The story opens up with her clothes being super uncomfy because she can't wait to tear them off and have sex with him! And they do that. But then her father's steward comes in and starts talking to her about boring things like dresses and shoes while the satyr is busy giving her oral sex under the table. When the steward finally goes away, the satyr tells her that she has to make a choice. She can be a lady, or she can be a wanton sex-goddess. Which will she choose? The answer is (not) surprising! Ordinarily this book costs money but Smashwords is having its semiannual Summer/Winter sale, so I got it for free. Woo. I probably wouldn't have picked this out for myself, but I read it as a buddy read with my friend and fellow writer, Wart. Since this book does ordinarily cost money, I feel like I can be a little harsher about it. The writing was good. There were no typos (most of these quickie erotica tales are horribly written, with typos, homophone errors, and tense irregularities). It was also nice to see consensual sex for a change, as most monsterotica tales are quite rapey. Lady Aislinn knows what she wants and isn't afraid to take charge. So in that sense, SHE CRAVES THE SATYR was refreshing. I do think that this story is horrendously overpriced, however, considering the page count. Especially since the last few pages are...you guessed it--ads! 1 to 1.5 stars.
  • Hysteria on July 19, 2014

    I'm not really sure why this is shelved as a romance, as there really isn't much. HYSTERIA is a short (very short) story about a girl named Constance who is being treated for her hysteria in Victorian England. Hysteria is now known as a synonym for "panic" (or the title of a Muse song), but it used to be a handy-dandy catch-all term to describe the behavior of women who didn't act the way society wanted them to. This could be anything from bona fide mental illness to causing trouble to...I don't know, sexual abnormalities. Constance has mental illness in her family and her mother preemptively signed her up for these treatments for her "hysteria." Apparently, these treatments sometimes included manual stimulation to induce "hysterical paroxysms", or orgasms. And what did they use to do this, apart from their hands? Dildos! Vibrators! And water nozzles! Not much has changed in the last 150 years! (Image from Wikipedia) Once a week, Constance is dressed to go to the doctor and then she disrobes and the doctor shoves a metal dildo in there and starts twisting it around and Constance hates it and is humiliated, obviously, but she also loves the orgasms, which makes her feel guilty, and self-blamey (I really am crazy). She's gotten addicted enough to the sensation that she's started masturbating furiously whenever she's alone, which only serves to reinforce her dysfunction. One day, the Doctor is replaced by a comely new young doctor named Doctor Drake. And Constance is horrified (and yet also perversely delighted) that he is attractive. Horrified, because now she can no longer separate her physical arousal from its instigator, and delighted because ooooh, Dr. McDreamy has just met his Victorian-era match. But then Constance's mother must intervene because she is a bitch... HYSTERIA just didn't really work as a 24-page short. Everything was so abrupt and I was very confused about what was going on until I read some of the other reviews on this site and then did some research about the treatment of hysteria in Victorian times. (What I know about hysteria is that it refers to "wandering womb" and was popularized by Hippocrates, that brilliant, misogynistic bastard, and was treated by forced hysterectomies. Owie.) If this was a full length novel, and featured some actual character depth and plot arcs, I feel like HYSTERIA could have been more than decent. As it was...meh. 1.5 stars.
  • Milk for Sir A Lactation Fantasy (Lactation erotica, breast milk erotica) on July 19, 2014

    I know what you're thinking. You're thinking, NENIA, WHY. WHY NOT? Some men want their women to act like whores for them. Sir wants his woman to act like a coffee creamer. And no, that isn't some weird euphemism for a sex act. It's exactly what it sounds like: "Sir wanted to make coffee and serve my milk as cream. He also wanted me to be a living milk bar, but my production wasn't quite high enough yet" (3). The MC is the submissive of a guy we only know as "Sir." This is part of the reason I have trouble taking BDSM erotica seriously. Because every time I think "Sir" I think Mr. Sir, from HOLES. And no, perverts, that's not erotica. It's a book by Louis Sachar. And also a movie. "Sir often said I needed a lifetime of punishment. I always wondered if one lifetime was enough" (4). Well, they do say digging holes builds character. Oh wait, sorry, wrong book. So Sir milks the MC and they do some BDSM-type stuff that isn't really kiddie-friendly. The MC isn't allowed to orgasm until Sir tells her to. They have some sloppy oral sex. "Your pussy is such a naughty beast isn't it, my pet? Always demanding more and wanting everything right now" (7). I started giggling, because I started thinking about cats, and "right meow." And then I thought of that scene from Super Troopers. The book ends with this pronouncement: "You're a sweaty, milky mess" (8). And the heroine happily contemplates her bright future as a milk bar. 0 stars.
  • Aliens Need Milk Too (Lactation Erotica) on July 19, 2014

    I was kind of hoping that this was going to be a lactation/tentacle porn hybrid. Unfortunately, it's just run-of-the-mill lactation erotica with an alien twist. Jane wants to go to college but her parents confiscated the keys to her car when they went on vacation because they want to keep her confined to the farm. Ryvan is part of an alien species called the Xore who thrive off human milk. It's like crack to them. Sweet, juicy, taboo crack. And they use a magic lactation-inducing spray to cause humans to lactate who wouldn't ordinarily lactate. They're supposed to do it when the human is unconscious, but Jane wakes up in the middle of it. She decides to go along with his plan, though, as long as Ryvan agrees to take her away from her awful parents when his plan is over and done. ALIENS NEED MILK TOO is at a disadvantage. It's not particularly sexy, or interesting. People read these weird fetish erotica for one of two reasons: to be titillated, or to laugh. ALIENS NEED MILK TOO fails on both accounts. It isn't terrible enough to be funny, and it isn't good enough to be sexy (or horrifying). Overall, meh. 1 star.
  • A Calling to Thrall on July 19, 2014

    Smashwords is having its semi-annual Summer/Winter sale, and in addition to a ton of 50% off books, there are also a bunch of freebies. I downloaded everything that looked good and a couple things that didn't, including some very demented-looking erotica. I was first acquainted with Jena Cryer's work via LOVERS AND LIES, a forced lactation erotica that was...actually surprisingly decently written. If you think of it as horror instead of erotica, it works pretty well. I was left feeling pretty squicked out by it. Several of her works were free for this event, so I went into A CALLING TO THRALL with high hopes. It started out pretty well. We're introduced to the island of Thrall, a Heinlein-esque fantasy-land where women serve men and run around naked, in various fetishized outfits, and men rule supreme. Leeta, the narrator, serves an unnamed Master who subscribes to the Jareth form of affection. You know, that whole, "love-me-worship-me-do-as-I-say-and-I-will-be-your-slave" school of thought. As long as she does everything he tells her to, and never fights back or shows resistance, he is nothing but affectionate towards her. Seems pretty fair...not. Mr. Mason is a psychologist who was invited to Thrall by Leeta's Master. He studies behavioral psychology, which makes him ideal on an island that is devoted specifically towards breaking women and shaping them to cater to various forms of extreme fetishes. As Leeta's Master introduces Mr. Mason to a rebellious ponygirl, Leeta recounts the events that brought her to this place. DUN DUN DUN. Obviously, anyone who has rape triggers and abuse triggers should not read this book. Leeta's capture is pretty horrific, and even though she enjoys it, I think the consent is pretty dubious. Yes, this is one of those "no-means-yes-and-yes-means-take-me-I'm-yours!" books. There was only one typo that I saw (Jet Ski's, instead of Jet Skis), and the writing quality was decent for the genre. However, I was annoyed by the fact that this book was pegged at 49 pages and yet only 29 pages of that is actual story. The other parts of this book are advertisements and excerpts for the author's other books--the same exact excerpt that was included in LOVERS AND LIES. If this book was longer, it could have garnered three stars or more. But as it stands, 2 to 2.5 stars.
  • A Slave for the Milking Part One: Lovers and Lies on July 19, 2014

    "Just think, by yielding your body to us, you're saving lives. You'll be a hero really. All of our cows are heroes" (44). It's the American way. Emily Hart is freaked out when she receives a horrendous picture of her missing best friend-slash-roomie with her boobs hooked up to metal devices while she's surrounded by leering doctors. Especially the call from her ex-boyfriend comes and he says, "Your roommate is in trouble. I know where she is, but I can’t help her. You need to get down to Austin, and you need to get here quick. I don’t know how much time she has left if you don’t." Ominous. Especially since Emily left this guy because his hardcore BDSM ways were freaking her out. So how did he find this place? (Spoiler alert: He works there.) So rather than calling the police--you know, the rational thing to do--Emily waltzes into Karnil Pharmaceutics and takes a tour of the factory while also snooping around and trying to scope out information. And the factory is so hot, so she unbuttons her top and flashes her cleavage around, not knowing that the scientists are eyeballing her for their cause. Just when it starts to look like a misunderstanding, Emily drinks some coffee and all of a sudden her boobs start to swell. The scientists drug her, and perform some tests. Her ex-boyfriend cackles and makes some creepy comments like, "Now they can be happy together." UM, WHAT? Happiness--your definition clearly differs from mine. When Emily wakes up, she's hog-tied, naked, and hooked up to a giant milker. There's some light F/F, and then Emily receives her first milking and it feels so good, guys, oh my god, she can't stop orgasming. And she thinks, "Hey, this isn't so bad. Hey, I could do this for a living." "For the first time in my life, I don't have to worry about pleasing anyone other than myself, and dear God, does it ever feel good" (49). And I'm just sitting here like, "You have beach balls for boobs and are hooked up to a milking machine. This is not nirvana." But Emily thinks it is. Because hey, room and board, all the orgasms you can withstand, $50/hr plus bonuses, 401ks, other people have to finish college for this...but not her! Then Emily realizes that her friend is chained up to the milker across from hers and they have a tearful reunion. "The only thing that kept it from being perfect here was how much I kept missing you," Nikki goes on. "But now you're here, Em, and we can be together again. Best friends forever, right?" (54) They are "true moos" again! Hooray! Now everything really is perfect! ...Except this guy Emily met on the factory tour, Jacob, has called her like a bajillion times because he's worried about her. But Emily lies and says she's back in university because she's on a roll--a milking roll--and ain't nobody gonna stop her now! You know, as far as wtf erotica goes, this was definitely one of the better ones in the lot. No typos, complex vocabulary, actual plot and dialogue--even complex characterization. Obviously, LOVERS AND LIES is not a contender for any literary awards, but it was pretty well written for the genre. Once again, I was kind of annoyed that this free copy had a shit-ton of advertisements in the back (about thirty pages worth). I read some of the blurbs and excerpts for her other stories and yeah, okay, while they looked interesting, it's still a bad idea to bog up your books with crap that isn't story. If people are interested in your other books, they'll check out your Smashwords profile... 2.5 stars.
  • The Billionaire's Milkmaid (BBW Lactation Erotic Romance) on July 19, 2014

    Not to be confused with THE BILLION DOLLAR MILKMAID. Where are all these breast-obsessed billionaires in real life? I feel like I should have seen them on the cover of grocery rack magazines, caught in flagrante delicto with a pregnant woman and a milk pump. THE BILLIONAIRE'S MILKMAID is terrible, even for free porn. Luckily, it is of the "it's so terrible it's good" variety of bad porn, but the line is a fine one. Sometimes it's just "so terrible that it's terrible." I skimmed some sections. Jessica Browning works as a project manager in a Big Company. She just got off maternity leave, and her husband ran off with the delivery nurse, leaving her all on her lonesome as a single mom. Life is hard. (Hard being the operative word, here.) One day, Jessica is freaking out because her boobs have left huge wet circles on her blouse and she's got her breast pump but there's nowhere she can pump her milk! Because the bathroom is, well, the bathroom and unhygienic (spoiler alert: plothole here), and she can't pump her breasts in her car. Because...well, because reasons! So she is pacing in the hall with the pump, and her shirt is getting damper and damper, and then she runs into this guy who tells her he knows a place (wink). Several creepy winks and pointed stares at her breasts later, he leads her to an empty conference room (oh! not a serial killer van, after all!), and she can pump in peace. But while she is draining her milk, she thinks about this hot man, and gets a little too excited. Pretty soon milk is squirting everywhere and she decides to masturbate with the milk pump. Because that's totally sanitary, right? Her pussy was soaking wet now, panties so far beyond damp it was like a monsoon hit her down there, and if she were Anastasia Steele her Inner Goddess would be treading water in a 19-foot tsunami right about now (10). Oh yeah, totally sanitary. Later that day, she has to milk herself again, but oh noez! The super sekrit conference room is being used for an actual conference!! Luckily, Creepy McWinkyface appears again and takes her into another room, and he eyes her breasts and makes comments that would get him slapped with a sexual harassment suit in real life, but Jessica McStupidpants just takes it in stride and makes some of her own. "Are you here for-" he pointed very specically at each of her breasts, eyes lingering so obviously she thought they might be glued, literally, to her, "that? To milk your breasts to feed your baby?" His jaunty smile was a challenge, as if he were saying, Just you try not to be aroused right now (16). And then they go into this other conference room and begin to fuck. And of course, he decides he's going to help himself to a nice warm glass of Jessica. This wasn't foreplay--this was everyplay. Foreverplay. No-man's-landplay (22). Isn't that profound? Cervixes get rammed. Seed gets spewed. A conference table gets covered in various juices. Meanwhile, I'm just sitting here, all like, Also, the second half of this book is all advertisements. 0 stars.
  • Conrad's First Girl on July 19, 2014

    So I guess Conrad is planning on kidnapping girls and breaking in his own sex slave (apparently this is the prequel to another book, called ABDUCTION). Also, I find it hilarious (not ha-ha hilarious, but oh my god, what the fuck are you doing hilarious) that all these abductors and posterboys for Megan's Law are always good-looking in these stories. I'm not sure if you ever actually have made use of Megan's Law and looked up the information on convicted sex offenders (unfortunately, I have had to), but a lot of pedophiles and sex perverts have a look. And that look is not GQ so much as, well, this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=15S0g... Sexy, huh? Anyway, before Conrad goes about putting the "sensual" in non-consensual, he wants to get some "practice" seducing virgins. How does he do this? He goes into a coffee shop and asks out a bespectacled and naïf girl, who he then pushes into a sexual relationship that makes her frightened and aroused. Because Conrad is just a little too forceful for comfort. (But then, isn't that usually the point?) The sex scenes are actually pretty well done. Definitely not for the faint of heart, though. There's no rape or non-con, but some of the scenes are pretty dubious regarding consent. Also, messy, messy, messy. This isn't clean, wholesome WASPy sex. Oh no. Bodily fluids get smeared around, and there's lots of dirty talk and impropriety. Maiden aunts everywhere would definitely not approve. I'm not really sure what else to say about this book. I haven't read the sequel. I'm not sure I will, since I my ebook budget is currently nil. I'm a little annoyed that the last twenty pages of CONRAD'S FIRST GIRL are advertisements for two of the author's other books. Considering that this will likely be many potential readers' first exposure to her work, that strikes me as incredibly unprofessional. Put teasers in your blog. Put actual story in your books. 2 stars.